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Anonymous says
Sleep help, please.
My 5.5 month old was a sleeping through the night rockstar—started at about 6 weeks and had built up to sleeping from 730-6ish (when I would wake her to go to work). All of a sudden, we’re up in the middle of the night again, usually around 230 but sometimes as late as 4. (Which sucks since I get up at 515.) This has happened for the past 9 days.
It could be any number of things that I have tried to remedy—we implemented a dream feed, put on warmer pajamas in case she was too cold, then I finally bucked up my courage to move her out of the top-small PNP in my room into her crib. Nothing helped. She’s also been sick with a cold and is thisclose to crawling, which I know could cause the regression. (ENT checked her ears last Thursday while we were there for her sister and they were clear.)
I usually end up feeding her and she goes right back down—but I’m afraid that I’m creating this pattern when she doesn’t actually need it. (She’s 18 lbs and >28 inches long, in size 9 mo at 5 mo.) I have gotten her to fall back asleep once without feeding, but my patience for CIO is limited bc I have to go to work and I don’t want to wake her 4-year-old sister.)
So what do I do? Stick with feeding and hope it passes? CIO? Help me. I’m tired.
NYCer says
If you think there is any chance she is hungry, maybe try adding an ounce or two to her bottles during the day, so she is getting more food while she is awake? And I know every baby is (very) different, but dream feeds never worked for us.
Also, this sounds counter intuitive, but could you move up her bedtime by a half hour or so? Weirdly, I have friends who have said that helps with early morning wake ups.
anon says
moving bedtime up half an hour can help with early morning wake ups. have you started solids yet? i know many people don’t start until 6 months (that’s when we started), but if she is actually hungry, it seems like it would be better to start solids now rather than get into the habit of this early morning/middle of the night feeding. does she wear a sleep sack at night? she could be adjusting to the crib? and wow – what time do you go to bed to wake up every day at 5:15am? you must be exhausted. hang in there!
Anonymous says
If she’s hungry, have you thought of starting solids? You’re only a couple weeks away from 6 months.
Anonymous says
If she has always been a good sleeper, it is unlikely that is going to change just because you are feeding her. I would just feed her and put her back down, or if the timing of the wakeups is the problem (I could never get back to sleep after those 4 am feeds, ugh, and then my husband got up around 5:30, and then he’d accidentally wake the baby up for the day…bad memories), try a dream feed. Are you breast feeding? It is really normal for breastfed babies to need to eat once overnight until 9 months or so. Unfortunately I found the progression of sleep was never as linear as I would like – suddenly things would change and I was never sure why. Anyway, TLDR, I would assume she’s hungry and respond accordingly.
Anon says
Sometimes these things are a phase that resolve on their own, especially if your baby has been capable of sleeping through the night in the past. I feel your pain though! It is sooo hard.
Pogo says
FYI, our 4mo sleep regression was at its worst from 5mo-6mo, so this 100% could be the regression – plus the other things you mention like colds, moving from PnP to the crib, etc. Even Weissbluth (the full extinction CIO guy) says 1-2 night time feedings may be needed at 6mo, with the last one they drop being that early morning wakeup.
If it’s just the one waking, I’d feed to get her back to sleep and minimize your pain for a few weeks. Then, re-evaluate. Is the cold gone? How has she been in the new crib in general? I would give CIO a shot at that point OR send dad in to soothe/give a small bottle. My kid loved nursing and around 6-7 mos I went away for work and he couldn’t get his fix at 4am. It took one night of dad with a bottle and he was like, yeah no. I’m good.
Could also try Merlin suit if you recently un-swaddled. It never did anything for my kid but some people swear by it.
Potty training q says
DD has been sort of potty trained for about a month. I say sort of because she’s still having a lot of bm accidents and an occasional pee accident. And we’re struggling with her protesting going to the bathroom. I’ll ask her if she needs to go or remind her to tell me and she screams no. Sometimes we have to pick her up screaming and put her on the potty (and then she goes). I’ve tried bribing with an m&m. Any tips to take the pressure off?
Anon2 says
This question gets asked a lot, but I’m bad with the search, so: holiday teacher gifts. It’s our first year doing this; public four-year-old preK with a teacher, assistant, bus driver and bus assistant. I’m planning to do gift cards for the teacher and her aide (Target?), but how much? And how much for the bus driver and his assistant (card with cash, or a visa gift card?)? There’s also a couple specials teachers, do you send small gifts for them, too? I know it’s early, but figured I’d ask while I’m thinking about it!
EB0220 says
I usually do $50 Amazon gift cards for the main teachers/TA + smaller ($5-$10) Starbucks gift cards for the others (specials, bus, after school counselors, etc.).
Clementine says
I just buy a bunch of $25 Target gift cards and $10 Dunkin’ Donuts gift cards. I literally keep them in a drawer and have my kid ‘write’ cards to them.
I don’t overthink it and know it’s appreciated. I also keep a couple extras in my purse for the people I forgot and then suddenly remember when I bump into them at school…
avocado says
The room parent may coordinate the gift for the classroom teacher. We used to get an email with a list of the teacher’s preferences and a request to send in a gift card to one of the stores or restaurants. The room parent would then put all the gift cards together in one fancy presentation.
Anon says
I do Target and call it a day. On Black Friday they typically have a 10% off gift cards sale, up to $300. So I (and a separate order from my husband) buy some $10s, $25s, and $50s and use those as gifts for teachers, after care, aides, mailperson, and cleaners. I order a few extra than I think I need in case I forget someone.
I do $50 for main teachers (public school), $25 for aides and after care and mailperson. For cleaners I do the equivalent of one month of service, rounded up so it’s easily split between the three of them.
room parent says
I signed up to be a room parent for my kid’s preschool (we are newbies, it’s a 2-yo room) because I felt bad that no one else did. I have been hoping that someone else would sign up once I did (there are three slots), but so far no one has. I know I need to finally get venmo (or is there something better?) since up until now I’ve been a cash/check person. Other words of wisdom? And I know I only have myself to blame for this.
Anonanonanon says
What in the world do 2-year-olds need a room mother for? I mean, good for you for stepping up (I certainly wouldn’t), but presumably all those 2 yos are there full-time because their parents work full-time!
Anyway, no advice, but in elementary school the room moms seem to use paypal rather than venmo. I don’t know why, but there ya have it. Paypal and “Signup genius” are your new best friends now.
Also, fwiw, I love when a room mom requests very specific items for a class party. Like “Orange paper plates- dinner sized” etc. I may be in the minority, but that is much less stressful to me than worrying about if all the moms there setting up are talking about what ugly plates I picked out.
Anonymous says
+1 to being very specific. My kid was upset when the room mother threw out the food item I sent in because she didn’t like the brand, even though she had only specified that it had to be nut-free.
HSAL says
I’m upset just reading that! That’s awful.
Anonymous says
That’s horrible! Even if there was an issue with an item sent in, it should be returned to the person who sent it, not trashed.
Blueberries says
That’s horrible. I think the answer isn’t being very specific, but just being grateful people help out at all.
It would seriously put me off a community if someone expressed that what another person brought wasn’t good enough even though it complied with the health and safety rules (fine to tell me no nuts and that I can’t bring something sugary, but don’t even think of telling me that my dish that complies isn’t good enough).
room parent says
That’s terrible. I still have bad memories from when my former boss (!) told me to make my potluck contribution look prettier, so this definitely is not a route I would go down.
I hesitate to be too specific because I don’t necessarily want to have to plan that myself and we live in a city where the local grocery store might not have multiple colors of plates (so I would be annoyed to be told orange plates vs just paper plates in a certain size). But I think reminding other parents about the school’s food restrictions is a good idea.
Anonymous says
I have older kids and have seen this show before, so I self-appointed myself Toddler Daycare Room Parent (it’s not a thing). I just asked for the class list and emailed everyone in October suggesting we do a pool for the holidays. Teachers get a big wad of cash, parents don’t have to think about it, everyone wins! For toddlers, i suggested $80/family “or whatever feels right.” Class of I think 9 kids, we ended up with about $750. I gave $300 to each of the 2 main teachers in cash. I got each of the 2 aids a $50 GC to Amazon and bought the front office staff (owner/director/assistant director) some holiday treats and got cards for everyone. I think I sent about 3 emails, collected money via Venmo or cash in my kid’s cubbie, went to the store and bought cards, treats and gift cards and coordinated getting the cards signed.
According to the director who was there, my kiddo’s teachers actually cried. Then cried again when they thanked me. Then wrote lovely thank you notes.
I also did things like when the center was asking for food pantry donations said “i’m a lazy working mom that cannot remember the day, much less to bring food pantry items. if you are as well, venmo me $5 and I will buy a bunch of stuff on amazon and have it delivered on our behalf.” We ended up with a $50 donation of items and it took me about 10 minutes total.
Blueberries says
I adore the moms who organize the group gift to teachers at my kids’ daycare. We have a wide variety of income/wealth levels, so it’s just a “give what you want” and the teachers get a card signed on behalf of everyone in addition to the pile of cash, regardless of contribution.
I’m so hoping someone does this for the elementary school. I have no idea what’s appropriate to give to whom and, with an even wider variety of income/wealth levels am worried about some kids feeling left out if a bunch of their classmates are bringing gifts to school. And wouldn’t everyone just be happier with a pile of cash at Christmas?
room parent says
Great ideas, thanks! You say you started this in October — did you do it totally on your own or did you get some prompting? Like a list of what the teachers like, lists of permissible gifts, etc.
AwayEmily says
you are a hero.
AwayEmily says
aaauuughhh as I posted this I suddenly realized it might come off as sarcastic. Not sarcastic! I think this is so awesome.
anon says
Oh i def read it as sincere.
DLC says
I know being room parent can be tedious (My husband was room parent for my daughter’s class through daycare and preschool), but wanted to say there are many parents grateful to you for signing up.
I personally don’t use Venmo, so I appreciate when there is a “send cash in an envelope” option.
room parent says
Thanks. I tried to get my husband to do it instead, but he is at capacity and these sorts of tasks take him a lot more mental effort than they take me. I thought maybe he could make parent friends that way, I don’t know. I will always take cash, just after doing group gifts at work and it being oh so hard for folks to come up with $25 cash (nope, cannot break your 100…), I figured if I want to get paid, I may need to make it as easy as possible.
Cb says
Another sleep question, this time for a toddler.
My son (turned 2 this summer) is taking an age to go to sleep, he goes down at 6:45 or 7 but doesn’t actually fall asleep until closer to 8 and has to be up for 6:15. He seems tired when he wakes up and often complains that it’s still dark (welcome to Scotland, kiddo). He naps in his buggy after lunch at nursery and they estimate 45-60 minutes although honestly, it’s a bit of a free for all over there so who knows how much he’s sleeping. Sometimes he skips a nap altogether if he’s gone on a outing. He’ll sleep until about 7/7:15 on weekends.
He’s still in his crib and is perfectly content – we do 3 books, 3 songs and pop him in his cot but he’s awake for another hour or more. It’s like he needs a super long wind down time – he’s chatting about his day, marshalling his loveys, and singing at top volume.
Anonymous says
It sounds like he’s getting enough sleep. I wouldn’t mess with it. He has a chance to nap in the afternoon if he’s tired. Some kids are just not morning people. My oldest and one twin are impossible to drag out of bed in the morning (like me) and the other twin is bright and ready to go at 6:30am no matter what time he goes to bed. My twins napped outside in a stroller between 1-2 years but they weren’t very comfortable towards the end as they got bigger. Is there an option for him to nap on a cot?
Cb says
Yeah, I think I was just worried about this 12-14 hour recommendation. He’s a happy little camper even if he skips his nap so maybe he’s just not a sleep intensive kid.
Most of the children take pram naps but I’ll ask them to offer the cot and see if that helps. They may need to roll him into a corner – he sings at naptime as well.
Anon2 says
If he seems content for that hour, maybe just let him be. He might enjoy/need that quiet time to process his day. Or, try putting him to bed a half hour later (either start the routine later or add some more books or something). Sometimes when I try to put my kids to bed too early, they end up taking forever to fall asleep, and fall asleep quicker if I just delay bedtime by 15/30 min – so they go to bed later, but still fall asleep earlier on the whole. FWIW, we never even start the routine earlier than 8 for my two year old (but sounds like we get a slightly later start on the day than you need to).
Annie says
That seems okay to me. Our toddler went through about a year with a very long wind down time – also singing to herself. I think she liked having some structured time to herself.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
FWIW, my almost-2-year old is similar in terms of “wind down time”. He just kind of chills, and talks to his stuffed animals and sings. We put him down around 7, and sometimes he rolls around until 7:45 PM.
(Also giggling at “Welcome to Scotland, kiddo”)
Cb says
I have a similar morning grumble and immediately switch on my SAD lamp when I get to the office :)
GCA says
I guess he comes by it honestly then! :)
my 1yo is like this (she likes to loll about in the mornings) and my 4.5yo is more of a get-up-and-go (-potty-by-himself then rummaging-in-fridge-for-yogurt then playing-with-legos) person. I would love to be as chipper as he is at 5.45am. 10-11 hours of overnight sleep sounds pretty normal for a 2yo who is also taking an hourlong nap, I think.
Pogo says
Same, although mine can roll around for over an hour depending on when we put him down, how tired he is, etc. He does do a really chunky 2.5 hr nap, though, so he’s getting 12hr total. But the taking forever to fall asleep thing seems developmental – he’s doing actual pretend play in his crib, tucking in his baby and his 58 different species of stuffed animals, singing to them, talking about whatever is on his mind to his little friends.
Katy says
I think that is pretty normal. Our LO usually only gets about 10 hours at night (and he was doing the singing / chatting things and reducing it further). He does still nap during the day at daycare, though we struggle on the weekend to get him to do that (back to my stroller nap strategy recently)…. When i asked the public health nurse / doctor about the recommended sleep of 12-14 hours, they both were totally unconcerned about it. they were ok with 10-12. (discussion at both 18 month check up / 2 year check up). FWIW, we have had on / off weeks where it is SO hard to get him out of bed in the AM, but it seems to come and go.
If he is cheerful, i think he can’t be doing too badly.
Also – apparently the chatting at the end of the days is super great from a developmental perspective – they are cementing stuff they learned during the day by “matching” language to memories (or something like that….)
anon says
Our nanny has been with us full time for 3 months now and I’ve been back to work for same length of time (baby is 9 months). She was with us part time for a month before I went back to work and was great. But since going full time, she’s been late to work a few times (once by a couple hours, other times just 5-10 minutes with some regularity), and missed dayS because of a delayed return flights (she took a red eye back so didn’t really have much cushion) and also “food poisoning” (2x in 3 months which seems like a lot). It’s nothing egregious, just enough little things that are compounding and making me feel like she’s less reliable than I initially thought. On the flip side, she’s been fairly flexible with late nights, she gets our routine / has been helpful around the house and most importantly my daughter loves her.
My husband thinks we should stick with her and just see if it gets better after we have another talk with her. I agree we need to have another conversation with her but am wondering when you decide that it’s time to move on?
Anonymous says
I would definitely stick with her but maybe have a conversation emphasizing the importance of being on time. Are you guys always punctual on the coming home time? I’ve found that when I let pick up slip by 5-10 mins that some caregivers have seen that as a signal that punctuality isn’t that important to me. I make a point of apologizing for being late, even if just 5 minutes, and compensating accordingly. Like if I’m 5-10 minutes late a couple times in a week, then I will pay an extra half hour that week.
Anonymous says
I’d stay with her for now. A conversation is definitely in order. I’d also pay extra for her over time and dock her pay for her lateness, but make that clear up front. What’s your sick day policy with her? After the talk I’d give her two weeks to turn things around and let her know that you’re seriously reevaluating her performance/there are consequences to her actions. At the two weeks, have another check in. If all goes well, and hopefully it will, I’d schedule a two week-check in with her, as in an office. Also, is she coming from an agency? If yes, contact them about their policies around these issues.
Anon says
You say she’s flexible with late nights but you’re knocking her for 5 min late in the morning? I feel like flexibility can’t go only one way. Think hard about what you actually need. If you need flexibility on your end only, then you might need something like a daycare during the majority of the day (so you can drop off at the exact time you need and not worry about sick days for the caregiver) and then a nanny for the afternoon/ evening and maybe sick days for the kid – although that won’t be a guarantee unless you’re paying her to keep those hours open.
Anonymous says
Something about the tone of this comment gives me the impression that this commenter may have only used daycare– it’s possible to get a reliable nanny who also accommodates (planned) late nights– but I agree that a nanny who can go-with-the-flow at the end of the day is much more likely to expect that arriving a few minutes late in the morning is a problem. I strongly second the recommendation that you think hard about what you actually need. Also– and this shouldn’t matter but still does– are you hanging around at home after she arrives, finishing make up, etc? I always aimed to have my bag packed and ready and to have my daughter dressed and eating breakfast, so I could do a quick hello and get out the door. I think it can be harder to value arriving on time when it seems like it doesn’t disrupt anything.
I put the unscheduled absences (and being hours late) in an entirely different category. This person has missed 3+ days of work in the first three months. Our former nanny probably missed 3 days in 8 years of working with us. It’s possible that your nanny could be having an uncharacteristic run of bad luck, but it’s not likely. How many families has your nanny worked with before? How long was she with them? If you’re the first, talking to her about how important it is for you and your husband to get to work might help.
Re: your husband seemingly taking a softer line than you — who does mornings? Did he have to stay home when the nanny no-showed? If it’s all on you, maybe point that out to him.
op says
Thanks all. Our set up is that she’s salaried/on call for up to 60 hours a week so that we have flexibility at nights (and then would get paid overtime above 60 hours). We were up front about that and it’s in our contract that she is available until at least 10 each night even though we are typically home much earlier than that (we have not missed the 10 pm window yet). But, point taken that she may just be following our nonverbal cues and think that our schedule is flexible on both start and end times.
Anonymous says
Knowing she is there 60 hours/week, when is she getting her own stuff done? Is there a chance she’s taking a “food poisoning day” to get her car worked on or something? Does she take PTO?
Anonymous says
you should be paying overtime for hours worked over 40 per week.
rosie says
Yes. Maybe you mean you have a “salary” that works out to guaranteed hours of 40 at her rate and 20 at 1.5 times her rate. And then anything beyond 60 is at 1.5 times her rate. If this is not what you are doing, you need to reevaluate your pay structure.
NYCer says
Based on this additional information, I would have a (friendly) conversation with her and let her know that you would like her to arrive at a set time every morning. We also have a salary type arrangement with our nanny (less hours than OP), but she arrives at a set time every day.
NYCer says
Also just out of curiosity, what are her “on call/available” hours? 10am-10pm?
op says
OP again: Our nanny is “on call” 8-10 just Mon-Thurs (for the most part she’s been off duty by 7:30). Rosie’s understanding of our pay structure is correct: salary is base pay for 40 hours and guaranteed overtime of 20 hours/week at time and a half. Then anything over that is time and a half (which we pay even if she hasn’t hit her 60 hours but babysits on one of her days off). Since she gets Friday-Sundays off most weeks she has a decent chunk of time (including a weekday) to get personal matters done. on Fridays, it’s been a combination of having another sitter, family help or working from home (not a sustainable solution, so we are trying to figure that piece out too so the addition of daycare above is one we might explore and then have our nanny move to a mon-fri schedule).
NYCer says
My comment/question wasn’t intended to be judgmental at all btw – like I said, we also use a salary/overtime structure similar to yours but only up to 50 hours. I am just always curious about other people’s arrangements.
Anon says
This seems like a really poor arrangement for her unless you are paying well above market. I’d hesitate to get rid of someone willing to agree to this because I think it may be hard to find a good replacement.
If you need 10am-10pm on call, you need two nannies.
Anon says
Agreed, I worked as a nanny for years and this is a terrible arrangement. You’re making her work 20 hours of overtime a week, not paying her for overtime, and then docking her for being late occasionally? When on earth does she get to be a human outside of your home? Good grief. You need a day nanny and a night nanny. It’s exploitative to expect one person to do that job.
anon says
She’s on 4 days, off 3 days which we discussed up front with her so there is (I think) ample time off. She also has the option to stay overnight in her own room that does not double as a guest room and we pay for her healthcare / gym membership, provide a fairly generous meal stipend and access to a family credit card while maintaining an open kitchen policy and pay above market for our HCOL area. We’ve tried to be generous given the demands which is why I’ve also felt a bit slighted, but the additional perspective is helpful since I’m litigating this one in my head.
Annie says
Any recommendations for jogger style pants to wear on the weekends that are flattering with a large postpartum pouch? I used to mostly wear leggings, but it’s feeling kinda dated so I’d like something that’s pants like enough I can wear to playground, errands etc. but as comfy as leggings. Thanks!
Anonymous says
The cloud knit pants from Outdoor Voices might work. They don’t have ribbing at the bottom of the legs, so they look a little more put together than most joggers. Be aware that they run very large.
ElisaR says
oh those are cute.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Cannot recommend the Un*qlo Women’s Drape Jogger pants enough! Not (recently) PP but just bought a few pairs for an international trip and wish I had these during pregnancy/PP.
GCA says
Athleta metro joggers! Also run slightly large for me.
shortperson says
alo urban moto sweatpants
HSAL says
We used this one as well – loved the floor mat and exersaucer options, but I don’t recommend using it as the standing table they have for the third stage – it wasn’t very stable.
GCA says
alas, I am one of those unfortunates whose children HATED the exersaucer – putting them in resulted in immediate screaming and demanding to be let out. I have caught myself thinking the toy selection ought to feature a white elephant.
Anonymous says
Ditto, exersaucer was great, standing part was useless.
Anonymous says
+1 from me too. Our chameleon broke, but this thing lasted us through 3 kids, including the older ones continuing to climb into it until age 4. (when one of them got stuck.after that they just played with the toys while sitting next to it.)
shortperson says
we got this for free from a friend. our baby was not a huge fan and i also started getting into janet lansbury and her put the baby down on the floor with one thing approach. so it mostly took over our living room unused. i gave it away when i was pregnant with my second and did not miss it at all.
Anonymous says
How does putting the baby down on the floor with a toy work once they can sit up and crawl? That’s the age for the exersaucer—between crawling and walking. After mine could crawl, if I put her down on the floor she was definitely not staying put.
Anonymous says
This. My oldest crawled months before she could sit. And only sat long enough to figure out how to pull to standing. We were huge fans of the exersaucer. We also rotated between two different ones to keep them interesting. The bouncy aspect of certain exersaucers was also super popular. I actually had to sneak ours out of the house to donate it when my youngest was 2.5 because he kept climbing in to play on his own.
shortperson says
janet lansbury recommends a “yes” space. basically a pack and play or gated area. in our house, that meant keeping breakable things out of their reach, locking up lower drawers and cabinets, gating the stairs, and letting them crawl around.
for my kids, either through their extremely nerdy and unathletic genes or by months of janet lansbury style laying on a rug and focusing on one toy before they could crawl, it was not a huge problem. they tended to find something and focus on it for a while, were not wreaking havoc. often they would stand up in the kitchen helper thing watching dinner prep time so they were not crawling around.
anyways, YMMV. just some thoughts. i dont think the exersaucer is ruining anyone, we just found it was not necessary for our house and our kids.
Anonymous says
I just got back from a work trip to a ‘fun city.’ A co-attendee brought his wife and two kids (roughly 6ish, not twins) because his wife couldn’t manage the boys on her own. (She’s been off work for about two years for mental health reasons.)
I have toddler twins and have never thought about bringing them and the family along for a work trip. Have any of you done this?
AwayEmily says
I have not but plan to when they are older! My husband and I are academics and go to a couple of conferences a year (sometimes together, sometimes separately). Once the kids are both nap-free and potty-trained we are planning to strategically choose one conference a year in a family-friendly city and bring the kids along.
So Anon says
I have not taken my kids, but will definitely do it as they get older. My mom (also a single mom) used to take my sister and I with her on her work trips all the time. It was great! As we hit middle school and older, my mom would give us parameters in the city we were in (increased as we got older), and we would go explore. She would generally take a few days on the other side for us to explore the city and local area. As a kid who spent most of my time on the East Coast, this is how I was able to explore the southwest, the gulf coast, Orlando, Hawaii and when we lived in Europe for three years, how I saw much of Europe. I think this approach was amazing. My sister and I both learned how to travel, how to explore new areas and be comfortable in new cities.
SC says
I’ve done it for a conference. (I think a client-facing or important-meeting work trip would be different.) DH, Kiddo, and I flew to City A and stayed in an all-suites hotel about a 10-minute walk from the conference hotel, which was the same price or a little less expensive. We had time for lunch together at a fun restaurant before my conference started. During the conference, DH entertained Kiddo with outings, and I met them for dinner. Friday night after the conference, we met up with a friend. Saturday, we took the train to City B and visited other friends, then flew home out of City B.
I actually think it was harder on DH than if they’d just been home in their regular routine. We did it to combine a work trip with a fun trip while my airfare and meals and our hotel were paid for.
Kiddo is 4, and I just went to the same conference last month. I did not bring DH and Kiddo. I wanted a little more time and energy to network, and I didn’t want to disrupt Kiddo’s school routine (there are some behavioral issues, which I’ve posted about on other threads, and changing the routines makes it worse). Turns out, the day after I left, Kiddo was sick with a stomach bug, so he missed 3 days of school anyways, but it’s probably a good thing we weren’t in a hotel in a different city dealing with that. (But, oh man, the mom guilt.)
Anonymous says
I did it once and it was the biggest mistake ever. My husband hogged the bathroom in the mornings and made me late, and I missed out dinners with colleagues. It really damaged my credibility even though I tried my best to minimize my family’s visibility.
The only time it’s marginally acceptable to bring your family along is to a conference. I would still not be That Person who has your spouse hold your baby in the back of the room while you give your presentation—this makes you look super high-maintenance. Unless this was a conference, your colleague should have found someone to stay with his wife to take care of the kids instead of bringing the whole family along.
AwayEmily says
oh wow, people bring BABIES to presentations?? A ton of academics bring their kids to conferences but I’ve never seen one actually attend a presentation. Yikes.
Anonymous says
I have seen this multiple times at one particular academic conference I attend. It’s ridiculous, and I don’t know how you could possibly concentrate on your presentation with your spouse/partner and infant in the room. I have only seen moms do it, never dads. There is a performative aspect to the whole thing that is not at all surprising considering the discipline and the demographic that tends to engage in this behavior.
Anon says
Demographic? I don’t understand what you’re talking about. This isn’t something I would ever do but I also don’t see why it’s a huge issue (as long as the parent takes the baby out of s/he starts crying, etc.) It would strike me as a little odd but nothing to get worked up about.
Anonymous says
It is a subset of grad students and young faculty who engage in a lot of other attention-seeking behavior.
GCA says
I mean, if they’re managing to concentrate on their presentation with spouse and baby hanging out at the back of the room, more power to them? How long is a presentation anyway, 30 minutes out of a 2-hour session?
Many grad students don’t get maternity leave, and junior faculty face pressure to get out there and present at conferences regardless of whether they get a tenure clock extension or not. It sounds like you might be in a position to change that, so their visible reminder that young academics have children too is certainly doing something.
Blueberries says
I think it looks pretty badass if you have someone come to manage the baby while you’re on work travel. I’ve read about more than one executive who has had to cut mat leave short who has done this so they can breastfeed.
I don’t know that I’d necessarily have baby in the room while I was presenting unless I was a superstar, though. It’s really good for a person at the top to normalize being a parent and juggling work and kids.
Nan says
+1
anne-on says
I used to bring my husband when it was a trip to a ‘fun’ city or Europe (and even brought my SIL once). I think it’d be harder with kids, but we’ll likely try again soon as my son is increasingly jealous about my trips to ‘fun’ European cities solo.
Expectations are key – I warned my husband (and SIL) I needed the bathroom early, not to expect me at all during the day, and if I managed to see them before bed that was gravy, but not to be expected. Basically I work 12-14 hours on work trips often and think it would be really really hard for a kid to have mom there but not really there, ya know? If your spouse treats it as a solo trip with heavily subsidized hotel/flight/car costs though I think it can work out well.
GCA says
I haven’t, but I can see us doing it if the stars aligned somehow: a) one of us was at a conference as an attendee or speaker (not an organiser – I do a lot of conference organising for work and that’s just bananas) and had enough free time to spend with my family, b) seeing the city would be of interest to spouse and kids, and c) spouse was not busy at work and could take time off. TBH I wonder if fathers unfairly get a free pass – because dad privilege – when they do this, whereas women might be seen as high-maintenance for doing so.
I can see myself doing this with an older kid – say middle school or high school – if the conference has real value to them. For instance, some of the speakers at a conference on women’s leadership bring their teenage daughters to see a roomful of smart, powerful women speak. Some offer to pay for delegate slots for their daughters and we usually give them the student rate.
Anonymous says
For me, my only fun city work trips are for conferences, and those are work. I need to be at the breakfast meetings and lunches and out at dinner entertaining current and potential clients. That’s the whole point. So I don’t bring the kids.
Anon says
I brought my daughter and husband along to a recruiting trip. They did their own thing while I was in interviews and dinner meetings, but it was nice to have them around for the down time. I don’t think I would do it for actual work meetings, as those tend to be way more stressful with much less down time.
Anonymous says
It hasn’t worked out for us yet. DH goes on work trips to fun cities. We’ve considered kiddo and I joining him before or after his obligations, but not all traveling together both ways.
Anonymous says
I’ve been on the kid side of this. We went and did the kids program at a couple of Dad’s law conferences. Sleepover at Vancouver Aquarium was my fav thing ever. Mom did some parts of the spouse program and worked from the hotel suite part-time. I loved it because it was additional to our yearly two week family vacation which was the only time my Dad took off all year.
DH’s main conferences are where I went to college so we’ll often do it as a yearly couples trip and I use the time he’s at the conference to meet up with girlfriends who still live in college city. I would take the kids only if my or DH’s conference was in an interesting city or had a great kids program.
Anon says
I haven’t, but balancing work and parenting is so hard – especially when travel is involved – that I applaud anyone who is willing to push the boundaries a bit to make it work. I’m all in favor of normalizing this kind of thing.
Is there some judgment in this post or is this an honest question and I’m reading things in that aren’t there?
Anonymous says
I actually don’t like the idea of “normalizing” bringing kids and spouses along on business trips. Work travel is hard enough. Now to be a good mother and spouse I am expected to worry about juggling family obligations on the road too? Let’s normalize dads competently holding down the fort for a few days while mom is away instead. Which, by the way, my husband is awesome at.
Anon says
Yeah, what am I missing? We have a hard enough time coordinating PTO for a real vacation, unless the other spouse is a SAH, I don’t understand the benefit of coordinating time off work and school/daycare just to barely see each other at a work event and also stick the other parent with full time childcare duties. There were a number of times I had work events in our home city and I brought my family along – because husband could work from home and between both our parents we would still have childcare so the net effect was business as usual with more family. But that’s a unicorn and I don’t see it working well otherwise.
Anon says
Normalizing doing what works for your family when possible. In this case it worked for the dad to bring his family with him on the trip. I’m not suggesting we all need to do that.
So Anon says
So for me, the option is arranging alternate child care or bringing my kids with me. As they get older, I will absolutely be the one to bring them with me, just like I bring them with me into the office if the office is open on a federal holiday.
Anonymous says
If OP isn’t judging, I will. If the colleague’s wife was having a mental health crisis and couldn’t care for her own children, he should have cancelled the trip instead of presumably taking his kids out of school and dragging the whole family along. That is what the rest of us do. It stinks, but sometimes you just have to do what needs to be done.
Eek says
But why is “what the rest of us do” the only option? If this worked for his family, why do you care?
I’m also going to go out on a limb and guess that OP doesn’t know much about the actual mental health state of her coworker’s wife and that this is probably rumor/gossip.
EB0220 says
I used to bring my daughter on trips when she was a baby but only in specific circumstances. I worked remotely and my husband traveled 80% so when I had to go to company HQ, I would bring baby. It worked because my in-laws live in my company’s HQ city so I stayed with them and there are multiple Bright Horizons around that do drop-in care. We’ve also done a few add-on trips where the kids and I met my husband in the city he was in on Fri and did a long weekend (but he wouldn’t be working during those days).
Travel says
Yes, but it only works in certain situations. It generally makes me feel like a sub-par employee and parent. I’ve done it for a few years for a conference in the Caribbean. To make it work, I always extend the trip for a few days so I get a real vacation and bring an extra set of hands – grandparents or au pair – in addition to my husband (for when my twins were babies and it would be hard to handle two solo in the beach/pool, and so they can all enjoy themselves, and allows him to attend spouse networking events since he’s in an adjacent industry and finds it helpful). We also rent a short term apartment which gives us more space and is cheaper than the conference hotel
This all works because it’s a fairly low-key conference, there are built in networking events in the evening that include partners (normally not something I see in my industry) and even one on the weekend that includes kids. I still feel bad that I miss out on the beach days but my kids are generally distracted by fun beach stuff to not miss me too much when I’m working. But now that they are on a real school calendar, I don’t feel like I can justify pulling them from school for a week for a beach vacation.
I would never bring them into a presentation – I’ve never seen kids at a finance conference. And most work travel is really hectic with all of the work from the meetings + catching up on the work piling up in the office + networking dinners/breakfasts that it’s just not worth it. Also if your partner works, he/she would have to burn through vacation days
IHeartBacon says
My husband and I do this every chance we get, especially if the event is on a Friday or Monday. It always saves us on the flight and sometimes even the hotel room. If you can do it, definitely do it!
Anon says
Yes, both DH and I have done this tons – not because we can’t manage the kid alone but because we enjoy travel and this is a very affordable way to get an extra trip (since hotel and one flight is paid).
Katy says
i recently took our 2 year old on a work trip with DH. It was to a city that i previously worked in / have lots of friends in. It worked out great because he didn’t have any evening obligations. The LO and I did our thing during the day (i took time off / did some light work during nap time). We used the hotel pool (huge hit), wandered around downtown and and lunch / drink dates with people that my hubby isn’t close too, but it would have been fine if we hadn’t known anyone else there too. We extended the trip to spend the weekend with friends who now live in this city. I hope to do more of this in years to come as it is a great way to get a subsidized trip. BUT LO and I did not interfere with hubby’s 8 – 5 pm work commitments, so i think we had realistic expectations all along.
Ms B says
We did this with The Kid when he was five and I was speaking at a national conference outside of my usual practice area (think ERISA implications of merger transactions where I was the ERISA speaker, but not actually). My responsibilities were clearly defined by the conference organization (attend afternoon events on first day of conference, attend breakfast, a networking break, and my 2.5 hour panel on the second day, and finally a closing night reception the last day) and the rest of the time was mine. We added on a day to go to a theme park and paid the extra hotel cost for that day out of pocket.
We had a great time, but this would not have worked if it was a conference in my regular practice area because I would have been busy full time (as in 7 a.m. until somewhere after midnight) networking on top of attending all of the sessions. Because the rest of the conference was outside of my practice area, I did not have to go to most of the sessions and I had no compulsion to network outside of the required events.
It also would not have worked as well if the conference was in a less touristy city, but DH and The Kid spent one day at a kids’ museum, we spent my one free day at a theme park, and we were able to spend the better part of a day at the local Six Flags before my evening commitments (which cost us nothing because we have a gold membership at our local Six Flags, which gives us nationwide access for free). The Kid also was at an age where twice a day swimming + a movie in the room made for a winning combination – that probably would not occupy him enough now.
My one caveat: we shared a room with The Kid, which meant that we went to sleep when he did around 9:00 p.m. We did not have fun nights, but we were well-rested!
Anon says
I’m late to reply, but this is timely for me as I was just researching flights for our whole family to go to Edinburgh next summer because my husband just found out he has a conference there. My husband is an academic, so he has conferences in all sorts of cool international locations, including some that are major bucket list destinations for myself and many other people (hello, Galapagos Islands). Honestly, I’d be a bit perturbed if he told me I *couldn’t* come. I don’t attend every conference, because I don’t have that much vacation time or interest in everywhere he goes, and of course I recognize that as the spouse who isn’t working at this conference, I’m solely responsible for entertaining myself and our kid while I’m there. I would never dream of asking him to skip meals or drinks with colleagues to hang out with us. But being told “this is my work thing, I”m going off to XYZ place that has been on your bucket list forever and you can’t come” would absolutely rub me the wrong way. I attend most of his international conferences (usually two per year) with our child (they’re mostly during school breaks due to profs being on academic calendar too, though I will have to cut back some once our child is in school because neither of us believes in pulling kids out of school for vacations). Sometimes but not every time we extend the trip by several days to a week, so we can take a family vacation too. My husband and child have come on a couple of my work trips, but that happens way less frequently because a) my work travel is way less exciting (all domestic and not terribly exciting places at that) and b) he enjoys traveling less than I do. I’m not in academia, but none of my colleagues have seemed upset or annoyed on the few occasions that my family came with me.
Anon says
How do you keep your marriage positive when everyone is tired and stressed? We both get triggered easily and tend to snap at each other, which makes everything worse. It’s especially hard now that we have a baby and are sleep deprived and overwhelmed, but I want and need to change the dynamic. Easier said then done. I’m hoping for specific advice that has worked for your life.
Cb says
I take lots of deep breaths. I’m definitely snippier than my husband is and try and start and end the day with a positive interaction.
Anonymous says
A combination of trying really hard to be more patient, realizing everyone is truly doing their best, and forgiving easily when the snipiness happens toward you. Don’t hold grudges. It’ll get easier. Hang in there.
Anonymous says
Weekly date night on Saturday night.
Making a conscious effort not to snap back when one of us snaps at the other. Otherwise it turns into a downward spiral.
CPA Lady says
Both of you read The Relationship Cure.
Try to “garden” as much as possible.
Do your absolute best not to score-keep.
Each of you take one night out of the house each week.
AIMS says
I think reframing your outlook toward your partner helps. I read Exit West recently (which I highly recommend, as an aside) & while it’s not a relationship book, I found the way it describes relationships profoundly helpful – it talks about how when something is new and fresh we read the best possible intentions into each other’s actions and that makes everything feel wonderful, but as a relationship progresses , the opposite begins to happen and you tend to assume the worst and see slights where none are intended and simple forgetfulness which you might not have thought about or even found charming turns into thoughtlessness or something even more sinister… I really found it helpful.
In terms of more concrete suggestions I find that being thankful and making internal gratitude lists helps my sanity in all sorts of things. Maybe try thinking of all the stuff your partner does everyday that you appreciate. I know it’s more common now to talk about all the invisible labor we do as women and that may all be true, but there are probably things that you are taking for granted too. I find that thinking of them makes me treat my SO differently.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We try to do weekly date nights/lunches where we can have an actual conversation just the two of us, without being interrupted by kids or work. We’ve talked through a lot of our stressors and acknowledged each other’s hard work and how we appreciate each other even when the work never seems to end. We also try to do one couples trip per year, to truly get away and reconnect.
Day to day, we thank each other for household chores and childcare – it’s our responsibility of course, but it’s still nice to be acknowledged. Physical affection (including “gardening” – I know, I know, it’s so hard when you just want to sleep) helps a lot too, especially for my husband, whose top love language is physical touch.
It’s really hard, especially when kids are little. Reminding myself (constantly) that we are a team against whatever challenge, including the kids and parenting, in front of us helps.
Anonanonanon says
I take a moment to acknowledge that I’m not doing much better than he is, and do I really want to open the floodgates in terms of airing criticisms/stating what we think the other one could do more of/better?
Also don’t be afraid to say “It’s no one’s fault, but I’m in a bad mood. I’m trying to hold it together but I’m sure you can tell, and I wanted to let you know it’s not anything you did, I’m just exhausted.”
Also, don’t be afraid to say “I’m beat. Now that the kids are in bed, do you mind if I turn in early to watch netflix in our room? (veg on the couch and browse pinterest, read a book, otherwise ignore eachother, put in my headphones and listen to a podcast while I fold laundry).” Sometimes it’s better to just admit you’re both tired and grumpy and want to be left alone than try to fake it.
IHeartBacon says
“Also don’t be afraid to say ‘It’s no one’s fault, but I’m in a bad mood. I’m trying to hold it together but I’m sure you can tell, and I wanted to let you know it’s not anything you did, I’m just exhausted.’ ”
This. Whenever I’m in a terribly bad mood and looking to pick a fight, I say so to my husband. Then I’ll be honest with him about what I want. For example, I might ask him to order food for us, or for us to just hang out in separate rooms alone, etc. I’ll say something like, “Husband, I am in a terribly bad mood and to be honest with you I think I’m looking to pick a fight. Can you order some pizza for us because I think that might make me feel better.” Saying it this way (i.e., giving a “because” reason) triggers his “fix-it” mode and I find that if I give him something to do, he feels like he’s being helpful rather than just hearing me say I’m in a bad mood. And for me, when I make this type of request and he follows through with the request, it puts me in a better mood because he is meeting my needs. It of course doesn’t work all the time, but it works more often than not and sometimes that’s all you need.
Anonymous says
Sleep. If necessary, in separate rooms to escape snoring and/or allow you and your spouse to trade off baby duty so at least one person gets uninterrupted sleep for each half of the night or every other night. If you are still on maternity leave or have a flexible work schedule, you might also try rearranging your sleeping hours to match baby’s natural preferences (I got so much more sleep when I just gave in and sat up with my night owl baby until she was ready to go to bed at 1:00).
Buddy Holly says
Honestly, what has worked the best is:
(1) wait out something that is temporary, but hard. We had a very, very difficult baby. The first few months of her life were miserable. Neither of us had time or energy to spare supporting the other one. But it got easier once f***** colic passed. We just had to ride out the storm and admit that was what we were doing. I remember saying out loud to DH over a screaming/crying baby, multiple times, “Life won’t always be this hard.”
(2) If something isn’t temporary but is making your life too hard to deal with, you have to change it, whatever “it” is. You have to find a way to schedule more childcare, or decrease work responsibilities, or get more sleep, or make time for yoga, or do date night, or hire a housecleaner, or whatever it is holding you back. Change is hard and adding more to your to-do list can sounds exhausting if you are already burnt out. But if something isn’t working, you have to change it.
Therapy can help too. Sometimes you need to talk to someone that isn’t your spouse about all the stuff that needs airing.
Anonymous says
1. Alone time when I can tell I’m feeling snippy. Also announcing that I am feeling snippy, as well as articulating why (I’m tired, I’m grumpy, etc).
2. Taking a deep breath before saying anything. Sometimes just thinking the snippy thing in my head helps me not say it out loud.
3. If he says something snippy, making a conscious effort to move on quickly before it becomes a thing- changing the subject, bringing something else up from my day, etc.
NYCer says
To be completely honest, we have s*x a lot. For us, it really helps.
I also try to forgive and forget when it is just routine snippy-ness. There is no use holding grudges or harping on and on. And most importantly, remind yourself that this baby phase won’t last forever.
Anonymous says
NY Times has a good article about this today. https://parenting.nytimes.com/relationships/sex-romance-after-kids?fallback=0&recId=1RvuyUq9YvguBYFcgWuI4ZxOO3o&locked=1&geoContinent=NA&geoRegion=NL&recAlloc=home&geoCountry=CA&blockId=home-living-vi&imp_id=493923824&action=click&module=Smarter%20Living&pgtype=Homepage
AwayEmily says
Also — go to bed mad! (or at least annoyed). When my husband says/does something marginally irritating I often just tell myself “if I’m still annoyed about this in the morning I’ll say something.” 90% of the time in the morning I no longer care at all.
It’s like the emotional equivalent of putting something in your online shopping cart and then seeing if you still want to buy it the next day.
IHeartBacon says
+Infinity
Sometimes you just need to ring the bell and go back to your corners. Whoever said “never” go to bed angry was just wrong.
Anonymous says
Love this analogy!
I’ve never understood the people who say “Don’t go to bed mad.” Going to bed mad sometimes gives me space to be able to talk about whatever is bothering me without actively being mad at my husband–it’s a good thing.
Anonymous says
After one child was the hardest on our marriage- we did not adjust well for the reasons you described, sleep deprived, triggered easily. Add worried about money, no family nearby. We now have 3 kids under 3 and the things that helped the most were- 1) realizing that parenting is a team sport and your husband is the only person on your team you got to choose (I think I read that here actually!) 2) me going to therapy to see that I was holding myself up to totally unrealistic standards and dragging DH along for the ride. 3) learning to specifically Ask for help, and to accept help without guilt. As others have said, sleep as much as you can and garden as much as possible. Also it’s amazing how many fights DH and I have been in because someone was thirsty and cranky or hangry. Low blood sugar. I have started carrying granola bars in my purse for Us and the kids.
Greendrop says
Catching up on the thread from yesterday about clutter- I just wanted to plug Greendrop, it’s a free service that comes to your house and picks up your donations. You can choose what charity you would like to help. It is AMAZING. They accept almost everything, and it’s so so easy and great to not have to worry about listing something on a free website, or hauling it to goodwill, etc. It’s really helped us keep the clutter down- I have an ongoing pile of stuff to get rid of, and as soon as it gets big enough I schedule a pickup.
CCLA says
This is amazing, will definitely use! Thanks for posting.
Anonymous says
Along these same lines, keeping a donation bin easily accessible in the garage is an essential part of maintaining our KonMari lifestyle. It is so easy to toss anything outgrown, worn-out, or unneeded right into the bin.
Anonymous says
Does anyone have a preferred way to recycle fabric? I’m thinking about all the stained shirts and pants with holes that are beyond repair. There’s a race in my house between outgrowing clothes and and destroying them beyond repair. I don’t want to send these to the landfill, but I don’t want to do more harm than good by dropping them off with a charity that can only use wearable clothes.
Anonymous says
Goodwill supposedly recycles textiles it can’t sell.
AIMS says
H&M has textile recycling in some of its stores. You even get a 15% off card for your next purchase.
If you’re in NYC and live in a large enough building, you can also see about installing a textile recycle bin. The Dept of Sanitation has a new program.
Anonymous says
Greendrop takes those too! From their website: Heavily worn or damaged donated products are recycled and broken down for their cotton, silk, polyester, and other fibers, which are used to manufacture new goods. Leather and plastics are recycled for reuse, while scrap metal and plastics from electronic and household goods are placed back in the manufacturing stream. In fact, that shirt you are wearing or computer you are using could be made in part from donated recycled American products that have been saved from landfills.
EB0220 says
Really?! Thank you! I have used the Disabled Vets pickup service before but I will definitely check out Greendrop. Thanks!!
Buble says
Please buy an exersaucer secondhand at a kids’ consignment shop, local mass garage sale, or through online sources like FB Marketplace or CL. Babies use these for such a short time, it’s not worth the money to buy it brand new!
FVNC says
+1 They’re so durable, too. Ours was a c.2009 version of this product. It was a hand-me-down that had gone through two babies before mine, then my two kids (one of whom would have happily moved into it permanently, if that had been an option), and is now onto a new home for baby #5.
Puerto Rico hotel with kids says
Any recent recs for hotels in Puerto Rico? Traveling with grandparents, a four-year-old, and one-year-old. We would normally do AirB&B but no one wants to cook or clean, so we’re probably in the market for a suite and/or adjoining rooms for naps. We had heard good things about El Conquistador in Fajardo but apparently it’s closed till 2020 …
Anonymous says
We stayed at the Renaissance in San Juan. I’m sure there were were more interesting options, but I was able to get a one bedroom suite with partial water views and have a kitchenette. Although I prefer to go out to eat on vacation, the kitchenette is a nice option with small kids.
Ashley says
We stayed at La Concha this summer. It was really nice! It has 3 pools (2 of which allow kids, the other is adults only) plus a few restaurants on site and lots within walking distance. It does have a nightclub on the weekends, but if you’re in the suite tower you won’t hear it. And the suites have kitchenettes, which can be helpful for storing drinks and snacks (which we bought at the Walgreens a couple of blocks away). I would definitely stay there again.
Pigpen's Mama says
+1
We stayed there last spring and had a blast in the pools, didn’t hear the night club in our suite (we had an ocean view, it was lovely).
And they had a little welcome beach bucket + toys for kids.
If you do stay there, I would recommend a car to get into Old Town San Juan, and keep in mind strollers will be hard to deal with in Old Town because of narrow sidewalks and cobblestones, so a baby carrier may be a good idea if your kid is cool with that.
Baby teeth brushing says
When did everyone start brushing your baby’s teeth? How diligent are you about it? Do you use special baby toothpaste or regular?
I have a just-1-year old with quite a few teeth and I’m embarrassed to admit we really are not good about this at all. I know we need to jump on this now but it’s one of those things that seems to fall through the cracks a lot.
Anon says
We started once she had a few teeth. We use a rice grain amount of crest kids with fluoride per our pediatric dentist’s recommendation. We brush at night before bed and whenever her now toddler breath is terrible. We should be brushing twice a day or after meals, but practically that doesn’t happen. We had our first pediatric dentist appointment at 12 months and she sees them every 6 months just like an adult, and they actually do a pretty thorough cleaning (she’s cooperative for them, just not me).
shortperson says
start it now so that it’s routine before they get oppositional.
Anon says
My daughter was late to get her teeth, so we used Dr. Brown’s teeth wipes on her few teeth until she was one. Once she turned one and more teeth started coming, we switched to a real toothbrush and toothpaste. We use a toothbrush that has 360 degree brushes that I order on Amazon and Tom’s Organic Kids toothpaste, which my daughter loves. We started seeing a pediatric dentist around 18 months, once she had more than 4-6 teeth. She hates the dentist (stranger danger!) and it’s mostly a formality at this point, but I can at least check the box and say we go.
Anon says
I’ll admit we’re still hot very diligent about it with our 19 month old. Our ped seems more relaxed than many about dental care though. She said no dentist or toothpaste is necessary until age 3 and I’m happy to follow that.
Anonymous says
Do try to be diligent at least once a day. Our now 3 yo had to undergo caps (child has to be put under for it) because we did not take dental care as seriously as we should have. That said, you don’t need to be a maniac about it. We have a two year old and her teeth are fine, we started brushing when she had 4 teeth. We have a 10 month old also who has two teeth that we maybe brush once every other day, no toothpaste, just brushing.