Here’s a cute maternity/nursing layer that works for both the office and the weekend.
This tee from one of my favorite maternity/nursing brands Kindred Bravely is made from a soft, stretchy fabric that accommodates your changing body. After your baby arrives, there’s a hidden panel for easy nursing or pumping access. The pretty eyelet sleeves are perfect for spring.
Pair this top with polished trousers for a casual office and with jeans for the weekend.
The Everyday Eyelet Maternity/Nursing Top is $35 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes S–XXL.
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Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
- Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off kids’ camp styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off summer pajamas; up to 50% off all baby styles (semi-annual baby event!)
- Carter’s – Summer deals from $5; up to 60% off swim
- Old Navy – 30% off your order; kid/toddler/baby tees $4
- Target – Kids’ swim from $8; summer accessories from $10
Mom style says
Moms of very active toddlers, what clothes do you enjoy wearing on the weekends these days? I’m trying to update my wardrobe a bit so I have more clothes I am excited to wear. The mom style blogs I have looked at don’t have good options for chasing a 2 year old around the playground, which is not really an occasion for a pair of cute mules and a flyaway cardigan in my experience. My wardrobe currently consists of a few pairs of leggings (with pockets!) and flannel shirts or cardigans that have seen better days that I wear over and over.
Anonymous says
Skorts and t shirts.
Mary Moo Cow says
I like the J.Crew Factory Ruby cropped pants (they are hard pants, but they have a lot of stretch and give). I often wear black pants, a washed denim shirt (like the J.Crew button down) and low profile tennis shoes (like Tigers, gray New Balance, solid Vans) or Rothy loafers. I also like colorful Boden khakis (also hard pants that stretch) and a Boden breton. When all else fails, Athleta jeans and a black t-shirt with Vans or low top Converse or Rothy loafers. In the summer, t-shirt dresses with boyshorts. None of this is trendy, but has worked for me for years of playground duty.
Cora says
I really like the uniqlo ultra stretch legging pants for being just as comfortable as leggings but being actual pants.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m not a style icon at all, but I’ve just embraced athleisure wear on the weekends – thick leggings in winter and cropped leggings or shorts in the summer, with an Athleta long sleeve shirt or T-shirt. New Balance running shoes usually.
AwayEmily says
Same (as usual). I put on jeans if I’m feeling fancy but mostly it’s just leggings with side pockets for my phone (fleece-lined ones in winter), plus a hoodie in the winter/t-shirt in the summer. Sneakers ALWAYS. My go-tos are Sauconys or Asics Onitsuka Tigers but I’ve been eyeing some cute pastel New Balances…what kind do you have?
Boston Legal Eagle says
New Balance “Fresh Foam Roav Tee Shirt” – I usually get a new pair every year.
I also love the leggings with the pockets – the LLBean fleece ones are great.
Anonymous says
I have three boys: ages six, two and two, and this is so tricky – but it’s getting better! I still end up with snot or Cheeto dust on my clothes, but only 3/7 days instead of 7/7 days. My winter wardrobe is exactly what you described: an old patagonia flannel and leggings. My summer wardrobe is basically lululemon shirts (expensive but they wear like iron) and athletic shorts or jean shorts. I’ll occasionally order a cheap (Zara) nap dress off poshmark to wear to church or a brewery/kid birthday. I get patterns so they don’t show stains as much (also I like patterns). I wear Nike court vision low sneakers with all of these outfits. Sorry I’m not more help. This is working for me atm.
Anonymous says
I like the Athleta Brooklyn pants and Venice joggers. I wear either those or leggings or jeans on the weekends, depending on how much floor sitting and climbing I anticipate doing with my toddler.
Anon says
I am mom to a very active 5YO who requires less chasing now, but I wear the same thing now as I did when she was 2. Cool weather weekends are skinny jeans in a dark rinse (dated but I’m OK with that) with a flannel shirt, potentially also a down vest layered if necessary. Now that the weather is warming up, I am often in a more relaxed, lighter wash, straight-leg or boyfriend jean with a cotton tunic style tee or in a maxi or midi dress with the jockey slip shorts underneath (great for chafing but also for not being concerned hiking up the skirt to run or climb if needed).
I used to wear cotton leggings or athletic leggings in the “didn’t leave the house days” and those have mostly fallen back to purely house lounging or actual workout wear. For me, feeling “dressed” in jeans is helpful to my self-esteem as opposed to “not dressed” in yoga pants. Understand other people do not struggle with that distinction.
GCA says
No one has ever accused me of being stylish, but some combination of:
Cooler weather: Jeans (Madewell high rise ‘boy jeans’ are very comfortable, but size down!) / leggings; t-shirt; sweatshirt. (Sometimes a utility jacket?)
Warmer weather: t-shirt or tank dress, bike shorts with pockets. I need somewhere to stash my phone.
Shoes: Retired running shoes, Onitsuka Tigers, or Adidas tennis shoes. I no longer have tiny toddlers, but I still wear shoes I can run in.
anon says
Weekends are for athleisure. I lean into it, unless I’m going out somewhere fancier than a playground.
AnonATL says
Same. I have a 2.5 yo little boy who is constantly outside if the weather is decent. Playground, backyard, creek, chalk on the driveway. Just everywhere.
I have a few athleta dupes from target for pants and similar with shorts
Tops are long sleeve and a vest in chilly weather and cotton tshirt or tank in the summer.
I might wear real pants if we are going to the museum
TheElms says
I’m in Athleta Venice Joggers and a t-shirt and sneakers until it gets too hot for that. Then I move to skorts (which seemed to be in last summer and still seem to be around) and a t shirt with sneakers or sandals. I have some chambray shorts I also like. I want nicer t-shirts but it still seems pointless because I’m covered in food or snot most of the time from the 1 year old so I settled on some new old navy t shirts (which will at least start off stain free). Pre-kids I was a dress person but even with bike shorts underneath it still seems too impractical.
Anon says
Jeans and cute but washable t-shirt or casual blouse, leggings and a cute athletic top or t-shirt, skort and a cute but washable t shirt or athletic top, athletic dress or dress with bike shorts underneath.
Your leggings sound totally fine, but I would find cuter, newer tops. I love Old Navy for workout tops and like getting cheap but cute casual blouses from TJ Maxx (and if they get destroyed, it’s NBD because they were cheap). I personally have always loved the “jeans and white t-shirt” look, and I find the newer straight leg jeans much easier for the playground than skinnies.
For shoes I mostly wear flat Chelsea boots in the winter, cute but functional sneakers in the spring/fall and cute but functional sandals in the summer. If I’m wearing athletic clothes, then I’ll always wear cute but functional sneakers (I love Vejas with jeans and Allbirds with athletic clothes).
For layering I often do a jean jacket, sometimes a cardigan, or a Patagonia (if wearing athletic clothes) zip up better sweater. If I’m in athletic clothes, I usually have a ball cap on bc my hair is probably greasy.
Anon says
I do think this is somewhat difficult– I’m the mom of a two year old, and I upgraded some of my athleisure recently for this reason.
Current playground uniform (usually involves walk to playground also): Athleta leggings or Zella joggers, New Balance tennis shoes, zip-up fleece or sweatshirt (most are from Zella/Vuori). In warmer weather, I have some Lulu shorts I like and some Vuori and Athleta tees. I have found that athletic clothes tend to wear a lot better than just normal tees– those got stretched out and stained too quickly for me. I like a lot of the Athleta/Vuori pieces because they look less branded to me.
Alternative toddler uniform (restaurant, indoor toddler activity, birthday party): jean shorts or straight-legged jeans, Vejas. For a top, depending on the event: nicer zip-up sweatshirt, long-sleeve striped breton tee, striped tee. I find that tops with more details look fine without jewelry.
Anonymous says
Where is everyone buying their tshirts that don’t shrink too much?
Anonymous says
I just don’t put mine in the dryer unless they’re athletic t-shirts.
Anonymous says
Depends on the weather, but my fall/spring outfits are jeans or Athleta Brooklyn + long-sleeved T-shirt/lightweight wool sweater or leggings + sweatshirt dress/tunic, layered with a puffer vest (or casual coat if <40 degrees). I've been wearing old running shoes or Chuck Taylors, but I'm a little tired of those TBH.
Anon says
Nothing groundbreaking – athleisure or jeans and an easy sweater/sweatshirt. My 5 year old is pretty chill but my almost 3-year old is still pretty feral, so I almost always end up with food or dirt on me by the end of the day. I like Zella high waisted leggings and Gap or Citizens of Humanity straight leg jeans (the Gap kick fits are great for weekends).
To help me feel marginally more put together, I like a monochromatic or mostly neutral look. For example, yesterday I wore black Zella leggings, a black ribbed long sleeve tee from Gap’s activewear line, and a black puffer vest from Amazon with black & white Adidas sneakers. I also find my hair up in a claw clip vs. a ponytail makes me look more pulled together with the same amount of (very little) effort.
Anon says
I too do a lot of athleisure or jeans; fave brands are Zella, Nike, Frame, and 7 for all Mankind. I do like to wear flattering tee shirts – my Vince tees are soft and flattering and quite durable (though I’ve never put them in a dryer) so I have them in a half dozen colors and wear them on repeat. They’re worth the money and I can always find virtually new ones on ThredUp for a (relative) steal. I also like sleeveless linen or flowy tops in the summer – I’m in TX so sleeveless plus sports bra are non negotiable when it’s 100 degrees because sweating that much in a real bra is the worst. Vince Camuto also makes affordable and cute sleeveless tops and I wear a ton of those and don’t worry about putting them in the dryer. If we are going someplace where I don’t plan on sitting on the actual ground, then I really like Trina Turk or Rebecca Taylor shorts paired with a tee shirt; otherwise all my shorts are Athleta or Nike running shorts. Shoes are my vivo barefoot shoes if we are doing things where I’m likely to run and get dirty, Vince thick soled sneakers if we are indoors (they get dirty easily but are comfy and actually stylish), or white leather Coke Haan sneakers if we are out and about (if we do end up getting messier than expected they wipe off great).
anon says
When did you disclose your pregnancy at work?
I’m not worried about a bad reaction from my boss, and think my work will be supportive. I work for the government, so no client concerns. I have my own cases and a number of them will need to be reassigned before I go out on leave. I anticipate that I will probably get fewer cases assigned until my leave, but I consider that a plus.
Anonymous in MA says
First pregnancy during height of covid— 22 weeks. Second pregnancy — 15 weeks (when all genetics and other testing came back OK).
Mary Moo Cow says
I’m also in government and I disclosed around 3 months. I started a “maternity leave memo” with details of active cases and sat down with my manager to start planning to reassign cases around 7 months. At that time, I also visited HR and made sure I understood what leave I was entitled to and who to contact when the time came (I had a planned hard stop date, but just in case I went out early.)
Anon says
16 weeks. It was kind of awkward because everyone knew but I didn’t want to tell in the first trimester, my appointments were at 10 and 14 weeks so I felt more comfortable waiting until after 14 weeks, and then I had a couple weeks before I had a one on one meeting with my boss due to some holidays and him being out of town.
Anon says
For both pregnancies, I disclosed in waves. My job is client facing and schedules 6 months out, and I completely trust and respect my immediate supervisor and close coworker. So I let both of them know early (around 8-10 weeks) so we could start planning leave coverage, but was open that I wasn’t ready for it to be public. I was ready to let the rest of my coworkers and clients know after the genetic testing came back, so around 13/14 weeks.
Isabella says
I’m an outlier, but I disclosed super early. Like 6 or 7 weeks? We told family the weekend after positive home test, and told work the next week, as soon as blood test confirmed. Neither DH nor I can easily keep news to ourselves, and we were both 100% confident our jobs would be supportive.
anon says
I’m 7 weeks and just told my two partners who I trust very much. We do so much client entertainment (aka drinks!) that it was just easier to tell them than lie. Like, we get client drinks 3-4x/week. They’re both my age, a woman and a man, both with little kids or a pregnant spouse. I won’t tell people widely in my office until I’m 12-14 weeks in all likelihood. I’m afraid it will hurt my client-development-based business, so I will try to conceal publicly/in the market for as long as possible.
Deedee says
Told my boss & direct report at 18 weeks; told coworkers after a 2 vaca at 20 weeks. I wanted to wait for good looking NIPT and NT scan results.
TW: mc
I had recently had a coworker who had already started to tell folks have to TFMR, so I was feeling extra cautious.
Anon@anon.anon says
I told my boss at 12 weeks and everyone else at 20.
Anon says
Venting here but this season of young child + pregnant (+ 2 jobs + other family obligations) is just rough on a marriage. We’re doing well as co-parents and partners, but we both feel disconnected and rejected. We fought/talked about it this weekend, which is a good thing. I want to give ourselves grace and acknowledge this is just a rough period, but I also don’t want to wake up in 5 years and feel like he’s a stranger/roommate, you know?
Boston Legal Eagle says
It is a rough season. Can you get away for a week or even a weekend while family or someone else watches your toddler (especially pre-baby 2)? I’ve found that our couples trips have been so good for us to reconnect again, and just go back to our pre-kid selves temporarily. I know we’re lucky to have my parents around and able to watch the kids.
anonM says
+1. And this is really couple-dependent, but for us just having even a meal away where we are intentional (put away phones, don’t just talk about kids, “dress up” aka no sweats) can really help give a reset. Laughing together, eating uninterrupted by 192018210 toddler demands, etc. is great. If a week away is too much, shoot for a good meal that you will both look forward to. +1 to doing this before #2, because that sleep deprivation with a newborn is really trying on marriages.
Anon says
A suggestion if you’re like us without family around to watch kids: we schedule a monthly lunch date to take while the kids are at daycare. Every now and then we’ll block of additional time and meet at home (if you catch the drift) before going out to lunch. For me, this is a lot easier to plan than date nights in the evening where you’re at the mercy of babysitters. Hang in there! Your marriage is worth the effort.
Anon says
I’m there with you…three kids and a 2yo who does.not.sleep. I always felt we were great coparents, no matter how our marital connection seemed to wax and wane, but even that is getting strained as the kids get older. Our different triggers and reactions to sassy grade schoolers are straining every part of our relationship.
I think the fight is a good sign and can be a way to release tension and move forward. My husband and I both shut down and I’m trying to work up my nerve to really have it out.
Anon says
I think it’s definitely a hard phase but it’s also important to try to identify helpful coping strategies or ways to strengthen your marriage because resentment can eat away at you. The book The Empowered Wife helped me with simple, specific action steps (or “intimacy skills” as the author calls them). Her ideas aren’t for everyone, and that’s totally fine, but they really got me out of a dark place in my marriage.
OOO says
Cross-posting here since I am stuck in mod on the main site. Any recs for family-friendly resorts near Bozeman or Salt Lake City? Planning a summer family reunion
NYCer says
Stein Eriksen Lodge in Deer Valley is a good option. Really anywhere in Park City or Deer Valley could be nice.
Anon says
The additional context on the main page was that she wants it to be less than $300 a night so definitely not Stein Eriksen!
NYCer says
Ohhh oops, did not see that! Yeah, forget Stein Eriksen. Tbh I would be somewhat surprised if you can find any true resort in Utah or Montana for $300 a night.
OOO says
Yep everyone gave me a reality check. Will probably have to look at hotels or different areas
anon. says
Any good jogger dupes for weekend wear for the LuluLemon Align joggers? I’ve tried Target which I normally love and find pretty good quality and they were pretty bad. Thanks.
octagon says
Check out the old navy powersoft 7/8 joggers – I hated them in the same way I hated the aligns, so maybe they are a deccent dupe?
Anon says
I feel like the fabric is what make the aligns great. Dupes never have the same kind of fabric.
Daycare bottle feeding says
How does your daycare handle bottle feeding for infants? Ours has the baby hold their own bottle on a boppy as soon as they are able, and they seem to occasionally walk away which I think is weird. Is it reasonable to expect a staff member to at least be sitting or standing nearby a baby who has a bottle?
Anonymous says
I will tell you as a mom of 3 my 3rd was feeding herself in a boppy or bouncer as soon as she could hold a bottle ;).
Anon says
I only have one but also had my kid holding her own bottle as soon as she was able – in part because she insisted on it. But I think it’s not unfair to hold paid childcare to a higher standard. A lot of people give their kids screen time at home but wouldn’t be happy about daycare putting on a movie every afternoon, for example.
I also think there are two separate things here: the baby holding its own bottle, and an adult not being nearby. The latter seems like more of an issue.
Anon says
You might look up your state’s daycare licensing regulations. This would be a licensing violation in my state, which requires infants to be held for bottle feedings.
OP says
Thanks. Unfortunately our states regulations don’t address it.
Anonymous says
Ours had the baby hold their own bottle as soon as they could, but they were right there the whole time. We have a couple cute pics from when my kiddo was in the baby room of her with her two now-besties (all born within 2 weeks of each other) in a group on their boppies chugging their bottles.
Anonymous says
Just adding that our state regs just say something like staff must “hold a child who is unable to hold a bottle” when feeding and “no bottle propping.” Her lead teacher checked with first us to make sure we agreed that our kid was ready to hold a bottle by herself – I want to say it was somewhere around 6 months.
Anon says
That was how the first daycare we tried did it. It made me uncomfortable, so we switched daycares. When I looked up my state regulations, babies were required to be held for feedings under 6 months.
So Anon says
What do you all wear when traveling/sightseeing with kids, especially in Europe? I don’t want to entirely stand out as an American tourist, but my need for supportive shoes seems to counter the ability to appear less touristy. Any suggestions or go-to outfits for traveling with kids? The upcoming trip will be a combination of city walking, driving and exploring small towns.
Anon says
Back when I was doing it, it was dark denim, ankle booties (Dansko) and lots of black. Haven’t been recently, but I feel like trendy sneakers are all the rage, and while I normally wear my inserts in my gym shoes, I bet they would fit well in some of the trendy sneaker looks. Otherwise I would be team birkenstocks. I also love my maxi dresses and have a lot of clothes from Boden – you might try flipping their catalog to see what is currently in style in the UK at least.
Anon says
Kindly, you’ll look like an American tourist no matter what you wear so I wouldn’t overthink it and would dress primarily for comfort. Cute sneakers are ubiquitous in Europe. I typically don’t even pack non-sneaker shoes (unless we’re going to a beach destination), but I have little kids so we’re not doing anything super fancy. In warm weather I typically pair sneakers with dresses, in cooler weather with jeans and sweaters. Leggings are not normally worn as pants in Europe, so that’s something to avoid if you’re trying to blend in.
anon says
This. I admittedly don’t understand the handwringing about looking like a tourist. That is what you are. I would rather save my feet and enjoy myself than try to meet some arbitrary standard of being a well-dressed traveler.
So Anon says
Fair point. This comes from when I was a kid and a child of a military officer living overseas, at a time and place where the ability to blend in was explicitly taught and valued. We were less likely to be targeted or taken advantage of if we blended in.
Anonymous says
Sneakers. Europeans also wear them. For a trip to Ireland in spring I’d do jeans, sneakers, a few cute tops, a warm sweater, a trench coat or otherwise water proof top layer, and a hat scarf and gloves because walking outside on a cold day they help.
Anon says
This sounds great. The last time I was in Ireland all the women seemed to be wearing sweat pants and sweatshirts…so you would look extra cute in the above.
AwayEmily says
To those of you who mentioned non-skinny jeans above…any brand/style recs? I’m looking to find a pair for summer. Preferably high-waisted and under $75.
Anonymous says
Madewell
Anonymous says
JCrew factory.
AwayEmily says
this is a great idea…I loved my j crew maternity jeans. Do you have a specific style you like?
Anonymous says
The high rise boyfriend are the ones I like.
anon says
old navy
Anonymous says
+1 Old Navy high-rise wow slim straight is my new go-to
Anon says
Gap. Mid-rise girl friend jeans or mid-rise classic straight jeans. I am shorter waisted, so mid-rise is actually at my belly button.
Scilady says
I really like the L.L. Bean jeans. They hold up really well and have stretch.
GCA says
+1 Madewell or J Crew Factory, but size down in the boyfriend styles. J Crew Factory are on sale right now…
Anon says
Gap Kick Fits are my new favorite. Depending on the wash, they will stretch, so maybe size down but I love them.
Anonymous says
Can you help me find a spot for our beach towels so they’re accessible from the pool but not stored outside? I think they’ll mold/be damp if stored outdoors because we live in Houston. We have two sets of full pane glass double door exits from our house to the patio; from there you can access the pool. I’m thinking I’ll just put the towels on a bar cart in a corner next to the most frequently used exit. But is there a better way? I have picture windows all around so there’s not a lot of wall space to put a shelf. Sorry I know it’s hard without seeing my setup.
Anonymous says
Could you store them in whatever bathroom the users of the pool use/change in?
OP says
This is a good thought but the closest bathroom is across the house over real wood floors. The pool must have been installed after construction. Tbh most guests are respectful and bring their towels outside. My own children are the ones who drip all over the house.
Anonymous says
Ah so you need inbound access not outbound 😂. Are your kids young enough that they need pool supervision? Can the adult grab a stack and bring them out when leaving the house? If not I say keep them outside and let them use slightly stinky towels.
Anon says
Two thoughts:
Covered outdoor weatherproof box, since it sounds like you’re storing clean, dry towels for wet inbound children. Add a few cedar blocks to help keep critters away and maybe some charcoal bags to help with any odor or moisture. If the kids can’t be bothered to remember to open the box and grab towels, then I think you hang hooks on the wall and do your best to bring them in when it’s raining and otherwise don’t worry about it.
Try turkish towels. Because they are so much thinner, I find they don’t get the damp feeling that absurd humidity can bring to plush towels. We have these for the beach, but they also make excellent car and airplane blankets, outdoor seating blankets and throw in the backpack as an extra layer when traveling blankets. https://www.macys.com/shop/product/linum-home-textiles-turkish-cotton-fun-in-paradise-pestemal-beach-towel?ID=12381590&CategoryID=16853
anonn says
Bar cart sounds like a good solution. I have a basket on the floor by the back door to the pool that holds rolled up towels and pool slides and the sunscreen bag. I need to get more uniform/cute towels to make it blend with our dining room better though.
Anon says
Has anyone tried to do no screentime (at all) for kids until a certain age, like 6 or 8? If so, how is it going? Are you happy with it overall?
Boston Legal Eagle says
No screens at all? They read on iPads around here in K so I’m not sure you can avoid, unless you homeschool I guess. Plus travel, plus movies and clips on phones. I guess I just don’t see a way this is possible in today’s world!
But I’m a big believer in moderation. We do try to limit screens during the week, but kids get some videos at night, and lots more on the weekends. Youngest was for sure watching shows by infant hood because of big bro.
Anon says
Yeah kids get Chromebooks in kindergarten here, so I don’t see how you could be totally screen free. I guess you could mandate no screens except for educational use, but that seems like a fairly small benefit at a big cost to you.
AwayEmily says
My kids are 7 and 5 and no, they watch TV. Being able to strategically deploy television is absolutely critical to my sanity. That being said, we do not let them use tablets/phones at all (though will probably make our first exception for an upcoming transatlantic flight). All their screen time is the actual television. Just an idea if you are looking for a halfway measure. Good luck!!
Ifiknew says
curious why not tablets? my kids have cheap less than $100 tablet with Netflix and Amazon prime and some educational apps that they use in the living room where I can see and hear it. we also have a great app that automatically shuts it off at some point. I know tablets are usually hated but I don’t get why.
Anon says
I also can’t understand why tablets are seen as worse than TV. I certainly understand not wanting to invest $$$ in an iPad for a preschooler who is reasonably likely to break it, but we got a Kids Kindle Fire on sale for like $40 and use it for travel and limited periods of time at home. If anything, there’s more control over what they view on the table than what they view on TV and it is easier to take away than the TV is.
Boo tablets says
I don’t think it’s that tablets are “worse,” but I also have found that tv but no tablets is a good midway point. We got our preschooler a kids tablet for a car trip and I regret ever letting him use it in the house as it’s now become a “thing” in the way that the tv never was.
Anon says
Interesting. We basically don’t use TV at home at all, but my kid has had a tablet since age 2 (purchased for a long car ride) with minimal issues. She becomes way more of a zombie the few times she’ seen a TV (mainly in hotels). I’m guessing that it’s just whichever one they’re less familiar with is really exciting and hard to turn off, and it’s not anything inherent about tablet vs TV differences?
Anon says
I totally agree that whatever they’re not used to (tablets, TVs, phones, actual shows vs. YouTube clips) is what induces the zombie / impacts behavior and emotional regulation. Our approach is “exposure therapy” in that they are exposed to all types of screens and know that they get some screen time just about every day so it’s less of a battle because it’s neither a hot new commodity nor is it a “forbidden fruit” . They know its a regular occurrence, so when it’s time to turn it off there haven’t been awful battles because they know they’ll get it again soon.
Our approach for just about everything is everything in moderation, we have dessert daily too.
Of course, this might just be the kids we have vs. anything we’ve intentionally done but this has been our approach.
AwayEmily says
Honestly, we just didn’t want to deal with them until we had to. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with devices. However, the few times we have tried letting my kids have time on our phones, it clearly negatively affects their behavior/emotional regulation. I’m sure we could figure out guidelines/rules that made it less of an issue, and clearly eventually we will have to (we are not going to keep them off devices forever!) but for our own sanity we decided to just not deal with it until they were older.
Again, I think this differs a LOT by kid and by parenting approach — my niece and nephew are avid tablet users and they are some of the most lovely, patient, smart kids I know, and both seem to have amazing self-control around devices. I credit my sister and her husband with (as you have) setting clear rules and helping their kids figure out a way to use devices that works well for our family.
Anon says
OP here and that’s totally my thought – punt the questions of how to best manage screentime until they’re older with hopefully better capacity to accept limits and manage their emotions about it. It was an idea my sister gave me too.
Boston Legal Eagle says
FWIW, we’re also in the “no tablet” (other than travel, where it’s a free for all) and yes TV camp. The kids do use our phones to watch clips and play some games, and I feel like the games there make them act more addicted. But of course, we’ll have to deal with this in the future (just not yet)!
Making them agree on a show together is one way to build cooperation in our house too…
Anon says
I also don’t like tablets. I think it leads to greater distractibility – kids are clicking from one screen/game to next. Often they’ll cycle through many different games in one sitting – when the “hit” from the first runs out they move to the next. It’s also a lot closer to their face and their eyes hyperfocus and glaze over in a way they don’t with TV. Third, for my kids, I prefer them to watch TV or play on a gaming console together than to be siloed on their own device. I bought a kindle fire during the pandemic and hate that thing so much it mostly stays hidden now.
Anon says
I’m not sure I agree on greater distractability. Streaming services will autoplay the next episode regardless of whether you’re watching on a TV or tablet, so I don’t really see any difference in terms of binging. And you can limit content on a tablet more easily than on a TV. We typically don’t even have the tablets connected to the internet, so the only things that are available are whatever set of episodes has been downloaded and we control that. We’ve also never had games on the tablet, and while I assume that will change at some point, games and tablets aren’t synonymous, especially for younger kids.
FP says
Just another perspective: I prefer tablets to television because of the lack of commercials. Whenever we travel and my kids turn on the TV, I’m routinely stunned at how many commercials they see in a short period of time. My kids are 4 and 6, and have Amazon Fire tablets. The content is fairly easy to control and manage. Our kids honestly don’t have bad reactions to the tablet which is why I don’t police it too much. We generally only allow use on a weekend, but I think since we don’t make a huge deal of it, they tend to lose interest and prefer to do other types of play. I am not at all opposed to the use of screens as a tool. Sometimes I ask them to get tablets if I need to not have them underfoot while I work on a home project or cook or something.
Anon says
+1 to not making a big deal of it makes it less interesting.
We had no set limits on how much TV we watched (it was the 90s) and as a result, we didn’t watch a ton. There was no scarcity mindset because we knew we could always watch it later on. It didn’t feel like a “thing” because it wasn’t a “thing”. On a rare day we were glued to the TV my mom would just tell us to turn it off and go play outside.
My mom was recently complaining to me about how when I was a kid sometimes she needed me to be occupied and not underfoot and she’d tell me to go watch TV and I would complain because I didn’t want to.
We’re not as lax as my parents were, but we’re darn close. They don’t ask to watch a ton and so we rarely limit it. On weekends we spend 6+ hours outside on nice days, and on inclement days we are at the library / museum / indoor mini golf, etc. On weekdays we let them watch 1 tv show while having snack to decompress before starting HW or activities.
Probably the only time they end up watching more than 1 hour a day (they’re 1st, 3rd, and 4th grades) is on family movie night and it’s mostly self-regulated.
Anon says
+1 I hate all the commercials on TV. We use tablets so we can avoid ads.
AwayEmily says
Interesting, I feel like the advent of streaming has pretty much obviated advertising. I’m the TV-but-no-devices family and I don’t think my kids have ever seen a TV ad. They watch kids’ shows on Amazon Prime, Netflix, and Disney Plus, so no ads.
Anon says
AwayEmily, we don’t have a smart TV so in our house TV is cable with ads. Streaming is only available on devices. That’s also pretty common in hotels and I think I’d be reluctant to put my streaming passwords on a hotel TV even if it was an option. Having a dedicated cheap device for the kid is easier than handing over one of our devices every time she wants to watch something. I can see how it’s different for other families, but for us the lack of ads is definitely the primary reason we use tablets.
Anon says
I don’t have a smart TV or a Roku or anything on our living room TV, but I can stream via my cable box (I have Xfinity). On the TV in our bedroom we don’t have cable but have plugged in a fire stick to stream from. Plenty of streaming options without a smart TV, if you’re interested.
AwayEmily says
Ah yes, we don’t have a smart TV either. Or cable! I use apps on my phone to cast to the TV (we have a chromecast). I don’t hand over my phone, though — if they want to watch a show I put it on, and then when the show’s over, it’s over. Haven’t ever dealt with the hotel thing as we only travel to see family so far.
Anon says
I’m definitely interested in no personal tablets/iphones. I like the idea of family movie night or an episode of a good kids’ TV show (with an endpoint after the episode is done), but I’ve found my tablet and phone really harmful to my concentration and distraction and inactivity as an adult in a way that other screentime isn’t. My parent friends (I’m slow to move to the kid phase in our group) seem to corroborate that with their kids and report some behavioral problems, although individual experiences do vary.
Anon says
i kind of wish i had, but Covid. i also think there are circumstances, that can arise that almost necessitate screen time. like if kiddo is sick or breaks a limb, or parent is sick without additional support, etc. if you can do it without any, then kudos to you! also think it would be easier to do with only one kid.
anonM says
+1. Most of our kids’ screen time is when they wake up super early or we really could use a little bit more rest in the am (like when the other kid woke up 23920902 times that night). They also watch a lot of DIY videos with DH, Facetime their out-of-state aunt, and watch shows on airplanes when we travel (which has been rare). Those uses are worth it to me.
Anon says
That honestly sounds terrible. And as the parent of a 6 and 8 year old, there’s no way you could do it. I can guarantee of their hundred classmates no one is doing it. They have ipads at school that they use starting in kinder anyways. I think this hardline is a recipe for frustration and unhappiness. We don’t use screens much compared to most, but we definitely do a saturday morning show, occasional family movie night, and all rules go out the window when traveling or when a kid is sick.
NYCer says
+1. OP – I don’t think your perceived benefit is worth the hassle.
Anonymous says
Will you also never use screens (apple watches, iPhones, tv) around them?
Isabella says
This will make the biggest difference! They do as we do, not as we say!
Anon says
Yeah, our thought is 0 TV around them and minimal iPhone (calls/pictures only). Honestly, the latter is something we very much want for ourselves anyway – we’re both in computer/desk jobs with SOOOOO much screentime.
Anon says
I feel like if you’re going to be screen free, then you need to be screen free and you should’t be using your phone at all in front of them.
anon says
Anecdata counterpoint to the idea…. my sister is trying this. My 5 year old nephew almost never sees screens. My sister is obsessive about it – go as far as moving him if they face a TV at a restaurant, asking people to turn the TV off when she enters their home, etc. When he comes to my house and if we have the TV on in the background or if an adult is on their phone he is SO FIXATED on the screen. Like, cannot pull himself away to the point that it’s actually a giant problem. His school has flagged it (some situation with a computer screen, I guess). This might be an extreme example, but still – it’s really something to observe.
We held off as long as possible (that ended in March 2020, thank you covid WFH with a newly minted 2 year old). Our stance is that devices and screens are a fact of life. We can’t eliminate them but we can help DD exist with them in a productive, healthy way. Kind of like sweets/dessert – coexistence is far more productive than elimination.
Anon says
Agree with this. Teaching moderation is important just like with desserts.
Anon says
Honestly, I don’t think you can send a kid to school with no screen time. They’ll be behind the curve in using technology but also it’s going to make it hard for them to relate to other kids. As stated, if the kindergarten uses iPads and your kid is the only one who doesn’t know how to use an iPad (or anything with a screen) that could be problematic. Also, my kiddo and her friends like to play Frozen at recess so if you haven’t seen Frozen it will be hard to play.
I have some baggage about this, because my parents had some odd rules about this in the 90s (we could watch TV but they were strict about what we were allowed to watch (content wise) and had no access to video games until high school, they were really anti-Pokemon which was huge back then). I remember as a kid it was hard to relate to people and fit in when I had no clue what they were talking about. To this day, friends make references I don’t get at all or will want to play Mario party or something and it’s weird because I don’t know any of the characters or games.
We don’t do a ton of screen time and we play outside a LOT and do a lot of non-screen family fun but I would never have a no-screen time rule.
Also, what do you do when your kid is sick? I can’t imagine telling a sick toddler there’s no TV. Ditto days when I’m solo parenting and need to get dinner on the table in 30 minutes with 3 kids under 6.
I also firmly believe that the forbidden fruit leads to binging or other concerning behaviors later (this also shapes my views on sweets!).
Anon says
My 88-year-old grandma learned how to use an iPad in 2 days so I’m not worried at all about the catch-up factor for a young kid. I’d be more worried about the sick days or forbidden fruit factors that you mentioned.
Anon says
^^^ This! I really think people underestimate how much TV and games help kids relate to peers and make friends. My 5 year old plays a lot of pretend play with friends based on TV shows and has definitely made friends because she was wearing a shirt with a TV character on it and the other kid commented on it or vice versa.
My parents didn’t officially ban TV, but they strongly discouraged it and I was an only child with a super engaged SAHM who was doing all the “right” things filling my days with educational, fun, screen-free activities, and I wanted to please my parents, so I never asked for any TV. I don’t recall ever watching TV until I started watching things like Friends in middle school. I had a really hard time relating to kids in elementary school and had basically no friends until high school. Like you, I still feel really out of the loop even as an adult because I don’t get references to things that were popular in the 90s. I certainly don’t think this was the only reason I struggled to relate to peers, but it definitely didn’t help.
Anon says
This is a straw man. Won’t know how to use an iPad? You mean touch a picture with his finger? Kids pick up on things very quickly, and there’s really no learning curve to using an iPad for kindergarten tasks
Anon says
I don’t think it’s a straw man. They can learn the physical skills of manipulating the iPad quickly, but I definitely think there’s an element of not having common ground/shared experiences with other kids that is a real concern.
Anon says
I’m not sure I can agree with that. When I was growing up, all I can remember is how we flitted from trend to trend all the time. People got so quickly absorbed in whatever new thing came along (yo-yos, anyone?) that it didn’t matter if one kid missed out on one of the fads or was a slow adopter. I have to imagine that much hasn’t changed these days. It also doesn’t take long to get up to speed for something that IS sticking around.
Anon says
I disagree with your point on trends, but to play along: a lot of these trends involve screens so you can’t get caught up on them if you’re not allowed to use screens. If Moana is the trend du jour and you still aren’t allowed to watch Moana then how are you going to get “caught up” on Moana?
Anon says
You read one of the myriad Moana books from the library and listen to the soundtrack. A five year old doesn’t need to have in-depth Moana knowledge to play with another kid.
Anonymous says
Okay, but if your five year old has read the Moana books / listened to the soundtrack / plays Moana with her friends why wouldn’t you show her the Moana movie? It sounds like a fun family Friday night to me.
Isabella says
I was raised that way. Literally no TV or videogames except at cousins’ house. Computers with only word processing until I got a laptop for college. I think it did me a lot of good and I would be happy to do the same for my kid, with the only exception being live family videochats.
However, DH started showing the baby videos around 8 months. So that ship has sailed, and now we are hashing out a compromise position.
TheElms says
I think we’re on the lower end of the range on regular days but still not close to zero for my almost 4 year old. She was screen free until 2 years old other than 5 minutes a week to trim her nails and a couple 12 hour car rides during Covid where we tried anything to keep her happy we thought would work. Now at almost 4, she gets about 15-20 minutes a day during the week (when she goes #2 and a few minutes before bedtime if she gets through the bedtime routine in a reasonably compliant manner — we meter it out in 3 minute increments typically). Weekends she gets substantially more, but its probably only an hour a day, unless we decide to watch a family movie, which we do perhaps once every other month. We ignore these norms entirely when we fly, on car trips over 2 hours (these happen maybe 4 times a year), or a kid is too sick to comfortably do other activities (like they can’t play at the playground, go for a walk, play duplo, etc), or in rare events for a non-negotiable evening/weekend work call when someone is solo parenting with both kids. 1 year old is still screen free other than incidental glimpses of big sister’s screen. I did try to get the 1 year old to affirmatively watch Ms. Rachel to see if it would make it easier to trim her nails, but it failed.
At least for my family going meaningfully below this amount of screen time would be an enormous sacrifice for the parents and I’m not sure that in the overall calculus it would really benefit my kids. If anything we are likely going to be more lax going forward, although I have to figure out what to do for the 1 year old because I’d like to stay largely screen free until as close to 2 as possible (but maybe that’s unrealistic for a second kid).
Oh and we have occasional Facetime calls with family that live far away but I don’t count those because otherwise my kids would only see those people anywhere from once every 6 months to once every couple years.
Anon says
8 sounds old, though I can maybe see 6 working. Honestly, it sounds great to me in theory! I don’t go in for the “everyone else does it/you need to prepare them for the world” arguments. Let them be kids and live in the moment. I think it’s a very strong and courageous family that can manage to be screen free in the younger years – you won’t lose anything by trying, even if you find yourselves eventually adding screens sooner than planned.
I do think it’s a kind of lifestyle that would be helped by giving kids lots of free, unstructured and outside time. If they are in most kinds of childcare full time they will definitely have screen access. Even camps and other activities seem to have screen time these days!
We did no screens under two (though I’ve bent it a little for my third, because he doesn’t nap so he gets a couple select shows some days). We also do no phone time for kids at all, and no YouTube until grade school (and that is pretty limited and on the main TV so parents can supervise). Currently, we are screen free during the week but allow TV on weekend mornings and Nintendo switch on weekend evenings. It’s true that in mainstream schools, the social currency is video games, so we started allowing Minecraft around ages 5/6.
Anon says
+1 that social currency is video games (and TV) in schools. By banning all screens, there’s a non-zero chance your child will have trouble relating to his or her peers and making friends.
Source: I wasn’t allowed to watch Nickelodeon or play video games or have AIM in the 90s/00s and I often felt left out. Looking back, it’s really noticeable how much I struggled to make friends / fit in in elementary and middle school and how easy it was for me in high school / college / adulthood.
Anon says
I definitely agree that in upper grade school and beyond kids find commonality in screens. Probably more so today than back then! So I agree 6 is probably the limit for this.
But as a slight counterpoint: my niece and nephew have tons of screentime. Since they were babies the TV is on all day, they have access to tablets and phones, etc. My niece is in her second year of school and has no friends. Not a single playdate. Tbh I think the abundance of screens has killed her attention span and creativity and she doesn’t know how to relate to other kids (just from watching her with my kids).
My kids are very low screentime and have had no issue. Until about age 6-7 their play with other kids wasn’t dependent upon a certain game or show; in fact, my younger made up a whole creative astronaut pirates world on the playground and the other kids flocked to join in.
So, I don’t disagree that screens become a focal point in grade school. And the examples I gave are kind of two extremes. But I would not introduce screens just on the premise of needing to make friends. You can cultivate a deep imaginative life and an awareness of branded characters other ways.
Try it! says
This is one of those things I think is a really great idea in concept and may work for some families. I kind of wish we had tried it, honestly, but we had kiddos during the pandemic so screens were a necessary survival tool. It would be hard to go back at this point.
Anon says
I love sports, my husband loves sports, our kids love sports, and our extended family and friends love sports. This means we play a lot of sports with the kids but we also watch sports on TV frequently. Talking about our team, our players, and our opponents is fun for us. The kids like to “research” and “read the paper” with DH to learn more.
We go to games on occasion, but we mostly watch on TV and for our family not watching sports as a family would be weird! So, for that reason we’re pro-screens
Boston Legal Eagle says
My older kid is very into soccer and watches lots of sports clips… which leads him to want to be more active and play more outside!
Anon says
Seeing an NFL player make a one handed catch inspired my 8 year old to practice for WEEKS to also learn how to do it (with a smaller football, obviously).
Anonymous says
My parenting style is that my parents did a good job so with some modernizing / updating for this era and some tweaks to the few things I don’t think they did well, I pretty much parent how I was parented. So, we are way chiller than most about screen time and sweets because I grew up in the 90s so I loved eating my gushers while watching a Disney Channel Original Movie and I won’t deny my kids that joy either.
That being said, growing up we had 1 TV in the house and basic cable and 1 computer with dial up internet so while we didn’t have rules about screen time, the options were just much more limited so we would rather play outside anyways.
Anon says
We don’t do much screen time, but I get so much joy out of showing my daughter a movie or show that she’ll love. For example, she had a huge mermaid phase in PreK. It was so fun to watch the Little Mermaid with her and see how much she loved it. She then played Ariel for months, we sang Under the Sea together every time we drove by the lake in our town, we went to the aquarium to try to see a fish that looked like Flounder. It was really, really fun.
I don’t give my kids everything they want, by any means, but if 90 minutes of screen time is going to bring them a LOT of joy, I’m all for it!
Anonymous says
To me, the juice is not worth the squeeze. We don’t do it often but when we occasionally need the “TV babysitter”it is a godsend.
It’s been really fun to watch “old” Disney movies with my kids. We did Mary Poppins (Julie Andrews version) over spring break and had a lot of fun. We’re watching Finding Nemo this Friday for movie night and I am already excited.
Anonymous says
This was my goal with my 2 year old but then Covid happened. Now he’s six and has younger siblings and I realized banning screen time for all of them was only a punishment for me. He watches a show after school to unwind, and the rest of our day goes much more smoothly. When I started giving him screen time at set intervals, he stopped being obsessed with like he was when I limited it severely. The twins don’t care about screens yet but boy are they obsessed with my phone, which is really a reflection on me right?
Anonymous says
There are families who do this, so I think it’s possible so if you want to I say go for it! There are also school environments (Waldorf, mainly) that strongly suggest no screens for kids from Mon-Friday. My kids (ages 3.5 and 6) have set screen time as downtime in the afternoon, we never do evening screen time unless it’s an illness emergency (rare). We homeschool so they don’t use much technology unless it’s a 5-10 min video on a science/social studies topic.
We spend 3hrs outside a day.
We have actually REDUCED screen time without a fight. I explained my reasoning and it was fine. They can watch tv but no games/tablets. The dopamine response of “educational” apps is unreal and unhealthy.. They can use a tablet on a plane ride or a 4hr car trip. There’s a LOT to learn in childhood, and screen time takes away from those play experiences.
GCA says
I’d be curious to hear from families that do this – particularly the reasons why. For us it’s not so much the specific technology (screens) as
– what do you do with screens and how
– what do screens replace, for better or for worse
– how do you raise a kid who is aware of and can regulate their own behavior
– how do you raise or become an adult who can take a step back from an addictive or omnipresent technology and really think about how it is used
I don’t remember if I saw it here but I enjoyed this piece: https://courtney.substack.com/p/screen-time-is-dumb
oh, one screen-specific thought: I do wish we could go back in time and change the digital business models that rely on addictive behavior, because there are some very cool things one can do online (use technology to create; interact with distant friends; strengthen a local community). Like, I would happily take Facebook groups without the rest of Facebook, if that were possible.
Anon says
My 3rd grader has no screen time during the week (other than whatever he does at school). Weekends he can do it from when he wakes up until 930 or 10 a.m., and again in the afternoon while I meal prep for the week.
It was a hard transition out of the covid-era (when there was no after-care available so he did screen time until my work-day was done) to this new approach but I’m a big believer in the ‘let you kids be bored’ model of parenting – he always manages to find something to do – art projects, legos, play outside, etc.
Clementine says
I feel like a failure of a parent because I feel like screen time is selfish.
I work a lot. I solo parent 50% of the time. I do have somebody once a month to deep clean as well as an au pair to help with the kids, but I still do all the cooking, most of the cleaning, most of the laundry. I rely on TV to allow me to showe alone, to put away laundry, and to do after hours work.
And I feel like an awful parent and any time one of my kids struggles, I blame myself.
Anon says
You’re not an awful parent!! If it makes you feel better I almost never solo parent, have a husband who shares the load very equally, we don’t have jobs that require long hours AND we only have one kid, and we still use screens a lot – more than many here, it seems.
Anon says
You shouldn’t! You’re not an awful parent. All kids struggle and no one thing makes or breaks life for you kiddo. You’re a great mom.
Anon says
Does anyone have a stroller wagon that they like? I’m trying to see what’s out there that will fit my kids, one a very tall toddler and some of these are quite spendy! It seems like the cheapest “good” option may be a Larktale.
Lydia says
after a lot of research, I just got a cheap radio flyer (“Radio Flyer 3-in-1 EZ Folding Wagon, base model”) and love it. Only 1 kid though.
Anon says
I do not personally own it yet, but I know someone with an evenflo wagon. Minus getting it out of the car initially, they swore it was a well designed and convenient. The foot well seems like it could be a good idea for a tall toddler. My husband, who normally hates buying gear like strollers, is pushing really hard to get one when kid #2, gets large enough.
Anonymous says
For people whose elem kids are NOT in aftercare, what do they do after school?
Kid 1 (9) has always been a joiner. She likes activities of all kinds, mostly sports as that’s where her friends are. When she doesn’t have much going on after school, she sorta slugs around watching tv, playing on her ipad, etc. until i kick her outside. She reads for at least an hour a day and is an excellent student, so I have no problem with screen time in moderation.
Kid 2 (7) gripes about every activity she’s signed up for, then when she wears me down and I let her quit, she complains she’s bored. When I asked what she wants to do after school, she says aftercare– but she’s never actually done it and I’m quite certain it would go the way of every other activity (there’s also a year long wait list and we don’t actually need it, so I’m not taking a spot away from a family that really needs it!). She’s kinda burned out after school (another reason aftercare makes no sense) but we do have an occasional playdate with a neighbor friend. For nearly all of her activities she has a ton of fun at them, but often can’t muster the inertia to get up off the couch and get ready for it. Sometimes it’s a huge fight. This kiddo doesn’t read for fun (usually- we occasionally get her into a good book!), but is also a good reader and there are no learning concerns at school. I’m thinking she needs a hobby she can make real progress in when she’s bored, but not sure what makes sense.
We don’t live in a walkable neighborhood so any playdates have to be planned. She’ll often have fun if I bring her to Kid 1’s sport games and she can play with the other siblings, but Kid 1’s stuff has gotten really late on weeknights, sometimes not over until 8pm.
Anon says
So aftercare is pretty differently than activities. I wouldn’t assume Kid #2 will dislike aftercare because she wants to quit every activity you’ve tried. My kid is definitely too tired after school for a structured activity and isn’t really interested in many things anyway. She sounds a lot like your kid with wanting to quit every activity, even the one’s she’s requested to do. But aftercare is totally different because it’s unstructured free play with friends. It’s basically preschool but for elementary age kids. My kid loves it. If your kid is asking to do aftercare, I would at least try it before you decide it’s not for you.
Anonymous says
I if it were easy to try, I’d have tried it- you sign up in Feb for the following year, have to commit to the full year, minimum 3 days. It’s also really tough to get a spot and I feel silly nabbing one when there are parents that don’t have childcare that need it.
Anon says
Ah I see. I wouldn’t feel guilty about taking someone’s spot though. We do aftercare even though we don’t “need” it. You need to do what’s best for your kids and if you believe your kids will thrive in that environment, it’s not morally wrong to sign them up for it.
Anon says
My DH is a teacher and gets home with the kids around 4ish (they play in his classroom or with other faculty kids before they leave).
They get home around 4:30 and then have snack and do HW + reading (we enforce 15 mins of reading after HW). After that, if there are no activities, they play together (usually outside) until dinner (6:30 PM). After dinner we all clean up together and then they watch an episode of TV before we start showers and bedtime routines.
They each have 1-2 nights of activities a week so that throws things out of whack a bit. Sometimes we divide and conquer, sometimes they have activities at the same time / place, sometimes it’s not our turn to carpool, sometimes one has to come and play or do HW at her sister’s practice. Really depends on the season / activity.
TLDR is HW and reading, playing together (usually outside, weather and daylight depending) and after family dinner an episode of TV. Obviously, we are much more lax about screen time than others.
Anon says
We don’t allow screentime during the week and I’ve found it’s made a big difference in their ability to play creatively and entertain themselves. We allow it during certain times on weekends and, like you said, they kind of slug around and say they are bored until it’s TV time (unless a parent is actively playing with them).
During the week they know it’s not an option, so once they blow off a little post-school steam they find ways to entertain themselves. This past week it was digging a hole in the garden and constructing a bike ramp – a project they came up with on their own and spent hours working together (I certainly would not have suggested they slop dirt and mud all over the yard and walkways, lol. But they had great fun!)
Are you working during this time? I’m not, so we also go for walks or to local places like nature centers and playgrounds for a little change of scenery. Sticker books are a big hit for inside time. Maybe your daughter would like some of the paint by sticker ones?
Anonymous says
I’m not usually working, but I am not free either. I’m making dinner, picking up kid 3 from preschool, driving kid 1 to stuff- that sort of thing. I for sure have time to chat and be present, but things like field trips to nature centers are weekend only activities around here.
Anon says
Yeah I can’t imagine having the time to go to the nature center or do anything like that on a weeknight!
Anon says
I should clarify…I mean like a walk/hike or a playground on the grounds of the nature center in our town. I don’t pay money to go into museums on a random weekday. But it’s fun to do from like 4:30-5:30 to get some outside time in a place that’s not our backyard. We don’t usually do dinner til 6:30, though
Mary Moo Cow says
Hear me out: I’m not the poster who suggested it, but my gut reaction was always to say “yeah, no, that’s not happening.” And then one day, I said “why not?” It takes some planning and it doesn’t happen every week, but an afternoon to early evening outing really changes the tenor of the week in my family. So don’t write it off simply because it isn’t easy . We’ve gone to the botanical gardens after school, met another family at the playground, library plus ice cream, shoe shopping plus early dinner out, etc., things that are easy enough for one parent to handle with two kids or short enough for one parent to handle the non-involved kid for a few hours and then meet for dinner.
anon says
Do your kids have homework? I am struggling to see how this fits in with homework, though we do run errands 1-2x a week on our way home from school.
Anon says
This is really interesting to me…I am often doing (free, low-key) outings with my kids on weekdays. Not every day but at least once or twice a week we leave our property to go play somewhere. I didn’t realize this was extra! There’s 5+ hours from the time they get home until bedtime… even with making dinner and a grade-school amount of homework, that’s a lot of time (as evidenced by the question of how to keep a kid occupied). I have three kids and would rather be out enjoying ourselves than trashing the house and listening to complaining.
Anon says
I think this is really dependent on when your kids get home. Mine get home at 4:15 if I pick them up, it would more like 4:30-4:45 if they came on the bus. But I know people whose kids get home at 2:30. Those two+ hours make a big difference. Sleep needs are also a factor, later bedtimes give you more time.
Anon says
My 5YO comes home, gets dinner (school ends at 4 and her bus gets home at 4:50), usually does arts and crafts to unwind for a bit or plays with her dolls or magnatiles, does 10-15 minutes of “homework” if she seems willing (it’s optional, so we don’t push it if she’s not having it), watches some TV or plays nintendo switch with DH or, if the weather is nice and now that it is light out later, gets thrown in the backyard to play on the swingset or dig in the dirt or whatever, and then it’s shower and bedtime by 9. Usually 1-2x per month we have a weeknight girl scout meeting, and once soccer starts up again in a few weeks she will have one weeknight soccer practice. We just moved swimming from weeknight to Sunday mornings due to her aging up a class and it has exponentially improved her weekday mood – kiddo really needs unstructured activities to unwind after school. Because soccer has more “free play” in the form of scrimmages, I don’t find it impacts her mood as much as a structured swimming class does.
Anon says
if the problem is she can’t muster the energy to get up off the couch to go to do the activity, is there any way for her to go straight from school to her activities? she sounds like me and exercising – hard to get started, but glad to be doing it once i’m doing it/it’s over
Anonymous says
Nope, school ends and there is a good 60 min before any activities start.
I’m not sure if the problem is she’s not an activities person or she just wants to stay home once she gets here (but has nothing to do). I def have no interest in forcing participation in things!!
Anonymous says
I just realized I should add- my kids get home at 2:45. Their elementary is early start/early finish. We have a lot of time to burn through before bedtime!
Anon says
Is Kid #1 around for her to play with? If not, how is kid #2 with pretend or solo play? I think no activities is fine (she’s probably exhausted from the day!). If she does express interest in something again, could you find a weekend activity?
I’d say the best option would be for you to kick both kids outside to play on days when kid #1 is around. If not, can kid #2 plan on her own. At that age mine liked all sorts of arts and crafts and “exploring” in the yard. We also had a swing set and a trampoline and they could play outside alone for a while on those. Could you do a standing play date with a friend every week to break up the week?
Do the kids have HW and if so, how long does it take? Even if she’s not a big reader can you push 15 minutes of reading a day?
Can she play sports in the yard or an instrument without it being an official program? We had a keyboard and once my kids learned where middle C was and how to read music (which they learned in 2nd grade at school) they would figure out how to play the piano (we had a few basic piano books). Our kids played basic sports (1 game and 1 practice a week) at that age but would shoot hoops, set up cones and dribble a soccer ball, have a catch, etc. in the yard. We bought just about any outdoor toy or game they were interested in: scooters, bikes, skateboards, pogo sticks, every sort of ball / racquet / stick / hoop / net, tetherball, swings, etc. and it paid off because our kids would play int he yard (with each other, alone, with friends) for hours and hours.
I think a hobby is a great idea! What are her interests?
AwayEmily says
I did not have a chance to read all the responses yet so apologies if someone already said this, but I don’t see a big problem with slugging around! Especially if you say no devices/TV and let them fend for themselves. I did a lot of aimless time-filling after school as a kid — making weird snack combos, calling my friends on the phone to chat, basically just bumming around my room. Now I see my 7yo doing the same thing — she’s usually in aftercare but sometimes I pick her up early for a break and she’ll just kind of hang out in her room, brushing her ponies’ hair, leafing through books, etc. I think it’s good for her (and was for me) to just rest her mind in a safe space without feeling like she had to be “on” or productive or learning something. Days when she’s had this time, she gets along much better with her little brother when he comes home from daycare.
Anonymous says
Seeking recommendations for preschooler boots that are soft/can be worn all day and waterproof-ish.
Daughter LOVES wearing her “Baby Bogs” boots (the soft neoprene foot, fuzzy inside model…not the “Classic” Bogs) all day at preschool; and she has no interest in switching shoes. I like them because they’re lightweight, and cozy/dry for recess and for the days we take public transit here in the rainy PNW.
But Bogs only makes in this style up to Little Kid Size 10–nothing bigger.
Are there similar, but larger boots? Is Ugg-style boots the answer here (but not waterproof)?
KateMiddletown says
I have this and still wear it!