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(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Books says
When you’re giving baby books as a gift, do you tend to go for classics like Goodnight Moon, etc., or try to find something a bit less likely to already be in baby’s library? I am always torn about what to get. I know gift receipts are key, regardless, but I never had time to exchange books in that early period so many volumes of Goodnight Gorilla just sat piled up on my bookshelf. On the other hand, I totally missed out on how awesome some classics are because I think I assumed we’d end up getting them and then never did.
PhilanthropyGirl says
I tend to go toward something a little less known – or classics that get neglected. Some of the lesser known Eric Carle are often on my list – like The Foolish Tortoise, The Very Busy Spider or The Very Quiet Cricket. My current go-to gift is a book of Beatrix Potter Nursery Rhymes. While a baby may or may not get Peter Rabbit or Benjamin Bunny, the nursery rhymes are complete with the lovely art, but aren’t familiar. I’ve also not seen it in a library.
This is the one we have: http://www.amazon.com/Beatrix-Potters-Nursery-Rhyme-Rabbit/dp/072325771X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1464702572&sr=8-1&keywords=beatrix+potter+nursery+rhymes
Meg Murry says
For an occasion where books are specifically requested (it has become a thing in my circle to have some kind of cutesy poem in the shower invite asking for books instead of cards) I try to go with personal favorites that aren’t the obvious classics like Goodnight Moon, since those are the most likely to be repeats. We tend to do one of the Spot books, as those were personal favorites, or something good as kids get older like the “If You Give A …” books.
If I’ve forgotten about the book until the last minute and I’m getting another item for a gift as well, then I just pick up whatever catches my eye at Target or BRU, etc and include a gift receipt.
If you are just giving a book as a gift, I think Goodnight Moon, etc is a good idea. If you have multiple copies of Goodnight Gorilla and they are all in like-new condition you can always re-gift those as well.
hoola hoopa says
+1 to all.
Anon says
So I finally had a heart-to-heart with my husband, and he told me he wants to have a second child. We have a 18 month old son. I thought nailing down this decision would relieve my anxiety. Before this point, we’ve been putting off the decision, but then a lot of other decisions (like what to do re money and housing) were up in the air, too. Personally, if it were just up to me, I’m very on the fence about a second child. I dislike the whole physical toll of pregnancy and childbirth and breastfeeding. I recently took a gov’t job that’s very interesting, but in a way much more intense than being at a private law firm. I feel already stretched to the max, with just enough “me” time to keep me sane. I play tennis once a week and manage to sneak some private reading and writing time. That’s totally gone with a second child, right? I’m an only child, and I see how life could be more fun with a sibling. But I’m an only child, and it wasn’t that bad…and because I was an only child, having “me” time is really important. Now that we’ve discussed this issue openly, and kind of decided on the second child, I’m freaking out! Just seeking words of comfort, I guess. One more thing…for my first pregnancy, I was nervous because I didn’t know what to expect. Now that I know what’s coming, I’m even more nervous!
JJ says
I accidentally got pregnant with our second child when our first was 9 months old. I cried for a couple days because I didn’t want to be pregnant again so soon, and then I was terrified at how life would change. I HATE, hate, hate, hate being pregnant, and that’s even after it took us several years to have our first born (and one miscarriage).
Long story short, it is more difficult with a second child, but it also depends on what kind of baby your second child is. Ours had colic, acid reflux, and was a horrible sleeper until he was a year old. So, that was a long first year and I truly don’t remember much of it (I was a lawyer in a big firm at the time).
But it gets better! And watching my kids play together and call each other their best friends and crawl into each other’s beds at night to read books together is pretty much the greatest thing ever. And it makes the pregnancy and that first year worth it.
AIMS says
I’m similarly on the fence though not close to making a decision at this point. What tips the scale in favor of “yes” vs. “no” for me (and I’m assuming you’d prefer to hear about the positive aspects of the decision you’ve just made) is that I’ve always heard people say how glad they are that they made the decision to have one more even if they weren’t sure of it initially. Granted maybe people don’t come out and say they regret having another kid because it’s just not accepted but I think on the whole, once you commit to it, most people are happy they did. As far as pregnancy and the immediate aftermath, it’s not a long time in the grand scheme of things, and it might be easier the second time around. And as for “me time,” I’d talk to your husband. I know plenty of people would disagree, but I think that (within reason) if you’re not both on the exact same page about your desire for a second child, it’s up to the person who wants a kid more to make it a bit easier on the other person and to address whatever concerns they have about it (in your case, lack of me time). No reason you can’t work out a standing arrangement for him to take both kids to the park or his parents’ or wherever on say, Sunday mornings to let you recharge.
SoCalAtty says
So much this! But it was that way for #1. I was so worried that all of the extra things I’d worked hard for (sports, etc) would go away, so my husband committed to making sure I’d still be able to do those things post-baby, and he has (although bfeeding makes anything challenging, because you’re either nursing baby or pumping every 2-3 hours).
Betty says
I think everyone is different and every baby is different, but I found the leap from one to two much easier than zero to one. We were already in the grove of a baby/toddler schedule (ours are 2.5 years apart), and we are kind of a laid back family schedule wise, so our second was along for the ride with whatever we were doing with our oldest. For example, whereas with our first, we tried to be home for a morning nap, the second napped in the car, stroller, sling, or whatever. When we did hit rough patches, they were easier with the second because I knew that it would pass and that even the worst sleeper (my first) would eventually sleep or let me put him down.
In regards to me time, I actually found that I was much better about it and it came more easily with the second. I found that I was much more willing to take the time when it came. I didn’t stay around to look over anyone’s shoulder and didn’t feel guilty about working later or taking that exercise class or walking out the door mid-tantrum when my husband totally had it under control. Also, with the first any entertainment is all you. With the second, there are times when they are playing together or entertaining each other.
Spirograph says
+1 to all of this.
I always knew I wanted at least 2 kids, but in terms of the actual reality of it, I don’t find two significantly more difficult than one in terms of “me time” or managing my career. Partly because I’ve gotten a lot more relaxed with the second kid, I’m sure. It’s obviously more expensive because childcare, but you’ve already done the huge transition to making a small child part of your life. We planned ours close together in age so we weren’t going back to schlepping a ton of stuff everywhere, diapers, naptime, etc after the first kid had already outgrown that phase. I think that would be hard… but when you’re already in the thick of it, extending by a year or two doesn’t feel like a big deal. And in some ways it is easier: my kids (3 and 1.5) play nicely/safely together with minimal supervision most of the time, and 1. it’s adorable and 2. saves me from playing [whatever] a million times.
I hear you on the physical toll of pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding. I just try to remember that I’ll (hopefully) have my kids for the rest of my life, and these extremely physically taxing years are negligible on that timeline.
Anonymous4 says
This makes so much sense to me. In my 20s I was gung-ho big family – like 4-5 kids. After our first passed away and I was categorized high-risk, I became less certain. We have a 21 month old now, but because of being high-risk pregnancy is very stressful. My hormones go haywire postpartum, and I gain a ton of weight that is hard to get off – so pregnancy/postpartum is not pleasant for me. On top of my current risk factors, I just hit 34 and with the next pregnancy will also be high risk due to advanced maternal age (what a degrading phrase). I’ve been watching my sister with her second and trying to figure out how on earth one manages two kids – and she only works every third weekend. My job has become a very stressful disappointment, with no exit in sight, and I already feel like I don’t have enough time to devote to the one I have.
Every single day I change my mind as to whether or not I want one more, two more, no more. I don’t know. I know DH wants at least one more. And I know whatever we decide I will freak out and probably cry for days. I love kids and I love being a mom (I’d quit my job in a heartbeat if I could) – but the prospect of going through pregnancy and postpartum mess is daunting.
So – no comfort, but plenty of commiseration. It’s just hard. And it’s okay to freak out, and it’s okay to cry, and it’s okay to be anxious. You’re not alone.
Anonymous says
I hear you, Anonymous 4. I always wanted 4-5 kids too, and after a preemie and NICU and everything, thinking about another pregnancy and birth makes me so anxious I started shaking. I’m just saying, you are not alone here.
Anonymous says
for what it’s worth, we had a preemie and NICU experience (6 weeks) in 2012 and just had another 6 months ago and he was full term! I decided not to let my mind go to dark places during my pregnancy and just trust that he would stay put (with the help of Makena shots). Just wanted to offer a positive second baby story, but I get your concerns!
Anonymous4 says
Yes, preemie was the situation with my first (deceased) son. We now have a second child, with a complication free pregnancy, but the anxiety was awful. I had to reach the point that the desire for a child was greater than the fear. Took me almost two years. Thanks for the support!
anon says
I am stressed out just reading your question! I have an only child and am very happy with that decision, and I am an only child myself and never wished for a brother or sister. I strongly believe that the half of the couple who has to actually carry the child for nine months gets to make the final decision. If you’re “already stretched to the max,” just make sure you are taking enough time for this decision and perhaps going with your gut.
CPA Lady says
Completely agree with that ^. You at least need to discuss with your husband your concerns about your mental health/me time. Especially if you are the default parent. My husband and I both have sibling(s), and we decided to only have one kid for our own mental health. We’re both introverts who need me time.
Another option, if you decide to go ahead with having another, is to let go of having to do everything “right”, if that is something you do right now. You can skip breast feeding entirely or quit after a few months, buy baby food at the store rather than making it, and let your kids watch TV when you need a moment to chill. I’m not even kidding. I feel like half the reason its so stressful to have kids right now is that we are all so focused on doing everything perfectly. That’s my own soapbox though, so feel free to ignore!
Meg Murry says
If you are this stressed out about it, could you agree to table the discussion for 6 months or a year and go with something like an IUD? So you aren’t saying “nope, never” just “not right now, not yet”.
I’m also an introvert who needs a lot of “me” time and the transition from 1 kid to 2 was harder than I had expected it to be for me. The thing that really made a difference was when I finally talked to my husband and we got on the same page that I actually preferred to have a few hours of time off. He thought he was being helpful by taking one of the kids (usually the older one) out for the day or arranging for a grandparent to take him and leaving me with “just” the baby – and while that was helpful, I actually preferred to handle both for a couple of hours and then get some time to myself for a bit, even if it was only an hour or two.
Now that my kids are getting older and are more self sufficient, it is much easier to explain that the kid should play Legos for the next 30 minutes while mommy has some alone time in the next room – and now that they are reaching the point where they can use the bathroom alone, (mostly) dress themselves and can at least help themselves to snacks like string cheese it has gotten sooo much easier.
I don’t think your once a week tennis or solo reading and writing time is definitely gone, but it might take more juggling (like hiring a sitter one evening a week, or trading off days with H) but it is still do-able.
lala says
Oh my gosh, this post could have been written by me, right down to having an 18 month old and a talk with my DH over the weekend. I am totally on the fence about having a second; I feel like I’m finally getting my life back! While I love my son, I haven’t embraced motherhood like others seem to have.
I”m curious, would only children mind weighing in? How is it being an adult with no siblings? How was it being a kid with no siblings? Do/Did you wish you had them?
mascot says
As the wife, mother, and child of an only, not having siblings seems to be working out for everyone. I’m reading the book “One and Only” and it’s an interesting review of the various studies about only children.
CHJ says
Me too – I’d love to hear more stories/feedback from only children and parents of only children. My son is almost 3 and we’ve pretty much decided not to have another child (my husband is an only and loved it and strongly prefers sticking with one, whereas I feel more mixed on the decision). I love our little family as it is, but everyone around me seems to be pregnant with #2 and it’s hard to find other parents of only children to discuss this with.
anon says
I was perfectly happy as a kid with no siblings, honestly. For one, I got to do things I wouldn’t have been able to if I’d had siblings (because of money, I mean), e.g., horseback riding and having my own horse. It probably contributed to me going to a private liberal arts college with my parents paying for the whole thing, as well. It was also nice to not share a room or share other stuff at home! I don’t ever remember being lonely or wanting siblings because I always had good friends and neighbor-kid friends. As an adult, I’m totally fine with being an only child, and I live in the same city as my parents. My mom and her brother have a pretty negative relationship and they had major disagreements about how to care for my aging grandmother before she died and when she should stop driving (it was a bitter, passive-aggressive thing — really not good), so having a sibling is certainly not a guarantee that a person will have help caring for elderly parents. (I mention that because a lot of people bring up that topic.) I love having just one kid, and I seriously can’t imagine having two (or three!) and what would happen to my sanity. I think my husband originally wanted more than one (he has a sibling), but when he saw how hard just one is, he came over to my side! Because I’m in my late 30s, my biological clock is telling me, “Have a baby because time’s running out — and aren’t they cute?!!” when I see babies or pictures of babies, but I recognize that for what it is and am totally comfortable with our decision to have one. (I’m glad that I have never wavered, because my first kid has some special needs (nothing huge, but still) and I wouldn’t want to add another kid to the mix because of that anyway.
lurkeranon says
I’m not a mom or anywhere close, but I am an only child (as is my mom) and my experience is pretty much exactly what anon at 12:05 p.m. said– I don’t recall feeling lonely or wishing for a sibling as a child, probably because I read a lot, almost always had at least one to three good friends, and I did lots of activities that I imagine may have been prohibitively expensive times 2 or 3 kids (martial arts, softball, cheerleading, some creative writing classes, and day and then sleepaway girl scout camps). I was also able to attend my top-choice undergrad, a private liberal arts women’s college, with no (undergrad) debt, for which I’m extremely grateful. As an adult, I’m definitely more introverted, as is my husband, and I do have some trouble making friends now that I’m working — but then again, lots of people struggle with that, and it’s something I actively work on by, e.g., volunteering for pro bono projects in pairs or teams, and I just joined my city’s Junior League. It’s “forced socializing,” not unlike my parents shipping me off to camp for some non-school time with peers when I was a kid, but hey, it worked great then!
My dad is one of six kids, and truth be told, they all either dislike each other too much or are just unwilling to assist with family business, like handling my grandmother’s estate. My dad is doing 100% of that work. So, agreed that siblings aren’t necessarily an asset or a leg-up when it comes to elder care issues down the line. My mom’s told me about how she was so excited to get brothers- and sisters-in-law when she married my dad, but surprise! It’s almost all drama and coldness, no fun family BBQs. I took that to heart and am wildly grateful that my husband’s siblings (he’s the oldest of three) are kind, caring people I have fun spending time with.
Only child says
I’m an only child, and I agree with a lot of the positives people have mentioned about childhood experiences-there’s definitely a level of comfort with adults that you get as an only child; although we didn’t have a ton of money, experiences were available to us as a family of 3 that wouldn’t have been with more (mainly travel). That said, I really wish I weren’t an only as my parents age. They’re still relatively young, so it’s not about needing help caring for them, but it’d be really nice to have someone els to say, “Dad’s getting weird as he gets older, right?” or “how are you coping with Dad’s hearing loss and what can we do to get him to acknowledge the problem?” Basically it’s lonely being an only as an adult in a way that it never was as a kid. You can “borrow” siblings when you’re a kid-my parents used to let me bring a friend along on vacations, etc starting in middle school. But you can’t really co-opt your friends into being siblings for the grown up stuff. My husband’s a great help here, but in-laws are always different than your own parents.
We have a 5 month old now, and the plan was always to try for more than one. Now that he’s here, I definitely want more, even though I know it’ll be crazy and we have a lot going on besides the kiddo right now. I know that having siblings doesn’t guarantee that they’ll get along, but I’d like to give my kid the chance to have siblings if I can (I’m not an only by choice and it took us a long time to have one, so I’m painfully aware that one might be all we get and I feel incredibly lucky to have one at all).
I also have friends who are only children who feel the opposite and are happy to be one and done, for a variety of reasons. I think it’s strongly influenced by both your experience in childhood, your experience as an only in adulthood, and also your experience with your in-laws. Seeing my husband with his siblings really solidified my already existing desire to have more than one. (I should note I was also hugely on the fence about having kids at all, but was sure that if we were going to, we were going to try for more than one.) Anyway, that’s my personal experience and feelings on the matter. There’s a lot of positive things about being an only! But it’s also hard, and for me it’s gotten harder as I’ve gotten older.
SoCalAtty says
My experience was the opposite – I’m essentially an only child (I’ve told the story of my half brother, but we’re 13 years apart, never lived together, and my grandparents raised me), but was counted as one of my grandparents “children” as they aged and had to tackle this stuff with my uncles.
I found it to be a pain. It would have been so much easier to just take care of things rather than have to do it by committee! I guess if they were more helpful / cooperative it would have been easier, rather than more difficult.
Example: Grandpa needed new hearing aids (his were like 10 years old). Choice was: get a new set at Costco for a pretty good price, wait 6 months for the VA to come through with hearing aids. Well, when you are in your 80s, 6 months is kind of a long time. I could have just purchased them and not really hurt my budget, and husband and I both wanted to do just that. Uncle convinced me otherwise, and while I was able to get the VA to cough them up within about 3 months because I can be really, really annoying (they got tired of my calls!), I would have rather had that time back than the money. Maybe that’s a bad example, I could have just purchased them! But I used to be the “good kid” that did as told.
I loved being an only child. I’m very social but like my space – I’m happy to go out and go to parties and events as long as I get to go home to my own room.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I am an only child and I wanted siblings when I was younger but am happy to not have any as an adult. My parents are going to live near us to help out with the kid(s) (I currently have one child) and it’s really great knowing that I’ll have their full support without worrying about siblings needing them. They were also able to provide for me financially in ways that would have been harder if they had more kids. It helps that I have a best friend who I feel is more like a sister, and several other close friends. DH has two brothers who he’s not particularly close to, so I feel like the sibling relationship is very dependent on the kids and is no guarantee for built-in friends.
With all that said, DH originally wanted one, while I would like two, and he’s come around to trying for one more in the future. My pregnancy and recovery were pretty easy though, so I’m not too worried about that aspect of it. Breastfeeding (mostly the length of time I’d like to continue) is a pain though. I value me time a lot though, but I’m hopeful that they will be able to entertain each other at some point and I can have that alone time!
I don’t think you’ll regret having more than one if even a small part of you wants more, but just know that only children can and do grow up to be fully functioning members of society! :)
AIMS says
I’m an only child. I never wanted siblings and I don’t mind not having them now that I’m an adult. I don’t think I was spoiled or that I have any “issues” from being an only. Most people who find out I’m an only child say they’re surprised, which I find weird and to be largely a result of a lot of silly stereotyping.
I think one byproduct of being an only child for me is that I was always “best friends” with my parents and generally always comfortable around adults. So I think in some ways I grew up a little faster than my friends with younger siblings but in other ways I always had a better relationship with my parents because there were no kid/parent alliances in our house. I don’t know how much of this is a result of my personality and how much from being an only child but I know other only children with similar experiences (John Hodgman talks about it a lot on his podcast). I do consider this a benefit of having been an only.
That said, I know my mom often laments not having had more kids and I think that – even if you don’t miss having a sibling – it does make it easier down the line to have one if you have aging parents that need care, assuming your sibling is someone that is able to help. My mom has a sister she is not very close with but when my grandmother was at the end of her life I know my mom was grateful that she didn’t have to take care of her alone.
lucy stone says
I am 32. I have never once wanted a sibling ever. When I was little people would ask me if I wanted one and I said no. Being an only child is the best. I am 30 weeks pregnant now and would be content to be done after this baby. There is literally never any sibling drama which is great after watching my parents deal with it with their parents aging and inheritance fights, I have excellent relationships with my parents, I’m incredibly independent, my parents could afford a lot more extras than they could have with a sibling….that said, I was not an only by choice, my parents were told not to have more children because my mom had cancer at a young age. I am married to the oldest in a huge family and I would take my upbringing over his any day, but I know he’d prefer a huge family.
SoCalAtty says
Well said! I was the same way. My husband is also the oldest and would like at least one more. I’m not yet convinced.
ANP says
You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here already. We have three and the last was unplanned, FWIW. But I will say that you always get some semblance of your life back after the kid gets a bit older. Our three are all under age 7 (3 years and 2.5 years apart) and the key for me is having a spouse who’s all in. So he gets that sometimes he has to be on deck with the kids while I stay late at work, or go have drinks with friends, etc. And he gets to do the same! I also found that I let go of a lot of my ideals after the first child (ex: pureeing organic baby food at home for #1, now I throw $$$ at the problem and buy off the shelf…or just give them applesauce).
I, too, HATED being pregnant. When I found out we had a third on the way I was devastated — it was a very, very hard year of pregnancy + delivery. But she has turned out to be a totally amazing unicorn baby — sleeps great, loves on everyone, super easygoing and chill. This is JUST my experience, of course! There are no guarantees. But the biggest key to my own happiness and balance has definitely been the ability to lean on my husband (and vice versa). If he’s really gung ho about another kid, will he help carry the load?
Anonymama says
You can definitely still prioritize me time with 2 kids. I’d suggest making that clear to your husband, so you can arrange schedules to make sure you still have the time you need. I have two kids, and still keep my one night a week to do my regular thing. It’s on the calendar, and if my husband can’t be home we get a babysitter.
rakma says
I’m pregnant with my second, and one thing I’ve noticed is I’m already much more protective and proactive about my ‘me time’ than I was during my first pregnancy or postpartum. I’ve made some hard lines in the sand: one outside activity a weekend (Great Grandma’s birthday and a friend’s party fall in the same weekend? Sorry, can only make one), I nap when DD is napping, I cut back on housework, I make a point to take my full lunch hour and not work through it. I have enough energy right now t o work (and phone it in when I can) and give DD some quality time, and that’s it. Everything else has to come in far second. DH has been great about picking up the slack, and he knew that was part of the deal with me being pregnant again.
I hate being pregnant a bit less this time, because I have less anxiety about the unknown, and I have some coping mechanisms down pat. First trimester nausea was so much easier to deal with this time, because I knew what worked for me.
MDMom says
It is hard. Our first is 12 months and I definitely want one (two???) more and had an uncomplicated pregnancy the first time. But it is still intimidating to contemplate. I refuse to do the 2 yr age gap because now that I’m done nursing, I want my body back for a while. Will probably aim for 3 yr age gap. I think 4 yr is ideal in terms of juggling the responsibilities. Can you wait a while before trying for the 2nd? Also can you and husband work out a deal so that certain things ( like tennis) are sacred and he will do whatever to make sure you can go?
Anonymous says
Our age gap is 3yrs8months and it’s great for that reason! I’m so happy we waited.
Anon says
OP here. Thanks for the great advice, everyone. I feel better, kind of.
Minipill says
Can we acknowledge the insanity that the only oral contraceptive available for nursing women gives you a 15-minute window of error for taking it on time and still having it be effective? I had no problem taking my birth control on time pre-baby, but now I am juggling 50 things and trying to remember another 50 things and hitting snooze on my phone reminder and it just isn’t happening. I’ve decided not even to refill it because I have forgotten to take it so many times there isn’t any point.
MomAnon4This says
Yes.
I am pretty sure this is how my ob-gyne drums up business.
Meg Murry says
Yup, I didn’t even bother, as I felt like it would have given me a false sense of security – or made me super insecure about it the whole time, so why bother, like you said.
MDMom says
Yes. Also once I cut down on bf and my period was trying to come back, I ended up just bleeding lightly but perpetually/ intermittently. I ended up going back on regular pill after a few weeks of that bs.
JJ says
Wait. What? Hahaha. I was in the mini-pill after my second (oops baby, like I said above). And I never took that thing within 15 minutes of the same time (and didn’t know that was a rule….whoops). I’m glad I didn’t have (another) “accident” a result.
Meg Murry says
I’d heard an hour window (so +/- 30 min) for maximum effectiveness, and that you should definitely use backup if you go outside 3 hours more than once per cycle. So 15 minutes seems a little extreme, but that’s probably necessary to have the “perfect use” statistics, as opposed to it being only 92% effective with “typical use”.
Minipill says
There’s actually a different type that gives you the 3-hour window (I googled it the first time I accidentally took it 12 hours late). The one I am on is a pretty strict 15 min window. I suppose I could look into the 3-hour one, but I’m not sure that would fix my problem either.
CPA Lady says
You can also do the implant or the shot. I know they’re not oral, and they can have have side effects (just like any other contraception can)… but you aren’t just limited to the mini pill while nursing. That said, I hate the pill in general– I am terrible at remembering stuff, so in my 10 years on contraceptives, only 1 year was on a pill.
Maternity weight gain distribution says
For those who are hourglass or pear shaped, did you gain weight in your butt/legs when pregnant, or just your belly?. I’m just entering the second trimester after a very sick first trimester, so I actually lost a few pounds, and I have an only-visible-to-me little bump. But my mom, who is pear shaped (I’m hourglass) has told me about 15 times that despite only gaining 30 lbs while pregnant with me, she looked like she was carrying the baby in her rear end. Trying to decide how much to invest in maternity clothes now–I’d rather not re-buy if I grow all over, but I’m soooo excited for stretchy waist pants, like, now. I know some of it is just genetics or luck of the draw.
CLMom says
I was nearly plus size (proportional hourglass) when I got pregnant and gained less than 20 pounds the whole pregnancy. I fit into my regular work clothes well past 20 weeks. I wanted to wait as long as I could to buy clothes. I missed out on weeks and weeks of wearing comfy stretchy work pants! I never outgrew the pairs I bought, and the few things I did buy in a bigger size were always too big because I never grew into them. All the baby weight was in the belly.
Regarding genetics, I think it was a big factor. My mom never gained much with her pregnancies either. However, like her, I did get stretch marks.
mascot says
Mostly in my belly. The full panel maternity clothes were pretty accommodating.
MomAnon4This says
Moms are the worst. My mom this weekend acknowledged (it’s my 3rd pregnancy) that *I look differently sized depending on what I’m wearing*.
Me: Yes, my weight does not fluctuate on a daily or even weekly basis. Some clothes make me seem fuller.
Mom: WELL THE OTHER DAY YOU LOOKED HUGE.
Me: What was I wearing?
Mom: I DON”T KNOW BUT DON’T WEAR IT AGAIN.
My mom. Helpful. Thanks.
lala says
Ugh, when I was pregnant, my mom told me my face looked fuller. Thanks mom, as if I don’t already feel super insecure about gaining weight and oh yeah, preparing to raise a child!
Anon in NYC says
Yep. My mom kept telling me that I looked “huge” during my pregnancy and that I must have a “big baby” in there, even after ALL of the discussions she and I have had about how my father’s preoccupation with my weight (and the weight of perfect strangers and being disgusted by someone who was overweight) led to a lot of body shaming in my childhood. Thanks, mom.
MDMom says
People (including my mom) told me how small I looked my whole pregnancy. This is not a good thing either because it feels like people are accusing you of starving the baby for your own vanity. Now the only thing I will ever say to a pregnant woman re appearance is “you look great.” That’s it.
Anyway, OP, buy yourself some maternity pants! Don’t need to commit to the whole wardrobe at once but it us impossible to guess how your body will look and maternity pants are usually somewhat accommodating all over. What about maxi dresses/skirts for even more flexibility?
EE says
I’m an hourglass and similarly lost a tiny bit of weight in my first trimester. I’m now 36w and a few days and I’ve gained about 14lbs, mostly concentrated in my stomach. I’m actually wearing a dress I had pre-pregnancy to work today (a Halogen fit and flare that I think had been recommended over on the main s*te!), though 75% of my wardrobe is maternity at this point. Up until about 26-28 weeks, my bump was not all that pronounced.
That said, this varies tons! I’d plan to just be flexible if I were you and buy as needed.
AIMS says
Agree that everyone is different. If you’re looking at anecdata, I have always gained weight in my lower half and while pregnant I only gained a belly. Overall I gained about 20-22 lbs, depending on how you count since I lost 3-4 lbs in the beginning of it. I bought maternity clothes slowly because I was able to mostly wear my regular stuff till I was about 6 months. I think every woman and even every pregnancy is different though.
Meg Murry says
I’m pear/hourglass shaped and I mostly gained in my belly, but my butt, hips and thighs did gain too.
It’s pretty much all luck of the draw, and it’s not even consistent from pregnancy to pregnancy in the same person, so if you want stretchy waist pants now, go buy some stretchy waist pants – just don’t go crazy buying 10 pairs of $200 stretchy waist pants, and make sure whatever you buy isn’t skin tight in the butt/hips/thighs already in case you do gain some weight there like your mom.
CPA Lady says
I’m an hourglass and I gained everything in the front of my stomach. It looked like I had a soccer ball stuffed under my shirt. I actually lost weight in my arms and legs. From behind I did not look pregnant. I even still had a waist. It was really weird. I bought maternity pants almost immediately. I was so uncomfortable with anything tight on my stomach.
Anonymous says
I’m an hourglass normally, and I’m tall (5’10”). I’ve gained most of it in my belly, but it’s also very long. At 32 weeks I still don’t look super pregnant unless I’m wearing a very fitted shirt with ruching or you see me from the side. My husband and I both think my butt looks a little bigger but I doubt anyone else would notice. Some non-maternity clothes fit normally.
If you are looking for stretchy pants now, I would recommend two things – a belly band (bellaband, whatever) and this pair of pants: https://www.isabellaoliver.com/us/shop/maternity-clothes/maternity-jeans-and-pants/ashdale-print-maternity-trousers-brocade-print.htm
I did not show at all for about five months but was extremely sick for six, so I started wearing the bellaband early because I couldn’t stand absolutely anything gripping my stomach. I wish I had bought those Isabella Oliver pants months ago. I wear them all the time (am wearing them right now). Not sure if they would work for everyone since they just have an elastic waist (no over the belly thing) but honestly that is what fits best for me. The over-the-belly stuff falls down.
Maddie Ross says
Hourglass. Gained 34 pounds with my first. I didn’t really show until about 22 weeks with my first and wore all normal clothes (though not “all” of my normal clothes) until 22-23 weeks. I don’t know that I necessarily gained in my butt and legs, but things just fit differently. And even jackets which I wore open felt tighter across my shoulders and in my upper arms. But I definitely was a bit swollen the last 4-5 weeks, so that may have made a difference. Fret not though, I was back in normal jeans 2 weeks post-partum, so even gaining as much as I did wasn’t a big deal.
NewMomAnon says
I gained 50 pounds while pregnant (thyroid issues) and carried it EVERYWHERE, to the point where I don’t think I even had a noticeable belly. But even at the end of the pregnancy, my pairs of full-panel pants still fit. If you are uncomfortable in your current pants, buy a pair of maternity pants! Life is too short to let pants dig into your pregnant belly.
Also, my mother was brutal while I was pregnant and STILL tells me how “chubby” I was. She also still asks me if I have “gotten back into my pre-pregnancy pants” (which are now almost 4 years old and out of style). My hips permanently spread with the pregnancy (as did my ribcage), and I don’t think I will ever get back into those old pants. Nice to have someone to bring me down a notch whenever my self-confidence gets going too strong…
lucy stone says
I was plus-sized hourglass when I got pregnant, and am carrying entirely in my stomach. My regular jeans still fit at 30 weeks if I wear thema little low. I don’t look pregnant from the back or until I stand up from a seated position. I lost 15 pounds in my first trimester and have gained them back, plus 9 more.
My mom was an hourglass size 14 when she got pregnant with me, gained 35 lbs, and said she also carried in her belly…so maybe it’s genetic, maybe not.
MamaLlama says
I am (was) a pear/hourglass. With my first, started out very 5’10 size 8/10. I gained 55lbs, and looked like my baby was in my rear end heading into the 3rd tri. The doctor told me that based on my measurements, there was *no way* my baby was anything more than 8lbs. BAHAHAHA I had a 10lb baby. The dr was in *shock* and said “I have no idea where that baby was hiding.” I pointed to my butt. I lost all 55lbs and another 4-5 within the first 6 months.
I just had baby #2 and gained 60lbs (maybe more, I stopped looking). Again, people said I “didn’t look that pregnant” right up until the week before. Another big babg (9lbs 14oz). We’ll see how the weight comes off this time…
Hair Woes says
Since having my kids, my hair has turned into a bad 1980’s prom. It’s frizzy and the entire texture has changed so it is as if I have steel wool for hair, it’s terrible, and I just wish there was some style, somewhere that could make me look the least bit put together instead of looking like I just rolled out of bed and into the office.
It is so bad that Saturday night I forgot to braid it before sleeping for the first time in a year and Sunday morning the tangle was so bad my husband had to pull it out while we had my hair soaked in conditioner. It took an hour. I love having long hair but screw this.
Meg Murry says
I hear you – my hair isn’t quite to steel wool, but it’s gone from so stick straight it wouldn’t hold a curl without a bottle of hairspray (and even that only lasted for 15 minutes) to being much coarser and the type to pick up random waves and kinks – but usually only on one side of my head.
One of my friends found that switching to a silk or satin-y pillowcase helped her daughter who always had bed-head snarls – would that be an option for you?
NewMomAnon says
My hair didn’t go the steel wool route, but postpartum I decided that I wasn’t doing the hair straightening thing each morning anymore. I went to a Devacurl salon in my town, and they taught me how to get a manageable curl pattern that lets me air-dry and re-wear my curls over a couple days. The key for me has been so much moisture. I use a heavy duty conditioner that I would have assumed would turn my hair into a stringy mess, an argan oil concoction, coconut oil occasionally, and a moisturizing hair gel. It has made a huge difference.
Also, consider a silk pillowcase and/or a silk scarf covering your hair at night. I’ve also heard that certain types of hair dye (not highlights, actual dye) can moisturize your hair and change the texture. Maybe something to explore?
Anon in NYC says
Weaning from the pump question. I’m currently pumping 3x a day (2x at work and 1 time pre-bed) and I’d like to drop them all. Which would be easier – gradually cutting each pumping session by a few minutes at a time or phasing out each one individually?
MomAnon4This says
Recommend going longer in between sessions.
CHJ says
I’d drop one at a time, and give it 4-5 days in between. In your situation, I would drop the pre-bed one first, then the afternoon session, and then the morning session.
ChiLaw says
I dropped a session at a time because I hated the set up and clean up, so that made it easier. I would probably drop a work session first, then night time, then the last work one.
MDMom says
If you have one that is not very productive, I’d drop that one first.
Anon in NYC says
Thanks, all. This is very helpful. My daughter just turned 1 so I’m beyond ready to stop pumping!
VBAC? says
Any advice for someone thinking of VBACing with number 2? I was all set to go for it, but my OB scared me with talk of a 1% risk of uterine rupture. I know the risk is still pretty small, but I’m more worried that psychologically I won’t be able to push this baby out with all my might if I’m worried about my uterus rupturing in the back of my mind. On the other hand, I know there are risks associated with multiple c-sections and we hope to try for another after this one …. Anyone have thoughts or experience?
Legally Brunette says
I had an extremely positive VBAC experience. C-section with #1, VBAC for #2. My dr said something which clinched it for me — there are more risks associated with having a second c-section than a VBAC. So yes, the small risk is there but the alternative is actually riskier. I found the process of going through labor so incredibly empowering and amazing, nothing at all what I felt with my C. I also had a much easier time nursing after my VBAC. Just anecdata but those are my thoughts. Good luck!
VBAC? says
It’s interesting that your doctor said that it was riskier to have a second c-section than have a VBAC. I’ve read conflicting reports on this and my doctor didn’t weigh in one way or another. I’d love to see more data.
VBAC? says
See this Australian study, for example, reporting that repeat c-sections are safer: http://www.webmd.com/baby/news/20120313/are-repeat-c-sections-safer-than-natural-birth
anon says
My main thought is always do what the doctor says. I had a c-section first time (breach) and am having a very complicated pregnancy this time. The doctors (I have four – one regular obgyn, one high risk obgyn, two specialists) do not want to risk labor and delivery. Sooo c-section. On the one hand, it sucks that I will probably never go through labor. On the other hand, I feel good about listening to my doctors.
Also, for what it’s worth, I’ve got consensus across my four doctors that they feel more in control with a c-section? If that makes sense. So there are risks both ways, but I’d rather let the doctors weigh those than do those on my own. And in a truly risky situation, they are going to go C.
anon says
Just to add – my kids really won’t care about how they were born. No one in my family cares about this. This is all about me and my feelings of missing out. Once you realize it’s entirely up to you and your feelings, it’s easier to embrace the “I want this, dammit” or “I guess it’s not going to happen and that’s okay.”
Beans says
Also had a great VBAC experience. My main reasons for not having a second C-section is I dreaded the thought of a second surgery (had heard from several friends that the second C-section was more difficult) and I wanted to actually be able to lift/hold my oldest without any of the C-section restrictions. My OB/GYN was great. We talked about risks, but I was healthy and had an uneventful pregnancy. They monitored me for uterine rupture internally during labor but it was no big deal. Contractions are no fun but the recovery was much easier the second time around.
Anonymous says
Total caveat that this is just my own experience… but I was glad I attempted the VBAC even though it was ended with C section (but healthy baby and mom). About 24 hours after my water broke the baby’s heart rate was dropping (just slightly, but they were concerned). I was probably at slightly higher risk since I needed pitocin (though they were just doing a very small amount). So I had the C section on the doctor’s advice. Turned out after they opened me up that I had a “uterine window” which is very thin area that may be close to rupture. So it could have been bad situation but all turned out fine, and I felt mentally more at ease with the C section since I knew I had at least tried labor (which I didn’t really do with my first and regretted).
Induced VBAC says
I was so glad to have a VBAC. the recovery does not even compare, it was so much easier. I even had to be induced and was still able to have a VBAC. I highly recommend it if you are a good candidate.
I read all the studies I could find- if you want data, try looking at the databases online at your public library for medical journals. (Do remember that sample sizes are often small and use caution when interpreting these). The take away for me was that the biggest risk for rupture is when the second pregnancy begins less than 18 months after the c section.
Also, if your hospital is going to let you try for VBAC, then they have the resources to handle a uterine rupture. You will be closely monitored and if something happens, they can probably deliver in less than 5 minutes. Good luck with your decision. There is no wrong way to do it- only you can assess what risks you are comfortable with.
lucy stone says
My MIL was told not to have more children after my husband. She had 5 VBACs. I think she’s crazy, but it’s a success story for you!
MomAnon4This says
Might want to discuss with an EXPERIENCED and OPEN-MINDED Doula. Sorry to go all capital letters-Ellen on you, but talk to doulas that have been at 100s of births, including c-sections and VBACs, not only crunchy-child’s pool-in the-kitchen thing. If she feels like she can support you, bring her into L&D with you. $ but worth it for peace of mind & knowledge that you’ve tried everything (and that she’s seen a lot).