I’m not sure how The Fold found me, but I started receiving their catalogs about a year ago. While their clothes were lovely to look at, most of them were labeled “dry clean only.” Well, they must have read my mind — their latest catalog features several machine washable items, including this lovely merino wool-blend sweater.
It comes in two very seasonal and festive colors: toffee and dark green. I love the twist neckline (perfect for all those Zoom meetings and parties) and long cuffs (perfect for pushing up and getting down to business).
For those returning to the office, the sweater’s slim cut would pair beautifully with wide-leg dress pants and heels or a flowy midi skirt and tall boots.
The sweater is $245 and available in sizes S–L. Esher Sweater
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Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
- Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off kids’ camp styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off summer pajamas; up to 50% off all baby styles (semi-annual baby event!)
- Carter’s – Summer deals from $5; up to 60% off swim
- Old Navy – 30% off your order; kid/toddler/baby tees $4
- Target – Kids’ swim from $8; summer accessories from $10
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Cb says
Toddler moving update – we’re 2 days in and toddler is totally chill about the whole thing. Day-of drama (at 2:30, I was looking up hotels and cat boarders, and then I lost the cat!) meant that the house was full of boxes when he arrived, but he’s been sleeping well and seems content. He’s totally mystified by a) carpet – he keeps rolling around on it and b) the existing of a separate room for eating. As am I, we went from a very spacious 2 bed flat, to a semi-detached house with 3 beds, 1.5 baths, a conservatory, a big utility room, which I know is small from US standards but feels palatial after my SF basement apartment, student halls, and our flat.
GCA says
Oh my gosh, congratulations! (Did you find the cat?!) Small children can be remarkably adaptable, glad yours is enjoying it! I didn’t have my own room till I was 10 and never felt a lack. (Grew up in 3bed apartment with multigenerational, very loving family till my parents moved us all into a larger house.)
Cb says
We did, my husband had to go back and find him. The cat came with my husband and I have been known to fantasize about a cat free life so calling him and saying ‘Em…I lost him?’ was a bit suspect. Luckily we had put a tile on his collar the day before.
SC says
Smart! I will keep the Tile in mind for our next move.
We lost our cat when we moved. We boarded him at our vet’s office during the day and picked him up when the vet’s office closed and brought him to our new house. Movers were behind schedule, so they were still moving furniture and boxes in an out of the house. We let the cat out of his carrier in the master bedroom’s walk-in closet and closed the door. One of us (me, DH, or my mom) opened the closet door, and the cat disappeared. We looked all over outside. He turned up… in the master bedroom closet. No idea where he went. (Not the first time that happened. In a previous apartment, we had to have workers in to fix something, and the cat disappeared. DH and I walked up and down the stairs of a 12-story apartment building and all around outside looking for this cat. When we gave up and went back to our apartment, he was sitting in the middle of the living room with a quizzical look on his face.)
Anonymous says
lol. I’m glad the move is going smoothly and the cat made it eventually. I have a feeling that the cat is my husband’s favorite family member at least half the time… if this happened to us, he would probably stay at the old house until the cat showed up.
Pogo says
Aw yay! Hope little guy is loving it. I had to look up what conservatory meant – is it like a sunroom?
Cb says
Yep, built on the back. Normally they are cold and drafty but this one is heated properly and feels solid so moving my office into there.
Anonymous says
Oh that sounds lovely! Enjoy.
Anonymous says
I want a conservatory! Very excited for you!
strollerstrike says
Still looking for gifts to ask for for myself this year, so tell me: What have been your best purchases this year?
Anything in particular that made pandemic life easier or just something that brought you joy?
My list would be
– Thermomix: A kitchen machine that weighs, chops, blends, kneads and cooks. It is is very expensive and I mulled over the purchase for a long time but I use it everyday and it has made cooking so much easier. It made me try out so many new recipes that I previously never had the time or nerves for.
– A yeti mug to keep my coffee warm while I chase after my toddler in the morning
– Weleda skin food moisturizer, really nice for winter dry skin
Anonymous says
-LL Bean shearling slippers
-A drain cover and an overflow cover for our shallow, small tub to make it possible to take deeper baths. Now I want to get a book shelf caddy thing and a pillow for the tub.
This was not new but we have a towel warmer that I LOVE. It is indulgent but also really practical and space saving for our tiny NYC apartment bathroom – we hang three wet towels on it and the heat dries them out so they never get mildewy. We have plugged ours into a timer so the towels are always warm in the morning.
octagon says
Oh, please share details about the towel warmer? That sounds lovely.
Anon says
I’m not a big stuff person so my list is all consumables/experiences.
-Monthly flower deliveries from Bouqs
-Mail order sweets (my faves are Cheesecake Factory cheesecake, Salt and Straw ice cream and See’s candy)
-A massage if you’re comfortable with it now
Anon. says
Oh man, I love my monthly Bouqs delivery.
Anon says
My best purchase thus far has been noise canceling headphones (for work, or zoning out while doing laundry or just needing to not hear “mama mama mama” every 30 seconds when daddy is standing right there). Bose 700s – excellent call quality.
Other existing things I had that I really love for these times: corkcicle stemless wine glasses (to keep hot coffee hot, cold wine cold, and with the lid and stainless steel construction, they are compatible with my tornado of destruction toddler life (not breakable, difficult to spill)), a nice wool blanket for my office chair to deal with DH’s thermostat wars, my cordless dyson (I have a v6 that is three years old, thinking of upgrading next year for longer battery life as I can only do three quarters of the downstairs on one charge, which was not an issue when we had a housekeeper), my lodge cast-iron skillet, staub dutch ovens and calphalon stainless steel 4qt saucier with glass lid (these pots and pans get used all the time now that we are cooking all the time) and enough plates and silverware to eat three meals a day and not have to worry if we skip the dishwasher a day or two.
In terms of things that bring me joy for Christmas: my spode christmas plates for December everyday use (mixed in with the regular plates, because see above) and luminara candles in the windows (ridiculously expensive, but look so pretty).
Anonymous says
Not sure how big you’re looking to go but we got a Loom & Leaf king size mattress that has just been glorious- it feels like we’re in a hotel bed, every night. Also got the LLBean premium supina cotton flannel sheets which are amazingly soft.
Anon says
I’ve been thinking about the Thermomix? Do you have to use specific recipes for it?
Anon says
I’m not sure why I have a question mark there. :)
strollerstrike says
You do not have to but i end up using the recipes from their platform 90% of the time. There are so many and it’s so convenient that you just have to follow along, add ingredients as it tells you…
You can look at the recipes here:
https://cookidoo.thermomix.com/search/en-US?context=recipes&languages=en
Anokha says
Biggest wins this year: (1) the Pranayama wrap from Athleta; (2) fleece lined leggings (also Athleta); (3) a proper office chair (versus my dining room chair which gave me back pain); (4) an adjustable keyboard tray that we screwed onto my desk.
Pogo says
+1 Basically anything that makes my office nicer. Even just some $10 faux succulents and LED candles has brought me so much joy.
anon says
Things I splurged on this year and love:
-bose noise canceling headphones. I forget the model but they’re the expensive ones with a noise-isolating mic and I love them for doing calls.
-I got a nuface for christmas last year and I really love it. I assumed I’d stopped using it fast but I use it consistently and when I started using it got comments from people asking if I’d cut my hair, changed my make up, etc. It makes a difference.
-nice athleisure (athleta) while working from home
-giant yeti cup
Cb says
Not this year but definitely would replace. We have a Sage tea maker, you put looseleaf tea in this little basket, and when the water reaches the right temperature, it drops it down, brews, and pulls it back up. So your tea never gets stewed.
Anon says
-Vuori joggers (so soft! DH told me they’re flattering?! bought one pair… then another…)
-my airpods (I just have the regular)
on my list are:
-a basket for my bike
-the really silly expensive moisturizer i love
-a notepad for writing notes to school
-salad spinner (pretty exciting stuff huh?)
Anonymous says
Dyson V10. Has been life changing. I vacuum like every day because it’s so easy to now!
Anonanonanon says
I love my cordless dyson. I have an older one, but I got it from QVC when I was a broke single mom (because they had same as cash financing, which I needed for a $400 purchase at that point in my life if I wanted to maintain some semblance of a financial cushion) and it felt so irresponsible and lovely to treat myself like that. It’s been… 5? years and that thing is still AMAZING.
SC says
Pre-pandemic purchase, but I love my Ugg slippers. Also, I have a Nespresso machine, and while the espresso is admittedly not as great as a real machine would be, it’s good for the price. Now that Kiddo has in-person school, and DH drives him, I have a little ritual of espresso and a chapter of my book once they leave the house.
Since the pandemic, (1) the Milk Street Tuesday Nights cookbook, and (2) a pizza steel. And we replaced our Breville toaster oven with the newest Breville model, and I still love that appliance.
We’ve made some small house upgrades this year. We installed a new sink faucet (Moen) that turns on by waving at the sensor, and I love it. We’ve also started installing “smart” light switches and dimmer switches, and I really like them. (The first dimmer switch and the beginning of the smart light system actually was my Christmas present last year.) And we painted our master bedroom, changing it from baby-poo brown to a soothing gray-green.
TheElms says
What are smart light switches? (I feel so old). Are they just connected to Alexa (or similar) so you can control lights with your phone?
Anon says
Not SC, but a lover of smart lights. We haven’t done the switches or smart bulbs yet, but we have almost all of our lamps plugged into smart outlets (which is a lot in an older house with not a lot of overhead lighting). It’s so nice to be able to just tell Alexa good night (which is a programmable routine which turns off the TV and all the lights and sets the thermostat where we want it) at the end of the day or to be able to turn lights on and off without having to get up and hit each lamp switch.
CCLA says
Highly recommend lutron caseta switches! We started with the individual Hue bulbs which work fine, but in the most recent move we upgraded to the lutrons and love them. Both the bulbs and the switches work with smart devices (alexa, phone, etc. ), but I find the switches less finicky. The only downside from the switches vs the bulbs is that you cannot control individual bulbs, but we rarely if ever did that. Huge fan. We’re having our contractor handle for our next place in our remodel right now, but my husband is handy and upgraded all the switches last time by himself so it can be done DIY.
SC says
Yes, exactly, the smart switches are connected to Alexa or similar. You can control the lights with your phone via the app or through a voice-activated device. You can buy plugs that connect to lamps, or you can install wall switches. And yes, a handy person can DIY it. It’s been a bit of a learning curve for DH. For a while, the switch for the light fixture over our kitchen table was connected to the switches for the guest bedroom and bathroom, which was weird, but he got it sorted somehow. He hasn’t hurt himself or permanently damaged anything, and it’s a solid pandemic hobby for him.
CPA Lady says
– the litter robot with wifi that texts my phone when it’s time to empty the waste drawer (LIFE. CHANGING. for my forgetful cat-loving self)
– knockoff air pods
– I forgot to cancel my audible free trial and I’ve loved it
octagon says
Nice pens in an assortment of ridiculous colors. As long as I’m working from home, who cares if my notes are in hot pink?
Anne says
Airpods. Popping them in and putting on a podcast while cooking/cleaning is the best version of escape 2020 offers me most days.
CCLA says
-Bias lights for the TV! We realized last year after the holidays that the TV had looked so much better when the tree lights were on. Bought bias lighting and the difference is amazing (smart lights because see above, we love smart lights).
-chunky sweater to wear working from home; it lives on my desk chair and I love not going digging for a hoodie
-beeswax wraps to (mostly) replace saran wrap; I think I found out about those here and have loved them
-this is not recent, but another plug for nespresso, that thing has been a workhorse these last 9 months
anon says
I adore our smart lights! We have the outside Christmas lights plugged into a smart outlet, all of our living room lights are on smart outlets (no overhead lighting), the unswitched overhead basement light has a smart bulb so my kids can turn it on even though they can’t reach the pull chain, etc.
Anon says
Another plug for Nespresso. We have the Lattisma Pro (I think it was around $350 on sale last year) and it’s been a major boon. DH makes me a decaf cappucino every morning and then a regular latte for himself.
Anonanonanon says
Seconding the commenter that said Bose 700s. Got them after they were recommended here when I asked! I’m not an electronics person, I wasn’t sure how much I would need or use them, but I can’t imagine the pandemic without them! So much easier to focus on a webinar or meeting with them on, also great on the weekends to block out the family and listen to a podcast while I clean.
I love my sorel ainsley Chelsea boots. got them 2 or 3 years ago and can’t imagine cold weather without them. So easy to slip on and so, so warm.
I also can’t imagine cold weather without my Soya and Koi down coat that I splurged on last year. (splurge because I live in the DC area and should theoretically be able to survive winter in a much cheaper coat)
My robotic vacuum now that people are actually in the house during the day. That has been a sanity-saver
Nice base layers could be something to invest in/ask for. I know we’re certainly spending much more outdoor time than I prefer. If I had thought about it I probably would have asked for one of those vests that is actually heated, or gloves that are actually heated, but I just don’t have time to research that right now to know exactly what I’d want.
Agree that yetis are as amazing as people make them out to be. I have a huge one that I used for iced coffees when my now two-year-old was a newborn, and a smaller one for ahem adult drinks in the summer. I actually got my husband the mug for his stocking this year.
I asked for bowls that match the rest of my plates etc. from Williams sonoma (we never got around to getting the bowls, not sure why). I just couldn’t really think of anything else and for some reason I’m never inclined to spend money on them.
AnonATL says
I just signed myself up for a coffee of the month club last night. I am super excited about it.
Upgraded bath salts/ bath bombs and lotions sound nice.
Otherwise I have purchased myself a few nicer cold weather workout clothes. I’ve been trying to prioritize outdoor walks/jogs in the afternoon so it’s critical to have better cold weather gear.
AnonATL says
Oops. Threading fail..
AwayEmily says
+1 on cold weather gear. I ordered the LL Bean Primaloft Pocket tights and they are so amazing — warm, cozy, and have pockets for my phone. I don’t think I’d ever spent $100 on leggings before but I wear them constantly. I also realized I just can’t do wool of any type (too itchy) so I got a Turtlefur hat and headband. Oh, and a pair of waterproof sneakers for days when it is not snowy enough for boots but still kind of icky. Other cold weather recs are very welcome!
Anon says
Which coffee club did you pick (and why)? We’re doing this for my SIL but having a hard time making a decision
AnonATL says
I impulse bought from Atlas after basically no research. I like how much you can customize and it’s a small business. And cancel at any time.
Anon says
Ok Atlas is in our top two! It seems to make all the “best of” lists
We’re between that and a club that sends 3-4 smaller sample bags a month – less coffee overall, but more variety, so might be fun for a gift.
anon says
What’s the sampler one you’re looking at?
Anon says
The sampler option is from Bean Box
Anon says
If you need more choices, La Colombe has gift subscriptions.
ANON says
My mother got us the Atlas Coffee of the Month club last Christmas. We’ve love it! She’s renewing it for us this year.
No Face says
My fantasy work wardrobe would be clothes from the Fold. My current work wardrobe is thrift store athleisure.
Anonymous says
Love this sweater so much. Cozy for WFH but office appropriate so not a wasted purchase when things go back to normal.
AIMS says
It’s gorgeous.
Hitting says
My 2.6 year old DD is hitting…. a lot. Mom, dad, the nanny. We get on her level and look her in the eye to talk about how it’s ok to have big feelings. We name the feelings, but say it’s not ok to hit. We do time out. We talk about “gentle hands” and demonstrate appropriate touch (aka not hitting). She knows she’s doing it. She knows it’s wrong. She still does it.
HALP. Is this just the age? She’s as strong willed and spirited as they come (apple doesn’t fall far…). She has lots of big emotions – happy, sad, excited, etc. Fairly advanced verbal skills, too. I can’t decide if we’re doing something horribly wrong or if this is just something we support her through – keep doing what we’re doing – and eventually it passes?
Anonymous says
Keep doing what you’re doing
Anon says
I think it’s pretty common. You might try additional consequences like taking away a toy or an activity that she enjoys. I know the Janet Lansburys of the world say you’re not supposed to do that because it’s not a “natural” consequence but my 2.5 year old has a good memory and fully understands that she’s lost her evening play time because of what she did in the morning. I think some kids just need something more consequential than time out. The first few time outs involved a lot of tears but now time out does not faze my kid at all and honestly I kind of get it – sitting in my room alone for a few minutes wouldn’t really be a big deal to me either – so it doesn’t deter her from doing whatever it is she wanted to do.
Anonymous says
Are you doing all those steps each time she hits? I think you’re basically training her that hitting gets lots of attention from mom and dad. I would try swtiching it up by just saying ‘ No hitting.’ very sternly/firmly. That’s it. Don’t discuss more. At the same time get up/move out quickly of hitting range. Maybe ask ‘do you need a hug?’ once you are out of range.
If she hits again within a couple minutes, I would say ‘Hitting is not kind. If you can’t play kindly you need to take a break from playing’ and bring her to her room for the time out. After time out say ‘no more hitting okay,’ and she should confirm no more hitting. If it is more than a couple minutes later, I would treat it as a separate incident and use the first approach. She will push the boundaries a lot at first so you need to lean into the positive attention before the hitting starts.
Anonymous says
I like this approach for most rule-breaking/disobedience, but I think hitting is a little different and it’s not disproportionate to do a timeout every single time.
OP says
Ooh, this is a very good thought. Do you think this is still true if the hitting comes at transition time? It’s definitely not exclusively transition time, but it’s a theme. We do lots of verbal signals that we’ll be transitioning, we use timers some times which can help (“in two minutes we’re doing X…. “and then enjoys hitting the button to turn the timer off and goes merrily on her way), but when she doesn’t want to transition, it’s a scream followed by a hit.
Anon says
my kids are around the same age. can you talk in advance/after the fact that it is ok to feel mad/sad that we have to stop doing whatever activity, but it is not ok to hit people. instead we can stomp our feet, hit a pillow, etc. Daniel Tiger has an episode about how “it’s ok to feel angry, but it’s not ok to hurt someone”
Anonymous says
Super common ‘I know you don’t want to leave for daycare but it’s time to go’ as you put on the coat. The time outs just get her a delay in the transition so I’d cut back on those unless it’s really bad – liking hitting face or something vs slapping away a hand of the grownup who is trying to put on the coat.
Anon says
I think you are doing the right thing, and I also think that at this age, not responding well to unwanted transitions is common. So I’d say, keep doing what you’re doing. Also, if the thing you are transitioning away from is a coveted thing, I think it’s ok to take a break from that coveted thing as a natural consequence at this age – I think she will get it (Screen time was the big one for my kids.)
Anne says
Yup. We do an immediate time out for hitting. No discussion etc. Just swiftly carried into the time out spot. Other misbehaviors get warnings.
layered bob says
Do you always do the thing you know you’re supposed to do? Knowing something usually isn’t enough for most of us to do it (eating, exercise, flossing, always responding politely, etc). Realizing this about *myself* explained a lot of my toddlers’ behavior – sure, they know, but they haven’t developed the appropriate habit yet. I haven’t found punishments (e.g. time out) to be effective for this kind of thing.
I use two tactics: 1) coach to ask them to hit my hands – I hold my hands out like a boxing strike pads and they can hit as much as they want. Sometimes you just gotta hit something. 2) do a “do over” – remind her of the correct behavior and coach her through the same situation right there again. If you’re ready to do tactic 2, you have to do it every single time, no exceptions – this is habit building, like when I put reminders on my phone to floss every single night until it becomes a habit. If you’re not ready to do tactic 2, then ignore the hitting, don’t bless it with attention.
And yes, this is just the age. One of my kids was much more of a hitter than the others but they all did it sometimes.
Anon says
We do timeouts, of sorts, but my kids are a year older. When Twin A hits Twin B we remove Twin A from the situation and don’t let her play with Twin B for a little while. Often a parent will sit in the room with her and we’ll let her have toys, she just isn’t allowed to play with her sister (cue much moaning of “but I’m loooonely”). We explain it as “our job is to keep all our kids safe and when you hit your sister it’s not a safe environment for her, so we can’t let you play together for a little while”. It’s obviously not perfect, but is helping with the goal of realizing there are consequences and you can’t just hit when you’re frustrated .
Boston Legal Eagle says
I don’t have great advice but I just want to say that you’re not doing anything wrong and her hitting is not your fault. The most important thing about having two kids has taught me is that there is a wide variety in kids’ behavior that’s more personality driven and not due to some parenting win/fail. My older kid hit a lot when he was a toddler and I can already see that my younger one tantrums in a different way and is not much of a hitter (although still occasionally does – it’s the age). In general my older one is more sensitive and spirited, as you say, and is more physical. We did a lot of time outs for hitting – I’m not sure if they worked. The best I can say is to be consistent and not overreact to the hitting, as it is very developmentally appropriate and not a sign that they’re intentionally violent.
OP says
Thank you for this. It’s a reminded I needed because it does feel like a big parenting failure sometimes. It’s a very different hit/reaction than her similarly aged cousin who legit just stands up, walks over to people, and smacks them across the face for no reason. It’s a cause/effect thing with her that I feel like can or should be controlled and managed, but … uneasy shrug… toddler in a pandemic and 2 WFH jobs, amiright??
This age is so fun in its best moments and so flipping hard in its worst.
Anonymous says
YES. By 2 my older child was hitting daily and throwing furniture when mad. Still has these struggles at 6 although has made huge strides. My younger child rarely rarely hits when mad and would never occur to him to throw furniture.
With older kid we tried basically everything. In the 3-4 age range we finally had success with really, really long time outs (like, 45-60 min); this was after he got sent home from daycare for hitting. Then we had no hitting for many months, started again during covid and at this age responds better to losing items for a few days till he can show us no hitting. (Nothing too precious like his loveys or anything, just toys.) We also do a LOT of work on trying to practice other strategies for those feelings, sit with him while he calms down, etc. younger child just… does not experience that level of frustration/anger?
Anon says
DH told me to ‘ask my friends on the internet’ for advice about potty training. We are a little over two weeks in and one of our twins is having 1-2 accidents per day. Mostly when with our nanny and out of the house, though occasionally when in the house. We did the Oh Crap method and are now on the block where you go commando, though often at home are still without pants as it’s easier. One issue I think is that the way kiddo’s body works, after drinking water, he seems to have to go like 3-4 times in one hour and either doesn’t realize it, doesn’t want to stop playing – not totally sure. We’ve watched the daniel tiger episode about using the potty. Is 1-2 accidents per day normal at this point for some kids?
Cb says
My kiddo is nearly 3.5 and we potty trained at the beginning of the pandemic, and while he’s great at home, he does often have an accident at nursery, mostly because he’ll be at the bottom of the garden and has to run across the garden, up the ramp, up the stairs, in the doors, through the room and he can’t quite hold it. I think it just does take awhile, some kids train super quickly and never have another accident, others take a bit longer to get it.
Anonymous says
How old are they? If he has to go several times in a row, it sounds like he isn’t fully emptying his bladder, which he wouldn’t have had to do while wearing a diaper. Maybe one twin is ready and the other isn’t?
Anon says
One of my kids goes though phases of not emptying her bladder all the way (and they’ve been potty-trained for over 1.5 years) so we just remind her to “make sure you squeeze all your pee out”.
OP says
2.5. They both have a lot of interest in going to the potty and I would hate to backtrack and put one back in diapers, but if that is what is recommended…
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t backtrack over a few accidents. Some kids just need more reminders – like every half hour asked if they have to go so they have to stop and think about it plus being told to go before nap time and before leaving house.
Anonymous says
A relative had great success using the Potty Watch for reminders.
Anonymous says
At only two weeks in, an accident per day when out of the house is pretty normal. Toddler should go immediately before leaving house and outings should not be any more than an hour max.
OP says
i think in normal times that is what we would do, but with DH currently working from the living room of our apartment, and me from one of the bedrooms, our nanny tries to take them out for a longer period of time so we can have a bit of piece and quiet (we also live in FL where our summer is hot and now is our nicer weather). she takes a travel potty with her
Anonymous says
Can she do a pit stop at home? Like playground for an hour after lunch, pit stop at home to potty instead of going directly to duck pond to feed the ducks? It was at least a couple months before mine felt comfortable peeing anywhere but home. She should back wipes and change of clothes when they go anywhere.
AwayEmily says
Probably a dumb question but is the nanny making 100% sure that he goes before they leave? ie, not taking his word for it that he doesn’t have to go but making him sit on the toilet. Pretty much all our accidents after the first two weeks were due to forgetting to do this.
Anonymous says
Yes – I always sang the DT potty song ‘if you have to go potty, stop and go right away, flush and wash and be on your way.’ when they were learning to pee. The rule is you have to sit and sing it three time (or listen to it three times). That counts as ‘trying’. Benefit is that in public bathrooms, singing the song will usually make them pee.
Sometimes my 8 year old still asks for the song when she’s trying to pee before going somewhere.
AIMS says
Can we talk holiday cards? It’s been such a weird year it feels weird to me to do them. And I’m exhausted. Usually I send a personalized Happy New Year type thing and I just have zero interest this year. Should I just buy a box of holiday cards and call it a day? What’s everyone doing? Do you like the Good Riddance 2020 cards? I don’t even know what my question is but thought I’d start the conversation.
Anon says
if you have zero interest – don’t do it! there is no rule that one must send holiday cards every year and this internet stranger gives you permission to skip it this year if you’d like
avocado says
After last year’s photo cards came out so awful that I was embarrassed to send them, I’m giving up on the fancy cards for a while. It does feel even more important than usual to connect with people this year, though. I bought a box of cards and my husband and I will just write personal notes to a few friends and family members as we feel led, no pressure to check off the whole list. He tried to write a holiday letter but it was just too difficult to hit the right tone.
Redux says
What made last year’s cards awful?
avocado says
We took a posed photo indoors with a family member who is a semi-pro photographer. The lighting and background were terrible, and it was impossible to get the whole family plus the dog (who was supposed to be the focal point of the photo) not to look weird at the same time. We usually use snapshots, but we don’t really have any of those this year since we have been in lockdown since March. If we ever do posed photos again, they will be outdoors and probably won’t involve the dog.
Redux says
That is a bummer. We used snapshots this year too and they are all within a 1 mile radius of our house. Several of them are IN our house. I did a collage of small tiles so you can’t tell that the quality of the pics is actually quite low. Looks cute and is a little more intimate than the portrait shots, in my opinion, which i like for this terrible year.
avocado says
Ha, if I did a snapshot collage this year it would consist almost entirely of things kiddo and I cooked.
Anon says
I’m not sure what I’m going to do. We did professional photos this fall despite the pandemic and I love them – they’re our best professional photos ever because my kid is finally at an age (almost 3) where she was able to get really comfortable with the photographer and smile and laugh a lot. There are multiple shots I would like to eventually get on a canvas for our walls. But it feels kind of weird to me to send cards that don’t acknowledge this bizarre year, and I definitely don’t want to do any kind of newsletter. I also just don’t really have the energy to design and address all the cards, even though we don’t send that many compared to other people. It’s such a weird, lonely holiday season. Hanukkah starts tomorrow and I’m having a really hard time mustering up the energy for that even in the fairly minimal way we celebrate (just lighting the menorah and presents, pretty much), and that’s way more important than holiday cards, which really don’t matter at all. So I think we’ll probably skip it. Pandemic aside, it seems like we get fewer and fewer cards every year and it feels weird to me to send them to people who never send them to us, so I suspect this may be the end of our card-sending days.
Cb says
Maybe print some of those fab photos and slip them into generic cards for your nearest and dearest? I’d love to get photos. I did a Snapfish card and just put a line about wishing for a healthy, happy, vaccine-filled 2021.
Anon says
My closest friends have seen the digital photos and we’ll almost certainly get prints for the grandparents and aunts/uncles. But I love your line about healthy, happy, vaccine-filled 2021:)
Anon says
Could you get them pre-printed w/ a message on the back like “Hope your 2021 is better than 2020!” and send them out?
Anon says
We’ve gotten a lot that say something like “wishing you a happy and healthy 2021” or “happy holidays. hope you have a safe and joyful holiday season” or whatever. I like that there’s a little acknowledgment there. it feels like a good middle ground.
If you have a great photo I’d totally send them! My kids are still loving checking the mail every day for cards. I’m pro normalcy. I just wouldn’t send one (though we’ve gotten a bunch like this) that’s a big “MERRY” with a pic of your kid and your name. That feels a bit tone deaf this year.
Anon says
We sent them, but I am big on preserving all of the rituals we can this holiday season. And my mother would disown me if we didn’t (it’s super important to her for no discernable reason). I had my mom take the photos when we went to visit in early November, did the cards on black Friday with a few sentence update on DD on the back. They came shockingly early last week. Took 15 minutes this weekend to scan my address labels list for people I know have moved, died, divorced, etc. and text folks for updated addresses, then printed all 120 on address labels and took an hour to put labels and stamps and stuff envelopes with DD telling me which stamps to put on (owls and deer are apparently her favorite). As they have been coming in the mail, it’s really been great to see people we haven’t seen in a long time (and who aren’t really on social media), and it’s been a reminder to call or text someone and say “I love your card” or “congratulations” or whatever the thing might be.
Anon says
We’re sending out photo cards. I always like getting them in the mail.
Anonymous says
+1
But I wouldn’t be offended to not receive one from someone, this year or any other year. I got overwhelmed last year and didn’t send them.
NYCer says
We have received several holiday cards from friends already, and it hasn’t seemed weird to receive them despite the weirdness of 2020. That being said, we have never sent holiday cards, so don’t feel obligated if you have zero interest this year.
NYCer says
Edited to add: I always enjoy receiving photo cards and this year is no different!
Anonymous says
I love getting photo cards from people and am hoping we get the same amount this year! We are sending photo cards like we do every year (we don’t do professional portraits, just random snaps from the year). I struggled with a way to address the insaneness of 2020, but couldn’t figure out a way to do it that didn’t feel cheesy or disingenuous considering our year was generally fine compared to many people, so it’s just a typical card. We let the kids decorate the envelopes and do the address stamp, which is a fun way to get them involved and personalize them a bit.
EB says
I did them (I asked folks for recommendations on which site to use last week and went with Vistaprint – it was great so thanks!). To your question on “Good Riddance” cards – I like those, but one thing I was cautious of was making light of 2020, which some card options seemed to do. I wanted to be sensitive of the fact that some folks might have lost loved ones and therefore do not think the cutesy “Jungle bells, covid smells” cards are funny. (Not that I think you would do that–just wanted to point it out!)
That said, we have already started to receive cards from friends and family, and honestly, it’s a bright spot in my day when the mail comes so I am 100% on team send the card.
avocado says
We did lose a relative to COVID. Maybe it makes me a heartless person, but I actually appreciate the dark humor. It’s an acknowledgement of how awful things are. We are giving toilet paper ornaments to all of our siblings.
“COVID smells” doesn’t seem quite right, though, because if you have COVID you can’t smell.
EB says
LOL!!! Thank you for that. Touché!
FVNC says
At first I figured I’d skip them, but then decided to send them with a note acknowledging the odd year and that our family relocated cross-country. I only send around 40, and added a note to each one with a personal message about how I hope the recipient is coping, etc. I’ve received a few already from friends and it’s meant a lot to know that friends are thinking of us, particularly as we’re feeling pretty isolated from old friends and family in our new city.
SC says
We are sending the photo cards. I agree it feels a little off, but I already purchased them. We included a note on the back wishing everyone a “happy, healthy New Year,” so that’s our nod to current events. I typically handwrite a short note on the back of my cards, so I am hoping to strike the right tone there.
I’ve received a few photo cards, and I enjoyed seeing them. One had a short note saying the family had moved this year, looking forward to 2021, etc. Some are just the regular, generic ones, but maybe a little muted.
My SIL usually sends photo cards, but this year she sent a plain card with a stamp on the front and a handwritten note with some beautiful sentiments inside. I assume she wrote the same thing in most of the cards she sent–there was nothing in the content that was personal to us–but it captured the mood nicely.
I agree with not making too light of Covid in the cards, especially if you send a lot. It’s impossible to know what each of the 75 people we send cards to is dealing with right now.
Ha says
I’m writing almost this exact thing on all of ours – i do the same thing where I like to handwrite a short note too!
Spirograph says
I am sending cards because I enjoy it and I love receiving them, but I wouldn’t blame anyone for refusing to do Just One More Thing this year. Mine are traditional photo cards with a snapshot of kids at a christmas tree farm on the front and other misc photos from the year on the back. The only nod to pandemic is that the photo of me and DH has both of us in masks, partly because I actually don’t have a decent photo of both of us maskless from this year.
I don’t mind the Good Riddance 2020 cards, but I know some people on my card list have had a really tough year, and I don’t want to sit here with my healthy family and continued employment and cheekily say “ugh, 2020 s*cks” to someone who has lost a job or a loved one.
Katala says
Our friends sent a Good Riddance 2020 card but it was appropriate b/c each child had a picture with a cast. Clearly a rough year beyond just Covid! I liked that, but I wouldn’t like it with standard “happy family” pics if that makes sense. I’ve never gotten on the holiday card train and am certainly not starting this year.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We did our usual photo holiday cards via shutterfly this year, using our professional family photos (I wanted to keep supporting our local photographer, all pics were outside). I did struggle with what to write on the back – I made mention of 2020 being a memorable year and wished everyone a better 2021. It’s hard to convey that this has been an extremely difficult year for everyone, in different ways, but I want my close friends and family to still have a reminder that we’re thinking of them. I also love receiving cards from my friends and seeing their kids grow up, so I hope we keep getting cards this year. I’m less phased by the messaging and would be fine with a simple “cheers to 2021” or whatever.
rosie says
Don’t if you don’t want to. I wasn’t feeling it but did kind of want a way to connect with people. If you feel similar, I suggest just poking around some sites (shutterfly, minted, etc.) and see if there’s a design that strikes the right tone for you.
anon says
Skip this year! It’s OK, really. I am never a fan of doing holiday things out of obligation, so if you’re not feeling it, take the year off.
Mary Moo Cow says
We’re doing a photo card, but it’s much more subdued than years past. No “Merry Little Everything!” here. I used a decent, by no means wonderful, photo from a fall outing; no updates, no cute notes. I’m adding a “love” or “hope you are well!” on the cards to our nearest and dearest, but otherwise, just sticking them in the envelope and sending them out. I normally love the whole holiday card process, but not this year.
Displaying cards we get is one of the joys of my holiday season, but I don’t judge anyone who doesn’t do it. If you’re not feeling it this year, give yourself the grace to skip it.
SC says
I just received a photo card from a couple who got engaged this year. The front has a couple of pictures of them by their Christmas tree, with a generic holiday greeting. The back has an engagement photo where her hand/the ring are in focus, and the text, “one of the good things to happen in 2020.” I’m really happy for them (they’ve been together for about a decade), and I loved the card. It recognizes that this year ranged from not great to terrible for many people, but they also have happy news to share.
AIMS says
Thanks guys! You’ve given me some good food for thought!
anon says
Help! My three-year-old has been waking up most nights crying and screaming in his sleep. It seems to be a night terror because he doesn’t remember much about it in the morning. The only thing that snaps him out of it is to let him come sleep with DH and I in our bed, then older sister comes along…and I haven’t slept well in weeks. I tried monster spray and that worked really well for exactly one week and now we’re back to scream-sleeping. He does this both on nap and no-nap days and I cannot figure out the pattern or triggers. Advice/commiseration?
Anon says
No personal experience, but a friend had this problem with her kid and had success with melatonin. Melatonin is my answer for pretty much everything sleep-related, tbh. And now there’s even some evidence it’s protective against Covid. It’s a miracle hormone!
Anon says
Commiseration. My 3YO is in our bed by morning every night, the only plus side is that she doesn’t usually wake us up when she crawls in (and knows to get out of bed and walk down the hall herself). We haven’t tried this yet because for now I am making her sleep on DH’s side and he doesn’t care, but many people I know have had success with a sleeping bag on the floor and kid can sleep there in your room so long as kid doesn’t wake you up. DD and I went to visit family this weekend, and DH said when we came back and DD of course crawled in with us he missed having the “family bed.” I try to cherish the snuggles and remind myself DD will eventually sleep alone.
AwayEmily says
My 3yo has had night terrors on and off for the last two years. According to our pediatrician, they are night terrors if the kid is completely asleep the entire time. For us, it doesn’t matter what we do to him (pick him up, bring him into our bed, rub his back) — he is asleep, near-impossible to wake up, and won’t snap out of it until it’s done (at which point he is STILL asleep). Our pediatrician said to just let them run their course. We have noticed they tend to occur more often when he’s over-tired.
When he had his own room we would just let him go (sometimes sitting next to the crib). Now that he shares a room with his sister we usually bring him to our room so he doesn’t wake her up.
Not sure if any of this is helpful, but sympathies. It’s really hard.
anon says
All of this. My 3yo started having night terrors shortly before turning 3 and it’s basically just her screaming uncontrollably until she snaps out of it and is just normally asleep. We still always go into her room when it happens, but basically just sit next to her bed until she chills. (Luckily her twin brother always sleeps through, though I have no idea how!) It also happens a lot more when she’s over-tired, so the period of time when she was dropping her nap was rough.
octagon says
So much commiseration. We went through the same thing around that age and it lasted about 3 months, I’m sorry to say. I was an absolute disaster for most of that time because I’m a light sleeper anyway. I was adamant that kiddo not sleep in our bed so I would often lay down with him and rub his back until he fell back asleep, anywhere from 20-60 minutes on average. We did try to get him to bed earlier and had middling success with that. We also tried to do a midnight pull-up change, which sometimes seemed to be disruptive enough to prevent terrors but not so disruptive as to wake him completely.
It seemed to be developmental, though. One day I realized that I’d gotten three straight nights of 6+ hours of sleep and that we seemed to be past the night terrors. They’ve come back at age 5 but are not as bad so far (knock wood).
Anonymous says
One of my twins is like this. I let him crawl in for some snuggles but I tell Siri to get a timer for 5 minutes. When the timer goes off DH or I walk or carry him back to his bed and tuck him in. DH and I take turns. It does involve getting out of bed on occasion but I sleep better the rest of the night so it’s worth it.
Anon says
This is random but might work – try giving a spoonful of peanut butter or a small glass of warm milk with honey right before bed. I found that my kids would go through troubled sleeping patches right before a growth spurt, so my theory is that they’re extra hungry from the rapid growth and it disturbs their sleep. Adding some extra fat right before bed seemed to give their stomachs something to process and helped them sleep more soundly.
EB says
Does anyone have a recommendation for gifts for my brothers’ kids? Both brothers have three step kids each, all around elementary/middle school age. Mostly girls, but one 7 year old boy (the youngest). I would like to send one gift to each household that is some kind of game, or activity (cookies, gingerbread house?) that they can enjoy, rather than gifting each kid, which is more work (and money) than I want to undertake. Love my brothers so much, but these are new-ish step-kids, and one set I haven’t even met yet, so want to keep it simple and fun.
Anon says
The Exploding Kittens card game has been a big hit in our household. DS is 6 and initially missed some of the strategic parts of the game, but loves the silly cards and is getting better about thinking through his next moves – it would work for older kids too.
Anonymous says
The game Sushi Go is super fun for that age group. I would stick with the original; the party version is more complicated and IME is less appealing.
Anon says
My kids are early elementary. They’re obsessed with Exploding Kittens, Sushi Go, and this board game called Magic Labyrinth. I think they play Magic Labyrinth 3-4 times a week, and it’s even fun for us adults to play with them.
If you want to be extra, you could create a “Family Game Night” theme by sending Magic Labyrinth, Sushi Go, one of those Betty Crocker cookie mixes, and some bagged popcorn. That should be less than $50 total for the whole family.
Anonanonanon says
People on the main site were talking about Cheryl’s cookies yesterday and I was influenced to order some for my own household. It sounded like they’re pretty good, and I know my kids will be excited to get them. I have an aunt that mails boxes of goodies from a company called olive & cocoa each year and the kids always appreciate it (Cheryl’s seems a better price point, though). Things like special Christmas cookies help make the season feel magical and christmas-y, which I think is a great gift this year in particular.
My parents got my son a game called “kids against maturity” a while ago that is kind of like cards against humanity but kid appropriate.
My husband and I hate games but we catch ourselves enjoying Spot It and my son does too.
However, especially with how busy our household is right now, I would internally groan if someone sent me a game I had to play with my kid (or constantly tell them I don’t have time to play right now) or an activity that required my help that I knew my kids were going to constantly be begging me to do (like cookie mix). That’s why I’m a fan of a box of already-made sweets.
Anon says
Does anyone have a recommendation for a wobble stool for a K student? My son keeps dragging his chair back and forth across the hardwood floor and can’t seem to sit still. I’m seeing some good options online, but wondering if you have personal experience (or something similar to recommend).
Wobble says
I bought ECR4Kids ACE Active Core Engagement Wobble Stool (15″) at the start of the school year for my 6 yr old and it is working out fine. We have it on really old carpet. I have been warned that they can damage hardwood floors – not this model, just generally. My wiggly kid also works from the floor, couch, trampoline and since we are homeschooling I allow him to move around
Ear piercing says
Moms of girls, help me think about ear piercing. DD is 8 and has been asking for pierced ears for a while. I expect that by her birthday in May, we will feel comfortable doing this. When I was a kid it was $10 at the mall, done by some teenager with a gun. Not ideal. But the place that most moms seem to suggest in my area (Northern Virginia) is a tattoo/piercing parlor where it’s going to run $100, maybe more depending on the studs selected, for one hole in each ear plus the earrings. Of course I want it to be safe and clean and non-traumatic, but I was not envisioning this as a three-figure expense. Am I off here?
Anonymous says
Our pediatrician’s office does ear piercing for around $45. I would absolutely be willing to pay $100 for a safe, sanitary, pleasant experience if that’s what it cost. I’d be concerned that a tattoo/piercing parlor would be a scary environment for an 8-year-old, so I’d get firsthand recommendations and might visit it beforehand to check it out.
Anon says
Funny story from someone with multiple piercings – I got mine done by the pediatrician when I was around 8 – he screwed it up. The gun locked up, and one ear wound up pierced way too low. Wearing heavy earrings eventually caught up with me and, well, I still have a tiny slit at the bottom of my earlobe. The mall shops (and the one I, ahem, did myself in my teens) – never a single problem.
Anon says
I’m kind of surprised a doctor would use a gun rather than a hollow needle tbh. Maybe that’s standard?
Anonymous says
Our pediatrician’s office uses the gun.
rosie says
When I was a kid, my pediatrician office used a needle when I got my first lobe piercing, but had switched to a gun when I got my second one. I don’t remember a big difference in pain level or aftercare issues, but the second ones are definitely not even with eachother.
Anon says
This was mid-80’s, so I definitely don’t know what was standard then or is now. I just find it funny that the only problem I had came from an actual doctor.
Anon says
Can you find a different tattoo/piercing parlor to get it done? In a hcol area that seems somewhat normal.
Lyssa says
I was really surprised at the cost when I took mine to get it done – it was about $80 at the Icing in the mall (I, too, recall putting off the then-trendy cartilage piercing when I was 18 because I didn’t want to blow a whole $12 on it).
I worked at Claire’s when I was a teen (and had a co-worker give me that cartilage piercing), and remember the very limited training that I got to pierce ears, so that was on my mind, but, on the other hand, I also recall that it wasn’t really that difficult and I never heard of any real mis-steps, so I decided I’m comfortable with that. I’m sure the tattoo places do a great job, but I think the fact that the jewelry stores use sterile piercing earrings rather than a separate needle seems safer from an infection standpoint. My girl got it done about a year and a half ago and we’ve had no problems.
anon says
Our pediatrician’s office does it. Might be worth asking!
Anonymous says
Mine hasn’t asked yet but I plan to take her to a real piercer. Especially with kid’s ears, it’s easy to get the positioning wrong — I’ve seen lots of adults with this issue. Also, with a hollow needle and a real piercer, they can often do rings in the lobes right away rather than studs, which is easier to manage with long hair and less painful to sleep on. My sister had to have hers done 4 times over 3 years because she kept complaining they hurt to sleep on and taking them out.
Anonymous says
There was a recent Facebook post making the rounds in NOVA about a particular tattoo studio that handled a child’s ear piercing fantastically well. I’ll try to track down the link.
Anonymous says
Our kiddo just turned 7. half her friends have pierced ears and half do not. Of those that have had it done, they either went to a mall or a tattoo parlor. You can also go to your pedi usually but they also use a gun (vs a needle).
We told my DD how it works and that as soon as she’s ready for them to poke hole in her ear with a needle we will take her. She isn’t ready for that yet.
Anon says
Mine got hers pierced at 5, after she had been asking for a year. We went to a local shop that uses needles rather than guns, and that had a great reputation. It was worth the high cost to know it was done right.
In addition, the man who did it was awesome about respecting her wishes. He asked her, not me, to confirm she wanted to do it. Then walked her through the process and was exceedingly kind about letting her get up and walk around for a bit when she was a little scared to do the second ear, reassuring her it was okay to do one ear and come back later for the second. She ended up going through with the second ear and he took the time to confirm again that she was comfortable with the decision.
Anonanonanon says
My mom made me wait until I was 10 and took me to merle norman because she trusted the old ladies more than teenagers I guess? Do they even still have merle norman?
That being said it may be worth a tattoo parlor/piercing studio as those are actually regulated and inspected businesses where employees have to take training on bloodborne pathogens etc.
It looks like Claire’s is $60 these days (WHAT?!) or $71 if you get their “rapid aftercare cleanser” that allows you to change the earrings sooner (again, WHAT?!) so I’d say it’s worth the $40 extra if you can spare it.
Anon says
I don’t have pierced ears but $110 seems like a really small price to pay for a more sanitary and accurate piercing experience and I will definitely take my daughter to a tattoo/piercing parlor if she wants her ears pierced. Something I don’t see mentioned above is that I would be extra skeptical of Claire’s in Covid times. At least at my local mall, all the teenagers working retail often have their masks around their chin, but in the hair salons and spas I’ve been to, they wear masks properly because they’re licensed professionals who could potentially lose their license for failing to comply with Covid regulations. I would imagine the tattoo parlor would be like the hair salons with the professionals wearing their masks properly.
Spirograph says
Reposting from yesterday because you all gave me such good food for thought, and I’d love more! Do you have a target percentage of income to donate to charity each year? How do you select individual charities to donate to? Do you do monthly recurring donations, or one-time lump sums?
Where I’ve landed this year (after making a goal to increase charitable giving but not doing much about it until December) is with equal one-time donations to about 15 charities that I quickly vetted for financials & transparency, covering
Local hunger, homelessness, poverty
Museums & the arts (including covid relief for performers)
Addiction
Animals & environment
International (refugees, doctors without borders, etc)
Combined with recurring donations to public radio & church, and our annual donation to poison control (luckily we haven’t needed to call them this year, but I still love them for past help), we are at almost 4%. That’s a huge improvement, but I hope to nudge that a little higher next year if public schools are open again. I appreciated the comment yesterday about estate planning vs large donations during working/saving years, and am still giving some thought to increasing monthly donations – which would help get me closer to my giving goal, but potentially limit our ability to put on our own oxygen masks first when stuff hits the fan like it did this year.
AwayEmily says
I really liked reading the responses yesterday! I definitely need to make contributions a regular part of our budget as opposed to donating at random times when I get an email solicitation.
In terms of where I donate, the only place we give is GiveDirect.org. I’m a big fan of their transparent, data-driven approach and I feel like my donations go really far.
Realist says
I would like to eventually hit 10% and we may be near it this year. We give:
A set, large amount to charities DH and I select at the end of the year. Usually focused on early childhood, animal adoption, support for girls/women.
Small various charities throughout the year (supporting a friend’s fundraiser for their favorite charity, etc)
This year, we have really upped our giving because 2020. Including
-Every month deciding on a (usually large) amount to give to a foodbank
-giving directly (not through charity) to families in need, usually found on social media through friends of friends. These are small amounts. Maybe we got scammed a few times. I don’t care. I think we did a lot of good for people facing tough situations in 2020 (covering groceries, prescriptions, heating bills, warm coats, etc).
-living very generously. We tip an insane amount on grocery delivery, take out, etc.
-Making a huge effort to shop local even though it has been very annoying for some things
FVNC says
Like a lot of others, we would like to donate more. I did the math yesterday, and I’ve donated a little over 3% of my gross salary; the figure is probably much lower when you factor in my husband’s salary. My husband takes a one-off approach — for example, he’ll see a friend raising money for a cause and make a generous donation on the spot, but there’s no overarching strategy. In contrast, my employer offers a charitable giving program that allows employees to deduct a certain amount from each paycheck. Through that program, I donate a set amount to four charities I selected each pay period. In addition, I make year-end donations to various charities in fairly large (to me) lump sums.
Selection is tough for me, as the need for help can be overwhelming. This year, I focused on family programs and food banks/antihunger programs. For my year-end giving, I donated to the “basic needs” program of the United Way of my county; the regional food bank; an organization that distributes toys and necessities to children in need; and an organization that provides low or no cost housing to families. I also donated new/barely used toys lying around the house to a toy drive — I have no shortage of in-kind donateables that need a new home!
cbackson says
We donate 10% of our after-tax income. The primary recipients are (i) a faith-based direct-service organization that runs a food pantry, provides assistance with rent/utility bills and transit passes, provides job training, helps with financial planning for low-income people, and facilitates a medical debt relief program and (ii) an art museum. My husband and I have board positions with both organizations, because if we’re donating five-figure amounts, we want to have as much insight as possible into how the money is spent.
Beyond that, we give monthly to our church and to another food bank, and have an additional amount delegated to contribute when we get one-off solicitations from people that I know/care about (like the neighborhood food drive, someone’s fundraiser for breast cancer, etc.).
Boston Legal Eagle says
Somewhat inspired by GCA’s note above but does anyone here (I’m assuming everyone is in a “Western” country but could be wrong) live in a multigenerational household? I too am from a culture where that was more common and it was also more common and expected that both parents work and grandparents and other relatives step in to help with the kids, whereas here we still seem to be in an environment where the nuclear family model of one parent working/one parent staying at home is the only one that still revered in society and no policies support otherwise. I definitely would like to see policy changes because I personally enjoy both parents working and both being involved in childcare but I’m wondering if having more of a culture of expected family help would be better for everyone? On the other hand, I could see getting extremely annoyed with living with my parents full time, as helpful as they are with the kids, so perhaps those drawbacks outweigh the benefits. Anyone long for something otherwise? Maybe I’m just rambling as I’ve been home with the kids this week and feel like so many women get stuck outside of the workforce and society is stuck without their viewpoints because childcare is a huge, taxing task.
Anon says
I don’t, but my in-laws do and they helped out a lot with their other grandchildren when they were younger. It worked out great for them all. We had a baby later in life and my in-laws and my parents are just too old to help out much anymore. At this point it would be more like us caring for them plus the baby.
Anonymous says
I like the way we have it in the U.S., where you can choose to build a multigenerational household but it’s not a cultural obligation. I would never have married my husband if his mother had been part of the package deal. And as much as he and I both adore my mother and enjoy spending time with her, all of us are just too private to share a household. It would be exhausting.
Lyssa says
Agreed. So much agreed. :)
GCA says
As a parent, I definitely prefer that it’s more of a choice in the US – I would love to have grandparents close by, but I wouldn’t want them to feel obligated to take on childcare. (In our case, all four grandparents are on the younger side in their early/ mid 60s and still working – MIL has finally landed in her dream job (think university chaplain/ spiritual director) after 20 years out of the workforce. Also my mom, the eldest of four siblings, is just DONE taking care of other people including her own elderly parents along with building her career, and I cannot blame her.)
Plus, if grandparent availability was more of a norm in the US, my guess is national policy would build that assumption in and then there wouldn’t be any regulation or support for non-family childcare solutions at all. I think the solution, as someone’s said below, is universal high-quality childcare.
As a kid, though, I loved having my grandparents around growing up, and was very close to my grandfather before he passed away.
Realist says
I agree with this in principle, but the US has made it very difficult on so many families by not having many of the policies that support parents in other European countries. No guaranteed paid leave for having a baby, no sick days for many workers, hardly any childcare subsidies before headstart and most families get nothing. It is really messed up. I wish we could keep the cultural freedom but also recognize and support parents with what they need. I know it probably isn’t true on this board, but most women don’t get paid maternity leave and it is not uncommon to be back at work 2 weeks after having a baby, which is just ghastly.
Anonymous says
The solution is subsidized universal high-quality child care, not a cultural obligation for people to take care of their parents in old age.
Anon says
I think both situations have huge benefits and downsides – there is no “have your cake and eat it too” scenario. My sister sees my parents every day and I am very jealous – but at the same time I enjoy hanging out and establishing routines with just my own husband and kids. With our culture’s individualistic mindset and intense focus on our nuclear family, I think it’s hard for us to conceive of a more expansive view of “family” and serving others (even when they cease to be useful to us and are just old people).
Honestly, a multigenerational house sounds “ideal” to me in terms of the values and relationships I say I want to foster in my children, and as a means to becoming less selfish and stubborn myself…but in reality, it sounds hard.
anon says
It would be better in some respects, but so many people move for jobs and careers anymore that it’s not feasible for many families. Even if you have kids by your mid-thirties, the grandparents may not be able to provide much child care on a regular basis. That’s the case for us, at least. To make the multigenerational thing work, everyone has to be on board and the circumstances have to be right. I don’t see our society going back to being less mobile and people having kids in their early 20s.
Right now, DH and I (ages 40 and 42) are in a sandwich generation situation with his only living parent. She lives nearby, not in our home, but needs a lot of help from DH. He is an only child, for context, and MIL has mobility issues. Meanwhile, our kids are in elementary school and obviously need a lot from us. It’s … taxing at times and puts extra pressure on our marriage. DH is worn out from double-caregiving, and lots more in our household falls to me. We’re still new to this and figuring things out, but I never imagined being in this situation when my kids were still pretty young.
Anon says
If people have kids in their early 20s, their parents are very likely working full time themselves anyway and not about to give up their careers to care for children
anon says
Yes, of course that’s true, too! My larger point is that our society is definitely set up to facilitate this, even if it makes sense in theory.
anon says
I can’t type. We are NOT set up to facilitate this!
Anon says
I have a baby grandchild, but I work full time myself, so I wouldn’t be much help to my daughter, who also works but lives overseas anyway
Anonanonanon says
^this. I work with plenty of women who have grandchildren. My mother has a 10-year-old grandchild and works. At my age, my parents’ parents seem to be really the only generation that actually got to work 25 years somewhere, have a pension worth retiring on, and spend decades in retirement.
ifiknew says
We don’t live with grandparents, but have both sets of grandparents within 30 minutes. We’rea ctually moving to be within 5 minutes and 15 minutes of both next week.
It’s worked out really well for us. All grandparents are in early to late 50’s, both had kids in their early to mid 20’s and my husband and I are the oldest. We also had kids young (27/28), so honestly the help has been BEYOND a godsend right now. Both grandmas have also stayed home their whole lives and never worked, so hence why the help is possible.
I don’t really see any downsides because both grandmas are not overbearing and genuinely seem to love their grandchildren and wanting to help make their kids lives easier. I am so grateful to both sides for stepping in at a time when I need help so deeply that I am committed to doing whatever I can as they age and need my help.
SC says
After Hurricane Katrina, many people in New Orleans lived in multigenerational households because so many people lost homes and moved in with their parents or grown children. I was young and unmarried/childless at the time, but I had many coworkers who really appreciated the benefits of the multigenerational household and kept it as a long-term arrangement.
We have friends who have lived in doubles with a parent (the mom’s mom). Grandma has her own space, and the family of 3 has their own space. Grandma is close enough to help with childcare, though the child is in full-time daycare, so it’s more as needed. The couple is close enough to help Grandma as stuff comes up, plus they handle house and yard maintenance. It seems like the best possible scenario, but I know the dad still gets annoyed at his MIL and wants more space to themselves sometimes.
Anon says
Most of my close friends are Chinese-American or Indian-American and live in multi-generational homes, but I would never want that for myself. I think I’m really close to my parents but I could not have them living in my house full-time, nor would they want to. They often visit us for 2+ weeks (especially during the pandemic, because longer visits make the pre-visit quarantine more worth it) and it’s…hard. We love them and love having their help with childcare, but we’re all very ready to go to our separate homes by the end of two weeks. Like others, I would not have married my husband if my in-laws were a package deal, and I actually get along really well with my MIL.
That said, I’m an only child and my parents are moving to our area next summer when my child will be 3.5. I’m really thrilled about that, and would have gladly welcomed them here earlier if they’d been ready to move earlier. Growing up, my grandparents lived across the country and we only saw them once or twice a year so I’m incredibly excited for my kid that she will have local grandparents. To me, grandparents living in the same city but not the same house is the ideal. Children get the benefits of a close-knit grandparent relationship, parents get childcare help, grandparents get to spend lots of time with their loved ones (which can stave off age-related physical and mental decline), parents can assist grandparents with things that age may make it hard to do (such as grocery shopping), but nobody has to share a physical space or deal with the bickering that comes with that.
Anonanonanon says
We don’t, and like others, I’m happy it’s not a cultural obligation here. BUT we know multiple families who, in the past five years, have made the decision to do this. We’re in the DC suburbs where a single-family home can be a lot of money, and the families we know had the in-laws pitch in on the down payment or mortgage to get a house with an in-law suite setup. For one family the inlaws are snowbirds and are only up here in the warm months. I think this is becoming more common with white families from European backgrounds than it used to be.
However, like others have pointed out, our country stinks for this. My parents would LOVE to move closer and help out with our kids more, but my mom has MS and so she has to continue working her state government job in a different state to maintain health insurance. She’s also about a year out from being vested. We’ve talked about having them move up here once that is done and us paying for a substantial part of their insurance on the marketplace in exchange for childcare, but we’ll see. My husband’s parents both work, too. Most people I know have parents who still work. So really, in the US, by the time a parent has stopped working and can move in, your kids are likely past the age of needing childcare.
Anonanonanon says
I should say, we also have friends who come from cultures where this is more of an obligation and do this, and tbh my husband and I both agree it seems to be more miserable than it is worth.
Anon says
I’m glad I live near my parents and they help us out with childcare one day a week for a few hours and occasionally babysit. But I wouldn’t want more help than that. I love the daycare set up, and my parents are now old and have their own lives and routines that are not centered on helping me. They wouldn’t want to take on any more than they already do. They are very careful not to overstep and don’t want me to impose either. When I was pregnant with my first, my mom literally said, “Do not call me at 3 am if you are struggling with a newborn” (not that I was intending to). But she does not want to drop everything to come to my aid even for a late-night phone call. Not all grandparents want their lives to revolve around their kids and grandkids.
Anon- says
My parents lived with us for the past 2.5 years and recently moved into their own place. It worked out great for us because pre-COVID, my husband travelled a lot and i was home with two young children (one of who was an infant). There are definitely some downsides of having a multi-generational home and you need a home that is designed to accommodate multiple households living together but the benefit was that we had an extra pair of hands 24/7 and it allowed us to be more flexible about work and travel and date nights, etc. That being said, now that my kids are a little older, it is great to have my parents within driving distance (about 20 min away) but to be able to reclaim our space. I will say my in-laws also live nearby but it would have been a complete disaster to live with them, so it definitely depends on the family dynamics. We were seriously contemplating moving into a larger home and just having my parents live with us indefinitely but ultimately, decided that everyone having their own space was worthwhile.
Sf says
Bikes! Our nearly four year old has mastered his strider balance bike and I want to introduce pedals. We don’t have the strider that converts because he was too small. Any recommendations on what to buy?
Clementine says
Yes! Get a 16 inch bike with hand brakes. Some good brands are Cleary, woom, and Guardian. We have a Guardian 16 inch bike – yes, it’s more expensive than the big box stores but the coaster brakes that cheaper bikes come with can be annoying/challenging when a kid is learning to ride.
FWIW, I taught my 4 year old Strider expert and he was on 2 wheels with no training wheels within 15 minutes.
Anon says
We have a Royal Baby and the only complaint is our size has no kickstand, but otherwise it’s great. It has both hand and foot breaks, and my 4-year-old went straight to it from the Strider with no issue. (And my current 3-year-old can also ride it.)
If your kid is short or has short legs, you may want to start with 14” – it’s important that they can touch the ground to get on and off. We will be upgrading this Spring to the 16”, now that he’s 5.5.
Anonymous says
You can buy a separate kickstand to add. We had to do this with one kid’s bike.
Mary Moo Cow says
We went with a Frozen II Huffy because we figured it wasn’t her permanent bike and at, $80 after a coupon, we wouldn’t be sad to pass it along after a few years. I also thought about going to a local bike shop and shopping for either a used or new bike. It had never occurred to me to buy a used bike until I heard an ad for secondhand bikes from a local bike shop, but that’s what I plan to do for her “real” bike next year.
Anon says
I would recommend 16” tires at four. And check our two wheeling tots for recs/reviews.
Preschool Timing? says
First time parent panic du’jour. I know nothing about preschool. A friend with a child a full year younger than mine was just downloading me on her preschool planning and I just thought to myself “OH S H I T”. One more thing this family isn’t on top of.
When should DS go? He was born in April 2018.
He was previously at a Bright Horizons with a built in pre school for daycare so I didn’t think anything of it, but we brought him home with a nanny in COVID. I’m now realizing this is something we probably need to plan for with waiting lists and processes and whatnot. We’re in suburban Boston. I’d call him “ahead of the curve” on verbal skills and all that compared to peers, so I feel confident he is or will be “ready” and have no concerns about sending him whenever the time is appropriate (potty training notwithstanding – work in progress….).
Anonymous says
He’s fine. Consider add a part-time preschool program next September. If he’s been in daycare previous then preschool won’t be a huge adjustment. Our small city actually has a great city run program.
Anon says
+1. There was a whole discussion yesterday – the consensus was preschool for three-year-olds is NOT necessary, but could be fun if you and your child are into it. PreK for a 4-yr-old, or at least some peer activities without a parent, is more important. But some kids do no school until K and are just fine.
Anonymous says
My 3rd was born June 2018. She’s in daycare right now in the toddler program. We are also in a Boston suburb. Most preschools here have a 3s class and a 4s class. The one my kids go to also have a “2.9” class that you can enroll kids in as soon as they are 2 years 9 months. We just enrolled my toddler in the 3s program for next year (we are a current family and that enrollment was first. New family enrollment is 12/15). Depending on COVID, schedules, etc. we may move her from daycare to the 2.9 program in March when she is age-eligible. It’s where my 4 y/o goes so it would reduce my dropoffs.
Anyway, next year is when kids go to preschool (age 3). Traditional PK follows the school calendar so you’d start him in the fall in the 3s class.
Anon says
what is making you switch/made you switch for your older one from the daycare to the preschool? i know some people get very testy around this subject (so anyone else reading can ignore), but i am currently trying to figure this out and would love your insight!
Anon says
Not the person you’re responding to, but my daughter will go to the same daycare/preschool/whatever you want to call it from infancy until she start K. The place refers to itself as a “school” but they are technically a daycare center because they are licensed by the state to care for 6 week old+ infants full time. In my state, actual schools can only offer part time programs for children under a certain age, I think 2.5 or so, so any center that offers full time care for infants and toddlers is officially a daycare, regardless of how they describe themselves.
I don’t think there’s a meaningful distinction between daycare and preschool in many cases, although I think that in-home daycare can be quite different than a large daycare center (in many aspects). I’ve read comments here that the difference is “school ” requires teachers with bachelor’s degrees, but at least at my daycare the teachers all have college degrees and many even have master’s degrees. It’s hard for me to imagine a better early childhood environment than my daycare/school/whatever-it-is. The teachers are super loving, the kids play outside 2-3 hours per day, they do lots of pretend play, arts and crafts, singing, dancing and reading, they have guest speakers and take field trips in non-covid times, and they get a lot of coaching on social skills and life skills, which I think is much more important than anything academic at this age (with the caveat that academics come naturally to most people in our family and social skills do not, ha). They’ve taught my 3 year old how to go up to another child and ask them to play, how to calm down during a tantrum, how to use utensils and dress herself, how to take turns speaking during group time, etc. From talking to friends, it’s very common for daycare centers to teach all of this stuff, which is more important for K readiness than recognizing letters. My school does do some academic stuff especially in the 3-5 year old pre-K classroom but it’s integrated into play (no worksheets, which I love!!) and not a huge part of the curriculum. Every parent I’ve talked to at our school felt their kids were over-prepared for K coming out of this school, and our public school district is very highly ranked.
I know some people who have sought out a competitive part-time preschool vs a daycare center because they want a formal academic curriculum beginning at age 3, but that is the exact opposite of what my family wants. We have several child psychologists/development experts in our immediate circle, and they all stress play, play, play as long as humanely possible and to the extent there is formal instruction it should cover social skills as much or more than academic skills. I really do not care if my kid learns to read at 3 or 5 or 7. I know she will read when it clicks in her brain, which is genetic more than anything else, and there’s no evidence early reading correlates to long-term academic or life success, and I care so much more about teaching social and developmental skills and fostering a love of learning. I have friends who are already working really hard with their 3 and 4 year olds on phonics and are horrified by my perspective though, so I think it’s really a very individual thing. The play-based approach works for our family.
Anonymous says
Sorry for the late response. A few things:
1. The daycare our kids go to is infant-PK but the younger years are definitely where they shine. It’s not like kids that go to the PK are done a disservice-it’s totally fine.
2. Our daycare is small and the PK age kids are often combined. So you have groups of 3/4/5 y/os and it’s the same kids since they were infants
3. I work from home and live very close to both daycare and preschool- multiple dropoffs is annoying but really only adds 10 min.
4. Our preschool had a 2.9 program and my oldest was a fall birthday who missed the cutoff but was ready for PK. She did 3 full years in preschool
5. The preschool we chose is very large and we were able to meet lots of kids/families from town. Our daycare was 25 families to total and about half were people that worked but did not live in town.
There are TONS of schools that do daycare and preschool well. We just weren’t at one. There is a bright horizons in our town and I would say the mechanics are great there- kids come out well prepared for kindergarten. However the class that just “graduated” into K this year had a total of 9 kids and they all went to different elem schools. In contrast, my K-er has about 10 kids go to her school that were in PK with her (either in her class or the aftercare).
Anon says
He’s fine for now. Worth asking around though to see what the processes are so you know when the time comes. Some preschools in our area have waiting lists and applications start in January for the next fall. We sent my then 2YO to a nearby part-time church preschool friends of ours loved (with no waiting list and no potty training requirement for the 2.5YO class) “for fun”. I had strong feelings that kiddo should be in a play-based preschool and not a montessori preschool given her personality (she will have enough years of advanced academics in her future and does not need more encouragement re: independence). 3YO class got canceled for COVID. I don’t view preschool as necessary until the year before K.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Hi fellow greater Bostonian! My kids have been in daycare since infancy so this may be different than a “traditional preschool” for those not needing full time care, but I thought the starting age in MA was 2.9 years everywhere for the preschool portion – i.e. you don’t have to be 3 yet. Some places around here combine pre-K with preschool and have multiple age groups, while others split (which is, for the most part, where we’ve been). So your son could technically start in daycare/preschool now, but you definitely don’t need to. I’d probably wait until next fall, and then see if you want to switch him to daycare/preschool fulltime, or do some kind of shorter program with the nanny still (although in Boston, that is $$$ :) )
Please Don't Be the Biter says
Baby girl (11 months) has started biting. If she is getting upset, usually because dinner is not ready as quickly as she wanted it to be or I won’t let her play with the dangerous object, she will bite my shoulder. So far, only me – dad and big brother have not had it happen, no reports from daycare. Any thoughts on how to nip this in the bud before it becomes a bigger problem?
Anonymous says
Put her down and say “no biting please”. Repeat as necessary. FWIW, especially if it’s a new behavior, this could be more teething than anything. Both my kids bite/bit my shoulder (only me) with new teeth.
Redux says
Recommendations for kid-friendly hair dye? Super temporary is fine. My kids have brown hair, so something that sits on top of the hair as opposed to bleaching and dying the strands is probably ideal. I would do Koolaid, but I don’t think it will show up on their hair color. Ideas?
Anonymous says
Overtone is a little pricey but if you get the formulas for dark hair, they work well.
Louisa says
Anyone with experience on the new WW? I’m about 5 weeks postpartum and trying to get my snacking under control. I’ve had some success with weight watchers in the past and also with using lose it/myfitness pal. Any recent experiences appreciated, either with WW or postpartum weight loss. I’m nursing and up in the middle of the night which is also when I tend to snack too. I mean I also tend to snack middle and end of the day as well.
anon says
You are establishing supply, you are supposed to be snacking! If you are eating junk food for every snack then sure, focus on choosing more nutritious options, but otherwise this seems like a bad idea and a recipe for misery all around.
Anon says
um, you are 5 weeks postpartum and you are nursing! your body might be hungry. if you have the brain power to focus on this at 5 weeks postpartum, all the power to you, but also give yourself some grace and maybe right now it is ok to snack a lot
anon says
I say this gently, but is this really the right time to be doing any sort of weight loss program? Your body is still adjusting to the needs of nursing. If you’re snacking, it’s probably because you need the calories!
Anon says
Is this a first kid? Frequent snacking is what I credit with my breastfeeding success with all three kids. This will out me potentially but DH used to make jokes about my constant spoonful of cookie dough. You’ve got to just let vanity go at this point. Think about WW at 9 months pp. I’ve ended up below my pre-pregnancy weight with all three kids, but I definitely ate when hungry while nursing.
Also I love your name!
Anonymous says
I did WW while nursing – although started at more like 3mth PP.
Avoid buying their ‘diet’ food products and focus on real food. You can also set it for maintenance instead of loss if you want to focus on reestablishing healthy eating patterns. I found it helpful because it made me realize how little protein I was eating and how more portion size was way off for carbs. I was eating mostly healthy but too much carbs and not enough protein to feel full – the app helped me get that sorted again and I found their social media part (Connect) to be pretty body positive regardless of where ppl were on their journey.
Spirograph says
I second everyone in saying that snacking is 100% ok when you’re 5 weeks pp and nursing. Is this your first child? I say that because there are *so* many other things to worry about with an infant, and especially as a first time mom, please do not make your body one of them. In a few months, sure, reassess your eating habits and make sure they are setting you up for success (whatever success looks like for you). Right now, I would not give any energy or brain space to that. Keep healthy snacks easily accessible and junk food out of sight to help yourself make better choices, but if your body wants food, feed it! If you are exclusively nursing, your baby is just as dependent on your food intake now as he/she was before birth. You probably need an extra 500 or so calories a day just to maintain supply.
Anonymous says
You burn 500 calories a day breastfeeding. This is the equivalent of running almost an hour. Every single day, for months at a time. Of course you’re hungry!!! Please give yourself some grace and don’t stress about weight right now. Drink and eat and focus on healthy foods if you want. But frankly as someone who has nursed (and is nursing) 2 kids, I’m hungry while breastfeeding because I’m MAKING FOOD FOR ANOTHER HUMAN BEING!
Louisa says
(OP) thanks everyone! Second kid and I nursed with the first. I definitely take everyone’s comments to heart that this probably isn’t the right time yet, it just feels like I am eating above and beyond what is necessary. I also have some doubts about a diet program working even if it’s couched as a lifestyle change because right now I think a lot of my extra eating is related to being home with my entire family and you know pandemic. Thanks for the reality check!
Anonymous says
Speaking from experience, please do not do this to yourself. I lost weight rapidly because I had a high-needs baby who demanded to be held in constant motion, wouldn’t let me eat, and literally sucked the life out of me. By 3 weeks postpartum, I was at the lowest weight of my adult life. It was absolute misery. I could not think or function. And you know what? I still had a thick middle because my body was all stretched out from growing a human. Your job now is to feed yourself and your child. If you are bfing, that involves snacking.
Now that the postpartum days are just a memory, I can’t lose weight with severe calorie restriction like WW uses anyway. The only way for me to lose or even maintain weight is to quit all hormonal BC and eat and exercise normally. Anything below 1,800 calories a day seems to send my metabolism into a weird starvation mode that makes my body hold on to weight.
layered bob says
Yes, I quit Noom because it wouldn’t ever give me more than 1,600 calories a day, which is insanity for me and for sure sends my metabolism into starvation mode – I can lose weight on 2,200 calories when I’m breastfeeding, which I have been for four+ of the last six years, and do best in terms of milk supply with closer to 2,400.
Anonymous says
WW doesn’t use severe calorie restriction. They literally tell you to make sure you use all your points each week because it can slow your metabolism if you don’t eat enough. And there are additional calories if you are nursing.
Anonymous says
When I tried it, the allotted points did not give me enough calories.
giftq says
Congratulations gift I can get for my friend who was just elected partner? She lives outside of NYC in NJ.
Anonymous says
Champagne. If she’s in jersey city or Hoboken cool vines delivers
CCLA says
I’d go consumable like a bottle of veuve and/or some flowers, since at that point she probably buys herself what she wants already in terms of “stuff” and it’s more about marking the occasion. Congrats to your friend!
Realist says
+1. I love Zingerman’s for yummy treats or search for local stuff (chocolates, holiday gift baskets, gourmet food) from a local place near her.