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Updated: Feb 7, 2019 137 Comments · by

Budget Thursday: Drapey Pull-On Pant

Everyone· Machine-Washable Work Clothes· Recent Recs

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A woman wearing a Drapey Pull-On PantReaders over at Corporette love these drapey pull-on pants from J.Crew Factory, but I don’t think we’ve featured them here before. They’ve been around for at least a year, and probably more. We’re picturing them in the blue, but they also come in gray, black, and black velvet. They have pockets, they’re machine washable, and they’re available in sizes 00–24. The pants’ “comparable value” is $79.50, but right now they’re $29.50. Drapey Pull-On Pant This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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Comments

    • Cb says

      I think my grandmother has these pants in every colour, with matching shells.

      • anne-on says

        +1, though in fairness, my grandma’s also had the super flattering front pleat and a much higher waist.

        • Anonymous says

          Yup. Reminds me of a less-chic version of some of Meg Ryan’s outfits in When Harry Met Sally, which had the front pleat/higher waist.

    • ElisaR says

      haha, I said to myself “wait are these cute or would my friends tell me “no” (not unsolicited but i often send them pics and they almost always tell me no!)”.

      I guess i have my answer here!

    • anon says

      i like them! i love pull on pants. with the right top and accessories, i think they could be super cute

      • IHeartBacon says

        Yep. I thought they were totally fine when I saw the front and didn’t understand all the negative comments…but then I saw the back. For the record though, I would probably give them a try since I would never wear them with a blouse tucked in, so any top I wear would cover the back. At my current weight, pull on pants with a stretchy waist to wear to work sound divine.

  2. Anonymous says

    Help! There are 2 girls in my 5-year-old daughter’s class at school that keep saying mean things to her, and telling her that they won’t play with her, and that no one will play with her if she doesn’t listen and do what they say. I’ve also, through the classroom window, witnessed them actively blocking her from using various art supplies and toys. I’ve told my daughter to ignore these girls and just walk away (not effective – they just follow her around) or to tell the teacher (she won’t do it, she says they will just get mad at her). She’s been in the same class as these girls for a couple of years now. Last year, I spoke to the teacher, who after monitoring the girls for a week, decided to separate them into different “tables” in class. I will be talking to the new teacher this year. Any other tips on how I can talk to my daughter to get her to deal with these girls?

    • ElisaR says

      I feel like I was your daughter for the first 15 years of my life. All the well meaning advice from adults didn’t help me. What did help me was making other friends. New friends in the class. Can you set up a play date with some nice kids in the class?

      The funny thing is I recently moved back to my home town and I see these mean girls at the grocery store now. They are of course perfectly nice now. But I will never forget what mean kids they were! One is always posting anti-bullying things on fb which makes me chuckle. Whatever I guess people can change and grow up and that’s a good thing but in the back of my head I’m thinking “you were sooooooo mean!”

    • anne-on says

      In addition to talking to the new teacher, can you role play with your daughter? My rather sensitive son has needed some coaching/role play on how to deal with some of the ‘annoying’ or ‘mean’ kids in class. Also probably worth teaching her how to be loud when necessary. So – if they’re blocking her from using something role play with her sticking her hand up in the air and loudly saying something like ‘teacher name – I need help getting supplies’ or ‘teacher name, can you ask kid1 and kid2 to share the toy’.
      This is so hard, and it breaks my heart (and totally brings out my mama bear instincts) hugs!!

    • Anonymous says

      Definitely talk to the teacher asap.

      Role play both her interactions with the girls and what she can say to the teacher. That might make her feel braver to talk to the teacher. Take turns being her and the other person. Things – ‘that’s not true’ or ‘you’re wrong’ re: no one will play with her or ‘i don’t want to play with you’ and like ‘leave me alone’ if they follow her or ‘Miss Teacher, Jane won’t stop following me’

    • Anonymous says

      My daughter has had to deal with this in her 3s preschool. (Breaks my heart that it starts so young!) Agree with what others have said re giving your daughter a script and role playing. It has helped immensely with my almost four year old. Also agree that making new (nice!) friends is key. Perhaps you could even ask the teacher who the nicer girls are and invite them over. I’m sorry. This is so hard.

  3. anon says

    I think I’m being a jerk here but could use some perspective. DH’s brother’s girlfriend died suddenly over the weekend. We never met gf as she was fairly recent and he’s had a few girlfriends. Brother lives in DH’s rural home town. He and gf were supposed to come up for DS’s birthday a few weeks ago but of course no showed without any explanation (this is typical for him). DH wants to go to the visitation (just himself) tonight that is 2 hours away. I agreed even though it meant I had to cancel a client meeting that was scheduled for a month because we couldn’t find back up child care this evening. But then last night I developed a fever and have been getting sick. DH still plans to go and I’m really irritated about it – in part because I feel terrible but also in part because his brother never comes to see us even though we go down there frequently and we didn’t meet this woman. I feel faint and so sick and I can’t imagine handling the kids tonight alone. Am I being a huge jerk?

    • Anonymous says

      You aren’t being a huge jerk…but you should let your husband go without making a huge stink. It’s a funeral it’s a one time thing and your husband is going to support his brother. Sometimes when it rains it pours as a parent

        • Spirograph says

          +1 Your husband should go because he should be there for his brother. Even if this is a short term girlfriend, even if you’ve never met the deceased, his brother is probably really upset and his family should be there for him.

          It’s bad timing that you aren’t feeling well, but this is not an elective fun thing that it’s reasonable to expect your husband to skip. Definitely hire a babysitter. Put yourself to bed early, close your door, and tell the babysitter deal with the kids as if you were not home.

    • Anon says

      He needs to go. I can’t imagine if my boyfriend, even a recent boyfriend, had died and my brother didn’t show up. It stinks that you’ll be stuck home with the kids sick, but these are extenuating circumstances.

    • Anon says

      Funerals aren’t for the person who died, they’re for the survivors, and it makes perfect sense that your husband wants to support his brother, even if the brother is bit of a flake. Get a babysitter if you’re too sick to take care of the kids. Or if you can’t find a sitter, have him take the kids. But it’s wildly unreasonable to prevent him from attending his brother’s girlfriend’s funeral just because you’d never met her and the brother hasn’t put much effort into visiting you.

      • Anon says

        +1. This situation sucks, but DH needs to go. This is not something he can skip, barring a hospitalization or something.

    • octagon says

      He should go. You should hire a sitter to help out while you rest (and keep from getting the kids sick). It’s a funeral. It’s a major thing – even if you hadn’t met her, even if she and the brother weren’t serious. It’s very traumatic to have a friend/significant other die suddenly, and your husband should be there to support his brother.

    • Anonymous says

      DH has to go to either visitation or funeral. If you are too sick to care for the kids on your own, then he has to stay tonight but he needs to attend either the visitation if there is visitation again tomorrow or the funeral. It would be really insensitive to miss both. A death is nowhere near the same ballpark as a birthday. Someone skipping a birthday is not a reason to miss a visitation/funeral. Depending on the cause of the sudden death, was that related to the skipping the party? Was she unwell and they didn’t know how to talk about it?

      In terms of perspective, I live in hometown and my sister moved away. I’m totally uninterested in her city and do not travel there often – maybe 4 times in 10 years. She left and if she wants to see us, I’m more than happy to host her but I don’t feel obliged to visit. My DH is not from hometown and we have zero expectations that his family will come visit us. We go to visit them every year. His mom comes annually or biannually and his brother has come twice in 10 years.

    • Cb says

      He needs to go and I would be frustrated at the situation but kind to your husband under these circumstances. Can you order pizza? Put on a movie? Call a neighborhood teen to see if they might entertain your kids for a bit this evening?

      • Anonymous says

        +1
        if not a neighborhood teen, what about a friend? I have young kids but if I was in this situation I would have DH put our kids to bed on his own and go help my friend. Call on your village.

      • Anon says

        Do you have a neighborhood facebook group? I have seen people post about this kind of last minute emergency on ours, asking if anyone can watch their kids. I’m sure some local moms would be happy to help you out. And social media can be a way to find them if you don’t have local mom friends.

    • Walnut says

      Real talk here. Your brother-in-law’s significant other DIED. Suddenly. On what planet is your husband not attending both the visitation and the funeral? Someone dying is not on the same level as whether or not they showed up for your kid’s birthday.

      • Anon in NYC says

        Yep. You’re in the wrong, OP. You should in no way restrict your DH from supporting his brother under these circumstances. Get takeout pizza, park your kids in front of the tv, and stock up on Gatorade and meds for yourself.

      • HSAL says

        Yep. He needs to go. Call a friend to come over and help you out, or send out an SOS on the neighborhood facebook group or something and find someone who can come help out, even if it’s not someone you’d normally consider for childcare – a preteen or something.

    • IHeartBacon says

      I have to agree with everyone else that your husband has to be there for his brother. It may help to reframe the issue in your mind that letting your husband go without giving him a hard time is your way of being there for your husband. Death has the power to bring out the best in people (or the worst). Let it bring out the best is you.
      I like the suggestion of hiring a sitter, lock yourself in your bedroom, and tell the sitter to act like you’re not there.

    • Anonymous says

      It’s not that I disagree that hubby should ordinarily go, but if she’s sick and can’t take care of the kids, then she’s sick and can’t take care of the kids. Remember, she cancelled the meeting because there wasn’t an available sitter. What makes everyone think all the sitters have suddenly opened up? Put hubby in charge of finding the sitter.

      • Anonymous says

        It’s one thing to cancel a client meeting because of no sitter, but to miss a visitation/funeral? They must have friends in the city who could come over and help for a couple hours or DH could take the kids with him and have someone in hometown babysit.

      • Walnut says

        If she’s that sick, then he takes the kids with him to the visitation and funeral. Otherwise, she calls in Dominos, puts on a movie and lays on the couch.

        • Anon says

          A sitter when mom is home in an emergency is a very different quality threshold than a sitter when the mom is at a client meeting. The latter needs to be a fully vetted, experienced sitter who is in college or at least in late high school. The former can be a middle school or heck even an upper elementary schooler who likes kids and can play with them for an hour or two so mom can rest. In my neighborhood there are lots of 11 year olds who love being “mother’s helper”but shouldn’t be left fully alone, especially with infants or young toddlers.

      • Anonymous says

        I’m not totally clear on how old the kids in this situation are, but I’m guessing somewhere between 1 and 5 years.

        To me, you don’t even need a real babysitter (the sort that I would trust to be the sole responsible party home with 2 or more toddler or preschoolers for a whole evening). You need someone who can keep the kids occupied so mom can rest, meet the pizza delivery at the door, read a couple bedtime stories, and identify any actual emergency worth getting sick mom out of bed for. There are a lot more of those around, usually. It’s mothers helper territory, and this is the time to ask neighbors if you can borrow their 10 year old for a few hours.

      • IHeartBacon says

        The OP didn’t say she was so sick she couldn’t take care of the kids, she said she developed a fever, was getting sick, and couldn’t imagine handling the kids alone. I sympathize with the OP, but the circumstances warrant just powering through the night alone with the kids. She is putting her husband in a very difficult position: be there for his brother, whose girlfriend died, or be there for his wife who “can’t imagine handling the kids alone.” It would be different if the OP couldn’t care for the kids (e.g., bedridden, recent surgery, etc.), but that doesn’t sound like the circumstance here. My hunch is that the OP is asking for advice here not because she wants folks to convince her that she shouldn’t allow her husband to go, but that she wants wants folks to nudge her into recognizing that her husband should go.

      • Anon says

        There are very few situations when a parent is actually too sick to watch their kids, if absolutely necessary. Is it ideal? No. But what do you think single parents do when they are sick? Sometimes you just have to power through.

    • Anonymous says

      Yup. When I first read I thought it was Brother’s girlfriend’s father. If it’s brother’s girlfriend, your DH must go. You should go barring great illness. This is not a dinner party or a holiday. It’s a funeral.

    • Anon says

      I’m the outlier I guess, but honestly I’m shocked you’re not going. If you’re running a 103 degree fever and having hallucinations or you’re vomiting your guts out, sure, stay home. But with a normal cold or mild flu, I would take Dayquil and go. At least put in an appearance and then you go back to the hotel to rest. This is your brother-in-law’s partner! I really think this isn’t about your illness. You’re irritated that they cancelled on you last minute at your kid’s birthday. That is rude, but it’s no excuse for missing her funeral.

      • IHeartBacon says

        From what I understand, the OP cancelled the client meeting because she was going to stay home with the kids while husband went to the visitation by himself since they couldn’t find child care. The only difference now is that she is not feeling well.

      • Anonymous says

        I disagree. It would be really horrible for the family to catch a cold or the flu while they are grieving their sudden loss. OP is the deceased’s boyfriend’s brother’s wife. Her presence is not as important as her husband’s, and certainly not important enough to risk getting everyone else sick.

  4. Reality Check? says

    For those that use a house cleaning service, how much do you pay? Ours in a LCOL midsize city recently went up to $150 biweekly for approx 2000 sq feet, including 4 bedrooms and 1.5 baths. The price was previously $129/biweekly and I normally left a $20 tip each time. They usually send 1 cleaner, sometimes 2, and stay 2 hours or a little more.

    The increase seems like a lot to me (over $500 more a year) especially considering they haven’t been doing a great job lately, but I’m wondering if we were just underpaying before.

    • Anon says

      We pay $120-160 (price varies based on how long they stay) for monthly cleaning of a 4 bed, 2.5 bath house in a very LCOL area. They don’t do a great job, and I don’t tip except at the holidays.

    • Marilla says

      $150 for 2 hours is not reasonable especially in a LCOL city (and doesn’t sound like enough time to do a thorough job, in my opinion). I would look for another service or hire an individual privately.

      • Anon says

        If they send two cleaners, it’s four hours of person time though. That seems reasonable to me for a service. A lot of us don’t want to hire individuals for liability/tax reasons, although they are certainly cheaper.

        • Marilla says

          Yes agreed – for 2 people it’s totally reasonable. Should have added that caveat.

      • Reality Check? says

        Thanks. They are supposed to send 2, but more often than not only 1 shows up. They sometimes will stay 3 hours but usually it’s 2-2 1/2.

        • Reality Check? says

          (By “sometimes” I mean DH claims that they once stayed 3 hours when he was home. But every time I’ve witnessed it it’s been 2 or maybe 2 and 15 min.)

      • Reality Check? says

        It probably wouldn’t have occurred to me either except that when I hired the service, the owner told me that they “strongly encourage” people to tip. Which seemed weird and a little off-putting, but it’s a small local business that I wanted to support. But I’m starting to feel like they’re taking advantage a bit.

    • Anon. says

      Also in a LCOL midsize city; 4 bed/4 bath. We pay $135 for biweekly service. They send 2 cleaners and they’re usually here roughly 2 hours. I only tip at the holidays.

    • AnotherAnon says

      I live in a MCOL city (it’s high to me, but I’m from a rural area so YMMV) and I paid $120/week, every week to have one person clean our 1400 sq ft house. It took her four hours and she did just an ok job. She did not do any laundry, dishes or vacuum (to be fair, I asked her not to do laundry or vacuum). When we moved I just never found another because for what I was paying I felt like I could do a better job in an hour…so that’s what I do now. I totally get that some people think this is a service worth paying for, but I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that I’m not one of those people.

    • anon. says

      I don’t think it seems outrageous actually, particularly in light of what a PAIN it is to change. MCOL city, pay $160 biweekly. 3 bed/ 3 bath. She owns her own service so I don’t tip, but we do give 2x the amount at Christmas.

    • Anon says

      I pay $120 biweekly for 2300 sq ft in a HCOL area, 4 bedrooms and 4 bath. I only tip at year end – the service is owned by a woman and either she or her husband come with 2-3 additional women and they take usually an hour to an hour and a half. Pretty basic cleaning (including thorough dusting, not so thorough mopping), no laundry, but they do change the sheets if I set out new linens.

    • Anon says

      MCOL midsize city, 1400 sq ft, $120 for varying schedule (typically every 3 weeks, my husband does shift work and sleeps during the day half the time so we can’t commit to a regular schedule). We only tip at the holidays. 1-2 people and I have no clue how long they stay as I’m not home.

    • Em says

      LCOL city and we have them clean just under 2,000 sq. ft., which includes 2 beds / 2.5 bath and a decent sized kitchen and dining/living area. We pay $130 and leave a $20 tip for bi-weekly cleanings. They send 3-4 cleaners each time and stay for 1 hour. They raised our price last year, but it was by $5 per cleaning. I would have balked at a $21 per week raise. FWIW, we just started tipping at every cleaning, mostly because we couldn’t figure out a good way to tip around the holidays since they don’t send the same people every time.

    • Anon says

      Fwiw, I don’t think cost of living matters that much – I moved from the VHCOL Bay Area to a small LCOL Midwestern city and cleaning services are more expensive here. There’s more demand for those services in places like the Bay Area/NYC and more people who are willing to do the work at very low wages.

      • Reality check? says

        Thanks for this perspective. I hadn’t considered that part but it totally makes sense.

      • FVNC says

        I was scrolling down to post the same comment. The $150 sounds a bit high based on your square footage, but not outlandish. I pay $150 in MCOL city to an individual who owns her company, for biweekly cleaning. House is about 2000 sq ft, but 4 bathrooms which makes cleaning time consuming. I pay her 2x a normal visit for a year end bonus.

    • Anonymous says

      Huh, I’m reading through these and thinking I must be grossly underpaying my housecleaner at $100 every 2 weeks. No regular tip, but I give her 2x around the holidays. Am I way out of line? It’s one woman working for herself, not part of a service. Our house is 3br/2ba and around 1500 sqft. She’s been working for us for a few years now and has never asked for more $$, though I’ve preemptively increased at the beginning of the year each year. I don’t know how long she usually stays, probably 2-3 hours. Basic cleaning (not so great at mopping or thoroughly dusting) and changes the linens.

      • Anon says

        That sounds normal for an individual. A service usually takes a pretty big cut. And if you don’t treat her as a household employee and withhold income taxes, she may not be paying them. For reference, I pay $28/hour for a service (they send two people and stay ~two hours, so it’s usually about $120) and I could get an individual to clean for $15/hour.

  5. Anon. says

    I’ve read here a hundred times to just keep offering food your toddler won’t eat and eventually he may surprise you. Last night my 19-mo-old ate an adult serving of penne with red sauce. I have never seen this kid swallow a noodle of any kind despite being offered pasta in various formats easily 25+ times over the last year. Last night he wanted to try one off of my plate and then just kept asking for more (complete with adorable baby sign language while covered in sauce).

    Just had to share. And laugh. Kids are weird.

    • Anonymous says

      Yup our 22 month old just started eating pickles and yogurt (I thiught all toddlers love yogurt!). Not together obviously haha

      • Anonymous says

        I also thought all kids were supposed to love yogurt but it took our twins a solid year of being offered it every few weeks before they decided they liked it.

    • anon says

      that’s encouraging! my almost 9 month old won’t feed himself. we started with purees and are introducing finger foods, and he will pick them up, knock them on the tray, drop them on the floor, but does not seem to understand that the pieces of food are for eating. any tips for this transition? sometimes i will pick them up and hold them to his mouth to try to help him understand they are food and then he will eat them, but will not do it himself. he also definitely does not fill up on food and still drinks quite a bit of formula. i know you stop feeding formula around a year and i’m getting nervous that he won’t be eating enough by then

      • Anonymous says

        Are you eating in front of him? Eat with him and share your food with him is the fastest way to get him interested and eating. Babies learn by watching adults and older kids so if you’re not eating, it’s confusing for him about what he is supposed to be doing with the stuff on his tray.

      • Anon says

        Totally normal for a 9 month old to not have the hang of finger foods and get most of his calories from formula/milk. You stop formula after a year, but you introduce cow’s milk, so that can satisfy his basic nutritional needs just like the formula did, if he’s still not really ‘on’ solids. Finger food “clicked” for my baby around 10 months, fwiw. Before that, meals definitely made her hungrier and she wanted to nurse immediately after eating solids, every time. Now she’s almost 12 months and is eating so much solids, she barely wants to drink milk or nurse. I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t worry.

      • Walnut says

        Me too. My awesome eater is eclipsed the 18 month mark and is now eating like a toddler. It’s truly a daily adventure into what she’ll eat versus what gets an enthusiastic “NO” and pushed away.

      • Anonymous says

        Yup. My middle child is 2.5 and totally hot and cold on foods. Right now she refuses to eat basically anything but plain noodles….and cucumbers and red pepper hummus.

        • lsw says

          ugh same, except my son won’t eat anything as healthy as cucumbers and red pepper hummus. he’s basically surviving on fruit and bread.

    • Anon says

      I nearly fell off the couch when my 17 month old last week demanded a spoonful of my french onion soup and then demanded I hand over the spoon so she could eat the rest of it. Thank goodness the couch is leather and easily wipes up. She also picked all the cheese off my taco last night (despite having a bowl of her own) and then spit it out once she tasted the guacamole on it (which she briefly loved around 9 months and hasn’t touched since), so win some and lose some.

      • OP says

        We had a 3-day love affair with guacamole around 11-months. Has not touched it since.

    • Pogo says

      Whenever my 18mo eats something he’s not normally into, my husband and I lock eyes and share a “omg he’s eating it don’t look don’t jinx it!!” moment.

    • Anonymous says

      Still waiting for my 6 year old to catch on, but he did learn to like pizza (sort of) when he was 4, so … baby steps.

        • Anon says

          +1. I was so picky until college and then started eating everything. I think it’s pretty common.

    • Rainbow Hair says

      Yesterday Kiddo blew my mind by eating multiple TJs lemon chili chips. The flavor was too strong for my husband, but she kept taking a little bite, scowling, drinking water, and doing it again. <3

  6. Frivolous First Time Mom/Baby Registry Question says

    Rather frivolous question – first time mom here, and some very generous family members of mine want to throw DH and I a baby shower. I’ve been asked where we are registered so that it can be included on the invitation. A few questions – I guess I don’t have any problems with the concept of a baby registry (goodness knows I’ve purchased dozens and dozens of gifts off of them for friends and family before and done so happily. Without the registry I won’t know what to buy), but in researching my second question, I came up with a lot of “don’t register and certainly don’t put it on the invitation unless you are a tacky and rude person” (Okay that may not be a direct quote). So, is it actually super tacky and insensitive to put the registry name on the invitation? Second, if you are going to do a registry (and even if you don’t put it on the invitation (so someone just has to call the hostesses)), is it tacky to do more than one place (like do Amazon and a local baby store)? Not everyone is local but some things that we want to register for aren’t on Amazon/Target/BuyBuy Baby). Thanks – always appreciate the advise on this site.

    • Anonymous says

      I think it’s such a ridiculous rule online and pretty much every shower invite I receive now says “katie is registered at amazon”. I would stick to 2 places though.

    • Anon says

      Not tacky to have two registries, especially if they serve different purposes. Amazon + cute local boutique is perfect.
      I think it’s somewhat tacky to put the registry info on the invite, but that’s not really your problem. Whoever is throwing the shower is in charge of communicating registry info to guests. All you need to do is tell that person where you’re registered.

      • Anonymous says

        Agree with all of this. You can’t really dictate what your hosts do.

    • Anonymous says

      It’s fine for a baby shower invite to include registry info. Stick with one local place and one online place.

    • ElisaR says

      not tacky! the point of a shower is that people want to “shower” you with gifts. If they don’t know what you want it causes more work for them. I would be annoyed if there’s no registry listed. Totally normal to have it on the invite. I have seen it as an insert if you REALLY don’t want to put it on the invitation but again…. that’s the point of a shower.

    • Anon says

      I’ve gotten shower registries without them and I don’t think it’s a big deal – i just googled the persons name + baby registry and found it without a problem. So I think whatever you’re comfortable with.

    • AnotherAnon says

      As someone who didn’t do a registry, I do not think it’s tacky AT ALL to 1) put the name of where you’re registered on the invitation (how else will guests find out?) and 2) register at multiple places – IMHO it would be really hard to get even the bare minimum of what you need from one place unless it’s Wally world. I guess I’ve seen little paper inserts in baby shower invites that say where the mom to be is registered, but to me that’s splitting hairs. I’d encourage you to decide what you’re comfortable with and do that. Everyone will have an opinion on everything you do with your child from now on; this is good practice to ignore the haters.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      I don’t know much about formal etiquette (or care for myself, frankly) but I find it extremely helpful to know where people are registered and what they are registered for so that I can get them what they actually want!

    • More Sleep Would Be Nice says

      Adding to the “Not Tacky at All” camp. I think you pointed it out nicely – it’s enjoyable to buy gifts for folks, especially ones they are going to use, which is exactly what a baby registry does!

      What is tacky is when I was part of a small group hosting a baby shower, and the mom-to-be wanted two events (a lunch for a smaller group AND a shower for bigger groups), all the higher-end details, and invited a total of about ~80 folks. Now THAT is tacky, and it sounds like you are nowhere near that. I promise I’m a) not bitter and b) not friends with aforementioned person anymore!

    • Anonymous says

      It’s fine to put registry information on shower invitations. A lot of times it’s a slip of paper added to the envelope so that it’s technically not on the invitation but it’s still provided. It doesn’t go on other invitations, like a wedding invitation. Totally fine to register multiple places.

    • octagon says

      I’m in the minority but I still think it’s tacky to put registry info on invitations.

      I think it’s fine to register multiple places. I like Target because they had longer return policies and I could take stuff in person (great for early-mat-leave short excursions). I seem to remember Amazon had a much shorter window (and requires you packing stuff up to send back).

    • Lana Del Raygun says

      It’s tacky to put registry information on a wedding invitation, but not for a shower. Giving you presents is literally the point.

    • Em says

      I am in the Midwest, but every invitation I have ever received for a wedding or baby shower had registry information on it. Some of the wedding invitations have it on a separate enclosed card so it isn’t actually on the invitation, but it’s still in there somewhere. Personally I don’t want the added step of trying to track down where someone is registered, and I am a fan of getting someone something they actually want. I also don’t think there is anything wrong with registering at two places, and did so for both my wedding and baby shower. Particularly if one of the places is Amazon or something else that is only available online, I found a lot of older family members wanted to be able to go to a brick-and-mortar store to buy a gift.

    • Pogo says

      Not tacky, the people throwing you the shower send the invite so it’s not coming from you like, “buy me stuff!!”. It’s from family or friends stating they want to shower you and the new baby, and as a suggestion here is where you’re registered.

      Alternatively, you can have them leave it off but instead give their number as the RSVP and anyone who wants the registry info will call them.

    • Anon says

      I’m annoyed when I have to call to ask where someone is registered. it’s extra work, when everyone knows that the point of a shower is to give gifts. And I would hate to have to respond to all those call if I has hosting, just because of some pointless outdated norm

  7. Aly says

    My 2.5 year old has started waking up when she kicks off the blankets at night. I assume she gets chilled, wakes up and then screams until my husband or I tuck her in. What do others do in this situation? She was sleeping through the night fine prior to this recent trend. I’ve tried just leaving her to cry it out, but she will fall back to sleep, sort of, then wake up again, cry, for an hour. Thicker pajamas? Practicing tucking herself in? Honestly, it’s just easier right now to go, cover her up and head back to bed. But if someone has a solution, I’m all ears!

    • Anonymous says

      In my experience, kids are about 5 before they can reliably fix their blankets at night. Haven’t really found a golden solution. Just put the blankets back on them and got back to bed. Can you tuck in her blankets under the mattress so it’s harder to kick them off? What’s causing her to kick them off? If her pyjamas are quite warm, she may get overheated in the blankets. If she’s in a toddler bed, you could try moving her to a twin or a double, larger blankets don’t seem to get kicked off as easily.

    • Anonymous says

      Tuck the covers in all the way up one side of the bed. Makes the bed easier to make, too.

    • ElisaR says

      i bought a big kids sleepsack that has little spots for feet to come out on the bottom on amazon. Of course my son won’t wear it though…. so we have the same problem.

    • anon says

      My kids go to sleep at around 8. When I go to bed, I go in and cover them/ straighten their blankets preemptively to try to keep them from waking me up later.

    • Anonymous says

      Yes I’ve read kids can’t fix covers until they’re 4-5 years old. Sleepsack with feet. Right now in the midatlantic we do fleece footie pjs with a fleece halo sleepsack. We keep our house at 66 at night but DDs room is probably closer to 64 and she’s comfortable.

    • Anonymous says

      I would totally try warmer PJs – maybe a cotton footie with a thick fleece over it? Basically something warm enough that no blanket is needed.

    • Anonymous says

      Will she wear a sleepsack? We do pjs + sleepsack + blanket so kid gets used to keeping a blanket on at night, but won’t freeze if it comes off.

      • Anonymous says

        Same. Kiddo is 3, and we do a sleep sack. In the recent bitter cold, we added a blanket. Now she wants the blanket every night. She likes being tucked in all cozy at night. We really like that she is learning while still being warm. And really she very likely doesn’t need it for warmth. Maybe just to stick her feet under. It’s a pretty light blanket.

    • Anonymous says

      Honestly we just tucked him back in with a minimum of interaction until he learned to do it himself. For us this phase lasted about age 3 to 3.5.

  8. Anonymous says

    Ideas for a third birthday party? My kid is shy about new places so we think we want to host at home versus a kid gym or similar but then how do I keep everyone entertained? Any ideas appreciated! For a boy if that matters.

    • HSAL says

      We just went to our first daycare-friend birthday for a three year old, and the mom set up a few different “stations” for kids to play at, which I thought was a nice way to handle it. They had playdough out in one area, a cookie decorating station (the mom made cookies that were the letters in each kid’s name, which was adorable but no one has time for that), and a little craft area where they decorated cups to take home. Add some pizza and cake and boom, you’re done.

    • Anonymous says

      Ugh, do it at a place. If your kiddo is shy, pick a place she knows (eg her gymnastics place, her dance place, whatever). Home parties are so much work! ESP for little kids who come with 1-2 parents + siblings.

    • Spirograph says

      Home parties are great! Have some nibbles where parents can congregate and chat, and then a few activities out of the way of that for the kids. Other people’s toys are basically the most exciting thing ever for a 3 year old, so I don’t think you need to put much effort in, just designate some kids play spaces and figure you’re going to spend an hour putting away every single toy you own once everyone goes home. If you want to do stations,
      – dress-up clothes
      – playdough
      – some kind of arts & crafts (Coloring books and crayons are fine. Chalkboard if you have one. Paint if you’re brave)

      We’ve been to a few parties that invited kids to come in costumes, and the kids really love that. One that I thought worked really well was superhero themed, and the parents had gotten a bulk pack of felt superhero eye masks that doubled as party favors.

    • Mrs. Jones says

      Rent a bouncy house and get a pinata. Don’t invite a lot of kids.

      • Anon says

        Yep. My kid’s third bday was held on a Friday because I was home. We invited two neighborhood kids, played outside with trucks and blocks for an hour, did a “craft” with stickers and ate pizza and dirt cups. It was perfect. Too many kids and too much fuss would have been stressful for both my kid and me (he was pretty wound up with just two friends!) In his mind this tiny play date was amazing and it was done in time for nap.

  9. Anon in NYC says

    Screen time help! My 3.5 year old is obsessed with screens. But it seems like it’s to an unhealthy degree. We have restricted screens to weekends only, so every day she asks if the next day is a weekend day. When she learns that it is, she is over the moon excited about being able to watch her tablet. It’s the first thing she asks for when she wakes up. It’s hard to pull her away from it without tantrums. How do I get her to a more balanced existence with the tablet? (I admittedly don’t want to do away with it completely for entirely selfish reasons, but if that’s what I need to do, I want to hear that too!)

    • Anonymous says

      We talk about it like candy. Some is fine and lots of fun but too much is not healthy. We try to hold firm around the limits we set because consistency seems to help with the complaining. We also say ‘if you fuss about the ipad, you won’t be allowed to have it’ which seems to work. Also, something to redirect to when you take it away (lunch, going outside, playing puzzle – whatever). And keep it out of sight when not in use.

    • AwayEmily says

      What about letting her watch on a TV instead of on the tablet? For whatever reason my kid turns into a horror show about phones/tablets but doesn’t that way about TV. So she still gets a fair amount of screen time but it’s always on the TV — we never let her watch on the phone or tablet (or really use them at all anymore once we figured out that was what was making her so whiny). Anyway maybe this is not a universal kid thing but we’ve noticed a huge difference.

      • Spirograph says

        This is my experience, too. My kids flip out about the tablet being taken away (and also get in fights about who’s holding it, etc) in a way that they just don’t about the TV being turned off. Most of the time, at least. TV is also more finite for them, because they haven’t really figured out how to use the remote yet. With tablets or phones, they can touch screen their way to another video, so taking it away is taking away an indefinite amount of potential fun.

        In general I feel like it’s annoying and frustrating when my kids throw a fit about not getting their way, whether it’s about a tablet or anything else, but I’m the parent and I make the rules. The rules don’t change because they tantrum, and logic doesn’t work really well on a preschoolers so I don’t feel the need to give them too much justification. I have officially become my mother and justify with “because I said so.”

  10. Anon says

    Do peds universally use those Ages and Stages Questionnaires? (For those who don’t know, they have 5 categories (communication, gross motor, fine motor, problem solving, personal-social ). And each category has three levels – black (SEEK HELP NOW), gray (behind, but just monitor) and white (normal).) My ped is SO INTENSE about them, and acts very concerned when my kid isn’t well into the white on every skill. My baby is usually in the white (but near the lower end) in most categories or in the gray on one or two. This month (12 months) she’s in the white on everything (just barely on a couple of them though) except gross motor, but in the black (!!!) on gross motor. The skills are all related to standing and walking and I think she just has little interest in that stuff – she’s a crawler and loves exploring on all fours. She can stand fine holding onto furniture if we stand her up and I’ve seen her pull herself up when there’s something she really wants (ie, a phone). And I was a very late walker, so there’s so family history there. But I kow my ped will flip out, want to refer us to EI, etc., and I’m just already having so much anxiety about this stupid appointment. I get wanting to catch things early, but I feel like these surveys are sort of arbitrary. For example, one of the gross motor skills is ‘bends down to retrieve a toy and then returns to standing’. I just feel like, my kid wouldn’t do that? She can bend down to retrieve a toy, but then wouldn’t she just play with the toy? I don’t know. I get that there are some things that are very concerning and clearly indicate a delay, but it feels like so much of this checklist kind of depends on personality and what you model for your kid. My mom says when I was a kid they would just casually ask “Is she doing X, Y, Z?” and when if she said no to one or more of them they said “oh don’t worry she’ll do it soon” and that was that unless it was a HUGE delay (they did get concerned when I wasn’t walking at 18 months, but I walked soon after). I just feel like there’s so much pressure now and I wish I could find a ped who’s very laissez faire about everything.

    • Anonymous says

      This would make me want to switch to a more laid back ped. This doesn’t sound typical to me.

      • lsw says

        I agree. I tend to be more worried about stuff and literally every time my ped would say, “this is well within the realm of normal, the range for normal is huge” – even when he was behind on a few things. It really was peace of mind for me to have a professional telling me to relax. I would find that ped to make parenthood more stressful for me, and would find another one.

      • ElisaR says

        agreed. Seems very extreme and I have known family members with no gross motor skills who walked at 10 months and some that were nearly 2 years old. I wouldn’t be comfortable with this doctor.

          • Em says

            I lol’d when I read your correction. I read “no gross motor skills” and was thinking “they should probably get that checked out….”

    • AwayEmily says

      I’ve had two pediatricians and the first was pretty intense (and used age and stages). The second is TOO laid back…I don’t think she asked me a single question at my son’s year appointment (which would have freaked me out with kid #1 but now I’m like eh whatever). HOWEVER…even my super intense one was not NEARLY as crazy as yours! Is the pediatrician young? Maybe they haven’t had the personal experience to understand that there are ranges of normal. But yeah I think you should find a new pediatrician, this person sounds a little cuckoo and not like a great fit for you.

      • Anon says

        Not super young but not old. Maybe early 40s. We saw another doctor once when she wasn’t available and I liked him more, so I think I want to switch to him. I think the whole practice uses Ages and Stages but hopefully he’s more relaxed about it. I just feel like I shouldn’t be this nervous about seeing my child’s doctor, right?

        • anon says

          Agree. I say switch. It’s not hard at all within a practice. And certainly not worth dreading your child’s check up.

    • Anon says

      I have never heard of these things. Also my child didn’t walk until 13 months or so and now I have a monkey. We have a pretty laid back ped, and he asks questions about what she’s up to and what he’s looking for (e.g., X number of words by X months, if not, monitor), but nothing so regimented.

    • Anonymous says

      Isn’t the bending down to reach a toy supposed to happen while the kid is holding on to something with the other hand?

    • Em says

      Our pediatrician has us fill out the questionnaire on an ipad in the waiting room. It doesn’t tell me the results, though, and they have never mentioned the questionnaire, so I don’t actually know how they use the information. The pediatrician asks a few milestone type questions when we are in the room, and I have answered “not yet” or “not really” to a few of them and she has never been concerned, so I guess she takes a medium approach. She took my concerns seriously and expedited us seeing a specialist for an issue our previous pediatrician ignored (which resulted in us switching), so I generally trust her judgment.

  11. AwayEmily says

    Maybe too late for this but any recommendations for good thick socks with grippy things on the bottom? These are for my 3yo — I feel like socks are either too thin (I’m looking at you, Target) or else don’t have the grippers (and she definitely still needs those).

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