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I never have had the occasion to actually button a blazer I’m wearing, so I didn’t purchase any specifically maternity blazers or open-front cardigans while pregnant. However, I saw this one online, and I probably would wear this even while not pregnant! The wine color is beautiful and perfect for the fall and winter. The black version seems a bit more casual to me, but maybe it’s because they styled it with jeans and my brain isn’t being that creative right now. I also think it’s cool that it’s reversible so the shiny side is in and the sueded part is out. This blazer/jacket is available at A Pea in the Pod in sizes XS–L for $128 — but it’s currently 30% off, which brings it down to $89.60. Drape Front Reversible Maternity Jacket Two plus-size options (non-maternity) are at Bloomingdale’s and Kohl’s. Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 3.28.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonanonanon says
Speaking of brain not working… when I saw “reversible” my first thought was imagining it on backwards instead of inside-out, and I was confused as to why anyone would want to wear it that way.
Time for coffee
ElisaR says
this made me chuckle!
Anonymous says
I did the same thing. What’s wrong with us!
Being dry overnight says
Kid 2 (girl) is dry during the day but is in 1st and has never been dry overnight. We’ve been trying going bare-bottomed (lots of laundry; did not work AT ALL) each of the past 3 summers. There is a good family (aunt, stepson) chance that this will be a continuing problem (outgrowing but not until 10). As it gotten cooler, the bedding volume has gone up (in summer, was OK to use a thin blanket; now, the bedding is just a lot more to wash even using wetness-blocking sheet liner things. I’m inclined to go to potty at 10pm, potty + bare bottom again at 5am, but going to a pullup overnight so I can sleep and not spend my waking hours dry overnight. I’d love it if there were a lifehack for this (I’ve read Oh Crap and feel like I’ve tried it all, pads, alarms, cold turkey, lots of waking every 2 hours), but maybe some people are just going to have primary eneuresis no matter what and making ourselves miserable until the magic happens just makes every one, cold, wet, miserable, and smelling of urine.
Any thoughts / advice / commiseration?
Anon says
Just put her in a Pull Up overnight and move on. She’s not going to need one at 20. There’s no need to suffer.
Betty says
If you’ve checked with your Ped, and this is just a wait-it-out thing, then I agree. Trying to change something that will come with time sounds like a recipe for exhaustion for you and disappointment/guilt for kiddo 2. Put on a pull-up, have everyone get sleep and trust that it will work itself out.
Anonymous says
Yes, this is exactly why pull-ups were invented. If she truly isn’t ready to stay dry at night, trying to force the issue will just make everyone miserable.
When it’s time to try again, I actually think going bare at night would make it more difficult for her to feel wetness than having underwear close to her skin.
anon says
Put her in a Pull-up. Some kids just really, really aren’t ready to stay dry at night. My ped, who tends to be kind of a hard*ss in a lot of respects, told us that nighttime wetting is super common even into elementary school.
Artemis says
First, I so feel you. My oldest wet the bed nearly every night of his life until he was 7.5, and that was after being potty trained relatively easily for every other purpose at 2.5.
My pediatrician told me that doing anything other than waiting it out was just training me and making me miserable, not doing anything for him. He is and always has been a SUPER heavy sleeper and his brain to bladder signals just weren’t strong enough.
He wore a pullup every night until, at 7.5, suddenly he had a dry pullup for a week. He asked to stop wearing them and we’ve never looked back. He doesn’t often wake up in the night to go to the bathroom, his bladder just has better capacity now, but he absolutely can wake up to go if he needs to–the brain pathway is now formed!
We never made a big deal out of it. When his younger brother stopped needing nighttime pullups before he did, he was upset, but we took the time to explain to him the biological reasons why his body wasn’t ready yet and emphasized that it’s not his fault, it’s not a bad thing, it will fix itself in time. He really did take that all to heart and it wasn’t super traumatic. Thankfully we never had a problem with his younger brother teasing him, because we explained it to him too.
Free yourself! Pullups are made in “big kid” sizes for a reason!!!
farrleybear says
Thank you, this is super helpful. My kiddo also a super-heavy sleeper so I think this will be our path.
Anonymous says
Commiseration and adding to the chorus of wait it out and really really really don’t make a big deal. Be discreet about the need for a pull-up and just do your best to not make it a thing lest the child feel ashamed. Especially if there are siblings involved, just don’t let that be anything that they can use to tease child.
Signed, mom of 9-year-old heavy sleeper who JUST stopped wearing pull-up at night (but was potty-trained at 27 months) and sister of a now-grown woman who wet the bed till about the same age
EB0220 says
Thanks for this thread! My 4 year old is still in pull ups at night with no sign of stopping. She was day trained at 2 on the dot. Her older sister was day trained at 2.5 and night trained about a month later. Amazing how different people can be!
Katarina says
My 5 year old is still in pull ups at night with no sign of stopping, he has even leaked through his pull up recently.
Irony says
My company does an annual engagement survey and results are in! One of the biggest “areas for improvement” is that people feel that they are unable to balance their work with personal demands. This is obviously a big concern for my company, so they have scheduled a two hour meeting to discuss ways to improve this and other areas. The meeting is scheduled for November 12, Veterans’ Day, which is a federal holiday and all schools are closed. All managers were “heavily encouraged” to attend.
CHL says
Love it!
Anonymous says
Oh man that’s tone deaf. Are you in a position to say something?
OP says
Oh yes! I plan on it; I’m taking a few minutes this morning to be indignant before saying anything to the powers that be.
I’m open to any thoughts on how to phrase this because the current email running through my head is rather snarky.
Anonymous says
“To make physical attendance easier for parents, I recommend rescheduling this meeting. Public schools are closed for Veterans’ Day on Nov 12, and many parents of school-age children were likely planning to telework or take a personal day before this meeting was announced.”
This is bonkers. It’s hard, but I want to give them the benefit of the doubt that the schedulers just looked at the calendar and saw that Monday was open. If they don’t have kids in school, it wouldn’t have crossed their mind that schools are on a different schedule (see also: Election Day. Veterans Day is actually not a day off in my district, although it is early release and parent-teacher conferences, but the after care program is open, so no big deal. On election day, there’s no after care, either, because the whole point is that they don’t want to deal with keeping kids and polling places separated.)
Anonymous says
I like this wording
GCA says
+1 to this wording and likely oblivious scheduler. (This was my old company too – the default employee did not have kids.)
Anonymous says
That’s so blatant that it’s almost an intentional DNGAF about work-life balance stuff. Like if people are going to complain, we’ll make it worse to give them something to really complain about.
Especially this year of all years when the holiday is the 100th anniversary of the end of WW1
Anonymous says
Solidarity. My company announced this morning that a huge annual event will take place next year on Oct. 31. My daughter is an infant now, so next year will be her first real time trick-or-treating and the long event hours means I’ll almost certainly miss it. I’m livid.
anon says
Booooo. That is crummy, and I would be upset, too!
Anonymous says
o m g this is so spot on ridiculous. I can’t.
Mama Llama says
Help me decide what pump to buy, please! I have an almost 5 year old Medela Pump in Style Advanced that seems to be working just fine. But I’d like to have a second pump so I can keep one at work and one at home for telework days. Should I just get another PISA since I know how to use it and have all the parts and bottles, or should I get one of these fancy new pumps like a Spectra? Are they worth the hassle of dealing with adapters and whatnot to use the Medela bottles?
Spirograph says
I got a second PISA, because I had no major complaints and didn’t want to deal with two sets of parts.
Anonymous says
I also got a second PISA because it was free and I really liked it. That was definitely a minority opinion among my friends though.
AttyinDC says
I have a Spectra but also use Medela bottles with an adapter (just because I have them as a result of buying a Medela hand pump and a Medela cooler bag). The adapters are no big deal. Since I only ever use maybe 2 medela bottles and 2 spectra bottles in a workday, I only need two adapters in my pump bag at any time. I bought a set of four and it’s been fine. I used a Medela in the hospital after delivery (no idea what kind) and hated it. I was afraid to pump again afterward! And then I finally got the nerve up to use my own pump (the Spectra) after about a month. It was no biggie! So, I haven’t directly compared them, but I will say I love my Spectra. I actually have two–the insurance provided S1 (with an upgrade fee–ask about this!) for home and the S2 (from Amazon) for work.
HSAL says
I have both. I like the Spectra better, but not significantly. I will say that the adapter is not much of a hassle at all, but I seldom need to use it. I pump with the Spectra flanges/bottle, and pour into Medela/Dr. Brown bottles for storage. I use Quick Clean wipes and keep the Spectra flanges/bottles in the fridge, and I just pump into them (empty) each time I need to pump during the day. We have to run the dishwasher every day anyway, so it’s no big deal to wash the Spectra pieces daily, and I keep a set of the Medela flanges/bottles at work for a backup if I forget someday.
I will say I like the Spectra valves a TON better than the white membrane/yellow plastic ones from Medela, but those are interchangeable so you could buy some of the generic ones online and use them with your Medela.
Anonymous says
I have a medala and a spectra and find the spectra so much more comfortable, quiet, and effiecient.
Anonanonanon says
Spectra was great for nighttime pumping because of the little nightlight (I thought it was dumb but it was actually so useful) and I love the option to be cordless
AwayEmily says
I had a Medela PIS for baby #1 and am currently using a Spectra for baby #2. I like it SO much better. It’s quieter, gentler, and also more efficient. Also I am so happy to not wash those stupid little white Medela membranes. The one down side: extra parts are more expensive so I didn’t buy any extras. I’ve gotten by fine with only one set though. I just wash the Spectra parts every night (and store in my minifridge at work between uses) and use my old Medela bottles for transport. Like HSAL, we run the dishwasher daily anyway so it’s not a big deal. I strongly recommend the Spectra.
AK says
+1 to all of this – I did the same PIS for #1 and Spectra (S1 – with battery!) for #2. I’ve compared them now and I definitely prefer the S1. Pumping in the car is a breeze! I still use my Medela bottles (bought wide-mouth adapters) and I also use my medela pump parts every-other day (so I also purchased flange adapters).
I also bought a set of 6 “nenesupply” wide mouth bottles that I’ve used occasionally to pump into.
I find the S1 a lot better than the PIS and would highly recommend it.
AIMS says
I had a Medela and got a spectra. Both were free with insurance. The spectra now lives in my office and the medela stays home. I can’t say that I find the spectra so much better output-wise (some people really said it was dramatic but I find any difference to be pretty negligible). BUT I vastly prefer how quiet it is. Esp. for work.
FWIW, I didn’t bother buying any spare parts and don’t find it a problem. I just use the two bottles it came with and pout into bags after. It’s been fine. My only complaint is the bottles do not attach all that well so you have to be careful. I once had one literally fall off, mid pump. I am more careful now and it’s fine. I guess one other minor complaint is it’s not too easy to read the MLs on the bottle. But that’s really getting nitpicky on my part.
AIMS says
PS: There is apparently now a smaller portable Spectra too. That one looks like it would be great for anyone who has to be out of the office and pump. A friend uses it for when she’s on trial or has a deposition.
Mama Llama says
Thanks for all the feedback! You have convinced me to go for the Spectra.
Busted says
Would you like to hear what sucks right now? Getting injured on the way back from a business trip, that’s what. I recently drove to a nearby city for a conference, and wound up in a car accident with a broken bone on the way back. First, I had to be away, and now I haven’t been able to pick up my kids or really play with them since I got back, and I’m not sure exactly when I will be.
I’m getting by (and have good support and the kids get it), so this is just a vent, but man, this is not fun.
anon says
uch that sounds awful! i hope that you heal quickly!
Anonymous says
Oh no that sounds really hard! I hope you heal quickly.
Anonymous says
so sorry to hear this. came by to remind you to file a workers comp claim if you haven’t already.
Anonymous says
Whoa, I didn’t realize you could file worker’s comp in this situation. I was in a car accident on the way to a work conference and although I was fine, I was pregnant, and my OBGYN ordered me to go to the ER. The baby was fine but I had almost $4,000 of medical bills to pay out of pocket (HDHP). I wish I had known that workers comp applied to this.
Anonymous says
Yep yep yep. In fact, most HR depts would be upset if they found out you did not as it opens them up to further liabilities.
I had someone once get a spider bite while in the airport for a work thing and somehow HR found out (small office) and was like “FILE ASAP! Here’s the paperwork.”
If you’re engaged in any kind of business activity (driving to a conference counts- driving to work as part of your commute does not) you should be covered.
Cb says
Ticked some big things off my list this weekend – got our wills signed finally, which includes custody of our toddler. It isn’t an obvious choice (husband’s 2nd cousin) so I’m relieved to have that in writing.
And booked a trip to Berlin for Easter. We’re renting a flat in Prenzlauer Berg which someone described here as a toddler paradise.
Anonymous says
Yay! Having our wills done was a huge relief to me, even though custody is more obvious in our situation (my parents). I just had this vision of my in-laws fighting my parents for custody in court (even though they have no interest in our kid) and it felt really good to have our wishes in writing.
Enjoy Berlin! I’ve been but not with kids. It’s a fun city.
Cb says
Such a relief! I motivated myself by imagining my brother-in-law raising my child. He loves his kids and is trying to do right by them but his parenting style is more authoritarian than I’d ever want for my kiddo.
Pogo says
I was talking wills with DH over the weekend too! We need to get that done.
Anonymous says
Possible TW here.
Years ago, like 10-12, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. I left the state, moved on and married a lovely man. We have a child, about a year and a half old, and with the stresses of having a child (less sleep, less one-on-one time), we bicker more (dumb stuff: about each other’s sleep habits, being on time to places, etc). I realized this weekend I may have been defaulting to old habits, trying to be super accommodating to help make fights blow over quicker. But (a) it’s not really working to prevent the issues from arising and (b) I feel like I’m being steamrolled.
This is what therapy is for, right? Any other advice?
Knope says
I don’t think therapy ever hurts, but whether you *need* it to solve the issue depends on what’s holding you back from changing your communication style. Are you unable to advocate for your feelings because 1) you don’t have the right language to use, 2) you lack the confidence to say what you want because your past abusive relationship left you feeling insecure or, worse, you have PTSD from it, or 3) you are afraid of your husband’s reaction if you push back more. Each of these has different solutions – you may be able to solve 1) by reading some books on healthy communication in relationships; 2) calls for individual therapy; and 3) is going to require couples’ therapy.
Myrna M says
My husband and I have overcome racial/religious differences, prolonged unemployment , and infertility – and the most trying time in our relationship, by far, was when we had our first baby. Just wanted to give you encouragement that time is supposed to be hard (though you should definitely work on therapy or whatever way makes it better!) and I don’t want you to think it means there is something wrong with you, your partner, or your marriage. Best of luck to you.
lawsuited says
The fact that you’ve had that insight suggests to me that you would be a very good candidate for talk therapy and would be able to make significant strides in a short amount of time with the additional support of a therapist. Having a child amplified a lot of issues in my life that I had been able to Macgyver coping mechanisms for up until then but no longer had the time and energy for after having a baby. Although time and money were both at a premium, the time I spent in therapy dealing with those issues after I had a baby was very well worth it – I thought of it as an investment in a happy, functional household for my kid to grow up in.
Anon. says
We are spending Thanksgiving in Hawaii (Kauai specifically) with our 16 month old. Any recommendations? Our expectations our low – we are just looking forward to hanging out with kiddo somewehre warm that is not home. We have a VRBO with beach access and plane tickets to get there but no other actual planning.
Follow-up question: any recommendation for water shoes that are 1) available online and 2) not crazy expensive? Just realized he outgrew the sandals he was wearing this summer and I assume these will not make it to next summer so don’t want to spend too much.
Anonymous says
Kauai Revealed is good for general tips. Waimea Canyon overlook is pretty and easy to do with a toddler.
anon says
will you be staying on the north or south shore of Kaui?
Anon. says
We are on the east shore near Wailua. But we have a rental car reserved so very mobile.
anon says
we went last year and had a great time . We were there without kids, but most of my recs are generally kid friendly. Things there are pretty casual. In Kappa we liked the coffee shop Java Kai for breakfast. If you decide to go to Waimea Canyon and you like raw fish – on the way back we stopped at Ishihara Market which is basically like a supermarket and you can get containers of sashimi, the way that you would go to a deli counter and get chicken salad or something, it was super fresh and very good. Also loved The Fresh Shave for shaved ice. Not necessarily the most toddler friendly, but Hanalei Bay is absolutely beautiful around sunset. I’d recommend the St Regis Princeville for drinks, or even go to one of the beaches over there during the day. The town of Hanalei is also very different from any other town and is cute to walk around if you want a day off from the beach, though will be a bit of a drive from where you are staying. The Lighthouse overlook is also probably pretty easy with a toddler. We didn’t find the town of Poipu to be anything special – basically a bunch of shopping centers. You could go see the Spouting Horn, but wouldn’t go out of your way to see it. If you do end up in the Poipu area and want some good acai bowls, check out Anekes Juice Bar, which is located in the back of a supermarket.
OP says
Thanks!
Anonymous says
What do you guys think of the discussion on Corporette today re kids in the opposite sex bathrooms? I’m not comfortable sending my 7 year old into a men’s room by himself or having him sit outside to wait for me while I pee.
Anonymous says
In general, 7 strikes me as old to be going into an opposite sex gender bathroom. 7 year olds don’t need help peeing, and honestly abuse can happen at any age (and a 7 year old is perfectly capable of telling you if something sketchy happened) so I’m not really sure why a 7 year old needs a parent to accompany them. I also think it’s kind of crazy that you think a 7 year old can’t wait alone for you for a couple of minutes while you pee, assuming the place you’re at is relatively safe.
Anon says
i can see a 7 year old waiting outside for a few minutes in a smaller area, but at a sporting event, or a large public park or a place with a lot of people, where me peeing could end up taking more than a few minutes due to a line, etc. it does make me kind of nervous to leave a kid all alone waiting outside. I am more ok with sending the kid into the restroom alone because that is at least a small space with only 1-2 entrances/exits, but the situation of the kid waiting for the parent makes me anxious.
Anonymous says
Again though the concern is largely with locker rooms. Have your 7 year old stand inside the door of a bathroom if you need to.
Lyssa says
I have a 5 year old, and we do everything right now. If it’s a bathroom where I think he’ll be comfortable (familiar place, not overly crowded), I send him in alone without a problem. But if it’s somewhere bigger or less familiar, I just take him in with me unless there’s a family bathroom. I figure we’ll just keep playing it by ear as he gets older, gradually increasing the standards for “familiar” places.
I’m never in places like locker rooms where people are actually moving about nude (it always amazes me that that’s a thing, in fact). That seems completely different, and I would be very uncomfortable bringing a boy who was older then, probably 3, there. (And I disagree with the poster who said something about “safety.” I think that you can have issues of privacy without necessarily feeling like your safety is threatened.)
FWIW, though, my husband will still bring our 3 year old girl into the men’s room, and I guess he’ll just have to keep doing that for a while (he’s a SAHD, so not an infrequent issue). You can only do what you can do.
Anonymous says
You never go to a swimming pool w your kids? I’m in locker rooms all the time at the pool.
Lyssa says
We just change at home (the pool is in our neighborhood, so not quite public). There’s a bathroom with 2 stalls for each sex, but no actual locker room there.
I don’t recall ever seeing group locker rooms when I was a kid at public pools, though. Seems like we all either just used bathroom stalls or changed at home. Maybe it just varies by area.
Anonymous says
Interesting! Locker rooms with people moving about nude abound in my life. :) Seriously though, this is the norm at every swimming pool I’ve ever been to, plus, most fitness centers and specialty gyms (rock climbing, martial arts, etc). Even the gym in my office has a group changing area. There’s almost always at least one curtained changing room for people who want privacy, but I’ve rarely seen it used.
Pogo says
Locker rooms I’ve used have a hard rule, I think 5 years old for opposite genders. I think that’s appropriate, especially if they provide “family changing” areas as needed.
anon says
I have an 8-year-old boy. While sending him into the men’s room alone (or waiting alone) makes me uncomfortable on some level, I also don’t think it’s appropriate for him to be in a women’s restroom — and it stopped being appropriate several years ago. I think the best thing you can do is to teach your son bathroom safety/etiquette and let go a little bit. But I get it; it’s hard, and it does give me pause.
Spirograph says
I haven’t read the whole thread, but I am generally OK with either of these for my 5.5 year old son. Maybe not somewhere like a big sporting event with a bunch of drunk bros (it’s very unlikely I’d be there without my husband, though, so moot point), but at a restaurant, kid can go to the bathroom himself, and prefers to. What’s your concern about your 7 year old being in the bathroom alone? Personally, I’m not concerned that he would be harmed by anyone else, but in a locker room, he typically needs someone to keep him on task.
For locker rooms, there is an explicit rule in every pool I’ve ever been to stating the max age an opposite sex kid can come in the locker room. It’s 6 at my YMCA, and IMHO, that’s generous. It’s 4 at the community pool near my mom’s house. A teenage lifeguard who is obviously a poor judge of age in young kids once reminded me of the rule as I was changing my 22 month old son’s diaper in the locker room. I don’t think it’s appropriate to bring a 7 year old boy in a women’s locker room. It would make me, let alone other elementary or middle-school age girls, uncomfortable to have an older boy staring at me while I change, and it would probably make the boy uncomfortable to be changing with a bunch of girls around.
Family / unisex bathrooms and locker rooms (single occupant, not stalls, and often double as a handicapped bathroom) are getting more common. Those are the best solution.
Anonymous says
“A teenage lifeguard who is obviously a poor judge of age in young kids once reminded me of the rule as I was changing my 22 month old son’s diaper in the locker room.”
This made me laugh :) Teenagers are so goofy.
Anonymous says
Get comfortable. 7 is old enough.
Anonymous says
I guess it’s just paranoia that would make me nervous to send a 7 year old into a bathroom alone in certain situations – the busy sporting event someone mentioned, or a big airport. Just so many people, I worry mostly kiddo might get lost and not be able to find me (turn the wrong direction when they get out etc).
However, I can’t think of a case where a family restroom wouldn’t be provided. I wouldn’t bring him into the women’s room as a solution to this.
Anonanonanon says
FWIW, I’ve never found myself in one of those larger situations where there wasn’t a family bathroom available as well
Anonymous says
Yes, the big bustling public spaces where it’s most likely to be dangerous to leave a kid waiting alone at the restroom door or to send a kid into the restroom alone are also the places most likely to have a family restroom.
I sometimes wonder whether the moms who bring their 8-year-olds into the ladies’ room and let them look into stalls–sometimes while the dad is outside waiting by himself!–are setting them up for a lifetime of treating women as objects.
mascot says
We try to find a visual point of reference as a meeting spot and talk about it before he goes in. So have you talked to him about what happens if he does get lost? Who should he look for to help him? (Someone in uniform, someone at a concession stand, a gate attendant, etc) Does he know your phone number so someone can call you? Does he know where you are sitting? I remind myself that big public spaces like this have procedures for lost kids. Sometimes I’ll also let my kid try to navigate on his own while I am watching from a distance and it gives both us the confidence we need to let him go on his own. It doesn’t have to be just bathrooms, can he got buy a snack or something that requires navigating a crowd.
anon says
There are ways to be respectful if you get in a jam. I remember my mother making my brother put a towel or jacket over his head before following us into a locker room or bathroom. Once inside, he would put his nose against a wall and wait. If he needed to use the bathroom he would use the stall, but was as respectful as possible. He was probably 6-8 yo at that point.
In House Lobbyist says
Our gym’s rule is 3 year old for the opposite sex in the locker room. My 8 year old would die if I made him go to the bathroom with me. If we are at large place, then I wait outside the restroom while he is in there and casually mention I am waiting for a little boy if anyone looks at me funny. My paranoid brain says that would be discourage any would be bad people if they know someone is waiting near by. When he comes out, I make him wait there for me to get finished.
Redux says
Three seems young to me! Mostly I think of this in terms of my kid being able to wipe herself after she poops. At 5 I feel comfortable with that but at 3 definitely not!
In House Lobbyist says
I guess I should add that there are also family changing rooms/bathrooms and bathrooms in the kid area too. I was talking more about locker room rules.
CPA Lady says
I think most of the problem is more of a child’s behavior in the bathroom vs. the child actually being in there. Like kids that are running around and sticking their heads under the stall door to see what’s going on in there (this has happened multiple times in my life where a little boy in the early elementary school age range will try to look at me while I’m using the restroom). This could be solved by him going into the stall with his mother where she could keep an eye on him and correct him if he was trying to look under other stalls.
I also think that family restrooms and family locker rooms should be used when they are an option. If you must bring your son into a women’s locker room where there is nudity, I really think that’s on you as a parent to be really strict about enforcing appropriate and respectful behavior.
Anonymous says
In bathrooms, maybe. In locker rooms, simply being there is problematic. A 7 year old boy should not be around naked women.
Lyssa says
I’m amazed at how many people have mentioned kids looking under stranger’s stalls in bathrooms. I would be mortified if my kid did that, no matter how young or what sex! (And I would definitely make sure kid never did it again!)
Anonymous says
Really? I may be in the minority here, but I have a 7 y/o girl (and a 4 y/o and a 1 y/o girl). When DH has them, he is now not comfortable peeing in front of the 7 y/o and prefers not to in front of the 4 y/o. The 7 y/o and the 4 y/o go into the ladies’ room together and the 7 y/o comes out and tells DH if the 4 y/o needs any help (she never does, my 7 y/o is totally competent to toilet herself and help her sister, who is also 99% competent).
When we go to the gym, if DH has the girls, they either use the family changing room (and DH changes behind the curtain) or DH takes the younger 2 and sends the older one into the women’s locker room.
My 7 y/o goes to the bathroom alone at school, as does my 4 y/o. If there are predators in the target bathroom, I suppose I am just comfortable taking that risk. They can both scream.
I distinctly remember being 6, 7, and 8. i was going to the bathroom alone and frankly would have been embarrassed to go in the men’s room with my dad at the time.
Are there exceptions like massive concert venues or unsafe places? Sure. Then either use a family rest room or bring the girls into the mens room and utilize the handicap stall as a group. But those are exceptions for our family, not the norm.
anon says
I do think it’s a little different for boys in the ladies room vs. girls in the men’s room, since urinals are exposed. But, now that I think about it, I don’t think there’s any way my 5 y/o DD would go into the ladies room alone, while I sent my DSs into the men’s room at age 5 alone all the time. I guess DH just covers her eyes? I don’t even know what happens.
ANon says
I’m surprised that it hasn’t come up at all that there has been a lot of public scrutiny on leaving children alone anywhere (like cars while you run in for an errand, playing outside, etc.) I definitely have been in situations where I felt like my kid would be fine alone but was worried about consequences like (not being arrested, but you read horror stories about that) people yelling at me about leaving my kid alone. Seems like a darned if you do, darned if you don’t.
Anonymous says
I am the poster above with 3 young daughters. I leave the 7 and 4 year old in the car alone for brief periods of time. It is legal in my state as long as they are not “in danger.” i find states that have 12 years as an age minimum absolutely absurd. They can buckle/unbuckle. They can open doors. They can safely cross a parking lot if they needed to. It’s never long.
Anonymous says
Illinois has a minimum of 14!!!! It’s INSANITY. I was babysitting infants at 14.
Anonymous says
Ugh, I was actually thinking of IL when I said 12–I didn’t realize it was fourteen. That is completely absurd. In my east coast state you can drive at 16 and work at 14 if you get sign-off from your principal. But somehow cannot be left in the car alone at 14?! DH got his learner’s permit at 14.5 (back in the stone age, and he great up in a rural area).
SC says
+1. My kid is only 3.5, but I don’t like to leave him in the car while I walk 20 feet to put the grocery cart away because I worry some busy-body will call the police.
Betty says
As with most things, my response is to not judge unless you know the whole story. I have a 7 year old boy and 5 year old girl. I solo parent 90% of the time. My son has ASD and Crohn’s, and he has had Crohn’s since he 4 or 5. For so long, my son had serious pain and going to the bathroom was a challenge. We are just now getting to a place where he doesn’t flip in public restrooms (sensory) and where he toilets independently (we had to monitor for blood for a long time). As a result, we are just getting to a place where I will send him into a men’s restroom. However, when he has a flair, all bets are off.
I guess this is a long way of saying that ideally a kid should gradually get more comfortable going into a restroom solo, but some of us do not live in an ideal world. Oh, and in an airport/stadium/crowded place, nope I’m taking him with me.
Anonymous says
First, I think locker rooms are a much bigger issue than bathrooms with stalls. Do you ever need to bring your son into a locker room? No, right?
Also, I think most people understand that some kids are different and have unique needs. Whenever things like this are discussed, I assume people are talking about developmentally-typical children without health issues.
Betty says
But how do you know which children fall into which category?
Anonymous says
I don’t, and that’s why I don’t freak out if I see a 7 year old boy in the women’s restroom (locker room is a different story). If I see one individual boy, I assume he’s like your son. But as a general rule, I believe it’s extremely inappropriate and I commented to that effect above.
Anonymous says
And I know lots of people who are just helicopter parents and bring neurotypical children without health issues to the bathroom with them, just because they want to help their kids go potty. So yeah I judge those people hard.
Anonymous says
If you are obviously supervising your child so he is not leaning under the stall doors, you take him into the stall with you, and you teach him not to ogle people, most people will assume that you have a valid reason to bring him in with you. It’s the kids who are running around and trying to catch a glimpse of naked ladies who offend people.
anon says
Thank you so much for this reminder. I find myself being judgmental sometimes and it just really good to be reminded that you don’t know someone’s story.
Anonymous says
I haven’t read the main s*te but some of the replies on this one are baffling to me. I’ve literally never seen a kid be disruptive in a public bathroom (except wailing toddlers, but obviously that’s not what you are talking about). But I can totally imagine it, I guess I’ve just been lucky. But I would be pretty upset about it whether it was a boy or a girl, because the issue is the rudeness. I don’t think that a boy peeking under stalls would bother me in terms of objectifying women until at least 10 or 11 (because really, I can’t imagine they wouldn’t be equally curious/rude in the men’s room), but it would bother the heck out of me because RUDE! and PRIVACY!
That said, I have 2 sons, 9 and 7, and I think the level of maturity of the kid factors in a lot as well. My older kid is much more mature than the little one and I could certainly trust him in a public bathroom on his own earlier than little bro – who is clingier, more fearful, and just less mature. So big bro was earlier to catch on to body awareness and wanting privacy and being embarrassed if he saw me nak*d accidentally. Little bro is just oblivious. But both are well-behaved kids and would not run amok in public bathrooms.
When I first started letting big bro go in by himself, I had him open the door with me standing just outside, tell me if there was anyone in there, and then I would make sure that i was very loudly communicating with him the whole time. I warned him that if he ever DIDN’T respond to me, I would walk on in and possibly embarrass him. That way anyone in there knows that I am watching him. And I stand by the door like a sentry. And then I quiz him about who was in there, anything happen, etc…
Anonymous says
I have had the peeking under/around the door thing happen several times, as well as the staring in the locker room. What really bothers me is when my daughter is the target. She already has a terrible opinion of boys in general based on her life experience–pushy, rude, obnoxious, self-centered. She has a hard enough time standing up for herself against aggression from boys when she is in a much less vulnerable position, such as at school. When she does stand up for herself, she is always the one who gets in trouble. It is just asking too much of her to either put up with or push back against elementary school boys who are trying to catch a glimpse of her in the bathroom.
Anonymous says
I got my first postpartum period, and I know it’s just the hormones talking, but I’m all emotional that my body is biologically ready for a second kid. I don’t feel ready at all and feel like my first is still such a tiny little baby (she’s 7 months).
Anonymous says
So don’t get pregnant? What?
Anonymous says
Same situation and timing here. I hear you!
On one hand, I want my baby to stay tiny forever, but on the other hand I want her to continue growing and learning (and someday sleep through the night regularly again, she hasn’t done this since we had to quit swaddling her).
Anonanonanon says
I *think* I get what you’re getting at.
I had the thought of “omg if we were in a society/time where birth control wasn’t available I MAY NOT HAVE THE CHOICE TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN” I mean even if it wasn’t available now I have a husband who would just respect my choice and stay away from me so I don’t get pregnant, but plenty of women in the past and all over the world today are not in that situation, and it’s just weird to realize how cruel life/nature can be for them.
Anonymous says
Yep, this.
lawsuited says
Wow, I got my first period 2 months postpartum and I didn’t see it as my body signalling that it was “ready” for another baby at all. I’ve been having periods since I was 12 and never viewed that as my body signalling that I was ready for a baby either.
Anonymous says
You’re lucky, then. My hippy mom celebrated my womanhood and ability to procreate when I got my period at 11. Everyone is different in their thinking on these things.
Anonymous says
Sleep help needed! My one month old is not happy to sleep in her bassinet next to my bed. I’ll get her to sleep holding her, put her down and she’s awake within 5 minutes complaining. I’m probably getting one to two one hour long stretches a night.
Is it worth trying a rock and play or is she just only going to be happy being held, in which case I have to just suffer through? I’m worried because I keep nodding off holding her in bed at night which is not safe (I’ve started setting a timer on my phone every time I pick her up to avoid this – other ideas on this issue appreciated too though). She was mildly premature so a young one month old (so I’m not going to let her cry it out…)
Any advice?
Anonymous says
I’d save the money on the RNP and put it toward coffee. Even if she loves the RNP, it is only good for the first couple of months.
MAYBE there’s someone you could borrow one from if you are desperate just to see if she likes it?
Does she like the swing? Sleeping in the car? if yes, then maybe she’s a motion baby and the RNP would be more luck.
FWIW I have 3. My bad sleeper has always been a bad sleeper and no contraption helped. My other 2 loved all of the contraptions but also just liked sleeping, generally.
Anonanonanon says
I personally think it’s safer to try a rock and play than to get so exhausted you fall asleep holding her and she gets dropped or you roll onto her or something. I’d say it’s worth $40 to give it a go. Even if it’s not where she ends up sleeping at night, it’s nice to have in other parts of the house to have somewhere to put her.
anon says
+1. The RNP is so worth it. We even ordered one from amazon prime now while on vacation and I don’t regret a thing. Anything that can get your kid to sleep for any amount of time is worth $$$$$ in my opinion. It was a lifesaver for us. But also, yes, swaddle! I didn’t think it helped and then was totally proven otherwise. Good luck! You got this!
Mama Llama says
Are you swaddling? Or, if you’re just swaddling with a blanket, have you tried a velcro or a zipper swaddle. If not, I would try that before going to the Rock n Play. You aren’t technically supposed to let them sleep overnight in the RnP, but my first child spent her first two months sleeping in there because it was the only thing that worked. I have also slept with my baby strapped to me in a wrap while sitting up in a chair using a travel neck pillow – this was with a big 2 month old though, so be sure your baby isn’t sliding down in the wrap where her face could be covered or windpipe crunched before trying this.
AnotherAnon says
+1 to swaddling! That helped my preemie sleep better.
GCA says
I am all for striking a balance between the official safety line and getting sufficient sleep. I once dozed off holding kid 1 when he was a month old and he rolled out of my arms and fell off the bed onto carpet. Luckily he was fine but I realized the hardline flat-on-back-in-crib safety precautions were not sustainable for us at that point. (If it’s any comfort, their sleep changes so, so fast at that age – give the RnP a go, and try again with the bassinet in a few days or weeks.)
anon says
You may already be doing this, but are you swaddling her tight? For whatever reason, we used sleep sacks for the first couple weeks. Baby slept much better in the swaddle. I loved the velcro ones.
Anonymous says
And the reverse. My kid hated the swaddle but slept just fine in the sleep sack (they key was free arms. He likes to sleep with them in a goal post position next to his head. It’s adorable).
Turtle says
Our RNP was worth it’s weight in gold. They’re constantly for sale on the FB yard sale pages around me for cheap – like $10-15. She slept there until she was 9 weeks (swaddled tightly) and then transitioned to a crib with little difficulty at 10 weeks.
Anonymous says
We had the cheapest one without bells and whistles, and it worked just fine. You don’t need to buy the $70+ ones.
FTMinFL says
Everyone else has chimed in with good input that I won’t duplicate, but I just wanted to remind you to ask for physical help if you need it. If you have a partner/mother/friend/night nurse/whatever who will care for baby long enough to get you a night or two of better sleep, don’t be shy about asking. You are worth being taken care of!
I’ve been there with a little one who won’t sleep unless held. It is so hard, but it won’t last forever. Take care of yourself – you can do this!
Anonymous says
Agree that the swaddle worked well for us. Also, my daughter would always seem to wake up when we put her in the crib, so for a few months, we coslept. Finally, when she went to daycare, our daycare teacher discovered she would only sleep on her tummy. Fortunately by that time she was nearly turning over on her own so we were comfortable with it. Stopped cosleeping not long after.
Sarabeth says
Get the RnP. Look on a facebook BST group first, you can easily get them half price where I live.
Other alternatives: swing, safe cosleeping (google for instructions on setting yourself up correctly).
AIMS says
Get the rock n play. You don’t need a fancy one, the basic ones are great and if she likes it, it will be more than worth it for the 4-5 months you can use it (maybe even longer if your kid is on the small side). It makes an excellent travel bed, too.
Agree on swaddling.
PinkKeyboard says
Mine both hated their (lovely! expensive! safe!) bassinet and slept wonderfully when swaddled in a rock n play. Then when we were down to one night feeding I scooted the rock n play into the nursery then put them in the crib still swaddled. It was a pretty easy transition and we were free and clear on crib sleeping by 4 months so I could leave for work at 5am and not wake the babies.
Anonymous says
We couldn’t get my current 2 month old to settle in his bassinet as a newborn, and RnP was a life saver because we were also falling asleep holding him. It holds the baby just a bit more snuggly than a bassinet. That said, it is supposedly a higher sids risk – but like you I felt the bigger risk was falling asleep holding him in a dangerous position. We used it from about 1 week to 6 weeks, when we tried the bassinet and it was fine. Also– I know it’s against AAP guidance but I found everyone’s sleep improved tremendously when we moved baby to his own room (once he was back in the bassinet). We don’t pick him up for complaining, just full out crying (and sometimes don’t even hear mild complaining anymore). Now if you can help me get him to sleep in the actual crib… About to outgrow the bassinet but will only sleep with face pressed up against the mesh side panel!
lawsuited says
She’s a month old, so sleep training (including CIO) is not an option yet. Things you can try: 1) swaddling, 2) a soother, and (more controversially) 3) a RNP or 4) a dock-a-tot. If she still needs rocking to sleep, I recommend dividing up the nighttime duties with your partner (or hire a nighttime doula) so that you can get a few consecutive hours of sleep. You’re still in the very early days and your baby is premature which complicates things that much more, but it will get better. The first 3 months are the hardest, and you’re a third of that way through!
Mama Llama says
One more suggestion: white noise. It’s made a big difference with both of my kids. Just don’t make the mistake of getting a white noise machine that shuts off automatically – you want it to go continuously.
Anonymous says
+1
Back to work says
I’m getting read to go back to work after maternity leave and I’m so sad, which I do know is normal. I’m lucky in that I was able to take 12 weeks off, but leaving an infant at daycare is still really hard. Logically I know he will be fine, and honestly, this is more about me than him in some ways.
I wish we lived in a society where I could stay home for my baby’s first 6 months or year and then go back to work without sabotaging my career — I’m not even asking for paid leave or actually even leave at all, just the ability to re-enter the workforce without the “SAHM” stigma.
I’m not even sure what I’m looking for here, just venting. Sigh.
Mama Llama says
Today is my first day back at work after 12 weeks of leave, so I hear you. I cried a lot last week. But I’ve been consoling myself that it would be tough to go back no matter when I went, and 12 weeks is easier on the baby than when they are old enough to have separation anxiety. Anyway, hugs to you. This is really tough.
AnotherAnon says
Hugs. It’s hard. You’re right though – it’s more about you than him, and that’s ok. What helped me was taking a little time to be sad in the morning after drop off (I’m talking like 30 seconds) and then reminding myself that he would have a good day without me, not miss me, and I would see him at the end of the day when he would be delighted to see me and I’d be a better mom for 1) setting a good example and being financially responsible and 2) having had some adult interactions. He will get sick A LOT, but after about a year in day care I feel like my kid is much more resilient, outgoing, curious, and patient than he would have been if he had stayed home with me. You got this!
Anonymous says
Hugs, it’s so hard. I don’t know if this is a financial or practical option at this point, but a nanny made the transition a lot easier on me. (Emphasis *on me* – I’m not judging daycare at all and believe your little one will be fine either way). But for my psyche it was so much easier to know that my daughter was one-on-one with another adult, and I had the nanny start the week before I went back to work, so I wasn’t leaving her with someone she or I didn’t know. She will go to daycare eventually for socialization reasons, but I won’t have to make the daycare transition at the same time I make the back-to-work transition. I believe splitting it in two pieces makes it easier (although I’m obviously just one data point).
Anon. says
So, so hard. My husband stayed home during my first week back from maternity leave. To me it meant I had a week to get used to going back to work and all the logistics involved – getting myself dressed and out the door on some sort of schedule. Being away from little one all day long, all that stuff. As Anon above mentions, splitting it in to two pieces made it easier *for me*. Luckily my husband had a very generous parental leave policy so it worked great for us. So think about this as an option if a nanny isn’t financial/practical for you. I recommend this strategy to all my friends now – the additional benefit for hsuband was some awesome bonding / confidence building time to be home with the babe all by himself for a few days.
My son has now been in daycare for exactly 1 year (tomorrow) and he LOVES it. He runs down the hall now and straight into the toddler room eager to play with all the fun toys. (And he runs straight to me when I get therer for pick-up – it is adorable!) Our first day dropping him off, we saw another little kid running from the parking lot to daycare with a joyous look on his face. His mom looked frustrated etc that he was running – but as first time parents who were raised by SAHMs it was so great to see a kid so excited to go.
Anonymous says
The very first day I dropped my son off at daycare, he was in the midst of the 4-month sleep regression and waking 6 times a night, and I had to go to urgent care for mastitis. I cried to literally every single nurse who I talked to that day.
If you’re struggling with any of your own health stuff (sleep, b-feeding, etc) work on that first to get yourself 100%. It makes the hormones and separation so much worse.
Second, take some time to really get to know daycare – the teachers, the other babies, and their parents. Knowing that my baby was being so well cared for made it easier. I liked talking to other parents who had been there longer, especially kids who were older and not in the infant room anymore. Now that my baby is older and he actually interacts with the other kids, it is so cute to see and fun to think about them when they were in a circle doing their 10-minutes of tummy time back in the day!
ElisaR says
it’s hard, it really is. I feel like it’s a no-win situation sometimes.
This anecdote MAY make you feel a little better though….. I dropped off my 4 month old off and experienced the same pangs as you (although he is my 2nd child so it was certainly easier). Each day there is a 9 month old screaming crying….. the teacher told me “oh she’s new – separation is a lot harder for her than (your son)”. This older baby had been home with grandparents in the beginning bc the parents felt it would be easier than dropping her off at daycare at a young age….By having grandparents watch the baby for the first 8 months it made it very difficult to transition to daycare whereas my little man was happy as a clam there and still is today at 10 months.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I found this too at our daycare with our first. The kiddos who had been there since 3-6 months had a MUCH easier transition than those who started closer to 12 months. The older babies would cry everyday for weeks. They eventually got over it so it was fine, but it does seem that the younger you start, the less separation anxiety/awareness there is.
Hugs to the OP, this is a hard transition. There are all sorts of emotions and hormones at play for you right now. Your son will be happy and it’s so wonderful to have a village of loving caregivers who will take care of him while you get back in the swing of things at work.
lawsuited says
My LO started daycare earlier than is typical where I live (I live in one of those societies where 1 year maternity leave is usual but that didn’t work for my family’s finances), and I really do think that introducing him to alternative care givers (I went back at 12 weeks and my husband was primary caregiver for a few months before LO went to daycare) has been so beneficial for him. He is so easy-going, caring and responsive to routine, and he hit all his developmental milestones early trying to keep up with the older babies. The other moms I know who were their LO’s exclusive or primary caregiver for a year had a lot more trouble when it ultimately came time to go back to work.
Anonymous says
This is awfully judgy to moms who stayed home for 6 months or more. I think pretty much any kid (barring serious health issues) will be fine no matter what, after a very short adjustment period. And the fact that your child is “easy-going, caring and responsive to routine” is likely a result of genetics and/or your parenting at home, not because you put him in daycare at 12 weeks.
Anonymous says
That fact that you took it that way says a lot about your insecurity. She didn’t say, or even imply, that kids who go later arent easy-going or anything. She just credited daycare for helping her kid gain those skills and to help the OP feel better about a challenging transition.
Sports says
Talk to me about sports/activities. My elementary schooler does dance (weekday), soccer (weekend), and tennis (weekday). She has different “gear” for each, and a water bottle.
Do I really need a bag for each sport so she can grab-and-go? Does it live in our mudroom or in our car? In her room? HELP!
I also have 2 younger kids so in the next few years it will be x3 for all activities–so that means like…9 bags + backpacks and lunch bags?! Or a giant pile of sports gear we scramble to assemble before each practice?
Anonymous says
No don’t do nine bags. One bag, they learn how to pack it, stuff stays in one zone.
Sports/activities says
So the “stuff” (cleats, shin guards, uniform, racket, skirt, ballet shoes, tap shoes, leotard, tights, water bottle) stays where? in a pile in my mudroom? in some kind of bin? Some of this is garage stuff (tennis racket, soccer ball, maybe cleats), some is inside stuff (dance), some is…kitchen stuff?
What works well to keep this stuff from spreading all over the house? And since we have to pack/repack weekly, where’s a good “drop zone”? Does the drop zone have like, a bin for all saftey gear, a bin for all shoes, a bin for all uniforms etc?
Or..tell me how you do it in your house successfully :)
Anonymous says
I must just be dramatically less organized than you because Idk it just goes where it goes and when it’s a mess I yell and when they ignore my instructions they’re late and get scolded by the teacher or don’t have what they want.
ElisaR says
story of my life!
mascot says
We generally do only one sport at a time so dedicated bags make sense (soccer backpack, bag for swim team, etc). They live in the laundry room. If you don’t want separate bags, can you at least do milk crates or bins that are sport specific? That way you aren’t scrambling for shin guards every time.
Anonymous says
We use the Trofast system from Ikea. Three of these next to each other in the laundry/mudroom area. https://www.ikea.com/ca/en/catalog/products/S29103007/
I labelled each bin so kids know where to put stuff. We have a small backpack or tote bag for each activity. Anything too large for the bins goes on top. I max out at 3 activities per kid so this works well.
Anonymous says
in case it wasn’t clear – the bag/tote goes in the bin. The bags are not additional to the bins.
anon says
You have a mudroom???? So jealous. Do you have storage space in there? I like the “locker” idea that some mudrooms have. Each family member gets their own locker to put all of this kind of stuff in.
I think if it were me (no mudroom here, unfortunately), I think I’d have the gear stored in the kids rooms so they can learn to take responsibility for it (and keep it separate from other siblings’ gear). Perhaps stacking bins or baskets in their closets and a hook for the bag. Each night, have a designated time to pick out clothes for the next day, pack up school backpacks, and pack up extra curricular bags, including filling the water bottle.
Sports says
I’m the OP and we are actually doing a garage addition right now and a mud room is part of it. So I can design things from scratch. Currently we have a stand alone garage that we use to store junk. Our front entry way has a closet, coat tree and cubbies but is generally just a dump zone for everything and is littered constantly. And the back of our SUV has a bunch of balls and rackets. I don’t want the mudroom to look like that.
Anonymous says
We mostly do the equivalent of milk crates in the laundry room (basement, since we don’t have a garage or a mud room). They are not separated by kid, but they are sport-specific. Swim suits all in one place, which makes it easier for me to pack the family bag if we’re all going to the pool, or for the kid to grab his/her own things and stuff into a gear bag. Baseball stuff stays together so we can grab the bucket and go. All our tennis stuff is in one bag for now, because we usually go as a family and no one has an individual lesson, but if the kids want to do lessons next spring I’ll probably get their own bags and just store the bags together.
I do think it makes sense to have individual bags for each sport, in some cases. You can fit swim or dance stuff into a small backpack, but a sport-specific bag is better for tennis or hockey.
Waterbottles live in the kitchen, we grab those and add to the bag on the day. Uniforms go in kids’ dressers or closets with the rest of their clothes. We have a shoe basket near the front door as the drop zone, but move specialty shoes to the milk crates when tidying up.
Anonymous says
We have a separate bag for each activity. Having one bag and swapping out gear takes too much time and means that something inevitably gets forgotten.
SC says
I would probably set up a “locker” or similar area for each kid in the mudroom. Each sport could get one bin, plus hooks to hang things. I’d get one bag per kid and have them unpack it and repack it when they get home. Based on my memory of my childhood, the bags really need to be unpacked everyday anyways, or you’ll end up with wet, moldy clothes and a mushy month-old banana at the bottom of the bag.
EB0220 says
My kid doesn’t have that many activities but we have a bag for each one. That way we don’t have to repack a million times. Soccer bag (just a small drawstring bag), swim bag (again, small) and sparring gear bag (large).
Refrigerator magnets? says
Buying refrigerator magnets for my 3 year old. Looking for recommendations as to what has been popular with your kids?
Basically I’m debating letters/numbers or images (maybe transportation-themed, she’s been into helicopters recently).
AIMS says
Melissa and Doug has cute animal sets.
HSAL says
We’ve got both a letters and numbers set, both Leapfrog (I think). The numbers have magnets for both food and numbers, and the little thing they go into does little questions for them. Like if you put the magnet with five cherries on it, it’ll ask you to put in the number 5. The letters set might be up your alley – they fit into a school bus for the phonics, and they’re all car/bus-related.
DLC says
+1 my kids have a lot of fun with the leapfrog sets. We have one that is farm animals- you put the animal halves into the base and it tells you what animals they are. But you can also mix the animals up and make, for example, a duckcow!, which my kids find hilarious.
Anonymous says
I want a gut check on this, although it’s not a parenting question. I represent my employer at a big event, along with a team of people. In the past our employer has purchased shirts for everyone to wear. I have several of these shirts. This year they decided they wouldn’t purchase the shirt and want everyone to buy 2 different shirts at a total of almost $50. I’m so annoyed – obviously I can literally afford $50 and it’s not going to prevent me from feeding my kid or even taking a vacation – but I don’t know why I should have to pay for a shirt to wear at an employer event. Plus I have lots of old shirts (which don’t have dates on them and aren’t obviously inappropriate to wear) so I don’t know why I can’t just wear those. WWYD? Suck it up and buy the shirts or stand my ground?
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t purchase the new shirts and would just show up at the event in last year’s shirt without asking permission.
Anon says
+1
Anonanonanon says
I would either buy a new shirt or wear last year’s without asking first. Or buy one of the new ones and use one from last year (again, without asking). If anyone said anything I’d say ‘Oh. I assumed since we were asked to pay out-of-pocket that purchasing this years’ shirt was optional.”
Anonymous says
That’s annoying. What would I actually do? Buy it with my corporate card and expense it. But I also know my boss wouldn’t care and would totally back me up.
Otherwise, just wear last year’s.
Anon says
There might not be a smooth way to mention this, but some states would require the employer to purchase/reimburse the shirt if a very particular shirt is required.
Partyof3 says
Looking for some positive reinforcement. Husband and I talked this weekend and made the decision that our family is complete with our 2 year old son. There are multiple considerations in this decision including fertility problems, our age, and the ability to be able to raise a child comfortably on our incomes etc. I’m looking to hear from people who have one child that have loved their decision/circumstance. Thank you in advance!
anne-on says
FWIW, I LOVE having an only. I feel like it really gives us the ability to be ‘people’ more than just mom/dad/worker during the week because it is much much easier to trade off to do adult activities at night. My husband and I both travel and having an only also makes this SO much easier on us/parents/helpers. Plus, our kiddo has lots of parental time/energy/funds thrown at him that make experiences easier (private school, fancy vacations) that would not happen with multiple kids.
At the end of the day, I think you know when this is the right decision for you. I have never regretted having an only, and our family feels complete.
LH says
I’m only 9 months into parenting my only, so I don’t know that I can really speak to the parent side of the experience, because most people with a kid my age aren’t pregnant again even if they want more eventually. But I’m an only child myself and I loved it. I’m super close to my parents, I felt neither neglected nor smothered, my parents are quite wealthy in large part because they only had one kid (which allowed us to do stuff like fancy vacations and Space Camp when I was growing up and has taken the burden off of me caring for them in their old age), and I don’t *think* I’m a selfish brat. It’s really not an exaggeration to say I can’t recall ever wishing for a sibling. I have two best friends who are like sisters to me. I consider their children my nieces and nephews and I see them and their kids far more than we see my husband’s sister or her family or any of our cousins. I’m a big believer in the idea that you build your own family, and I’m thrilled with the one I’ve built.
Fwiw, I was leaning towards one because I loved my own childhood so much, and then some health issues arose that would make future pregnancies considerably more complicated, and cemented that decision for me. My daughter is an absolute delight and I adore her, but every day, the newborn period gets further in the rearview mirror and I’m ecstatic about the fact that I never have to get through it again and can just enjoy my growing, soon to be walking and talking kid. My husband is probably going to get snipped in the next year or so.
Anonymous says
that should be “most people with a kid my daughter’s age”…fairly sure most people with a kid my age are done having children. ;)
anony says
i wanted to have an only…but instead had twins. i obviously love them to death, but there seem to be a lot of people on this board who have one and sometimes i get jealous because having one seems so much easier from a logistical and financial perspective. DH and I both have siblings, but we aren’t close with them and I often wished I was an only. I hope DH and I are able to provide for our two in the way that we would like to and that they are close with and love each other, but I think there are a lot of benefits to just having one.
Anonymous says
I’m a twin, and it is the best. The experience your twins have as siblings will be nothing like your and your DH’s experience with your own siblings. They have a built-in best friend, advocate, adviser, entertainer, comforter, caregiver, sounding board and soft place to land who understands them better than anyone is the world can ever understand another person. Twins are a huge amount of work in the early years, but will need less from you as they get older because they’ll have each other. Their lives will be so enriched by having each other that I really wouldn’t spend much time thinking about the impact of less time and resources from you.
anony says
thank you for this! i’m probably overly worried about sibling rivalry type stuff – like people comparing the all the time, saying one is smarter, one is better at soccer, one is married with three kids, and the other is single (not by choice), etc.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ll also offer my perspective as an only child (parent to 2 kiddos though). As an adult, I love being an only child. I have my parents’ sole attention to help with our own kids, I’ve had a lot of financial help from them for school and in general have benefitted from them not having to split resources. I’m not at all lonely as I’ve formed my own family with my spouse and some very close friends who feel like siblings to me (most are only children too, probably not coincidentally). My husband has two brothers but is not particularly close to them so there’s no guarantee with siblings. I know my parents were happy with just one, so if you feel your family is complete, then having one will be great.
LH says
My two closest friends are also only children, and a third good-but-not-quite-a-sister friend is also an only. I definitely think there’s some truth to the idea that we find each other and form the sibling-like relationships we never had!
Artemis says
For what it’s worth, I am not an only child, and I have three kids myself, but I am married to an only child and it is GREAT. His parents are awesome, we have their full undivided attention and help, and it makes holidays, etc. practically drama-less because I have only one sibling and everyone gets along and half the family has nowhere else to go, so to speak. I realize that all this may not always be true for everyone married to an only child, but I think the situation is more likely just because of the lack of logistics and divided attention that can exist when both spouses have bigger families.
Anonymous says
I am an only and loved it.
I have two and don’t regret it but man do I sometimes think about life with just one and think it would be nice! My oldest is going to be 3 soon & sometimes I feel bad for all the things we could be doing if she didn’t have a baby to contend with. Travel, museums, parks, etc. We did so much more with her in the first 2 years than in the last year since baby came along. Like, logistically, doing anything is just harder. Not to mention the time, finances, etc. Also, for us, the amount of work is so much more with 2. I have no time for myself, we have no time for us, even something as small as sending a kid to be with grandparents – one is a lot less work to foist on them than two. I know it will get easier with time and I wouldn’t trade my baby for the world but I would have been 100% fine with just one, I think.
CPA Lady says
I have an only. It’s great. She has never requested a sibling, even though most of her friends have siblings at this point.
The book “One and Only” by Lauren Sandler is a really good academic look at what it is to have or be an only child. She brings up lots of topics– the selfish/weird/spoiled stereotypes, mother’s career, stress level, and happiness level, family relationships, planning for old age, etc. I found it very comforting but it also helped me be aware of some things I need to think about. Like how if you live out in a secluded rural area that can be harder on an only child than it is on a child with siblings. Stuff I wouldn’t have thought about. The author is an only child and has an only child, and it’s overall a very positive message.
There are only two things I struggle with:
1. Feeling guilty when I don’t want to play with my kid. I can’t say “go play with your brother” or whatever. This is not that big of an issue, since we keep pretty busy, but sometimes it’s hard.
2. When other moms make snide comments about how easy my life is and imply that I’m not a “real” mom because I only have one. That’s more a problem with them being rude, but it makes me feel insecure and I wonder if they’re right.
But there are tons of things I really love about it, and I think it’ll be great for my kid. We can stay in our little house, we can afford private high school, we can travel, we can let her pursue her interests, my husband and I both have time and money for our own hobbies. We both leave the house to do our own thing at least once if not twice a week. Daycare is expensive but not a huge burden. I never have to listen to kids fighting. (I mean, I have to listen to her arguing with me. But I don’t have to referee someone else’s conflicts). I’m very happy overall.
Anonymous says
Ha, I’m a b!tch but when people imply I’m not a “real mom” because I have only one, I say “Whatever you say. Our tiny family is looking forward to [exotic vacation locale] next month though.” I think it mostly comes from jealousy. Numerous women have (secretly and often drunkenly) admitted to me that they wish they only had one because life would be so more manageable. I know there are people who have and love their big families – my BFF has 4 (!) and adores her kids – but she would never shame me for having only one. In my experience people who are content with their family size aren’t the ones making snarky comments to moms of one.
AIMS says
What? Re: no. 2, that is crazy! First of all that is total bullsh*t and second of all that is so beyond rude. I wouldn’t even say that to someone who has no kids or to someone who refers to their dog or cat as their fur baby. You don’t know anyone’s life.
As for no. 1, please don’t feel guilty. Being bored is good for kids! I was an only. My parents didn’t play with me all the time. I didn’t just turn out fine, I also don’t get bored. It’s great. You’re teaching your kid a skill! It’s essential.
anon says
who are these moms? it would never occur to me to think of or tell someone who only has one that they aren’t a “real” mom. the number of children you have has no bearing on your status as a mother. people really should learn to keep their mouths shut – what if they said that to someone who lost a child, or who had many miscarriages, etc.
mascot says
I feel you on number 1. Although I remember being bored as a kid and not wanting to play with my brother so siblings wouldn’t guarantee anything.
The one time I feel a little sad as the parent of an only is around the holidays. DH is an only, as is his mom (FIL passed away years ago). My mom is an only and my dad’s family isn’t close anymore. We don’t have holidays with a cast of thousands and I think maybe that would be kinda fun if we did.
But, for the other 360 days of the year, I’m totally set with our family of 3.
Anonymous says
You and your kiddo are an edge case. This isn’t a question of “is it ok if in a specific circumstance a kid that is generally “too old” uses an opposite sex bathroom. It’s a question of “is it appropriate for kids in grade school to be regularly and commonly utilizing opposite sex locker rooms/bathrooms.”
And I agree 100% that any time I’ve seen an “edge case” like yours, it’s been handled well. Versus the mom that drags her brood of unruly boys into the women’s bathroom or locker room because teaching them to take care of things themselves is just too hard. Meaning, I have my own kids (girls). They go to school with kids (boys) who join their mom in the locker room at our gym. These kids are not physically or emotionally disabled. Their mom is a helicopter mother whose life is made substantially easier by bringing them into the locker room because she doesn’t have to teach them to do things for themselves. They are 5, 7 and I think 9 but maybe still 8 (3rd grade but older for grade) for cryin’ out loud. Do they not dress themselves at home in the morning? (probably not).
We live in suburbia. Our locker rooms are not a danger zone. If people are truly fearful that predators are lurking in our suburban locker room to attack their 9 year old, then perhaps they need to not use locker rooms at all. Noting again, of course, that there are exceptions/edge cases.
lawsuited says
I think you really have to love your decision, without confirmation bias from this thread. One of the most helpful things for me in deciding to have a second child was reading some of the threads about the (many) benefits of having only one child and still feeling compelled to have another. If you read the threads about why people chose to have more than one child and still feel that having only one child is best for you, you know you’ve made the right decision.
Anonymous says
I think this is an excellent point. I’m very secure in my decision to stop at one and part of that is because I read the threads about adding a third and I think “ack, that sounds ghastly.” (3 is different than 2 of course, but you catch my drift.) I’m an extreme introvert and am so glad that I don’t have to do the needy little kid who needs mommy 24/7 thing for very long.