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Updated: Apr 18, 2021 141 Comments · by

Budget Thursday: Ditsy Floral Pleat-Neck Cami

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A woman wearing a Ditsy Floral Pleat-Neck Cami

I really love these “no brainer” tops by Calvin Klein. I call them that because they’re almost always the same cut and same fabric, but with a different pattern. They always look good under a suit, so you can just throw them on with minimal effort and still look professional. This is the least expensive that I’ve seen them, at $19.99. I also like this particular one because it could work easily with a navy blue, gray, or black suit. Even less guesswork involved! This top is available at 6pm.com in sizes S–XL; Amazon and Macy’s both have a ton of other colors and prints. Pictured: Ditsy Floral Pleat Neck Cami

This top at Caslon is a good alternative in sizes 1X–3X.

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About April

April is a working mom, a longtime reader of CorporetteMoms, and wrote our morning fashion advice for working moms from April 2018 to October 2020. She has one child (born 2/17!) and she’s a public interest lawyer in NYC.

Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    Another COVID19/parents question. I’m in MoCo near DC. DH will be traveling domestically (driving) for work for a 3 week trip. Doubt this will be canceled. My mom is supposed to come help (driving here) for a bit but I’m leaning towards her not coming since we have a few cases of community transmission here. She’s 68 and gets pneumonia easily, like gets it every 2-3 years from random viruses. I’m worried about me or the kids unknowingly giving it to her. What would you do?

    • Anne says

      I would not have her come. I would hate to have her do it and then have something happen to her. Also – if she gets sick isn’t it better for her to be at home to be able to shelter in place?

    • anonymous says

      Given your mom’s history, I don’t think it would be a good idea for to travel there.

    • Anonanonanon says

      If she comes, are you able to set her up so she does not have to go into a grocery store or other public place while she’s there? Does she have disinfecting wipes and hand sanitizer for when she uses the gas pumps on the way? Since you’re not out anything to cancel last minute, I’d hold off canceling but definitely cancel at the first sign of anything resembling a respiratory symptom in one of your children.

    • Anon says

      I would definitely not have her come. She is what they mean by the vulnerable population and folks that (including both of my parents) are likely to require a bed in a hospital when hospitals are going to be at max/over capacity. I’m doing anything I can to spare my parents at this point and I’d suggest you do the same. It’s hard, especially when you/I need them for child care under normal circumstances, but these are not normal circumstances.

      • Spirograph says

        +1. I’m also in MoCo and my mom is similar. She is 64 and in excellent health 95% of the time, but she’s gotten pneumonia twice in the last three years. She normally visits at least once a month, but we don’t think it’s worth the risk right now.
        Fingers crossed your husband’s trip is cancelled.

        • anon says

          This is my mom too (in Houston). I’ve also ordered my siblings to avoid her!

    • Anonymous says

      OP here – Thanks all! I was definitely leaning towards her not coming. It’ll be a rough 3 weeks for me without help but obviously it’s extenuating circumstances

    • Anonymous says

      I would not have your mom come. I would also suspect your DH’s trip will get cancelled.

      I’m in MA and my employer as well as my husband’s are on full domestic travel bans. I’m WFH. DH is in the office but they all have the option to WFH. He has his own office and said the building is maybe 1/3 full.

      They are probably going to close the schools next week. My town has not closed yet, but every town adjacent to us has closed already for some period of time (wellesley, Wayland, framingham, natick). Boston is closing some public schools.

      • Cassandra says

        +1

        From talking to people who are really tracking this as to when things start closing, DC is about a day behind Boston in terms of the virus spreading. I think we’ll start to see a rash of travel bans at work and closures, including schools, by Monday.

        • Spirograph says

          I believe this. My company just announced 100% wfh in the greater DC area, and there’s a MoCo press conference this evening that I assume will be announcing school closure.

  2. Anon says

    Have you gotten your tubes tied or removed? Particuarly as part of a c-section? Can you tell me about it?

    The plan was vasectomy after kid 2, but this pregnancy will likely end in a c-section, so now I’m considering getting my tubes tied while they’re in there anyway (clearly I’m not delivering in a Catholic hospital).

    Thanks!

    • Anonymous says

      Have no but my friend did with twins/c section. No issue! My SIL had it done immediately after a v-birth (next day – 3 accidental pregnancies). She said the recovery was worse than childbirth recovery because of the air trapped inside her

    • Lyssa says

      I had mine done with a c-section. It was definitely no big thing – took a few more minutes, but not much. It was my second c, and I would say that I was a little more sore during recovery then the first, but not a lot, and that might easily just have been because of being a little older, or having a toddler around, or whatever. (Both were planned c-sections, and recovery from both was pretty easy.)

      If you’re sure that you’re having a c-section, and sure that you’re ready to permanently close shop, I would definitely say do it that way. No sense in having your husband down and out for a vasectomy when he should be either taking care of his pregnant wife or helping with a newborn. :)

    • HSAL says

      I did during my twin c-section. It only took a few extra minutes in there. Recovery was pretty painful, but since I had my first v@ginally, I have no frame of reference to know if it was due to getting my tubes tied or just the fact that I had been cut open and had all my organs moved around. I was in a lot of pain for the first few days, especially when the good drugs ran out on day 3 (which my doctor then extended to day 5).

    • ElisaR says

      I asked my doc about it after my 2nd c-section. She said “it will take a few minutes and you won’t be able to hold the baby”. That was enough to make me decide my husband was getting a V instead.

      • Lyssa says

        Did she mean that I t would be a few more minutes that you wouldn’t be able to hold the baby (annoying, but, at least in mine, it took longer for them to get her ready then finish the surgery), or that you couldn’t for a while? Because my post-op restrictions were definitely no different from a normal c.

        • ElisaR says

          she said it would just be for a few minutes added to do the ligation and I wouldn’t be able to hold the baby or nurse during that time…. I wanted to hold baby immediately…. she was not a warm and fuzzy doctor so i’m happy to hear others say they were able to hold baby as the procedure was done. I didn’t want to wait at all.

    • RR says

      Yes, I have twins and a third, and I had my tubes tied during the c-section for the third. It didn’t even feel like extra time in surgery compared to the twins, and overall my c-section recovery was easier than with the twins. (I had very easy c-section recovery with both pregnancies, but the second was even easier than the first. I took percocet for a couple days with my first, but I only took Advil for my second and didn’t miss the percocet at all.) I definitely noticed no additional recovery time, pain, etc. If you are having a c-section anyway, I’d highly recommend it.

    • Anon says

      I did after baby 2. It was my second c section and my recovery was actually easier after the second c section. For poster above who said their doc said they couldn’t hold baby after – not my experience. Baby nursed on the operating table while they finished and I held him immediately in recovery.

    • Amelia Bedelia says

      I had tubes tied with my second C-section. Other than smelling the burning of the cauterization process, it was no different from my first C-section – including recovery!
      (also, i did deliver in a catholic hospital, but i had a medical reason for not having another baby, so they did it. just noting that is an option!)

    • Anon for this says

      I also did this, and I think it worked out well. I actually had them completely removed, b/c it lowers risk of ovarian cancer. My long term recovery from C-section was WAY better 2nd time around, but that is likely b/c this was planned and done by my doctor and not an emergency and performed by the head resident at the hospital I’d been admitted to. My short term (the first two days) were WAY worse. I passed out numerous times when attempting to get out of bed to use the restroom, and ended up needing an IV fluid drip. I would still recommend it though – once I was out of the hospital (day 3), my recovery was better than my first.

      I will also offer though that one thing that’s stunk from the process is that I’ve had to go back on hormonal BC to control my periods, which without the hormones are super heavy, last a week, and come every 3 weeks. Long term I may eventually consider other options for that, but for now that’s what’s happened. I had that same issue, though, off BC before my tubes were tied.

    • Coach Laura says

      My sister did it pre-planned with twins post-csect. Best thing ever she said.

    • JTM says

      I just had my tubes removed after my scheduled repeat c-section a couple of weeks ago. I opted for complete removal because it lowers the risk of getting pregnant again (my OB said the odds of tubes growing back together were 1 in 1000) and it also lowers ovarian cancer risk by 80%. Overall procedure went well, but I was unprepared to feel the increased pressure from the tube removal part of my surgery – I had a spinal but still felt a lot of pressure which frankly, was painful for me. But it was over relatively quickly, and then I was fine.

  3. Anne says

    Is anyone else’s husband panic buying groceries, cleaning products and medicine but has no clue what we have and what we use because he doesn’t normally track it so the purchases are not that helpful? (hi eight boxes of a cereal that our girls are no longer willing to eat).

    • Anonymous says

      Can you get him to donate it to a food bank – at least a few of the boxes? My city was shut down with a state of emergency for a week in January (snow not covid) and it was a big eye opener as to how many people live on the margins – like if you are living pay cheque to pay cheque you don’t have the resources to stock up on food items in advance and any lost income from work closures is very devastating.

      • Extra anon for this says

        I love this idea. I don’t have the time to drop food off right now because work is slammed, but good reminder that I meant to donate to a local food pantry and one of the univeristy food pantries for a university in our area that is transitioning to online only.

        • lsw says

          Yes! For those of you considering supporting your local food bank right now (which is smart! they are going to be very taxed in capacity right now), $$$ goes a lot farther than food donations.

          Signed, former food bank employee

          • GCA says

            Just donated ($$) to local food bank! They have partnerships and connections that make a dollar stretch much farther than if you just went to a grocery store and bought food to donate.

      • Anne says

        This is a great idea. When this is (hopefully) all over that is what we can do and I’ll think of all the wasted money and just our donations for the next couple of months. Thanks

    • Extra anon for this says

      My husband and I both work in fields that focus on pandemic/bioterrorism preparedness and response so we always have emergency food. I have told him repeatedly he is not the one who buys the emergency food, yet he ordered about 16 boxes of pasta with our last Boxed order. No extra sauce, just pasta. Guess who’s going to eat pasta 3 meals a day when we cant get groceries anymore? What are we supposed to do with that much pasta? He didn’t even order the kind fortified with fiber or protein!

      In the past he once bought a GIANT can of beans for our emergency food. Keep in mind we would not necessarily have the ability to refrigerate a can of beans depending on the emergency, so the assumption was we would all crown around a giant can of beans with spoons I guess? Our children have never touched a bean in their lives but I guess we were just going to do everything we could to make an emergency more miserable? It’s not like he also got a can of tomato sauce and a packet of chili seasoning and planned for us to make chili on a camp stove, just a big ol’ can of beans.

      • RR says

        With some parmesan and black pepper, you can mix up your plain pasta with lots of cacio e pepe.
        My husband (who does our meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking) is somehow totally flummoxed about what to buy. Dude, buy non-perishable versions of what your normally buy. This is not hard.

      • Pogo says

        lol at children who have never touched a bean in their lives. SAME.

        We are not panic buying but have a serious pantry situation going on with both dried and canned (normal sized) beans, pasta, sauce/tomatoes, grains (quinoa, rice), dried fruit, crackers etc. This is normal because we just always pick up extras of non-perishables when we shop. We could certainly survive for quite some time on the food in just our house, especially if we still have electricity because we always have a stocked freezer too. We would currently run out of fresh fruit, eggs and dairy within a week, but not sure there’s much you can do about that given shelf life. We continue to stock up on those items weekly like we normally do…. for now!

      • Anon says

        That’s my husband’s way too. He would rather just buy some “survival” stuff. I’d rather buy stuff I’d actually like to eat, particularly as we are not likely to lose power/water. Survival stuff is great for a weather disaster or evacuation. For home quarantine, I want wine and chocolate!

        He rarely eats carbs so I kept asking him for suggestions on what he wants for an emergency as I was buying myself some mac and cheese and other comfort foods. He said he’d just eat the carbs in an emergency. Which, yeah, I get, but if he is going to get gassy and bloated and complain the whole time I’d rather he just stick to tuna packets or something LOL.

        Plus, I want food we are going to eat either way!

        I definitely spent a small fortune last night but got bags of frozen shrimp and fish and other things that I would actually enjoy eating.

        • Extra anon for this says

          +1.
          I’d also argue that even foot suitable for a power outage doesn’t have to be COMPLETELY miserable!

      • Anon says

        OMG totally. My husband bought a party size frozen lasagna. He was like, that way we have left overs! And I was like, but..but…WHY wouldn’t you just buy, say, 2-3 family size frozen lasagnas so it doesn’t taste all that much worse each time?? Why?

    • Anon says

      Yes, and I’m guilty too to some extent – just grabbing a little of this and that when we’re out.

      We agreed to inventory tonight with certain recipes and meals in mind, donate anything we aren’t going to actually use and then go to the grocery store strategically together tomorrow to fill in any holes.

      • Extra anon for this says

        I recommend:
        Just Add Water Muffin Mix and Cornbread Mix (comes in pouches you find in the baking section) in the event your milk and/or butter runs out or expires and you can’t get to the store. The cornbread makes canned chili feel more like a meal, or can crumble over mac and cheese to bake, etc.

        You can do a lot with bisquick (muffins, cobbler, pancakes, biscuits, etc.) so I like to keep some of that in our emergency food. I keep canned pie filling and use it to make a cobbler-esque dessert.

        I’ve started buying Horizon Organic milk even though I usually do store brand Organic, Horizon is ultra-pasteurized and lasts longer before you open it. I also got some shelf-stable milk.

        Frozen grilled chicken strips, canned cream of chicken soup, and rice can make you some casseroles with frozen veggies.

        Canned chicken broth, white chicken chili seasoning can be used with canned or frozen chicken and canned beans for white chicken chili.

        Frozen pizza crusts with jarred sauce for pizzas (can put frozen grilled chicken too!)

        I’ve started immediately putting half of certain fruits I buy in the freezer (half the container of blueberries, etc.)

        Frozen meatballs, Pasta, lots of Pasta sauce

        Canned biscuit and crescent roll dough can do a lot of things with frozen meatballs and chicken. Can put biscuits on top of the frozen chicken, rice, and veggies for a chicken pot pie, can line muffin tins with crescent dough and fill with whatever for “cups” (my kids love this), etc.

        Also, I’m generally trying to be conscious in prioritizing using perishables first as we consume our groceries. I don’t think we’re at risk for losing power from COVID-19, so the option to have frozen food helps a lot.

        • anon says

          Love these types of comments – thank you! Adding some of these to my lists!

          • Extra anon for this says

            Oh good, glad it’s helpful! Canned chicken mixed with bbq sauce to seem like pulled chicken cooked in the muffin cups I mentioned is usually pretty good. I like to top with smoked gouda (the trader joes sliced smoked gouda lasts a good while before expiring).
            If you over-buy stuff that might expire (eggs, etc.) consider using them for baking and then freeze some of whatever you bake.

        • Pogo says

          Good point about the ultra-pasteurized milk. I’ll make sure to look into that next time we get milk.

    • Anonymous says

      OMG, this would 100% happen in our house, because it does on a small scale anyway. DH will go to the store for something and get 5 or 6 other things we commonly use “to be helpful” even though we already have it and the pantry and fridge are full, so there is no space. Good reminder to talk this out soon so we are on the same page about our needs.

      • Anon says

        This is one of the (many) reasons we do all grocery shopping online now and both of us review the order before it is final. DH 1) doesn’t know what’s in the pantry and 2) is one of those people who is prone to excessive sale shopping – ask me why we had 18 bagels for the two of us last weekend (kiddo won’t eat them) before I revised the order….

      • anon says

        Lol, we’ve had a running joke in our house about whether we need mayonnaise because somehow we ended up with 6 bottles of mayonnaise–1 lite and 1 regular in the refrigerator, plus a Costco 2-pack of each.

    • Anon says

      YES. My husband the other day was like, “I’m going to go on a stock up trip. I’ll do it today!”. When I got home and saw the paltry amount of things he bought that in many cases didn’t even make sense I was almost crying laughing. I mean, A+ for attempt.

      Today he is doing another stock up trip with a detailed list from me. (I work he does not, in case you are wondering why I don’t just do it for myself).

      • anon for this says

        The one item my husband worried about stocking up on was tampons. I guess his worst-case scenario is being stuck in a house with a wife and teenaged daughter and not enough tampons?

    • Anonymous says

      My husband was going to but didn’t because “all the pasta in the store was cleaned out except for that gross lentil pasta you like. No one is panic buying the weird stuff we eat.”

  4. Anonymous says

    My husband’s company started mandatory remote work today. He lasted two whole hours before complaining he was bored and lonely. The next few weeks are going to be very long. I can hardly wait to start working from home myself.

  5. Lyssa says

    I love tops like this, with a dressed up neckline and cut in a way that doesn’t really require tucking. I’d wear one every day – except that I don’t like wearing sleeveless tops with blazers! Why can’t they make these with even just short sleeves?

    • lsw says

      Agree!! I can’t stand wearing sleeveless tops next to a synthetic liner in a blazer.

    • Ms B says

      They do make these in short/cap sleeves; I have gotten a couple from Nord Rack. It requires more searching, but they are out there.

      • Lyssa says

        I know I’ve looked in the past, but don’t think I checked there. Thanks!

    • anon says

      Calvin Klein does have a few styles with sleeves! Look on the Dillards website.

      Totally hear you on liking these tops but not loving them under blazers because I will turn into a sweaty beast. I wear them with cardis a lot, though.

  6. Cabin Fever says

    I’m going to be home alone with an 8 week old, and 4 and 5 year old during spring break. (And am worried this will become three weeks home if they close public schools). I already follow busy toddler and have a neighbor taking the older kids for an outing one afternoon. Would love any ideas for activities to keep them busy that don’t take a lot of prep or parent help!

    • Anonymous says

      Playground! I mean I was out at the playground with my two week old infant because he was a second kid. Baking muffins, my 3 year old loves to mash bananas for banana muffins. What’s the weather like? Sidewalk chalk. 4 and 5 is also old enough for board games and LEGO kits.

    • Anonymous says

      A roll of painters tape is great if you need to burn off energy but can’t take them out. Let them make up an obstacle course using tape to mark off the different activities, like an arrow pointing under the kitchen table followed by an X with a 3 on it for crawl under the kitchen table and jump three times. The process of making it eats up just as much time as actually doing it. You can tear off a bunch of pieces and they can make up the steps themselves.

      • Anonymous says

        Also a bucket of water and an adult sized paintbrush – let them go outside and ‘paint’ the back of the house. Show them they can paint stripes or circles. This keeps my kids occupied for ages in the summer and zero mess to clean up – just possibly wet kids.

    • Pogo says

      Can the 4 and 5 yo “build” anything in your yard? Like with random rocks and extra cardboard boxes or wood you might have in your garage? I realize that’s very suburban specific so if you’re in the city not much help, but my toddler and his cousins will entertain themselves for hours “building” stuff. I’d wear the 8w old and lightly supervise. Usually it’s a “fort” but sometimes a ramp for cars/trucks.

  7. Fertility Treatments/COVID-19 says

    I’m mid-injection regimen for an upcoming medicated IUI. I’m probably 7-9 days away from the procedure. My hospital, Mass General, just cancelled all elective procedures this morning (coworker’s husband is a surgeon there and she mentioned it over water-cooler talk this morning). I haven’t received word from my doctor about changing course – which would probably amount to cancelling this cycle and suspending this indefinitely – because of the But. yea. This is just all so surreal and causing a lot of self doubt and questions for this otherwise pretty unexcitable person.

    Has anyone who is pregnant or in treatments had any directive from their doctors at this point?

    • Anon says

      I’m very newly pregnant as a result of IVF. My clinic is not cancelling treatments but is asking patients to please let them know and not come to the clinic if they either feel sick or may have been exposed. But they’re not affiliated with a hospital so there isn’t the added risk of being in a place with a ton of sick people for appointments.

    • Pogo says

      oh no! I’m so sorry. My husband was just at MGH yesterday and the doctor he saw didn’t say anything (maybe didn’t know yet). That’s interesting to find out what they define as truly elective (in my husband’s case he needs to schedule a biopsy, which yeah isn’t life threatening but only bc we don’t have a diagnosis yet).

      This must be so, so frustrating.

    • AnonATL says

      I’m about 20w and had an appointment this week. All the childbirth/hospital tours are cancelled indefinitely. There was almost no one in the waiting room, and you had to be checked for a fever before you were allowed up to the doctor’s office from the main entryway. Otherwise, their policy is patients will continue receiving care, but no large group gatherings like classes and encouraging all those who do visit the office to sanitize hands, etc.
      Best wishes your procedure isn’t cancelled. That would be a big bummer… I would call and ask what the plan is, though that could of course change in the next week.

    • Anon says

      It’s possible that IUI wouldn’t fall within the cancelled procedures since it technically can be done in the doctors office – is yours done in the hospital itself or is your doctors office just located within a hospital?

      • OP says

        At MGH. It’s a relatively simple procedure, but requires all of the disclosure paperwork, discussion of risks/side effects, technically being ‘checked in’ and arm-banded like any day surgery (had a successful IUI 2 years ago so I know the drill).

        Trying hard to not borrow trouble and anxiety, but, like… is this considered elective? Should I even be doing this? Does it have any impact on pregnant women or unborn children (how could we know? the virus is so young..)? I’m willingly entering a major hospital at least 5 more times in the next 10 days, and then again for follow up blood work and possibly/hopefully on to regular OB appts going forward. Why am I choosing this?

        Again, no anxiety at all in my past. It’s just…… a lot.

        Check in on your friends – the impact of all of this mess aren’t always visible. I’ll report back after my appt tomorrow AM.

    • Telco Lady JD says

      I, too, am newly pregnant due to an IVF transfer (6 weeks today). There have been no directives from my clinic, but like Anon above – they are not affiliated with a hospital.

      • Anonivf says

        Oh, wow. I am also pregnant as a result of IVF (9w2d) and I am an MGH patient. I’ve “graduated” from the fertility center, but my heart goes out to everyone whose plans are impacted by this. There’s so much incertainty in fertility treatments as it is, and I felt like every delay that was “beyond my control” was so, so frustrating at the time.

        • Pogo says

          This. Such a tough potential impact of the virus, and the hardest part being you can’t really commiserate about it with coworkers and friends the way you can with cancelled trips or concerts. Hugs to all you ladies affected!

    • So Anon says

      This is not on point, but I want to say that I also went through ART at MGH. I had unsuccessful and cancelled cycles, but the one little one that stuck – he just turned 9 years old last month. I can only imagine that this is layering uncertainty (the virus) on top of an already uncertain time (IUI/IVF). Hugs to all!!

    • cbackson says

      25w today and discussed this with my doctor last week. Here’s what I’ve been told:

      – What we know from the experience in China / SARS (note: SARS was a coronavirus) suggests that COVID-19 does not pass from mother to baby in utero and is not found in amniotic fluid or breastmilk.
      – If you are infected when you are full term they will likely have you deliver via c-section in order to minimize exposure risk to hospital staff and depending on symptoms you may be isolated from your baby until you’re testing negative.
      – It doesn’t look like there are significant health effects for babies of women infected in later pregnancy. If you’re infected in early pregnancy and get a high fever, that’s a risk bc high fevers are always risky in early pregnancy. So it’s not coronavirus, specifically, that is the issue, but any illness that causes high fever.
      – Their best guess is that pregnant women are at higher risk of serious infection because of immune system suppression, although the evidence is mixed from China vs. SARS vs. MERS on this. Advice is to act like you’re at higher risk, specifically by avoiding planes/airports/trains, good hygiene, reasonable social distancing, not visiting people in hospitals, avoiding elective medical care, etc.

      Basically, their advice was that the more significant risk is to pregnant women than to their babies.

  8. Anonymous says

    How are we feeling about going to restaurants this weekend? On the one hand, I want to respect social distancing and do my part to slow the spread. On the other, I feel bad for small businesses that will lose so much money from this. Any thoughts?

    • Anonymous says

      Depends on where. NYC or Seattle? No way. Where I live, I am guessing that this is the last weekend when I will feel okay about being out in public.

    • ElisaR says

      I read a suggestion to buy gift certificates if you want to help support local restaurants. Also, takeout. I know a lot of places are doing curbside pick up.

      I don’t know all this stuff is just so crazy. There’s no precedent. I don’t think eating at a restaurant is that bad. I do think traveling for “fun” on airplanes for spring break is.

    • Anonymous says

      Opting for take out but still tipping on pick up like I would for table service is my balance. I would have tipped that amount anyway if I ate there and I figure wait staff will probably take a big income hit as social distancing increases.

  9. Ms B says

    I have had good luck finding these tops at Nord Rack, often on clearance, and sometimes as low at $7.99. They do not last forever, but are well worth the spend, especially because they do well in the washer inside out on delicate followed by hanging dry.

  10. Anon says

    In first world problems, we finally decided it’s time to pull the plug on our spring break trip to Mexico. Costco Travel is not even taking calls on hold (they say they have high volume and hang up). Any tips? I have a couple days left before the refundability goes way down.

    • Anonymous says

      Send an email documenting that you are trying to cancel and they are not answering the phone. That should help if it becomes an issue. Try to call as soon as the call centre opens in the morning.

    • Anonymous says

      Have you tried contacting the airline and hotel or whomever else has your money directly, preferably online? I received an email from Expedia this morning saying they are maxed out on capacity and that people should use airline websites to cancel/change as much as possible, and wait until they are within 10 days of travel to bother Expedia (not their phrasing).

    • Anonymous says

      My assistant just tried to call Delta to cancel a flight. The projected hold time was 6 hours.

  11. Cb says

    I listened to the Motherhood Sessions podcast with the management consultant with three children. Might be worth a listen if you’re struggling with career and life balance.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      I thought of this site too when listening to it! I wish the host had spent a little more time on her black and white thinking of either high stress/high pay big consulting job vs. quit completely (although understand that takes more than a 20 minute session). And why couldn’t the husband scale back as well?

      • Cb says

        I was surprised how defensive she sounded, but I know we get such a tiny glimpse of the process. It was the repetition of mediocrity that surprised me. I do really love the podcast though, even when the situation doesn’t apply to me, I learn so much and I think it helps me work my empathy muscle.

  12. ANon says

    following up on the above question about getting tubes tied. do insurance companies typically cover vasectomies or no bc it is an elective procedure?

  13. IHeartBacon says

    I was supposed to travel last night from a high-covid city with community spread to another high-covid state with community spread for a networking event. I’m young, I have no heath issues and I don’t have any regular contact with anyone who does. I got to the airport, checked my luggage, was in the process of boarding my plane, and started having a panic attack. I got off the plane and the employees graciously took my checked bag off the plane. Now I feel silly/embarrassed about it, and I feel like I should’ve gone. I’m also dreading telling my firm that I’m not going.(And a part of me now wants to go again.) I know they’ll say they understand, but I assured them all week that I would go (and I meant it when I said it but once I was going to be locked in that plane, it was like a switch was flipped). Someone tell me something nice. :(

    • anon says

      You made the right choice!

      I work for someone with important connections and he just declared the office remote indefinitely after a troubling briefing (we aren’t in medicine). I absolutely think you did the right thing, so pat yourself on the back! don’t feel ashamed! Especially since it sounds like you did the harder thing.

    • Anon says

      Hugs! You acted with the best intentions towards your firm. This is a really difficult time. I’d say, try to do a small kindness towards someone else, how the airline staff got your bags off, that might make you feel better.

    • GCA says

      Hugs! We all have different risk appetites, but I don’t think your decision was extreme or irrational, I think it’s a completely reasonable choice to make and probably the right thing to do. I’m surprised your company in a high-infections city hasn’t canceled non-essential business travel, actually.

    • ElisaR says

      i think that was a wise reaction IHeartBacon. even as a healthy young person, you don’t want to be a carrier and getting other people sick. i think you did the right thing.

    • Anonymous says

      You absolutely did the right thing. You don’t need to tell your firm about the exact way in which you ended your trip. You can just say you made a last-minute decision not to go. The situation is evolving so rapidly that it was perfectly reasonable to make a last-minute decision.

    • Anon says

      Hey there! I fully support your decision. As one anxious person to another though – was your anxiety virus specific or do you get anxious flying generally? I ask because if I gave myself permission to get off a plane I would probably never fly again. I’m almost always very anxious from boarding until when we hit 10,000 feet. Luckily, my real panic attacks usually don’t come until turbulence. I’ve realized that if I gave myself permission to give in to my anxiety I’d eventually be a hermit. So, if you are a person without chronic anxiety and you were just trying to be a good citizen who freaked out, you are totally normal and good job. If you are someone like me, talk to your therapist so this doesn’t open the door to more avoidance behaviors.

      I’m so happy to hear that the flight crew was nice to you. I always worry about how they would be with a true panic attack but the few times I’ve dealt with them, they have been great. In my situation, it involved multiple trips running to the lav in turbulence when I should have been buckled because my panic gives me diarrhea. They were really sympathetic instead of yelling at me. They also didn’t charge me when I ordered some whiskey to self medicate and gave me an extra LOL. Not the healthiest choice of mine but desperate times call for desperate measures and panic attack mid flight is desperate to me.

    • IHeartBacon says

      Thanks for all the kind words, everyone. They made me feel a lot better. I told one of my superiors, who did not take the news well. At all. I told another one of my superiors (who is actually on the board of this networking organization) and he was very gracious about it. I also emailed the leaders of the organization (whom I also know) to personally apologize for backing out. My hope is that they will be secretly relieved I am not there since I come from a community spread city.

      As for Anon at 1:41 pm’s question, I am not usually an anxious person and have never had anxiety before this virus. I have never had a panic attack before and I am not anxious about flying. I fly often for work and even in the middle of cold season, I have never worried about getting sick on a plane. I had posted about a week ago about being afraid for the virus to come to my city because I have been so afraid for my son and I felt like it was starting to affect me physically. Everyone on here was very gracious about reminding me that no children have died or gotten severely ill. Other than the fear for my son getting sick by covid, I have never been anxious about things. I have a very high stress tolerance, which is what scared me so much last night when I having a panic attack. I know I made the right decision for myself, but my gosh do I feel really f’ing guilty about it for failing my firm.

      • IHeartBacon says

        Also, the issue with the superior not taking the news well is because this networking organization requires us to send someone to each event. Two other people from my office were supposed to go as well and they both cancelled earlier this week so I was the last person who was going to go to represent our firm. Hence the “failed my firm” guilt.

        • Anonymous says

          Why is it you who “failed” and not the two who canceled first?

        • Nan says

          I really think your superior is being unreasonable here and you should not feel guilty! The Final Four is being played without fans, universities are closing, the NBA is suspending their season – this is a crazy time and the fact that a networking conference is still happening shows poor judgment on the part of the organizers. You made a reasonable, smart choice that may prevent you from infecting other people and may even save someone’s life. Don’t feel bad about that!

        • Cassandra says

          If anyone makes it your fault that no one was there, call BS, even if it’s just to yourself. Two other people also made the decision to not go, and these are unprecedented times. However, in a week, I will imagine that your superior, and the organizers, will think nothing of your decision, because in hindsight, it will have been the right one. Look at what major universities, companies, and sports leagues are doing.

          Also, as to making that decision yesterday — yesterday really seemed like an inflection point in stress about COVID. I admit to being worried about it about two weeks ago, but yesterday was when it really hit home that things will likely change, and best case scenario it’ll be a fairly manageable new normal for a few weeks for those of us who are lucky enough to be reasonably healthy, able to work from home, and have the budget to buy supplies for a month. The worst-case scenario is devastating.

          • IHeartBacon says

            I think that was also was contributed to the panic attack. When I arrived at the airport, the president had just given his address to the nation and news about Tom Hanks and the NBA was just released. Minutes after reading the news and watching the president’s address, my flight started boarding. I think if there had been a bigger gap of time between receiving the news and boarding, I might have been fine. Like I said, I feel guilty and embarrassed about not going, but my hope is that it will have been the right decision in the end.

      • Anon says

        I’m anon at 1:41. If this was your first ever panic attack, you totally made the right call. Panic attacks are so scary and you don’t know if you are dying or “just” having anxiety when they first happen. Your firm will live. People will get over it. If it’s not too late when communicating with others you could say you planned on going and had a medical emergency after boarding which required you to de-plane, but you are okay now. They don’t need to know it was a panic attack.

  14. Daycare Pricing says

    Curious if you ladies can fill me in on the structure of daycare costs. I’m trying to help a family member figure out whether they could get by financially if they moved to my area and took care of a few kids. There is plenty of demand. But asking working moms I know here, the pricing seems abysmally low for the provider, even though I believe the moms that it is a very challenging to afford.
    I know the pricing in my rural area won’t compare to where most of you live. But I would still be interested in hearing about the relative pricing for nannying vs small groups in someone’s home vs stereotypical “daycare centers”. And I’d be especially interested to hear what factors make the price go up, what extra services you pay a premium for, etc. Extended hours? Transportation? Good food?
    Thanks!

    • Anon says

      I’m just starting to do the research since kid hasn’t arrive yet, but I can say all daycare centers I’ve reached out to have tiered pricing plans. So you have a standard 7am-6pm working parent fulltime setup, or you can opt to do parttime at a lower cost. Most daycares should be able to give you basic pricing over the phone without hesitation.
      If you go looking for a nanny on care dot com or similar, most list their per hour pricing and availability.

      • Daycare Pricing says

        Thanks–do you mind identifying where you are? City size? Hours here are typically 8-5 (including pick-up/drop-off) and there are only a few daycare providers. The system hugely discourages moms from working, but it seems like pricing is also so low that providers can’t get by. It seems like there should be a market correction, but instead…childcare is just considered to have no monetary value. Grr…

        • Anon@12:48 says

          Sure. I’m in a big suburb of metro-Atlanta. One of the local synagogues in the area was about $8K-$10k per year (yes year) for 1 kid (7AM-5PM, 5 days a week). The range depends on if you are a member or not. Even if you aren’t particularly religious maybe look into a church/synagogue in your area for better rates. A local Montesorri pre-school was about $1k per month. Another local chain pre-school/daycare ran about the same at $1k per month. These are rates for the infant room. In some locations, the toddler and big kid rooms were cheaper.
          Both the montessori and chain schools offered more working-parent friendly options, though I didn’t ask many follow up questions on extended hours because I WFH fulltime.

    • Anonymous says

      Since you’re in a rural area, I’ll add in my small Canadian city experience. I paid about $200 per week for M-F, 9-5 care for one child in 2016. Offering longer hours would earn more $. Day homes often have 4-5 children so that’s about $800-1000/week. In my area, there’s a particular need for care that works for nurses (7-7 schedule so care from 6:30-am-7:30pm 3 out of 7 days). Those providers can usually charge a premium but they have more complex scheduling and need to do some weekend work as well (but not always in the other parent is M-F, 9-5)

      Typically for more than 4 children in the home, registration and inspections are required. Age rules are no more than 2 under 2 plus not more than 3 under 3. Those will vary so she should also look into that. Registered day homes are also eligible for subsidies to reduce their rates – this is done to encourage registration.

      • Daycare Pricing says

        Thanks, that’s very helpful. Those numbers work out to be between 3,500 and 4,300 per month, I admit I’m perplexed how a business could get by on that even with very low overheads (i.e., in someone’s home).

        • Anonymous says

          It’s not a lot for sure. Commonly done by SAHM who are just looking for playmates for their kids or daycare workers who are staying home with their own kids due to cost of daycare so are taking a couple kids to supplement their lost income. Ours was a SAHM with school aged children. They are typically in someone’s home, with toys that providers often pick up at secondhand shops or are donated from previous parents (I gave her all our wooden Melissa and Doug puzzles when my kids outgrew them). Also, in Canada there’s public health insurance so no costs for that. Ratios above allow for just one person in the home with the kids. More than 4 kids under 10 requires a second person I think. Income tax is also minimal at that level of income.

    • Anonymous says

      Our previous center was ~$350/week (included everything but diapers) and our current one is ~$1200/month, you bring wipes/food/etc. In home is usually cheaper. Personally I would pay a premium for lower staff to child ratios. She could probably brand herself to the more bougie parent by emphasizing things like reading books, baby sign language, child development activities, organic meals, etc. People want to feel like their child is well cared for rather than in some zoo-like holding tank. Maybe she could also look into nannying or running a nanny share? Nannies are usually around $18-$25/hr here.

    • Anon says

      I’m in a small Midwest city. The university-run daycare our kids attend is the most expensive in our city. Infant care is $1600/month, with small subsidies for families that earn <$150k/year (which I believe is not a large number of families). There's no part-time option, 50 hours/week of care, school supplies meals and snacks but we bring diapers, wipes, etc. The teachers (bachelor's degree required) are paid between $25k and $40k depending on seniority, and they get full university benefits which is a big perk (retirement match, generous PTO, etc.)
      I believe other centers in our area are around $1000-1400/month for infant care, with slightly longer (55-60 hours/week) hours. In-home daycares are generally even cheaper than that. I would be surprised if a SAHM running an in-home daycare could make even $25k/year doing this, but I could be wrong.

      • Anonymous says

        Wow–our university day care is a nonprofit and charged less than for-profit centers. A zillion years ago, it was $800/mo for infants at the university center and between $1100/mo and $1400/mo at chain centers. Low end of MCOL.

        • Anon says

          Ours is definitely a non profit too. But I don’t think the university heavily subsidizes them so I believe they need to cover their costs, and it makes sense to me that they have higher operating costs than other centers because (I believe) they pay staff more and have lower ratios. It’s definitely considered the gold standard for daycare in our area, and comes with the commensurate price tag.

    • anon for this says

      Our in-home charges $230-250 (depending on age of child, younger is more) per week. She is licensed for up to 6 children, no more than 3 under 18mos (I think) at a time. She does not provide food or supplies, but she does all the laundry for stuff that “lives” at her house (pack n play sheets, burp cloths). She washes all the bottles and sippy cups we provide and just keeps them. Providers do charge more for providing food but seems like so much more work for the provider I’m not surprised mine doesn’t do it.

      So low end when she had 3 babies was $3000/mo, high end now that she has more kids I think she’s getting around $4600/mo. She has no employees except her daughter who I do not believe she has on payroll. She is an LLC and licensed w/ the state. Her husband is the main breadwinner and provides benefits for the family.

      If you think about it though, she has no commute. She doesn’t have to dress up for work. When the 3 were babies she had them for about 8.5 hours, of which 5 hours they were sleeping. Even now, all the kids nap for around 2 hours in the afternoon, when she preps her family’s dinner for the night. She truly enjoys it and I think they see the extra income as a nice to have, and more than she’d make in service, retail, etc.

      • Anonymous says

        As an introvert I’d definitely prefer being home with small kids vs. having to work in retail.

        • anon for this says

          Exactly. It really fits her personality, and like I said they see it as “extra” income that they get by her doing relatively little work (again, to her – she doesn’t see it as work bc she loves the children, and she really does get time during the day to tend to her own home and children, who are teenagers, if needed). You might make the same money in service or retail, but to me as an introvert I agree – much harder work.

    • Anonymous says

      Boston suburbs. For FT infant care with a 7:2 ratio it is $2000++ (there are places that hit $3k). As the ratios increase the cost drops: toddlers are 9:2, PreK is 14:2 or 16:2 depending on the exact ages.

      I think the two main things that drive price around me are the rent m/cost to own the property and the education level and turnover frequency of staff (well paid, happy staff that stick around won’t work for minimum wage and crap benefits).

      Insurance and licensing are $$ but that is the same center to center within the state.

      Food and laundry offerings are big perks for some. The ability to have a flexible schedule is another (Eg. Only go part time). The newness/prettiness of the building. Hours (7-6:30pm vs 8-5).

      Nannies around here are $20-30/hr. Some are under the table and many are not so add another 20-30% for taxes and benefits.

    • Anonymous says

      Not helpful on in-home, and I’m in close-in suburbs of DC (Arlington), but in case it’s at all helpful, for our chain center: Infants and toddlers $2700-2800/month (up to 9 hours/9+ hours), 2 year olds $2500-2600, 3-4 year olds $2100-2300, and 4.5-5 year olds $2100-2200. This includes food, but not diapers or wipes.
      We paid our nanny $20/hour over the table.

    • Coach Laura says

      Daycare pricing – the people who do this and make $40,000-50,000 a year in a rural area like the other benefits for these reasons:
      They can work at home and take care of their other kids too.
      They don’t have to pay day care for their kids like they would if they worked outside the home.
      They don’t have to punch a time clock and work at the whim of an employer.
      They don’t have to have sick care for when they have to work and their own kids are sick.
      There are some favorable tax credits such as deducting if part of the home that is solely dedicated to daycare, cell phone, mileage etc.
      They can take vacations when the local schools are on spring or winter break, which with some home based business, getting a vacation would be a problem.
      If your relative is moving to a rural area without much in the way of a “career” position, in home care is a way to make a living but they won’t get rich.

  15. Tj says

    We have a firm headshot/group photo coming up and the dress code is a dark suit (but not black) for the headshot and an all black outfit for the group photo. I need recommendations on bump-friendly (8 months pregnant) outfits that would also be nursing friendly because I want to buy something that I can wear after my pregnancy as well.

    Any suggestions on makeup/hair for an 8-month pregnant bloated face are also welcomed!

    • Anonymous says

      I’d see if I could wear a dark pre-pregnancy blazer over a dress and have the photographer truly just get a headshot, so you can’t tell you’re not in a suit. Plain colored dress with a neckline similar to a shirt. And then a black dress for the group photo with a similar pre-pregnancy black blazer. I’d try to wear the same dress, but I’m not certain the black dress would fly for the headshot given the “not black” requirement for the suit portions.

      • PR Anon says

        Ditto to the above.

        Check out Seraphine for clothes. I bought this style for something similar: Black Jacquard Maternity & Nursing Dress. And for hair, DRYBAR or another blowout bar. You could go once and get an entire week’s mileage out of that. good luck!

  16. AnotherAnon says

    Day care is on spring break this week. Would it be too much for me to message the director (we message often) and ask what her plans are for closing due to covid19? We’re in a city that has declared a 7 day emergency, if that matters. I am hoping to make accommodations to WFH, if possible (boss has previously said I cannot WFH to care for a child, which I understand, but want to see if that policy holds for covid19).

    • Anon says

      Not silly to ask. We’ve been getting near-daily updates from our center’s director, and there are no confirmed cases in our city yet.

    • Anonymous says

      I don’t think it is too much, but I’m guessing the answer is to wait until the last minute to decide based on current recommendations at that time. Doesn’t make it easy for parents, though… I’m guessing she doesn’t want to close unless she has to.

    • Anonymous says

      The expert I heard on NPR earlier this week said schools would need to be closed for 8 weeks to really slow down the spread of the virus, but that’s a start! Our district just announced it is closing for two days next week to “prepare.” My guess is that it will remain closed until Easter.

    • Spirograph says

      Same for Maryland. And no community gatherings expected to draw more than 250 people, and a whole bunch of other things.

      I am NOT looking forward to this, but I do appreciate the decisive action.

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