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I wrote a long post over at Corporette with all my best tips for digital journaling — I’m really loving it as an easy way to get into writing my thoughts, planning my day/week/year, keeping track of to-dos and meal plans, and more. Some of the main tools I’ve bought for digital journaling (with my iPad) include:
- the iPad app GoodNotes ($7)
- a digital bullet journal (bought on Etsy for $5)
- an Apple Pen or dupe ($27)
- digital stickers and planning templates (such as cleaning charts, mood trackers, and weekly/monthly layouts) from places like ShePlans, Bloom Planners, and others
Readers, what are your favorite planners and ways of keeping track of to-dos for work and family?
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Cb says
I am decently tech-y but prefer paper for long-term and daily planning. I use a monthly planner for goals, monthly planning, etc, and a daily planner for my plan for the day / habit tracking etc. I just really like having something physical to cross off.
Spirograph says
Same. I use my outlook calendar at work of course, but everything personal/home goes in my actual physical planner. There’s something comforting to me about flipping through pages and writing with a real pen that I just don’t get from tech.
Cb says
I’ve been using a fountain pen and it’s such a pleasant writing experience!
AnotherAnon says
Me too! We have a wall calendar on which I write the family schedule so DH and I are only occasionally scheduling over each other instead of constantly. :) Since the pandemic, I also have a large notebook-sized calendar/planner that I bought from Target. I don’t really meditate, but on the rare occasion I wake up early, I will write in my calendar. I really enjoy it.
Pogo says
I have a paper planner and also just use the Notes app on my phone. This is something where I feel like more complicated does not mean better/more useful.
Katala says
I started using GoodNotes and a PDF planner on my iPad because I would leave my paper planner in the wrong place sometimes. It is really nice to be able to pull up GoodNotes on my phone to check things. I don’t make changes on my phone but at least I have access to my info. I find apple pencil + GoodNotes to actually provide a very nice writing experience, and the pages sort of flip. I never thought I’d convert from paper but I really like it now.
Struggle Bus says
I have a 3 month old baby and and am back to work full time in person. This is such a small thing but today, despite exclusively breastfeeding, I got my period back. A little weird, but not a big deal, or it really shouldn’t be. Yet for some reason it very nearly pushed me over the edge this morning. Keeping track of tampons on top of masks, baby gear, toddler gear, pumping gear, is somehow the straw that broke the camels back. Yes, this is dumb, I know — but I’m overwhelmed! Thought I wouldn’t have to deal with this quite yet. I realize there’s no answer here, this is just life, but all tips appreciated.
Anonymous says
Take continuous birth control- no period, no surprise second baby.
Boston Legal Eagle says
A plug for an IUD – I got one after kid 2 and my periods have been extremely light/almost non existent. It’s awesome.
Katarina says
I had tons of spotting with my Mirena while breastfeeding. It was more days bleeding than not, for months and months. It eventually got better as I started weaning, and after I mostly weaned it more or less went away. The only reason I kept going was because of the sunk cost, and I had a ridiculous amount of bleeding on the minipill, too.
Struggle Bus says
Can’t do hormonal birth control for *reasons.* But that’s a smart tip for those who do!
Anonymous says
Then just put tampons in every bathroom, diaper bag, purse, and car, now. Fistfuls of tampons everywhere.
Anon says
This is my approach! Also can’t be on hormonal birth control.
anon says
Me too, and it makes me sad! I miss the lighter periods!
anon says
Ugh, so sorry. Also not sure if there’s your first, but just so you know, expect it to be heavy!
Anon says
Maybe, maybe not! My postpartum periods were and still are much lighter than my pre-pregnancy ones. Cramps are gone too! My Ob said this happens to a lot of women.
GCA says
Oof, sorry. If it’s any easier – I don’t know if you’re WFH, but I have a basket on an over-the-cistern shelf in my bathroom with just this sort of necessity so I don’t have to go fishing in cabinets for toilet paper, tampons & pads, etc. Or perhaps a cup? Set it and forget it for a few hours?
Anonymous says
A) this sucks, and yuck. I breastfed both my kids exclusively and got my period back at 3 and 5 months. Anyone that said they didn’t get it at all while breastfeeding I am truly jealous of!
B) I bought boxes of tampons and liners and had them in my office drawer. No one has time for that nonsense when keeping track of everything else. Now I buy 6 boxes of tampons at a time from Target—not sure why I ever bought them 1 at a time before.
C) pumping parts, I dumped in a tub of hot soapy water as soon as I got home each night, washed after dinner, set out to dry separately from dishes. It was always on the counter, so I could look and see quickly—if it’s not on the counter it was in my bag. For a bag, I had a backpack that fit all work things from purse to laptop to lunch to pumping stuff. I couldn’t be bothered with multiple bags out the door for work. It was a backpack made for photographers and black and professional and I still use it years later.
4) For my second, I left a pump at work and had my old one at home. That was nice for one less thing to carry. (YMMV. my commute was a pain—I drove to daycare, parked, then bus/walk to train to work. Then reverse it all to get my car, but my husband had already gotten the kids)
Logistics and planning are key. It’s a short period, and you can do this!!!!!
Lyssa says
First post-pregnancy period is really intense; don’t think you’re just having a bad time, it’s completely normal for it to be rough. Take care of yourself.
Anonymous says
Agree that would push me over the edge too (I was CONSTANTLY forgetting tampons). I use the blossom cup now and it’s been great for that because I can just keep it in my purse and it’s basically always with me- I never have to remember a tampon again!
Katala says
Second the cup for sure! Much easier than remembering tampons. I, too, got my period back during mat leave (not sure exactly when, but well before 4 months) despite exclusively breastfeeding. I seriously wonder who actually doesn’t have one for another year or more while bfing. slightly jealous.
Anon. says
I was still post-partum hormonal at 3 months for sure. And my first period back later messed with things too – I could tell in my mood etc. So my advice is to give yourself a giant helping of grace and preemptively warn your SO to do the same.
After School Question says
Before I launch into this, I know that I am very fortunate to have 100% in-person school for my kiddo right. So to the extent I’m waffling on aftercare, I know I already have a luxury with school happening. Anyway… My kiddo is in pre-K from 8:00-2:15. She just turned 5. They’re doing a great job of cohorting, which is why the day ends early (used to go until 3:15ish). With the teachers and paras in her class never getting a break, they have a shorter day. That’s cool. I get it. Currently, our schedule is that two days a week I pick her up at 2:15 and don’t really work again in the afternoon. I work at other times to make up for it. It’s doable. No complaints. The other three days a week, kiddo goes to the school district after-care, which is at our local Y. We pick her up between 4:30 and 5:00 on those days. Kiddo usually protests about having to go to the Y (in a really sad way, not a mad or angry way), but likes it when she is there . Some days when I pick her up, she begs me to stay a little longer to finish her craft or project. So I know she is fine once she gets there. But, at the same time, she’d prefer to be at home. DH and I are mainly WFH.
I’m considering eliminating after care between Thanksgiving and Christmas to (1) reduce exposure before we see Grandparents and (2) trial the possiblity of eliminating aftercare for the rest of the schoolyear. However, to make it work, on most days, she’d need to entertain herself for at least 60 minutes with very few interruptions (No “hey mom look at my drawing”, etc.) I don’t have a lot of optimism that she can do it, to be honest. But I also feel like I should give her the opportunity to try. I also feel like it would be better to have her do a little each day as part of the routine versus 2:45ish-5:00 on three days.
My question is whether this is at all a fair expectation to even ask a new five year old to try? She’d be fine if the tv was on. But I’d like to not use the tv every day after school to entertain my kiddo. That said, if tons of people on here tell me to do it and get over it, I could be persuaded, lol. Thoughts? Suggestions? Thank you!
Cb says
Cavaet – I’ve got a toddler. But when he dropped his nap before turning 3, we replaced his naptime with quiet time after lunch. We have lunch, spend 20-30 minutes playing, and then set a timer for 60 minutes of quiet time in his room. When the timer goes off, we play together, and then he has an hour of TV which helps.
You could do a schedule, 2:15-3:00 – Snack, chat with mom and dad, 3:00 – 4:00 quiet play, and 4:00 – 5:00 screens.
Anonymous says
I have a 4 1/2 year old that also adheres to a schedule like this. He dropped his nap — and because he’s still expected to have 2 hours of quiet time at daycare where he entertains himself — we keep that up at home. So, during naptime, he plays in his room. Only rarely does he bother me during this time. So, it’s not impossible even with boys. Not saying that it will work for you, but it may work if you set the expectation and then set a boundary — like she has to play in X room for Y amount of time.
Cb says
Yes, definitely! He doesn’t get the quiet time at nursery (although often curls up on the couch with a teacher and a book after lunch) but we try to be really consistent about it at home. Our childcare centre hasn’t fully reopened, so it gives us a bit more time to work and a break. If he’s playing happily, I sneak over and put a bit more time on the timer.
Anonymous says
1- this doesn’t significantly change exposure at all I would ignore this factor
2- she’s 5! No this isn’t a reasonable expectation. That’s why childcare exists.
3- id put her in aftercare everyday. It seems fine, you have a job, she needs care, and you don’t rearrange your life because of a 5 year old’s preferences
OP says
Just chiming in that this is the schedule I set and prefer based on a lot of factors that I won’t get into. She doesn’t skip aftercare two times per week because of her preferences.
Anonymous says
Ok but you’re contemplating her skipping it entirely for her preferences even though it interrupts you work for no reason. Shrug I guess, but you asked for thoughts and I think this is cray cray.
Anon says
assuming good measures are in place and as we’ve seen so far there doesn’t seem to be crazy spread within schools, but i disagree with #1 in the sense that if this is not the same group of kids/adults as at her school, this is exposure to a new set of people.
Realist says
As for (1), aftercare could dramatically change exposure and I do not understand how anyone could think it is insignificant. Assume that 5yo is with 10 different kids in aftercare that child would not have exposure to during school hours. And exposure to them is exposure to all their families. So if those 10 kids live in families of 4, then that is additional exposure 40 people. If each of those families is bubbled with another family of 4, that is 80 people. And those are conservative estimates. If it is more than 10 kids, or some of the families have larger bubbles, it could easily be exposure to 100s of people at aftercare. I could see why OP would consider dropping it to see grandparents, if that is an option for them.
ElisaR says
agree
Anon says
From what you’ve said in the past, you have your kids at home full time and you no longer work full time, so it’s no surprise you focus on all the risks vs. the benefits of aftercare.
Anonymous says
My take on it is you’re still potentially exposing your parents to tons of risk from school. Sure yes mathematically higher with aftercare but in reality if they don’t want risk it’s already too much.
Realist says
Yes, I’m quite good at analyzing and managing risks for others and for my family. Thanks for recognizing my mad skills, Anon. I understand that not everyone has the luxury in these times to manage pandemic risks in a way that might otherwise be best for them (everyone right now is balancing risks for childhood development, financial stability, and health concerns), but certainly those that can identify and manage risks should not be shamed for doing so.
Anonymous says
Mmmhhhkmm. People always want to push women out of full time work for some reason or other. I don’t like seeing it here.
Anon says
Yeah, if we could all only make all the same life decisions as you, Realist.
As if the other smart ladies on this board aren’t analyzing and managing risk each day…
anne-on says
I think you know your kid best – my friends who have girls report that they can absolutely play with dolls/color/arrange shopkin houses and such for hours uninterrupted. My friends with boys (including me) did not have this experience at 5. My kid will now happily read for hours alone but at 5 I would get maybe 15-20 minutes at a clip without interruptions, MAX. Especially because they are SO excited to see you at the end of the day.
My concrete suggestions – can you and your husband sit down on Sunday and decide who is ‘on’ for the afternoons and split up the days. Maybe whoever is ‘on’ that day then trades off for dinner time prep/bedtime so they get a bit of evening time back. The person who is ‘on’ should probably be in the same room as your daughter, and commit to no calls but perhaps that’s the time to sort through email, or do some admin work?
For your daughter can you make her a chart of what you expect her to do – come home, put away backpack, take off shoes, etc. 15 minutes coloring/15 minutes playing toys/15 minutes homework/whatever. The person who is on can (ideally) work in 10-15 minute chunks, help her transition, and then have another 10-15 minute chunk?
Cb says
Huh, I’m so curious about this gender distinction. I thought my son’s ability to entertain himself would get better rather than worse over time? At 3, he’ll happy play trains for an hour during his quiet time or do a 20 minute Cosmic Kids video if I need to do some work when I’m on the kid shift – he does yell for us if he’s doing a particularly impressive pose.
Anonymous says
I have a girl and twin boys. I think it’s more a kid distinction vs. a gender distinction but it can be a parenting distinction. One of my twins is much better at only play than my daughter and the other twin is much worse. There’s a few friends with older girl/young boy combinations around us and I think people are often harder on girls and have more expectations of quiet play and crack down more when they are rough-housing/interrupting compared to boys.
Anonymous says
I only have boys but my 5 year old does entertain himself for long stretches. Not with dolls or shopkins but writing/drawing props for his elaborate imaginary games. Now, will he do this when I want him to? Not really!
Lyssa says
I try not to assume it’s a gender difference so much as just different personalities, but this is a really stark difference between my boy and girl – he’s really never been able to just entertain himself for much time at all, unless he has something with a screen or (now that he’s reading a little) a book. He would almost never just play with toys by himself or color by himself. My daughter, however, can entertain herself for a long time with dolls, coloring, “crafts”, or sometimes just taking random pieces of literally anything and assigning personalities and stories to them.
Pogo says
My 3yo boy is like that too. If he’s into a particular pretend play scenario – building, repairing, rescuing with his duplo people and/or trains – he’s good. He will also flip through books or magazines (and catalogs!) for a good 10-15 min solo. He does best if all his needs are met of course, so you can’t expect this when he’s hungry, tired or otherwise cranky. He has also started going downstairs when he wakes up and getting himself cereal.
Anon Lawyer says
My mom always complained that I needed to be constantly kept occupied whereas my brother would happily play by himself for hours. I don’t think it’s a gender difference except to the extent that it’s a socialization difference (girls are taught that they’re expected to be quiet in subtle and sometimes not so subtle ways).
Anonymous says
This. I’m astounded at the rate that my mom shushes my daughter when they are playing compared to my son. I always have to push back on her.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Agree that this is pretty kid-dependent. An extroverted kid would have a harder time than an introverted kid. I don’t think you can reasonably expect her to stay quiet and not interrupt you at all for 3+ hours (i.e. if your work is very call-heavy or focus-heavy), but if you can get some work done with periodic interruptions and she’s able to do some solo play, it could work. Beyond the relatives concern, I’m not sure why you’re looking to end all after care after that? It seems like a good option to use if you have it.
OP says
Fair point. We’ve never felt totally good about aftercare from an exposure perspective. Like we’re being greedy becuase she already has school until 2:15. I mean, we managed with no childcare for months. It wasn’t ideal, but we made it. And there is no cohorting at aftercare. Kids from all schools and ages interact. They do wear masks, however. I guess I just feel like if she wants to be home, we should at least let her try. And I agree that 3+ hours isn’t appropriate or possible. But an extra hour or so each day would go a long way.
Anonymous says
It is not greedy to need childcare so you can do your work in work hours! Her feeling like she wants to be home is a stupid reason to bring her home. And then all of a sudden mommy can’t work as much and mommy can’t focus and bingo another woman’s career down the drain and it’s all “so hard who could say why?”
Anon says
Agree. It sounds like she does great activities at aftercare, and you need that time to focus on work. Having her home is not necessarily better for either of you.
Anon says
Agree that’s it’s not greedy to need childcare, but disagree that your child’s physical and mental health are a “stupid reason”. It *is* a good deal of extra exposure. And while a child’s preferences shouldn’t dictate a decision, they certainly should be acknowledged and considered. As an introvert I would’ve hated aftercare and needed (still need) a lot of time at home to decompress. OP sounds like she has a reasonable plan, with a start and end date to re-evaluate. I think it makes sense to try (as long as you are not doing it purely out of guilt, because I agree you shouldn’t feel guilty for needing to work).
Anonymous says
I’m sorry, did she ever mention at all the her child’s physical and mental health were at risk? No. No she did not. Don’t dump your childhood issues to paint me as some uncaring monster.
Anon says
Um Covid is a very real physical health risk and she specially doesn’t want her family to get sick, and I classify a child being sad as mental health (not necessarIly a crisis requiring change, but not something to just ignore). Sound like you are not secure in your own choices.
Anon2 says
The OP also never indicated her child was an introvert, so yes, stop projecting your own issues onto this situation.
Anonymous says
A child expressing mild sadness at aftercare drop off and then being perfectly fine while there and not ready to leave at the end is the normal range of human emotions not mental health.
Anon says
If you take an hour, DH takes an hour and she does an hour of independent play that sounds doable!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Another thought is to hire a high school or college age kid to hang out with her for those afternoons so that you both can focus on work. Yes, it increases exposure, but with some rules on masks, etc., it should be less of a concern.
Realist says
I think this is completely doable for some 5 year olds. It may take more prep time from you though, such as having a snack ready to go and plenty of activities to direct her to (crayons, music she can play herself, etc). You can give it a try between Thanksgiving and Christmas to see how it goes.
Anon says
+1. Even my VERY ENERGETIC five-year-old son can manage an hour of quiet time. The key is for us to have him be in his room, and to keep some toys there that he really only plays with at that time (Legos, sticker books, etc).
octagon says
Our kiddo is 5 and watches one episode of Sesame Street most days, which is about 55 minutes. Usually he starts playing with a toy while watching and will happily play for another 15-20 minutes after it ends. It’s the only TV he watches and I’m okay with it. I remember coming home as a kid and watching a little tv before dinner and it was a great way to decompress.
If you wanted non-tv, you could consider playing an audiobook and putting her in her room with an activity, but that may be a tougher sell if you really need that period without interruptions. But you know your kid best. You’d want to do several days of setting expectations with lots of praise for good behavior.
Anon says
My 5 and 7 are in after care (similar setup to your situation, but ours is at the same school). My 5 year old is super extroverted and cannot quietly entertain himself for that long. My 7 year old was the same at that age. She would be better now, but is MUCH happier with additional socialization.
I know others are saying not to bend to preferences, but we’re not going out to restaurants even outdoors and not seeing extended family over the holidays because we’re prioritizing the kids’ mental health. You know your kid the best, but asking to stay later when you come to pick her up seems like a sign that she enjoys being there. I wouldn’t change that arrangement because she’s sad to go. Maybe commit to 20 minutes of uninterrupted parent time as soon as you pick her up, if the issue is her wanting more time with you?
anon says
From an exposure perspective, I’d consider dropping aftercare merely because a positive case at the Y could mean that she’d need to miss two weeks of in person school. This would be really disruptive, so cutting the Y would significantly decrease the risk of a larger child care interruption.
As far as ways to occupy her, do you have lonely grandparents who are at home? My 4 yo’s grandfather has been reading to her for an hour a day over Zoom since the pandemic started. They both love it. Another option would be to look into an Outschool class or a virtual tutor (e.g., piano, art, coding, etc).
Spirograph says
You know your kid, but I would not willingly give up aftercare. I cannot expect my 5 year old to leave me alone for an hour unless she’s on the computer, watching TV, or playing with another kid, and sometimes not even then. And also, I personally have a hard time focusing on work when I know I am also the Adult In Charge for my kid(s), even if they are not talking to me or in my office at the time.
Yes, eliminating after care would reduce exposure around the holidays, however, imho if you are going to spend time around non-local family, you should be thinking about how you minimize everyone’s potential exposure *there* rather than in the controlled situations that are part of your normal life. Presumably the after care program is outdoors when possible and masked, right? So chance of exposure is already fairly low, even though it’s a big bubble, as Realist pointed out. I would seriously consider 1. not staying in the same house with grandparents, 2. wearing masks indoors with non-local family, 3. moving celebrations outdoors if possible, 4. everyone getting tested shortly before you get together
Anon says
I’ll dissent and say I think it’s totally reasonable to let a 5 year old watch an hour of TV while getting to be at home with parents and be comfortable. She gets plenty of socialization and gets to be engaged at school all day. I think it’s okay for kids to be with their parents even if that time isn’t as “quality” like playing with other kids, especially in these days.
Anon says
this is so dependent on your kid, your jobs, etc. i don’t think watching an hour of tv a day is bad for anyone if thats the screen time she is getting. my mom was always able to pick me up from school growing up (she worked, but was able to work an alternative schedule), but i had an activity almost every day of the week. i liked some of them, but in retrospect, i was an introverted kid who needed some alone time, which my parents didn’t totally get and growing up their parents couldn’t afford to enroll them in every single activity, but since they could, i think they thought it would be to my benefit. until the pandemic, my dad, watched no TV other than the news and while as a younger kid i definitely watched sesame street, reading rainbow, etc. once i was in middle-older elementary, we were not allowed to watch tv during the week, which i honestly think i could’ve benefited from
Anonymous says
It sounds like the added risk of after-care is creating some underlying stress, which it would for me as well (particularly as we go into the winter months). I’ve found that in this current moment, I do best when I just lean into that instinct and deal with the trade-offs. They’re never as bad as I think they might be. And I think the trade-offs here sound manageable, however you do it–a 60-minute timer, screen time, rejiggering your work schedule, etc. I’d drop the after-care.
AwayEmily says
Have you talked with her about it? See what she thinks, and see if she thinks she’d be able to do this, and maybe come up with some ideas together of what might make it easier. My 4yo also has 1.5 hours of mandated quiet time on the weekends where she plays on her own or listens to an audiobook (or both at the same time). It took her a bit but she’s pretty good at it now. I also let her use some of the fancier art supplies during that time that I don’t keep out generally, which makes it more special.
I also think you could do a half hour of TV and a half hour of solo time — it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
No Face says
Personally, the Y would be a no-go for my risk tolerance because it is not cohorted.
My kiddo’s in-person school ends at 3:30pm. She eats a snack and then gets into bed with her Amazon Fire tablet for a couple of hours. I would never allow that much screen time before the pandemic, but now I see it’s value. She really likes the alone time and rest. Then around 5:30pm, I stop working, my husband comes home and we have dinner/family quality time. It works really, really well.
If your kid likes TV, then put on PBS Kids and don’t worry about it.
katy says
I strongly advise you NOT to drop a childcare situation that seems to be working. Can you reduce risk for grandparent visit in another way, like getting tested?
I also have full time school, for which i am grateful (all day preschool for 3 YO), but the before / after care is 2 hours less per day than i was hoping for. For various reasons, this week i have an extra 45 mins in the morning and it is magic, meaning it has made a big difference to my evening work. (normally, i go to work late, sometimes logging in at home in the AM) and hubby logs off early, sometimes doing emails etc. once he and kiddo are home. we both work post bedtime.)
Do you really want to go into the xmas season on a treadmill of working odd hours?? If you can afford it, keep the childcare and keep as many of your work hours in work hours that you can. If you are dropping childcare because you have the capacity to move work around and PREFER to increase family time that is a different story, but it doesn’t sound like that is your intent. Likewise if this makes a material impact to you family budget – again different story.
my 2 cents.
Anonymous says
Context: my kids are 2.5, 4.5 and just turned 7.
I think you should think about what you really are after and what is best for your family. I know a lot of the moms on this board have one kid, or a few young kids, but I’d probably weigh more heavily the opinion of moms with kids that are in elementary now.
My 1st grader does remote learning from home with me as the adult in charge 1x/week. She is actively logged in from 8am-12pm and comes to say hello during snack breaks. We have lunch together. She colors or watches TV or whatever during her short breaks. We have kids in the neighborhood that are also home, so after school is done for the day she’ll go to someone’s house or they’ll come here and play around. I couldn’t do a Major Board Presentation with the 1st graders playing in the house, but they very rarely come and bother me. I have no problem at all doing chunks of work that require concentration or internal meetings.
My 4.5 year old is still in PK. When she’s home alone, she does fine if she’s allowed to watch TV. She will also happily do a craft project solo but will require what DH and I call “consistent skepticism.” We have converted a room to an art/craft room so if it’s just an adult and her, one of us works from the kitchen or dining room which is within earshot of the craft room. We occasionally have to take away loose glitter, help her through a coloring book maze or take the top off of a paint jar. She doesn’t play outside solo very much but if her older sister is home they will happily play together for hours. Last year she absolutely could not have entertained herself but she’s really gotten into art and will happily craft solo for hours on end.
Toddler, no, of course not. That’s insanity. In the Darkest Times of the pandemic, I put her in front of the tablet and i could get an hour of work done. but i didn’t like it.
Anonymous says
Everyone (me, husband, 15 month old) is home while we wait for COVID test results, and I had forgotten how hard it is to work while watching a kid (I mean, it’s basically impossible)!!
ElisaR says
impossible
TheElms says
Yup. Can you switch off with your husband? That’s the only way I’ve managed it and then still ended up working until midnight to “make up” the hours.
Spirograph says
We did this for a couple days last week, and yes yes yes. I took one day off completely and half time the other day. It was not worth the stress to feel like I should have been available for work at the same time everyone was home.
Ifiknew says
Guys, my 3.5 year Olds night sleep is a disaster. She’s up most nights 1 to 2x wanting me to fix her blanket or other quick asks. She goes right down usually unless my husband goes in, then it’s a long drawn out scream fest for mom. Is this because she’s napping 90 mins most days? She loves to nap and asks to nap and I dont know how to get her to cut it out. She’s a disaster if I wake her up after 45 mins too. Ugh, pandemic paradise over here. She usually gets in bed at 745 and looks at books quietly until about 815 and wakes up around 630-7 and plays quietly till we get her. She tells us daily that she won’t get up that night but can’t seem to have any control at night understandably..
Anonymous says
What happens if no one goes in?
Ifiknew says
Her room is right across the hall and she yells louder and louder. She used to do this forever and we had a nice long stretch at about 2.5 where she finally slept all night and didn’t bug us and now she’s started it up again.
Anonymous says
I’m a non-CIO person but I’d 100% crack down on the fussy for you over DH at night. She has a parent helping her. She doesn’t get to pick which one. Explain to her before bed that you are taking turns getting up but that if she is fussy for you at night, then DH will have to do every night until she stops doing that. My kids know that Dad gets up MWF, Mom gets up TTS and we alternate Su. I would not let her nap more than an hour at that age. If you have a monitor, ditch it. Make her get out of bed to get help. That results in less requests for help in my experience as they have to be pretty awake before they are motivated enough to actual get out of bed and walk down the hall. My kids sleep with just a duvet (with duvet cover), no flat sheet. This makes it much easier to recover themselves at night. I wash the duvet cover every week.
Ifiknew says
Lots of good tips, thank you. She can totally get the blanket, but last night she had kicked it to the floor for example and wanted me to get it for her. It’s absolutely insane to be a 3 year Olds servant middle of night but in the interest of everyone getting back to bed quickly.
Anonymous says
I don’t think it’s about being a servant – sometimes it’s more about the reassurance that a parent is there to help them if they need it. I’d try the requiring her to come get you vs. yelling because the yelling wakes up the parent whose turn it is to sleep. So you are available to help/reassure if she needs it but on the terms you set – she doesn’t get to pick which parent and she has to come ask for help, not yell. That may cut it back.
Pogo says
Solidarity. I have no issues ignoring him but I don’t want to listen to him wailing about his blanket if I know I can quickly go cover him and get back to sleep. Especially since the baby usually wakes up within 30min of his waking because why not! I’m on team Maximize Sleep if that’s what gets you through.
It’s probably the nap though tbh – ours naps at daycare but not on the weekend and he’ll do a solid 12 hours. With nap, he’s not out til 9ish and often wakes up at night. He’s also cold, so I do try to cover him when I go to bed to pre-empt the blankey crying at 3am.
Anonymous says
+1 on the checking in before you go to bed and see if you want readjust any blankets to pre-empt wakings. This can help a lot.
FVNC says
My 3.5 year old just went through a phase like this (I say “went” hopefully), with exactly the same “issues” (blankets, water, etc.). One night after the 3rd or 4th time he called me, I told him he had lost his treat the next day. And after dealing with the tantrum that ensued the following day when I reminded him he couldn’t have his after-dinner treat, we talked about how sleep is important for mommy and if he wakes up mommy in the middle of the night for covers or [similar issues], he won’t get a treat. I don’t love parenting by threat, but it’s been like 10 days and I haven’t been woken up.
OP says
I’ve tried this and she really seems motivated during the day then she totally forgets at night.
FVNC says
Aw, bummer. My kids, like puppies, are highly treat motivated.
RDC says
I was going to suggest this – my 3yo is old enough to be bribeable (as is 5yo brother) and we do so shamelessly if it means more sleep. Sleeping through the night = mini brownie with breakfast or other very high-value prize. (Has to be at breakfast so they don’t have to wait all day for it.) Once the package of treats is gone, no more treats. It’s usually enough to break the streak of getting up at night and then they continue to sleep through without the prize. We’ve had to use this a few different times if one kid goes back to waking up but it’s always works after a day or two.
Anne says
Sleep consultant?
Anon says
What kind of waterproof boots/sneakers do you buy toddlers? I have a 15 month old and I know Bogs are popular, but the ones for little kids (the Elliott II) seem like slippers? Are they decent or should I buy the insulated boots? It’s tough to figure out what to get without seeing options in person.
Anon says
I’m not sure why I mentioned sneakers. I meant boots. My brain is on autopilot this morning. :)
Anon says
what is the temperature like where you live?
Anon says
20’s to 40’s usually in the winter. We probably would not be playing outside much in the 20’s.
GCA says
Yeah, with a tiny toddler at the early-walking stages they usually just bumble around like big marshmallows and then want to go in again. Good wool socks and Kamiks will keep them warm. If the boots don’t get a lot of use, they’re fairly easy to hand down or resell.
EB0220 says
I had a bunch of pairs of bogs and hated them all. Kamik for the win.
Realist says
+1
TheElms says
What about the Baby Bog boots? That is what I just ordered my 17 month old. They go as small as size 4. https://www.bogsfootwear.com/shop/style/71460-001.html
anon says
Bogs insulated boots work for my kids in the Bay Area (winter is generally 40 to 70).
Anonymous says
I liked these Sorel Snow Commander boot at that age. In my experience (Canadian winters), nothing beats Sorels on the ice and I found the Snow Commanders easy to get on and off.
Anon says
Does anyone keep photos of their children private, or on invite-only apps? Generally our extended family/friends have been respectful of this policy, but I just had to ask a photog to take a picture down and it didn’t go very smoothly. Even without tags, someone saw it on FB and texted it to me – which was very rattling and uncomfortable. (I also just watched that Netflix social documentary.) Reminded me that the hardest part about this is being the watchdog/making the ask. Ugh, just venting.
Ashley says
I do not, but I have a relative that does this. It seems exhausting, though I applaud you for making the effort to push back against something you’re not comfortable with. You may have already considered this… often with a sophisticated photographer, the session agreement you sign includes a release for the photog to use the pictures in his/her promotional materials, website, social media, etc.
OP says
thanks. Photog is professional, but a little more casual in that we did not sign anything prior to session. I will be a little more mindful of this in the future!
Pogo says
A professional photographer did that?! How upsetting. Any photog I have used always asked us specifically about using our photos in any way. That seems really sketchy. In this case you are the client and you have every right to demand they take it down, unless there was some fine print in your package which said they could use it however they wanted.
With family, we have an iPhone shared album. No one has ever asked or attempted to use the photos in any way, but if someone wanted to send it to their friend or more distant relative over email/text with permission that would be ok with me. I try to head that off by doing a photo heavy xmas card and baby announcements so older relatives get their fill.
Realist says
Yes, we have a password protected site for family only and also text photos. No one is allowed to post pictures with the face of our child, though we have a very few posted photos from the back. Some family members were not happy about this policy, but they all have respected it. With a professional photographer, you may have signed a release to let them use photos for their own promotions so they didn’t realize they were doing anything wrong. For professional photographers, I think it is best to be clear with them that you do not want photos with your kids posted anywhere publicly. Cross out any part of the release that allows your photographer to use your photos publicly and tell your photographer why so that they understand your boundaries. If you work with independent people they should not have an issue with it (don’t hire them if they won’t follow your wishes). A larger studio probably won’t make an exception for you if they require use of images in their standard release.
OP says
no contract, but definitely upsetting as it is a ‘business’ facebook page with less privacy restrictions than on someone’s personal page. this made me feel better! thanks.
Anonymous says
So it was posted, you found out, and you had it removed? What’s the issue? What more could you possibly expect?
Anon says
We use BackThen, formerly LifeCake. We post a lot on there as we have out of town family and it’s largely for their benefit. We like the app and I’d recommend.
I’m not insanely intense about prohibiting social media and positing pictures. I probably post 1x/1-2 months on an Instagram story, for example. I don’t get upset when grandma posts a picture of kid, which doesn’t happen all that much. I know everyone has different tolerance levels so to each her own, but I’ve resigned to the fact that we all get photographed 54984x/day in our normal lives (well, at least when we were going out before) and the internet isn’t going away, so there’s only so much I can do to keep me/kiddo off the interwebs. Of the battles I choose to fight for my kid, this is one that I’m not going to win so we just let it go (so long as everyone is generally being responsible). I’m far more concerned and focused on how we’ll raise DD to use the internet responsibly herself. Thankfully we have a few more years before we to address that.
Anon says
+1. I do have my Instagram private and post most pictures on there (even then, it’s only a couple times a month). I will occasionally also post bigger milestone pics on Facebook (which is also private, but I have a lot more “friends” there). My family sometimes posts pics of my kids and I don’t mind. I guess I’m not super worried about what happens to the (limited, tasteful) pictures I post. I never share anything remotely embarrassing or negative. I am also much more concerned about other internet/screen access issues when it comes to my kids.
Anon. says
We also use BackThen as all of our family is out of town. Grandmas/Aunts all get regular helping of kid pictures without sharing on social media.
OP says
We switched to FamilyAlbum after LifeCake closed. It’s been OK. Someone on this thread mentioned Cluster, which I had not heard of
AnotherAnon says
Yep. Photos of foster children are not allowed on social media, so I texted a few friends and family photos, but that was it. Frankly, it is exhausting. I had to remind our friends and family of the rules a few times, but I kept it polite, upbeat and posed it as a safety issue, which I think applies to your kiddo as well. Many foster parents “get around” this by using stickers over faces, but I actually appreciated having a year to really think about the online exposure I wanted my kid to have. It’s one thing to have a physical copy of baby in the bath to pull out when kiddo is 13. It’s another entirely for nude photos of your unconsenting minor to be on the interwebs. After we adopted I did start posting photos of him to a private account, so they’re out there. Sorry you’re dealing with it – it’s not fun.
LittleBigLaw says
We’ve used Cluster for several years and really like it.
AnotherAnon says
I originally missed that it was a professional photographer. Honestly, I would not use him/her again. I would have been less upset about the post than the defensiveness when you asked for it to be taken down. For me that’s the red flag. My bff is a photographer and she always asks because: 1) DH has a public-facing job so he’s particular about how his image is used and 2) we have foster kids whose image cannot appear on the internet for safety reasons (also CPS doesn’t allow it). I sort of understand when people get a little eye-rolly about this issue (it’s a bigger deal to me than it is to most parents), but a professional photographer should not be one of them.
OP says
thanks for this. Foster parents are my heroes!
Anon says
Photos of my kids are private or only in limited-access shared iPhone albums. Kid is now old enough to give input on these kinds of things and so we limit posting even more at his request.
We haven’t had a problem, but people who love me know and respect that I’m a private person. Also, they might be aware that the nature of my work is such that my kids are safer if they don’t exist on the internet.
Anon says
I have a few photos of my kid on my personal Facebook page, but we do not post her image publicly anywhere. In my experience, it is completely standard for a professional photography contract to say the photographer can use the photos however they please. We pay our photographer an extra $100 per session for her to waive her rights to use our photos in advertising. You might be able to find someone who would agree to give up these rights for free (especially a photographer who is just starting out) but it’s definitely something you have to negotiate up front, and many photographers will want payment in exchange for the missed advertising opportunities.
Toys of yesterday says
We moved a lot into storage for a reno and now that we’re done, I have tweens and
— shopkins (they will never use them again, yes?)
— a ton of Playmobil (they insist they want to keep — box up and put in attic? I can’t see these things being used)
— even more Legos (ditto, I loved them as a teen b/c I like to play real estate developer / architect / rich person with giant house and use them that way (for design, more than for play)) — also attic?
— American Girl dolls and accessories (maybe keep one each, given by grandmother, and ditch the rest).
Offer to friends with younger kids? Donate? Trash? Not sure where old stuff like this goes, as we’re keeping the most likely to be re-used.
Anonymous says
Your instincts are good. Shopkins can definitely go. Playmobil and Legos I’d definitely keep but maybe cull a bit. They’re classics and even teens like playing with them. They sort of go together a bit. Maybe ask if they want to keep ALL the playmobil or just a few key sets. Agree re one or two dolls each and a bit of clothes (like a shoebox each). Get rid of the AG accessory stuff like beds etc that take up a lot of space.
Anon says
definitely don’t trash if it is still in working condition. donate or offer to friends with younger kids, particularly if you know anyone who might be struggling this upcoming holiday season given the state of the economy.
Nan says
Is there a Buy Nothing Project group on Facebook in your area? That is a great way to get things like this to people who can actually use them.
Realist says
If you are on Facebook, consider looking for groups that help out needy people in your area. I am on 3 such groups and I know that demand for toys for kids right now is high because so many people have lost jobs, have young kids at home remote learning, etc. I would expect demand to go up even more as the holidays approach. Even if you aren’t on Facebook, if you could find someone who is or just email local moms and ask if they know, I am sure you could find a place for this stuff where it will be loved.
Anonymous says
If you have the attic space, keep all the olaymobil and legos!! My parents kept a lot of stuff (Fisher price, playmobil) and used it for a good 25 years every time they had friends over with little kids – now I’ve got a lot of it for my kids / they kept some for my kids when they go there, but also still use it for their own social events (pre covid). They do still have a few friends with little kids and now have friends who bring grandkids over with them.