I’ve had the good fortune of working at home full time for the past few months. While I’ve given up wearing dresses for the time being, I’ve settled on a work uniform that consistently includes sweatpants and leggings. I’ve tried countless ways to make those bottoms feel more work-ready. Over the summer, I wore “dressy” T-shirts and tanks. As we rapidly race into winter, I’ve started adding a cozy sweater or cardigan.
Recently, I’ve been pairing higher waisted pants with a cropped top (not the belly-baring cropped tops of the ’90s, but one that hits my natural waist). My latest purchase is Thakoon’s Cropped Wool Cardigan. Yes, that Thakoon of the high fashion runway now makes thoughtful, well-designed clothes you can wear on the runway of real life.
This luxurious, medium-weight cardigan feels so soft and comes in three lovely, versatile colors. (I have it in the pictured rust red and love it paired with both black and navy.) For now, I plan to wear it curled up on my couch. However, it will also easily transition back to the office when the time comes.
The cardigan is $78 (marked down from $195) and available in XS to XL. Cropped Wool Cardigan
This cropped cardigan from Bobeau comes in sizes 1X to 3X and is on sale for $40 at Nordstrom, reduced from $68.
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We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
- Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off kids’ camp styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off summer pajamas; up to 50% off all baby styles (semi-annual baby event!)
- Carter’s – Summer deals from $5; up to 60% off swim
- Old Navy – 30% off your order; kid/toddler/baby tees $4
- Target – Kids’ swim from $8; summer accessories from $10
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AwayEmily says
Has anyone else gotten more sensitive to wool as they got older? I swear I used to be able to wear it no problem but now anything with wool in it — or honestly, ANY animal fur (including cashmere!) makes me itchy.
avocado says
I have always been highly sensitive to all animal fur, including cashmere and even angora. One of my pet peeves is manufacturers who include 5% wool or 5% cashmere in a sweater. What is the point? Is it just so they can claim it’s a “cashmere blend”? Even that 5% is enough to ruin the garment for me.
Yarn manufacturers also frustrate me. There are very few high-quality yarns available without animal fibers. I can stand to knit with superwash merino wool, but I can’t wear it myself. So basically I can only knit gifts.
anon says
It makes me itchy, too, but it always has. It’s sometimes doable if I have the right underlayer, but in general, I avoid sweaters with wool, cashmere, rabbit hair, etc. It stinks because a lot of the tailored, professional-looking sweaters are merino or various blends. That said, BR has a cashmere-silk blend that doesn’t bother me at all.
Mary Moo Cow says
Me! I just had to ditch my wool blend beanie because my forehead was so itchy! And wool blend sweaters that I’ve had for years sometimes bother me now.
ElisaR says
yes! i wore merino wool all the time in college and now just the thought of it makes me cringe.
however, i did notice that very high quality cashmere (and even one wool sweater) is ok. j. crew cashmere is so itchy. same for everlane. but vince cashmere is ok for me. so i’m tiptoeing back into wool.
FVNC says
Me too! I have two turtleneck sweaters that I used to wear all the time, one 100% wool and one a cashmere/wool blend, and can’t really wear either one anymore. My crewnecks, that I can wear over a shirt, don’t bother me thankfully!
Anon says
Yes, it was fine in my twenties but in my thirties makes me itchy. I have the same issue with linen.
Io says
I can’t wear wool not even cashmere! There are a couple silk/wool blends I can wear (Wigwam socks! Made in America!) But I can wear alpaca. It’s pretty expensive for a sweater if you don’t know if it works, so I’d start with a hat!
Anonymous says
One of the reviews of this is so funny — “I have been looking for the cardigan for years. I have purchased several that were too long, too scratchy, too something I didn’t like. Even resorting to vintage shops. This sweater is the perfect length and silhouette for the wide leg jeans and trousers I love.
I would not recommend to any of my friends because they would not want to spend this much, AND they still have not warmed to wide leg. Still wearing their skinny jeans and jeggings and looking so 2000.”
In 2000, it was ALL about the lowrise flare/bootcut jeans and platform shoes. I also remember wearing very wide leg jeans and pants at the time, but very long ones, not the cropped length popular now. No one would have been caught dead in skinny jeans and jeggings didn’t even exist in 2000!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I don’t understand cropped wide leg jeans. They just remind me of outgrowing jeans and wearing too short pants. And you will have to pry my skinny jeans from my cold dead hands, because I am going to keep that look with boots and a blouse with cardigan/big sweater for as long as I possibly can, regardless of current fashion trends!
GCA says
Yeah, you’ll have to pry my skinny jeans from my previously cold dead ankles. As a petite, short-legged person, I’ve lived through too many slushy winters in college with my boot-cut jeans dragging on the ground! (Do men have this problem? No, they throw on a pair of duck boots or hiking boots and off they go. Sometimes I hate trends.)
Anonymous says
I am just not seeing the skinny jeans going away–not on bloggers, not in real life. The bloggers are showing a bigger variety of styles, but the skinnies are still in the mix when the jeans aren’t the item being featured. Although I admit that my perspective on fashion is skewed now that the only live humans I see are walking through the Target parking lot while I wait for curbside pickup. I used to get a lot more exposure to what people are actually wearing in more fashionable places through business travel.
Pogo says
Ha, for sure. 2000 was definitely still low-rise flare. Plus a baby tee with that lovely stripe of flesh between the two. I begged my mom to take me to the mall so I could purchase said items and I cannot as an adult believe she let me leave the house, nay, attend school wearing such items.
anne-on says
100%, I distinctly remember a nice saleslady in Jcrew in 2006 trying to talk me into the ‘matchstick’ legs (wider than true skinnies) and they just looked SO WEIRD to me as flares were all the rage still.
Anonymous says
I distinctly remember having this exact conversation with a Jcrew sales lady. Late 2006 i would say!!
Anonymous says
Anyone else here who reads GFY? They have done a lot of retrospectives due to the dearth of new celebrity fashion content this year, and their slideshows from the early 2000s are hilarious. The extreme low-rise that you needed a bikini wax to wear… *shudder*
Anonymous says
I totally wore that WITH A BELLY CHAIN to HS regularly! I have no shame, 15 year old me totally pulled it off.
EB0220 says
I think a slightly more fashionable ELLEN wrote this review.
Anonymous says
omg I had forgotten about Ellen! Is she still on the main s1te?
Argh says
In the most 2020 of 2020 moves, it would seem that my IVF frozen embryo transfer is going to fall on Christmas morning. This is my first transfer. I have a 2.5 year old from a successful IUI. It’s been 14 months trying for #2 and this feels just horribly perfect… perfectly horrible? I don’t know.
Can anyone talk me through what the transfer is like? How fast it is? I know it’s way less intense than the retrieval – no anesthesia. Is it like an IUI? The one day in all of 2020 I genuinely want to stay home with my family. Sigh.
Anon says
I don’t have advice about IVF but can you just reschedule Christmas? Maybe to Christmas Eve? That’s one of the benefits of not being able to gather with extended family that you can celebrate whenever you want. I’m sure a 2.5 year old won’t notice or care.
Anon says
For me, it was really similar to an IUI – the only thing that made it a bit more uncomfortable was having to have a full bladder. It took a few minutes, then lying down for another 15 or so, and I was totally fine after I went to the bathroom.
Good luck to you!
anon says
We did a fresh embryo transfer, but I’m pretty sure the actual transfer process is the same and it basically the same as our many IUIs! Pretty quick in and out.
anon says
Yup, basically the same. Though for the transfer, there were way more people in the room than there were for my IUIs where it was usually just us and one nurse.
Anon says
I had mine Veteran’s day last year and it was easy and fast. We got to watch the transfer on a screen and see this little itty bitty dot make its way into the place we hoped would be her home for 9 months. The clinic offered us the option of a picture / video. I think the recommended modified bedrest for a few days afterwards, but that’s a super-cautious approach, I don’t think most clinics follow that practice.
Good news for us – that tiny little dot turns 5 months old next week. Man, does November 2019 feel like a million years ago ..
Runner says
Awwww, congrats on making it to the transfer stage and good luck! As others said it’s an easy procedure…we got to take a photo of the embryos and I still have it. They gave me some sort of sedative after the transfer and it was nice to just sleep and not stress. So I would just plan for a relaxing Christmas afternoon with your family.
Anon says
Yeah, we still have the photo of our embryo! Someday I’ll show it to my kids and explain how that one lump of cells turned into the two of them.
Pogo says
It is not bad!! Mine was last year right around this time – middle of December, in a snowstorm so I’m feeling ? nostalgic? I guess. It takes maybe one hour total from check in, change into the gown, get in the stirrups, “triage” (nurse confirms you filled your bladder and that she can find your uterus), embryologist talks to you, doc comes in and does his thing in like 30 seconds.
Just above all, remember to FILL YOUR BLADDER. I also had a 2 year old at home and with the morning craziness I totally forgot to do so and so it definitely took me longer (and it could seriously be like 20min if all the stars aligned for you w/ timing – but you can’t control if the woman in front of you was a moron like me who also messed up w/ her bladder). So when the nurse came in to check, she was like oh you’re not ready we’re skipping you, keep drinking lady.
My beta was on Christmas morning so I know the feeling of like, ugh, of all the days I have to go to the fertility clinic, today?? But now it’s a great memory to have, and I hope the same for you!
OP says
Thanks, all. I’m glad to hear it’s pretty easy. Still waiting for the official word from the RE about triggering tonight, but I’m 95% sure it’s going to playout this way. DD is so excited about Santa (she’s more like 2.75) and the idea of blowing up Christmas morning to go do this is such a punch to the gut. We’ll figure it out. We’ve also been keeping all of this a secret from extended family (2 sisters, parents) but I think I have to tell them now since it will blow up Christmas Day plans, which included outdoor/distanced time around a firepit (don’t worry – we are very cautious for very many reasons, including my IVF) and then spending the day with my parents who are already in the bubble/providing childcare. I hate this year.
OP says
HOLY HELL BATMAN. They want me to wait one more night to trigger and the transfer is 12/26. There is a Santa!!!!!
anon says
Excellent!
TheElms says
Wahoo!
Anonymous says
For those that celebrate, what do you usually do for Christmas vs what are your plans this year? How are you talking to the kids about it?
for us, We usually have a big my mom’s side family Christmas Eve party, followed by my immediate family coming up to my house (we live a two hour drive away), sleeping over, and doing a my-side Christmas morning/brunch, then my family all leaves and my kids sit around and play. DH’s family is just his parents and they do not fly and live across the country. We usually do a Christmas Eve Morning facetime and open presents that way.
This year, plans are still a bit in flux but I think my family (mom, dad, brother/SO, sister) is coming to our house Christmas morning for presents. They’ve all been fairly isolated throughout the pandemic and my mom has been providing us childcare. The kids will Zoom with DH’s parents, maybe christmas day instead of christmas eve. I think we’ll have a really low key christmas eve.
I’m really sad because my grandmother is still alive at 94 and the Christmas Eve Party is what she lives for. She’s been the host and I’ve gone every year since I was born (I’m 38!). Literally, the world could end and we’d all still be at her house for Christmas Eve.
But this year, we just can’t. Forget indoor gathering size limitations (we’d be a group of ~22 in a state with a 10 person cap), she’s 94 and nobody in our extended family can say for sure they are COVID-free (my aunt just had it, my brother is a nurse and has had it, my kids go to daycare, my uncle is a firefighter, etc). Even if we were all tested, we don’t feel like we can show up business-as-usual. I think my aunt and uncle plan to go to her house for Traditional Christmas Eve. I worry so much that in the midst of a really hard year, not having Her Event will really break her.
anon says
First of all, thank you for NOT doing the big event. It sucks and feels terrible, but it’s the right thing to do. We’ve been pretty plain-spoken and honest with our kids. Christmas won’t look the same, but we’re doing it to protect the people we love. By this point in the pandemic, even my 6-year-old gets it because we haven’t had big family gatherings all year. We reiterate that it’s OK to feel sad and disappointed — because we feel that way, too! I’ve also been emphasizing all the things that can stay the same: we will still have our favorite Christmas morning donuts. We will still drive around looking at lights. We will still bake and decorate all the cookies. We can talk to the grandparents, aunties, uncles, and cousins on Facetime or Zoom. The kids are weirdly excited to have a “pajama Christmas” at home, which we’ve never done because we’re always somewhere else.
Big hugs to your 94-year-old grandma. Grandparents are so special, and I hope you can find a way to connect with her even if it’s not through a big party this year.
Anon says
You should not be gathering with anyone outside your household. You’re not special. We all miss our families.
Anon says
Then you and your family can all do a 10-day quarantine and see each other
Anon says
I mean, we could, but we’re following the advice from all the health professionals which is not to travel or gather with non-household members over the holidays. Congrats, I guess, on not throwing an illegal 22 person party, but the fact that you see mixing four households as the responsible alternative is why the US is never going to get Covid under control.
Anonymous says
I tend to agree with the point that has been made here several times that the absolutism of saying don’t gather with anyone outside your household over the holidays is a lot less productive than having a more nuanced conversation about harm reduction and ways to make such gathering safer. You will not get 100% compliance with an order to cancel holiday traditions with extended family, no matter how much you shame.
Anon says
I hear you, but just because something is scaled down from your normal celebration doesn’t mean you’re being responsible. There’s a lot of middle ground between “abstinence” (staying home entirely) and just canceling massive gatherings. A lot of the people who responded to this post talked about seeing family outdoors and/or with masks on, but those precautions were absent from OP’s post.
anonamama says
I went to a zoom birthday party for my 90 year old relative and she just LOVED it. Her daughter facilitated it on her laptop, but she was so flattered to have everyone in one place. Could you do that? Does anyone live locally to drop food/surprises on her doorstep?
FWIW, we’re in the same boat as you and not gathering. We are having a virtual Christmas morning with my family – everyone will have my mom’s cookies at their homes, we have sent presents in advance, and will eat cookies and open presents… but over our various Google devices.
The local family is a little trickier. We are doing small masked meet ups to exchange presents with siblings/cousins and will likely go to my in-laws for a short masked visit (no eating) on Christmas Day. As much as I want to attend church in person, we will do that virtually as well. It really breaks my heart that some of our family will be alone on Christmas. Most family is on board with the trade off of virtual Christmas in hopes we can all be together in 2021, but it’s really hard and really sad at times. But it does remain, THE SEASON OF PERPETUAL HOPE (a la Kate McCallister).
Pogo says
Blessedly small event at our house. Just us and my parents, who are in our bubble for childcare purposes and isolate to the same degree with do, plus my in-laws who are quarantining and testing prior to coming (state regs) and after they get home (same regs in their adjacent home state).
I’m not complaining AT ALL. Truly one of the only good things about the pandemic – Thanksgiving my in-laws couldn’t even make it (hadn’t gotten their negative test in time, plus we were waiting on results from our older son who had a fever so it just wasn’t safe for anyone) so it was literally us and my parents. Lovely and chill.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I have a small family here and my husband’s family is spread out across the country, so ordinarily we would do Christmas day with just our immediate family anyway, and have my parents over for Christmas or Christmas Eve dinner. In the future, we may have in laws come out here to spend time with the kids for the holidays. This year, it’ll just be the four of us in my household, with my parents only seeing the kids outside and masked. We’re all still WFH but trying to be as limited as possible indoors.
This is the one year I’m not as jealous of those with big families and big cousins and extended family celebrations!
Anonymous says
We always refuse to travel for Christmas, and it is not a big family holiday in my family. Sometimes one or both of my parents have come to visit, but honestly, I’d just as soon have only our immediate family on Christmas morning, so I’m not overly sad that it likely won’t happen this year. My dad is recovering from shoulder surgery and won’t travel, my mom maaay pop in at some point, but she’s likely to stay with my sister instead of at my house. My sister is my only local family and will likely come over a few times, but she just shows up does the fun-Aunt thing for a couple hours and goes home. We will have our normal Christmas Eve dinner, maybe watch the church service over zoom and do our own Silent Night candles, and otherwise business as usual. Drive around to look at Christmas lights, put out cookies for Santa and call it good.
SC says
We have a ton of family in town, and we usually jump from house to house. Christmas Eve, we go to MIL’s for the “small” family gathering of 10 and to her cousin’s for the large family gathering of 35-40. Christmas Day, we wake up at our house and do Santa, then go to FIL’s house for his family gathering of 16.
This year, we are going to see MIL, probably on Christmas Eve, outdoors, masked, and distanced. It will be just my family of 3, her, and maybe her husband, so we can actually stay distanced. On Christmas Day, we are planning to do an outdoor get together with FIL’s side of the family, all 16 people, outdoors and with each family group distanced, masked when not 6 feet apart, like when someone is handing out gifts. Everyone in that group is also getting tested–I just got my test during my lunch break today and hopefully will get results by Wednesday. (We’re not able to quarantine, so we’ll stay outdoors and distanced.)
Anon4this says
Christmas is normally a huge deal and we travel internationally to see my family, most of whom lives in Europe. Sometimes DH’s family comes too, sometimes not. This year we are seeing no one. The grandparents are missing out on a Christmas with their only grandkid and they will be on their own as well. Its absolutely the right thing to do but it sucks and I’ve managed not to be sad until now but now I’m beyond sad. Every single family member that DH and I have in the US is high risk so we aren’t seeing them either since neither of us can do a quarantine and not lose our jobs (quarantining would entail no childcare and that’s just not feasible with our jobs / we don’t have enough vacation to not work). We don’t live near any family so distanced outdoor visits aren’t an option either. I’ve seen my dad who is old and in poor health once this year. I haven’t seen any of my extended family and because it involves international travel to do so, I have no idea when that will be on the table again. It is just miserable. I’m so over 2020 and desperate for vaccine to be more readily available so family visits might be possible.
Anon says
We usually do Christmas with my inlaws and see my parents a few days later for an extended new years. This year we are celebrating early with my inlaws this weekend (local) and then seeing my parents (2 hour drive) (and sisters who have been staying with them since Thanksgiving so they are effectively one household) just after Christmas after a 7-day quarantine (which is not the recommended 14 day, but also a risk we are comfortable with). It is consistent with our approach since the beginning which is that we see no one except our parents and a few outdoors and masked playdates for toddler (and have stopped doing that recently to better protect our holidays), do all shopping remotely, etc. and have at least a week quarantine between the two sets to reduce the risk of cross contaminating even though the risk is low (because each set of parents are high risk themselves and we trust they are taking precautions – although they do go (masked) to the grocery store once a week which is something we ourselves won’t do). It is not a no-risk situation, but it is the right balance for our family.
cbackson says
For the mom with the daughter with ED who posted yesterday – I saw that post too late to reply, but wanted to agree with other commenters that you def want to walk through this with her care team. Some people with ED are strongly triggered by clothing sizes and going up from one size to another could be an extremely emotionally challenging event. For others, the sensation of too-tight clothes is triggering bc it physically communicates that you’re getting larger, and moving to clothes that don’t feel too tight could actually relieve some of that emotional distress. It really is fairly particular to the patient and her therapist will be able to help.
I was a kid with ED and would have really struggled with this, so good on you for being sensitive to it.
Anon says
We are almost to winter break, but I am running out of patience and need advice on how to get us through this school year. My Kindergartner is in a full day program (8:30-3) which I know is a lot, but has also been in full day daycare and preschool since birth. Our district is virtual at the moment (they’re making noise about a return to classroom option in January but no specifics yet). He is miserable and so am I.
He will not pay attention. He won’t repeat anything the teacher says. He won’t do the work when she asks. He will disrupt the class at least twice a day. My DH and I both WFH and have a 2nd grader also in virtual learning. We’ve tried having him sit with each of us, having him alone in his room, having him at the dining room table and us within earshot but not next to him. None of that changes his behavior. We’ve tried explaining what he should do. We’ve tried demonstrating what he should do. We’ve tried taking a day off and sitting next to him to help, which only marginally improves his behavior. It seems like he’s about average for his class, maybe? There are other kids who are more disruptive/ disengaged, and others who actually participate.
Some of this is just typical kindergartner, and some of this is due to the unnatural state of being on video calls for 6 hours a day (his teacher gives tons of breaks, and they get an hour at lunch where we go for a walk or get outside and play almost every day). But regardless, this is not working for any of us. Pulling him and homeschooling him for the rest of the year won’t work – even if one of us could quit/ pause our jobs, neither of us has any desire or training to be a teacher.
What are my options? Are there tips we aren’t using? Are there alternatives we’re not thinking of? Should we just… let him goof off since it’s “only” kindergarten? How are other working parents managing this?
Anonymous says
Hire a nanny to supervise. Put him in private school. Put him in a day care that’s doing pod learning. The issue is in big part the fact that a kindergartner needs full time supervision which you cannot provide while working full time.
anon says
+1
Anon says
+1 I would look into one of the daycare virtual learning supervision programs. Takes childcare off your plate and gives him some in-person contact with other kids.
Anon says
I would talk to the teacher but I would be inclined to just let him goof off. I think my ideal would be 1-2 hours of Zoom per day for socialization and a bit of structure, with the rest of the day free play. If the school isn’t ok with that plan, I might officially “home school” but not do much in the way of a curriculum. Kindergarten isn’t even required in many states and for a kid who’s been in daycare or preschool I sort of think it’s unnecessary.
Anonymous says
My friends with a first-grader are sending him back in person next semester for these exact reasons. If you don’t have that option or don’t want to take it for safety reasons, are you sure homeschooling is not feasible? There really isn’t much academic material to cover in kindergarten. It would probably be less work for a parent to carve out one or two focused hours each day for homeschooling, which could take place outside of business hours, than to supervise on-line learning for 6.5 hours while also trying to work and support the second-grader. I would seriously consider a ton of recreational screentime plus homeschooling in place of on-line kindergarten.
Anon says
We’ve talked about homeschooling outside of business hours a ton. The problem is that both of us are already working nights and switching off weekend days to make up for the lower productivity during the work day. While I’m sure we’d get some improved productivity if he’s not in school, we still have a second-grader who is in school, and now we’d have a high-energy kindergartener left to entertain himself.
To the person upthread who suggested nanny or private school – unfortunately those are both cost-prohibitive for us. We’re not BigLaw lawyers, just corporate management types, and nannies/ private school are in high demand in our area so can charge accordingly.
I don’t know why I didn’t think of talking to the teacher. I wonder if she’s got some suggestions on what would be better for her – should we just let him skip days if it’s really bad? Or take a longer break than she allows?
Anonymous says
I also have a kindergartener. My recommendation is to determine what is the least required to not have problems with the school/district, and do that. Work on academic skills independently on the weekend if you feel it’s necessary. My virtual kindergartener has two main teachers and they have both stressed to us that their utmost goal is to develop a positive association with learning – we have a ton of asynchronous assignments that turn into power battles and the teachers basically said don’t let it get to that stage with your kindergarten kid. From viewing his classes, at least half the kids are not paying attention or being disruptive- for many 5 year olds virtual is just not an appropriate learning mechanism. Mine does well virtual but honestly would struggle in the classroom and even though is probably the best suited in the class to virtual, still melts down several times a week.
anonanon says
This. My kids are in preK and definitely would function better in a in-person classroom, but our district is likely to stay virtual all year. We’ve talked to their teachers and they’re definitely on board with us not forcing the kids to do asynchronous assignments if it’s just not working for them.
FVNC says
How is his independent reading? My daughter is in second grade (but young; she just turned 7) and has been reading since kindergarten. Normally she’s in school in person, but for the times she’s done remote learning at home, it’s been kind of a disaster (not anyone’s fault, just…kids being kids on zoom). Anyway, I just let her read if she wants to during those times. I figure she’s learning a ton with her books and not disrupting the class, so it’s the best solution we’ve come up with. I’m so sorry you and so many parents are still in this godawful situation.
School says
I recognize your constraints on ability to homeschool and the fact that you still have a high energy kid to manage. However, it is likely easier than 6 hrs of Zoom
I’d look into the homeschooling laws of your state (I can help you with NY if you are here) to understand what is required. NY is considered one of the strictest but once you wrap your head around it, it’s not bad
There are also plenty of resources, online and off, that you can use to teach. You absolutely do not need to know how to instruct math and reading on your own. That said it’s near impossible to find a program where he’s truly independent at that age
How old is he? If he’s on the younger side would you consider pulling him and just having him repeat next year when hopefully it can be in person
Realist says
+1. This is a terrible, unfair situation and it is completely unrealistic to expect kindergartners to get much out of Zoom school (yes, I am sure it works for some children, but not for the vast majority at that age). Also completely unrealistic to expect working parents to just be able to assist with remote K or homeschool with no support. Basically, none of this fair and I just want to repeat that over and over because I know none of the options in front of you are ideal right now and you and your child deserve so much better. That said, it is what it is and you have to play the sh*tty hand you have been dealt. My own inclination in this situation would be to homeschool then possibly repeat the year if that option was available and it made sense for you and him. I highly recommend “Teach your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons” and honestly, if you just taught him to read and work on writing letters during a homeschool year, I would call that a win.
DLC says
I’m also in the let him goof off camp. Tell the teachers that your son has issues focusing. Ask them what are the bare minimum learning priorities (their answer May or may not be helpful, but at least you’ve raised the issue). Figure out what are your own bare minimum learning priorities and focus on that. What does he do on his own? Let him do that. Send him outside when possible (our WiFi reaches our backbone deck and I let our kid do class out there if the weather is dry) Yes to longer breaks. I would continue to log in but let him get up and move around when he wants. Tell him he can do what he wants but he can not disrupt class. Chances are, if you are here on this board, your child will be fine (I realize that sounds really classist, but I think that’s the reality of the demographics here.) Regardless of what it looks like in your kids’ Zoom class, practically every kid is having a hard time right now.
I was really struggling with distance learning with my third grader and then I realized that my relationship with her was more important than anything she was going to learn this year. So I pulled way back on my academic expectations and we are both a lot happier. It’s far from perfect or smooth sailing, but my anxiety levels have improved. Meg Leahy from the Washington Post’s On Parenting column is fielding a lot of questions about these issues these days and I find what she says to be really helpful.
Anonymous says
Partly because I don’t think it is said enough on this board, I just want to say that we are handling it poorly, and I don’t think we are alone. I read an article that 80% of parents have no help with virtual school this fall. We can’t really afford a full-time nanny or private school, so we’re just muddling through. Of course it is easier as our kid is in 3rd grade, but he’s struggling in different ways and I feel guilty all the time. But this is the best we can do right now. I would definitely talk to the teacher about what the minimum expectations are and see if you can find a middle path (e.g., catching up on weekends, skipping some of the zooms, etc).
Anonymous says
+1. The “just hire a nanny or send him to private school” attitude is very Laura Vanderkam and I can’t abide it. Most people are just not that rich. Even if we were rich enough to pay private school tuition, as a result of demand we probably wouldn’t have been able to secure a spot this year unless we were prominent enough in the community to be a trophy for the school, or super-rich enough to make big donations.
Anon says
To be fair the person who says that offered other suggestions too, like a daycare program. In my area they are like maybe $200-300 per week, so not nothing but much less than a nanny or fancy private school. I don’t think a kindergartener doing virtual learning with two working parents is sustainable for most people. Not because of the kid who
Anon says
Sorry if this posts twice – I hit submit too soon.
The person who suggested that also suggested a daycare virtual learning program. In my area those programs are like $200-300 a week, which is not nothing, but is way less than a nanny or fancy private school. It should be doable for anyone who was previously paying daycare or full-time preschool tuition.
I think virtual kindergarten and two working parents is just not sustainable. Not because of the kid, who will be fine even if he learns nothing, but because one or both of the parents is likely to be so distracted that it affects their work performance potentially to the point of being let go. For the long term financial survival of the family, paying for some kind of childcare is likely a better choice. And yeah there’s some level of financial privilege there in the sense that every person who can afford childcare instead of staying home with their children has financial privilege, but it’s not uber-wealthy Laura VdK-level privilege.
Anon says
“Very Laura Vanderkam” — ha, perfectly said. She is so obnoxious, completely ignoring the realities of so many working moms, as if middle class moms aren’t even worth acknowledging.
Mom says
This it the kind of thing I view as important enough to take out a loan. Our public school has an affordable pod option too.
Anon says
Take out a loan to pay for a nanny or private school? Wow. Have you ever had to take out a loan like that? Or are you just saying that as a sanctimonious wealthy person? Debt is really not easy to pay off if your budget is already tight.
Anonymous says
Are there programs around to help? Our district is hybrid but the program that runs after school put together a remote support academy for kids to do on their home days. It’s school hours and they hold hands of kids doing virtual learning while also providing other activities.
My daughter has a lot of friends that use it. Mine goes to a remote support group (“pod”) run by the place she also does dance. She’s there 2x/week 8-2, at school 2x/week 7:15-2:45 (that includes bus travel), and home all day for a half day of remote learning 1x/week. It isn’t free but it isn’t nanny costs. We’re in the Boston area and it’s $380/month. I think the remote academy is $80-$100/day but the hours are a bit longer. It may include early dropoff and extended day.
Anon says
I also have a kindergarten boy. We are technically hybrid, but he only attended 10 days in person this semester and the rest has been remote. Overall it has been doable (he’s learned to read! And write! And do addition!) but at this point in the year we are all hitting a wall. A couple things that are working:
1) Let him skip non-essential periods. My son skips at least one, if not both, specials he has each day. I try to get him outside or let him free play instead.
2) Figure out the point of the assignment and let the rest go. If the point is writing, let him skip drawing the accompanying picture. If it’s doing a math problem, let him tell you the answer and you do the clicking on screen. Etc. Even let him skip whole assignments if they are causing stress!
3) As always, extra sleep and connection time outside of school are helping (reading books together is a good one for us). But it’s just a tough time of year. After a good break everyone should be more refreshed.
Anonanonanon says
Can you afford a sitter? Although honestly, if he doesn’t do it when you’re sitting there, I’m not sure why he would with a sitter.
I’m joining camp just… let him goof off. Are you hearing from the teacher that he is disruptive, or witnessing it yourself? Their threshold for disruptive and yours might be different. If you’re not hearing from the teacher that he’s a problem, let it go. If you’re hearing from the teacher a bunch, just “homeschool”. Let him watch nature documentaries, read some books, do some writing worksheets. It will be fine. I’m one of the few with an older kid here so I have the advantage of looking in the rearview mirror and assuring you it really is *just* kindergarten.
Anonymous says
A sitter would benefit the parents, even if she couldn’t get him to do anything more than the parents could.
Anonanonanon says
100% agree! Just wanted to manage expectations re: how much it would help with school.
Anon says
agree with just letting him goof off, but some other ideas are have him sit on a bouncy ball kind of chair, get some fidget toys, you could try a weighted blanket on his lap. I have one friend whose kid seems to do well doing virtual school walking slowly on a treadmill. Also- you said he seems to be average and that some kids are more disruptive? I fully give you permission to not worry if your kid is ‘average’ during virtual kindergarten
SC says
Another vote for camp “let him goof off.” As far as I can tell, other parents are not managing. My nephew is in a hybrid kindergarten where he’s supposed to go 2 days per week but has probably been fewer than 20 times this semester. He’s smart, social, engaging, etc. His mom is unemployed because of the pandemic, and she’s handling virtual kindergarten and taking care of a younger child. Apparently, virtual kindergarten has been a disaster. It has not fostered a love of learning. He gets frustrated, he cries, he refuses to participate, etc. I’m sure (I hope) he’ll be fine in the long run, but it’s rough right now.
COVID says
Ladies – My 4 year old tested positive for COVID this AM. She’s asymptomatic. Obviously we’ll quarantine but any thoughts on sleeping arrangements? We have a two bedroom apartment and the four year old shares a room with our 1 year old. Praying we all stay healthy. Any other tips on how to manage if any of you have been through this?
Anon says
No advice but I hope she stays asymptomatic and the rest of you stay healthy!
Anonymous says
I’d probably move 1 year old out of her room and try to keep 4 year old from hugging/kissing 1 year old. But, honestly, you live together, germs are going to transfer. A 4 year old can’t truly isolate. I guess you could maybe try to just have one parent take care of 4 year old and the other takes care of the 1 year old. But I just don’t know if that is realistic or even that helpful to be worth it. Best wishes to all of you that everyone else stays healthy and kiddo keeps feeling well!
Anon says
There was a recent study that only 17% of people with a COVID positive household member get infected, and the number was much lower (I think around 1%) when the infected person remains asymptomatic, so I don’t think the whole household getting infected is a foregone conclusion. I would definitely try to separate the kids.
Anonymous says
I’m not disagreeing with you, as I’ve seen articles covering these studies, too, but it makes no sense to me. Covid is allegdly SO contagious, yet you can live with others and not get it? I have to wonder if this is more related to different members of the family having immunity for viruses related to Covid more than anything.
Anon says
I think people having underlying immunity from related viruses is certainly a big factor. But I also think we’re getting more and more evidence that people who never develop symptoms aren’t that contagious. Which is good news for the vaccines since the main things that’s proven so far is they decrease the odds of symptomatic illness.
Anon says
Maybe it depends on the age of family members, eg how often they put things in their mouths… by the time my asymptomatic 1-yr-old niece tested positive, she’d already infected both her parents
Anon says
It seems that some people are extremely contagious no matter their level of symptoms and some people are less so. A bit like typhoid — get a Typhoid Mary in the group and everyone’s sick. The majority of people she infected did not go on to cause other outbreaks of hundreds of people.
We keep talking about super-spreader events, but we’re probably really talking about super-spreader individuals.
Anonymous says
Move the one year old into your room
anon says
I’m really sorry. If I were in this position, I would live like you’re *all* positive and quarantine accordingly. Changing sleeping arrangements might be helpful; it also might be too late. Can the 1-year-old temporarily bunk with you and your partner? Definitely arrange for meal and grocery deliveries, and do not go out and about until ya’ll are negative. Plan on the rest of you getting tested in 5-7 days.
Anon says
I would move the 1 year old into your room. Keep the 4 year old in her room all day. Wear a mask when you interact with her and open the windows to get some fresh air. (It’s freezing where I am, so I mean briefly opening the window like 30 seconds. If you’re Florida or something leave them open).
Any way to provide her with screen time? When my 4 year old has a nasty stomach virus, she stayed in her room with her kids’ Amazon tablet. You could set up a tv in there maybe? If you don’t have a tablet or tv, I would ask a friend to borrow one (contactless drop off).
Realist says
So sorry to hear this. I would move the 4 year old.
Also, there is evidence of viral load mattering, so I would have everyone but the 1 year old mask up when in close quarters. And (don’t dwell on this), but have some contingency plans in place just in case you and DH are sick at the same time because you could need and deserve help. Friends that could drop off food on the porch, easy snacks that you can throw at the 4 year old, etc. If you are a person that feels better getting prepared for things, download any Telehealth apps for everyone’s doctor and write down key info (phone numbers, log-in info, etc), get some frozen food delivered, etc. Make stupid details that might arise easier on yourself while you are feeling well. Doing stuff like this helps me; I almost feel that preparing to handle things makes them less likely to happen, which I know is wishful thinking. But YMMV as I know preparing causes more stress than it is worth for some people and often isn’t needed, so I’m just throwing thoughts out there for you to take or leave as works for you.
Anonymous says
Put the one year old in your room.
Anonymous says
Can one adult take the 1 y/o to a hotel?
Anon says
OMG NO do not do this. Your entire family has been exposed to Covid and is quite possibly pre-symptomatic and extremely infectious, you can’t go out in public and expose others. In my state this would actually be illegal, but regardless of legality, it’s incredibly immoral.
Anne says
Don’t worry. We are not leaving our apartment.
anon says
OMG, do not do this!
Anonanonanon says
Oh man. This is a tough one. Honestly, it’s hard to know without a crystal ball. I would separate the kids for sure because, as others have pointed out, viral load does seem to matter when it comes to illness severity. Outside of that, I’m trying to decide if it’s worth splitting up parents/childcare but since it’s not like you can have one parent and the one-year-old leave the apartment, I’m not sure it’s going to accomplish much.
Do you have a TV you can move to 4-year-old’s room to keep her in there some? Bring her “picnic” meals? Definitely mask, open windows when you can to get ventilation, disinfect what you can, etc.
Go ahead and do a grocery delivery for easy food in case you and spouse get sick.
Anonymous says
I think the primary benefit to separating kids/child care could be to stagger the onset of potential illness in the parents. Maybe you’d reduce the chance of having your worst days at the same time.
Anon says
I would try to separate the kids at night but I think the best thing you can do is masks all the time when not eating or sleeping. We’ve had a couple of exposures at daycare and have all worn masks for about a week afterwards at home. Some people might say that’s paranoid, but by the time you know someone is positive their most infectious period is likely already passed.
Hmm says
Honestly? Unless any of you are high risk, I wouldn’t try to separate anyone or even wear masks in the house. Maybe I’d move the 1 year old out of her 4 year old’s room. Otherwise, I’d assume you’ve all been exposed and focus on not transmitting this outside of the household. The burden of masking at home all the time and separating a preschooler from her family just doesn’t seem worth it to me unless anyone is high risk.
Hmm says
I should add — I mean, try not to have the 4 year old breathe in anyone’s face, etc. And if she’ll wear a mask most of the time without it being a big thing, great. But at this point, I don’t think there’s a ton you can do so I wouldn’t make it even harder on yourself than it already is. Sorry you’re dealing with this.
Anonymous says
Yup
Anonymous says
I disagree. Viral load affects the severity of infection. I’d try to limit the rest of the family’s exposure ASAP–mask everyone, sanitize the bathroom after the 4 y/o uses it, and put the 1 y/o in the parents’ room. A 4-year-old would love nothing better than unlimited screen time and zero expectations for a few days.
Anon says
+1. Previously health 30- and 40-something women are statistically the most likely to be Covid long-haulers. Just because you won’t die doesn’t mean this is NBD. My kids go to daycare, fwiw, so I’ve accepted that I’m taking some risk of getting Covid but I would still like to do everything I can to avoid it and minimize the severity of the infection if I do get it, which would include wearing masks and trying to isolate an infected person.
Anonymous says
Yes. I think my husband and kids would get over it, but I am terrified that I would become a long-hauler. I have spent several years of my life powering through health conditions that were bad enough to make me perpetually exhausted and miserable but not bad enough to make me officially disabled, and I say no thank you to an entire lifetime of that. Mask up and isolate the 4-year-old. Don’t sacrifice the rest of your life so your child will be less lonely for a few days. When she grows up, she’ll hardly remember having to stay in her room with an iPad for a few days, but she will definitely remember having a mom who was always too sick to parent her.