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Sales of note for 8.30.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 20% off
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lands’ End – 40% off sitewide; 50% off backpacks, 40% off kids’ apparel
- Loft – Summer sale, 30% off new arrivals; up to 50% off much more
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- Zappos – 28,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off everything
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 40% off everything
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; extra 50% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 50-60% off; 50% off pants for the family
- Target – 20% off select clothing for all; up to 50% off home; up to 30% off select nursery furniture; up to 30% off kitchen & dining
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Anonymous says
“Now that the weather is turning cooler”…I WISH. It’s 90 where I am!
Mrs. Jones says
Ugh me too
Cb says
What products are you loving lately?
I bought an IKEA solvinden solar lantern for my kiddo’s room – just needed a bit of light for when I put him down to bed but didn’t want something too bright or with cords. It looks toddler safe and gives off a nice soft light. I pop it in the window when I open his curtains in the am and it charges during the day.
K says
I know I’m probably very late to the party, but I just discovered Uniqlo and love it. Such great basics. The rayon blouses really fit and drape well. The skinny ankle pants fit great and don’t stretch out. The tweed blazer looks sharp.
Anonymous says
Looove Uniqlo.
Anonymous says
Do kids have teething pain after teeth break through the gum? My 7 month old just got her two lower front teeth. I didn’t really notice any fussiness before the teeth, but since I noticed the teeth, I feel like she’s been super fussy and we’ve had a lot of night waking (and not immediately going back to sleep, which is a bigger problem than the waking). Could this be teething? It seems to me like it’d be more painful before the teeth break through the gums but maybe I’m wrong.
octagon says
Yes. And keep in mind that it also could be other teeth getting ready to break through.
Anonymous says
Yeah I realized after I wrote this that it could also be the top teeth coming in. She seems to be pressing things against her top gum in particular.
CPA Lady says
FWIW, Motrin is better for teething pain than Tylenol and they can start taking it at 6 mo old. When it got bad for my kid I’d give her a dose right before bed.
Maternity Jeans says
Favorite non ankle length maternity jeans? Willing to pay for a decent pair. Full belly panel or stretchy sides? What’s your favorite. 19 weeks pregnant.
KW says
I bought some from Target and am happy with them. They’re skinny jeans and ankle length on me, but I’m 6′ tall with long legs. They have a full panel in the front and a lower panels around the sides and back, and they don’t fall down, keep their shape throughout the day, and don’t have the bunchiness between the panel and the denim at the crotch area that seems to happen to me with other full panel pants. I think they were only about $25.
Anon says
I lived in gap and old navy maternity jeans because they were the only ones I could find in a tall in my price range.
EB says
I don’t have a brand recommendation per se, but I always recommend to people that you splurge on this purchase (whatever that means to you). I bought a few pairs I really loved and rotated them to death. Maybe not right now, but soon, they will be the only pants you can wear – you should love them (until the end, at which point, you’ll be ready to burn them!).
CCLA says
I preferred full panel from about 20 weeks onward, but do have one stretchy side pair that was nice for the early second tri days in my second pregnancy. I bought a few pairs of AG brand jeans in full panel from pea in the pod, and have worn them tons through two pregnancies. I found them true to size pre-preg. I also tried ordering from nordstrom but not much luck – it really was worth the time to spend an hour in store trying on many pairs to find something comfortable. Agree with EB this is one place worth splurging, especially if you work somewhere where you’re able to wear to work, you’ll get so much use out of them!
Anonymous says
Countering the splurge opinions– I got 3 cheap pairs of casual maternity pants (2 jeans and 1 dark green skinny chino-type pair) and I have been really happy with them. I got one pair of jeans and the green pants from Macy’s on super sale– they are both some off brand I had never heard of and are both full panel. I got the second pair of jeans from Old Navy and it is the low panel option they have. I didn’t pay more than $20 each, have worn them a ton and have been happy with their performance. I see no reason to shell out a lot of money on jeans I’ll only wear for a few months, but to each her own!
Walnut says
I just bought a pair of Paige Verdugo maternity skinny jeans and am wearing the heck out of them. The full panels make me itchy and these have stretchy side panels instead. I bought them on sale at Destination Maternity and they’re worth every penny.
https://www.paige.com/p/verdugo-ultra-skinny-maternity–9788521-1258
Anonymous says
How much do you worry about fruit vs vegetables for babies/toddlers? I grew up eating cake or cookies pretty much every day, so to me fruit (or pretty much any food w/o added sugar) is healthy. My 8 month old has only tried maybe 20 foods so far (we’re still doing single ingredient introduction) and her favorites so far are fruits (bananas, prunes, apples, avocado especially) so we’ve been mostly feeding her fruits. We do offer vegetables, but not every day, and she really doesn’t seem to like any of the veggies we’ve tried so far. A friend heard this and was horrified – she said they consider fruits ‘desserts’ and only offer them as a treat once or twice a week. She’s convinced that giving fruit more regularly will create a picky eater that only takes sweet foods, but from my research (and my ped) it seems like the “fruit makes baby reject anything not sweet” theory has been pretty well debunked.
I’m guessing most people fall somewhere in between me and my friend, but curious how much people here give fruit to babies and toddlers.
Cb says
If I didn’t give my 13 month old fruit, I don’t think he’d eat anything. I try and offer veggies everyday but fruit is the surefire winner. I try to limit grapes because I think they’re low on nutrients and high in sugar but he definitely gets fruit everyday.
EB says
Yes, this. I am just happy when he actually eats something. I would feed him fruit all day long.
Also, anecdata that that theory is bunk – my 1.5 year old LOVES fruit, but hates anything else sweet. He didn’t touch his birthday cake, refuses cookies, ice cream, cake, etc. Savory snacks are another story though. So don’t stress. Soon, you (and your friend) will just be happy the kid is eating ANYTHING.
Anonymous says
I fed my baby a lot of vegetable purees, some prune puree and applesauce, and a lot of mashed bananas. I generally avoided most of the fruit purees because they did seem overly sweet to me. I think the “fruit contains sugar and all fruit is therefore evil” viewpoint is one of those extreme, upper-middle-class parent virtue-signaling things.
The idea that you can set a child’s lifelong taste preferences through what you feed her as an infant is laughable. Until she was 2 1/2 years old, my daughter loved broccoli. Now she won’t touch it, or any other bitter vegetable.
Legally Brunette says
I wouldn’t worry about this too much, since your baby is so young. I would keep offering vegetables (try sweet ones like carrots and sweet potatoes) but if she refuses, just try another day. Have you tried roasting veggies and then mashing them? They make the veggies extra sweet and she might like that. In my experience I have found that continual exposure to vegetables means that eventually they will eat them. My younger one is 3 and only within the last year has started to eat roasted veggies (as opposed to me hiding them in foods). HIs favorite is roasted broccoli and cauliflower, which aren’t sweet at all — go figure.
I didn’t have a chance to read yesterday’s food thread until last night, but I agree with the poster who said that repetition is really key. She may not like it the first 5 times of trying it, but eventually she will. Don’t give up. :)
Anonymous says
+ 10000 on repetition
I read somewhere that a child has to try a food an average of 21 times before they like it. I remember hating certain foods (tuna, pizza, cauliflower) in early childhood and loving them later.
anon says
I don’t think it’s the end of the world, but if you’re concerned, you might want to try blending fruits and veggies together to build her tolerance. Like start with 80% peaches mixed with 20% carrots and see if she’ll go for that, then gradually add more carrots.
PinkKeyboard says
Keep in mind my kid eats like a construction worker merged with a garbage disposal… but we do meals with fruit course after. They both prefer fruit so I present the meal (ie flank steak, baked potato, broccoli) and once they have done a decent job (3 year old) and cleaned the plate and eaten half of mine (14 month old) I pull out the fruit and they can eat as much as they want. They eat A LOT. Like an entire container of strawberries, entire pint of blueberries, 3 clementines each, 2 cans of peaches are examples of a “serving” for the two of them. I regard it as healthy and it really keeps them regular, we have literally had constipation ONCWE which with all the issues you hear about I feel very lucky for. I say you are 110% fine and your friend’s kid will be refusing to eat or scrounging and eating moldy goldfish from under the couch within the year…
Boston Legal Eagle says
Our almost 2.5 year old gets fruits everyday – usually some combination of banana, watermelon, grapes, blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, etc. I call it a win if he has those for a snack vs. just cookies (which we also give, a little less frequently). Keep trying the veggie purees and eventually solid veggies, but I wouldn’t worry about the fruit. I love fruit myself!
Anonymous says
We do a different fruit as dessert after supper every night – sometimes that’s canned peaches, sometimes it’s fresh mango – depends how lazy vs. organized I am on a particular day.
For vegetables – we offer one at breakfast, two at lunch and two at dinner. Don’t make them eat it all but kids just have to try number of bites that corresponds to their age. Flavor with olive oil and salt and roast makes pretty much anything delicious.
Lots of exposure helps kids develop their palate. One twin will only eat raw not cooked carrots. The other is so obsessed with cherry tomatoes that I can use them as a bribe. Oldest kid asked for artichokes as a snack yesterday because we put them on pizza all the time and stole my chicken caesar salad lunch for her lunch today. Pretty sure I never ate an artichoke until I went to college and definitely survived on PBJ for most of elementary. We always eat as a family and I think the kids seeing us enjoying vegetables makes a big difference.
FP says
I mixed in some plain yogurt or sour cream to the veggie purees to give to my baby – that seemed to interest him more and taste better than just steamed bitter veggies.
Anon says
My 13 month old eats fruit every day. I strive for fruit and or veggie in 2 out of 3 meals. Usually it’s unsweetened applesauce or banana these days, but she at some apple “matchsticks” yesterday. She also goes in phases (blueberries were a favorite 2 months ago, now apparently they are toxic, same for avocado and peaches). At the 8 month age we had success (assuming your LO is chewing reasonably well) with roasting diced sweeter vegetables (sweet potato, carrot, butternut squash, pumpkin – FWIW, she did not turn orange) or steamed sweet peas (great for practicing her pincer grasp). Now at 13 months our typical veggies come out of the freezer and get steamed in the microwave – diced carrots, peas, zucchini, broccoli or cauliflower usually – or are sauteed with adult dinner (e.g., sliced peppers and onions, mushrooms (are those even a veggie?), squash, asparagus).
Anonymous says
Mushrooms are a fungus :) But they’re healthy too.
Aly says
I try to do fruit as a snack or after dinner. But I also present veggies as an appetizer. Like my toddler wants to snack on something while I make dinner? Excellent, enjoy these peas! She eats a ton when the veggies are first.
JTX says
For my fruit-loving kids, I mixed vegetable and fruit purees. They seemed to really like butternut squash with apple, peeled zucchini with pears, and avocado with banana.
As long as your kid is growing at an appropriate rate, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Fruits are not going to ruin your kid.
Knope says
Two separate questions here – 1) whether you need to limit fruit or else it will make kids want only sweet foods, and 2) whether you need to introduce more veggies. I definitely think on 1) you don’t need to limit fruit unless your kid is eating so much that it’s causing tummy troubles. Fruit is healthy, you can get a lot of vitamins from various kinds, so it’s crazy to me to limit it to only 1-2 times a week! We eat it daily. But I do think that fruit is not interchangeable with veggies, and you should repeatedly offer veggies to try to develop your kid’s taste for it.
All that said, your kid is 8 months, so it is way too early to worry about any of this – particularly because I assume solid food makes up very little of the calories they’re eating throughout the day. Their taste preferences are going to change wildly over the next 2 years. Just keep offering a variety of foods and they’ll decide what they like!
SC says
My 3-year-old has never liked very many fruits, and preferred vegetables as a baby. I can tell you that even though he’s still picky about fruit, he LOVES desserts and other sweets. So… I just don’t think there’s a connection between enjoying fruit and liking dessert/sugar/junk food. I’d keep introducing and repeating a variety of fruits and vegetables. Now that my Kiddo is 3, all fruits and vegetables are “anytime” foods–if he eats a carrot or banana right after daycare and isn’t as hungry when we eat as a family, I still call it a win nutritionally.
Induction says
I’m scheduled to be induced on Monday (due to my advanced maternal age!) I have a previous v-delivery, but labor started naturally so I wasn’t induced. Any tips on preparing for the induction or what to expect during the process? I am planning on an epidural if that matters. Thanks.
Two Cents says
Can you schedule an appointment with an acupuncturist today or over the weekend to induce labor? With induction the chances of having a c-section are so much higher (ask me how I know). With induction contractions are also way way more painful. After the fact, I learned that many of my colleagues had gone to an acupuncturist to help start labor and all were able to go into labor naturally. Good luck.
Anon says
The idea that induction increases your chance of c-section has been debunked, and actually there’s recent evidence that induction *lowers* your risk of a c-section. https://www.webmd.com/baby/news/20180808/choosing-to-induce-labor-may-cut-c-section-risk#1
I’m sorry induction ended in a c-section for you but plenty of women who go into spontaneous labor also end up with a c-section for failure to progress, and your statement about induction and c-section risk isn’t supported by the medical evidence.
Anonymous says
I don’t think one study of moms with an average age of 23/24 that resulted in only a 3% point different and no changes to public health recommendations, ‘debunks’ anything.
But agree that risk of c-section wouldn’t be the biggest concern for me. I hated being hooked up to an IV and continuous montioring so I’d be trying all the acupuntre/’gardening’/long walks to try and get labor started on my own.
Anon says
I agree this one study isn’t conclusive that induction lowers the risk of c-section, but there are many others that show induction has no effect on the c-section risk. My OB said the idea that induction increases your risk of c-section is old and outdated and not supported by modern science. I also think even when that view was popular, it was really about first time moms. If you’ve had a previous vaginal delivery, your risks of a c section are quite low regardless of how labor begins.
LH says
I LOVED my induction. People laugh when I tell them I felt no pain, but I felt no pain! As soon as the contractions started feeling worse than bad menstrual cramps, I got my epidural and then it was bliss. I had a Bishop score of 0 and no previous delivery, so I was in the high risk category for ending in a C, but I had a 12 hour labor that ended in a v delivery after less than an hour of pushing. I was induced first with cytotec, which I understand is sort of controversial, but it worked really well for me. The risks generally come at higher doses, so I did some of my own research and asked them to start me with a super low dose (25 mcg instead of the 50 mcg the doctor originally suggested). That alone got me to 3 cm with regular contractions and then they started pitocin. The cytotec was placed at 5 pm (which I think is typical – my doctor said they always start it in the evening if you’re not dilated), around 9 pm they started a low dose of pitocin, a little before midnight I had my epidural, at 1 am I was fully dilated, at 3:45 I started pushing and at 4:30 I met my baby! It was truly a dream and if I have another baby I’ll be induced on my due date.
The only way to prepare is to get lots and lots of sleep. I wasn’t in any pain but I was too excited to sleep.
Good luck!
Anonymous says
My experience was: I had an induction the day after my due date with my 3rd (due to a history of big babies). I took the pill in the morning around 9:30, hung out watching movies and walking around the L&D ward until the early evening, with mild contractions, had another pill at some point in the afternoon, started having intense contractions at around 6:30-7 pm and had a baby by 8. I think the quick transition may have had more to do with it being the third baby than the induction, but I was caught off guard by how quickly it happened, and I didn’t get the epidural quickly enough. It only kicked in a contraction or two before pushing time.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I had a very slow induction process but very fast pushing experience. I was induced at 2 days before 42 weeks because my doc wouldn’t let me go past 42 weeks (and I wouldn’t want to!) They started with the vaginal pill (forget what it was called), which they did throughout the day on day 1. By that night, I started feeling intense contractions so I went back in and was admitted. I got the epidural right away even though I wasn’t that dilated yet, and then they started pitocin. They did pitocin all of day 2, which led to a slow labor progression, but wasn’t particularly painful because of the epidural. Finally, around 1am of day 3, I started pushing and baby was born about 10 min later.
So hopefully yours is a little shorter, but plan on being near your hospital for several hours to several days – i.e. make the appropriate childcare arrangements for your other kid. Ask for that epidural asap!
Induction (OP) says
Holy cow, yours was a long process! Why did it take so long? I’ll be admitted to the hospital Monday morning, and my dr said I should have the baby by Monday afternoon or evening. Luckily we have grandparents in town who are retired and willing and available to help.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Probably a combination of him being my first, me not being very dilated to start and the ramping up and down of the pitocin because his heart rate kept dropping. Hopefully this was an anomaly! I have my second due in about a month so we’ll see how that goes.
k says
I was induced with my second, and had a great experience. They started pitocin at 9 am. At 1 pm, I was having regular but not painful contractions. My OB broke my water, and I was dilated to a 5. After my water was broken the contractions got painful, and I asked for an epidural. One painful hour later, I got my epidural, and was dilated to a 8. A bit under three hours later I started pushing, and I delivered by dinner time.
k says
I am currently pregnant with my third, and I would go for another induction.
Also, I only found the contractions painful while I was on pitocin after my water was broken. I do think an induction can increase the amount of monitoring and decrease movement, but I personally don’t find movement that helpful in managing my pain.
Also, so many induction start at night, I was really happy mine started in the morning, I totally labored during the daytime. It was so much better than my labor where my water broke in the middle of the night. It was also good from a work and childcare perspective. Also, my OB delivered the baby, which I really appreciated.
KateMiddletown says
I am jealous! I’m 37+2 and reallllly hoping for an early delivery. Good luck and we’ll be thinking of you!
Turtle says
I was induced at 40+3 due to reduced fetal movement. I was zero everything – CMs, effacement, etc, so we were starting at the very beginning. Because of this, I was told I was going to have a long induction (potentially up to 72 hours), but it only took 22 hours from start to finish. Because the expectation I had in my head was that it was going to take a very long time, I held off on the epidural way longer than I should have. I wasn’t trying to be a hero, I just didn’t recognize that things were moving more quickly than anticipated (I didn’t want to get it too soon because I didn’t want to be bed-ridden for three days should the induction have taken that long). I doubt you’d face this issue having already given birth before, but that was my only criticism of the induction. The rest of it was completely fine. If I had the epidural about 4 hours sooner I think I would have thought it was no big thing at all.
I started with two doses of ctyotec, and then we moved to pitocin. The pitocin moved things along FAST. I went from 2 to 8 CMs in 70 minutes. Ended up pushing for 4 hours and then using forceps (ugh), but that wasn’t a result of the induction.
Good luck to you!
Anonymous says
Do you know how you will be induced? It seems to vary widely. I was induced at 41 w 6 d with my first and only child. I was not dialated at all basically (“a fingertip stretched to 1 cm”). I had 2 rounds of cervadil, 12 hours apart, and had to be in bed (to keep cervadil in place) and on a monitor (policy). The 2nd cervadil was placed around midnight, and I started having painful frequent contractions shortly after. My husband was not there, and wasn’t allowed to be because I wasn’t in a labor/delivery room yet, and I hadn’t thought to ask him to stay. It was too early for an epidural, and I was alone and scared. So that sucked. Around 6 am he and my doula showed up, they let me get out of bed. Eventually (10 am?) I got an epidural and then they broke my waters and started pitocin. I was at about 2 cm then I think. Baby was born at 4 pm. So start to finish it took about 28 hours (not including several hours of waiting for them to be ready to place the first cervadil). If your cervix is more, um, ripe, to begin with, I think your starting point would be different. And the process is probably faster if you are not a first timer. Good luck! My son is now 6 and still never in a hurry.
Anonymous says
I was induced with my 2nd at 41+6. It was so awesome. I went into it with a feeling of dread and did everything I could to avoid it but as it turns out, MANY (not all…) of the horror stories you hear of induction are those that are induced with their first.
When it’s your second, and you’re already late, you probably won’t need cervical ripening which is half the battle.
I walked in at 7am, sat down, did paperwork as they started my IV. They pumped me full of fluids and started pitocin at 8:30. I had a walking IV and just did laps around the L&D unit stopping every once in a while to have them bump up the level of pitocin. Actual contractions picked up around 10:30 and we were really in business by 11:30. Doc broke my water at 11:35 and ordered the epi (he told me basically “now or never”–he was breaking my water and if I wanted an epi the window is short). Epi arrived as things were getting rough at 11:55 and was in by 12:15. It took the edge off but I still felt (in a good (??) way– enough to know what was going on, not enough to feel it all). Baby was born at 12:55 after 3 pushes. I was up and walking basically immediately since the epi didn’t even fully take (i had not yet had a cath in).
Was it more painful than my non-induced birth? Nope, not even close. But with my first, my water broke in the middle of the night and it was basically 0-> 60 in terms of intensity. I was in VIOLENT pain and they basically barely could get an epi in me when I got to the hospital. I couldn’t stand or breathe. I got to about 80% of that pain before the epi with my induction.
My 3rd was born naturally, but labor was super mild because my water didn’t break. They put the epi in, then broke me water, then the baby basically fell out. yay #3
Humidifiers says
On humidifiers, I don’t like the ultrasonic ones because I find they are prone to leaving white dust everywhere due to my water makeup (and getting special water for the humidifier is beyond my level of life right now). My favorite by far (and I now have two of them – one for the baby and one for the adults) are the Honeywell HCM350B Germ Free Cool Mist Humidifier. Easy to clean, easy to find filters for and everything by the little cap is dishwasher safe, which means it gets cleaned about half as often as it should (as opposed to once a season).
ITLady says
We had a whole home humidifier installed last year and it cost way, way less than I thought it would and made such a big difference for us. My husband and I are the types that our skin cracks really easily if there isn’t enough humidity so having humidifiers only in certain rooms didn’t work for us. Also, cleaning these individual machines was a HUGE PITA for us and our particular whole home humidifier IIRC only requires cleaning/maintenance once a year. Hubby handles that chore so I don’t recall all the details though.
Em says
Do you mind sharing what it cost? This is something I would consider doing.
Anon says
We killed the whole home humidifier that was in the house we bought pretty much as soon as we closed (had it removed and sealed up). I got one look at the (incredibly moldy) filter and just couldn’t handle it. Acknowledging it mostly likely wasn’t properly maintained, I still am much happier with the room by room kind that are in my face and I can clean and check for mold on a regular basis. Ugh, it was the stuff of nightmares.
JTM says
We just bought a house and I discovered it has a whole house humidifier and I’m very excited about this development.
H13 says
Any insight on working with your kid’s teacher to problem solve behavior issues in the classroom?
We are wrapping up week three of K and I am getting daily behavior report cards. He does fine about half of the day but is distracted and distracting the rest of the time. I definitely have issues with how the teacher is handling things and believe her expectations are too high for this early in the year. We have never had behavior problems in five years of full-day daycare/pre-school.
I don’t think what she is doing–frequent reminders, seating him next to her, daily reports–is helping but I don’t know what to suggest. She hasn’t been terribly helpful in how we can help at home other than reinforcing good listening.
Help!
Anonymous says
What are the problems?
My oldest got distracted easily and sometimes got overwhelmed in the bigger class. So if they were getting ready to go outside ‘hurry up’ wasn’t effective, helping her identify the next step was – ‘Kid, put on your snowpants’.
Is the school large enough that he can switch to another class? Is he finishing his work before the others? If that’s the issue, she needs to identify what he can do to occupy his time – like a coloring sheet and not just expect him to sit quietly.
H13 says
There are three kindergarten classrooms and I have wondered about switching. I don’t know it is an option. Maybe it truly is just a bad fit.
The things she describes as problems seem, I don’t know, like normal five year old stuff to me. Chatty. Wiggly. Doesn’t always want to do what is told.
Anonymous says
If it’s possible, can you walk kid to school?
We saw a big improvement on the days that kid walked or biked to school. It was a bit of a pain because I then had to walk home and get the car to drive myself to work but fresh air and a 10 minute walk in the morning really seemed to help.
Sounds like pretty normal kindergarten adjustment stuff – sorry you’re stuck with a teacher that is not more understanding.
Anon says
+1. My kids get MUCH better reports on the days that we play in the driveway for 10 minutes before heading to school. I’m not sure what we’ll do once winter comes, but the dramatic improvement in their behavior is worth getting up early for. Plus, they hurry getting ready because they want more scooter time.
H13 says
That is such an interesting idea. A walk would be a little tricky but might be doable. We have a neighbor who gets on the bus with him and on an ideal day we all get out early enough for them to run around a bit. I should try to pay attention to how he does on those days vs. the ones where he doesn’t get that time.
Anonymous says
You have met with the teacher in person already, yes? How experienced is the teacher, not just as an elementary school teacher but specifically as a kindergarten teacher? My teacher friends say K is a whole different animal than even first grade and requires a different approach.
Are the behavioral patterns consistent with regard to time of day? For example, is he always fine in the morning and then distracted after lunch? How much outdoor time do they get, and at what times of day? Is he finishing his lunch? If the lunch period is short and he is a slow eater or the cafeteria line is long, he may not be getting enough to eat, which can lead to crankiness and attention issues.
Finally, have you considered bringing the school counselor into the meeting to provide some concrete ideas for the teacher? As the parent, you are not responsible for coming up with ideas for managing your child’s behavior in the classroom. The teacher’s job is to come up with and implement strategies, and to adjust them if they are not effective; your job is to provide perspective and information that may assist the teacher, as well as to support the teacher’s efforts.
H13 says
Such good questions. This teacher is teaching K for the first time. She was previously a first-grade teacher. I do think her expectations are unrealistic. I get very detailed notes about how many reminders she has to give him in a given unit of the day but no insight into what and when he doing well other than a smiley face or a star.
I received a call about his behavior on the second day of school and have spoken to her twice since. I asked for an in-person meeting and deflected with a call instead.
They do two snacks plus lunch so I think he is eating enough and there is a 20-minute recess before lunch. Morning is usually better but yesterday he received a bad mark for the first unit of the day.
I find that the situation is coloring too much of our time together and a part of me thinks, he’s a good, sweet, sharp kid and they will figure this out. I almost don’t want all of this detailed information that actually doesn’t tell me much.
I am worried he is going to start dreading school. I have wondered if he acts out when he doesn’t feel he is good at something.
H13 says
Sorry – some mistakes in there. She deflected with a phone call after I asked for the in-person meeting. Sorry for the assorted other errors.
Anonymous says
First-time K teacher with expectations that may not be age-appropriate–I’d definitely insist on an in-person meeting and involve the guidance counselor, or the senior teacher if your school has that structure. Perhaps even meet with the counselor individually beforehand to explain the situation.
H13 says
Thank you for the input. I have been feeling quite lost about this whole situation. First time in “real” school and just want my kid to be happy and ideally learning something.
Anonymous says
“the situation is coloring too much of our time together”
Can you try and take control of this aspect? Maybe just reiterate to kid that “Teacher said you didn’t listen in x part of the day. I know it’s not easy to listen but please keep trying hard.” And then leave it alone. Let home be a respite.
H13 says
Yes. Absolutely. My husband and I are working on who will have the one conversation with him and then all try to move on. I am also trying very hard not to let someone who has known my kid for less than three weeks inform how I view him.
I had no idea the transition to kindergarten would be so hard.
EB0220 says
I apologize that I did not read all of the comments. This sounds really tough. I really hate the feeling that a teacher sees my kid as a problem. FWIW a few things:
– I agree with the suggestion to get some exercise time before school if possible. We get 10-15 min of playtime at the bus stop and it is the best.
– Having a 1st grader myself I can say that 1st graders are completely 100% totally different than kindergartners. Like, almost zero relationship. So that may be a be a big part of the issue
– I don’t know if it was the right thing, but I almost never said anything to my kid about feedback her teacher gave me. The only time was when she destroyed a bunch of crayons, she had to buy new ones and bring them in the next day. But generic “not behaving” stuff I did not talk about with my daughter.
H13 says
Thanks for the feedback. Did you work with the teacher to improve behavior in school or trust that they would work it out? I definitely have a strong instinct not to discuss it with him if only because it all sounds like such normal behavior for a kid his age whose whole world has just changed.
anon says
We also have a kindergartener in week three and I also have started getting reports home about her behavior. She has a lot of trouble keeping her hands to herself and tends to resolve disputes physically. It’s not a new problem for her, but that doesn’t make it any less of a problem this year. Our teacher has been very understanding and says that kindergarten is the year to learn these skills–it’s the point of going to kindergarten. I tend to agree with her. We’re all going to work on it together.
What we’ve been trying to do is to set our DD up for success as much as we can. Early to bed. Good breakfast. Lots of independent playtime after school. Very view “extra” activities or playdates where she’s expected to listen. I also try to get her out for a walk/bike ride/playground session before school to take the edge off of her energy level. K is a lot more sitting and structure than what they’ve had previously.
From there, one option is setting out a reward for a good week of behavior. Is there something that he would find motivating? This doesn’t tend to work well for my DD, but it is an option.
H13 says
I’m so glad you have someone that gets that this is hard for these little ones. I just can’t imagine expecting that they will all be perfect from the get go.
We are trying a reward system this week. For every day that he has a good report, he gets a sticker on a chart. When the chart is full (five stickers), we will go do something special. So far he has one sticker from Monday.
I really want to see this teacher as my ally, not an adversary.
anon says
Yes! I’ve stressed to my DD’s teacher that it’s really important that my DD continues to see the teacher as an ally. (It matters less what I think, as I can keep that to myself.) Last year, my DD’s preschool teacher kept responding negatively to my DD’s behaviors to the point that my DD considered the teacher an “evil enemy.” My DD considered herself at war with the teacher–it wasn’t pretty. We did recover after a lot of positive interactions and farming out all discipline to the preschool director, but I have impressed on this year’s teacher how important it is that my DD doesn’t lose faith in the teacher’s fairness and support. There have to be positive interactions to offset the negative ones.
For the reward system, you might talk to the teacher about putting a visual reminder of it at school. For my DD, home reward systems are just a reminder of her failures. They’re out of sight, out of mind during the school day. So then she has a bad day, comes home and is immediately frustrated because she sees the chart, remembers the system, and wants the reward but it’s too late to course correct.
We do better if the teacher can work some minor rewards into the day. For instance, if my DD doesn’t get in trouble during recess/lunch (her worst time because it’s unstructured), then she can be the helper to pass out math manipulatives after recess. It’s a tiny, tiny reward, but close in time and more achievable.
H13 says
That’s really smart about the reward system. I love the idea of having a small midday reward that would feel like praise from the teacher and would be immediate. I do think our lovely sticker chart may be a failure for all the reasons you described.
In his preschool, they did pompoms whenever they did something kind, thoughtful, above and beyond, etc. I have thought about doing that so that it can be in the moment at home.
And part of me thinks this will all just work out. But I don’t want to be naive.
Anonymous says
I was distracted and distracting until about 9th grade. How is this not normal for a new Kindergartner?
H13 says
RIGHT?!! His whole world has just been turned upside down. I really feel like my son has gotten little empathy from his teacher. I fear they want to turn him into some kind of Stepford child.
Anonymous says
Just found an amazing part time nanny for my kids, and am so upset at the world! This woman is bright, educated, has a strong resume and work history, and is recently divorced.
We’re in the Boston area, so on her $85k/year salary*, she cannot afford to both work and have her kid in full time daycare and afford a 2-BR rental in a safe neighborhood. So instead, she moved in with her parents (who live in my leafy suburban town), sends her 3 year old to daycare part time/relies on her parents to help, and nannies for $25/hr under the table. She commuted to the city for her old job but apparently after fighting traffic/transportation, she was out of the house 65 hours/week and it just wasn’t sustainable.
It just makes me so, so mad that this is the world we live in.
*she didn’t tell me her salary, but I know exactly what this role pays!
Anon says
That is truly absurd and really sad.. The cost of housing and childcare these days is out of control. It makes me worry for my kids’ future. You shouldn’t have to earn six figures just to live safely
Anon says
Speaking of feeding your baby. Anyone have any books to recommend on that? Everything i read before my babies were born was more about sleep and breastfeeding and didn’t really cover starting solids
anon says
Child of Mine by Ellyn Satter
Anonymous says
Food Fights by Shu and Jana
shortperson says
how to get your kids to eat, but not too much, french kids eat everything, and bebe gourmet
Anonymous says
I don’t think one study of moms with an average age of 23/24 that resulted in only a 3% point different and no changes to public health recommendations, ‘debunks’ anything.
But agree that risk of c-section wouldn’t be the biggest concern for me. I hated being hooked up to an IV and continuous montioring so I’d be trying all the acupuntre/’gardening’/long walks to try and get labor started on my own.
Leatty says
My daughter’s new daycare sent home homework yesterday. She is 15 months old. I wish I were kidding.
It is a project where my husband and me (okay, me) are supposed to put together a board that is “all about her.” It’s a cute idea, but I have zero interest in putting in the effort. I laughed when they told me . . .
shortperson says
i would send in a photo of her. and maybe one of the family. done.
Anonymous says
We had that each year in Toddler, Preschool and PreK. A poster of your kid. We put a pic of kiddo as a baby, pic of family, and some assorted pics of things kiddo likes: dogs, princesses, kiddo biking, kiddo with sibling, kiddo swimming, etc. I would let them pick pics from a curated list. I found it annoying to do, and didn’t put a ton of time into them. Both my kids LOVED each one they had (3 each). They still have them in their bedrooms and still look at them.
Anon says
Yep, had it for toddler through preschool for each kid. Pick a handful of pictures similar to the list above. Print them at Walgreens (make the one of the kid alone bigger than the rest) and pick up some glue sticks and poster board while you’re there. Put kiddo in the middle, and let them paste the rest of the pictures around their face. Done, and the kid sees it as a masterpiece shrine to themselves. Mine keep theirs and pull them out when they’re having a bad day.
JTM says
We got that same “homework” – my daughter was about 18mos old.
I attached a photo of my kid, wrote in a few of her likes, and let her scribble over the page with her crayons. Done.
govtattymom says
Our daycare did the same thing, and I was initially annoyed that they were adding to my already extensive to-do list. But later the teacher put the posters across the wall and used them extensively. If my daughter was crying, a visit to Mimi’s picture would make her feel better. Or my daughter would run up and give Elmo kisses throughout the day. The poster still hangs on our fridge, and my daughter still loves it. I completely agree that it’s a pain but if you do a simple one you’ll be happy you did!
Anonymous says
I hope they at least gave you a weekend to do this! I can’t imagine trying to do something like this on a weeknight.
BigLaw Sr Assoc says
My kids’ pre-K did this (make a board about their ethnic background), while I was in the middle of a trial and my husband was traveling internationally for work. I had my teenage son decide what to do. He printed some flags of my and my husband’s home countries, along with an American flag, picked a family picture, and done.
CPA Lady says
This has nothing to do with being a mother.
I hate calling the IRS. I’ve been on hold for an hour and twenty minutes of an hour and thirty minute phone call thus far. Why did I think being a tax accountant would be a good idea? I should have been a florist.
What is your actual job and what is your imaginary job that you think about when you’re doing your least favorite part of your actual job?
Anonymous says
My actual job is in communications/writing, and I don’t think there’s anything else I’d rather to. I could say pastry chef or travel writer or something like that, but I think baking and traveling would become a lot less fun if I were doing them professionally.
I’d sort of like to be freelance because then I could work from anywhere. My DH is a professor who can also work from anywhere in the summer, so if I were freelance we’d probably live in Europe in the summers and I think that would be awesome for our kiddo. But I would really miss the health insurance and retirement contributions my employer gives me.
Anon says
Big Law lawyer actually. Other careers I am thinking about instead of reviewing the bank docs I have been waiting 2 weeks for that showed up at 2PM on a Friday (better than 6 pm I guess?): Own and operate a bakery or coffeeshop with my sister. Be retired and just have hobbies (too young and not financially there yet, plus more babies to have). Be a SAHM (that fantasy only lasts about 1 hour after I get home and I realize I would lose my mind). Event Planner (probably not wedding though – talking brides off the ledge is probably too similar to my day job of talking clients off the ledge).
At the end of the day though, I really like my job (most days) and probably wouldn’t change anything at this stage and age.
Betty says
Actual Job: In house attorney in the insurance industry.
Dream Job: I’d love to teach legal writing on a part-time basis with an academic schedule. I’d fill the rest of my time by writing novels and turning my “hobby farm” into something that at least breaks even/provides my family with fresh produce (or frozen/canned through the winter). My unfortunate luck with contact rashes this summer has been a bit of a hindrance to that as well.
Anon says
CPA Lady – My former med-tech then SAHM mother self-taught to become a florist in her late 50s once her kids were all out of the house starting when she decided to do the flowers for my wedding. 4 years later, she now has a business license, an LLC, a website and business cards! So it’s never too late!
shortperson says
actual job: biglaw more than full time litigation associate. fantasy job: working part time in public interest litigation. i love to bake and garden but would never want to do that full time, so im mostly in the right place.
Anonymous says
Actual job is biglaw associate. Imaginary job is animal behaviorist :)
H13 says
The actual job is fundraising but the imaginary job is part-time yoga instructor who works in a bakery and sells crafts to people who appreciate quality.
That was fun to write.
H13 says
For CPA Lady, obviously. Rough day. The bakery calls.
SC says
Not quite the same, but my first yoga class was in a studio above an amazing bakery. I’d run to yoga (about a mile), spend the yoga class smelling fresh bread, buy a baguette after class, and eat half of it on my walk home. I’m sure I consumed more calories than I burned, but yoga + baguette made me so happy. Honestly, I still love yoga, but I’ve never been quite as motivated to go.
H13 says
That’s amazing. That is basically how I fantasize about starting my day 4x/week in retirement.
ifiknew says
Anyone have success stories of working part-time? I recently negotiated a part-time position at a small company that I’m very excited about (not law). I asked them multiple times about making sure my work could really be completed in 25 hours a week and the insisted it could. They were very interested in having me on the team and really understood my desire to have more time for my family.
As i’m resigning at my current job, EVERYONE is like oh you will just work full-time and get paid part-time. Ugh. I knew that before I took it and thought it through and discussed it extensively, but am still so anxious.
Any suggestions on what to do to set boundaries early and often?
Anonymous says
So I’m at a 9-5 job where no one works weekends or evenings. Part time is not a thing here (I wish!) but if it were, I think I could easily stick to a 3 day a week schedule, and not let work spill over into the other days, just like I don’t let it spill over into evenings and weekends currently. If there is more of a culture of working round-the-clock to get whatever is needed done, then it might be different. But for me, if something doesn’t get done Friday afternoon, I pick it up Monday morning. I don’t bring it home with me and I imagine I could do a similar thing even if I was off on Fridays.
Anonymous says
I work part-time and I’d say you should definitely ignore what people at your current job think. I guess it depends on the role, but in my field that is totally employer-specific. Just because that might be the case at your current employer doesn’t mean the new employer will take advantage like that.
When I switched to part-time, I set very clear work hours that I kept strictly at the beginning. Now I’m a little more flexible as meetings come up, or things happen in the evening but to establish the boundary I blocked off those hours on my calendar, declined meetings outside of my set work hours, and did not respond to email later (even if I did read it because I could/wanted to). Otherwise, setting boundaries is similar to a regular role. If I don’t have time to do something in the 30 hours instead of 40, I say the standard “I can do that by x date.” or “I can do y or z by the end of the week, which would you like me to prioritize”.
Em says
The most crucial part of enforcing boundaries in my current role is not having a company-issued phone or access to email on my phone. If people can’t get a hold of you, work can’t creep into your off time. I do have the ability to remote-in so I can work from home, but doing so is a bit of a process (about 5 minutes), so I’m not casually checking it all the time. People learned my availability (standard 8-5) quickly and know not to expect a response outside those hours. My immediate boss, head boss (and his secretary), and my own secretary have my personal cell phone number and know they can contact me if a real emergency comes up, and I am happy to log on and help (because they happen once or twice a year), but since my work doesn’t usually come from them, they are not contacting me for minor things.