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06/18/2020 140 Comments · by April

Budget Thursday: Contrasting Bands Dress

Machine-Washable Work Clothes· Recent Recs

This dress by Mango looks easy to wear and minimalist, and it’s washable! I like the loose all around style, including no waistband (because who needs that right now?). I also like the narrow V-neck that adds some interest to the neckline, and the contrasting bands down the sides look slimming and fashionable. This dress is basically the opposite of what I’ve been living in lately — baggy shorts and colorful graphic t-shirts — and seems like a good kickstart to re-entry into my work wardrobe. It’s $29.99 and available in sizes 2–10. Contrasting Bands Dress  

This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Sales of Note…

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

  • Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
  • Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
  • Eloquii – 60% off all tops
  • J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
  • Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
  • Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
  • Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
  • Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.

Kid/Family Sales

  • J.Crew – Up to 50% off kids’ camp styles; extra 50% off select sale
  • Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off summer pajamas; up to 50% off all baby styles (semi-annual baby event!)
  • Carter’s – Summer deals from $5; up to 60% off swim
  • Old Navy – 30% off your order; kid/toddler/baby tees $4
  • Target – Kids’ swim from $8; summer accessories from $10

See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:

  • What Maternity Brands Should People Stalk on Resale Sites?
  • Tips to Plan Weekly Adventures for Your Family
  • Open Thread: What Did You Do For Mother’s Day?
  • Open Thread: Kid & Baby Names
  • Gift Ideas for Mothers’ Day

Click here to see our top posts!

And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

  • If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
  • Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
  • Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
  • Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
  • My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
  • ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
  • I think I suffer from mom rage…
  • My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
  • I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
  • If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
  • Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
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About April

April is a working mom, a longtime reader of CorporetteMoms, and wrote our morning fashion advice for working moms from April 2018 to October 2020. She has one child (born 2/17!) and she’s a public interest lawyer in NYC.

« Washable Workwear Wednesday: Striped Button-Front Linen Top
5 Ways to Celebrate Kids’ Birthdays During Coronavirus »

Comments

  1. Cb says

    06/18/2020 at 8:37 am

    Playgrounds, zoos, and botanical gardens open in Scotland on the 29th! We’ve been spending most of our time in the woods and it’s been great, but my kid just wants to swing.

    • Lana Del Raygun says

      06/18/2020 at 8:47 am

      Have so much fun! I really want to get to the zoo so that my toddler can start sorting out dogs and bears, lol.

      • Cb says

        06/18/2020 at 8:55 am

        We’re only really supposed to go if it’s within 5 miles of our house, but I think 7 rounds down to 5 :)

    • Anon says

      06/18/2020 at 9:18 am

      where we live you can get a facial, massage or dine in at a restaurant, but you can’t go to a playground…

      • NYCer says

        06/18/2020 at 10:01 am

        Ha! Same here (not in NYC at the moment, despite my user name). Hoping that playgrounds will be opening soon…

    • Pogo says

      06/18/2020 at 11:44 am

      Ours just opened playgrounds and there is a small one close to our house that’s not heavily used even in non-COVID times. We went the other day and it was SO great seeing how happy he was.

  2. Babywearing says

    06/18/2020 at 8:42 am

    When people say “babywearing” is that using a sling or one of those wrap things that you tie on? And not using a baby carrier like a Kelty or Baby Bjorn? I use both when I am going for walks but I don’t use either inside and kiddo hates the sling. Honestly, kiddo is like a 99th percentile for weight and height and other than providing me with a bit of strength training, this is probably nearing an end. A 6 month baby should not be in 18 month clothes. Afraid of starting solids. Kidding. Sort of.

    • Lana Del Raygun says

      06/18/2020 at 8:50 am

      I think it’s any of them, especially if you’re wearing/carrying the baby most of the day (vs just for hands-free transport). Wraps, slings, structured carriers … I probably wouldn’t say “babywearing” about a hiking carrier with a hard frame, but that’s about it. People who are Really Into Babywearing tend to be down on the Bjorn because it doesn’t have a waist strap, but it still counts imo.

      • Anonymous says

        06/18/2020 at 8:58 am

        For people who wear their kid most of the day at home . . . how does that work with peeing (post-kid, and now that I’m pregnant again, that is a LOT of trips to the bathroom; can’t imagine that this will work much longer as i get larger)? And even sitting is just awkward. And cooking? I honestly do not feel safe having kiddo strapped to my torso when chopping / cooking / dealing with raw meat and the constant hand-washing. A not-great for sidewalks stroller we got is now our in-the-kitchen stroller so kiddo can be with me while I deal with stuff.

        • Anonymous says

          06/18/2020 at 9:03 am

          I learned to use the bathroom with the Bjorn, but I could never do anything like cooking. In addition to the safety concerns, I always found that the baby was in the way. My arms are on the short side, though.

        • Anonymous says

          06/18/2020 at 9:05 am

          Put them on your back. You may have to look up YouTube videos for how to do this yourself. I have no problem with chopping/hand washing while front carrying but I won’t do hot stuff on the stove or get stuff out of the oven.

          I found that when I had my second baby wearing the infant in a ktan was a must. I’ve definitely gone number 1 and 2 with infant strapped to me. He would sleep through me washing my face/putting on makeup.

          • Anon says

            06/18/2020 at 9:17 am

            Yep, I do lots of cooking with a kid on my back, where it wouldn’t work with a kid on my front. Peeing is easier with a front kid, though. :)

        • Pogo says

          06/18/2020 at 11:21 am

          Never had issues with peeing, didn’t seem to interfere in any way. I would possibly prep while wearing baby in the kitchen but not cook for safety reasons. DH did a lot of babywearing (mostly Ergo) in the garden, and I think because his arms/torso are just larger he had no issues wearing LO on the front while doing so (picking vegetables, watering, low-key stuff like that not mowing the lawn LOL). He could also type with baby on front which I’m not sure I could do b/c my arms are shorter.

          With the Ktan at least you can do a side carry which let my arms be more free, and I started using that when LO was around 6 months and stronger/could sit wo support, etc. He was not in 18mo clothes at that point tho so with a baby of that size, I’d agree back carry might be better!

    • Cb says

      06/18/2020 at 8:53 am

      Have you tried carrying her on your back? I can pop my 3 year old in a Tula toddler and be quite comfortable.

      • Anonymous says

        06/18/2020 at 9:05 am

        I like having kiddo in front so I can talk to her. And she’s a hair grabber — what do you do with that except maybe face them to the outside like a pappoose?

    • Anonymous says

      06/18/2020 at 8:56 am

      Yeh I think any of them apply. I’m big into baby wearing. Both kids I’ve used Ktan, then Baby Becco Gemini, then Tula. I’ve never used a ring sling and it wasn’t an option for DS who had crazy reflux and would’ve puked curled up in the newborn position.My 10mo is prob 21lbs so frontcarrying is getting heavy. We had to get a Kelty for him for hiking (back carrying) because my Tula wasn’t cutting it anymore. DD is 3 and we still use hiking backpack for her (DH carries her because she’s 33lb)

      • Pogo says

        06/18/2020 at 11:24 am

        We have the Kelty and I feel like at 33lbs mine is just getting to be big enough for it! As recently as this winter he would end up sliding sideways so one leg was way down and the other was way up. When he was under 2 yo I actually much preferred the Ergo back carry for hiking.

    • Clementine says

      06/18/2020 at 8:57 am

      Much like our infamous BLW discussion earlier this week, you’re gonna have purists and extremists, but I would say it counts.

      FWIW, I would consider myself a fan of babywearing and I wear at least one kid for at least 4-5 hours of the day. With little babies, it actually counts as tummy time. In my house, with an active preschooler and toddler, a lot of the babywearing I do is to avoid the babe getting a matchbox car to the head when toddler decides to aggressively ‘share’.

      I have a ring sling, a woven wrap (which is literally 4.6 meters of fabric I just oragami around my body), an Ergo, and a Tula toddler carrier. I actually have been known to carry one on the front and one on the back. I count all of them as babywearing and don’t have any back pain from the babywearing. That being said, I joke that I worked out to train for this, I’m tall (which is a factor in just body real estate), and I make sure that the weight is mostly on my hips rather than my back and shoulders. Great core strength training.

      • Anonymous says

        06/18/2020 at 9:01 am

        That makes sense, especially if you are tall. I have a short torso and LONG child and the Baby Bjorn is only comfortable if I am standing and don’t have to bend (which is crazy b/c I always have to bend or pee, so it is really just for shorter walks outside). It was cute when kiddo was a wee baby, but that season is over.

        • Clementine says

          06/18/2020 at 9:34 am

          FWIW, the baby Bjorn doesn’t have a hip strap, right? So the baby is dangling from your shoulders basically? The carriers I use (except for the ring sling) are like hiking backpacks in that they spread the weight on your hips.

          It might work better for you to try something like an ergo.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      06/18/2020 at 8:59 am

      I like our ergo carrier, although I didn’t wear my kids too much inside, mostly on outings where it helped them see out without being in the stroller the whole time.

      Also, FWIW, my first kid was 95+% percentile for both height and weight at birth through maybe about 1.5, and now at 4, he’s pretty average if a little on the taller side. Toddlers start running and being active a lot more than babies so I wouldn’t worry about solids.

      • Anonymous says

        06/18/2020 at 9:04 am

        HAHAHA — I had a girl who was a 99%iler for height/weight and fed her solids and she just accellerated. Unscientific observation is that some girls get all of their lifetime grown in very fast and then never grow again once they leave elementary school. So they may not be tall adults but people will remember them as tall.

        • layered bob says

          06/18/2020 at 10:35 am

          that was me! I was 5’7″ at age 11 and haven’t grown meaningfully since then. I seem to give people the impression of being tall but am not really all that tall. I think my oldest daughter will be the same way. My youngest daughter has a different body type.

          • Anonymous says

            06/18/2020 at 12:36 pm

            Yep! I was always the tallest kid in my elementary school and topped out at 5’8” in about 8th grade. Which is not short by any means but isn’t remarkably tall. Both of my kids are top of/off the charts for height but I’m curious if they’ll also get their growing in early.

    • Anon says

      06/18/2020 at 9:03 am

      It’s anything! I use a Lillebaby to front carry my 10 month old who is probably ~25 lbs and in 24 month clothing. Haven’t tried back carrying yet with it. It’s not bad at all if you adjust it right. We also have a hiking pack. I think we are done with wraps, I haven’t attempted them recently but they seem better for tiny babies.

      I rarely used carriers inside once the baby started wiggling around, aside from when the baby was sick and wouldn’t be put down. We had one rough night he spent in the Lille.

      • AnonATL says

        06/18/2020 at 9:27 am

        We got a Lillebaby when it was on crazy sale on Amazon for #1 due soon. Did you use it while yours was a newborn or only like 3+ months? I love how sturdy it is, but it is bulky to be wearing all day.
        I was also gifted one of the ring/sling contraptions that I was planning to try during the newborn stage. I’m a little afraid of that one being secure enough.

        • Anon says

          06/18/2020 at 9:51 am

          I didn’t get it until he was around 3 months old so I never really tried the newborn stage – I had a Moby for that. There’s a facebook group called something like Lillebaby Love where people can give you tips on how to get it adjusted so the baby is comfortable – some of the people in it are a bit much, though. :)

        • rosie says

          06/18/2020 at 9:51 am

          We used from newborn with a rolled up swaddle blanket under the baby to help with positioning. I liked the Baby K’tan for my older child as a newborn since she was smaller and seemed to like being that snug more than my younger child. I use the Lillebaby with my younger, and my husband used the Lillebaby with both kids from an early age.

          • Pogo says

            06/18/2020 at 11:26 am

            I have to say this thread is making me all sorts of hormone-induced excited to carry my newborn around in the Ktan all the time this fall… those snuggles with the tiny one against your chest are so precious, I’d almost forgotten til reading this!

          • AnonATL says

            06/18/2020 at 11:35 am

            Thanks for the tip on the rolled blanket booster! Part of the reason I bought that one is my husband has back issues, and I figured it would be more comfortable for him than the wraps and slings.
            I’ve only ever tried it on while pregnant so the fit was weird for me, but it looked comfy on him.

          • rosie says

            06/18/2020 at 12:51 pm

            Pogo, my younger kid came out a pound heavier and much louder than my older, making the Baby K’tan a less pleasant experience although we did get some good babywearing snuggles in before she got more opinionated about it.

            AnonATL, when I got the Lillebaby it had instructions about the rolled up blanket, not sure if they still do. You basically put it under the baby’s butt to make sure the legs are in an ok position and put the baby up a little higher. Easy once you get the hang of it. And it is so much better on your back, hope you both find it comfortable!

    • Anonymous says

      06/18/2020 at 9:35 am

      People mean all sorts of things. Why does it matter?

    • GCA says

      06/18/2020 at 9:37 am

      As with any Official Terms Debate (baby-led weaning, ‘daycare’ vs ‘school’), I say there is no official term and you go with whatever is safest and most comfortable for you and your kid. I’m a radical parenting anarchist (if radical means ‘don’t feel pressured to Stick To Dogma at the expense of your mental and physical health’).

      It sounds like you have a large baby who is getting to be too heavy for you to wear with normal methods but on whom you still need to keep an eye. At this point, they should have the head stability for one of those baby gym things, or be fine in a pack n play with a bunch of toys, if you need to go do something.

      Alternatively, if you need your baby close at hand – mine needed to be worn for naps for a while – a structured carrier with buckles and straps, like the Ergo or Beco, works great. Make sure they’re designed for a back carry and practice getting baby on and off safely. I’m petite and my first was long so I was always kind of iffy about cooking (hot oil! raw meat! bending down to get stuff from oven!) with him in a front carry. I’m also impressed you still use the wrap or sling, my back noped out of those after about 15 lbs of baby.

    • Anonymous says

      06/18/2020 at 9:47 am

      It means anything that carries the baby attached to the body so your hands are free. I hated slings and wraps but loved ergo for front carries up to a year or so and back carries thereafter then toddler Tula after 18mths

    • Doodles says

      06/18/2020 at 9:59 am

      What is the purpose of baby wearing inside the house? I have five different wraps and carriers that were gifts and hand me downs. I have never used any of them. I have a 25 month old and a 2 week old. When we’re outside, we use a vista stroller (bassinet for baby and toddler seat for toddler) or an umbrella stroller for short outings with the toddler. We go to parks with paved trails. We don’t really hike off trails but I guess I could see the backpack type carrier useful if hiking. In the house, I have various swings throughout or put the baby on a tummy time mat. If baby is sleeping, then I move him to the crib. This is what I did when the toddler was a baby too. I guess I’m genuinely not sure if I’m missing something with baby wearing or if I should start doing it. And if so, which wrap or carrier should I start with? (chances are I have it!) My toddler is 99 percentile for height and is 32 lbs. Baby is 8.5lbs. Thanks

      • rosie says

        06/18/2020 at 10:07 am

        I primarily babywear in the house because my babies won’t always sleep in a crib or other spot, and if they fall asleep on me, I am unable to transfer them reliably, so if I need to do something while baby is napping, easier to plan to wear baby. Also, babywearing counts as tummy time.

      • Anon says

        06/18/2020 at 10:10 am

        i think it is just a personal preference thing. i have twins and always found baby wearing totally impractical. we only really used our ergo carriers for flying, but other people i know just wear their babies around the house all day.

      • Anonymous says

        06/18/2020 at 10:18 am

        I had a high-needs baby who demanded to be held at all times, awake or asleep. Babywearing was the only way I could do anything, including going to the bathroom.

      • Clementine says

        06/18/2020 at 10:40 am

        I use indoor babywearing for: keeping kids quiet while I’m on conference calls, containing the toddler (who is a CLIMBER) from causing utter mayhem while i”m doing wild things like vacuuming, keeping the baby safe because the two big kids love baby soooo much that preschooler is trying to ‘help’ which sometimes includes me worrying he will pick her up and the toddler getting jealous and trying to climb on top of baby when baby is in a swing or throw toys (usually hard toys) in the playpen for the baby to ‘play’ with.

        My kids have also all needed a lot of touch and babywearing allows me to get all the things done.

        Update: I now have toddler on my back and am typing this standing up at the kitchen counter with my multi-cookbook standing desk because toddler was trying to dive headfirst off the couch.

      • Anonymous says

        06/18/2020 at 10:45 am

        Hands free to do stuff. Baby snuggles while they are napping. Was super handy if baby fell asleep in the carrier and I could take them outside and walk to the playground with toddler. Mine often woke up when transferred so just easier to leave them in the carrier.

        Lots of babywearing in toddler years after daycare. Back carries enabled me to cook dinner or help older kid with homework while young kid got some much needed physical contact and didn’t fuss for me to pick them up or pay attention to them.

        • Spiprograph says

          06/18/2020 at 10:57 am

          Yes, I found babywearing especially useful for 2nd and 3rd kids when I needed to bring the baby along but also needed hands free to deal with the older kid(s). Also on maternity leave when the baby just wanted to be held all the time, but I didn’t want to sit in the rocker forever. I didn’t do it as a Philosophy, but it was SUPER practical.

      • Lana Del Raygun says

        06/18/2020 at 10:51 am

        Some people do it because they’re attachment parenting obsessives; some people have fussy babies who want to be held constantly; some people just enjoy the cozy. If you don’t want to, there’s really no reason to start imo.

        • Anonymous says

          06/18/2020 at 10:58 am

          In some cases it’s the baby’s choice more than the parent’s. If the baby screams constantly unless it’s being held, you are likely to become a babywearer very quickly.

        • Pogo says

          06/18/2020 at 11:32 am

          +1, exactly. It’s in no way required if you and baby are happy without it.

          I would say my biggest use case is travel – airports, festivals, beach, sightseeing, museums, etc. You know, things we’ll probably never do again. But for example I remember doing the Pioneer Square underground tour in Seattle wearing my son who was like 11 weeks old at the time; it is NOT stroller friendly (stairs/climbing, etc), but wearing him, he slept the whole time and husband and I got to do one touristy thing we’d never done there before. I would wear him to breweries and beer gardens to meet up with friends, coffee shops – again, not stroller friendly (in the city, cobblestones, people crowded everywhere) but snuggled against me with all the white noise he’d sleep. In the age of COVID, sadly I don’t see myself doing this with LO #2…

          • Lana Del Raygun says

            06/18/2020 at 1:25 pm

            YES, the “going out for a drink with a baby tied on” days were so idyllic.

      • GCA says

        06/18/2020 at 11:00 am

        Use case: when I had my first, we lived in an apartment too small for baby gyms, and he was a terrible sleeper who slept much better on a parent. Also, as people have mentioned, to keep babies out of the way of rampaging older toddlers. All personal preference! If you don’t feel the need to, there’s no need to start.

      • Sg says

        06/18/2020 at 12:49 pm

        I wore my first maybe 3 times…but number 2 has been worn daily since he was 3 weeks old. He was a super fussy newborn and being worn puts him to sleep for hours. Now with quarantine and WFH I wear him when I work and attach a toy to the straps, he’s 6 months and hates being on the floor and I try to limit baby container time to 15 minute increments (and he still jumps or sits a lot…). I do wear when I cook and play in the yard with 3 yo. I find it easy to sit when I wear the Solly and if I need to sit in the Tula I just loosen the waist.

    • Anon says

      06/18/2020 at 10:09 am

      Both – and with structured carriers! My kiddo is 99 percentile for weight and height. We have always been more stroller people, but at crowded events I would wear her. I wore her a lot when she was little (sub 3 months) around the house because of colic in a baby k’tan (with noise cancelling headphones) – when they are that little they are higher up on your chest and it’s easier to pee. Then we got a swing, which seemed to work better. I mostly stopped around 9 months, but every now and then between 1.5 and 2.5 I have broken out the carrier again where strollers weren’t allowed or were super inconvenient and I didn’t think she would make it walking (both front and back carry) – baseball games, hockey games, winery and brewery tours, etc. I have a lillebaby that is rated up to 45 pounds, and I can still front or back carry my 40 pounder comfortably, but I also regularly lift and carry her without it. For the bigger kids, you definitely need a structured carrier. I think the worst was that middle stage where they are both heavy but not yet able to hold on so it’s just a blob hanging off you.

  3. Anon says

    06/18/2020 at 9:06 am

    i just wanted to send a huge internet hug to anyone who is immunocompromised, has a partner who is or a child who is. i have one relative who is immunocompromised and has 2 teenagers, who were very concerned and eager to help with things like wiping down groceries, etc. at the beginning of all of this, but now that their friends are starting to go back out, the quarantine fatigue is setting in. And another friend with an immunocompromised preschooler who can’t send kiddo or kiddo’s siblings back to daycare/camp and it is so hard for everyone. i’m sure that dealing with the extra layer of anxiety, and all of the kiddos feelings is quite challenging

    • Anon says

      06/18/2020 at 10:18 am

      All 100% true. Although in some ways, a lot of the precaution basics are second nature. My mother has been immunosuppressed for the last 20 years for an autoimmune disease, so she was already careful around crowds and during flu season. Then she got cancer 3 years ago and has been on chemo with varying degrees of immune effect in some form or fashion since – definitely significant periods of all the handwashing, masks, sanitizer, staying at home except for very essential outings, etc. Just before COVID started, she went to her first movie theater (total germ fests) in 3 years (midweek, with wipes of course) because her counts had been high enough long enough!

    • anon4this says

      06/18/2020 at 12:44 pm

      Thank you so much for this! I am immunocompromised, and it has been very hard. We just let the daycare know that my 3 year old daughter isn’t coming back (even though she really wants to go and I’m struggling to work and provide childcare). Also, I was taking my daughter for a walk this morning and we passed lots of kids playing on the playground (including one of her good friends). I didn’t let her go play; it totally broke my heart. I really appreciate your kind thoughts! So many tough things happening to so many people right now.

      • Anon says

        06/18/2020 at 1:33 pm

        all the hugs. that sounds so so hard. since this is likely going to go on for a while, i wonder if there is any way for you to find a family who is similarly immunocompromised and taking similar precautions who you could combine forces with – even if they don’t have a kid the same age, they might have an older kid who is eager to be a mother’s helper or babysitter. i of course realize that involves a lot of trust.

  4. AnonATL says

    06/18/2020 at 9:41 am

    I’ve got another unfortunate Corona-related wwyd: My grandmother is dying, very likely within the next 2 weeks unless something drastically changes. They live in very very rural Ohio (seriously like a 1 stoplight town) that is about a 9 hour drive from my home.
    Assuming she does die within the next two weeks and they have some sort of very small service would you go? They are super Catholic, so I’m sure they will do something at least for close family. We would probably stay with local family in their home while there, but there is 1 hotel in town. The drive would be done in a day.
    Because the situation isn’t complicated enough, I am 33ish weeks pregnant so I am pushing right up against that travel ban time. Of course when she eventually passes, assuming it does occur before I’m 36w, I would get clearance from my OB to travel first. I haven’t brought it to their attention yet because she’s still alive and there is a lot of unknown.
    If I’m being fully honest, I was never that close to this grandmother primarily due to geographic separation, so I’m very torn about going to support my dad but also staying home which is arguably the much safer decision. If I was earlier in my pregnancy, I would go no questions asked, but they are testing at my hospital when you show up for L&D and have different policies for positive moms.

    • Anon says

      06/18/2020 at 9:47 am

      given this fact pattern, i would stay home. i know too many people who’ve gone into labor early (they’ve had healthy babies!). you can also always blame it on your OB. you say that you were never that close to this grandmother and depending on the level of social distancing your family has been engaged in – would you really be comfortable staying with them? also, depending on when you do have the baby, i would ask your dad to quarantine for 2 weeks before coming to meet the baby in case he comes into contact with a lot of people while he is there

    • Lily says

      06/18/2020 at 9:47 am

      I would not go to the funeral/service. But I would go now to see her before she dies, assuming she is lucid (or even if she isn’t lucid, if your dad is there now, I think it would be meaningful to him to have you there while she is still living).

      • Spirograph says

        06/18/2020 at 9:54 am

        This.

      • AnotherAnon says

        06/18/2020 at 10:03 am

        +2. I would try to visit her before she dies. I think you may regret it later if you don’t, even though you’re not that close to her.

      • Mrs. Jones says

        06/18/2020 at 10:16 am

        +1

      • Boston Legal Eagle says

        06/18/2020 at 10:20 am

        I agree with this as well. This gives you certainty of when you go (i.e. now) and you are there for your family.

      • AnonATL says

        06/18/2020 at 10:21 am

        Unfortunately she isn’t currently lucid which is part of the reason they don’t expect her to last much longer. She has a medical directive against feeding tubes, so unless she comes back out of it it’s only a matter of time.
        My parents are local here in metro-Atlanta and saw her last weekend for several days where she was lucid.

        • AnotherAnon says

          06/18/2020 at 10:45 am

          So from my perspective it’s not about her knowing you’re there: it’s about you getting closure and being able to grieve. That has been hard for me to do with family members I haven’t seen before they die. But it’s your decision, so whatever you decide will be ok.

        • Pogo says

          06/18/2020 at 11:40 am

          So could you support your dad in other ways, locally, without the drive? I probably wouldn’t go in that case. I did a four-ish hour drive including a ferry at like 35 weeks, and while it was fine, my coworker afterward told me she thought I was crazy (other than the ferry I was driving through heavily populated areas w/ good hospitals though). 9 hours from Atlanta to Ohio is a whole lot of… not much.

          As someone who did not have a relationship with my grandparents, I give you permission to say no even if none of this were in play. I don’t think people with good relationships with family understand when there is a toxic or even neutral/non existent relationship. I would not have gone to my grandmother’s funeral if it hadn’t been literally like 5 miles from where I lived at the time, and I did want to support my dad through a difficult/confusing time for him given his own tough relationship with his mother.

        • AnotherAnon says

          06/18/2020 at 3:22 pm

          Can I revise my answer due to misreading your original post? I would probably not go if you’re currently 33 weeks and it’s very rural and you’re already having intuition about delivering early. Sorry, I should have read your post more closely.

    • Anonymous says

      06/18/2020 at 9:49 am

      Nope. You’re pregnant, it’s too far, and there’s still a pandemic happening. I would send flowers and make a donation and write a thoughtful handwritten condolence card to her children/spouse wit happy memories.

    • anon says

      06/18/2020 at 9:50 am

      I’m always pro showing up for funerals. I dont’ think you ever regret being there for family then. If my OB would sign off, I’d go.

      • Anon says

        06/18/2020 at 9:56 am

        +1. I only regret the funerals I wasn’t able to attend. I do like the compromise above where you go for a visit now so you avoid a big crowd of people and are hopefully in the clear before you would be likely to deliver.

    • Anon says

      06/18/2020 at 9:52 am

      I wouldn’t go since you’re pregnant. It’s unfortunate but people will understand.

    • potato says

      06/18/2020 at 10:06 am

      If your major purpose is to support your Dad could you do so in a different way? Could you visit him now? Or get him a plane ticket to visit you after the baby is born?

    • anne-on says

      06/18/2020 at 10:15 am

      Given your pregnancy, I would also factor in the risk factors of the family you’d be staying with (have they been out and about a lot, or quarantining more?) and your grandmother’s own risk factors – if she has been in a hospital/hospice care this whole time that would worry me a lot more than if she’s been at home with a health aide.
      I’m sorry, this is a rough situation and it’s a hard choice either way.

    • SC says

      06/18/2020 at 10:56 am

      Even without a pandemic, I probably wouldn’t drive 9 hours to a very, very rural destination at 33-35 weeks pregnant. I had my baby at 35 weeks, and had to go to the hospital twice before that to stop early labor. This is probably extreme, but after my experience, I wouldn’t want to be far from a good hospital with a NICU after 28 weeks.

      • AnonATL says

        06/18/2020 at 11:10 am

        Thanks. This is part of my concern too. If they lived in a larger suburban area with decent health infrastructure, I might be more willing. My braxton hicks have been getting more consistent and stronger lately, and it already feels like the baby is dropping, so I realize statistically I’m likely to go the full 40, my spidey-senses say this kid isn’t going to wait that long.

      • Anonymous says

        06/18/2020 at 11:14 am

        +1. I wouldn’t be comfortable traveling to such a rural place at 33w even in the absence of a pandemic.

      • Anon says

        06/18/2020 at 11:24 am

        +1. I know this is extreme & not likely, but I had a placenta abruption at 34 weeks with my first. Everything turned out okay in the end (I was lucky) but it really starkly laid out for me how big of a risk travelling post-viability but pre-considered-full-term is. Big of a risk in that, it’s probably most likely it’s fine, but the downside of getting stuck somewhere or worse is often not worth the purpose – although admittedly in this case the purpose being a funeral you feel compelled to go to is something to think about more than if you were just considering a vacation or work travel, so understood it’s not an easy decision and there is no right answer. Sorry for your situation.

        • Anonymous says

          06/18/2020 at 12:46 pm

          Yup – with both kids I refused to travel in third trimester. In laws were annoyed but I didn’t care and neither did DH

      • anne-on says

        06/18/2020 at 11:35 am

        That’s a really good point. I know more than a few people who had babies early on ‘safe’ work trips (short flights, around 34/35 weeks, major cities, etc.) and were stuck in that location for months and/or had to fly their spouse and other children out to them and then drive themselves all back home. Those (luckily!) were all in cities with good NICUs but that still sounds like my absolute worst nightmare right now. I’d stay put.

      • Anon says

        06/18/2020 at 11:48 am

        +1 from a mom of a 27-weeker. During our NICU stay I met 3 different moms who ended up having babies while traveling, 2 ended up delivering alone (they were traveling without their partner) and obviously all of them were “stuck” in a different city for weeks (or months in one case). Traveling to a rural area would give me even more pause given that a rural area unlikely has a NICU or if they have one it’s probably not a higher level NICU which would make me very nervous. Add a global pandemic on top of it and the potential risk of catching COVID and having to be separated from your baby after birth if you test positive, I would skip this.

    • blueberries says

      06/18/2020 at 12:41 pm

      I wouldn’t go. In situations like this, I prioritize the next generation over previous generations. It’d be different if you felt strongly about going for yourself, but here the risks to you and baby are too much to justify going just out of obligation.

  5. Junior Associate says

    06/18/2020 at 11:41 am

    Unsolicited homeschool resources: I accidentally responded on yesterday’s home schooling thread, but if anyone is looking for resources for history and science for kids this summer or next school year, I recommend Larry Gonick’s Cartoon History of the United States (along the lines of Howard Zinn) / Universe / Modern World / Algebra / Physics / Biology etc., and Horrible Science for the elementary or junior high school set. I went to school across multiple (mostly abysmal) school districts (e.g., teachers letting kids draw cartoons and play cards all day) and countries for K-6, but my parents stuck me with a loaned set of these books which set me up well for middle school and beyond.

    • Anonanonanon says

      06/18/2020 at 11:43 am

      Thank you very much! I’ll definitely look into these!

    • Anonanonanon says

      06/18/2020 at 11:52 am

      These look great! Just ordered the Environment, Biology, and History of the Universe volumes 1-7!

    • Realist says

      06/18/2020 at 12:38 pm

      Thanks for these resources! On the Larry Gonick books, I am not seeing a recommended age range. Are they too advanced for a 1st grader?

      • Junior Associate says

        06/21/2020 at 2:01 pm

        It’s probably a bit too dense for a first grader – I would think minimum 3rd grade? Although I guess it also depends on the kid (I was the weird kid who liked flipping through the random criminal procedure Barbri outline in 7th grade…).

  6. Anonanonanon says

    06/18/2020 at 11:42 am

    After our discussion the other day about our various miserable work from home setups in small spaces, I have officially decided to take over a corner of the basement. The kids/sitter can deal. I’m sure I won’t get 8 hours in down there until the youngest is back in daycare, but even half a workday not in my bedroom would make a big difference for my mental health at this point. Looking forward to the arrival of my IKEA shipment in mid-July!

    • Anon says

      06/18/2020 at 11:53 am

      My home office is open to our kiddo (wishing we had a less open floor plan with all of this WFH), so highly recommend noise canceling headphones and angling your desk to limit as much peripheral vision of the kids playing as possible, but it’s totally doable!

  7. Anon4This says

    06/18/2020 at 11:57 am

    Just found out Baby #2 is another BOY! I could’ve gone either way on sex, and am pumped to have 2 sons that will be 3 years (and 1 month) apart. Would love to hear from fellow wisehive members that have sons with a similar age gap – any words of wisdom/caution, or just funny anecdotes :)

    • Anonymous says

      06/18/2020 at 12:23 pm

      Not a similar age gap but twin boys. I was surprised how different the boys are even though they have been together since birth. They get along very well but interestingly have very different interests – one is obsessed with trains, the other with Paw Patrol. One loves Peppa but is wary of actual animals. The other loves all the animals and is obsessed with playing restaurant. Different favorite colors and clothes as well.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      06/18/2020 at 12:55 pm

      I have 2 boys 2.5 years apart and while I wouldn’t say I’m too far along on seeing their relationship, as the oldest is just 4, I can already tell that they have different personalities. It’s so cliche, but so true, that the sibling dynamic depends a lot on the personalities of the kids, although with the smaller age gaps it is nice that they’re both generally in the same “life stage.” I wouldn’t say they play well together yet as the toddler is still a toddler, but they’re getting there. I think their relationship and ability to play together will be a lot better in about 2 years.

      My oldest was and is very active while my younger one preferred to watch people around him and hasn’t been as much of a risk-taker (i.e. jumping off couches or tables) as the older one even in the height of toddler-dom. The younger one is much more attached to me in a way that the older one never was even at this age, which is kind of nice to have from my “baby.” But in general, be prepared for them to be opposites? Or at least that techniques that worked with one may not work with the other.

      It’s nice to be able to hand down clothes to the younger one, although if you live somewhere with seasons and your kids are 6 months apart… that may lead to a lot of odd sizings on the younger one!

      Congrats!

    • Anonymous says

      06/18/2020 at 12:58 pm

      Congratulations!

      My two boys are 4 and 7 and endlessly entertaining. The older one has declared himself the Ninja Trainer and younger one is very earnest about needing to practice his ninja moves because [brother] told him to. Also, they play-fight all the time and instead of “hi-ya” like normal people, they yell “HORCHATA!” because that is youngest’s favorite drink.

    • Anonymous says

      06/18/2020 at 1:31 pm

      Congrats!! My boys are 2.5 and 4.5, and they ADORE each other. Of course they bicker, take each others toys sometimes, etc. But they almost always want to be together. They share a room at night, and since daycare closed, they’ve been together all day long too. They have yet to get sick of each other! And they’re starting to have their own little jokes and “secrets.” It’s heart-meltingly adorable.

    • Pogo says

      06/18/2020 at 1:46 pm

      Ha, same! Mine will be 3 years apart as well. Even if they are nothing alike, I am enjoying so much LO’s constant inclusion of “baby brudder” in his activities and plans. He talks about how he’s going to teach him to do stuff (like play with trucks) and picks out baby toys of his to “give to baby when he gets borned”. At the playground the other day he specifically said he could take baby brother down the little slide so he wouldn’t be scared. I bought them some matching pj’s and he won’t even wear his yet because “those are for with baby brudder”.

      Granted, when the tiny screaming newborn arrives he will be in for a bit of adjustment to his plans, but it is sweet to watch now!

      • OP says

        06/18/2020 at 2:05 pm

        I love this! Yes, haven’t told DS yet, but excited for these sweet, clueless toddler responses :)

        • Anonymous says

          06/18/2020 at 3:01 pm

          The most adorable cell phone video in my entire arsenal is when my older 2 kids came to visit me in the hospital after the youngest was born. Oldest was about 3.5 at the time, and asked, “is the baby a boy or a girl?” I said a boy, and he said “a boy like meeee?!!!! yaaaaaaaayyyyy! I love you, baby brother!!!!” and tried to climb on me to give baby brother a hug.

          (then the video cuts off because DH needed to keep the 3.5 year old from smushing an infant)

      • Katy says

        06/18/2020 at 2:23 pm

        This made my day. What a sweet boy you have.

  8. Another babywearing question says

    06/18/2020 at 12:08 pm

    Another babywearing post – I’m pregnant and also have a 18 month old. Does anyone have a carrier they recommend for around the house with a newborn?

    I have a Moby wrap and a Lillebaby carrier from my first, but neither worked very well for this purpose. The Moby is way too complicated for me; I could never get it wrapped correctly and it never felt secure. The Lillebaby worked great for outings when the baby was older, but it is bulky and was a hassle to get on and off by myself. I’m looking for something in between the two – more structured than a wrap that is just a long piece of fabric, but doesn’t feel like wearing a giant backpack.

    • Anon says

      06/18/2020 at 12:22 pm

      Baby K’tan. Used until 3 months when we switched to the lillebaby. Note that they are sized (not one size fits all), so choose accordingly.

      • AnotherAnon says

        06/18/2020 at 12:36 pm

        +1. After a bit of practice (and a tiny baby) I eventually got the hang of the Moby, but with a toddler around I would just get a baby K’tan and call it a day.

      • Pogo says

        06/18/2020 at 1:47 pm

        +1 on Ktan.

    • CCLA says

      06/18/2020 at 12:25 pm

      I have 2 recs: nesting days, which I found to be amazingly useful for the first month or so (no wrapping, it is essentially a tanktop with a built in carrier, from which babe can’t fall out the bottom). They outgrow it quickly so it’s a splurge for a short period of use. I did babywearing as needed and not as an overarching philosophy, maybe a couple of hours a day on average during mat leave. For that purpose, I LOVED the k’tan. No wrapping involved, and while the newborn froggy style took a couple of tries, once you can stick their legs out after the first couple of weeks, the placement is super intuitive. Very secure and easy to toss in the diaper bag. I think it goes up to like 35 lbs but I stopped using it around age 1 when they were nowhere near that weight…I still have it lying around in the car in case needed in a pinch for the 1.5 yo. One downside to the k’tan is that you can’t share with your spouse unless you happen to be close to the same size – you would each need your own.

    • Tea/Coffee says

      06/18/2020 at 12:25 pm

      I would look into a mei tai style carrier (babyhawk used to be a great one but my kids arenolder now). Faster and easier than a wrap and very comfortable. I rolled the bottom strap for a while in the nb stage although i think you can get inserts. No buckles, so more comfortable to keep on all day with baby in and out. Congrats!

    • Anonymous says

      06/18/2020 at 12:42 pm

      Baby k’tan all the way!!!! So easy and so comfortable. We did a lit of research and ended up being comfortable with legs out from the start, which was much easier. Used it many hours a day from about birth-4 months with both kids. It does not have a hip belt so was less useful for me after baby reached about 12-14 lb, due to back strain – used a more structured carrier after that. (Just gave it away- youngest is almost 2- and feeling so sad about parting with it!)

    • Beth says

      06/18/2020 at 1:00 pm

      I highly recommend an infant Kinderpack for about 6 weeks+. I really liked woven wraps for the floppy baby stage but that is a learning curve. However, once you figure it out they feel VERY secure and supportive.

    • ElisaR says

      06/18/2020 at 1:14 pm

      i loved the Moby for my newborns but I had my lactation consultant show me how to do it …. I get that it can be intimidating without hands on help.

    • KatieWolf says

      06/18/2020 at 1:34 pm

      I really like ring slings – no one has mentioned so that is worth looking into as well. I have a lillebaby and a solly but the solly made baby too hot, even in the winter – with all the wrapping it added 5 layers! Ring sling you just pop it on your shoulder and pop them in. Easy peasy!

      • DLC says

        06/18/2020 at 2:07 pm

        I love my ring sling too! I also loved my K’tan, but i wanted something that was easy to wear under my coat and easy to slip the baby into on those days that I was constantly in an out of the car doing pick ups and drop offs. Also- I tweaked my right shoulder at one point and the ring sling gave me a good way to carry baby on my left shoulder.

    • Anonymous says

      06/18/2020 at 1:58 pm

      K’tan and a ring sling for the newborn stage. The ring sling was great because it was a bit more adjustable when I just wanted to relax after the baby fell asleep on me walking around.

    • anon-anon says

      06/18/2020 at 2:01 pm

      Boppy makes one that I just love!!! It’s structured but has soft material and ties in the back. Can do front and back. AND EASY! Boppy Comfyfit.

  9. Anoner says

    06/18/2020 at 12:15 pm

    PSA I got these shorts on sale over memorial day and they may be my holy grail. Light fabric super comfy, perfect length on me (5’5″). Just passing it along. https://www.zappos.com/p/the-north-face-aphrodite-motion-shorts-urban-navy/product/9330946/color/451601

  10. AnotherAnon says

    06/18/2020 at 12:29 pm

    Kind of the opposite of the question above: Does anyone have kids who are 4+ years apart and want to share stories of how that works?

    • Anon4This says

      06/18/2020 at 12:53 pm

      Hi! Not your exact request, but just my experience. My little brother was born when I was 6 years old. I was SO HAPPY (and still am) to be a big sister. I loved having a little baby around the house, and really wanted to help as much as possible. don’t think I did much of course, other than like, get blankets and diapers when asked. I also remember being happy it was a boy so I didn’t have to share my Barbies. As we grew up, I was built in babysitter, second mom, etc. to my brother (often to his chagrin); which was a role my mom, the eldest of all her siblings/cousins played, so it was modeled I guess to me? I used to bring him around to hangout with my friends from time to time as a teenager, too. He was also a pain in the butt – the usual “MOM GET HIM OUT OF THE ROOM!!!” when I was a teenager, etc. We also lived in a very small home which was always full of relatives/guests living with us for periods of time, so didn’t have much personal space between us, which may have contributed to the forced closeness.

      We’re best friends to this day. (Although he won’t admit it readily…we definitely are!)

    • Anonanonanon says

      06/18/2020 at 1:04 pm

      Mine are 8 years apart and it’s been great.
      In some ways, it was really tough because we were so mobile/independent with an 8-year-old and it felt like we just… started all over. I really really try to avoid parentifying the older one, but it is nice during COVID to have another set of hands around. If I have an emergency phone call before the sitter comes, I feel confident I can say “please watch Frozen with her!” and they’ll live through it.
      He wanted a younger sibling, cried happy tears when we told him he was getting one, etc. He’s a super sweet kid and a wonderful big brother, and the younger one just absolutely adores him. Such a joy to see them together. It was also an adjustment for him, obviously. When it’s been all about you for 8 years and it suddenly isn’t anymore, I’m sure it’s a bit of a shock. He had to get used to a period of “I know you want to stay at the zoo but your sister is crying and needs to go home because she is a baby” or “I can’t throw you in the pool right now because I have to help the baby while she’s in the pool” “No, we can’t play a board game with you right now, your toddler sibling will destroy it, we will when she goes to bed” etc. Honestly, I think that’s good for him, though.
      My little brother and I are almost 6 years apart and aren’t super close but also never ever fought because… what would we have fought about? I loved, as did my oldest, being the “helper” to run and grab diapers, wipes, etc. when needed.

    • DLC says

      06/18/2020 at 2:22 pm

      My first two are five years apart, and the third came 2.5 years after that. I feel like there is no guarantee about how your kids will get along regardless of age difference, but on my end, the five year age difference was much easier to navigate than the 2.5 year one. The oldest could dress herself, go to the bathroom by herself, play by herself, eat by herself… She was changing her brother’s diaper when she was six, and some days she is the only one who can talk the 3 year old out of his tantrum. I mean she has a very nurturing personality to begin with, so there is that. The 8 year old and the 3 year old still play together, but I do wonder how long that will last. One of the tough thing, though: we will always have at least two different school pick ups and drop offs because the two oldest will never be in the same school.

    • anon says

      06/18/2020 at 2:47 pm

      I have two kids born 5 years apart. I was so worried about it, but it’s been so great for our family. It really helps to have one semi-independent kid when you’re in the thick of diapers/feedings/baby stuff. I felt like I was able to savor our younger kid’s babyhood in a way that I couldn’t with my oldest. Our older kiddo has been very protective of our younger one from Day 1. Sibling dynamics were ridiculously easy for us until relatively recently, when our younger kiddo has become much more assertive and less willing to put up with big brother’s BS.

      The biggest drawbacks, of course, are that 1) yep, you gotta be OK with starting over; 2) it can be hard to find family activities that meet their overlapping needs and interests; and 3) they will be in the same school for only one year (this year!) However, we’ve adjusted to all these realities and I don’t feel like it’s a huge hardship. There are some vacations, for example, that we waited longer to take because we wanted to wait until the younger kiddo was done with naps and diapers. It’s a relatively short period of time in the grand scheme of things.

      (Anecdotally, I’m the oldest of four kids and I’m closest to my sibling who is 5.5 years younger than I am.)

    • OP says

      06/18/2020 at 3:35 pm

      These are such sweet, helpful, practical stories. Thank you!

  11. octagon says

    06/18/2020 at 12:34 pm

    Moms with dogs, does anyone have a dog-cover for their car back seat that works with a carseat? I need to cover 2/3 of the back seat, but the other 1/3 is taken up with the carseat. All the ones I’ve found are designed to cover the entire back seat, which won’t work. I feel like this has to exist but google is failing…. using two that are designed for bucket seats is a last resort, but not ideal.

    • Anonymous says

      06/18/2020 at 12:51 pm

      Kurgo makes a “half hammock back seat cover” that is supposed to be compatible with a car seat. I haven’t bought it yet because my husband thinks it’s a frivolous expense and we should just use beach towels.

  12. Bench vs Captains Chairs says

    06/18/2020 at 12:56 pm

    We’re expecting our fourth and thinking of taking the plunge and getting a (hopefully used) Suburban. We do a fair number of short road trips during the year, and it just seems like it would be more comfortable. My husband’s ready to trade his car in so the timing is good

    So with small kids (up to 2nd grade), would you go captains or bench? If we had three kids, I’d say captains, but I’m wondering if the fourth means we might appreciate that extra seat on the bench row down the line!

    • Anonymous says

      06/18/2020 at 1:00 pm

      Captains’ chairs. Otherwise it will be a huge pain to get the back two in and out of the car.

    • Realist says

      06/18/2020 at 1:06 pm

      My feeling is you should get the captain’s chairs unless 2 of the kids are old enough to buckle themselves in. It sounds like it would be a pain to navigate the bench seats to buckle smaller children in the back, especially if it is happening daily. If the backseat won’t be used except for occasional trips, then maybe the extra seat is worth the trade off. I would also think about how often and on what occasions you would use that extra seat. If it would only be once or twice a year, it may make more sense to just rent a larger vehicle on those occasions (like a passenger van or party bus).

  13. Anonymom says

    06/18/2020 at 12:56 pm

    What are your best tips for making mom friends? I feel like so many of my former friends have moved out of my city but we will be staying and I desperately need to expand my social network. All the other moms in my kids preschool class either don’t work or freelance and while I like some of them at the end of the day our lives are very different making it hard to really find things in common. Obviously during COVID times this is hard anyway, but I really want to redouble my efforts once it ends. Any advice?

    • Anonanonanon says

      06/18/2020 at 1:09 pm

      Honestly? I gave up on it and I am much happier. I found friends other ways, through my professional network, volunteering, around the neighborhood, etc. and am much happier. Some of them happen to have kids of varying ages and some don’t have any. I am friendly with a PTA mom at my son’s school and it’s nice to have a contact who can explain some of the stuff that’s going on, but other than that, I accepted that it is OK to not have “mom friends”. When my son got into elementary school it became more natural to text other moms about our kids seeing each other without having to sit around together while they played, so it didn’t really matter if we meshed in a friend sense.

      I know this wasn’t your exact question, but please give yourself permission to accept that maybe you just don’t have a lot in common with those moms right now and that is totally OK.

    • Anonymous says

      06/18/2020 at 1:16 pm

      This might not apply to your neighborhood, but a lot more parents and kids have been out in force since this started, so we started seeing more faces. I so appreciated one mom who asked me straight out for my phone number- she was like “I see your daughter is the same age as mine- we would love to do a tea party sometime, could I get your phone number?” Since then we have tried to plan one outing a weekend- the regular contact is helping the friendship grow. I’ve gotten a couple other phone numbers using the same strategy, although really have only planned stuff with one mom. Still super nice to have contacts to get helpful neighborhood recs for plumbers, etc, even if the playdates don’t work out.

    • Anon says

      06/18/2020 at 3:59 pm

      In normal times, invite other moms for a walk (most people want more exercise and you can even bring little ones in a stroller).

      Since my kids started daycare, I’ve had a variety of jobs, from biglaw, to in-house, to part-time freelance-type work. I’m currently in the very part-time stage, but I love hanging out with folks in other stages and I can relate. I hesitate to invite moms who seem super busy for fear the invitation will be viewed as a burden, but I would love an invitation and absolutely reciprocate.

    • Ms B says

      06/18/2020 at 5:55 pm

      YMMV, but kid sports have been good for this for me. I first got to know my favorite “mom” friends during The Kid’s sports; meeting up for ice cream or sno-cones after a practice or game was a good way to extend conversations in the beginning.

      At the preschool age, swim class and soccer were both good for this. One key: weekend classes are more likely to have working parents at them. I looked for the parents who clearly had brought work with them and used that to break the ice.

      Also, we chose our preschool in part based on its stated mission to provide childcare for working parents. As in all but one child in The Kid’s class had all parents working FT OTH (although sometimes on flex schedules as docs or similar). While those days are past, I still have those friends.

  14. DaycareDramaMama says

    06/18/2020 at 1:01 pm

    Bullying wwyd: kid, 3.5, is back in daycare, which has been converted to a forest school. He’s generally happy but now that he is under less direct visual supervision things with his frenemy are getting a little out of control. Their usual dynamic is that this kid, 4, treats mine like a little brother, with all the teasing but also generally balanced by the good stuff. My kid does not feel as warmly about him, but hasn’t been mean about it, so it was just one of those things. But now frenemy is telling my kid that he’s not allowed to play with anyone else and my kid says he’s listening to the new rules because he’s afraid of losing the friendship. Tips for talking my kid through this? My parents were more hands off by this age but since he’s telling us about it we’ve been telling him to take what frenemy says with a pinch of salt. A complicating factor is that they are the only two mixed race kids in the school and frenemy has evidently been raised to call himself white (my kid has not) and while we’ve been firm in telling our kid that frenemy (and people in general) should be seen as whatever they ask you to see them as, so I see them being inextricably in one another’s orbit for at least a few years yet.

    • Anonymous says

      06/18/2020 at 1:15 pm

      Talk to the teachers. Explain that this kid is preventing your child from playing with other kids and you want to them to watch the situation and intervene to redirect. Teach your kid to say ‘ I don’t want to play with you’ and walk away. Role play it with him and you taking turns in each role. Get him to role play asking the teachers for help if the kid doesn’t leave him alone.

    • Anonymous says

      06/18/2020 at 1:34 pm

      Your parents were “hands-off” by the time you were 3.5?

      A 4-year-old “has been raised to call himself white”?

      They are in preschool together and will be “within each other’s orbit for a few more years”? Doesn’t the 4-year-old go to kindergarten next year?

      A preschool in the U.S. has been converted into a forest school?

      • Anon Lawyer says

        06/18/2020 at 2:10 pm

        Yeah there’s a lot going on there. Don’t be hands off with a pre-schooler who’s being bullied and socially isolated!

      • Redux says

        06/18/2020 at 3:56 pm

        I’m having a hard time taking your questions seriously, Anonymous, as opposed to expressions of doubt/disdain for OP. But I’ll just chime in to say that we try to be pretty hands-off with our 3.5 year old, too, when it comes to interfering in interpersonal stuff. I had a super WIN moment yesterday actually when my 3.5 year old and 6.5 year old were fighting over a toy and the 6.5 year old suggested a timer and the 3.5 year old agreed, and when the timer went off they peacefully switched turns. Win! So, yeah, hands-off at 3.5 is a very real parenting strategy.

        And you may not be keeping up with the news these days, but there is a lot of really great information out there about how children recognize race-difference at a very early age (babies!) and can articulate race difference as early as 2 or 3. If you are curious about being raised to think of oneself as a certain race or another, I encourage you to google around and learn about this, particularly if you are from a majority race. And especially if you are at all curious about how race and racism become ingrained in culture and systems. I hope you are.

        I used to live in a state where compulsory school age was 7, and there are some daycare/pre-k/kinder/gradeschool hybrids out there, so it’s possible these kids would be in the same school for the next few years. But, more likey, I read this to mean that they will be moving up together, or just one year apart, and headed to the same pre-k or K program in the next year or two. Lots of early childcare programs recruit hyper-local families, so this doesn’t surprise me at all.

        Are forest programs not typical where you are? I live in a small town and we have two. We don’t go to one, but our provider (Montessori) is currently looking to move to a forest curriculum. It’s super popular in the northeast at least.

        • Anonymous says

          06/18/2020 at 4:40 pm

          I am skeptical that this is a real question. It seems deliberately constructed to spark a contentious discussion and/or expressions of outraged sympathy, using key words and phrases taken from the news and from previous discussions here. This is the pattern used by bridge-dwellers on every discussion forum I’ve ever seen. I am cognizant of the fact that young children recognize racial differences, but the phrasing here seems very calculated and unnatural.

          • AnotherAnon says

            06/18/2020 at 5:46 pm

            So then just scroll past? The original post is not that incendiary and all it elicited were admonitions for the OP to talk to her kid’s teacher, which is perfectly reasonable. You’ve stirred up more controversy with your weird followup questions than the OP has. Since you seem kinda naive, here are my responses to your questions:

            She said that HER parents were hands off. She didn’t say that she’s doing that or that it’s the right way to parent. I dunno about you but I wasn’t getting a lot of intentional one-on-one parenting in 1989…when I was 3.

            My kid is a different race than me, because he’s adopted. So I’m adjacent to some people who teach their kids of color that they are effectively white. I’m trying not to do that but this is the world we live in. Please take a moment to educate yourself about the different kinds of families out there. We exist and we are not trolls.

            In my state only first grade is compulsory, so this kid could be around. Also who knows if Kindergarten will even be a thing in the Fall.

            Forest schools are a thing in the US. This has been discussed on this board.

  15. Anonymous says

    06/18/2020 at 3:29 pm

    I am probably too late for a lot of responses, but my work will be largely closed in the fall. We’re considering using our excess space to provide some kind of wraparound service for K-8 students. What would you want that to look like to make you feel safe and comfortable sending your kids to this kind of service? Would you pay for the service?

    • Anonymous says

      06/18/2020 at 3:36 pm

      What do you mean by “wraparound service”? Do you mean child care for times when school is closed in an area that’s doing one of those two-day or half-day hybrid schedules? Is this for children of employees, paying customers not otherwise affiliated with your employer, or for disadvantaged children? When I hear the words “wraparound service” I imagine some type of holistic social service program for disadvantaged kids, but I’m not sure that’s what you mean.

      • Anonymous says

        06/18/2020 at 3:47 pm

        It would be care for school times where students aren’t in school (and possibly after school care, if that isn’t available). It would be for employees and our customers (which is a pretty broad base in the community, since we’re a public-serving non-profit). The school districts in our service area have not announced plans yet, so we’re kind of guessing what we might need at this point. But we have some executives with school-aged kids so it’s critical to them that we provide service so they can come to work.

        • AnotherAnon says

          06/18/2020 at 4:07 pm

          I’d like to see the following: temperature checks for everyone who enters the building, kids wash hands upon arrival and throughout the day (after toileting, before meals, etc), masks for adults, masks encouraged for kids over 6, no parents allowed inside the facility (external drop off), disparate, socially distanced work spaces and eating spaces; no shared food, supplies or work spaces; 14 day self quarantine for any participants who choose to travel by plane. Yes, I would pay for this service.

    • Anonanonanon says

      06/18/2020 at 4:08 pm

      Are you going to be licensed by whatever state licensing agency licenses childcare programs in your area? Have you verified if that is or is not required for your situation?
      Assuming this would all be driven by licensing requirements… but obviously extensive background checks for employees, security protocols, documentation of staff and kid TB tests/immunizations, keeping the age groups apart (would NOT leave my 5 year old in the same program as a 13-year-old), at least one staff member trained in pediatric CPR/First Aid on the premises at all times…
      Are you feeding the kids? Or do they bring their own food?
      Hand washing facilities, enforcement of hand washing, employees wearing masks, frequent disinfection of surfaces (but be careful, a lot of licensing regulations on how/where disinfecting products are stored), protocol to limit the amount of time adults are in the room when they pick up/drop off their kid

      All that being said, I’d be fine if the kids were in a room and you had them watch movies for hours if you weren’t charging me too much and they were adequately supervised with the health and safety measures I already mentioned put in place. I think a lot of parents are going to need/be thankful for safe supervision of their children, and won’t expect a curriculum or anything.

      How are the children getting there if it is after school care? Are you picking them up from their various schools?

      • Anonymous says

        06/18/2020 at 4:35 pm

        That’s all very helpful. And I didn’t even think of transportation. Crap.

        • Anonanonanon says

          06/18/2020 at 4:53 pm

          Actually researched a similar issue for hospitals in our area recently (if emergency childcare could be set up) but pre-COVID, so that’s where some of this is coming from!
          Long story short, it was not as easy to just throw a few kids in a room with a Disney movie and a pizza and a background-checked volunteer as we hoped….
          Trying to remember some of the bigger-picture takeaways/challenges outside of the licensing issue. I think staff recruitment, staff training, liability concerns (huge one), site-specific concerns (identifying an area with enough space for the children, line of sight to all entrances and exits at all times, etc.), developing an emergency plan for the “program” whether licensed or not (if there is a fire and you evacuate will there be a binder with contact info for all of the parents, health insurance info for all of the kids, etc. that a staff member can grab? will they all be trained to grab it? where will the gathering point be? does it have adequate shelter to wait for the kids to be picked up?)

          • Anonymous says

            06/18/2020 at 5:05 pm

            Thank you so much! This is all super helpful.

    • Anon says

      06/18/2020 at 4:11 pm

      Honestly I’d want it to be affiliated with somewhere reputable that already does child-related care so they presumably know about all the ratios and rules and local regulations, and have given their teachers/supervisors the proper training and certification. So if you rented/donated your space to the school district or park district or YMCA or local daycare, etc, then I’d be interested. But honestly I would worry about a random business who just opened their doors with employees-turned-camp-counselors and likely hadn’t put in place all the proper procedures to keep the kids safe and age-appropriately entertained.

      • Anonymous says

        06/18/2020 at 4:18 pm

        We do offer on-site child care and that director would oversee the program. But that’s really important to know for communication reasons (and possible partnerships. I am not wholly sold that this is a good idea given our mission).

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