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Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
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- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
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Cb says
I know quite a few kids have the IKEA pull out day beds for their kids. Did you eventually upgrade the mattress to a real one? My son has been so restless lately, and sometimes just builds a den and sleeps on the floor in his sleeping bag, and I wonder if a more substantial mattress might help? Or has anyone had any luck with weighted blankets?
It’s like he can’t sink into stillness and let sleep catch him. And I really need to be off parenting duty by 8pm for my own sanity?
Clementine says
Maybe a foam mattress topper?
What really helped my oldest is letting him lay in the dark and listen to books on tape. He’s probably heard every Harry Potter book 47 times, but it helps him be okay laying quietly in the dark.
FVNC says
+1 to the foam mattress topper.
My 7 yr old has an IKEA mattress and this summer he spent a lot of time at my parents’ house in a bed with a mattress topper. He slept like a ROCK, so we ordered one for his bed at home. It’s made his bed a lot more comfy for him.
Anon says
My kids have IKEA mattresses (on a bunk rather than a pullout day bed) and I haven’t noticed any correlation between when they’re sleeping at home vs on a fancier mattress somewhere else. Does he read for fun? Bedtime for our 7yos is 7:30, but that just means they’re upstairs in bed with a book and they can read quietly until 8:30, which seems to help them calm down enough for sleep and gives us a reliable time that we’re off hands-on parenting duty. Their younger cousin does something similar with an audiobook, since she can’t read fluently yet.
Weighted blankets help in the winter, but my kids won’t touch them in the summer.
Cb says
He’d stay up all night listening to audiobooks. We let him read for 10 minutes after his story and audiobook, but maybe we should tell him he can read for ages as long as he’s not calling us back and forth? He starts school next week and he seems tired.
Sleeping over at his cousins’ today and they have much earlier and less complicated bedtime routines, so we’ll see how he manages.
CCLA says
We also have a young bookworm (7) but the no limit on books seems to help minimize the need for parental involvement and she self regulates fine. She’ll often tell me “last night I stayed up reading for HOURS!!” (I checked on her 45 minutes after we tucked her in and she was out cold, but the fact that in her mind she gets to read “forever” is golden – and yes some days she is up for over an hour reading but it evens out). For settling down at night, we got her a meditation card for the yoto a couple of years ago before she was such a reader and it really helped. She still usually pops that on once she’s done with whatever chapter.
Anonymous says
Don’t have that bed, but do have a kid who slept on the floor instead of his bed for a year, so… weird kids stuff happens. I have another kid who struggles with restlessness at bedtime – the things that have helped are weighted blanket and paying strict attention to his daily exercise. Needs two hours of running in his day to be able to settle well.
Anonymous says
Another vote for letting him sleep on the floor if he wants. That’s always been my go-to for insomnia, and I did it a lot as a kid.
Is it possible he’s too hot?
Anon says
My kids are glued to me, and I need help unsticking. I have an almost 4-year old and a 20-month old. Both are content around only DH, but become jealous and clingy around me. I work a big job that consumes a lot of my time and mental energy (as does DH), so I try to be fully present and engaged with my kids in the little time we have during the weekdays in particular.It makes me sad, like I’m rejecting my kids, when I ignore their invitations to play. But It’s become really difficult to hang out as a family because of this dynamic, and I never get time off. The kids even bang on the bathroom door when I go! For another example, both kids will happily play a mix of independently, together, and with DH while they’re in the yard. The second I step outside, both are whining for my attention. I try to play with both simultaneously or make clear that I will give each a turn, but the 20-month old in particular can’t understand that. (There’s no option where I am not actively engaging either.). I feel like my DH kinda shrugs in response, leaving me feeling bombarded and outnumbered. For example, I’ll push 4-year old on the swing, and 20-month old will scream clinging my legs for me to pick her up. I can’t just ignore her and let her learn it’s brother’s turn because she will get hit by the swing. So DH will scoop her up and tell her it’s not her turn. She’ll continue crying, so within a few minutes he gives up trying or brings her inside. Bringing her inside means she never learns to be around me without being glued to me. My own style with unwanted behavior generally is to divert her to something else—convince her that something else is actually more fun. I suspect this reinforces me as her preferred parent because I’m frequently trying to get her attention to do something fun. I’m not sure how to break out of this pattern. DH is a very engaged dad, fwiw. We split nearly every parenting duty. Any advice?
Anon says
commiseration – it’s like this with my 6 year old twins. i feel like i dont get to enjoy them. the other night we were watching the olympics as a family, one kid sometimes gets into these modes for lack of a better word where she can’t keep her hands to herself, so one of us ends up having to take her out of the room. or it’s like i’m the mama duck with my ducklings following me around. according to DH they do not behave like this when i’m not there.
anon says
This wasn’t the solution I wanted, but I finally realized – I am their mom, and my kids needed more of me. Dads and moms are not interchangeable. I moved to an 80% schedule and when I was around more, the clinginess went away. Being “fully present and engaged” is good but it doesn’t make up for the “little time”.
Anon says
i’m the Anon at 9:58 and I work part time so my kids get plenty of me and we still experience the same problem
Anon says
+1 I work part time and am the primary parent and my 6 year old wants to be physically touching me at all times. She does great at school, activities, etc. and is ok when I travel, but if I’m home she wants to be physically touching me literally 100% of the time. I agree the kids may need more of you in this case, but I don’t think that’s the only reason for this kind of clinginess.
Anonymous says
I think this is true. My kids can never get enough of mommy, but there is a lot of messaging that quality trumps quantity and I don’t know if it’s true. Like how can 15 mins of focused connection be more valuable than 4hrs (which probably results in 1-2hrs of shared activities/connection).
Anon says
There was a column in the NYTimes years ago about quantity time, and how the best quality time happens spur of the moment within large swaths of time together (I think he was using a week of unstructured vacation at a beach house as an example, or something like that), rather than orchestrated bursts of “quality time”. I think both that often and have made changes to ensure I get quantity time with my kids.
Anon says
*think ABOUT that often
Anon says
The “work less” take on a site for working moms when the poster isn’t asking about reducing her hours/changing jobs is not a good or helpful one. I’ve had said to me here, and just…no.
Anon says
I also hate the assumption (especially in this economy) that this is even an option for many moms.
Anonymous says
I don’t know if that’s exactly what people are saying. But a lot of people may not want to hear “you’re working too much/not spending enough time with your kids” even if it’s the truth
Anon says
J.D. Vance, is that you?
Anonymous says
It is so awful to see this message here :(
AwayEmily says
There is a lot of content in this comment that raises my hackles. “Dads and moms are not interchangeable” — I’m not even sure what that means. Kids with stay-at-home dads are screwed because their dad doesn’t have special vagina powers to comfort them?
Also, c’mon — don’t willfully misinterpret. She doesn’t mean she only sees her kids for like ten minutes a day. Most people who sends their kids to daycare understand that when you say “the little time we have on weekdays” you mean the hours from 5pm – 7:30pm when the kids go to bed. So, let’s say that she took this advice and switched to 80% time, so has an additional hour and change with them a week. I seriously doubt that this issue will magically go away. I have been stopping work at 4pm for years and my kids have all gone through stages of being cling monsters. Sometimes to me, sometimes to their dad. This is absolutely a normal developmental stage and in no way should make anyone question their life choices.
Blech. Usually I am more even-tempered than this but this particular comment really got to me.
Anon says
I fully agree with you, especially the first paragraph about the gender stuff. It also applies two dad families are failing their kids because they lack a mom, and I strongly disagree with that.
Anon says
Implies*
Anonymous says
It’s also the age. 20 months is hard. I have 3 including twins. When the twins were toddlers, I would put one up on my back in the toddler Tula pretty much as soon as we got home from daycare. The physical closeness seemed to help with the reassurance that I was there and not going to put them down. Sat other twin up in the high chair with a snack, and then chatted with older kid about their day. I set the oven timer for 15 mins and would rotate who was on my back. Kept the carrier on the back of a kitchen chair and they would sometimes bring it if they needed an uppie for a bit. This phase didn’t last too long thankfully. When rotating turns on a swing or slide etc, it needs to be much shorter turns like ten pushes then switch and ten pushes and switch. We focused on doing one on one time with older kid when the twins napped. Saturday nap time I had 1:1 time with her while DH had alone time and Sunday nap time DH had 1:1 time with her while I had alone time.
Otherwise, for time alone, I either needed to leave the house or DH needed to leave the house with the kids. This generally looked like him taking them for a walk on Saturday mornings for an hour while I slept in and he also did bedtime solo on Monday evenings so I could go to yoga. I also worked on making sure get at least 15 mins of non-work time during my work day even on the crazy days. Sometimes that meant just walking up and down the stairs at my building while listening to an audio book.
Anonymous says
I was going to suggest putting the little one in a carrier while you play with the older one. Also setting a short focused time for play right when you get home/finish work.
Reading aloud is a good way to make both kids feel they have your full attention at the same time, and I find it less exhausting than playing.
Anonymous says
Girl, I stay at home and my kids are 5 and 7 and they still bang on the bathroom door sometimes! And they still fight over who gets mommy cuddles or sits on my lap. I think this is just being a mom. You’re their mother, they literally have a biological urge to be with you and depend on you for their survival. They are 1 and 4, they are going to have trouble understanding personal space boundaries. It’s not fair to place that expectation on them. Some kids are also clingier than others and for a longer time/older age than we expect. So I totally understand getting touched out and I think it’s fine to take a solo walk or leave for 1-2hrs on weekend days. But during that stage I tried to lean into all the cuddles because it passes quickly. My favorite ages were actually when I had a 4 year old and a 2 year old (I know, I’m crazy).
Anon says
I would not worry about what she’s learning/you’re reinforcing right now. She’s a baby, going through a phase. I think the way your husband handled the swing incident is perfect…she couldn’t have you hold her at the moment, so her other parent responded to her crying. I agree that they may both be craving more physical closeness with you, so baby wearing her while you go about your evening could be a good option. Or maybe you could sit on the couch with one on each side and a big stack of books, etc.
OP says
Thanks for the comments. It hadn’t occurred to me that they might just want physical closeness. They often fight to sit in my lap while playing on the floor, but I chalked that up to jealousy. Maybe it is, and maybe it’s also a need for physical closeness.
I do wish I could go to part-time, but that’s not an option in the near term. Plus, I’m not sure it’s a solution? DH works the same hours that I do without the same problems. Sometimes we joke that I must let off pheromones that attract kids to me like bees to a flower. At the park, even random kids will try to get my attention and ask me to play with them!
Anon says
Ha! My best friend has these pheromones. Last summer our families went to the zoo together and she walked around holding 3 kids’ hands (while being 9 months pregnant) while her husband, my husband and I just tagged along after them because none of the kids would let go of her.
octagon says
OP, it was clear from about age 2 that my kid’s love language is physical touch and mine is… decidedly not. I spent so much time feeling absolutely touched out that it affected my marriage as well. Through therapy, I helped reframe the physical closeness with my child as filling his cup, and something that he craves and needs, and something that I am uniquely positioned to give him. I also worked on trying to end the day with closeness, so that even if I needed to say “mommy needs a little space right now,” I could promise that we would snuggle more at bedtime. That helped, because I was able to even look forward to that time a bit and also help him understand that I wasn’t saying no, it was just not right now.
Anon says
When did you first fly with baby? My husband’s parents are abroad, and we hope to visit them next year. I’m due in a couple months. I once helped a friend fly abroad with her baby at about a year, and he was fine. He just slept. Thanks for any plane travel tips!
Anon says
As soon as the 2 month shots were given/ped okayed it.
Anonymous says
+1 We flew a couple of weeks after getting the 2 month shots. We didn’t do a long flight though. I imagine a long-haul would be fine if you can BF while in your seat.
Anon says
If you have an event, ped might give the 2-month shots at 6-7 weeks, if appropriate for your child’s situation!
Anon says
It’s highly ped dependent. We had zero luck getting shots early, even in situations in which the CDC recommends early vaccination (early MMR for international travel).
Anonymous says
We flew a lot when our twins were babies and while there definitely were some rough moments (when they were exhausted but couldn’t fall asleep because of bright lights and loud noises while boarding, etc), but it was mostly pretty easy. Our first flight was cross-country the day they turned 3 months and they basically just slept the entire time. We did shorter (~2 hours) flights at 4.5 months, 6 months, 6.5 months, 9 months and 10 month. Our first 8+ hour flight was at 13 months and that was the first time I recall needing to make sure we had things to entertain them (stickers, coloring, magnets, etc) rather than just a rattle or teething toy.
Bring more food/snacks/diapers than you think you’ll need. Pack extra outfits for you and baby. For long flights it can be really nice to trade off who’s responsible if you’re flying with your husband since it’s less exhausting if you get a break from active baby care. I love flying with carseats for the simplicity while on the plane, but not everyone finds the tradeoff of schlepping them through the airport worth it.
Anon says
If you fly with a car seat, does it go in the overhead compartment, gate check, or do you have to buy a ticket for the child and car seat? My understanding is infants can go on the lap and a car seat isn’t safe for hours on end.
Anon says
You should buy a ticket and have baby sit in the seat. There is a risk of injury to lap infants in cases of turbulence, etc. (There was just a news story about a baby flying across the plane and lodging in an overhead compartment, I believe.) If you don’t want your baby in the seat for hours on end you can take them out for short breaks. Gate checking a seat also risks damage to the seat (which may not be visible to you on the other end)
Anon says
You either buy a seat and use the car seat on the flight, or you gate check it. It definitely cannot go in the overhead compartment (until you get to the backless booster stage).
Cb says
I think earlier is easier. I flew from the UK to California when my son was 10 months and it was fine. It was way worse when he was 2.5.
Anonymous says
Obviously wait until your kid has had their shots, but generally younger is easier. We flew to London when DS was 4mo and he did well.
The main thing is for YOU to feel confident about things like feeding. If you’re still figuring some of that out, don’t add stress to your life by flying thousands of miles and putting distance between you and your providers.
Also BE PREPARED FOR BLOWOUT POOPS. We brought spare clothes for DS in our carry-ons but not for ourselves. Big mistake haha.
test run says
Just flew cross country with our 4 month old and it was pretty easy! The most complicated thing was that we exclusively formula feed and so had to lug around a bunch of RTF formula. If you’re doing formula at all, you’re allowed to bring distilled water/premade formula, it just requires a hand search at security so leave yourself plenty of time. If you can afford it, I would recommend booking their own seat – it was nice to have the entire row of three seats to ourselves and when the baby slept, I could read, watch a movie, or sleep myself. Kids under 12 can go with you through pre-check, but if you’re flying internationally, even newborns need their own global entry. Bring lots of ziploc baggies for stashing dirty diapers, clothes, etc.!
test run says
And +1 to bringing a spare change of clothes for you/your partner and trading off who sits next to the baby!
Anon says
Oh yeah, the first flight after age 1 when you don’t need to lug tons of formula/pumped milk with you is amazing!
Anon says
4 months. I wouldn’t fly before the 2 month shots but otherwise agree earlier is easier.
Red Shoes says
It’s easiest before they can walk and after they can be trusted to walk with you, so we flew a lot between 4-12 months, a little between 12-24 months, and basically not at all between 24-36 months (and counting!).
Anon says
Agree that earlier is easier. We flew at 4,6 and 10 months and it was fine, although 10 months was a little harder – she was more aware of her surroundings and wanted to crawl. We are flying to Europe soon and she will be 2 and a bit, and I’m really dreading it.
Talking to babies says
Happy Tuesday! How much do you talk to your baby or young toddler? I (and we) have always talked to my baby and now 13 month old a whole lot. Sure, I narrated what I was doing when she was really little, but I am talking about just talking to her as a proper member of our family, telling her things, asking her questions, singing to her randomly, etc.
We were in Whole Foods yesterday, which is packed with babies and young children here, ha ha, and it occurred to me we were the only parents of children really involving our baby in what we are buying, what we plan to cook with it and so on. I kind of started to feel self-conscious. Like, why is no one else doing this and am I being weird? I don’t know, but that was my thought process.
How much do you ladies talk to your pre-talking young babies and toddlers? Dis you ever feel weird doing so in public?
Cb says
Oh we talked loads and loads, and my dad, who was our nanny for 6 months, did the same. It sometimes feels a bit performative, but I wouldn’t feel self conscious talking to a 13 month old, she’s going to start talking soon!
Total anecdata but we chatted all the time and my son was a very early talker. I remember doing my prep for my PhD viva when he was 4 months old and he sat on my supervisor’s lap, watching me do sample questions, smiling and nodding along. There were videos of him babbling with the cadence of conversation from a few months old, and at 7, he’s got a huge vocabulary. Audiobooks probably also help with this, but we just always talked to him.
Anon says
it’s also luck on being an early talker. everything is not correlated when you only have one data point.
Anon says
That’s anecdata. Other parents don’t read into this! I’ve looked at the research. If you take out income etc. speaking early is not a huge thing that parents can control! Income makes a big difference though.
I have four kids. I have two advanced degrees, my husband has one, so it’s an educated house. We talk an equal amount to our four kids and they started speaking at vastly different times and rates. The way I think you can tell they have highly educated parents is that they’ve all got solid vocabs. But some kids just don’t want to talk early or much. And it’s not a sign of intelligence. I think Emily Oster has posted on this.
Same with learning to read.
Anon says
+1. I have two kids – one was always way ahead verbally, and at 6 still is, with a fantastic vocabulary.
My youngest is 3, and in weekly speech therapy working through an expressive language delay (and is doing great, but on their own timeline).
Same parents, similar inputs, different results.
Anonymous says
+1. As another piece of anecdata, I talked to my baby/young toddler constantly (it wasn’t even strategic or intentional, I’m just a very chatty person and he was born in 2020, so I had no one else to talk to). He did not talk at all until age 2, when he became one of those kids who went from zero words to full sentences overnight.
Anon says
Yeah, I don’t think speaking early is an important milestone or one that has much bearing on intelligence. My kid was not a “late” talker but not a particularly early one, and once she started talking she NEVER stopped and she’s been identified as gifted.
Anon says
I did this with my older kid a ton in the baby/toddler years. Did not with my 2nd as much as I did with my 1st. I did not feel weird but I also am not as concerned about what others think when it comes to these.
Maybe not your intention, but this reads a bit to me as an implicit brag about your parenting and kid.
Anon says
+1
Anon says
+2. I also don’t think a brief interaction at a grocery store necessarily gives you the entire picture of what other parents do or do not do with their kids.
Anonymous says
+3
Anon says
You don’t need to set any stock in my opinion because it’s literally down to personal comfort/preferences and anyone else’s thoughts don’t matter, but I’ve sometimes thought that parents have been way over the top with the extensive narration in public. There’s nothing wrong with speaking to your kid, but I used to take a daily train with someone who would narrate EVERY. SINGLE. SECOND. to his young kid at a loud volume and it was incredibly obnoxious. It felt like the whole train pulled out headphones when they saw him coming.
Now for a more legitimate complaint, I do feel that the expectation to narrate is another example of modern parenting making significant demands on mothers. At the end of a long day, I just want to get into the grocery store and get out – do I really need to make this yet another learning opportunity?
Anon says
I love you for this. It’s an annoying expectation and a major humble brag here.
Anonymous says
I did a lot of narrating in public but tried to keep it non-performative. I got so much in the habit of talking to the baby that now I talk to the dog during walks: “Oh, do you see a squirrel? That’s a big squirrel!” I have to rein myself in around other people.
Anon says
There’s a book called 30 Million Words that discusses the importance of talking with children to ensure brain development. I think the author would support your approach! OTOH, the book Hunt, Gather, Parent suggests Americans talk too much at their kids. Both were interesting reads, and not necessarily irreconcilable viewpoints. I talked to our first kid constantly, as you describe doing. I frequently talked during stroller walks, grocery runs, dinner. With the second kid, I was less intentional about narrating because she was exposed to so much more conversation on account of the constant “why” questions of her sibling. I also narrated less because I enjoyed the few opportunities for silence!
Anon says
I talk a lot in daily life with my kids (infant and toddler), as well as lots of reading. I don’t talk in situations where it would be bothersome to other people, like the train example, but definitely include them in the grocery store example. Also read a lot. Our toddler has definitely lagged a bit on speech, not to the point of concern but noticeably relative to friends her age, so I’m not sure it is that impactful? Who knows, I just like including them in my life.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I probably talk a lot less than most people – I’m just not a big talker and don’t talk for the sake of talking. Nothing wrong with being a talker though. If it feels comfortable to you, go for it. But for those for whom it doesn’t come naturally, I don’t think you have to force it. Your kids will be exposed to so much vocabulary, especially if they’re in daycare, so if you want a quiet outing, do it. They will soon start asking you a million questions. Mine have not had any speech issues so far. My house (kids are almost 6 and 8) is full of so much talking now. I’m almost looking forward to the sullen teenage years!
AwayEmily says
I think you can’t really infer much about how people interact with their kids in general from their brief behavior in the grocery store. I don’t narrate “what we are buying and what we plan to cook” with my kids when they are at the store with me because i am trying to corral three insane small humans while also getting them to help me shop. Maybe another parent is shopping with an exhausted kid who just needs some decompression time. Maybe another parent has spent all day working at checkout line and needs some time WITHOUT talking. I would just focus on what works for you and your family and worry about what others are or aren’t doing.
GCA says
+1 million. There’s a wide range of perfectly good approaches, and my own willingness to talk to other people varies day to day, so it’s a case of what works for you and your family at the moment.
GCA says
Quite a bit when they were pre-mobile. It alleviated the boredom of hanging out with a needy person who was a lousy conversationalist. (Then when they were mobile, it was a lot of redirecting.) But, I was also speaking to kiddo in my mother tongue and wanted to get them as much exposure as possible.
Red Shoes says
I talk to mine constantly, and if I’m not talking to her at the grocery store, it’s because I need the mental break from talking and am relying on the grocery store ambiance to keep her entertained for 20 minutes. I wouldn’t think anything of parents who are silent or who are talkative—just a matter of who has engaging energy at that moment and who doesn’t, I think!
Red Shoes says
I guess I should say “constantly” means that I’ll check in with her pretty often. I am absolutely not a “narrate every moment” parent; more of a “okay, we got the black beans, let’s go find the tortillas!” kind of parent.
Anonymous says
I did the second and thought that was narrating every moment? I also did a lot of counting. “Let’s get five yogurts! One, two, three, four, five!”
Anon says
I view the second as more of a natural human interaction; you’d say something like that to a companion of any age. Narrating is more like “look at the apples, what yummy apples! Do you see the apples? Now we’re walking past bananas. Yellow bananas!” Etc etc . The second is the kind that can make people bristle-y, and is also waaaay more input than a baby or toddler needs
Red Shoes says
It sounds like some people are describing a constant monologue? I say something when I have something to say, but I don’t go out of my way to come up with content.
Anon says
Agreed – “let’s go get 5 yogurts” or “now we need apples” are normal phrases you might say to anyone in your family, but narrating/describing every single step you take is extra.
Anonymous says
This is like so painfully obviously a humble brag. Congrats on being a great parent. Sincerely I also think taking to kids is great! But come on
Anonymous says
I did not narrate to my kid at all and now she’s a smart and social second grader. Do what works for you, but it’s not necessary to raise a happy, intelligent kid.