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I love this simple blazer from Topshop. It looks easy to wear and is unlined, for a more casual blazer look. I like the longer length and the square front pockets for more of a cardigan-y feel. The name “chuck on blazer” is a little strange, but maybe it means you can just chuck it on over any outfit and it looks good? My preference here is for the red one — the simple lines tone down the color so you can avoid looking like Marge Simpson when she became a real estate agent. The black one as shown on the site has no pockets, which is a little confusing, but I like it that way too. It is now price-matched to $40 (marked down from $60), and is available in sizes 2–12, but pay attention to the sizing notes. It is machine washable but line dry. Chuck On Blazer An option in plus sizes (and regular sizes too) is at Nordstrom, from Leith. Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
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- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Water in crib? says
My 18-month old has been coughing and asking for agua first thing when she wakes up. I am thinking about putting a water bottle in her crib in the hopes that she could take a little drink and then go back to bed for a bit. But what kind of bottle could she drink from and also would not spill everywhere as she moves around in the night? During the day she’s usually drinks from the Munchkin 360 circle cups
SC says
The Nalgene grip-and-gulp.
Anonymous says
+1
HSAL says
If she’s not a thrower, we’ve been fine using the 360 cups overnight, otherwise we just use a regular sippy. If any dribbles out it’s not noticeable.
AwayEmily says
+1 we also just put a 360 in the crib with her.
octagon says
We tuck a 360 cup in the corner of the crib overnight.
FVNC says
I keep one of those cheap take-n-toss sippies in my little guy’s crib.
anon says
Contigo Autospout (or any similar bottle, really)
Butter says
We use the Contigo Spill-proof with straw, bought at Target. It’s really sturdy and stays upright in a corner of his crib.
Mama Llama says
We have been using the Re-Play sippy cups for this purpose for years. They have never leaked in the crib/bed – only when they were hurled with force great enough to knock the valve out, and even then the leak is minimal.
So Anon says
My company has recently acquired a start-up in a city several hours away (3-4 hours in rush hour traffic). My boss wants to visit the start-up to help us learn about what they do, how we can leverage their expertise, etc. She wants to schedule the visit in the next month. I had previously expressed interest in going, but now face a challenge: I am newly a single parent. I have not told my boss that my soon-to-be-ex has moved out, that we are getting a divorce or that I have the kids all of the time except every other Saturday& Sunday during the day. I have not told her because this is so very raw right now, because she is gossipy and not the most mature person and I do not want to discuss this at work. I have childcare to cover all of my work hours, plus some. However, I cannot swing 6+ hours of travel in a single day, plus the site visit without finding additional childcare (I would need to either catch the 4:45 am train or get back after 8:30), and I would need to notify soon-to-be-ex. Also there will be a court date in the next month. Do I just tell my boss that travel is very difficult right now (will be easier after divorce is final)? Do I figure out how to make this happen and continue with the not-telling?
oil in houston says
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. If it’s too raw to talk about, just tell her you’re dealing with personal things that you’d rather not discuss fully, but that travelling for the next X weeks will be challenging, after that you’d be happy to go though.
when you’re ready, you might want to disclose though. my company pays for additional childcare due to travel requests for single parents
oil in houston says
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. If it’s too raw to talk about, just tell her you’re dealing with personal things that you’d rather not discuss fully, but that travelling for the next X weeks will be challenging, after that you’d be happy to go though.
when you’re ready, you might want to disclose though. my company pays for additional childcare due to travel requests for single parents
Anonymous says
You received a fantastic response. I thought I’d mention that this was stuck in mod for a really long time, so if you’re looking for further awesome responses and more traffic, you might try posting again tomorrow.
anon for this says
Anyone had a successful conversation with their spouse about the mental load? I’m struggling with the right way to get my husband to understand just how much I do to keep the house running, which he seems to think happens from, I don’t know, fairies? Laundry, doctors appointments scheduled, clothes in the next size up for growing kiddo, food on hand so we don’t starve, insurance rates renegotiated, bills paid, cleaners hired, etc. Most of the time I don’t mind doing the tasks, but I feel like it’s invisible and unappreciated. He’s a good partner in a lot of ways (I never do the dishes) but we still have a pretty inequitable distribution (because it’s usually easier for me to just do something than to ask him to do it, aka the five-minute rule). Or as I said to a friend, he’s progressive enough that his Southern mother doesn’t understand why he does so much around the house, but my feminist mother thinks I have a long way to go to equal distribution.
Cb says
I read about a couple (maybe here) who kept a list of what they did on the fridge – it became a friendly competition but was also eyeopening for the husband. This appeals to my petty bean counting tendencies. What has worked is letting my husband know what I do and letting him take all the grunt work. He’s never going to swap clothing sizes over or buy a Christmas gift for nurseries, but I’m never going to clean the oven, mow the lawn, or take out the garbage. If you have separate domains, this works out easier.
Anonymous says
We do this on a whiteboard sometimes, and quite frankly it was eye opening for both of us.
SC says
I heard an interview with an organizational expert who suggested that everyone in the family (including older children) write down on a separate index card everything that needs to be done to run a household. Then you sort the index cards into piles of who is currently doing that job. It’s supposed to give a visual of how much each person is taking on. Then if one person has too much, you can discuss which jobs to put in another person’s pile. (The goal is not necessarily for everyone’s pile to be even.)
I haven’t done this, and I can see some flaws–some jobs take longer than others, some things are done by either person as needed, there’s a mental load of having to do 50 “small” organizational tasks that just doesn’t compare to mowing the lawn, etc. But I can see how it could start a meaningful discussion/negotiation.
Anon says
I’m petty, but I’m not above keeping a log of all the time you spend on invisible tasks and presenting it to him. Make them more visible!
Lillet says
I don’t think they will ever get it. I joke that I will be Dobby the house elf for Halloween because that’s who my husband thinks does everything around here. We’ve had redistributions of work loads, and he’s picked up a lot of slack. But he really doesn’t get, as much as we talk and I try, the effort it takes to keep things moving in the family. And that is how I know I would never be satisfied as a stay at home mom, because it’s doing all that (but even better, and more) and he just wouldn’t get it and not value that contribution to the family (same as now). So I also stopped “enjoying” or “not minding” doing some of the stuff and make him do it or hire out.
FVNC says
I’m sure everyone will have excellent advice about the mental load specifically, but I wonder if your husband taking on more of the tangible tasks would make the distribution, at least regarding kid stuff, feel more equitable?
This evolution has happened somewhat naturally in our household — when we moved to a new city about 3 yrs ago, it made much more sense for my husband to do daycare and school drop-offs, and most pick-ups. As a result, he’s now the primary parent for all school- and daycare-related things, and that has also led to him being listed as the first parent on the doctors’ forms, etc. So while I still remember the birthday parties, thank-you notes, scheduling appointments, etc., he’s actually the one who mostly DOES all this stuff, if that makes sense? In about six months another move is going to result in me being the definite primary parent again, so I may be singing a different tune then…!
Anon says
This is also our situation too. It helps to have certain categories that are defaults.
Anon says
My theory is that it’s easier to transfer one or two big things than to try to split responsibility for many little things. My husband took over all meal planning and grocery shopping. It’s a relentless task and I’m thrilled to get it off my plate. It easily makes up for many of the other things that I still have to do.
AwayEmily says
I agree with this. Basically for every daily or weekly task, we either assign it permanently (my husband always does garbage and laundry; I always put away the dishes and make the kids lunches) or have very specific rules for who does what when (we alternate days for cleaning up and doing daycare dropoff/pickup).
This strategy doesn’t work as well with more infrequent tasks like remembering birthday presents, sorting through too-small kids clothes, etc, but I find that it’s easier to negotiate on those jobs when the big ones are on autopilot.
anon says
Going even further you can give one spouse more big tasks, so that all of the little tasks stay with the other. We don’t negotiate the little things–they’re always mine to do. But DH has enough big things that our responsibilities are pretty well balanced.
anon says
DH and I both read the book How to Not Hate Your Husband After Kids. we actually read it before we had our kids and i think it helped set some good expectations. in my case DH does acknowledge everything I do and often says things out loud to our 8 month old twins like “you have such a good mommy for making sure we have food to eat,” etc. which makes me feel appreciated, though i do wish he could take care of some of the logistical things without reminders from me. DH came from an extremely disorganized, but fairly affluent household where i think bills were frequently paid late resulting in additional fees. He had a SAHM who honestly didn’t seem to do much to manage the household and he never really saw his parents sitting down and taking care of bills or paperwork. My parents could also afford additional feels no problem, but to them stuff like that was a total waste of money. I had super super organized parents who would buy birthday cards once a month, write them all out for the following month and then write on the outside in pencil when to mail them (it was often my dad who did this). He has come a long way since we first got married, but some of his weaknesses in this area are definitely a result of his upbringing.
Lana Del Raygun says
Wow I love your dad’s system! That’s amazing.
Redux says
OMG your last sentence is hilarious. My mother and MIL are constantly fawning over how great my husband is because he cooks dinner and takes the kids to and from daycare. I’m like, ask him what size shoes our kids wear. Or the name of the anti-fungal cream our kid uses. Or when the next school holiday closure is. ASK HIM I DARE YOU!
SC says
I don’t know the answer to any of those questions for my kid, and I’m sure my husband doesn’t either. I could find out–I’d check the inside of the shoe, go find the tube of cream, and check the calendar. Sometimes we carry more mental load than we need to.
Anonymous says
The issue is that many husbands would not bother to find out, or wouldn’t know how.
Eh says
I think her point is who bought the shoes (she did), who picked up the cream prescription (she did), who put it on the calendar (she did).
Aly says
Yes! This conversation seriously increased my life happiness so much. Basically, I took a year mat leave (Canadian) and became the default house person + parent during that time. I was totally fine with it. Then, I jumped back into work and somehow the house/baby work didn’t magically split (obvious to me now). So, I made a list of everything that had to be done daily/weekly/monthly and showed it to my husband. This was not a joy-filled conversation – but it got the ball rolling. He disagreed that somethings needed to be done as often and added things he did. But, the very next day, while I was getting ready for work, he got our kid up, dressed her, fed her, packed her bags, etc. Now the rule is if he is home, he is the primary parent – drop off, pick up, bed time, the full meal deal. (He is home about 40% of the time) For me, this lightened the load sufficiently for me to be happy. I also fully abdicated responsibility for anything to do with his family. And, I loosened my standards, honestly. 2 people working full time are not going to have a spotless house. And that’s okay!
Anonanonanon says
I’m realizing a lot of our tasks are split in odd ways.
For example, my husband does well-child visits (scheduling, taking the kid, etc.) because he has significantly more PTO than I do. I usually handle sick visits (deciding if the kid needs to go, calling our provider to schedule, getting them there, etc.) because we trust my clinical judgement more. My husband handles dentist appts for the same PTO reasons listed above.
My husband does the “routine” grocery shopping, so he gets the stuff we need every week that are staples in my household. However, this usually does not produce any meals for dinner, so I handle deciding what those meals will be and ordering grocery delivery for whatever ingredients we’ll need. But, it means I don’t have the mental load of knowing/worrying if we need Peanut Butter, Crackers, Toilet Paper, etc.
I handle selecting childcare options because I have more experience (I already had one child when we got married) and stronger opinions, but we split pickup and drop off every day (which I HIGHLY RECOMMEND, it really helps things feel even).
My husband does garbage (including emptying all the little trashcans all over the house), mail sorting/shredding, scheduling home repairs (again, he has significantly more PTO so it just makes sense), etc. We actually have separate bank accounts and pay our respective bills, I pay childcare and he pays the mortgage/HOA/Insurance (childcare is more than the mortgage but I get child support for older kiddo).
Unfortunately, I don’t have advice for how we came to an even split, because I think it naturally happened since I already had a child when I married him. We were able to set those expectations and test-run everything on the front end, rather than trying to reset a division of labor once we started having children. I know from my first marriage that it’s much harder to reset expectations once kids arrive. I mentioned this above, but something that is VERY important to me is our division of labor around dropoff/pickup. He is the default morning parent, and I am the default after-work parent. I don’t have to “ask” or discuss leaving the house early to go to the gym or an early meeting out of town etc. because morning is his responsibility. We do not make commitments that interfere with that time without checking with the other person. It’s a small thing, but I know myself well enough to know I would start to resent our situation if I was the only one whose schedule was bound by drop off/pickup times.
lawsuited says
Even after many, many conversations, I have found it impossible to “share” mental tasks with my husband. I have been successful in giving him an entire category, like bill paying, but he won’t keep track of the fact that we’re low on toilet paper and order some (or even let me know to add it to the grocery list) or that kiddo is outgrowing his winter boots and look out for a new pair on sale. However, in our most recent conversations we agreed that my mental tasks should “count” towards my overall family/household contribution so husband is taking on more of the physical chores.
Paging Kate Middletown says
I just read your comment, and I am so sorry you are going through this. I’d totally forgotten about your situation, it sounds like you are doing everything you can.
It also sounds like you explored all options for taking a longer leave of absence, but that would be my recommendation. My company has an open-ended unpaid leave of absence policy for these types of situations (though insurance coverage would be through COBRA I believe, because you would temporarily cease to be an employee). My husband’s company offers a paid sabbatical of up to 6 months after 10 years with the company with full benefits coverage. I’m giving you this info to let you know it is not unreasonable for you to ask for this from your company as it could potentially be industry standard (not sure what industry you are in, we are both in tech). None of these would guarantee your job back, but the expectation is that retaining a good employee is worth more to the company than the loss of that employee for a relatively short period of time. Your company has no legal requirement to offer you more leave, but I would try the argument that it is something offered by other companies and is important for your company to offer to remain competitive and keep good employees through temporary life situations.
Another thing I just thought of is my direct report, who has consistently worked PT, from home, and flex hours since her teenage daughter had a mental health crisis. During the most acute part of the illness she definitely wasn’t actually making her hours and we just let it slide. Depending on the week she makes up her hours on the weekend, evenings, or while in waiting rooms with her daughter. She’s just too good of an employee for us to worry about whether she’s actually working 30 hours or not – especially because as her daughter has gotten better she consistently puts in more hours. As a manager it was a no brainer for me (although I’ll say her role can be 100% remote, and is mostly computational/transactional, not customer facing so it lends itself to this).
All the hugs to you.
Varsity Blues indictments says
OMG I have no words.
But I have photoshopping skills — have been adding my kid’s picture to all sorts of pro athletes (in a bad way, like that guy who adds himself to Kendall Jenner’s pictures). She’s at the Olympics! She’s doing a keg stand with the Stanley Cup! Maybe this may be my xmas card this year.
Anonymous says
It’s just confusing to me because all these people have the means to more or less legally buy their kids admission.
Anonymous says
But they are greedy.
Donating a building — $5M? This was a lot less. Plus people have multiple kids. Plus they wanted to DEDUCT the bribe costs.
What’s the saying — pigs get fat; hogs get slaughtered? I see a lot of hogs.
Anonymous says
You can deduct the costs of donating a building too, fyi. But I agree this costs way less, especially for the people that were paying <$100k for a higher SAT score, which increases your chance of admission everywhere. I'm not sure about the ROI with respect to the Loughlins paying $500k specifically to get their daughters into USC, they would have been better off just making a legal donation to USC.
Colorful Twin Beds Searcher says
I posted this on the main site because it’s a decorating thing, but I’m really a corporettemom so posting here too :)
Has anyone seen any fun colored toddler beds in stores lately? I love the land of nod jenny lind, but not the color range: https://www.crateandbarrel.com/jenny-lind-white-bed/f76728
And I love the room and board beds but not the idea of having a steel headboard, much less footboard, for my toddlers to scrape themselves on: https://www.roomandboard.com/catalog/kids/beds/parsons-bed-in-colors-in-kids
This seems like it should exist!
Anonymous says
IKEA has some. I don’t believe in spending real $$ on toddler beds – they have an extremely short lifespan.
Rainbow Hair says
OH I missed that we were talking about toddler beds. Yeah I vote like, whatever you can get from your neighbors. Kiddo was in hers for less than a year, I think.
Leatty says
If a stranger told you that your 2 year old daughter had the “looks” to be a cheerleader one day, would it make you uncomfortable? Yesterday, my daughter and I were at the drug store picking up a prescription for her, and this older man told me that she looked like she would be a college cheerleader one day (she was wearing an SEC team’s shirt and matching hair bow). When I said “maybe,” he insisted that she would be a cheerleader one day, and that she had the “looks” of a cheerleader. His comment really struck me the wrong way. I’m not sure if it’s because my daughter is two, so any comments about her “looks” seem inappropriate, or if it is because I felt like he was typecasting her based on her looks (blonde hair, blue eyes).
Chl says
Yeah it’s weird.
Anonymous says
It’s an old person trying to be nice. And honestly, if I could choose to be pretty or smart, I might choose pretty. I have a pretty sister and our lives were so starkly different. But really, it’s an old person. Smile, ignore, move on. If living with you 24/7 her whole life doesn’t inform her world outlook enough and a 1 minute line from a stranger does, perhaps there are bigger concerns (but probably not).
Anonymous says
Smile, ignore, move on.
This is my response to the vast majority of comments from strangers. Speaking to them just extends the interaction.
Redux says
I would love to hear more about you potentially choosing to be pretty over being smart. I have a similar dynamic with my sister and I would absolutely not trade my experience for hers.
Anonymous says
Yes.
SEC country says
That’s like a high honor — if I could leave my “I was on the math team” self behind to be an SEC cheerleader, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, I am only math team hot (which is to say I am female and can fog a mirror).
Redux says
Wow, same question for you as above– can you say more about this?
Anonymous says
Weird old person comment that he didn’t realize was inappropriate. Smile, nod, and walk away.
Anonymous says
I had to g00gle what SEC meant! The South is a whole different country, really and truly.
It would weird me out.
ElisaR says
me too and i’m still confused. is an SEC cheerleader different than a cheerleader?
Boston Legal Eagle says
I work in the securities field so to me, the SEC is that agency in D.C. we’re all trying to impress ;)
As for the original comment, ugh, I’d find it super annoying and this reminds me on when people (ok, 99% of them were older women) used to comment on my pregnant body and say things like “oh, is it twins” or “oh you look like you’re ready to pop” – my natural response to just scowl and stew about it after, but that’s probably why I wouldn’t fit in in the South…
AwayEmily says
Yup, I also see that as weird and I would be skeeved out by it too. And it doesn’t matter if the person is “trying to be nice;” it matters how it makes you and your daughter feel. A person can have the best intentions in the world but if they say something that makes you uncomfortable, your feelings about that are still valid. Perceived intentions might matter for how you respond to the person in the moment, but your feelings are not less valid just because the intention was benign.
GCA says
From my Northeast/ millennial/ Asian-immigrant* point of view, weird and would make me uncomfortable, but perhaps more par for the course in SEC country (why are they all so white? how are their teeth so white? I have so many questions). Whatever it is, I agree with AwayEmily that the intention was probably benign but your discomfort is definitely valid.
*but don’t get me started on the things Chinese grandparents sometimes say
anon says
Agree that it is probably an old person trying to be nice, but it’s also really weird and inappropriate. That would make me uncomfortable even if my daughter was 16, maybe even more so. I’d be tempted to say something snarky. Can’t he just say she’s a cute toddler and move in?
Anonymous says
Idk, kid was in a SEC shirt and a bow. I assume he meant it as a compliment since she’s dressed as a tiny fan.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I think this story is a lot weirder without the detail that she was dressed in team gear. Is it a bit sexist to typecast her as a cheerleader vs an athlete? Sure. But I don’t think it’s creepy or lecherous, if that’s what you’re implying. And I once had a very creepy man eye-f*ck my infant, so I know people like that are out there.
dc anon says
Random-was this in DC? We have had a creep roaming around commenting on kids looks.
Anonymous says
No, I live in the Midwest. He did call her beautiful, but it mostly wasn’t what he said – it was how he said it and even more how he was looking at her. We were at a restaurant and he didn’t take his eyes off her for the entire 60 minute meal, and really truly he looked like he was undressing her with his eyes. My husband says I overreact to this stuff normally, but even he was majorly creeped out by this guy. We’ve never gone back to the restaurant where we saw him.
Anonymous says
Well given that additional info (Him staring at her) I’d say it was creepy. Honestly I think we need to trust our gut feelings on this stuff. Like if you feel creeped out, there’s probably a reason why. And we give people passes too much. But this is a random man, not someone you’re going to interact with again. There’s nothing to do about it:
Anon says
Just to clarify, I’m the Anon at 11:24 and 11:45. I was describing an encounter I once had with a creepy guy staring at my baby, but I’m not the OP of this thread about the SEC cheerleader comment. I personally don’t find the cheerleader comment that weird given that kiddo was dressed in team gear, but I agree that either way, there’s really nothing to do about it except move on.
Wow says
+ 1
It’s a little strange but given the gear, he meant it as a compliment and you should take it that way. If she was a teenager it would be skeevy, but a 2 year old is different.
anon says
what do you do with stained baby clothes? i know that it isn’t even really nice to donate them, but it feels so wasteful to throw them in the trash, particularly when they are pajamas and no one would even see them out of the house
Lana Del Raygun says
I would just keep wearing them. But when I have clothes that are really too gnarly, I take them to textile recycling at H&M (there are other options; this one just happens to be close to me).
OP says
i meant for when they grow out of them. for now my twins are still sleeping in their stained pjs. i’d never heard of textile recycling so thank you!
Cb says
I just take them to textile recycling – same with mismatched socks, etc.
Playdate protocol says
My kid is 5 and will be going to kindergarten next fall. She’s in a transitional K program that is affiliated with our school system, so she’s got a class of kids that have a mix of working/part time/SAH parents, though I’m not sure this is relevant to the situation.
As of this year, I work 4 days a week from home, so I’m able to do a lot of the pick up/dropoff/weekday playdate stuff that used to be impossible when I worked FT. So weekday playdates after school or on the 2 days a week they don’t have school are a new thing this year.
When we host a playdate, the kid comes to our house and, well, plays. We have a gagillion toys. Sometimes I’ll have an activity set up, like play doh or cookie decorating or beads, but more often, the girls (or girl and boy, but it’s usually a girlfriend that comes over) play amongst themselves and eventually I set them up with a snack. I intervene if there’s any fighting or if they seem bored, but usually, they’re on their own. Our guests are usually upset/don’t want to leave when it’s time to leave, which I take as a sign they’ve had fun.
Yesterday, my kid went on a playdate at her friend D’s house. D’s mom texted asking if it was OK to take the girls to Target. Sure. My kid gets home and apparently they went to Target, got hot chocolate and a cookie at starbucks, then D’s mom bought LOL dolls and they went back to D’s house to watch Frozen after opening up the LOL dolls. They also watched Paw Patrol both to and from Target, which is a 10 minute drive away.
1. Is this what playdates are now? Do we just have lame playdates? my kid came home with a brand new toy. The best we do is send kids home with frosted cookies or a beaded bracelet.
2. Should I have given D’s mom money? She dropped like $20 on my kid between the food and the toy. If it matters, both D’s family and ours are upper class and $20 is not a burden to either of us. But I’m cheap and no way would I think to drop $40 on a random playdate for my kid. THIS IS WHY WE HAVE TEN GAGILLION TOYS.
3. They didn’t actually play! I could care less if my kid eats junk and watches TV (we don’t really do that at our house, but it’s NBD) but they didn’t seem to really…interact..with eachother at all. Except to pick out new toys.
Am I really off base here? This is my oldest kid.
Anonymous says
1. No. I’d much much rather have my kid go to a playdate like the one you host.
2. No
3. I wouldn’t worry about this.
I think sometimes parents or grandparents do this kind of stuff when they don’t know how to facilitate children playing. My MIL always wants to take my oldest shopping and doesn’t see to know how to sit and play Barbies with her or something.
Anonymous says
This exact scenario has come up before:
https://corporettemoms.com/sweatshirt-blazer/
anon says
I would keep doing playdates just the way you’re doing them! Your playdates sound great, and my 4-year-old would be thrilled. I know parents who would approach it like the other mom, and TBH, I think it’s super weird. In addition to not playing at all — which in my mind, is the entire point — it sort of sets up a weird expectation where friendship = dropping lots of money to have fun. Good for them, not for me.
Playdate Protocol says
What about the next time we have D over? Do I try and do more hands on stuff/take the kids to the park or whatever? We have a big backyard and a massive play structure, so taking them to the playground never occurred to me- but another time my kid went to the playground with D (they watched TV to/from there and stopped for donuts).
FWIW D is the middle of 3 kids, so it’s not like her parents are oblivious to how kids play.
Anonymous says
Did you post about this before? Link in reply to avoid mod.
Anonymous says
https://corporettemoms.com/sweatshirt-blazer/
OP says
Oh wow that’s weird. No, not me! I guess I am not alone. And my kids don’t (yet) know what justice is :-)
ElisaR says
gently, I think you’re overthinking this. keep doing what you’re doing, no need to change anything.
Anonymous says
Nope. Just keep on doing what you do.
anon says
it sounds like this kid’s mom has a different idea of what playdates should be like. as long as you are ok with your kid doing these things (eating junk, watching tv, etc.) i think you can let them do them and you do you. i do agree that watching an ipad for short car rides seems TOTALLY unnecessary and i could see my kid coming home and wanting us to do that too. your version of a playdate sounds more normal to me.
Playdate Protocol says
I’m mostly asking if I need to up my playdate game. Sound like no.
anon says
My assumption would be that the other mom had something come up and that she had to go to Target for something else, so she decided just to bring your daughter rather than cancel. When they got there her daughter was cranky for whatever reason so she got her a treat to raise her blood sugar and a toy to occupy them while she shopped for whatever urgent item she needed. Your daughter was just along for the ride. I don’t think it was a normal playdate, but emergency measures.
Playdate Protocol says
No, D asked her mom if they could go to Target to get a toy.
Anonymous says
I would agree with this, give the benefit of the doubt that it was a one-off. However, it would bother me if it happened all the time because I would feel pressure to respond in kind, but I’m not sure how to handle that.
Anonymous says
Just don’t respond in kind. There is no pressure.
Anonymous says
I mean, just chill? Your play dates are fine. Other mom’s play date is fine. You don’t have to pay her anything.
AwayEmily says
+1. it’s great that your kid gets to experience different types of play dates and family norms, and probably her friend’s mom thinks the same thing about her coming over to your house.
Lana Del Raygun says
I personally think this is weird but if you’re not bothered by the TV or the snack I would just let it be. Different people have different kinds of playdates, that’s all! You don’t need to reimburse her.
Anon says
Off topic question from a mom of much younger kids – do people keep spare carseats for playdates? I have the same number of carseats that I do kids, so not sure how I would drive kids + friends on a playdate even if I wanted to.
rosie says
This is a good question (also a mom of a younger kid) — did you diplomatically ask about the car seat situation in some way, or just say it was fine to go to Target?
Playdate Protocol says
D’s mom has a spare car seat. As do i. I didn’t ask because we will on occasion give each other’s kids rides home from school.
Same with the rest of her school buddies.
I have 3 kids and either I use one of my other kids’ seats or I use a 4th. My oldest and her friend can use boosters so the spare I have is a booster. When my 3 y/o has a playdate that requires driving I take the extra 5 pt harness seat from our other car and stick it in my car.
rosie says
Thanks, this is helpful! I have a young toddler & live in a city, so this is not something I’ve encountered and was curious.
Anonymous says
I think its pretty common to have an extra booster or two around for carpools and playdates when they reach that stage. My child’s not there yet, so we have one car seat per car.
Lana Del Raygun says
My 4mo used to get really upset about wet/dirty diapers, but for the past couple days (maybe a week?) she’s been perfectly content to hang around in a wet diaper, even when it leaks pee all over her legs, back, bed, bouncer, what have you. Is that normal? We can just start changing her on more of a schedule, but does this, like, mean anything?
Anonymous says
I don’t know if it’s normal but my LO has always been like that. It kind of drives me nuts now that he’s a toddler and I have to convince him to get a diaper change – at least a 4mo you can just pick up and do it with little fanfare. My kid is perfectly content to play in his nighttime diaper which weighs approx. 87 lbs in the morning. I don’t know HOW it is not uncomfortable for them, but I think it’s like how kids can swim in the freezing ocean or play outside with no gloves when its 30 degrees – they just don’t feel it as much?
FWIW we’ve always changed on this schedule: wake-up, before morning nap, after morning nap, before afternoon nap, after afternoon nap, bedtime – and then anytime it’s a poop. That worked pretty well for us.
Anonymous says
It means you have a human baby in your house. Check her and change her.
Anonymous says
My 12 month old has never been bothered by wet or dirty diapers, or blowouts. I think it’s pretty common for babies to be fine sitting in their own filth and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with them. If your pee diapers are regularly leaking, it’s probably worth going up a size though (or trying a different brand).
FVNC says
Both my kids have been disturbingly fine wallowing in their own filth. A pediatrician friend told us it would make potty training difficult since they weren’t motivated to feel clean, but that wasn’t our experience (at least, with our older; haven’t tried with second kid yet!).
AwayEmily says
HMMM….do you hear any chains rattling and/or see lights flickering? if so, she’s probably haunted and the ghost is distracting her from the diaper. Another possibility is that she’s slowly evolving into an aquatic creature who loves the feeling of damp on her body, but if that’s the case you’d probably also see some iridescent scale formation on her hands/legs.
So, if you don’t notice either of those things then it’s probably nothing.
(it’s definitely nothing :-) )
Lana Del Raygun says
This made me laugh a lot! Thank you :)
Anonymous says
Yeah, the idea that babies cry because they need to be changed never reflected our reality, at least not with disposable diapers and pee. Poo can irritate eventually, but I think that may be true primarily for older kids eating solids.
ElisaR says
anybody know a cute website to order birthday t-shirt for a 3 year old?
Anon2 says
I always go with Etsy. Search for whatever your party theme/your kid’s current interest is and there should be a lot of options.
Anonymous says
One of my close friends had twins last year (IVF, lots of high risk factors). Twin 2 is fed through a stomach-tube/pump system. I want to get a gift for the twins/my friend for their first birthday. What would you recommend? Budget ~$100 total.
I’m childfree but most of my close friends have had kids – I usually find an outfit or book for the baby and a gift certificate for mom. I’ve seen special clothes for the feeding system – should I ask her if that’s what they use? Or do you have any other ideas?
Anonymous says
Books for the babies gift cert for mom sounds perfect.
rosie says
I would do some boardbooks and/or toys and stay away from clothes if you’re not sure. For toy ideas, I know some people would be annoyed to get music stuff, but we appreciate getting toddler instrument sets (not battery operated plastic, but a set with maracas, a triangle, etc.). Colorful gauzy scarves are fun. Melissa & Doug pull back soft car sets. Little People sets.
If you really want to get clothes, I’d ask your friend what size/season/items they particularly need.
AnotherAnon says
For about six weeks now, Montessori school has been gently suggesting my two year old (boy, fwiw) is ready to potty train. He turned two a couple weeks ago. I’ve read the three day method and am planning to do it this weekend since I have Friday off. Would appreciate good vibes/advice/suggestions for what worked. Current plan is: make a huge game of saying goodbye to diapers, keep my pantless, underwear-clad kiddo entertained, give juice, etc. It will be fine right? I just need to do it.
AwayEmily says
If your school is on board then you’re already way ahead of the game. Judging from my experience and that of many people on here, getting daycare to cooperate is often the toughest part. It will go great! Good luck. I liked the Oh Crap book, though I found her tone irritating. Just remember to stay super calm all the time; they pick up on your panic.
ElisaR says
I did the Oh Crap book method at 27 months and I’m so glad we did it young! I will say it was not as easy as I had hoped though. There was crying on both of our parts and it took more like 5 days for us. But it was SO worth it. We did totally naked for first day and then went commando with no underwear for 3 weeks. Maybe it was more like a month. I found the book very helpful. It will be fine…. good luck!
Anonymous says
roll up your rugs, double up bedding (I do mattress-> waterproof mattress cover -> sheet -> old waterproof crib pad -> sheet) once you do naps and bedtime without diapers.
I potty trained my kids right around 2. It isn’t always as quick as waiting until 3/3.5 but it is OVER. Like for my first it took about 3-4 weeks before she was reliably saying “I have to go potty!” And making it for both pee and poop. My second was one frained at 21 months but was pooping in her underwear for a good 4 more weeks. Would itnhave gone quicker if I’d waited? Yes. But then I’d have to deal with diapers from 22-36 months!! I chose the white knuckle approach but many choose to hold off.
ifiknew says
Did you do night and day at 21 months? My daughter is 21 months and is day trained, but i’m too lazy to wake her up twice at night to pee like the oh crap method says (i’m also 7 months pregnant), but she poops most days in her diaper in the morning or at nap. This pooping in diaper issue could be solved if i eliminatedthe diaper, but ugh. Not sure what to do. I feel like a lot of kids dont night train for a LONG time so I feel like I’ll be up a lot MOTN? Would love to hear thoughts. Thanks.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ve read it here a lot that nighttime diaper/pull-up free comes a lot later than daytime. We trained our DS1 for daytime (awake daytime I guess) using the Oh Crap method at just before 2.5 but he still wears a pull up at night. And wakes up with it wet. We’re not going to bother with nighttime until he’s older and staying somewhat dry. We’re just now transitioning to no pull-ups at naptime – day care started this and we’re following.
Anonymous says
No, for my oldest night training happened at 2.5 and my second was more like 2.75.
But I started doubling sheets way before that because of naps.
GCA says
My son was also potty trained right around 2 (+2 weeks – we did it Memorial Day weekend). If you and the school are on the same page about feeling your son is ready, I say go for it. Some signs of readiness: he was waking up dry from naps, he was giving us clear pee and poop signals, and he was very interested in the older kids’ potty use as many of the older kids in his toddler class were potty trained fairly early.
We did the pantsless weekend, little potty in the living room, lots of juice, following him around everywhere. Afterward, we sent him to daycare in training pants. Buy lots of training underwear, be prepared to throw out a couple of pairs after poop accidents. It took my son another couple of weeks till there were no more accidents, but the accidents were maybe 2-3 times the first week and then once or twice a week thereafter. He was night trained the following year after I realised I’d been throwing out a dry diaper every morning for a couple of months.
CR says
We potty trained at 2. Although I read Oh Crap, the book that made all the difference was the boardbook “Potty” Linda Pettrucelli (spelling?). We kept in the bathroom and read it every time we were in there. With accidents, I tried really hard to use a cheerful “It happens!” Attitude and tone. We night trained much later (like over a year), when it came very naturally.
Anonymous says
My 12 month old has started crying hard when we don’t allow her to do something she wants to do. I’m guessing this is pretty normal. Any strategies for calming her down? Previously it was fairly easy to distract her with a hug or a different toy, but now she remembers what she wanted and isn’t interested in alternatives. Nursing is the most effective way to calm her down, but I don’t know if I should be moving away from “comfort nursing” at this age.
rosie says
She’s below the target age, I think, but some of the strategies in How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen have been useful so far with my young toddler.
AnotherAnon says
IME even with a very laid back kid, this is normal. Distractions became less and less effective as he got older – he’s two now. This can be hard and awkward at first, but emotion affirming statements seem to help somewhat. “It’s hard not to get what you want.” “You’re sad that you cannot have candy for dinner.” Also, try being enthusiastic when she DOES stay calm about not getting what she wants This works best if you do it RIGHT after telling her she can’t do something. “You want to go to the park but we are about to eat dinner. GOOD accepting no! We will go to the park tomorrow after breakfast.” Getting down on his level and just letting him feel his feelings actually seems to help a lot. I offer hugs, and try to make sure he’s not hungry/thirsty/overtired. When that happens, I just have to accept the meltdown as a consequence for me not meeting his basic needs. It will pass. Good luck! Janet Lansbury has some good language around this (I find her overall advice to be too permissive for us but YMMV). I also found “The Connected Child” strategies very helpful but the majority of that book probably won’t apply to you.
Anonymous says
Naming feelings can help. “You are mad because you can’t eat the dog’s food!”
Anonymous says
Ha, we have this issue at our house. I put so much emphasis on the fact that the food in the bowl is for kitty that now instead of eating it he will take a piece of kibble and carry it to kitty. Which is better but still not what I’m aiming for. Playing with the water or putting toys in the water bowl is another story.
Anonymous says
It’s normal and don’t worry about comfort nursing. Changing location also generally helped. Like don’t leave her sitting in the same location and try to change the toy, go to a different room or start a different activity.
Anonanonanon says
Oh god am I supposed to already be naming feelings to my 12 month old? She still seems like such a baby!!
Anonymous says
I need help figuring out what size T shirt to get for our nephew as a gift. We don’t have kids and I don’t know how their sizing works. He is 5 years old, about waist-high on me (I’m 5’1″) and slim but not skinny. Do I need a youth size? A child size? It doesn’t have to be a perfect fit, and probably would be good to be a little big. Thanks in advance!
Anonymous says
Kids size small (sometimes Youth Small) or size 6 or 6x depending on my daughter is 5.5 and she can wear a 5T but it’s on the short side.
If it’s from target, get a Boys S.
Anonymous says
Thank you!
Anonymous says
Maybe too late in the day, but any advice for difficult daycare drop offs? Kid is 4. Has been clingy at drop off since 18 months (not before that, but then had 6 weeks home with both parents due to a move and started a new school). I have usually been able to get him into a conversation with the teacher or interested in an activity and leave (with a goodbye hug). He’s having trouble at school right now though (behavior) and appears extremely anxious about school. He has followed me out of the room, SCREAMING, and had to be physically held by the teacher for s few days. He’s very large and getting to be too big, physically, to do that. We are waiting for some professional help on the other issues and they may be able to help with this too, but any advice for the next few weeks? He generally does settle down and have a good day, but this is soooooo hard.
Anonymous says
Bring a fun breakfast food that he can eat when you leave. Something to immediately distract should help.
Anonymous says
Our middle kid struggled with drop offs. We started having him pick out a book at home for his teacher to read after I left. We also switched to DH doing all the drop offs for a while as he fussed less for him. Our daycare does a cute thing where they have the kids ‘push’ their parents out the classroom door when it’s time to go. DH does a funny over dramatic falling reaction so I think that’s part of why kid fussed less at his drop offs.
Have you read ‘The Kissing Hand’ book? That story’s helpful for kids as well.
There’s also a good Daniel Tiger episode about grown ups coming back.
AK says
At 3 we had some difficult drop-offs (crying, hanging off me, running after me, even once getting outside – I didn’t know about that until the teacher told me). I was able to get around it by not going into the daycare classroom. I stood around the corner, kiddo got one kiss and one hug (which I verbally asked for each time), and then kiddo had to open the door and walk himself into class. I don’t know if that will work for you, but for some reason it did for us.
Anonymous says
This is probably not going to solve the problem, but maybe one arrow in your quiver: I sometimes have my son “push” me out the door when it is time for me to leave. It cracks him up and makes it easier.
We also improved by talking a lot about it ahead of time, and planning out the process. “First, we’ll hang up your jacket. Then, we’ll wash hands. Then we’ll do a high five. Then we’ll do a big hug. And then, 1-2-3, we’ll say bye-bye and Mommy will go to work!” We would go through this several different times of the day, and then again right before school. Not magic, but it helped.
Anonymous says
Probably our best option for daycare is a center that is on-site at my husband’s workplace. I’m in BigLaw and he’s in government, so he already works fewer hours/is much more likely to be able to make a 6 pm pickup time than I am. Will this make him feel like he’s doing all the work? Will it make me feel like I never see my kiddo? Baby has not yet been born but I’m trying to plan in advance. Thanks!
CHL says
That sounds amazing!!
Anon says
Is it too out of your way to do drop off?
Anonymous says
I would use the daycare but not plan that he does all the pick ups. I find pick ups much much more enjoyable than drop offs and it’s a lot easier to leave work when you have a hard deadline to make at daycare. The days DH has pick ups, I tend to work later than I mean to and miss time with the kids. You will likely want to be home by 6:30pm as much as possible anyway in order to see kid for an hour or two before logging back on.
Anonymous says
If you have this built in opportunity for your husband to take on a disproportionate share of child care, please take it. I promise it is extremely unlikely that he will end up doing more than half, especially if you plan to breastfeed. I have always done drop off and never pick up due to our work schedules (husband is a teacher, I have a long commute). It’s not a big deal.
Anonymous says
by half I mean half of all child care duties, not half of all dropoff/pickup.
Anon says
Agree with this. My husband does drop off/pick up every day unless there’s some odd event because it works better for our schedules and my job is wayyy more hours intense/demanding. I assure you my husband does not take on more thanof child duties as a result.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I actually find drop off to be easier but I have a job that is harder to leave at 430/5 whereas my husband can have a hard leave deadline so he does pickup while I do drop off (usually). If you’re in biglaw and he’s in govt, I’m assuming he’s going to be doing more of the house/childcare work anyway? Whether he feels like he’s doing too much or whether that means a change in your jobs is up to you and your relationship. Lots of people find the trade offs worth it. You’ll see here that a lot of people solo parent when spouses are traveling.
I feel like I see my kids A LOT even though I work 40+ hours a week, whereas some people might think it’s not enough for them – but only you can decide what is enough.
ElisaR says
that sounds heavenly – I do both drop off and pick up every day and I am a little bitter about it.
EB0220 says
DO IT! You will do plenty for your child. 5 years of your husband owning the pickups and dropoffs is amazing.
oil in houston says
I have a daycare in my office, and so did all the drop offs and pick ups, it was just logical, not a big deal to me. With #2 on the way, this might change, as husband is the one dropping our oldest, and my office isn’t that much further, so I might ask him to take the baby too on days when I have early meetings as it can save 10-15mn
Rainbow Hair says
I did drop off and pickup at my work’s on-site daycare for two years, and there were pros and cons. The obvious con was the strict limits on my time (had to be out the door at 5), and having the expectation of all the school-related work (potluck snacks and theme days and teacher gifts etc). But the pro was that I got a lot of time with Kiddo on our drives to and from work/school, got to know her teachers well, etc. I sort of miss that now that she’s at a different school.
Anonanonanon says
I really like the blazer posted, but unfortunately I tend to have red skin bordering on rosacea anyway and have reddish hair, so I don’t think the red color would be flattering, and that’s the only color available in my size. Bummer!