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When I started commuting, it did not take me long to realize I could no longer carry everything on one shoulder. I needed a bag that could fit files, occasionally my laptop, and all the junk I carry around with me (Kindle, pens, extra battery packs, water bottle, etc.) but still looked structured and professional enough for court. I also knew I wanted to invest in a bag that would last a long time. Enter Tumi. They no longer sell the one I ended up getting, but this one is close. I also love that this version has a “quick-access phone pocket,” because the biggest issue I have when carrying a backpack is where to put my phone. (Side note, women’s pants should all have FUNCTIONAL pockets, IMHO.) Using a backpack has saved my shoulders during my commute, and I can’t imagine ever returning to a shoulder bag. This bag is $375 at Amazon and is also available at Tumi, which has a couple more color options). Carson Backpack Amazon has a more affordable option from Knomo that is $179. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
I have 3 girls- 5, 2.5 and 6 months. People are starting to ask about Christmas gifts.
Ladies, we have EVERYTHING.
What are some good items that people can get for the baby and toddler that aren’t just more toys/books? I love books. But we have over 500 (I counted, i have an app!) and I don’t need more toddler/baby books.
I’m set on my oldest. But for the other two all I can come up with is (more) art supplies/(more) play doh, a new bike helmet and some socks for baby.
Ideas? I need *thing* ideas- we already gave experi nice ideas to people that like to do that sort of stuff.
Anonymous says
Cull through your kids stuff and give a lot of it to charity. 500 books is insane. No one needs that much stuff.
Anonymous says
I know, it’s awful. The good news is most are used. I have a triple whammy in that my husband’s family is a bunch of bibliophiles, my mom has decided her “thing” will be to bring a book (or 3) every time she visits (she gets them at used book sales), and I have many teacher/librarian friends and family that like to spoil my kids with books.
I send books back with my mom (I’ve convinced her to be a library), I donate duplicates to daycare/preschool immediately, and we have a packed bookshelf in each kid’s room plus more books in the playroom. I sneak them out whenever possible.
We have a similar problem brewing with Legos since my oldest is into them. But luckily my mom is too cheap to buy them and it’s just an in law issue ;).
Anonymous says
Clothes (surely some things are worn out by number three), contributions to college fund (I know, not a thing), bedding, movies, luggage if you travel with them.
Anonymous says
You can’t really buy/wrap movies- we own them digitally. My kids have luggage and sleeping bags already. College fund contributions don’t count here (the people that can/want to do this already do it). They have tons of bedding. Clothes for the littles are pretty much all I’ve come up with.
Anon says
I feel your pain. Divorced and remarried grandparents mean my kids are set for life.
I’ve started to find small but expensive things like Dupos/ Legos/ PlusPlus/ Mangatiles that I can either swap out with current items, or just donate straight away and say “oh they’re in the bin!”. I’ve also asked teachers if they have wishlists for their classrooms and ask for that, and then just donate straight to the school/daycare. Then it’s still being used by my kid but also enjoyed by others and also doesn’t have to live in my house.
Another idea is to ask for help building your digital movie library. Use Movies Anywhere to consolidate across all the platforms, and then make a list of movies your kids will love. If gift-givers want something physical, they can give a small gift related to the movie, like a stuffed Stitch doll or a Little Golden Book about Mary Poppins.
I’m hopeful that as the kids get older, this problem will start to disappear as they want smaller and more digital type items like Apple Tunes gift cards and whatever video games are popular.
Anonymous says
It won’t. Plenty of us will never give gift cards
Anon says
I mean, good for you. But don’t be surprised when all your gifts go straight to Goodwill.
Anonymous says
Totally fine with that! I’m not too out of control, I give one gift for birthday, one for Christmas, in a box with a bow. No one gifts cash or gift cards ever, and in return I make a real effort to not give something useless, include a gift receipt, and not go hunting to see what you did with it!
Anonymous says
I really like the daycare wish list idea. Thank you!
Gift ideas says
If anyone in your family is crafty, request something handmade. My great-grandmother used to knit a pair of mittens for each great-grandchild every Christmas, and we loved the “GG mittens.” My grandma is teaching my sister to quilt, and I’ve requested a quilt or quilted throw pillows for my kids as a joint present from both. My sister also painted and bedazzled a simple wooden castle she got at a craft store, and it is a huge hit (despite a plastic castle we’d gotten a few months before getting very little use).
Otherwise, my go-to is the art & craft supplies / play-dough / more blocks thing already mentioned, and movies. There are lots of DVD/blu-ray/digital code bundles out there, and we’ve been building a library of Disney classics and old musicals.
I know you said you need things, but this year, I’ve suggested instead to both my dad and FIL that we’ll plan to visit them next year, and they can contribute to our plane tickets as a Christmas gift. They both seemed pretty happy with that idea. This probably only works with grandparents, though.
Gift ideas says
Oh yeah, and one more thought: subscriptions. My kids are 3.5 and 5 and really like the High Five (Highlights for littler kids) magazine. We also get Little Passports, but there are a million similar things with different themes. Many of them have kind of a kick-off package that is a little more involved than the normal monthly mailer. When we got Little Passports as a gift last year, my mom warned us to expect it and we wrapped up the kick-off stuff to open on Christmas morning, and explained that there would be more adventures each month.
potato says
Is a zoo membership enough of a thing (as opposed to experience)?
Anonymous says
We already do get those sorts of gifts (zoo/museum/local indoor play-space). This is really for the People Who Must Gift Actual Stuff in our family.
Anon in NYC says
Bean bag chairs? Maybe science experiment kits for the two older ones? A kaleidoscope, binoculars (a huge hit with my then 2 year old). Maybe a board game like Connect 4 or Richard Scarry’s Busytown.
Anonymous says
Good ideas! We have many of those things but maybe we need a second pair of binoculars :-)
Jeffiner says
A friend got my toddler 400 band-aids for Christmas last year, in all sorts of colors and designs. I no longer feel guilty about wasting a band-aid on a pretend boo-boo.
I’m getting my daughter an aquarium this year, because she loves to look at the fish tanks in the pet store. I know I’ll be doing all the work, but I think she’ll enjoy it.
Anon in NYC says
lol, that’s amazing.
Spirograph says
omg this is genius, thank you. My kids love band aids, esp character ones, and I am way too cheap to pay for the fancy ones at the rate they go through them. My daughter would be trilled to open a box of Frozen band-aids. Stocking-stuffer this year, for sure.
Walnut says
Taking this idea straight to my Amazon cart. My toddler is going to lose his mind over fun bandaids.
Anonymous says
You could try asking for one expensive or impressive thing that the whole family can enjoy together. A play tent is fun and folds up small. One year the grandparents got us a telescope, which was really exciting. When the kids get a bit older, you could also try asking for theatre or concert tickets.
Anonymous says
We have all that stuff. 3 girls, divorced family, only grandkids.
Anonymous says
If you are going to shoot down every single suggestion, why ask? We don’t know exactly what you have and don’t have.
Anonymous says
This. Sorry you’re so privileged? Must be hard for you?
octagon says
Do you live somewhere it snows? Cold weather gear – sleds for each kid, snowball makers, snowman face kits, etc.
Or cookie cutters for the older kids? Special Christmas tree ornaments?
mascot says
We started a fancy Christmas ornament collection for my son when he was born. Each year, we pick out a new one and he enjoys putting “his” ornaments on the tree.
Anon says
Are you going on a vacation or a trip any time this year? Could they get special gear for that? Maybe a swim suit or special beach towel or the next size up in sandals or new beach toys?
Art supplies can be used up so its not like the supply won’t disappear. Or lush kids bath supplies. Play dough that dries up or bubbles or chalk or stickers.
What about things to play outside? Hot chocolate, snowman parts, next size up in rain boots, new cute umbrella, gardening gloves, etc
Do they like to help you in the kitchen? Could you use some cooking supplies for kids like small aprons or kids knives for cutting or a new stool to stand up to get to the counter better.
Magazine subscriptions?
Start traditions with different relatives. Maybe one aunt always gets them goofy socks, another one always gets them hair bands, another gets them their advent calendar, another one gets them special food treats etc
Pogo says
Kids do any sports/activities that are tough on clothes or gear? I try to think of things that you can’t “hand me down” like: winter boots & ski gear, hockey gear, cleats for soccer or baseball, gymnastics or dance clothes, etc. At least in our family, those type of items make it through one “season” before they are destroyed, so we always need more. If grandparents want to give higher dollar amounts, we ask that they pay for the lessons/sport team as well – so the kid gets to open a gift (wow, a new catcher’s mitt!) and the parents get a check to put towards the sports season.
This is in stark contrast to say, toddler sized church clothes which have been worn by 3+ kids over 8 years, but for a total duration of 12 hours and thus are still brand new.
Anonymous says
Hmm, snow boots & cleats have handed down great so far but maybe that won’t continue.
Walnut says
Even if everything is getting handed down, isn’t it fun for your third kid to get something new and of their own? Isn’t that was Christmas gifting is all about?
I’m so thrilled that my Mom likes to gift socks, shoes, and coats. They’re always useful and if a particular coat isn’t heavily used before it doesn’t fit, it makes a great donation. Growing up, we all received a fresh set of bed sheets each year. Go for broke and ask for bath towel, hand towel and washcloth sets as well. Old stuff can be donated to the humane society or a pet rescue.
Aside from that, walk through a craft store and look at consumable stuff. Stickers, fun pens, puffy paint, craft paper, pipe cleaners, friendship bracelet materials, etc. Popcorn, hot chocolate and candy for movie nights.
The band-aid idea above is genius and I’m totally stealing it this year. Maybe your family could use a fresh first aid kit or car emergency kit?
anon says
what about more/different dress up clothes? do you have a play kitchen? perhaps some additional food/accessory items for that? doll house? puzzles? mini trampoline? i also have a 6 month old, and also don’t feel like they really need toys bc they don’t play with that many things. personalized beach towel for the summer? maybe matching holiday PJs? a train set? girls can play with trains too – i loved them as a kid
In House Lobbyist says
Balance bike? Scooters? Sleds? Magnatiles? I bought yoga chairs for kids last year for my 7 and 4 year old thinking they would actually use them like chairs. They immediately turned them over and used the feet as handles and starting jumping on them. Drives my husband crazy but they jump on them every day still.
Tova says
Look at the website or ask at a DV shelter or Ronald McDonald house for a list of needs. Tell your relatives that your taking the kids to participate in a drive for x (new socks/coats/undies) and let the kids unwrap and then contribute the items.
Anonymous says
Each kid could have an online food drive (contributions go to a local food bank), or maybe sponsoring an animal from heifer.com?
anon says
I need sleep help! I feel like we have sleep trained our 15 month old 10 ten times already. Every time he gets sick, we’re out of town, a grandparent visits, the time changes, we have to do it again. He usually does well and can put himself to sleep without crying by day 2 or 3. This time he’s throwing us a curve ball. He starts to go down around 7:30pm and is asleep by 8pm, but then wakes up screaming at 11pm. We tried to sleep train at 11 last night, by going in to say good night at 3min, 5min, 7min and on and on. He screamed for an hour. There were times where he settled down and I thought he would go to sleep, but then he would perk up and scream louder. After an hour of it we gave up and I nursed him to sleep in my bed. I can’t hang anymore. How should we handle the 11pm wake up?
Anonymous says
We have a hard rule about not going in unless they’ve been crying for 10 minutes. It’s hard, but usually they settle after 5 or 6 minutes and we’ve learned that if we go in too early it just turns into an hour-long saga of trying to get them back down.
Also, what temp is his room? We had a bunch of wakeups this fall that all went away once we started keeping their room a few degrees warmer. I think if they wake up and are a little chilly it’s harder to settle.
Anonymous says
Sleep train. Ignore him.
Anonymous says
Motrin? This seems like prime teething time for some more painful teeth. I might be a little generous with the Motrin, but when my daughter is upset at night for an unknown reason, I will give her some. It does the trick the vast majority of the time.
*disclaimer – my child doesn’t get Motrin every night. She’s generally a good sleeper, so this is once every couple months, but sometimes for a few nights in a row.
Anonymous says
Seconding this. We also go for ibuprofen on nights our kids just won’t settle and 15 minutes later they’re sound asleep for the rest of the night, so seems to work.
Anon says
+1. My 15 month old just finished getting her molars and the canines are currently coming in (I can see three of the four have poked through). We also do tylenol or motrin if she doesn’t settle (or if she has bright pink cheeks before bed).
Anonymous says
Canines were the worst for us by far. Which was always confusing to me. They’re the most pointy, shouldn’t they come through the easiest? ;)
HSAL says
Same!
Anon in NYC says
14-16 months was the worst stretch of sleep for my kid. It was probably a number of things, including: molars, illnesses (HFM, and general colds), developmental advances (walking), disruption to her routine (travel), separation anxiety, etc. My advice is to ride it out, and maybe consider a weighted blanket if he meets the weight requirements. If it appears to be teething discomfort, give him some Tylenol or motrin at night.
Pogo says
Solidarity. I am relatively pro-CIO but I can’t when kiddo is sick and actually needs me. That just seems cruel (plus, I legit worry about the snot that comes with sustained crying and potential choking). Anyway with this most recent cold I also caved and LO slept in our bed several times. I am waiting until he’s fully recovered and then I’ll probably be where you are, debating more CIO.
We did do Tylenol last night and that helped (he slept 11.5 hours!). I also gave him a new stuffy because I noticed he has been hugging/laying on pillows or stuffy’s when he is playing downstairs, so I thought that might help comfort him, and help to elevate his head (he’s very congested).
Anonymous says
I know a number of people who had the constant ‘retraining’ issue with CIO so we used No Cry Sleep Solution book by Pantley. There’s a toddler one too but I can’t remember which one applied around a year old.
Second various comments that teething between 1-2 years is hard on little ones. Plus cold/flu season is starting up.
Anon says
Inspired by the above, I realize I need to update my kid movies wishlist for Christmas. Any good recommendations for a 5 and 3 year old? (We do a family movie night each Friday, so something that isn’t horrible for adults to watch would be a bonus!)
Anonymous says
Ever since our kid started watching movies at around age 3.5, our entire family has loved The Incredibles, Surf’s Up, and Ramona and Beezus. Your 5-year-old might also enjoy A Wrinkle in Time and the old PBS Anne of Green Gables.
Anonymous says
Sing is always a family favorite in our house. Trolls. Daniel Tiger movies. They’re only about an hour, but we like Family Trip and New Neighbor.
Anon in NYC says
I didn’t realize there was a Daniel Tiger New Neighbor movie! I’ll have to find that.
Anonymous says
It is fairly new – the beginning of this season. We DVR’ed it off of PBS. There’s actually a ton of them if you subscribe to PBS online. We don’t, but bought Family Trip before a trip and have the other one DVR’ed. And we might subscribe to PBS before a long trip in the future just for a month or something.
Anon in NYC says
We just signed up for it, and it’s been worth it.
DLC says
What do you guys already have and enjoy?
We watch a lot of classic movie musicals – State Fair, Sound of Music, Oklahoma. My daughter also really liked Ever After (the Drew Barrymore Cinderella retelling).
Anonymous says
Oh, I’m glad to see there’s a Daniel Tiger movie! I know this gets asked from time to time, but any other recs for movies for sensitive kids? My 3 and 6 year-olds watch some TV but really cannot seem to deal with almost any movie. For reference, Cars was too scary. As was Sing! Ultimately, this is not a terrible problem to have, but I’d like to be able to do a movie night from time to time, and “Re-watching 4 episodes of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie Night” does not have the same appeal :)
Anonymous says
In Sing, (spoiler alert) we fast forward through the scene where the aquarium breaks and the theater floods. We’ve definitely forgotten before in the car, and she seems okay. But we prefer to if we can.
On the show front, we’ve recently started the Llama Llama series on Netflix. It’s kiddo’s new go to. So us parents aren’t sick of it, yet :)
I think movies based on tv shows are best for this. Curious George Christmas (not the official name) is awesome, and a year-round go-to for us. There are others, we just don’t have them. I recently saw that Puppy Dog Pals will have a movie soon. Maybe some Mickey stuff?
Anonymous says
My scaredy cat son* was able to deal with Finding Nemo after we talked him through the sharks.
*Last night he didn’t want to get near the trash can because there was an Amazon box next to it with a PICTURE of the Grinch on it. He’s 6. Needless to say, the Grinch movie is not on our list. This is one reason he’s seen almost no movies though.
Anonymous says
We have the original Grinch movie. My daughter is 3. We actually bought it before she was born, because I’m kind of crazy about Christmas. We hadn’t introduced it to her before this year, because we didn’t think she’d have the attention span for it. About a month ago, she found the box and asked to watch the “Christmas alligator” movie. She didn’t make it through the whole thing, but “Christmas alligator” is now my husband and my favorite inside joke/phrase!
mascot says
Fwiw, the new Grinch is much gentler than the previous Grinches. In fact, when watching the movie this weekend, I was jolted by his sudden change in attitude when he decided to steal all the toys. Even then, he still seemed more sad/sympathetic than evil. And, my kid was delighted that he was really nice to Max the dog the whole time. The whole premise may still be too upsetting to your son, but I wanted to offer a short review.
AnoninBigLaw says
Thomas the Train movies are great (about 1 hour comprised of a few vignettes) and are free on Amazon Prime.
lsw says
They recently took almost every Thomas off of Prime (now they are rental for $$) and it is terrible! The only ones I know of that are still streaming free are the “classic” “seasons” 1-7.
Anonymous says
I could have written this, down to Cars being too scary!!! I asked a similar question a couple months ago if you search. I can’t remember the suggestions because we just decided not to bother with movies for now. It’s just Mr. Rogers over and over and over and over.
In House Lobbyist says
Mine have recently fell in love with Mary Poppins and Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. They also like the Charlie Brown holiday movies.
HSAL says
I feel like I’m constantly on the hunt for a bag that will hold my pumping accoutrements. Some people here recommended the OMG or OG, which I’m considering, but I really want a backpack because I carry home like 30 ounces a day. I’m willing to shell out some bucks, but most of the higher-end backpacks I’ve seen are fairly shallow and I need 6 inches deep minimum, preferably 7 or 8. Anyone have experience with the Hanover or other decently work-appropriate backpacks? I want something with some structure. I know I could find some deeper travel backpacks, but I’m hoping to find the unicorn that’s big enough but still okay for work.
Anon says
Im looking for this too, although I’m not sure I want a backpack. What are the OMG and OG?
HSAL says
From Lo & Sons. Very well-reviewed nylon bags recommended for travel, but a lot of people seem to use them for their daily bag. They’re expensive, but 30% off right now! They’re deep enough for when I carry my pump and all my stuff, but my shoulders have politely requested a backpack.
CHL says
I really like my everlane backpack for work.
Aly says
Ditto!
bper says
Bananafish Breast Pump Backpack might work for you. I use it to hold my pump and associated equipment but it sounds like it would meet your requirements too. Mine is still in good shape after 4 months, although I don’t expect to keep this for years after weaning. It’s only $40 though.
https://www.target.com/p/bananafish-breast-pump-backpack-grey-bone/-/A-52777933
Ranon says
Depending on how long you will be pumping it might not be worth the expense, but the Baby Buddha pump is so small and work so well. Iits a huge space saver compared to Medela or Spectra. Game changer for me with space saving for daily work and also when I travel. I got the Spectra through insurance and ended up buying baby buddha out of pocket. Im 5 months post partum and my stretch goal of pumping a year now seems very feasible.
Anonymous says
For a non-backpack option I got a wheeled cabin bag (mine was Briggs & Riley on deep discount from Amazon) and it saved my back to be able to wheel everything around.
Anon says
I’m going back to work tomorrow after maternity leave, and to add to it I woke up with a cold. We have extended family obligations all weekend that I can’t get out of, which is fine but just bad timing. I don’t like my job, and I’m not ready to leave my baby. I just want to cry and hide and not go back.
I’m whining, I know, and in the grand scheme of things these are not *real* problems. But sigh.
GCA says
Hugs! I feel you. I have a cold. The preschooler had a cold and was patient zero in our household. I went back to work last week and the 3mo refused a bottle for two days, only drank 4oz a day for two days, and then caught a cold, and is now lolling on a boppy next to me while I work from home. And it’s my busiest season at work – like I logged on Sunday afternoon and the entire team was working.
In terms of coping strategies, can you take things easy? Put little things on your to-do list if it makes you, psychologically, feel more accomplished (‘drink coffee’, ‘pump AM/ pump PM’). Get dinners delivered this week. And ‘I have to feed an easily distracted baby’ is a good way to hide from the family obligations for a few moments to regroup.
EP-er says
This is so hard. All the hugs to you! Is there any way that you can ease back into things with a few half days?
veryanon says
My mother is driving me insane with her parenting advice. The last set of comments have just sent me over the edge. She picked my daughter from school the other day and went with her to movie night at school, and daughter tantrumed a bunch, but it sounds like it was mostly related to how my mother handled the tantrums (e.g., giving in, telling her stop crying, shaming her for tantrums). She told me about this and told me my daughter needs to see a psychologist and that if I don’t get this addressed asap and that my daughter was the “worst behaved kid in the school” and I need to find a way to stop the tantrums or she would “end up a drug addict.”
Today she sent me a text that I need to find a way to pull out my daughter from after school because she “hangs out with all the bad kids” (i.e., kids whose moms work!) and that the after school program is “only trouble.” I am not a huge fan of the after school program and my daughter does say she wants to be picked up at carpool, but she is doing activities at school half the time anyways and she hangs out with her friends there. She probably spends 10 hours in it a week. But her comments make me wonder if I should lean out and find a way to be able to pick up my daughter from school. I love what I do and find it super meaningful, I am damn good at what I do, and make good money, so I hate the idea of giving that up, but of course would if it meant a lot for my daughters wellbeing. I try to be the best parent I can be when not at work, and think I am doing a ton better than my parents did.
This is all especially frustrating because I have few memories of spending time with my parents as a kid. I was picked up by other relatives /sitters from school, never ate dinner with them, and spent my weekends watching TV. I never felt like I could talk about my feelings with my parents, and I like to think that I am doing better for my kids.
How do I respond to her comments and deal with my mother? A part of me is just like cut her off but my kids love her and she can be somewhat helpful at times with childcare (though not super helpful), and she is my mother after all.
Will my kid be ok if she is in an afterschool program and only spending 3ish hours a day with parents on weekdays? Are tantrums in preschool normal? Are there any working moms with older kids? Are your kids doing well? What do you guys do for afterschool? Maybe I should look into nannies.
Anonymous says
Your kids will be totally fine in after-care! I know it’s hard, but please try not to take your mom’s unsolicited and bad advice to heart. I was in aftercare until I was old enough to go home alone after school, and I have a fantastic relationship with my mom. (Also I turned out great, if I do say so myself.) And I think you already know the answer to your question about tantrums in preschool… of course they’re normal! If you like what you do, are making good money, and STILL are able to spend 3 hours a day during the week with your kids, that sounds absolutely IDEAL. You’re rocking this!
If anything, I might suggest seeing a counselor about dealing with your relationship with your mom. It sounds really hard, and it might be nice to have a structured outlet for talking about it. But I am a person who generally thinks therapy is useful for a lot of people even just to deal with normal life hardships, so YMMV.
avocado says
For us, the early elementary years were the most difficult in terms of after-school care. There were not a lot of options, and the least awful was an after-school program at a preschool where the kids spent the entire afternoon in a noisy, crowded, overheated room with no quiet space for homework and very little outdoor time. My daughter hated it so much that I started working from home in the afternoons so I could pick her up, which didn’t make her any happier because I couldn’t pay attention to her while I was working, caused me an inordinate amount of stress, and was a disaster for my career. A nanny was not an option for us financially, and she didn’t like any of the sitters that we used when I traveled anyway. Once she was in fourth grade we found a much better after-school program at an indoor sports facility, which instantly improved everyone’s happiness.
It sounds as if your daughter is still in preschool. If you really don’t like the preschool’s aftercare program, can you look into other options including full-time day care? Once she hits school age, you can evaluate the options available to you, including a nanny, parks and rec or school-based programs, the Y or JCC, church programs, and martial arts or other sports-based programs.
After-school care, even if it’s not the best, is not going to turn your child into a sociopath, and the decision to SAH or alter your afternoon child care arrangements is for you and your spouse to make based on your family’s needs and preferences, not on the basis of your mother’s guilt trips. If your mother’s commentary is making you miserable, you can restrict her one-on-one time with your daughter.
This working mom thing is rough, and it never really gets easier as they grow up, just different. I will freely admit that I never had even the slightest wish to be a SAHM until my daughter entered public school, and that the desire to be a SAHM has only increased as she’s gotten older. I often wonder whether I’m short-changing her because I am not ferrying her to Chinese lessons and math tutoring and home-schooling her in extra subjects the way the SAHMs do (yes, her friends’ SAHMs really do this stuff). But you have to do what’s best for your family as a whole. Hang in there.
Anonymous says
There are a few things at play here. First, you and your mom. Separate that from your actual feelings about your kid. Separate that from how you feel about your job, and about how husband feels about his (because this is not a you vs nothing convo).
How old is your kid? She is both old enough to be picked up at school/ in aftercare but also tantruming, so not sure if tantrums are age appropriate or if your mom may be rude but into something re: anger mgmt.
How willing is this seeming judgey mom of yours to help out? Are there/will there in the future be siblings?
Depending on the age, I don’t think getting a nanny will solve things. Maybe having someone be home / pick her up in carpool but even then, it seems like you need to take this one issue at a time.
OP says
This is the OP. Kid is 5. Are tantrums / whining normal at 5?
Mom is not very willing to help out regularly, only if she doesn’t have much else going on. Husband is even less likely to cut his hours than I am, so if anyone were to be able to pick her up regularly it would be me.
anon says
Yes, totally normal at 5. Especially with someone who is not handling them well/after a long day/after being overstimulated.
Anonymous says
Oh, I see that she’s in preschool. And also has after school activities.
Yes, tantrums are still way normal. But you might think about a babysitter and chilling at home vs after care/activities at this age. My oldest kid did WAY better when she had significant unstructured downtime after preschool. My other did 40 hours/week in daycare and could have done 20 more ;)
avocado says
At that age, there can be a huge difference between “school” plus aftercare/activities and regular day care. When my daughter was in day care, she remained with the same small group of kids and teachers all day in a low-key, relaxed environment, and handled 40+ hours a week just fine. When she switched to a “preschool” where the “academic” program ended at 2:30, the “after-school” portion of the day, which included some extracurriculars, was chaotic and stressful. It might be possible to reduce the exhaustion just by switching from preschool to day care.
Betty says
Hugs, veryanon! It sounds like there is a lot at play here!! I find it helpful to separate out the issues: (1) your mother’s feedback, (2) your daughter’s tantrums, and (3) childcare. I get that they are all wrapped up into one ball of ugh, but I would attack each separately. And before even getting there, it sounds like you are an involved, caring mom who is also awesome at her job. You are showing your child that you can parent and have a career! Woohoo!
(1) Your mother’s feedback: First, her comments are way off base (see below). It sounds like she is getting under your skin; is this behavior typical? From your description of her behavior and your response, I wonder whether talking to a professional could help you set boundaries? In the meantime, can you respond with a non-response, “I will think about that, thank you” in a very even tone and give it zero additional thought. The idea is to give no fuel to her fire.
(2) Your daughter’s tantrums: It sounds like your daughter is in preschool? If so and even into elementary school, tantrums are totally normal in my experience. It does not mean that your child needs to see anyone/is going to get into drugs/whatever other projections/worst case scenarios your mom throws at you. Proceed with the awesome parenting you are already doing.
(3) Childcare: Our afterschool program is ok, not great, but ok. It is just a few hours per day, and I am fine with “ok” for a few hours per week. It is an opportunity for my kids to spend time with other kids in a less structured environment, which is a good thing. We’ve had a nanny in the past, but the expense plus need for supervision is more than I want to take on at the moment. As an aside, my mom was a single parent who worked more than full-time. As a result, I was with caretakers (after care, nanny or friends) many hours every week. My mom was an engaged parent when she was around (probably around 3 hours per day when she wasn’t working nights), and she rocked her career. I am a (mostly) well-adjusted adult with a great career, and I am super close with my mom. Daycare/after care/working full time does not mean doom for your kid; I think it means the opposite.
SC says
Whoa, there’s a lot to unpack here.
I encourage you not to lean out in order to pick your kid up from after care early. You love your job and make good money. You don’t mention any caregiver besides your mom identifying abnormal behavior/the need for a psychologist. There doesn’t seem to be any actual harm from being in aftercare.
If you want to let your daughter come home earlier, at least on days when there aren’t other activities, there are alternatives. In college, I provided after-school care for a 1st grader and 4th grader, from about 3:30 (when they got off the bus) until their parents arrived home around 5:30 or 6. But it doesn’t sound like you need to do this for your daughter’s well-being. She’ll be fine in aftercare.
3 hours per day with parents, on weekdays, seems like a normal amount of time. I’m sure there are kids who benefit from more time. But before leaning out/going part-time at a job you love, focus on the quality of the time you have with your daughter, and being present and engaged.
mascot says
Will my kid be ok if she is in an afterschool program and only spending 3ish hours a day with parents on weekdays? Yes, quality over quantity, especially during the week
Are tantrums in preschool normal? YES, and they rarely have anything to do with your kid being in quality, safe aftercare. But, your kid might be starving at pick up so give her a healthy snack. Also, if she’s not napping, make sure she gets good sleep on nights/weekends even if it means less family time. These are long days for little people and sleep/nutrition matter.
Are there any working moms with older kids? My kid is in second grade, he’s been in full time care since he was 3 months old. (8-5:30). This year, we pick him up from carpool 2/x week because he has a late sports practice and needs some more downtime for homework. He’s doing fine.
anon says
Don’t let your mom make you think you need to restructure your entire life. It is your life and you have to do what works best for your family, even if it means *gasp* mommy has to work and daughter needs to be watched by someone else after school. I don’t have much advice, but it sounds like you need to set some boundaries with your mom, which may mean the grandkids don’t see her as often. I’m a firm believer that you don’t need to hang out with someone just because they are family. They have to earn the relationship by being respectful and a good person.
If your daughter truly isn’t doing well in her current after school program, it may be worth looking around at other options. I can’t tell from the description if that is the case or just your mom’s perspective.
OP says
Thank you. Agree that I need to set boundaries with my mom, but have no idea how to respond to comments like this.
How do I know if daughter isn’t doing well after school? She doesn’t get in trouble and teacher has great things to say about her, but she does tantrum a lot and she says she wishes I would pick her up at carpool.
mascot says
What exactly does she think will happen if you pick her up every day from carpool? A never-ending string of playdates and ice cream and fun directed solely at her benefit? The reality is that you will be running errands or trying to answer emails and the last thing you want is to invite a bunch of 5 year olds over so they can make a glitter craft or just to park her in front of a screen for 2 hours. Aftercare is a land of toys and snacks and friends on the playground. Once I explained this a couple of times to my kid, he seemed to be better about not begging for carpool.
Anonymous says
A preschooler doesn’t need a school movie night. I think you should stick with whatever aftercare you need, don’t have your mom do anything extra, and it is all fine.
MomAnon4This says
Do NOT deal with your mother.
Deal with your kid and your actual concerns about your kid and the concerns of people you trust – it is clear from your post that you don’t and can’t trust your mom’s opinion.
Do you have a partner? Discuss with him/her. Whom else sees your kid – teachers, other activities, other parents?
Take care of YOU – get a bottle of wine and a girlfriend and GRIPE and hear each other out. Honestly, to me you sound remarkably normal, your kid sounds fine. But your mom is a real pill! Call your girlfriend or meet with her (your friend) and see if the advice of people who know you and trust you is similar to your mom’s. Wait to change after-school care FOR SURE until after the beginning of the next semester. You’ll be fine.
anon says
This past weekend DH and I tried gardening for the first time in quite some time. Embarrassed to admit, but it was probably like 8 months – we have 4 month old twins and i was so huge during pregnancy and had some risk factors so it wasn’t recommended towards the end. I delivered via c-section. It was so so painful and honestly didn’t really work. Is this normal? Will it just take a few tries for it to work well again?
Anonymous says
This is common, and I was in a similar boat. I didn’t seek help, but looking back I should have. I’d give it a few more times, and if it doesn’t go well, call your OB/GYN. Pain isn’t “normal”, although it is common. Lots of lube helps.
Anonymous says
IME (v*ginal births though), yes, it took a few times to feel comfortable again. If you are br**stfeeding, you also may be drier than normal, although this wasn’t an issue for me.
anon says
Oh I was a C Section and it took months of trying off and on. Sorry, it’s a thing. Weaning helped (if you are nursing!)
Anonymous says
If you’re nursing, it may take a while for it to feel enjoyable. Lots and lots of lube in the interim. I didn’t really have a drive until I weaned (at 15 months).
Anon. says
+1
MomAnon4This says
Yeah i didn’t realize I had a libido until I was breastfeeding and didn’t have one. Those hormones help a lot!
Maybe try a glass of wine, too, if you think you had hang-ups or inhibitions?
But definitely don’t be afraid to call your gyne or nurse and just ask!
Anonymous says
DH and I didn’t successfully garden until
DD was almost a year old. I had a V delivery and third degree tear, but was healed enough to ride a bike within a couple weeks. I don’t know why gardening was so difficult and painful for me, but it was.
octagon says
Pelvic floor therapy! Very much worth it.
Anonymous says
This. I had twins. Get someone who does a good internal exam. Plus lube. My Physiotherapist insisted we not do without and DH took it better when it was a physio requirement.
anon says
I found it really, really, really painful for the first year pp. I asked my OB for help and he essentially did a chemical peel of the area. That hurt terribly and didn’t help. Right around 13-14 months, with a decrease in breastfeeding, everything was magically normal again. My husband had been terrified that we’d never do it again. We were both relieved when things got better–it was a 100% turn around over about 4 days. Please be patient with yourself.
Anon says
With my first it hurt for about 10 months, and I didn’t have any drive until I weaned at 13 months. With my second it stopped hurting by about 5 months but I still don’t have any drive and don’t expect to until I wean in a few months. Nursing really does seem to impact gardening drive.
Anon says
I had a similar experience, after giving birth via C-section. My ob/gyn prescribed estrogen pills inserted v*ginally. They helped a little but I stopped taking them after a month or two as I was nervous about the effects of hormones. The situation resolved itself after that.
Redux says
Does anyone have a recommendation for a clock radio for a 5-year old? I want to get something for her to play her own music, but I am oddly baffled by what. Are CDs still a thing? Or do we get her an mp3 player and a clock radio that it can plug into. Or with bluetooth? I feel like an old. Please help!
Anonymous says
I have no idea if this exists, but if I were looking, I would see if I could find something that streams Pandora. If we want music in our house, we do a lot of Pandora Toddler/Kids Radio.
PinkKeyboard says
Could you get her an echo dot with a lot of parental controls? Ours is synced to our Pandora accounts so we can play music and audible books and podcasts. It’s delightful (granted they also listen to us, but I work for the government so what’s another few hours of listening)
In House Lobbyist says
My kids each have a CD player from Amazon that was about $30. They love it and listen to CD and books on CDs all the time. Yes, my little one scratches them but she listens to something every day.
Redux says
This is the way I’m leaning. I prefer something not-so-smart and I really like the idea of books on CD, which our library has tons of but which we haven’t gotten into because we no longer have a CD player in the house! Do you buy your kids CDs (music or otherwise)? The last time I actually bought a CD they were mad expensive.
In House Lobbyist says
They get CDs as gifts usually. My 5 year likes every Disney movie CD with all the songs and also the story books with CDs. They are usually less than $10. She likes Christmas music and Nana buys her all the Bible songs too. I also find books with CDs ar the Dollar Tree for her that focus on animals songs or counting songs. My son is into AC/DC (thanks to hubby) and Ray Stevens. He also has some Elvis and Beach Boys so those are usually less than $10. He listens to longer books now. We homeschool and our history curriculum is also on CD and so is his Latin. Jim Weiss does great narration for stories and we find them at the library or eBay because I think they are expensive. They have been a great thing for our kids. I think they were $30 on Amazon.
Anonymous says
We have a CD player in our kids room. The only CDs we have in their house are theirs, but they’re a good stocking stuffer thing or “grandma wants to bring a present when she visits” thing and don’t take up much space.
lsw says
We do the same. My son (2.5) is obsessed with his CD player and falls asleep to music every night. One thing I don’t love is it gives a ton of light pollution in his room but it doesn’t seem to bother him so I guess it’s fine?
Cate says
The luggage idea above triggered a christmas idea for me! My almost four year old loves luggage and I want to get her a bag for christmas for flying. Something with wheels. Any recommendations? I think she’d like pb kids bags but wasn’t sure which size to get. Or just get her a rolly from Target?
Anonymous says
If you are spending more than Target $$$, I would get a full-sized rolling carry-on with spinner wheels that she can use for the next several years. I am anti-spinner for my own bags, but kids seem to find the spinners easier to handle.
AnoninBigLaw says
we got my then 3yo a hard backed rolling carry-on from PBK last year and it’s been great. There are two sizes; the larger one is an adult size carry-on. We got her the smaller one and it’s been a great size for her to walk/roll through the airports. Highly recommend.
Anon says
We got the Rockland Two Piece luggage set from Amazon. Around $40 for an expandable rolling carry on and a tote bag. Between the two pieces and a regular backpack, my kid is set for any sort of travel. They’ve held up for over a year now of 3 plane rides, one weeklong road trip, and multiple weekend trips. Comes in a ton of patterns so we’re also getting my youngest kid his own set for Christmas this year. (No longer will his stuff fit in mine or the diaper bag.)
AnotherAnon says
I don’t know what I’m looking for – I guess I just need to vent. DH and I have been fighting a lot, basically starting since our kid arrived (kid is 20 months). I know I have plenty of share in the blame, but couples therapy is not working (therapist basically said we have no problems, which makes me feel even worse for thinking we have problems). I’m just kind of at a loss and ready to throw in the towel. Anything work for you when you’ve felt like that? Every time DH tries to pick a fight I just shut down. He’s a lawyer so I’m kind of sick of arguing with him because his response always feels like “well your argument isn’t valid because X.”
Anon says
hugs. adjusting to parenthood is hard! it sounds like this particular therapist is not very helpful – would you consider trying another therapist? DH and I did couples therapy and found it extremely helpful. idk what kind of therapist says there are no problems when the couple thinks there are problems. do you and DH get any alone time? date nights? have you gone away at all since kiddo was born? what types of things are you arguing about?
blueridge29 says
Find a new therapist ASAP. Having kids is hard on a marriage and it takes a work to focus on your relationship again. Best of luck!
OP says
Thanks for your suggestions. I’m thinking about going back to individual therapy to see if that helps. What kind of couples therapy did you do? I specifically looked for someone who did the Gottman method, but after visiting this therapist a few times and then reading Gottman’s book, it seems like this therapist couldn’t have been further from using that method. Anyway, we get alone time sometimes: lately we just don’t connect. We end up sitting in silence or DH talks about something I have no interest in (lately it’s IF) and I try to listen politely. When we go away I miss my kid. That seems lame but DH just isn’t that into me anymore. Last time we went away he pouted because I didn’t bring running shoes and I didn’t want to walk 5 miles in my Sperrys. We fight about everything from where to send our kid to school to where to go for Christmas to who does more chores/gets more free time. I’m just kind of done trying to change my behavior for him when all I hear is “Change more. It’s not me – it’s you.”
blueridge29 says
We went to a general family therapist who honestly wasn’t that great, but my spouse really opened up during sessions which showed me how dedicated he was to improving our marriage. Once I saw that he was willing to put in the work, and not looking to blame me, I was willing to direct some of my limited energy to improving our relationship. Having kids under 2 years is crazy hard so do whatever you need to feel better, whether it is couples or individual therapy. Hugs.
Anonymous says
Hugs – definitely try a new therapist. Our second therapist helped a lot but at the end of the day DH and I just had to decide that we both really wanted it to work and that we had to try and be kind to each other every day. Choices are stay together and try to be happy; stay together and continue being miserable, or break up. It’s not perfect but we are both happy most of the time. Parenting young children is exhausting.
Try emphasizing that you are talking about how you are feeling and get away from worrying about who is ‘right’.
Try a weekly (or biweekly) date night where you don’t talk about anything kid related. Try a mid-week lunch date if you can’t do a weekend night. Small pieces of time on a regular basis made a bigger difference than weekends away for us.
anon says
We got our 5 yo an Echo dot and she loves to use it to play music. She also uses it as an alarm clock.
Betty says
Fed Up by Gemma Hartley: Curious whether anyone has read this new book about women and emotional labor? I saw it recommended in Real Simple.
EB0220 says
I haven’t but The Best of Both Worlds podcast just interviewed her.
Cb says
It was a weirdly intense interview! I don’t know if I entirely bought the author’s argument but also find their default to ‘outsource it!’ really infuriating on academic/civil service salaries. Along these lines, I really liked Tiffany Dufu’s Drop the Ball.
EB0220 says
Interesting! I haven’t listened yet but Laura did allude to the combative nature of the interview on her blog.
GCA says
Hmm, interesting. Now I want to read it and listen to that interview. I agree the ‘just outsource it’ is especially infuriating and tone-deaf on to people on middle-class/ academic-family salary – that was my issue with both Lean In and Laura Vanderkam.
I read Drop the Ball and liked it, but…women are not the ones who should be reading all these books, our partners are.
soloparents says
Solo parents with 2+ children, do you eat dinner with your kids? I really want and used to before baby but find it so incredibly challenging since baby was born, but can’t figure out why I am having such a hard time.
Redux says
When I am solo parenting, I rarely eat dinner with my kids. I use that time to wash the pots and pans and otherwise clean up the kitchen, then I eat after bedtime when I can have whatever I want in front of the TV. It’s part of my stay-sane plan.
AwayEmily says
When I solo parent I sit with the kids while they eat but rarely eat with them. I think this is a season of life and in five years you might be eating with them again. For right now, do whatever you need to do to get through. Solo parenting is tough.
Anon says
I do. My kids are 6 and 3. It takes planning and a routine though.
We get home around 5:15 and everyone helps me unload all the bags. They sit down to a cartoon around 5:30 while I prep dinner (ingredients have already been purchased on the weekend) and flip through the paperwork and mail, and clean most of the prep dishes as I go. At 6:15 we all sit down to eat together. By 6:30 I’m done and get up to start on the dishes and putting away any leftovers, while they finish any last bites and then help me with dishes. At 6:45, we play together. 7:15 we start reading books before bed, then go into the (short) bedtime routine. We only do baths 2x/week so most nights we skip that part, and the kids are in bed by 8:00. Then I go pack lunches for the next day and finish up any dishes or paperwork I didn’t get to earlier.
The key is that my DH is in charge of meal prep and groceries on the weekends. He is not allowed to leave for the week without a stocked fridge. We stick to pretty simple recipes. Weeknight dinner is a rotation of: quesadillas, spaghetti, risotto, shrimp cocktail, popcorn shrimp, shake n bake pork or chicken, sloppy joes, mac and cheese, enchiladas, pancakes, eggs and toast, or some sort of casserole/skillet meal. A PBJ is my last ditch plan for horrible days when I just can’t muster energy for anything more intense. Everything takes less than 45 min for both prep and cooking – and we try out new recipes on the weekends to make sure they’re in the time limit. We also always have two sides: one fruit (grapes, bananas, apples, pears, cuties – basically anything with zero chopping required) and one steamers vegetable (that takes 5-8 minutes in the microwave).
Anon says
Sorry missed that you said baby. It’s been a little while, but for me the wrinkle was nursing. We had the same basic routine then, but at 5:15 I’d sit down and feed baby while talking to my other kid. Do the same from 5:30-8:00 but with another feed during play time if needed, wearing the baby during the rest of it (loved my Tula for exactly this purpose) or letting him play on the floor next to us. And then I’d do all the bag loading/unloading/bottles/etc after 8pm when oldest was in bed. Baby went to bed with me (thanks to a late nap) so again he either played on a mat in the kitchen or was in the Tula until it was time for my bed.
That year was super exhausting and a huge reason why we only have two kids. But it gets a lot better once you’re not having to make separate meals (b00b or formula or baby food) for one of the kids. I didn’t do BLW really, but I did feed baby “real” food as early as possible – mashed up casseroles or tiny pieces of tortilla, with a ton of baby-size fruits and veggies. In fact, both of my kids were obsessed with blueberries and peas for months because they were the easiest for them to feed themselves.
And get your oldest to start helping you. Mine were able to unload the dishwasher onto the counter (with supervision of course) by age 3. They used butter knives to slice bananas around that same age, fetched toys for the baby, pulled papers out of their backpack, dumped out the leftover milk/formula, etc. For some reason I worked better and faster when everyone was in the same room as me and busy with a “chore”, even if I had to redo it later.
Anonymous says
Where do you buys kids’ gloves? I need snow gloves for my 4-year-old, and this is a shopping weak spot for me. Nothing too fancy — we live in the DC area, so some snow, but we don’t ski or anything.
Redux says
Maybe this is so obvious as to be elusive, but Target always has great options. We live in a snowy climate and I am a big proponent of SnowStoppers gloves/mittens– they are long sleeved, so they never fall off and don’t allow snow to get in between the coat sleeve and the glove.
Anonymous says
Thanks, I just bought a pair. I actually always forget about Target!
EB0220 says
REI is our favorite. Lots of kid options.
anon says
Travel question – I am flying with three kids this Saturday on Southwest. Last time we did this, our plane had rows of 2, so we just sat in one row. Would you do 2 and 2 (with the windows open), 2 and 2 (back to back) or 3 and 1, with the aisle in between? My oldest is almost ten and will be fine as long as nothing goes wrong, and can probably handle his own air mask etc., but I’d still like to be able to reach him.
Anonymous says
3 and 1 with the two younger ones in the middle and center seats, you on the aisle with them, and 10 y/o on the aisle across from you. That puts all three within easiest reach.
anon says
That makes sense. Does your answer change if the two younger ones fight all the time :)? I guess that’s the price I pay.
Anonymous says
Ha. In that case, 3 + 1 with middle child across the aisle from you.
Anonymous says
3+1 with 10 year old as the 1. Tell younger kids if they fight then they will have to sit as the +1.
Mrs. Jones says
I’d do 3 and 1. Good luck.
anon says
Thanks everyone! I think I will do 3 and 1, 10 as the 1, and sit in between the two younger ones. The middle one can talk to his brother across the aisle. The 10 year old should be old enough to do his own mask!
anon says
flying first time this weekend solo with baby and i’m very nervous. any tips for diaper changes in the tiny plane bathroom? what do i do if i have to go to the bathroom? or do i just not drink any liquid all day to make sure that doesn’t happen. also – do you need the original birth certificate, copy of birth certificate or does a photo on a phone suffice? flying southwest if that matters
Anonymous says
I learned to use the bathroom while baby-wearing.
Anonymous says
This. Flying with baby twins + toddler made peeing while babywearing a necessity.
DH wasn’t allowed to hold more than one baby at a time and they screamed with the flight attendant who offered to hold one.
Anonymous says
Yep, definitely the way to go.
octagon says
I carried the original birth certificate with me, but no one asked for it.
Do you have a carrier? I kept her snuggled up to me (after takeoff; for some reason they made me take her out for takeoff). I was able to go to the bathroom while babywearing – you may want to practice before you go. Elastic waist pants are your friend for this.
The plane bathrooms have tables that fold out for diaper changes. Tiny and awkward but work in a pinch. Definitely take a changing pad to put underneath. If the flight is fairly short you might consider using extra absorbent/nighttime diapers and hoping for the best. A friend said her infant always pooped when the cabin pressure changed, but mine didn’t.
EB0220 says
I wrote about this a while ago but I did NOT cover the bathroom question! For using the bathroom, definitely pee while wearing the baby. I suggest pants without a button/zipper because that can be hard to fasten while you’re babywearing. For changing baby in the tiny bathroom, use the fold out table. Bring one of the Skip Hop diaper clutches and keep it easily accessible + a change of clothes for everyone. I always carried a copy of the birth certificate, and was never asked except on Southwest. I believe they will also accept immunization records that show the child’s birth date. Their site doesn’t really clarify though.
anon says
No advice really, but when I flew with my then 6 month old, we had a dirty (brown) diaper and there was no changing table in the plane bathroom. So we had to use the tray table. People were still boarding so everyone got to see everything. Bring lots of wipes and wet ones.
We’ve always just flown with a copy of the birth certificate. And I don’t even think we’ve every been asked to see it, but I’ve witnessed others being asked so you’ll want it with you.
Anonymous says
Please don’t do this. Get a garbage bag from the flight attendant to cover the seat, then use your diaper change pad on top of that. Please don’t use tray tables.
Anonymous says
+1 to peeing while babywearing, but a friend who flew solo with an infant recently said both a flight attendant and person sitting near her offered to hold her baby when she went to the bathroom. I change LO’s diaper right before we board and (knock on wood) haven’t had to change one on a plane yet. I brought a copy of birth certificate on Southwest when I flew with her, but no one asked to see it. I’ve heard they only ask if the kid looks like they could be two.
Anon. says
Definitely change the baby right before you board – maybe you’ll get lucky and avoid that bathroom entirely.
And just replying to add the counterpoint that I have flown with a lap child 10+ times and been asked forthe birh certificate every single time. Regular copy works just fine.
Anonymous says
Seconding the advice about changing before take off and hoping for the best. How long is the flight? Long flights are a different story, but on a dozen+ short flights (under 2 hours) I’ve only had to change diapers in the plane bathroom once.
We usually fly with a passport for the lap infant because it’s easy to pack, but SW will accept a photo copy of the birth certificate. And yes, agree with anon at 4:58–we’ve been asked for proof of age on every single one of our 15 flights with SW, with a lap infant ranging in age from 4.5 to 18 months.
Anonymous says
So funny, I bought this backpack a few weeks ago as a new job present! I love when something I own and would recommend end up as a pick here :)