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House OP from Friday says
I’m the poster from last Friday that was placing an offer on a house after being outbid several times in a tough market. Well — we got it! Thanks so much for all of the good thoughts and wishes!
We saw the house at 11:15, placed an offer at 4:30 and heard back at 7:15 right as our son’s baseball game was ending. The listing agent knows my parents, and the current owners, who have been there for more than 40 years, wanted a young family to move in. We went in with a bid slightly above ask and an escalator clause, and honestly we didn’t even think that the top number would do it, but the owners countered a few thousand under our top number and said it was ours. Our realtor was stunned — he expected it to go for much more than what we’re getting it for. The house location is basically our dream neighborhood, it’s a block away from one set of grandparents and only a few miles from the other, and it’s a short bike ride away to our swim club and church and school.
We plan to have the hardwood floors throughout the house refinished shortly after close and expect to move in sometime in late June assuming all goes well with the inspection and appraisal this week.
House buying is so stressful and we were getting very frustrated and feeling hopeless when our luck turned. Still can’t get over it! Just putting a positive anecdote out there who are in the trenches of trying to find a house — sending positive thoughts your way if you are!
So Anon says
Congratulations!!! That’s so exciting!
Anon says
Congrats!! Being walking distance from grandparents has made our lives so much better.
Spirograph says
Congrats, and thanks for this happy update!
Also, yes, this is a little heartening. Here’s hoping that rising interest rates means that the $200k-over-asking requirement to win houses dies down
Cornellian says
That’s amazing! I hope to do the same (prioritize real people moving in to the house when I sell, and not investors or developers) but need to look in to the legality of it all…
I’m so excited for you!
Anonymous says
I have always wondered whether it’s legal to make home sale decisions on the basis of the buyers’ identity. Aren’t there laws about housing discrimination?
Anonymous says
I always assumed housing discrimination laws were targeted at the real estate agents and landlords. A private citizen can sell or not sell their house as they choose. Right? I absolutely would prefer to sell my house to a young family, and would not sell to a developer or investor. I like my neighbors too much for that.
Cornellian says
My understanding is that at least federally the FHA says you can’t privilege based on familial status, but that investor vs. resident isn’t a protected class so you can choose as you feel free. I’d need to look in to local stuff, too.
of course that sort of begs the question of what the point of the heartwrenching family intro letters is.
Anonymous says
Not if the ‘discrimination’ is between “an investor” and “someone who plans to live there”. Being an investor is not a protected class.
Anonymous says
What if the “investor” is an individual flipper, though? If that person is a member of a protected class and you choose the family, wouldn’t that be problematic?
Cornellian says
@ 10:32, I think they’d have two years to bring suit and prove that they were denied because of their race/familial status/etc and the harms they suffered. If the seller chose the family because they were planning to reside there (and the flipper was not) I don’t think that’d go anywhere. Realistically I can’t imagine many of these suits get brought against individual sellers, but now I’m curious.
Aunt Jamesina says
It’s legal but it’s icky. I wish there were restrictions on sharing buyer info before the offer is accepted. I feel the same way about sending letters of interest. There’s no reason for sellers to need to know this info.
OP, congrats on the house! Sound like a great find.
Anon says
Is not having a family a protected class though? I don’t think you can discriminate based on race or sex, but I’m pretty sure it’s legal to sell to a family over a single person.
Cornellian says
Familial status is a protected class. So that is discrimination under FHA. I imagine it was originally meant to protect families (from landlords who would prefer no kids, etc), but I don’t see why it wouldn’t work both ways since the language is “familial status”.
Anon Lawyer says
Oregon passed a law banning that plus those letters people write on the ground that they enable a lot of illegal discrimination. However I believe the law is currently being challenged and may even be enjoined right now on free speech grounds. But I think locally it did raise a lot of awareness about how it’s easy to unintentionally or intentionally be swayed towards a white middle class heterosexual family with 2.8 children when reading those letters.
The flip side of that is that it means all-cash offers are now even more important than they used to be.
Cornellian says
Yeah, there’s always sort of a dark underside. I agree that it’s easy to play on implicit biases with those letters and refuse to write them. I don’t know where the balance is.
I don’t want to handpick the perfect family with the right skin color and religion, but I really don’t want to saddle my neighbors with someone that will tear the house down and (inevitably, literally 100% of the time in my neighborhood) replace it with a 3-floor airbnb party house.
FVNC says
Congrats!! That location sounds amazing! We are going through it now — selling current home and buying a new home across the country, with the closings coincidentally occurring on the same day. We’ll still be a few hours drive to all the grandparents, but just being within driving distance rather than a 6 hour flight is making me so excited!
EJF says
Congratulations! Thanks for coming back with this update, I love when folks do that. I’ve heard so many disappointing house hunting stories, I am really happy to hear this one!
anon says
Congratulations! This sounds like a dream come true.
anonamommy says
Congratulations! You mention an inspection and appraisal, does this mean you have contingencies? We’ve been looking but everyone here (DC area) is waiving everything, and I just can’t stomach the thought of waiving those protections. I just want the market to slow down enough that some sanity returns.
OP says
We did waive the appraisal item (we expect that this wouldn’t be an issue — the Zillow estimate is currently a bit above the agreed price, and worse case scenario would require cash to cover the difference, which we have). We absolutely would not and did not waive inspection. The house was recently fully waterproofed in the basement, which means that was a recent issue. I wanted to make sure we’re protected in that aspect. In addition to the traditional house inspection, we’re also doing a sewer line scope, radon testing and mold testing.
I hear you on the insanity though — we were outbid on houses that eventually went well over ask (to the tune of over $100k). It’s so tough out there, and I have zero idea where these buyers are coming up with the funds to buy these houses at crazy prices that are so far above ask (and I’m assuming appraisal). I have to think that people either have way more cash than we do (I thought we were set on this!) or they’re just comfortable with being more highly leveraged than we are.
Anon says
You should never waive inspection. Waiving appraisal is basically gambling the potential difference between the purchase price and the appraised value and it’s a reasonable choice in many circumstances to gamble that amount. But waiving inspection is essentially gambling the entire purchase price, because the house could have major structural issues. Fwiw, we bought 8 years ago in the LCOL Midwest but in a hot market for a particular school district and we had to waive appraisal to get our house (but it appraised at over what we paid). We did not and never would waive inspection.
Anonymous says
Yep. I would sooner be a perpetual renter than buy without an inspection.
FVNC says
This is market and house dependent. In my current west coast city, the real estate market is still very hot (multiple offers, over asking, etc.) but no one is waiving inspections. We’re buying in the DC area and everyone is waiving inspections. Sure, there are exceptions but for well-priced houses in good locations, sellers are not accepting offers with any contingencies. For this reason, we’re buying a relatively new house from a known local builder. FWIW, I’m not sure how valuable inspections are. When we bought our 100 year old house, the inspection turned up lots of inconsequential things, but not any of the big issues we’ve had to address over the years.
Anon says
Yes, I was unimpressed by my inspection of my last house. So for my current house I ‘waived’ inspection (and did a pre-offer quick inspection with the realtor and an inspector before the official offer was put in). I didn’t get a report, but I walked through and potential issues were flagged, and I thought it was of overall comparable quality and was what I needed to get the house.
Anon says
I also agree there can be a variety of factors that go into this.
Where I live (a very, very hot housing market) it is common practice for every house we’ve ever considered to get a thorough regular and pest (i.e. water damage/termites) inspection done before the house even goes on the market, and these get provided to all potential buyers with any other packet info before offers are put in. We’re talking dozens and dozens of pages of inspection information of some really, really nit picky things. So even if you waive inspections here, you still have all of that information and you’re really just taking the risk that a) for some odd reason the seller’s inspector is in cahoots with the agent or seller and purposely left out info (seems pretty unlikely for the level of fees they are getting from doing these reports. I can tell you when we sold our last house no stone got left unturned with our pre-listing inspection). You can probably yelp check the inspector or something if you are concerned. or b) that you yourself would get an inspector while in contract that would find something the other one didn’t. Maybe you would, maybe you wouldn’t.
I have also heard of people doing the quick pre-offer inspection others have mentioned when possible.
Do you get that level of pre-offer disclosure in all other markets? I honestly don’t know. But if not, it might be helpful to have the context that not all markets are the same.
Anon says
Yep, also in the DC area and there’s no way you can buy a house through a bidding process right now without waiving inspection. The only people I know who’ve done full inspections lately were doing things like purchasing before the house officially hit the market. Even when we bought 4 years ago we just did a pre-inspection and waived the full inspection (and nothing has turned up yet that the pre-inspection didn’t catch).
anon says
I thought I’d never waive an inspection contingency, but I wanted to buy a house in my town, so I had to.
I’m in a sought-after town in Silicon Valley and waiving all contingencies, including buyer’s inspection (sellers would present their own inspector’s report), was standard even a decade ago if you wanted any hope at buying a normal 2 or 3 bedroom home. The majority of the purchase price is because of the value of the land, though (so a tear-down isn’t offered at a big % discount over a decent, livable 2 bedroom house).
Amy says
You can waive inspection, get an inspection done anyway, and back out of the purchase and just be “gambling” your earnest money. I’d be surprised if any seller would refuse an inspection outright – waiving the contingency just means you don’t have the right to get out of the contract without penalty if the inspection shows issues.
Anonymous says
I’m in DC and bought in 2016 – we did an inspection pre-offer and then waived the contingency. I think it worked in our favor because although we did not have the highest bid (definitely over asking though), it showed we were serious/could move quickly. Wouldn’t work in the timeline above but we had maybe 3-4 days between the open house and offer deadline and our agent was able to help us find an inspector on short notice.
Anonymous says
We did this, and while I kind of wish we’d gotten a full inspection, I don’t think it would have changed things much so it worked out OK. The first time we did laundry in the new house, though, we found out that the pipe from the washing machine to the plumbing stack leaked! And apparently the previous owners had just rolled with it since the water just went into a drain on the floor. Weird.
HSAL says
Congrats! That sounds amazing for you.
I’m so confused though – you offered over asking and the owners countered with a higher price. Why didn’t they ask for that price originally? I’ve never heard of a seller asking for more but maybe that’s just the market right now?
Anon says
That is very, very common in the Bay Area (and has been for years)! Because they probably got many offers over ask, so now the ball is back in the seller’s court to get the most out of these people that have shown they really want it.
OP says
That is 100% the market right now. People go low and then it causes a ton of bids to come in over ask, so potential buyers are flying blind on the actual price. See my comment above — we lost out on houses where we put in bids over ask, and the final sales price was $100K over asking. Basically around here it’s highest and best from the first offer. Completely maddening.
Mary Moo Cow says
That’s also the trend in my East Coast city. Buyers have been including escalation clauses, also, so there’s negotiation above asking price or a straight up, binding above asking price purchase price when the escalation clause kicks in. That was new to me when we sold our house a year ago and I’m still shaking my head at what someone paid for my house under an escalation clause.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Congratulations!!
Anonymous says
I have a bday party idea and want to bounce it off y’all before proposing it.
My daughter has two friends in her class that all turn 6 within 3 days of each other. They are all summer bdays and we were fairly recently considering how hard it is to do a summer bday party where people actually show up.
I was thinking of suggesting we do a combined party for all 3 girls on one of the weekend days that falls between their bdays this summer. We could host it (huge yard), another of the girls (who has a pool) could host, or we could rent somewhere locally. We’d get a bounce house, maybe a magician or something, have a separate cake/dessert for each girl. If we rented, we could do a movie theater or roller rink or something big.
Advantages are we don’t have 3 families planning for a party over the same summer weekend, guests won’t have to manage 3 parties, and we might maximize the attendance.
We’d invite the class + anyone else that the girls wanted to, and the invitees wouldn’t need to know all 3 girls.
For presents, I was considering suggesting “in lieu of a traditional present, we’d like to suggest a card and $5 or a nominal target gift card as we are taking the girls on a shopping spree to target after! If you don’t know one of the birthday girls, just bring a smile and your good wishes.”
1) would this be weird to suggest to the other bday girl parents? What would your concerns be?
2) would this be weird to attend? Esp if you only know 1-2 of the kids?
We live in a fairly small town so it’s extremely likely all guests will know at least 2/3 girls, and they all go to the same elem school. These 3 are all in the same class but there may be kids invited from other classes. The typical spend around here for a bday party present is $20+ so I thought by doing the gift card option we cut down on crap, minimize the burden to parents, and the girls get a target trip.
Thoughts?
Anon says
I think the joint party is a great idea but you can’t tell people to buy you a gift card. You either say nothing about gifts and most people will bring one for each birthday girl, or you say “no gifts please” and most people will bring nothing or a card, with a few probably bringing gift cards.
NYCer says
Seems like a fun idea to me. Not weird at all.
Lydia says
the joint party seems fun and like a fine idea, but the gift card request seems a little weird. Also, as a parent, having to get 3 $5 gift cards feels like a hassle (and I would feel pressure to make them more $). It also requires a specific shopping trip, whereas many people pre-buy birthday gifts and have a stash.
Anonymous says
I think the party is a great idea. But don’t do the gift card thing it’s weird and rude. Just say no gifts.
Anon says
+1 I generally pull a book from our pre-bought stash. Wouldn’t want to have to go get something.
Anon says
Gift cards can get icky when there are 3 people. What if one girl gets a lot more? When you plan on a shopping spree, it can seem like the gifts are coming from the parents who take the girls, not the party attendees.
anon says
I wouldn’t love this idea because my kiddo has a lot of cousins and has siblings. I think this would dilute the fun of her ‘special day’, especially at that age. I get what you’re trying to do but I think it would be weird if I didn’t know more than one kid. Possibly weird if I only know two. You just have no way of controlling who actually shows up, and you risk having a really unbalanced guest list. Does one of the three celebrants have a huge local family? Because my family would outnumber most anyone else’s, and that probably wouldn’t be fun for others.
Caveat to all of this being: if you know the parents well and the family dynamics, it’s probably worth a casual convo to just test willingness to participate, but I wouldn’t propose it if you don’t know them really well.
Also don’t think you can ask people to get you a gift card. No gifts, or stay silent on the topic.
Anonymous says
I read this as a friend party only. By age 6 family and friend parties tend to be separate.
Anon says
+1
Anon says
Yeah, this sounds like a class party and if the three girls are in the same class it’s not weird at all. It’s fine if each kid has a couple friends from sports teams or church or whatever non-school activity.
Anonymous says
Are you not capable of just saying “what a lovely thought! Since we have a huge local family a joint party won’t work for us but thanks for suggesting it.”
People shouldn’t have to avoid asking questions because of the possibility someone else might have a pathological inability to say no.
Anon says
This. There’s no guarantee the other parents will be on board, but I don’t see why that should deter OP from floating the idea.
Anon says
But an invitation isn’t a summons. It sounds like if another parent suggested this to you you would not be into it. And that’s perfectly fine, you make great points as to why it might not be best for your exact situation! But I don’t think that means she can’t ask, and in order to ask I don’t think she needs to know the dynamics of the other family’s extended family situation or even to know the other family well. If they don’t want to do it, they say no.
anon says
Just make it no gifts. Otherwise a great idea.
Anonymous says
The party sounds like a great idea. I would request no gifts so parents don’t feel they have to shell out $60 for gifts for three kids, not all of whom their kids might know. The gift card idea is kind of weird.
Cornellian says
Group party is a great idea but Target gift card request would be weird. If you want to do a pooled gift, I’d ask for donations to something the girls care about or a local park or something. I’d probably say no gifts, but girls are collecting money for [butterfly conservation]/[the animal shelter]/[whatever] and you can contribute here:
Spirograph says
Several of my kids’ friends have joint birthday parties every year, and I really appreciate being able to celebrate with more friends with fewer time commitments. I’ve never seen separate cakes, but you do you. There are always a handful of people we don’t know, but it’s nbd — it’s on the host(s) to make sure everyone feels welcome.
I agree with others that the gift card request is a little weird. I would say no gifts, because it gets awkward with joint parties if many guests don’t know all the birthday kids. If you want to do the shopping spree, I’m sure there will be gift cards enough to justify it from people who put them in the cards anyway, or just extended family (or fund it with the money you save by splitting party costs!) I’ve also seen hosts have collect donations for an animal shelter or food bank in lieu of presents.
Anon says
I was also thinking you and other parents could fund the Target shopping trip with the money saved on the joint party.
Anonymous says
My husband’s friend apparently has been offering his kids a choice between a birthday party and $150 for the past several years. Genius. :)
Anon says
1) I think this is a great idea. There were 4 families at our preschool that did this for all birthdays in one month at a park and it was a lot of fun. For my own daughter’s birthday I actually did exactly what you proposed and asked a family of a classmate who I knew who had a very close birthday if they wanted to combine. They said no for a specific reason for this particular birthday that was totally reasonable, and it was all good. We each had our separate parties. No harm no foul.
I wouldn’t worry about there being an imbalance of guests for each girl. I honestly don’t think the kids will notice or care.
2) As a parent I would love to attend this instead of upwards of 3 separate parties within 1-2 weekends, even if I only knew 1-2 of the kids.
I agree with the others that you can’t dictate a gift. I actually think if you do this combo party, you need to go the “no gifts” route, because as you know otherwise people are going to feel pressured to buy a kid a gift they don’t know.
Anonymous says
I would not have a pool party for 6-year-olds. Very few will be competent enough swimmers, or tall enough, to be in the water without one-on-one supervision.
anon says
Sounds like a great idea to me!
Anon. says
My vote is not weird at all. And if I as a parent know at least two of the birthday girls it’s a huge win, because it’s one less event. The gift card thing is maybe a little much.
I had several joint birthday parties when I was in elementary school and have very fond memories of them. One of my friends from school had a birthday 9 days before mine – the best one we did was at the roller skating rink. 80s baby here.
Anon says
You’re technically not supposed to say anything about gifts on an invite, but “no gifts” has become accepted practice. It’s extremely controlling to tell people that they have to get a you a gift card and, not only that, but a $5 gift card from Target. Lots of people keep kid birthday gifts or gift cards on hand and having to go out and buy something specifically for this party would be really annoying as a parent. I’ll be honest, the specific gift request would put me off attending the party unless I knew our kids were super close and my kid would be devastated to miss it.
Anon says
well i have twins who next year will be in different classes at school. they will still be having a joint bday party and some kids won’t know both of my girls. it will be a no gifts party. this doesn’t really seem any different than that.
Anon says
Except for the part where she’s telling her guests what gift to give.
startup lawyer says
this is what i do for my son and 2 of his friends whose bdays are like 2 weeks apart; it works out great. Everyone pitches in.
Anonymous says
OP here. Thanks everyone! I’m a little stuck on the gifts because that was my kid’s one request. She hasn’t had a legit bday party and doesn’t want to do “no gifts.” I don’t blame her esp since her sister has a bday a month before and is not “no gifts.”
I thought the $5 cash or target GC might be a way to do a low maintenance gift but sounds like no. Rats. I believe you all, but that’s why I asked. I thought sticking $5 cash in a card would be easier, not harder :)
I didn’t want to do a traditional gift for the reasons y’all pointed out above. Nobody wants to drop $60 on gifts.
Anon says
Can you limit it to classmates only so every kid knows all 3 birthday girls? Then it’s not weird to expect parents to buy a gift for each kid. If your kid has a BFF from someone other than school, you could take kiddo and BFF to do a fun activity as a birthday celebration with that friend?
I hear you on no gifts being hard for kids. We did a park party for my 4 year old this year because of Covid and because we spent essentially nothing on the party and were the first people in the class to have a large party, I felt weird asking people to bring gifts. But my kid was extremely disappointed about it because in her mind, birthday party = gifts. And I don’t blame her – we’ve brought a gift to the other parties we’ve been to with her. I think next year we will just do a normal party indoors and not say no gifts.
Anonymous says
I’d make sister’s party no gifts too.
Anonymous says
Ha, ha. Do you have 3 kids ;). That party is planned and happening shortly.
Anon says
Yes! I have four! And I put “no gifts” on all of them!
Usually people will still bring small things in our area and it works out just fine. The kids don’t really get jealous of each other’s presents – they all get gifts from family members. I think you’d be surprised.
If younger sister’s party is happening soon, just send it in the reminder “looking forward to seeing you all friday! no gifts please!” is the sort of message we get all the time.
We also do joint parties for one of my kids and solo parties for another based on preferences, times of kids birthdays, etc. Kids have never brought it up. We do do a family birthday dinner separate from the friend party for each.
Anonymous says
Then just say nothing about gifts.
Anon says
+1 I could be wrong, but I think some people will probably only bring a gift for the kid(s) they know? Even if they do feel obligated to bring a gift for every kid (I would) they don’t have to spend $20/gift. They can choose to get cheaper gifts.
Anon says
Agreed. With the added context that the kid really wants them and the sister just got them; you have to do both sibling’s parties no gifts or both gifts.
Just say nothing. I’ve definitely given $10 gifts at parties before because what we picked is genuinely what we wanted to give and kids don’t care about the value of something at. all. People will figure it out. If there would have been large overlap between the parties regardless, it’s not a big deal.
Anon says
Daycare needs us to start sending a water bottle every day labeled with kiddo’s name and the date. Any recs for bottles? And I assume we should buy baby bottle labels to make the labeling easier? We’ve been spoiled by daycare providing all food and drinks the last 4 years, but I’m not excited about having to keep track of this.
Anon says
My kids like the Camelbak Eddy kids bottles at Target. You can get a regular plastic one or one that’s insulated, and Target also has small packs of bite valves and straws that are helpful for replacement. I’d recommend getting two of the same design bottle to keep it easy.
We label everything that goes to daycare. We have purchased Name Bubbles labels, and those are fine, but honestly the blue painter’s tape and a sharpie does the trick and I use that pretty often.
Anonymous says
Nah. Any bottle + painter’s tape and a sharpie.
EJF says
We use the high tech solution of writing our kid’s name on masking tape with a sharpie and putting that on water bottles & milk cups. We write a new one every few weeks when it gets beat up.
Cornellian says
I actually bought customized clothing labels with my kid’s name and my phone number when he was 4 months old, and he’s 5 and I still haven’t run out. I’d suggest those since you’ll end up using them between daycare, camp, travel, sports, etc. The most durable ones seem to be the ones for “clothing” even though I mostly use mine on anything but clothing.
I’d also buy a 4-ish pack of bottles because if your kid is like mine he will find unique places to leave them every day, and you want to swap in and out as necessary. My kid doesn’t care about colors, but some people say buy four identical ones so that you’re not having a fight about wanting the blue bottle at seven AM when only the red one is clean.
AwayEmily says
Agreed on both of these. We have like 5 Contigo kids water bottles that have lasted surprisingly well given that we’ve used them daily for years. I will note that we do not let the kids have them at dinner (so they don’t get food crusted in them) and we don’t allow anything in them except water, and I suspect both of these factors contribute to their longevity.
And yeah, I think it’s worth ordering some labels because you will always find a use for them. We rarely use them for clothes but do put them on water bottles, lunchboxes, jackets, winter boots, sunscreen, hats, etc. Ours are from Olivers Labels (the big and small versions of the Stick-eez clothing labels) and have been great. I opted for super simple ones with just their names and no graphics so that they can use them even as they get older.
Spirograph says
How old is your kid? We have used myriad water bottles over the years. I like the camelback ones, but my kids gnaw on the spouts (and also you need to be careful to clean the insides of those!) and destroy them, so we’ve switched to Yeti Rambler Jr. They’re heavy, but well-insulated, indestructible and dishwasher-safe. I just write the kid’s name in permanent marker on the outside of the bottle, and refresh if it wears off. I do not wash the water bottles every night, just dump them and turn the cup part upside down to dry and put the top in the dishwasher.
Anon says
My kid is 4. We have some old clothing labels with her name but hey said the bottle also has to be labeled with the date each day.
Anon says
With the date? That seems insane. It’s water. We don’t wash our water bottles every day either, what difference does the date make? I’d push back, ask why, or realistically I probably just quietly wouldn’t do the date and make them say something.
Anon says
I know, I don’t understand why the date is necessary either. Maybe I will just not do it and make them say something to me.
Anonymous says
My guess is that the date is really to get the parents to wash the bottles once in a while, even if it’s not every day. My SIL never washes her kids’ water bottles and they are so gross, especially because the kids drink from them while eating and they are also extra snotty.
Cornellian says
Oh i missed that part. they’re meant for baby bottles, but there are rubber stretchy bands that you can write on each day and wrap around whatever bottle. I used them when he was drinking pumped milk but you could fit them on any bottle. I’ll link to some below.
Cornellian says
https://stretchybear.com/
Anonymous says
Depending on the bottle material, you might be able to get away with using a crayon, which will easily wash off every day.
Anonymous says
Or those markers for wine glasses, or a grease pencil.
Anon says
We send our kids to school with the Contigo Autoseal Trekker Kids Water Bottle (you can buy on Amazon). They are pretty spill proof (kid needs to press in the button for the water to come out), no annoying straw and extra parts, and cheap enough where we have multiple and if they get lost (which is often) it’s not as painful.
We have labels I bought on Etsy with our last name that I put on anything necessary (if you search Etsy for kid name labels I’m sure a million options will come up) but the duct tape / sharpie method is tried and true.
DLC says
Our daycare requires that the spout/straw on water bottles be covered when closed, so we send the Thermos funtainers. They aren’t 100% leakproof, but for water, it works fine for us.
Anonymous says
Oxo has some great covered straw cups/bottles. We use a small size for daycare and a larger one for elementary.
4/5 year old bday gift?! says
SOS, completely lost track of time. I need presents for a 4 and 5 year old birthday party (2 different parties) this weekend. Needs to be Prime-able. I also have two parties next weekend for 4 year olds, so I’ll probably just get 4 of the same thing.
Suggestions? These are pre-school friends who I don’t personally know. Looking for $25-ish range.
anon says
Rock markers and an idea book.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07BHC5G28/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o09_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0486819035/?coliid=I6PZ8L0WITWYA&colid=81P1FG2FAX7E&psc=1&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it
Suncatcher DIY kit
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07VCBW1TV/?coliid=I17CWE0O8P3FNR&colid=81P1FG2FAX7E&psc=1&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it
Dragon watercolor kit
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000S2T6U0/?coliid=I3O95KPT53Y3RP&colid=81P1FG2FAX7E&psc=1&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it
Elephant and Piggie workbook (and add a pack of markers or colored pencils)
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1484798163/?coliid=I1LFSK5CNJJZ0L&colid=81P1FG2FAX7E&psc=1&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it
Anonymous says
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0500651809/ref=dbs_a_def_awm_bibl_vppi_i8
GCA says
Jigsaw puzzles, stomp rockets, a bunch of summer stuff (cute sunglasses + sidewalk chalk + bubbles), their first ‘big kid’ Lego set?
Anon says
girls or boys? i have girls turning 4 later this week and they would be very happy to get something like this: https://www.amazon.com/Melissa-Doug-Deluxe-Collection-Jewelry-Making/dp/B00JM5FZFE/ref=sr_1_6?crid=ARDI1H2W2NPL&keywords=melissa+and+doug+beads&qid=1652193306&sprefix=melissa+and+doug+beads%2Caps%2C93&sr=8-6
for a more gender neutral option, they got this last year: https://www.amazon.com/Melissa-Doug-Ice-Cream-Chalk/dp/B0833N7HM4/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1WQNF9RL4H47N&keywords=melissa+and+doug+sidewalk+chalk&qid=1652193357&sprefix=melissa+and+doug+sidewalk+chalk%2Caps%2C83&sr=8-2
Anon says
Tangle Nightball soccer ball. Perplexus Rookie. Stomp Rocket
Anonymous says
+1 to Stomp Rockets. That’s what I came to suggest.
Anon says
Funny, my SOS birthday party gift moments are usually Friday night or Saturday morning before the party googling when Target opens. Your on top of this!
AIMS says
I always do art supplies for this – doesn’t matter what you pick because they can all get used. Agree that you’re on top of it. Actually reminded me I need to get a gift for this weekend.
Anon says
Hot wheels monster trucks – you can get a set of two for $8 on Amazon (I just did this for a party). My boys LOVE these.
Sticker books – we like Usborne, especially the “Build Your Own…” series
Pool w Toddler says
First year with a membership to the neighborhood pool with our 2 year old. We live a very short walking distance (practically across the street) and plan to go a lot this summer. Kid loves the water and enjoyed the pool where we went for a spring trip.
Hit me with your best tips!
Anon says
My parents’ apartment complex has a pool. During the summer we do a weekly (or sometimes even twice weekly) “pizza at the pool” where we order pizza to the pool area and have a picnic. It was a huge hit with my then 3 year old last summer.
anon says
Fun! I’m jealous of your close proximity to the pool. With a toddler, plan on short, frequent trips rather than spending the whole afternoon there. It makes it more fun for everyone. Bring sunscreen, snacks, water and maybe a toy or two, but don’t feel like you need to haul along the entire house! I learned the hard way that overpacking or packing for every possibility was a huge deterrent to just getting to the pool when my kids were little.
Anon says
+1. Pare down what you need to bring, and have a “go bag” where you just add dry towels and go. When you’re that close, you want to be able to say yes and fit in the entire adventure in 60-90 min if needed. So have a good place where you store your suits and coverups, a designated place you always hang items to dry, keep a backstock of sunscreen and googles, etc. The point is to be able to go quickly and often, so you don’t feel like it’s a chaotic chore to head out each time.
anon says
Yes yes yes. I still do this, and my kids are way older!
EDAnon says
This is what we do for our close by pool.
OP says
Btw We haven’t done swim lessons yet but he’s happy to sit on the steps and splash, in the kiddie pool, or float around with mom/dad. We will definitely be as water safe as possible.
anon says
I’m a huge fan of goggles with a soft strap so little ones can take them off and put them on themselves.
https://www.amazon.com/FINIS-DragonFlys-Goggles-Crab-Tint/dp/B094X6D178/ref=sr_1_3?crid=I5YASVAAPLKF&keywords=finis+kids+goggles+with+soft+strap&qid=1652193224&sprefix=finis+kids+goggles+with+soft+strap%2Caps%2C90&sr=8-3
Anonymous says
I like the elastic bungee goggle straps with a toggle stopper. You buy them separately and add them to any goggles. All the swim team kids of all ages have them.
Anonymous says
One of the things I love about our neighborhood is that we are a short walk from the pool. I would never bother to go to the pool if I had to mess with squirmy kids and wet swimsuits in the car or with changing out of swimsuits at the pool.
Require kid to wear a puddle jumper at all times at the pool, even when not in the water. Puddle jumper goes on before you walk through the gate. Designate one adult to be in charge of kid. That person remains within arm’s reach of kid with eyes on kid at all times until a handoff is made and acknowledged.
Check the pool rules about toys, kickboards, squirters, etc.–our pool’s rules are very strict and they are easy to violate by accident. Get giant insulated straw tumblers for water or iced tea. Keep the pool bag packed at all times with sunscreen, swim diapers, snacks, and cash for the ice cream truck so it’s easy to throw in fresh towels and go at a moment’s notice.
I second the suggestion below for pool picnics.
anon says
I’m a big fan of one piece rash guards so you can minimize needing to apply and reapply sunblock.
This style:
https://www.amazon.com/uideazone-Swimsuit-Protection-Swimwear-Rashguard/dp/B07QDWJ39P/ref=sr_1_6?keywords=one+piece+toddler+boy+swimsuit&qid=1652193935&sprefix=one+piece+toddler+%2Caps%2C90&sr=8-6
Anon says
+1 you can also layer swim trunks over it to give more sun protection on the upper legs. We do this for my kid even though she’s a girl.
anonamommy says
If you have a preferred sunscreen brand, stock up now. By late July ours was sold out everywhere. (Maybe that was a supply chain thing, but it was really frustrating!)
Our pool does 15-minute breaks each hour so we packed small protein-heavy snacks for those breaks — string cheese, edamame, almonds, pb&j sandwiches. Also it’s worth getting some sort of a cover-up with long sleeves (for you and kid) because on mild days it’s cold when you are out of the water and sitting still.
Anne-on says
I’ll put in a plug for the trader joes brand which is VERY well rated and super cheap compared to the big name brands. I just bought 5 spray bottles and 5 tubes and I should probably go buy some more (we are very pale, and kiddo needs to be slathered AND bring a bottle to camp with him for reapplication).
CHL says
We keep our pool cards in a luggage tag that lives attached to the pool bag strap. Have fun!
Mary Moo Cow says
Get a wagon to haul the kid, towels, toys, etc. Write your name in Sharpie on every pool tool and be prepared that a few of them will go missing over the summer. It is inevitable that 4 families will all have the same toys, but if your name is on it, it is easier to sort out whose is whose at closing time. Pack a fresh pool bag every day and leave it by the door so when you get home from work, all you have to do is change into bathing suits. Egyptian cotton towels are great because they don’t take up much room. We keep at least one spare pair of goggles and super cheap sunglasses in the pool bag. Pack dry good snacks and prep fruit and veggies when you make lunches in the morning so you can grab and go. Loop a waterproof watch around your bag handle or wear a water proof watch because it is also inevitable that the pool clock will be in the corner you can’t see it or breaks over the summer (this might be personal to me: I like to stay off my phone when I’m at the pool.) Set low expectations and it will be fun!
Narrow toddler feet? says
LO comes from a long line of women with narrow feet, and it’s looking like her feet will also be narrow. Anyone have any shoe recommendations for toddlers with narrow feet? We’d been doing ok with Stride Rite, but as her feet have gotten longer, they haven’t been getting proportionally wider – the whole shoe is too wide, so it’s not just that she has a narrow heel. I have so many rejected tiny shoeboxes next to my desk that I could probably open my own shoe store for kids.
anon says
Been there! New Balance has been a good brand for us. Nike also tends to run narrow, but they’re less sturdy than NB, in my experience.
Anon says
Weird! We get New Balance because they seem to run wide…
Anon says
this was me as a child. i have a memory of being 5 and in tears at the shoe store because i was trying to buy a pair of mary janes and they all kept falling off my feet. honestly, take her to a store if you are comfortable covid wise. otherwise look for brands with an option to order narrow
Anonymous says
Our trip to the local “good” kids’ shoe store was a disaster. My kid LOVES shoes, and she couldn’t handle the fact that none of them fit her. The store is basically full of Keens and Stride Rite, and the Keens are hilariously wide on her.
Anonymous says
My daughter has narrow feet, and the fancy kids’ shoe store is terrible. They are always trying to sell us shoes that don’t fit.
Anonymous says
I know, right? I don’t care how durable the shoes are if they’re 1 1/2 times too wide for my kid’s foot.
Mary Moo Cow says
+1 to a fitting at a shoe store. Our local shoe store is very honest with us about what fits and what doesn’t and they won’t let you leave in a shoe that doesn’t fit and the kid doesn’t like. I usually buy one pair per season/need there and order a back up online (although, unless I can find a sale, it often isn’t any cheaper online.)
One of my kids has a high arch and New Balance, Uggs, and Crocs are her best bets.
Anonymous says
Saucony running shoes are great for narrow toddler feet. Jambu should work for cute Mary Jane styles if her feet are not only narrow but also low-volume (so not a high arch/tall foot).
Anonymous says
Hello! One of my kids has super narrow feet with low arches. We had to do narrow stride rites in a size 3 when she learned to walk and they were the only shoes she had. Other shoes that worked for her:
– Puma sneakers: we found the Vistas to be the only sneakers to work because they had full velcro laces. Other velcro laces ran out of velcro when we pulled them tightly. Nikes and new balances also run narrow.
– mini Melissas- they worked for a little while. Now they are too wide
– as she got older- Birkenstocks in a narrow with an ankle strap, new balance fuel cores for sneakers.
– if she’s like my girl and wants light up shoes, the tippy toe line of sketchers is more narrow than the usual ones. They are still too wide for us.
If there are any Nordstrom racks near you, their shoe section is a goldmine for us. They have tons of shoes that run freakishly narrow! On the other hand, we have never once had success with cheapie shoes from Target.
OP says
Thank you! I’d never thought to look at Nordstrom Rack for her. I can never find narrow shoes for me there, so it’s not on my radar for shoes.
Anonymous says
Heads up that they are not “narrow” but they are “shoes so narrow nobody else bought them and now they are here.” Every time we go she walks out with at least 2 pair! Dress shoes and boots especially.
momanon says
Mamas, help me think through a situation that has been weighing on me. It’s becoming clear that a close friend really hates being a parent. She has two children in elementary school, and spends as little time as possible with them. Her husband (a saint) does all the sports practices, meal prep, bedtimes. Friend spent mothers day away for 3 nights by herself — her third such weekend since the start of the year. She is spending more and more time at after-work social events so that she can get home after bedtime. Her children never see her. The older one is showing bullying behavior, both at school and toward my child when they are together. Friend claims her marriage is not struggling. Her own mother was fairly absent and I fear the pattern is repeating. She has a therapist. Obviously I can’t change her behavior, and I want to support her kids the best way possible. WWYD if you were me?
Anonymous says
I would stay out of it. Slow fade on the friend if her behavior or her kid’s behavior bothers you.
Anon says
Nothing. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do in this situation that would end well.
Anon says
Mind your own beeswax. There’s a lot of sexism in your comment. There is nothing wrong with a dad being the primary parent or a mom taking time away for herself. Women having been doing what your friend’s husband does since time immemorial. You’re only questioning it because the genders are reversed from how they traditionally are.
My situation isn’t this extreme, because both DH and I wanted a more equitable arrangement, but we agreed before we had kids that he would be the primary parent and that is indeed what’s happened. I’m sure outsiders look at our situation and think I’m lazy or DH is “a saint” (just like you said) for doing what he does. But it’s not their business, our marriage is happy, we both have good relationships with our kids and literally no one would judge our arrangement if the genders were reversed.
The only thing in your comment that is at all concerning is the kid showing bullying behavior, but that’s really not your business and all you should do is listen and offer support if your friend wants to talk about it.
Cb says
Yep, defo, people act like my husband is widowed/a saint because he does more kid stuff than me. The preschool teachers don’t recognise me, but we’re all happy so I try not to let it bother me.
Anon says
I’m going away on vacation sans kid for nine whole days (I’m sure the OP would report me to CPS if she knew me!) and I’m already dreading the comments from daycare teachers when I return about what a total saint my husband he is. He is a great husband and father. But I would bet my life savings no one would not call me a saint if my husband went away for the same length of time.
anonM says
Hi, they wouldn’t even know. And if they knew they wouldn’t change a thing/notice.
anon says
They wouldn’t. You’d be doing your motherly duty if you stayed behind while your husband traveled for 9 days.
My DH is a great husband and father, too. But lawd, he gets so much praised heaped upon him when he fills out the occasional form for daycare. I do not get such kudos.
momanon says
Your criticism is fair. I think the difference in what you say is that you have good relationships with your kids – my friend does not. I don’t question their arrangement because the dad does a ton, I question it because she seems comfortable completely abdicating any parenting and the kids miss their mom.
But I hear you and the other commenters, I will stay out of it unless she asks for my input.
Anon says
I think unless you are her child or spouse, you’re really not in a position to assess her relationship with her kids. A lot of outsiders probably think I don’t have much of a relationship with my kids. I would argue that the kids telling you they miss their mom actually suggests they do have a relationship with her – if they didn’t, they wouldn’t miss her when she’s at work or out of town. Kids complain about things, including parents traveling for work and fun. It doesn’t mean the parent is abdicating their parental responsibility.
Anonymous says
Your friend and her husband must have a great relationship that allows both of them to have their own lives, interests, and time.
Anonymous says
Is your friend saying anything that contributes to you thinking she hates being a parent, or confiding in you that she’s really disliking being around her kids? There are lots of ways to interpret the actions you’re noticing (everything from totally different relational styles to burnout to depression to a concentration on her career, etc.).
AIMS says
I agree that this isn’t your business but I will say that if you see the kids a lot and you want to have a relationship with them that’s fine, too. It doesn’t have to be a judgment on your friends. My dad was not super interested in doing stuff with me when I was a little kid and I appreciated having my friends’ dads around for “dad stuff” like taking us sledding or whatnot. Some parents are more involved. Kids benefit from having lots of adults that care about them.
Anonymous says
Who needs enemies when you have friends like this
Anon says
Right?! I hope this poor woman has some other friends who don’t secretly hate her.
Aunt Jamesina says
But there isn’t a darn thing you can do to improve her relationship with her kids anyway (if it even needs improving).
Anonymous says
Do the kids say they miss their mom? like “my mom has not been herself recently and I miss her” (which would be an impressive thing for a kid to articulate), not just “my mom is gone for the weekend and I miss her,” which is totally normal and not a cause for concern.
Cb says
Nothing… there is nothing you can do to change this situation. You can offer to take the kids for dinner or something, and be a nice “aunt” but I don’t think you can force someone to parent. And everyone organises their lives differently. I work away half the week and my husband is the primary parent (works full time locally), and it works for us but from the outside, I look like a really bad mom.
Anonymous says
This reeks of judgment and blame. Kids become bullies because they are born awful people, not because their moms are defective. You have absolutely no idea what is going on in her head or in her marriage.
Anon says
Yep. How dare she take weekends away and attend after work networking events! Her poor husband having to do meal prep and bedtime. WTF.
Anonymous says
“Kids become bullies because they are born awful people”????
Anonymous says
Yes. Some people are just born with bad personalities. It’s not the mom’s fault.
Anon Lawyer says
This is a ridiculous thing to say about a kid engaging in some kind of unspecified bullying behavior. Completely ludicrous.
Anonymous says
What is completely ludicrous is blaming the kid’s behavior on the fact that his poor dad has to make dinner.
Anon says
Really? I think it’s more ludicrous to say the child is a bully because the mom has occasional weekends away in a hotel solo and regularly goes to after work networking events (ya know, what men have been doing for centuries).
I think there’s pretty clearly a nature and a nurture component to bullying, but OP strongly implied that the kid was a bully because mom is a bad parent and I think the pushback to that is very deserved.
Anon Lawyer says
Yes that deserves pushback too and there’s a lot of it in this thread. You don’t need to go from there to the kid is just a bad person! Sometimes kids go through a rough time for any one of a million reasons not related to their parents. We don’t know any of this!
Anon Lawyer says
Basically when you see a kid whose done something bad, the options aren’t (a) bad parents; or (b) kid is a monster, end of test there are no other options.
Anon says
I don’t think that’s true of all bullies but there’s definitely a strong genetic component to most behavior.
anono says
Wow. That’s a really misguided way of thinking — assuming children have fixed (and harmful) personalities based on their genetics. That’s the same kind of thinking that allows people to be racists (believing people are all bred a certain way). I’m not saying we should blame parents for their kid’s behavior, or that genetics doesn’t play a role, but it’s also destructive to believe bullies are just bullies because they are born that way and that’s all their is to it.
Anon says
I didn’t say a child’s behavior is immutable. I said there’s a strong genetic component to behavior – and there is. It doesn’t mean parenting (and outside influences) can’t positively or negatively affect behavior. They definitely can. But our personalities are programed from the get go. It is actually the thing that’s surprised me the most so far about parenting. When I think back on my child as a newborn, I can clearly see many of her current personality traits were already on display then.
Anon Lawyer says
Sure but there’s a long leap from “we have inborn personality traits” to “some kids are born bad so that makes sense to bring up in this situation.” You can defend the mom without being weird about a random kid.
anon says
Absolutely nothing. The only thing you really have grounds to talk to her about is the bullying behavior.
Anonymous says
Maybe she hates being a parent and needs a break because her bully of a kid is incredibly exhausting to parent.
anon says
That could well be. It’s not something we talk about as parents, but some kids are just tough from the get-go and never really get easier to parent. You say that aloud, and you WILL be judged.
Mary Moo Cow says
That’s how I read it. If she was once an all-in parent and is gradually finding ways to remove herself from parenting, then yeah, maybe she legitimately isn’t happy being a parent. I would say the same thing about a dad who exhibited the same behavior, too. She might be acutely aware of how she is perceived and feels really badly about it. Or she might be in the trenches and can’t see anyway to regain her sense of self as a person and not just a parent and spending weekends away is her only coping mechanism. Unfortunately, OP, there isn’t much you can do except be a listening ear and help if she and her husband specifically ask you to.
Anonymous says
I would address the bullying of your child and otherwise stay out of it and drop her as a friend.
Mrs. Jones says
I would mind my own business.
Spirograph says
Wow. If someone is bullying your kid, you intervene to protect your kid, but I feel really icky about your conclusion that your friend “hates being a parent,” and reading between the lines, it’s clear to me you also think she is a Bad Parent. That’s a big judgement to make about someone, and if you came to that conclusion because her husband is very involved in the kids’ lives and the mom goes away alone for the weekend occasionally… gross. Maybe there’s more to it than you’ve said here and she’s confided that she’s struggling and dislikes being a parent and that’s what she’s working on with the therapist, but based solely on your original post, I’m curious why you even consider her a friend. I would find it very hard to be friends with someone I thought so poorly of! (and not for nothing, I would not *want* to be friends with someone who thought like this about me.)
My mantra about marriage and parenting is that you never really know what is going on in a household that is not your own. If you want to be an auntie to the kids, be an auntie to the kids. But do it because you want to, not out of a potentially-misguided savior complex.
Anon says
Well said as usual, Spirograph.
anon says
You said this better than I did. I keep coming back to this thread, trying to figure out what the motivation is and if there’s something going on beyond “dad does a lot.” I would be heartbroken if a friend felt this way about me or my parenting. It would be friendship-ending. Unless she has specifically said that she does not like parenting, be REALLY careful about drawing this conclusion, OP. Maybe you’re right, but this is one of the most loaded things you can say/think about a fellow mom friend.
Kids need caring adults in their lives beyond their parents, REGARDLESS of their family situation. If you want to be one of those caring people, that’s wonderful. But do it because you love the kids and recognize that all kids need good influences in all aspects of life, not because you think you’re going to “save” them from your friend’s parenting style.
Anon says
I think the motivation may be jealousy at the very involved dad. I am someone who does a fair amount of kid-free stuff solo and with girlfriends, and the moms who have been meanest to me about it are people who have man child husbands they could never leave the kids with. Of course they phrase it as “Oh I could NEVER leave my kids for a weekend, I just love them too much” but it’s pretty clear what’s actually going on.
anon says
You may be onto something. I’m going away with my sister this weekend. Didn’t think twice about it because my DH is a competent parent. Other friends of mine might begrudgingly go, but they’d also be fixing meals for their DH to serve while they’re away, making detailed lists of things the dad needs to do, and … that is exhausting. I am very glad that’s not my life. We’re both involved parents. We also both get away from it all a few times a year.
Anonymous says
This. I have to admit that I’m quite contemptuous of men who take weekend guys’ trips and the wives who enable them, partly because I don’t get to spend money and time doing stuff just for myself. Perhaps OP is having the same feeling with the genders reversed.
Anon says
An acquaintance is away now without her kids and she posted on social media about laying out a week’s worth of outfits for each kid with cutesy labels like “Susie’s Tuesday outfit!” for her DH. I can’t even. Like, even if I didn’t think my husband could be trusted to pick out decent outfits, I just couldn’t bring to care that much about it.
Anonymous says
I got a whiff of this, too. I come and go much more freely than some of my friends do, and my husband does a lot! He’s not doing all that out of necessity because I’m derelict, he enjoys being involved and knows that I need time to be a person in addition to being a parent (and he gets time away, too! but that’s normal for men)… and my kids are sometimes jerks to other kids. I’m a little horrified that what I think is a really healthy partnership and developmentally normal kid boundary-testing behavior gets relayed to others as “she hates being a parent, so her kid is a bully.” oof
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, OP, it sounds like you don’t like this “friend” of yours very much (or do you judge all of your friends this way?) Unless I suspected true abuse or neglect to the kids where I may intervene, my approach is to let go of friendships where I stop liking the other person for whatever reason.
Anonymous says
It sounds like you are genuinely concerned for her kids and want to know how you can help them. I am not sure if your kids are similar ages, but I think inviting the kids over to your house, including them in your family outings or activities (doesn’t have to be big, dinner, baking cookies, a trip to the park), and just being a consistent friendly presence in their life to the extent you can would be nice.
Anon says
This is good advice. It’s likely the mom is question is doing the best she can. My mother had a 90% travel job for most of my childhood and was often busy on weekends. She never was a nurturing parent, it’s just the luck of the draw.
I have very fond memories of the parents in my community that accepted me into their homes for just typical days/evenings. They would encourage me to stay for their family dinners, invite me for sleepovers, going out to see a new movie on the weekend, etc. They helped shape my perspective on how I can parent my own kid.
Anon says
Omg not your circus, not your monkeys!
Anon says
I just have to say that adults calling other adults “Mama” really, really rubs me the wrong way. Nobody here gave birth to you.
anon says
Probably not a big surprise that someone who uses the term “mamas” is terribly judgmental of other moms.
Anon says
I had the same thought.
anon says
haha yes.
Anonymous says
I have a friend like this. I wish I could be half as good at parenting as her husband. They have clear roles in their family and it works well for them. It may not be common but the family is happy. That is what matters not someone else’s understanding or acceptance
AwayEmily says
What are your favorite baby board books? We are so deeply sick of the ones we have after reading them to two separate kids. Fortuitously, I just got a Barnes and Noble gift certificate and was thinking I would buy a bunch of new ones for baby #3 (and for us!).
Cb says
Chris Haughton’s books are all brilliant! They have lovely illustrations and the writing is gorgeous. And Oliver Jeffers. Harry McLary from Donaldson’s Dairy, Each Peach Pear Plumb.
Anonymous says
These are the ones I didn’t mind reciting over and over from memory:
We’re Going on a Bear Hunt
Sheep in a Jeep
The Going to Bed Book
The Belly Button Book
I also liked Good Night, Gorilla because you can narrate it differently every time.
Anon says
Does your library have a used book sale? Those always have tons of board books in our area. Personally I would not waste a bookstore gift certificate on board books. Some are better than others but even the best ones are still totally mind-numbing. I would get those used and treat yourself to new books :)
AwayEmily says
It does but for some reason there aren’t ever any board books there! Same with the Once Upon a Child store in our town…plenty of picture books but no board books. Maybe they get too chewed up? Little do they know I would happily take a chewed-up board book.
Anonymous says
My kid loves the Sandra Boynton board books. She’s almost 2 and pretty much recites Dinosaur Dance from memory, including doing all the dances. The Belly Button Book and Your Nose are also favorites (she loves to say OH WHOA WHOA WHOA NO).
Anonymous says
+1, and there are a ton so you can rotate if you get tired of one.
PistachioLemon says
Fifteen Animals! Even my 6 year old thinks it’s funny
https://www.amazon.com/Fifteen-Animals-Boynton-Board-Sandra/dp/0761130667/ref=asc_df_0761130667/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312680791333&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2534602034301694139&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9067609&hvtargid=pla-436221180458&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=62255331975&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=312680791333&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2534602034301694139&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9067609&hvtargid=pla-436221180458
Anon says
You may have some of these, but:
Dear Zoo
Peek-A-Who
Curious George Good Night Book (Tabbed)
Bedtime for Batman
Room on the Broom
Click Clack Moo
Are you My Mother
Go Dog Go
Snuggle Up, Sleepy Ones
Pout Pout Fish
I Love You Stinky Face
Giraffes Can’t Dance
Anon says
Not sure if they are all board books (some we have in hardcover format), but I much prefer reading books that have good rhythm and rhyme. So my favorites are:
– polar bear, polar bear and brown bear, brown bear (which I loved as a child)
– Chicka Chicka Boom Boom
– Pout Pout Fish
– The Gruffalo (this is long for a baby and creeps into preschooler land)
– The Snail and the Whale (same)
– Giraffes Can’t Dance
– Bedtime Blessings (Marianne Richmond) – note this is a bedtime prayer book but I love it.
For the toddler age, some favorites (that don’t rhyme):
– Press Here (even at almost 5 my kid still thinks this book is magic)
– Dragons Love Tacos
– Dragons Love Tacos Two
– Grumpy Monkey
Anon says
+1 for the good rhythm books. “Listen Listen” by Phillis Gershator is another good rhythmic board book with cute illustrations.
anonM says
Mama Is It Summer Yet? Or anything Nikki McClure. It’s beautiful and so sweet and perfect for Spring!
anonamama says
Marshall’s/TJ Maxx is also a good place to look for board books!
Echo Sandra Boynton
I also like Leslie Patricelli ones on emotions – Mad Mad Mad is a fav.
the Jimmy Fallon Mama/Dada
Steve Light vehicle books are so much fun
Tomorrow I’ll be Brave
Peek A Bruce
And those ‘goodnight or night night (your town)’ are cute and fun (especially if you explore a lot and can match landmarks)
AIMS says
You have some good suggestions! Agree that Boynton books are pretty timeless for books you can read over and over and not get sick of. Happy Hippo, Angry Duck and the Going to Bed Book are probably my favorites but I suspect you may have many of these already if you have two kids.
Also loved – I am a Bunny
A Color of His Own by Leo Leoni
Big Red Barn by Margaret Wise Brown
The Mixed Up Chameleon by Eric Carle (apparently there are no bad chameleon books!). Also my kids and I loved The Very Busy Spider – it’s so soothing.
And, not quite for babies but doesn’t hurt – Danica McKellar (Winnie from Wonder Years) has some small kid board books about counting/math and they are very fun. My kids were obsessed with Ten Magic Butterflies.
If you liked Giraffes Cant Dance – the same guy has a bunch of animal/insect/sea creature poetry books that are good.
Spirograph says
My kids’ favorites that I also liked:
Jamberry by Bruce Degen
Where do ____ Sleep At Night (I like dump trucks the best, but there are also trains and airplanes)
Caps for Sale
Pajama Time (Sandra Boynton)
Big Red Barn
Steam Train Dream Train
Goodnight Construction Site
Spirograph says
oops, I forgot a few:
There’s a Bear in my Chair
Max the Brave
Thank You Bear
and finally, excellent for families with 3 kids:
You’re All My Favorites
AwayEmily says
Thanks for all these suggestions! Some we have but many we do not and there are some fantastic ideas here. Yay to memorizing a bunch more books!
Anonymous says
Taro Gomi’s books, especially Bus Stops and Spring is Here.
Jamberry
Anon says
I’d Know You Anywhere, My Love. It rhymes and the pictures of all the animals are cute and I love the overall message of the book.
Anon says
My 20 month old has been on a big Llama Llama kick lately – there’s a 4 board-book set that we read (often multiple times) most nights. Once her attention span is bit longer, we can move into the longer Llama Llama picture books.
Anonymous says
You’d have to buy them used, but I loved the Mini Myth books! Don’t get Lost Odysseus! Be Patient Pandora! Play Nice Hercules!
Spirograph says
I had never heard of these before, but these look adorable! I’m sad I missed them when my kids were the target age.
Sunscreen says
Sunscreen recs for squirmy toddlers who hate hats? We’ve used Babyganics until now but I hate how thick it is and it’s really difficult to rub in. I’m feeling inspired by all the pool posts today!
AwayEmily says
If money is not an object, you could get La Roche-Posay Anthelios 50. It’s what I use on my face and it goes on like a dream.
We use ThinkSport (or ThinkBaby) for the kids — it’s not perfect but it goes on better than many others I’ve tried and the kids tolerate it well.
Anon says
Rashguards (less skin to apply to). For face, ears, neck, backs of hands, tops of feet I like the face sticks (my favorite is the Cerave mineral face stick, but I saw cetaphil has one now too so we will try that this summer), and I’ve been known to use them on legs too for a quick application (you still have to rub them in, but it seems faster than lotion maybe because it is already smeared). And spray mineral sunscreens are a thing now (but the one we like was recalled for benzene, so no current recs).
CCLA says
Elta md! The uv clear one is made for the face, but I like it so much and it’s so easy to rub in that I use it for daily arms and face and neck on our preschoolers. For active or water play days, they have a sport line which is also good.
Anon. says
Not a recommendation, but a hack that made my life so much easier in this regard: Make-up sponge for face application.
Anonymous says
Wow y’all lighting money on fire! Copper tone Baby. My child can get EltaMD when they get a job.
Anon says
Hahaha yes. But also I will say that we switched away from physical barrier only sunscreens after I read a report last year that they don’t block all kinds of UV radiation very well. We are very fair skinned people and I am much more worried about non-hypothetical sun damage than hypothetical problems from chemicals in sunscreen. We only use physical sunscreens when we’re near coral reefs and the chemical sunscreens are banned.
anon says
Me, too. There’s a family history of skin cancer, and that’s what I’m trying to avoid more than any chemical that may or may not be in sunscreen. I have also found physical sunscreens to be very difficult to apply evenly, which defeats the purpose.
Anonymous says
I also gave up on mineral sunscreens after finding through painful experience that they are just not very good at preventing sunburn, no matter how thickly you apply them.
Anon says
I never burned or even really tanned, but I would always get a hot, tight feeling in my face after spending time in the sun with a physical sunscreen that made think there was some sun damage that I wasn’t able to see. And then that article kind of confirmed it for me. Coppertone all the way now.
Sunscreen says
This makes me feel better about using a chemical sunscreen instead of physical blocker, thank you! I use the La Roche Posay line on my own face, but agree that my 2 year can use that when 2 year old gets a job! I like the idea of a stick, maybe my toddler would even think it’s fun to put in on himself (with supervision).
CCLA says
Interesting, will look this up, thanks for flagging. We have skin cancer history in the family so very much interested in broadest protection possible (and we also use lots of rash guards and big sunhats). Yeah the elta stuff is expensive but for us it was the one that got everyone in the family using it regularly, which was no small feat, but fair point that it’s not a cost effective solution.
anon says
Hahaha. I completely agree with you. Coppertone Baby is what they use at daycare. It is good enough.
Anon says
Hahaha +1. We use Coppertone Baby when slathering head to toe; HelloBello when doing mainly face/arms
Anon says
supergoop makes a foam/mousse situation that my kids don’t mind because it’s not slimey. pricey, but worth it for me at least for “beach days.”
anon says
Supergoop is like $30! I don’t even buy that for myself.
Anon says
Think baby. Apply it with a makeup sponge.
Anonymous says
When kiddo was young, we used Thinkbaby all over. Now we tend to use Coppertone spray on her body and Thinkbaby on her face. She is very fair, and her face seems to need a lot of protection. The Thinkbaby works great on her face, and I put it on thick. She’s a little ghost sometimes, but I don’t care. I have now started using EltaMD on my own face because it is the only one that I can use for more than a few days without it really irritating my face. Kiddo gets the same irritation, and I will likely get her some EltaMD, too, because it goes on clear so she can put it on herself. I’ll likely have her wear that for normal days and then the Thinkbaby on pool days.
Anonymous says
I have a five year old and 15 month old twins. Is getting a dog insane? I know if I have to ask the answer is yes, so give me all the stories of how your kids love your dog, and vice versa. I didn’t have dogs growing up, but we had a dog before we had kids and I miss him dearly.
Anon says
Getting a puppy is definitely insane. Getting a house-trained, mature adult dog who’s good with kids isn’t insane, but I would probably wait a year for your younger kids to be better around the dog. 15 months was peak tail pulling for my kid. I think even 5 is kind of on the younger side to really bond with a dog. We had our dog before our kid, but at 4 years old they pretty much still ignore each other except to occasionally have “sibling” rivalry (the other day kid burst into tears because the dog sat on a shirt she had dropped on the floor). I had a dog growing up (we got her when I was 8) and I loved it, but tbh as a parent I think a dog is way more trouble than it’s worth, and I really don’t want to replace our dog when she dies. Husband will probably overrule me though.
Anonymous says
I would get an adult dog when the younger kids are somewhere between 3 and 6 depending on their behavior. My daughter and one of my nephews were chill, obedient kids and were both safe around dogs by age 3, but my other nephew is super high-energy and still terrorizes dogs at age 4.5.
Anne-on says
We got a lab when my son was 3. I love our dog but I would definitely not advise it unless you already have a fenced in yard and a dog walker lined up and ready to go. What we did right – we sent the dog immediately to doggie bootcamp (when there were still plenty of open spots!) so no worries about biting/jumping/etc. The dog was and is VERY good with kids, not a trace of food agression, but we didn’t have a walker yet and frankly the dog needed more walks/play time than we could manage on our own. Getting her a walker helped a lot (as did fencing in our big yard so the dog could go out solo to explore). If you want a ‘big’ family breed be aware that it’s almost impossible to tire out a puppy like that without miles of walks PLUS training to wear their brains out too.
HSAL says
I wanted to get a dog last summer (kids were 5 and twins were newly 3). I decided against it because we were at my parents’ and one of my twins kept having “lick fights” with my parents’ dog. YMMV. :)
Anon says
Yes, it’s insane. But we did it anyway … a PUPPY when my youngest was 10 months and the oldest was 7. For a long while there, it was like another kid – couldn’t leave the puppy alone, couldn’t do certain combinations when doing divide and conquer parenting (baby plus puppy was impossible, but puppy with older kids and baby with other parent was usually ok), lots of trying to fit puppy exercise needs into an already hectic schedule. Here’s the only way it (kind of) worked for us:
– Have a fenced yard. We installed an electric fence and it was a game changer.
– Get an older dog. Puppies are cute but they chew everything, eat food off of counters, pee everywhere, whine a lot, and require lots of going-outside-at-night. I don’t know how you’d do it with two toddlers.
– Adopt or buy late spring or summer. After the muddiest of spring, then you get a few months to practice outdoor walks, potty training (sometimes still needed with older rescue dogs) etc. without super cold weather.
– If you can swing it, invest in one of those intensive 2 or 3 week boarding / training programs. We did that when we went on vacation, and came home to a very well behaved dog. We’d have to have paid to board her anyway, so the training while we were gone (by an expert! plus it helped with early socialization) was well worth it.
– At least one parent should work from home. On the days when the cleaners come and we both leave to work in our offices, my drop-off / pick-up schedule for kids / dog daycare is brutal – all in different directions, varied hours – I barely work at all.
For reference, we adopted a 4 month old rescue mutt after meeting with a few other dogs who weren’t the right fit for one reason or another. She’d been born into a foster family and never in a shelter, and was / is as sweet as can be.
Anne-on says
I forgot the work at home point – 100%. I’ve worked at home about 70% for years but the dog was the thing that made it a requirement for us to have another person at home (or a walker on call) for feedings/potty breaks!
EDAnon says
We have two little kids and a puppy. They love her and she loves them. They 5yo especially has a deep bond with her.
She’s under a year. My husband did all the puppy wakes ups but we were lucky to get a pup who slept through the night without a bathroom break really quickly.
I wouldn’t recommend it with 15 month old twins. But I do highly recommend a dog if you’re up for it. She’s helped my kids learn so much about body autonomy and understanding body language.
We have a fenced yard and someone is home almost all day every day. Without that, it would be impossible. She loves to just run in the yard which makes our life easier (we have a big yard).
Anonymous says
I’m really bummed out that I have to miss my industry’s in-person conference this week since we’ve been sick. It’s the right call, since my husband and I are both coughing and sneezing, but I really wanted to go. Boo.
Anon says
The last two people I know who went to industry conferences came home with Covid so it might be a blessing in disguise.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry you’re not feeling well and are missing out. Thank you for doing the right thing.
anon says
Any recs for an insulated water bottle that doesn’t break the bank? DD needs a couple for summer camp. She has some 12-ounce plastic bottles but has complained that they don’t stay cold very long, even with ‘icicles” in them. I’m thinking stainless steel might be the way to go but there’s no way I’m buying, say, a Yeti that might get left behind.
Anonymous says
Thermos Funtainer.
Mary Moo Cow says
+1. Some plain colors are usually only $12; you can buy replacement straws and keep using the bottle long after the straw cracks (and they last a loooong time).
Anon says
We have thermos funtainers for preschool and they come home after 3 hours with ice still in them (but not much). The insulated camelback eddy stays cold longer, but note the bottle part is hand wash (a pet peeve of mine, so that one doesn’t go to preschool daily). Growing up, the big nalgenes filled with ice always stayed cold way longer than I expected, even though they aren’t insulated. Hydroflasks are super popular, but to me that is edging into Yeti pricing.
HSAL says
I love the thermos funtainers most of the year but I think my kids need a slightly bigger capacity for days at the playground, pool, etc. I’m looking at the 16oz Takeya (I have and love larger sizes) but would love other suggestions.
HSAL says
Oh! Just saw the funtainers have a 16oz size too. Sold.
Lily says
Looking for suggestions for a 4-ish day trip to a single European city within a <7 hour flight of Philly this October. We're probably going to take my mom, so it would be 3 adults (we'll need a 2-room hotel suite) and 2 kids (who will be almost 4, and 1.5).
Beyond specific city suggestions, has anyone managed to do this kind of trip WITHOUT taking carseats? Wondering if it's crazy to just take two small strollers (Colugos), and rely on public transit to get to and from airport, and stay at a very central hotel where we can walk to everything. I'm well-traveled in Europe, but never with kids. Bringing 2 car seats plus 2 strollers seems like it would just completely ruin the experience and add a ton of stress.
TIA!
Cb says
Berlin! Super easy with the stroller. No car seats, just get the train or buses everywhere. I’ve never travelled in Europe with a carseat.
Could you do a stroller + buggy board or a babyjogger double?
Anonymous says
I’d go to London or Paris. There is zero need for car seats. Don’t be fooled into Lisbon. The hills are murder. Or Dublin! Copenhagen.
Anon says
My vote would be Copenhagen. Very easy to get around, I remember seeing kids everywhere. Tivoli gardens would be a lot of fun with them. Riding the bus and the subway were both super easy. Downside is there doesn’t seem to be a non-stop flight from Philly.
If you you are looking at non-stop flights, I have heard really good things about Dublin with little kids but haven’t personally done it.
NYCer says
I would go to Paris. I think it would be doable without car seats.
Anon says
Paris was actually my least favorite of the European trips we’ve done with a kid. It can be tough to eat out with toddlers because the restaurants don’t have high chairs and most of them don’t open until 7 pm, which is hard for little kids unless you keep them on a very late-shifted schedule (I know some people do this, but my kid’s sleep is very tied to the sunlight, so that doesn’t work for us). And the people were not particularly welcoming to us (especially compared to Italy/Spain/Portugal where they LOVE kids). I would go back to France with kids, but to a different part. According to my friend who lives there, Parisians have a reputation as being snobby and rude even by French standards.
NYCer says
Interesting. We have been to Paris numerous times with kids (my in laws live in another part of France), and we have loved it every time. I know Paris tends to get a bad rap for having snobby people, but I have never felt that way travelling with or without kids. OP specifically requested an under 7h flight. That removes most of Italy. And for such a short trip with toddlers, I would never pick a city that doesn’t have a direct flight.
FWIW restaurants all over Europe tend to open much much later than the US – surprised you didn’t have that issue in Spain or Portugal. For a 4 day trip with kids, I would strongly encourage OP to keep the kids closer to Philly time, and then this won’t be an issue at all.
Anon says
Yes, I’ve been to 20+ European countries and I know that it’s common in many parts of Europe to eat later than in the US, but Paris is the only place we’ve been where we really couldn’t find any adequate restaurants that were open by 6 pm.
In some cases it’s not a choice what schedule your kid is on. My child wakes with the sun at 6 am or whenever it is, and at age 1 was crashing hard by 7 pm, even with a nap. Now at age 4 there would be the option to keep her up late with a nap, but at age 1 it was simply impossible. Certainly not an issue that everyone has, but I don’t think you can assume you will be able to keep your kid on East Coast US time in Europe until you do it. Fwiw, given the choice I would actually prefer a kid whose internal clock is very tied to the sun. It makes crossing many time zones a lot easier, restaurant issues in Paris aside.
Anon says
I think if the flight has to be under 7 hours, she’s limited to the UK and Portugal. PHL-CDG is over 7 hours.
Emma says
Hi, Parisian here. I totally understand why people may not be comfortable travelling there with a child, particularly a baby, but please don’t categorize 10M people as snobby and rude. I assure you there are plenty of nice, friendly, kid-loving people in Paris and as a native it can get a little old to be told I seem “so nice! Not like Paris at all!”.
anon says
Getting around Paris without carseats is totally doable. It’s a long RER ride from CDG into the center of the city, so we prefer to take a taxi when dealing with jet-lagged small kids, but you could technically do that without carseats depending on your comfort level.
Anonymous says
Specifically in Paris I would get a hotel near the Luxembourg gardens. Beautiful walkable neighborhood and the gardens themselves are perfect. Your kids will like playing, you will feel properly in Paris. Most almost 4 French kids will be using scooters not strollers.
anon says
The other option is to lean into the need for car seats. We did a trip at similar ages where we rented a car and drove around the English countryside. Started in the Northwest and Chatsworth House in Devonshire, then Cambridge, the Cotswolds, Bath, Brighton, and ended at the Seven Sisters Cliffs. Lots of charming BnB accommodations. Stopped at playgrounds in lots of little towns. We slept in (on US time), did something fun in the morning, drove while the kids napped and then stayed out for a late dinner (on US time). England isn’t a big place so none of the drives were particularly long.
I’d also consider a similar tour through the French countryside.
Anon says
This is a good idea. I think navigating public transit with two strollers might be a real hassle, especially in Europe where the subways don’t usually have elevators. I like the idea of leaning into the car seats and doing a driving trip that doesn’t involve too much walking or public transit.
I dream of driving around Ireland and think it would be fairly easy from a kid standpoint, but am very anxious about having to drive on the left.
Anon says
We never take carseats to Europe. You can arrange a car service to/from the airport with carseats and then just walk and use public transportation to get around the city. Public transportation also works in most cities, but we’re usually exhausted when we arrive off a red eye and are leaving at the crack of dawn, so we use car services for convenience.
We were in Florence with a 4 year old this spring and it was a delight. The city is compact enough that we could see everything we wanted to see in four days even with a little kid in two, and there was also a lot of fun stuff for the four year (a carousel right in the city center, lots of piazzas with pigeons to chase, kid-friendly cooking classes, the food) as well as adults (great museums and scenery). The only downside is that the airport doesn’t have any non-stop flights from the US (the runways aren’t long enough for transatlantic flights) so it’s not as easy to reach as many other European cities. But I thought it was a real game-changer as far as travel with kids to visit a city where everything we wanted to see was within a kilometer of our hotel. That obviously can’t be the case in a bigger city like Paris, London or Rome.
AnonATL says
Munich? It’s very walkable and not terribly expensive to visit. Taking the train from the airport (and in general) was way easier than when we were in Paris (labyrinth).
People are friendly and speak decent English. Food is pretty kid friendly. There are historic things to do and some kid friendly options
Plenty of day bus tours you could take to see castles and the like.
Anon says
i realize this does not address your question, and normally i hate when people add something else in and don’t answer the question asked, which is clearly what I am doing :-) but i’m assuming your kids are good travelers and you feel ok with the time difference for such a short amount of time? does the 4ish days include or exclude the travel days? is there a particular reason that you want to go to Europe? Could a city in Canada suffice? Personally it sounds like a lot of travel and schlepping for a fairly short trip and I don’t think I’d enjoy it
Anon says
Eh, I’ve been to Europe for only 5 days with kids and had a great time. Kids generally adjust faster to new time zones than adults do and especially with a third adult there to help it doesn’t sound like a particularly stressful trip to me. Kids that age definitely won’t care where they go, but I’m assuming OP wants to go to Europe and I don’t think there’s any reason not to. Canadian cities are not at all a substitute for European cities IMO.
anon says
Lisbon? Portugal is extremely family-friendly and while we brought 2 carseats for our trip, we only used them for the plane and took a bus from the airport and public transit around the city.
Anonymous says
Lisbon was miserable with strollers IME. We had an amazing time but mostly because my husband was very into CrossFit at the time and even he struggled on narrow, slippery, hilly cobblestones sidewalks.
Anon says
+1 I’ve heard you have to do Lisbon with a baby carrier or wait until kids can walk everywhere.
NYCer says
+2. Love Lisbon, but I would not recommend it with toddlers!
Anonymous says
Seconding Berlin and Copenhagen, two of my fave cities! I haven’t done them with kids, but in both places I noticed how easy it would be to manage with a family.
You might also think about Madrid or Milan.
Lily says
Thanks for all the replies!
Flights seem insanely expensive right now (or maybe I’m just out of practice with traveling). Dublin is actually the only one that is non-stop and looks reasonably priced right now, but hotels for October are already super booked up. I’m already getting anxiety about planning this trip and feeling like I should have started a year ago!
To answer a few questions I saw… we’d like to keep it a shorter trip, so 4 nights would be our target. I suppose we could stretch it to 5. We are vegetarian (except for my husband), so I do worry a bit about Portugal/Spain because in my experience, they are not super vegetarian-friendly. I also do worry about restaurant opening times, but I think we could navigate that, even if it means less-than-glamorous dinners.
I’m intrigued by the idea of bringing the car seats, renting a car and doing more of a road trip but I don’t know if we’ll (really my husband, who does better driving long distances) will be up for driving on the left side of the road.
Anon says
Flights are insanely expensive this year. We chose our summer trip based on where we could get round trip flights for less than $1,400 per person (in economy, and from a major US hub). I can’t recall paying much more than $1,000 in the past.
You’re probably right to steer clear of Spain and Portugal if you’re vegetarian. I had a hard time there just as a non-pork and shellfish eater.
If a road trip is appealing, only the UK and Ireland drive on the left, the rest of Europe drives on the right like we do. :)
anon says
I’m the PP who made the roadtrip suggestion above. It really did work well. We packed heavy, including bringing our own PnP and familiar bedding, and just threw it all in the trunk.
If you didn’t want to go far, you could fly into Heathrow (an inexpensive airport) and just go to the Costwolds and Bath (and maybe Stonehenge). It’s lovely countryside and nothing would count as a long drive under US standards. Around the airport is a bit tricky, but small country roads are really tame, even on the left.
If you flew into Charles de Gaulle in France, you could do Giverny, the Loire Valley and travel across to Normandy. And it would be all on the right side of the road. :)
Anonymous says
OP, we weren’t comfortable with European travel for the summer and ended up booking a trip to Montreal. Hoping it will feel like France without time zones or a flight.
EDAnon says
We visited Montreal in 2019 and loved it. It is super family friendly. And it does have the feeling of being somewhere else that is fun.
Anonymous says
I’m just here for a slice of humble pie: I swore I would never over-schedule my kids. And here I am with my oldest in martial arts, yoga and now I’m signing him up for swim lessons alongside his little brothers. Oh well. All in the name of safety (we have a pool). What’s a parenting thing you swore you’d never do that you had to go back on?
Anon says
If those are once a week that actually doesn’t sound super over-scheduled to me. My kid is 4 and in soccer, ninja and hopefully starting swim in June if we can find an instructor, but they’re each once a week for 30 minutes so I don’t think it’s too much.
Anonymous says
My parenting mantra is “never say never.”
anonM says
lol co-sleeping. I would NEVER said pre-kid me.
FVNC says
Oh yeah, that was me, too.
Anon says
Same.
anonM says
Oh, another one. I always told myself I’d be a “relaxed” mom not overly worried about silly things like nap time. I’d go with the flow! Lol then you get kids who are much happier with a rigid schedule so yup, ate some humble pie.
Anonymous says
I was so opposed to pouches before I had a kid
SC says
I’ve had to relax a lot of my thoughts on eating. My 7 yo is underweight due to a medical condition for which insurance is denying treatment. (Without insurance, treatment of the actual medical condition costs about 50% of our HHI, and will likely be needed his entire life.) He seems to not experience hunger the same way as many people and has weeks where there are zero foods he wants to eat.
Kiddo gets fast food if he’s hungry between school and activities. We often make separate meals for him, sometimes ahead of time and sometimes on demand. We offer dessert every night. We allow food to be served outside the kitchen if it’s not a family meal (my own personal pet peeve).
Anonymous says
This is interesting and sounds really stressful – especially the part about insurance denying treatment. Thank you for the reminder not to quick-judge what I might otherwise think are odd parenting choices, because sometimes there’s a [email protected] good reason for them.
Anne-on says
This. I was suuuuper judgy about food and swore I’d have a kid who ‘tried everything!’. Life dealt me a kid with serious food allergies PLUS sensory issues from his ASD and who needed feeding therapy. Turns out kids with ADHD/ASD also literally don’t feel their body cues (hunger/thirst) as clearly so no, he literally doesn’t feel hungry, lots of foods are off limits, and plenty of the ones he ‘can’ eat cause sensory meltdowns. Many, many thousands of dollars in specialists, OT, and feeding therapy later he eats a pretty darn wide variety of foods and I would happily smack pre-kids me in the face for ever saying anything about his food choices. Fed is best.
So Anon says
I deeply relate. I thought I would be a “kids will eat what the family eats!” and “no separate dinners!” and “kids will eat when they are hungry!” kind of parent. And then my son was underweight and was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder when he was 5. It took 5 years of treatment for him to no longer be technically underweight. He doesn’t feel hunger like others, and has a deep association of pain with certain foods. I remember getting the side-eye from others when he would announce that he had nutella on his toast or Haagen Dazs ice cream every night. (FYI – Haagen Dazs is one of the highest calorie per ounce foods that I could find.)
Anne-on says
In case you do tik tok, ARFID tik tok was deeply helpful to us to better understand the lack of hunger cues/pain thing. It also has lots of good ideas of how to stock safe foods, techniques for trying new foods in a safe environment, and it also really helped my kid articulate his issues with certain types of food. Even our OTs weren’t super familiar with ARFID (and don’t get me started on how boys aren’t supposed to have eating issues) so I’ve showed them videos as well.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 to this. Talking to other parents and reading here, I’ve learned that the ideal “everyone eats the same thing!” just doesn’t work for every family, especially when children have genuine challenges around sensory things, weight gain, etc.
While everyone does eat the same thing in my home (for now), I never thought I would have to adjust the heat (spice) of my food so much, I was just going to “make” my kids eat it to learn at an early age. Then I learned it can actually physically hurt kids stomach if too hot (thanks, Mom) and mess with their digestion. I make a lot of Tex-Mex and Thai/Chinese/Indian inspired dishes and….not being able to throw in the requisite amount of red chili powder (like, there’s no place in my spice drawer for Paprika), or a bird’s eye chili really reminds me how things have changed.
I wonder how much longer I’ll just have to get my spicy food fix via putting various sauces on top…
FVNC says
Touring daycares for the first time, now 9 years ago, seeing all the drippy noses and thinking: “I’ll never send my baby to school with a runny nose!” HAHAHA. (obviously well before covid concerns.) Not sure why that sticks out in my memory, but very glad I never expressed that sentiment out loud!
Anonymous says
That’s not over scheduled. I knew a kid who came to the swim lesson in his soccer uniform and left in his karate gi. (He was five, his nanny brought him, so I never found out if it was a scheduling SNAFU, or he had the rest of the week off or what….)
Anonymous says
Have toys in every room if the house
SC says
Hahaha same.
anon says
I somehow had it in my head that we’d be this relaxed, earthy, go-with-the-flow family that camped every summer and went on fabulous outdoor adventures. Well. All I can say is that we tried to make that happen. It stuck for one kid, but had quite the opposite effect on the other. My oldest freaks out at the mere sight of a fly and has sensory issues that make many outdoor trips just downright unpleasant for him (and us by extension). He is not a toddler or preschooler, btw. We still do things outdoors, but there are a LOT of modifications and a camping trip is highly unlikely to happen because we’d all be miserable.
I would say in general that I thought I’d be more easygoing as a mom than I actually am. Some of the reasons are complex, and some are not, but I’ve learned to be OK with being the family that has a routine and a schedule.
Anne-on says
Same. Our kid has ASD/ADHD and thrives on a schedule. The number of times I’ve had to tell family/other parents to (politely…mostly) drop it with their ‘oh, they should just be able to go with the flow, they’ll nap on a chair in the corner if they’re tired enough!’ nonsense is ridiculous.
anon says
My husband has ADHD. FIL and MIL were 100% the “relaxed” parents who felt like kids should adapt to the adults’ schedule. This seems to have been particularly true around family gatherings, which were frequent. DH’s relatives all say he was terribly behaved as a child, and his dad’s relatives even called him “little devil” in their native language. I feel like there’s some correlation between these facts.
We and most of DH’s siblings keep our kids on schedules because that’s what works best for our families. It’s been… an adjustment for my in-laws. Especially at holidays, they want to plan some extended event with completely unreasonable expectations for the younger grandkids. Then either (a) the parents try to go with the flow, and the young children melt down before the event is over, or (b) the parents put their foot down, and we all have a nice event, but in-laws are disappointed it ended so soon. My son is in the middle of the pack of cousins, so I’ve gone from judging his older cousins (or, to be honest, their parents) to being the one leaving Christmas without opening presents because my kid had a complete meltdown 3.5 hours into a lunch scheduled over his naptime, to advocating for age-appropriate expectations for the youngest kids.
Anne-on says
Ha, the one ‘benefit’ to being the black sheep of my family is that IDGAF about what they want because they’ll find something to complain/shame me about even if I wind myself up in circles trying to please them. We do what works for our family and then communicate those expectations early, calmly, and let people plan around us while ignoring any whining/rage/guilt trips. It was a hard adjustment but my kids preferences/medical needs come before yours, sorry not sorry. And after having gone no contact before my parents have now grudgingly accepted our stated boundaries as they know I am fully prepared cut them off again, so, kind of a win?!? (joking, it’s just less bad obviously).
Spirograph says
Yup, travel sports is mine.
And of course that whole thing where I thought, up until the time that I actually became pregnant, that I would never want to be a working mom. I was definitely going to quit my job after I had a baby.
gym mom says
Gymnastics was mine. Too dangerous. And then one day she came home beaming because she was training double backs on tramp. Eeep.