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I’ve talked before about how I’ve pared down the amount of personal stuff I carry with me since having kids — but this one cuts to basics, and gives you a place to stash your license (or gym card, or building ID, or whatever) along with your phone. I like. It’s $20 at ThinkGeek. Card Ninja Smartphone Wallet
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Family Photo Pictures says
We are having outdoors family photos done at the end of this month that we intend to have at grandparents and a big picture in our living room (as well as Christmas cards). I would love suggestions on what to wear. My husband and our two sons are wearing combinations of navy/white/black.
Long story short, I am about 40 lbs heavier than I was before having my first son (currently 2.5 years old) and at least 90% of that is at my stomach. I have gone from being hourglass to being very apple-y. I’m proud of the weight I am losing and the fitness levels I’m achieving, and I want to find something to wear that will make me look at the picture and think “that’s my beautiful family” and not “ugh so far to still go to get my body back.” We’ve had an amazing year with some near-death experiences and celebrating the existence of this family is something I am really excited about.
So…does anyone have recommendations for a long dress or outfit for family pictures for a lady who is PETITE, 40-50lbs overweight, and wears a size 18-20 currently? In my mind I think I’d like some kind of black dress and maybe a navy cardigan, blazer or jacket.
POSITA says
How formal are you thinking? If it’s a more casual look, I might consider something layered like leggings, a tunic and a drapey sweater with boots (Pintrest told me to has a good feature on these this week). It’s such a cozy fall look and is quite forgiving.
NewMomAnon says
Consider doing the brightest color up by your face, and everything else in a darker color. So a dark dress with colorblocking at the top, or a bright scarf (sky blue would look lovely with those colors, or even a lighter gray if you want to keep it muted). And make sure to ask the photographer for a few shots that are faces only, or shot from above so bodies look smaller compared to your heads (that sounds weird, but it’s a thing).
I would test drive some looks – I think a structured blazer might help the most (rather than a drapey sweater). You could also bring both options to the photo shoot and get shots with both. Can your photographer show you the pics as he or she is taking them so you can adjust your poses and the angles to find something that makes you happy? There are certain angles of myself that I don’t like in photographs, regardless of how good the photographer is.
I don’t know Lands End sizing that well, but man, I am loving their ponte dresses and they carry petites (which I buy and love).
Anon8 says
I was going to suggest Land’s End as well. Their ponte dresses are great and come in an A-line silhouette. I carry most of my weight in my belly also and I find that style most comfortable and flattering for me.
Syd says
+1 to structured pieces over drapey. We just got our fall pics back and I really wish I had gone with a blazer over a soft sweater.
AnxiousMom says
If at all possible, in addition to finding an outfit you feel comfortable in, can you get your make-up done and hair blown out that day? A friend did this for her son’s newborn pictures, and not only did she look fabulous in the pictures, she felt confident, pretty, and pampered, which contributed to relaxed/happy shots. I think it made her feel more glamorous when she was feeling a little down about other aspects of her body. I wish I had done the same for our family pictures!
Jax says
I just had family pictures done after a weight loss (I went from an 18 to 14) and worried about the same thing. I wore a black short sleeved peplum top with skinny jeans and flats, put my husband in dark jeans and a light gray short sleeve button-up over a dark purple T-shirt, and the girls wore BRIGHT summery outfits with white, hot pink and purple. The peplum worked well because it neatly covered up any muffin top from sitting/squatting/funky poses without tugging or feeling like I had to suck in or adjust.
I always make sure I’m wearing the darkest color, and put the youngest in the brightest color or pattern. It’s all about proportion. Don’t be afraid to get in the center, or be the one sitting on the ground or sitting at what feels like awkward angles! Those can be the best pictures! Don’t just be a face peeking over your husband’s shoulder. Get in there and go for it.
Refugee Crisis says
Ugh – I can’t look away from the pictures, especially of the kids coming off of small rafts and boats. I’ve donated money to a few charities, and we are donating coats, blankets, and stuffed toys to an organization that is shipping a crate to Turkey in the next week or so. So, I feel like I’m trying to put this sadness to some productive end, but I just can’t shake this constant feeling of awful guilt/shame/sadness that I can’t help all the kids – that there are certainly kids who are and will lose their lives in this mess, and that these kids are my own children’s ages and their parents are just like me.
When I think about it (and I try not to really think about it), I just imagine that there are dead kids washing up on the beaches, on the side of the roads, in the camps, everywhere. Every time I change my child’s diaper, I wonder how those moms change their children’s diapers or carry enough milk/food for the kids. Is my reaction normal? It feels all consuming and like I can’t stop the anxiety that I am not doing more to prevent harm coming to children just like my own. Is this just part of parenthood – that you become a lightning rod for empathy – realizing that raising children is largely the same, no matter where you are, or should I be concerned that I’ve veered off into some kind of weird post-partum anxiety. My littlest child is 10 months, if it matters.
mascot says
“. Is this just part of parenthood – that you become a lightning rod for empathy – realizing that raising children is largely the same, no matter where you are,” Yes, this is true and normal IMO
But, “It feels all consuming and like I can’t stop the anxiety “- all consuming anxiety that you can’t control? Could be worth looking into and calling your doctor for a screening.. I had PPA/PPD and had intrusive anxiety about my child being injured from a fall and couldn’t stop the loop.
AnxiousMom says
Thanks. I think you are probably correct. If you don’t mind answering – how did you stop the anxiety loop? Meds or therapy? Or both?
mascot says
I started both around the same time since I didn’t get diagnosed until 8 months and wanted to make progress asap. Meds kicked in really quickly which made me realize how bad I had been feeling. Therapy was a handful of sessions with a therapist who specialized in working with new parents (my OB’s office referred a lot of patients to her and handled the medication aspect). Meds were 3-5 months and then my world was back on track. Good luck.
Jax says
“Lightening rod for empathy” – I think this is a perfect description for what we feel after becoming mothers. I can’t hear news stories about abused children without getting upset (meaning tight feeling in chest, pain for the child, disgust mixed with fear of the people out there in our world). If there are upsetting scenes in movies involving children I will turn off the movie, that’s it, no excuses. If my husband hears something at work (he’s a therapist) and tries to unburden himself and tell me I often have to say, “Stop. No more. I can’t hear this.” My daughters are 10 and 5.
I think it’s because as mothers, we know how helpless (and irritating! and exhausting! and wonderful!) children are. I was never a kid person before having my own, and I never spent anytime around them. I was indifferent until that Mom Timer went off and suddenly babies looked adorable and I wanted one of my own. I used to read history books or read about the Holocaust and think, “Wow, that’s pretty awful”. Now, as a mother, I just can’t read about a siege or crimes against children and not picture it and get bogged down by it.
I wouldn’t call this intrusive thoughts, or a big problem that needs taken care of. If you’re able to shake yourself out of the thought pattern or distract yourself, if you can still get up and go to work, if it isn’t causing you to feel hopeless or overwhelmed, then I think it’s completely normal. Disturbing things happen in the world. It’s okay to be disturbed–it’s a problem when we’re debilitated.
AIMS says
So I haven’t really done much to prepare for this baby that will be coming soon.
What would you say is on the list of essentials that you need to get for the first few months. Clothes are largely taken care of because people love to buy baby clothes and I’ve already gotten a ton, plus tons more hand me downs, but if there’s anything specific you think is essential, let me know. Also, specific recs would be great. Which baby bath thing did you like, etc. I think I want to do a bassinet for the first few months, so crib is not a must now but a bassinet or other tiny sleeper recommendation would be very helpful. Thanks!
Syd says
We didn’t do much to prepare until a few weeks before our due date, so you’re not alone. Baby doesn’t need much! We had the most basic Summer tub with the infant insert and it worked well, we really only used it until baby was six months and could reliably sit up in the tub. Loved the Rocknplay for sleeping for the early months. It was lightweight and easy to carry around the house.
NewMomAnon says
A friend once told me that all you really need for a new baby is burp cloths and onesies. I would add a car seat to that list, unless you plan to have a home birth or walk home from the hospital. In that case, get yourself a baby carrier meant for newborns (I love the Ergo for older babies, but the infant insert is a pain). I’ve heard good things about the Baby K’tan.
The hospital will probably give you at least a few days’ worth of diapers, but get yourself a couple kinds of rash cream because lots of babies start having diaper rash immediately once they start pooping. I would also recommend getting a super practical baby book (I liked one called “The First Twelve Months” that was put out by the pediatric board and I think people recommend Baby 411) that you can consult when baby develops a strange rash at 3 am or won’t stop crying.
I think a big comfy chair is also a must – I loved having a glider with rocking footstool, but I think a big recliner would also be good. I found it a lot easier to hold baby while seated than while in bed, at least for the first month.
I had a bassinet, and I didn’t like it very much – it was tall enough that I still had to get out of bed to pick up the baby and couldn’t see her while I was in bed. I wish I had gotten a little co-sleeper thing, and I’ve heard good things about the Rock and Play but didn’t consider it because the bassinet was so cute that I was blind to all logic.
I wish that I had gotten myself some nursing tanks in various sizes; they would have been helpful in the hospital postpartum. Also, get yourself a little postpartum care kit with really big menstrual pads (like, biggest you can find), soft cotton undies that you can toss if they get gross, Tucks pads and/or witch hazel “bottom spray,” epsom salts for postpartum baths (assuming no C-section), and n*pple cream if you’re planning to nurse (and ice packs/cabbage leaves if you are not planning to nurse). I vaguely remember having super dry skin and running very cold yet very sweaty postpartum, but I don’t know if those are universals.
Anon says
Your last paragraph is on my to-do list. Thanks for the awesome, complete list!
Anon in NYC says
I actually found that the hospital gave me a ton of that stuff and loaded me up before I went home. The only things they didn’t give me were ibuprofen and stool softener (you will want both). Buy those before the hospital.
Katarina says
Diapers – I like pampers swaddlers
wipes – I like Huggies
vasoline
lots of gauze if you have a boy you plan to circumcise
nursing supplies if you plan to nurse – I liked Medela lanolin, Johnson & Johnson disposable breast pads, and my brest friend pillow
swing and/or bouncer (I like having both, both were Fisher Price) – probably not mandatory, but very helpful
Cheap infant tub – I switched out of it quickly
Carseat – Chicco Keyfit
Stroller and/or baby carrier
I really liked the Pack n Play, which is cheap, long lasted, and would work well as a bassinet
It is definitely possible to go to the store to pick up things you need after the baby arrives.
In House Lobbyist says
I loved the A&A swaddling blankets. My kids are 2 and 5 and still use them. Lots of burp cloths, nursing tanks, comfortable clothes and snacks. Sign up for Amazon Prime and Amazon Mom and you can do subscribe and save for diapers, wipes. I love Pampers diapers and wipes but the Amazon wipes are really good too.
PregLawyer says
+1 to swaddling supplies. Try a few different things. For the first couple weeks I used the blankets from the hospital. Then I used A&A swaddling blankets. Then when he got stronger, I used had to use a Miracle Blanket + A&A swaddling blanket. I needed 2 Miracle blankets because sometimes he’d pee through in the middle of the night. Swaddling was a MUST for my guy. He just wouldn’t sleep without it.
And lots and lots and lots of burp cloths. If you’re planning to breastfeed, I’d also recommend the My Brest Friend pillow, with an extra cover.
AEK says
I really like the Puj Flyte portable tub for the first one. Especially for small bath spaces. Make sure you have towels/washcloths/bath supplies. You’ll only do sponge baths at first but you aren’t going to want to go looking for supplies once that stump falls off! And get good-size towels. Some of the Gerber etc. are so small they only work for a couple months. Hudson Baby are nice, thick, and a good size, and cute. (If you care, a shocking number of baby towels are not 100% cotton, so read the labels!) For an older baby, the Primo Euro tub is Awesome.
Also essential, a bouncer / swing to put the baby in when the floor won’t do (usually, it will, in the early months). Bonus points if it’s small and light enough to drag into the bathroom or kitchen with you. I love the Bjorn bouncer chair because it can be reclined down for naps or serve as a seat later. But a lot of people prefer something with electric vibration. The Rock N’ Play seems to be a go-to.
On that note, a substantial but not-too-thick & fuzzy blanket for the floor. (A play mat works too). Really, any time you are not holding the baby, he/she will be sleeping, doing tummy time, or laying on his/her back, so have a good spot for that.
For a bassinet, we used a couple things. In our family room, we used the bassinet that came with our stroller (Bumbleride). That thing literally never left the house but it was great for naps! Now it’s a toy box. And in our bedroom we used our portable crib (the Nuna Sena), essentially a Pack N’ Play.
If you’re going to BF, I agree that the My Brest Friend is definitely better than the Boppy for that, but the Boppy can be used for a lot of other things so don’t return if you get one of those too.
AEK says
Oh, one more thing: bottles! Even if you are BF’ing, you’ll want to have the bottles/ nipples of your choice already washed up and ready to go. You might have to pump & supplement with breast milk, or you might have to supplement with formula. Just in case.
Anon in NYC says
Just don’t buy too many bottles if your LO doesn’t like one. Buy the slowest flow nipples that you can at first (could be 0 or 1 depending on the manufacturer but I don’t think they’re uniform).
My daughter likes Avent, and I’ve heard good things about comotomo from women whose babies have refused the bottle.
Also, my lactation consultant said that babies generally do not have nipple confusion so a pacifier/bottle at a young age is fine. You don’t need to wait till your LO is a month. My daughter received a bottle at about 5 or 6 days and still loves to nurse.
Katarina says
Dr. Brown’s has a preemie nipple, which I think is the slowest. It is compatible with any standard sized bottle. I used it with the Ameda bottles which came with my pump.
anon says
Re: fuzzy blanket — we found that blankets were not as useful on the floor as quilts. We were given THREE handmade baby quilts, and they get daily use! Our baby likes to be ON THE FLOOR DOING STUFF, even though he can’t move, so he spends a lot of time on the quilts. They’re smoother than blankets and stay down better.
Anonymous says
Keekaroo diaper changing pad. Yes it’s expensive. But it’s silicone so when baby pees, poops, or spits up all over it, you just wipe it down with a wipe or paper towel and move on with your life. No extra laundry.
Also, a pack of gerber flatfold cloth diapers to use as burp cloths.
Lyssa says
What are everyone’s kids dressing as for Halloween? Since its my first year with two, I really want them to coordinate in some way (I assume that by next year, older kid won’t let me have much say). I was thinking of doing Luke and Leia, because they have some ridiculously cute Princess Leia costumes for babies out there (with a headpiece with the giant buns!), but older kid doesn’t really know who Luke Skywalker is. He seems interested in being the Incredible Hulk (or “Hulk Smash,” as he calls it), and he really likes Spiderman, so I could just do baby girl in any sort of baby superhero costume instead. Hmm.
CLS says
On the Superhero theme – You can do Batman and Robin. WHile you’re smallest is a girl, the robin costumes I’ve seen are REALLY cute. :)
Anonymous says
Try amightygirl.com as they have a great selection of superhero stuff for girls
Anon in NYC says
My 4 mo old girl is going to be a shark! I’m excited.
JJ says
The Justice League! A good friend of mine did a family costume (including the parents) was various heroes from the Justice League and it was adorable.
debbie downer says
I’m almost 37 weeks… so theoretically almost a month more to go… Having trouble staying focused at work, keeping energy up, and doing much else besides eating junk food and stressing about being short on hours. On top of just generally being anxious about baby’s arrival date and obsessing about new pains and aches. I also stopped going to pilates since my contractions started getting stronger whenever I would be active.
I guess looking for commiseration/sympathy and advice if you have any… Also, did anyone else have issues with increasing contractions during exercise? Is this not a big deal?
NewMomAnon says
Not a doctor, but at 37 weeks, contractions are probably not a bad thing? One thing I realized (after laboring for 48 hours, joy) is that I really should’ve leaned into contractions and not avoided them. Lesson learned. I would hit that pilates class with all you’ve got (with your doctor’s blessing, of course). Actually, I probably would find a prenatal exercise class, since they’ll do moves that will help with labor (strengthening you pelvic floor, guided breathing, etc), and they’ll know alterations appropriate for pregnancy.
Good luck. Those last few weeks can be rough; if you’re really struggling, I would talk to your doctor because it could be the beginning of antepartum depression/anxiety and you want to get on top of that before baby comes, if possible.
Lkl says
No advice on focusing, because I couldn’t my last few weeks. I found long walks (as long as I could manage) to be really helpful for mind and body. (I didn’t have any contractions, though, in fact never managed to have any at all without pitocin, so YMMV.) Cooking and freezing also used up some of my mental energy that would otherwise have been spent ruminating.
In House Lobbyist says
I did water aerobics after my cardio classes got to be too much. It felt really good being in the water too.
Debbie Downer too says
I hear you! I’m shy of 35w and feeling this way too. Worrying about all the things I need to get done at work before I leave, but yet not being very productive when I’m here. The tiredness has set back in for sure. Prenatal yoga helps but I only go once a week. I’ve started irregular contractions but they don’t seem to be tied to any specific activity, and my dr is not concerned. All the new aches and pains are a bit frustrating. I am mostly interested in preparing for baby/getting things done at home and very excited for all of that–but it’s too early to check out at work! I have no advice, just commiseration. We are almost there!!
CHL says
This is kind of random, but I was doing Rachel Yellin’s hypnosis for birth podcasts a lot in the weeks leading up to my delivery (side note – I easily delivered 10 lb baby with no drugs. not sure whether it was the hypnosis or my wide hips, but worth a shot!) Either way, I really liked the deep relaxation one for helping me sleep and relax and continue to use it now (my baby will be 1 tomorrow) to help me calm down. Probably any meditation podcast would work but hers were really tailored to the pre and post partum feelings. Also, I remember being on a conference call when I was 39 weeks and I told my boss I had eaten 3 cupcakes that day (it was like 11 am). So you’re not alone, and those cravings went away as soon as that kid came out!
Anonymous says
I went into labor a few hours after my Pilates class. If you’re wrapped up at work, I think you should do whatever exercise feels good.
CLS says
I LOVE having a couple cards with me with just my phone, esp. when just running out to get coffee or when I’m with both kids. Much easier to not carry a purse if I don’t need it. But I’m not a fan of the one that has my credit card, license or whatever sticking out. SOmething about screaming “steal me!” or whatnot – but I found this one that I LOVE.
It conceals two cards, which is all I need – or one card and a $20 bill. And it’s a nice and plain, but also comes in a couple other colors.
Anyways, thought I’d share if anyone is looking for a similar design…
CHJ says
Following up on the dinners post earlier this week, some of these slow cooker recipes look really good:
http://www.thekitchn.com/15-fall-dinners-from-the-slow-cooker-recipes-from-the-kitchn-224309
Anglophile says
Bookmarked! Thanks for sharing.
Anon S says
Mamas – how often do you get manis and pedis? Since I had baby 6 months ago, I feel like we spend SO much money on her and things related to her, so I’m trying to cut costs in other areas. But I just got a mani/pedi this week (going back to work on Monday after my 6 month mat leave) and it felt SO good. So I feel like I want to get them regularly . . . but is that a waste of money? Thoughts?
NewMomAnon says
I don’t do mani/pedi but I started getting regular massages recently. It means I don’t get to eat out as much, and I’m going to stop myself from picking up a random shirt at Target “just because,” but it’s worth it. I think you just need to be aware of your expenses and prioritize the ones that are important; you can’t think in terms of “we spend so much on baby that I need to deny myself everything,” because it won’t work.
Maddie Ross says
Honestly? Almost never. But not necessarily because of the money – it’s the time. I feel like I have limited opportunities to run out for an hour or more on my own with the LO with my husband, or to skip out of work — manis and pedis just do not fall high enough on that list for me. I try and do some “self-care”/me stuff, but I’m more likely to get a facial or highlight my hair with that limited time.
mascot says
This. It’s okay to spend money on yourself. Happy parents are good for babies.
ChiLaw says
Way back when, when I was just out of school with few responsibilities and lots of time and a decent amount of money, I got bi-weekly mani/pedis. Then [a million things happened] and they were relegated to a very seldom treat. Now, many years later, I have a kid (8 months), and I work and my spouse stays at home. I’ve gone back to (almost) bi-weekly mani/pedis. Gel nails this time, though, because I do so many dishes! If I don’t leave the house, without the kid, I don’t get more than 3 minutes of sustained Me Time. To sit in a salon chair with no one crying, no mental count of “when was the last diaper?”, but also to not be at work… it’s worth it. And when I’m at my desk, sleep deprived and I skipped my makeup because the cat peed on the bathroom floor and the baby doesn’t want to wear a onesie and and and… at least my nails are on point! I like how it makes me feel. Being a mom is hard, working is hard, combining them is hard! Why not give yourself a little treat?
Anonymous says
I get a gel mani and pedi every 3 weeks. My 4 year old son loves coming with me to the nail salon, so we usually go on a Sunday morning while my husband is running errands.
Daycare Q says
So I’m completely distracted this morning by something I learned about my child’s daycare. Apparently a teacher – not in my child’s current room, but possibly one of their former teachers – is being prosecuted for child abuse. The description of the event, to me and to the extent I know the truth, actually doesn’t sound that awful (more like rough-housing – it wasn’t in the form of punishment or anything). And to be fair, part of me feels that the parents may have been over-stepping to press charges. But I’m just unsettled now that it even happened. Like I said, my child isn’t in that room and wasn’t when this all happened. And is old enough now to be able to tell us about what happens during the day. And the school apparently handled it well and got rid of the teacher, etc. But again I just feel like I should do something. Should pull my child out? Am I over-reacting? Realistically, could I ever find care where there isn’t some risk involved?
MoreInformation says
I wouldn’t pull your child yet, but I’d definitely want more information from the school, not a second-hand source. I would request (in writing) that the director describe – also in writing – the incident, how/when the conduct was discovered, the action that was taken against the teacher – including the timeline, and what is being done to ensure that no further conduct occurs. You may also want to talk with the teachers, as I’m sure they have a better handle on the situation. Keep in mind, though, that the Center is going to do everything it can to mitigate a possible exodus of kids as word about the situation gets out.
With that information, I think you’ll have a better idea of whether to keep your kiddo in the center, find out more information from a third party (the police? the family involved?), or to remove your child immediately.
For whatever it’s worth, a well known center in our area had an incident where two children got out of the center. The director was very up front about the incident, and provided a written report to all the families in the center outlining the incident, corrective actions, etc. If your center is not directly addressing this with parents, I’d be a little more concerned.
Anonymous says
Agree that transparency is key here. And the fact that this is potentially rough housing vs s*xual made my heart stop racing.
To me, I could see how a teacher could totally just lose his/her cool and smack a kid. Obviously over the line, obviously fire-able, and presumably prosecut-able…but I doubt that kid remembered the next day. And probably deserved it (feelings about that kind of punishment aside, of course–I just mean s/he was probably being a little $hit, like kids can be.) I in no way am trying to make light of this–I’ve just been there as a parent adn I could see how someone that is around these monkeys all day long can lose it (and they should be fired).
NewMomAnon says
This sounds like something that would have to be reported to state licensing authorities. In my state, those reports must be posted at the daycare center and are available online. I would check that out, because the daycare may not be able to say anything beyond the “official” version for privacy reasons. FWIW, I actually check my center’s reports every 6 months or so. If you see a lot of similar reports from prior years, be concerned.
I think I would be hesitant to take my daughter out of a daycare for an incident that had been addressed promptly and adequately by the center (if that’s the case here). If the center is sued for negligence in hiring or oversight of personnel, I would definitely be more concerned.
MDMom says
If you know the employee’s name, you should see what you can find out through the criminal case. I work in a somewhat similar legal field and I cannot imagine they would criminally prosecute for “rough housing.” Your daycare has motive to minimize it. Stranger things have happened though. As long as daycare had no reason to know of risk prior and acted appropriately after, no reason to pull your kid out. But I would try to get info from somewhere other than the daycare if possible.
FTM Sarah says
Ok ladies, this is my first time asking a question! You guys are always so helpful so I’d like your take. I’m 6.5 months pregnant and my company just offered a voluntary separation package, as we are doing very poorly as a company. Leadership can’t make up their mind on how we should proceed so every week it’s a different fire drill. I like who I work for and what I do, but I’ve been here for 9 years and the last three have been demoralizing. I had planned to look for a new job after I came back from maternity leave but this opportunity presented itself. I would get 7 months of pay, health insurance for a year at the current rate, with an option for COBRA in the second year. My baby is due in January so I would get paid through May. I’ve said to my husband that I wish I could stay home longer, like 6 months, and this would just about let me do it. Positives- stay home with baby longer, get out of my current company and the constantly changing merry go round, 7 months of pay, potential profit sharing payout in February, the health insurance, some time at home and with my sister (home from Italy for a month) before the baby is born. Negatives- I lose seniority and history with people at work, have to start new somewhere else, have to job search with a newborn, potentially lose my vacation time (4 weeks plus a week at Christmas), having to learn a new environment as a mom. I’m strongly leaning towards leaving. I need something different and would love the time with the baby. I don’t want to stay home permanently but didn’t want to go back after 3 short months. Financially we are totally fine. Anything else I should be considering? Advice?? My husband is concerned about the job market and me finding something, but I think the job market is better than it was the last my company offered this 3 years ago. Thanks for your input!!
MoreInformation says
I would totally do it!! But a lot of this is personal. The one thing I’d ask is whether you can still access your work email (I’ve known of at least one company that offered this) during the severance period. It would be easier to job hunt at the end of the period if you can use your professional email.
CHL says
I’m intrigued by this. Is it industry specific? I’m in HR and I always find it unprofessional when people apply for jobs from their work email.
CHL says
It sounds like you’re being really thoughtful about this and I think if it were me and you were financially okay, I would probably do it. In my experience, this kind of action hardly ever “rights the ship” and you’ll probably come back to an even bigger mess. Are you in a field where you could contract part-time/freelance to ease back into the working world if you couldn’t find something right away? Is your industry such that everyone will know what was going on at your firm and understand why you would want something different? It will be hard to adjust to going back to work to a new environment, but after my first, I went back to a bad situation and, while it was easier to transition because I knew what was going on, it was so emotionally hard to feel like I was leaving my baby for THIS TERRIBLE SITUATION every day.
FTM Sarah says
Totally agree on the action not righting the ship. When they did this a few years ago, there was more optimism that things would change and get better, but I don’t feel that way this time. I don’t see a path to improvement and I don’t want to be stuck holding the bag when everyone else leaves.
Unfortunately I probably can’t freelance- I’m in a sales operations role that supports the sales team and aggregates information to executive management. The industry definitely knows what’s going on and I don’t think it would reflect badly on me.
You have a good point on feeling worse about leaving the baby to go to a terrible situation- just because something is comfortable doesn’t mean it’s a good situation!
Suburban says
I’d go for it. In my experience, interviewing after being thrown (in my case, jumping in yours) from a sinking ship was a breeze. Everyone either knew the deal or totally understood once I explained. Six months post baby is not an unheard of time for leave, so Id think you’d look more like a candidate who took leave than someone who opted out. Also, I’m a big ” trust the timing of you life and career” person and it seems like maybe the universe is telling you something? Congrats and good luck!
Anon says
I would do it. From what it sounds like, you could start interviewing now and let prospective employers know you couldn’t start until May, and thus potentially have 3-4 months to interview without a newborn. Some places want someone who can start right away, so obviously it wouldn’t work in those situations, but some places are fine with a delayed start date. Granted, you would be interviewing pregnant (which employers aren’t supposed to, but totally do discriminate based on), but you would probably need to be upfront about that anyway with your start date in May. A lot of law firms lay off attorneys but let them state that they are still employed there for a set amount of time (ex. 6 months) while they job search. Any chance you could negotiate that? It’s easier to find a job when you already have one.
anon says
Not advise, just something to think about – as unfair as it may be, returning to work after being a ‘stay at home mom,’ even for a short period of time, carries some stigma. It’s always easier to find a job when you already have a job, doubly so when you have a newborn and are trying to convince employers that you’d rather be at work than at home. If you’re currently employed and have a newborn, no need to convince them that you’d really rather be at work.
CHL says
On a related note, is anyone else reading “Unfinished Business” by Anne-Marie Slaughter (the follow up to that Atlantic article about Women Still not having it all? I’m still in the (to me) depressing section about how poorly our system is set up for mothers…hoping there’s some inspiration or helpful advice coming at some point!
FTM Sarah says
Good point, I hadn’t thought about that. Honestly I think I’d rather deal with that stigma than go back to my current place of work. My husband and FIL have their own business that I could do some part time work for while I’m unemployed so I could use that to cover the gap. We’re not ready for me to work there full time and out all our eggs in that basket. I think I’d stay away from the baby as the reason I’m not employed and talk more about my company’s situation as the reason for my gap. The baby is a nice bonus :)
POSITA says
I wouldn’t refer to yourself as a SAHM. It’s unnecessary. I was in a similar situation and just said, “I wrapped up my employment with XX in August and I’m looking for a new position starting in January, after my maternity leave ends.” It set the default that I was a working parent, rather that someone trying to transition after staying at home.
layered bob says
so I’ve always thought that the U.S. needs a better maternity leave system (i.e. better than ‘no system’) but WOW I am six weeks postpartum and NO ONE in this household is ready for me to be gone full time. For a lot of reasons, our original plan for me to go back at six weeks changed a bit so I will start gradually on-ramping at eight weeks but the baby won’t start daycare until she’s four months old.
I know my baby would be technically fine in daycare at this age and I know it’s the right (/only) choice for a lot of people (including us originally) but when I see how much she loves just being an unpredictable, needy, cluster-feeding snuggle bunny all day (and night) I can’t imagine bringing her to daycare this young. And *I* still feel like death warmed over … no one wants me working like this.
All this to say… I am SO impressed by all you mamas who go back to work full time at six weeks because you are made of stronger stuff than me. And I’m even sadder than before that so many women don’t have the option to take more time off after a baby (if they want to). Good maternity leave is so very necessary.
CHJ says
Right? Your perspective totally changes when you see what a 6-8 week old baby is all about. I struggled going back at 12 weeks, and I still think 5-6 months is the sweet spot.
layered bob says
yeah, at this point I’d push the daycare start date back to five months if I could, now that I’ve read a little more about infant development.
I am eager to go back to work, but, man, six weeks… this baby is not what I thought of when I thought of “babies” before having one – I thought I had lots of experience with “babies” previously (nannying etc.) but they were all 3-4 months or older. I didn’t realize that the reason I didn’t have any first-hand experience with younger babies is that they are really not fit to be out in the world, and neither are their mothers (at least this mother isn’t).
quail says
So so so agree. I had no idea until I had my kid. What I thought was a newborn was actually like a four month old! After those first six weeks it no longer surprised me that women just quit rather than go back, since that seems to be the only two options for so many. We need way better maternity law in this country. Even the 12 weeks of FMLA is barely enough, and then that leaves no wiggle room for women who use that all up.
FTM Sarah says
well this just supports my decision to take the package at work and have 5 months at home with my baby! It’s so helpful to have everyone’s insights!
Thank you says
Thank you. I needed to read this today. My favorite annual project is forthcoming and rather than lead it up, I’m basically having to ghostwrite all the kickoff emails and materials. I really was struggling at work with the question of ‘am I going to be taking too much leave??’
I’m taking a 5 month maternity leave and then working 4 days a week for another 2 months. My husband is going to be home for 2 months when I go back to work, so between the two of us, sweet baby will be 7-ish months old when they start daycare. We recognize how incredibly lucky we are to be able to do this, especially because neither one of us have formal maternity/paternity leave, just saved sick + vacation + unpaid.