Finally Friday: Card Ninja Smartphone Wallet

so I’ve always thought that the U.S. needs a better maternity leave system (i.e. better than ‘no system’) but WOW I am six weeks postpartum and NO ONE in this household is ready for me to be gone full time. For a lot of reasons, our original plan for me to go back at six weeks changed a bit so I will start gradually on-ramping at eight weeks but the baby won’t start daycare until she’s four months old.

I know my baby would be technically fine in daycare at this age and I know it’s the right (/only) choice for a lot of people (including us originally) but when I see how much she loves just being an unpredictable, needy, cluster-feeding snuggle bunny all day (and night) I can’t imagine bringing her to daycare this young. And *I* still feel like death warmed over … no one wants me working like this.

All this to say… I am SO impressed by all you mamas who go back to work full time at six weeks because you are made of stronger stuff than me. And I’m even sadder than before that so many women don’t have the option to take more time off after a baby (if they want to). Good maternity leave is so very necessary.

Ok ladies, this is my first time asking a question! You guys are always so helpful so I’d like your take. I’m 6.5 months pregnant and my company just offered a voluntary separation package, as we are doing very poorly as a company. Leadership can’t make up their mind on how we should proceed so every week it’s a different fire drill. I like who I work for and what I do, but I’ve been here for 9 years and the last three have been demoralizing. I had planned to look for a new job after I came back from maternity leave but this opportunity presented itself. I would get 7 months of pay, health insurance for a year at the current rate, with an option for COBRA in the second year. My baby is due in January so I would get paid through May. I’ve said to my husband that I wish I could stay home longer, like 6 months, and this would just about let me do it. Positives- stay home with baby longer, get out of my current company and the constantly changing merry go round, 7 months of pay, potential profit sharing payout in February, the health insurance, some time at home and with my sister (home from Italy for a month) before the baby is born. Negatives- I lose seniority and history with people at work, have to start new somewhere else, have to job search with a newborn, potentially lose my vacation time (4 weeks plus a week at Christmas), having to learn a new environment as a mom. I’m strongly leaning towards leaving. I need something different and would love the time with the baby. I don’t want to stay home permanently but didn’t want to go back after 3 short months. Financially we are totally fine. Anything else I should be considering? Advice?? My husband is concerned about the job market and me finding something, but I think the job market is better than it was the last my company offered this 3 years ago. Thanks for your input!!

Mamas – how often do you get manis and pedis? Since I had baby 6 months ago, I feel like we spend SO much money on her and things related to her, so I’m trying to cut costs in other areas. But I just got a mani/pedi this week (going back to work on Monday after my 6 month mat leave) and it felt SO good. So I feel like I want to get them regularly . . . but is that a waste of money? Thoughts?

What are everyone’s kids dressing as for Halloween? Since its my first year with two, I really want them to coordinate in some way (I assume that by next year, older kid won’t let me have much say). I was thinking of doing Luke and Leia, because they have some ridiculously cute Princess Leia costumes for babies out there (with a headpiece with the giant buns!), but older kid doesn’t really know who Luke Skywalker is. He seems interested in being the Incredible Hulk (or “Hulk Smash,” as he calls it), and he really likes Spiderman, so I could just do baby girl in any sort of baby superhero costume instead. Hmm.

Ugh – I can’t look away from the pictures, especially of the kids coming off of small rafts and boats. I’ve donated money to a few charities, and we are donating coats, blankets, and stuffed toys to an organization that is shipping a crate to Turkey in the next week or so. So, I feel like I’m trying to put this sadness to some productive end, but I just can’t shake this constant feeling of awful guilt/shame/sadness that I can’t help all the kids – that there are certainly kids who are and will lose their lives in this mess, and that these kids are my own children’s ages and their parents are just like me.

When I think about it (and I try not to really think about it), I just imagine that there are dead kids washing up on the beaches, on the side of the roads, in the camps, everywhere. Every time I change my child’s diaper, I wonder how those moms change their children’s diapers or carry enough milk/food for the kids. Is my reaction normal? It feels all consuming and like I can’t stop the anxiety that I am not doing more to prevent harm coming to children just like my own. Is this just part of parenthood – that you become a lightning rod for empathy – realizing that raising children is largely the same, no matter where you are, or should I be concerned that I’ve veered off into some kind of weird post-partum anxiety. My littlest child is 10 months, if it matters.