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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Sleep Regression input? says
Welcome any thoughts, advice, or rumination from the hive—
We’re going on week 5ish of the 18 month sleep regression. The past several weeks, kiddo has slept through the night in his own crib for five or six days total. Right now, it’s not as bad as it was, since he gets up around 2am for a bottle; sometimes he’s thirsty and sometimes he’s not. He only goes back to sleep in our bed (which is an improvement from a few weeks ago when he would babble and be wide awake in his room or our bed for hours).
Mind you, he’s been sleeping in his crib since he was six weeks old (and still naps, knock on wood, in his crib). I guess I’m wondering what your thoughts are on whether:
-We are forming an awful habit?
-He will revert back to his old ways like past regressions (he has never slept soundly in our bed before this regression)?
-I should sleep train him to go back to his crib soon, though I don’t know if it’ll work toward the end of a regression.
We’re kind of on autopilot right now because we have prioritized sleep, but welcome any thoughts on getting back to normal. In the past, we have let him fuss a bit and have let him cry it out a bit, but haven’t had to be very aggressive or draconian about it. He’s been good at self-soothing in the past, and I don’t know if this recent bout of issues is a result of separation anxiety or what. He has a well visit soon, so we will ask our pediatrician as well. Other data points:
-We give him ibuprofen every night since teething happens often
-He has a good bedtime routine
-He gets down with little to medium effort most nights
-He has a nightlight
-He’s down to one nap and has adjusted, and I don’t think this is a schedule issue?
I welcome any and all anecdotes, input, or superstition at this point, especially since I’m heading out of town for work soon an am nervous about how this’ll play out or what new habits will form w/ Dad solo parenting.
NYCer says
With the caveat that I completely understand what you mean about prioritizing sleep and doing whatever you can to make that happen, but if it were me, I would really, really try to cut out the 2am bottle (is he drinking milk? water?) and really, really try to get him to go back to sleep in his crib. I know co-sleeping works for lots of people, but it does not work for me, so I would work hard not to get into that habit. Does he have a lovey or a stuffed animal that he can hug/cuddle with if he wakes up in the middle of the night? That really helped with our older daughter.
RR says
I can’t tell you what makes sense for you as a family, but I can tell you what I would do (and did when my son went through this). I’d put him to bed in his crib, talk to him about how he’s going to sleep there all night, and leave the room. Come back in the morning. It will be a rough night–maybe a rough couple nights–but then it will be fine. The first night with my son was rough, but he woke up the next morning looking happy and rested for the first time in a two weeks.
That said, there is no rule you have to do this. Lots of people have their kiddos sleep in their beds with no issue. If it doesn’t bother you, there’s no reason you have to consider it a bad habit to break. The bottle I’d stop. An 18 month old doesn’t need a bottle overnight, and unless you are brushing his teeth after, that one probably is a habit you want to break. You could put him to bed with a sippy of water instead.
AwayEmily says
+1 to all of this, especially the “think about what works for YOU.” I would 100% take RR’s approach of basically sleep training him, because I don’t sleep well with kids in my bed and I need sleep to function. But I also know plenty of families who get lots of great sleep snuggled with their kiddos, so if it’s working for you then go for it.
Bottle is definitely a habit to break, though. In addition to the teeth stuff, giving him a bottle at 2am trains him to wake up at 2am.
Anonymous says
+2 I know plenty of families get by with cosleeping but it was not working for us, and we definitely didn’t want a 5 year old in our bed one day. So we sleep trained for the first time at 18 months after DDs sleep got messed up due to molars/new house. It was life changing to say the least. So if it works for you that’s fine but if it doesn’t then I would sleep train. I’d def cut out the bottle, he doesn’t need those middle of the night calories, could stick on his teeth, and it’s prob contributing to the issue. I totally get prioritizing sleep but our DD got big enough that having her in our bed was more disruptive. Also – ask the ped about constant ibuprofen use. It can irritate their (and adult) stomachs when used to often and even cause bleeding.
Anonymous says
If he’s just thirsty, can you leave a bottle/sippy of water in his crib for self-service? And if he’s up and babbling at 2 a.m, can he play (alone) in his crib for a bit?
octagon says
That was about when we added a sippy of water in the crib. Have you considered an OK to Wake clock? He’s old enough that he should be able to understand it.
Anon. says
+1 We started the OK to Wake type clock at that age. “Mommy & Daddy will see you in the morning when the light turns green.”
Anon says
I would probably do CIO, yeah. I was blessed with an extraordinary sleeper and never had to do any formal sleep training in infancy, but around 16-17 months we had major nighttime sleep disruptions. I still don’t know the cause but I’m guessing it had more to do with developmental leaps (learning new words and wanting to practice walking) than anything else. She got a bunch of teeth in that interval but we tried Tylenol/Ibuprofen and that never seemed to help her sleep through the night so I don’t think teething was the direct cause of all the wakings. It took only took a couple nights of letting her cry it out for progressively longer intervals before she started sleeping through the night again. Now it’s amazing because whenever she wakes up crying, we can just go in her room, pat her on the back and say “night night” and she goes back to sleep! (And if she doesn’t, we know there’s a real reason like pain from an ear infection). I would probably back off from the ibuprofen – giving it every night seems like a lot if it doesn’t appear to be helping that much.
Anonymous says
I’d avoid advil at bedtime and definitely not every night. For my kids it makes them totally wired and awake. I only used advil at night if they had a fever and tylenol alone wasn’t enough. Try tylenol if you are really worried about teething pain.
A few people have recommended CIO, so just wanted to note that if you don’t want to go that route, try The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers by Pantley. We used the infant book with great success and I’ve heard the toddler version is good too.
OP says
OP here. Thank you for all the suggestions.
-I’m resolved to sleep training starting tonight. I
-I will keep his water in his room, no bottle.
-On hanging his crib: sadly, he has rarely been one to hang out in his crib when he’s awake, but perhaps sleep training will change that. He has severe FOMO.
-I knew about the 2am bottle, but wasn’t willing to fight that battle with my husband.
Thank you for giving me the resolve and the support, along with the kind words. I sleep fine with him in the bed, but he wouldn’t be sleeping in our bed if we addressed the issue head on. So, thank you again!!!!!
Anonymous says
Our pediatrician used the pizza party analogy for those middle of the night feedings. Even if I wasn’t hungry, if I woke up and then a pizza party appeared in my room, I’d probably be up for hanging out and eating a slice. It helped us necessary bottles from nice to have bottles.
Anon says
Good luck! Sleep training was so hard emotionally but worked wonders for us!! Think about the long-term payoff and know that huge improvements are possible when you bite the bullet and try to be consistent.
Anon says
We have been fighting this battle for the past 8 months – for us I think it is related to separation anxiety. At 26 months, the 2 year molars are finally, finally, finally through, and it has gotten better. DD is in a toddler bed after climbing out of the crib at 17 months, which was fine for a month until it all went downhill. After 3 months of trying sleep training which just lead to lots of tears and no sleep for everyone (she has her mama’s stubbornness), we did a complete pivot and now just let DD sleep in our bed when she wakes up (but we always put her down in her bed). Now, she typically sleeps through the night in her bed 1-2x a week, once or twice a week she crawls in with us at about 1 am and the rest of the time she makes it most of the night in her bed and crawls in ours about 3 hours before wakeup. I can see on the monitor that she doesn’t come to us every time she wakes up, which I take as a positive sign. About 2 months ago I started leaving the gate open to her room so that she can just walk down the hall and that’s been so much better because I wake up less when I don’t have to get out of bed to get her. Most sleep for the most number of people and she’ll sleep independently eventually are the two mantras I keep repeating to myself.
HSAL says
Since it seems to be both the bottle and coming into your bed, I’d cut the bottle first. How much is he taking? Cut it in half for a couple nights, then in half again until he’s only taking an ounce or two. That might solve the problem – it worked for our twins around 12-13 months or so. If he’s still waking up at 2 at that point then yeah, I’d go in there for a night or two to pat him and explain it’s not time to get up yet, but then let him cry it out if he has to.
Anonymous says
If kids are waking up in the middle of the night and happily chatting, hanging out or wanting to play: they are NOT getting enough activity. At 18 months my kid was outside playing 4-5 hours a day. (2.5-3 in the morning, ~2 in the afternoon). And it was summer so that was at the playground, in the sprinklers. I was lucky enough to be working part time, so I could observe just how much she needed to move. When we switched to a couple days a week daycare she slept every night that I had her and the days she went to school she woke up at four, wide awake and ready to go.
I’m honestly not even sure sleep regression are real, but I definitely know my kid needs to do multiple hours of running around a day. We picked a public school that offers 90 minutes of movement a day. That, plus riding her bike to and from school, plus 1-2 hours of play at the park after school is usually enough to get her asleep by 8 (we aim for lights out by 7:20) and through the night.
Irish Midori says
Guys, there’s a Judge Barbie. It comes with a little gavel and everything. https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07NQGQCJJ?colid=2ZHCKEGLE7KO7&coliid=IMET63PLSDGGG&ref=br_ADD_TO_CART_title_link
RR says
I just ordered this for my daughter. I’m tempted to order all 4 of them.
Irish Midori says
Is it wrong that I put it on my baby registry? I mean, start off strong, right?
Anonymous says
Its kinda weird to me, in that it is not a safe toy for a baby or even a young toddler.
Anon says
+1 and also it’s kind of gross. It’s empowering for a Barbie, but it’s still a Barbie.
Irish Midori says
Haters gonna hate.
Anonymous says
You asked for opinions? No one is hating.
Anon says
I’m not hating on you buying a Barbie for your child, but registry gifts should be non-controversial and Barbie is one of the most controversial kids’ toys out there.
Irish Midori says
THE most controversial kids’ toy? Whew! Not in my circles, I guess.
Anonymous says
Do it!
avocado says
There is also a Katherine Johnson Barbie. We had a strict anti-Barbie policy, but I would have made an exception for that one.
Emily S. says
We’ve come along way from the Barbies of my childhood, with 3 choices of hair color and all in bathing suits or skimpy dresses and high heels. I was pretty down on Barbie until my daughter got one as a gift, and I watched her make up a whole story and a whole world with her. Right now, it’s great for imaginative play, with a balance of balls, trains, dress up, etc.
Anon says
+1. It’s one of the few toys my 6yo daughter and 4yo son will play together for hours. Our President Barbie is married to Black Panther, Ken is married to Batman, Pilot Barbie flies around and is awesome, and Mermaid Barbie is a single parent to Skipper. The dolls are multicultural and posable and the right size to allow for outfit changes. My kids get lost in their make-believe world, with a never-ending soap opera of dramatic fights and romantic entanglements and schoolyard issues. That’s exactly the kind of cooperative play I want to encourage, and Barbie is one of the few toys where my kids will do that without prompting.
They’re asking for a friend for Skipper for Christmas, I think I might add a Judge Barbie to surprise them.
Anon says
And I should clarify, i was staunchly anti-Barbie up until about 3 years ago. I hated them as a child and hated them even more as an adult. But seeing the imaginations and diversity and independence come out in my kids, particularly my son, has really changed my mind.
Anon says
The PC is killing me. It’s so unwoke to call out heritage or anything pointing to skin tone that they went with hair color to designate the differences in the dolls.
Irish Midori says
Yeah, I did think it was weird that they went with hair color to identify the different dolls. *shrug* I got too many other outrages in the world to spend more on that, but it is weird.
lsw says
Particularly bad WFH-with-sick-toddler conference calls this morning….ugh.
Anonymous says
Sorry – been there!! If it makes you feel any better I was once on a conference call where a pretty senior person (man!) started off with saying “my toddler has horrible diaper rash, so if you hear screaming that’s why”
Anon says
I love that. My husband is senior-ish and I always remind him to be visible about parenting at the office, like if she’s staying home with a sick kid to actually say “I’m staying home with a sick kid” and not just say “I’m OOO.”
FVNC says
I have also been there, several times, so commiseration!
Last winter, my then-5 yr old was home sick from school. I’d set her up in front of the TV, which is usually fail-safe. I took a call with a senior (male) executive, only to have it interrupted by prolonged, ear piercing shrieks (kid was fine; wanted her water bottle which was on table next to the couch, but not ON the couch, ugh). This man couldn’t have been nicer, and talked about how he’d seen everything after having raised three daughters. It was such a kind and compassionate response.
anne-on says
Commiseration. I did that last week and it’s no fun, especially when they’re in barnacle mode.
To the points below – I am SO pleasantly surprised by the number of senior men in my company who note that they’re home with kids/leaving early to make bath or bed time/at a soccer game/etc. It is such a change from when I first started my career and literally never ever heard those statements.
EB0220 says
Totally random: Does anyone else find it super weird that McDonald’s has gendered Happy Meal toys?
Boston Legal Eagle says
What are they? I’m not a fan of most gender-specific things, hence my love of primary clothing for the kids.
EB0220 says
Right now they’re Barbies for girls and Hot Wheels for boys. They do have some “profession” Barbies in there but of course my kids got the “Princess” Barbie.
Anonymous says
Why not just ask for the hot wheels?
DrPepperEsq says
Sometimes I get happy meals for myself and they ask me- girl or boy and I’m like, girl? My mind goes blank and I don’t even think to not to ask for a toy.
Anonymous says
I am outraged about so many other things that I don’t have much energy left to worry about gendered Happy Meal toys. What I really wonder about is whether fast food places realize how much business they are losing to parents who want to prevent any of that junk from cluttering up their houses.
Anonymous says
It doesn’t seem to be a thing in my area anymore. In Canada though. Usually there is just one toy each week but you can ask for a book instead. We alternate between toy and book because I can’t stand the plastic waste but the kids usually prefer the toy over the book.
There’s no reason they can’t just say ‘Barbie or Hot wheels’? Doesn’t take any longer than asking ‘boy or girl’. When it used to be a thing here I always asked what the toys were instead of answering girl or boy.
Anon says
I had no idea they were gendered. I don’t feel like they were when I was growing up? It would annoy me too. Also seems a bit awkward for the 16 year old behind the counter to be making a judgement about whether a kid is a boy or a girl…
Anon says
They were always that way. Barbie and Hot wheel options go way back – I loved the Barbies! I agree this is something to not bother wasting “upset energy” on, though…I mean, my boys genuinely love cars, while I as a young girl 100% preferred the Barbies. Maybe the terminology isn’t perfect (it’s quicker to say boy or girl than “would you like toy x or toy y”), but just ask for the toy you want if this bothers you. Boys and girls *are* different, and often have seemingly innate preferences (cue flamethrowers…) and dolls vs cars is a pretty standard one. Sometimes this discussion gets silly.
AnonLaywer says
For the life of me, I don’t get this thinking. You think boys evolved to have a preference for cars . . . which have only existed for like .0001% of human history? You don’t think being told from birth that cars are for boys and dolls are for girls has anything to do with it?
At any rate, even if most boys preferred cars and most girls preferred dolls, there are still obviously some with opposite preferences so they might as well be explicit about what the toy options are.
Anonymous says
This is totally illogical. Toys are for everyone. Depending on the day and their mood, my daugther and sons are no more or less likely to be interested in Barbies or cars.
It’s not faster to say ‘girl or boy toy’ because that just results in most parents having to ask what the toys are. How the heck am I supposed to ask my kids what they want if I don’t know what those toys are?
Just because you personally loved Barbies 30 years ago doesn’t mean every girl or boy wants a gendered toy today.
Anon says
Yeah I don’t know you extrapolate from “I liked Barbies” to “Barbies are a girl toy.” My girl toddler definitely prefers Legos to dolls, and if I were offered a “boy toy or a girl toy” I would definitely choose boy. Kids as young as 1 are influenced by lots of people, including parents, teachers and peers, so the fact that more girls than boys like pink and ballet is absolutely not an innate difference. The idea that male and female brains are innately different in ways that matter to personality or intellectual ability is called neurosexism and has been widely rejected by scientists: https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-019-00677-x
Boston Legal Eagle says
Agree, I think it’s very hard to separate preferences from socialization. It starts so young too. I’m honestly a little surprised that they’re still calling these “girl toys” and “boy toys.”
govtattymom says
I take my daughter to McDonalds in DC, and I’ve never been asked if we want a boy or girl toy. Is this a more recent thing or are they savvy enough to know this would bother people in DC?
Anonymous says
I don’t think it is new and would guess that they are just giving you the girl toys without asking. Sometimes they only have one non-gendered toy, but the girl/boy option happens pretty regularly IME. I’m in liberal Brooklyn, although we go to McD more when traveling.
Irish Midori says
I think it’s kinda dumb, but don’t have the energy to get my knickers too twisted about it. At a lot of fast food chains they let you trade in the toy for a dessert, which my kids prefer to another piece of plastic anyway. Even if it’s not policy, sometimes a local store will let you if you ask.
Anonymous says
Has anyone tried the Willow pump and been successful with it? Worth the money? I just got back to work after maternity leave (big law transactional attorney) and pumping at the office is leaving me in tears, and stress while pumping results in me producing very little milk… starting a very vicious cycle. I bought the freemie pump and tried that at home two weeks before I came back and I was barely pumping two ounces with those “wearable cups”, while getting five or six with the more traditional Medela parts.
When wearing a pumping bra and the parts for my medela pump, I literally cannot reach my keyboard as the bottles bump into the desk, so I cannot work while pumping (I also can’t eat lunch easily either), so now I am losing an hour plus of billable time a day to pumping and cleaning up/organizing after pumping. I’ve tried moving things on my desk, I already tried the freemie pump and that did not work for me. I also have a husband who is usually understanding and empathetic, but anytime we try to talk about breastfeeding/pumping, he just doesn’t “get it” and this seems to be the one topic where he is actively trying to avoid learning anything or trying to understand why it is difficult. So I’m getting a lot of “just don’t stress about it” and “you’ll figure it out” or “X at my office made it work” (he’s in house working in a far less stressful job than I am) responses from him.
Appreciate anyone who read this rant, and any thoughts on the Willow pump or just making pumping at the office work generally. I only have a 10 minute commute, so that’s not enough time to try to pump in the car. They put a lock on my office door and gave me a mini fridge, so I can just pump in my office and don’t need to go anywhere or schedule time in a mother’s room. I am actually completely okay with giving my baby formula and nursing when I can, I just am frustrated to tears that everyone else seems to have figure out “pumping at the office” yet I don’t seem to be able to do that. What am I missing?
Annie says
Is your chair not high enough? I can type while pumping (and often do). Also – I refrigerate the pump parts in between pumping at work (don’t clean them) and then it’s my husband’s job to clean them at home.
Anonymous says
If my chair was any higher I can’t fit my legs under my desk (where the pencil drawer for the desk is).
Anonymous says
I had to have the pencil drawer removed for this reason. It sort of floated below the desktop, which meant that removing it freed up some space.
Annie says
Can you work on printed out documents while pumping? Just type on your phone while pumping?
Anon says
I bought a spectra for the office (don’t think the horns are much shorter) but agree it may be an issue of getting the chair high enough. I also used to save reading hard-copy documents for pumping time (or taking conference calls). To save time (also a big law transactional attorney) I threw money at the problem and bought 6 sets of pump parts – 3 for each day, so I didn’t have to deal with washing or cold plastic on the girls.
Anonymous says
I have this – a separate pump, and six different sets of parts. I just can’t even read documents because I can’t get close enough to my desk and my chair is as high as I can make it without me hitting my knees on the desk drawers. I’m also not even pumping enough for a full bottle.
Anon says
So some moms I know couldn’t relax enough at work to pump. They had to watch videos of kiddo on their phone or look at photos, etc., not be marking up documents, etc. Maybe try that for a week until you’re more used to the pump and see if it goes better (and then try adding non-kid stuff in and see if it affects production). Even for me, I think it was a week or two before I was pumping enough to keep up with her demand. It’s hard mama. Also keep in mind that quitting pumping doesn’t necessarily mean quitting nursing; I nursed 9 months longer than I pumped, if that’s what you’re worried about.
Emily S. says
I’m sorry; pumping at work is one of the toughest parts of being a working mom, I think. I didn’t use the Willow, so I can’t say, but some unsolicited advice: get as comfortable as you can (wear a blanket if necessary, try a few different pumping bras, etc.), play some cue music, look at pictures or video of the baby, etc. to encourage let down and then start in on work. Also, FWIW, I had different output with different pumping bras, so, maybe try a variety. Finally, if it’s not working for you, gently give yourself permission to drop pumping at work and b-feed at home only.
Anon. says
I had a hard time typing while pumping so I usually saved things that needed to be read for that time – either hard copy or on screen. If I really needed to type something I’d sometimes pull my (wireless) keyboard into my lap.
As for clean-up – I kept all the parts in a ziplock in the fridge during the day and threw them in the dishwasher at night. I had multiple sets so it wasn’t imperative that the dishwasher run every night.
qcgc says
+1. I would try to do things by hard copy while pumping and using my phone when needed. I’m a little confused that you don’t find you can eat while pumping / maybe try a different pumping bra? And if reconsider pumping while you commute. Even it’s it’s only 10 minutes to commute, you can spend another 5 checking emails (or not, some people do find with short sessions too) on your phone and then you’ve knocked a session out. That being said, it’s ok not to pump and switch to formula. Seriously the stress isn’t worth it if it’s too hard.
So Anon says
Pumping at work is really tough. I went through a similar cycle where I was trying to work (biglaw litigation) while pumping, too stressed, didn’t get enough milk, and down the cycle went. I ended up taking a week or so to focus on the pumping where I actively stopped billing while pumping. I brought in a hard copy book, turned on relaxing music, and focused on getting myself into a mental place where I could pump. I read books about being a mom that were relaxing (i.e. no books about how things must be done a certain way). Weirdly, I found playing games like candy crush was just mindless enough but engrossing enough to help as well. I agree with just throwing the parts into a bag in the fridge and having extra parts to make it easier. Oh, and I also hung a sign on my door that said not to interrupt and not to even knock on the door, because that would totally end the session for me.
shortperson says
i have a few friends that loooooove the willow. i wasnt miserable with my old PISA so i kept it for my second, and now looking back i dont know why i put myself through finding a plug when i traveled, dealing wtih the bra change, etc.
do it.
ehhh says
I pumped at work for about 14 months, and it took time to get it working,
1. it may get (a lot) easier, AND/OR if it doesn’t you don’t have to pump at work, combo feeding or formula is great too.
2. I didn’t use the handsfree pumping bra. This was very torso proportions/desk-dependent, but I used a medela, and I would pull up shirt/unhock nursing bra and put a huge scarf over. I would put the horns on and the bottles would rest on my legs and brace against the edge of my desk.
3. I started out 2-3 pumping sessions a day, and went down to 1 for the last 8 months, which does save time.
4. I took bus transit, so the carrying home lots of little bottles was too much. I ended up using take-out soup containers and combining my sessions to one container that fit in my bag. I know some people like keeping it apart, but I didin’t find a problem with mixing
DLC says
That sounds so stressful! Not sure if you tried this, but I got much better results with my Freemie when I trimmed the tubing down. Still isn’t as efficient as my spectra- I have to pump for 40 mins with my Freemie to get the same result as a 20 min pump with the spectra. But I get a lot more done with the cups in than with the horns. Would it help to do one Freemie pump a day to make sure you get the regular stimulation while getting work done, and pump with your other pump the other sessioNs?
The other thing I do is try to cut out as many steps as possible- I leave my pump out and it has a battery so I don’t have to plug it in or set it up. I assemble horns and bottles at home so that all I do is put on the pumping bra, put the horns on and press “power”. Then everything goes in the fridge after. Maybe even get one of those combo nursing/pumping bras so you don’t have to switch bras?
Good luck! I think everyone struggles with pumping and figuring out how to make it work!
ChicagoMom says
I’ve been using the Elvie (competitor to Willow) for about two months now and love it. I’m not yet back at work so can’t speak to those specific circumstances but have successfully used it with my laptop / desk at home. It’s incredibly freeing (both the experience of pumping and ease of popping a cap on the built in bottle to store in fridge), surprisingly quiet and nice to not feel like a cow while pumping… a few caveats –
1. Aligning the flange is very important and hard to verify as you don’t have the visual cue – often requiring me to take the pump out of my bra and re position… occasionally leading to a very frustrating pumping session
2. I would keep an extra shirt / bra on hand … I have had some issues with milk spilling or pump not stopping automatically once the bottle is full
3. The app leaves much to be desired – I just use the pump itself
Sarah says
Seconding the Elvie. The pump is extremely quiet and I get good output, assuming I’ve lined things up correctly. The app doesn’t work great for telling how full the bottles are, especially with a light colored bra. I periodically look down my shirt to check how full the bottles are and hopefully avoid spillage. Some people use ziplock bags to help catch the leakage, but I haven’t tried it yet. I don’t put the parts in the dishwasher at night because people in the FB group have mentioned parts warping. I hand wash them, which is a pain, but I rinse between sessions rather than full on wash them. I am so glad I bought the Elvie. I picked it because it came with reusable bottles and the Willow didn’t at the time. The Willow just released a resuable bottle. I spend a lot of time driving and this make it so much easier to pump. I also use it at my desk and I work with a bunch of men – no one has really noticed that I’ve been pumping especially if I throw a cardigan or zip up hoodie (casual small business) on. They do have lights that make you kind of look like Iron Man, but those would be easy to cover. Hope you find something that works. Neither pump is cheap, but I’ve been really happy with the Elvie.
rosie says
Another thing to consider is using Kiinde bags to pump into instead of bottles. They may give you a little more space/clearance and the Kiinde system itself is so great and eliminates a lot of washing, plus no worries about spills when transporting milk. And the bottle you put the bags into is super easy for kid to start holding, and we loved the sippy cup tops we could use when our dr said no more bottle at 1. I used it with Spectra (had both the S2 and the smaller, battery-powered S9).
Anonymous says
I haaaated pumping. Never managed to bill time while doing it (although because of office situation I wasn’t able to pump at my desk). How old is your baby? Have you tried a bottle of formula to see if your baby will accept it? I switched to 100% formula around 8 mos of age and have zero regrets, and was already supplementing with formula before that.
Anon says
+1 to this! I have a much less intense job than you, OP, but never managed to figure out working while pumping. Even a once-daily pumping break was seriously killing my productivity to the point where I felt like I had to stop pumping or extend my hours in the office. I chose the former with zero regrets. Stopped pumping around 6 months, didn’t wean my daughter until she was 17 months old (and could have kept going but she was expressing readiness to be done and I thought it would be gentler on both of us to do it when she was telling me she was ready).
Anonymous says
A genuine and sincere thanks to everyone! I am already supplementing with formula because over the past few days I have been so stressed that even 90 minutes of pumping at the office was only replacing one 5 oz. bottle. Our nanny has reported that the baby is completely fine with formula. I can’t pump and eat because of the desk situation/the bottles knocking into the desk, keeping me about 8 inches away from the desk or otherwise forcing me to hold my food up around my face and feel like even more of a cow. I can’t have the desk drawers removed, get a different chair, or get a different desk.
So, even if I just reviewed hard copies of documents, then I still can’t read them very well because I physically am about 6-8 inches away from the desk where the documents are due to the bottles bumping into the desk and preventing me from getting any closer to the desk. I already have multiple sets of spare parts that are set up and ready to go, a separate pump at work so I’m not dragging anything else with me, and am not washing the parts at work (toss in ziploc and put in fridge). My group also often goes, as a group, to grab something for lunch. This time walking to lunch is very important time to discuss challenges with deals, get new assignments, and generally get advice from our practice group leader. We have a “no facetime required” policy in our group, but I would say that this facetime is the most important time at work, and missing out on it leaves you behind from a promotion/advancement/getting invited to client development events standpoint. I just won’t be able to make my billable hours if I can’t work and pump. Even with having all of these parts, I am pumping about 2 ounces total over an hour’s worth of pumping during the day because all I can think about is the work that is not getting done and every minute of billable work that I’m not completing. I also don’t have time to sit in my car for another five minutes at home, because that’s five more minutes of overtime that I have to pay the nanny.
And right now, I cannot seem to do both, so I think I’m just going to give up pumping. My husband is rather disappointed by this development, but I informed him that either he could try pumping milk for the baby, find me a job that doesn’t have billable hours, somehow magically add hours to the day, or just deal with it. I never wanted to breastfeed to begin with and was pressured into it by everyone and anyone who said anything, so this is a blessing in disguise for me.
Anonymous says
I’m really worried that I feel so strongly about this that my sincere thoughts will sound sarcastic, but: this is an outstanding choice and I applaud it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Hi OP. Thank you for posting this follow-up. I’m sorry that you were pressured into b-feeding, and especially by that reaction from your husband… this is one parenting decision that he needs to support whatever you choose 100%. Sorry, but I don’t think dad gets to decide that mom should have to b-feed, pump and all of that, as long as the baby is getting fed! Your baby is much better served by a less stressed mom than any minimal benefits b-milk provides.
Anonymous says
Boston LE – I agree, it was my decision, but I got a lot of “just try it. then if you hate it you don’t have to continue.” and then breast feeding was “working”, and I was home for four months, so “why not just keep it up”, and “wouldn’t you regret it if you didn’t try for another day?” then it was “well, it’s still going well, and it’s convenient,right? no bottles to wash, you’re already home and don’t need to b-feed in public, so what’s the big deal?” And all of these are valid points. And these people were right, I would have regretted not trying to breastfeed. And it was working, and it was convenient while I was home. But now I’m not home, and I really need to be as much “on” at work as I ever was.
I also just re-read CPA Lady’s post about combo feeding, so many, many thanks for that and I am going to see how long I can keep up morning and night nursing. I really appreciate all of the tips and advice and I hope some other new mom sees this post and these good tips and they help her. They’re just not working for me.
Anon says
Formula can be a god send. Pumping can be demoralizing when you get so little milk. I was struggling with that issue too. Breastfeeding is great when it fits your life, but I also felt a strong positive connection with my daughter bottle feeding her and seeing her happy and satisfied without me having to kill myself to pump. Don’t let your husband make you feel bad. Read Cribsheet to see the cost and benefits of breastfeeding. The long-term benefits are often vastly overstated and you should not feel bad about formula!
AwayEmily says
I’m really late to replying here but just wanted to say you are making a healthy, awesome decision for yourself and your baby. Given that you enjoy the actual act of breastfeeding, give combo feeding a chance and if that doesn’t work then NBD. You are going to be a happier, saner, healthier mom for making this choice. Your baby is lucky to have you.
Anon says
Use the kindle bags. So much easier and they take up no space. Also, I just ordered the stupidly named pumpin pals so that I can lean back a bit… haven’t tried them yet but they angle down so they may work for you. Also if you haven’t tried it yet, you can use the freemie cups with your medela pump.
Anonymous says
Has anyone here tried the Peanut app? I’m not a new mom but I really suck at finding mom friends. My only good friends who are moms are friends I have had since college or law school, since before we were moms. I realize this is probably a function of the fact that I’m a biglaw attorney with little kids and don’t have the kind of free time that I used to have to put into building friendships, but it makes me sad and I’ve resolved to try to do something about it! I met my husband before the era of apps, so I’m a little hesitant about this one and I’m also not sure it is actually a thing where I live (DC area).
avocado says
How old are your kids? I met all my mom friends after my daughter started elementary school, either chaperoning Girl Scout events or watching kid sports.
Anonymous says
The oldest is in first grade. I guess most of the friends I’ve made are those I chat with while watching sports, but I don’t even think I have any of their phone numbers…
anne-on says
Have you asked for their numbers? I try to do this more, and then send some innocuous/funny texts to suss out interests and build on the friendship. Maybe like, ‘hey – the game last week was so hot/cold/windy, I was going to bring some ice pops/hot cocoa/blankets for this week, any other survival tips?!? Hope your week is going well!
Anonymous says
I got the phone numbers by volunteering to put together a team parent directory.
Anon says
I haven’t tried the app, but I’m in the same boat without the excuse of a busy job. I expected to find mom friends at daycare but haven’t, despite joining the PTA and trying to get to know my daughter’s classmates’ parents. My two closest college girlfriends are moms and have been a great source of support but they don’t live where I do and I feel a bit pathetic that I have nobody to meet up with at the park or playground and that my toddler has never been on a single play date. I worry that at some point my lack of a social life will negatively impact her, although hopefully I’m being paranoid and she’ll be able to make friends even if her mom sucks at it. :(
Boston Legal Eagle says
She will. My parents were pretty anti-social, never set up structured playdates and weren’t really invested in my social life and I still made plenty of friends. And I’m sure you don’t suck at it, it’s just a tough season of life with working+parenting small kids+chores, sleep, repeat. It’s so much easier to make friends when you have time and similar interests in school or even first jobs.
I’ve met other parents through daycare birthday parties and I imagine I’ll meet more once my kids are a little older and do sports. Other than that, I have a few good friends from law school, who are also parents but who live too far to schedule anything regularly. Other than that, it’s mostly just me and my husband taking the kids out, and they also hang out with my parents. And I am on this site for mom-specific support!
GCA says
I don’t remember a single one of my parents’ friends’ kids that I played with before the age of, like, five, so rest assured that your toddler will miss nothing if there are no playdates. They get plenty of peer social interaction at daycare!
However, if *you* want to meet local and like-minded mom friends, the playground on a weekend is a pretty decent place to do it, I’ve found a couple of good friends that way – mostly just by chatting with them.
Anon says
For those of you with little ones on Zantac, how are you reacting to the recent fda warning? I asked our pediatrician about it and she recommended trying to wean off of it, which has just made it clear that kiddo still needs it. I have a call in to ask if we should resume or look at other medicines but it feels frustrating. I know Zantac is over prescribed and there’s other issues apart from this recent news but I feel so frustrated because our kid is in a lot of pain and not eating or sleeping without it.
Anonymous says
How old is your child? Most reflux is outgrown by 6 months so I’m just wondering if you’re almost there?
rosie says
My OB said it’s fine for me to take as long as the generic version I take isn’t on the recall list. FWIW if yours isn’t specifically recalled, it seems like the harm from not eating and sleeping (and I am sure that means you’re not getting much sleep) is larger than the harm of the recall being expanded to include the specific med you use (and my understanding is that the impurity in the recalled meds poses an extremely low risk in and of itself).
rosie says
My OB said it’s fine for me to take as long as the generic version I take isn’t on the recall list. FWIW if yours isn’t specifically recalled, it seems like the harm from not eating and sleeping (and I am sure that means you’re not getting much sleep) is larger than the harm of the recall being expanded to include the specific med you use (and my understanding is that the impurity in the recalled meds poses an extremely low risk in and of itself).
(sorry if this ends up posting twice)
ifiknew says
My 4 month old is up every 90 mins-2 hours at night for paci or eating and I am at my wits end. However, he is also trying to nap during the day every hour for 30 minutes, which I think makes his night schedule terrible. How do we get past this? I know it’s the 4 month regression, but I just can’t even remember what we did with my daughter.
rosie says
Do you want to sleep train/do you have your pediatrician’s ok to do so? Can you try to shift his food consumption to much more during the day? I really liked the Sleepeasy Solution for trying to get on some kind of schedule for naps and then sleep training. I think we picked it up around 4 or 4 1/2 months.
Anonymous says
How long as it been going on? Sounds like a growth spurt. Mine always slept a lot more during a growth spurt.
Anonymous says
We went through this relatively recently. I think that to a certain extent, you have to just gut it out, but there are some strategies that can make things somewhat easier for your and/or hopefully build good habits or skills for the baby. My overall take was to intervene as little as possible at night, basically first trying pacifier reinsertion (baby was in our room, in a cosleeper still), then trying patting, then actually picking him up and bouncing on the yoga ball (the thing that usually put him to sleep), then finally feeding if that didn’t work. I really really worked to avoid adding night feedings on top of those he’d been taking already. The other big thing is to split the work with your partner, if you have one, however works for you. We tended to split the night in half, and I’d take the beginning (usually up to the one feeding the baby was taking at that point), then my husband would handle putting him down after that feeding and be “on duty” for the rest of the night while I slept on the couch (I just couldn’t sleep through baby wakeups in the same room).
Taking Cara Babies has a really structured way of doing the minimal-intervention thing I described above (her “Surviving Months 3 and 4” ebook includes it), and I think in retrospect we should have done that from the beginning. By the time I looked at it, we were very close to 5 months, the age at which we assumed we’d sleep train, and it seemed like a lot of work to implement for such a short period of time, but I think if we’d started earlier we probably would have gotten decent results and it would have been the better choice.
Anonymous says
Also meant to say: we ultimately used “The Happy Sleeper” to sleep train (they recommended the 5 month minimum age) and were happy with it. They were where I got the idea of the minimal-intervention thing and were generally reassuring w/r/t the various night and nap issues we had at that age.
So Anon says
Just received a notice of scheduling conference on my ex’s motion to modify child support. Ugh. I just want him to leave me alone, do the minimal stuff that he does with the kids and let us move forward with our lives.
Emily S. says
I’m sorry, So Anon! You have been one tough and graceful cookie through all this that you’ve shared with us here. I hope this process goes smoothly and you can move forward on your terms.
AnotherAnon says
Sorry, rant ahead. My boss scheduled a huge app push for the month of October and then dumped it on me. I came in early to work to lead a meeting (so I haven’t seen my kid today), messed something up in the meeting, fixed it, now I’m dealing with more issues from the meeting, and the head of the meeting wants a call in 30 minutes so he can recap all the issues I fixed last week. Meanwhile, I should be prepping for the next three weeks of meetings. I’m also supposed to shadow a team member who is leaving (because he hates our team). But he doesn’t want me to shadow him. He doesn’t want to interact with me at all; he’s borderline hostile. I’m going on medical leave in 3 weeks and now I’m fantasizing about just never coming back…
Anonymous says
I am so sorry! I hope the meeting went okay. Things will get better. Or they won’t and you will find a great new job. Good luck!