Sometimes the simplest shoe is hardest to find. Personally, I have a very specific shoe buying personality: comfortable, unadorned, a toe shape that is somewhere between pointed and round (almond shaped), with one unique element that keeps the shoe from being boring. This shoe from Dr. Scholl’s hits all of those marks for me. Here, the unique element is the perforated heel, which can be seen much better on the “putty” color than the black. I like the 1¾” heel height, which is enough to be something but not enough to make me pitch forward on the balls of my feet. I also like that these can be dressed up for work but would look great with jeans and a sweater too. These booties are only $49.95 and are available at Nordstrom. They come in medium and wide widths in sizes 6–11. Brief Bootie
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Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
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- Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off kids’ camp styles; extra 50% off select sale
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- Carter’s – Summer deals from $5; up to 60% off swim
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- Target – Kids’ swim from $8; summer accessories from $10
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Anon says
I spanked my kid today for the first (and last) time, and I’ve been crying all morning about it. He screamed and thrashed for an hour because he wanted to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and it was his brother’s turn to pick the morning tv show. He spit in my face, and I just…took him over my knee and gave him a swat on the bum. It all happened so fast. I’m embarrassed and feel guilty, but his behavior was so off the chain.
Anon says
I’m sorry that happened. It has happened to me too. I don’t want to spank, and it’s so frustrating when you know they have to be disciplined and don’t know what else to do in the moment. We have had to take breaks from tv for the same behavior… but then how am I supposed to get dressed without them held captive by tv for a few minutes? But how do I let him watch tv when it turns him into a tiny dictator? Anyway, no advice but solidarity all day long.
Spirograph says
sidebar from the original question… we had a family meeting and agreed that TV in the morning is not good for us. It leads to fighting and mom and dad getting angry and everyone leaving the house upset.
Not sure how old your kids are, but it was a surprisingly good talk (mostly the 3 and 5 year olds) and mine did a good job brainstorming other things they could do to play in the morning *without making a mess* if they finish getting ready to leave before the grownups do.
In House Lobbyist says
We had to cut out tv too because it was making everyone miserable. They now read or play on the porch in the mornings. And if they fuss, I come up with jobs. Mine are 5 and 8.
anon says
If I were you, I would apologize to him later to turn it into a teaching tool. Tell him you got angry and hit him and know it was wrong and will do your very best so that it never happens again. Then he sees how to bounce back from a mistake. I have grabbed my kids too hard when they’re acting out of control, and I know how it feels to have realized I went too far when it’s too late to take it back.
Anonymous says
No TV In the morning is our rule. Ever. I get dressed before I wake them up.
Anonymous says
This. It is so frustrating to know how to discipline younger kids sometimes because they do know better, but when they’re worked up they lose all reason. The only thing I can do sometimes is just walk away while kiddo goes crazy. I’ve also started plopping kiddo in her crib (one benefit to not having transitioned to a toddler bed yet), shutting her door, and leaving until I calm down. Kiddo goes ape, but I need the time to calm down.
We were watching an episode of Daniel Tiger recently, which generally I adore. And we definitely use some of the songs and lessons. But I resent that the preschoolers on that show never have a typical preschooler response to all the lessons. They all respond to reason, which is not real life at all. My child responds with more screaming and kicking.
Spirograph says
Right?! If ONLY my preschoolers would just stomp once and say “GRRRR!” when they’re really angry, then calm down and explain once I sing “use your wo-o-o-rds, use your words!”
Anonymous says
Don’t get me started on not using your words. If only…
Spirograph says
Hugs, kids do this to us sometimes. You are still a good mom. If there’s ever a time for spanking, I think spitting in someone’s face is it. Hopefully the swift justice impressed upon him how unacceptable that behavior was.
Anonymous says
Wow. No. We all make mistakes but hitting your child in anger is not good.
Anonymous says
My 9 month old used to be a great sleeper but has had a really rough time with sleep for the last month or so. She really fights bedtime – she will get very drowsy around her normal bedtime, but as soon as we put her in the crib and leave she often starts crying, and we start the bedtime routine all over again. When do get her down on the first try, she often wakes up crying less than 30 minutes after going down. She’s fine as soon as we go in there and pick her up but then the cycle continues for another several hours. When we do eventually get her down she sleeps through the rest of the night, but I know she’s not getting enough sleep (and neither are we!). We chalked it up to teething for a while, but it’s been going on so long and we haven’t seen any new teeth that I don’t think it’s that. She’s gotten noticeably clingier when she’s awake so I wonder if it might be separation anxiety? Any advice? Do we just have to power through this stage? I’m tempted to bring her back into our room (she’s in her nursery now) but of course I know we’ll have to transition her to her nursery at some point.
Anonymous says
Ack wrong place. Ignore, I’ll repost below
Anonymous says
Get off your high horse. The whole purpose of the thread is that we know it is wrong. We’ve all done things parenting that we want to take back. OP is a good mom, and you need to get over yourself and your obnoxious attitude.
Anonymous says
No. The poster I replied to said this was the time for spanking! There is no time for hitting a child!
Spirograph says
I was making a distinction between a person’s overall character and her isolated action, and pointing out that this was an egregious offense that could make a reasonable person act in a way they’re not proud of. Sorry if you read that as me endorsing spanking.
Should spanking be a well-polished tool in your discipline tool kit? No. Does it make you a bad parent if you spank once in an extraordinary circumstance? In my opinion, also no. Let’s all recognize that we’re not perfect and try to be kind, please.
Anonymous says
The comment you’re replying to said ‘you’re not a bad mom’ – that’s what you’re arguing with? I don’t think anyone on this thread has endorsed spanking in anger or even spanking in general as an ideal parenting behavior.
Anonymous says
Agreed! Spitting is a thing that will get you punched as you get older so better to learn that lesson now.
Anonymous says
What on earth?!?
Anonymous says
There is never an appropriate time to hit your kid.
I don’t know anyone IRL who hits their kids. And I don’t know anyone, except one person, who was hit as a kid. Let’s leave hitting children in the last century where it belongs.
Anonymous says
I would be very surprised if that’s actually true. Not that you are making it up, but that you may not have a full picture. I’m 35. My mom s
Anonymous says
I find that shocking. My friends are uniformly from educated and affluent families and more than a few of them were spanked. It was very common in the 1980s. My parents were told (by a doctor!) they were spoiling me because they never spanked.
Anonymous says
I’m in my 30s and nearly everyone I am friends with was spanked or hit as a child. It’s not something I will do with my children, but saying you don’t know anyone it has every happened to is unlikely. It’s just never come up in conversation.
Anonymous says
Yea you apparently live in a bubble. I was spanked as a kid (80’s-90’s) and know people who still spank their children. It is still pretty common in conservative religious families, at least in some areas in the US. I was raised in one but will not be raising my children in one so I see both sides of the coin. Ultimately I don’t think one slip up by OP is a big deal because my mom did that many times to me and we still have a wonderful relationship. I agree, though, that it is not a parenting tactic that I think is effective or beneficial and it seems OP agrees and is going to move on with lessons learned.
K. says
I am a public high school teacher in a very rural area. When I survey my students, 100% of them say they have been spanked. A few of my friends and family members intentionally don’t spank, but generally, people here are pro-spanking. I see memes in my facebook feed from locals that are pro-spanking (like…kids these days need spanked more-type memes).
It is also legal for schools to spank children in some states, including mine–even high school students. I have teachers at my school that have worked long enough that they remember spanking students and they have expressed regret that it’s not more common. Today it is done by principals and is generally pretty rare, but completely legal.
I’m just putting that out there because it seems like some of you live in a really lovely bubble! A quick Google search shows that 81% of American approve of spanking!
I am personally opposed to spanking, but it is really challenging sometimes to know what to do as a parent. and the culture around me doesn’t model many alternatives. But I’m committed to it and I appreciate reading that so many of you are too! And to the OP, I think turning this into a teachable moment is the way to go–I’ve had similar such moments when I haven’t handled discipline in a way that matches my ideals. It’s hard to be a parent.
NPR had an interesting article recently entitled “What Happens When a country Bans Spanking”–it was really good!
Knope says
Sorry to hear that happened. Obviously spanking isn’t ideal, but your kid will be OK (and I also would have been enraged in this situation too, FWIW). I think if kid is 3+ he should be old enough to understand if you tell him you are sorry, you shouldn’t have hit him and it’s not ok to hit, but what he did is not acceptable either and if it happens again he will face [some serious non-physical punishment].
Anonymous says
Apologize sincerely and profusely. Seek treatment for anger management.
If you hit him when you are angry, all you do is teach him that being angry is an excuse for physical violence.
ElisaR says
treatment for anger management? that’s a little extreme.
Anonymous says
better yet, turn yourself in for child abuse and send that kid to foster care!
The trolls on here are getting ridiculous.
anon says
I wouldn’t send you to compulsory anger management, but I will say that in the late 80s/ early 90s, my mom would sometimes smack me when I really got to her. And then at some point… it didn’t happen again. I didn’t learn until adulthood that she felt that she was losing control in those moments and took an anger management course aimed at parents, and was able to deal better after that.
I am not saying OP needs that, but it doesn’t need to be seen as an extreme reaction if the parent wants to go that route.
Walnut says
Anger management classes is a little much, but it is good to plan a strategy in advance for when you feel like your kids are on your very, very last nerve. I put myself in timeout in my bedroom this weekend and felt much, much better after. Sure, my kids were unsupervised for awhile, but I was one more whine away from losing my ish.
OP – if it makes you feel better, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is the biggest double edged sword in my household. It buys me immediate peace and productivity, but oh man do I pay dearly in terms of crying, whining, kicking, screaming, etc. Good luck on figuring out a strategy that works.
AnonForThis says
When this happened to me, it meant it was time to increase my zoloft dose. Not even kidding. I went to my doctor very shortly after and she increased my dose, and the problem hasn’t come back. Hugs; it’s so hard mom-ing sometimes.
OP says
Thanks to whose who offered kind words. Apparently, my mom picked him up from preschool and he immediately told her what I did. I think he sensed it was *very wrong*. She said he didn’t seem traumatized, but actually seemed like he relished telling her because it was an interesting story. I had a similar event in my childhood – my mom never spanked except for once when I went too far, so she was pretty empathetic about it. But I’m sure he told his preschool teachers as well – ugh.
I apologized in the morning. I don’t think I need anger management because I really don’t have much of a temper. I am generally pretty good about not yelling and keeping calm. But this morning was just…insane. I have been thinking about why I was set off. The act of spitting in my face was so degrading. But he’s 4. He has no idea how bad that was. I am going to talk about it tonight – recognizing how hitting is wrong but also talk about how spitting in someone’s face is awful as well. I’m not going to let that one slide because of my very real, and very painful guilt.
I do think I need a better strategy for the morning.
Anonymous says
Sorry, I know you’re upset, but this made me laugh because it’s such a 4 year old thing! I can just see my 4 year old daughter conspiratorially telling my mom, “mommy spanked me this morning” like it was a juicy story that has everyone on the edge of their seat. The same way she tells me the secret, “Daddy and I went to Ikea, and we got a coat rack without you.”
I have one memory of my mom spanking me, when I was about 5 or 6. I lied right to her face; I said I hadn’t used her nail polish, and the evidence was there on my fingers. She did not apologize (this was the late 80s), but she made it very clear that the spanking was not for using the nail polish, but for lying, which was disrespectful and completely unacceptable. That wasn’t the only time my parents spanked me, just the only one I remember. I’ve never doubted they love me, and I think spanking was always firmly categorized as discipline in my head, not a result of parental anger. In fact, I’m not sure it occurred to me that my parents were people with actual emotions and internal lives until I was way too old for spankings.
Cb says
We had loads of trick or treaters last night and baby Cb thought it was great fun to answer the door and say hello to the other children. I thought he might be scared but he thought the costumes were hilarious.
Anonymous says
Awwww how cute.
FVNC says
Great pick! Just bought them in the putty color. I love the pair of Dr Scholls slip on sneakers I bought after seeing then recommended on Cap Hill Style last year.
Delta Dawn says
I ordered these recently and really really loved them but had to return them for being too long. There was about 3/4 inch of extra space in the heel, so they almost slipped off my heel. If I sized down, they would be too tight. But they were super comfortable/cushioned and super cute. And they are “fabric” that looks like suede but that I imagined would be easier to keep clean. They will probably fit a lot of people just fine– I have never had a problem with shoes being too long but did have that issue with these. I ended up keeping a similar black bootie by “Me Too,” also from Nordstrom.
FVNC says
Thanks for the alternative recommendation if this pair doesn’t work out!
kid with strong favorite parent says
I know I’ve seen this asked before, but looking for advice where one kid is strongly preferring one parent (mom). We have a 3.5 year old, 2 year old, and baby on the way (which is part of my concern). Oldest (DD) strongly prefers me and has me do way too much for her. Maybe it’s also a question of forcing her to be more independent but she’s independent except that she loves being taken care of by mom. And when she’s upset, she only wants me – which at 3.5 with tantrums is more frequent than it should be. I’m worried because I’m in my second trimester and pretty sure it’s going to start to be difficult to carry her as I get closer to my due date, I’m tired of always being her person, and it’s really hard on DH emotionally. DH is a solid equal parent and understanding to a point, but it’s frustrating.
Our 2 year old (DS) is an absolute delight. It’s definitely not an issue of him getting more attention.
Has anyone else dealt with this? I have a feeling it’ll naturally work itself out when the baby comes – although it will be hard for her – but I’m not sure how we’re going to get through the rest of the pregnancy with me being her Person.
Anonymous says
Let her be upset. She gets to have feelings. But don’t bend to her will.
Anonymous says
This. We went through a period where I was the favorite but we still alternated which parent read books every night. In our family, favoritism has usually followed whichever parent is spending the most time with the kid so the only thing that combats it is being very consistent on each parent taking their turn with different tasks. I think it’s because kid gets used to one parent doing something a certain way and that becomes their preference because it’s familiar.
Anon in NYC says
Agree. My daughter prefers me in many situations, particularly at bedtime. Same with getting her dressed, putting her shoes on, etc. But we still alternate. She used to get upset when it was DH’s turn, but now she accepts it. It was a gradual process. Don’t start off with emotionally stressful situations (i.e., she falls down and wants comforting from you, not DH).
OP says
Okay, I totally think this is right. But tips on not bending to will of a 3 year old then? A lot of the time it’s things like, Mom has to clip me into the carseat. And I don’t want to not go anywhere, but then she has a giant meltdown in the car and falls out of the carseat if dad tries… I feel like we’re being held hostage by a small and stubborn terrorist.
I also think the routine point is a helpful reminder. But even stuff Dad does every night (bath), she has started asking for me. Which we don’t give in on, but it’s been painful!
Anonymous says
Your husband can’t physically put her in a car seat? That’s the great thing about three year olds you still got the upper hand!
anon in brooklyn says
For us, the favoritism is always helped by the non-favored parent spending some one-on-one time with her, preferably doing something fun.
Anon in NYC says
I would say, don’t make yourself available in those situations. Have Dad take her out to the car and put her in her car seat while you stay inside. When she asks for you, he tells her that you’re inside the house and can’t do it. Or, when Dad is giving her a bath, Mom can’t do it because she’s cleaning up from dinner.
M in DC says
Like they say above – just let her have her feelings. Listening to Janet Lansbury’s Unruffled podcast helped me with this when I had a newborn and a three year old (albeit with no two year old)…
Due in December says
I was going to recommend the same. Personally, Janet Lansbury’s tone grates on me a bit, but she really is extremely helpful in giving examples of how not to bend to the will of a toddler (and how to frame these interactions in your mind so they are less stressful).
Anonymous says
“Daddy will unbuckle you in and Mommy will unbuckle you when we arrive.” repeat ad nauseum.
Then Daddy buckles her in despite protests. It doesn’t take long before they get over themselves.
Alternate who does the buckling in and who unbuckles.
Anonymous says
“feel like we’re being held hostage by a small and stubborn terrorist.” Yes, because that whining and screaming and crying is at the exact pitch that will make you do anything to get it to stop. And then you try to distract (“but look, here’s your favorite toy!”) and get swatted at by said tiny terrorist. That feels great.
Not perfect at this, but I just try to keep myself very calm and level, so even if he is tantrum-ing, I’m not feeding into it. I’m not giving him any more ammunition. He’s not getting rewarded for the tantrum.
anon says
My kids are much less needy when I load attention on them upfront. Like when I start the morning snuggling and reading books. Then they are less desperate for it later. I also have gotten decent results from trying to answer requests with a yes instead of a no, but on my terms. “Mommy will get you milk after Daddy gives you a bath.” They aren’t being forgotten, but they have to be patient.
RE recommendations? says
Hi ladies, any recommendations for a reproductive endocrinologist in DC or northern Virginia? Just had an ultrasound this morning and looks like I’m going to miscarry again. It’s my third one this year so I think I need to see one now, especially given my age (39) and I have never had children. My OB/gyn, who I like very much, thinks I should wait until the next ultrasound in a couple weeks to confirm the findings but I think I should go asap. Anyone have any experience or advice on this? I don’t want to overreact but I also don’t want to be passive about this either.
octagon says
Preston Sacks at Columbia Fertility Associates. Found him through a friend’s recommendation; he helped both of us. He is terrific.
RE Recommendations? says
Thank you. Glad to you know you and your friend had a good experience. Someone recommended Columbia to me but they hadn’t personally used it themselves and ended up going elsewhere. They said you have to get past the dingy setting but they wished they had used Columbia.
Knope says
I also had great experiences with Dr. Sacks. Didn’t love some of the admins at Columbia but otherwise had a positive experience. I had a terrible experience just with the intake experience at Shady Grove – they insisted on initial screening and testing of DH even though the issue was very very clearly with me. Dr. Sacks took my medical history and then did a much more targeted initial screening and treatment plan, and it worked!
RE Recommendations? says
Thank you for letting me know about your experience as well. I think I’ll check out Dr. Sacks at Columbia. Will call this afternoon!
Anonymous says
We had good experiences with Shady Grove, but I also know some people hate them, so maybe take that with a grain of salt.
RE Recommendations? says
Thank you for letting me know. I’ve also heard mixed things about Shady Grove but good to hear you had a good experience with it.
octagon says
Among my friends, a couple have used Shady Grove with great success (one 3x!) but be aware that they are very selective in terms of who they take on as patients. If you have any conditions that will complicate fertility they may not accept you. One friend had a particularly difficult experience in which she was rejected because of her weight.
Anonymous says
Well that is horrifying.
RE Recommendations? says
Thanks for letting me know. Yeah, I am just hearing mixed things with Shady Grove and it sounds a bit more impersonal there whereas Columbia seems more personal. And that’s awful your friend was rejected because of weight.
Anonymous says
Anon from above: Yep, the main issue I’ve heard with SG is that they’re impersonal, which it’s funny to me because they were soooo much better tha our previous clinic (not in DC). Like, they give you a dedicated nurse to follow your case so you have one consistent point of contact!
anon for this says
Seeking advice and tips on how to keep the morning routine on-task? My 2.5-yo is a master of inserting distractions and I’m arriving to work later and later. Yesterday it was because she wanted to give each stuffed animal a hug before we left. This morning she said she had to p**p — 20 minutes of sitting and nothing happened, except we were way behind. Obviously I don’t want to discourage her trying, but also, we have a solid 15 minutes of flex time built into the schedule and are blowing through it every day. I’d rather not get up any earlier unless there are no other solutions.
TLDR; how do you keep your kids on task and make it out the door on time?
Anonymous says
“I wanna hug everything”
“Nope! We are leaving now.”
And then she cries but oh well. I gotta get to work.
Anonymous says
Our toddlers aren’t potty-trained yet, so I don’t have advice on that, but we just power through and leave by a set time. Get up, change diapers and get dressed, downstairs for breakfast, 7:10 we put on shoes and jackets and head out to the car, regardless of if you’ve actually eaten your breakfast. Yeah, there’s some screaming/tantrums sometimes, but they always chill in the car (music helps a lot) and are thrilled to run into daycare.
AwayEmily says
My 2.5 year old is also a master dawdler. Our approach:
1) tell her “ok, you can [hug your animals/pile your shoes in a corner/obsessively shove tiny plastic horses into a beer cozie] for one minute, and then it will be time for us to go.
2) let her do her thing, without any interruptions or bugging, for one minute
3) after a minute, tell her “it’s time to go now.”
4) if she resists, say “it looks like you are having some trouble. Do you want to come on your own or do you want mama to carry you?”
5) if she still resists, say “it seems like you’re telling me you want me to carry you.”
6) at this point, about 80% of the time she gives in and comes on her own (the toddler drive for independence is a powerful force!). The rest of the time I do pick her up and carry her but usually the crying is minimal.
I think doing it this way every single time has helped because she knows I’m serious (both about letting her play for a minute, but also about not letting her dawdle for any longer).
Re poop: if it’s in the morning, I say “great! we can go when we get to school.”
Emily S. says
This approach is also working for me with my 2.5 year old. The flexibility/opportunity to do what she wants seems to be a win-win: she gets to do what she wants, in my time frame. The 20% of the time I have to pick her up and cry, the crying doesn’t last long.
Anon in NYC says
This isn’t specific to the morning routine, but my kid understands and generally respects when we set timers. So we’ll set timers to leave the playground, shut off the kindle, etc. If she wants to hug her stuffed animals, okay, but you’re setting a timer for 2 minutes.
Anonanonanon says
This. I remember my son having respect for the timer at that age. The key though is to be consistent, when time’s up then time’s up.
Anon says
We have a giant clock on the wall. I taught my 2yo that when it points to the 5, we have to leave for school. If he gets ready earlier, like by the 2 or 3, he can play outside or watch a cartoon (in the winter or if it’s raining) or otherwise play.
We hung a chart right below the clock to show what “getting ready” means. 1) dressed 2) potty 3) breakfast 4) feed dog. (We thought about a sticker chart or some other way to check them off every day, but that’s too much work. So when he asks for a cartoon, we just say are you dressed? did you go potty? etc.)
It backfired a little in that we had to buy the OK to wake clock so he wouldn’t get up too early. But I’ll take that over being late to every morning meeting.
Pigpen's Mama says
+1 to a picture chart
We have one for morning and evening with pictures of each activity she has to do then pictures of books/toys/TV for the morning chart and books and bed for the evening chart (I spent FAR too much time looking for the perfect free clip art, btw).
If she’s stalling or is playing clueless, we point her to the chart to look at what she needs to do — I think it helps because it’s the chart, not her parents telling her what to do.
CPA Lady says
Timers x 1,000,000. Also, saying no. That is probably kind of obvious, but I tell my kid “no, we don’t have time to do xyz” a lot, but we can do it once we get back home from school.
If your kid poops on the toilet when they actually have to go, how long does it usually take? Because mine normally does it in under 5 minutes. Typically in under 2 minutes. I haven’t had to set a timer for a pooping situation yet, but if she tries to play me with a 20 minute pooping session again, it’s what’s happening. (She did this to me a couple of times in public recently and I was at a loss, until someone on here pointed out that it probably doesn’t normally take her that long to go at home, which is true. She was just testing boundaries. )
Also, I use screen time as a reward. She has a set number of things she needs to do before we get out the door in the morning and if she does them all fast, she gets to watch a few minutes of tv while I’m getting ready. If she drags her feet she doesn’t get to watch tv. If she reallllly drags her feet, she gets an unemotional 1-2-3 warning, and then we physically force her to do whatever it is she doesn’t want to do. The 1-2-3 thing happens very very rarely at this point because she hates it and she knows we’ll follow through.
Also, kiddo sleeps in her next day’s clothes, so that’s one thing we don’t have to do in the morning.
Anonymous says
I’m trying hard to get kiddo to understand that if she follows directions, she actually has more time to play and goof off before school. She just turned 3. It’s slow-going but might be starting to sink in. She also responds well to timers. I keep considering a sticker chart, but I’m not sure where that would get us. Yes, it might help her remember the things we need to do, but honestly I can’t think of a reward that makes sense. I have a hard time with the purpose of the sticker chart, to be honest. Is putting the stickers on the reward? Or does it lead to something bigger?
Anonymous says
“Daddy will unbuckle you in and Mommy will unbuckle you when we arrive.” repeat ad nauseum.
Then Daddy buckles her in despite protests. It doesn’t take long before they get over themselves.
Alternate who does the buckling in and who unbuckles.
not the thing--THING!--no!--THING! says
We’re running into a phase with my 2.5-year-old son that I’m not sure I’m handling right and it’s getting exasperating. FWIW he is in weekly speech therapy and may be on the spectrum, but isn’t diagnosed right now. Suffice to say he is struggling with receptive and expressive language.
He’s recently started throwing/pushing something away and then immediately demanding it back in just the brattiest voice ever. For example, tossing his lovey out of the crib as we put him to bed, then screaming “BUNNY!” and reaching for it, then we give it back and he screams “NO!” and immediately throws it out again, then screams “BUNNY!”, repeat ad infinitem. We have to hold it back/away until he gets legitimately upset and starts crying before he’ll keep it when we give it back. So that’s what we’re doing, though it feels simultaneously mean and like we’re giving in to his toddler idiocy.
Are we handling that right? My husband thinks we should try harder to teach him that “no” has a particular meaning, and by saying it he is saying he doesn’t want the bunny, and so we should take it away for longer or make him say something like “bunny please” to get it back. I think it’s already a good step that he’s pointing and saying the name of the thing, so we should just keep doing the withholding until he “really” wants it, but I admit it doesn’t seem like a great solution.
Anonymous says
I don’t think making him say ‘bunny please’ is the answer. Speech delayed kids have the hardest time when they are stressed so that will likely only escalate things.
Try not putting bunny in the crib until right before you leave the room.
Honestly it sounds like pretty normal 2.5 year old stuff. He’s testing cause and effect which is pretty normal for that age.
OP says
That was my thought too! This seems like super toddlery behavior and making it about “what language meeeeans” will just make us all mad. I hired a speech therapist for that! (Complicating matters is our “homework” from the speech therapist is to withhold things until he asks for them, but as far as I’m concerned reaching out and saying the name of the thing is sufficient.)
Anonymous says
I think it’s fine to move to two word requests but speech therapy should be done at a calm playful time, not in a higher stress situation like being put to bed.
Anon says
I would always retreive a toy once, but before I gave it back, I would say, “If you throw it out again, it stays on the floor tonight. Okay?” Then if they threw it out again, I’d leave it there until morning (or until they fell asleep). Lots of screaming fits the first couple times, but they were already doing screaming fits when I was giving them the toy 15 times, I just didn’t have to be their puppet/ hostage this time.
Due in December says
Yes, I had a similar approach last night with my almost-3 yo. After tossing X out of her crib 3 times (should have stopped at one), I said, “It seems like you aren’t ready to keep X in your crib. Next time X is out, I’ll put X on the shelf.”
X went out again, I put X on the shelf where she could see X, and said, “We can play with X in the morning. Good night.” Trying to be as calm and firm as possible.
Surprisingly, she accepted it. Not expecting this would always be the case!
Anonymous says
My 9 month old used to be a great sleeper but has had a really rough time with sleep for the last month or so. She really fights bedtime – she will get very drowsy around her normal bedtime, but as soon as we put her in the crib and leave she often starts crying, and we start the bedtime routine all over again. When do get her down on the first try, she often wakes up crying less than 30 minutes after going down. She’s fine as soon as we go in there and pick her up but then the cycle continues for another several hours. When we do eventually get her down she sleeps through the rest of the night, but I know she’s not getting enough sleep (and neither are we!). We chalked it up to teething for a while, but it’s been going on so long and we haven’t seen any new teeth that I don’t think it’s that. She’s gotten noticeably clingier when she’s awake so I wonder if it might be separation anxiety? Any advice? Do we just have to power through this stage? I’m tempted to bring her back into our room (she’s in her nursery now) but of course I know we’ll have to transition her to her nursery at some point.
Anonymous says
Happened to us too. What worked for us was not picking up the baby. We would go in, give him his pacifier, pat on his back, but we wouldn’t pick him up, we wouldn’t turn on the light. Sometimes we would let him cry for 5-10 minutes. I think he stopped crying like that after less than a week. I say it’s a phase, power through, but no need to redo night time routine. You could even turn off the monitor if you can hear the crying.
SBJ says
I agree not to restart bedtime routine completely in the beginning and to do the shush-pat routine or pick up and rock briefly and put down (mine are not big fans of the shush-pat, it angers them more; picking up works better for us). As for that first wake-up–my older one used to always wake up after the first sleep cycle and cry for a few minutes, then settle and sleep well after that. No idea why and eventually outgrew it, but it was kind of brutal for the months that it happened. We just had to patiently wait through the crying–it wasn’t even a full wake-up, just some resettling accompanied by crying. The other thing to try is babywearing once you get home from work. It’s suggested here a lot and it’s really a great suggestion to give kiddos a little extra snuggling and support at the end of the day. We’ve been having unusual wakeups with my younger, who’s your kiddos age and previously a good sleeper, and I’ve been doing the same maybe it’s teething/ear/cold/demons question and then last night did extended babywearing during trick or treating and sleep fantastic, so going to try again tonight!
Redux says
Does anyone have a recommendation for a personalized storybook? I had one from FAO Schwartz when I was a kid and I loved it. They are so ubiquitous now and I suspect there is a dramatic difference in quality of the stories and illustrations. Anyone have one you are pleased with?
Anon says
We received the “Little Girl Who Lost Her Name” book that was all over Facebook a few years ago. (It involves picking an animal for each letter in the kids name). It’s cute, and the illustrations are beautiful.
But my kids aren’t that into it, although they’ve never been into ANY personalized books. They also have a couple of those “Put Me In the Story” ones and they like those even less. Maybe because it’s just names and not a picture that looks like them?
The only ones they LOVE are the board books from Pint Size Productions. They each got a version of the “Simple Board Book” where each page is a picture of mom/ dad/ grandparent holding them as a baby, and it says something like “Daddy loves to tell me stories” and “Mommy loves to sing songs to me” underneath each picture. They keep those in their beds and look through them at bedtime every night.
anon says
Yes! received one as a gift that we really like by the Wonderbly company. they also had amazing customer service!
anon says
My kids loved their Wonderbly books too (includes the lost your name books). I like how there are different options, so it’s not just names.
lsw says
I’m in Pittsburgh and five days later I’m still stressed about sending my kids out the door. Yesterday, my SD’s school (one mile away from the Tree of Life synagogue) was on lockdown because someone called in a threat. Sunday, I found out a man I rode the bus with to work every day was killed. Saturday, I learned my friend’s FIL is one of the injured survivors. I lived three blocks away from the synagogue for 15 years. We recently moved about a mile away in the adjacent neighborhood. I feel so stunned and scared for my kids. I know we are not technically in more danger than we were before and I try to tell myself that, but the stunt at my daughter’s school yesterday made me so angry and fearful at the same time. I even had a little clutch of fear before we went out trick or treating yesterday. The world just feels so much scarier for my little ones today.
Anon in NYC says
I’m sorry. Hugs. I don’t know how to endure these situations other than to just get up and keep going. I don’t know why we as a society keep electing politicians who don’t care about evaluating and addressing potential solutions or care less about it than other issues.
Anon for this says
I’m so sorry. I can see how the events there would be even more upsetting for you since you have personal connections to the synagogue. I live in Charlottesville, and while what happened here last summer is very different from the massacre at Tree of Life, I also have felt the world is a scarier place after the rally and death of the counter-protester. Mostly, day to day life is back to normal — but I’ll be honest, I tend to stay away from crowds and when I do go to a large gathering, I’m always looking for exits and making sure I have my kids within arms-length so I could grab them at any time. We’ve been fortunate not to have any recent lock-down events at the schools, but I’m sure that day will come and I’m terrified.
Emily S. says
I’m so sorry, lsw. I don’t think I have anything to say that would make you feel better, except hugs. You have every right to feel angry and fearful, but I hope you don’t have to feel that way forever. The world feels scarier for my kids than the world I grew up in, too. Statistics that say it’s actually safer speak to the head, but not the heart.
lsw says
Thank you. It still feels so surreal – we were out of town when it was happening – and every new thing feels like a punch in the gut. And special thanks to the poster from Charlottesville; I appreciate your perspective and I’m sorry that you had to experience this, too.
Anon says
I am so sorry that you are going through this — there is real grief, fear, sadness and so many emotions in the aftermath of being touched by these events. I have struggled with anxiety since having a similar event effect my life when I was younger. Five days is not much time, at all. Give yourself the room and time you need to process. Then, the best counter to anxiety/fear/terrorism, is to live your life to its fullest. We cannot let the fear of “what if” control our lives. Hang in there, look for the helpers and then enjoy all that you can.
Betty says
My son has finally risen to the top of the waitlist for OT! This means that every week for at least a year, I will be driving him to OT after school on Mondays, waiting in the waitroom with my daughter and then heading home. The OT place is 30-45 minutes away, depending on traffic. My current question is any idea for what to do with my daughter in the waitroom every week for an hour? She’s five. I’m thinking we will bring books to read, coloring materials and … I’m not sure what else we can do in a waiting room? Any thoughts?
Anon says
you could probably do some small, simple non-messy crafts like origami, jewelry making (ie stringing beads, melissa & doug makes some good small kits), maybe games on a tablet. If you want to avoid electronics you could play the game Trouble, which doesn’t have a lot of pieces, or card games like go fish, get a travel checkers set, there is a great melissa and doug travel memory game.
does your 5 year old get hw? (i hope not, but you never know these days, but you could knock it out while sitting in the waiting room)
Anonanonanon says
Someone gifted us a travel set of “Spot it’ when my son was that age and he loved it. We could play it forever. I hate games and it was’t painful for me.
Do you have to wait in the waiting room the whole time? I had a lot of activities far away from home when I was young, and my mom took my little brother to a bakery nearby for a treat. It was their special thing and he still remembers it (in his mid 20s now).
Anonymous says
+1 to Spot It
It’s also great for restaurants as well.
Other crafts could be lacing cards, possibly finger knitting or something like that.
Betty says
No homework for the 5 year old, thankfully. We do have to stay in the building; I’m hoping that they loosen that after they get to know us.
Anonymous says
Do you have a kids chapter book you love? Maybe read her a chapter each week?
And honestly – don’t worry if you just pick 30 mins of an activity and 30 mins on the Ipad with headphones with a game or video.
Anon says
Amazon Fire for Kids. Get it with the FreeTime subscription for a year. Tons of apps, games, and books. You can download at home and then play in the dr office without needing wifi. They have a great Parental Control setting where you can control which apps they have access to and set restrictions, like 5 min of books before using apps. There are some questionable apps (like doing makeup for Barbie, literally the app is just picking different eye shadows and whatnot) but lots of educational ones (like phonics and all the toca boca ones – my kids are obsessed with playing doctor).
Other ideas are good too, but sometimes you want/ need to treat the sibling who isn’t at the doctor. Screen time (where you sit next to her and talk about what she’s watching) for an hour a week is a pretty good treat for a 5 year old.
FVNC says
My five year old has a couple Kindergarten/1st grade “workbooks” that she loves — has things like connect the dots, very simple crossword puzzles, mazes, etc. More exciting (to her) than just coloring, which is our other go-to for when we need to occupy her.
anon says
The waiting room where I wait with one of my kids while the other has therapy has lots of games and puzzles which are interesting to my 5-year-old because they fall in the coveted category of “other people’s toys.” When I have been desperate in another similar, but less child-friendly setting, I brought kid headphones and plugged it into my phone for Netflix time for the kid, which means I need to have a book for me.
TheElms says
It was a mistake. Acknowledge and move on. No one is perfect. When I was about 5 I left a neighbor’s house without permission and walked home because I got in a disagreement with the neighbor kid. Problem is I didn’t tell the babysitter who I was with; I just left. Babysitter panicked and called my parents. When my parents finally found me (I was sitting out back steps to our house having climbed the fence to see if the back door was unlocked), my dad was so furious he spanked me. I have no actual memory of this. He told me later when I was an older elementary schooler. He said it was so awful he cried for days (not all the time) after the fact because he was so mad at himself that his temper got the better of him. He never spanked me again. It was a mistake one he really regretted. I don’t remember it, and even if I did, I wouldn’t love him any less. Especially now as an adult its easy to see that my parents loved me so much. Your kid will be ok. You’re not a bad parent. Its just a thing that happened.
Anonymous says
Legos?
AwayEmily says
Maybe late in the day for this, but — last night a couple of hours after he went to bed my 9mo started screaming/crying (like, the kind where you immediately sprint to their room). I went in and picked him up but kept crying really hard and still seemed asleep — his eyes were closed and he didn’t really register me. Eventually we got him to wake up, and then he stopped crying and was fine, and he went back to sleep easily.
This was really unusual — he hasn’t woken up at all during the night in months, and when he does wake up he usually lets out one or two “settling” whimpers and then goes right back to sleep. Was it just a really bad dream? Nothing like this ever happened with my first. I’m also confused by the fact that he seemed asleep while he was crying. The internet tells me that this describes “night terrors” but I didn’t think those happened until kids were much older.
Anonymous says
It definitely sounds like night terrors and 9 months is not too young to have them. Mine started having them around 6 months and my ped confirmed they’re night terrors.
AwayEmily says
Thank you for the response, that’s good to know. Any advice? Should I wake him up or just let him ride it out?
Anonymous says
We just ride them out. For us at least, they’re not all that frequent. He may not have another one for months or years. If it’s happening nightly, I think it’s more likely to be something else.
Anonymous says
Any new foods? My youngest got horrible gas at night from green peas. He would wake up screaming.
Anonymous says
The not waking up part is what’s indicative of night terror. If it were bad gas, he would acknowledge his parents when they came into the room and picked him up, even if he didn’t stop crying. But if he seems to still be asleep, it’s a night terror.
AnotherAnon says
This happened to my son once around that age! It was disturbing for me but he seemed fine the next morning. I do think it was night terrors (mostly from feedback from this board), and it hasn’t happened since so I hope the same is true for you and your LO.
Anonymous says
One thing that made me feel better about kiddo crying in her sleep is that crying is how babies communicate in many situations. It sounds like they’re so upset, but that doesn’t have to mean that whatever is going on is traumatizing to them. My mom “talks” in her sleep and it sounds completely awful like she must be going through he$% in her dream. But in the morning she’ll tell us that it was a completely normal situation. An example is one time she was trying to tell my dad what to put in the oven next for a big dinner. Yes, she was yelling in her dream, but it was nothing scary at all. But her sleep talking voice is unintelligible and just totally sounds terrorizing.
AwayEmily says
Thanks, all. It was super terrifying when it happened (he’s usually the most easygoing baby ever and I’d kind of forgotten what his crying even sounded like) but it seems like it’s probably normal. I will definitely follow up with the pediatrician if it happens again — fingers crossed it won’t.
i hate instant message says
This is I know the pettiest vent – but I hate instant message so much, and we’re required to be on it at all times at work. I find it so annoying and people interrupt all the time with a “quick question” that is actually very involved and should be emailed, or said in person. And worse – I can never immerse myself in work because I am interrupted all the time with this garbage.
I know I’m likely being unreasonable – but appreciate you listening. Is there anyone else unreasonably bothered by instant message?!
Anonymous says
I hate it for personal purposes, so I can’t imagine having to use it for work! Are you able to set “away” messages? I wonder about putting up an “away” or “do not disturb” sometimes with a message like “Working on an intense project. Emergencies only, please!”
OP says
Thank you for commiserating! Yes I hate it for personal purposes too, and so it seems even more unjust to have to deal with it at work. What makes even less sense is that it really does compromise my productivity, hugely – I get it for certain types of work, but for what I and my area do, it’s a terrible distraction. But – we’re required to be “available” by it, and so defaulting to an away message is sadly out. Thank you so much for the thoughts!
ElisaR says
i hate it so much that i play dumb and say “oh i don’t know how to get on there….”. i can do that bc i’m not actually forced to be on it it’s just used a lot.
Anonymous says
I agree it can be a pain! Can you be “available” once an hour? I do that for email – I only check at the top of the hour. Otherwise, can you just respond via “Let me check and get back to you” (or some other placeholder you feel comfortable with) and then respond to them by email later? Technically you are available, but you can have limited control over the amount of time you immediately spend to respond. Also, if there is a repeat offender there is a slight chance they might get the message and start emailing you the questions.
Spirograph says
I also find it hugely disruptive. Ours has a “do not disturb” setting that sends all IMs to your email. It’s supposed to be for if you’re doing a presentation, but I also set it when I just need some head-down time.