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Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
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Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Sorry if this has been asked recently, but if you are pregnant, do you feel comfortable with going out now that things are reopening? I live in an area with 500 cases and steadily rising.
Nelly Yuki says
What do you mean by going out? I will go to Target and run other errands (even “non-essential” like a quick stop at a gift shop), but will probably try to get my hair cut only once between now and my due date (late August) and only eat at restaurants outside.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I meant “non-essential” stops or going back into work if your office calls you back. I just found out I am pregnant, and I have pregnant friends who will only leave their house to go to their doctor appointments, and I have other pregnant friends who have to problem going grocery shopping or stopping in stores that have reopened.
Nelly Yuki says
I would err on the side of being overly cautious in your first trimester because my understanding is that a fever can be dangerous for the baby at that time. I am not going back to work.
Leatty says
Currently pregnant and staying home as much as possible. We are planning to visit family who live within driving distance of us, but they have been self-quarantining, so we feel the risk is small. We are not eating out; groceries and takeout are delivered; and I’m only going to Dr appointments or going through drive thrus. My husband has been inside stores (with a mask), but I haven’t. We will need to send our toddler back to daycare next month, which will definitely increase our risk, but there’s no way we can keep her home until I deliver.
cbackson says
I would be more careful in the first trimester bc of the impact of fever. I’m 8 mo now in a reopened state. I’ve been WFH since the first week of March and during our lockdown I only went out to the grocery store (with mask), drug store (with mask), doctor’s office (with mask) or to exercise (without mask). My fiance ran any additional errands (also with mask).
Now that we’ve reopened, I’ve expanded my activities to visiting my parents and porch visits with my brother/SIL and two of my friends. I’m still a strong no-go on any kind of dine-in, going into stores w/o my mask, or any sort of group gathering outside family (which in my case will never exceed 6 people bc my family is small).
My BFF is also pregnant and literally she has only left the house to walk her dog and for doctor’s visits since March. For me, that didn’t feel necessary in light of the situation in my city, and it also would have been unbearable for me from a mental health perspective. I’m already prone to depression and anxiety, and it’s been significantly worse during pregnancy generally and particularly during the pandemic.
cbackson says
I’d also add that I’m not doing any recreational shopping (for lack of a better word) but I also didn’t do that pre-pandemic.
Anon says
i’m not pregnant, but if i was, i would go to my doc appointments, go for a walk outside, maybe go to supermarket (with mask) but i’d probably try to send DH as much as possible, def not eat at a restaurant, go shopping for fun, to a movie or anything like that. i would keep it to the necessities. as someone else said, maybe get my haircut once. maybe one outing to a baby gear store (with a mask) if i needed to look at car seats/strollers. i would definitely skip a mani/pedi bc all the fumes + mask (honestly i was so nauseous my whole pregnancy i probably couldn’t have sat through that anyway) and maybe do a few socially distanced outdoor gatherings with friends
AnonATL says
I’m in my third trimester and have started venturing out more. For a couple months, it was just a once weekly grocery trip during “special hours” and my doctor visits.
In the past two weeks or so, I’ve started going to Target physically for non-essential things I could have ordered, Home Depot for non-essential things, and a semi-socially distanced visit to my parents who live an hour away. We have continued going to a park nearby with wooded walking trails that gets a little crowded in the parking lot, but is empty once you are back in the trails. Trips to the store always include a mask and hand sanitizer. My husband and I both wfh and will continue doing so indefinitely. We get weekly takeout, and I’ve gone through the drive through a few times.
Georgia and metro-Atlanta is its own hot mess of reporting and data integrity, so I don’t pay any attention to the case counts anymore. I won’t be going to dine in at a restaurant anytime soon, likely won’t get the pedicure I want before baby, and am still debating my hair cut next week. I try to avoid extra truly unneeded risk like crowded spaces, but I have reached the point of trying to return to a semi-normal life.
As a pp said, the first trimester is different because of the risk of high fever to the fetus, but pregnant women did get sick from other things in the before times too. Your local doctor should give you a sense of how risky they think things are and whether you should avoid returning to the office.
AnonATL says
I should say in terms of not paying attention to case counts that I’m not completely ignoring them, but I used to check them daily and watch the trend lines. Now I check them less frequently and take it with a grain of salt that they are likely inaccurate.
Anon says
I’m in my second trimester and live 20 miles north of NYC.
Since late February, I’ve done the following: gone to doctor’s appointments (wearing a mask), gone to our local coffeeshop (wearing a mask, only one customer allowed in at a time, only open on weekends and for takeout only), gone to Trader Joes once during the early morning elderly/pregnant special hours (masked), and taken our dog for multiple daily walks and weekend hikes (where we stay at least 6 feet away from everyone). Nothing else. We get everything delivered (with the exception of my one TJs trip).
Pogo says
Pretty much the same. I have been to CVS once or twice masked, Target during high-risk hours masked, and hikes in nature and walks/runs around the neighborhood. I just don’t *need* to go anywhere, since husband does the groceries and maybe a home depot trip here and there. We order anything else critical (clothes for LO who is in a growth spurt, wfh essentials like monitor stand, etc). Haven’t really felt the need to go anywhere else?
GCA says
Not currently pregnant, but this news piece mentioned that pregnant women get about as sick as others with coronavirus, and details a severe case where a woman’s twins had to be delivered ~10 weeks early because of the pressure on her heart and lungs. Plus, preliminary data from the UK show for pregnant women sick enough to be admitted, 1 in 5 delivered prematurely. https://www.bostonglobe.com/2020/05/19/nation/ventilator-while-carrying-twins/
Knope says
I would feel less comfortable going out in a state that has reopened where cases are rising. That indicates to me that people aren’t being careful about social distancing and mask-wearing. Personally, I live in a high-risk (but non-NYC) area, and have zero problems with going outside daily for walks, park visits, etc. with no mask, since it’s easy to socially distance here. But I avoid going in enclosed public spaces whenever possible – I have only gone to the grocery store twice, with a mask, and have gone in for 2 doctors’ appts (again, with a mask and frequent hand sanitizing). I’m in my second trimester.
Anon4This says
I’m about 8 weeks pregnant in a re-opening state with cases on the rise but hospitalizations generally stable. I’m still WFH, and only go out for groceries and walks. 0 interest in trying to go to a restaurant or even my beloved and missed Orange Theory right now.
There was a mass e-mail that work would start phasing folks back June 1 with all precautions (masks required upon entry, no congregating, no meetings with 10+ folks) but not sure what that means for my group. They also plan to expand remote work, so I don’t think I’d have to go in M-F anyway. Fortunately I have an office and would just keep all my other meetings via webex/phone as much as possible. I will talk to my doctor next week and try to manage with work accordingly., and I think I’d generally be comfortable going back in 2nd Trimester (fingers crossed). Seriously thinking of sending DS back to daycare in the next few weeks regardless of the WFH situation because I really think we’re going to have cycles of quarantine/re-opening and I want him to have safe exposure to other kids where he can. My big debate is whether I should send him to my grandparents for a weekend before he goes to daycare as he’s been asking for months when he can go to their house, but my Dad is high-risk so not sure…
Struggle Bus says
I’m struggling with this. I know a lot of people think the risk is limited to the first trimester, but my (normally super laid back) doctor has been adamant that despite some news articles reporting that it’s not a big deal in pregnant women, they simply don’t have enough data to say at this point. So I’m erring on the side of caution.
Anon says
I’m pregnant and my doctor did not advise me to be hyper vigilant beyond wearing a mask, washing hands, etc. I’m not doing a whole lot or socializing, but my toddler is back in daycare, so that’s an added risk.
Anon says
Same for me. I’m 21 weeks along and while I’ve been careful, I do still go shopping once a week and have had to go into the office a few times since my state shutdown. I suspect we’ll be asked to come back into the office in the next month or so, which I’m fine with. I’ll be wearing a mask and staying in my office as much as possible.
Cautious says
Third trimester in a hotspot, and my husband and and I are probably on the extreme end. We are getting any food and other items we need via curbside pickup or delivery. We have both been WFH full time since mid-March and have not been inside a store or other indoor place since then either. We go for lots of walks but stick to less crowded areas, wear masks (required in our area, although not everyone complies) and give other people a wide berth. We have chatted with friends and family from many feet away with masks on outdoors a few times, not in anyone’s house. Most of my OB appointments are now via video unless they need to do bloodwork or an ultrasound. Although we are both healthy and would likely have mild symptoms if infected, I really don’t want us to be separated from our newborn for weeks, which is what hospitals here are doing if either parent tests positives for COVID-19 when admitted for delivery. I don’t really see the benefit of sending my husband out to do errands while I stay home because if one of us catches it, the other one almost certainly will too.
Doodles says
I’m due in 2 weeks and have been at home since mid-March. I’ve only left for doctor’s appointments and for outdoor activities (walking around the park, my suburban neighborhood, or the nearby lake). I feel comfortable being outside with a mask or sometimes without (depends on how busy the park trails are). I’m actually getting a lot more outside exercise than in my first pregnancy and have gained less weight. I have not gone inside any store or indoor location other than doctor’s office. But also, the first week of March, I flew through several major airports for a work event. My OB cleared me to go. It kinda feels like this pandemic somehow became serious mid-March. Or maybe that’s just for me and my city. My office went to WFH in mid-March and is still WFH. We get all groceries and takeout curbside. My husband does the pickups but also never has to go inside. He’s also been WFH since March. We’ve seen our parents a few times, but only outside in the yard. But we do have a nanny here every day for our toddler.
Nelly Yuki says
Vicarious shopping request! I’m due in late August and am having trouble skirts to wear this summer. I have tried dresses but most are too body-con for me and skirts will will transition better to breast feeding. Everything I’m finding is too formal/for work – I need the summer version of leggings, like a linen or jersey a-line or swing skirt. Any ideas?
Lyssa says
If you search Amazon for “yoga skirt” you can find a kind of cheap, stretchy swingy skirt with a foldover waist (like yoga pants sometime have). I don’t know if they have actual maternity ones, but they are very stretchy and I found I could wear the one I had through my pregnancy (and it even bounced back after), so I’d bet you’d be fine ordering a regular one (maybe a size up if you want). These are my favorite kind of casual summer skirt.
New Here says
OMG thank you for mentioning these. I’m 5 months pp and feeling very frumpy (combo of weight + WFH meaning I’m wearing old t-shirts and shorts) and I think these skirts will be comfy and help me feel a little more put together. In college I LIVED in t-shirts and skirts kinda like this.
Lyssa says
I feel so much more put together in those skirts then shorts – and they’re more comfortable and cooler (and cheap!) to boot!
GCA says
I had one like this from Target, but it was ages ago and then I somehow stretched it out too much during my second pregnancy to wear afterwards, RIP. Storq has a maternity-and-beyond pencil skirt that is incredibly comfortable, too.
Pogo says
FWIW I find wearing regular non-maternity elastic waist shorts to be pretty comfy. I wear my Nike Tempo shorts to run and work in the yard, for example.
Echoing others on the yoga skirt – Prana was a brand that has a bunch of skirts that sound like they’d work for you.
Pogo says
bummer, the one I wore a lot in my last pregnancy is no longer available. But they have some other stuff that looks like it could work.
DLC says
Last summer whenI was pregnant I bought some non-maternity clothes from Uniqlo that I got a lot of use out of and still do: a linen shirt dress that is now great for nursing (it had a tie waist so fit over my bump), elastic waist shorts, a tank dress (ok, I don’t wear this much now, but it was great because it has seen in bra cups so it was great to wear on those days when I wanted to wear as little as possible), and a cotton maxi skirt. I love that almost all their skirts have elastic waistbands and pockets.
Nelly Yuki says
Thanks all!
Anoni says
Does anyone have tips for getting my almost 3 year old to do #2 in the potty? She’s been potty trained for almost a year and we’ve tried everything and cannot get her to go. She asks for a diaper and after two days, I give it to her because I don’t want her to be in pain. Is it time to do no diapers day or night and miralax as needed? I’m worried that the longer we wait, the harder it’ll be to change this diaper #2 habit.
Anonymous says
My kiddo wouldn’t go in the toilet until she was 4. We were so scared of her getting constipated that we didn’t push it for far too long. Finally on her 4th birthday we just said no more diapers for poop. After many days she literally couldn’t hold it in anymore and was so uncomfortable. We let her use her little potty the first few times to get comfortable and then moved to the regular potty after a few times. After she finally went, she was like “that’s easy and no big deal, huh” and went about her day.
Cb says
Struggling with the same thing here. He has a diaper for naps and poos as soon as he goes down, which means he doesn’t nap.
Anonymous says
I personally believe #2 training is different from #1 training. DD just had to be ready (at 3yrs 2 months). I read something that a lot of kids in the US aren’t reliably pooped trained (I.e. zero accidents) until 4.
Anonymous says
In my experience, kids who are trained earlier tend to struggle more with #2. Some friends trained around 2 and had issues with poop and night training for a couple years. We waited until almost 3 but day and night trained at the same time over a couple weeks. No issues with poop or night training on any of our three kids. There’s not a right or wrong way to do it. Some ppl would vastly prefer to have a daytime, pee trained 2 year old but for us it was worth the wait. We waited based on advice from friends who had similar experiences.
Op says
Thank you! Maybe I’ll do that with my son, wait a little longer.
I’m thinking about just doing away with diapers all together at night, how long did it take ur kids to stop wetting bed at night and how did you do it?
Anonymous says
Again..DD just had to be ready. She woke up dry for 2 weeks so we said she was a big girl and we were switching to undies at night. Night training is a psychical process that I don’t think can be pushed.
Anonymous says
We didn’t daytime train until they work up dry most mornings. Just switched over to undies one morning after a few weeks of reading potty books. 2-3 daytime accidents per day at daycare in the first week. Accidents a couple times a week for the next two weeks and then rarely an issue. Night accidents a couple times a week in the beginning. Just layer a puppy pad in between layers of sheets (don’t let them see you do it), so you can just remove top sheet and puppy pad, change jammies and put them back to bed.
I find juice makes them pee more. We don’t keep any juice in the house, it’s a treat for restaurants/Grandma’s/parties etc. We trained in summer because we live in Canada and getting snowsuits off quickly if a kid has to go potty is a nightmare.
Anon says
Contrary to popular wisdom, we didn’t wait until they woke up dry, since we were pretty sure they were peeing when they woke up in the mornings, rather than while sleeping. For one kid, it took about 2 days of her peeing when she woke up before remembering that she wasn’t wearing a diaper, and then she was completely trained. The other kid had about 2 weeks with accidents every couple days, but then stopped.
They were both just over 3 and it was about a year after being diaper-free for daytime and naptime.
Anon says
Agree (anecdotally and per physician input). My boys both trained completely at 2.5 and we were through within a week. I actually waited until they would poop in the potty before embarking on “training”.
Anonymous says
My friends’ kid is like this and they’ve decided it’s not worth fighting it for fear of making him not poop at all. He gets a diaper at bedtime, poops within 5 or 10 minutes, and then they give him a clean diaper for the night. He knows his parents want him to poop in the toilet, but he has no interest and when offered high value rewards is still not interested, so they’re just waiting until he decides it’s time.
Realist says
We upped the healthy fats a bit and added warm prune juice before miralax. If you need miralax, you need it, but there are other things to try first if you want. Probiotics can help too. We also had to give a reward for sitting and trying for a minute or two after meals, as part of our child’s problem was they wouldn’t sit still long enough for #2 to come.
drpepperesq says
can i ask you all about a potty training question? my son is almost 3.5, and has been trained since a little before his 3rd birthday. it was pretty easy to train him, because the daycare would bring all the kids to the bathroom at the same time, and noticed his diapers were dry. however, since the shelter in place in mid-march, we’ve been noticing a lot more accidents, especially with number 2. he’ll start going then run up to us and let us know, but there’s a bit in there already… or he won’t even tell us, we can just smell it. this has happened since before the pandemic occasionally, but it is almost every time now. i know he doesn’t want to stop/interrupt what he’s doing, and that’s a big issue. however, i’m wondering if this is a regression, common in the training “journey,” or that he’s not paying attention to his body signals… or something worse like he actually can’t tell. thoughts?
CCLA says
Our kiddo (3.5) had a regression too, and I really think it has to do with quarantine. She’s been trained for a year and suddenly got very scared to go #2. I realize this presented differently than your kid, but here to say that you’re not alone. We basically spent a couple of weeks retraining her, with lots of praise, rewards, patience. She seems mostly through it now, though we’re still heavily praising to keep her motivated.
Anon says
Similar sort of story here. 3yo had been trained for a year and then during quarantine only wanted to poop in the training potty we never use anymore. We brought back sticker bribery for a few weeks and that seemed to work.
Anonymous says
This is common once they are trained. They get overconfident and forget that they need to go potty as soon as they feel the urge. We just used lots of reminders, going after meals, before we left the house, before nap time etc. Emphasized that ‘big kids and grown ups’ go right away. Daniel Tiger has a song that addresses this issue “when you have to go potty, stop and go right away. Flush and wash and be on your way.” There’s an episode about how he doesn’t want to stop playing to go so that might be helpful.
anon says
Guess it’s the morning for poop questions — tips for a constipated baby? Eight months old, breastfed, and really into the solids we started two months ago (berries of all kinds, sweet potato, egg, salmon, cheese, etc.). But there’s also a lot of straining and screaming and no, uh, product for five days at a time. The ped’s initial suggestions of cutting dairy and feeding mostly fruits haven’t accomplished any relief. He’s pulling up and cruising and crawling everywhere, but the activity doesn’t seem to help either.
Anonymous says
Our ped’s office has recommended warm baths to help. I’m not sure they’re all that effective, but FYI. We would always push pears and prunes. Kiddo would eat pureed prunes at that age, but won’t as she gets older. For us it always just seemed like a random phase that worked itself out when we stopped trying so hard (like everything else in life).
Anonymous says
+1 for warm baths. They work for adults too!
Anonymous says
Jar of prunes every morning and try a probiotic yoghurt as well. Too much cheese might impact constipation but surprised ped suggested cutting all dairy vs switching to kefir and probiotic yoghurt. Oatmeal is also good. Minimize bananas and eggs.
Anonymous says
My ped’s office always tells me that yogurt and kefir are for diarrhea and people who use them for constipation are making it worse.
Anonymous says
I’ve never heard that before and we’ve seen multiple peds in both Canada and Europe over the last 8 years. Excessive dairy will make the belly too full for sufficient fibre intake but one serving of probiotics a day is not going to cause problems. Uncooked oatmeal and prunes mix nicely into yoghurt for kids. Healthy gut biota is important for regularity – whether that’s through kefir, yoghurt, sauerkraut etc doesn’t really matter.
Anonymous says
I agree with yogurt/kefir maintenance generally and the same amount of probiotic dairy during constipation that a kiddo is used to. I think they run into trouble with people being like “oh digestive issues, let’s give kiddo yogurt four times today” when they don’t already eat much of it. That often causes more harm than good.
Anonymous says
Have you tried apple juice or pear juice?
TheElms says
Pears, prunes should help. Also, is baby drinking water? 1-2 oz of water a day should also help. Try offering water with solids every time and at other times until you get to at least 1-2 ounces. Avoid bananas and cheese, yogurt in moderation shouldn’t matter.
Pogo says
+1 We would feed pear sauce or a pear/apple combo sauce, as he loved it. I will say it was sort of a phase – eventually, he got used to more solids and then cow’s milk and also drinking water more consistently out of sippy cup and it worked out. I remember being SO STRESSED at the time tho!
Also melons are very high in water content – melon at every meal was common when we were in the thick of it like you are.
Anon says
Pear juice, lots of bicycle kicks and tummy massage too.
JDMD says
There’s a cereal brand called Love Grown that makes a cheerios look-alike entirely out of beans. It’s perfect for snacks. Agree with all the other comments to minimize dairy. Avocado is also good — fiber plus fats. And sometimes we’d just give our littles a spoonful or two of coconut oil or olive oil to make sure things are soft.
LSC says
Mixing wheat germ into apple sauce and other foods helped us immensely. It’s high in fiber.
Anonymous says
Warm prune puree. Also give them water with solids in a cup if you’re not already.
Anon4this says
Maybe quarantine is driving us all crazy but my husband is really frustrating me when he responds with sarcasm (mocking my toddler whining about something). Also, he tried to give me a hug this morning and I said “please don’t touch me, I feel” holding the baby and trying to hold the urge to go to the bathroom while making a bottle and he responded with “ugly” before I could finish. We got in a fight about this sarcasm and why is he making a joke about being ugly and it’s never funny. He says I can’t take a joke but I feel like his default way of talking I.e. Being funny, trying to elicit a reaction is completely inappropriate for my 3 year old to hear. There are multiple other instances where the way he talks is inappropriate even if not cursing (saying things like I’m going to slap you silly?? Even though he never would)
Does anyone else’s husband do this? I can’t make him see that my 3 year old doesn’t need to learn to talk like this.
Cb says
Argh, that sounds rough. My husband has been doing a lot of venting at the computer these days and I hate that it’s the background noise to my morning with my son. We’ve had a talk and he’s curtailed it.
I think this is worth a talk when you both aren’t mad. Sarcasm sounds really belittling for you and your child, and I hate that your kid’s feelings are being ignored.
OP says
Agreed. Even if she has 8 million tantrums a day, sarcasm is painful and wrong. He just doesn’t think her feelings are valid when they happen so much. That’s the opposite of my approach reading Janet Lansbury and how to talk to little kids etc.
Anonymous says
That’s not a normal thing you need to tolerate or accept in a relationship. I wouldn’t be comfortable exposing kids to that kind of behavior. Set a time to discuss. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness in your own home. I would have him read both of the below articles.
This is a good article – https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/18/parenting/marriage-invisible-labor-coach.html?algo=identity&fellback=false&imp_id=468281457&imp_id=73399102&action=click&module=Smarter%20Living&pgtype=Homepage
And Gottman calls contempt (mocking with sarcasm) one of the 4 horsemen of divorce – https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/
Anonymous says
So I think some of this sounds like too much togetherness, which were all going through. I would bet that your DH doesn’t normally annoy you this much or you wouldn’t have married him. BUT mocking your toddler or annoying you just for fun is never ok. My DH mocked our 3yo once for whining and I shut it down immediately – but I think the issue was he didn’t have other tools in his parenting arsenal. I explained that saying “I can’t understand you when you talk like that” works better than saying “stop whining!”. And just a quick reminder to him about big 3yo feelings. So maybe that could help?
Anonymous says
I’m so sorry. I think that counseling might help. He’s not being funny he’s just being mean. Can you try responding to every comment with “that’s not funny it’s mean” and walking away?
Op says
He says I can’t take a joke and maybe he’s right but I just don’t think “mean funny” is every funny
AIMS says
Was he like this before?
I feel like the most persuasive I can be in these situations is to call out behavior that used to be unacceptable before. Like for instance, we made a decision at some point that we wer not going to say shut up to each other and so now if one of us says it it’s a big deal.
I think you should figure out if this is something that he always did and you’re just more bothered by it now or if it’s new, because that will make it easier to frame the discussion. And there other thing is you can say is that you don’t want your kids to talk to each other or you or anyone like this so you need to model better behavior. We have a 4 year old and nothing stops us in our tracks like hearing our 4 year old repeat something obnoxious we said to her brother.
Anonymous says
Yeh..,I’d add that anytime someone says “you just can’t take a joke”, they are gaslighting you. They are telling you that your feelings are invalid. You more than likely have a sense of humor, what he’s doing just isn’t funny.
Anonymous says
Right. It’s disrespectful to you.
Anon says
Yup.
Rather than getting in a back and forth b/c neither will win deciding if it’s funny or a joke, try saying something like “if not being able to take a joke means me not finding references to me being ugly as funny, then fine, I guess I can’t take a joke. Please stop.”
lsw says
I agree with this. When literally ever can someone “not take a joke”? It is only used when the joker feels bad or knows they should feel bad and is defensive.
Go for it says
Mean all the way. Meanness is never funny. Sarcasm is spineless.
Anonymous says
Way late but +1
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yeah, that’s not a joke, that’s just mean. My husband also responds with a lot of jokes in tough situations but he does it in a silly way and basically calling someone ugly is in no way ok. And I totally relate that toddlers have SO many emotions, often irrational to a grown adult, but they are little and that’s how they react. Telling them to stop whining or overreacting isn’t going to accomplish much. My armchair diagnosis is that he’s feeling stressed, annoyed and insecure and taking it out in a way that he has learned, which is to put other people down. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this in an already tough situation. I would probably just keep repeating to him that his words hurt you and you’re supposed to be a team in this. You’re right, Janet Lansbury is a good source for understanding toddlers’ big emotions a little more.
Anonanonanon says
^this. It’s just mean. I’m from a family that shows affection by teasing each other or making fun of each other and my husband and I are the same way, but there are lines you don’t cross. And calling someone ugly is one of them, that’s just mean.
Pogo says
No but my father does. He says things that he thinks are funny but I have to remind him small children can’t understand sarcasm. I call him out every single time, saying, “You can’t say that in front of him, he doesn’t understand you are joking.” It drives me insane.
Anonanonanon says
Wow. I’m sorry, that’s awful! Sounds like a constant stream of micro-agressions to me! It used to disarm my ex-husband a bit if I just said “wow, that hurt my feelings” in an almost-neutral tone of voice. If he tried to argue, I’d calmly say “are you explaining that I am wrong, and that it did not hurt my feelings?” and finally “I did not say you meant for it to, but it did. And it’s not fair of me to expect you to know that unless I tell you, so I did. Now that you know it does, I know you won’t say it again”
He couldn’t really argue against “I know you won’t say that hurtful thing again” without arguing that he was going to intentionally be hurtful.
Anonymous says
This is an excellent script for this type of conversation.
fallen says
Not with husband, but my mom is a big joker and she sometimes would mock my daughter’s whining. It would drive me nuts. I eventually set a hard boundary with that and explained that I will not tolerate that kind of behavior with MY kid, and would stop it anytime it started (literally interrupt and say – DO NOT EVER talk this way to my kid). This really helped to stop it eventually. I know dynamics are different in a marriage than with a grandparent, but maybe just setting a boundary would help.
I would really ask what it is about too. I find that when I am offended by a sarcastic comment, it often really helps to ask about what the “joke” was really about. Why did he feel the need to call you ugly and make fun of toddler? Is there something that he is insecure about, mad about, etc that he is trying to ‘vent’ through a joke? I think intentions are a bunch of BS. What his intentions were is a moot point. What matters is that he is hurting his family’s feelings, and it needs to stop. It may also be helpful for him to discuss the underlying feelings that may be driving these “jokes”
Anonymous says
Joking about hitting me or my kid (slap you silly) would be a huge line in the sand for me.
Anonymous says
I dated a guy who would joke about slapping. Eventually, he slapped me. It was after years and I thought he’d never do it either.
Anonymous says
Any recommendations for teething pain in the night? We’ve been giving our baby Tylenol before bedtime but he still woke up and screamed for an hour last night.
Anon says
How do you know it’s teething pain and not a sleep training issue?
Tea/Coffee says
Definitely motrin or other ibuprofen! Ibuprofen helps with the inflammation That is causing the pain.
Also, you probably won’t find anyone officially approving this, but for the couple (literally only 2-3) worst nights for each teething episode we would give LO 1.5 -2 dose at bedtime. We found that it really got LO to SLEEP in the first place and subsequent wakings were much calmer, ie less frantic “my teeth hurt” shrieking.
Anonymous says
Seconding ibuprofen instead of Tylenol!
lsw says
Agree! Also I think Tylenol just doesn’t work well for my kid (I could be projecting because acetaminophen doesn’t work for me and ibuprofen does). Ibuprofen was a game-changer once we were able to give it.
octagon says
We would alternate tylenol and motrin every 3 hours. One at bedtime, then another at whatever the wakeup was 3-5 hours later.
Also, if it persists more than a few days, you may want to have a ped rule out an ear infection, as that can make kids scream and scream when laying down.
AnotherAnon says
+1 exactly this. The only time my kid has screamed in the night was due to ear infections (but he cut teeth late and slowly) and you can alternate tylenol and ibuprofen. Ibuprofen seems to give more relief and help him get back to sleep. Sorry you’re dealing with this.
Anon says
Planning to begin sleep training our 6 month old this weekend, using CIO with periodic check ins. I know the official recommendation is to get rid of the pacifier if using this method as it is a sleep crutch, but I have heard lots of differing opinions on whether or not you can sleep train successfully with the pacifier. Does anyone have experiences or advice on either side they are willing to share? 6 month old usually only takes the pacifier for naps and night sleep, does not otherwise use it.
Anonymous says
Wait what that’s the wisdom? We did Ferber and totally kept the paci. Then all she needed to sleep was the paci. I would not sleep train and rip away the paci at the same time, that sounds traumatic to me. DD eventually gave up the Paci with the Paci fairy.
Pro pacifier says
We sleep trained–Happy Sleeper, a Ferber-ish approach–without the pacifier (he couldn’t reliably reinsert it) and ended up bringing it back a few months later (once he could reinsert it on his own) because it’s so incredibly helpful to him. It’s essentially only a sleep thing for him now, and while we occasionally do have to go give him a new one if he’s flung the original out of the crib, I have no regrets. If it ever becomes a real problem, we’ll address it then.
Ifiknew says
Prunes pouches always helps us a ton. Balance high fat or protein items with fiber and carbs like beans, Lentils, high fiber veggies and fruits
Cb says
Scottish Government just announced plans for phased return from lockdown. Outdoor nurseries open in Stage 1. Not sure my proposal that to drop off children in the woods and call it an ‘outdoor nursery’ went down all that well in the parents whatsapp group but it’s been two months and I am tired.
Realist says
One early childhood person in my community is loudly, loudly advocating for outdoor classrooms for all the schools, K-12.
Cb says
Gosh, that would be a radical change. But honestly, I’d prefer kids to be in outdoor classrooms than stuck at home, in unsafe and unstimulating environments.
Anonymous says
That’s so interesting. Does that person have any plan of how to make it happen? How to teach calculus in snow? Where the open space for this is? How you tell teachers they have to work outside in the cold and rain every day?
Realist says
Suggested building open air shelters for needed. More weather cancellations as necessary. My community is very outdoorsy, so the need for appropriate clothing would not be a big deal for many. I’m not saying I agree with it and all of these things sound pretty radical. But doesn’t it also sound radical to have school in session for only alternating days, to somehow keep kids in crowded classes 6 feet apart all day, or to force kindergarteners to wear masks all day, etc?
I think we can pretty much expect radical changes. So which ones make the most sense? I’m not sure there are easy answers, but I don’t think outdoor classrooms can just be dismissed out of hand. Yes, the logistics are daunting, but perhaps no more daunting than other serious proposals being developed.
Anonymous says
I wasn’t dismissing out of hand I’m genuinely curious. I also live in an urban setting and I think you’re in a city so was wondering if there were urban solutions. Here I don’t see any way the teachers union agrees to it’s members being forced to work outside when in winter it’s usually hovering around zero Celsius but I think you have more rain and less harsh cold maybe.
Realist says
Sorry if I read your comment wrong. I have just been surprised at the negative reaction at this proposal as compared to other crazy-town proposals I’ve seen. If we are asking teachers to take temperatures all day, wipe down surfaces every 2 seconds and keep kindergarteners in masks and 6 feet apart (good luck!),and possibly have school only a few weekdays each week, it seems equally crazy to throw up a picnic shelter and buy everyone a warm jacket. I mean, they both sound crazy to me but one proposal gets a much different reaction than the other.
Anonymous says
Outdoor school honestly seems more feasible than a lot of other proposals, at least in some areas. Where we live there would be a mosquito issue.
Anonymous says
Obviously this isn’t equally possible everywhere, but in my suburban school district outside DC I think it would be pretty do-able for much of the school year. Minnesota, maybe not so much. Most schools have outdoor space in the form of sports fields or playgrounds. Party tents or picnic shelter-like structures wouldn’t be that difficult to erect. If you could disperse from the school grounds and use pre-existing park picnic structures that might be even easier (lots of problems, beginning with logistics and transportation, but I’m sure people could find creative solutions if they tried). Combined with A-B schedules and other ideas, it’s worth some consideration imho.
Anonymous says
Yeah I can see that. I’m urban and most of our schools do not have any meaningful outdoor space at all.
Anonymous says
https://www.messynessychic.com/2016/03/15/classrooms-without-walls-a-forgotten-age-of-open-air-schools/
Anon says
Ugh. Nope nope nope.
I know this might be an unpopular opinion, but one thing I worry about is being a teacher seems like such an incredibly difficult job, with not enough pay to compensate for what they do normally especially in VHCOL areas, that if we bend over backwards to accomodate every wackadoodle proposal by the feariest fear member of society, that will be great and all until we don’t have anyone willing to be a teacher anymore.
I’m maybe a little crabby today but also on team, I just want my kid back in regular school this Fall.
Anonymous says
I think we are all on that team!
Realist says
But what do you want if regular school in the fall is not possible? I think that is the question we are all facing and I am getting tired of only childless white men answering it for us.
Anon says
Regular school is always possible. It’s the threshold of what risk we as a society think is an acceptable risk and what the offsetting issues are to accommodate mitigating that risk and if those are worth it. I am on team, I am near the end of my rope of accepting that my child’s education is still worth what we are doing here.
Realist says
So how many deaths will you accept for regular school in the fall? That is the other way to frame this question? I absolutely want my child back in regular school in the fall. I can’t, however, name one person or even one cohort of society that I am willing to kill to make that happen. Death and long-term chronic health problems are the stakes here. Let us not forget that. The average Covid victim is estimated to have lost 10 years off their expected lifespan. 10 years! That is the difference between meeting your grandchildren or not, going on a trip you’ve planned or saved a lifetime for, providing early childhood care for grandkids, and on and on. And of course, some people are losing much more than 10 years.
Anon says
A lot of the articles I am reading suggest that recent studies show children are the not the superspreaders we thought they were and that the incidence of serious illness in children is super low. For me, it seems to make more sense for high risk folks (i.e., older folks, underlying conditions, etc.) to self-isolate, and put the masses of kids back in school with the common sense measures we can (minimizing cross-contact, smaller classrooms, keeping cohorts unmixed, etc.). That seems to me to be a better allocation of risk avoidance vs. cost in the current environment (not disagreeing with shutting everything down to build capacity). Schools serve an important vital function aside from just learning – abuse detection, food, emotional support, etc., and I think it’s very privileged to believe that we would just be fine shutting schools down indefinitely. I certainly don’t think we need to shut down all schools just to keep one person of COVID from dying. If that were the case, we would all be hermits – hard for any respiratory disease (flu, normal cold coronavirus, etc., which all kill people too) to spread when people are not in contact with each other. Every time I leave my house even in normal times, there is an element of risk.
Anonymous says
Can we not? Can we just not tell people who want their kids to go to school that they are killers? Can we not spread random panic facts? There is no evidence Covid-19 takes 10 years off your life at all. We can disagree without hysterics.
Anon says
Yeah, sorry, but Realist your argument doesn’t persuade me in the slightest as it’s so over the top and sensationalist. There are deadly risks in things we do every day that we do anyway, all the time. I’m not saying the shut down wasn’t necessary, but now that testing has gotten better, treatments have gotten marginally better, and we know more information, I think school is an important thing that needs to open up too. For effs sake, there are casinos opened up in some states again. So casinos can open but kids can’t go to school? Or can only go to school certain days a week? 3 months from now? Nope. I am not sitting in our house until we get to 0 deaths, nor should that be anyone’s goal.
Also, your last argument doesn’t even make sense (even if it is true). So I should be sympathetic that in the distant future there is some cohort of people that potentially can’t take trips or see their grandkids, yet there are plenty of people who are near the end of their lives RIGHT NOW who would love to do those things even with the current risks but oh well to them?
Anon says
Please stop implying that anyone who wants their kids back to school is a killer. People get in car accidents driving their kids to school, kids die of the flu each year that they get at school (as do grandparents that kids who get the flu at school spread it to), occasionally kids die in freak accidents at school on playgrounds oh and let’s not forget school shootings. By your logic, we should have cancelled school years ago because school carries a risk of some deaths.
Anon says
Yeah, mortality rates in kids are staggeringly low, and I don’t think we have good evidence kids are major spreaders. As far as I can tell, the limited evidence we have suggests that how much people spread the disease is directly correlated to how sick they are; thus kids with asymptomatic or very mild illness are not very likely to make others ill. I’m all for reasonable measures that reduce the risk of school-wide outbreaks (like keeping K-6 students in one room with one teacher and not having a lot of cross-class mixing) but having school entirely outside feels several beats too far based on what we know about the risks to kids and their ability to spread it.
Realist says
Here is data on people losing 10 years: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2020/04/23/coronavirus-cutting-decade-victims-lives-scientists-say/
Of course we all feel differently about the risks. Children do not seem to be the super spreaders, true. But schools are staffed with adults, schoolchildren visit grandparents, schools are cleaned by adults, etc. I just don’t see normal school in the fall happening without major risks to adult populations. I am dismayed there is no conversation about what that means for working parents. I am also dismayed that working parents seem to think the only solution is to just push things back to normal, no matter the risks are for others. I would advocate finding a way forward here that makes sense and no one is talking about it, just flaming others for feeling differently. We’re here arguing amongst ourselves while a bunch of childless men decide the policies that will disrupt our lives for at least the next 18 months. Go team!
Anonymous says
Realist you’re the one flaming people and not putting forward realistic ideas.
Realist says
If people are thinking it is unrealistic for me to discuss outdoor classroom (which I don’t necessarily support) or that school won’t come back normal, reality is going to hit hard in the fall. The fall will not be back to life as usual. We–the professional mothers with some resources and leverage and autonomy over our lives–are the ones that are going to need to push for realistic solutions. Hoping that everything is magically back to normal in the fall . . . well, that ain’t it.
Anon says
The other thing it seems like people often forget is that the choices aren’t ‘unsafe at school’ vs ‘safe at home’. For those of us on this board, yes, our kids are safe at home with their parents so schools would increase the risk of contacting COVID, but there are a lot of kids for whom the dichotomy is ‘at home, with risky/unsafe family situations, no educational stimulation, and little food’ vs ‘at school with a (slightly) higher disease risk, but around adults who can look out for them and provide food’.
Anonymous says
#NotAllTeachers would hate this. Like anything else, there will be differing opinions. My mom is an elementary school teacher a year away from retirement, and has had colds turn to pneumonia several times in the last few years. She’s concerned about germy students and a second wave. She’s also very outdoorsy, thinks there’s too much sitting in school anyway, and I am 95% sure she’d be thrilled with an open air classroom at least until winter really sets in. Maybe longer if there were outdoor heaters.
K. says
I am a high school teacher and I would love to have outdoor classes if we are able. I take my students outside all the time anyway. I would probably want my school to purchase me a whiteboard and also enable internet hotspots around the outside of the building if we did this. I would also be open to adjusting the school calendar to meet during times when this doesn’t spread as quickly (possibly the summer).
I would love for more studies to be done about whether kids who are asymptomatic can be vectors. I haven’t seen a whole lot of definitive studies on that. But, I absolutely think we’ll have a problem of mass retirement of older teachers if we just go back as normal. And in many places there were huge teacher shortages before this all happened. It could be bad.
My biggest worry about not returning (aside from personal safety of myself and my colleagues) is that this will be used to destroy public education. Already the Department of Education, which has been trying to funnel money into charter schools anyway, is talking about increasing funding for online charter schools at this time and it wouldn’t surprise me if there starts to be a lot of misinformation about public schools and how they are re-opening (my newsfeed on facebook exploded today with examples of that). At least in my state, the graduation rates of online charter schools are abysmal.
Realist says
I live in an area where a majority of school workers are probably over age 50. We desperately need a plan to open school in the fall in a way that doesn’t put so many lives in jeopardy. I am increasingly alarmed that no one is having that conversation. I’m really hoping that something comes together to protect your mom and my community’s teachers and still gets kids back in school. But just based on comments today—from educated, professional women who have big stakes in this—wow, I am not optimistic that is going to happen.
Spirograph says
I’m on that team, too but school looking exactly like it did in January is a fantasy. Please remember that there are many, many teachers and other school staff over 50 years old or otherwise in a high risk health group. Teacher unions are going to (rightly) demand adaptations to protect teachers. These will look different based on fundamental school characteristics like student population, region, funding, etc but it is counterproductive to dismiss any ideas out of hand right now. There is no silver bullet, and cobbling together a combination of alternate schedules, smaller class sizes, outdoor learning, masks, cohorting, etc to get something that minimizes health risks while still working for students and parents is the best we can hope for. The more tools in the toolkit, the better our chances that we’ll hit on a solution most people are happy with.
Anon says
I’m totally with you on looking at all the possible tools, but I don’t know how the staff over 50 plays out, isn’t that an issue at every work place?
Based on everything I’ve read, kids seem less likely to spread this than adults. So a 50+ adult working solely with children (particularly a limited group of children) seems to be at a lower risk than a 50+ worker at a job where they are interacting with many many adults throughout the day, right?
Realist says
New York Times reports deaths would have been 54,000 lower if shutdowns had started 2 weeks earlier. We are talking about death when we talk about reopening anything—schools included. If you are uncomfortable with that, that is on you. I am concerned with my child’s education, my family, but also the lives of other families. They are all important. We have to figure out how to open schools safely, which is just not going to be everything back to normal by fall. If you are hysterical about the idea of not having school in the fall, call your Senator, call your state’s department of education. Yelling at me on the internet won’t help things.
anon says
Even if they can’t do actual school outside, in good weather I’d love for them to do lunch outside (because the kids aren’t wearing masks to eat). It seems easy enough to spread them out on the field and have them munch picnic style, and so much better than being stuck inside with no change of scenery. I’d even donate individual situpons for when the ground is a bit damp. This won’t work for the whole school year, but it might get us through Sept-Oct in my area.
Anonymous says
I grew up in southern California, where there are no indoor lunchrooms. In elementary school, we had lunch at picnic tables under a shade structure, whether it was 45 degrees and raining or 105 degrees. In high school, there were only enough picnic tables to accommodate about 1/5 of the student body. We were allowed to sit on the ground or on planters anywhere on campus to eat. If it was raining, we huddled under the awnings of the outdoor corridoors.
Anonymous says
Yeah, we had this at my school in Florida, partly because it was poorly funded – for many years it was just an assemblage of portable classrooms, like a trailer park school. (The tornado plan was truly alarming – go outside and lie in the gutter!). When it rained all day, all hell broke loose, but it was fun for the kids. We did have an ongoing issue with getting pooped on by seagulls though.
Anonymous says
In CA we had issues with seagulls stealing food.
Anonymous says
Don’t you go to an outdoor nursery? Sounds great! I wish we had them here.
Cb says
The children have free access to the outdoor space whatever the weather (and often spend part of the day at forest kindergarten) but unfortunately it isn’t fully outdoor. It’s right in the city centre, the forest nurseries aren’t quite so conveniently located. My son however only seems to be inside it when food is being served, and only just :)
Anonymous says
Ohhhh I see. Yeah I wish I could do outdoor daycare but we just don’t have them nor am I near any suitable outdoor space.
Cb says
Yes, they are lovely. I think this is a nice balance. Their illness rates are substantially lower than ‘normal’ nurseries and my son’s ability to enjoy and safely engage with the outdoors is really exceptional.
Anonymous says
There are lots in the states? – https://www.forestkindergartenassociation.org/ Higher anti-vax population here and forest schools are sort of alternative which can lean anti-vax so probably more work to ensure your pick isn’t anti-vax but there’s a lot of options.
Anonymous says
Yes but none anywhere near me! Wasn’t trying to speak for the entire country.
Anonymous says
And the closest one, which is 45 minutes away, runs from 9-12. So that’s just got stay at home moms.
Anonymous says
In the States I would be very worried about Lyme disease at a forest school. My daughter had Lyme disease twice before she started K, and her preschool had mulch playgrounds.
Pogo says
oof yikes – I didn’t think about that. At daycare they do tick checks, but the ratio is 4:1 so not a problem for her to check every kid every time they go outside (so tick is outside max a couple hours if they get one). I guess I didn’t think about starting K how that’s not feasible, and a 5 year old is not necessarily going to notice they have a tick until it’s too late.
Boston Legal Eagle says
For those of you who hired part-time or full-time temporary sitters for the current situation, are you paying on the books? Are most of them ok with this? This is kind of a strange situation because most of the time, college or high school sitters are occasional and generally under the IRS limit, while full-time nannies typically fall over. Feel free to post anon, I’m not judging either way, just trying to get a sense of common practice.
anon says
We have a parent with a security clearance. We only pay on the books. Always.
octagon says
Same boat but new to this. Do you use a payroll provider or do you self-report (or use a CPA)? I’m trying to navigate everything.
Anonymous says
Same. We used a service. For our pandemic summer babysitter, we may ask SIL to help (she owns a small CPA practice), but the service was very seamless.
Pogo says
I asked about this earlier wrt daycare teachers. I hate putting the teacher in the position of having to do the extra work to report, and possibly if I pay her too much she’d lose her unemployment benefits and then be screwed again if things change w/ daycare situation and I have to let her go.
My preference at this point would be a college age student who was not employed, so not collecting any benefits, and who would fall under the limit (only have them come 9a-1p). If the current situation really goes super long (no daycare by fall), I’m now considering nanny share w/ the other daycare mom I’m close with, and we’d for sure pay on the books. But again, the uncertainty kinda complicates it for me. Maybe I care too much but I just hate the thought of hiring someone who really needs the money and then letting them go if my preferred option (current caregiver) becomes an option in a month.
Anon says
What was the consensus?
Anonymous says
We hired a teacher from the school and paid her under the table. In my state, daycares can open again, so we will send our kids back to their pre k (which is more of a daycare) in late June. We will be over the IRS limit, but I am taking the risk for this limited time.
Anon for this says
We’re under the IRS limit so far, but if we hit it we will pay on the books. I need to figure out the easiest way to do that and also have a conversation with her about it. In retrospect, we should have had this conversation when this started but I naively thought we would be well under the limit.
TheElms says
Your law license is at jeopardy if you pay off the books. We are paying on the books and it was a condition of hiring.
Anon says
Do you all have a payroll service recommendation for paying on the books?
Anon says
Some jurisdictions (for example Montgomery County in Maryland) have specific laws governing employing nannies related to sick days, worker’s compensation, pay, etc. Eeryone I know, especially lawyers and definitely everyone who works in government, follows the rules.
Anon says
Anyone else think the sandals in the picture are a smidge too small? It took me a minute to figure out what looked odd, and then I realized her right big toe is hanging off the edge.
anon says
Any ideas on things to do to make this weekend feel fun and different? I am thinking maybe going on a hike and making ice cream in a can. I have a 2 and 5 year old in DC. They seem to be living their best lives. Doing something fun and different would be mostly for me.
Anon says
If you don’t normally do a big brunch spread, could you do one (egg, waffles or pancakes or biscuits, bacon, fruit etc.) and maybe eat it outside? My 2.5YO loves to help make breakfast (and in fact demanded waffles this morning and I obliged because my morning is slow for the first time in weeks – decided to go with the Kodiak mix and it was terrible – browning was off, stuck to the griddle, etc., do not recommend – but kiddo was happy – will be going back to my standard waffle recipe for weekend use)
Our fun and different this weekend is having my family visit (2 hour drive away) – my parents, aunt and younger sisters. They’ve all been self-quarantining together for a month, and we’ve been isolated for 2+ months now, and will be a treat for all of us. Really looking forward to it – delayed from last weekend because weather looked better this weekend and we’re looking to maximize outside time with them (kiddo’s favorite). If the inflatable pool comes in time, might set that up on Sunday or Monday, if not, we’ll probably pull out the sprinkler and wading pool.
Anonymous says
We had the same thing happen with waffles from the Kodiak mix, and now my husband refuses to attempt any waffles because he thinks it was caused by the waffle iron. The mix works great for pancakes, though.
Anon says
This makes the best waffles I have ever had (and is our usual weekend mix). I hated waffles until I tried this recipe – they are crispy, light and fluffy. Hard to find here, but it’s from an old southern living cookbook, looks like this is from the same book I have (that went out of print and I promptly ordered two extra copies to be able to pass down to my children): http://goodlookinwhatchagotcookin.blogspot.com/2010/06/sls-out-of-this-world-waffles.html
anon says
Oh my gosh, Kodiak mix waffles were the worst idea I’ve had all quarantine!
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
Oh that’s funny/sad. We’ve never tried the Kodiak mix in waffles but we love it for pancakes.
Blueridge29 says
Yes! We love the kodiak mix for muffins and pancakes, but the waffles were a total disaster. Glad I am not the only one.
AIMS says
We’ve been doing pancake sundays since before the lockdown but it definitely helps now for just telling the days apart. Sometimes I add bagel Saturdays.
Also picnic lunch (even if it’s just in your yard), cocktails for grownups & mocktails for the kids, movie night for kids with popcorn (& break for kids), movie night with pizza takeout for grownups after kids go to bed (this is also nice for us now because we’re trying to have early family dinner most nights and this is a break for me from doing dinner with a 2 and 4 year old where I can just feed them something easy and random and not worry about cooking for the whole fam), alone time for me even if it’s just a walk. In our area, hikes on weekends don’t work unfortunately because too many people have the same idea but YMMV. I love the ice cream idea 5ough, it’s been on our to do list too. Last weekend the kids helped make banana bread and that was a hit – the 2 year old went nuts just making a mess smashing bananas.
Pogo says
Breaking out the kiddie pool and the trampoline! Maybe some water balloons too. Smores by the fire?
lsw says
It’s usually a Christmas morning treat for us, but I made liege waffles last weekend to break up the monotony. I use the Smitten Kitchen recipe and do the second rising overnight.
DLC says
Kidfriendlydc is posting so many great ideas every day for things that are open in the area. I wish I could do all of them.
Anonymous says
Our weather is going to radically change tomorrow, so I think it’ll happen organically. We’ll spend as much time outside as possible. Grill summer meals. Maybe buy some popsicles for outdoor desserts. Get out the sprinkler if it is hot enough.
AIMS says
Not sure if this was already discussed here but just in case – I know there are a lot of Emily Oster fans here, so wanted to share that she has a Covid website with lots of practical information (IMO). FYI. https://explaincovid.org/
Elysian says
I am an attorney on a reduced schedule right now, and am supposed to transition soon to a 100% schedule next week (biglaw hours). My husband is not employed and is in charge of the kids (toddler and baby). I feel like I am going insane right now even trying to meet my part-time. I can’t imagine full time right now and it starts next week. At the moment my husband is on a bike ride with the big kid while the baby is supposed to be napping and I am supposed to be working. He isn’t napping; he is screaming insanely. I am not working. There are just so many things that stop me from working, it is always something. Even when I do manage to sit at the computer it is rarely good focused work. I don’t know how to do this and I know I am in a more fortunate position than most because I am not supposed to be sharing the childcare. Despite that, there is a screaming baby in my lap right now. I can’t work more hours amid all this!
Just needed to vent I guess. This is impossible for everyone.
Anonymous says
It shouldn’t be impossible for you. Your husband should not be on a bike ride when you need to work. Go hand him the baby when he gets home and don’t agree to do any more child care during your work hours. Don’t step in to help. Don’t participate. If you were in an office your husband would be figuring this out. You have to step back and make that happen.
Anonymous says
This. If your husband is a SAHD, his entire job is to care for the kids so you can work. Leaving you with a screaming baby during work hours is not doing his job. If he wants to go on a bike ride during work hours, he needs to figure out how to take both kids. If that’s not possible, then the bike ride can wait until you are off duty at work.
Anonymous says
Agree. For context, husband is law partner. I normally work full time but cut down to 60% a couple weeks ago. Whoever is not working is 100% in charge of the kids. Husband gets some personal time after kids are in bed, I get it 5-630 pm while kids watch TV and husband cooks dinner.
Elysian says
I mean, if I were in an office we would have child care for our kids and my husband would be working… this isn’t really the situation any of us signed up for. He needs his own mental health time, too.
AnotherAnon says
I hate it when you come here to vent and women respond with “this is your own fault.” Like you (or your husband) made the baby not nap on purpose? Lord. Hugs. It’s not your fault we’re in this situation, and it IS hard. Could you do something nice for yourself later? A bath? Chug a bottle of wine?
Elysian says
Thanks!! I have a zoom date scheduled with some friends tonight, so that should help. I just miss normal so much.
Pogo says
I know what you mean, you also don’t want to micromanage someone else’s caregiving. But in this case I would say, “If baby doesn’t nap, leaving the house w/ [older kid] is not an option.” In our relationship I would get more micromanage-y and actually tell him what I think he should do (“If you need to get baby to nap, put him in the Ergo, he’ll stop screaming eventually, and then follow [older kid] around while he rides his own bike.”) But that’s a know your husband and relationship thing.
Elysian says
I would have, except the baby was asleep when he left and then woke up like 20 minutes later and wouldn’t go back down. Usually the first nap is the good nap, that’s why it is the safe-to-go-on-a-bike-ride nap! But not today :'(
Pogo says
Ah ok, that’s tough then – not really his fault the baby woke up. Hugs. This is a hard situation. We only have one so it’s a lot easier.
SC says
I think the lesson here is that your husband needs to act like you’re not there, and he needs to be available to respond to both kids during your work hours. If you need to work, he cannot leave the baby with you, even if the baby is napping, or supposed to be napping. If this is the first time this has gone sideways, then it’s nobody’s fault–it made sense to try it, but it didn’t work.
I know this isn’t what he signed up for either. But it sounds like you’re down to one income in a tough economy, so your job/work performance is more important than ever. That’s a lot of pressure on you. You both need to do everything you can to ensure your job stability.
If you can afford it and are comfortable with it from a health perspective, consider hiring a part-time sitter to give your husband a break–100% childcare with 2 kids is a lot. Most SAHPs do have some kind of help in normal time (part-time care, mothers’ days out, activities, grandparents, whatever). Otherwise, this is just a tough time that sucks for everybody.
You’re right, he does need his mental health time. We all do. My husband is a SAHD (just one kid though), and he gets 40 minutes of “alone time” during the afternoons, and then while I get Kiddo ready for bed and after bedtime if he wants it. On weekends, he gets one weekend morning off, and we give each other breaks the other day. (But I understand weekends are harder for you if you’re BigLaw since you have to work weekends.)
Anon says
+1. I am a SAHM right now but my older kid would normally be in school. Also, I can’t take the kids anywhere in public so I leave them home with my working husband to go grocery shopping every two weeks; I try to time it for nap time, but sometimes they wake up or don’t nap. I think if your husband is doing the majority of the childcare, but sometimes he is at the end of his rope or the baby unexpectedly wakes up or you decide it’s better to have him take the older kid outside on a ride instead of having both screaming kids distracting you, then that is doing the best you can as a family right now. And even though I am taking care of the kids 90% of working hours, my husband feels blah and overwhelmed and unfocused anyway. Now if you are regularly handed a screaming baby that is a problem! But I don’t think anyone should pile on your husband or you right now – we are all struggling.
Still, since you are supposed to bump up your hours it is time for an honest convo about how to make it work – maybe it’s giving each of you more focused time off on the weekends and him planning more outside time/ trips with both kids during the week.
Elysian says
Exactly!! Grocery shopping is the other thing that is always a struggle. We used to shop after the kids were both in bed for the night, but now everything is closing early. That just leaves during the work day, and he can’t take them, so we try for the time both of them are napping (HA!). That rarely happens, so it sucks for me… ugh. Everything also takes so much longer with the waiting outside and the extra precautions, etc.
We have set out time for the “schedule change” convo this weekend, but I just feel so much anxiety over it already, I guess.
SC says
I’ve had a lot of success going to the grocery store about 30 minutes after it opens. The store is crowded at the moment it opens, but then there’s a lull after that. If I go at 7:30, I can be back by 8:30 and have the groceries put away well before 9.
Elysian says
The grocery store doesn’t open until 8am! He might be able to make the last hour before closing if I do double-bedtime alone, but that sounds worse to me. I might just have to plan to make up the grocery shopping hours later, or have something to do that doesn’t require a lot of headspace. It is just… so much.
Anonymous says
We are doing grocery orders online for pick-up. Usually one of us who is on kiddo duty takes kid along. You don’t leave the car for the pick up. A grocery pick-up or delivery at home could help with this.
Anon says
Yeah, we’re in a similar situation where I’m working full-time and my spouse is mostly unemployed at the moment, so is doing full-time child care. Days I’m in the office, spouse does handle every thing, but it’s hard when there is nothing to go do and the kids get bored and act up.
Today, I’m working from home and thus could hear that when they came back from their walk and picnic lunch (which gave me 2 hours of a silent house) everyone was frustrated with each other. Yes, I could have left my spouse to struggle through naptime, but instead chose to take 20 minutes away from work to give spouse a mental health break and put kids down for nap myself. This situation is hard on eveyone, and full-time parenting during a pandemic just because your job evaporated is no one’s first choice of occupation.
GCA says
I don’t know how old the baby is, but he does need to take both and figure out how to make the nap happen. Could he not take them both on a run or walk with a stroller instead? Stroller run naps are pretty much inevitable for my kid.
Anon says
NOt sure where you are, but all those with grocery issues, instacart is same day now for us. I’ve been relying on it not because of fear of infection but because we don’t like to leave the other parent to watch kids while could be working, etc. Elysian, can you order groceries? For this phase?
+1 that it sucks, but he needs to take baby along on bike ride or not go. Admittedly, we have three kids, but we protect each other’s work time super carefully, and part of that is staying near the house and coming home immediately if a baby wakes up (that happened today – baby woke up, husband called, we’d been riding bikes back and forth in the driveway so came right in). I think a frank conversation could really help you! I know you just posted to vent, so I apologize!
avocado says
Availability of grocery pickup and delivery has gotten much better in our area too. At the beginning of the pandemic I couldn’t get a slot at all. Now same-day and next-day slots are usually available. There are still issues with the availability of some items, and they are not great with substitutions. If an item is out of stock, I either get no substitute or something that is not even remotely similar to the original item and is useless in the recipe. To mitigate these issues, I have been maintaining at least a two-week backstock of everything that will keep in the fridge or freezer (milk, yogurt, bread, eggs, meat, sturdy produce). I also do some meal planning two weeks in advance so I can be sure I have the non-perishable ingredients ahead of time before ordering the perishables for a particular recipe.
Out of House says
Any fun things to do out of the house with a toddler and a 5 year old? My husband is driving me crazy and I want to get the kids and get out! Playgrounds off limits. I was thinking picnic dinner (or even better, Mcdonalds picnic) + ??? at a greenspace (no playground equipment), but not sure what else to do, or what activities to do with them out there that don’t involve others. Also, commiseration?
Pogo says
Our preferred outdoor space is the currently abandoned school fields. Very, very few people and tons of space. We go to the middle or high school which has no playground (I’m scared to let LO even see a playground lest he freak out and demand to go).
Cb says
Yes, we’ve been going to the local high school. It has a hill he can zoom down on his bike and he can run around without me worrying about cars or people.
Out of House says
DUH! Middle and high schools! I was also afraid of bringing the kids near a playground.
anon says
So we do go play in the fields by the elementary school – our kids are 3 and 5 but they’ve surprisingly okay with “waiting until the virus goes away” to play on the playground. You might be surprised! It’s also by far the most convenient for us, so that’s really why we go there.
Anon says
Same.
Anonymous says
We have a 1.5 year old and 5 year old. We’ve really enjoyed picnics in city parks and gardens, finding any big field and just running around, taking bikes to big empty parking lots, going to duck ponds (early am so not crowded), climbing trees in parks, and long walks. Our city has 5 million parks and green spaces, so a fun thing for me has been to explore and find new ones, even if it means a 20 min drive. We also are doing as much hiking as we can in city and county parks, although until just now most other hiking has been closed.
Anonymous says
You just need to bring toys – stomp rockets (ideal for low parental involvement), soccer ball, water guns, frisbee, sidewalk chalk, binoculars, bug box, cars/diggers/sand toys, kites, scooter/bike, etc. Maybe this works better for us because we have no yard (NYC) and my son only can use this stuff at the park, but we basically just bring accessories to any open space we can find.
SC says
We did a picnic dinner at a local park last week with our 5 year old. We were only there about 45 minutes. We didn’t bring any toys. He ate for 5 minutes, ran around exploring while we ate, and then showed us the things he found. By all means, bring toys if you want to, but I think “outdoor picnic” is one of those situations where kids naturally fill in the empty space if you just let them be kids.
Anon says
We’re in NYC and get out every day to the park. Breakfast picnic is best if you really don’t want to see other kids (joggers and exercisers follow rules better).
Hide and seek / find hidden object (like Easter eggs) /hot and cold. Obstacle course (jump over stick, crawl across blanket, carry water bottle to tree). Races. Pretend play (we’re birds, build a nest! We’re dinosaurs, tickle chase!) Simon says, Mother May I?, Red Light Green Light, What Time is it Mr. Fox?,
anon says
We bought a set of a dozen of those little orange training cones and go to nearby parking lots (there is a high school nearby with a large one). Set up the cones and use sidewalk chalk to create little obstacle courses. Sometimes we turn it into a ridiculous relay among the kids and parents with things like jumping jacks in this space, then crab walk here, then run back and forth to the far cone, etc.
Anon says
We go to local parking lots (church, private high school, elementary school) to ride bikes and scooters. My kids have done pretty well with understanding that roped-off playgrounds are off-limits, so it might work for yours. Other hits have been small parks with trails or the university campus.
Anonymous says
Do your kids enjoy bugs? My 2 and 3 year old can follow ants around for a LONG time. Maybe get a bug kit for the older one?
anon says
do you have a yard? gardening has been a hit for us and water play as it warms up (sprinklers and water guns).
My kids have just started blanket groaning when I suggest a walk… my mothers day card was “mom likes reading and walks” so that part of our routine has apparently gotten old!
Anonymous says
Is there anything to do about this or is it a wait it out thing? Just turned 5 year old stopped wearing pull ups at night a year ago. Zero bed wetting whatsoever for approx 6 months. Wet the bed once, night before first day of preschool in late August, then no more accidents till this social isolation began – then he had one in April and now two this week. The early wake ups are so hard!! We already take him to pee around 11 when we go to bed. I’m flustered because it’s new and he was doing totally fine for so many months. Because of the timing I’m curious if it’s somehow anxiety related? Is this a “calm down and let him grow up” thing or start pull-ups again or a call the ped? If it had been consistent we’d just have kept him in pull ups – my sibling wasn’t dry at night till 7 or so, so I’m not generally troubled by it, just confused about the regression…
Anonymous says
My 5 year old still has an accident on occasion – like once or twice a month. Older two didn’t as much at the same age. With everything going on, unless it starts being really frequent, I’d just change the bed and move on. He’s probably just stress incontinent at night on occasion.
Anonymous says
In the “occasional accident” stage, we had success with Good Nites waterproof pads. They stick to the fitted sheet so they don’t shift during sleep and are easy to replace in the middle of the night without changing the sheets. We didn’t replace the pad unless it got wet or it was our regular sheet-changing day.
AnotherAnon says
This seems so silly but can you recommend a lingerie laundry bag? I’m looking at Amazon and Target and all they have are sets. It doesn’t seem like I need multiple but maybe I do? I’d use them for masks, bras and my wool shirts so maybe I do need multiple…TIA
lsw says
They always seem to disappear so I buy sets. I frankly love my set from Crate and Barrel – I also got a set from Amazon (way cheaper of course) but the quality is worse. Somehow yesterday I had two bags out of my original six. You can never have too many IMHO!
I use for – my own cotton/bamboo face round wipe things, kid socks, bras, silk tanks, wool socks (so I don’t accidentally put them in dryer), anything delicate like a bathing suit…
DLC says
I would buy the multiples- in our house they tend to disappear to random places and then I get angry because I feel like it’s stupid that I can’t keep track of them. But your laundry life might be more organized than mine….
Anonymous says
I have a single mesh lingerie bag that I was issued at military basic training almost 20 years ago (!!). Anything that I wash in it is hang-dry, and I don’t have a problem putting multiple bras or multiple masks in one load, so one has served just fine. I take it out, hang up the stuff, and leave the bag on top of the washer for next time. Bonus, the bag is a perfect reminder that whatever is inside doesn’t go in the dryer, which is esp important if DH or kids are helping with laundry. Get an XL one and you can use it for sweaters, too.
Mine is similar to these: https://laundrybags.com/c-57-all-mesh-bags.aspx
OP says
Oooh, this is a great tip. I’m going to ask DH if he was issued one in Basic. Probably not? But if he was there’s a 90% chance he still has it lying around somewhere.
Anonymous says
Oh no, he definitely got one! The idea was that you put all your clothes in the mesh bag with your “laundry mark” (last initial + last 4) on it, and then they all got thrown into a giant load of wash together. That way the people in charge of laundry only had to hand out the clean bag to each person instead of trying to figure out whose shirts and socks were whose.
Anonymous says
I might be in mod for a link, but laundry bags dot com has single bags. I’ve gotten by with one large one for my entire adult life.
Realist says
I have some from Bare Necessities I like. Have also picked some up at the grocery store and at target. I use them a lot, so the sets are ok. Quality really varies, so I try to buy more if I like one after getting it. Mine tend to fall apart every year or so (zipper breaks or it tears, or whatever). We do a lot of laundry, though.
Anonymous says
The target ones fall apart after two washes. Get the Martha Stewart Real Simple ones. Safety pin the extra one to your laundry bag.
Emily S. says
I have multiple sets of multiples because once you start using them, you can find so many uses. Sweaters, bathing suits, leotards, etc. Sometimes I fill a bag halfway with socks so I can wash two kids laundry at the the same time without having to match socks while folding (because I’m the genius who bought matching socks for two different sized kids.) I like to use them to wash items that have to be line dried, because it is a visual cue not to put that item in the dryer.
Anonymous says
I have some Real Simple ones from BB&B that have held up well. I think they were sold individually.
Anonymous says
buy multiples. I have a couple clipped to the kids laundry baskets to put the dirty socks in so matching up socks is way faster.
anon says
I got a set off Amazon and was annoyed that I couldn’t buy just one. Well — I am now a convert and use them for so much! Putting socks in one bag has legit lowered my laundry frustrations. I’m using some of the bigger ones to store out of season sweaters and the like.
Anonymous says
For underwire bras, I highly recommend the cylindrical bags. They seem to extend the number of wearings/washings until the wires start to poke through.
AnonLaywer says
Starting solids advice needed. I’m going crazy looking at all the conflicting stuff online and am not personally interested in being super hard-core about baby led weaning or anything like that.
My baby turned 6 months this week. We’ve been experimenting with solids for about a month and she’s very much still in the phase where she’ll eat a little but can’t possibly get much nutrition from it. Finger foods mostly go on the floor though she does bring them to her mouth as well. We’ve done bamba, sweet potato, avocado, bananas, baby oatmeal (with and without almond butter), strawberry puree, and apple sauce.
So I’m thinking about how to get the rest of the major allergens in given that she still doesn’t really like solid foods or chunks of things. Very soft scrambled eggs? Plain yogurt? It doesn’t seem like she’d do well with cheese yet. I also don’t think she’s ready for even flaked fish and honestly, I kind of refuse to puree it. Am I supposed to just give her a shrimp to suck on? I know there are powders but since she’s supposed to be trying new foods anyway I guess I’d rather do “real” food.
Also, how much variety do I have to be giving her and how often? I really feel like I am not up to another major logistical challenge right now.
lsw says
I encourage you not to over-think it! We did baby led weaning which for us meant we just gave him whatever we were having, and a lot of whole foods (slices of avocado or banana or whatever). The best thing anyone told me during this period was “food before one is just for fun.” You basically can’t mess anything up right now as long as it’s not a choking hazard, and even with no teeth kids can gnaw on some pretty ridiculous things. I never pureed a single thing or bought any baby food and my kid survived!
Anonymous says
She’s only 6 months, which is way younger than many babies do finger foods. Just offer as wide a variety of purées as you can (ie my older child got way more exciting things because I had more time and was cooking more exciting things) – try lots of veggies, fruits, can mix peanut butter into yogurt or oatmeal. I wouldn’t worry about fish or eggs till your baby can do finger foods (which might be in like 6-10 weeks). You can always give big pieces of things to lick, but my advice is just focus on as wide a range of flavors as you can.
Anonymous says
6 months is very early for finger foods. Back in the pre-BLW days, the standard advice was to start with purees at 6 months and move to finger foods around 7.5 – 8 months. I don’t think you have to stress about getting her exposed to every possible allergen right now. Before you know it, she’ll be ready for finger foods and you can give her little bits of all sorts of things, including fish, eggs, and cheese. If you want to do cow’s milk now, try a baby yogurt. They’re flavored with fruit and more appealing to some babies than plain yogurt.
Emily S. says
“The Amazing Make Ahead Baby Food Cookbook” has a menu for 3 months of purees — it is worth the sticker price just to have this. I didn’t make all the food, but I cut out the menu and posted it on the fridge so that the decision as to what to give baby was made for me — for months! The foods on the menu can be purchased prepared or easily substituted with what’s available at the store (like apples, peas, etc.)
Emily S. says
I forgot to mention that it also includes tips on how to change the ratio of puree to whole food as your baby gets older and more adept at eating, like, begin with puree then move to mashed berries and then to whole berries, etc. Again, so much thinking done for you!
Anonymous says
If you want finger foods to go into her mouth, start with puffs. They stick to wet fingers even if the pincer grasp isn’t yet reliable. She’ll mash her wet hand down on the tray, get some puffs stuck to it, and then gnaw them off her hand. Eventually she will figure out how to pick them up.
Anonymous says
We just did real food. So like if we had tacos for supper, I scoped out some ground beef and mixed with mashed avocado. Fed a bit with a spoon then let her try to feed herself with her fingers. If we had pasta and tomato sauce, I just put a few pieces on her tray. If I was making chili, she got chopped fresh tomatos and black beans. Basically kids eat what we eat except we salted our food at the table instead of during cooking until they were 1. Also dialed back the spice on some dishes and added spice at the table.
AnonLaywer says
I like this idea in theory but she goes to bed at 7pm so I usually cook and eat after she goes to bed. And last night I gave her a slightly-mashed black bean and she looked at me like I was trying to poison her!
But I do think a combo of what everyone’s suggesting will work and I’ll try not to stress about itt. A mix of “normal” food and purees, etc.
Anonymous says
Then just use what you cook for yourself one evening as her dinner the following evening. As our kids got older, we ate with them and seeing us eat the stuff did work to encourage them. Small snack when we get home at 5:45pm, dinner at 7pm, bed at 8pm.
Anonymous says
We started trying with the Feeding Littles course around 6.5 months, but honestly it took until around 8 months for baby to be OK with anything more solid than lumpy oatmeal. We just kept trying a little at a time. We didn’t end up introducing all the allergens until 8-9 months (try frozen mini crab cakes for shellfish!).
Food Recommendations says
Another recommendation for Feeding Littles; I found them really useful. For dairy, we had success with yogurt, especially greek yogurt, which we could also mix with various things (nut butters, pureed prunes, mashed lentils or beans, lentil or bean soups. Wheat can be bread (whole wheat sandwich bread with thinly spread peanut butter, almond butter, or hummus is good; if you do the nut butters, you can also put pureed fruit on top for pg&j-esque flavors) or you can use one of Gerber’s baby cereals–they have a whole wheat option and a multi-grain option, and both include wheat. We never fed baby cereal as baby cereal, but we do sometimes use it to thicken things that would be easily spilled if given straight (mostly soups, sometimes non-greek yogurt if it’s what we have in the house). I found eggs easiest to do as a very thin omelette (with cheese) that could be cut in strips; soft scrambled eggs cooked and stirred such that they have bigger “curds” have also been successful for us. Tuna salad (mayo (Just Mayo if you’re not doing eggs for whatever reason), relish, Worcestershire, maybe some tiny bits of celery and onion) has been a good fish exposure for us. Shellfish has been trickier to fit in; someone above suggested frozen crabcakes, which sounds like a great idea to me, and I’ve also done Trader Joe’s gyoza with shrimp. I also stressed about how to get soy in before realizing that something he’d been eating all along (formula? truly I can’t remember) contained soy and so I didn’t have to worry.
In terms of amount, we started with one meal per day and gradually added as it seemed right. We finally went to 3 meals at 10ish months when we figured out that his new 3am wakeups were because he was hungry (dinner was the last meal we added).
BlueAlma says
I gave birth to all three of my children wearing these sandals. They are ugly but quite supportive—and easy to wash!