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I always think of Boppy as a nursing pillow, so I was intrigued to see this pregnancy wedge. So let’s talk, ladies — while you were pregnant, was there a pillow or wedge you had to have? Did you have the space for one of those full-body pregnancy pillows, or did you need any other special support? Did you have anything that made pregnancy markedly more comfortable for you? I think I first bought the lumbar pillow for my office chair during my first pregnancy, and I had some uncommon pelvic SPD pain issues during both pregnancies, so during my second I had a host of products to manage the situation. The pictured pillow is $16.99 at Nordstrom. Boppy Pregnancy Wedge Cushion & Slipcover Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines. (L-4)Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Pogo says
Embryo Hunger Games update – 26 of my little guys made it to day 3! Tomorrow I get the day 6 report and they’ll put them on ice until next month. So excited!
I started doing the mental math of when I’d be due if next month worked, and it puts me about five months out from my projected product launch – my first product at this employer (which people already refer to as my “baby” at work, haha). Timing is what it is – at this point I’m over delaying getting pregnant to line up with work, plus timelines often slip, etc. But I also can’t imagine being totally out of it for the three months of product testing and integration next summer, when prototypes are due out.
Did any of you contribute via calls and emails while on leave, because you just couldn’t leave your work baby, or does that get too much into a slippery slope (answer one email, people think you’re working and then start expecting you to respond to everything)?
Like I said, after two years of trying I’m not going to delay baby 5 months so I can get work baby out the door, but I’m certainly thinking about how product launch would be affected if one of those 26 blastocysts manages to stick it out next month!
As you can probably tell I’m in tech, not law, if that makes a difference.
Spirograph says
Great news about the embryos!! I think actually you are not “allowed” to work at all while on STD, and possibly more depending on your company’s leave policies. The slippery slope concern is real, but I did take occasional calls while I was on leave. Only for really big stuff, though, not a periodic check-in. I asked one or two extremely trustworthy coworkers to let me know if there was something I would want to know/fix now vs when I came back, and was pleased with how judicious they were.
Side note reinforcing your timing point: You should definitely not delay 5 months because your due date will end up in late summer, and I’m here to tell you being heavily pregnant in the summer sucks. Unless you live somewhere really cold, in which case, carry on.
Pogo says
Yes, that is a good point about STD. I understand if I’m disabled I shouldn’t be working. I don’t know how much STD I’ll get though ahead of time of course (unless scheduled C I suppose), but I do know I want to take 12 weeks off. So some time at least won’t be STD?
And re: delay: yes, exactly. I do not want to be heavily pregnant in the summer where I live!
NewMom says
Guessing you are in California (because Tech). Apologies if that is a bad guess.
Here, you get up to 4 weeks before due date and 6 weeks after delivery for easy pregnancies. If you/doctor feel good to work till the end, that is great (fwiw ,that is what i did,and it kept me sane)
After that CFRA kicks in and you get 6 weeks baby-bonding during which you can work as much or as little as you want. Bonus is that if you work some, and track your time and do some additional paperwork, you can take more time off later.
GCA says
Good luck Pogo!!
I freelanced last year before and after baby arrived in mid-May, and had bits and bobs of things (I wanted) to wrap up while on maternity leave. In my experience we lived entirely on baby’s schedule, and I had to respond to/ write stuff in the spare moments that I could. First 2 months of being home with infant were not really conducive to sustained thinking-work where I needed to be in a ‘flow’ state. Everything is stop and go at that stage.
In your shoes I would try and make it as clear as possible that people should contact you only if it’s life-or-death. Not sure about your specific office, but I feel like as the tech industry ‘grows up’ and begins to have children, people are starting to understand the concept of parental leave…
What level are you at? If you’re high-level enough (ie not minion) that you get to decide what you want to attend to while otherwise occupied, that will help…
Butter says
Woot! Congrats, and wishing the next steps go as smoothly!
I had a similar situation and stayed relatively in the loop for the duration of my maternity leave, and my first day back was at a public press event in another city for the launch. From week 3 on I was capable of reading emails, responding to some, and receiving weekly phone updates. I was incapable of reading documents longer than a page or two, providing feedback on written docs, and pretending to be more than just delightfully amused at hearing about internal office politics and drama that occurred while I was away. But if someone called me to talk through an idea, I could handle that. In fact I got pretty good at breastfeeding while chatting on the phone with work ;)
L says
I worked for HR for a small start up during my maternity leave–which meant I had written the maternity leave policies. ;-)
I almost never completely unplugged–I think I started responding to a few emails in less than a week. However, I tracked my hours, and while on maternity leave, it never amounted to more than 1-3 hours per week. My coworkers were much better at guarding my time than I was. There is a LOT of time spent breastfeeding in those early weeks, so any email that could be answered in a few sentences typed one-handed on an iPad, I responded to. (Just know your own capacity for sleep deprivation: I was happy to fire off instructions about where to find documents for our annual audit, but much more hesitant to jump into “how to handle this employee having a meltdown” situation.)
I rolled those hours forward, and came back from maternity leave in a less than full time capacity, before ramping up to FT. Best decision ever–for anyone who has the flexibility in their policies, I highly recommend a phased return. If you’re still up multiple times a night with the baby, it is really HARD to go back 8 hrs/day. Much easier to go back at 10 weeks at 6 hrs than 12 weeks at 8 hrs.
Leggings for the Hearty Toddler says
Is there somewhere I can get leggings in the 3T size range that are made for toddler girls who do not look like Kate Moss (i.e. thick thighs and well-round bottom– 80th+ percentile for height and weight)? So far Hanna Andersson is the only place I’ve found that really fits, but at $20 a pop for toddler leggings…. ugh. I don’t even want to spend $20 on leggings for me. I guess what I’m asking is if there is a cheap version of HA? Or do I just need to stalk ebay? Or buy a size up and hope she can wear them for two winters?
Carters is a no. Old Navy is a probably no, based on their bike shorts.
layered bob says
I have no experience with the toddler sizes, but Primary baby pants fit my thick-thighed, chunky-bottomed daughter (100%ile height, 90%ile weight) better than Carters Old Navy, etc. (which I can’t get on past her ankles).
mascot says
Costco sometimes has a line of HA pajamas, maybe they have leggings too? Worth checking. Leveret (on Amazon) is almost a dupe for the HA pajamas so their leggings may also work.
Anon in NYC says
Have you tried Gap? I think they fit slightly looser than Old Navy. My daughter is 85th+ for height and 65th+ for weight. She tends to outgrow Gap due to height not weight, so maybe it will work for your LO.
Carrie M says
We’ve had luck with some of the Gymboree leggings – they’re thick and long – but they seem to vary a bit so you may want to go to an actual store. They have good sales. HA is on Zulily today, so if you’re pretty confident on size, you could purchase there (I haven’t looked to see how good the selection or discounts are though).
pockets says
HA also has pretty good end-of-season sales and the leggings are discounted.
L says
I’m just going by what doesn’t fit my scrawny kid. Also try Zutano and Tea Collection. Again, expensive, but they hold up well, so are good items to get consignment. I swear by Kidizen for consignment shopping–nothing but good experiences there
Maddie Ross says
I found the Uniqlo ones run really big. Really cheap, too.
Anon says
We just size up- Target, Uniqlo and Carters have been fine. Carters always stretch out so at first view it can be deceiving.
dc mom anon says
Some H&M stuff runs big.
ChiLaw says
Hannah Anderson is like always on Zulily.
Anon in NYC says
Actually, it’s on Zulily right now.
JLK says
Is your kid still in diapers? I had the opposite problem with my 2/3 year old…she’s built like your kid but she’s potty trained so the butt area fell off her no matter what we did until she got big enough for 3/4Ts.
JLK says
Oh, and size up. In that my kid was 2.5 and wearing size 3T pants for length and butt slimness but 2T tops.
AIMS says
So my kiddo has been waking up really grumpy from naps and I think it’s because she needs to sleep longer. Most of these naps are less than an hour, sometimes only 25-45 min. If she has a long nap, say an hour plus, she wakes up happy and smiling. Yesterday she napped in her stroller, woke up and then fell back asleep and was the happiest baby when she finally woke up for good. How do I replicate that when she’s just napping in her bed at home? She wakes up crying and fussing if she wakes up too soon. Do I let her cry a bit to see if she goes back to sleep?
pockets says
If she cries and you go in, are her eyes open or closed? If closed, can you try to pat or rub her back and soothe her back to sleep?
AIMS says
Eyes open and she is usually on her forearms trying to sit up and angry about not being able to. She seems kind of groggy. I’ve been picking her up and she is fine in a minute or two, usually. But maybe I should try to put her back to sleep.
pockets says
Not being able to because she’s too little? This could be a developmental thing that will work itself out over time. At the end of her sleep cycle she might kind of half-wake, think Hey, time to test out my new skill! and then get all worked up. One of those parenting books put it as imagine one day you learned how to fly. You wouldn’t want to nap either, you’d want to be flying around. As she gets better at sitting and sitting isn’t as exciting, this may resolve itself.
I would try to get her back to sleep (easier said than done, but my plan was shushing/white noise, back patting, and gentle “shaking” in bed). If that doesn’t work, next time I would wait 5-10 minutes for her to fuss it out before going in.
AIMS says
Yes, because she’s too little. She hasn’t quite mastered sitting up on her own every time from a lying down position. Not because i am some kind of monster that ties her to her bed ;)
I like the analogy. I will try that next time.
L says
from my own experience, it seems like there’s some baby sleep rhythm where they are restless after 20-30 minutes. Definitely try giving her a few minutes to self soothe, and see what happens. Some kids it works, some it doesn’t. If it does work for her, you should find that she will start settling back to sleep much more quickly, once she learns that that is how her naps go. If she doesn’t do it on her own, try patting her back (harder than you would think)
Anonymous says
How old is she? Many babies don’t consolidate nap lengths until around the 6 month mark. I am pro-sleep training so when we did nap training around the 4.5-5 month mark, I used “crib hour.” If baby goes in crib at 8:45, falls asleep at 9 and wakes up at 9:45, leave in crib until 10:00 (1 hour from when fell asleep). If she falls back asleep, great. If not, go get her at 10:00. From what sleep consultants have told me, naps ideally need to be at least 1 hour to be “restorative”. Very common for babies to wake at the 40-45 minute mark as this is the length of their sleep cycle. If baby doesn’t know how to fall asleep themselves (ie without you), even more common for them to wake up after one cycle.
weaning from the pump says
Weaning question here! My son is almost 9 months. I currently pump at 7am/12pm/4pm and nurse at bedtime. He currently takes 1 bottle in the morning and 3 bottles at daycare and has just started leaving a little in the last bottle. I have a nice freezer stash (like one month’s worth of milk) and my morning pump covers at least two of the bottles he takes at daycare. My goal is to stop pumping after he turns one and nurse morning and night for a few months after that. So…what is the best way to wean from the pump? Consolidate the two workday pumps into 1? Push the first workday pump later and then eventually drop the second workday pump? I’m currently working on dropping an ounce a month from the morning pump because it’s going to take a while to get it down to what he can take nursing. But I have no idea when to start weaning from the other pump sessions. Thx!
Anon in NYC says
I just weaned from the pump a few months ago but am still nursing in the morning and evening. There are different ways to do it, but I was pumping 2x at work and 1x at night. I dropped a pumping session at a time, starting with the night one. I waited a week and then I dropped another one, and so on. It took me 3 weeks to fully wean from the pump.
I had a huge oversupply for months, and used to wake up pretty engorged in the morning. Similar to you, I used to pump first thing in the morning and would get about 2 bottles just from that, and then nurse before leaving the house. One week my husband was traveling for work and I couldn’t coordinate pumping in the morning, plus getting me + my LO ready and out the door. So I just dropped the pumping session. It was uncomfortable at first because there was no way my daughter could eat that much, but my body eventually adjusted and my supply reduced. It took a few weeks.
So my advice to you would be to first start reducing or eliminating your 7am session and just nurse before you leave the house. While you’re doing that, I’d move up your pumping sessions at work by about an hour to give you some relief a little earlier in the date. As you get closer to the date you want to stop pumping, I’d drop the second pumping session, wait a week or two (however long you want), and then drop the last session.
weaning from the pump says
thanks! this is really helpful!
L says
I slept with this wedge pillow from early second trimester through the end, and it made a world of difference: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005VMJO7C/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o09_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
I tried a full snuggle, but I have a long torso, so it didn’t fit my body.
Third trimester, it became intensely uncomfortable for me to spend longer than 10 minutes in the car. This lumbar pillow helped a lot: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000GB06RA/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o08_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Anonymous says
Questions for moms of accident-prone kids:
-If your kids need stitches in the face, do you go to the ER or a plastic surgeon? Are plastic surgeons ever covered by insurance for this kind of thing? I’ve done one with a plastic surgeon and 2 at the pediatric ER, and not sure if plastic surgeon is a better idea. I paid an arm and a leg the first time because we ill advisedly panicked and went to a plastic surgeon who didn’t take our (any?) insurance. I guess the only answer to this second question is that I’ll have to do my own research with my insurance company, but that is always so frustrating that would be good to get a sense first from anyone with experience.
-Do you have a scar cream you think actually works?
-Any particular tips for wound care post stitches? Aside from keeping it covered and with vaseline, which is the current plan. Not sure how long to keep this up though.
For context: My kids are 1.5 and 3.5, and something tells me this is not the last time we are going to be needing stitches. The 1.5-yo is the one with new stitches in the forehead at the moment.
L says
My husband’s family has sometimes had luck finding plastic surgeons on duty at the ER.
For hyper pigmentation of a scar, I’ve had good results with creams containing hydroquinone. Do your research, however–I think a lot of people would not be comfortable using that on a child. An all-natural alternative would be a vitamin C serum.
Maddie Ross says
We’ve had the chin, and honestly it turned out fine at the normal ER. I feel like every kid has the chin issue at some point and frankly the general ER is fine. You cannot even see the scar on my LO and there were 8 stiches total and it wasn’t a clean line (kind of L shaped). We used Neosporin frequently at first and then vitamin E oil. We did very little other wound care – bandaids over the stiches with Neosporin followed by butterflies which we simply did not touch until they fell off.
Now if I had a child that needed stiches on their face – particularly eye or mouth area – I’d pr0bably want to see a plastic surgeon.
NewMomAnon says
In my city, we have a really good Children’s Hospital with an ER, and the wisdom is take kiddo there for stitches because the nurse midwife who does stitches does literally dozens of stitching jobs a week.
You didn’t ask this, but for an accident prone kid you might appreciate it anyway – the other common wisdom in my city is for suspected broken bones, take your kiddo straight to the nearest orthopedic ER and skip children’s. The wait times are shorter and they have all the supplies/staff/imaging machines to do the job right.
mascot says
Oh, I can answer this one.
First time, kid was 14 months and needed some stitches in his forehead. Went to the peds hospital ER around dinnertime, waited forever for an ER doc to get him stitched up, no special post-care needed or recommended. Scar has faded over time. Hospital and doctors were nice, but we spent hours waiting in a room with a squirmy, hungry kid who wasn’t allowed to eat bc he had a head injury and we were really far down on the priority list. There was never any worry that he had a concussion or would need anesthesia so the food/drink ban was super frustrating. Insurance covered it just fine.
2nd time at age 3- Fall resulting in cut below the eyebrow. Again, no concussion/loss of consciousness. Went straight to pediatrician’s office and had them call for a same day appointment with plastic surgeon (we turned down the suggestion that we head to the ER). We had the stitches done at the plastic surgeons office and it was covered by insurance.
Post-care- the plastic surgeon didn’t want us to put any scar cream on it since it was so close to the eye. He said that sunscreen was the most important factor in reducing scar visibility.
Anonymous says
Thanks. OP here. We’re reasonably close to a pediatric ER, and we didn’t have a long wait time. I do think the plastic surgeon was a bit more careful than the ER doc (i.e., the stitches were closer together), so maybe we will ask our peds office for a plastic surgeon referral to have on hand for next time in case we feel like we need it, and check in on the insurance question ahead of time.
Yes, definitely going to do all we can with respect to sunscreen. I am the sunscreen queen.
Recs for Maternity Wear Shopping in Toronto? says
I’ll be visiting Toronto (from the US) this coming weekend and need to do some shopping for professional maternity clothes. I’ve heard Canadian stores tend to have clothing that is better quality and more appropriate than the stuff available in the US. Any recommendations on places I should check out? I found a blog post (link to follow) that lists a lot of stores that look cute, but also like they skew towards casual looks. TIA!
Recs for Maternity Wear Shopping in Toronto? says
http://www.blogto.com/toronto/the_best_maternity_stores_in_toronto/
Anonymous says
I live in Toronto. I am a bit amused that you think we may have more selection than in the US since me and most of my friends end up buying stuff down south! Of the stores on the blog post I have only been to EvyMama and that was for nursing stuff. Definitely call ahead to the stores on the post as for example, the EvyMama store on Jane has closed but the one on Danforth remains open.
From what I have heard, Carry Maternity is probably your best bet for higher end maternity stuff. It is also probably closest to downtown of all the stores in that list. (Assuming you are staying somewhere downtown)
AEK says
We are going on a much-needed vacation and taking our 19-MO on a longish flight. We plan to abandon all screen-time rules and give him free reign with a beat-up Kindle as needed to keep him still / quiet. What should I download? Full-length movies? Short videos? Any particular suggestions? Are games better? He has not started watching TV or movies, so he doesn’t already know any characters to have favorites.
L says
Our 26 month old does much better with short videos (again and again and again) than something longer–even a 12 minute episode of something–she’s not ready to follow much of a plot yet. Elmo is a huge favorite. The one exception to the full episode rule is Mr. Rogers: there’s something about the guy she just loves
Anonymous says
Not to sound discouraging, but my kids without screen exposure had very short attention spans for movies or games of any sort at that age, so flights were challenging. Some games on the iPad were helpful, like sorting games, but I can’t remember their names. I’d download a bunch and see if any stick. I also recently discovered these Melissa & Doug On The Go Water Wow books that provided us with *minutes* of entertainment at a time ;) Would recommend. Good luck!
Anonymous says
Daniel Tiger!
Anonymous says
Short videos. Tractor videos/Dump truck videos Try twenty trucks on you tube for a starting point.
Also love “mother goose club” – basically short videos of kids singing kid songs – I chromecast from youtube when home but I think there are download/DVD options
daniel tiger episodes
download a game where he can ‘color’ on the device
Anon says
Also, practice with headphones before you go! My son screamed bloody murder the first time he had to wear headphones, and it took some time for him to adjust to keeping them on.
Anonymous says
or do no sound. Truck/construction machine videos are just as entertaining for toddlers with the sound off.
Spirograph says
Definitely games, or short videos of songs+pictures. Little Baby Bum is pretty good. I find it totally creepy, but the kids like it. My kid that age gets little screen time and has zero attention span for shows or movies (if older kid is watching Sesame Street, she completely ignores it and plays with toys instead), but she likes things that are interactive. Her favorites are a balloon game where the balloons inflate or pop when you touch the screen, and a duplo train game which is much better for my 3 year old but makes train or animal noises if you just touch random places on the screen instead of doing what you’re “supposed” to do.
Good luck! That’s a tough age to fly with, because they just do not want to sit still at. all.
ChiLaw says
In your shoes I would definitely try to “teach” my kid a bit about how the tablet worked? My 18 month kiddo basically gets zero screen time (because she just smashes the keyboard of our computers if I try to show her a video). I tried to give her the ipad once during a teething related rough patch, and she was so into hitting the home button that she kept interrupting her game, and then getting even MORE upset… I think what I’m trying to say is, I really wish I’d started my kid with a little screen time earlier!
Katala says
My 15 mo is obsessed with Baby Einstein videos from youtube. Obsessed! He didn’t care much for screens before (Daniel Tiger, Sesame Street) but he will watch an hour straight of Baby Einstein – which was helpful when he needed to be still post-surgery. They are inane but somewhat educational. But now he asks for the “bee” daily so be warned.
He also loves videos of himself, so you might try loading some short family videos/pictures to swipe through. Truck videos are also a hit. Good luck!
Anonymous says
Yes! Toddlers LOVE to watch themselves on video. Make like 10 short videos of him playing or eating and he will watch them again and again.
Sarabeth says
Teletubbies. My daughter was entranced at that age (and she was a no-screen-time kid other than for travel).
HSAL says
I think (hope) we dropped the dream feed this weekend. Baby HSAL is 9 1/2 months and we’d dropped the amount by two ounces last week, and this weekend we were going to move it earlier for a week before dropping the amount again to phase her out. She sleeps through the feed 95% of the time. Friday night she took it just fine at the earlier time, and Saturday night she refused entirely (in her sleep), so we just let her go to see what happens. She woke up at normal time. So last night we didn’t bother, and she still slept until her normal time. Are we officially done with the dream feed? Or is this a cruel trick and she’ll start waking up again? The last couple weeks she’s finished all her bottles and eaten a good amount of solids, and just in the last few days she’d started leaving an ounce or half ounce in most of her bottles.
Anonymama says
I’m not sure what your question is? It sounds like she has already dropped it, she’s fine without it. If she occasionally wakes up, which she probably will, just try to soothe her back to sleep without feeding her, if you can.
NewMomAnon says
Parenting question. My daughter is an awesome kiddo, but if there is something to step on/spill/break/trip over, she will. As in, I can look across any room and predict with 90% certainty the messes that will be forthcoming. I do what I can to move things out of the danger zone at home, and I try to give her advice like “two hands on the cup” or “pick up your crayons before we step on them.” But….extreme accidental messes are a constant part of my reality.
This weekend we had a spill that had me seeing red (third one in about 10 minutes); I managed to breath deep and stay calm, but I wonder if I should be doing more to encourage kiddo not to be so clumsy? And how to do that? She is only 2.5 and I don’t want to make her feel bad about herself if this is age appropriate.
Anonymous says
We have two rules: drink at the table sitting down, and your cup will only be filled just enough for you to drink for 30 seconds. We refill as needed.
Is your child at the age where they like to dump/ open everything? My kids went through that 12-24 months stage, and we started the etiquette rule that you can jumble your toys etc as long you you put them back when you’re done. For food, no dumping or the meal is done /away from the table until you are ready to come back and try again without dumping.
Momata says
This is an area where I try to just control the environment/situation as opposed to the child. My kid is about the same age as yours. We do sippy cups / straw water bottles only (she knows how to drink from a regular and straw cup so I’m not worried about any delay here). We only have a few toys out at a time, and she knows she has to help pick up before she can get another toy out. Food dumping means food is taken away immediately.
Samantha says
+1 control the environment. Keep messy toys on a shelf and only hand out when you are supervising closely and/or have taken protective measures. No walking around with food. No playing with liquids/paints unless you are in the yard or a non-carpeted area.
NewMomAnon says
This is totally a clumsy/moving too fast issue. She is really good about not dumping, in part (I think) because I make her clean it up when she dumps stuff and that kills the fun. It’s just like, she’s singing a song at the table and gestures with her arms, and sends her spoon flying out of the peanut butter bowl onto the rug (indoor/outdoor, meant to be trashed, but still need to clean the peanut butter up). Or she leans forward suddenly and knocks over her cup of water all over the serving dishes with dinner. Or she’s fidgeting with the valve on her sippy cup and it suddenly releases, sending the cup flying and milk splatters everywhere.
I think I know that the answer is she is curious and active and this is a stage. Just needing to hear that I’m not a bad mom for letting my child destroy everything she touches….
Clementine says
Hi. I’m your adult in 28 years. I still do this ALL THE TIME despite serious efforts to get my act together.
I even took ballet for YEARS to help my clumsiness to no avail. You know what though? I’m a successful professional adult who is happily married and has a house full of no carpets, machine washable everything, and plenty of things that remain unbroken and in good shape.
Edna Mazur says
I think it’s the age, coordination takes time. This sounds a lot like my 2.5 year old as well. He is pretty coordinated for his age, but age 2.5 still has a long way to go to actually be coordinated.
Toddlers and accidents are BFFs even when they are being careful.
Maddie Ross says
This is why people with children can’t have nice things. (Only sort of kidding – if it can be spilled on, peed on, or dropped, it will be.)
anon says
Has anyone here done pelvic floor rehab? My PCP recommended it for some lingering pain I’m having. I trust her recommendation but am a little anxious about the process itself. Any words of wisdom?
Anonymous says
My only advice is: do it! There are some really awesome physical therapists out there who can help you address your issues. Childbirth is traumatic; it’s amazing to me that we don’t all need the extra PT help to recover! This is just part of the PT’s job, and in my experience they are great at making you feel comfortable. It’s just like treating any other injury you need rehab for. So many of us are walking around with lingering issues that we could relatively easily have taken care of post-partum. I don’t know why this isn’t more of a standard recommendation. Good luck!
PEN says
I second that advice: do it!! I don’t say this lightly…it is life changing. I would reach out to your ob/gyn for recommendations–or if you are in any sort of local moms group/listserv ask around. It is quite intimate, but no more so than any medical appointment for women. I have had two therapists (one after each birth in two different cities) and adore them both. You must make time for the at-home exercises and be honest with the therapist about how you are feeling and your exercise routine. This is really important self-care and your lifestyle, long-term, will significantly improve.
Yep says
I’m not one of those people who thinks that France has cornered the market on being better than everyone else, but I am pretty sure there’s a section in Bringing Up Bebe where the author mentions that a lot of women in France get pelvic floor therapy as a normal part of the postpartum recovery process. I thought that was very interesting. I think it’s one of those things that a lot of women could benefit from, but surprisingly few really know anything about.
RDC says
Ditto – just do it! If your PCP didn’t recommend anyone specifically, try to find someone that specializes in women’s issues. Your OB might also have a recommendation.
Anon says
Since falling seems to be the theme of the day, I have a 14 month old who falls, a lot. Like, a lot a lot. He has hit his head way more than his older sister ever did. He has fallen off the couch, fallen onto his crib, fallen into coffee tables, fallen off dining room chairs, etc. etc. He’s so incredibly active and fast, and we have childproofed – but there is literally no way to protect him from everything. He’s had stitches (coffee table), but never been knocked unconscious.
I’m starting to worry that it will cause long term damage. I’m not usually an anxious mom, but I keep seeing those reports about kids who play football, and worrying about the same principle applying here. Is CTE a thing for toddlers? Even if we do take him to a pediatrician, what could she possibly look for?
mascot says
I think falling is par for the course at that age, especially if you have a fast, active kid. There are probably a few things that they can check for (ear infections, foot turnout and gait, maybe vision), but my experience was that they just have to outgrow it. Is he mostly falling short distances, like lower than his height? I feel like those impacts aren’t nearly as damaging as the repeated high speed collisions with heavy objects that cause football injuries. I remember swearing to our daycare that we don’t physically punish our child and they laughed and said that all toddlers have bruises and bumps on head/face and limbs. They got more worried about unexplained injuries to the torso as a sign of possible abuse.
Anonymous says
10:37 poster here. My kid fell off the couch when he was about 12 months and hit his head pretty hard (last time I hired that babysitter!). I called the pediatrician freaking out, and they were pretty unconcerned. I think they usually have to fall from pretty far — like fall off of something higher than themselves — to get a concussion. If I were you, I would discuss the concern at your next check-up, but probably not worry about it or make a special appointment. I kind of mentioned this at a check-up, and the doc was more or less like, yes, and…? Aside from that, when he does have a fall that scares you, you can always call the pediatrician, and they will walk you through the signs of concussion and things to look out for. (Also, we got rid of our coffee table eons ago. I had visions of my first kid poking out his eye on that, and it’s now been 3 years without a darn place to set down your drink in our house….)
NewMomAnon says
My kiddo was the same way at 14 months – I swear, I had those foam bumpers on every edge and corner, and it still wasn’t enough. I asked the pediatrician and she laughed, saying, “They have hard heads for a reason.” Eventually kiddo grew tall enough that the corners I used to worry about were hitting her arms instead, which isn’t so scary.
MDMom says
I think it’s the age because I also have a 14 month old and have been wondering the same thing…he had a bump/ bruise on his forehead for 3 weeks straight because as soon as it started to heal he would hit his head again on the exact same spot. Thank god for bangs.
Anon says
Last weekend, I went to a wedding of a friend. I was floored watching the incredible relationship his (now) wife has with her siblings and parents. Granted, the wedding was clearly a great moment and a special time, but the family’s warmth and closeness has been evident for as long as we’ve know her. They are supportive of each other and close, and at the wedding, this relationship just shined – the whole family danced together, had a special song that was clearly a family anthem, and a few other rituals, etc. etc.
Here is my question – I’d feel like I won the lottery if my family behaves like that in 20+ years. Do you or your spouse this kind of relationship with your family, and what do you think contributed to it? How does one cultivate that kind of bond? I have two small kids, and a husband I love. What creates closeness over time?
ChiLaw says
I have a pretty great relationship with my parents (not perfect, but pretty great) and one thing I think is important is that they have always respected me — like we were absolutely equally human, all the time, even though we were their kids. That’s not to say they didn’t exercise their authority over us — they did! — but never in a way that made us feel less important than them. Of course I did the typical distancing of myself from them for a few years after high school, but the fact that I knew they respected me made it much easier to come back to a very close relationship with them.
AnonOP says
That’s really helpful. We’ve been trying that approach with our kids, and after one of them just spent time with my parents, I got feedback that he didn’t respect “absolute” instructions, which drove my parents crazy. I wasn’t terribly disappointed – our rules are set with explanations. My kids like to understand why something is the case (and they do negotiate a lot, which can be tiring, I’ll admit). For instance, bedtime occurs at a set time each day, and if a child wants to play in the bath longer, and there aren’t time for stories, that’s on the kid. We tell the kids when they need to get out of the bath to have time for stories, and they get to choose whether to play in the tub longer or get out and do reading.
Growing up, there were lots of absolutes, but there wasn’t consistency or a schedule. I felt like you never knew when/if you were going to get in trouble, which made me anxious. It took me a long time as an adult to stop angsting about getting in trouble, or worrying I was doing something wrong. I still feel this way!
pockets says
My husband’s family is like this (right down to the family anthem). I think you have to instill that family is very important, and you have to work to create the closeness and that you all are a team.
The one thing that comes through in my husband’s family is the lack of sibling rivalry, which I think parents have to work very hard to maintain, as it’s easy to occasionally pit one sibling against the other (even in benign ways such as “brother has his shoes on already, sister why can’t you hurry up and be like your brother?”).
AnonOP says
Good one. My kids are two years apart, and the same gender. I worry about sibling rivalry, as I think it’s slightly easier to compare. My brother and I were both in the same sport, but you couldn’t compare apples to apples (think track or gymnastics).
This also has been nagging in my brain – did your husband have a stay at home parent? Putting aside every other argument in favor of working just for this discussion, the only families I’ve seen with this dynamic are ones who had stay at home parents. Usually mom made sure family dinners happened (even if dad couldn’t always been there), and there were summer vacations (not fancy, just time together camping or at grandparent’s houses). I worry that our current set-up – long weekday hours without much time together, daycare – won’t foster this sense of closeness.
JayJay says
My family is very close (three daughters, working father, SAHM growing up). I echo what everyone said above – it’s about respect and my parents really fostered independence but also respect for family members.
My husband is one of five kids from two professional working parents. They’re all also incredibly close and we actually just had everyone over this weekend, including some extended family. Part of the reason it’s so nice to spend time with them (and this is applicable to my family, too), is that they’re all nice, genuine, intelligent, funny people. It helps that my in-laws are the same way. But it’s easy to want to spend time and be close with people that you truly enjoy.
Faye says
I actually think daycare will be a plus for family closeness – it’s much easier to avoid sibling rivalry when they each have their own “thing” from the earliest ages. And our time together can be focused on quality, not a bunch of watching-tv-in-the-same-room. Much easier to ALL talk as a family at dinner time and discuss our days when we all have something different to share.
But observing the four families I’m closest to, where two of them have that same closeness, I think the biggest factor is treating the children with respect and recognizing them as individuals with valid preferences. My mom’s family (not close) will say things like “children should be seen and not heard” and “why are you crying over such a little thing.” My husband’s dad’s family (super close) will do things like play inter-generational dominos and “I’m sorry you’re so upset, I know it must be hard to have your cousins run off without you.”
pockets says
In my husband’s case, his mom stayed home until he was mid-high school, and his dad voluntarily took a reduced schedule to spend more time with his family. Although those facts by themselves will not make a close family. I think what others have said about respecting choices and treating children like autonomous beings has a lot more to do with it.
Anon for this says
+1 on working hard to avoid sibling rivalry.
As an adult, I now see how my father actually fostered sibling rivalry/dislike — particularly between my older brother and me. He continued to do so when we were young adults, which was when I realized it. Not only would he compare us, he’d complain to one of us about something the other did, or outright lie and say the other said something they didn’t. Some of the rivalry was probably inevitable, but he made it so much worse.
AnonOP says
That’s terrible. I can’t imagine how resentful I’d feel in those circumstances.
Betty says
My family is incredibly close. My sister and I are best friends, even though we live 12 hours away from each other. I agree with the others about respect and an emphasis on family being important. The respect was also fostered between my sister and I. We were military brats, and as a result, we were all that we had for many summers. My mom also encouraged us to be independent, grow and live our lives.
My husband does not speak to his parents. There was no respect for him or his choices, which continued to adulthood. Everything was about keeping my MiL happy, often to the detriment of everyone else. My husband has embraced my family and my mom calls him “the son she never had.”
octagon says
I used the wedge featured, especially at the end of pregnancy, to help support my giant belly in bed. I felt like it really made a difference.
It also got a second life when the baby had reflux, and we turned it into a tiny crib-wedge under the mattress in her bassinet.
Noise Sensitivity says
Not for my kid, but for me: I work in a very quiet environment and have 8-10 hours a day of quiet where I can control any extra noise (turn on music or shut my door). My kids (3 and 6) are at an age where they are just naturally noisy, boisterous, happy kids. The problem is that the level of noise grates on me, especially at the end of the day. Any tips? Also, my husband works in an elementary school so the noise just doesn’t phase him.
Spirograph says
Yeah, me too. This is exactly why I don’t understand people who want an open floor plan when they have young kids. Having the family room in the basement is integral to my sanity.
My suggestions are : 1. Send the kids outside to play 2. Make their indoor play area as far away as possible from your kitchen and anywhere you unwind after work, and with as many doors and walls in between as you can. 3. If you eat dinner as a family, have rules about volume (it’s good manners anyway) 4. Make rules about volume in general. I have noisy, boisterous kids, too, but they know there are indoor noises and outdoor noises. This includes voices and any banging on inanimate objects. Indoors, I refuse to respond to anything that involves yelling (even happy yelling) and make them try again nicely and quietly. 5. If all else fails, redirect them to a book or a screen. I fully admit to resorting to TV to get my 3 year old to sit down and be quiet for a half hour when I’m out of patience and just. can’t. anymore.
NewMomAnon says
My solution to that is usually a glass of wine and some mommy time outs in the bathroom. Sorry.