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I feel like I saw a much more expensive dupe for this skirt somewhere recently, but can’t remember where. But I love the ’70s vibe on this washable skirt from Boden, along with the fun selection of colors — and considering the price is $118, who needs that fancy dupe? It’s available in sizes 2-18 in regular, petite, and long. Boden Audrey Skirt
(L-2)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Anon says
Cute skirt! I don’t think this length is flattering on me though.
TJ – has anyone ordered Gymboree adult pajamas before? Are they true to size?
Midwest Mama says
Wait…Gymboree has adult pajamas?? Anyone remember when Gymboree had a whole separate line of clothing for adults called Shade? I LOVED that stuff. I still wear a knit jacket and dress I got from there about 4 years ago.
Anon says
They only have them at Christmas time I think. A lot of sizes are gone though.
Evenflo Sureride on plane? says
I ordered an Evenflo Sureride to bring on the plane for my nearly 2 year old because it is lighter than our regular car seat and got good reviews online for travel. Has anyone actually used it on a plane? Any tips to get it in the seat quickly? This is the first time we’re flying with a car seat, so I’m a little nervous! TIA!
Schmamortion for Moms says
SuperAnon for this. I have a 7 month old and a school-age kid. When I hadn’t seen Aunt Flo in ~6 weeks or so, and having had a few date nights with husband, I peed on the stick, even though I’ve been breastfeeding & pumping and also on the mini-pill.
Yikes, it’s positive.
Set up a confirmation exam with the ob/gyne.
This was NOT planned. A million reasons not to ($, it’d be 2 under 15 months old (!), I want my body back, we’re still recovering from a non-pregnancy-related health scare this past year, etc. etc.)
I’m wondering if you’ve been in the same/similar situation, what you considered your options to be, and how you chose. I’m used to thinking of “Schmamortion” (reference to scene in movie “KnockedUp” where the characters wonder why no one ever mentions any other options, including, um, ‘schmamortion’) for unmarried women or couples not wanting to start a family, I’m less used to thinking of it as emergency family planning. This is not the situation I pictured myself in.
Any thoughts? Please just let me know I’m not alone (thanks, internet)
Anonymous says
I’ve never been there but I feel for you. I’m so, so scared of this. Big hugs!
Anon says
You are not alone. Many women have walked this road before you and made choices in both directions.
Is Plan B an option depending on when you last had a ‘date night’ with hubby?
Only you know what is best for you and your family. You are not a bad person for considering and/or making this choice. Don’t let anyone else judge your choices.
I would recommend picking up one of the pregnancy tests that tell you how many weeks you are along. Depending on that and your location, you may have to make decisions more quickly than you might expect if you want to have a medication abortion or local treatment.
Eliza says
You can actually only take Plan B right after unprotected sex. So if OP has gotten a positive pregnancy test, it will not work for her. You may be thinking of medication abortion, which is a series of pills that you take to end the pregnancy without the need for surgical intervention.
Anonymous says
Plan B prevents pregnancy, it does not do anything once you’re actually pregnant. It is very different than the abortion pill.
Also anon for this says
My mom had two abortions, one after each of my siblings was born. So you are not alone, married women with kids (and who want more kids) do get abortions.
POSITA says
No advice, but I’ve read studies that this is a very, very common situation where “schmamortion” is used. You are not alone at all.
Me too says
I haven’t been in your exact situation but I did have an abortion and it was absolutely the right decision for me at the time. I suspect your situation is very common, but people just don’t talk about it openly. I would urge you to see the doctor ASAP for a confirmation. Having an abortion at 6 weeks is different than at 12 weeks ( in the sense that you may have more mixed feelings about it as the fetus grows). Best of luck.
Anon says
I feel ya. 2 kiddos right on top of each other is tough for all your reasons (and I was in the ICU after the birth of my first). Just wanted to throw out its overwhelming but doable.
Schmamortion for Moms says
Helpful, thanks. Husband and I have differing opinions on this. But we’ve barely thought about it for 12 hours, so.
Anon says
When I saw the positive pregnancy test the second time around, I literally thought (and said) “oh, sh!t”. It took my husband and I a few weeks and lots of “it’s gonna be ok” to embrace it.
Shhhmortion says
Give yourself the space to feel how you feel. If you can, try to take a night off with your husband where you can both talk through what you are really thinking/feeling without judgment and before deciding one way or the other. I have zero dogs in this fight, but putting aside logistical worries (all of which I can relate to very well), I think it would be harder for me to deal emotionally with an abortion at this point in my life (actively raising kids, good marriage, stable home, it would be unexpected/tight but not impossible etc.). I’m very pro-choice, and obviously projecting, but I would just caution you to make sure you think through emotional ramifications of aborting – not just the logistical challenges that another kid would add – before choosing what makes the most sense for your family and you.
Anonny clerk says
+1. I had an abortion when I was single, young, and financially a mess. I know that I would feel very differently if I were faced with that situation now, now that I am happily married, with children, and in a good financial place. Even though it was the right decision for me, it wasn’t easy to get over. I ended up going to therapy and still think about it from time to time, 12 years later.
With that said, I’m sure this is very, very common and your ob/gyn can confirm that for you.
Eliza says
I work in women’s health, and can give a little more information. First off, you are not alone. Most women who have abortions already have at least once child. If you’re interested in considering that option, you should reach out to your physician or to a local Planned Parenthood (or other abortion provider — but few ob/gyns actually provide them) to make an appointment. If you’re under 63 days pregnant, you can usually choose between a medication abortion and a surgical abortion.
Check out this article: http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2011/10/most_surprising_abortion_statistic_the_majority_of_women_who_ter.html.
OP says
Sorry – do you know, under 63 days pregnant from last date of menstruation or from conception or as determined by the ultrasound?
Eliza says
63 days from your last menstrual period. Some studies show you can use it up to 70 days and some Planned Parenthood providers (possibly other providers as well) are starting to allow it up to 70 days (though it’s efficacy drops a small amount the later you go).
Eliza says
I should clarify–63 days LMP (last menstrual period) but they will probably go with what the ultrasound shows rather than your actual LMP. Not a medical provider, though, so that may vary.
AnonMom007 says
First of all, I sympathize with your position. I also had a surprise pregnancy when our first was still well under a year, and though we did not consider abortion I still feel overwhelmed thinking about what’s to come after baby arrives. I just wanted to chime in and say that I had the medication used in medical abortions (misoprostol aka cytotec) after a miscarriage and it was the worst medical experience I’ve ever had. The bleeding was very traumatic, the pain was worse than labor, and I ended up in the ER because it did not completely work. I know it’s anecdotal, but if that’s the route you decide to go, I think a surgical procedure may be easier to endure emotionally and physically.
Eliza says
Yes, I would just add that many women prefer medication abortion because they control the timing and it feels more like a natural miscarriage (which can be comforting), but there is generally a good amount of bleeding and cramping, which can be alarming. Both surgical and medication abortion carry very low risks of complications, though. Most medication abortion complications are the result of women being alarmed by the bleeding and going to the ER (but in most cases it’s nothing that requires medical intervention). Many women prefer surgical because it’s all done in the health center and is a faster process from start to finish. The procedure itself is only about 10-15 min long, depending on how far along you are, and you are typically under moderate anesthesia for it.
Whatever you choose, good luck! You have to do what’s right for your family, but you have lots of options!
NewMomAnon says
I wanted to say thank you for this information – I have never been in the position to consider an abortion, but I would find this information very helpful if I ever did end up in that position. How am I 30+ years old and have never known that there were different kinds of procedures for this?
Eliza says
I honestly didn’t know myself until I entered this field about five years ago. It’s partly because it’s so stigmatized that people just don’t talk about it. But 1 in 3 women in the U.S. will have an abortion in her lifetime.
Anon for this says
Had one while married, financially stable, ect. but no kids. At the time, I was in the midst of a pretty scary health problem. My ob/gyn was awful but pp was amazing. Amazing. I had a medical schmischmortion and it was only uncomfortable for maybe a half hour. The hardest part, emotionally, was feeling like my husband and I weren’t totally on the same page. It was also hard bc, in retrospect, the medical problem was ok in the end. Anyway, rambling, but you do what’s right by you and your family. Plenty of women have been in similar positions and not regretted their choice. Sending sisterhood and support your way. Good luck.
Anon says
No right or wrong answer here, there’s just whatever you decide to do.
F anyone (none in this thread, thankfully) who think they know better than you what’s best for your family.
OP says
Yes, grateful for the support here. I probably wouldn’t have started it but I’ve seen similar threads on the main page in the past and benefited from reading it. The 1 in 3 stat is just WOW, and also that 60% of women who choose abortion are already mothers (and only 7% are minors).
Thank you all.
Anonymous says
Ditto others that you should do what works for you and your family. I had an abortion before starting my family and it was the right decision for me.
I also had a surprise third. Husband and I immediately agreed that we were going to have a baby in the end, but we had absolutely no idea how it would work. And, I fully admit, I struggled at the beginning to feel excited – or even neutral – about it. I had thought I was so close to being able to get over infancy issues, get back in shape, etc. The financial realities were stressful, etc. However, about mid-way, I was just as excited as I had been about the other two. Now I’m so glad we have a third child.
Two cents says
Wow, my thoughts go out to you! I’m almost 4 month postpartum and every time DH and I have been ‘together’ since (which, at 4 month pp is not a ton) I do wonder “what if” (I’m personally not comfortable with hormonal birth control at this moment, so I know it’s a risk!). But, then I think about how even if something were to happen, it would be my child. My future baby already forming inside me. Looking at my son’s u/s pictures (I’ve been putting together his baby book) I think about how, even at 8 weeks along, he already had his little arms and legs and I really and truly knew he was our child. And sometimes the thing you think you *don’t* want (in career, family, life, etc.) turns out to be a wonderful blessing. You have a choice in this matter, of course, but just wanted to share my two cents. Good luck!
Unspoiled says
We have almost no extended family, and the family we do have is not particularly interested in our baby. I’m really sad about baby not having grandparents and aunts and uncles who will dote on her and spoil her, and that I’m never going to write one of those “how do I get grandparents to buy baby less stuff because we are inundated with toys” posts.
But that’s the reality, and I’ve decided to reframe it as an opportunity to curate my child’s toy collection so that it’s exciting but doesn’t overwhelm our city apartment. At the same time, I want (Santa) to spoil my baby! So, what toys should I get her? She’ll be 5 months at Christmas. I’d like the sum total of the toys to more or less keep her occupied until her her 1st birthday. And I’d like at least one Big Thing, preferably something slightly ridiculous/impractical/overpriced/engraved. I’m thinking one of the rocking animals from Pottery Barn Kids. She’d probably play with it when she gets to be older right?
And yes, I am fully aware that this is 100% for me and that baby doesn’t care at all at this age.
POSITA says
My daughter received one of those rocking animals as a hand-me-down and she loved climbing onto and off of it a million times. She never did much rocking, but she loved the on and off process. I think she started climbing on it by herself around 10 months, but she was early on gross motor skills. It also looks ridiculously cute in her nursery. If you love it, get it!
My daughter also started loving the Battat B. One Two Squeeze Blocks at about that age. We’d set them up and she’d knock them down. (Ah! Babyzilla!) A couple of sets of those might be fun, too. They’re still popular at age 2 and we’ve added on the expansion set called B. Elemenosqueeze Blocks.
Carine says
I really like the “Toys That Get Played With” lists that the Baby Cheapskate blog puts together. They are organized by age range and based on reader polls. I’ll post the link to the 6-12 months one in reply to try to avoid moderation.
Carine says
http://www.babycheapskate.com/2015/10/26/toys-that-get-played-with-2015-6-to-12-months/
pockets says
I always wanted to get my daughter the hape activity cube. You could also consider one of those cool play tents/tee-pees that I see from Land of Nod or in fancy baby stores.
Wow says
Just wanted to chime in and say that I’m really really sorry that the family that you do have is not interested in the baby. This is unfathomable to me. :( I assume you already know/do this, but make sure that you find friends who become like family and can have a close relationship with your daughter. Hugs.
anon says
“make sure you find friends who become like family” – really? The OP, as a working mom with no family support, needs you telling her that she needs to achieve this next-to-impossible dream or she’s failing?
Her life will be easier if she does find such friends, but it’s more luck than effort and her daughter will be absolutely fine if she doesn’t.
Wow indeed says
This well-intentioned comment would have made me feel much worse if I were the OP.
NewMomAnon says
Thinking back to age 1 and the toys that have continued to be popular in the year since then:
1. A tent!!! My daughter has a tent that has all these ball slides and a clear plastic disc full of beads that makes a lot of noise. She uses it all.the.time. For a while, the only peaceful diaper changes occurred in the tent.
2. A ride-on/push toy. We have a plastic fisher price model, but I’ve seen cute wooden ones too.
3. Blocks. Lots of them. The big foam ones are great. Your little one probably won’t be able to click together the interlocking ones (Duplos, etc) until after next year’s Xmas, so might as well wait on those.
And the thing that I have wanted to get for a LONG time – Kaplan Education Supplies (kaplanco dot com) sells the big mats and foam climbers that many daycares have. They are expensive, but I really wish I would have bought one of the sets with a little slide or a tunnel. My kid loves the ones at daycare, and we have a flimsy tunnel that she loves. If you have a yard, an outdoor playset would also come in handy starting around age 12-14 months.
the second says
Can you post a link to this tent? It sounds awesome!
NewMomAnon says
Yup!
http://www.amazon.com/Yookidoo-D40111-Discovery-Playhouse/dp/B0014I90UI
Anonymous says
Here’s another tent option for $20 — there is this color variety as well as a castle variety
http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/10206883/
Maddie Ross says
I definitely was of the opinion that I wanted to limit the plastic/musical toys in my house pre-kid, but I’ll tell you that the V-tech Sit to Stand learning walker was about the best thing my daughter got in her first year of life, and she still plays with it occasionally now as a near 3 year old.
ExtendedFamily says
Magnatiles will become a huge hit as baby gets bigger!
But for your family, don’t write them off completely yet! My grandparents were not really into “babies” or even little kids, but they were awesome as my cousins and I got older. They might just need time to adjust to being grandparents, and as the baby becomes a child and more interactive with people other than mom/dad, your extended family might surprise you!
Anonymous says
Popular items for my kids in the 6-12 months age range:
Leap Frog music table (This would be my big gift)
Munchkin music cube
Pop up toy (like Playskool Busy Poppin’ Pals Toy – not infantino version)
Fisher Price See N Say (the classic with the pull cord – the lever option is harder for little ones)
Ball pit balls + swim pool (give it a good inside use in off months!)
Stacking cubes (I preferred paperboard for soft landings and easier for toddlers to carry – Melissa and Doug and Eeboo)
xylophone and/or rattles
Books: In My Nest (etc), Poke-A-Dot
Duplos, magnatiles/magformers, and wood blocks (I prefer haba) can be used by kids (parents) that age and beyond.
ChiLaw says
My girl’s favorite things have been baby maracas and baby bongos. It’s distressingly hard to find safe *non-electronic* versions of those things (why must they beep and flash?!) but they’re out there — I think we bought Fisher Price for both. She loves them! She bangs on or shakes all her other toys, and is disappointed when they don’t make a satisfying noise. For a bigger gift, we’re getting her a Radio Flyer wagon for Christmas. My hope is that she can ride in it now (and later), and once she gets the hang of walking, she can pull her toys in it or whatever. It seems like it will last a long time … but maybe not ideal for a city apartment, now that I think about it.
OP says
Thanks for all the suggestions (and sorry for the late reply!)
Regretting Parenthood? says
Cross-posting from the main s!te. Finally pregnant at 38 after a brief infertility scare & now having big doubts whether I might regret having a child & all the changes this entails. Any advise/ comisseration?
MomAnon4This says
You will never know. You will never be confident and 100% about anything, ever, from conceiving, carrying to healthy delivery, getting out of the hospital, to making choices for playdates, daycare, and events and holidays and school. I’m sorry – there’s no way I can reassure you. Your entire life will change.
I remember feeling sad about it as I waited for the placenta to leave my body – my husband only seemed happy for the future and I was already sad for the past. Then we reached a new present, and I love it, even with all the uncertainty.
Is it for you? I don’t know. It’s the best, craziest thing in the world, even the terrible and scary parts. And there’s an abortion thread today, too. But I bet that mom would agree with me, too.
Anon says
I both miss my old life and love my new parent life. I try to focus on seeing the world through my children’s eyes because it is such a wonderous place from that perspective – reminds me of my own childhood.
the second says
It will be awesome. I don’t like babies. I’m obsessed with my daughter. It’s not the end of an adventure – it’s the start of a new one. And think how much fun it will be to introduce your kid to those adult things you already do!
If you like to eat out, how fun is it feeding baby curry for the first time? totally fun. Books? can’t wait to share those. Friends? they’ll come visit (hopefully)! Concentrate on your marriage and the rest will fall into place.
Anon in NYC says
I was ambivalent about having a kid, but my husband and I both thought we would regret not having at least one. So we tried for 8 months. As soon as I got the positive test I was like, “what have we done?!” I didn’t feel a bond with the baby during pregnancy, and it took a few weeks post-birth for me to feel that wave of love that people talk about. Now I feel like my love for her deepens every day. I really didn’t expect that.
My life is definitely less flexible now than when it was just me and my husband. We have far less disposable income. That’s a bummer. At times I wish we could just go out to dinner without worrying about babysitters or bedtimes. But I wouldn’t trade my life now for what it was 6 months ago.
NewMomAnon says
You may regret having a child from time to time (and that’s OK). There will be seasons of parenting that you don’t particularly enjoy, scary times that lead you to lows you could never have imagined. But you will also experience highs and love that you didn’t know were possible. And you will find a new normal and a new comfortable. I don’t know that my life is “better” because I had a child – it’s different. I love it, and I’m conscious of loving it in ways that I was not conscious of loving my child-free life. Some days I would give it up to go back to my childless days, but then my kiddo does something amazing (tries to say octopus with a mouth full of peanut butter! Gives me a big open-mouth kiss!) and I know that I could never go back to the before time.
Embrace the uncertainty, experience it, explore it, talk about it. It’s OK. Talk about the good things too, and be conscious of gratitude. Practice mindfulness.
mascot says
I agree with this. I would have been happy without a child too, but I’m a parent now so that is my reality. It’s like a ghost ship that Dear Sugar talks about in her Rumpus column.
Anonymous says
Completely agree that there will be times when you regret having children. There will be hard days, days when they complicate life, ruin your plan, get in the way, etc. I think it’s good to be honest about that. There will be times when you think “this parenting thing s*cks.” because EVERYONE has moments like that. For the first couple of years, I could still track exactly what I’d be doing if I hadn’t had children – and sometimes it stung.
But I’ve never truly regretting having MY children. “Children” are inconvenient – but YOUR children are amazing. Even when I’m stressed, angry, frustrated, or disappointed – They are the best thing in my life. There will be a host of things that you get to experience or do solely because they are in your life. The joy outweighs the frustration and disappointment, no question.
ChiLaw says
I was having those feelings about a year ago. I gave myself time to say goodbye to my carefree life with my dude. Before she was born, we did lots of the stuff we enjoyed that wouldn’t be baby friendly (primarily going to our favorite restaurant, which was 21 and up) and spent a lot of time basking in just-the-two-of-us-ness. I did that with my besties too, and sort of rued that there wasn’t an immediately-pre-conception-bachelorette type option. (Whee hyphens!)
I’m still in a rough adjustment thing (she’s 9 months — I hear I’ve got 9 to 15 to go to get “back to feeling like myself”) and there are times I think “if we hadn’t… we could…” but there are so many wonderful, specific joys from being her mom, and it is much more FUN than I expected. It’s so, so much fun. You’ll do great!
octagon says
DH and I have to figure out our will/estate situation before the baby arrives in 4 months. We can’t seem to agree on who should take the child if something were to happen to both of us. We don’t have any family in the area and no siblings are responsible/settled enough to take this on, and no cousins or extended family are good options either. Best choice is my BFF who lives a plane ride away, but we only see her family 1-2x a year and the baby won’t grow up knowing them as well as some local friends that we see often. The local friends are great people but generally have different cultural priorities (different religions, far less community/service-focused than we are). Money won’t be an issue for any guardian we choose (life insurance/estate) so we really want to pick the best fit.
How do you make such a choice? I understand we can amend this later, but we want to feel good about our choice now. Thoughts?
MDMom says
You just make the best choice you can understanding this is for the very unlikely scenario where you both die. If that happens, your child’s life will be different in many ways and not seeing your friends is the least of it. At this age, where child isn’t in school, I wouldn’t put too much weight on location- pick the best caregiver you can knowing if you dont, the family/Court will decide for you.
And thanks for the reminder- my kid is 6 months and this is still on my to do list…we have made the decision but haven’t documented it.
Pigpen's Mama says
What MDMom said, and also keep in mind that it’s something you can change in the future, so your BFF could be guardian for now, and then in 4-5 years, when you may have a new social circle, or your family members may have settled down, you can change your guardian.
Guilty says
So I normally hate the concept of “mom guilt” but I am feeling very guilty today. I’m a big law associate and I’ve been working a ton lately (in the past 12 months I have billed nearly 3000 hours). This has, of course, taken time away from my family, and it is taking a toll on my preschooler, who has taken to crying hysterically at breakfast if he didn’t see me the night before. I try not to work late two nights in a row, and I make a point of being off one day each weekend. I take him to school so we see each other in the mornings. I am not a night owl, so it is challenging for me to come home in the evenings and then resume working after he goes to bed at 9. I feel like I am trying to do the best I can, but it’s not good enough — as it is, I am barely keeping up at work on top of upsetting my child. Putting aside the staffing issues, any suggestions?
Maddie Ross says
Can you set up some kind of fun morning ritual he can look forward to for the mornings when you don’t see each other the night before? I’m thinking like special breakfast treat or just even taking 30 minutes to cuddle on the couch and read, rather than rush to get ready. (PS – 3000 hours? you are a superwoman, even without kids, how do you do it!?!).
NewMomAnon says
3000 hours is about 250 per month? I had a string of 6 months in which I pulled consecutive 250+ months (billing, so working even more hours of course). My life went to hell, and I didn’t have kids yet. I wish I had some good advice for you, but if you are swinging this then you probably are already more creative, efficient and organized than I have ever been.
Hugs. I hope you find some way to either make peace with it or find a new balance point. For me, the work would have to give way somehow.
My only idea: can you find some way to have kiddo come to your office for a “working dinner” a few times a week? My dad did that for a while for me. It felt special and very grown-up (I think I did some of his filing and envelope stuffing too….). It was also so stifling and boring that it was a relief to go home at the end of the dinner.
Anonymous says
3000 hours is SIX MONTHS. 500 hours a month.
Dose of reality says
Quit your job and find something else? Seriously. I was in BigLaw for 5 years and in some years billed 2500, but that was pre-kids. I weep at the idea that you are billing 3000 hours with a young child. Please, think seriously about finding another job! Or working 80%. You can’t do this long-term, for your own insanity, as well as if you want to continue to develop a meaningful relationship with your child.
Anonymous says
I second the suggestions that a job change may be necessary. In the interim, how do you feel about co-sleeping? If son has a double bed maybe you could sleep there on the nights you don’t get to see him before bed. Another option might be to commit to read him a book or two before bed via FaceTime. I think that these are stopgap measures though and longer term 3000 hrs a year is very tough on life let alone family life
Lorelai Gilmore says
I don’t know if you’re still reading, but I’ve been thinking about this all day. I’m also a BigLaw litigation associate with kids. You can do those kinds of hours for a short term basis – I certainly have. But it’s just not sustainable over the long haul. I strongly encourage you to work less, whether that requires a job change, part time, whatever. There are many, many firms where you can bill a lot less than 3000/year and still be a valued associate.
Having said that, as a short term measure, you might need to just dig deep and shift your schedule so you can put your kid to bed, then work after he goes to bed. I find that to be incredibly difficult, but it’s more manageable if you set up your computer and workstation right after you get home, so that once the kids go back to bed you can go straight to work without transition costs.
But I think your child is telling you that he needs more of you. I wish there were ways to magically get more time in the day. But if you’re billing 3000 hours a year, there just aren’t a ton of hours left over. No time management magic will solve that problem.
Guilty says
Just got back to the comments, and thanks for the helpful suggestions. I’ll certainly give them a try, and am also going to make an effort to get home every night, even if for only half an hour, as I think that will be easier for my child.
As to the suggestions I should find a new job, I understand why that seems like the way to go (and have certainly considered it myself) but this year has been an outlier. I’ve never billed more than 2100 hours before. Getting a new job isn’t the right option for me, for a number of reasons, so I’m trying to figure out how to help my family get through it until my hours slow down.
Biglaw maternity leave says
Has anyone ever taken more than 6 months off in biglaw or otherwise? Would love any thoughts on how that worked for you and whether you were happy you did it. Thanks!