I’ll admit that I didn’t consider maternity briefs when I was pregnant — perhaps they would have made those last few months a little more pleasant.
These reader favorites from Natori now come in a maternity cut. These high rise, over-belly briefs will keep you comfortable during and after your pregnancy. They’re made from soft cotton and a little lycra for stretch — perfect for wearing under those bump-hugging maternity dresses.
Natori’s Bliss High Waist Maternity Briefs are $30 at Nordstrom and come in sizes S to XXL. They’re available in ash navy and blush pink.
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price tops and sweaters; up to 40% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; up to 50% off clearance; extra 15% off orders $100+; extra 20% off orders $125+
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Talbots – 30% off entire purchase
- Zappos – 24,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Hanna Andersson – 100s of new markdowns; up to 30% off Easter
- Carter’s – Swim 50% off; up to 50% off sandals; up to 50% off spring break deals
- buybuyBaby – Major clearance markdowns
Wild Dunes says
Oddly specific question but I’m finding this is a popular place so maybe someone here knows.
Has anyone been to Wild Dunes in Isle of Palms recently? We’re booking a trip for later this summer and are not sure what the best option would be for our family of 3 (me, DH, 4 year old daughter).
We’re looking to stay near “the action” – the boardwalk area as I understand it vs one of the vacation rentals/condos further up the island – so have settled on one of the two hotels (Sweetgrass Inn or Boardwalk Inn) but also are looking at the Residences at Sweetgrass. Is there anything materially inferior at the Residences vs the actual hotel? I like that we can get a suite for an incrementally higher cost at the Residences but really want direct pool access, beach, dining options, etc. Any insight would be awesome- thanks!
Anonymous says
I looked into this place and ultimately didn’t book because the reviews all said it was incredibly hard to find restaurants/food options, especially for breakfast. So I’d do one of the options with a kitchen and plan on having some food stocked.
Anon says
Caveat that it’s been 4 years since we stayed on Isle of Palms (we now do North Myrtle because the drive from DC is just too long with little kids), and probably 13 years since we stayed at Wild Dunes (we switched to just renting houses on IOP outside the resort around 2009), but I don’t remember the boardwalk area being a hopping place. We always stayed in the beach-club townhouses or, before that, maybe it was Ocean Tower condos (although there was some pretty bad beach erosion at that end of the island back then, so worth staying closer to the middle of the island), and would typically eat breakfast and lunch at home with the kitchen and then eat dinners out outside the resort. Sullivan’s Island (there is a bridge between the two without having to go over the connector) has much better (and I would qualify as objectively excellent) food options. A personal favorite is Poe’s Tavern (and there are a bunch of other restaurants nearby in a two block radius) and then we also like the restaurant at the Isle of Palms Marina and Coconut Joe’s.
busybee says
Does anyone have any experience with a foreign language immersion daycare/preschool? Did your child end up bilingual? What if you don’t speak the immersion language? For context, my current 9 month old would attend full time ideally until kindergarten
Anon says
I think it will be tough to sustain any language if it’s not spoken at home and the immersion program ends at K. Doesn’t mean it can’t be a good experience for now, but I wouldn’t expect long term language acquisition in that scenario.
Spirograph says
+1 My kids attended a Spanish-speaking in-home preschool for a while. We do not speak Spanish at home. They never spoke more than the odd word here and there, but could understand for awhile. They definitely forgot it all, though. They have the same Spanish proficiency as I do, now, which is to say not much (but their pronunciation is better!). I don’t think immersion preschool without a lot of supplementing and continued focus will result in a bilingual kid, but it’s certainly still has value.
NYCer says
+2.
Anon says
We did an immersion school (100% complete immersion with native speakers—not an immersion school that is really 50/50, which is what I have seen to be the case for a lot of schools selling themselves as an immersion environment). My child has complete comprehension but can be reluctant to speak the second language. We have done private tutoring to keep up the second language after leaving the school.
anon says
Not the same, but my nanny is Columbian and speaks Spanish to my 4 year old at home. It’s not something we asked for, but just something they have fun with. I’d say my nanny is 70/30 English/Spanish but uses common, daily phrases in Spanish (Go put on your shoes and get your water bottle. Do you want to wear a dress or shorts? We’re about to leave so please go to the bathroom, Where are your sandals? What do you want for lunch? Etc.) she also teaches her numbers, colors and other items around the house. It’s incredible how much my daughter has retained and downright shocking how much my daughter understands. Beyond that, she has an awareness at 4 years old about different languages and that people live in different places, cultures that I simply didn’t have at that age. DH put Bluey on this weekend (her fav show) and put it on in Spanish and my daughter was captivated, picked out the words she recognized for 10-15 minutes.
I don’t expect my daughter to retain any of this long term (I speak Spanish, DH does not) but I really have enjoyed watching my daughter hear Spanish out in the real world an react to it. So, OP, I wouldn’t necessarily put my DD in to that program with the expectation of fluency, but there is definitely a worldliness and educational value that comes from the exposure so young.
busybee says
Hmm that’s a great point and one I hadn’t considered. I think realistically maintaining the second language will be difficult as our school system doesn’t start foreign languages until 6th grade, but the cultural aspects would be beneficial. It’s more expensive than our current daycare which is giving me (significant) pause but I’ll check out the info session. Thanks all for the responses!
anon says
I don’t think it would be worth the cost and particularly if the cost increase gives you “significant” pause. The odds of long-term retention are very, very low. Or, said differently, I wouldn’t pay extra or stretch any budgets whatsoever for my nanny to talk to my 4 year old in Spanish.
Anon says
Not my personal experience, but – my nephews have been in a Spanish immersion school since kindergarten. It was terrible when schools closed for Covid since my sister and brother-in-law don’t speak Spanish and couldn’t help with most school work; moreover, since school was remote forever, they didn’t get much of a chance to listen to or speak Spanish regularly, so now they’ve lost most of the Spanish skills they had AND they’re behind where the rest of their peers in non-Spanish language classes are.
May not be an issue for younger kids like yours.
anon says
So, I’m not a linguist by any means, but studied language in college. What I do remember the linguist professor explaining is that young babies and children learn what noises/intonations/sound to listen and distinguish for vs filter out. (Think – those sounds that make it hard to learn as an adult because you can’t “hear” the difference in pronunciation.) So, even if they don’t remember vocabulary later on, it could help them build on it in later years if they resume studying. Again, I’m no linguist so just what I remember being taught years ago.
bilingual kid says
I was bilingual as a young child and am told my accent in my second language is really good, even though I’m not at all fluent anymore. I can understand a ton and it’s faster for me to study the language and pick it back up when needed.
Anonymous says
I’m in a situation with some similarities: tested into fourth semester Spanish in college, took that class, never took or thought seriously about Spanish again; ended up marrying someone with one (bilingual but Spanish-preferred) Latin American parent, and now we’re working to have our kid fluent in Spanish. I’m trying to learn along with the kid (he’s had a Spanish-speaking nanny and is now in Spanish immersion preschool; he is notably more a Spanish speaker than an English speaker), and it’s been surprisingly successful for me; I can see that it’s easier for me than it is for other in-laws who have no background speaking Spanish. Anyway, I don’t think you can count on immersion daycare along building lifelong fluency or anything, but I do think that it can get Spanish into their brains in a way that will make later learning more accessible should they choose to pursue it.
Anon says
It’s amazing for their brains so go for it if you can afford it and it otherwise works out, but don’t expect the kid to actually retain it once they stop practicing at school if the language isn’t used at home.
Confused Associate says
Hi All – I am expecting this fall for the first time! I was met with pushback when trying to negotiate paid maternity leave at my law firm so I decided to work with our bar association to see if we could do something about it more broadly (thankfully for me financially I can make an unpaid leave work, but I think broadly this is a larger issue that should be addressed). I am working with some other attorneys to compile a survey about maternity/parental leave policies in order to hopefully effect some change within the state bar.
What information would have been helpful/would you like in a leave policy that I should include in a survey to ask about? Since I don’t have any children (yet) I thought you all would be a great resource.
anonM says
I think an ideal policy would have the range of paid as well as unpaid leave, and the effect on bonus structure if applicable. Plus, a policy for return to work — can you come back part-time for a period? Can you WFH for a period? What’s the pumping situation – is there a separate room, etc.? What about paternity leave? Sounds like a great initiative, good luck!
Nyc says
Overall amount of time off and whether it differs based on type of birth (c sections typically get more time) or length of employment (eg do you have to be at the firm a year before getting benefits)
Whether there is an official ramp up/down period where your hours expectations are lowered for the transition
How is your bonus impacted by taking mat leave? Eg do you get full amount if you hit pro rated hours?
anon says
Is the survey about what other firms are doing? IME, recalcitrant partners don’t get care at all about what prospective parents want or think the firm should be doing. It’s all about being market competitive for hiring and retention. I’d poll peer firms.
Mary Moo Cow says
I would also survey and include parental paths of surrogacy and adoption. I know someone whose company offered less leave for parents becoming parents via surrogacy because it was only for “bonding,” not “physical recovery.” I don’t think this was widely advertised. Also, what’s paid by the company, what’s covered by disability insurance, what’s unpaid, and what’s unpaid but FMLA. Kudos to you for taking this on!
Anonymous says
It is appropriate for non-birthing parents to get less time off than birthing mothers. Everyone should get X weeks of bonding time, and birthing mothers should get several weeks of recovery time on top of the bonding time.
Nyc says
+1
Aunt Jamesina says
I think what Mary is saying is that if the amount of paid leaves are different, then that fact should be explicit, not information you should have to go digging for.
Anon says
A few thoughts:
1 – you could look at state-level policy models to potentially get something going through the bar. I could see this being not very workable at the bar level, though, as you would probably need to do an opt-in scheme that would essentially have everyone pre-paying for their own paid leave. Depending on your level of commitment to this, maybe you could support more general paid leave activism in your state, which might or might not be a good use of your time to make progress on this issue (depends on your state).
2 – if you really just want to change things at your firm, getting market data to show that they aren’t offering competitive benefits would be best
Anonymous says
I don’t understand what the state bar can do. They have no power to require paid leave.
Confused Associate says
We’re creating this survey more to see where firms currently are. We hope to use the data to: (1) help create more transparency for attorneys when they’re choosing which firms to apply to work for/summer at and (2) encourage partners to enact parental leave policies to be competitive in the field if we find that most firms are offering some type of paid leave.
It is more to bring awareness to the topic and see where things stand as no one really seems to know. Right now just from talking to peers, most smaller/midsized firms (under 30 attorneys) seem to do ad-hock policies as the issue comes up if they offer anything at all.
Anonymous says
If you are talking about biglaw firms, most publish this information in the NALP directory.
anon says
If you live in a state that has pretty good, but confusing, state-paid and protected leave (like California), ask how the employer’s leave integrates with the various forms of state leave.
For example, in California, a woman with no complications can take 4 weeks before and 6 weeks after as Pregnancy Disability Leave (with a % of salary up to a cap paid by the state), then CFRA bonding leave (with a % of salary up to a cap paid by the state), then unpaid CFRA bonding leave. Different employers top up and/or have policies about using PTO and paid sick leave for topping up the various components.
Also, ask about how the policies work in the event the pregnancy ends in something other than a live birth.
anonamommy says
The time has come for us to say goodbye to our 17-year-old cat. I’m struggling with how to handle it with our very sensitive 7-year-old. He knows that the cat is sick and is dying (and he has been to too many funerals in his short life already, so he understands death). What I’m not sure about is whether I tell him the morning of, so he has a chance to say goodbye to her before going to camp, or if we don’t tell him and then tell him when he comes home. I was set on the latter, but I don’t know if when he gets older he will be mad that we didn’t give him a chance to say goodbye. WWYD?
Anon says
I would tell him beforehand, maybe even the day or two before vs the morning of. He will be sad, but you can accompany him through the grief without blindsiding him after the fact. Having a chance to say goodbye is very important.
Anonymous says
I agree with this, my own mother told me afterwards with some pets and I found it really hard to process. I’d explain in advance so he’s aware before the actual day. I’d also explain properly around kitty is letting you know they have reached the end and the vet as a professional agrees. Hugs as it’s hard to make the right choice for our pets!
Spirograph says
I agree with this, too. I’m imagining how my very sensitive kid would react if he didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to his beloved cat, and I think he would be furious and feel very betrayed. I think he needs a couple days of lead time so he can show some extra love in whatever way feels comforting to him, too.
And I’m sorry for your impending loss, end-of-life for a pet is so hard.
Anonymous says
You know your kid, but I would at minimum tell him it is coming. “Vet says we will need to say goodbye this week.” Perhaps even let him know the morning of that you are taking the cat to the vet and today will be her last day with you.
My parents did the route you are suggesting and I found it very hard to get over. They even did it with one of my grandparents and I am still bitter about it, nearly 25 years later. I was 16 FFS.
Anon says
I agree with everyone saying tell him before, but 16 is very different than 7, and a grandparent is very different than a cat, so what your parents did is not comparable to what OP is suggesting.
Anonymous says
I posted above and I mean that when I was young (6,9) my parents put my pet down and told me after. When I was older, 16, my grandfather was removed from life support and I was told after.
In all cases I was SO upset they didn’t tell me in advance.
Anonymous says
My parents did this too when I was 20. I was then told not to attend the funeral because “that’s just for the neighbors.” That was the beginning of the end of my relationship with them.
Anne-on says
We went through this during covid with my 17-yr old cat and my then 8-yr old. In our case we found out that the cat’s decline was due to cancer and had a talk about how pets don’t understand why they’re in pain they only know that it hurts and they are uncomfortable so it’s not fair to keep them around just for us. I made the appointment with the vet for a Friday afternoon and let kiddo spend the morning snuggling with the cat. We all took the weekend to be sad and sort of mope together. It was hard but he was definitely old enough to understand and want to say goodbye.
Things that helped – we bought lunch and made cookies for the vet staff as they were really kind and sweet with us during a very hard time. We aren’t religious but it comforted my kiddo that the cat’s ashes were placed in a very pretty (we looked at photos) pet cemetary with trees and a pond (we didn’t want to bury them ourselves). Good luck – it was harder on me than on my kid as this cat was adopted during my single days and was such a loving companion during hard parts of my 20s. It was like losing a close friend.
Mary Moo Cow says
We just went through this. Our 15.5 year old dog was ailing for a long time, so we told our 7 and 4 year old the end was near. Unfortunately, he got really, really sick overnight and the house call vet didn’t open until after the kids had left for the day. She had a spot that day, so the kids weren’t there and didn’t get to say goodbye. They were sad, but I think the 7 year old understood that it was a bit out of our control and maybe wasn’t exactly how we pictured but was for the best because he was really suffering. She’s been pretty quiet about it. 4 year old is all in on burying him, setting up a memorial stone, planting a memorial tree, and celebrating him on the Day of the Dead (which is not our cultural tradition but clearly comes from watching Coco and I’m touched.) So, if the worst case scenario happens and it is a natural or assisted death when he’s not home, perhaps there are things you can do afterward to lessen the sting. Cynthia Rylant has a beautiful, colorful, and upbeat book called “Dog Heaven” with a companion “Cat Heaven” and “The Tenth Good Thing about Barney” is about losing a cat. Hugs. This is hard. (Also, I realize this was much more than you asked for, but it helps me to share.)
Anonymous says
Omg let him say good bye. Prepare him in advance. Start talking about it today or preferable weeks ago. Teaching your kids that it is compassionate to put sick pets to sleep is a necessary part of pet and child parenting.
Anonymous says
I would absolutely tell your son in advance, and farther in advance than that morning. I think my son was a year older, but we told him when we were going to have our cat put to sleep and even explained euthanasia, and we asked him if he wanted to be present. He did not. He’s going to be sad either way; by not telling him you are just postponing his grief by a day and depriving him of the opportunity to say goodbye.
Anon says
Oh I have a sweet, sensitive 7 year old, and we just said goodbye to our 12 year old dog. A few things — he would have been absolutely gutted if we told him after the fact or told him that morning and sent him to camp. I would categorically not do either. Frankly, I’m still traumatized when my parents told me the morning of they were putting my dog to sleep, then sent me to high school.
Instead, we had our son (actually both of our kids, including our 2 year old daughter) there for the whole appointment. It was peaceful and beautiful. My son needed to see how peaceful our dog was before, during, and after. It didn’t hurt, and we held our pup the whole time. My son watched them put the medicine in, asked a ton of questions of the vet (we used a service that came to our house), and said his best goodbye. He was the closest to our pup (and I’m crying now), and has had total peace about saying goodbye. My son was really worried before, but being included in the process was a total gift to him. I also got him a paw print kit off Amazon to use, and made a little book that he carried with him for a while. It was during the school year, so we had the guidance counselor check in on him that week. He actually did way better than we expected.
FWIW, even our 2 year old understood that “something” was different. She literally watched TV right next to us – which added a sweetness and normalcy to it. But at the time of passing, she tucked her most beloved stuffed animal in with our dog. We kept giving it back to her, and she kept tucking it back in next to our pup. She’s never done anything like this before or since.
We kept the script very simple. “[Pup] is very old, and his body doesn’t work anymore. You can’t get sick from him. The vet will come and give him medicine so that his body doesn’t hurt anymore. Pup will fall asleep, and then they will give him medicine that will stop his heart. After that Pup, will die. We will miss Pup a lot.” With our 2 year old, we simply repeated after – “Pup is dead. We can’t see Pup anymore. We really miss Pup.”
My family was shocked (1) that we had the kids with us, and (2) that we were so direct. But my friend who is a grief counselor advised us not to use euphemisms like “put to sleep” bc it can scare kids (will I die if I go to sleep?). Be very clear and direct.
Anon says
Long answer in moderation – but YES tell him and prepare him in advance, and ideally, let him be there when it happens. We were able to get a service that came to our house. Do prep with books and a pawprint kit from Amazon. Use clear words, not “put to sleep.” We said: “Dog is very old, and his body doesn’t work anymore. The vet is going to give him some medicine that will make it so that he doesn’t feel any pain any more, and then give him medicine to stop his heart. Then he will die peacefully without pain and with us right next to him. We will miss him very, very much.”
It’s a super scary concept for kids in the abstract but being there to say goodbye together takes the fear and scariness out of it.
Spirograph says
+ a million to home visit vets for euthanasia. We used them for our two previous cats and especially since being put in a carrier & riding in the car were very stressful for our cats, it was a much better experience than a final vet office visit would have been. My oldest was an infant, so we just did it while he was at daycare one day, but I would absolutely do it again and let the kids be there if they want to (and if the cat generally likes the kids, again not adding stress right at the end). It was obviously terribly sad, but somewhat comforting to see that it was a peaceful process.
Anonymous says
I think you should give the child a choice about whether they want to be there though. We had in-home euthanasia for our cat, and my son did not want to be there, so we sent him to a friend’s house. He’s never expressed regret. As it happened, my husband got really upset and left the room, and I was the only one with the cat and the vet.
Anonymous says
Definitely give a choice. I don’t think I will be able to be in the room when the time comes for a host of reasons. I would never force a child to witness death.
Anon says
When we had to put our cat down, we took our then 5-year-old to the vet to say goodbye, then I left the room with him while by husband stayed to be with the cat in his final moments. I think it was helpful for my son to be able to say goodbye, and also good to give him the chance to see his parents feel big emotions and grieve openly. My parents hid a lot of that from me, and it took me a while as an adult to understand it was okay to be emotional (angry, sad) in front of people we trust.
Airplane car seat says
What’s the car seat for planes that is usually recommended on here? Not looking to take our huge bulky Gracos on our thanksgiving trip to the grandparents. Cheaper is better since this will be a backup.
Kid is 2. 30lb now and fairly tall.
anon says
Cosco Scenera
Anon says
Just used this one to and from Hawaii with an almost-2-year-old. A lifesaver for hauling through multiple airports and on / off multiple planes. Lightweight, easy to install, sufficient size for my 90% height and weight kid.
Anon says
Cosco Scenera Next and Cosco Finale. If you’re comfortable with forward facing for travel, I’d just buy the Finale. If not, you’ll need to check the Scenera Next dimensions carefully. My tall (very long torso) kid outgrew it around 2.5.
Anonymous says
Cosign. We just abandoned the Scenera for the Finale for my not-especially-tall 3-year-old. Only caveat is that if you’re confident you’re having another, you might want the Scenera so you can use it for the next one from a relatively young age (assuming the next will start traveling younger than the current) and then get the Finale when/if you need it for the older.
Anonymous says
Just a PSA for bright swimwear. My toddler accidentally ended up in the deep end of a pool at a pool party this weekend and we were only spot him quickly because he was in neon yellow. I still can’t shake the horror of how close we came to tragedy. Also – when everyone is watching the kids, no one is watching the kids. Be careful everyone.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Oh how scary! I’m glad he’s ok.
Lily says
So glad your kid is ok! I judge myself all the time for being too uptight about my kids, especially when I see other parents being more relaxed, like at a pool party. It’s hard, to feel like I don’t often get a break, but I always assume that no one will ever watch my kids like I do in a dangerous environment. I don’t think I’d let anyone other than my husband take my kids swimming until they can competently swim, for example.
Anonymous says
Glad your kid is ok!
This is worth a read if you haven’t seen it, tips from a mom who investigates drownings in her professional life: https://moretimemoms.com/lifestyle/10-water-safety-tips-by-a-mom-who-investigates-drownings/
Cb says
That’s so useful. I was swimming in the ocean with my son this week and while it was very calm, he had a life jacket on etc, it reinforced my commitment to finding adult swim lessons for me and a summer intensive next year for him.
Anonymous says
Glad you spotted him!
Also a PSA for keeping kids in puddle jumpers at all times around water until they are truly competent swimmers. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve barely chased down my nieces and nephews right before they jumped in to the pool. Siblings will not listen when I ask them to keep the puddle jumpers on.
OP says
Yes, so much this. His swimmies were right there and yet he wasn’t wearing them. New rule is if you’re near the pool, you’re wearing safety gear.
Anonymous says
My lifeguard husband will vehemently tell you arm floaties are dangerous! USCG-approved life vest only, which includes the real puddlejumper.
anon says
Sending a hug to you. This sounds like a truly jarring experience, but so thankful your LO is ok. This is one of my biggest worries as a parent but you provided two great tips for everyone here.
Pogo says
BusyToddler just re-shared her and her husband’s method of verbal acknowledgement for who is watching the kid in the pool (coming from the aviation world). I found it really helpful.
DLC says
How scary, but thanks for the reminder!
There is a chart floating around on the internet that shows how different colour swimsuits show up in different water conditions. I found it really helpful to factor in when buying swim suits.
I can’t find the original article, but if you google “swimsuit visibility chart” it will come up.
SC says
I’m glad he’s OK! Bright swimwear is a great idea!
My in-laws have a pool and have multiple pool get-togethers in the summer with extended family. We definitely kept Kiddo in floaties in and around the pool until he was a capable swimmer. If not in floaties, he was in a parent’s arms or within arms’ reach, and that was more frequent with smaller groups. DH and I are intentional about trading off, so one of us has “primary” responsibility around the pool, even if another family member is paying attention to or playing with Kiddo.
We once attended a pool party where the parents hired a lifeguard (the high school swim coach). It was a birthday party for a kid turning 5 or 6, and the kids ranged in age and swimming abilities. I thought it was brilliant, and that would be my rule for any actual pool party with young kids.
Anon says
I am not meaning this to be snarky but this seems baseline not brilliant! We live in Texas so lots of swim parties and the expectation is there will be one hired lifeguard minimum and potentially two for every party (six year old’s end of year party with just his class had two – usually friends, works great)
I’ve even hired a lifeguard for a family party – it doesn’t cost much and the kids listen to a lifeguard immediately which is also nice!
Anon says
Co-sign this 100%. At a friends’ pool party my 4-year-old was in the shallow end but went too deep, and I spotted him struggling with his head tipped back and barely above the water. My sons were in neon yellow that day so I was scanning and quickly found him, charged over and pulled him up. In the moment we were both okay, but I had a very hard time thinking of the “what ifs” later.
I bought him a puddle jumper right after; even though he can kind of swim, I realized that he should only be without a float when my husband or I are also IN the pool and actively playing/supervising him.
AnonATL says
This is my worst nightmare. I read the article the other week about bright swimsuit for pool safety and realized all my sons stuff is blue 🤦🏻♀️
Luckily his puddle jumper is green and orange but next year will definitely be red, yellow, and orange rash guards.
Anon says
Paging Cb or anyone else who’s been to Portugal with little kids. We just had a great trip to Spain and are thinking of going to Portugal next year. With 6 full days, is it doable to spend time in both Lisbon and the Algarve? And is late March a good time to visit? For work reasons, our options are then or summer and I’m not a big fan of hot weather. I realize March wouldn’t be swimming weather, but it seems like it would at least be nice for walking around outside and even playing on the beach.
Cb says
I don’t know the algarve at all as my parents are a bit north of Lisbon, but 6 days seems tight? We went at Christmas and were able to be outside most of the day and paddle in the water, but my child is Scottish and treats anything above 15c as summer, so YMMV in March. The oceanarium in Lisbon is incredible. We went last week and it was really gorgeous and well done.
Anon says
Thanks! Yeah we’re similar with weather (used to Midwest winters with summers spent swimming in 55F ocean water in Maine). We’ll definitely check out the oceanarium. Is there another region closer to Lisbon you would recommend spending some time? Or you think just Lisbon + day trips from there?
Cb says
My parents just moved last year so we haven’t done loads of exploring yet, beyond a bit of Lisbon and their house (near Nazare where the massive surf waves are). But I think Lisbon and day trips sounds good, particularly if your kids are happy to paddle in cool water.
Anon says
Portugal in March would be pretty chilly. Portugal’s weather is more similar to California than it is to Spain– it would probably be in the mid-60s in March.
Lisbon is very hilly with lots of stairs. Think San Francisco. Not sure about the ages/mobility level of your kids, so ymmv.
I think it depends on where you are trying to go in the Algarve, but it would be difficult. For many areas, you will need a car, and it’s a 3-4 hour drive depending on where you are going. The train takes about 4 hours, and then you would still be renting a car.
Consider just doing day trips from Lisbon. From Lisbon, you can go to Cascais, Cabo da Roca, Sintra, etc. It also looks like you may be able to stay at a hotel near Cascais or Sintra and day trip into Lisbon.
Anon says
Thanks, yeah, mid-60s was what I was expecting. We’re Midwesterners and it can be snowing at home in late March, so anything above 60 (or honestly, 50) sounds amazing to me for that time of year.
Kiddo is 5 and below average endurance for her age. I was hoping we could utilize public transit in Lisbon? We definitely won’t bring a stroller.
NYCer says
I agree with all of this. [Except that parts of Algarve are only 2.5ish hours from Lisbon, e.g., Albufeira.] If you’re not intent on seeing everything on this visit, I do think you could do possibly to do 2-3 days in Lisbon and 3-4 days in Algarve and have a nice time, as long as you’re okay with somewhat iffy weather.
That being said, I have only been to Algarve in the summer, but I would investigate to make sure that things are open in late March. It is primarily a summer resort area, so I would guess (but purely a guess) that some things may still be closed in March. Strongly recommend a car regardless though.
Also, if you have a kid in a stroller still, I might reconsider visiting Lisbon. It is a great city, but really best to be visited without a stroller IMO.
NYCer says
Ah just saw your post that you don’t have a stroller, in which case you can disregard my last sentence. :)
Anonymous says
I went to Portugal with two under five in 2019 and we had a blast. We went to Cascais, a small beach town just outside Lisbon (easier to get to than the Algarve). Cascais was very cute, had a small sandy beach with gentle waves, and a nice big park with playground. We were there for maybe four days, then three in Lisbon, plus a travel day on both ends. It was lovely. Would re-do the whole trip in a heartbeat.
Cb says
The playparks are incredible in Portugal. Often with cafes attached to them.
Anon says
I got back from Portugal last night with kids between 5 and 11. We did 3 nights in Cascais (outside Lisbon) and 3 in Peniche (beach town up coast). Every day was a totally different thing – day in Lisbon, day in Sintra, day travelling, including Mafra, day at islands off coast, beach day, travel day. It felt a bit busy and quick for us but fine. It was really easy to travel there with kids and hope you have a great time!
Emma says
I was recently in Portugal – no kids yet but 6 months pregnant :) We were attending a wedding outside of Lisbon so we did Lisbon and various cities around Lisbon since we had a rental car (Sintra, Cascais, Ericeira). Warning – roads are narrow and parking can be tough, so driving in Portugal is not for the faint of heart. Lisbon is lovely but seriously steep/hilly. There were trams and “elevators” but it was still a trek to get pretty much anywhere. We were there in late June and it was reasonably hot, but the ocean was pretty chilly, so I would not count on swimming in March. The Portuguese were extremely nice and English was widely spoken – we enjoyed our trip but I was happy to drive around for this trip because of all the hills + heat. I would like to go back when I’m more active and try some hikes. I think for 6 days you could definitely keep yourself busy with Lisbon + days trips, but we didn’t do either the Algarve or Porto, which is apparently nice too.
Mm says
Escapist question because I won’t be moving anytime soon although I am increasingly dissatisfied
with my red state. If you love where you live, where do you live and why do you love it?
Cb says
I live on the coast outside of Edinburgh. I like the proximity to the (cold) sea, decently mild albeit wet weather, bikeability, and culture available to us in the city.
It’s not where I’d have chosen to live but we do have a really good quality of life even on (tiny, lol) salaries. I grew up in Northern California, came for my MA and PhD and met my husband a year in. This is where we are for now but I occasionally think of a “proper” European city – and have fantasies of being a cool Berlin mom. Job prospects are better in Scandinavia but I can’t stick the snow.
Anonymous says
Edinburgh was #1 on some “best cities to live in” list I just read.
anon says
OK I’ve only just moved here, but so far loving South Jersey (moved from Philly). No, it’s not the most exciting place, but there are some lovely little towns/suburbs (serious charm, history, etc.), and we’re only an hour from the beach (not the seedy part of the Jersey shore! The charming and upscale parts). Solidly Democratic state with lots of excellent school districts. Taxes are higher than PA (but our taxes went down because we no longer pay the Philly wage tax which is a killer), but we’re in one of the best school districts in the state and everyone we’ve met here raves about the schools. There is so much shopping available within a ten minute drive, and we’re 20 minutes to Philly and 1.5 hours to NYC.
I’m sure I’ll hate the depths of winter here as much as I did in Philly, but you couldn’t pay me to move to a red state even if the weather is better!
AwayEmily says
I live in a LCOL city in Central NY. It is not a fancy place (our house was $200k, as are most houses in our neighborhood) but we have some great restaurants, my kids go to a diverse and close-knit school that is walking distance from our house, we have lots of friends in the neighborhood, and there’s never any traffic. Honestly, I adore it. I always pictured myself living in a “hip college town” (eg Madison, Burlington, Ann Arbor). This is not that — it’s very much a scrappy, grubby Rust Belt city and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
Anon says
I’m not sure there’s a perfect place. I live in a red state too and we’re pretty happy here despite the state politics (I realize there’s a lot of privilege in that because we can afford to travel if needed). We moved here from the Bay Area and are honestly much happier here, despite the politics. There’s a lot to love about California, but the insane cost of living and traffic made it un-liveable for us. I know the Bay Area is extreme, but the cost of living would be hard for us in a lot of blue state cities, especially because our industry (higher ed) doesn’t really scale salaries with cost of living. And there’s an upside to red/purple state politics – schools stayed open. At this stage of life, I would never move to a place that didn’t have 5 day a week in person school at any point after summer 2020.
I think Madison WI or Portland Maine would be high on my list if not for winter, but winter is a big deal to me. Pacific Northwest would also be appealing to me if we could find an affordable part (not Seattle or Portland). We almost moved to Honolulu for my husband’s job and all our friends were so jealous, but I was terrified (it’s very expensive, bad public schools, so far from family and friends, etc.)
Anon says
+1. Live in a blue city/red state after living most of my 20’s and 30’s in NYC and then the DMV, and this is where we land. I detest our state leadership, and I consistently vote/volunteer Democrat. I also really struggled in a liberal echo chamber (felt this in DC not so much in NYC, and I actually worked in a policy role in NYC – I feel like the mayor tends to be a tempering force, even when it was someone I disagreed with politically) where there was a lot of liberal outrage for everything, and there was always like…weird underlying circle-jerk type competition about parenting that I never understood/got into. I find people are kinder and more practical in these “purple” spaces.
I should also add that I have roots here and am committed to making it a “better” place. My immediate and extended family are here, I grew up here, and it’s far more diverse on multiple levels than the DMV (caveat I lived Arlington and worked in MoCo – I know there are gems of diversity like Falls Church, PG County, etc.)
e.g. when DJT won, I was telling a colleague “Well everyone has that family member/friend that probably voted for him for whatever reason.” and the colleague was shocked that I would even deign to say this “No way. No – what are you talking about?”
Anon says
Oh and if I could move anywhere without any need to factor in family, job, etc. – It’d 100% be western Europe. Lyon, Bordeaux, Lisbon, or Paris come to mind. But, I am not White so I understand this would come with challenges. There’s no perfect place.
Anon says
Yes! I’d want to move to Europe if family and jobs weren’t a concern. People make such a big deal of red state vs blue state but to me the day to day life isn’t that different if you’re reasonably affluent. But Europe vs America quality of life is soo different.
Pogo says
I love living in the Boston suburbs. When younger I hated the HCOL, but as our salaries have increased we don’t notice it as much (I mean sure, we’d be super rich in the midwest as opposed to “just” well-off here). We get into Boston frequently, it’s an easy drive, and I love having a huge hub airport here – you can fly direct pretty much anywhere, and it’s really easy to get to Europe. I love the mountains and the ocean both being within a few hours drive. Schools are good – even a top 50 school is likely objectively better than a top 10 school in many other states. Taxes are high, but social services, infrastructure and schools are correspondingly good quality.
Only issue is the winters. Our “ideal” would of course be Northern California as it checks all the same boxes, but with no winter. But we like being closeish to family on the East Coast, and we were both raised here, so likely we’ll stay.
Pogo says
ok should clarify when I say easy drive into Boston I mean on non-peak hours. We don’t have to commute into Boston for work every day during crunch time – I realize that makes a pretty big difference.
Anon says
Northern California doesn’t check the close to Europe box. It’s a schlep to Europe from the West Coast. But of course you have a super easy flight to Hawaii.
Pogo says
correct!! That is the tradeoff – Hawaii takes us an entire day to get there.
Anonymous says
Counterpoint: We left the Boston suburbs before having kids because of the crowding and the expense. Even at off-peak times, navigating Boston is a bear and parking is scarce and $$$. Even in the suburbs, grocery stores and malls are always packed. Homes are old, nasty, and ridiculously overpriced. It’s fine if you have gazillions of dollars to buy in one of the W towns and do a gut reno with lead abatement, but we are just normal people with normal jobs and didn’t want to be house-poor for a crumbling raised ranch in the boonies with lousy schools and a 90-minute one-way commute to work. I don’t think I would even consider moving back on anything less than $400K gross HHI plus WFH most days.
Anon says
+1 I lived in Boston for college and grad school. Absolutely loved it as a student without a family to support who didn’t mind living in a small apartment with roommates, but I would not have wanted to live there as an adult. By the time I hit 30is I was really itching for a single family home of my own, and I didn’t want to be house poor, and that is really not feasible in any of the suburbs with decent schools unless you have way more money than we do.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Counter counterpoint: I get what you’re saying, but I haven’t found that to be the case in my suburb. Grocery stores are normal busy and it’s pretty easy to get around here. Boston has a commuter rail so you can avoid driving into the city if you find a place near the line (or drive to one). I would never and have never had to drive into the city consistently and I really don’t mind my train ride, even if it takes 45 min. And there are more than just those W towns ;)
Anonymous says
Counter counter counterpoint: When you factor in the drive to the commuter rail + parking + commuter rail time and expense + T from main station to the office, commuting is super expensive and time-consuming. IIRC, it was well over an hour each way for my husband from Framingham to work in Boston.
Pogo says
Hahah yup. I guess maybe I am so used to the crowding I don’t care anymore? And my point above about the schools was just that – yes, if you want a W town, you probably need a HHI of well over $400K. We are probably somewhere in the $350K range right now and as I said, we don’t feel super rich here, but we get by easily enough. Our school is top 50 in the state, but I think in MA a top 50 is better than a top 10 in many other places, so I don’t feel the need to be in a W town. Or Concord-Carlise, Acton-Boxbourough, Dover-Sherborn, or any of the other non-W but highly-ranked and always hyphenated school districts :D
Rosalie says
RE housing stock in the Boston area, I laughed out loud at “old, nasty, and ridiculously overpriced” because to me the “old, nasty” descriptor means “charming pre-war housing stock.” I live in metro Washington, DC and long for the charming, yes OLD housing stock of New England.
Boston Legal Eagle says
NorCal is probably one of 3 U.S. places that is actually higher COL than Boston ;) But I’m with you on everything, neighbor!
Pogo says
haha yes, exactly. I thought if I said that tho DMV and NYC would come for me.
Anonymous says
DMV is much, MUCH cheaper than NorCal. It’s not cheap, but NorCal is literally 2x per square for comparably desirable locations.
Boston ‘Burbs says
I also like my Boston suburb. The high cost is definitely a drawback – as someone else said, I’d be super rich in a lot of areas of the country instead of just “well off” here – but that’s fine with me. I love the good public schools + lots of well educated adults (possibly because there are so many colleges and a good job market?), the four seasons, and the proximity to mountains, beach and other fun New England/NY destinations. The public transit could be better but does exist, which is a major factor for me. Some things are probably over-regulated, but generally I like that the state was a leader in public access to health insurance and gay marriage and is trying to have some impact on climate change.
I have also spent a bunch of time in Rust Belt cities in blue states like another commenter and agree some of them (or their suburbs) have a lot to offer. They are much more affordable and in some cases have great museums and other cultural attractions.
My dream cities are actually Portland, ME and Portland, OR, but I doubt I’ll ever move to either.
Anonymous says
The key is that you’d be super-rich anywhere else. Boston is not even an option for those who would merely be well-off somewhere else.
Anon says
+1 I feel pretty dang wealthy on a HHI of $160k in a LCOL Midwest city. I could not afford the kind of life I want in Boston at all.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I live in a Greater Boston suburb. Yes, it’s a very HCOL around here but I am willing to pay to live here. Policies generally align with my views and there is a big emphasis on education. The public schools are top notch and there are many great universities in New England around us (beyond the biggies in Cambridge). We have all 4 seasons, which I actually enjoy – I used to live in CA and I’m the weirdo who actually moved away from the year-long temperate life to a place with all 4 seasons. I like knowing what part of the year I’m in. I do think CA (at least from my experience) has a level of optimism and cultural diversity that this is more lacking in New England, but I’m not planning on moving back, at least while my kids are in school. I am a little concerned that my kids won’t be able to afford to live here when they’re adults, but we’ll see. HCOL areas are just going to get higher…
I think my ideal ideal place would be a suburb in Toronto, Ontario, which is also HCOL and in a better country climate, but alas, I don’t think that’s in my near future.
Anne-on says
+1 – we were lucky to have bought at a weird point (post-08 crash, pre-boom) otherwise we likely could not have afforded the size/location of our home. We love our neighborhood and our ‘gross old house’ – lol, it is old, we have a stone foundation, but we’ve been upgrading it over the years and really love it now despite it needing frequent TLC – I adore history and old homes and appreciate that it is a historic home, not a cookie cutter McMansion. I am not in love with the winters but my husband and son love skiing/ice skating/snowshoeing/etc. so we budget in a warm weather break for Feb./March and just get on with it.
The public schools are great though we definitely have a bit of a ‘pressure cooker’ mentality that we consciously chose to fight at times. The proximity to downtown Boston/an international aiport is also great as is being commutable (albeit a long commuter rail trip) to a ‘major’ city. It’s made job-hunting and changing jobs much easier than it’s been for my friends in smaller areas. In our dream scenario we’ll retire somewhere with lower taxes or buy a condo once our two-story house becomes too much for us.
Pogo says
I think we bought in the same post-08 pre-boom. Our exact same house is selling down the street for $300K more than we bought it for in 2013… and it doesn’t even have all the improvements ours has. It’s crazy here, so I do acknowledge we got a bit lucky with our timing.
Mary Moo Cow says
Central Virginia, which is purple/was blue may be turning red/is in flux. Neither DH or I grew up here, but moved here for graduate school and decided to stay. Now that DH’s parents are here, too, the only way I could see us moving is either becoming snowbirds or moving to the place where kids settle (but I would be really happy if kids decided to settle here.) We have low to medium cost of living, well run government, and ethnic diversity which seems to be growing. As someone else said, one benefit of being in a red/purple area is that schools have stayed open. Also, for DH and me, socializing with people who don’t think exactly like us is enriching and helps me escape my echo chamber. We have 4 seasons (a novelty for this deep Southern transplant) and I have come to love fall and even snowy days. We have culture (museums, historical sites), sports (minor leagues sports teams), outdoor activities, colleges and universities, and strong private industry and government job opportunities. The location seems to be attracting a lot of transplants, which is cool. The main reason we love it, though, is our neighborhood. We recently moved to a planned community with a pool, sidewalks, nature trail, and tons of young families who want to make friends. Daily quality of life has improved so much just by moving.
anon says
Central Virginia has a well earned reputation for racial prejudice. My parents retired outside of Richmond a couple of years ago and they are shocked by the things they hear. They only half jokingly refer to their neighborhood block parties as “Klan meetings” to us kids. They go to keep a friendly front with their neighbors, but find it very, very uncomfortable. They very much regret moving there.
Anonymous says
I lived outside Richmond for 15 years and this surprises me. IME prejudice is far worse in the DC area (even though it is far more blue) than it ever was outside Richmond.
Anonymous says
It depends on where you live and with whom you associate. The old folks who have lived here their whole lives and many of the contractors I’ve had in to do estimates for work on our house (who immediately disqualify themselves from being hired) will actually make openly racist comments apropos of nothing. It’s shocking. It goes both ways too.
If you stick to the woke suburban transplant circles, on the other hand, you will hear a lot of talk about racial justice. What you will not find is any non-magnet school that isn’t affected by de facto residential segregation.
Anonymous says
We are also in central VA and love it for many of the reasons you cite. Life is just so much easier than it was anywhere else we’ve lived (San Diego, LA, NYC, Boston area). We go into the city more often and take much more advantage of all the cultural opportunities because everything is so much more affordable and accessible.
Downsides: Schools in our county are seriously terrible, which we didn’t figure out until it was too late. The next county over does much better, and I wish we’d bought our home there. There is a fairly sizeable extremist R element and the threat of a takeover of state government always looms. Churches, schools, and other institutions try to placate the conservatives by avoiding or downplaying real social issues, which is frustrating to the younger progressive element. There’s no real winter with usable snow, the mountains and beaches are subpar, the humidity is oppressive, and the mosquitoes make outdoor living impossible for much of the year. The same transplants who are making the area more vibrant are also bidding housing prices way up. But on balance, it’s the most livable place we’ve ever lived.
Anon says
Far-out DC suburbs. I love that we are able to live on a half acre and back to greenspace and have wildlife and a garden (when the wildlife doesn’t decimate it) while still being 15 minutes from Costco, lots of grocery stores and retail, good restaurants, etc. It’s a hike into the city (45 minutes driving with no traffic, which is rare; little longer with metro since we are not metro accessible and need to drive and park) but nice in non Covid times to have relatively easy access to all of the museums, kennedy center, sports teams, etc. I also appreciate being close to the airport and we have top-notch doctors and healthcare facilities. I work in the burbs (in a job I really like with people I really like) and have an under 30 minute driving commute (15-20 minutes these days, plus I am hybrid). We are a 2.5 hour drive from my parents’ current house, which means we see them often. Although it is HCOL, because of the all government in the area, housing prices and jobs are fairly stable, and I am paid very, very well. We have a solid circle of friends with what I would call “midwestern values” (meaning down to earth, not interested in keeping up with the jones’, practical, and generally just “good people”), many of whom are from the area or places I’ve previously lived, and excellent schools and lots of greenspace.
Anonymous says
We live in a closer DC suburb (in MD) and find it’s really great for raising kids. We have 1/4 acre and find it’s extremely easy to get out into nature in our area. MoCo has a lot of protected green space/forest. There’s a ridiculous amount of playgrounds, lots of public pools (and private pools), and free or low cost activities through the county. I admittedly didn’t love living in such a congested area until I had kids because I grew up in rural PA, but we like raising kids here a lot.
Anonymous says
I live in Silver Spring and like it for all these same reasons. It is much (much) more diverse than where I grew up in suburban midwest, and I also like the exposure to other cultures that my kids get here. We’re within an hour or two of the beach, small mountains, and tons of nice hiking and biking.
Rosalie says
I live in Silver Spring and the beaches are 3+ hours away. There is no ocean beach within an hour or two, unless you are thinking of Sandy Point State Park (jellyfish galore).
Anon says
Downton Boston and love it. We pay through the nose for the privilege (eg, at our daycare, a slot for one kid is more than $50k a year) but we love the walkability and the four seasons. We’re 10 minutes from a major airport and have a nice apartment in a picturesque and quiet neighborhood with multiple gorgeous parks nearby and lots of different playgrounds in walking distance. Although it gets touristy, we can walk around and routinely bump into friends while we’re out and about, which really enhances the sense of community. We don’t need to get in a car if we don’t want to (and we rarely do). Again, insanely high cost of living, but we’re fortunate to be able to pay for some luxuries that help make life easier and more enjoyable. Both my spouse and I have family in the suburbs and that allows us to get out of the city when we want. Realistically, if we move out of the city it will be to a Boston suburb, just haven’t been willing to chain ourselves to the car lifestyle yet…
Anon for this says
We have lived in Jersey City for about ten years, raising our kids here, and love it. For us, it’s a great middle ground between city and suburban life. We live slightly outside the downtown Jersey City core, so our home size and mortgage are actually pretty comparable to our friends in NJ suburbs, and our taxes are far lower. Commute to Midtown is excellent (about 40 minutes door to door). I have numerous friends around here and we walk to each other’s houses, our kids play together, our nanny meets other nannies on the playground and sets up play dates. Lots of diversity: racial, socioeconomic, languages, people come from all over. Excellent public services, progressive local and state government. So much culture here. We ride our bikes to Liberty State Park and just chill out with the NYC skyline and Lady Liberty in the background. I feel like we live (just slightly left of) the center of the world. We can easily get into NYC for anything we want but then retreat back home and have slightly more space and quiet.
Downsides: our outside space is far smaller than a comparable suburban home (we do have a yard but it’s tiny). The public schools are awful at least in our neighborhood, so we are going to be eating up or exceeding the tax savings by putting two kids in private school within a few years. Our neighborhood is urban and not really gentrified, so it’s not pretty or polished-looking. We don’t have a driveway; we recently got a car so we can drive to visit family, weekend trips, etc. and we have to find a spot on the street which is annoying.
Anonymous says
No specific locales, but in general it’s a lot easier to love where you live if you are rich and can buy your way out of the inconveniences (see, e.g., Boston posts).
Anonymous says
Michigan! We’re a purple state but our two senators, governor, SOS and AG are Dems (and almost all are women!) We have the longest freshwater coastline in the world. Everyone here spends their summer weekends in Northern Michigan. Detroit has an amazing restaurant and music scene, and has a theater district that is second only to New York. And we have the Upper Peninsula, which is like a separate, densely wooded, Canadian-esque socialist country.
Anonymous says
My possibly realistic dream is to buy a lakefront cabin in northern Michigan after we are done paying for college and spend several months of the year there. The main downsides are that the blue foothold in state government seems tenuous, there are no real mountains, and by the time we can consider buying housing prices will have risen out of reach.
Emma says
I live in Montreal, Quebec (Canada). I’m not from here originally, I moved for university, then got a job and married a Canadian. I really love it for a lot of reasons – safe, public healthcare, good restaurants, culture, walkable, decent access to nice nature, reasonable COL (although it has really increased recently). I’ve sometimes thought of moving somewhere that felt more “in the heart of the action” as a corporate big law associate (like NYC) but now that we are expecting a child I’m happy I didn’t, and as someone who went to law school here I’ve always had plenty of professional opportunity. The winter is obviously the major downside – I’ve learnt to deal with it but it’s still awful sometimes. The ocean is far, and that makes me a little sad too. But these days, US politics make me happy to have chosen Canada (I initially was going to go to school in the US).
Anon says
I’m the red state/blue city poster that mentioned a few Western European cities. I can’t believe I didn’t mention Montreal as an option. DH and I absolutely adore it, have gone many times across many seasons (including winter, and I haaaaaaaaaaaate winter but I could trade public healthcare for it), and even have our favorite neighborhood to rent a flat in, local artists we follow/purchase from, restaurants/chefs we love, etc. We haven’t visited Toronto as much, and I know it’s very different from Montreal, but I’d also put that on the list.
Anonymous says
I have never actually been to Montreal, but it and Ottawa are on my short list of places I’d move if my extended family weren’t a factor. We’ve talked about it a lot in the last couple years but haven’t made the jump, yet. My in-laws are Canadian citizens (DH is not, but could easily get citizenship thanks to his parents).
Cb says
I’m going to Montreal in September for a workshop and I’m so excited to explore! Sadly the event was planned by senior male academics who don’t worry about teaching/childcare schedules, otherwise I’d bring my family along.
Anonymous says
Chicago. Everyone forgets about the Midwest, and we kind of like it that way? I live in a 150-year-old townhouse with outdoor space, garage, guest room, office, playroom, etc. In somewhere like SF or NY we could NEVER afford to live like we do here. Restaurants within easy walking distance, a beautiful lakefront, very good schools without any of the admissions hassle, fantastic activities for kids, and everything within 15 minutes away. I drive to the grocery store, but aside from that we walk almost everywhere. I lived in HCOL cities for many years and I’ve been kind of amazed at our qualify of life here, and how weirdly easy everything feels. There’s crime, yes, and we’re trying to actively contribute to solutions. But we have nothing like the homelessness problems out West (a friend in Denver decided she had to move when a homeless man started using her back stoop as his #2 toilet).
Anonymous says
I loved living in Chicago. The only reason I moved away is we had no support system at all there and we were about to start a family. So we moved close to family. Worth it, but I do miss a lot about that city.
Anon says
The literal 9 months of winter is probably why it wasn’t mentioned.
Anon says
It isn’t that bad! May through November are usually pretty nice. Some of the places mentioned (Canada!?) have longer winters.
Anon says
Yes, but Canada’s public healthcare system and other benefits would actually offset it (for me).
Anon says
I lived in Chicago for 3 years. You get used to it and once you own all the right gear, it really is manageable. I miss it because nothing in my mid-atlantic state ever feels actually cold enough to enjoy the flannels and heavy coats and actually put on socks (here, I can wear sandals almost all year round except on the handful of days it snows).
Anonymous says
Personally, I don’t get why people don’t complain about the 9 months of sickeningly hot weather in FL/ TX/ etc! The key is to have a garage and to dress appropriately.
Anonymous says
Same! I can always put on more layers, but other than hiding indoors with AC, there’s not much I can do to make a muggy, hot DC summer feel better. I’ll take cold (within reason) over heat and humidity any day.
AnonTX says
Bahah this is such a personal thing. My last winter in a 4-seasons place, I slipped on black ice while trying to get into my car, and that was my last straw. I hated putting on the layers inside, getting overheated, and then freezing outside. I abhorred walking in “wintry mix”.
I’m much happier wearing shorts/tanktops/dresses and being able to be outside most of the year (except the 3 hottest months of summer).
Anon says
Minnesota, close-in suburb to Twin Cities. I live on an acre 15 minutes from work, in an excellent school district and in a large home that cost ~$350K 8 years ago. I love the cost and quality of living, the public transit and recreation options, the politics (very liberal in the cities and pretty conservative in rural areas, but a solidly blue state overall and neither the far left nor far right seem to have highjacked either of the state’s political parties), and the proximity to a major airport for ease of travel. Huge LGBTQIA community (we pull from all surrounding states), very welcoming to refugees so we have large and thriving Somali and Hmong populations … overall, a pretty great place to live though there’s certainly been a lot of self-reflection and institutional reckoning following the George Floyd murder and its aftermath.
I didn’t grow up here and I don’t love the winters, but each year is more manageable and the region is set up so that snow, ice, and cold very rarely cause anything to shut down. I very much miss the natural beauty of mountains and oceans from where I grew up (PNW) so I try to plan vacations around getting back into the kind of nature I grew up in.
We are an island, though. The day after Roe was overturned, every surrounding state had trigger laws to ban or restrict abortion after 6 weeks.
Anonymous says
Portland OR. Different than in my youth, but we still love it (returned after a long time on the east coast). Beautiful outdoor opportunities close by – coast, Columbia River gorge, mountains, desert if you drive just a couple hours. This was actually really important to me! East coast scenery was not cutting it for me. We have temperate winters (I hate the extreme cold) and AMAZING summers. We also have pretty much zero mosquitoes which is also important to me as a mosquito magnet – we can actually use our outside space much of the year. Luckily for us we bought our house prior to the current ridiculous prices but that would definitely be an issue for moving here now. We really like the general values here as far as less keeping up with the joneses and more do your own thing; our friends encompass a really wide variety of kinds of people in all different careers whereas we had trouble meeting people outside of our circle and sociologist economic class in our previous area. My employer is really involved in addressing Oregon’s history of race discrimination- it’s not perfect but I think we are further along than when I was growing up.
Anon says
Basically an identical story and identical feelings about Portland here. I live in a non-fancy city neighborhood that feels like a walkable small town but with city amenities.
Anon says
Denver, CO. We love it here. Weather – 4 seasons, no humidity, you can be outside with kids all year with appropriate clothing/sunscreen+hat. Proximity to mountains has improved our life dramatically with hiking and skiing. Politics – reasonable. Better than where we used to live in Texas, for sure, which I loved from a COL perspective but the politics were getting hard to stomach. The schools are patchy but generally really good, although my kids are still <5 so I haven't done my research thoroughly yet. Things are crowded and housing is WAY overpriced, but not as bad as the coasts and we can make it work. I am struggling with the idea that we don't live near some of my older relatives I want my kids to get to know as they get older, but not enough that I want to move back to Massachusetts or NYC where they are. I think we are here for good if we can, trying to convince our family to re-settle here with us.
SL says
Oldest is starting kinder in a month and needs to be at school at 8, about a ten minute drive. We’re currently usually late for preschool at 9. Sometimes I’m going to have to get his little brother (2) out of the house with us too. They wake up at 715-730 currently. What tips do you have?
Anon says
No advice, but we’ll be in the same boat next year and I’m already worried. It’s not uncommon for us to have to wake kiddo at 8:30 to get to daycare at 9:30. We’ve tried earlier bedtimes, but my kid won’t settle down for bed any earlier than she has been. Her internal biology just seems to be tilted towards nightowl. As is mine.
Anon says
I find that often it’s about what time *I*get up in order to prep everything. I can wake my kids up at the last minute, toss them in the car with their shoes, backpacks and a smoothie if I need to, but in order to do that, I want to be up early enough that I get myself ready, breakfast made, and lunches packed. Also, my kids know that at I will go sit in the car and if they are late, it’s on them.
Sleeping in clothes for the next day and also helps streamline the morning.
What does your morning look like right now?
Op says
My mornings look like me pushing them to get ready every step of the way and him escaping to play legos if I’m not closely watching. :)
He does dress himself though! (But that likely doesn’t save time)
Spirograph says
This. My kids can do breakfast and morning getting-ready in as little as 15 minutes if *I* am on the ball. Even if I’m not trying to fit in a morning workout, I need to wake up at least 30-45 minutes before they do for things to go smoothly. I can make 3 lunches and get myself ready in 20 minutes if the kids aren’t up yet; it takes at least twice as long if they’re in the mix.
Streamlining breakfast is key: I never give my kids more than 2 options on any given day among the following: frozen toaster waffles, bagel + cream cheese, english muffin + hardboiled egg, instant oatmeal, cereal, yogurt. If they ask for anything else and we’re strapped for time, “sorry, that’s not on the menu today.”
If you need to pack lunches, I highly recommend meal planning the “main course” and doing any veggie chopping ahead of time. I have a standing rotation of Monday – lunchables, Tuesday -tacos, Wednesday – pb&J etc etc and then just throw in 1 fruit, 1 vegetable, and a couple pre-packaged snacks foods (eg cheese stick, yogurt, granola bar).
Spirograph says
Oh, and as someone who used to be chronically late and has mostly trained myself out of it…. do not think of school as a 10 min drive away meaning you’ll be on time if you leave at 7:50. I got *so* much better at being on time once I started adding 10 minutes for getting-in-and-out-of-the-car when figuring out what time I need to leave the house!
Anon says
This. DH has some health issues which make him move super slowly now and we were constantly late until I realized I needed to add 15 minutes to the amount of time it would usually take us to get somewhere to account for the shuffle to and getting in and out of the car, building, etc.
anonn says
my daughter wears her clothes to bed instead of Pjs. we used to coax her out of bed with a tv show, but that became a different battle.
NYCer says
I would start trying to move their wake up time earlier soon (especially the Kindergartner, since he is the one who actually needs to be fed and ready for school). In my experience, 20-35 min is not enough time for my elementary school aged child to get up, get ready for school, eat and get out the door.
Anonymous says
+1 – my son needs a solid hour in the morning.
Mary Moo Cow says
We were in this boat two years ago. The first few week of school was an adjustment, for sure, but it can be done. What works for us: DH gets up at 5:30 and has an hour to himself. I get up at 6:30 and get dressed and prep lunches. We wake kids up at 7, get them dressed/make sure they get themselves dressed, and then come downstairs for breakfast. DH makes breakfast since he’s now had his coffee and alone time. I put backpacks in the car while he makes sure they have shoes, coats on, etc. We leave the house by 7:40. The key is getting the kids dressed before they come downstairs for breakfast; otherwise, they linger over breakfast and dawdle upstairs and it devolves into me yelling and them pouting and nobody’s hair is brushed. Also, plan a solid 5-10 extra minutes in the winter (someone’s glove is missing, coats aren’t by the back door, etc.)
Bottom line: everyone has to get up earlier than they want to in order to make it work.
startup lawyer says
If you want to maximize sleep for yourself too, i’d tag team. So, for example, dad gets him dressed/brush his teeth while I’m in the shower and getting dressed and then I monitor breakfast while husband showers. Then one of us takes him to school.
Anonymous says
We were fortunate to have both parents able to help in the am and it works best to have one parent fully in charge of each kid. I have a high sleep needs kid so my focus is enable him to sleep as late as possible- which means that an adult is with him every step of the way to keep him on track. My spouse and I get up at 6:55, having showered the night before. I get dressed and make breakfast then get the kiddo up at 7:20, help dress him bc he’s less than awake, shepherd him to the bathroom and try to get him to eat. In the car by 7:45 for 8:00 school start. The other parent does similar with the other kid.
Anonymous says
Help me brainstorm ideas for getting breaks from my kids. They’re 5, 17 months and 17 months. Neither my mom nor my MIL can care for them, for a lot of reasons. My nanny is going back to school full time in September, when the twins start preschool. What I really need is a week away with my partner once a quarter but I’d settle for a weekend. Should I ask the nanny if she wants to do a weekend housesitting/kid sitting? Look for an au pair? Find a decent babysitter? My nanny is one in a million and I’ve had a hard time finding a babysitter who won’t flake on me. Any ideas appreciated.
Anon says
I don’t see a downside to asking the nanny if she wants to watch the kid for a weekend.
Anon says
Yes, ask your current nanny about potentially doing weekends. Other ideas are to look into nanny agencies to match you with a weekend or travel nanny, or leaning in to finding a mom friend that wants a similar arrangement and you can trade weekends with each other. You can look for a weekend babysitter on your own but be prepared to have to do more due diligence on your own than you would have to do with a nanny agency.
Anonymous says
When they turn 5, summer camp.
Anon says
5 year olds can’t go to sleepaway camp!
Anonymous says
Yes they can! We started at 6 because my husband wouldn’t let me send her at 5, but plenty of camps take rising K kids. She loved it and didn’t want to leave at the end of the week.
Anon says
I’m skeptical of this “plenty of camps take 5 year olds.” I’ve never heard of a sleepaway camp that takes kids under 7; the one our kids go to starts at age 8 and I’ve heard of ones that don’t start until age 9 or older. I also think it’s a verrrry rare 5 year old who could handle it, so definitely not something OP can count on. Most kids aren’t even having sleepovers with close friends at that age.
I do agree about going to grandparents for a week if the grandparents are willing and able to provide care.
Anon says
Not quite the same, but I sent DD at 3 to my parents’ for 10 days (and again at 4, where she actually had some homesickness she didn’t have at 3 surprisingly). If grandparent “summer camp” were not an option I would totally look at third-party sleepaway camp for my 5-6YO, but that’s still a lot of time for OP from 17 months to 5.
Anon says
Do you have a sibling (or sibling-in-law) who would be willing to take kids for a weekend (or fly in to stay with them)? My aunt often stayed with us when we were kids (or we got dropped at her house), and while we usually use my parents when we need to get away, we’ve considered flying in my (currently childless) sister for a long weekend for auntie-time and childcare.
We also have good friends with similarly-aged kids where we have discussed using for this type of weekend getaway in the future, but for the time being both of us have parents that are able to provide care.
Anonymous says
Agree with the above. I’ll also say that going forward, regular date nights might help you feel like you don’t need a vacation every quarter. I hope that didn’t come out wrong – I totally, 100% get where you are coming from. Last summer we finally found a great sitter for regular date nights, and it has really been a game changer. Think of it as preventive maintenance as compared to treatment ;)
AwayEmily says
A recently invented Baby Thing that is LIFE-CHANGING: the blackout tent that goes over the Pack n Play (Slumberpod). We just had a nuts couple of week that involved my 5mo sleeping in like four different rooms in several houses, and this thing (plus our white noise machine) was a lifesaver. She went right to sleep and slept through the night each night, took long naps, etc. It even has a little pouch for the baby monitor if you want a visual!
Anyway this was totally worth the money for us — with my other kids I remember calling AirBnBs to ask about curtains, trying to hang towels to cover windows, etc — no more! Also, you can do stuff in the room they’re in without disturbing them or having to tiptoe around in the dark — very useful if they are bunking with you.
Anon says
This isn’t that new :) My kid is 5 and I remember hearing about it when she was an infant. We never used one, but in hindsight it probably would have been a good investment. We usually put the PNP in the bathroom when traveling, but then DH and I had to use public restrooms when we needed to pee.
HSAL says
I’m envisioning the cover you put over a birdcage that quiets the bird down. :)
AwayEmily says
TOTALLY, it even has a similar shape. now i’m going to think of that every time I use it.
Katie says
I saw this product pitched on Shark Tank, and I felt so bad for the entrepreneurs because the baby started crying as soon as they put the product over the Pack n Play with the baby inside. I’m guessing it was mostly because of the lights and cameras and strangers, but it was not great for the pitch! They ended up getting a deal, so it was fine in the end.
Anonymous says
Why on earth did they use a real baby instead of a doll? First rule of showbiz is never to work with kids or animals.
Lydia says
has anyone used the CARES harness on a flight recently? We have a carseat at both ends of the trip and I’m traveling alone with a toddler, so I’d rather not haul it through the airport. The harness is FAA approved and Delta says it’s fine; would just love to hear from anyone who’s used it (any tips etc).
Anonymous says
We’ve used one several times now. To install and uninstall it, you do have to briefly open the tray table behind the seat to route the belt between the tray table and seat back, but once in place it doesn’t affect the person behind’s tray table or anything. We generally choose the back/last row though, mostly just to be out of the way if we need to get up, switch seats around, do bathroom trips, etc., but it also eliminates the (small) extra step of getting it behind the tray table.
Only once years ago (on American) we had a flight attendant get weirdly hostile about it right off the bat. As we were installing, she came up and said it’s not allowed, we politely showed her the FAA label, she snipped “well I’m going to check our manual” and huffed off, then returned with a snarky “the manual says it’s allowed”… shrug. If you run into someone like that, there’s a chance they’ll tell you to install it in the window seat, like a car seat would have to be, but I’m not sure that’s strictly required, and I’ve installed it in the middle seat on multiple occasions. But like I said that was a few years ago, and I suspect people are more familiar with them now.
I particularly love it if we hit unexpected turbulence and I’m flying with the kids by myself, so I’m not worried about whether my tiny kid is held in place by the loose (on them) seatbelt.
Spirograph says
I used it once and don’t think it’s worth the money. A toddler will be able to slide out the bottom if s/he is so motivated; it might provide some marginal safety value in the unlikely event there is severe turbulence or a hard landing, but on a normal flight it restricts movement enough to annoy a kid but not enough to actually be a restraint the way a car seat is. My vote: Either bring the car seat, or just use the lap belt.
Anon says
+1. I haven’t used it myself, but this is what I heard from friends. Fwiw, we switched to just using the lap belt around age 3. I think my kid actually met the 40 lb weight limit by that age, but to be honest we would have been completely fine switching even if she hadn’t. Planes are so much safer than cars. With a 1 year old or a squirmy 2 year old, I would just bring the car seat. The Cosco seat mentioned above is so lightweight it’s really not a big deal to take.
Anonymous says
Yeah close to the weight limit I’m not sure there’s much benefit. One of my kids was barely 30 pounds at 4.5, so still quite a bit under the 40 lb minimum. I’ve only used a car seat on a plane a couple of times; one time when kid was just under 1 it was fine, but once older, the car seat kinda boosted them up such that it was easier to kick the seat in front. Kid wasn’t intentionally kicking the seat, but is a generally squirmy and active kid, so it became a problem. The CARES harness was a great compromise in that situation. When the seatbelt sign is off, if kid gets antsy or annoyed by the restriction of motion, I’ll unclip the chest clip for a bit. FWIW my kids hated car seats and were holy terrors if forced into them, so I was coming at this from the angle of avoiding car seats on planes if possible. But I know plenty of other kids fall right asleep or sit happily in car seats on planes. We’ve done a ton of flights and had more than our share of hard landings, aborted landings, and unexpected turbulence enough to cause a collective gasp and a few screams, and the harness did hold tiny kiddo in place better than I expected when properly adjusted. But agreed that for a normal flight the lap belt is probably fine.
OP, my kid’s booty does tend to slide a bit such that she’s slouching a bit at times. I’ve heard of people taking a square of the non-skid rubber stuff you put in cabinets/drawers for kid to sit on to stop the sliding, but I’ve never bothered with that. Mine is old enough where she can scooch herself back more upright if really needed. I don’t know how often the rule about requiring a restraint for under 2 in their own seat is really enforced (I haven’t seen it, but I understand the feeling of not wanting to be the unlucky one), but the CARES harness is super easy to just throw in a bag and have if you end up needing it.
Lydia says
this is super reassuring, thank you! I went ahead and got the harness; I think it’s a better option than the carseat and we’ll see how it goes. Kiddo is 22 months and 30 lbs, so she should be big enough for it work without too much slipping out.
Lydia says
Thanks! Unfortunately my kid is not quite 2 (but too big for me to hold!), and some kind of restraint (either carseat or CARES) is required if they have their own seat and are under 2. I’m not sure if that is enforced in practice, but I don’t want to get knocked off of our flight. I think I’m going to try the harness and I’ll report back. Thanks for the tip about the last row! They also have us sitting separately (another headache but one they say they can fix at the gate), but one of our seats is in the last row so maybe we can both end up there.
Anon says
It’s super expensive but we love the WayB for this age up to around 4. It folds and fits in a backpack, and your kiddo has to forward face if you use it as a carseat, but it’s definitely a game changer in terms of (1) actually restricting your kid on the plane, and (2) actually portable.
Anonymous says
I definitely used it at that age/size (or rather just over 2) and we liked that it kept the kid contained better than a lap belt. On the last flight I took the twin 2 year olds in the row ahead of me kept unbuckling themselves and driving their mom crazy – harness would have been super helpful.
Anon says
Not parenting, but I feel like someone recommend a bedroom air purifier here before? Can you share the link again? My allergies are AWFUL right now and I think it’s time for an air purifier.
Anne-on says
We have 2 of the Blueair filters and really like them. I’d wait until Prime Day, we got ours about 30% off during the prime sale a few years back.
Anonymous says
That was probably me. BlueAir Blue Pure series. Target even carries the small model now.
Anon says
Blueair. I have 411+s in each bedroom (and one in my work office) and two 211+s on our main floor.
Anonymous says
+1. the filters are expensive, but we’ve had ours for about 4 years and never had a problem.
Anon says
We use the Coway but bought it pre pandemic when it was cheaper.
EDAnon says
We have to travel unexpectedly for a funeral. We need to rent a car. We have a small 5yo and a 3yo. The 3yo will have a car seat on the plane. The 5yo is too tall (he’s very light). He’s never ridden in a booster (and we don’t own one). What do I do? I am open to anything including spending $$, as long as it works.
Flying into Hartford, CT if it matters.
Anonymous says
With a small 5-year-old in a car without LATCH, we used a high-back booster because it seemed safer than installing a harnessed seat with the seat belt. The 5-year-old barely met the minimum height and weight requirements for the high-back booster. You can’t use a booster seat on a plane, though, so you will have to check the 5-year-old’s seat whether you go with a booster or a regular seat.
Anonymous says
I would get a lightweight high back booster w/harness — Cosco Finale or Graco Tranzitions are both good and not too $$. My understanding is you cannot use a high back booster on the plane unless it has a harness, since the plane doesn’t have a shoulder belt which is needed for HBB mode. Or you could check it in a car seat bag. And I don’t think there are any on-site rental companies at Hartford, but I could be misremembering. Sorry for your loss.
Anon says
You can use the Cosco Finale on a plane. I have. It converts between a forward facing car seat and a high back booster seat and you can use it on planes in carseat (harness) mode. Checking (or gate checking) a lightweight booster or carseat is also a fine option if you don’t want it with you on the plane.
Anonymous says
Right, that’s what I meant by you cannot use it in HBB mode, must use it with the harness.
Anon says
I’m sorry for your loss. Unless you’re very uncomfortable with the idea of the 5 year old in a booster, I would get the $25 Graco booster from Target. You can carry it on the plane pretty easily and it doesn’t count against your carry on baggage allowance. My daughter (who had just turned 4 at the time) used one for the first time on a trip and had no issues (and went back into a Britax carseat without any complaints afterward).
Anon says
This is the one I was referring to: https://www.target.com/p/graco-backless-turbobooster-miller/-/A-14239536
Anonymous says
+1
Anon says
Ride Safer Travel Vest. It has a harness that you thread the seatbelt through (and a tether can be used up to 60 pounds I think). You size them by torso height and weight.
EDAnon says
Thank you all. And no cars in Hartford, so we’re flying to LGA, but the advice holds. I appreciate the quick responses here.
Anonymous says
Not sure where you’re going but you could check Providence, too, if it’s not a done deal already to go to LGA. I believe the cars are on-site (although it’s a longish walk to get to the car rental area).
Anonymous says
PVD is sooooo much better than LGA in general.
EDAnon says
Unfortunately, PVD has no cars. I love PVD and would much rather fly there. The mis clear them out or something, though a lot of hotels were booked too. Maybe just a popular time to be in CT?
Pogo says
ugh, I’m sorry. What about Westchester? Surprisingly easier to get to sometimes.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Upon the recommendation of someone here, we’re going to try the mifold hifold foldable highback booster for our older kid. It looks like it can be folded and carried on with you.
Anonymous says
Add a carseat on on to your rental. It’s free if you have AAA. They always have boosters.
Anonymous says
The last time we rented a car seat they gave us an infant bucket seat for our 3 year old, and we had to start our vacation sending DH out to Walmart to buy a Cosco seat. It was a real PITA and is the last thing someone attending a funeral needs to deal with. I have friends who’ve had bad experiences with rentals from car rental places too. It’s much more reliable to bring one on the plane.
Anonymous says
What is everyone’s favorite toddler/preschooler sleeping thing for when they are too big for a pack in play? My 3 year old is still in the crib and has never attempted to climb out, so we’re keeping the crib for the next little bit or converting it into a toddler bed. But, what do you do for grandparent overnight visits or traveling and staying at a hotel? Basically, what replaces the pack and play that isn’t just sticking them in a queen sized bed as is?
Anonymous says
There are little toddler-sized air mattresses with a bumper. But a queen-sized bed can be a lot of fun for a preschooler. If you are worried about them rolling out, you can stick a pool noodle under the fitted sheet.
Anon says
We bought a travel airbed (the Shrunks Travel Bed) around age 3, but it didn’t get a whole lot of use in hotels and Airbnbs because we switched to putting her in a sofa bed or a regular bed pretty quickly after that (in high beds we would build a pillow barrier so she couldn’t roll out). The airbed didn’t go to waste though, it went to live at my parents apartment as her bed there.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Inflatable bed with side bumpers. I think we can use this for sleepovers in the future too!
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01LWQMM4V/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
AwayEmily says
We used the Shrunks inflatable mattress, which I think is the same basic idea (and the blackout tent I posted earlier fits over it!).
Anon says
We have this one and my kids love it. My 2 year old son even slept on it for a few months instead of in his crib before we moved him to a floor bed.
Anon says
And as another option, before we bought this bed we brought along a cushion from the nugget. That was also a nice sleep choice.
CCLA says
For travel we used the hiccapop inflatable bumpers, or before we discovered those, had used extra pillows or blankets rolled up under the fitted sheet to keep her in a hotel bed. At grandparents house did the same, or sometimes just a pallet on the floor (at age 2-3 kids were totally comfortable sleeping on a folded comforter on the floor).
anonM says
I got the Joovy Foocot Child Travel Cot, Portable Toddler Bed, Green. My 2.5yo loves it. But, follow the directions and don’t sit on it. I bent it a little, but still works fine. Whoops – tired me just didn’t even think about it.
Anonymous says
couch cushions on the floor
DLC says
+ 1 this is what we do when visiting people. With a sleeping bag if we have the space. If we are in a hotel, they sleep on the couch because i don’t love the idea of them sleeping on a hotel floor.
Or we co-sleep.
Anon says
We had the aerobed kids mattress (uses twin sheets) which we used for maybe a year, or, in hotels, would often request a roll-away bed, which is basically a twin mattress on the floor but then we didn’t have to lug it anywhere or worry about linens. But often, at grandparent visits grandma would sleep with kiddo in a queen (put kiddo on the inside against a wall or put pillows on the floor to cushion in case she rolled out but never did) and now (at 5) she sleeps by herself in whatever bed isn’t occupied (ranging from twin to queen to king) or, if it is an exceptionally full house, in an ancient (from my childhood) sleeping bag on the floor or we make up a particularly deep couch into a bed for her.
startup lawyer says
the guava PnP is pretty long. my 3yo is 38 inches and still sleeping in the PnP.
Anon says
My kid outgrew the pnp by weight before height, and she’s pretty tall.
Anonymous says
The other big upside to the Guava is there’s no weight limit (the mattress sits directly on the floor, rather than on feet like in a traditional Graco model).
Different Name says
Is it even fair to ask my husband this?
I don’t think he has romantic love for me. I don’t think it’s anything to do with me or there is a risk of him feeling it for someone else, but I think he genuinely may not have the capacity to feel that way and was doing his best to portray his understanding of it the first few years of our marriage. I think the grind of kids, incredibly stressful jobs, taking on his even share of the physical and mental burden of running a house and family, health changes, has him too tired to pretend.
We are an amazing team, he’s an amazing parent, we give each other great personal and professional support and enjoy being around each other. We are compatible in the ways that make day-to-day life, big life decisions, traveling, and just living with someone else easier. He is and always will be my life partner.
But I think I need to honestly know if he feels any romantic love toward me. I need to adjust my heart and my expectations so I’m not expecting things from him he can’t or doesn’t know how to give. If I know I am going to be living a life without that, it’s OK, I can plug that hole in my heart and accept it, but not knowing means I feel a twinge every time I’m expecting an action or response based on romantic love and don’t receive it, which is very often and has been for years.
If I make all of the things I appreciate and value about him clear, and make it clear I’m not trying to get out of this marriage, is it fair to ask him?
Spirograph says
Hugs, this is a tough conversation to have, and I don’t think I would be brave enough to try it alone. Are you working with a therapist or couples counselor who could help you talk through what that conversation might look like and all the possible directions it could go?
Different Name says
Thank you!
We are not. I’ve shared that I don’t feel like I’m getting that from him for the past several years in several different ways, but it usually boils down to him feeling like he is just not wired that way. He has a very direct way about him that people seem to think is charming or maybe even a schtick, but it’s really that he is very direct and perhaps socially inept in a way only men seem to be able to get away with in life and the workplace. I wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s on the spectrum, but I guess we all are somewhere on it by definition.
Anon says
I don’t think it’s an unfair thing to ask. I agree a therapist might be helpful in working through it. Were it me, I might start with what you say about not thinking he’s capable of it. Have you don’t any reading on ase*uality? That community often distinguished between not being interested in s*x and not being interested in romance – some people are both, some people are one or the other. That could be an entree into the conversation that is more about how you experience love for each other and how you can reinforce love for each other rather than a specific question about you. I think the latter could end up hurting you a lot if the answer goes in a direction you’re not expecting just because it wouldn’t be carefully phrased or thought through on his part.
Different Name says
I have not! Thank you for the suggestion. At the very least, I’m sure reading more about that will give me some good language/ideas to consider.
Anonymous says
Specifically the term for not feeling romantic love is aromantic, if that helps your searching. Sometimes included under the asexual umbrella, sometimes not, depending on where you look.
Anonymous says
Not if you want to stay married.
Anonymous says
Why do you think he doesn’t feel romantic love for you? My husband expresses his love in different ways than I do, and I have to consciously remind myself that specific things he does are actually expressions of love. And I’m insecure about my lovability, so I tend to look for evidence that supports a lack of love rather than love. Everything you describe about your husband sounds to me like someone who loves you.
Anon says
So, I am your husband in this scenario. Lawyer married to another lawyer, two young kids, we’re very busy. I might have been diagnosed on the spectrum if I were going to school today instead of 35 years ago … I am super direct, often don’t pick up on subtle social cues, and generally have a tough time identifying and responding to feelings (mine and others).
But I’m not an uncaring robot. My love language is Acts of Service … especially because we’re so busy, if I sacrifice our limited time to do something for him like iron his shirts, or if he does something for me like cook a family meal without asking for any input from me even though it’s technically “my” night, I see and receive these as the greatest gifts and offerings of love.
My DH, on the other hand, is a Words of Affirmation / Physical touch guy. It’s not my preferred language and I don’t really get it or need it, but I know he does so I push myself out of my comfort zone to meet his needs. He values, “Honey you look really great in those jeans” and a quick butt smack as much as I value sleeping in an extra 30 minutes while he goes to tend to the baby.
This was hard on our marriage at first. We each assumed the other spoke our love language and acted accordingly. He tripped over himself offering praise and affection, and I really would have preferred he take the garbage out. I spend hours planning a nice date out for us, arranging childcare / reservations etc. and he just wanted to stay home and b*ng. We’ve gotten better over the years, especially when we tried matching what each other needed rather than assuming we saw and experienced romantic love in the same way.
Pogo says
I’m not going to say that the Love Languages book can solve everything… but it does help.
I would work with a therapist for yourself, and also couples counseling. I think you can figure this out if you want to stay in the marriage. This is a VERY hard season of life, and I think we get tricked into thinking (from instagram, or whatever) that you just keep living life normally and you stay madly in love. It actually takes a ton of work to not end up as roommates/coparents!
Different Name says
This is helpful context, thank you!
We’ve done the love languages thing before, but I think it’s worth re-visiting because I’m sure it can shift and change depending on the season of life you’re in.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, and I won’t pretend to know the details that go you here. However, I will say this. It wouldn’t shock me if my husband said the same thing about me at times. I just get so burnt out, and when I am burnt out, that is the first area of my life to suffer. Kiddo is now almost seven, work is in a good routine, and that part of me is totally coming out more/coming back. If you two can get away at all, that could help. I think part of this is honestly just the stage of life.
anon says
Same here. I think my DH would say this about me at times. It’s not true, at all, but we have a lot going on in our lives, and it is very hard for me to transition out of do-er mode to romantic partner mode.
Anonymous says
I could have written this about my husband (we also have no sex life). But amazing partners and parents, we love planning our lives together. But I don’t think I’d find any great passionate love at this point in my life with anyone — and divorce would suck far more than our happy marriage.
Anon says
It sounds like you have a very positive relationship. You can ask him, but I think you might also do well to think about how men and women are often different. He might just express love in a way that you don’t recognize as love. I also think that romantic love fades over time naturally (at least the sense of infatuation you feel in the first few years) and that isn’t necessarily a problem or anything wrong. I found the book How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It very enlightening.