Everyone Thursday: Lucite Disc Pendant Necklace

My daughter is currently 10 months old and almost walking. I’m thinking about her summer wardrobe and wandering what to buy – what do your early-toddlers find most comfortable for playtime in the summer? Are we done with onesies once she’s fully vertical, or are they still more practical than t-shirts? Are dresses for every day a ridiculous idea? We are in NYC, if that helps.

And PJs – she’s currently wearing two piece PJs (long sleeves and long pants) and a sleep sack and they should continue to fit through the summer. There’s an AC in her room but it still gets pretty warm at night. Do I just lose the sleep sack? Are shorts and t-shirt type PJs really necessary?

Also – brand recommendations? Almost all of her clothes are Gap, Boden, and Zara. I haven’t been thrilled with the quality of Carter’s, Old Navy, or H&M. Any other brands you recommend?

I have a preschool question! My kiddo is in a daycare center right now with a wonderful set of toddler teachers. She has about six months before the shift to preschool, and the preschool classroom is just….whelming. The classroom itself has had some safety incidents. The preschool program also experiences a high degree of turnover for both teachers and kids, and most of the higher income parents pull their kids after toddlers, so the preschool classroom is a bit undisciplined.

So we toured a well-regarded Montessori program this morning. The classrooms were beautiful and the facilities were far and away better than our current center. The teachers are experienced and the lead teachers stick around for a long time. It felt like everything was under control.

BUT…my kiddo is loud and enthusiastic and energetic and social. And all of the Montessori classrooms felt so quiet; the kids were either working by themselves or sitting in circle time following the teacher. There wasn’t any sign of two kiddos working together to scale the play kitchen set, or passing a dolly back and forth. Nobody was randomly singing or shouting in excitement. Is that typical of Montessori programs? Or just a function of the time we toured (right in the middle of the 3 hour curriculum period)? I’m wondering if Montessori is just not a great fit for my kiddo, or if she’ll grow into in the next six months, or if it’s a function of this school?

Also, anyone have a sense of how Montessori fits into the recommendations for “play based learning”? My ped recommended no Montessori until age 3 because of the need for play, and then limited Montessori after that, but I would love articles, etc.

I could use some advice from the hive. I had an upsetting morning with my husband and am not sure how to react. Sorry this is so long.
DH had a big conference today and had to get to work a lot earlier than usual. His job is generally casual and he doesn’t have to wear a tie. Well, today he did and couldn’t get it on. (yes, this all started with a tie.) He started panicking and then getting very very angry, saying, ‘I’m such a f*cking idiot,’ and seemed ready to throw his phone, just stressed like I’ve rarely seen him, in all the years we’ve been together. I actually felt just really bad for him and touched his arm and tried to calm him down saying, ‘it’s okay.” He jerked his arm away and shouted, ‘no I’m not,’ and ‘stop saying that.’ I said, ‘jesus, (DH), ‘ and he sort of apologized. There was a lull when he came back and half apologized and asked for my help. I wasn’t able to and he walked away and tried doing it on his own. When I said he could try to tie it in the cab he snapped, ‘how the hell am I supposed to do that in there without a mirror?’ then after some time he tossed out another clipped, irritated apology, saying ‘I’m not taking it out on you.’ I said ‘you absolutely are,’ but left it at that. More time passed, he was still stressing. I said ‘why don’t you take this compact’ in case you do want to try it in the cab and he said ‘I don’t want a stupid f*cking compact.’
Our3 year old daughter was running in and out this whole time, and he at least wasn’t angry with her, just saying ‘I’m sorry honey, can’t play with you right now.’
Please keep in mind this whole time I had to get ready for work too, we have a 3 year old and infant and normally handle them both and take them to daycare together, and this morning it was all on me. I was fine with it, but it’s crazy that he was the one freaking out, when I got up earlier to make sure I was able to do everything on my own.
He eventually decided he would get a cab, and was having trouble even getting the number. I said I’d do it, and that he could take that time to fix himself and he thanked me. He got the damn tie tied finallyand a minute later said, “I’m sorry,” genuinely this time. (which,of course it was genuine then, he no longer had a reason to be upset. ) I didn’t say anything. Then the cab arrived and he said, “I love you,” but I again couldn’t reply. From the cab a few minutes later he texted, “I’m so sorry for the way I treated you, I’m just so disappointed in myself. I love you so much!”
I don’t know what to do. Towards the end of pregnancy and since the baby was born we have been fighting more, and he seems to have a shorter and shorter fuse with me. That’s painful enough when we’re disagreeing/arguing, but in this case there was no argument! I didn’t do a thing wrong except just be there and try to help him. I get being so angry that you want to lash out at whoever’s closest, but in the past when something like that’s happened with me I’d at least say something like, “not helping honey,” even if in a very angry voice. In this case there felt like real contempt. As probably mockable/quotable as it sounds, “stupid f*cking compact” was so cruel. I haven’t responded to his apology. Which is really hard for me. I usually am immediately disarmed by any apology, because I know it’s hard to offer one. but what usually makes it hard is that both parties did something to screw up, and it’s difficult to swallow your pride and extend the olive branch. Here I did nothing but just try to soothe him. I understand the feeling of being so angry that that wouldn’t help and it would even be annoying, but his response was beyond the pale.
Here is the thing. I sort of recall one or two times in the past when he’s been this mad before but my attempts at comforting him mollified him, rather than further inflamed him. And that is the worst part. We’re trending in the wrong direction. I fear he has no or is at least steadily declining in his respect for me.
I’m humiliated and feel demeaned and just the object of so much contempt. I really don’t know what to do. We’ve had some fights like I said recently where he admitted he was completely out of line, and it’s only getting worse. Maybe if this was a complete outlier it would be one thing, but I think it’s not. It’s an outlier in that most of the fights have been inviting increasingly disproportionate responses – but in this case there wasn’t a fight even to invite the response. It was me just being there, basically. So things are only getting worse. I fear every time I accept an apology from him I’m worsening the dynamic.
Counseling isn’t an option at this time, unless suggestions for perhaps books or something where we don’t have to take time out during the day (his job is very inflexible with scheduling). Do you have any other suggestions? I don’t want to divorce, at least now, for the sake of the kids. And I do love him, very much. How do I remotely keep my self-respect? Believe it or not, we’re generally very close and when not fighting , which is about once or twice a month now, very loving and happy. But this is obviously unsustainable and terrible for us and worse for the kids.

Motherinlaw surprise visit (they live three hours away and there is no reason why they can’t give us a heads up) went poorly. She got upset about state of the house (yard maintenance hadn’t showed up but literally showed up an hour before she yelled about it and new maid doesn’t start until June). Only yelled at me (not husband). Not to be a jerk here but I have been the primary income owner for our entire marriage, I work more hours and on call and contract and I am the only one who gets up with baby and I know my house should look better and feel bad about it already. Called me a bad mom.

House is not unsafe, is/was dusty and we were behind on dishes and are still behind on laundry. Babies room is always immaculate. We know we can’t manage and we have arranged for help, they just weren’t reliable the last two weeks.

She apologized to my husband this morning. I am very unhappy about all of this but do not want to overreact. Thoughts?

A month or so ago I posted about deciding between extending our nanny through the summer or starting our son in daycare in June at 6 months. Well, we decided it would be better for him to start at 6 months (like many of you suggested), so our wonderful dear nanny who was with him from 3 months til now will be wrapping up soon (she decided to end now because she’s worried if she stays longer she will get too attached and leaving would break her heart even more). She quickly became part of our family (and our son part of hers). She doesn’t need money…so what can I get her? I was thinking gift certif at her fav restaurant, mugs with our kids face on them…other ideas? Normally I’d just give 2 weeks pay, but that wouldn’t be as meaningful for her…

I don’t remember if I was anon for this or not, but recently I complained about my 19 month old being a holy terror when trying to get out of the house in the morning. Y’all, thank god for screen-time and for whoever recommended that. Just 10 minutes of her watching some little baby bum videos on youtube is long enough for me to get dressed and slap on some makeup. Things are so much calmer and less frustrating. And the last couple of nights we had really fun and pleasant dinners too. Its so nice to have good days sometimes.