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Like a lot of people, I am not ready to give up my elastic pants yet. This office-friendly, yet comfortable pant from Ann Taylor means I don’t have to!
These wide-leg, paperbag pants look comfortable enough to lounge around in. At the same time, the coordinating belt, front pleats, and side pockets keep things professional.
Since it’s summer, I’d go all out and choose the “Deep Sea Coral” option, but the “Cappuccino Tan” is also a lovely, neutral option that’ll transition into fall. I like the idea of pairing these pants with a matching top for a set, but they would also look great with a white blouse or sleeveless shell.
These pants are $119 (but since it’s Ann Taylor, be on the lookout for frequent sales). They’re available in sizes XXS–XXL in regular, petite (lucky sizes only), and tall.
Target’s A New Day line has an option in sizes 1X–4X.
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
Sales of note for 3.28.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything plus extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off 2+ items; 40% off 1
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- Lands’ End – 10% off your order
- Loft – 50% off everything
- Nordstrom: Give $150 in gift cards, earn a $25 promo card (ends 3/31)
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item; 25% off everything else
- Zappos – 37,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off entire site
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all swim; up to 30% off HannaJams
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; 50% off select swim; 50% off kids’ styles
- Old Navy – 50% off Easter deals
- Target – 20% off Easter styles for all; up to 30% off kitchen & dining; BOGO 50% off shoes & slippers for the family;
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
We unexpectedly have to get a new car after an accident and have no clue what to get. Old car was a larger relatively new but affordable and not cool or flashy sedan. Our second car is a minivan. We have one kid almost 1 and plan to try to have another soonish, and generally envision a larger family hence the van. I’m torn because I will probably drive the new car more and need to park in the city, but will still do at least half of kid pickups and expect to keep whatever we get for awhile. It was hard to buckle the kid into a sedan honestly and visibility isn’t as good as the van even though the sedan was easier to park. Husband wants to get the same sedan but I’m leaning towards a crossover type car? I’m clearly not a car person. Any recs?
AwayEmily says
We love our Honda Fit! It’s a great “second” car — surprisingly roomy (we fit two carseats no problem and the back seats fold flat for a ton of hauling room, too), excellent gas mileage, easy to park in cities, not too expensive. Also, great resale value so if you end up with a third kid in five years and want something bigger, you’ll be able to sell it easily.
Cb says
We have a Civic because my husband thought the Fit was a bit dorky (and I was pregnant and didn’t want to talk about cars anymore) but he really liked the new model. The fold flat seats are key for us with one car, maybe less necessary if you’ve got a van. We have a 360 car seat and that alleviated some of the annoyance of getting kiddo in and out, since you can turn it to the side.
Anon says
We also love our Honda Fit for the same reasons (gas mileage, surpringly roomy I side for storage and carseats, easy to park, good handling) but they’re discontinuing it so they may be harder to find new, if that’s what you want. The doors open wider than our sedan, which makes it really easy to get kids in and out.
Anonymous says
We recently sold our Fit, which we had from before we had kids to having preschool and elementary kids. I loved it so much in so many ways, but note that it is difficult to fit rear-facing car seats with someone sitting in the front seat. With one kid we put the rear facing seat in the middle. We could not fit it behind the driver so for the second baby we had to put it behind the passenger seat and pull the passenger seat way up- not comfortable for the front seat passenger and I was a little worried about how close the front seat passenger was to the airbag.
Anonymous says
I think this depends on the seat? We had twins so had infant seats (KeyFit30s) behind both the driver and passenger seats in our Fit and at 5’9″ didn’t have any issues.
Boston Legal Eagle says
“Also, great resale value so if you end up with a third kid in five years and want something bigger, you’ll be able to sell it easily.” – so when is your Odyssey arriving? :)
AwayEmily says
Ha! I wish. We decided we will probably just try to cram all 3 kids into the CRV (I have been doing a lot of carseat width Googling) until car prices go down a bit. We don’t drive much so hoping we can get away with it for the first six months or so of the baby’s life.
Anonymous says
I highly recommend the Prius. If you test drove one of the earlier models and didn’t like it, it’s still worth trying the latest model. The latest version has significantly improved visibility and acceleration over the previous models and is surprisingly zippy. My 2018 Prius gets 58.5 mpg on average. The only thing I really don’t like about it is the fact that “park” is a separate button instead of a spot on the shifter. The back seat is very roomy and should easily fit two car seats.
anon says
As another option, I have a Kia Niro and get 50+ mpg. It’s very affordable and a great size for two car seats. A really comfortable ride and easy to drive.
No Face says
I rode in a Kia Niro as a Lyft and I really, really liked it.
anon says
We test-drove a Kia Niro because we wanted a hybrid crossover and really didn’t like the feel of the inside nor found that the inside cargo space was substantially bigger than our Fit, despite it being a much bigger car.
GCA says
+1 to the Prius! Fits two kids neatly in the back, easy to park, lots of room in the trunk for all our adventures, and terrific gas mileage. (We live in a city and I do at least half of kid pickups. Also, there will come a point where an older toddler will insist on getting in by themselves and all I am allowed to do is buckle them and tighten the straps…)
Boston Legal Eagle says
To follow up on the above two suggestions, Hondas and Toyotas are generally great, reliable cars that will last you a long time, and good for resale. We have an Accord and husband prefers driving it to our other car, a Subaru.
Anonymous says
We have a Subaru. I wanted to badly to love it, but it guzzles oil and the transmission is on borrowed time. My independent Subaru mechanic confirms that around 2011 or so the brand began to have serious quality issues.
All of our Hondas and Toyotas have been incredibly reliable. Our last Toyota went nearly 300,000 miles, and we probably could have fixed it and kept it going instead of trading it in.
AwayEmily says
I’m really glad to have some independent confirmation of problems with Subarus. My mom and both my neighbors have them and as far as I can tell they break CONSTANTLY and in very expensive ways. I keep telling people not to buy Subarus but feel like a conspiracy theorist.
Anonymous says
This is so interesting. I posted below that we just bought one and our independent mechanic was enthusiastic about them – he owns and drives one himself and just got a Crosstrek for his mom. I wonder if the Canadian and American ones are made in different places?
Go for it says
+1 Subaru was the one brand our mechanic said to steer clear of. Oil consumption issues the company was sued for in a class action lawsuit and overall pricey to repair
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I have a 2013 Subaru Outback and LOVE it. We’ve been pretty lucky so far, minus a very weird belt issue early in ownership (we also didn’t drive much then and it spent a LOT of time in our apartment parking lot…)
Good to know about these issues that others are having. Our other car is a Toyota!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Our Subaru has been fine so far too but we really don’t drive it much (less than 20K miles on a 5+ year old car!)
Anonymous says
Oh, wow. Before WFH, I was driving 30K miles per year!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Haha, yeah, I had a train commute and we didn’t really go anywhere far I guess!
Anonymous says
We just got a Subaru Outback and we LOVE it. Enough room in the backseat for all three kids which isn’t the case for many midsized vehicles. Friends have found them to be excellent in snow and it’s been great so far on the unpaved road to the cottage. I wasn’t expecting to love it (I wanted a Honda Odyssey but the waitlist was ages) and I really love it.
If you want something slightly shorter/move SUV like the Forester is supposed to be built on the same base so I think the backseat would be similarly wide.
Pogo says
I LOVE our Accord.
Anon says
Not really a crossover….but we just got a Honda CRV hybrid and I love it. We get about 38+ mpg and it’s actually very fuel efficient for city stop-and-go style driving. Such a smooth ride and very easy to get kid in and out of car/car seat. (I’m 5’1). Only complaints are: the screen interface is ugly, back camera quality is not as good as our 2018 Mazda. You also have to pay 2k more for the auto trunk closing thing. We thought about the Subaru Outback but we weren’t too thrilled with its engine and trunk space.
I will note it was VERY hard to find one available in our area (NYC) and we had to pay sticker price.
Anonymous says
Huge +1 for the CRV! We love ours so much. Ours is a 2013 non-hybrid, and the MPGs is barely less than 38. Typically 33-35.
Anon says
I was looking for the same things in a car as you. I have a Nissan Rogue Sport. The Sport is shorter than the normal Nissan Rogue, which I found too big for me. (Previous car was a Prius.) We currently have one kid. There is plenty of room for two carseats in the back. It’s a bit higher than the Prius, so getting kid in and out of carseat is easy. Trunk space is about the same as a sedan but has not been an issue so far. We plan on getting something to put on the roof at some point if needed. Gas mileage is about 35-40 mpg, which is the same as my 2nd gen Prius.
Also– this is not mentioned below, but part of why I did not want another hybrid is that I often drive to very rural areas for work. It is very difficult to find someone that will repair a hybrid in very small towns. For me, a fuel-efficient non-hybrid was a better fit.
Anon says
I’m a big fan of our Atlas – overkill for two kids around town maybe but would be helpful if you envision taking car trips!
Anon says
I just got a new Accord Hybrid and am obsessed with it. It uses almost no gas and the back seat is really roomy. Easy to buckle my 5 year old (I don’t trust her to do it herself) and easy car seat installation. The trunk is really roomy as well. Safety features and the thing that integrates with our phones is amazing — both for my iPhone and partner’s Android. I’ve never been this happy with a car.
anon says
We just got a hybrid Insight and similarly love it. Smaller than the Accord, but Honda is really, really good at using their space efficiently. And I love that I get 55+ mpg on my daily commute!
Scilady says
We have an older Mazda 6 sedan and I love it! It’s surprisingly roomy (more back seat space than the Mazda 3 hatchback or Mazda CX-9 crossover), lots of trunk space, and can comfortably fit two car seats.
OP says
Thanks all! My husband is very into Hyundais and is suggesting the Santa Fe actually. I should add my city parking is in a parking garage, I’m just not a great parker.
Anonymous says
I rented a Santa Fe and enjoyed driving it.
Anonymous says
I once watched a Tesla park itself in a city parking garage.
Anonymous says
Check out the Hyundai Ioniq (comes in plug in hybrid or full EV), a hatchback. Kona is another electric option if you’re looking at Hyundais.
Transition from Formula says
Talk to me about weaning babies off formula. Kid’s 1 year ped appointment is coming up where I know this will be discussed but am curious about tips and tricks. He’s generally not a picky eater so I hope the transition will be easy. Do we send milk instead of formula to daycare? I assume the milk goes in his sippy cup instead of the bottle. Are toddler formulas worth it? Do you give them milk at every meal like we have with formula?
Anonymous says
Now that you can buy milk fortified with DHA, I don’t see the point of toddler formula. We put DHA milk in the sippy cup at meals and snack times and offered water in the sippy at other times. Some pediatricians advocate restricting milk to something like 16 oz per day, but we let our toddler have as much as she wanted because she was skinny and was eating massive quantities of solid food so it wasn’t as if milk was displacing food intake.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Never did toddler formula (I didn’t even know this existed!) We just switched to milk at around the one year mark – our kids still used the baby bottles for a few months longer before transitioning to straw cups, so that’s where the milk went. I think we just did milk in the mornings, after nap and in the evenings. Our kids like milk warmed up so that’s what we did (and still do…) Daycare should have milk on hand.
Anon says
Yep, this is what we did. We just replaced formula bottles with sippy cups of whole milk.
EDAnon says
Same. We used bottles longer than you’re “supposed to” but with no last’s effects and a very easy transition to sippy cups (for both kids). Neither even really noticed/cared that we switched to milk.
anonn says
At our daycare they won’t give bottles after 1. We sent like a transition sippy cup and she got bm out of that until my freezer stash ran out (like 13 months) and then switched to the cow’s milk daycare provided no problem. I was super worried she would struggle, but it was no problem at all. Yes, milk at meals. I nursed still in the mornings and bedtime, and then weekends for a long time after that, so maybe you’d do the same with a toddler formula in a sippy.
Mm says
On the default parent issue – do you and your SO swap sick child care days equally, even if one of you has a “bigger” job? DH works more hours, typically has to be at the office rather than remote, and makes way more $ than me. I have more flexibility and plenty of sick days, but I also like my job and don’t want to always be the one to call out! For example, this week LO has been home for two days from daycare and I’ve done pretty much everything so far but DH is coming home today to “help.” It’s just a tough balance. We haven’t really figured out a good backup care solution either, I don’t know if there is one (no local family).
Cb says
We luckily haven’t had that many days, but try and split sick days/nursery closure days equally, but this will change once I’m travelling for work, I’ll cover for any days I’m home / gaps in summer childcare. We make within a few thousand £ of each other, but even so, it was important to us early on that daddy was a source of comfort too.
Anonymous says
Does the reference to travel mean you got the job?!?
Cb says
Yep, see Friday’s post for long discussion of logistics :)
Anonymous says
Congratulations!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I would recommend trying to split this as much as possible. Otherwise, it becomes a vicious cycle of “well, mom makes less and can be flexible and then doesn’t advance in her career and ends up making less, while dad doesn’t have to take on any emergency childcare and can be in the office more, and gets promoted.” And that’s how we end up with a bunch of men with SAHWs at the top.
GCA says
Yes, this. Also, men who are at a level where they can shift their workplace cultures should be normalizing care duties for other men.
Anon says
+1
The normalizing men taking time off for sick kids needs to happen like a decade ago. I’m so tired of dealing with the stereotype that women will take time off when the kid is sick.
Anonymous says
My job is much “bigger” in the sense of travel, responsibility, complexity, public exposure, and impact on society, but my husband earns more because I work for a nonprofit. His company has a ridiculous meeting culture, and his job is basically to attend meetings all day. I always end up taking the sick days because he “can’t” miss meetings.
Cb says
Ugh, meeting heavy cultures are the worst. My husband’s boss has school aged kids and that is so so important in normalizing taking time off for kid stuff. Schools are only half-days on Fridays here and his two male colleagues both work flexi schedules so they can be home with their kids on Friday PMs.
Anonymous says
All schools?!?
Cb says
Yep! Something about max teaching hours for teachers? Makes me eager.
anon says
You having more flexibility should mean that he has more choice in what sick hours he covers, not whether he covers them at all.
EDAnon says
My husband and I have equally demanding jobs. Both fluctuate in terms of workload so we do a lot of trading off based on what’s going on at work. But we try to be respectful so if one of us has a slow week and does two sick kid days, the other person does one (even if they’re busy) because we know it’s hard for the other one to be out three days unexpectedly.
Anonymous says
I’m in a similar place to you, OP. Husband has a Very Big job, out-earns me by many multiples, and doesn’t really have sick time (law). I have paid sick leave and while I work full-time, I can move most things around to accommodate last minute time off due to sick days. If I ask him to cover a particular shift because I have a meeting, etc., he usually can, but by default, I am the one who covers sick days. This set-up works for us. It makes sense economically, I don’t resent him for it (this is key), and he’s a 100% fantastic parent who does more child care day-to-day than I do (he does most of bedtime and getting kid ready in the morning while I read my book or workout).
Anon says
I’m just here to say I’m basically in your situation and trying desperately to avoid what Boston Legal Eagle says in her post but failing miserably.
I am an appellate lawyer but DH is a surgeon. He can’t WFH, has long hours, no PTO (only vacation days that need to be scheduled in advance), emergencies, and is on call regularly. He is in a sub speciality dominated by men. Now that I’ve typed that out, his job sounds awful. Basically, he can never do sick duty because he cannot reschedule his patients on short notice.
Daycare is on break this week so MIL came to watch baby while I WFH. This is not a long term solution so I’m trying to figure out backup care.
Anon says
Exact same boat with a cardiologist husband. I’m a management consultant with a bunch of male coworkers that never have to cover sick kid days.
CCLA says
Hey from a fellow dr spouse. I’m a transactional lawyer and DH is an anesthesiologist. Marginally better in some ways in that he doesn’t have his own patients, but it is really tough that because he can’t just peace out mid operation or even call in sick (their profession does have a problem with no one ever taking sick days), unexpected daycare pickups fall on me. We decided we would rather have them in their amazing daycare/preschool than do a nanny; we did nanny for a few months and it just wasn’t for us having someone else in our home all the time. To compensate, DH does a lot of other things – all groceries, meal planning, school lunch prep, baths, and more. He took a less demanding job at a community hospital where he is usually done before 4. It’s not perfect, and we need to hire more help for things like laundry and daily light housekeeping, but it’s working for us well enough. I think the only answer with two big jobs like that is more help. And a big acknowledgement that it is really tough essentially being the parent on call all of the time because dr spouse cannot be expected to leave midday for emergencies. DH can’t change that, but he’s aware of it and acknowledges it.
CCLA says
For more concrete advice on backup care, covid has definitely complicated this and we haven’t used them since March 2020, but pre-covid we often used a local nanny agency. This was our solution for things like pre-scheduled daycare closures, and for things like sick days (even if we couldn’t get someone same-day, we could always get someone for the requisite 1-2 additional days the kids had to stay home to be clear to return). Now we fly in grandparents for things like this week, where our daycare is closed for a break, but this works because they 100% take over. If the grandparents were just helping and not totally taking over for the workday, I would (in pre-covid times) just hire a nanny for the week instead.
Boston Legal Eagle says
That is tough. I’m guessing that with surgeons, they can’t just call in a backup? Honestly, I would probably consider a nanny in your case, if he wants to stick with that job. And keep the nanny or some other kind of sitter through the school years.
Anonymous says
I think that once you are trained as a surgeon you kind of have to stick with surgery until you retire?
No Face says
With a surgeon/attorney couple you really need a nanny or two. I would not even attempt daycare in this situation.
Anon says
This is tough, but then he needs to be pulling extra childcare weight on his off days. My husband is in a similarly demanding job, but when he’s home, he is the point person for everything home and child related so I can focus on MY job.
Can he do all the meal planning/ grocery shopping/ errand running for the week on his off day? Can he time their laundry on his off days? Can he schedule all their dr and dentist appts for the days he’s home? Can he be the one who spends his work breaks calling around for backup nannies or babysitters or whatever? I’m sure he can have excuses for each of these, but likely you have had to make all these sacrifices or ones like them. He can do the same.
And quite honestly, the backup care and MIL pieces should be on HIM to research and coordinate. It’s his inflexible job that is requiring those machinations, he needs to feel part of the pain. If it’s not solvable, then HE has to come up with a workable solution. It can’t be on you to always flex around his job, he’s not the only person that matters in your family.
Anonymous says
My experience dealing with doctors socially is that they just don’t think in this way. They are trained and socialized to believe that they are in charge, their job is the most important thing in the world, and everyone else exists to support them and execute their wishes. This tends to extend to their off-duty attitudes and behavior.
Anonymous says
Wow I’m sorry you hate doctors! My husband has a similar schedule and we just assume he has no flexibility. So we have used at various times a nanny, an au pair, or currently a mother’s helper who typically does 3-7 but can add on sick days when we need.
If your husband is a cardiac surgeon and you’re an appellate lawyer, day care alone is not sufficient.
Anon says
I’m Anon at 10:29. I totally agree that a lot of professions like this default to a very 1950’s suburbs head of the household mentality. Unfortunately for them, that won’t work for today’s families and today’s world. In a family or a partnership, no longer can one person be the most important and rely on everyone else to support them. It’s going to be uncomfortable of course, but we need those doctors and bankers and pilots to change their thinking. It’s the only way forward.
anon at 9:38 says
This is great advice. Thank you. I like this idea because he has Mondays off some weeks. This is all new for us with an infant.
Dear+Summer says
No way. If I’m a surgeon I’m not doing all the childcare on my off days. I’m hiring a nanny because I am a surgeon and can afford it.
Twice the Moms says
Highly recommend that your husband works full time but a limited number of days. Medicine is actually very flexible like this.
My wife is in a similar medical specialty and she works full time but four days a week. I cover all sick kid stuff on the days that she works. My job is flexible/I am senior enough to move stuff around.
On the days that she does not work, she either is on kid duty or the kids go to daycare and she handles life admin tasks, (target runs, scheduling the plumber, changing over the kids closets, etc.) She is also in charge of all grocery shopping and dinner making as her days start and end early. I handle mornings and kid daycare drop off stuff.
I also out earn her, provide the benefits, and travel for work x2 a month. On those times it’s always a scramble to cover mornings and pray that nothing goes awry.
AnonMD says
I’m a doctor and can’t cancel on patients short notice, but for us that means I’m in charge of all the “planned” off days/appointments and my husband is in charge of sick days. As long as I have 45+ days notice I can take the time off so all known daycare closures, doctors/dentist appointments etc are on me.
Spirograph says
We divide more or less equally. I make more money, but can work from home. DH is a fed gvt employee and has more actual responsibility, and more often has things he “can’t” miss, but also has approximately a billion more sick days than I do. He’s the default first choice, but if he can’t get away, I take the day (or partial day) off. Often, even if he has a “can’t miss” meeting, he’ll go in just for that part of the day so we can divide and conquer.
anne-on says
During the daycare years we called in parents from out of town in emergency situations (like when I was traveling) but otherwise it was about 60/40 me vs. husband for coverage. When our kid went to school we got an au pair so the au pair covered ‘sick’ days and we both gave up night time coverage (no gym classes for either of us , no date nights, husband would come right home after work to allow me to make up the hours I spent covering au pairs mandatory lunch breaks, etc.). With an older elementary school kid and a local sitter I ‘cover’ most of the sick days but that really means that I handle almost all the emergency doctor visits, husband handles the scheduled well-check and dentist visits, and sitter covers us during work hours (usually 12-5:30, kiddo is old enough to read/watch tv quietly in the AM while I do work or take calls).
Anonymous says
Both govt but DH has a lot more large meetings that are hard to reschedule. So basically we split it but based somewhat on his meeting schedule. Like he’ll say that he can cover Monday AM and Tuesday PM and I’ll work to cover the other times. It’s not perfect and WFH has been a help.
Anonymous says
We typically split the days equally. If kiddo is sick, we’re each on for half of the day. Sometimes if one of us has meetings, it isn’t as clean of a split as we’d both prefer. But we prefer it that way versus trading days. Sometimes it frustrates me because DH has a very generous sick leave policy, and I work in a billable hour world. But it is what it is.
Anon says
Same. Husband works from home at a start up and I work in consulting partly from home/partly in office. I make approximately x2 his salary and have many more meetings. However, I’m still more of the “primary parent” (some cultural norms are hard to change). On sick days, I WFH and we split. I watch baby between meetings and he watches baby when I have meetings/have to get something time sensitive out. This unfortunately means I play catch-up and do most of my “work-work” after hours. We take turns taking baby to sick visits, depending on who has availability.
Fallen says
We have ebbed and flowed a lot. I work in academia, husband works in big finance (currently makes 2.5x as much as I do) . When I was in grad school we split pretty evenly, but then I had to do a clinical residency with zero flexibility and husband took all of sick days. Then on postdoc again even (we would just decide based on what we had going on). And now I am willing to take all the sick days when I am not teaching (I teach 1-2 days a week depending on the semester during the academic year) but he has to take the rest. I am planning to start a small private practice (have a clinical psych phd) in a few months and our plan is for him to take sick days then. I mean we could easily say I should take all the sick days because he makes more but if I did that in grad school I would be making a lot less now, plus my job has a ton of security/very unlikely to get fired compared to his so it’s important to prioritize both. And it helps that his current boss has a wife with a somewhat intense job who demands equal parenting so his boss often takes days off too.
Pogo says
We have equal-ish jobs, so we trade off based on who has what going on that day. And then we go through a ranking system like, Did you organize the meeting? Is it internal or customer facing? Is it with a global team? Is it a personnel issue that is sensitive and can’t have a screaming child in the background because that seems just rude?
By default if you don’t have meetings you’re on. If it’s not a meeting you can always work when the kids are asleep.
Strategy mom says
Find a good backup option – we have a local nanny placement agency that will find you someone last minute for a $20 fee. Or post on Nextdoor and see if there are any folks who don’t have full time jobs who would be interested in occasional backup childcare (like a retiree). Covid makes this a little trickier than it was pre-covid. Also know that this is a shorter phase – at some point they will be old enough that you’ll still be able to work a normalish day when they are home sick – you’ll let them watch a crazy amount of tv but it isn’t as tough as it is when they are 0-2.
Cb says
Kiddo turned 4 today. He got up and saw that my husband had blown up balloons in the house and said “This birthday is just getting more and more wonderful!” He had the chance to open up a few presents this AM and is coming home a bit early so he’ll have time to open things and play (cricket set and stomp rockets!). Cake is in the fridge waiting to be iced (chocolate with raspberries). And we have new Kitty superhero books for bedtime, I’m sure he’ll con me into reading a whole one instead of the normal 3 chapters.
Just wanted to take a moment to thank you all. I’ve been reading here since before I was even pregnant and am so grateful for this community as a sounding board and source of support :)
Boston Legal Eagle says
So sweet. I’m picturing him with a little polo shirt tucked into shorts, saying that with an accent (well accent to my American ears). Happy Birthday to him!
Cb says
He’s such a little old man! He was surprised his leggings fit him this am, since he’s “a big boy now!”
So Anon says
Aww Happy Birthday to your kiddo!
GCA says
Aww, he is just darling! Happy birthday to your kiddo. 4 is delightful. I still remember taking kid 1 out for breakfast on his 4th birthday, just him and me, and marveling at this curious, funny, adorable little person whose company I enjoyed.
Diaper Bag? says
I’m expecting my first in March, and just starting to make all the shopping decisions :(. We don’t currently have anything that will work as a diaper bag, so we will need to buy one.
Is leather okay? I have a purse I like from Etsy, with great organization inside and a very comfy cross-body strap, but it’s much too small for baby stuff. Should I look for a bigger version, or bite the bullet and get a plastic horror with yellow duckies?
AwayEmily says
I would get something washable that can be worn as a backpack. We had a canvas backpack from Baggu, I think Everlane has something similar. It doesn’t need to specifically be a diaper bag.
Anonymous says
This really depends on what you’ll be using your diaper bag for. I got the skip hop backpack style, which was great for travel. But for every day out and about, I really only needed something that would fit diapers, wipes, a bottle, and a change of clothes. So a big purse is fine. Also, consider how often you’ll be out with your stroller (where you can store a bunch of stuff) versus without.
AnonATL says
We have the skip hop black nylon backpack that is great. Lots of pockets, space, and easy to clean. For short errands, I have a Kavu that I throw snacks and diapers in.
I’m team backpack/crossbody. I can’t imagine lugging a kid around with a shoulder bag and it staying put.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Kid 1 – Bought the Skip Hop quilted diaper bag.
Kid 2 – Bought the Skip Hop changing station and just clip it to or throw it in whatever bag I’m using. There are nicer, sleeker, more expensive versions of this changing station out there, but I can’t comment on utility.
The original diaper bag is used now as an “overnight bag” for DS #1 when he goes to local grandparents.
Anonymous says
Leather will be terribly heavy and difficult to clean. The inside of the bag will get nasty really quickly. Machine-washable, or at least rinsable in the sink, is best.
GCA says
Congratulations! I’m Team Backpack all the way, honestly: I always found a backpack more comfortable than any other diaper bag. We use a beat-up old daypack from REI as our diaper bag. When we were in the diapers-and-bottles years, it was generally large and structured enough to hold a diaper clutch, spare clothes, wipes, snacks and a parent water bottle or two.
Also, speaking from experience: per above discussion of equitable mental labor, if you’re in a heterosexual relationship, have partner pull his weight on research and decisions. Practice now so you don’t fall into patterns later that lead to gatekeeping and resentment (on both ends)!
Anon. says
Seconding the second paragraph here. And specific to diaper bag: my recommendation is get something that your partner will also be comfortable carrying. Baby #1 – we used a Timbuktu Messenger bag (roomy, water-proof washable interior. Baby #2 – I realized a strong preference for backpack vs one shoulder when chasing two kids and have used my Rowledge from Lo & Sons. This is also partly because it was pandemic and I was sad not to use the Rowledge for it’s intended purpose of work travel.
OP says
Thanks, I intend to hand him half the list! Although we’ll see how the result turn out…
But I have learned from experience on other household shopping, that if I have deal breaker criteria, I need to lay that out from the start. Otherwise he feels like I’m constantly shooting down his ideas.
Cb says
I got a Fjallraven backpack and a Skiphop diaper clutch (plus wet bags as I used cloth nappies). I mostly got around on foot and on the bus though, so a backpack was good for that. It isn’t technically washable but I work on a survival of the fittest approach.
Anon says
+1 to this. Make sure you get something your partner (if you have one) will happily carry, too.
Anon says
I used a backpack I already owned, for hiking. I don’t think you need a “diaper bag” unless you want one, although there are lots of cute (and expensive) options if you are so inclined. I think a backpack is a lot easier to carry than something with a strap, though.
Aunt Jamesina says
Heh, this was me the other month. I came to the conclusion that I hate every diaper bag on the market. I seem to have a constitutional aversion to baby gear in general, I carry the world’s tiniest purse 95% of the time, and most of the actual diaper bags on the market seem to be behemoths (and overpriced for the quality).
We’re in the suburbs and drive most places, so I don’t have much need for a giant bag that gets schlepped everywhere, since for most errands we could always run out to the car rather than packing six diapers to bring along at all times. I ended up with a pretty leather backpack from All Saints for my daily stuff (no interior pockets, but I have a few zipper pouches that will serve just fine, and I liked that I would gladly use it as a handbag later on if either it didn’t work as a diaper bag or once I was done using it as such) and a $20 Ikea canvas-ish bag that converts from a tote to a backpack for when I have to schlep more stuff around. Husband said he would use the Ikea bag or a backpack he already has. And just say no to the plastic horror with yellow duckies! I figure I can always get a “real” diaper bag later if I absolutely have to.
Anonymous says
You really need to carry some bare essentials to deal with a diaper blowout. In a catastrophic blowout situation you do not want to have to carry the kid out to the car, at least not without having a blanket or something to wrap them in to contain the mess. A diaper clutch could work for you.
Aunt Jamesina says
Right, I fully realize that! I have enough space in the bags I’ve chosen for a couple diapers, a small changing pad, an extra outfit, wipes, ointment, a few other things, and personal stuff. They just aren’t as big as most traditional diaper bags I’ve seen.
Mommasgottasleep says
I think your system sounds great. Another reason I love the skip hop backpack is I could stuff my (small nylon) purse into it and go. I hate carrying a purse AND a diaper bag.
Anon Lawyer says
I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re not going to change your bag habits just because you have a kid so you shouldn’t buy a bag expecting that things will be totally different. If you didn’t feel like you needed a huge tote for work, you probably won’t want a huge diaper tote.
Anyway, I do similar to what you do – a lot of times I take a very small cross body bag for my wallet/keys/phone and then toss toddler stuff in a casual canvas tote I can take with us or leave in the car.
anon says
I think the answer depends on your lifestyle. We live in the suburbs and drive pretty much everywhere. I can keep back ups of things in the car and get away with a smaller backpack style while in the zoo or on excursions. If I lived in the city, I might want something that could hold more if I’m not near my car.
Anonymous says
Washable is my preference as things often spill and I’m likely to set it down in the dirt at a park. And lightweight also a preference since we don’t often use a stroller and are thus carrying it. For little babies I didn’t prefer a backpack- we used a small (approx 8” x 10” or a bit smaller ) canvas crossbody from ikea that had a couple different pockets- might have been designed as a diaper bag or maybe as a lunch bag. You do want a few pockets- one for diapers/wipes, one for bottles of you’re using them or water bottles/snacks later, small ones for hand sanitizer, your keys/phone, etc. still using that one now with a 3 year old (still in diapers) and older kid, although we now use a backpack for bigger trips because of how much water and food big kids go through.
anonn says
With Kid 1 I wished I would have gotten a back-pack style with a water bottle holder for me. After first few months we mainly relied on the Skip-Hop diaper clutch though. Dock A tot makes a diaper clutch that looks so perfect and practical, I would have bought it if I didn’t already have the Skip Hop one.
What makes a diaper bag different than just a regular bag is typically insulated compartments for bottles. I basically never needed those since I nursed and use a different bag for taking bottles to daycare. I didn’t’ realize this until after I had the baby. So maybe think about that a bit.
Kid 2 was a covid baby, so the water bottle holder wasn’t really needed either since the only places we went (dr appt) I had to wear a mask. Hopefully this won’t be the same in March though!
Mommasgottasleep says
Show me this plastic horror with yellow duckies! Just another vote for the skip hop backpack. My partner is a foot taller than me, so at first he complained the straps are too short, but he can carry it. It’s inexpensive, comes with a changing pad, is machine washable and durable. We’re currently using the same one for our twins that I bought for our first five years ago. Honestly I think the only only downside is so many people use this one that we’ve gotten home from friends’ houses with the wrong diaper bag!
Anon says
Get a diaper bag that fits with your method of baby carrying. If you’re going to baby wear all the time, you need a backpack. If you’re going to take the baby around in a stroller all the time, you need a bag that fits in the bottom of the stroller.
I had a City Mini stroller and a Le Sport Sac black and white Deluxe Everyday Bag as my daily diaper bag.
Also you and your yellow duckies are in for a rude awakening if you keep being so condescending.
Anon says
I’m at the end of my pregnancy so I don’t think it would work as well, but for anyone newly pregnant, cynthia rowley is insta targeting me and I would totally buy half these dresses. They’re cute! If you have an occasion… just throwing this out there as the algorithm got to me this morning!
OP says
(to be clear, most of these would look ridiculous on non-pregnant me and I’m kind of confused, but insta knew I was pregnant and they are fun!)
Anon says
Do you guys give your kids a DHA supplement? It’s recommended while pregnant and infant formula contains it, but then the recommendation kind of just disappears once toddlerhood hits.
Anonymous says
Our whole family takes DHA supplements. We did DHA milk until kiddo was old enough for vegetarian DHA gummies.
Mommasgottasleep says
Yes we all take DHA. Total anecdata but I’ve seen a behavior improvement in my four year old (starting at age three) from taking DHA.
Anon says
Just took kiddo for first covid test. We live in Houston. Went to pediatrician yesterday who said lots of vaccinated parents are testing positive for covid. We have a vaccinated nanny but ped said she shouldn’t come until we know the results and that given the number of breakthrough infections he’s seen, he thinks the CDC’s lack of update to the quarantine guidelines makes no sense and that it’s probably bc now that they are telling people to wear masks again, they are running out of ways to convince people to get vaccinated. I have a feeling we are in for a very long school year.
Anonymous says
Breakthrough infections are only problematic for unvaccinated people – 99.99% of vaccinated people don’t have hospitalizations. Yes, kids are unvaccinated but they generally have less serious illness and they will start to get vaccinated over the winter once Pfizer reports in September and they are likely to have approval by January. The next couple months may be less smooth sailing than many people than hoped but the prospects for the next school year are not grim. We are in a much better position in August 2021 than we were in August 2020.
Anonymous says
There is evidence that breakthrough infections in vaccinated people lead to long COVID. I don’t want to risk it.
https://slate.com/technology/2021/08/long-covid-breakthrough-infection-vaccinated.html
Anonymous says
That’s not what that article says at all. It references a social media survey and one very small study in Israel (like 50 people) to suggest that it’s possible that people with mild cases can get long covid. This does not mean that there is ‘evidence that breakthrough infections in vaccinated people lead to long COVID”. The article expressly states “One open question is how often breakthrough infections can lead to long COVID. ” The article is flagging that this is an area where more research would be useful not that there is evidence that it occurs.
There is no clear evidence that asymptomatic covid can lead to long covid. Pfizer and Moderna are incredibly effective against all covid (including delta variant) and if you don’t have even mild covid, you can’t get long covid.
I am incredibly covid cautious as I live in a place without community spread and currently have less than 1 case per 100 000 people so we don’t want to end up like other places. But the reality is that increasing numbers of people are being vaccinated, that we have effective vaccines that will likely have boosters available in the fall, that vaccines will likely be available to all kids by January 2022 and that life will continue to return to normal (maybe with variations of masking for a few months).
Yale put out a good article today on the efficacy of vaccines re Delta – it may address some of your concerns – https://www.yalemedicine.org/news/covid-19-vaccine-comparison
Anonymous says
The small study in Israel does provide evidence of long COVID in vaccinated people with breakthrough cases. I agree that more research is necessary, but it is not the case that there is zero evidence. Also, keep in mind that an absence of evidence is not the same as evidence of absence.
Anonymous says
Absence of evidence doesn’t mean you assume causation. And 10 health care workers in Israel self reporting exhaustion and muscles fatigue out of millions of vaccination is about as close to zero evidence as you can get. What health care workers are not exhausted in this pandemic?
Anonymous says
It was 20% of the breakthrough cases, though.
Anon Lawyer says
It does really matter that “long covid” isn’t a single thing though too – taking even a few months to feel back to 100% sucks but it’s different than being unable to work or other long-term debilitating symptoms people have reported. We really need to distinguish different types of long-term covid when we’re talking about what vaccinated people get.
Anonymous says
I wish people, and especially public health officials, would stop asserting that hospitalizations are the only outcomes that matter. In a few years our health care system is likely to be overwhelmed with long-term complications experienced by non-hospitalized patients, possibly including dementia.
Anonymous says
All the more reason to spend our efforts on vaccination campaigns not fear mongering.
Anonymous says
It is not fear-mongering to have the nanny stay away in OP’s scenario. And acting like hospitalizations are all we should care about is sticking our heads in the sand.
Anonymous says
It’s fear mongering to suggest that we have another school year ahead like the last one.
Anon says
I’m not suggesting that we will end up hospitalized if we are vaccinated and get covid, more that it is a huge inconvenience to still have to quarantine when vaccinated bc of the potential of infecting others
Anon4This says
Hi fellow Houstonian! Good to know what the ped said. I work in a non-clinical capacity for one of the TMC hospitals and things are not looking good. Did the ped say anything about vaccinated parent spread to kids?
I may be dense, but curious at the surprise that vaccinated folks are testing positive. I always saw the vaccine as a way to not get seriously ill, and to minimize spread but definitely not a silver bullet for no one to test positive.
OP says
In my exhausted state from being up all night with a sick kid for two night, i forgot to ask about vaccinated parents spreading it to unvaccinated kids. Actually- based on the way they sent us for testing (only testing symptomatic child), it seems like they are assuming she would be giving it to us rather than the other way around
Anonymous says
If you are just worried about keeping kids in school and not about the actual health risks, I don’t think you have much to fear. Our school district (blue state, red county) defined “exposure” very narrowly so they didn’t have to quarantine many kids this year. I am sure that TX will use quarantine and school closures in an even more limited way.
fallen says
any favorite driving distance from Greenwich vacation spots with a 3 and 8 year old? we are going on Labor Day weekend and don’t want it to be crazy overcrowded
Anonymous says
Lol to book now?
Fallen says
Lol yes. We are known for booking spots a week before we go. It usually somehow always works out!
Anonymous says
Cape Cod is my fave
NYCer says
Ocean House in Rhode Island would be my #1 pick, but I suspect it is already full for Labor Day.
Nantucket or Martha’s Vineyard are also fun options if you’re willing to take a ferry, but again, might be tough to find a hotel/house this late in the game.
We spent Labor Day in Lake Placid a few years ago, and it was beautiful!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I suspect that most of MV, Nantucket and the Cape will be booked by now. When we looked in May, a lot of places on the Cape were already booked. And likely crowded. Providence, RI could be a fun trip – they have a nice zoo and a cute little downtown area near Brown.
Anonymous says
What sneakers are your elem school girls wearing these days? I hate shopping in person and just want to order a few options for my 2nd grader to pick from. She can tie her own shoes, but laces are not a must-have.
DLC says
My nine year old wears New Balance. She only has one pair of shoes for everyday so they need to be something she can wear for PE class. Also- she has slight pronation and the New Balance are pretty supportive.
Strategy mom says
Dogs – we are thinking of getting a dog…eek. Anyone have suggestions on what breeds might be working non friendly? Eg able to be home for 8 hours without going nuts? We have a fenced in backyard so they could be inside all day or outside all day (we live in the southeast so would need a plan B for the really hot months if we decided this was going to be an outside dog, but I can deal with that). Labradoodle is one we are considering (I’d love to not deal with shedding). I did not grow up with dogs and don’t want one that will destroy our house (I know a lot of that depends on how we train the dog). We won’t need to leave the dog alone as a puppy – just as an adult dog, in case that matters. Looking for breeds is overwhelming!
Anonymous says
Get an adult rescue dog that has lived in a foster home and whose energy level is known. We have a rescued Golden Retriever who walks 5 miles a day and lounges around the rest of the time, which fits our lifestyle perfectly. The process of getting matched with a dog through a good rescue is ridiculously long and difficult, but it’s worth it.
Do be aware that it is generally not possible to leave a dog alone for more than eight hours without having a dog walker come in. You may need to stagger work schedules unless your kids are old enough to be latchkey kids or you have an after-school nanny in your home.
Anonymous says
This. TBH, since you’re a first time dog owner, you probably shouldn’t even consider a puppy. Also note that many rescues will not adopt to you if you’re planning for the dog to stay outside. Are you planning to adopt or purchase from a breeder?
AnonATL says
Definitely get an older dog. We have 2 dogs, both of which we’ve had since young puppies. The oldest is almost 8 and he is so mellow now. He is so happy to lay around the house all day or on the porch in the sun for hours when it’s not too hot.
He does get spunky in the afternoon and wants to play fetch, but is super chill otherwise. When he was a puppy, he was bouncing off the walls all the time.
Fwiw, both our dogs are mutts and rescues. The older one is a pit/lab mix and the younger one (3 years) is a shepherd mix. The shepherd sheds so much. It’s a constant battle in the summer.
Anonymous says
For the shedding, have the kids brush the dog daily with the Furminator.
So Anon says
OP-I would be very honest with yourself about how much mess and hair you can tolerate. I have a large breed that sheds like crazy, and the fur is no joke. No furminator or roomba can handle what she sheds. Signed, my Newfoundland’s fur destroyed a Dyson and a roomba. That being said, she is the best of best dogs.
Anon Lawyer says
OMG, I love Newfoundlands. They’re soooooooooo sweet and pretty. One time I saw three of them (!) tied up together outside a Starbucks and it basically made my year.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Golden Retriever. The shedding is worth the temperament. Also, a Roomba helps a lot with the shedding piece.
We have a Sheepadoodle now (partly for the no-shedding), and both DH and I will never again stray from being a Golden Retriever family.
Anonymous says
Goldens are the best dogs! If you want to adopt an adult Golden, it’s about to become exponentially more difficult because most rescue Goldens come from Turkey or China and the CDC just banned dog imports from those countries.
Anonymous says
I assume you will have a dog walker? Your dog will need to be let out midday if you’re gone for 8 hours. You should also know what you’ll do with the dog when you travel (and FYI, most dog boarding options have a minimum age requirement).
Get a non-shedding dog if you’re worried about mess. It does make a huge difference. There are tons of doodles to choose from these days. You should figure out the size you want, and then research breeders. I think the breeder is more important than the specific breed.
All dogs are different, but the puppy stage is usually when mess and destruction is the worst. Just prepare for it and set up your house accordingly, because otherwise the dog will chew your furniture, pee on your sofa, and all of that (our dog electrocuted himself as a puppy—luckily he’s fine, but they really will chew anything in the early stages). I recommend a puppy pen as an extension of whatever crate you buy.
We love our labradoodle, and he got my through a tough phase of infertility as my “baby.” But I was not fully prepared for how much work it would be to manage a dog alongside two jobs and small kids.
Anonymous says
An adult dog with the right temperament can be fine for 8 hours but I wouldn’t go longer. I know for a fact that in the Before Times, our Golden would go to bed when our daughter got on the school bus and wake up 5 minutes before she arrived home 8 hours later.
Anonymous says
In response to your comment about training the dog not to chew: Do not fall into the trap of assuming that you can train a dog out of any unwanted behavior and that, conversely, any behavioral problems are the fault of the owner. You can ruin a good dog with bad training, but you cannot really fix a very bad dog with good training. Choose your dog wisely and train it well. It’s also important to match the dog’s energy level to your family’s energy level. Some dogs need jobs (herding, agility, retrieving) and will be unhappy and act out unless they have one; don’t get one of these dogs unless you truly have the time and energy to work with the dog.
Anon says
Yeah, chewing is something you can avoid a bit by giving dogs something else to chew, but from my experience you really can’t train not to chew very well. Dogs just grow out of it, or never had an interest.
Our current labradoodle never chewed and we literally did nothing to train this behavior. I’d also point out that the best dog I ever had growing up, a lab, was nicknamed “Jaws” for the first two years of her life and had an expensive penchant for electronics/cords. She outgrew it though!
Dear+Summer says
Get a cat
Anonymous says
I have had both cats and dogs. The cats were messier and more destructive than even the most shedd-y dog, and cats don’t go on walks. I will only have dogs now. The limited benefit I get from cats is just not worth the mess and effort.