If you’re like me, a 2.5″ heel is about as high as it’s getting these days (although, honestly, even when I was younger, the 4″ heels had to be pretty special to make it onto my feet). Anyhoo: these Bella Vita pumps come in a zillion colors (fine, 12 colors), have mostly good reviews, and are priced $89-$100. The pictured shoes, in a croc-embossed metallic leather, are $95.99, available in N, M, W, WW sizes 5-12. Bella Vita Wow Kitten Heel Pump
Ooh: note that Amazon has a bunch more colors, some marked as low as $19; 6pm starts at $39 but has different colors (I think the tan ostritch is great).
CPA Lady says
Is there anyone else out there who hasn’t dramatically changed the way she dresses after having a kid? I understand that at a certain level you have to be practical, but posts like this — wear low heels! and the one with the chambray capri pants (for chasing after young kids!) and all that… it just makes me a little bit sad.
It seems like so much has changed after having a kid that it gives me at least one thing to cling onto that I haven’t really changed how I dress. That said, I think the shoes are cute and would totally wear them. But not because I’m a mom, (so obviously I’m going to wear low heels, because That’s What Moms Do).
And on a related topic, has anyone had either baby blues or some kind of meltdown in the latter part of your child’s first year of life? My daughter is 8 months old and everything has been totally fine up until now… but it’s really hitting me all of a sudden how different my life is. I cried for three hours straight last night and keep tearing up today, which is really unlike me. What on earth?
Anon mom says
Are you weaning? I know cup of jo experienced ppd around that time as she began to wean. You should look at her posts on the topic regardless! Cupofjo.com
Meg Murry says
+1 to weaning, or to crazy PMS when your period first starts to come back. It was like I was 13 years old again with the hormone fluctuations, cramps, tears, zits and other PMS symptoms when my period came back after my second son.
It could also just be the effects of months of sleep deprivation catching up to you, or finally being not exhausted enough to actually notice that you have the baby blues.
Common and normal – but still worth talking to your doctor about if it doesn’t go away quickly.
CPA Lady says
I weaned a couple months ago, and my daughter is sleeping great, so I don’t think it’s that…
I think it might just be that I went from maternity leave pretty much straight into tax season, and didn’t have time to think about it during tax season because work was my life. And now that I’m a few weeks out, I’m just really realizing how… lonely it is? Like how I used to just be able to call up a friend and go to happy hour or go to yoga on a whim. I really miss that. There are no more whims.
I had a (childless– not that it matters, but I always feel extra guilty saying no to friends who don’t have kids) friend in from out of town last night and I couldn’t hang out with her because she wanted to have dinner at 6, which is half an hour before my daughter enters pre-bedtime crabby meltdown. So I told her I couldn’t do it, stayed at home and put my daughter to bed, and spent the next few hours sobbing.
I think it’s just a shockwave like NewMomAnon described. But maybe the second big parenting shockwave I’ve ever had (the first one being coming home from the hospital with a newborn), so I feel a little bit bowled over by it.
Pigpen's Mama says
My daughter is 8 months old and I’m struggling with a bit of this as well. I think some of it is the novelty of it has worn off. I didn’t have the insanity of tax season, but the last two months at work have had a least one or two weeks that were pretty intense and it was HARD to be present at home and at work.
I also think you have a point with the loneliness — I wasn’t that social before baby, but I had the option of being social without even more planning and negotiations. The flipside is that I don’t have alone time. Husband gets home right at baby’s bedtime, which for me is really the worst time. Late enough so that I’m doing the evening routine solo, but early enough so that I don’t even have 30 minutes of solo-veg time.
Anonymama says
That’s rough… I think around 8 months actually can get tougher because you just feel like you’ve got the hang of things, then there’s crawling and sleep regressions and teething and separation anxiety and all kinds of new and different things to deal with. Just remember that these, too, are temporary, and you will get through it and pretty soon you will be able to do things much more easily.
anonyc says
Hmm. If anything I’ve been dressing less conservatively since having kids–both in terms of formalness and in terms of, erm, skin or heel height (my main neutral and black pumps are both 4″ these days, and the proportion of fitted dresses has only increased over the kids years). Part of that is a change in employment–from BigLaw to a job that is business casual–and part of that is me being more confident, both in my body and career. Certainly my body has changed, and that is a huge part of it (I’m smaller now than pre-kids, but I was always averaged sized), but I am also far less worried about things like respectable heels–no time, don’t care as much. Having some fun with my outfits is part of the bargain I made with myself for taking a position that enables me to be the default (and often sole) parent. Maybe some day I’ll be back in the world of suits every day. For now, loose but tapered trousers it is.
NewMomAnon says
I have had friends who developed really bad postpartum depression toward the end of the first year, so it’s a possibility. I have found that the shock of being a parent comes in waves – some days it seems impossible, and then it gets better for a while. If you find yourself in a funk for more than a few days, or the funk is scary (thoughts of hurting yourself or your baby or thoughts that you are worthless, incompetent, bad things will happen to you, etc), then I would talk to your OB about it. But a few hours of funk and some ugly crying every few months is within my range of normal as a parent, as long as it’s got some counterbalancing giggles and joy.
Nonny says
I have PPD, but I didn’t go to see my doctor about it until my baby was 15 months old. Until then I just thought I was still adjusting, etc. FWIW, my doctor told me that it is actually very common for women to present with PPD between about 12 and 16 months, for that very reason. Apparently PPD is far more prevalent than one might think, since the body goes through enormous hormonal changes after having a baby. If you start to notice this is a trend, do go see your doctor. I feel so much better after getting a plan in place to deal with it.
meme says
I’ve never been able to wear heels higher than 2.5″ without being miserable, so no change there for me. I think I am less inclined to wear my dry clean only items (and less likely to buy more) since having kids. Part of that is not wanting to get slimed in my nice clothes, and part of it is not wanting to spend time to deal with regular dry cleaning trips.
Rosie says
Bingo!
hoola hoopa says
+1
gmb says
My style and preferences haven’t changed, though they required modifications around my morphing body. Same general colors and style for maternity clothes (lots of black, fitted), same basic style during the drastically underweight but with huge b**bs nursing phase, but with fewer options available – no dresses, no buttondowns, no colors or fabrics that would alert the world to accidental leakage. After nursing, I’m back to my old clothes. Everything else about my life has changed, but at least my professional clothes are the same.
I remeber the 8 – 10 months PP being very difficult. Kid’s sleep pattern changed so he was up more often, the offers of help from family came less frequently, and I really began to miss my friends. No advice on the last piece, but with time the sleep issues got better, and I got better about just asking for help, rather than waiting for it to be offered.
stc says
Just looking for affirmation here-it’s okay to not have a birthday party for my 3 year old, right? He’s turning 3 next month and for the last two years we’ve been spoiled by his birthday happening the same weekend as an extended family/rent-a-house vacation trip. We’ve done cupcakes and sang happy birthday. I am planning on bringing cupcakes to daycare, because he likes that when it happens for other kids birthday, but my husband and I really just want to go for a fun short hike, maybe play at a playground and sing to him with a cupcake. He likes other kids’ birthday parties and hasn’t asked for a party, but I’m not a terrible parent, right? We’ve though about doing something low key at the park, but organizing still seems tiring. We live about 4 hours from family so it would just be local friends. The family get together is now a picnic the next weekend so we’ll see family close in time. It just all seems exhausting.
Jen says
Do cupcakes at the family get together next weekend to celebrate in addition to your current plans and…ta-da! Two birthday parties! what a great parent you are!
Momata says
Totally okay. Seems like you are well on your way towards modeling and teaching joy in the small things. You could always do cupcakes and sing at the family picnic – he doesn’t know when his birthday is.
Anonymous says
This is what we’re doing for our 3 y/o. He loves picnics and party hats, so we’re going to pack a picnic lunch, walk to the park, and have a cupcake while wearing a party hat. He’ll be thrilled. You’re a good mama for helping him love life’s small and significant happy moments.
R says
I think this is more than fine. Until they ask for it, I don’t feel you’re a bad parent for keeping things low-key. Other than family parties for the 1st birthday, I haven’t done any parties for my daycare-aged kids yet.
That said, an idea I’m going to steal: my 3 year old was just invited by a daycare classmate to a “Meet at Local Park/Playground for G’s birthday” where we are not to bring presents, they’ll have juice and cupcakes, and that’s it. It’s 1 hour at a mini-park that has a few slides and swings. Basically a playdate with cupcakes. I think it’s a plan by the parents to meet more people with kids this age, and I think it’s brilliant.
Lyssa says
What a great idea!
I wish my first’s birthday were not in December. If we’re going to do something, we’ve got to have an indoor space, and I can’t think of any way to do something like that indoors.
Nonny says
My daughter’s birthday is at the beginning of January, and I’m thinking of having half birthday parties for this reason.
Annoy Law Mom says
This is what all of our friends do for their kids’ birthdays. Sometimes someone brings a bouncy house or orders pizza, but it’s always low key, a local playground plus cupcakes.
Rosie says
Your plan sounds perfect!
Meg Murry says
For both of my kids, when I asked them what they wanted for their birthdays when they turned 3, they said “cupcakes and balloons”. So that is what we did.
In my experience, the people that throw parties for 2 or 3 year olds are the people that LIKE to throw parties, and I’m pretty sure the 3 year olds don’t actually notice or care one way or the other. I think planning to have cupcakes at the family party as well would be a good compromise.
One year I was on a business trip on my child’s actual birthday (I think it was when he was 2 or 3). So we didn’t celebrate until I came back that weekend, and never said one word to him about how it wasn’t his actual birthday. He didn’t notice or care, and everytime he said “when’s my birthday” we would answer with “we’re celebrating your birthday next Saturday” and avoid the actual day/date. Sneaky, but it worked. So there, you are a less crappy/manipulative parent than I am :-)
stc says
Thank you everyone, this makes me feel MUCH better. I like the park idea-if we get motivated, we’ll do that. If not, balloons and hats and cupcakes and a special family day.
New Mom says
I recently transitioned from bottle feeding my newborn to nursing. LO was 4 weeks premature and was in the NICU for a week after birth. He is now 5 weeks and learned to latch last week. He nurses for hours sometimes, nonstop with only brief periods where he falls asleep only to wake up within 1-2 minutes hungry again. This went on for 3 hours last evening (he had wet/poopy diapers during this period and the pacifier would not soothe him, so I know he was hungry but also getting fed). Its exhausting and I was starving by the end of it. I finally caved in and gave him a bottle of pumped milk so I could eat dinner and he drank and fell asleep. Is this cluster feeding? If so, what healthy snacks did you keep on hand to get through these marathon nursing sessions and/or the newborn days generally?
Nonny says
Sounds like cluster feeding to me. Totally normal in my experience. I was perpetually starving for the first three months of nursing. Eat anything you can pick up with one hand. Bonus points if it’s healthy, but sometimes it won’t be, and during this time period, that’s perfectly OK. I ate rafts of PB&J sandwiches, avocado and cheese sandwiches, bananas, and this amazing chocolate-drizzled popcorn that I found at the grocery store.
Anonymous says
I lived on pop tarts during these marathon nursing sessions.
ETA: I know they’re not healthy, but hey, whatever works!
Nonny says
I recently found something called “brownie chips” at Costco. If I was currently in the newborn stage, you can bet your bottom dollar that I would be snacking on them constantly. Totally addictive.
Meg Murry says
It could be cluster feeding, or it could be a growth spurt – my kids both did the “witching hours” thing where they wanted to nurse non-stop from around 5 pm to 8, 9 or 10 pm, and at the key growth spurt ages (for us 3, 6 and 12 weeks – yours may be shifted slightly because of the prematurity) they wanted to nurse non-stop for around 48 hours straight. Totally fine with you caving and giving pumped milk (I would have done the same) but ideally you should pump while someone else gives him the bottle (ok to wait until after you’ve scarfed some food though).
Snack suggestions: nuts, fig newtons, stack of pre-made PB&J in fridge that I could ask H to grab me, apple slices, grapes, giant bottles of water, oatmeal cookies/bars, jar of peanut butter and a spoon in a few really desperate moments. Basically anything you can eat one handed.
rakma says
We also went from bottle feeding to nursing around 5 weeks, and right into a growth spurt, which is one of the reasons I combo fed, I could not keep up with that sort of demand. Sometimes she just needed the fullness a bottle provides quickly, so she could fall asleep, and I could maybe not be in the glider all day. One of the things the LC mentioned that stuck with me–when they’re that little, nursing takes a lot of effort. They’re burning calories as they cluster feed, and what they’re getting in return may not always make it worth all that effort. The bottle is a little easier for them, and gets them over that hunger ledge.
I found I needed an extra meal when DD was going through a growth spurt–something with protein, veggies and a starch (Turkey sandwich with avocado, pasta salad with cheese, egg salad on toast, greek yogurt, omelettes if someone’s around to cook for you) I could eat fruit, nuts, granola bars and the like all day and still be starving. I basically needed two lunches, and I’d leave some things prepared in the fridge so I could just grab and go as I needed.
Carrie M says
It does sound like cluster feeding and I agree, it is exhausting. I second all the great snack advice from PP. I had two nursing spots – one upstairs and one downstairs, and I always tried to keep a can of almonds, some granola bars, and a water bottle in each spot, in case I got stuck there when no one else was around! (Almonds are galactogogues, so bonus points in my mind.) Pre-making PB&J sandwiches is a brilliant idea.
My baby went through short bursts of cluster feeding, so hopefully this won’t last for long for you either. Hang in there!
sfg says
One of my favorite nursing snacks is cheese and crackers, or cheese and banana slices (so easy to grab with one hand). And generally anything with a creamy/fatty mouthfeel (more cheese, avocado, full fat yogurt, smoothies).
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