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I am not quite sure why, but something about these pumps are calling my name. I like the double buckle, the fun colors (they come in six suede colors, including black and beige), and they’re from what I always think of as a comfort brand, Bella Vita. They’re only $99 and winning rave reviews at Nordstrom and Zappos — and it’s nice that they come in four widths, sizes 5-12. BELLA VITA ‘Niko’ Double Buckle Pump
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(L-all)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
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- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
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- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
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- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
KDC says
Immediate TJ. I am newly pregnant with my second. Our first is not quite 1, so these two will be close in age. This was kinda sorta planned (I got pregnant very quickly), but I am now completely freaking out. I am terrified about being pregnant again while trying to juggle our active baby-going-on-toddler in daycare and our two demanding full-time jobs. I’m freaked out about the impact on work (battling pregnancy fatigue again, taking two maternity leaves so close together, returning after leave while balancing an infant and toddler, etc.) And, of course, I’m terrified about how difficult it’s going to be to take care of a newborn and a young toddler at the same time. I’m also very hormonal and not sleeping well from a combination of stress, pregnancy, and our first still not sleeping through the night consistently. I’ve been lashing out at my husband for stupid things. And I’m irritable at work.
I’ve got almost 8 more months of pregnancy to go, so I know I need to rein it in. Does anyone have any advice?
BKDC says
I have a 3month old and a 25-month-old, and I was definitely panicked about how to handle it all. My first wasn’t sleeping through the night when I became pregnant. My first piece of advice is to sleep train and get your partner on board to handle it.
For me, it was a lot harder to be pregnant while chasing a toddler than it is now with 2 young children. Nap when you can and delegate, delegate, delegate. If your doing most of the child-related work, make sure your partner picks up the slack. Now is the time for him to prep bottles/food for daycare; do the laundry; and if your’s is an early riser, to get up with the baby.
BKDC says
You’re doing, not your
JTX says
+1 to sleep training.
AwayEmily says
Congratulations!!! And you will make it work, I promise. It will definitely, absolutely, be tough. But also amazing. And to some extent there’s only so much you will be able to plan in advance…who knows if baby #2 will be chill or a nutcase, how you will react to pregnancy this time around, etc. There are so many unknowns at this point, so maybe it would help to take a few weeks (at least!) to focus on being excited and thinking about all the awesome parts of this, and then you can start in on the planning/worrying that many of us (including me) are so good at (maybe too good).
Anonymous says
Keep your toddler in childcare at least part time while you’re on maternity leave. It’s nice stability for them when their new sibling is changing up their home life and it gives you a chance to sleep when baby sleeps.
Anon says
+1. Best tip I got, hands down. Yes it was hard to get toddler out the door some mornings, but she was so much happier with her same routine. And I feel like I got a chance to actually bond with baby, instead of bouncing back and forth between the two with no real time for quiet.
AnonMN says
+2 We stopped daycare midway through my maternity leave and it was terrible. Toddler started having behavior issues, no routine really did us in. We quickly decided to send him back, and despite the major expense, it was well worth it.
Betty says
CONGRATS!!
Absolutely the best advice! It gives your oldest predictability and a world that is his/her own. If you can have your partner or a friend to drop off and pick up, that is an additional huge help. Plus, it give you the bonding and down time you will want and need with a newborn.
Two Cents says
Congratulations!! :)
Agreed. We put our older one in full time daycare (to be consistent with his routine pre-baby.) We also hired a mother’s helper to come in the mornings and take him to daycare, which was extremely helpful (particularly because often the baby was still asleep in the morning and that way I could avoid waking him up and having to schlep him along with me).
The first year is tough, but now that my youngest is 1.5, it’s AWESOME to see how well they get along and play with one another. They are best friends (mostly anyway) and it’s really beautiful to see.
You got this.
JTX says
+1 to this also. I kept my toddler in daycare full-time for the entirety of my four-month maternity leave. It worked out great. Keeping him home would have resulted in a frustrated toddler and an (even more) exhausted mom.
LegalMomma says
Congratulations!! I am in a similar position – got pregnant very quickly with number 2 – and am now 34 weeks pregnant with an almost 18 month old. Let your H step in a do a lot with your kiddo now, especially during the first trimester. Now that I am well into my 3d, H is doing way more than his fair share of kiddo lugging and care, as I find I am back to being exhausted, plus picking up the 25lb toddler is not fun at this stage of pregnancy. Be kind to your self, and realize that it will work out.
Amelia Bedelia says
I got pregnant with my second when my first was nine months. it was only two months after I had returned from maternity leave! my advice:
1. people give more grace than you think they do. Take advantage of it and know your body and listen to it. don’t overdo it.
2. nap. at. work. even 25 minutes helps.
3. use your spouse. and your friends. and take out for dinner.
4. out source AS MUCH as possible so that you can enjoy your current baby while baking your second baby! this is the time to not busy yourself with mundane tasks that someone else can do if you can at all afford it.
5. take all the time you can to snuggle your current baby. you will feel guilty that you are bringing another one too soon. you shouldn’t feel guilt, but there it is. So, take all the time you can to get in extra songs/snuggles/loves/play times.
6. don’t be TOO tied to your first kid’s schedule. do whatever you can to get through the day and evening. if that means kiddo goes to bed a bit later, that’s fine. up later? whatevs. too many mickey mouses while you nap? IT’S FINE! because any schedule you kill yourself to establish will be completely out the window when second kiddo arrives!
Anon says
I could have been you. Kids ended up 18 months apart. All I can say is we have loved it! This age gap is so great because the older kid isnt old enough to get jealous – they love the new baby instead. So much. And that makes everything else easier!
Spirograph says
Congratulations! I have 3 with the oldest 3.5, so I totally get it. It is tiring to be pregnant and caring for an infant with an active toddler (or two!), so absolutely keep your childcare arrangements if you can. But the good thing is, you know what you’re doing this time. That makes the pregnancy itself less stressful because at least there’s less fear of the unknown. And my second maternity leave was a breeze because I wasn’t terrified of breaking the infant anymore and I knew enough to take lots of naps. Honestly, two kids is an adjustment, but in a lot of ways, it’s NOT twice as much work. You can do this. I hope your office is supportive and doesn’t add to your stress – assume good intentions there and don’t borrow worry or trouble. Otherwise, deep breaths: 2 kids close in age will be fine by the time the youngest is 6 months or so, and gets better from there… Less for you to do when they can entertain each other!
Katala says
Congrats! Agree with everyone, you’ll be fine! I ended up surprise pregnant with #2 just before starting a new job. Now I’m 24 weeks and have an 18 month old. And work is fine. Not great, but fine, and everyone understands (I think). I’ll have plenty of years to kill it later, when the kids are a little older.
I was pretty terrified at the beginning, but once the hormones leveled out a bit and the first trimester nausea and fatigue lifted, it’s great! H is really picking up the slack. He basically does all household work, all kid work on weekdays and we spend most of the weekend together as a family. He works a little bit less than I do, so it works for us, but even if he didn’t I would expect him to step up. Being pregnant is a lot of work! It will all get re-balanced multiple times before we hit a stride with 2 kids, so we do our best to take it day by day, week by week. We make it a point to express our appreciation for each other.
Also, do try to remember that while your mat leaves stand out a lot to you, once you’ve been back a while, no one will remember how long you were out or how close together they were. If you come back and are a good employee, that’s what they’ll remember (so I’m told). Hugs!
Katala says
Also, not advice, but just want to share. We’ve been telling kiddo his brother’s in mama’s belly for a while, but he seemed uninterested. Yesterday he came up unprompted, pointed at my belly and said “brudda”. Really looking forward to seeing their relationship develop.
KDC says
Thank you all so much for the replies. We haven’t done much planning yet, but I see no reason to take our older child out of daycare while I’m on maternity leave, since we have to keep paying for it anyway or else we would lose the spot. So it sounds like that should be a big help when the baby comes. My first was a difficult baby (colicky, reflux, bad sleeper), and I’m struggling thinking about going through those first few months again, and this time with a toddler running wild too. But I appreciate the advice to remember it will be at least somewhat easier this time because we have some clue what we’re doing (though that still seems debatable most days!). And HOPEFULLY kiddo no. 2 is slightly easier… We’ll see!
Sarabeth says
I’ll just say that we had a difficult first baby (she’s amazing now, but was colicky for months and months as an infant), and our second is totally different. Relaxed, good sleeper, only cries when there’s actually something going on. I realize in retrospect that I was dreading the first six months with two because I had convinced myself that it would be a repeat of the first baby, but with added stress from the toddler. I know I can’t promise you that your second baby will be easier, but I think I would have been less stressed even just knowing that the second time MIGHT be different. And for us, it has been.
Anonymous says
Yep, been there. I was a first year associate with a baby who got pregnant pretty quickly after starting my new job. People were pretty gracious about it, and I got my work done. I’m not going to pretend it was always a walk in the park, but I survived. Definitely kept my toddler in daycare during mat leave — I briefly considered taking him out, but my thankfully my husband convinced me that would be insane. I really made sure my husband was on board with the fact that my carrying this baby healthily was one of my main jobs and we had to treat the whole endeavor as a joint effort, so he had to pick up some of the slack so that I could sleep enough, exercise (not enough but some!) and not be too stressed.
Edna Mazur says
Congratulations!
Mine are 15 months apart so I really get it.
Advice/Wisdom:
1. Lower your standards. This may happen organically out of necessity, but be patient and forgiving with yourself when it does. I’m talking as far as house upkeep, kiddo stuff (like making sure all grandparents get footprint art, meticulously documenting and preserving milestone memories, etc.), anything that isn’t mandatory can be relaxed.
2. Get sleep however works. My first wasn’t sleep trained (still kinda isn’t) and my husband and I slept on different floors for a year so we would each have to deal with only one kids wake-ups. I ended up co sleeping so I could sleep through nurses. Do what works for you.
3. Accept any and all help offered.
4. Get a double stroller. I called mine the HMS Freedom. When I was still intimidated about bringing them both in the car someplace myself, I was comfortable taking them both on a walk around the block immediately. We still use it all the time.
5. When shopping the toddle goes in the kid seat and the baby car seat goes in the cargo area. Park next to a cart corral thingy with carts in it so kiddos get transferred immediately outside the store.
6. use the straps on the rock-n-play right away. They keep a loving toddler from pulling their baby out.
7. Enjoy! I seriously love having my kiddos so close (usually). They love the same toys, same outtings, are interested in the same stuff. It is great.
8. They are usually “difficult” at different times. Toddler goes through a difficult phase while the baby is being easy and vice versa. I don’t know why, but that is how it works.
9. My older kid kept trying to nurse my youngest, gentle is hard to understand at that age but you’ll see the love and possessiveness pretty quickly.
10. Jealousy wasn’t really a factor. There was definitely a week long adjustment period, but after that, I don’t think Toddler remembered when baby wasn’t there.
Anonymous says
re: 9. What worked for us was saying ‘gentle touches’ and then taking toddler’s hand and demonstrating gentle touch on toddler (touch toddler’s hand to toddler’s leg). This seemed to connect the words and the action.
Edna Mazur says
To be fair, we are a year+ out and my oldest still has problems with gentle touches :) We will remind him and he’ll pet the littler one, then two minutes later throw a football at him and do a full body tackle. Other kids might catch on a lot quicker…
Jen says
Ours are 2.5 years apart but my almost 3 y/o (the older one) told me today that her sister is “just the best. My best. My best friend.” And I jokingly asked if we should bring back the baby to the hosptial and she looked at me and said “ONLY IF SHE GETS SICK!!!” “You don’t want to return her for another one?” “No mama, and I will stay with her if she has to go (to the hosptial) so she isn’t lonely.” Melted my heart.
Anonymous says
I love the style of these – kind of a bootie look but in a shoe. But I don’t love the colors and texture.
Jdubs says
I need some ideas for at home after the kids are asleep date nights other than sit on the couch and watch tv. My idea of hiring a babysitter for the weekend went out the window with a $1k repair to the car this week. Is there anything exciting to do? Games to play?
Anonymous says
One thing we like to do is to have a fire in the fireplace and listen to a podcast together. We like to listen to myth/legend ones around Halloween and to Christmas music specials around the holidays. If you don’t have a fireplace, a bunch of candles would be nice too. Maybe you could make a special cocktail together, have some wine, and some tasty snacks or treats too.
CHJ says
+1 to special cocktails. I also like to get a movie from the library (now that Blockbuster is no longer with us). It’s kind of silly but to me, taking out a DVD feels more intentional and date-ish than streaming.
Anon says
We got into board games, dominos, card games. More specifically, we found Kickstarter games that we were interested in, backed them, and follow their Instagrams while they go through production. (Right now we’re waiting on Beasts of Balance. And we’re contemplating backing “Pretending to Grownup”, but haven’t decided yet.) We figure we’ll learn all the rules to these games while the kids are small, and then build in a semi-regular family game night as they get older. It’s super quaint and crazy, but think it’ll be a good way for the family to bond and model healthy competition. Plus it gives us something to talk about, keeps our hands busy while we chat, we text about new projects or IG videos, etc.
We have some good friends with kids the same age. We’re going to know the board game rules, they’re going to know all the age-appropriate books. They read popular kid books and discuss together, so they’ll be able to run a mini-family-book club with all the kids.
I know a family with older kids – they do shared hobbies. So they both knit, and they both stargaze. Instead of retreating to separate corners, they decided to make an effort to learn one of the other’s favorite hobbies so they can do it together. It’s honestly heartwarming to see them get excited about a new yarn or hearing them talk about constellations.
mascot says
Cook a fancy dinner, sit outside around a fire or otherwise enjoying your outdoor space, work on a puzzle or play a board game, engage in adult activities.
MDMom says
We built a fire in our fire pit last weekend and had a few beers sitting around the fire. It was great!
Katala says
Oooh, our (fingers crossed) new house has a fire pit and I’m super excited for date nights around the fire.
No alcohol for me right now, so our at home go-to is a fancy cheese plate with spiced nuts, dried fruit and chocolate. It’s something I like to get when we’re out and DH can have wine that I can sip to taste with the cheese. It feels fun and like a good recreation of pre-kid dates.
We usually do watch tv or a movie (we never watch movies otherwise, so it feels special, especially if we buy a new release to stream) but also sometimes play a game. We’ve gone to a board game store and looked for good 2-player games. Nothing has been awesome yet, but it’s fun to try them.
Katarina says
Some two-player game recommendations are Imperial Settlers, Ticket to Ride, Splendor, Dominion, and King of Tokyo.
lucy stone says
I’m returning to work from maternity leave on Monday. I’m going half time for a bit but woulf appreciate tips on easing the transition.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Try to prep all of your and baby’s items (e.g. Clothes, bottles, etc.) the night before. If you are doing daycare, figure out who is doing drop off and who is doing pick up. If you’re pumping, block that time off on your calendar as busy and enforce it with ppl (hopefully you are a reasonable workplace). The first few weeks are not representative of the rest of your working time. Your baby may cry a bit in the mornings but they will get used to the new routine. As will you! Try to carve some time for just you or you and SO so it’s not just work, baby work, sleep, repeat (hard, I know).
Navy Attorney says
This isn’t just for the first week, but here are a few tips. If you drive, put everything you can into the car the night before. In the winter you can even put breastmilk bottles in the car, since they’ll stay cold! Buy a second set of anything you usually transport – phone charger, pump, makeup, whatever. Pack for daycare by the week – send a week’s worth of diapers and clothes, formula powder, butt cream, etc. Se up recurring orders onto Amazon Mom, like diapers and wipes. Keep a black scarf/shawl at work in case you need to cover up baby spit-up that happens between home and work. You’ve got this!!!
Sonny says
Pumping question!
I’m going back to work in a week and pumping seems daunting. Did any of you pump just twice during your workday instead of three emails times? Did that work?
What about formula during the day and nursing at home?
Mrs. Jones says
I hated pumping at work SO MUCH. Yes, I pumped only twice during the day, and it worked. If I had a second child, I would wean before going back to work, because BF’ing and working was not a good combo for me. I recommend doing whatever makes your life easier.
POSITA says
My boobs would explode if I did formula during the day and didn’t pump. It’s also nice to just nurse on weekends and to not have to do bottles.
I pumped 3x’s a day with my first, but so far with my second I’ve found 2x’s a day to be adequate. I think it depends on your boobs and how long your workday is.
Anonymous says
Depends on how old your baby is. I’m Canadian and it’s super uncommon to pump at work if you take the full year off. Usually just nurse morning and evening.
If your baby is three months old you will have a hard time keeping up enough supply for evening/night nursing if you don’t pump during the day. I’d aim to pump three times a day for a month or so (this also establishes the routine at work) and then cut back to twice a day. Once your baby gets into the 7-9 month range you may even be able to cut to once a day if you can nurse right before and after work.
Also depends on how long you are away from baby for. If you have an eight-nine hour day then you’ll probably be able to get away with pumping twice. If the time between nursing is closer to 10 hours – three times might work better.
CPA Lady says
I did formula during the day and nursed morning and evening. Never pumped at work. It just didn’t work with my life and my schedule, and I had zero guilt about using formula. If you’re going to supplement, you can drop pumping sessions gradually.
I had planned to switch 100% to formula by the time I went back to work on maternity leave (12 weeks), so I EBF-ed the first six weeks or so, then added one bottle of formula every several days by two months. Then I started dropping down nursing sessions during the day and integrating formula in the several weeks before I went back to work. I really loved nursing though, and didn’t want to quit. So I kept nursing part time through 6 months, then switched 100% to formula. I would probably do the same thing again, maybe nursing a little longer if I had another kid, despite the fact that my current job has a lot less pressure. I was working a lot of overtime around the 6 month mark, which is why I quit nursing then. I just couldn’t make it work with my 70 hour work-weeks. I didn’t see my daughter enough to continue, and adding pumping to my day would have meant I would have seen her even less.
AnonMN says
Not sure how you commute, but I did my first pumping session in my car on the way to work (hands free bra plus nursing cover. Car adaptor for pump). Then only two at work. I recently dropped the morning car session, because it was still a pain (and my LO is 8 months, so with 400 ounces in the freezer I figured we’re good even with any major travel or supply drops) , but it felt like I was utilizing my “worthless” commute time.
While I don’t love pumping at work, it really doesn’t impact my time a ton. 5-10 minutes for set-up then I check e-mails while I am pumping. I’m a unicorn though, my body responds really well to them pump so I have never had supply issues or instances where I am pumping with minimal return, so it’s worth it for me.
Other tips if you decide to pump in the day: 2-3 sets of flanges and lots and lots of bottles so you don’t have to wash every night if you’re tired/busy. Rinse flanges with water and put in fridge so you don’t have to wash after every session. I pump into the medela bottles and my son uses those to eat. So I bring enough bottles to portion out his meals right after I pump. Then in the evening I just add the bottle top and a lable and i’m done with prep.
H says
Get through the first 2 weeks. My first day back, I was like wtf, I have to do this every 2.5 hours??? (I pumped 4x at work.) But I stuck to it and after 2 weeks it just became habit.
+1 to pumping into the bottles LO will use the next day. Does everyone not do this???
AnonMN says
Most of my friends pump into bags and then transfer to bottles later. Sounds like too much transfer/work IMO.
Anonymous says
This is so confusing to me but I always held the bottles and watched tv on my ipad while I pumped but I guess bags work if you’re using a handsfree bra.
Meg Murry says
I didn’t because our daycare washed bottles in their high temp commercial dishwasher (woo hoo!) so I only had 4 “drinking” bottles that stayed at daycare (and a couple at home and at Grandma’s). I bought a ton of Medela bottles to pump into, and those were what I pumped into and took to daycare. Daycare warmed in the Medela bottles and then poured the warmed milk into his drinking bottles and sent just the Medela’s back home to us.
There was also less waste that way, because the Medela bottles and bags warmed fast (even from frozen) while the thicker bottles like Avent took longer, so they were more willing to do things like “give this 3 oz bottle and if he still seems starving you can defrost the 1-2 oz frozen bags easily”.
I pumped once in the morning on my commute (or got to work early and pumped within my first hour of being there) and then 2X during the workday. It wasn’t ideal – in order to keep up I needed to pump every single morning including weekends, and I sometimes had to add an extra pumping session at bedtime or weekend afternoons in order to get enough for the week. But it was impossible to fit 3 full pumping sessions in during my workday without making it a lot longer since I didn’t have an office where I could pump while getting work done – I was pumping in lieu of a lunch break and then eating at my desk.
AnonMN says
My LOs have both used the medela’s as their drinking bottles, so I guess that is where the difference is. I just add a bottle top to what I pumped in and no transfering is required.
lsw says
This is exactly what I do. The Medela bottles are easy for me and they just dump them into the drinking bottle for eating.
anon says
I was generally able to get away with pumping 2x. I think I did 3x in the beginning. I was very lucky with my supply though – generally had more than I needed until about 8 months.
Katala says
Agree that whether you can get away with 2 sessions depends on how old kiddo is, how your body responds and how long you’ll be away. Around 5-6 months, I found that 2 sessions got close to as much milk as 3 but I did not have a long day.
Multiple sets of parts and plenty of bottles helps. Pump into the bottles kid will eat from, if possible. I used wide-neck glass born free bottles and got an adapter to pump into them. Worked really well and cut down on pumping time (on Fridays I would often be low on bottles and want to freeze the milk, so transferred to bags and it was messy/time consuming). Depending on output, I would still adjust bottles at night for the next day. I found my son would eat as much as we let him, but didn’t complain if it was less, so I left the bottles as is unless I got a very small or large amount.
I pumped until kiddo was around 11 months, with #2 I’ll be able to pump in my office, so we’ll see, but I think I’ll supplement with formula and stop pumping sooner. My supply was OK so I think nursing morning/night will work for us.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I pumped 3x a day for about 1 week then went to 2x a day, which is what I’m still doing. My kid is almost 6 mo. My supply didn’t really go down as my 2x times a day pumping gives him enough for 3 bottles at daycare, plus usually some extra. I’m going to switch to 1x a day sometime soon and supplement with formula. I hope this switch doesn’t impact my supply too much for mornings/nights, but I haven’t been EBF since 3 months so I’m not concerned if we need to switch entirely to formula. Setting up the pumping parts is a pain but you’ll get used to doing this as part of your day. It can be a nice break too from staring at the screen all day, if you go to a separate room. I work 8ish-5ish usually. On late night days, I pump at home at night if I miss baby’s bedtime.
You didn’t ask this but I recommend not EBF as it takes a lot of pressure off of you in case you miss a pump session or don’t produce enough for some reason.
Katarina says
With my first, I went back to work at 6 weeks. I pumped 3 times a week until 12 weeks, when I dropped to 2 times a day. In the first few months I pumped much more than the baby ate, and developed a huge stash (I bought a deep freezer). By around 6 months I was pumping about what he was eating. Around 8 months I dropped to 1-2 times a day (twice if I don’t get enough in the first pump). The baby dropped down to taking two bottles instead of three at this point. I am using up my stash. I pump in my office and work while pumping. My first was similar, although I never dropped down to once a day, and I had to go back to 2-3 times a day towards the end when my stash was running out.
I don’t even rinse the parts between pump sessions, I just putt hem in the fridge. I bought a mini-fridge for my office. I have a lot of spare pump parts, and wash them in the dishwasher. I pump into bottles for the next day, and freeze any extra. Both of my babies drank fine out of the generic pumping bottles.
If I were being rational about everything, I would have done formula during the day.
Sonny says
Thanks for the replies! This was all so helpful.
I think I will pump just twice a day. I have a generous supply. Baby and I spent one day a week apart during my maternity leave, and I pump 26 oz between two sessions. I am comfortable supplementing with formula too.
I’ve read previous TJs, so I already bought tons of extra parts/bottles.
Famouscait says
Can anyone speak to living in South Bend, Indiana, and/or working at the University of Notre Dame?
Shayla says
I can’t speak to living in South Bend, but having gone to Purdue I visited a few times. Lovely area and the Midwest is awesome. I do think you’ll find yourself in a rivalry with almost every other person who likes/follows college football. Purdue’s football team hasn’t shown up in a few years, so I have no beef with you! ;-) I wish I could be of more help… sorry!
Shayla says
Also, if there aren’t many responses, you may want to try the South Bend sub on reddit.
RDC says
I graduated from Notre Dame, so no real idea of living there as a “grownup,” but some thoughts:
– winter can be tough and the school (almost) never has snow days bc they have their own snowplows and underground power lines
– at least when I was there it was pretty not-diverse and tends very conservative (if that matters to you). There are small pockets of liberalism but the student body was something like 85% catholic. I’d guess the majority go to mass every weekend (in their dorms), which I only note because I’d guess it’s not the “average” college experience.
– beautiful campus.
– very lcol area
– you’ll be car dependent to get around town but also walk a fair bit around campus (the parking lots are kind of on the outskirts so it’s a 10-15 min walk from there to the classrooms)
Did you have other specific questions? Not sure if this is the kind of thing that’s useful when you’re thinking of moving there :)
Amelia Bedelia says
I need help! my 9 month old has never been a great drinker (fabulous eater), but she’s recently gotten worse. For the past six weeks, she only takes a bottle three times a day: before her two naps and before going to sleep at night. This, combined with the 4 oz she takes in food during the day, means she only gets about 18oz during the day, and then she nurses 2-3 times through the night. (it’s not a bottle thing. she won’t nurse during the day either.)
Well, now she has started to fight the bottle at naptime too! essentially, I can only get her to drink if I put her to sleep in my arms and then dream feed her before each nap and bedtime. and now she is fighting going to sleep in my arms! I think she doesn’t want to go to sleep and realizes the bottle means it is almost sleep time. so, she refuses the bottle (or nursing). does that make sense? my question is: how do I make it stop? she isn’t interest in the bottle or boob at any other time during the day. she would rather play. do I stop feeding her before naptime in the hopes that she will eventually get hungry enough to eat during the day? should I quit feeding her food (cereal/fruit) during the day so she will drink more?
I’m at my wits end, internet friends.
mascot says
Sounds like she’s getting plenty in a 24 hr period (I assume she’s got good diapers). What happens if you cut back on the middle of the night feeds? She’s probably going to squawk about it some, but it should motivate to eat more during the day.
AnonMN says
Have you tried a sippy cup/straw cup? I have friends whose nursing babies went straight to those because they hated bottles.
Amelia Bedelia says
but it isn’t that she hates bottles. she won’t nurse during the day either. she just won’t eat during the day.
Running Numbers says
We had a lot of similar things recently with my son. Bottles and nursing are quite similar. The sippy cup/straw cup may work. At one point, my son was drinking bottles through an adult straw.
Also, she is probably just fine. She may be excited about solid food or she may be teething.
Amelia Bedelia says
good point. thanks. will try.
and I know. I just can’t get out of the worry spiral on this one.
Anonymous says
Sounds like she’s getting plenty of milk. 18 oz is tons if she’s also nursing 2-3 times a day.
Babies start in-taking enough solids around 9 months so that their milk requirements often drop a bit. Like if you EBF, you’d notice she wasn’t nursing as often.
Try giving her milk in a sippy with her meal before the nap. You can also try different temperatures. My youngest hated cold milk but loved room temperature milk so I’d leave his sippy of milk on the counter while I made lunch and after a few minutes the cold edge was off it and he’d drink it.
She may also be teething. My kids always drank less when teething because the bottle made their gums sore.
Amelia Bedelia says
that’s the thing, though. I don’t WANT her to nurse 2-3 times at night. I want her to eat during the day.
mascot says
Then I’d focus on night-weaning. Most older babies will eat if you offer it in the middle of the night, but they are physically capable of going without for that stretch.
Anonymous says
I missed that in your OP. I’d pick one time overnight to offer (you’re going to get a fight if you go from one to three) and have DH go in to soothe at other times. Maybe you nurse for the first waking and he goings in for subsequent wakings. Start on a Friday night so you have two nights of new routine before you/DH have to get up for work.
Amelia Bedelia says
good idea. thanks!
Meg Murry says
Yes, I agree with this. Perhaps plan on a dreamfeed before you go to bed, and then start with “any time she wakes between 1 and 5 am, send in the husband”, and slowly stretch that to any time between 12 and 6, etc.
Is she a really active kid? Around that age, my kids started to get really squirmy, so I had to switch to nursing them somewhere with minimal distractions (like their bedroom instead of the living room) and also offer to nurse in a more “active” way like sitting up on my lap, instead of cuddled up like a newborn.
Also, fruit, veggies and cereal don’t have nearly the calories or fat as b-milk or formula, so she can fill her belly with them but not meet her calorie needs, especially if shes starting to get more physically active. Can you offer more fattening foods like avocado, whole milk yogurt, coconut or olive oil, cheese and egg yolks? Cereal is a good carrier for b-milk or other food, but it’s really not necessary in and of itself.
Could you try offering to nurse her or bottles right *after* naptime instead of before? Or give her a bottle or sippy in her highchair before she gets solid foods?
MDMom says
I had success slowly cutting back night feedings. If there is one she sometimes sleeps through, drop that one first. For others, start gradually decreasing how long you feed each side. My baby started sleeping through once I was down to about 2 min per side. It was amazingly painless, though a bit tedious to keep track in middle of night.
(was) due in june says
She will eat more during the day if she wakes up hungry instead of full of milk.
hoola hoopa says
She’s fine. 18 oz is fine. It sounds like your real question is how to make her drink during the day instead of the night, and the best way is to night wean. It’s no fun, but it should only take about three days.
FWIW, one of mine quit bottles entirely at 10 mo.
DIY Makeover Mama says
ISO shopping recommendations for professional clothes. I am pear-shaped size 10/12 undertaking a job search with multiple networking opportunities next week and want to look neat and polished, (as opposed to my current look which is just….ugh.) I loathe shopping and am willing to spend on quality items so I don’t have to regularly replace them. (Shoot me if I have to put on those paper thin crap Ann Taylor teeshirts again!) I want to own a few solid, well made items that go together. I have carved out tomorrow afternoon in NYC to shop, and am currently planning on MM La Fleur, J Crew and Banana. Any recommendations of where to shoor things I should consider? Thank you so much, fashionable mamas!
Famouscait says
I am of similar size and shape, so I would suggest you add Talbots to your list. I never find bottoms that fit at JCrew, and only rarely at Banana.
DIY Makeover Mama says
Thanks so much!
BKDC says
I like Everlane for tops and blouses. Some of the styles are a bit boxy or long for me, but others (like the sleeveless blouses) have worked great. And the t-shirts have been workhorses for me.
anne-on says
I’d try eileen fisher for tops/bottoms as well. Does Of Mercer have a physical store in NYC? If so I’d try that as well.
Amelia Bedelia says
I just brought several pair of pants at Banana Republic and a few blouses. I was happy with the fit and quality and I’m pear shaped. I also did really well at Nordstrom. I love Nordstrom.
NewMomAnon says
This may be good for you or not, but I’ve found Banana to be built for women who are hourglass shaped (big bust/wide shoulders, small waist, bigger hips). I can’t buy dresses or tops there because I have narrow shoulders and a practically concave chest, with a thicker waist.
This doesn’t meet your “quality” designation, but I always look for suits and dress pants at the Limited because they have so many different styles. Most of them are machine washable too.
And I second the Eileen Fischer recommendation and the Nordstroms recommendation if you’re truly looking for “quality.” None of the big name retailers are carrying quality right now, at any price.
Two Cents says
I think this is very true. I’m hourglass and love Banana tops. They are actually fitted, unlike so many blousy tops which do nothing for me.
DIY Makeover Mama says
Thank you all SO much! I hadnt considered Eileen Fisher, Everlane, Talbots or Limited at all. I’ll investigate Mercer tonight. Many many thanks.
good to know re Everlane t shirts, I really need some nice fitted ones that dont look like the gown in my Drs office!
Butter says
Oh I am SO on this journey. Upgrading my wardrobe in a flash is my second job right now. I’m a pear too. Brands that I’ve had success with recently are Club Monaco (pants fit amazingly well), Classiques Entier, Lafayette 148 or whatever it is, and MM LaFleur. Everything has cost more than I’m used to paying (I’m usually an Ann Taylor/BR girl) but I’ve noticed a marked difference in the material and the way things fit and hang on me. Good luck!
DIY Makeover Mama says
Thanks Butter!
Anon says
When did you actually enjoy s*x after baby and was it before, after or immediately upon weaning? It still hurts too much for me right now (3 months out) Tips to make it less painful?!
TK says
After weaning at a year. Painful prior due to dehydration from nursing, plus *zero* interested since I had a baby or a pump attached to myself for hours a day. Plus exhaustion. Plus my boobs leaked, and it was just weird.
Anon says
+1. This is me, exactly. No interest and not fun when I did it, until I weaned. That’s hard, because that’s the exact time DH seemed to need more reassurance and closeness, but I just DID NOT need more touch. I dealt with it on occasion (just like he dealt with it during pregnancy – he wasn’t as interested then, stress seems to decrease his interest, but I was way into it). We figured that’s part of the give-and-take of our partnership, and just sort of struggled through those seasons of our life. I’m sure more seasons will come up in the future.
Shayla says
+2
RDC says
+3
Anonymous says
Kept a cute lace bra on because my b**bs didn’t feel s*xual until after I weaned. Definitely needed l*be until weaned. Interest was low until 6-9 months postpartum.
anon says
This is a time to try all the “slippery stuff” to make things as comfortable as possible. For me the discomfort was related to a tear. It healed, but it took the better part of 12 months before I was 100% pain-free.
Katala says
I weaned at 15 months, also pregnant with #2. Interest and comfort did not come back before that. Unclear if it’s weaning, pregnancy or both that restarted desire. Likely both that increased comfort/decreased dryness. 3 months is early to feel normal. I had a tear and it was still very very painful at 3 and even 6 months. Time and just trying even though it hurt did help (maybe breaking up scar tissue?). Start with things other than intercourse and go slowly when you do try. Also l*be.
Anonymous says
TBH, it took a while for me to enjoy, although I decided that sometimes I would “lay back and think of England” as it was important to me to have a physical relationship with my husband. We tried for the first time around 8 weeks and H*LL NO that was not happening. I think we tried again at 12 weeks and that was tolerable although certainly not enjoyable. One thing we both remember is that around 4 weeks or so we shared a very passionate kiss when anything more than that was way out of the question. That kiss helped us both feel like we did still have a physical connection that would come back eventually (and it did!).
Meg Murry says
It also took me a while to enjoy, and quite a while to feel like it was a preferable way to spend time in bed over sleeping when I was barely getting any sleep. Plus since I was usually not in the mood to be touched, let alone have s*x, I knew that I wasn’t really going to enjoy it, and that would make my husband feel guilty (and/or me have to find a nice way to say “ok honey, this is nice but it’s just not going to happen for me tonight so just finish up so I can sleep please”). I didn’t want to keep turning him away all the time, or to keep “lying back and thinking of England”, so I would occasionally go ahead with the kissing and then finish him off with my hands or mouth instead. Because terrible as it sounds, that was the most win-win scenario – he was physically happy, I was fine with him *not* trying to return the favor, and it meant we got to sleep much faster.
I guess the question I have for OP is: do you want it but it hurts and you’re asking for advice on how to make it less painful? Or is it that it hurts and you don’t really feel like it but your husband does and you feel like you should?
OP says
OP here – the latter for sure. Apparently we only had s*x three times while I was pregnant (oops!) and he is patient but frustated… there were extenuating circumstances and it was a rough pregnancy but still. I get where he is coming from. Its just being in bed not touched is my dream right now, and s*x is straight up painful!
Katala says
I hear you, for sure OP. I’d say stick with non-intercourse activities for a while until you’re better healed. If you think he’d understand, you could try explaining that you want to want it, but you’re touched-out and that will get better as baby gains independence. You could even suggest that he take the baby while you do something alone, he do a night of wake-ups, etc. to give you some un-touched time.
hoola hoopa says
When I wasn’t totally frightened of the idea of becoming pregnant again. In many ways, it did seem related to weaning – but I weaned my third much earlier than my first two and enjoyed sx at about the same time.
Actual discomfort varied, related to damage from delivery, general stress level, and probably some variance in pp hormone levels. Lubricate, keep to relatively comfortable positions.
TBK says
Question for those of you in cold weather areas. What kind of hat do you wear with your work clothes in winter? I’ve had a cashmere beanie/skullcap for awhile but it needs replacing. I see the appeal of a knit beret but I think it will always be a little too Monica Lewinsky for me. I know the hats with the big pom-poms on top are still popular, but can someone in her late 30s wear one with a dress coat and suit? I love the idea of a structured hat, but I wear my hair half-up/half-down too often for that to work, so I think it has to be a knit.
CHJ says
If I’m commuting, I will wear a knit beanie or ear muffs. If I’m only going to be outside for a few minutes (going to court or walking to lunch with colleagues), I usually won’t bother wearing a hat.
Katala says
Mostly knit beanie, but on really cold days I had one of those shearling-lined hats with ear flaps that buckles under your chin in a big enough size to go over my half-up hair. On those days I wore a puffer coat so I didn’t feel like it looked funny, and on those days, who cares how you look. It was really warm and comfortable and didn’t mess up my hair.
Navy Attorney says
I too always think Monica Lewinsky. Maybe because I was a teenager when it happened?
TBK says
I think we’re about the same age then. I think I was 16 or 17 when it happened.
Jdubs says
Check out the 360 ear warmers. Most days I wear these alone and then add a hat on super cold days.
TBK says
Nope, they don’t do it for me. I need a hat.
ChiLaw says
How do you feel about a hood on your coat? That was my go-to.
Anon in NYC says
Can someone point me to that thread of locking a screen so your kid doesn’t close out of tv/apps all the time? Google is failing me. Thanks!
NewMomAnon says
I can’t, but the term is “Guided Access.” It’s been really useful.
Shayla says
In your iPhone it’s called “guided access” you have to enable it in settings. I’m not sure about the thread, but this should help you find something else to explain how to get it set up!
Pigpen's Mama says
https://www.engadget.com/2014/01/09/guided-access-is-the-single-greatest-ios-feature-for-parents-and/
explains it well.
Anon in NYC says
Thanks, all!
lsw says
Question for those of you who have a breastmilk stash – do you cycle out the frozen stuff once in a while? We haven’t had to dip into the stash much, so I wasn’t sure if at some point I should start thawing out the frozen and freezing fresh stuff. But I know the fresh milk is best so is that a bad solution? Any stash secrets I should be aware of?