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Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
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Kid/Family Sales
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
avocado says
In celebration of the beginning of summer day camp:
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/word-problems-for-designing-your-childrens-perfect-summer-camp-schedule
Anonymous says
OMG you have no idea
add in: schedules arranged and then spouse take job 20 minutes in the other direction; your city decides to do road construction on every road that waze tries to send you on
SERENITY NOW
Cb says
Oh gosh, this:
Summer is eight weeks long and two of those weeks you will be in Florida with your in-laws. How much time will it take you to calculate the amount of money you’ve spent visiting his family and not vacationing somewhere you want to go? HINT: The answer is in seconds.
anne-on says
I’ve said it before, and it is SO true, we have an au pair primarily for the summer camp shuffle and the inevitable ridiculous amount of snow days our NE town gets. Oh, and the random school holidays no other working person gets. It is magical to be able to offload the swimming related laundry, making of lunches, and packing of bags, MAGICAL.
Anon Auntie says
Random question from an auntie who’s not a mom: what are your best suggestions for a couple of toys I can keep at my house to keep my 2-year-old nephew when he comes over? Can’t take up much space, but he’s getting old enough that playing with my coasters isn’t as fun as it used to be. Thanks!
Anonymous says
Blocks.
Anonymous says
Pop-up or lift-the-flap books. Pull back cars. Little People Camper (bigger but kids that age really gravitate to it). Duplo legos. Construction paper to tear and a glue stick to glue pieces on another sheet of paper. Mini whiteboard with magnets. Giant packs of stickers and paper.
Cb says
We have a jenga set that someone had given us and toddlers seem to love it.
Anon says
+1 to craft things. Stickers, playdough, or even a bunch of died macaroni with some yarn to string it on, or paper shapes to glue it on.
Or you could pick a “theme” and have that be the Thing At Auntie’s House. Like a set of matchbox cars in a shoe box. Or a tupperware of MagnaTiles. Or a Little People house/ camper/ swingset / bus play set.
An says
Also if you go the matchbox car route, get a roll of blue painters tape. When he’s coming over, you can tape a “track” around your floors (with a couple “silly” parts that go up a wall or on the side of a couch or something) to run the cars on.
Anon in NYC says
Pricey, but magnatiles will be a hit for several years, and he’s probably just starting to be around the age where he has the fine motor skills to play with them, so that’s a good option. They’re easy to put into a bin and shove in the back of your closet. Duplos are another good option that are easy to store.
My daughter loves books, so I’d recommend going to a dollar store or Costco and picking up a few inexpensive books. They don’t have to be wonderful children’s books – it’s the novelty that counts!
My daughter loves cars – matchbox cars, fire trucks, police cars, etc. Another fun idea are “wall stickers” – you can stick them to your wall and they peel off – or window stickers.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Agree with all of these. Our 2 year old likes duplos, cars, trucks and books with the flaps that you can open. He also likes bubbles but those can get a little messy, especially when he tries to blow them himself!
We also have this etch a sketch-type small thing that he can draw on with the special pen, and then erase, which keeps him entertained and will still keep your furniture clean.
Spirograph says
+1 to some books, and duplos or magnatiles. You can fit more magnatiles in less space, but they are more expensive. Check Amazon, there’s significant price variation in the off-brands.
If you’re confident you can keep it confined to a table, play-dough or kinetic sand + some little molds for it are also perennial favorites.
Tfor22 says
How about a Buddha Board? You paint with water and then it slowly fades away. As a bonus it is very relaxing for adults.
H says
This and/or waterbooks.
Anon Auntie says
Thanks all! Great suggestions.
Mrs. Jones says
Duplos. My 7-year-old still plays with them.
EB0220 says
My kids can play for hours (really!) with a simple Melissa and Doug train track set, a few trains and a bunch of matchbox cars. They take up about a shoebox. I got them when my youngest was 2 because they were her favorite thing at daycare and they’ve been used steadily since.
Anonymous says
My son is currently in love with the Janod Story boxes. They are small, oftentimes I can find one on sale, and filled with high quality pieces.
Preschool/Toddler Trip says
Best cities to visit with a newly three year old or nearly three year old? Looking for a 4-5 day fall getaway. Likely US only because we’re not looking to spend a bunch on this one. Thanks!
Anonymous says
From where? Toddler don’t care where you go so I’d be looking for something a direct short flight or Under 4 hour drive away.
Anonymous says
From the Midwest. So most flights aren’t a big deal length-wise as long as we’re not going to a remote destination. But we are feeling bored with the usual under 4 hour drive destinations.
Anonymous says
Gotcha. I love San Diego. There’s stuff to do but a lot of the attraction is just being outside enjoying the climate which is super toddler friendly. Santa Barbara also tons of fun.
OP says
Thanks! This has been on our list for a while. Maybe time to go for it on this one!
Anon in NYC says
I’m biased, but NYC in the fall is a fantastic time to visit. I have a 3 year old and find the city really kid friendly. There are tons of things for kids, whether its plays or concerts, great playgrounds (with tons of equipment variety between them), or museums that are really kid-friendly or dedicated to kids. The subway and ferry are an adventure unto themselves. Many restaurants are kid-friendly (not all, obviously, and certain times are better than others). Certain neighborhoods have more kid amenities than others.
OP says
Where would you recommend staying? I’ve never done NYC – mostly because I am awful at planning vacations, and it seems like a lot of research!
Anon in NYC says
In Manhattan, I’d suggest the Upper West Side or the Upper East Side, for proximity to Central Park, museums, and kid-friendly places.
In Brooklyn, I’d suggest Brooklyn Heights or Cobble Hill, which have easy access to the 2/3/4/5 subway lines (which I think are the easiest to get you in and out of Manhattan). There are other great neighborhoods in Brooklyn too (Carroll Gardens, Park Slope, Prospect Heights) that are picturesque and kid-friendly, it’s just a question of the time you’d spend getting in and out of Manhattan. The trip from the those areas to the Natural History Museum, for example, could take ~45 minutes or so on the train. All of those are great neighborhoods, it’s just a question of what you want to do on your trip.
I’m not as familiar with Queens, but I believe Long Island City and Astoria are also kid friendly.
OP says
Thanks!!
Anonymous says
Chicago. Easy non-stop flights from just about anywhere, and there’s tons of preschooler-friendly stuff (museums, aquarium, planetarium, observation deck of the Sears Tower, Navy Pier). It’s one of the few cities in the US where I think you’ll really struggle to see/do everything in 4-5 days.
Anon says
Another surprisingly good option – Indianapolis. Their zoo is fantastic and their Children’s Museum is one of the best in the US. They also have a cool outdoor sculpture garden at the Art Museum, super fun duckpin bowling, and old-timey animals at Connor Prarie. But the coolest is the Rhythm Museum, this giant interactive drum museum. My kids were in absolute heaven.
Anon 9:46 says
I live in the Indy burbs actually :) It’s a nice city and we go there a lot. The children’s museum is indeed fantastic, but overall I don’t think there’s as much to do there as in Chicago or NYC. Conner Prairie (living history museum) is more fun for older kids than preschoolers.
Anon at 10:08 says
Ha I’m Chicago burbs. :) And I agree that Indy doesn’t have as much as Chicago or NYC, but it’s still a good city that you wouldn’t normally think of, and has enough to spend a long weekend with kids. Agreed that duckpin bowling and Connor Prarie are more fun for older kids, but if the adults want to do those things, it’s not horrible for preschoolers to tag along.
octagon says
In the midwest, St. Louis. Lots of stuff to do for a trip that length — zoo, butterfly house, magic house, childrens museum.
If you up for outdoorsy things, you could do Boston, and drive a bit to the Berkshires to catch the fall colors (assuming you are going like in October, much later and it might be too cold).
Knope says
I’ll put in a plug for DC! You might think it’s not worth it because your kid is too young to wander around the museums, but there are a ton of interactive and FREE things to do with little ones. Here is the Smithsonian event calendar – nearly all of the daytime activities are for kids: https://www.si.edu/events. The Zoo is a full day excursion in itself for a little one (and again, did I mention FREE)?
Outside of the Smithsonian, check out the National Building Museum (https://www.nbm.org/), Clemyjontri Park (https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/parks/clemyjontri), and events at the various DC Public Libraries (https://www.dclibrary.org/calendar).
If you end up going, I am sure a lot of people on this forum (including myself) can recommend babysitters if you actually want to go out at night – obviously, there is a ton of fun stuff for adults to do too!
Anonymous says
DC! Tons of free museums and an excellent (free) zoo, beautiful weather that time of year, great to just walk around, and super easy transportation from the airport if you fly into DCA. All the Smithsonians have exhibits for toddlers/preschoolers, and I think 4-5 days is a great time length to see a good chunk of the city and not be overwhelmed.
GCA says
Boston local with a 3yo here – late September/ early October tend to have good weather. Both the children’s museum and Museum of Science are good for the 3yo crowd. So is the Harvard natural history museum if your kiddo is into animals – it’s smaller and more manageable than the Smithsonian or the one in New York. If you time it right, even the Institute of Contemporary Art and Museum of Fine Arts have kid activity Saturdays. Playgrounds abound in all nooks and crannies of Boston and Cambridge. And you could go apple picking at farms with all kinds of kid activities.
We also just got back from New Orleans, where the streetcar was a highlight unto itself, the zoo is fantastic, and good food abounds, plus in fall it’ll be cooler than it was last week!
NewMomAnon says
Have you been to Door County, Wisconsin? It’s about an hour drive from the Green Bay airport, so maybe more travel than you’d want, but the fall colors are beautiful, the restaurants are kid friendly (many have playgrounds), there are beaches for throwing rocks, and you can go apple picking or pumpkin picking in the fall. I think there is actually a fall pumpkin festival but I don’t know the details on that.
OP says
Awesome suggestions. Thanks so much everyone!
S says
Matchbox cars – small, fun and cheap
S says
Whoops that was for anon auntie
Exhausted says
I have a one year old and an exhausting job. My husband is traveling a lot for work so I do basically everything all day every day at home if not at work (LO is in daycare). I feel resentful that noone in my family has offered any help even though we have a good relationship and my parents and siblings could provide some help. Fwiw, I had a complicated birth and noone even came to visit. They said they didn’t want to impose – but all I could think was: Then don’t impose, just come to help me I am drowning. Now I am just utterly exhausted even though LO is happy and healthy and easygoing and I seem to have things together. I am growing more and more jealous of „everyone else“ who has help and asks me why I think it is exhausting… and resentful to not have any help (btw resenting husband for that mostly, then my family, and a little bit my friends). How do I let it go? Or should I ask for help / urge people to help me (and I know, no one owes me any help)?
Anonymous says
1- hire more help
2- Yes. If you want help, ask for it!
3- are these jobs sustainable?
Anonymous says
“but all I could think was: Then don’t impose, just come to help me I am drowning. ”
Don’t think these things. Say them. You need to expressly and specifically ask for help from friends/family and hire more paid help because friends/family may be able to help out with certain things like meal swaps or babysitting so you can go to a fitness class but they are not going to mow your lawn or wash all your laundry.
Anonymous says
+ 1 million
Anonymous says
Couple things.
1) It’s really not your parents or siblings job to provide help. It would be nice if they did, but ultimately it’s not their responsibility. You need to talk to your husband about how you’re going to fix this, whether it’s through him traveling less or you guys outsourcing more.
2) Have you asked them for help? It sounds to me like it’s not that they don’t care, but more that they don’t want to impose and/or aren’t sure what you need. It sounds like this problem could be solved if you just talk to them directly.
My husband is out of the country for work this week and my parents are here. Because I asked them if they could come and offered to buy their flights here. People can’t read minds, you need to ask for help.
Anon says
Yes start scheduling help for yourself.
Close family – “Hey I really could use some help. Any chance we could set up a regular time for you to come play with the baby? Maybe you could come every Tues between 5 and 8? Or every other Tues?”
Farther family – “Hey I could really use some help. Let’s schedule some time for you to come visit. The house will be a mess but I’d love to just have an entire morning or evening to myself and you can bond with baby. What weekend is free for you?”
Friends with kids – “Hey I really need someone to come play with my kid so I get a break. Can you bring your kids over for dinner and we’ll talk like adults? I’ll serve macaroni and cheese, does that work for all of you?”
Friends without kids – “Hey I need someone to distract me while I try out a new babysitter. Can we grab brunch this Saturday? Or can we check out that Italian Festival Sunday afternoon, kid free?”
And the hardest of all… Husband – “Hey I am drowning and I need more help. Let’s schedule some time Friday night to talk after baby is in bed for the night and we can brainstorm how to get me the help I need. Please think of ideas on what I can hire out, what you can do when you’re home, and what you can do when you’re away. Because this isn’t sustainable and I’m becoming incredibly resentful of you and everyone else, and I don’t want to be this way.”
Ideas – He can take over bills and pay them on the road. He can make meal plans and do the grocery shopping when he’s home. He can be in charge of dr appts – scheduling them himself so he can take kid when he’s home. He can coordinate babysitters for two nights a month when he’s gone, to give you a break. He can hire out the yardwork and manage the cleaners’ schedule. He can research baby-related things and help trouble shoot routines that aren’t working. He can set up Amazon Subscribe so you’re always stocked with all the essentials.
Good luck. You’re in the tough spot, but it does get better. I know it seems like forever from now, but I mostly solo-parent my 5 and 3 year old, and we’re finally getting in a rhythm as a family and it doesn’t feel like such a slog. You can do this!
Exhausted says
Thank you so much! Very good scripts. Regarding my DH: I have to admit he does most of the things you mentioned (so I am unfair as in in my head I only count the things that are important to me as work and discard the rest). He is in charge of cleaning (I don’t mind mess, but he does a lot) and admin (bills, paperwork, amazon orders, and the like) and sometimes grocery shopping (of course not when he is out of town).
Anon says
Grocery delivery. We use Peapod, and it is all managed through an app. Most weeks my husband puts the order together and I give it a quick once over before the cut-off time (usually the evening before delivery). He could do that from the road and then the groceries magically appear when you want them. You’d still have to put them away (or schedule them for when he is home). Also, with the new baby and my work hours, it’s okay that we are eating “simply”. I try to put meat in the crockpot once a week so the baby has shredded meat to eat and then a few pieces of sliced up fruit and I cook her up frozen vegetables. Stouffer’s makes some very tasty frozen options that aren’t terrible for you. I don’t know if you’re doing this, but it took me a while to wrap my head around the fact that even though I know how to cook, and am a good cook, not every meal has to be made from scratch or gourmet. Life with little ones is a season and you’ll get through it (with help).
Spirograph says
I love these scripts, and 100% agree, just ask.
Friends mean it when they say “let me know if I can do anything to help,” and family think it goes without saying. I get that it feels weird to ask, and great friends/family would just show up to drop off dinner and take the kid so you can decompress for an evening, but life is busy and things slip people’s minds. I might not be as proactive as I’d like helping friends, but if one of them told me, “I’m having a really tough time, can you come over one night this week for moral support?” I would be there, full stop. With take-out, wine, and ready to entertain the kid if needed. I’m sure your friends and family feel the same.
Exhausted says
All good points, thank you! I guess you all are right on all accounts. No, I haven’t asked anyone except DH for help because I know it is not their job, I make choices and bear the consequences, and they have not offered despite knowing things are difficult right now. But yes, I should change that approach. It just feels like I “can” do it all so it is not an emergency situation (anymore).
And yes, I would be happy with little bits of help (but then again, a friend’s Mom came, took the baby for two full weeks, deep-cleaned the entire apartment and cooked all the meals… But yes, I would never expect anyone to do that, I am just jealous).
Wow says
Big hugs. I know you didn’t ask your family, but I don’t blame you for feeling sad/angry that no one in your family even offered to help. I find that pretty incomprehensible. But I’m also desi and our moms move in with us for 6 months at least and do everything post-baby, so that’s the perspective I’m coming from.
Please ask — family, extended family, friends. And hire more help too (a mother’s helper in college would be a good addition, if only to do chores around the house while you focus on your child).
BPS says
+1 WOW – I’m also Desi and didn’t realize it was an ingrained cultural thing to have so much family integration and support (with their pros and cons, but to me mostly pros) until I married my husband.
My husband is a White dude from a state in the Plains. He has a huge family, but both my MIL and SIL were pretty much “on their own” with the babies. So we ASKED my MIL for help. My husband clearly said “hey – we’re going to need to need the help.” So she came, and I was really skeptical (and super emotional because my Mom left shortly thereafter to give my MIL her chance to bond/help). And my MIL was FANTASTIC. It changed our relationship for the better and she is doting on her grandbaby in a way I know she hadn’t had a chance with my SIL’s child.
Us women do a lot, but we’re terrible at asking for what we need. ASK. And yes, please get your groceries delivered. Instacart is a life saver.
Anonymous says
Yes, ask for help. My mom inserts herself/helps without asking/offers. My MIl does not volunteer but ALWAYS helps when asked. She’ll fly across the country to babysit for a week. She just truly doesn’t want to impose.
My dad will help when asked, but I need to be specific: “can you come up one weekend this week to do .” My brother has no idea he can be helpful but if I called and asked he’d drive to 2 hours and make it happen- it’s just harder for me to find things my 20-something brother can do (but he does! )
Anonny says
Can you afford to hire help? If so, do that. I
‘m in a similar situation, although my mom did come and help for two weeks after by baby was born, there has been nothing beyond that — which isn’t my parents faulty (not that they owe us anything) — they are older and not local. But I am green with envy for those people who have regular family help. My friends all have their own busy lives, so also don’t have time/energy to help. I also really suck at asking anyone for help.
My solution has been to outsource — we have cleaners every two weeks, get meals delivered for at least a few nights a week, and I’ve just set up a semi-regular babysitter. Monthly delivery of paper products, and we have a grocery delivery service. The other ‘trick’ is to just minimize activities and such — preschooler watches TV as soon as we get home so I can get dinner pulled together, her dinner is rarely anything more exciting than pasta, a vegetable or two, and maybe some chicken. She has one activity on the weekend.
If you can’t afford to outsource, see what things your husband can do remotely — ordering groceries, scheduling appointments, etc.
And I also let myself get annoyed (privately) that I don’t have any “extra” help, then just shake it off. I tried for the longest time to tell myself that I can’t get upset about it because no one owes me help. It felt much better when I just accepted that I was resentful of that.
Exhausted says
I am all for hiring more help – it will be a stretch financially, but I guess it is worth it. However, with hiring babysitters: I feel so guilty about the little time I spend with my wonderful baby that I just can’t get myself to take “me” time on the weekend. Not sure how I can change that or whether it gets better over time. I never thought I would feel this guilt as I think there is no objective reason (and would tell everyone else not to feel guilty), but still I do.
Anonymous says
Go to therapy.
Anonymous says
Try planning the sitter to come over around baby’s nap time. Even 2 hours will give you a chance to go out for a fitness class or massage or brunch with a friend. If baby’s asleep most of the time, you’re not missing much.
Exhausted says
Thank you for the idea. We have sitters who come and watch LO while I work off hours (and LO does nap then as well), but I have not thought about getting the sitters solely when baby is sleeping because it seemed like this was free time anyway… except now I realize it really isn’t.
Anonymous says
It will benefit your baby. Taking some time for yourself may be the best thing you can do for him – it will help you be a better parent when you are with him.
EB0220 says
If you feel really guilty, get a babysitter when your kid is in bed (either evening or naptime). That really helps me get some me time in with zero guilt.
Pogo says
+1 to sitter while baby is sleeping.
shortperson says
i try to not do activities without my kid unless they count as “me” time. or work. which means that we hire help to do the cleaning, laundry, dishes, handy stuff around the house. but we hire babysitters for self-care (date night/massage/nails/excercise). and i enjoy grocery shopping and cooking, so i do these things, but try to involve kids where possible. usually this means cooking with three year old, and popping by the grocery store with baby after we drop off older kid at daycare.
this avoids guilt as i firmly believe in the need for self-care, and maximizes everyone’s happiness. i would so much rather spend time with my kid than do dishes. and we try to do babysitters for self-care after bedtime when possible.
Anonymous says
How old are your kids? Mine are 2 and 4.5 and the best thing I did was join a gym w/ childcare. On weekends, the kids go to kids club for an hour or two. They love it, I get “me” time (exercise, yoga, or hey, once or twice I just napped in the parking lot). After, I pick them up and we go to the gym’s pool and play together. Then we all go have lunch either at the gym, at home, or at somewhere along the way.
octagon says
Ask for help. Be explicit. It will feel awkward but most people will probably respond to a request. With a little luck, they will also see that it’s not an imposition and actually really welcome, and maybe be open to doing it more and more.
If you need more time to yourself, hire a babysitter. Even if it’s just for a few hours every Saturday morning. You are worth it.
Hang in there — you are doing a great job. That stretch of roughly 12-18 months was really hard for me, and it got a lot better once we passed the 18-month mark.
Anonymous says
Have you been screened for PPD? It can happen any time within the first year (maybe later). I’m not saying that’s the only problem here, but it might help to be screened and get some assistance with anxiety.
Once I got over my fear of asking for help, things improved – a lot. My friends without children really came to my aid which was something I didn’t expect – monitor sitting while he was asleep, so I could go do whatever (a movie, shopping, just get out of the house). Give someone a credit card and a shopping list. Outsource some mental stuff to your husband that he can take care of while out of town.
And it’s okay to be jealous, too. I don’t have family close by either and definitely sometimes I feel resentful. But then I spend a full weekend with my mother and I’m ready to pull my hair out so…maybe just evens.
Hugs and hope you can get some good sleep.
Anonymous says
Agreed. This level of anger about siblings and friends not helping is a red flag.
Exhausted says
Not angry, more disappointed – especially stemming from the early weeks with LO which were physically very rough and I thought my family would offer support. But I take your point.
Anonymous says
It’s been a year though, and you didn’t ask.
NewMomAnon says
So many hugs. Dwelling for a year on what did or didn’t happen right after birth is a red flag for PPD. Please ask for immediate housekeeping and childcare help, but also – seek out some serious self-care. It is so worth it. I started therapy and medication while pregnant, spent a year postpartum struggling, and now I look back and realize how many people pitched in to make my life a little bit easier. I couldn’t see it at the time and didn’t feel relief then.
And if I was near you, I would bring you takeout and ice cream. Hugs.
H says
Could you have a 9 or 10 year old come over in the evenings to play with your child while you get some stuff done? (even if that stuff is chilling in your room with the door closed)
avocado says
With a 1-year-old, I’d say the mother’s helper would need to be more like 13 or 14 to be really helpful. None of the big kids I know would have been able to problem-solve independently with a toddler that young until they were around high school age. Also, there is no way a 9-year-old could wrestle a wriggly toddler into a diaper. An 11- or 12-year-old could probably handle a 2- or 3-year-old.
ElisaR says
Hey Exhausted, I totally get it. I don’t have many suggestions, but I think some of the replies sound a little harsh…. therapy can be great but I also think this is just a hard time in life and venting online can help!
When my youngest was around a year I signed up for a tap class on Tuesday nights at 8pm. It was after he went to sleep, and my husband was (usually) home by work at that time. Tap was fun and required a ton of brain concentration because the teacher loved intricate combinations. I loved being consumed by something else.
Hang in there!
Exhausted says
Thanks! I love tap :). However, I am having prolapse issues (not making all of the above easier and probably part of the reason I am feeling this way) so any of the sports I did before the birth are out…
Legally Brunette says
Exhausted, where do you live? I’m sure some of us would be happy to drop off a meal or help otherwise if you posted your location! Big hugs. Echo everyone’s comments to ask for help and also hire housecleaners/mother’s helpers, etc.
Pogo says
Another suggestion – does your town have a mom’s group? Or any local hospitals have a new mom’s group? I found good support both of those places. I found just having someone to vent to who has the same issues (solo parenting, not near family, etc) to be helpful. And having a scheduled playgroup to look forward to helps on weekend days when DH is out of town. Eventually, you might feel comfortable asking some other moms for help – I know some women in the group do a swap where one day Mom A watches her kids & Mom B’s kids, and then they switch on another day.
Hugs.
SC says
Ask family for specific help. We live near my in-laws, and they tell us it’s OK to ask as long as it’s OK for them to say “no.” That’s actually made me more comfortable asking–they wouldn’t help if they didn’t want to. My in-laws don’t have a regular time they take care of Kiddo or anything like that, but they’re often happy to give us a date night or a break or a few hours to get something done that’s difficult to do around kids. If we asked them to, they’d also bring us a meal, run an errand for us, etc. But there’s no way to know what we need unless we ask.
If you’re not an introvert, ask for company. Ask a friend to meet you at the park, or to bring over takeout, or to join you and baby on an outing. It’s not the same as getting a total break, but sometimes an adult conversation is helpful.
We joined a gym with childcare. We can’t leave the gym complex while he is in childcare there, but I intend to drop Kiddo off in the play area for a while this weekend so I can workout. After I work out, I’ll take him to the pool at the gym so we get some fun play time together too.
Lower your standards, at least for a week. Pick up prepared or frozen food for dinners. Relax the rules on screen time. Don’t worry about how clean everything is.
Everlong says
The script you received from Anon for the various parties is perfect.
I have nothing else to add other than encouragement to ask for help. I have felt disappointed, too, that folks haven’t always stepped up and I feel like it should be so obvious that I could use an extra hand. I just ask now for what I need. I think others appreciate it. The people that love you truly want to help, they just don’t always know how. I think my husband and I value self-sufficiency and that we can sometimes send vibes that say “leave us alone” and we don’t mean to.
You’re good. You got this. Just speak up.
Anonymous says
Hugs. Just a bit of encouragement that, in my experience, you’re going through the most difficult time right now. That means it will get easier! We also have very little family help outside of weekend visits every few months (but also rarely ask). It is rough, but little by little it will get so much easier as kiddo gets older.
Baby Stuff says
It’s been about 7 years since I’ve shopped for baby stuff. Where is a good place to find a reasonably priced diaper bag and crib sheets. Our last diaper bag just had a long strap that went over the shoulder like a purse, but is a cross-body or backpack style better? I feel like I’m a first time mom all over again! Thanks.
Clementine says
You need a diaper clutch like this: https://www.amazon.com/Skip-Hop-Portable-Changing-Cushioned/dp/B00B7XUVOE/ref=sr_1_5_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1529333159&sr=8-5&keywords=skip+hop+diaper+clutch and then put it right in a backpack or cross body that you like. Don’t worry about a special diaper bag – this will work for much longer.
Re: Crib sheets: either Am a zon or even check HomeGoods/Marshalls for nice Aiden and Anias sheets.
AIMS says
+1 on the changing station. Best thing ever and great for when you’re just heading out for a quick trip.
For crib sheets, I always checked the sales section at Pottery Barn Kids and Land of Nod (now Crate & Kids?). Nice quality, wash well, and I usually find something cute for $9-15.
KateMiddletown says
Same – Amazon was barely a thing when my 8 y/o was born, but it’s everything now.
S says
I love the skip hop diaper backpack
Anonymous says
I never bought a diaper bag. I just kept diapers, a pack of wipes and a spare outfit in a large plastic bag that I could toss into whatever tote or shoulder bag I wanted to take with me. I bought PB Kids crib sheets on sale. I haven’t been impressed with the quality of the furniture I bought from there, but the crib sheets are nice and seem to be holding up well.
Anonymous says
I use a longchamp tote as a diaper bag. My kids are 4.5, almost 2 (not potty trained), and newborn. It’s worked so far! For long day trips, we have a wonderful diaper bag/backpack thing we got c.2011 that I don’t think is made anymore, but has tons of pockets and is a backpack so I can wrangle the horde better (and easily hand off to DH).
Literally amazon for everything. Crib sheets and automatic diaper deliver and plates and socks and food.
CBG says
My favorite crib sheets are an organic cotton one from Burts Bees off Amazon, (it’s so much softer then our cheapo Target and Ikea ones), and a chenille one from Buy Buy Baby that I swear helped her sleep longer in the winter, its crazy soft. I think it makes the transfer from my arms to the crib a little less dramatic.
The Pronto diaper clutch from Skip Hop, and a back pack that will stand upright and stay open, with side sleeves for a water bottle is the perfect situation for us. I found ours on Amazon. there are tons of variations for around $40.
Tapering pumping says
I’m ready to stop pumping, but am prone to clogs/mastitis. How gradually should I taper my pumping? I’m baselining by timing my sessions the next couple days, and was then going to shorten by…5min? For a week?
LO is almost 11mos, I have a decent freezer stash to supplement and am not adverse to formula if I needed to, but he will be starting cows milk soon anyway. I’d love to keep nursing morning and night but I am sooooo ready to be done pumping. However if my milk totally dries up I’m fine w that too (see above re: freezer, formula & cows milk).
I pump 2x a day at work and nurse morning/night.
Suggestions from other clog-prone people out there?
Anon in NYC says
Not clog-prone, but I tapered off pumping by dropping 1 session at a time per week. I was pumping 3x a day (2x at work, 1x before bed) and nursing 2x a day. It took about 3 weeks to fully stop pumping. I think that, in your shoes, I would probably do what you’ve said and shorten each pumping session rather than dropping one at a time. I would give yourself several days to a week to adjust, and then shorten the pumping time again until you reach a point where you feel comfortable stopping completely.
ElisaR says
consider Lecithin to prevent clogs….
pumping is my least favorite thing. I am doing formula during the day now and b*feeding at night. I got here gradually. You can probably just drop to one pump at work (smack in the middle of your old times). It may a bit uncomfortable, but that worked for me and I’m SUPER susceptible to clogs. Then after a week or so, drop that one pump session.
Anon says
I dropped one pump every 2 weeks and at 10.5 months am no longer pumping during the day. I didn’t get mastitis until after I had been at zero day pumping for 2 weeks and I think it was just a bad mix of a long day at work (10am-10pm) and two nights where my child actually slept through most of the night, so there was a lot less evening nursing than expected.
Anonymous says
I’m also clog prone and I dropped from two to one just fine, but I couldn’t drop that one pumping session cold turkey. My b00bs were exploding by 1-2 pm. So I shortened it gradually over a week or two and was able to drop it then.
OP says
Thanks! OK, 1-2 weeks shortening before dropping sounds doable. I timed my morning pump and I’m actually only doing 15 min, it just feels longer because of setup takedown. So I could go down to 10, then 5, then drop it.
Good reminder about the lecithin!
Anonymous says
Definitely take lecithin to help with clogs. It’s been a life-saver this second time around. I personally would drop a session and move the one session to the middle of the day. Then gradually shorten that until you can drop it.
OP says
Yeah, I’m just scared to go cold turkey down to one session. I’d rather not risk the clog. I’ve had some really bad ones while travelling when I missed a session and it was torture.
Anon says
What do newborn babies wear in the summertime? Since the hospital is air-conditioned, should he come home in a footed sleeper and hat, or something lighter since it will be very hot outside?
Anonymous says
Onesie with a lightweight receiving blanket to tuck in around him if he gets chilly.
NewMomAnon says
My kiddo wore footed sleepers summer and winter. In large part because she could disassemble her diaper if she was in a onesie…but also because footed sleepers are adorable.
Anonymous says
My kiddo, too. But our house and daycare were well air conditioned. Daycare was actually pretty cold, and her infant room didn’t spend much time outside. She had warm-weather items for outdoor activities, but her go-to was footed sleepers or footed pants (try Burt’s Bees) and a short-sleeved bodysuit.
Anonymous says
At home, just a diaper and a swaddle, but coming home from the hospital we put him in a stripped footie that we still fondly recall as the Hamburgler Suit. Out and about, it was often just a onesie. A couple footed sleepers are also useful for sun protection.
Anonymous says
Our pediatricians advice was she should wear what we wear. They used to say “what you wear plus one layer”. But Once it was warm out we kept our newborn in a onesie plus pants, or just a onesie a lot of times because we didn’t have our AC on high and I was in a shorts/tank.
Anonymous says
It was chilly enough in the hospital that I had my August baby in a footed sleeper (cotton, not fleece). At home he usually wore just a onesie with a blanket or swaddle.
Anon says
I brought my July baby home in an Aden and Anais muslin footed sleeper. Thin and breathable but still covered, no need for a blanket or swaddle. Bonus points for it being absolutely adorable.
Anon says
Posted below but reposting up here:My August baby lived in long sleeve footed sleepers because I like to keep my house at 68 in the summer. I rarely used onesies unless I knew we’d be outside or going in and out.
EB0220 says
My July baby came home in a onesie and an Aden & Anais muslin swaddle covering her up.
Anonymous says
Mine came home last week in a short sleeve onesie-dress (skirted onesie?) and pants, with a lightweight blanket. Today it’s 92 and we went outside for a bit, she wore a shorts/short sleeve snap up romper. When inside, she’s either in a long sleeved sleeper or I keep that lightweight blanket on her.
NewMomAnon says
Cleaning makeup brushes is a simple pleasure – they are so soft and luxurious afterward. I use baby shampoo for mine and then roll up one end of a hand towel to elevate the handle so they dry at an angle. If anyone needs 5 minutes of a mindless self-care activity tonight, try it.
Anonymous says
agree – it’s one of those oddly satisfying tasks!
So Tired says
Can you help me either 1) help my baby sleep or 2) adjust my expectations? I have a seven month old. I am b-feeding (not sure if this is relevant). My first child slept through the night 7pm-7am at about 4 months, and I know I was very lucky for that to happen. (He was combo fed and, after six months, formula fed. Not sure if that is relevant either.) But this second baby is totally different (as they all are!)… He gets really sleepy and hits a wall about 7 or 7:30 every night. Any attempt to keep him up past that results in either a meltdown or him just falling asleep sitting up. So, I put him to bed between 7-7:30 each night. He gradually dropped his night feedings and has sometimes made it all the way to 6am. Last week, he had a stretch of several days where he slept from 7ish until 6am every night. But now he is back to waking at 3, 3:30, 4:00, etc. etc.
I think a lot of babies still have a wee-hours-of-the-morning feed like this at seven months. So maybe I have nothing to complain about. But I’m so tired. I am not opposed to a bit of CIO, but I’m not sure if it’s ok to do that yet if he still really does need to eat at 3am. But I also don’t think he necessarily needs to eat at 3am anymore? He made it through a week of waiting until 6am to eat… Our ped says at some point he’s just waking up out of habit, not because he “needs” milk. (Ped basically says it’s up to me to decide what point that is, though.) I guess my question is: should I let him CIO? should I comfort him but not feed him until 5 or 6? should I just feed him at 3am if that’s when he cries? I just felt like we’d be past this at seven months, and I realize maybe a lot of 7 month old babies are not…. but I just don’t think I can take 3am much longer. Any suggestions?
Pogo says
Is it just one feeding, around 3am and then he goes back to sleep quickly with no fuss? He might actually be hungry. I think Weissbluth actually says not to let them CIO in the early mornings if they’re under 9 mos, because they still legit might need the feeding.
When I was dealing with a lot of night wakings I timed the feeds to see how long he was actually eating. He never latched on for longer than 3min before falling back asleep, which I took to mean he wasn’t really hungry, just comforting himself back to sleep.
Someone else will prob say this, but you can always try putting him down earlier if he’s a mess by 7.
Hugs, infant sleep is so hard.
Anonymous says
If he is only getting up once, I’d say he is hungry. Can you do the feed only and have a partner help with getting kiddo back to sleep after? I wouldn’t actively try to cut it out until close to a year. Hugs. This is a rough period, but you’ll make it!
Anonymous says
This. At 7 months they can’t often go 12 hours without a drink or food. Feed him and take turns with your partner. Even if you are nursing and don’t want to do a bottle, your partner can get baby, bring them to you in bed and you can nurse sidelying and then partner can put them back to sleep.
7pm to 6am with only 1 or 2 wake ups is amazing! If you are tired, trying going to bed earlier and asking your partner to take over more evening duties.
Anon says
No advice, but another point of comparison. I have a 10.5 month old that still wakes up for middle of the night feedings and for whom CIO was not effective (she can scream for hours without giving up – I can’t imagine where she got her stubbornness from). Ever since her colic, we’ve had her on a later bedtime and that works for us and her, so disregard that part. We always nurse to sleep for her bedtime, but it’s 50-50 whether we nurse or just cuddle and rock for MOTN wake-ups. Usually if it’s been more than 3 hours since she last ate I will nurse. A good night for us is 10-5, feed, and then 5:30-8:30. A bad night is 10-2, feed, 3-5, cuddle and rock, 5:30-7, feed, 7:30-9:00. We also have a lot of gas and tummy issues, so her waking is not always driven by food but often by gas (and yes, we’ve tried everything) and she refuses a paci and often times comfort nurses to get through the gas pain. So, if you’re really looking to break the cycle, I would try not nursing (I find a sweatshirt helps mute the smell and avoiding skin contact). Alternatively, you can send your husband in too. Try that for a week and see how it goes. My next step would probably be to try CIO. If you’re that tired, your current approach is not working for you, so you can and should find a schedule and routine that works for your family.
Anonymous says
I think it’s really up to you. It’s totally normal for a 7 month old to wake up once during the night. When DD was that age she went to bed at 6 or 6:30pm, but I think we’re realizing she’s just a kid that needs a lot of sleep. I stopped night feedings after 9 months, so by that age I probably threw her on the b**b because it got her back to sleep easier. You could try comforting without nursing to see how that works. FWIW – we practiced extreme patience with sleep (didn’t do CIO) and our 15 month old sleeps 12hrs plus 2 hour nap in the afternoon.
Anon in NYC says
There is an 8 month sleep regression. My daughter always hit sleep regressions on the earlier side, so it could be that he’s doing the same! Or it could be teething, or separation anxiety. There was a period of time where my husband or I slept in our daughter’s room because it was the same thing – up every 30-60 minutes, but if we slept in her room she was magically quiet. It wasn’t a good night of sleep for us, but at least the other person slept.
My recommendation is to just grit your teeth and ride through it for a little while longer. And send your spouse in to try to comfort him if it’s not a feeding issue. Is there a spot to sleep in his room?
Pogo says
Another thing that helped me during the tough sleep phase was to be honest about it at work. When someone asked how I was, I’d say “Exhausted. Baby Pogo decided he’s not sleeping anymore.” Probably 7/10 people would say: “Oh, David was just like that! We had to take turns letting him sleep on us! If he wasn’t the youngest, we’d never have had more kids! Do you want another coffee before the meeting?”
This helped me frame it more positively – as a phase, as a normal baby thing, as something most parents go through – and keep the mood light when I was dragging myself around the office. Plus I was genuinely surprised how everyone (men, women, older colleagues who have grandchildren now) would open up about their baby sleep struggles. People would share all the crazy things they did to get their kids to sleep, and it really did make me feel better!
Anonymous says
Such great advice.
Everything is a phase – good or bad. That was the best and most accurate advice I received about having a child.
S says
I know it isn’t for everyone but we’re big fans of CIO. We did full CIO with our 4 1/2 month old on the recommendation of our pediatrician so I don’t see how seven months could be too young (though I understand that different pediatricians have wildly different advice on this).
Anonymous says
Did they recommend 12 hours without fluids or food though? I don’t think I’m familiar with that position even from those peds. who suport CIO before 6 months and extinction CIO. Adults don’t go that long so not sure how babies can.
S says
Yes – https://www.tribecapediatrics.com/a-z-baby-childcare/#/sleep. Large swaths of NYC parents/babies do it on their advice.
Anonymous says
I’m always surprised that people are comfortable with that clinic given that their recommendations are contrary to the recommendations of every single pediatric association in the western world. I can’t go 12 hours without water or food and I don’t expect my child to.
Eh says
On the flip side, my 2 yo has slept for twelve hours straight since he was about 10 weeks old, with no CIO or intervention from me, and with very few exceptions (if he’s sick, out of routine, etc) has never asked for water or food/milk during that time. He just… sleeps. As an adult (obviously very different needs than a baby), I eat dinner at about 6:30 and eat breakfast at 9:00, and while I’m sure I have a drink of water between those times, I go about 15 hours without eating. I think a lot of people do? And I think a lot of kids sleep 12 hours…?
Anonymous says
I can’t speak for all babies but ours definitely slept 11 hours without eating at 4 months (I am sure our next one won’t sleep through the night till age 2). We didn’t do anything to make that happen, so it’s natural for some babies.
ER says
Question: Do you nurse him to sleep, or does he fall asleep by himself? My (excellent) ped thought that the best thing I could do to encourage our baby to sleep through the night at that age was to do our best to encourage self-soothing to sleep at the beginning of the night. In other words, put him down in his crib when he is drowsy but awake at 7 pm, and CIO as necessary. The idea is that he will learn how to self-soothe and then he can put himself back to sleep when he accidentally wakes up at 3 am. Because it’s not fun for anyone (mom or baby) to do CIO at 3 am when you’re wondering whether he is actually hungry.
Then when you get to 3 am, it’s dad’s job to put the baby back to sleep. Preferably rocking him to sleep without a bottle. Presumably you’ve done your share of night wake-ups by this point.
Anon says
+1 This is awesome advice. I also recommend this 3 part series to all my new parent friends! https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-sleeping-through-the-night-part-i/
ER says
To follow up – initially, DH could continue to offer a bottle at 3 am. Dilute the bottle little by little with water, and baby will get used to going the length of the night without food. Because babies, just like grown-ups, get used to eating on a certain schedule even if technically they could STTN without eating.
lala says
We utilize the “send DH in” method at this age. I EBFed, so he would go in to comfort, and then bring them to me if he couldn’t get them back down. This helped us realize when they were actually hungry, and also helped them start stretching out their feedings.
I had oversupply, so plenty of extra milk, so he would give them a bottle ever other night so I could get a full night of rest.
Anonymous says
I just went through this….
we sleep trained at 6 months but still had to do 2 dream feeds through 7.5 months. (10 pm and 2 AM)
at 7.5 months we were down to 7:30 – 8 pm bedtime, with a “dream feed” at 10:30 ish…. and he started sleeping until 5:30 ish. I then pushed the dream feed to about 11 pm which got him through until about 6 AM, then I moved the feed back to 10 pm (so 8 hours)
One night around 9 months I was just too tired to feed him at 10 and he woke up at 1 am for about 3 mins…. and then slept until his normal time, so I dropped the dream feed.
for the first week for his clockwork 4:04 AM wake up we sent dad in (no milk)… and then he continued to wake up at 4 for a few more weeks but would put himself back to sleep within a few mins.
bottom line… do a dream feed when it doesn’t interfere so much with your sleep and then send Dad in for the wake up where you don’t want to feed. Also – his ability to sleep increased dramatically when he really started getting a significant amount of calories from real food… so maybe try to get him eating more and calorie dense thing during the day?
L says
Can you go to sleep when you put him down? 8-3 means 7 hours for you! You will feel much better with 7 straight hours of sleep.
Anon says
Ours lived in long sleeve footed sleepers because I like to keep my house at 68 in the summer. I rarely used onesies unless I knew we’d be outside or going in and out.
LadyNFS says
I have a 10 month old who “slept through” from 8 weeks and I’m still BFeeding. I constantly recommend the Instagram / Blog TakingCaraBabies. I have taken her newborn class and the ABC’s of sleep class (skipped the 4-5 month booklet as my daughter did not have a sleep regression at that time). Every child and family is different, and in hindsight I probably didn’t need the ABC of Sleep class but I appreciated the guidance and encouragement to help me get through CIO (which ended up being only for 3 nights and with crying that was not as bad as I anticipated). Her class teaches how to wean night feedings in a way that is gentle. If he’s slept through, he probably doesn’t “need” that 3:00 AM feed but naturally wakes up at that part of his REM cycle and is used to being with you at that time. Cara’s class (or even just her blog tips) will teach you how to gently wean that so that you can get a much needed full night of sleep. I promise no affiliation, I just had great success with her programs and find her to be very sweet and informative. I definitely needed my hand held at the 6.5 – 7 month stage when we transitioned DD to a crib, and I needed a “program” to follow.
SOS says
Help, please: My 6-month old falls asleep completely independently at night, yet we struggle with night wakings all night long. I feel like every baby sleep book says just to teach them to fall asleep independently (which she does and has been doing since she was 16 weeks old) and they’ll magically sleep through the night, yet that has so not been the case for us. I was up with her 4 times between 10 PM and 5 AM last night and I have a 10-hour day in front of me and I feel like I might pass out from sheer exhaustion today.
She also will not calm down at night unless I nurse her when she wakes. Our ped has confirmed that she doesn’t need to eat at night, and I’m so exhausted that I’m tempted to do full-blown extinction CIO all night long, simply because I don’t know how else to teach her to sleep. My partner travels frequently for work, so I’m pretty much the only consistent nighttime caretaker and sending Dad in will only work for the few nights a week that he’s home. Any advice? I will sleep again someday, right?
anon says
Oh mama, I am so sorry, that sounds really rough. I have a suggestion — and to be clear, this may take awhile to work — to look up the Sleep Lady Shuffle. It’s a good middle ground between extinction CIO and being up all night long. Personally, I found crying pretty unbearable, so working on my own emotional reaction was key. And, I think it’s possible that even a 6-month-old still needs at least one night feeding.
Hang in there! Can you sneak away somewhere for a quick power nap? Or go to bed really early tonight so you get at least one long stretch of sleep?
SOS says
Thanks – I’ll look at the Sleep Lady Shuffle. That’s one of the few baby sleep books I haven’t read.
No chance for a power nap but there is definitely an early bedtime in my future.
Anonymous says
Does she use a paci at night? We struggled around that age with wake ups because kiddo couldn’t find her paci at night herself when she lost it. If that is the issue, it was something kiddo grew out of.
If I was you and having that issue, I’d seriously consider putting kiddo in a pack and play beside my bed so that I could rub her back/tummy/side (we were back sleepers but kiddo turned herself over at night by then) when she needed comforting with one arm while the rest of my body laid half asleep on my bed.
SOS says
No pacifier – she falls asleep 100% on her own for naps and bed, so I don’t understand why night wakings are so hard for her.
I’ve thought about moving her back into our room, but she’s been in her own room for the last 2 months and I worry about having to “re-train” her to sleep her in her own room again.
GCA says
Hang in there! Could you start by dropping the first nursing session – say using the pacifier for her first wakeup? If baby is a grazer like mine was, she could legit be hungry at a later feed, like the 3am wakeup above. Also, if she’s losing the pacifier in her sleep, put five or six of them in the crib so she’ll always have one within arms reach.
I didn’t have a great sleeper either (4 wakeups was about an average night) and for a long time, more than a year, I simply nursed through the night wakeups because it was the easiest, fastest method of getting kiddo back to sleep and enabled all family members to maximize sleep. We had the pack and play next to our bed, or he would just come into the bed with us. It was actually the method that aggravated me least (vs husband taking forever to get kid back to sleep, then being super crabby and antisocial in the morning) and enabled *me* to get most sleep.
SOS says
I could try the paci – I’ve been hesitant to introduce one at night since she typically doesn’t use one and I don’t want to add a “sleep prop” in. But I’m desperate, so it’s worth a shot.
Yikes, more than a year?! Props to you for surviving that, mama. Did your baby eventually start sleeping through or did you have to do more serious sleep training for all of those night feeds?
Anonymous says
We were also hesitant about introducing sleep props, but at that age we ended up giving our kid a small stuffed animal (recommended by our ped, nothing that could be a choking hazard) and playing the same 30 minute CD at bedtime. During nighttime wakeups, we’d turn the music on again and it definitely helps signal that it’s sleep time. It also really helps with traveling, because even when she’s in a strange crib in a strange place, as soon as she finds her stuffed animal and hears her music she lies down and goes to sleep.
GCA says
He started sleeping better around a year, and through the night once we weaned at 19-20 months! It took a little while and a final, last-gasp sleep regression that was probably linked to a massive verbal leap, but toddler sleep? So much better than infant sleep. Due to a combination of factors like personal preference, multiple-time-zone travel, parent work travel, kid illness, etc, we ignored or missed the best sleep training windows, so we never really sleep trained.
Kelly says
What are her naps like? Waking up that often meant (and still means, at 3 yrs and 13 months) overtired for my kids. Two naps or three? What are her wake times? Do you give her ten minutes to settle before you go in at night?
SOS says
She’s a great napper (probably because she sleeps so terribly at night). She naps for about 3-3.5 hours a day on a pretty consistent schedule (we are transitioning from 3 naps to 2, because she was fighting or skipping her last nap completely, but her night sleep was terrible even before this transition).
I do give her 5-10 minutes to settle at night before I go in, but she rarely puts herself back to sleep in that time (I think it’s happens maybe one out of every 10 times?). If she does self-settle this way, she normally wakes up again in an hour or two.
Anonymous says
Sometimes I think kids are either good nappers or good night sleepers but not both. Ours is the night sleeper, but she has struggled with napping. Right now at 2.5, she naps well at home on weekends and hardly at all at daycare.
Disclaimer: I am no expert!!!
Pogo says
I have been there. I posted above a few tips, but for my kiddo the 4-6 month regression was brutal. 5 wakeups was typical. What worked
1) Getting 3 solid hours sleep to start the night. I hadn’t slept more than 2 hours in a row for quite some time and it was making everything foggy and difficult. I did enlist my husband in this; he would take any wakeups before midnight and attempt to comfort while I slept 9-12 (downstairs, earplugs in, white noise on). My baby also only wanted to nurse so daddy didn’t do much expect make us both feel better during the quasi-CIO.
2) Timing the feedings once we got down to 3. I do think that #1 helped get us down to 3 wakeups in addition to refreshing my brain a little. It took about a week. Then, I timed the feedings and realized (as I said above) he wasn’t hungry but rather soothing himself.
3) Pick 2 feedings and only respond to those, doing CIO at the others. Note that doing this cold turkey (without #1 and 2 above) did NOT work. I think a big part of it was my emotion/mental aspect – how did I know he wasn’t truly starving? Would he ever stop crying? Will I ever sleep again? I quit after 2 days before we implemented this new plan, which as I said took us about a week til we got to a ~1 am and ~4 am wakeup.
4) Stay the course. At this point, I was so happy to not be waking up every 45 minutes that two wakeups was a breeze. Right after he turned 6 mos, he naturally dropped his 1 am feeding. Right after he turned 7mos, he naturally dropped the 4 am as well.
I read Weissbluth, which is how I got the idea to pick 2 feedings and only respond to those (that’s his rec for 6-9 months, I think? And then 9-12 only 1 feeding, and after 12 mos, no overnight feedings). He recommends totally cold turkey which as I also said, did not work for me. This hybrid approach of having daddy go into soothe, reassuring myself he wasn’t actually hungry by timing the feeds, and then zeroing in on the two times he was clearly hungry (and not just soothing to sleep) worked for me.
Mine put himself to sleep with little fuss very early as well (3-4 months?) but was inconsolable in the middle of the night once he hit his sleep regression (and he had been doing 5-7 hour stretches prior to that, so it was a true regression.. ugh).
Hang in there.
SOS says
Thank you so much for all of this detail! My DD was also a champ sleeper until the sleep regression hit at around 14 weeks. Bedtime has always been a breeze but we’ve been struggling with night wakings ever since. I think her night wakings are a combo of habit and hunger at this point and I’m just so tired when she wakes that I nurse her simply because I know it will buy me another few hours of sleep.
Timing her feedings and picking two to respond to sounds very doable (just two night feeds sounds like a vacation at this point!). I will give that a try. It’s nice to know that this worked for you relatively quickly, too, because I just texted my husband that I’m at my breaking point.
Anonymous says
Is it teething? Try advil and see if that makes a difference. Frequent wakings like that are usually either teething, hunger or solid foods bothering their bellies. My littlest could never sleep after green peas – he wasn’t allergic, they just bothered his belly.
APA says at 6 months baby should be ” taking up to 8 ounces every 4 to 5 hours” so you should expect at least one or two wakings to feed in a 10-12 hour stretch. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/feeding-nutrition/Pages/How-Often-and-How-Much-Should-Your-Baby-Eat.aspx
FVNC says
I don’t have any additional suggestions, but wanted to send you big hugs. I had exactly the same issue. Exactly. In our case, one of the causes of bad sleep was constant ear infections, and for a long time I wasn’t willing to do CIO because I thought baby was in pain. So, I coslept and nursed on demand, because that was the only way I could get sleep. Eventually, we did extinction CIO (when baby was about 13 months), but it took us a long time to get to the point where that was the right decision for everyone. Good luck…it really is a phase, as much as it doesn’t seem that way.
Number 2 on the way says
Number 2 is due any day now, and I’m shocked at how much I’ve forgotten about labor & the newborn and immediate post-partum phase…and my 1st is only a little over 2! Posting for any of the labor/delivery & newborn tips/tricks/don’t-forget’s that you wise mamas might have in mind. Share away!
Anon says
Don’t forget extra long chargers for the phones, ipads, whatever. and possibly a small power strip. Helpful at the hospital and then wherever your favorite nursing spot is. Anything else I could probably beg, borrow or buy at the hospital or get via prime ASAP, but if I had to go without my electronics during that phase I would have lost my everloving mind (first world problems, I know).
Anonymous says
Random tip – bring an extra pair of pants for your “going home outfit” (for yourself). You may try to use the restroom one last time before leaving the hospital and find that your bladder isn’t 100% and get your yoga pants all wet. Then you have to wear your husband’s sweatpants home. Theoretically. Ask me how I know…
Take the dermaplast from the hospital home, and the mesh undies are the best!
Keep the blinds open during the day so your baby gets on daytime “schedule.” Youtube how to swaddle if you forget. My newborn liked being bounced on a yoga ball more than rocked. Be kind to yourself – and try not to roll your eyes so hard they fall out of your head when people say “sleep when the baby sleeps”.
Good luck!
Anonymous says
Snacks- all the snacks.
EB0220 says
+1 on chargers, electronic devices and all the snacks. I am also weird about water and hate sweaty water bottles so I would bring a huge insulated water bottle. Don’t forget any important meds, contact lens case, glasses, etc. I also really liked having some travel sized shampoo, etc and a razor for a shower. Finally, not related to what to bring: do not be afraid to send the baby to the nursery overnight. I didn’t do that with #2 and really regretted it.
Anonymous says
Take as many of the diapers (for baby) and mesh underwear (for you) that the hospital will give you, as well as the peri bottle and the ice cooling packs. And yes – bring snacks. My husband kindly gave me snacks in between nurse visits.
If you had a great sleeper for #1, so didn’t need to use it, consider using a rock and play to get a stubborn baby to sleep (I know, I know – not the safest thing, but it was the only thing our daughter would sleep in).
Anonymous says
My third came last week! And I still forgot stuff.
Hosptial: pack a hairdryer, soap, towel, snacks (cafe closed at 7, I was SO HUNGRY all night both. Hints).
Home: water water water.
General: it’s only been a week, but so far my transition from 2-3 has been better than 1-3. My first was 3 when my second came and my second was a challenging baby. Going from potty trained STTN kid to a baby that was…temperamental…was rough. Thing is, second is 2 now and still tough. She doesn’t sleep well (nightmares, wakesups, etc, so I haven’t STTN myself in a LONG time. Adding newborn wakeups hasn’t been that bad at all since my second has only really been sleeping solidly for a few weeks now. Plus, my oldest is almost 5 and a huge help. We’ll see what happens when DH goes back to work, but so far my body is physically adjusting much better. My labor was better the second and third times, too- faster, more predictable, less painful.
AIMS says
Yes to snacks. I brought granola bars with me to the delivery room because I was famished after both my deliveries and it was an hour or two before I could get any food. I also snuck in water because I hate ice chips.
I’ve seen a tip here to get fancy adult diapers instead of the super duper maxis so you may try that (although this may be more helpful for a few days later? Not sure). I definitely recommend bringing some nice unscented hand lotion and a n*pple balm with you to the hospital. Both times my hands were very dry from all the constant washing.
Since you have a toddler already, I’ll also recommend taking a little present for him/her “from the baby,” we did a stuffed toy at the hospital and a “big sister ribbon” at home which she put on before coming to visit (this had the added advantage of having everyone ask her about it which made my kid beyond delighted with herself). If you haven’t done this, don’t worry, but maybe this is something you can task a close friend/family member with doing? Another helpful kid tip I got here was to try to not be holding the newborn when your kid comes because s/he will want to run to you and hug you and you want to be available for that. I would have never thought of that, but so glad I was able to plan ahead – Mr. AIMS just texted me when they were in the elevator so I’d be ready. Also – if you’re in one of those hospitals that does baby photo shoots and you think you’ll want to do one, try to time it with your older kiddo’s visit. Our worked out that way by accident – but we got a super sweet couple of photos of the two of them. I don’t think we printed a single picture of my oldest’s “session” but I really love the pics of the baby and his big sister.
Good luck! Whatever you bring or not, all will work out beautifully.
DC Energy Attorney says
We dealt with this for awhile too (although much later –around 11 months). We found that she was starting to stand up in her crib and cry, unable to make herself lay back down and go to sleep. We found that having my husband going in every 10 minutes or so, giving her a hug and kiss, and laying her back down, seemed to act as a “reset button” and, after 2 or 3 times doing that, she just fell asleep. We’ve had to “retrain” a couple of times after that by following those same steps because she got sick (and I refuse not to comfort her when she is sick and therefore need to retrain when she is feeling better) and now, at almost 13 months, she is consistently sleeping through the night, 7 pm – 8 am.
DC Energy Attorney says
Gah! That was meant for SOS, above.
Momata says
Anyone have a product they can recommend for temporarily darkening a window while traveling? We are visiting family out of state this weekend and the last time we visited – which wasn’t even this close to the solstice – my kids were up late and up early due to the light. The windows have wooden blinds but they are insufficient. I see several products that affix by suction cups or velcro or other temporary means – didn’t know if you all had something tried and true to recommend. Thanks!
Anonymous says
We have one of the suction cup ones from Amazon (don’t know the brand, sorry!). It has a drawstring to attempt to size it for various windows. It works well enough. Ours will never be as good as being at home, but it is certainly better than nothing. If you have to use the suction cups on the window, it takes away some of the effectiveness – because light can get in at the edges. It works best if we can hang the top over a curtain rod but then suction cup the bottom to the window. You just have to play around with what works best at each window. We have a lot of trouble with sun at both sets of grandparents’ houses. It is definitely better than nothing.
Anonymous says
Roll of aluminum foil + tape? No personal experience but I’ve seen it recommended and seems worth a try. Also will ward off evil spirit, government spy satellites, etc and look real chic so that’s a bonus.
Sabba says
Done this. Painter’s tape plus aluminum foil. I think it would be tough to get something that is so cheap and can be cut for any window and be removed and thrown away/recycled so easily. Plus you can pick it up at your destination or take it with you, though you may need to remove the sharp cutting edge on the box of the foil to take it on a plane (not sure if it is considered a weapon?).
Sabba says
*something else that is so cheap . . .
Momata says
This made me laugh. Thanks for that and for the tip!
SOS says
Thank you so much for all of this detail! My DD was also a champ sleeper until the sleep regression hit at around 14 weeks. Bedtime has always been a breeze but we’ve been struggling with night wakings ever since. I think her night wakings are a combo of habit and hunger at this point and I’m just so tired when she wakes that I nurse her simply because I know it will buy me another few hours of sleep.
Timing her feedings and picking two to respond to sounds very doable (just two night feeds sounds like a vacation at this point!). I will give that a try. It’s nice to know that this worked for you relatively quickly, too, because I just texted my husband that I’m at my breaking point.
Anonymous says
During that stage in my life, I went to bed at the same time as kiddo as much as I possibly could. It helped a lot. Especially because she usually got up somewhere between 4 and 4:30, and by the time I fed her and got her back to sleep, there wasn’t really time to get more sleep before I had to get ready for work. So I would attempt to do productive things early in the morning. If you can go to bed way early, do it!
NewMomAnon says
I’m taking a 7 hour car trip with kiddo, who is almost 4.5. Would appreciate any entertainment suggestions! She hasn’t enjoyed the iPad that much in the car, and we have the Melissa and Doug waterpen books, coloring books, a lap desk, etc. I load up podcasts that cover about half the trip, and dole out snacks liberally. I’ve got a few favorite playgrounds on the route. Any other fun and novel thoughts for car trip entertainment? Etch a sketch? Magnadoodle? Other similar things?
I have historically wrapped up little trinkets and handed them to her periodically, but it’s a lot of work for an often short-lived distraction…I’m trying to come up with one bigger car entertainment treat I can give her. Is there something like a Gameboy for kids now? I’m thinking something that she can operate more autonomously than a Kindle (which requires me to start it up with a passcode, and maybe navigate to the right screen or out of promo screens in the apps). I’ll be driving with no other adult, so my role needs to be basically nonexistent.
Anonymous says
Have you tried movies on the iPad? We mostly use a portable DVD player mounted on the seatback at eye level, which seems to work better for preventing car sickness than looking down. And then they only need to be changed every couple hours.
Other ideas – Wiki Stix, dry erase markers, colorforms or similar magnetic shape thingies
Anonymous says
A coworker tells me that her granddaughters can be entertained for hours in the car sculpting things out of pipe cleaners. My kiddo (2.5) has a busy bag with pipe cleaners and inch long pieces of cut straw to thread on there. Your kiddo might be old enough that you could use actual beads. You might try searching busy bags on Google or Pinterest. I’ve never looked for ideas for a 4.5 year old, but there’s lots of toddler ones, so I’d imagine there would be some for older kids. One that we really like is cut up squares of construction paper and a glue stick to make collages. That seems okay for an older kiddo too. Sticker books? We also have a felt book craft thing – tons of pre-cut shapes off Amazon and a portfolio type thing with felt, too. So they stick together, and you can make tons of things out of the shapes. Our 2.5 year old is barely old enough to start doing some stuff with it, but 4.5 might be a good age. Does she have a tray table thing so that she has a nice surface to play on? That might be nice.
mascot says
Do you have FreeTime on her Kindle? That cuts down on some of the tricky apps although you still have to explain 100x times that only certain things work without WiFi. I agree that movies are a lot easier than apps. We got a cheap portable DVD player and my kid could navigate that pretty easily and you can hit up RedBox along the way. Or, download movies on the Kindle and start those for her.
Anon says
Here’s my road trip game plan when I drive alone:
– Toys go in one of those middle console organizers. Something like this. http://a.co/aHj4Whk. The ones you mentioned work, also cars, little figurines, and board books. Yes to Magnadoodles, esp with the pen attached by a string. Also look for flashcards on a ring like this http://a.co/doT7yOS
– Stock up on some kid-friendly songs in whatever format is easiest for you to play. I like Snacktime by Barenaked Ladies, Here Come the 123s by TMBG, The Johnny Cash Childrens Album, and Tumble Bee by Laura Viers. My kids also like the Trolls soundtrack, Moana soundtrack, etc.
– Plan to stop every two hours or so to let them stretch their legs and go to the bathroom. Playplaces and small town parks are perfect.
– Get her some cool new sunglasses plus get one of those cling sunshades for the window. She can stare out the window and think, or talk about what she’s seeing. Play “I spy” with her, and the ABC game (you find something that starts with A – automobile, then she finds something that starts with B – billboard, you do C – campground sign, etc). And the Mayors Cat. (The mayor’s cat is an awesome cat named Albert. The mayor’s cat is a bouncy cat named Bubba. taking turns until one of you can’t think of something new. [We skip X.]) My 5 year old loves this road trip scavenger hunt game – she can guess what it is by the picture and look for it. http://a.co/gYJb8Fy. If your child is imaginative, you can also take turns telling a few sentences of a story that you make up together, line by line.
– I haven’t tried this on a road trip yet, but my 5 year old is very adept at the Kindle Fire for Kids. She got it for Christmas and it came with a year subscription to the kids apps thing. Once I unlock it and set it to her profile, she can navigate around to the various apps and games and audiobooks without needing my help, and no ads pop up. I haven’t played with it outside of the house so I assume you’d probably have to download a bunch of things on wifi before getting in the car. But I bet it would work for one of your shorter two hours stretches if you downloaded enough stuff ahead of time.
Anon says
I have a longer response with links (to Amazon) in mod. Check back!!!
Anonymous says
I’d focus on things you can do together. Is there some music you both like that you could listen to together? (Bonus points if it’s not kids’ music.) Is she old enough for short audio books? Could you play some good old-fashioned word games like I Spy or Twenty Questions or Categories?
Nintendo is still making portable gaming devices (Nintendo 2DS), but it might be a little too much for a 4-year-old. Leapfrog also makes some handheld and tablet devices that seem designed more for toddlers and are marketed as more educational. I’m skeptical about the actual educational value, but it might be easier for a 4-year-old to navigate than a Kindle.
L says
yes to this! my 4 year-old daughter loves to play I Spy. Also, talk to her about where you are and the landscape. Kids love to learn, and interacting with you will help the time pass.
Anonymous says
I’m the anon@3:56. I was an only child and went on 12-hour road trips with my parents every year. No matter how much entertainment you pack (and I had books, activity boards, a gameboy, pretty much everything available in the early to mid 90s), a kid will want to interact with another human being at some point. My parents did not really appreciate that.
Anonymous says
How about an audiobook? My 5-year-old listens to these during “naptime” at preschool, and he loves them. I have fond memories of listening to books on tape during car trips. My Father’s Dragon was a big hit with my son.
Anonymous says
Along the lines of audiobook – podcasts. HIGHLY recommend Sparkle Stories. Their voices are so soothing and the stories are fun to listen to even as a grown up. They usually have morals too so you can talk about them too, and my kids (who otherwise are too old for “nice” stories at 8 & 6) love them still. They have a bunch of different collections of stories for different ages. Martin & Sylvia are our favorites and I think their stories are perfect for 4-year-olds.
You can get a story of the week for free by subscribing to the podcast, or pay $15/month for a subscription to listen via app to as many as you want.
Insect repellent says
What’s your favorite brand of insect repellent? Do you use a spray or patches? I have a 18 month old and 6 year old and will be traveling in South East Asia so need to stock up!
GCA says
Where will you be traveling? We mostly just use the regular Off, on the basis that occasional DEET exposure is less risky than Lyme (at home) or dengue/ chikungunya (in SE Asia). Drugstores in any large city will almost certainly carry mosquito repellent lotion (a bit safer to put on the toddler without worrying about it spraying into eyes) and citronella patches, too.
Anonymous says
Agree. We do Deep Woods Off when we’re worried about mosquitoes and ticks. Our neighborhood has tons of gnats. We use Bug Soother for that, which is more natural. But if other bugs are at issue, we pull out the big guns. I am super allergic to bug bites and also a favorite target. I don’t know if kiddo (2.5) inherited those genes yet, so we don’t take any chances.