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I like this maternity and nursing dress for being functional yet still modern, stylish, and dare I say, sexy. The “abstract animal” print is cute and fun, but I think my favorite is the “mustard yellow.” I personally cannot pull off yellow, but if you can, I say go for it!
Add some tortoiseshell accents, or maybe earrings like these, and you’ve got an outfit. I also like how the asymmetric panel adds interest to the dress while also lifting up to expose the opening for nursing.
The dress, which is from Nom Maternity, is $128 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XS–XL. Beatrice Maternity/Nursing Slipdress
Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.
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Sales of note for 5.5.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase (ends 5/12); $50 off your $200+ purchase (ends 5/5)
- Banana Republic Factory – Spend your StyleCash with 40-60% off everything, or take an extra 20% off purchase (ends 5/6)
- Eloquii – $19 & up 300+ styles and up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Shirts & tees starting at $24.50; extra 30% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – 40% off full-price styles & extra 15% off; extra 55% off sale styles
- Nordstrom: Nordy Club members earn 3X the points on beauty; 30% off selected shoes
- Talbots – 40% off one item & and 30% off everything else; $50 off $200 (all end 5/5)
- Zappos – 27,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 40% off everything & extra 20% off select styles with code
- Hanna Andersson – Friends & Family Sale: 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Crewcuts – tk; extra 30% off sale styles; kids’ styles starting at $14.50
- Old Navy – Up to 75% off clearance
- Target – 20% off women’s clothing & shoes; up to 50% off kitchen & dining; 20% off jewelry & hair accessories; up to $100 off select Apple products; up to 40% off home & patio; BOGO 50% off adult & YA books
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
fallen says
any thoughts on how to not get super burnt out with the kids on the weekends? this weekend i was at the point where i was like i just don’t want to parent anymore. part of it is related to toddler waking up super early and us staying up way too late. husband suggested that he takes the kids out of the house for a couple hours every day which we will try, but any other thoughts would be appreciated. with this virus it has become miserable not being able to go anywhere with two kids.
Tea/Coffee says
Could you and your husband consciously “trade off” for blocks of time? Ie he is the parent on Saturday until noon. You can sleep in, go for a long solo walk, do any necessary errands sans Kids, etc. then he gets lunch to dinner. Or whatever. I think part of the issue is that we have to be ON ON ON all week long bc no village, and then the weekend is just that much harder. Hugs.
Pogo says
This is a must. I also find that the non-parenting person generally feels better/more fulfilled if they tackle some of their to-do list or hobbies during their non-parent time. This weekend, DH planted his veggies, changed the oil in my car, and tuned his bike. I painted the nursery, worked in my flower garden and folded clothes. We both listen to news, music or podcasts while we do this. It really feels like “adult time” when you do this.
This means true “down time” is only after kids are in bed (which can be precious little time), but we also try to trade off bedtime on weekends too so one person can be “done” at 8pm. On Saturday DH did it, so I zoomed with my college friends. You have to be very conscious about it. Nothing about parenting a toddler during quarantine is easy or relaxing and rarely fulfilling. You don’t get the joy of seeing their face light up as you pull into the playground or watch them clap their hands along to sing-a-long time at the library. It’s a slog, and any way you can get through it helps. DH did sprinkler time after nap one day and that was lovely – LO was having the time of his life. DH put on his suit too and ran through it with him which I think made it extra special. We also drive around to take him to various construction sites to watch the diggers. You gotta get creative… hang in there!
fallen says
def an option! we love spending time as a family though a lot more than solo, so i am hesitant to do too much of it, but maybe a few hours here and there will help.
Anonymous says
I find the more time we are outside the better so we picnic and walk and play with chalk and bubbles constantly.
Cb says
Yes, definitely! Time goes much slower inside.
Anon says
Have you been getting out at all yet? We try to get outside somewhere that’s not our house for a couple of hours each weekend mid-morning, just running around in nature of similar. A place we’ve had a lot of fun/success with that you might have near you too is the grounds of a local university that is obviously pretty much empty right now. Then we get take out from a restaurant we would have usually gone to for weekend lunch (including take out cocktails now!) & have a nice lunch at home outside where we at least didn’t have to cook the one meal, and it *almost* feels like a weekend day we would have had pre-COVID. Also, this is kind of cheating but if there are any cool nature running-around-outside places that require a little bit of driving to get to (45 mins etc) that kills time each way. Of course, as your husband suggested if he can do the outing and give you the time alone, all the better and that is amazing that he suggested that.
When you guys stay up too late are you doing something recharging/fun, or just scrolling through phones? We at least try to do something that feels a little more fun after kiddo bedtime, like puzzles, watching an actual movie, having a show we love watching together. Something that makes the time feel intentional.
Anon says
You make it sound so easy…
Anonymous says
It’s not that hard really! We do similar. Up, breakfast, dressed, pack a picnic and go.
Anon says
Yay for you.
Cb says
Yep, we do as well. Our Sunday routine is pancakes/french toast, drive to farm shop, cycle ride and snack in the park, grocery shopping (husband goes in while we continue cycling), and picnic or home for a snacky lunch. Then quiet time, a bit of screentime, and then out into the garden. It’s amazing how quickly the day goes.
Anonymous says
Ummm ok sorry I thought you were looking for help. If you just want to complain that’s cool too!
Anon says
I’m Anon at 9:33 …
Part of it stems from me finding being at home with the kids much much harder than being out with them. So for me this is actually the route I find easier. (Although of course the getting over the hump of getting them dressed and out the door is always a pain).
And we’re not perfect. Definitely some accidental phone scrolling time here and there. I just know that I always hate that I did it after, so I’d say we’ve been pretty good about having at least one intentional fun weekend night a weekend.
Anon says
(By accidental phone scrolling I was referring to my suggestion for the adults to try to make the weekend nights more intentional. My kids also watch plenty of TV & iPad in the early morning & late afternoons in COVID even with our outings. That is not accidental and I do not hate that they did that after).
fallen says
adult evenings tend to be fun – we cook dinner together, usually make cocktails on weekends, often watch shows. i think a huge part of the problem is they are a little too much fun, and we don’t go to bed til 11-12. which is a problem on the days that toddler wakes up at 5!
Anonymous says
if you have a car and any state or county parks are open, then you need to get out of the house and go. That’s how people with kids are trying to avoid burnout. We put both kids in a hiking backpack (including 33lb preschooler) and trek around lakes or trails. We either pickup takeout or pack lunch and have it before our hike. It is a workout for DH and I but it’s good. Nature lowers stress levels. We spend as much time as possible outside except for mid afternoon if it’s crazy hot (DC suburbs here). Also, give toddler TV on weekend mornings while you lay on the couch
Anone says
This is awesome but only doable if your kids are like 4+ not napping, not throwing crazy tantrums etc.
Anon says
The days go so quickly for me and my family too!! I love my life even during COVID!! It’s perfect. Just do what I do! Life isn’t hard if you do it right!
Anon says
Is this meant for me (Anon at 9:33)? She asked for advise, and I answered with actual examples of how we spend our weekend days. What’s the point of asking for advise on here if we’re not allowed to then give some?
Anonymous says
I think people are offering concrete suggestions and giving examples of their weekend schedules. There’s no need to be bitter. It’s true – if you fill up your days with plans they will go quickly. But if you trap yourself in the house with small children and throw your hands up saying there’s no point in trying to get out, then yeh your life is gonna suck. I mean you got them ready in the mornings for daycare right? How is the weekend different?
Anonymous says
I don’t get this nastiness. It’s not easy at all for me but it’s not impossible and it makes me feel less overwhelmed. She asked for help
Fallen says
Thank you all, this is super helpful and great ideas! Just wanted to say I am not the anon who is bitter, and that I love the ideas
anon says
also wanted to say is that we live in an area with a ton of state parks and have enjoyed that. i think a big part of the problem is that the days our toddler wake up at 5 feel super long. we usually trade off, but the hours of 5-9 until everyone is up and ready are super miserable. once everyone is ready to go its a lot smoother, we will go to playground/tennis/state park/on a walk etc, but i struggle with the early am hours when its my turn to wake up with toddler. maybe getting out of the house solo then too would help, but usually i am just so tired at 5 am that nothing sounds fun.
anon says
I get it – my kid is an early waker too. It really does help me to do an early morning outing with him. If you can find a park ~20 minute drive away that can be awesome. Get drive-through coffee and take those 20 minutes to yourself.
Anonanonanon says
-We like to drive around and “discover” neighborhoods (what an adventure!) with the kids aka look at homes that are in our price range that we don’t intend to buy. Kills some time, we all (kids included) can talk about what we do and do not like about the house, what our ideal house would be, etc.
-Sidewalk chalk and kiddie pool. I’ve been guilty of sitting by the kiddie pool and having a weak cocktail in the late afternoon while the toddler plays.
-Even though it’s been incredibly hot and mosquito season is definitely here, walks are nice I guess? I actually kind of hate it, but then I don’t feel guilty about handing the kids some ice water and letting them relax with a TV show in the AC when we get home while I get some things done around the house.
-Chores definitely take way longer with kids but it can keep them busy. This weekend it was weeding the garden. I pulled out a weed and the 2-year-old would walk it over and put it in the bag that big brother was holding. Repeat over and over with much excitement. It felt nice to be outside and it wasn’t a chore I’m too picky about so it was nice to kill some time. Toddler also “helps” me straighten her room each day on the weekends. hands me books so I can put them on the shelf, etc.
-Face time with family and friends. have one of them read your kid a book or your kid talk to them about a favorite toy while you get some chores done!
-My toddler is very into magnets right now? I got a bunch of melissa and Doug magnets. A set of animals, a set of vehicles, a set of shapes, etc. I can just sit on the floor while she sticks them all over the kitchen and do things like ask her to find all of the red ones and put them on the dishwasher, or talk about how the airplane goes in the sky and the fire truck does not, or whatever. I’m sitting and she’s busy so I’m happy.
– We’ve been having more sitdown meals together on weekends than we did in the past. We were never a 3 meal a day sit down and eat together family on weekends, but we are now. It kills time.
Anon says
this doesn’t totally answer your question – but this weekend we decided to use paper plates all weekend. i know it is not the most environmentally friendly, but honestly, it made such a difference in both of our moods, that i think at least for a while, we are going to try to have dishes free weekends. also – what do you do while toddler naps? honestly, i usually spend most of nap time laying down and recharging by myself and sometimes napping. i am a person who needs sleep, so what you are describing also sounds like a lack of sleep problem
fallen says
we usually play board games with the older one, which is fun but also means no free time until after bedtime..
CCLA says
Consider bifurcating nap time to play with older kid and also get your own time in. Nap time is key for my sanity and older kiddo watches a movie while little one sleeps. On Saturdays I usually lay down with older kiddo on the couch for an hour or so to snuggle (and usually I fall asleep) while she watches her movie, she calls it a sleepover and loves it. I get much needed sleep catch up, and she gets her mom snuggle cup filled. Rest of nap time I am usually doing things like organizing the closet with an audiobook or similar time to myself. DH usually does a workout during nap time. We both definitely need the time alone to recharge.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I agree on outdoors making things feel a lot better. I usually do a long walk with them in the morning while my husband does dishes and grocery shops. Sometimes both kids ride in the stroller, allowing me to just walk and listen to my podcast, which feels great, but it’s also ok to have my older one walk with us. If playgrounds near you are opening up, those are a good option. Depending on your risk tolerance, you could also try an outdoor playdate with one other family so that the kids can see their friends. We just did that yesterday and it took up the entire afternoon without me having to chase or yell at the kids for being loud inside.
Anonymous says
Mine are 20 months, just turned 4 and 6.5. We are outside all day long. DH and I take turns being the parent in charge.
We have a big yard so I set up a water table or mud pit or other activity, and the kids play while I work in the garden or they help (“help” me). Or we will pull out all the bikes and ride ons and the zoom around the driveway (we have a large driveway but no real street. Friends kids just ride the street). We also have a swing set and have added other yard toys (see saw, climbing dome, sandbox).
We have recently started venturing out- my older two must and will wear masks so I’ve started to take them one at a time for errands like going to the outdoor garden center.
anon says
The caveat is that my kids are older than yours, but here are a few activities that have kept us sane:
– Bike rides around the neighborhood or loading them into the van so we can hit a trail.
– Trips to an ice cream store.
– LOTS of outside time, even if we don’t leave the yard.
– Drives to a nearby lake.
– We bought a pop-up swimming pool that’s big enough for adults to sit in.
– Quiet time for ALL of us immediately after lunch … this is working surprisingly well and lets us regroup a bit.
– Doing books, puzzles, and art projects on our porch instead of indoors.
What we’ll be starting soon:
– More trips to the lake.
– Finding new-to-us hiking trails.
And, I have to say it: You really have to go to bed earlier, for your own sanity’s sake. Or make up for the lack of sleep by napping when your toddler naps. I know my mood dips significantly when I’m tired and I definitely get those “I don’t wanna parent” feelings.
FVNC says
I’ll join the chorus to encourage as much outside time as possible, including driving to nearby hiking trails for a change of scenery. We found a trail about 30 min from our home that has a waterfall and that was mind-blowingly cool for my 3 and 6 year olds.
Also, depending on your location and health circumstances, you might consider allowing limited playdates. For the past month, we’ve been socializing with our neighbors who have two kids near my kids’ ages. It has made such a difference — whereas my kids are basically done playing with each other, when all four of the kids are together they’ll entertain themselves for a couple hours. It’s the only “break” we get on the weekends (to the extent four kids loudly destroying my house is a break, ha!) and I really cherish it.
CHL says
You sound kind of sleep deprived because you prefer to stay up late and your toddler prefers to wake up early. For me that’s a recipe for misery no matter what you’re doing all day. Agree to trade off (maybe to get a quick nap) to get some time alone and go to bed early even if you don’t like it. Is your kid old enough to be watched by a babysitter in the backyard or something?
Anonymous says
I basically force my children out of the house to go for a hike first thing in the morning (well, second thing; pancakes are first). This invariably involves yelling and tears, etc. etc. because it is “the worst day of their lives” (seriously concerned for when they become teenagers; they are all 7 and under). Everyone enjoys it and I at a minimum feel much better about the day for having gotten fresh air. We go on local trails or to a state park, nothing super adventurous or far away. I think this is feasible in most parts of the country unless are in a big city and without a car. Also, we force ourselves to be in bed before 11 and try to nap if we can. Or, you know, “nap”.
Anon says
Only have 1 toddler, but she is very high needs, so it definitely feels like more. Some things that make weekends better: toddler gets tablet in our bed while mommy and daddy attempt to snooze a little longer, then toddler gets a show on the big screen while adults get coffee, and then toddler “helps” cook a big breakfast (bacon, waffles or pancakes or biscuits, eggs and fruit) and “helps” empty and load the dishwasher. It usually ends up being brunch by then, so only 2 meals that day, yay! Outside time both days, usually late afternoon when the backyard is in shade and it’s cooler (I don’t do heat). Water table and kiddie pool, and I sit in a lawn chair with a magazine and loosely supervise (usually punctuated with “mama is not getting up, do something else” (i.e., that does not require parental involvement like swing-pushing – it’s a lot of rock washing, stick gathering and frog-hunting (lord help me when she is quick enough to catch one like her auntie showed her…). One day is also laundry day, and toddler “helps” put all the clothes in the washer and from the washer to the dryer. Finally, one of the two days, DH and toddler go for a drive to run the cars (they alternate cars each weekend) which buys me some peace and quiet at home, lets DH get out of the house (he’s more extroverted than me), keeps the cars in good order (they typically do a gas station or automated car wash stop as needed too sometimes) and usually creates a no-fight nap.
Anonymous says
This dress reinforces my skepticism about combination maternity/nursing clothes. It’s cute as a maternity dress, with the top flap resting on the bump. For nursing when the bump is gone, it seems like the flap would hang oddly and there would be extra fabric in the middle. At least it looks good as a maternity dress–the combo pieces I had didn’t work at any point, before or after the baby arrived.
fdsa says
I actually had a combo piece that I thought worked well. It was basically a tshirt dress with lots of stretch and two overlapping pieces of fabric up top that lay right against each other. Of course, by the time baby was born I was so sick of all my maternity clothes I didn’t wear it any more.
Anon says
Agree. The model has a small chest so it’s not as noticeable, but I feel like on me and most other nursing moms it’s going to look like a boob curtain. The general shape of the dress would make me look frumpy, plus for some reason it has spaghetti straps and I know of no nursing bra I could wear under it.
Toddler Lunches says
I need some help with toddler lunches Mon-Fri when she’s with the nanny. We try to make enough food at night the night before for leftovers but that’s not always feasible. I find that three days per week it’s sort of fend for yourself, nanny, which I don’t love/think is fair to the nanny. Our defaults are PB&J sandwiches and mac and cheese. Any other easy ideas I can add into the rotation?
Anonymous says
Quesadillas, English muffin pizzas, bagels with cream cheese, hard-boiled eggs
OP says
How do you make the quesadills? I’m pretty good cook but sometimes the quick and dirty meals are the ones I struggle with. Whenever we make these for DD they harden up pretty quick.
Anonymous says
Heat up a frying pan with a little oil. Put a tortilla in it. Top with shredded cheese and another tortilla. Toast a couple minutes, flip a couple minutes, slice into triangles and serve.
Anon says
We’re even lazier than this. Put tortilla on plate, add grated cheese, top with another tortilla, microwave for 30 seconds, cut and serve. Now that the kids are home we serve them fresh, but when they were in daycare we did this the night before and they never seemed to object.
If you’re feeling fancy, add some defrosted frozen spinach or bell pepper slices on top of the cheese. If not, just stick a vegetable (peppers, carrot sticks, etc) and a fruit on the side and you have a complete meal.
Anonymous says
Use a griddle or a frying pan. Spray or brush olive oil on the outside of the tortilla and then cook the quesadilla just like a grilled cheese sandwich.
TheElms says
I do tortilla, a slice of cheese, and a slice of ham. I normally do them in a skillet with a tiny bit of oil just long enough to get the cheese to melt (melts faster with the lid on), which might result in hard leftovers, but if they get reheated in the microwave I think they would soften up. These take about 3 minutes and no cooking skill so if you left the ingredients for the nanny I imagine she could do them.
OP says
This is what I’m doing. No idea why I’m so incapable in the quesadilla department. Love the idea of adding a slice of ham. We’ll try this…
Cb says
Soup? Or make some mini quiches in muffin cups which can be taken out of the freezer.
Anonymous says
Chicken nuggets, fish sticks, oven baked fries, meatballs
Anon says
Quesadillas. Eggs. Berries and cottage cheese. Precooked waffles or pancakes.
Anonymous says
It’s also totally okay to eat the same thing for lunch every day.
Anon says
+1. I resisted this for a long time, but when my oldest went to kindergarten the whole struggle bus of coming up w/ & having different ingredients for a variety of meals.. & worried about the appropriate temp of all of those things… when all he wanted was PB&J every day & would barely eat the other things? We gave up. PB&J (with some extra sides) it is, every day, even in COVID. We are all happier for it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Our kids are having basically the same lunch every day now, which consists of pb&j sandwich, some form of fruit, some veggies/crackers and hummus or guac and a yogurt.
avocado says
My 13-year-old has made herself the same lunch every day for the past month. As long as she eats it and it’s not total garbage, I’m not complaining. We get the variety in at dinner.
The one danger with serving the same lunch every day is that at some point they may get sick of it and then refuse to eat that food ever again. This has happened with a few of my kid’s lunch obsessions.
Anonanonanon says
This. I’ve surrendered to a lack of variety at lunch. We’ll make up for it at dinner.
anon says
+1. And it makes life so much simpler.
Anonymous says
Tuna sandwich. It’s surprising but my DD (3) LOVES tuna. We also do a thrown together lunch of yogurt/fruit/carrots/hummus/toast.
Cb says
My son loves tuna and smoked salmon. I think he’s like me and likes strong umami flavour.
Anonanonanon says
Chicken Nuggets as mentioned above
Pasta salad (made ahead of time and refrigerated)
Pasta and red sauce or meat sauce
Frozen meatballs baked in the oven and served with ketchup or pasta and sauce
Frozen fried rice that you make the night before so she just has to reheat
Chef boyardee never killed anybody, we had it in our emergency food but it’s made an appearance with the nanny as something easy for her to make the kids
Fruit- pre-wash and cut up berries, etc.
Steam-in-the-bag veggies
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
Our babysitter lunches are:
Quesadilla (shredded cheese on a tortilla, fold in half, microwave for 30-45s until cheese is melted)
Sandwich w lunchmeat
Tortilla pizza (pizza sauce, shredded cheese, some meat, oven for 5 min)
Microwave chicken nuggets
Plus some fruit and milk
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
Also as a special treat, microwave hot dogs. Wrap the hot dog in a piece of bread, wrap the whole thing in a paper towel, microwave for 45s. Seems gross to me but the kids seem to like it.
Anon says
Buy some frozen pizza dough, pepperoni and cheese. Make a big batch of pepperoni rolls and freeze. It’s a lifesaver for school lunches, picnics, etc.
Anonymous says
snack lunch is our default right now. Like 3 carrot sticks (microwaved frozen carrots for 22 month old), 2 pickles, 3 prunes, a few nuts (for the older one) or spoonful of PB, half a piece of toast or some crackers, sliced apple, cut up cheese or a little bit of yogurt, and leftover veggies from dinner. Started doing this because they were “done” after a couple bites of pb sandwich and then cranky soon after.
Mathy says
I consult this list pretty frequently. Some of what she has is so obvious to me but it helps when the mind goes blank: https://momtomomnutrition.com/food-and-recipes/preschool-lunch-ideas/
Fallen says
These are all great ideas. Some more to add:
– ham and cheese sandwiches on croissants, toasted
– Annie’s Mac and cheese with veggies thrown in
– tomato sauce and cheese on Mann pizzas
– cheese plates (cheese, crackers, fruit, veggies)
– Rotisserie chicken w veggies and fruit
– tortellini w Parmesan
– meatballs (with either raw veggies or pasta)
I also tried to make a few kid friendly meals each week (lasagna, pasta dishes, chicken Alfredo, Mac and cheese, pancakes, sliders, corn on the cob etc) and have leftovers for them
Also we typically have our nanny deal with making breakfast and lunches, but have a magnetic board on fridge where she can add -anything she needs or wants, and I try to keep leftovers and easy prep meals around
AnonATL says
Lighter question for y’all this morning.. What did your maternity leave out of office say? I swear there was a post on here once upon a time, but I can’t find it…
I’m taking 12 weeks from a small company where I have occasional customer support-type job requirements, but primarily answer to internal stakeholders who are supportive of my leave. When a customer does reach out to me, it’s pretty time sensitive.
Do you mention specifically that you are on maternity leave? Or just say I am out of the office and will be checking emails occasionally. If you need immediate assistance contact Jane Doe, etc etc. Since I work for a small company, should I even bother setting an internal out of office? All 15 people are going to be very aware I’m out.
I typically have a hard time disengaging from work while on vacation and am hoping that won’t be the case while on leave. Any suggestions on what a “good” frequency for checking work e-mails is so I can force boundaries on myself? Every day just to keep it under control? Once a week? Btw the compulsive email checking is something I put on myself, not an expectation from work.
Anonymous says
“I will be out of the office until X date on maternity leave. If you need immediate assistance please contact Jane Doe. Otherwise, I will reply to your message when I return”.
My leave included 6 weeks STD so I did not check at all for the first 6 weeks. Maybe checked once a week after that but not really. Spent the first day back going through emails.
Anonymous says
While you are on leave, you never check emails. At all.
Put in your out of office “I am out of the office on leave until XYZ date. For assistance before then, please contact XYZ person.”
Eek says
I checked email while I was on leave. It made me feel slightly less out of the loop and prevented me from having a giant inbox full of mail when I got back.
Anon says
I don’t think there is anything wrong with checking on leave occasionally. Example, we had some organizational changes that were announced over email & I was glad to be aware of the landscape. Like others suggest, I would draw the line about replying in any sort of business capacity or implying that you will.
SC says
I also checked emails while on leave. I received relatively few emails and deleted most of them–I think it took about 5 minutes a day. I was able to forward substantive emails to the appropriate people, which helped in terms of having less waiting for me when I returned. Toward the end of my leave, I got to be involved in hiring a new secretary, which vastly improved the quality of my office life.
Eek says
I should add that this was fully paid leave. I don’t believe any portion of it was STD – but that is something to check on!
Boston Legal Eagle says
No email checking while on leave. For the first few weeks, doing so would violate the laws, and even after that, there shouldn’t be anything that someone else at your company can’t handle. My leave OOO said I was out on maternity leave and for assistance to contact my manager. I didn’t specify an end date because I wasn’t sure if I would extend it by a week or so, but YMMV on that. In general, people at my company specify that they’re out on leave (maternity and paternity) and the person to contact while they are out, both for internal and external emails.
Anon says
+1 to not indicating an end date. It’s kind of no one on the receiving end of your emails business. When you are back you are back.
AnonATL says
Good point on checking email violating laws. I am using STD for the first 6 weeks (assuming no c section, 8 in that case), so I am guessing that legally means NO work during that time which would include emails.
I’m one of the first to use maternity leave in our company, but there are several young married woman who will probably fast-follow based on what I know about their personal lives. I’m trying to set good precedent for their experience as well.
Anonymous says
When people in our organization go on disability, their e-mail access is cut off.
Anon says
Ours is too unless you give HR a letter from your OB saying it’s medically ok to have access while on leave.
Pogo says
Yes, you definitely can’t work while on STD because it’s essentially insurance fraud. My org doesn’t cut off your access, but I think that’s because they’re terrible about monitoring employee status while on leave in general (really, they prob should cut off your access).
I checked email intermittently while on leave the first time but very rarely responded. Mostly just checked up to see what was going on.
Anon says
I would definitely say you are on maternity leave. Otherwise people will assume you are on a normal length vacation & think they can wait on you coming back, but if they realize the extent of it they may seek someone else.
I would definitely not put that you will be checking emails occasionally. First, implying that you are working throughout violates disability laws in some cases. Second, your capacity to do so & do anything even in the realm of reasonably replying or taking appropriate action in the first few weeks will simply not be there, so to imply you might get to something is not reasonable.
Anon says
ALSO, I’ve brought this up on here before. But as someone who is a client, I would feel INCREDIBLY awkward if I sent an email to someone while they were in the midst of having a baby or had a very very early newborn & knew that my email was causing them to work during that. Please just no. I would 100% want whatever my request is to be taken care of by someone else so I don’t feel like a complete ahole.
Anonanonanon says
I don’t say maternity leave unless your company actually offers paid maternity leave. If it’s short-term disability followed by FMLA, that’s not maternity leave. Don’t give your company credit for something they don’t offer *steps off of soap box*
Anyway, I went with a vague “I will be out of the office on extended medical leave with an estimated return date of ______. In my absence, please utilize the following points of contact for a prompt response:
For issues regarding X, Please contact _______
For questions regarding Y, or to register in Y, Please contact _________
For all other inquiries, please contact my supervisor, ______, at ______
Thank you.”
Anonymous says
This is exactly how I felt. My small office did not offer maternity leave and I sure as heck was not giving them credit for it. My OOO message was very similar to this.
Spirograph says
Mine was something like:
Thank you for your message. I am out of office on parental leave and will return in late November. If your request is not covered below, please contact [next in command] for assistance.
For topic 1, please contact __________
For topic 2, please conatact __________
etc etc
I used distro lists where possible, just in case there were any further changes while I was out. I did not check email while I was out. Unless you have agreed with your management that you will begin working in some capacity after X weeks (and you’ll be paid for it!), you should not be doing any work while on maternity leave. Please don’t work. It undermines the very idea of protected parental leave and creates expectations that others will still be “on” even when they’re off.
Anon says
I was on 5 month paid leave (BigLaw), and senior enough that clients sometimes contact only me directly. Mine was to the effect of “I am currently on maternity leave. If you need assistance, please contact my assistant during business hours at XYZ or another attorney working on your matter.” I did not specify a return date because I was not sure when I wanted to return (I ended up taking the full time offered plus an additional week of unpaid leave to get through the holidays). I checked email daily but rarely responded except for the handful of times where a client sent something to me directly without someone else in copy, and that response was to reply all, copy in whoever should be handling it, and say something to the effect of “Thanks for reaching out! While I am on leave, Jane Smith, copied above, will handle.”
Anonymous says
A tip I received was to use the rules in Outlook to direct all newsletters to a folder called Newsletters to keep them out of your inbox while you’re gone. I did that and it worked so well, that I still do it (then I just check on my newsletters a few times per week). It made it easy to check my email while I was out. I checked not at all for six weeks, once a week for five weeks, and pretty regularly the week before I returned (though I didn’t get a ton).
Anon says
for those who have decided to either fly to see grandparents or to have grandparents fly to come to see you. what precautions (if any) are you taking to minimize risk? we live flying distance from all grandparents, and typically see each set 5-6 times a year (i know this is a huge privilege. and one is a set, the other is just one grandparent – one of my parents passed away towards the end of 2019, which also makes this a bit more complex). i’ve read the emily oster article and am trying to figure out how to frame the question, along with the precautions we would want to take. it is more likely to have grandparents fly to us if we do it because we have two under the age of 3. all grandparents are in in the 65-70 age range, but no other underlying health conditions. just curious what others have done/are doing?
Anon says
How far is flying distance? We’re choosing to drive 10-12 hours to see grandparents (later this summer), rather than having anyone get on airplanes. It is definitely harder than the 2-hour flights, but feels safer for us.
If someone is flying, I think I agree that grandparents is best. Wear a mask, bring hand sanitizer, keep distance in the airport. Maybe try to wipe down around your seat when you get on, if you have wipes. Minimizing eating/drinking on the plane, if that’s feasible.
OP says
the drive to one is 21 hours with no stops or traffic and to the other is 24 hours with no stops or traffic
Anonymous says
Right now, in this is situation, I would fly the adult child out ONlY (Eg you or DH goes for a visit), drive a 10 hour drive as a family, or have or have the grandparents drive to you.
It is non essential travel and airplanes and the entire process of traveling on them is a hard no for me Right now for our situation. We are in one of the states that has been hit hard and is just now starting to open up (MA) and there are NO plans to visit DH’s 75/80 year old parents in AZ. If one fell ill, DH would fly out. We have told them not to fly here. We have talked about a cross country drive later this summer but right now it’s on hold. We have 3 kids under 8 including a toddler FWIW and no high risk in our families other than DH’s parents’ ages.
OP says
we would drive or have them drive, but the drives are like 24 hours with no stops/traffic. if it was 10 hours, we would happily hop in the car. grandparents care more about seeing their grand kids than seeing us, which i totally understand and support. i would be devastated if anything happened to any of us, but they are also missing out on like a whole year of my kids’ lives.
Anonymous says
Our drive is MA to AZ. It is 2 full days of driving each way. We are not going.
It really sucks, but for us, right now, air travel is off the table and it is off the table for my ILs too. There is a very good risk something might happen, esp to FIL. My kids can’t go to daycare or school or camp or even the grocery store right now. I am not going to bring them on a plane. However, it’s because I think we are likely to pick it up/bring it to our ILs, not because I am fearful/cautious of my family getting sick. We have young kids who will touch everything everywhere, who will fight masks, etc. it isn’t feasible for us. That doesn’t mean it’s the right call for you, though!
Pogo says
My in-laws flew home from FL and got a COVID test a few days later to confirm they were negative. We still haven’t seen them, but that’s an option for peace of mind if everyone involved is OK with that.
Anonymous says
We’re not seeing anyone until sometime next year at the earliest. This is heartbreaking because my sister’s son will be 3 in the fall and I haven’t seen him since 18 months and DH will only meet his niece for the first time next year when she’s 15 months. Super hard for sure.
Anon says
Does anyone else have a kid who is being beyond miserable? Mine is resisting every part of every day just to resist. If I offer her favorite foods, she wont eat and will declare it nasty just because I offered it. If I ask her to get dressed she declares all of the clothes in her dresser to be uncomfortable even if she likes them once she’s dressed. She refuses all activities except tablet, all food except candy, and basically everything. She has no ideas for what she wants to do or eat and screaches at you if you even ask. Every moment of every day is a fight. Even when I’m willing to do whatever she wants. It’s driving me bonkers. I know she misses school and friends, but I’m really trying to make her life fun and as okay as possible. And she’s just a miserable unhappy person who seems intent on making everyone around her miserable. She’s 6, btw. How do I make this better? Hugs and doing what she wants isn’t helping. She makes any attempt at a fun activity completely miserable.
Anonymous says
It sounds painful, but try banning all screen time until late in the day. Once my kid has even caught a glimpse of a screen, she’s a total monster for the rest of the day. Also stop being willing to do whatever she wants. Set her up with one activity, walk away, and ignore her protests. Eventually she’ll get so bored that she will find a way to entertain herself.
Anon says
She hasn’t had screen time in 5 days, so that doesn’t seem to be the cause. I wish it was that easy.
Anonymous says
Is she asking for it?
Anonymous says
In your original post, you said she wouldn’t do anything except play on the tablet and eat candy.
Anon says
That’s all she willingly do. Everything else is a ridiculous fight.
If sent to her room for hitting or yelling, she will start reading and once hooked, keep reading until she finishes the book. It’s a small bright spot.
Anon says
Oh, and when she’s bored she just turns to torturing us or her sister. Really mean stuff. Makes a fight out of everything. She wont let herself be ignored and keeps escalating.
Anonymous says
Ok so if banning screentime doesn’t help what about allowing more screen time?
anon says
It wasn’t banning, as much as we went camping and didn’t bring screens. She was miserable the whole time (but didn’t ask for tablet once she realized that we didn’t even have them with us). She did lose tablet this morning for hitting–we weren’t even awake yet and she was screaming and beating on her sister who she claimed was “in her spot” in bed. They don’t have “spots” and her sister was sound asleep.
anon says
She often becomes a monster with screentime, so we haven’t tried increasing beyond the 45 minute timer set on her tablet. She does love to read and has been chilling with a book in her room for 1-2 hours at a time.
Anonymous says
Okay! 1-2 hours with a book is so positive!
Anonymous says
They have to share a bed? Of course she is miserable. Get her a separate bed so she has her own space.
Anon says
No, they crawl into our bed in the morning for cuddles. Little sister just got there first and then dozed off again.
Anonanonanon says
This. This came up here recently when I vented about my 9-year-old and it’s so true. Something about screens turns him from a delight into a weepy, sullen pre-teen.
Anonymous says
It’s hard when your kid is really suffering! Play dates help mine- even just one other kid has been really great. Providing fun options but not pressuring her to do them has also helped, so Friday night ill tell her “Saturday morning we are going to the Park with a kite, Saturday afternoon I am baking, and Saturday night we are watching a movie” and then I do those things. Sometimes she joins in, sometimes not. We also do a ton of visits to friends in cars and drive through trips etc. but I know she’s really sad and that’s just hard for me.
Anon says
I dont know of any families that are willing to do in person playdates yet and she’s so over zoom she wont even talk to her best friend.
Anonymous says
Have you asked anyone?
anon says
Yes, and they are “thinking about it.”
We have been pretty cautious because we are seeing local grandparents, who are otherwise completely isolating. If we opt to see more kids and families, we’ll need to cut off grandparents and we’re their only contact.
Anonymous says
Not necessarily. Unless you plan on doing nothing for years until we have a vaccine outdoor play dates are a good choice.
anon says
We’ve been trying to come up with a family or two to add to our bubble without having to cut off grandparents. It’s a compromise.
anon says
I am really sorry; this sounds so difficult. :( I have no good suggestions.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My kid (4) is an angel outside of our house compared to inside our house, where he often acts like a sullen teenager. If you can arrange an outdoor playdate, I think that would do wonders for her mood. Also, are outdoor camps opening up in your area and are they a possibility?
anon says
Summer camps for June are closed. Still waiting to hear for mid-July and later.
We have gone camping as a family, so it’s not like we’re locked in the house. Of course she was miserable for that whole trip.
Anon says
Not the ideal answer, but the only thing that worked were seeing other kids. We have done outdoor playdates (suburban backyards) with no food/drink sharing. Lots of hand sanitizer on hand. My 4 year old immediately reverted back to her old, happy self. We went from meltdowns every day to zero meltdowns. I plan on having a play date every weekend.
Obviously this increases the risk of transmission, but I am sending her back to school in the fall so we won’t be risk free forever. These playdates are way less exposure than school will be anyway.
If you can’t see other kids, I think you just have to accept the meltdowns. Your kid is having mental health issues because she is trapped in a global health crisis that is out of her control. I was upset before I could see people too! We are all just trying to get through this in one piece.
anon says
Our local schools are planning to be fully remote in the fall, which as been set up by the superintendent and school board as the most likely scenario, though they haven’t made a final decision. It’s very likely that she won’t be in a group of kids until late 2020 or even 2021.
Anon says
where do you live?!?!
anon says
Northern VA. We’re still in Phase I of the reopening.
Anonymous says
I have a 6 y/o (kindergartener). She was borderline slipping into depression. No activities, no playdates, no school. She cried all the time and acted out.
As things have eased up, we have started having play dates with a neighbor. The two kids play all day long (and often include my younger kids but sometimes not). They bike, make forts, read, color, whatever. We considered having them wear masks but ultimately, we did not. They wash their hands all the time.
My daughter is a new kid.
Anonymous says
You could even ask a classmate to meet up for a bike ride. Two parents, two kids, lots of distance but A FRIEND!!!!
Anonymous says
We aren’t doing play dates, but we went on a socially distanced hike with friends and it was amazing. Your friends who are wary of play dates might be up for a walk or a bike ride. I don’t know whether a cranky, misbehaving 6-year-old could be trusted to maintain her distance, though.
SC says
Usually, if my kid is being like this, we re-set limits. We lean into our schedule, reinforce sleep, and are more strict about treats and screen time. We also make sure he is getting enough attention from us–which is harder to ignore when we’re not doing screen time.
With Covid, we’ve done all that, and it sounds like you have too. But my 5-year-old had settled into a deeper boredom and unhappiness. He was under-stimulated and missing peer interaction. I’ve had several friends tell me their kids, who are usually pretty chill, are exhibiting the same behaviors you describe. At this point, I’m convinced socialization with peers is the only solution and is worth the risk of Covid for the benefit of their mental health. I’m sending my son to camp this week (though today was canceled for weather). I see your post that that’s not an option, but I would try to find a friend whose family is comfortable with an outdoor play date.
The grandparent issue is hard. I had to go back to work last month, so the grandparents were already uncomfortable seeing us. That made camp an easier decision.
Anonymous says
My kids are 5 and 7 and to be honest are pretty happy at home. What works for us – following a very strict schedule. The schedule allows for 4 to 5 hours of screen time but only at certain times, and with some breaks, so we don’t have to fight about limits. Other than screen time, we get outside (try to go for a walk at least twice a day, though that’s getting tricky with the heat right now), color, read books, play, eat family meals, practice piano a little etc. Two ideas – 1. we started piano lessons for the first time while in quarantine. We found a local teacher but the lessons are on Skype. Maybe a new skill or activity could engage her, even if you are stuck at home? 2. my kids LOVE audio books. we borrow from the library and they listen on a little portable bluetooth speaker. So far they have listed to James and the Giant Peach, The BFG, and the Wonderful Wizard of Oz. (The also listened to and enjoyed Little House in the Big Woods but I do want to mention that Laura Ingalls Wilder books do have some racist content so you should discuss with your kids if you let them listen to this.)
rakma says
YMMV, but what’s been the best for my 6yo right now isn’t fun activities, it’s ‘chores’ She’s in charge of taking the recycling out to the garage, she’s been cooking simple recipes with supervision, she’ll do things like peel a banana for her sister or run up and down the stairs to get things we ask for. It gives her a sense of control and responsibility.
When she’s being particularly mopey and bored, (complete with the ‘i’m booooooored’ whine) we tell her to go pick 10 things up in either her room or the playroom. She picks up a few things, usually finds a toy she’s forgotten about, and finds something to entertain herself a little bit. We’ve made it easy for both kids to reach the easy approved snacks–they can have an apple, banana, cheese stick or yogurt at anytime (and sometimes a combo of those things passes as lunch)
Also, all the standards are out the window. You want to wear an Elsa costume today? OK. You’re staying in your PJs all day? Great. You don’t want the options I’m giving you for lunch? OK when you’re hungry and you’ve decided come find me (this works because my kids aren’t going to refuse to eat all day, if yours will this is probably bad advice) Also, they have Kindle Fires that don’t have the best battery life, so once the tablet is out of batteries for the day, tablet time is over.
Spirograph says
Ugh, you have all the empathy from me. My 7 year old does this, too. Obviously look out for real mental health problems, but you can’t make someone be happy, and sometimes kids just want to be sullen. Literally the only thing that helps mine is friends. Not even necessarily the friends he would choose to hang out with, just other kids that aren’t his siblings. We are letting our kids play with the neighbors outdoors as much as they want (I’m really not interested in anyone yelling at me about social distancing, so please just don’t. I view small groups outdoors as an acceptable risk, and you will not change my mind), and it makes a world of difference.
Otherwise, have you tried cheerfully acknowledging her complaint and then ignoring her? For example, “sorry you don’t like your clothes. This is all we have, you can keep your pj’s on all day if you want.” Or if we go for a hike as a family and kiddo wants to sulk, I cheerfully respond with, “Well, we’re going to climb on these rocks. If you’d rather just sit there, that’s OK with me!” and then ignore. 90% of the time he joins in and has fun in spite of himself (of course, he will still tell me at dinnertime that it was a terrible day, he was just smiling because his face does that sometimes). According to my mom, I was the same way around this age, so it’s part pandemic, but part just a phase.
YMMV, but my kids seem to do better with firm boundaries and known input/outputs. Offering more choices in an attempt to hit on what they want often seems to backfire, I suspect because it’s overwhelming. Our general schedule is that screens are allowed in the morning before 9, and after 5 until dinnertime if kiddo has done some school work. Don’t bother asking in the middle, the answer will always be no. You can play in your room, in the family room, or outside. If you’re bored, you can clean your room, it’s not my job to entertain you (we do fun stuff together, just according to parents’ schedules, not kids’). We don’t engage in fights about food, as a rule. Fruit, vegetables, cheese and yogurt are on offer as snacks, dessert is only after you’ve eaten a real meal, and if you don’t like anything we’re having for dinner you’re welcome to wait until breakfast. It’s key that you and your partner agree on all these responses and deploy them consistently, otherwise the kids will keep asking and exploit differences.
Anonymous says
I have a 5 year old – can you tell me more about what your 6 year old is cooking?
rakma says
She’s got a couple cookbooks–Honest Pretzels and Salad People by Mollie Katzen get a lot of use. She’ll make a box of Kraft mac + cheese –she can fill the pot, pour in the pasta, I drain it, she adds the rest of the ingredients in. We have a set of nylon knives, she’ll cut things like peppers or apples with that. She is the head salad maker in the house. She’ll make smoothies (an adult does the blending, but she can pick the fruit and add it to the blender) She also loves to stir something that’s simmering for a while, she’ll come in, give it a stir, and go wander off to what ever she was doing. Scrambled eggs–she’s got that down now. (so does the 3yo, because if big sister is doing it little sister has to do it too. Honestly it takes about 3 more minutes than if i do it myself and they are so so happy about it) If I premeasure the ingredients, she’ll pour them and mix a banana bread or boxed baking mix.
wc says
What helps us is “special time”. One on one time with a parent for 10 minutes (or more) and she gets to pick and direct the activity. I set a timer. Also getting her laughing with roughhousing helps my daughter. Pillow fights, letting her try to “squish me” and pretending to make her into a pizza are the ones we do most often. Search for special time and roughhousing on ahaparenting .com.
fallen says
just wanted to say this is hard. my 7 year old is a bit like this but to a less intense extent. i have found that it is a lot easier to have certain rules (e.g., screen time at only these hours, no candy in the house) but other than that let her choose as much as possible. often if she sees us doing something fun she wants to join.
Bright Horizons? says
Does anyone else send their kids to a Bright Horizons daycare and, if so, have you heard anything about reopening? We are in a state where daycares never were required to close, and those that did have been open for weeks. But so far we still haven’t heard anything at all about reopening.
I’m starting to wonder if they are planning to shut down our center permanently or something. I’ve tried emailing but have gotten absolutely nowhere.
Anonymous says
My neighbor’s kids go to a BH in Massachusetts. They had a parent zoom and a drive thru ice cream social in the past week. They are Tentatively planning to open in July
Anonymous says
We’re at a Bright Horizons in DC. They’ve been reasonably good about communicating. Sent out a parent survey about reopening, with the first possible reopening date in mid-July.
KatieWolf says
I was at a BH in Atlanta- daycares were never ordered to close in Ga, and state reopened in May. Terrible communication. Last email I got was they are “trying” to decide a re-open date and will let us know by June 19. I have friends w kids at BH in Fl, they have been told re-open date on June 22. I switched daycares bc I couldn’t put up w their delays.
Anon4This says
Anyone else in a similar boat? Dropped DS to daycare today, first time since March. It really did feel like dropping off after maternity leave! DH and I had decided barring anything crazy we’d send DS back today. All adults on the premises were in masks, and we had temps taken upon dropoff. Parents allowed in the building for drop-off/pick-up but not in the classrooms. Kids are to be carried up/down stairs by parents. DS has about ~7 kids in his class right now. I wanted to hug his teacher when I saw her!
I chatted with the director, who let me know she’s expecting (and about a month further along than me; I’m still in the too-soon-to-share territory), and she’s been working this whole time (they have been open in various phases through this), which made me feel good about DS potentially bringing something home for now. My state re-opened faster than city/local officials wanted, and cases are picking back up in our county (fingers crossed we don’t become a hotspot)…but weighing everything going on in our lives right now (and reading this board + Emily Oster 1000 times) this was the best option for now. I’m excited for DS to have real activities and interaction after ~3 months.
Anon says
This will be us next week, and it very much feels like the end of a maternity leave (except one where I still worked 70ish% while caring for two kids!). I’m very torn about them going back, but like you have been weighing everything and this still seems like the best option if we both want to continue to work full time. DH and I decided to take this Friday “off” so we can have a 3 days weekend with the kids before next week.
OP says
Good Luck! I will say the quiet around the apartment is….different, and in a good way.
Anonymous says
Our kiddo went back today, too. I am very at peace with it – not sad, not crazy happy. I just feel a sense of calm and normalcy that everyone is in their place. And kiddo was super excited to go back. She came running out of her room this morning saying “It’s my school day today!” on repeat. She didn’t look back at all when they took her inside.
Anonymous says
To update on our consideration of a summer vacation in the USVI, United canceled our flights and no airline is offering any direct flights so we’re going to cancel. Sigh. It’s probably the right call anyway to keep everyone healthy.
anon says
If you had a child starting kindergarten this fall, would you send her back to daycare now or just try to make it through the summer? Our center officially reopened last week and we’re now paying for a spot that we’re not using. I think DD would benefit from being around her peers, but I know she is really loving her time at home. So … do we view this as a chance to give her a partial SAH childhood before kindergarten, or bite the bullet and send her back? She is getting some interaction with kids, but they are all much older than her (big brother and friends). We have morning child care for now but not sure if we can swing it for the whole summer after the sitter’s activities ramp back up. I am torn. And somewhat paranoid that sending her back means we won’t be able to see my parents, which we just started doing. :(
Anonymous says
Omg I would send her back tnrw. And keep seeing parents.
anon says
I guess I didn’t mention that I’m getting very burned out on having childcare and work happening under my roof simultaneously … daycare seems like the natural answer there. :(
Anonymous says
Yea of course you are. Send her back.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Not in the same scenario with K approaching but we did just send DS back to daycare. My parents are local, and my Dad is very high-risk due to underlying health conditions, so we’ve been doing social distancing hangs where we (DS, DH, and I) stay in the backyard of my parents house and/or upstairs (my parents room, bathroom, etc. is downstairs – they only come upstairs for laundry). We either get takeout or eat on paper plates – no shared food or drink between us.
I’m debating whether we can continue this with DS in daycare now, but will re-assess and see. Just throwing this out as a way to hang with your parents if it’s a fit and DD goes back to daycare.
Anonymous says
I’m in the same boat and sending mine back in two weeks.
AnotherAnon says
I sent my kid back the first day day care opened, because he deeply missed his friends (as an extrovert with introverted parents, he was struggling) and DH and I need to work. We still see local grandparents; my dad is immunocompromised, but we discussed it with them and they decided seeing their grandkid was worth the risk.
SC says
I’m in a similar boat, and I’m sending mine to camp this week. We even have the childcare aspect covered, but Kiddo needs social interaction.
Anonymous says
We don’t need the childcare urgently (spouse is a teacher), so we are not sending our rising kindergartener. We would usually send them to a few weeks of daycare or camp to give spouse a break and have some socialization and structure, but are skipping it this year even though our preschool is offering some limited camp and some other camps are running. FWIW my child is loving being at home and does have a sibling to play with.
DLC says
If you want to save on tuition and have your daughter socialize with her peers, could you send her back part time? Not the same situation at all, but the summer before my oldest started K, I was unemployed with a newborn, so I sent my daughter to daycare just two days a week. Aside from that, I think the risk to your parents is something you can assess and discuss based on the statistics in your area and the measures being taken at daycare.
Emily S. says
We have a rising Kindergartner and we are sending her back next week. We’ve been doing the Brain Quest Pre-K Summer workbook and were doing the activities the school send home while they were closed to try to keep up her academic skills (such as they are at that age) so that K isn’t a huge shock to the system or an emotional wallop if she wasn’t on the same level as her peers (she is prone to frustration and outbursts when she doesn’t get something perfectly on the first try). But what we can’t do at home is keep up friendships and socialization skills (she does have a little sister and is being wonderful with her, but it is not the same as being reminded to share with 6 other kids, stay in line, etc.) These concerns over skill building plus the relief I felt when we decided to send them back persuaded me to send them back now instead of pretending to be a full time SAHM and full time employee for the rest of the summer.
Anonanonanon says
Not to rub it in for anyone having difficulties… But I’m actually concerned with how well my child is taking COVID quarantine. He is almost 10 and he does not miss school or other children AT ALL. He had friends, got invited to playdates and birthday parties, etc. but between being in school and before/aftercare and having an after-school activity he didn’t do playdates more than maybe once every 6 weeks? I work full-time and most of the moms here don’t, so it was definitely the kids who wanted the playdates with him and not like the moms and I wanted to hang out. All this to say, I’m kind of worried by the fact he does not miss peer interaction at all. This doesn’t seem normal. I’m an extrovert so I thought I was projecting, but my introverted husband says even he wanted to play with his peers at that age.
He is very small for his age (2nd percentile in height and weight) and I think also might be gay, so I worry there is unintentional bullying (kids making not-quite-malicious jokes about his size he is taking personally) or discomfort with feelings “different” going on that he’s not talking about. Should I see about some kind of counseling to make sure, or just be happy he’s adjusting well and count my blessing? Any introverts out there who would have loved quarantine as a kid??
Anonanonanon says
Added context, he sees his father rougly every other weekend which is basically like hanging out with a peer (discussing nothing but video games, playing video games, staying up late, eating junk food, it is what it is), we have a COVID nanny coming in daily who plays a board game with him every day while his sister naps, and we’ve been making an effort to do more with him 1:1 on weekends, and he gets 1 hr of screen time a day during the week compared to 0 hours a day he used to get on weekdays.
Pigpen's Mama says
I probably would have loved this as a kid. That being said, I didn’t have a good friend group until middle school/high school. Kids in elementary weren’t mean/bullying, I just didn’t’ find a niche to fit in.
I have a younger kid, so I can’t really offer parental advice, but my gut would be to see how things are when social interactions open back up. If he seems reluctant to join the world, then maybe consider counseling/probing deeper.
Anonymous says
He sounds perfectly wonderful don’t mess with it! He’s not a recluse, he interacts with people, he does things. That’s great. I was a very quiet reserved child and would have loved this- so much reading and daydreaming time! Keep an eye out as he goes back to school but for now just be happy that he is happy.
Kara says
I was definitely wondering if it was something like your second paragraph. How does he seem about those playdates? If he excited for them, or does he just not mind them? I don’t think it’s just your kid, I’ve heard of multiple quieter kids doing better now than in school.
Anonanonanon says
Thanks, all. When we talk about it he says he enjoys having the flexibility to only do schoolwork appx. 3 hours a day, choose when that happens, and otherwise get to play and read and have an hour of screentime and more outdoor time than before, so it sounds like I’m not a monster if I take that at face value and don’t dive deeper.
He loved before/after school care, he looked forward to playdates but I wouldn’t say he was “excited” about them. He was usually more excited about the movie they were seeing or whatever the activity was than the social interaction.
My gut said to just let him be happy and worry in middle school or if he starts to actively dread social interaction, so thank you for the gut check. One less thing to worry about :)
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
My nephew is 12 and 100% your description has been him during COVID-19. He’s been thrilled to blow through his school work at his own pace and play video games online with friends. He’s also smaller for his age, and is super over it (to the point he asked my brother at Christmas “WHY AM I SO MUCH SMALLER?” which my now tall, but formerly chronically short/skinny brother could empathize with) so I think not being surrounded by other pre-pubescent boys has been a nice change :)
Anonymous says
My oldest is 7 and seems totally content with this whole situation. I worry a little, but not terribly… He’s definitely quite introverted. I don’t have any particular thoughts other than that you’re not the only one.
Anon says
Yeah – my 7-year-old homebody is living his best life. I wouldn’t worry.
Anonymous says
Oh and also my brother would totally have not batted an eye as a kid if he were told to stay home for months on end without seeing friends. He is also a big introvert. He ended up working in data science and is totally content to be at home with only his wife these days.
anne-on says
I would have dearly loved quarantine as a child (especially now with a kindle – library on demand!). My 8yr old has asked if we can keep homeschooling. He really preferred the work at your own pace and individual attention of the virtual schooling, no homework, and ability to take breaks to read at home. He definitely misses friends, but is pretty ok with limited interactions. On the other hand my husband has been crawling out of his skin being at home all this time while, in his words, the two of us are ‘happy to sit on the couch and read quietly all day!’.
GCA says
Hmm. I was like this as a kid – I had friends and wasn’t reluctant to interact with the world, just preferred to get lost in a book. (I sort of absented myself from reality for a few weeks in third grade while plowing through Lord of the Rings.) I fit in with peers much better in middle and high school. I don’t know how he behaves under ‘normal’ school circumstances, and you might want to chat covertly with a pediatrician because I’m not an expert by any means, but I think there are often some signs when a child’s mental health is suffering – they are less enthusiastic about things they normally love, their appetite and behavior slide, etc.
avocado says
Agree–if he is still interested in doing things and is eating and sleeping normally, I wouldn’t worry too much. It sounds as if he’s taking it all in stride.
I wouldn’t worry about social problems at school unless they develop (or resume) after he goes back. Even if he goes back in person this fall, he’ll already have been away from the other kids for six months. That is an eternity in terms of preteen development. If you end up keeping him home for the first semester, it will be more like a year. Both he and the other kids will have matured a lot by the time they see each other again.
If he’s happy at home, I’d worry more about the loss of trusted adult mentors than about missing out on peer relationships. Those non-parent relationships are so important for tweens and teens, especially if a kid is facing social challenges or feels “different” in some way. If your son is close to an uncle, aunt, or adult cousin, I’d try to encourage him to text or video chat with that person regularly.
Anonanonanon says
Thank you for that last point. You’re right, that’s so important.
Anonanonanon says
Thanks all. I have another reply in moderation for some reason, but thank you!
sky's out, thighs out says
ladies, my first summer in a mom-iform. what are some good swim shorts you recommend for coverage/comfort when wrangling littles?
AnotherAnon says
I wear my Lululemon running shorts over my one piece or in lieu of swimsuit bottoms. I have the 4″ ones – the 2.5″ ones are basically as bad as a swimsuit bottoms for coverage.
Anonymous says
I wear board shorts over my swim bottoms when I want to be covered up without feeling frumpy. I have some from Roxy, O’Neill, and Volcom, with inseams ranging from 3″ to 7″. Some elastic-waist styles are available. Sizing is all over the place with the juniors’ surf brands, so order a couple of sizes to try. Zappos is a good source with easy returns.
Carve Designs has cute board shorts too, but the brand runs too curvy for me.
Nanny Time says
What does your nanny do during naptime?
We’re in the process (fingers crossed) of hiring our COVID sitter (daycare teacher) to be a full-time nanny for our two year old. She currently only comes from 9-naptime but we’d be hiring her full time starting probably in July. We have one kiddo and we’re both still working at home indefinitely.
Aside from tidying and maybe folding laundry/emptying dishwasher, do you have your nanny do anything else (agreed upon in advanced, of course)? I’m not opposed to giving her room for downtime, too, but just curious if I’m missing anything obvious. This would be my first nanny ever.
Also, full time in a normal world would be 7:30-5:30. Work doesn’t seem to get off the ground until 9 these days and things seem to wrap around 4/4:30. I still feel like if we hire her, we go all in on true ‘full time’ hours. We don’t truly need her all of these hours but it feels like the right thing to do if she’s otherwise committing to us. Am I being too generous or am I approaching this correctly? We love her and want to be as fair to her as possible, but also not over do it. TIA.
Anonymous says
I would hire her for the hours you want her to work.
Anonanonanon says
I would offer her the shorter hours (9-4:30 or maybe 9-5 because worst-case she can boil water and preheat the oven for dinner?) but let her know you’re open to negotiating more if it’s a deal-breaker.
We have things we have expressed would be “very helpful” for our nanny to do “if she has time” (empty the dishwasher once a day, maybe move some clothes from the washer to the dryer, sometimes she’ll see there are clean towels in the dryer and she’ll fold them and leave them on top of the dryer, very minor chores) and she’ll do those during nap time. She usually does something with our older child 1:1, but we’ve made it clear we do not have a problem with her taking that to have some downtime, so she also takes the opportunity to fix and eat her lunch, check her phone, sit down for a bit, etc.
SC says
When we had a nanny, Kiddo was still taking 2 naps. During the first nap, our nanny did light housework–unloading the dishwasher, loading the late night and morning dishes, and laundry, start to finish, not just folding. She also tidied up as she went (with Kiddo’s “help”). During the second nap, she was able to do her own stuff (studying, writing music). Kiddo slept a lot–like 3-4 hours a day–and I was happy with splitting the difference.
7:30-5:30 is a long day if you’re planning 5 days per week. Would she get real breaks (where her time is entirely her own)? Does she want to work 50 hours per week? Would you pay overtime? It seems like 8:30-4:30 would be fine if you pay her for the whole time.
Anon says
7:30-5:30 is 10 hours a day, so that could lead to paying a significant amount of overtime. That also just seems like a very long work day taking care of a child.
OP says
What are “normal” hours to have a nanny for big-law type folks? Not in law, FWIW, but many similarities.
Quail says
We have a nanny share that is 8 am -6pm (during non-COVID times) between two dual lawyer, including some big law, families for two infants. In our house, one parent does drop off and one pick up (when we are not hosting the share). We pay over the table, guarantee 50 hours, and pay a blended rate that is equivalent to at least minimum wage + overtime for the 10 hours. We continued to pay her during stay-at-home (she recently returned). This seems typical for our area. I know families with two biglaw jobs who employ multiple nannies, especially if both parents have significant travel obligations and they don’t have local family to rely on.
As for the original question, our nanny does light child related housework during naps (washes bottles, washes kids laundry) but otherwise we treat that as her break.
Anon says
I didn’t realize you could do a blended rate in lieu of overtime. My understanding was that the requirement is not that overtime is 1.5x minimum wage but 1.5x the employee’s wage, including for household employees. In my area nannies make well above minimum wage so it’s not enough to just pay 1.5x minimum. But I’m not an employment lawyer so maybe I’m missing some nuance or exception?
Quail says
“I didn’t realize you could do a blended rate in lieu of overtime. My understanding was that the requirement is not that overtime is 1.5x minimum wage but 1.5x the employee’s wage”
Right, although I don’t think it’s really in lieu of overtime. If everyone agrees that the employee’s 40 hour rate is X, then anything over 40 would be 1.5X. Our nanny’s actual wage is less than the $Y per hour we pay her. We just made sure to set up our blended rate of $Y to work out so that the nanny would not be compensated below minimum wage if you did all the math and disaggregated it. Our blended rate is well over what our city’s minimum wage overtime rate would be ($13 minimum, so $20 overtime). We do it this way for convenience, since she is always getting paid for 50 hours – we could, in theory, separate out her paycheck into the 40 hour workweek and overtime, ending up at the same dollar amount. If she stays late one night, we pay her the blended rate for those hours in addition. This seems to be pretty standard practice in our city according to the nanny service who placed our nanny (well, except for paying on the books, which few people do apparently) and our nanny was on the less expensive end of a two-baby nanny share hourly rate.
I think it probably varies greatly by market, and by what a standard work week is in that market (as considered by the nannies). Our nanny did not seem to blink an eye at this arrangement, and she’s worked for a few other families.
And I am not an employment lawyer either, so maybe I’m missing something.
Anonanonanon says
Not your exact question, but I’m also not in law but with similar hours, and other people I know who are similar hours with decent salaries but not biglaw salaries (like, both parents make low 6 figures in a HCOL area) use daycare AND a part-time nanny. The part-time nanny makes things possible that would otherwise not happen or be completely miserable, like sports practices for the older child, running small errands before picking up the kids if needed, making dinner for the kids and getting the dishwasher running, etc.
We’re finally doing that his fall, and the part-time nanny will cover 3:30-7:00 every afternoon/evening. The younger kid has daycare that technically goes until 6PM, but ideally she will do some light housework, get the school-aged kid settled, then pick up the little one around 5 to bring home. My husband can normally make it home around 6 and she would be there to be an extra set of hands (clean up dinner while he gives little one bath, help older one with homework while he puts little one to bed, etc.) until 7 PM. If my older one has sports practice, she will cover that and my husband (or, rarely, me) will pick up the little one to bring home and handle.
Quail says
This is our plan when our younger child goes to daycare.
Anon says
so we have a nanny for our 2 year old twins and have since i went back to work when they were 3 months old. they used to take many more naps, though there were also different things for the nanny to do when they were infants. currently when they nap she empties the dishwasher, does the kids’ laundry, changes the kids’ sheets (well obviously not while they are napping), cleans/swiffers the floor, tidies up their toys, tidies and wipes down the kitchen and the kids’ bathroom, cuts up fruit/veggies, makes pasta, and i hope she also eats lunch and takes a break! for my friends with one kid who still naps, many of them have the nanny do their laundry as well.
Anon says
Our nanny usually takes a little break/eats her lunch during nap and then does basic tidying/housekeeping. She’ll pick up and organize toys, empty the dishwasher (it’s usually 80% kid stuff in there), or wash and fold DD’s laundry. Since our housekeeper hasn’t been coming, she’ll sometimes offer to vacuum the common areas or wipe down counters/tables, though I don’t always take her up on that. She’s into child development and is college educated, so sometimes she’ll read parenting or child psychology books and give me the Cliffs notes, which I love.
OP says
Thanks, all. Input most appreciated.
This woman is a godsend and we really want to make it workout with her. I’ve heard horror stories about ‘fit’ or lack thereof with some nannies of friends, and we already know this fit is perfection. It would be the first stint as/with a nanny for both so while we have some frame of reference and already have sample contracts, etc, there are obviously some norms that we are still all working through. We have about two weeks to figure it out before we/she have to recommit to our daycare for post-lockdown life. I don’t think either of us are wanting to go back but we’re trying to figure out how to make it work mutually. What weird times these are……
Lana Del Raygun says
My employer did a survey about how we’re handling telework, and about a third of respondents say they need help balancing work and other responsibilities. Management’s recommendation in response is that we read a handout of “tips” like “make sure you change out of your pajamas.” THANKS A LOT, BOSS, THAT REALLY MAKES A DIFFERENCE.
Anonanonanon says
HAHAHAHAHA are you supposed to then stuff the pajamas and leave them on the couch so your children can cuddle them in lieu of a parent while you work?? How was that supposed to help?
IHeartBacon says
“ are you supposed to then stuff the pajamas and leave them on the couch so your children can cuddle them in lieu of a parent while you work??”
Best. Line. Ever.
anon says
Ugh, that is cringeworthy.
Anonanonanon says
HAHAHAHAHA are you supposed to then stuff the pajamas and leave them on the couch so your children can cuddle them in lieu of a parent while you work?? How was that supposed to help?