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It’s nice to see that Nordstrom has started carrying some BaubleBar pieces, including this popular statement necklace that they’ve had for forever. I have it in orange (I think it’s the only thing in my closet in orange!), and I like it — it’s a huge, huge statement necklace, but it’s so easy to throw on with a simple piece like a neutral t-shirt or fitted sweater. It’s $38 at Nordstrom, available currently in blush, turquoise, gray, and mint. BaubleBar ‘Bold’ Multistrand Beaded Statement Necklace
It’s also available at BaubleBar in black, cerulean, cracked white, navy, and tortoise shell.
(L-all)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Conundrum says
I posted this over on the main site last night but figured I should also post it on the Mom’s Site for opinions. I don’t know if everyone here reads the main site too. I got a few answers there but would love to get a few more answers from moms.
____
I recently had an opportunity to speak with some very influential people in my state bar about gender equality issues. This came up organically as part of a networking hour before an event. I was able to get one good point across – it’s great that we now have almost as many women as men in our bar but things aren’t exactly “right” until we see more women partners. I also should have added and more women in non “pink” practice groups.
The very influential person said something like “I don’t know how you women are able to do it.” I really wanted to respond with “the same way the men are able to do it” considering that many women do it by having a supportive husband at home or with hired help. I didn’t end up getting to make that point and in retrospect I’m not sure if it would have helped or hurt the cause. I feel like the cause is divided between “be family friendly” and women can do everything men can do without special accommodations and I don’t want to alienate either side.
I think the best answer is to have family friendly policies that both genders utilize.
I have such mixed feelings because I want to be mad at the “how you women do it” comment — do we ask that of the dad’s? But I also want to recognize that the struggle is real and many women are trying to figure out how to do it. When I ran this by my husband, he thinks we do say to dad’s “how do you do it all” but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen it.
If you had a chance to respond to that comment, knowing you were speaking to someone big (think governor or head justice) who was open to criticism on the issue but has been a very helpful ally that you don’t want to alienate, how would you have responded?
TK says
I’m with Sandberg on this one (and am pretty mad at the universe on her behalf) – women can do it all when we assume that men can and should be equal partners in raising children at home. Its all well and good to offer ‘flexible work schedules’ and ‘paid parenting leave,’ etc., but if only women ever take advantage of those perks it perpetuates an imbalance between men and women in the workplace and at home.
I suppose if I needed to have a quick response to a question like this, it would be something along the lines of, it only works when men take on their fair share of everything else outside or work.
If they wanted specifics, I’d say that offering gender-neutral paid parenting leave AND ACTIVELY ENCOURAGING MEN TO TAKE IT goes a long way towards establishing an equal distribution of parenting labor right from the beginning.
Also having men in leadership roles that take advantage of so-called ‘flexible’ work schedules to share parenting would help too. (btw, I’ve never seen this.)
Also avoiding any language or phrases that assume men are less capable or less suited for childcare – or are somehow heroic for participating – has to stop. Phrases like “Oh! Is dad babysitting today?”
NewMomAnon says
I’ve been pushing my firm to make paternity leave mandatory. Maternity leave isn’t “optional” because it’s actually meant for mom to recover from, you know, childbirth/C section. Men don’t have the same physical demands at that time, so I feel like firms need to make paternity leave mandatory to put both genders on equally disadvantaged ground.
Actually, I think there should be mandatory extended leave for every employee every few years for succession purposes, mental health purposes, and gender equality….
Anon says
I’m working with my state government on instituting ‘parenting leave’ and have had to explain many times that it’s an entirely different concept than the ‘sick leave’ that biological mothers are entitled to in order recover from the physical toll of giving birth. ‘Parenting leave’ shouldn’t be confused or conflated with ‘recovery from birth’ leave – parenting is gender neutral and, ideally, shared whenever possible.
Anonymous says
If you want some language to back this up there is a great case from the Supreme Court of Canada that deals with exactly this issue. The right to a year off work is found in provincial labour standards legislation. In terms of payment, that’s dealt with under the federal employment insurance program. The program offers a percentage of salary up to a maximum – certain private employers (large law firms and companies) will ‘top up’ the payment to the employee’s full salary but this is not mandatory for them to do. The employment insurance program pays 4 months of maternity benefits for birth mothers and then 8 months of parental leave benefits for one of the birth mother or birth father/second parent/adoptive parent. Adoptive parents can split up their 8 months however they want.
Basically the court case addresses that the 4 months additional for birth mothers is because of the physical recovery requirements in relation to child birth.
Anonymous says
To summarize, it is not necessarily discriminatory for governments to treat biological mothers differently from other parents, including adoptive parents. In order to cope with the physiological changes that occur during childbearing, biological mothers require a flexible period of leave that may be used during pregnancy, labour, birth and the postpartum period. Indeed, such leave provisions may be necessary in order to ensure the equality of women generally, who have historically suffered disadvantage in the workplace due to pregnancy‑related discrimination […]None of this is to deny the respondents’ submission that adoptive mothers also face profound challenges in adopting and caring for their children.
from http://www.canlii.org/en/ca/fca/doc/2007/2007fca265/2007fca265.html Federal Court of Appeal cases which also references earlier cases on this issue.
Anonymous4 says
As I read this I keep thinking of how women are so often the default parent. This adds a layer of responsibility to women that men are less likely to carry. We do it the same way men are able to because of supportive spouses and hired help, but we do have a greater handicap because of the default parent phenomenon. It may have felt clumsy, but I suspect this person really meant to pay a compliment. I don’t think there is a need for ire here.
I think this would have been a great time to talk about the cultural assumptions that women are the default parent. I would imagine it is pervasive in many industries, where it is assumed women will be taking off extra sick time to care for ill children, or need to maintain strict schedules in order to accommodate day-care pickups and the like – and this becomes a deciding factor in promotions and partnerships. I think that to have an opportunity to challenge cultural thinking is the best way to create corporate cultures that have more room for female leadership.
Anonymous says
After becoming a mom, I reached the conclusion that the “mom as default parent” phenomenon is at least in part biological. I grew the baby in my body and my body produced its food. I was also the one who had to be home on maternity leave because I had just pushed a human being out of my body. So naturally I was the one who had to get up at night to feed the baby, the one who took the baby to the early pediatrician appointments, the one who dealt with the lactation consultant, etc. I was also the one who wouldn’t be able to return to work without child care in place (again, because I was the food source and was the one who had to take maternity leave), so it fell to me to find day care. Once the mother has become established as the default parent in this way, the pattern just continues. Unless there has been a very deliberate decision for the father to become a SAHD, this is how it has played out in every family I know, no matter how educated and progressive the parents think they are. If you have a biological child, biology is always going to trump even the best of intentions.
Anonymous says
But the pattern doesn’t have to continue, or at least not to a significantly lopsided degree. My husband and I deliberately divide and conquer childcare responsibilities. He handles daycare drop-off; I handle pick-up. If we get a call that she’s sick, we jointly decide who is in the best position, work-wise, to drop everything and pick her up. We deliberately picked a daycare center (and made our selection together) near our home, not near each other’s offices, so that we could share all of these responsibilities equally. I pumped the milk when I got back to work, but he helped by washing bottles and pump parts. We use cloth diapers, which he exclusively launders (I handle all of her other laundry). I’m not trying to suggest we’re perfectly equal in our division of labor (e.g., I’m almost always the one scheduling doctor & dentist appointments; I’m the one who inevitably notices that she has outgrown her shoes and needs a new pair), and I agree that biology has some influence on the division. But mom doesn’t have to be default parent, at least not to a significant degree, forever and ever, especially when the days of nursing are behind you.
Spirograph says
I quasi-agree with this, and our (my) solution to this was to insist my husband take parental leave. He took about 2 months off with each of our kids after I went back to work, and it really broke the mom-as-default-parent habit. I’m better at the logistics of kids – and the logistics of everything else, too – than he is, but that is personality as much as anything. So yes, a deliberate decision, but I don’t think you need to go full-fledged permanent SAHD to adjust the mindset. My husband definitely has his faults, but sticking me with the majority of kid-related responsibilities is not among them. He is lucky to work for very supportive people.
This is basically the Scandanavian model, I think; I remember reading somewhere that in some countries, parents forfeit parental leave if each doesn’t take a certain amount. It’s a lot more than 2 months, but without government support we couldn’t responsibly go more than 5 months on a single income.
Sarabeth says
Well, count me in as one whose marriage has not followed this pattern, although we both still work. We HAVE made some very specific choices to avoid falling into this pattern, though. My husband took two months FMLA leave after I went back to work (unpaid, but totally worth it). He also works closer to our home and daycare, so he takes all of the sick-day calls and has many more solo mornings/evenings with the kid than I do (because if I have to stay till even 6:30 pm at work, I miss bedtime). I travel more for work as well. We split most other stuff on a strict 50/50 basis (wakeups, bedtimes, doctors’ appointments). In my experience, you do have to make an active decision to prioritize parenting equality, but biology certainly does not trump all. And FWIW, I nursed my daughter for 18 months.
TK says
I have mixed feelings about bre*stfeeding for precisely this reason. It was good for me and good for the baby, but it was hard for my husband to even know how to participate as a parent in those early months because the only thing baby needed could be provided only by me. And so long as I was nursing, the rest of my life was scheduled around feeding or pumping.
I don’t think there’s biological inevitability in anything beyond the growing / birthing / milk producing, but there is some … convenience? to having mom take on all other duties early on, since she’s within feeding distance of baby at all times anyway. Why not change the diaper, if you’re already awake at 3:30 and baby is wet? Why wake up both parents when mom is up anyway?
Once I went back to work the pattern had already been set and it took months of concerted effort to divorce my biological role as ‘sole food source’ from the (ideally shared) role of ‘working parent responsible for only 1/2 of all non-food producing childcare duties.’
PregLawyer says
I don’t agree with this comment. Sorry. My husband and I took time off at the same time – 3 months – and then put our baby in daycare. We are definitely equal parents. We did middle of the night wake-ups together from the beginning: I nursed, halfway through he changed diaper and brought baby back to me, and then I nursed the other side. I started pumping pretty early so he would have bottles of milk to feed our baby. That gave me 30 minutes of time to myself while I pumped, when he would either feed or watch the baby. He handled some nights entirely on his own when I needed to take anti-anxiety meds during the first few weeks of insane baby blues.
If we gave all parents 3 months off of paid leave (and free breast pumps), the mother would never be the default parent unless she chose to be.
Part-time Big Law says
I’m glad you posted this here — I read this on the main site this morning, but it seemed too late to respond.
Honestly, I don’t think it’s fair to say “the same way way men are able to do it” because that only happens in some circumstances and is a disservice to the women who have stayed in the workplace, but chose to lean-out instead.
I’m the default parent due to personalities and having the more flexible, but equally demanding job. So I’ve stepped back at work and have gone part-time. Some of the other women who are my peers have also gone part-time, others have SAHDs, others outsource a lot. Generally, the men who are my peers who have young kids either rarely see their kids and leave the parenting up to their wives, who either SAH or have less demanding careers, or leave for a more family-friendly environment. I have at least one male coworker who would like to go on a reduced schedule, but even though it’s technically possible, it’s not culturally possible, despite being in a fairly ‘modern’ firm.
Sure I could outsource more, although we’d need a nanny and a half to keep our pre-baby work schedules, but I didn’t want to. My spouse being a SAHD isn’t feasible now, although is a consideration in the future.
I do think the way to make this more equitable is to make it more culturally acceptable for dads to take advantage of ‘family-friendly’ policies and pick up more of the default parenting duties. But that’s a chicken and egg issue. What comes first — dads take, or are given) more flexibility to do primary parenting OR dads take on primary parenting and force company culture to allow them to use ‘family friendly’ policies. I know some countries require that the dad take some significant paternity leave in order for the mom to qualify for the full amount of paid maternity leave — maybe one of the Scandinavian countries? That seems to be the only way to force the matter, but I think that’s sooooo not going to happen in the US, even if there are laws on the books re: paid maternity leave.
PregLawyer says
I would have spun it around on him. I would have said something like this:
“It’s interesting that you phrase it that way. I agree with you that there is an assumption that women have a much harder job than men juggling work and family. But that assumption is a loaded one: it naturally assumes that the woman is going to shoulder more of the family load than her male partner. Really, the focus should be on working parents, regardless of their gender. And the more we emphasize the need for policies that encourage BOTH mothers and fathers to contribute time to housework and family, the more we enable women to offload the unequal burden they currently carry onto their male partners.”
Spirograph says
Very well said!
Pogo says
+1000
NewMomAnon says
When people say that to me, I always respond, “It’s hard. Every bit of help makes it easier.” If I sense an opportunity to discuss further, I add, “I would love to talk more about the things that have helped me the most.”
And I have a memorized list of things that help me:
1. Understanding by bosses and work providers that I do not respond to e-mails between 5:30 pm and 7:30 pm, and I am generally not available for any work purpose during that time unless I have significant advance notice. This is something that would help all parents of young children.
2. Flexible work start time. I arrive at work sometime between 8:30 and 10 am most days. That gives me flexibility to exercise, visit a doctor for a daycare “pink eye” false alarm so I can get the clearance letter to send kiddo to school for the day, sleep in a little if we had a rough night, and generally not be a frazzled mess when I get to work. Firm policy should be no meetings scheduled before 9 am.
3. Good, reliable remote access. I can work just as much as my childless peers (except for that 5:30 to 7:30 window) if I can work from home, the pediatrician’s office, or public transit.
4. Supervisors who don’t make aggressive promises of my time to clients without checking with me. If I have a project on my plate, I can’t do a 12 hour turnaround on a big project.
I bristle at the idea that women can “have it all” if they have a supportive spouse at home, because it makes it seem like the woman’s failure if her partner doesn’t or can’t live up to that (or, god forbid, passes away or becomes very ill). There are things employers can do to help caregivers, and we should hold employers accountable to provide those things.
Meg Murry says
I would add that another big part of this is that the modifications like NewMomAnon mentions are *employee-friendly* or *people-friendly* not just *family-friendly*. The ability to flex schedules and work from home also would benefit employees caring for an aging parent, dealing with their own serious illness, a home remodel, training for a marathon, etc – and the less stigma there is on making use of flexible time and flexible work schedules, the easier it is for all to use it, including parents.
I work at a relativity family friendly workplace now, and the reason I’m able to flex my time and work from home, etc is because the people at the top do it too – and right now, the people at the top are all men. It is well understood that anyone at my company could have to leave early because of a childcare related issue or other personal matter, and we have developed lots of policies around everyone being able to pick up and help where needed But I wouldn’t feel as comfortable doing so, even if it was technically allowed, if my boss and my boss’s boss also weren’t doing the same.
I work at a very small company now, but I am the highest ranking woman. 3/4 of our management team (including me) have worked at a Fortune 500 company that always makes the lists for being a family friendly workplace – but the company where I am now actually lives those family friendly policies, rather than just having the policies on the books but subtly penalizing employees for actually making use of them.
TK says
NewMomAnon, you are of course correct that employers can and should do things to make the reality of caregiving compatible with also earning a living, for all employees.
I certainly didn’t intend to imply that it was in any way the women’s “failure” or fault if an equal distribution of childrearing labor with a partner didn’t materialize for whatever reason. I had not considered that “equal partner” sentiments could be interpreted as yet another way that women could get it wrong / fail, and a I appreciate that perspective.
NewMomAnon says
No problem! It took me a couple years of therapy to realize why that idea hurt so much. I do think that younger me would have been well advised to consider the warning signs that the love of my young life was not cut out to be a supportive partner, but single women with kids shouldn’t be told to tone down their career aspirations for want of an ideal spouse.
Conundrum says
Thanks for the replies. I’m not a mother yet so your input is so valuable. If the opportunity ever comes up again, I will keep all of these in mind.
Diclegis says
Has anyone taken Diclegis for nausea during pregnancy? I would say I have pretty standard symptoms — not throwing up very often, but constantly feel nauseous to the point that it makes it hard to focus at work. My doctor gave me a sample of Diclegis and it has made a huge difference. It is listed as a Class A drug so appears to be as safe as any drug can be. But, I don’t know anyone who has taken it and my previous doctor never mentioned it during my first pregnancy. I guess I am wondering why, if it appears to be safe and pretty effective, more people aren’t taking it. I know there were some concerns about birth defects in the past, but the studies appear to show no such link.
anon in nyc says
Haven’t taken Diclegis, but the active ingredients are the same as the Unisom/B6 combo which I have taken and has helped a lot.
Pigpen's Mama says
If you do go the unisom/B6 route, make sure you get the right kind of Unisom with doxylamine, rather than diphenhydramine. The brand sells both.
Pigpen's Mama says
I didn’t take Diclegis, but I did take the equivalent OTC meds – doyxlamine, which is a sleep aid/antihistamine, and B6 per the advice of my OB. It worked wonders when I took it at night. It was the only thing that helped minimize the constant nausea.
It was recently re-approved by the FDA (2013), so that may have been why your doctor didn’t mention it. I was pregnant in 2014, and she didn’t, as I recall, mention Diclegis as an alternative to the do it yourself combo, so even if you were pregnant in 2013-15, it could be your doc hadn’t changed recommendations yet.
It has been approved in Canada for quite a while, and had been approved in the US in the past. The Canadian approval was what gave me comfort, even though I have no idea how strict Canada’s drug regulations are!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pyridoxine/doxylamine
Anonymous says
I too took the OTC combo and it did not help. If it had, I would have run with it – instead, I went on to Zofran.
lsw says
Apparently my comment is stuck in moderation. I got a scrip for this but my copay was $350 for 30 days. I tried Bs and unisom and it did nothing for me. So probably Diclegis would not have helped much either, except that the appeal was it was slow release.
Cdn lawyer says
It’s called Diclectin in Canada and it is very, very commonly prescribed. My doctor prescribed it for me to have the script if I needed it, which I didn’t. But I know many many moms who have taken it.
And I would think our drug approval laws are at least as strict as the USA. I have no firsthand knowledge about drug approval but for some reason car seat safety comes to mind- way harder to get approved in Canada (for example the uppababy car seat took several years before it was approved in Canada).
Anonymous says
Thanks everyone for your feedback! A few posters on the main site said most insurance plans don’t cover it and that it is very expensive ($450 a month), but it has made such a difference to me that it might be worth it!
In case you need a chuckle says
My two year old discovered a dirty diaper will get him taken out of church for a change. For the past few weeks, when he is over sitting still in church, he starts shouting “poop” at the top of his lungs. It works. Are all toddlers master manipulators?!?!
Pigpen's Mama says
Hah! I love it. That would certainly liven up our church services. I hope your fellow parishioners are equally amused.
Anon in NYC says
Hahaha. Hilarious. I wish I could use that in meetings.
TK says
My kid does a variation of this. When he’s trying to get away from somewhere, he says “I pooped.” Even if he hasn’t. Tried it at the doctor’s office, tried it at the grocery store.
Anonymous says
My kid does this too. I started asking, “did you poop?” to which she responds, “yeah.” and then I say, “are you joking?” and she usually smiles and says “yeah.” I’m not so comfortable asking if she’s lying, because she’s only 2, so I ask if it’s joking.
OP says
I’ll have to try the “are you joking” once his language skills get to that level. Right now he just answers “no” to almost every question.
Meg Murry says
My son did a variation of that at around 2-2.5 years old which was “I sleepy, I wanna nap” and then if we offered the car or something “NO, I wanna go home take nap”. In his case what that really meant was “I want to go home and poop in the privacy of my own room” – often by taking off his diaper and pooping on the floor. I took me a couple of months to catch on that when my kid asked to take a nap instead of fighting it, what he really meant was “let me poop in private”
I am amused at what they figured out though – at least saying “poop” is better than throwing a screaming fit in public, which is the way my kids used to try to get out of sitting still.
MomAnon4This says
This. The first time my son pooped in a toilet that was NOT at our house, he was trying to tell me that his stomach hurt, or something, and I made him go on the toilet, and he pooped! I was prouder that I’d figured it out than I was of him pooping in a public toilet.
Another Anon says
That’s hilarious! I’m just jealous you can get him to sit still at all. My 1 yo and 3 yo are usually using the pew as their personal jungle gym by the 5 minute mark. This is particularly awkward given that my husband is the priest ;-)
Spirograph says
lol! My son does this to try to get out of bedtime… he hasn’t thought to try it in public yet, luckily for me.
NewMomAnon says
I’ve decided to fully wean my kiddo in a couple weeks (I’m traveling next week, so I’m going to wait until the weekend after I get home). I’m trying to think of a little bedtime routine that will act as a substitute; a song we can sing together or a (simple, quiet) game or a special book. I would love any suggestions!
She is 2, and very verbal. Loves to sing, loves books, loves dancing.
Anonymous says
Time for Bed by Mem Fox followed by a specific song that you sing her every night as her special bedtime song. I like ‘rocking rolling riding’ but any lullaby works.
FVNC says
My 2.5 year old has recently started requesting a song before bed, after we read our stories. The only lullaby-type songs I know are Peter, Paul and Mary songs, so we’ve been singing a lot of Puff the Magic Dragon and Leaving on a Jet Plane. I also sing “good night sweet heart” from the movie Three Men and a Baby.
Anonymous says
I have to do (in this order) Five Little Monkeys, Five Little Ducks, ABCs, Wheels on the Bus. Because she’s only 2, she doesn’t notice that 5 Little Monkeys and Ducks actually starts at 3 and works backward, or that the bus only has wipers and a horn.
Anonymama says
It might be easier if you start the new routine before weaning, and then cut out the nursing. Like, pajamas, nurse, read book, turn off light, sing song, leave room. And then just skip the nursing when you’re done with it, and she will already have those other cues for going to sleep. Does she have a favorite good night book?
NewMomAnon says
We have a night time routine already; we read a book, she nurses while I sing her a song and list the things I am grateful for that day, and then into bed. I’m looking for something exciting to add that she can participate in, so weaning feels less like a “loss.” Maybe I’m overthinking it…but she loves nursing (a lot more than I do at this point).
Anon at 1217 says
There’s a hand action bedtime rhyme – it’s quiet/low key talks about going to bed. My 16 month old is currently obsessed with it. Good idea to add something in when you take nursing out. You could say the words and both do the actions. It starts “Here’s a little boy/girl and here’s her bed, and here’s the pillow where she lays her head” — google should give you the full version with the hand actions.
anon says
I was dreading weaning my son at the same age and was absolutely shocked when he totally didn’t care. Earlier in the day, or maybe a day before, I explained to him that when he was a baby, he needed mama milk to grow, and now his body didn’t need it any more. I added that we would still do songs and snuggles at bedtime. I think maybe he asked once, and i reminded him what the plan was, and he was like, oh, okay. So it may not be so bad. I really thought he was still into it! Even something as simple as telling her now she can have an extra story added to the mix might be enough. Good luck! BTW, I love your gratitude list tradition – what a great idea.
SC says
I’m feeling super burnt out. I’ve been sick for a month, and I’m sick of the non-stop household routine of dishes, laundry, cooking, etc. Totally normal inconveniences keep coming up, and I feel like each one knocks me off my game more than it should (foot injury, flat tire, jury duty, plumbing issues). Unfortunately, escape/vacation is not an option. Any tips for embracing the chaos/changing my outlook/having fun again? Right now I hate being an adult.
FVNC says
Can you take a weekend to just ignore all your normal chores/to-do list items?
A few weekends back, we had an unexpectedly social weekend. Hosted brunch Saturday with friends who have a toddler the same age as our daughter, then hosted our best friends (a childless couple) for dinner. Neither meal was fancy or required a lot of prep (i.e., chili for dinner with a salad). On Sunday, we met other friends for lunch. This was a really atypical weekend for us. Because of all the visiting, we had no time for laundry, grocery shopping, errands — we just had time for fun. I expected to feel stressed out on Sunday evening that nothing had gotten done, but instead I felt happy and energized. Sure, it meant that I had to run to the grocery store after work on Monday for essentials (milk) and kiddo wore some “interesting” outfits to daycare since we hadn’t done her laundry — but overall it wound up being just the kind of recharge I needed before getting back to the routine.
NewMomAnon says
When I’ve gone through periods like that, “micro vacations” have helped me feel better. I’m talking really small – go into work a few hours late so you can attend a yoga class or meet a friend for coffee or just sleep in. Leave work early on Friday so you can get your grocery shopping/other errands done before kids come home, and then plan for a lazy Saturday morning.
Alternatively, would your doctor prescribe some FMLA time off or work from home/part time for a while? Even a week fully off or a month on reduced time would be restorative, especially if you’ve been sick that long.
Anonymous says
Question for the mom hive: I’m due with my first in April and thinking of having a night nurse for the few weeks. I have a decent amount of experience with babies, just not my own babies, but DH has none. Waste of money or worth it? DH and I are 35 so we have the cash, although there’s lots of other things to spend the cash on! I plan to breast feed so plan to be up at night some anyway.
Anonymous says
A night nurse wouldn’t have been useful to me in the first few weeks because I had to get up to pump every 3 hours anyway. I would rather have had a housecleaning service at that point. I could have used a night nurse when the baby was maybe 6-8 weeks old and insisted on being fed every 15 minutes until 2:00 a.m. I eventually gave up trying to sleep and just sat up all night with her. YMMV.
Anonymous says
I didn’t get a night nurse at first, but did hire one at 6 months to help with sleep training. Best money I ever spent.
mascot says
I’d probably spend more money getting help keeping up with cleaning, meal prep and laundry. My mom stayed a couple of nights when the baby was born and DH was out of town. It was nice to have someone else deal with getting baby changed and settled back to sleep after I fed him. But, she also helped with the housework so I could “sleep when the baby sleeps”. It’s probably going to depend on how well your recovery is going, how nursing is going, baby’s personality, etc.
Also, dads learn pretty quickly how to burp, change diapers, soothe baby, etc. so don’t worry about lack of prior experience.
Pigpen's Mama says
+1
I think having someone come in to help with cleaning and food prep during the day would be a better use of resources. This is particularly true if you don’t have helpful family coming for at least a week or two and/or your partner won’t be taking leave for the first few weeks. In my limited experience, having assistance during the day for the first month was a great relief.
We had a pretty easy newborn, though, and my husband was comfortable around little babies, so nights weren’t too bad. But once my husband went back to work, I found the daytime help that I had when my mom was visiting invaluable. She helped with laundry, kept me company, cuddled baby, and the most awesome thing — made us dinner every night.
Anon says
Get a postpartum doula instead of a night nurse – they help with laundry, breastfeeding advice, meal prep, baby care and help DH learn baby care like changing diapers and dressing baby. Some postpartum doulas are also certified lactation consultants and some do night duty as well. Your local doula association should have a listing for those that do postpartum work. DONA is the international certification association so look for someone certified.
anon says
I got a night nurse and was happy. It helped me enjoy the first two weeks with my baby more. Even if you are still getting up to nurse as I was, you aren’t half-sleeping listening for baby and you aren’t spending thirty or forty five extra minutes burping baby and getting baby back down to sleep (or whatever it might be). You get marginally more sleep and marginal sleep is like gold.
Also she was just a nice calming presence for two new parents. I’m pretty sure my husband would have just stayed up all night watching our baby the first few nights if she wasn’t there!
MDMom says
I have heard good things (including here, I believe) about postpartum doulas. I dont have any firsthand experience with one, just thought it might fit what you’re looking for.
EE says
I nannied for an infant in my late teens for a summer and have a good amount of other infant care experience (though now I’m in my early 30s and work in finance). Due with my first soon and I’m getting a 24hr baby nurse for 2-4 weeks (fully committed for at least 2). Sounds like a similar situation financially – can afford it, but definitely a lot of money that I can think of much more fun ways to spend – but we’re going for it anyway.
I’ve heard they’re very helpful in establishing routines, getting both parents into the swing of things, and generally making the transition easier.
Anon says
I know one woman who got a night nurse. Her first baby was very, very difficult — didn’t sleep through the night for a year, was treated for anxiety in early childhood, etc. So she got a night nurse for her second. Her second started sleeping through the night early (both kiddos formula fed) and was an adventurous delightful little kid. Was it the night nurse setting up routine and reducing anxiety? Was is just the fact that they are two TOTALLY different kids? Was #2 going to be an angel anyway and they just wasted a TON of money? Who knows — but mom was happier, that’s for sure.
Anons says
Yes, I think it really depends on the baby.
Calling Newbie in LA! says
Hey, SoCalAtty here! I just saw your comment you are going Pasadena to Woodland Hills.
That’s actually not a bad commute AT ALL – you’re right, you’re on the 134 with carpool lanes, and before 7 the traffic isn’t bad. Leaving at 4 won’t be GREAT but it won’t be like leaving at 5. I used to do Burbank – Woodland Hills and it wasn’t bad at all. I used to start at 7 because we had east coast clients and that was an easy drive in.