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Right now, I’m not ready for heels. Good thing my two favorite flats got together and had a shoe baby.
This aptly named Ballet Loafer from Tory Burch is perfect for those heading back into the office. It’s made from soft leather and features an elasticized collar and subtle logo on the vamp. This flexible, low-stacked heel is ideal for commuters — no need to change out of this shoe when you get to the office.
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Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Any suggestions for good activities for preschoolers in NYC? We’re taking my 4 year old to visit my in-laws in a couple weeks. Because of the pandemic we haven’t been since 2019 when she was a baby. We normally visit annually, so we want to focus on things she may age out of soon, e.g., I know the natural history museum is great, but she’ll love that as an older kid too, so we’re not in a hurry to go now.
Re: Covid precautions, we’re still abstaining from indoor dining. We’re ok with outdoor dining and with indoor activities where we can be masked, even if others aren’t.
Anon says
Where are you staying?
Central Park Zoo
Belvedere Castle in Central Park
Also many playgrounds in Central Park
AMNH (as you point out – I know you might go annually but it’s huge so you’d never see all of it in one day anyway, plus they have special exhibits (currently, sharks!))
Brooklyn Botanic Garden will be abloom in a few weeks, they have a great kid “sensory” garden area where kids can touch and smell the plants
Brooklyn Bridge Park has an area with giant slides and swings that are good for a 4 year old, plus other cool playgrounds, an outdoor pizza restaurant, and an ice cream stand (note, BBP and the botanic garden are not anywhere near each other)
I haven’t been but there is some kind of “color factory” kids museum/exhibit thing that a lot of people I know have taken preschool age kids to
My kids loved the top of the empire state building at that age.
Most restaurants in NYC are still doing outdoor seating
Anon says
We’re staying in Midtown East, around 52nd & 3rd.
Anonymous says
At that age my daughter loved the Transit Museum.
Anonymous says
+1 to the Transit museum and Anon’s ideas above. The part of Brooklyn Bridge park you want is Pier 6 (Although it has a lot of great areas, the best playgrounds are at Pier 6, at the base of Atlantic Ave. This is reasonably close to the Transit Museum.) Also, just riding the subway and busses can be very fun for preschoolers.
I don’t know that the Brooklyn Children’s Museum is worth the schlep if you are staying in Manhattan, and have not been to the Manhattan one.
In lower Manhattan, you can make a nice, cheap day of the SI Ferry, Seaglass carousel, and some of the playgrounds in Battery Park City – Rockefeller Park I think is the big one.
One caution is that a lot of museums are now doing timed entry tickets you buy in advance – check websites. AMNH in particular often has long lines to get in. (I think this was true pre-pandemic too but it seems worse. If they are no longer checking vax cards it may have eased).
Outdoor dining is ubiquitous and will be even more popular as it warms up. You should have no trouble eating outside all over town.
Mommypoppins has good recommendations.
buffybot says
Where are you staying in NYC? There’s so much to do with a preschooler, but I don’t know that the options necessarily merit a cross-borough trip when you can find something hyper-local. (Then again, my own 4 year old constantly asks to go to Staten Island since he has fond memories of a playground we went to there).
– We’re all about the playgrounds, although that is quite weather dependent. There are a collection of great playgrounds down in Tribeca/Battery Park City (Washington Market Park, Teardrop Park, Rockefeller Park, Pier 25), as well as child-friendly restaurants. We went to the Van Gogh immersive experience on a cold day and it was wildly overpriced but the 4 year old enjoyed it without necessarily getting much out of it. Other favorite playgrounds include Brooklyn Bridge Park (especially down by Pier 6), Domino Park (do not go on a weekend; the playground will give you a panic attack), Hippo Playground on the UWS, Chelsea Waterside Park (if you want to also do a walk down the High Highline, and Heckscher Playground in Central Park. There are also fun neighborhood playgrounds nearly everywhere within walking distance.
– Prospect Park Zoo is much more manageable than Bronx Zoo (which is too spaced out I think for a preschooler, although the children’s zoo is great). If it were summer, I’d say you can’t miss the splashpad at the LeFrak Center.
– We just did the Natural History Museum and the kid loved it, so if weather is questionable it’s a great indoor activity. There are also children’s museums in all of the boroughs that are worth a visit.
– If you need to be indoors because of weather, while not especially New Yorky, the large malls at Brookfield Place or Hudson Yards often have stores in them that are kid friendly. I hear the Camp stores in Flat Iron and Hudson Yards are great for kids.
NYCer says
Lots of good ideas from others. If you are staying in Sutton Place, I personally would not make the trek to Brooklyn, but YMMV. I am lazy. :)
AMNH – the sharks special exhibit and the gems hall are both great
Children’s Museum of Manhattan (UWS)
Lego store and FAO Schwartz in Rockefeller Center
Central Park Zoo – there is also a very fun playground right next to the zoo
Camp store at Columbus Circle – the art studio at this location is particularly fun
The top of one of the tall buildings – Empire State, Top of the Rock, the Edge (new at Hudson Yards), One World Trade Center
Tea at the Plaza Hotel
The Sloomoo Institute (slime museum)
Color Factory
Children’s Museum of the Arts
American Girl doll store
Anonymommy says
Looking for feedback on planning a summer trip to Europe with DH for a friend’s wedding, leaving LO (a toddler) at home with grandparents. DH really wants to go, this is something we’ve been planning on for awhile, and it would be good for our marriage. Also because it’s for a wedding we can’t put this specific trip off. But I’m really nervous for covid reasons, like getting stuck if we test positive, and also because we’d be so far away and for so long. I need to decide soon and don’t know what to do.
Anon says
YMMV but I would not travel internationally without my kid right now, especially not to a country where Covid case numbers are high (as they are in most of Europe now). The risk of getting stuck is too high, and I don’t think it’s fair to place the grandparents in the situation of having to cover an additional 1-2 weeks. And it could be really hard on your child too, although how hard is probably age- and personality-dependent. I would either go to Europe as a family or go somewhere domestically without the kid. Or both!
No travel no thanks says
We’re actually not travelling internationally (either of us alone – for work trips) until all of the international test & travel restrictions are lifted. Neither of us wants to chance getting stuck in a foreign country for a quarantine period while the other parent is saddled with pulling solo duty for that additional time period. Not worth it when Zoom exists.
anon says
The current Europe covid wave should be over by summer. Maybe there will be a new wave by then, but the current wave is irrelevant to summer plans for European travel.
Anon says
Agreed, but it’s basically impossible to predict the Covid situation 4-5 months out. I would not be comfortable booking now for summer, is what I was trying to say. I would only contemplate this kind of trip if I knew Covid case numbers at the destination were low, and right now that’s impossible to know for summer.
Anon says
+1. This is me. At least if it is domestic, I can always rent a car and drive home. However, we are not flying with kiddo until she can be vaccinated (she’s 4.5). Taking my first work trip (domestic) in three years next week and I’m already nervous about it.
Anon says
Yeah people make a big distinction about international vs domestic, but to me the real distinction is mainland US vs. not. You can’t rent a car and drive home from Hawaii, the Virgin Islands or PR, so you can get stuck there too even without a testing requirement. You’d test if you were sick, right? If that’s the case (and I would hope it is) then it’s totally possible to get stuck in a domestic island destination too.
Anon says
Given Canada and the EU/UK repealed their “test to enter” requirement, I’d expect the US to follow suit sooner rather than later. YMMV, but I’d book it and see what happens. It’s pretty easy to cancel stuff at the moment.
Anon says
I’m not convinced the testing requirement is really the thing that causes logistical complications (I also don’t think the US is lifting it any time soon especially as cases are low here and are surging in many foreign countries, but none of us have a crystal ball). You’d get a test if you were sick, right? So the possibility of getting stuck abroad still very much exists. Testing requirements only make a difference in two scenarios: 1) false positives, in which case you can get another test and if it’s negative, fly home or 2) asymptomatic cases, and I know basically no one who had Covid and was completely asymptomatic. I think it’s pretty rare.
Anonymous says
People absolutely will fly sick with Covid if testing isn’t required.
Anon says
Sure, there are people who would fly sick, but I think most of the people reading here would test themselves if sick and quarantine if the test was positive. This community is basically 100% vaccinated or very close to it, so it’s certainly not representative of the US as a whole.
Anon says
I totally get the desire to go but the nerves are for a valid reason. I had friends who just went to Costa Rica and either got stuck because they were positive and/or tested positive soon upon return.
It’s a tricky spot to be in since it could be totally fine…or not. If you do decide to go would definitely plan like it’s possible you could get stuck so if it did happen it wasn’t the end of the world. Definitely trickier with a toddler in the mix as well.
Anonymous says
+1. You are having doubts for a reason. Listen to your gut.
If you didn’t have a child at home and you had plenty of money and work flexibility to cover getting stuck abroad for 2 weeks or more, the risk calculus would be different. With the grandparents watching a small child at home, you have other people’s needs to consider.
Another consideration is the additional pressure you will face to travel no matter what if you’ve RSVP’d yes to a wedding. It’s hard enough to make the call to cancel an ordinary vacation. The idea that you’ll let your friends down by missing the wedding will make that decision even more difficult.
Spirograph says
Unless the wedding is in Ukraine, this would be a no-brainer to go, for me. FWIW, DH and I went on a week-long adult trip when our oldest was a toddler. Kiddo had a great time with grandma for the week, and if we had gotten stuck and hadn’t come back for an extra week or two, he also would have been fine. We had a wonderful time without him, and everyone was happy to see each other when we returned. Distance really doesn’t matter unless something goes drastically wrong, which is a.) extremely unlikely and b.) nothing the grandparents can’t handle until you make it home. There are multiple flights from Europe every day, so unless you’re both covid positive or there’s some kind of air traffic shut-down (again, extremely unlikely), *someone* will be able to get back within a day or two.
That said, in the spirit of trust in G*d but lock your car, you need to make sure your estate planning docs are in order before you and DH both get on the same plane, and take covid precautions appropriate to your risk tolerance. Bon voyage!
anon says
Estate planning before getting on the same plane- is this really something people do?! Do you do that every time both parents are in a car together too? Because your risk of dying in a car crash is much higher than your risk of dying in a plane crash.
Anon says
People are bad at evaluating risk. See, e.g., the last two years.
My mom’s parents would never fly together without the kids. When they went away without the kids, they took separate plans. They drove together in cars without the kids all the time. It was silly, but it’s how people think.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I am super risk-averse but would say estate planning is more essential before you get in a car than on a plane.
Spirograph says
I mean, if you have kids, you should have an estate plan, yes. Unless you’re indifferent to who raises your children in the sad and unlikely event that both parents die….
anonM says
I don’t get the snark on this one. If a big trip without kids is motivating to get your estate in order (which typically includes deciding who gets to make medical decisions for you in emergencies, etc), that’s a good thing. I think it is wise to do, and if I was the babysitter while parents were abroad, I’d feel better knowing it will be easier for me to get the kid medical attention if necessary, etc.
Spirograph says
I also am confused by the snark. I wasn’t intending to imply that the slim chance of dying in a plane crash is the sole reason to do an estate plan or that plane travel is any riskier than things you do every day. It’s like a New Years Resolution, to me. You can make a commitment to XYZ self-improvement any day of the year, but there’s symbolism around certain events that gives people a nudge to do something they should have done/been doing all along. In a perfect world, you did estate planning when your child was born. But if you didn’t, maybe the trip is a reminder to get moving on that. sheesh
AnonM says
Spirograph, I meant that the anon had snark, not you. Thread fail.
Anona says
Agreed completely on the snark being oddly placed. Whenever DH and I travel together without our kids, I always use it as an opportunity to review our estate documents and make sure our financial house is in order. It’s not just the plane – presumably you are doing things together throughout the week, so your chances go up, marginally, that if something happens, it happens to both of you at once.
And, to give a sense of my risk tolerance, I would definitely take this trip. My marriage needs trips like this, and so we make every effort to do them. Like the poster above, just plan contingencies if you are gone longer than expected.
Spirograph says
thanks, anonM, that’s how I took it, I was just agreeing with you that the snark didn’t make sense to me, either. Of all the things I’ve ever said, “you, parent of minor children, should have an estate plan” is probably the least controversial! :)
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 this is where I land. Pre-COVID, DH and I took two international trips without DS #1 (DS #2 had not been born yet). One was for 5 days, the other for 10 days. So glad we did both, and even then we got trip insurance and planned for any contingencies.
Anon says
But Covid matters. I would have had no hesitation about doing this trip pre-Covid. I would not do it now.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Gently – that is your risk assessment, which I respect. Mine is different. OP will figure theirs out as well.
Anonymous says
OP has serious reservations, so 9:37 is validating those. Their risk tolerance is not the same as yours.
Anon says
Sure, we’re all just sharing our opinions. But your point was that you’d done trips like this pre-Covid and it was fine, and I’m just saying that doesn’t have any relevance to the discussion. The OP’s entire question was about the risk of getting stuck there because of Covid. I don’t think anyone on this thread is saying they wouldn’t go to Europe sans kids if Covid weren’t a factor.
Anonymous says
I don’t think either both being covid-positive or there being an air traffic shutdown/no available seats on flights is actually that unlikely. Thousands of times more likely than a plane crash.
Cb says
I had a colleague who got stuck when the volcanic ash shutdown air travel, she ended up having to take a cargo ship back home. And another one who got stuck in Greenland on 9/11.
Spirograph says
a cargo ship!! Now that’s an experience. Two major air traffic shut downs in 20+ years doesn’t give me serious pause about a transatlantic trip, esp since volcanic eruptions rarely come without any warning.
I think the big wildcard here is whether the grandparents are OK with the possibility of spending an extra week or two if it comes down to it. I wouldn’t mind leaving my kids longer with their grandparents, who would almost certainly be willing to step up if needed, but if they had some kind of hard stop (surgery, their own vacation, etc etc) where we absolutely needed to be home by our planned date to relieve them, that’s a different conversation.
Anon says
Yeah, it definitely depends on how you think the caregivers would handle the situation. My parents are very loving and involved grandparents but they’re Type A and would likely freak out even if they didn’t have something as important as surgery. If 1 week of childcare unexpectedly turned into 3 weeks, I can see them saying they’re never doing this again, which would be a big loss for us. So that definitely affects my risk assessment.
Cb says
Huh….I travel every week so there is the assumption I’ll get stuck at some point b/c of Covid but we haven’t worried about it loads. But travelling together…my parents are youngish and super able, and if we were travelling elsewhere, I’d leave my son at our house with them, versus theirs, so they’d have the support system of preschool/childcare.
Anonymous says
I probably wouldn’t go. However, recognizing that the marriage needs a trip, I’d plan a domestic trip with DH this summer as a compromise. And let him pick the location to help get over the disappointment.
And FWIW, I’m pro estate plan ;)
Anonymous says
We went as a couple to Mexico for a wedding the first week in December, a week after Omicron was detected. Out of 75 people not a single one tested positive. It was awesome! And great for our marriage. But I think Omicron has changed how much more likely you are to test positive. If US dropped testing requirements I’d go. It also depends where in Europe, because…Ukraine.
anotheranon says
Same situation and we’re going forward with planning
Anon says
I think your nerves make sense. Have you asked DH what the plan would be if you got stuck abroad for an extra 1-2 weeks due to COVID? Is that something both of you think the grandparents and your kid could handle and have you confirmed that with the grandparents? Can you afford 1-2 weeks extra of hotel and ordering in food? I don’t think at this point you have any clue how bad Covid will be at the time of this wedding, so the plan only works if you are comfortable assuming that you get Covid and get stuck. If you can’t make that work, plan a different vacation with DH for this summer somewhere within a driveable distance from home.
LadyNFS says
Any Montessori Mamas out there? Kiddo is 4, turning 5 this summer, and would be starting K this fall. We are debating sending her to a Montessori school, where she’d be in a class with 24 kids, aged 3-6 years. Has anyone done this with their kids for K (or beyond? this school goes up to 8th grade). I’d love to hear people’s Montessori experiences, good, bad, indifferent, and thoughts about this kind of program for K. The alternative would be an independent/private school where she’d be in a K class with 14 kids all her age (i.e., 5-6). For comparison in outdoor time (which I understand is big in Montessori, and important to us as she’s been in an entirely outdoor based preschool for the past 2 years), she’d have 2 recesses a day and every Thursday class is taught entirely outside in fall and spring. This is a bit of a ramble, but what I’m really looking for is Montessori insight and if anyone has any experience sending their kid to Montessori for K and beyond. Thank you!!
Anon says
I don’t have Montessori experience, but class size has had a bigger impact on my 4 year old’s school experience than I would have anticipated. A K class with only 14 kids is amazing, and I would be pulled very strongly towards that personally (for comparison, our public schools have 25, which is apparently pretty good for public school).
Anonymous says
24 is a really large class if there are 3-year-olds.
Anon says
Is that even allowed by licensing regulations? in my state, the ratio that applies is the one for the youngest age and for 3 year olds it’s 20:1.
Anonymous says
It seems big but how many teachers are there? It is the adult to kid ratio that I think is most important.
That said, it is hard for me to imagine sharing kindergarten with 3 year olds (3-6 is a huge age range in terms of skills and needs) and it doesn’t seem like there is any downside at all to the smaller program.
Anonymous says
For my kid the absolute size of the class is important. 24 is just too large, loud, and chaotic.
Anon says
We’ve had the same experience. My daughter is in a preschool (3-5 year old) class of 20 and it has been rough, even with lots of teachers and aides. The issue for my kid isn’t adult interaction, it’s how noisy and chaotic the room is.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Caveat: I’m no education expert, and was in private montessori myself until I started 1st grade in public and it was great for my development (per my Mom). I do remember learning to read early and loving school.
All the educator friends I’ve spoken with have really emphasized class size as something very important – like, under 20 students being ideal for PreK/K.
Test says
There’ve been several threads on this recently. I have K-3 kids in Montessori. Each school is different and you need to meet with the teachers and staff and get a feel for specifically how that school works.
The good: Personality-dependent on how enthusiastic they are, but my kids like it. The academics are very good. They teach cursive. The sense of community is very strong.
The bad: It’s a small pond. The mixed age classes give your kids a very small number of age peers, so if they don’t click with them, or if there’s drama, there’s no getting away from it. The philosophy is not for everyone. A couple friends mentioned their kids really don’t like the “works,” but it seems hard to generalize that a certain type of kid / personality does well or poorly in that environment. you’ll hear people argue both sides of whether it works for boys, girls, ADHD, high energy levels, and on and on
anon says
My kids are in Primary Montessori classrooms (ages 3-6, preK3 to K) with 21-24 kids, a teacher, and an aide and I have no issues with the size of the classroom. It’s a preK to 8th school and the parents of kids in the upper grades rave about their experiences. For one of my kids it’s working out really well–she is way ahead in reading and Montessori structure allows her to work ahead of the rest of her peers. For the other of my kid the independence isn’t great, since it means she avoids things she thinks will be too challenging.
EB0220 says
My younger child went to Montessori and it was great. I would definitely check the student – teacher ratio in the Montessori class. Typically the class sizes are bigger but they have enough teachers that it works out fine. My kiddo really benefited from the 1:1 learning approach of Montessori. Because Montessori follows the child, they moved her along very quickly through the works. She loved the outside time. They had a garden and would eat the veggies/fruits from the garden at snack time. Practical life is awesome and she has always been super independent. Now at 7 the kid is always making tea and snacks for me. I think some kids do need more structure but if your child is pretty self-motivated Montessori can be a great environment. Also FWIW I saw many comments about chaos in a class of 24. My kid’s class was ALWAYS calm. Compared to my older daughter’s smaller traditional daycare class, it was night and day.
LadyNFS says
Thanks for the insight, ladies! I looked for and found an older thread about this as well. Thanks!
Anonymous says
My oldest is in Montessori, and he starts kindergarten there this fall. I’m hoping he and my 13 m/o twins will all go together. There are about 25 kids on a given day, though the toddlers are separate. There are usually 8-12 toddlers and the rest are primary. It’s very personality dependent, as others have said. Ours is fairly unstructured and light on the Montessori- she’s dedicated but not overly didactic. I like that the teacher works with me on behavior strategies because I was a first time mom with no family close and no mentor. If I were choosing between private school and Montessori I lean Montessori, it I also don’t have girls. Good luck! I’m sure whatever you decide will be great.
Anon says
I loved Montessori for the practical life and independence when my kid was 2-3.5 but felt after that she needed a space that embraced more creativity and playfulness-I’m sure it differs school to school but Montessori can be kind of serious, for lack of a better word.
I would also really probe how many kids will be in the same age group. I know a lot of people who switched out of private Montessori are to public kindergarten so there were very few in the 5-6 age range finishing the cycle. Unless you have really, really skilled teachers to differentiate the classroom management and culture may skew too young.
And Even with 3-4 teachers and a big space, 24 kids is a lot and a huge amount of the day would be spent on transitions (imagine getting that many kids to wash hands before a meal or dressed in winter to go for a walk or play outside). So really favors the other option.
Travelling without children says
As a long-time reader of this board, I’m struck by two things re: travelling without children.
1) I feel like this needs to be part of the larger discussion of whether to have children and how to raise them. My husband and I are fortunately on the same page about whether or not to take adults-only trips and leave the kids at home, but that was sheer dumb luck because we never actually thought to discuss it. I could see this being a big issue if two parents are not on the same page.
2) I wonder if age when you started having children factors into desire to take, or comfort in taking, adults only trips.
For context, we were both 40 when we had our first child and have zero desire to take adults-only trips. But we also don’t really drink alcohol or stay out late, so there’s little we can’t do when the kids are around anyway!
Cb says
I’m not sure I’d want a long trip sans kiddo, but I travel a lot for work anyways, so I want all the kid time I can get. We’ve only done a night or two away, but I think that’s mostly Covid related. 3 or 4 nights with the grandparents while we do a hiking or cycling trip, yes, please.
Anon says
I’m with you. Sometimes I feel very alone that I genuinely enjoy travel more with my kid there and have no desire to go away without her, so it’s nice to hear from others in the same boat!
We had our first and only child at 32. Neither my husband nor I had a whole lot of desire to take adults only trips, but we did once because we felt like we were “supposed to.” It was miserable. Not because we hated being apart from her (we both travel separately for work and it’s fine) or because we feared she missed us (she was fine, and having a lot of fun with her grandparents). But we just didn’t enjoy traveling without her – this is cheesy, but it felt like we were missing a limb walking around a new place without her. She sleeps over at her grandparents’ house most weekends (and we enjoy that VERY MUCH), so I’m not worried about her becoming too attached to us or lacking independence. But travel for us is a family thing. We are fortunate that we have time and money to travel a lot and I hope my kid will eventually appreciate all the travel experiences we give her.
Anon says
And to the point about what you can’t do without kids, there are really two things I like to do on vacation that aren’t compatible with young kids: hiking and fine dining (I do occasionally like to drink, but have no problem drinking in moderation in front of my kid). So far, we’ve just planned trips that don’t revolve around these activities. It’s not hard to find destinations where hiking isn’t the main activity and where there are lots of good restaurants that don’t have Michelin stars. Our kid will be a teenager who can probably hike as well as we can in less than a decade and will be out of the house when we’re 50, so this limitation on our vacation activities is only temporary.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Husband and I didn’t talk about it either pre-kids, and we both grew up with our parents not ever travelling without us (for varied reasons – no one to leave us with, money, multiple kids at home in his case) but we’ve done several couples only trips. I don’t know if age matters but I think a bigger factor is having someone you trust to leave the kids with who, in most cases, is also family. We trust my parents to watch the kids and keep them safe while they’re away. And we also like that they have the bonding time with the kids. It’s also important for us to get a break from parenting every now and then, and just be our “carefree” coupled selves.
AwayEmily says
Agreed. We would in theory love to travel on our own but both our parents are divorced and on the older side and we don’t feel comfortable leaving two small kids with either just my mom or my MIL — in fact, when we spent 3 days in the hospital having kid #3 we got the two of them to tag-team to watch the 4yo and 5yo. They both said afterwards they couldn’t have done it on their own. Obviously if traveling was a super high priority we could make it work by hiring someone, but it’s definitely not easy (especially now that there is a third kid in the mix). Oh well.
NYCer says
+1. I agree that having someone to leave the kids with is probably the biggest factor. My kids LOVE hanging out with my parents, and my mom is a very capable caretaker. Most of our friends who never travel without kids don’t have a great option for babysitting.
avocado says
I think a lot of it comes down to how much money and time you have available to spend on travel. Our budget and vacation time are limited. We couldn’t afford to take any real vacations until our daughter was halfway through elementary school, and now we can manage at most one per year. It never really even occurred to us to waste a precious vacation on an adults-only trip. There is so much of the world we want to show our daughter, and it is so much more fun to experience it through her eyes. We’ll have plenty of time for adults-only travel when she is grown.
Our daughter does travel without us a fair amount, though, to camps and to visit relatives. We actually spend more on her camps/travel than we do on family travel because that is our priority right now.
Anon says
I’ll bite as someone who takes adult only trips and my husband does too. Kids are 5 and 3. I’ll be going away for a week soon to visit a friend in a beautiful seaside location. My husband will stay home to take care of the kids. I’m looking forward to not being responsible for anyone. Taking long walks solo. Chatting endlessly with my friend. Sleeping in if I want or not. Going to the spa. I’m also pregnant so there won’t be drinking or late nights. My husband does solo trips (or with a friend) to do rugged outdoors things (think hunting, long canoe trips). And my husband and I try to spend a weekend solo for our anniversary too. We also live far from grandparents, so there is no nights without the kids otherwise.
Cb says
My husband is taking a trip this summer to someplace I don’t want to go – it’s supposed to be spectacularly beautiful but would be miserable for my carsick/seasick self. Kiddo and I are going to fly to Portugal and hang out with the grandparents, so it feels like a fair trade.
Anon says
So I’m the Anon at 10:01 and I have done solo trips by myself and with girlfriends. For me that feels very different than a couples trip where kiddo is left behind. Maybe because we are a family of only three people and leaving only one person out of something feels different than one person going off and having their own adventure while the rest stay behind. I also agree that how much access you have to childfree overnighta t home is relevant. If we didn’t have local grandparents who regularly took kiddo for sleepovers, I think I would likely have more interest in couples vacations.
Anonymous says
I agree. To me, a solo trip is very different from leaving kiddo behind. I am all for solo travel; everyone needs a break from their partner, and our solo travel is usually done cheaply over a weekend so it doesn’t take away from family travel.
anon says
Yeah, we have never traveled without our kids (5yo twins), but have plans to do so in the future. For us, it’s not about drinking or staying out really late, but things like being able to go out to a restaurant for dinner rather than being home to put the kids to bed at 6:30, being able to do a 6-mile hike instead of a 3-mile one, etc.
That being said, I also love traveling with my kids and watching them explore and get new experiences, so I think there’s time for both.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
How funny. I’m always struck by how most posters are NOT as willing to do things/vacations sans kids. DH and I were always on the same page that we wanted to keep international travel as something that was part of our lives – whether that meant one of us went solo (we both did our fair share of solo international travel pre-kids), OR left kids with grandparents (assuming they were willing and able) and went together. We prefer backpacking and off-the-beaten path type trips, so this may have something to do with it. I think once our oldest is 5-6 we’d be more likely to bring him along because he’d enjoy the trips (and they’d be less “rough”). Of course COVID has changed all of these calculations for now.
We didn’t have a ton of family vacations growing up. My parents are from an Asian country, and I actually travelled “alone” (with air hostess support) as a pre-teen to spend a summer there. When we went to said country as a family (not often – my Dad would often go alone, and then me and my Mom went once, and then my sibling and I, etc.), I was often left with grandparents/extended family at times with 0 issue. I think this has colored my attitude about things.
Anon says
I think a lot of people here don’t do it because they don’t have ready and willing caregivers, but that’s different than not wanting to do it. And I would argue that not wanting to do it is not synonymous with being unwilling to do it. To me, “unwilling” implies you want to go but you’re scared your kids won’t be ok, so you don’t go, or something like that. Just not having any interest in kid-free travel is different. Some people just don’t have any interest in travel at all but I wouldn’t describe them as unwilling to travel.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Eh, I think OP was bringing up the interest in travelling sans-children after having them. I do agree having trustworthy care makes a huge difference, but plenty of folks have posted about taking trips where the kid/partner are at home. I also know a few friends who just aren’t interested in leaving kids behind, even with helpful grandparents, and that’s reasonable as well!
jz says
There are a lot of things that you can discuss before having kids but your perspective will likely change after the kid is here, no? We discussed traveling without our child when I was pregnant but my husband is now unwilling to do it whereas I do. I think this is informed by how helpful we thought grandparents would be versus how helpful they actually are which I think is a pretty common phenomenon, at least among my peers. Mostly, it’s that they are a lot more permissive with everything which to me is normal and fine for a week but my husband is just too rigid about still. Though our son is only 2.5 and we haven’t really had much time to travel for the last 2 years (covid has definitely exasperated my husband’s willingness to travel without son and feeling like he needs to be personally here to protect him, etc.). hoping this eases up as he gets older!
Anon says
yeah, I don’t think this is something that could be nailed down in advance. Like family size, it’s something you have to figure out once the kid(s) are actually here.
Anonymous says
+1. It depends on the kids, too. I love traveling with my kid. If my nephew were my kid, I’d never take him anywhere. So exhausting.
Anon says
Agreed. My kid is sensitive, spirited and fairly high-maintenance at home, but has always been a dream traveler. I swear there’s nowhere she’s as well-behaved as she is in an airport, even if she’s hungry and sleep-deprived. And she absolutely loves traveling, and seems to get so much out of it even at a young age. I can see having more interest in adults only travel if family travel wasn’t so fun.
Spirograph says
lol, This! And it depends on the number and age of the kids.
A trip with kids and a trip without kids are fundamentally different experiences. I enjoy both, and there’s a place for both in my life. There are places I’d much rather go with kids, and places to go/things to do that are much better without. I can’t take my kids scuba diving, yet, for example. Or plan on walking/hiking all day, unless I want to listen to a lot of whining (which is a not a vacation).
Anonymous says
I would rather travel with my kid than with my husband. My kid rolls with the punches and has a great time no matter what. My husband is a terrible travel companion who cannot navigate an airport and wants to sit around in the hotel room doing nothing.
Anonymous says
2:44, me too! My husband is always grumpy and my kid is mostly happy and if she’s not happy, ice cream will fix it. Before having a baby, I expected solo kid travel to surpass husband travel in enjoyment for me around age 7 or 8. It happened at age 3.
anonM says
We plan to do a long weekend trip without the kids next fall. It will be our first trip without the kids. Our only separate trips without the kids have been one parent for work or one paretn going for a bachelor/bachelorette weekend for close friends. But, we are planning to go without kids for a few reasons – we are going to meet my sister (who lives out of state) and her bf in NOLA and want to do things we wouldn’t do with our young kids (especially with another couple that is younger, kid free) – historical tours, nice restaurant, full-day fishing trip, etc. And it is kind of two-birds-one-stone to have couple time (celebrating our 5yr anniversary belatedly thanks covid) and spending some meaningful time with my sister. She usually comes home to visit and gamely does all the kid stuff/holiday gatherings with extended family, but I’m starting to feel like we need some adult time, sans kids and extended family, to maintain our close relationship despite the distance. We went to visit her out of state with the kids and while it was so fun and memorable, it was not easy (kids were 1 and 3 at time) and DH and I are not up for that even if it was “just” a long weekend again for at least another year.
anon says
The other factor in all of this is how your kids feel. Our oldest gets really upset when we’re gone for bedtime and has since she was only months old. We’ve still gone out with the thought that she’d get over it, but she really hasn’t it still makes her terribly upset, and not just for the night we’re gone but for weeks afterward. She’s almost 9 yo and it’s still very difficult. When we take a trip it’s very difficult for her and whomever is caring for her. Then it’s hard for weeks after we get back.
We’ll keep working on this with her, but it does take a lot of the fun out of adults-only trips. There’s so much dread about hearing from her caregiver and then her behavior when we return.
anon says
I would love to take an adults-only trip. We haven’t had one since our oldest was in preschool (he’s now middle-school age). But we do not have grandparents who are willing to take the kids for more than a few hours, and that is a huge ask of a friend. So, it doesn’t happen, and my DH isn’t happy about it, but he also isn’t doing anything to find that magical unicorn to watch our kids. It’s also more complicated now that they’re in school, have activities, etc.
Anon says
I have a very “you do you, and I’ll do me” feeling on this topic. I read some smugness into the comments above about not wanting to travel without your kids in tow, but that could obviously be my own bias. We do both, but our feelings on it are definitely not something we could have discussed/known going into our marriage (as our feelings on it are constantly evolving, as we’ve had more kids and they’ve gotten older). When we have traveled without them, I’m reminded of how beneficial it is for my marriage. My husband and I really, really need downtime (actual total, not obligated to absolutely anyone downtime), and our most valuable connections typically occur after we’ve had time to truly decompress. But these trips have required spry, interested, capable grandparents, or paying caregivers a lot of money (and, as the kids have gotten older, leaning on friends to carpool to practices, etc.).
We’ve also traveled extensively with our kids and taken them to some truly amazing places (mostly places *we* wanted to visit – so it’s not like we are structuring super kid friendly trips). With these trips, I’m always grateful to have brought them so that we can experience other parts of the country or world together, which is not something I had access to as a child.
Mostly, I feel any gratitude that we can do any travel, as it is my very happiest time, and not something my family could do much of growing up.
Anon says
I commented above that I have no desire to take couples trips, and I hope it doesn’t read as smug. I don’t judge anyone who wants to travel without kids. I think your feelings are far more common, especially in this community. I’ve actually felt quite judged here at times for not wanting to travel without my kid, like I don’t prioritize my marriage enough or I’m helicopter parenting my kid (which I certainly hope is not the case – like avocado, I plan to send her to camps and off on her own adventures). So it was nice to hear that there are a few others who feel the same way. But it definitely wasn’t intended as a judgment of anyone else or an implication that I’m somehow better than others because I prefer family travel. I’m well aware that a lot of why I find family travel so fun and easy is because I only have one neurotypical child and her personality is well-suited to traveling. Certainly that’s not the case for many/most families.
Anonymous says
Kiddo is 6. We were married for 10 years before she was born. We’ve never been on a kid-free trip. I do think that the fact that we had 10 years to ourself pre-kiddo is a big part of that. We also struggle with caregivers a bit. But now that kiddo is older and a bit more self-sufficient, it is easier. We’ll probably make something happen this year. Likely this fall after school has started when grandparents can come stay at our house with her and have a break during the day.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Husband and I didn’t talk about it either pre-kids, and we both grew up with our parents not ever travelling without us (for varied reasons – no one to leave us with, money, multiple kids at home in his case) but we’ve done several couples only trips. I don’t know if age matters but I think a bigger factor is having someone you trust to leave the kids with who, in most cases, is also family. We trust my parents to watch the kids and keep them safe while they’re away. And we also like that they have the bonding time with the kids. It’s also important for us to get a break from parenting every now and then, and just be our “carefree” coupled selves.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Meant for above.
All the Sicknesss says
We are on our third illness in as many weeks, and kiddo’s preschool class is still wearing masks (even though they are optional, all the kids in her class have chosen to wear them, including her)! It feels like fall of 2019 for us again, except now we know for sure kiddo is the vector who brings it all home from school because the rest of us don’t go anywhere. After being up every 2 hours to check on kiddo’s temperature (my guess is strep or roseola or maybe flu (although she got her flu shot) given the temp and her negative covid rapid test) and yet another doctor’s appointment this afternoon (while anxiously awaiting my turn, as my barnacle does not believe in any form of infection control procedures and I am still getting over the first illness but mercifully lucked out and only DH got the stomach bug last week), just coming here to scream into the void and ignore more of my emails and debating whether it is worth taking a sick day today or muddling through knowing my turn is probably coming. And we have to go to the pediatric urgent care this afternoon because her peds office won’t see anyone with a fever in person and only does drive through testing for flu and strep early evening three days a week (not, of course, today).
Clementine says
I took the sick day yesterday. I triaged email, did some admin stuff, but also watched crappy Netflix and took a nap with my kid.
I’m so much less frazzled today.
Night Help Advice says
Would anyone be willing to share their experience with a night nanny/newborn care specialist? I’m expecting my second this summer and will have an almost-3-year-old. I’ll have maternity leave but am worried about keeping up with the toddler while running on no sleep on the days I don’t have other care for him. I’ve spoken to one person that I thought sounded great, but they are very pricey. I’m trying to decide whether it is worth it. DH has a medical condition that makes it impossible for him to help overnight and will have a very short parental leave, so he’s fully supportive of me lining up whatever I think I need.
anon says
I really wish I’d had a night nanny for my second, for exactly the reason you described. I thought I’d hire one if I needed one, but by the time I realized I needed one, I was too sleep-deprived and life was too chaotic for me to figure out how to hire one.
CCLA says
Highly recommend if you can swing it. Forgive the novel, I super loved our night nurse so have a lot to say. My husband only had a few days of leave with our first (like, he was back at work a week later, and couldn’t really help overnight too much because of the nature of his work) and we had no family in town. I vaguely recalled a contact sharing the info of a night nanny agency when I was pregnant so I called them in desperation a couple of weeks into having the newborn and it was the best money I’ve ever spent. It was like buying sleep. A couple of things:
-By the time we got set up with the night nurse (I think we were three weeks in by then) I was formula feeding, so it really was handing the baby off to her for the next 10 hours and checking in again in the morning. I can’t speak to the BF experience, though I’ve heard that it’s still helpful because you can just feed and leave the rocking/changing/reswaddling to someone else.
-The cost was a stretch for us at the time, so while I’d have loved to have nightly help, we did 3 nights a week until baby was about 12 weeks old (which I fully realize is still a big luxury). So consider spreading out the nights if that helps the budget. Each of the nights she was there was basically a recovery night. FWIW it was $30/hr in the LA metro area, plus a 25% agency fee for all bookings.
NYCer says
We had a night nurse for both our kids for longer than I care to admit on this board (ha ha!). She was amazing and worth every penny. We only used her for nights (7p-7a), but lots have friends have done 24h and have had good experiences as well. If you can swing it financially, I would 100% do it.
Anonymous says
My son started at a new preschool yesterday (almost 3 YO). His first day went great, but this morning he was very sad and did not want to go to school. Is this just something that he’ll get over with time, or are there things we should do to help? Also, this new school has us drop him off in the classroom, whereas at our old school, a teacher took him back from the front room as a COVID precaution. When he’s crying, should I get out of the room quickly in the morning, or try to cheer him up by talking with the teacher/other kids, looking at toys, etc.?
Cb says
Totally normal, my son started a new preschool PT in the autumn and after a few days objected to going back. I don’t think he realised it was going to be a long-term change.
On the dropoff, drop and run!
Anonymous says
We just went through this a few months ago. It is a hard transition and normal for the child to be sad/have a difficult time starting at the new school. In our experience, it took a few weeks to really warm up to the new place. When my daughter would cry, I would acknowledge the feelings and remind her I would be back to get her– “I know this is hard. Ms Jane will take care of you today and then mommy will be back to get you after school. I love you! See you soon!” — and then I would leave. The teachers would be the ones to then try to engage her with toys/cheer her up. This worked well for us. Good luck! It’s not easy!
Anon says
You are on the dreaded Day 2! Day 2 of anything is always worse than day 1 – day 1 is a novelty and exciting. With day 2, they know the drill (you are leaving, they are staying), so they are going to fret a lot more.
An experienced preschool teacher should help you get the goodbye down, but you are definitely better off with a quick good bye ritual (kiss on both cheeks then on the hand), then say “I will see you after snack today; I can’t wait! I love you!” and then walk out. Staying is prolonging the goodbye and making it worse.
I typically call after about 30 minutes to see if they’ve settled, if you are worried.
Anon says
Yup, day 2 is always the worst.
Test says
This sounds really normal, but I know it’s tough to see your son unhappy. It will get better once he settles into the routine of the new place! I agree a quick goodbye ritual is the best, and the teacher should be ready to distract him while you make your escape. At that age, my kids used to like if if I picked them up in a bear hug and spun around really fast a couple times to get them giggling before I left.
Anonymous says
After last weekend’s open thread on dealing with photos I’m trying out Chatbooks — is it super glitchy for anyone else?
Anonymous says
yes, it freezes all the time
Anonymous says
I just want to scream into the void. I think we are going on like 8 weeks of intermittent care disruptions due to someone having a fever, or doctor’s appointments, or weather closures/power outage, or locusts/plague etc. I am ready to be done.
Anon says
Has anyone ever gotten an itchy scalp after a change in hair products? I have had to change shampoos, etc. due to a change in my hair type post-pregnancy. I used a new shampoo on Friday and noticed some itching following that. Used the new shampoo and a new hair mask on Monday, and my scalp has been incredibly itchy since then. I am assuming the solution is to stop using both hair products, but what I can’t figure out is if the itchiness is going to resolve on its own if I just go back to using old hair products or if I am going to need to get a medicated shampoo or something like Head and Shoulders to make the itchiness go away.
Anonymous says
I’d just get a trial size of head and shoulders. It’s cheap. My scalp doesn’t like Pantene ProV.
Anonymous says
my head is itchy all the time post-kids. maybe also because my hair got curly. kiehl’s used to make something called “magic elixir” that was great for this; not sure if other oils would work too. there’s also scalp scrubs like briogeo or whatever.
Anon says
Yes– my hair got curly post-kid. My hair has been super dry, so I’ve been trying to figure something out to make my hair less frizzy. The Briogeo curly hair shampoo or mask is what I tried right before my scalp got itchy.
Anon says
My post-partum dryness was cured by switching to the “smooth perfection” pureology condition (in the pink bottle). Worked wonders and still using it 4 years later.