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I’ve had a number of diaper bags through the years. My favorite was a convertible backpack model — however, it was too heavy and screamed “diaper bag.”
Caraa’s Baby Bag is basically my favorite diaper bag, but improved. It’s made from lightweight (and wipeable) waterproof nylon and features ample pockets inside and out. You can also carry it multiple ways — as a crossbody, as a backpack, on your stroller, or even on your suitcase.
The medium size even accommodates an 11” laptop (although I’d hesitate to keep my laptop in the same compartment as any liquids).
Although a bit of a splurge, it would make a lovely gift for a mom-to-be.
The medium size is $275. Currently, it is only available in custard, but blush and black should ship later this summer. The bag also comes in large for $295 and is available in black and clay (a reddish brown), also shipping later this summer. The matching changing pad is $95.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
Does anyone have suggestions for cookbooks for kid friendly vegetarian meals (not just pizza/pasta). Eggs are fine. We eat vegg 2 days/week but I’d like to increase it to 3-4. I just feel like we’ve been eating a lot of meat lately. I have an adventurous 4 year old eater so she’s easy, but our toddler has always had a more bland palate (it was literally an adjustment to get him to eat black pepper with his food!). DH and I love all types of food.
I have a lot of websites but I would really just like a normal cookbook.
Anonymous says
Madhur Jaffrey has a few vegetarian cookbooks.
Anon says
My 3YO can identify a speck of pepper from a mile away and hasn’t eaten a vegetable in over a year (not to mention has only about 5-8 foods she eats). Your bland palate is probably my dream eater.
Smitten Kitchen Every Day has a lot a kid-friendly recipes and a lot of vegetarian meals; Deb Perelman used to be a vegetarian. My sister also likes the Half Baked Harvest cookbooks and I think they are also vegetarian forward, but I have always found the recipes fussy (looks like they now have a “super simple” cookbook).
Anonymous says
I like half baked harvest but yeh my DH has to watch the kids if I’m doing one of her recipes. So they only happen on the weekend. Plus I find them pretty pasta heavy
Anonymous says
Stirfry with tofu and lots of veggies, samosas, Black bean and sweet potato burritos from Oh She Glows, and omelettes or quiche are some of main ones.
Cb says
A Couple Cooks! I have only used their online recipes but I like their style.
Allie says
Rice and beans are a staple in our house, tofu stir fry where you cook the tofu separately for the kids so no vegetable pieces touch it and then give them the veggies separately as well, pasta of course, veggie burgers with melted cheese on them (our kids like the ones that don’t have bean pieces in it).
Anonymous says
So, this is probably not what your looking for, but I have and really like Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything Vegetarian. It is very comprehensive and absolutely has kid-friendly recipes. But they’re mixed in with less kid-friendly recipes, too. So you have to be willing/able to look through it and identify what will work for you. But it really is an excellent resource for cooking vegetarian.
AIMS says
Mark Bittman also has a book called Dinner for Everyone that has lots of recipes and variations on how to make them vegetarian, fancy, spicy, simple, etc. It’s a great template for inspiration.
In my own house, for kid friendly veggie dinners we do lots of fried rice, fish or veggie tacos, and make your own individual pizza.
Anon says
Oh She Glows for Dinner! Love everything in there and lots of easy adaptations for kids.
buffybot says
This doesn’t help you YET, but Jenny Rosenstrach from Dinner A Love Story is coming out with a cookbook this summer called Weekday Vegetarians. I’ve always found her recipes very accessible. She’s got a lot on her website in the archives as well.
GCA says
+1 to this! I’m looking forward to it. For a long time my approach was ‘I’m going to make what I want to eat’, but my 6yo is a much more adventurous eater than the toddler so now it’s ‘I’m going to make what I want to eat…and it can be deconstructed for you kids’.
Anon says
Kind of a cross between a website and a cookbook – Kids Eat in Color just released Affordable Flavors, which is geared towards budget concerns but I bought a copy and was surprised with the variety and flavor of a lot of meals – and, given that it’s budget-conscious, has a lot of vegetarian meals. Real Easy Weekdays is easy on the meat, too, and comes with a nice rotating menu that has made my meal planning real easy :)
Katy says
I was going to say the same thing. I haven’t purchased yet (not sure what I am waiting for)…
Also OP: any tips on getting kids to try / like veg based foods – our 3.5 YO can still find a bean hidden inside a combo of beef and black bean quesadillas and spit it out! Overall he is not a bad eater but we really need to work on “combo” foods (which I think would make cooking veg easier…. basically we do OK if we have separate meat, veg, starch…. which is not how I want to cook every night).
Anonymous says
OP here – so funnily enough the toddler loves beans! We give him just 1/2 cup of black beans with a tiny bit of taco seasoning as backup dinner a lot. But he’s really skittish with spice/seasoning. Whereas DH/myself/DD will gobble up any spicy Indian, Mexican, etc…and then he’s also wary of some textures like rice/quinoa.
Knope says
Try the Natural Nurturer website – I believe you can filter by vegetarian recipes!
Anonymous says
I know this isn’t exactly what you asked, but I’ve really been liking the Mealime app for meal planning. They have good vegetarian options, you can add allergies and other preferences, and it even creates a shopping list for you. The app is supposedly at least partially geared towards reducing food waste by calibrating the recipes to require certain amounts in commonly sold packaging, etc. and I think it does seem like I’m wasting less food when our “main meals” for the week are curated in this app first (I swear I’m not a spokesperson, just overly excited about what feels like a small success in my life).
Redux says
We cook vegetarian at home and have a million cookbooks. Our two kids (4 & 7) are pretty adventurous eaters, though vegetarian cooking tends to utilize a lot of spices so we sometimes tone it down for them. Like you, I prefer a cookbook to an online recipe as I like to make notes and amendments in the margins (and generally I think cookbooks are better written and less focused on beautiful pictures and rambling backstories… but I digress!). One thing I would recommend the didn’t occur to me until well after amassing a large collection of cookbooks (including some duds) is checking them out from the library rather than buying them– we own a bunch, but really like mixing it up with something new from the library every once and a while.
Current favorites include: Plenty by Ottolenghi, World Vegetarian by Madhur Jaffrey, and Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone by Deb Madison
Anonymous says
Guys, I am so burnt out that I don’t even know how to begin to try to recover. I know we’ve talked about this a lot, so no need to rehash old conversations. I just want to complain.
Anonymous says
Saaame. I don’t know when/how I’m going to recover from it.
Anon says
Solidarity.
Signed,
Burnt out mom of 2 in consulting who is cramming for an exam on Thursday
Pogo says
With you. I booked a night away at a hotel. I need it so badly. I am just incredibly fried from work (busy season ends in a couple weeks though!), two interviews (internal promotions, ugh), COVID daycare closures, and my own health stuff (might need surgery).
The kids have actually been so great through all of this, including last night when I was at the ER and missed the baby’s bedtime for the first time. And husband, too – stepping up to do so many solo dinner/bathtimes while I was prepping for interviews and taking late meetings. That’s been my only saving grace – the 3yo brought me tulips he picked for me yesterday “because you’re not feeling good!” Trying to find the joy in these little things!
Anoner says
I too just booked a night at a nice hotel in a different part of my city. I used points. Totally burnt out and need 24 hrs or so just completely to myself. I’m really looking forward to it.
octagon says
I’m afraid that if I booked a night at a hotel I would not want to come back home. I love my family, I really do. I just… need space and time to be myself again.
Spirograph says
@Pogo, I missed that ER mention at first skim, I hope the health stuff resolves soon!
Anon says
I hear you on the health stuff. I received bloodwork back strongly indicating an autoimmune disease (with a family history and definite symptoms that I had chalked up to parenting, BigLaw and COVID but in retrospect look a lot less innocuous) and it just adds such a layer of so much stress. And the guilt, because I don’t feel great and DD is understanding but at the same time wants the type of physical play she is used to from me and I just can’t right now. I see the rheumatologist next month and this might be the longest month of my life.
EDAnon says
I have a vision problem and I see a specialist on June 1 and it feels like forever away, so I feel you.
Pogo says
Ugh, yeah unfortunately.. it gets worse. I’m having the surgery Friday (I thought I could put it off, but no) and so I had to reschedule my Day of Me at the hotel. Recovering from surgery feels like a vacation, though, since I can’t lift the baby.
My boss has been super understanding throughout all of the disruptions, actually probably most people don’t know how crazy everything has been since we’re virtual and I can call in to critical meetings. But I am not getting stuff done unless it’s nights and weekends and I’m just…done. Let’s all give ourselves permission to delegate or lean on team members. It’s just. so. much.
Spirograph says
Same. I had to clarify to my husband last night that I was not avoiding him because of anything he’s done, I’m just tapped out and have nothing left to interact with people. My dream right now is 3 days alone; a giant bathtub; and wine, cheese, crackers and ice cream for dinner with no one to judge me.
Clementine says
Totally. I constantly feel just… fried.
I’m seriously considering taking an extended leave from work (I think I’m eligible under FMLA) to just… attempt to regain my sanity.
Walnut says
Same, girl. Same.
Anon says
Same here too.
Anokha says
Honestly, yes. I would happily take 3 months of unpaid leave from my job if I could — but for the fact that I think it would end my career at this company.
Anon says
I had a breakdown of sorts and took a month of FMLA leave. I was so happy and relaxed while I was on leave (to be fair, I kept my kid in almost-full time daycare so it was much more like a kid-free vacation than being a SAHM) but now that I’m back at work I don’t feel that much better than before. I think I would need a lot longer than a month to fully recover.
Anokha says
Honestly, I think I need 3-6 months to recover from this year.
So Anon says
My 10 year old is doing a gov’t lesson at school and said that he was going to put me in jail for a week. I said, do I get a comfy bed and books that I want? (I understand fully that this is not an accurate depiction.) He said, yes, but that other people would make me bad food and bring it to me in my room, and I would have to stay alone in the room with my books and bed for a week. I said I would go voluntarily.
Anonymous says
Haha… my husband is currently on a 10 week, required by his work quarantine.
He’s sitting in a hotel room, alone. He’s watching TV and doing core workouts and taking long showers. Somebody brings him takeout a few times a day. Meanwhile, I’m at home, solo parenting and wrangling our kids and handling all of the things.
…he’s basically living my dream right now.
Anonymous says
10 DAY quarantine. Then he’ll be gone for 10 weeks.
HSAL says
Please allow me to rage on your behalf.
Anon says
My husband is traveling (internationally) alone next month. It’s for work, but it’s a work thing that will include a lot of socialization and down time for tourism, plus 7 nights alone in a fancy hotel. I’m majorly jealous.
CPA Lady says
My sister and I are leaving our children with our husbands and meeting each other halfway between where we live for a long weekend next month. It’s not going to be nearly enough, but it’s a start. I’m so excited I can barely stand it. :D
GCA says
I don’t want to lean out. I want to lie down. For a few days.
Anon says
SAME. I had a severe adverse reaction to my second Covid shot this weekend and was the sickest I’ve been in my entire adult life (and yes, I’m still pro-vax and believe it’s very much worth it). I had to have family come help with my kids (bless them) because I was completely incapacitated. In a strange way, it was also nice to get a one-day break from the constant grind of motherhood, even being so sick that I was unable to read or watch TV or literally do anything. I didn’t have to clean the high chair or be someone’s Snack Getter or worry about naps or keeping them occupied. I guess that’s how you know you’re burnt out?
anne-on says
Same. I also just remembered that I forgot to get our lovely sitter a mother’s day gift and now that needs to get added to my to-do list. Argh. I would like to turn my brain off all weekend for MY mother’s day gift please.
Anon says
You do not need to get a sitter, no matter how lovely, a Mother’s Day gift. That is nonsense. S/he is not your child’s mother.
Pogo says
Real Easy Weekdays has vegetarian options for every day! I just bought it.
Pogo says
ugh threading fail.
Baby Shower says
My mom wants me to help plan and suggest activities for a baby shower for my sister-in-law. This is very much not my sort of thing and I have no idea what to suggest. I attempted to throw a shower for another relative a few years ago, and really felt like any activities I tried to plan fell flat (paint-your-own-onsie sounded like such a cute idea when they did it on Gilmore Girls! Not so much here). It will be in an outdoor church pavilion, and I imagine a lot of the guests will wind up being my mom’s middle aged churchy friends.
My SIL is an early 30s elementary school teacher. She’s just lovely and does not have any real preferences on what we do. I’ll be bringing my 5 year old, so anything that will let her participate would be great (though she’s pretty easy). Any ideas?
anonymommy says
I like the ones that don’t dominate the event or make introverts super nervous. A big calendar where you guess the due date. Guess the number of candies in a jar (sugar babies, etc.). My work shower did a very funny one where everyone submitted fake baby names by category (ex: boy unique, girl classic) and then I got to pick which I liked best/thought was funniest, and the “winner” got a small prize. It was funny and low pressure. Sort of like apples to apples/cards against humanity I think???
Anon says
This sounds fun but I’d be afraid someone would put down someone else’s favorite name as a joke, lol.
Anon says
The last baby shower I hosted, I think the only activities I had were a) I brought a bunch of size N and size 1 diapers and paint type/permanent markers and everyone wrote some sort of saying or anything they thought might bring a smile to a tired mom at 2 am when she’s changing diapers? Some of these get pretty funny (but can be anything, like write “You’re Doing Great!” or whatever); although hard to gauge how it would go over with mom-aged friends. It’s kind of similar to the onesie thing, but I feel like *maybe* the diapers have a higher chance of actually getting used than the onesies? And the onesies maybe have more pressure for the guests to at least try to make them cute which might make some not want to do it, whereas the diapers can be pretty casual and quick and silly. b) In lieu of a guest book, pick a favorite child book hard cover and have everyone sign that.
Between those things, the gift opening (which I know may or may not be for everyone) and socializing, a couple of hours went by quick.
Anon says
oh i like this idea with the diapers. would’ve put a smile on my face in the middle of the night with changing diapers. another option is those cheap burp clothes that are really cloth diapers, in case there is any concern about the cleanliness of people handling diapers etc.
Anonymous says
That diaper idea is really cute!
SC says
The hostess of my bridal shower did the write-on-a-diaper thing, and DH and I loved it. It was fun to still feel connected to family in the weeks after our son was born, and laugh at their jokes, or smile at their encouragement. The guests seemed to have a good time with it, too–if some opted out, we didn’t notice, but some went really nuts with it.
My MIL also asked everyone to bring a baby picture, and then the guests had to guess who was in each picture. This really only works if most of the attendees know each other. Although I knew everyone there, and I did the worst.
DLC says
+1. Someone did the diaper messages for my shower and it sure made some of those 3am diaper changes a lot more fun.
Especially the one from my sarcastic best friend that said, “poo! Do you regret this yet?!?!”
I would use size 1 diapers rather than newborn.
Anon says
I went to a no-wrap shower this weekend and loved it. I was the type of person who hated opening gifts, so I would have loved gifts to come with just a bow on display so people can look at them. I do regret not being able to spend more time looking at the gifts but don’t regret the loss of time spent watching the mom-to-be unwrap them.
We also did a Price is Right game with common baby items — if you do that, maybe the 5-year-old could walk the items around while people are guessing (here’s a lovely pair of baby nail clippers! and who doesn’t love a pouch of carrot mash?). The hosts also put together bulletin boards with pictures of the mom- and dad-to-be and we had to guess their ages. It was low key and lovely.
Pogo says
I suggest doing “wishes for baby” and/or “advice for mom” cards (you can buy on Etsy or similar). During my shower I think we had people fill them in while they were eating/chatting, and then I opened presents (personally I love looking at the cute outfits and stuff so I’m pro-opening at baby showers), and then I read through the collected cards. I kept them in the baby book, too.
I don’t like any of the other “games” at baby showers, tbh.
Anonymous says
My relative group has done alphabet books- fun for the artsy attendees but easy enough for non artsy attendees too. Put a letter on each page and have each guest decorate a page and then sign it. Could also do numbers too if you have a lot of guests. So A, someone draws an apple, 1, someone draws one dog, etc. Then one of my teacher friends laminated and bound it. It’s a really fun keepstake and my kids still love reading it and talking about who drew each picture. Also nice for guests because they can spend a ton of time on it or no time at all if they would rather do something else.
Jeffiner says
We did bingo cards of baby gifts, and guests got to play as the new mom opened gifts. It kept people engaged during the gift opening portion of the day.
Pin the diaper on the baby would be fun for the 5 year old, adults may or may not be into that.
If people are into pop culture, at one shower I did a slideshow of celebrity babies born in the past year, and guests had to identify the babies and their parents. That one was actually a big hit.
Hmmm says
Give everyone a piece of paper and a pencil and have them make a list of the most common top-whatever names from the SSA list last year. Whoever guessed the most correctly wins a little prize or whatever. I like it because it’s low pressure and doesn’t put anyone on the spot.
octagon says
I recently attended a virtual shower where the hosts put childrens’ book titles in emojis and people had to guess what they were. Some were easy (Goodnight moon) but some were more challenging (Pout Pout Fish). It was cute and would work in-person as well as a worksheet.
Anon says
The only thing I would caution about something like this is know your audience. As someone who went to many baby showers years before having kids, this is the kind of thing I would have felt pretty left out of. Like, there is no way I would have known the book Pout Pout Fish pre-kids. It’s not the end of the world, the shower is obviously not about me the guest, but if there are other options where this might not be the side effect …
If you know it will be a shower where everyone has been a recent mom of a young kid, book guess away!
Anonymous says
I went to a virtual shower recently where they did something similar, but instead of book titles, it was song titles with the word “baby” in them. Might be an idea if the attendees aren’t going to be familiar with children’s books. If you do song titles, make sure you have something for every generation.
Anonymous says
If the guests all know each other, the “guess the baby picture” game is fun.
Jocelyn says
If you want to do a “crafty” type idea what I did for my SIL’s shower last year was buy a bunch of old school Gerber cloth diapers, the kind that just look like a rectangle and got a bunch of stamps and fabric markers and had everyone decorate a burp cloth. This way if someone wasn’t feeling like drawing they could just stamp it or they could draw with the fabric markers. It was pretty cheap to do and my SIL actually ended up using the burp cloths after my nephew was born.
Patricia Gardiner says
Ugh, need to vent… I adore my kids (2.5 and 7 months) but I am fed up with people telling me I must be enjoying all the extra time with them during the pandemic! I am sure some people feel this way, but I was really happy the way things were with high quality daycare with long hours, and more stuff to do on weekends. Is anyone else tired of being told this?
Anon says
That is crazy. I don’t know anyone who would say this to me. Even if someone secretly felt this way about the extra time, I feel like most people have the wherewithal to know not to express this to another parent, given it is not likely the other parent feels this way. Permission to look at whoever these people are like they are nuts.
Anonymous says
Those people must not have kids, or their kids must be old enough that they’ve forgotten that phase of their life. I can’t imagine expressing that sentiment as a statement of fact. Maybe a question a little tongue-in-cheek, but there is nothing enjoyable about long hours with kids those ages. They have the potential to be delightful, but are just so, so exhausting day in and day out. Hang in there! I would totally give those people a dead eye stare and just say “no” in the most flat tone of voice I could muster.
Anonymous says
This is like the jokes from this time last year about the pandemic baby boom that was coming. As one of my favourite GFs pointed out…. the boom would only be for first children… ha!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yeah, a parent of two small kids (and I am one) would NEVER say this. I feel like this is people trying to look for a silver lining in this awful pandemic? Sorry not sorry that I’m not enjoying having uncertain, shortened, restricted childcare while having to still work my full time job that can reach me at all hours, oh and while I still feel anxious going anywhere because of a highly contagious virus.
Realist says
I had a neighbor that said she was enjoying all the extra time with her 5 year old and just … no, I cannot relate. She is also divorced and gets a weeknight and many weekends to herself, so maybe that is the difference.
Pogo says
No, I am not enjoying the screaming while I am on a conference call and all the trips to get my poor 3yo COVID tested. The filling out of a form every day checking both kids’ symptoms. The less than 24h notice of cancelled childcare over and over again.
I agree, I enjoyed quality time with my kids when we had full-time childcare. I do not enjoy lightly neglecting them while I attempt to do my job.
Anonymous says
This. We spend way more time together, and none of it feels quality at all.
Anon. says
This. So much this
SC says
That’s a terrible thing to say to someone who has not had childcare in over a year. I will say that I’ve gotten to know and appreciate my son better, and I’m grateful for that. I’ve realized that he’s a major introvert and needs a lot of downtime between activities. His perfect day is putting together a new Lego set and getting unlimited iPad time. I, on the other hand, miss going out on weekends!
SC says
Oh, but also, my kid had camp last summer, and in-person school since August. I’ve been at the office in person since last May. So, it’s like the pandemic never happened here, except that most people in my office got Covid during the winter spike.
anonamommy says
Has anyone dealt with persistent nerve itch? I had 2 epidurals during delivery and since then have what my doc has diagnosed as notalgia paresthetica — in that spot on my back that is hardest to reach (where the epi went in), it itches all the time. It’s been more than 2 years and hasn’t gotten better, and at this point is affecting my mental health. My GP said that basically there’s nothing that can be done, stretching and exercise will help. Curious if anyone has dealt with this and could suggest another kind of doctor or holistic treatment to explore.
Realist says
Definitely consider help from another type of practitioner. Ask around for a reference around you from people you trust (your woo woo friends) and try what calls to you (acupuncture, naturopath, functional medicine, homeopathy). Western medicine is pretty terrible at treating women with chronic things that can’t be easily solved with a simple Rx or some surgery, but you deserve treatment. DH had some neuropathy that cleared up with TCM after I made him go to the acupuncturist after his doctor waived him off. Also look for a Facebook group for people with this. You will run into a bunch of whackos but there are real gems in patient communities because they figure out what works when doctors won’t help.
In your shoes, I would check for hypermobility in your joints before going to a chiropractor though. If you have some hypermobility, an adjustment could make it worse.
Anon says
Maybe you can try some sort of sticky heat patch or something like that to see what helps?
SC says
I have a persisent nerve itch on my left shoulder blade. It’s worse at night than during the day for some reason. I also have been told that there’s nothing they can do about it, but I haven’t pursued it further. I’ve thought about a few sessions with a chiropractor though.
JDMD says
I’d ask for a referral to a pain specialist. Itching and pain are related on a neurological level, and a good pain specialist will likely have some ideas about other modalities to try — topical capsaicin, lidocaine patches, botox, prolotherapy all spring to mind as possible options. I’m a palliative care physician, and we’re also accustomed to helping patients manage symptoms that are impacting their quality of life, so that’s another referral to consider, even if you don’t have a serious illness. This sounds horrible — I’m so sorry you’re going through it. Good luck.
Neglectedheels says
A dermatologist I know prescribes some topical medications that are specially compounded at a compounding pharmacy for this. It can be very bothersome to people! Dermatologists are great for itchy skin.
TheElms says
I made a “from things in my freezer/pantry” meal last night that I thought I would share since it was much better than I expected and quick. I had Trader Joe’s Teriyaki stir fry sauce, frozen TJs cauliflower rice stir fry with peas and corn, frozen brocolli, and some thin sliced flank steak in the freezer (but I think chicken, pork, or tofu would all work). I did defrost the steak in the fridge first. I stir fried the steak in some vegetable oil and Teriyaki sauce, added the cauliflower rice and brocolli and a bit more sauce and finished cooking it all. It took 15 minutes and was surprisingly yummy. Clearly not that exciting but I’m always happy to have things I can keep in the freezer and make dinner really fast. Bonus because this had a decent number of veggies in it. My toddler ate it too (so surprised by that!)
AwayEmily says
YUM. We have Trader Joes “freezer meal” once a week! My favorite is the Japanese fried rice with a bag of Trader Joes cruciferous crunch stirred in (it’s not in the frozen aisle but freezes well), and an egg on top.
Anon Lawyer says
I do similar with their Thai Shrimp Fried Rice which I love – usually I just add more veggies and egg.
Anon says
My 3 year old loves the Whole Foods brand cauliflower gnocchi in their freezer section. I stir in some frozen peas towards the end of the cooking time and top with some parmesan. It’s one of her favorite meals, honestly, and so easy to have on hand for those SOS What’s For Dinner nights.
KLod says
Long time follower, first time commenter. I’ve appreciated this community’s general astmosphere of helpfulness and resourcefulness! My (boring) question is about luggage. Does anyone have any good hacks for packing for trips with children? You’d think I’d have this down to a science after three kids but I have yet to have a good system. I pack very lightly since the majority of our trips are to places with a washer/dryer (grandparents, the occasional beach house) and we always drive, so I can usually squeeze my clothes with my kids in one large suitcase, while my husband gets his own carry-on. My large piece of luggage is falling apart so I need to replace, but wanted to see if you all have brilliant ideas for your own systems. Or any brands you’ve loved.
Anonymous says
I’ve started using packing cubes. Makes it easy to pull each kids clothes out of the suitcase and keep together.
AnonATL says
+1. I only have 1 infant, but his stuff goes in a packing cube or two small ones and then goes into either my bag or dad’s depending on who has the most space. I put his day clothes in one and then jams, socks, etc. in another.
Anon says
Welcome, Klod! Agree with packing cubes. Both Amazon and eBags have inexpensive sets that would make things easy for you.
We have a set Travelpro suitcases that was gifted to us from our wedding over 10 years ago (with two wheels, I love them and can’t stand spinners). I love our luggage and it’s held up well.
AwayEmily says
Yes, packing cubes are the best! For a family of four (5yo and 3yo) we give each kid a small backpack with toys/books, and my husband and I each have a duffle (LL Bean) and a backpack. Duffles have all of our clothes in packing cubes, backpacks are for personal stuff. No checking bags.
(that is all for flying…for car trips I usually just haphazardly throw the entire contents of our house into the trunk and hope for the best)
Anon says
+1 to packing cubes. My kids are 4 now, so they’ll pick out their own clothes and each will get a color-coded packing cube so they can’t fight later about who chose what. I’ll often use another cube for things like bathing suits in summer or hats/mittens in winter just to keep it all coralled.
Spirograph says
If your kids are old enough to pull their own suitcases (and you have the trunk space in your car), I’d get them each their own! We have some kid-sized ones from Target, and the kids love them. Plus, to me, it simplifies things if you’re not all staying in the same room. We usually travel with one suitcase for each of us; DH and I have a large one (American Tourister, old, and nothing special), but it usually stays home; we just all do rolling carry-ons. One thing I do like is that our large suitcase is big enough that an adult-sized carry on fits inside it, which saves storage space.
If you like the all-in-one-bag thing, though, I recommend packing cubes. My mom gave us a set from ebags in multiple sizes, and they’re very handy. You could use a big one for each kid and stack them all in the same suitcase. I often use the smaller ones to keep things like socks and underwear (and masks, now) corralled, or sometimes for shorter trips without laundry available, I’ll put full outfits together.
Anon says
+1 to kids own luggage just because mine looooove their suitcases. And they love having their own on trips. We gave them to them for christmas one year and they were totally their favorite gifts.
Spirograph says
Yes, we did the same! Our kid suitcases live in the kids’ room. They get tons of regular use for pretend play, threats to run away from home, hiding special items. Plus my kids really like packing for themselves (But double-check!! My then-5 year old forgot to pack pants — like ANY pants — for Thanksgiving a couple years ago. Luckily we had laundry at the AirBnB) and being more self-sufficient on trips.
Also, for the latest threat to run away from home, my 6 year old packed the following:
1. 2 pairs of pjs
2. 5 books
3. A small blanket
4. Her night light
5. As many stuffed animals as would fill up the extra space
I sent her back up stairs for socks, underwear, and at least one outfit of “outdoor clothes” including a sweatshirt. By the time she had packed properly, she’d calmed down.
CCLA says
Another packing cube vote. Get different colors for different people, even if you don’t need all of the cubes it is nice to be able to see at a glance which person the cube is for. We use the ebags ones but not sure it matters. I used to have clamshell style suitcase but decided I prefer the top-open because it’s easier to use with luggage racks. Vitorinox, Samsonite, and Tumi have all lasted ages for us.
Anon says
I don’t have packing cubes, but I do like using 1 or 2 gallon zip-top food storage bags for packing clothes for our go kits that live in the car (I live in a state with a lot of wildfires).
Walnut says
I use the largest suitcase we have and strive to pack everyone in one piece of luggage. Everyone gets a packing cube plus a packing cube for all the swim suits/goggles, one for toiletries and one for a change of clothes/jammies/toothbrushes for the first night so I don’t have to sift through the whole suitcase right away. Kids each have a small backpack for the blankets/coloring supplies/toys. The backpacks have bungee laces on the front used to hold a stuffie. I usually tuck a couple of carabiners and bungee cords into a pocket of the large piece of luggage so I can wrangle things together as needed.
AnonATL says
We had our 9m appointment this morning, and they were minorly concerned about the fact that my son isn’t really trying to pull to standing or really push off flat footed much when being held. He just started crawling like 2 weeks ago. I wasn’t really worried about his gross motor skills until today. Any stories about late walkers or tips to help encourage those skills some?
He’s super vocal and has great fine motor skills. Just doesn’t appear to be in a big hurry to move.
9 mo old says
I have a 9 month old too and he is just now showing interest in crawling. Also very vocal, good with his hands, etc. – but definitely not interested in pulling himself up.
Anonymous says
My kiddo started crawling at ~ 8 months (so basically the same as your kiddo). He pulled up on the couch about 3 days later admittedly. He basically never tried to “stand up” when being held. He never really walked along the couch / coffee table, he was totally uninterested in walking holding our hands or even really pushing his relevant toys around. he would sit down, crawl and pull back up. Maybe he is happy with the mobility he has? Can he do other things? feed himself badly? bring a bottle to his mouth / drink unassisted? turn pages in a board book? throw something (badly – ha!)? If you want to encourage him to stand put stuff where we has to stand to reach it (and tell him it is there). Like play “hide and seek” and put it up on the couch where he would have to stand to reach it?
My kiddo was tall and could even stand up and get stuff off the kitchen table around 1, so i knew he could stand without leaning on something, but that didn’t motivate him to walk.
Kiddo walked at ~ 14 months. He still isn’t great on the playground compared to kids his age but has been riding a pedal bike with no training wheels since he 3 y + 1 month. I would say he will be just fine.
Io says
My kid walked at 15 months. At her 12 month appointment the doctor said they’d screen for delays at 15 months. The Saturday night before her Monday morning appointment she started walking.
octagon says
Kids develop at all different paces, as you know. It’s good that they raised it as something to monitor, just in case, but he may just like being on the floor! A friend of mine had a kid like this. They referred to it as his potato stage because he generally preferred to just sit on the floor like a potato. If he wanted something, he’d hold out his arms and someone (usually older siblings) would give it to him. The whole family had to work on not indulging the requests and making the dude work for it. He didn’t walk until 18m but he’s fine now, no delays whatsoever. Can you get a very interesting new toy and put it on the couch, where he has to pull up to see it?
Anon says
My kids didn’t crawl until 10 months or walk until 15. Their cousin crawled at 12 months, walked at 17 months, but by 2 was climbing everything. Kids are different.
AnotherAnon says
My son didn’t start walking until 18 months. I don’t remember the ped being at all concerned. He was pulling up and cruising I think around 10 months, but definitely by 12. My friends (who didn’t have kids) were all kind of mortified he wasn’t walking by his first birthday but shrugging emoji. He’s four now and loves to run, climb and ride his balance bike.
anon says
Here is my tip: I scheduled a PT consult 2 weeks out and by the time the physical therapist came, she evaluated him and was like… “why did you schedule this?” because he was fine. He literally did all the skills the PT asked of him AT the evaluation for the first time and made me look like an insane/lying parent.
anon says
At this point, I’d just make sure that he’s getting lots of time on the floor so he can build those muscles. If he’s in childcare, make sure they’re doing the same.
Anon says
My daughter walked at 17, almost 18 months, but she didn’t pull herself to standing until 14 months and didn’t cruise until just a couple weeks before she walked. She was a speed crawler and just had no interest in standing when she could get everywhere by crawling. Our ped was not concerned but daycare teachers were (“we’ve never seen a child walk this late!”). She started daycare at 16 months, fwiw, and I think that’s what finally motivated her to walk. Now that she’s 3, she’s normal, if not athletically gifted, and it’s clear that she can be kind of lazy/cautious about doing stuff independently. I would not worry AT ALL at 9 months.
EDAnon says
My older son didn’t crawl until after he walked. No one expressed concern. Is you ped part of a group? We are close with two of the pediatricians in our group and bounce their advice off each other (which they are fine with). It helps to message the other one at times. Can you send a quick message to another pediatrician and “clarify” the concern?
Pogo says
Did they tell you to schedule a PT consult, or just note it as something to watch if he’s still not doing it at 12mos? If they just mention it something to watch, my experience is that usually you’re fine by the next appointment. If they did tell you to schedule a consult, I’d do that, it can’t hurt.
Anecdotally, one of my eldest’s bff’s didn’t crawl or cruise or anything until she walked. She just sat there. She got the other kids to bring her toys, she didn’t feel the need to go anywhere. She started walking holding on to the babysitter’s hands, not really cruising per se, and then she walked from there. I think she was over a year. She never had PT or anything, I guess her ped wasn’t concerned, she just did her own thing. There’s a very wide range of normal for these gross motor milestones – my 8mo doesn’t even sit unassisted right now!
AnonATL says
Thanks for all the feedback. The doctor didn’t mention it as a “schedule a follow up right now” concern. More to watch between now and the 12 m appointment. She said to try to encourage him at home and give him chances to climb and pull up. My brain just immediately panicked especially because I had just seen pictures of a friend’s 9mo full on walking!
Anon Lawyer says
I know doctors have to flag that kind of stuff but I kind of hate it. Combined with the online parenting experts trying to sell you their Instagram classes you start to feel like every minute with your child should be spent doing something therapeutic (but I know this is mostly a me issue and I try to shove it down).
Anon says
Walking at 9 months is normal. Walking at 18 months is normal. There’s a huge range for this and many other milestones.
Anon says
My second kid did not crawl at all at 9 months, and hardly ever attempted standing. Took him to PT for a month or so to teach him how to crawl. Lots of crying was involved. Now, as a two year old, he can run as fast as his 5 year old brother! He lives jumping and skipping – you’d never know he went to PT!
Anon says
Ugh, guys, business and family doesn’t mix. And my sister is a realtor and we’re selling our house. So we are using her. She just ordered an appraisal for our house that came in 105 square feet smaller than the appraisal district listing and now we’re having to use that and I think an experienced realtor would have known better!
DH is super annoyed. I’m trying to diffuse tensions. This is just a warning to you all. I’m sure it’ll be fine, but we could use the extra square feet for our listing! Not that I want to mislead buyers but they’ll do their own I think (or they do in our market)! I guess better to get it out up front than later? I wish I trusted our realtor to advise us!
Anonymous says
This doesn’t make any sense. Isn’t the correct square footage on the property records?
LittleBigLaw says
Why are you blaming your sister for what seems like an issue with the appraiser? If you don’t trust her to advise you, you definitely shouldn’t be using her as your realtor. No matter what she says/does, you’re likely to believe a non-relative would have said/done better in the situation and that absolutely is a recipe for disaster.
Anonymous says
Isn’t step one for her to go back to the appraiser and ask for the reason for the discrepancy? Like was it a typo?Seems very odd.
OP says
So the appraisal district measures from the outside of the house and the appraiser measures inside. I think the discrepency is probably stairwells. I now know why everyone just uses the appraisal district number – I just didn’t know that until after this happened!
I’d trust a stranger because my sister hasn’t sold many houses – she tends to represent people leasing – but she’s trying to break into it. One of our good friends is a high producing sales agent who would have been an obvious fit, but it would have really hurt sister’s feelings. Since I’m a lawyer and DH is in commercial real estate we felt like we could negotiate and set prices and such just fine as well as review her documentation, but I’m learning there are nuances (like rely on the county data for square footage when listing, at least in our county) that we just don’t have a grasp on. I’m not going to change course, but i really wish my sister was in a different industry!
Anonymous says
If the standard is using the district appraisal, why are you not using that for the ad and then disclosing the lesser sq footage appraisal after you have an offer or once you get pre-offer interested buyers?
Anonymous says
X1 million. I would list my home FSBO before using my sibling trying to break into RE. Nothing is free.
My mom and sisters are selling my 94 year old grandmother’s home And they are using my seasoned realtor aunt to list it. Despite the fact that she is seasoned it’s still a nightmare and everything is coming into question plus, my mom and other sister think they can weigh in on things because they “know the realtor “ ugh.
OP says
Exactly. Lesson learned! But also… how do you avoid using the relative?
I’m a lawyer and would love to not get legal questions from my family, but that’s a totally different story…!
Anonymous says
I think you say, “sorry, I want to hire someone I can be mad at. I can’t be mad at you; you are family.”
Mary Moo Cow says
My family probably wonders how I passed the bar exam, because I play dumb (or genuinely don’t know) all the time. They don’t even ask now — after so many times of me saying, “Good question! I am not up to speed with criminal law” or “I wish I remember more from my contracts class…” or something like that, plus I work in a specialized, small area of law. And then I offer to find a lawyer friend or ask my contacts for a recommendation. It may take some time, but repeatedly not knowing and not engaging helped me shut it down.
CPA Lady says
Yeah, after the disastrous experience we had buying our more recent house, I’m really not inclined to use someone I know as a realtor ever again (we didn’t use a relative, but we did use a friend). It’s such a stressful, emotionally fraught, high-stakes process. My husband had a massive meltdown like two hours before closing and was going to back out of the deal because at the final walkthrough we discovered a couple of significant issues that hadn’t been fixed (like the seller just skipped them even though she had agreed to get them fixed) and our realtor was kind of trying to blow us off (after being late for several showings and just not really being on his A game through the whole process) and have us close without getting the issues resolved. My normally very calm and quiet husband absolutely flipped his sh&t. As well he should have, but it was extra awkward because we knew our realtor, who had to run around like a chicken w his head cut off to smooth everything over and get everything resolved at the 11th hour. Closing was one of the most tense meetings I have ever been in. My husband was silently seething the whole time as the sellers realtor and our realtor made awkward small talk. The seller decided not to show up, and had her realtor handle everything.
We picked some random lady who lived in our neighborhood as our selling agent after that debacle and that was a much better experience. You can be a bit unreasonable and emotional and delusional with a realtor you don’t know. Its weirder when its your “friend”. I’m actually a bit wary of using any of my friends for any type of professional services after that.
OP says
Ah CPA Lady, you’re making me feel better at least. DH is seething about once a week over this process.
He also lost the car keys to the car that has car seats installed and then left town for a work trip today so he may not be the only one seething haha. Not a great week for us!
Anon says
If it helps to know, this happened to us too and we were using a very, very experienced realtor that was fabulous in seriously every other way. She always gets the square footage appraisal done for her sellers, and was a little surprised/felt bad that this happened, and said it usually goes the other way, which was obviously her intent.
According to her there isn’t a “standard” way it’s measured, some do closets, stairwells, etc, some don’t..
We were able to list both in our disclosures and just noted the different sources. Redfin kept us at the public record number.
OP says
That DOES make me feel better – thank you for sharing that!
Anonymous says
An alternative anecdote…we used my sister’s brother in law as our realtor. He beat out 11 offers (not even the most money) for us. We’ll def use him again. But he’s very experienced and sells million dollar properties on the reg/on the 40 under 40 lists etc…
SC says
I’ll chime in to say we had an excellent experience with a realtor who is a good friend. Her instincts for something being off absolutely saved us from rushing an offer on a house that would have been a disaster. She did a lot of work, both in showing us a ton of houses, talking to sellers’ agents, running numbers, and researching things like zoning ordinances, and she was completely professional throughout the process.
I suppose if things had gone poorly, it would be a lot worse than just hiring a new agent. My mom lost a whole friendship over deciding not to use her friend as her sellers’ agent, when the property was in an entirely different market and her friend wanted to charge $5000 just to list it because she disagreed with the price my parents wanted to list it for.
Anonymous says
Recently (last week or two) my kindergarten child is breaking down crying at bedtime over random stuff he has anxiety about. We lie down with him 20-30 min while he’s falling asleep, and maybe 15 min in, when we think he’s almost asleep, he just starts SOBBING about “I have to return my library books and I might want them again sometime,” “why are they knocking down the playground to build a new one? I’ll never see the old one again!,” “I don’t want to go to library tomorrow because it’s too hard to choose books,” etc. This is a one week issue so far so I’m not at the point of calling the behavioral health person at our doctor’s office, although he is someone who likely will need help with anxiety as he grows up. But – anyone else experience random crying jags at bedtime and any ideas for a more peaceful bedtime? Tried earlier bedtime on the assumption he may have been really tired but that definitely did not work.
Anon says
I know she’s plugged often, but @drbeckyathome on IG has a recent video on helping anxiety in kids. The gist was not trying to fix their anxiety, but reminding them that they’ve gotten through hard things before and they’ll get through this hard thing. It has really resonated with my kids, who are struggling with an “ending” of a school year that feels like it didn’t even really start.
Anonymous says
So, I’m not plugging extreme redshirting at all. But I like to think of the benefits of being a bit older in the late teen years, too. I graduated HS at 17 and started college having just barely turned 18. It was fine. But that is it. I was insecure and awkward. I think it would have been better for me to be a year older before essentially being out on my own.
Anonymous says
Meant for below. Sorry.
Anonymous says
Counterpoint: I started college at 17 and was more than ready. I wanted out of high school and my parents’ house so badly. I was just done with all of it by the end of junior year. I was insecure and awkward too, but being an insecure and awkward college freshman was vastly superior to being an insecure and awkward high school senior.
Anon says
+1 I wasn’t actually super young relative to others (I turned 18 the summer before college and went to college with a lot of kids who were 17 at the start due to winter cutoffs), but I think being older for my grade would have helped socially and emotionally. I survived, obviously! But I think there are real advantages to being older. Although for bright kids, they definitely need to be weighed against the disadvantages of being bored academically.
Anonymous says
When mine get anxous or overwhelmed at bedtime, I tell them to count. One breath in and out per number, count as high and they can and then count backwards. Just like adults at bedtime, kids can get anxious when they start thinking about the next day and giving something to focus on helps. Other trick is to ask them to think of five things to dream about – favorite game, taste, smell, toy, vacation etc. (like tag, gummy bears, baking cookies, paw patrol truck and beach vacation), then think of another 5. One breath in and out per thing.
Also, time running around outside in the fresh air after school and before bed is key.
Anon says
My anxious kiddo did this for a while, and it turned out to be a combo of stalling and sleepiness amplifying her worries. Her therapist suggested, and I instituted, a rule that she gets 5 minutes after the lights go out to say anything she wants. After that, my only response is, “shh, it’s time for sleep.” It was really hard the first night to calmly ignore my crying kiddo, but it worked! And now I hear all the good gossip for 5 minutes.
Even if you don’t think your kiddo is playing you, remember how anxieties get worse and worse the longer they go on past your own bedtime. It’s ok to say, “that’s a big worry, let’s handle it in the morning.” Morning worries are always smaller and more manageable.
More Redshirting Thoughts says
Yesterday’s convo re redshirting sent me down a rabbit hole, it seems like studies on the issue indicate that any possible advantage of being older for your grade even out by middle school at the latest. So if your kid isn’t socially/emotionally ready for kindergarten, it may make sense to wait a year. But don’t do it for any perceived academic advantage, and don’t feel bad if it seems like those around you are.
Anon says
But I wonder if those studies still apply when the majority of the class is redshirted. My son turns 6 this month and is the youngest in his K class (our cutoff is Sep 1) by several months. Most of his classmates turned 6 before they started K, so his maturity and emotional skills, while right on track for both his age and typical K expectations, are still far behind his peers. It doesn’t make sense to hold him back, but I do worry about him being compared to kids that are a full year ahead of him in age, and how that will impact him throughout school.
Interesting says
Wow, I’m shocked that he is the youngest in his class with a spring birthday. My son will be 6 before he starts kindergarten, but just barely and only because he has a late summer birthday. (If I wanted him to start when he is still 5, I would have to get him tested and petition for special permission from the district to go a year early.)
Anonymous says
Here in MA I see that too. My daughter turns 6 in June and is the last of her K class to do so. There are 5 kids that will be turning 7 before the first day of 1st grade.
SC says
That was the case with my son in his preschool, which was a feeder to a private K-12 school. The year he was in PK 3, I thought he was super behind the other kids. Their art was better, they were more coordinated on the playground, they could count higher, they could write their names. Then in the spring, I realized from all the birthday party invites that he was turning 4 while the other kids were turning 5. The next year, we redshirted him, and most of the other kids were close to his age–at most, 6 months younger. The school’s cutoff was September 1, but in reality, it was December.
anon says
I’m the parent of a kid who was born near the cutoff and who started K at age 4. She was academically ready, but really struggled emotionally with school and still does as a rising 3rd grader. If she was a grade younger, I think she’d be a happier and less anxious kid, though unchallenged academically.
I’d really encourage parents to consider their local trends and school expectations. Some elementary schools still treat K like an extension of preschool with lots of play and recess. My daughter’s public school trends older, with red shirted kids, and expects kindergartners to come in knowing how to read and write. The first day of school the brand new kindergartners were asked to write a “personal narrative” telling the teacher about themselves. My 4 yo could do this, but sobbed that evening that she “just wanted to play,” kicking off a year of tantrums and behavior issues. (All of those behavior issues completely disappear during the summer when school lets out and she has summer camp.) She’s been the youngest in her class by at least 2-3 months every year, with the majority of her class turning a year older by Christmas.
I don’t know the right answer, but I do think this issue has many shades of grey that get ignored with unilateral statements about what parents should or shouldn’t do.
Anon says
“My daughter’s public school trends older, with red shirted kids, and expects kindergartners to come in knowing how to read and write. The first day of school the brand new kindergartners were asked to write a “personal narrative” telling the teacher about themselves.”
This is bonkers. Regardless of whether kids are 4 or 5 or 6, this is an insane expectation for kindergartners. In our schools, K is less play based and physically active than preschool -they have to spend a lot of the day seated and following directions – but there’s no expectation of reading or writing. There’s not even an expectation that they be reading at the end of the year. Most of the class learns to read in first grade.
anon says
Yes, it’s bonkers, but was generally in line with the academic expectations. The school day also included 30-45 minutes of “silent reading” daily. It’s one thing to expect this of a kid who is solidly six, and another for a kid who is a brand new 5 yo.
For my daughter, her issues were less about the actual academic expectations than the pace of the day. A two hour block of seat time for reading and writing every morning was too long. She needed shorter chunks and more movement. It really felt more like a 1st or even 2nd grade schedule, than kindergarten.
Anonymous says
If she was ready academically, holding her back would just have created different problems. Then she would have been expected to sit in one place for two hours while bored with work that was too easy.
anon says
I can’t decide if it would have been that different academically from now. She’s already bored in her current grade. With virtual school this year, she just keeps her nose in a book. Most days she reads about 300 pages during the school day and still gets all of her work done, though I’ll admit that she really doesn’t want to do the work. She hates it.
Even now that she’s older, she still struggles with maturity issues that come across in relationships and behavior expectations. She still finds school to be “hard” and “very stressful” even when all of the content is super easy. During the summer when school is out, she goes to day camps and becomes this happy, relaxed kid. That kid disappears during the school year with lots of stress behaviors.
Anon says
Why does everyone act like being bored is the worst thing that can happen to a kid? I was bored for most of elementary school and you figure it out. I read a lot. I helped the teacher with projects. I got advanced work from the teacher. It wasn’t the end of the world and I credit some of my success today to being able to deal with that boredom in a productive way.
Anonymous says
Anon at 1:47, there are degrees of boredom. There’s “I’m reading at a higher level than the rest of the class and this book is kind of easy.” Then there is “I can do multiplication and the rest of the class can’t read two-digit numbers so the teacher assigned me to help everyone find the correct page in the workbook.” Or “I am reading chapter books and half the class doesn’t know its letters.” Both true stories from my daughter’s kindergarten experience.
Anonymous says
To the poster above about boredom – yes, we all need to learn to manage boredom in our lives. But being academically extremely bored can be very negative and definitely was for me. I was miserable at school with physically painful boredom from about 4th-9th grade. Having nowhere to stretch your brain, nothing that feels useful or productive to do with your mind can be seriously damaging to mental health. Imagine if you were trapped now 8 hours a day doing tasks that were totally boring and pointless but that you still had to do even though there was no benefit to anyone – seriously, it was torture, even with worthwhile activities outside of school. If you’re lucky your school district can help with more appropriate work but I wasn’t lucky. As an adult, when I have had jobs like that that made me want to dash out my brain with boredom, I have been able to find a new job, and at least there was some potential benefit somewhere (even just that I got paid), but it was years of misery as a child that resulted in mental and physical health problems.
Anonymous says
In our school district, the expectations for writing far outpace the expectations for reading. In first grade it’s considered terribly advanced for a child to be reading Beverley Cleary, but at the same time all of the kids are expected to be able to write multi-paragraph compositions. I don’t understand why the district thinks kids should be able to write something they wouldn’t be capable of reading.
Anon says
I don’t really understand it either, but this is common and apparently well-supported by research. I guess part of it is that when you’re writing you can spell the words phonentically, but many English words are non-phonentic, so seeing the proper spelling of the word when reading can actually be more confusing than writing it out the way it sounds to you.
Anon says
And apparently I did not spell phonetic phonetically. LOL.
Anonymous says
It’s about more than writing words, though. I don’t believe a first-grader who can’t even read real chapter books is capable of writing in complete sentences, much less organized paragraphs that fit into a multi-paragraph structure. Especially not without being taught. Our schools don’t actually teach or practice writing. They just test the kids on it. I had to teach my kid at home.
More Redshirting Thoughts says
I definitely agree that there are shades of gray in this issue. It seemed like there were some people yesterday who were concerned that if they *didn’t* redshirt, they were giving up an academic advantage. And the studies I was able to find don’t seem to bear that out, at least not long term.
Personally, I think this is a very kid-specific decision which is probably why so many states and districts allow a range of ages vs. a strict “here is when you must start or homeschool” policy. It obviously also varies a lot based on where you live too.
Anon4this says
I’m curious about this. I learned that in my county its increasingly common to redshirt May birthdays for both boys and girls. The county is a September 1 cutoff. My daughter is a late May birthday and I would never have considered redshirting her, but knowing she will be 5 years 3 months ish when school starts and there could be kids turning 7 in kindergarten is nuts to me.
Anon says
i am struggling with this too. my twins have a mid May birthday. i have a colleague whose daughter with a late April birthday is the youngest in her grade. DH and I both have May birthdays as well. He came from a district with a 12/31 cutoff and I came from one with 9/1, but I don’t think it ever occurred to my parents to hold me back and i definitely wasn’t even close to the youngest. i have girls, but almost wish i had boys bc it would be easier to decide. i feel like one challenge for a girl is i don’t want them going through puberty over a year before their classmates (though i know there is a wide range)
Anon says
It’s by no means perfect, but family history is a rough guide for when your daughters will go through puberty. If you got your period at 11, it’s unlikely they’ll get it at 15 and vice versa.
Anon says
i’m the anon at 1:22pm and I got mine at 12, but my mom got hers at 16. i’ve heard overall girls are getting them much much earlier now. likely due to hormones/chemicals in food
Anon says
It’s trending earlier, yes, but generally not by that much. The rule of thumb I’ve heard from doctors is one year earlier for each generation. It held true for me/my mom/grandmother (who were all super late relative to average).
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t take physical considerations into account. Grade placement decisions should be based on academic and social readiness at the current moment in time, not when you think your child will enter puberty or how tall they are. You don’t really know when or how your child will develop physically in relation to other kids.
Anonymous says
FWIW while redshirting is popular in my district with a 9/1 cutoff, it is nearly all boys. There are lots of summer birthday girls and they are all young. I do know one girl with a 8/28 bday that was redshirted and she had some developmental delays and a speech issue that pushed her parents to hold her back.
What! says
This is all so wild to me! I had no idea there was so much variation in kindergarten start age. I am undecided on holding my son back a year because he has a late summer birthday that is less than a week before our state’s cutoff. But I had no idea that 7 year old kindergarteners were common! Are those kids really still in preschool until then? It seems like they’d be bored.
Anon says
My kids are in private school (one of those you may have heard of – competitive in a large market) and they have two months of the year where you can send to one grade or the other but otherwise don’t allow redshirting. So there’s a little wiggle room but not much – in theory one kid can be 14 months older than another but that’s the largest gap and honestly you don’t see it much. Definitely no 7 year old kindergartners! I love that they make the decision for us! But also they would say they do this to make classroom management and teaching easier. There’s still going to be a big variation between kids across the year, but it’s somewhat more controlled.
Anonymous says
I think many of them do “transitional kindergarten “ type programs. I think in my youth those kids would’ve done two years of kindergarten- that was pretty common as I recall.
Around here with a Sept 1 cut off date, in my older kid’s current kindergarten class, I am not seeing kids held back with birthdays earlier than July. My younger son has a late August birthday- he’s not 3 yet so hard to say, but our presumption is we’d send him on time and he’d be the youngest in his class if he keeps being as large and verbal as he is now. It may be a game time decision though!!
anon says
Red shirting is common in my area, and that means there are 7 year old kindergarteners. I don’t think the problem is that they’re bored–it’s that the younger kindergarteners are expected to reach the same academic and social/behavioral standards at the older ones, and they really struggle unless they’re really advanced for their age.
Anon says
People here being kind of pearl clutchy about “7 year old kindergartners” in my opinion. A redshirted late spring birthday would turn 7 at the very end of K. Most redshirted kids are summer birthdays (if late summer cutoff) or fall birthdays (if winter cutoff) and don’t turn 7 during the K academic year. I’m not disagreeing that red-shifting has its issues but there are many cases where it’s appropriate, particularly if you’re talking about a late summer or fall birthday who wouldn’t even be 5 at the start of the academic year if they started “on time.”
Anon says
I’m the first comment, Anon at 12:36, whose son is the youngest in his K class with a May birthday. I’m not pearl clutchy about 7 year olds, I’m worried about my age-appropriate K’er trying to meet the same expectations as kids a full year older than him. He’s ahead academically but clearly less mature than his classmates, and I’m not sure what to do. From a school standards perspective, he’s exactly on track, and academically he’s holding his own, but in the classroom it’s clear that he can’t, say, sit still as long as they can. I worry about him being branded as a “baby” or “immature” or “silly” by peers or teachers when really, he’s a typical almost-6-year-old that just happens to be in a class of kids who went through that phase LAST spring/ summer.
anon says
Just for perspective, my kid who started on time will begin 3rd grade as a 7 yo. She didn’t turn 7 until 6 weeks into 2nd grade.
Hearing about a 7 yo kindergartner just sounds wrong to me, even if the math works out.
Anon says
I don’t disagree, I just don’t think most redshirted kids turn 7 in K. In my area (9/1 cutoff) it really only seems common for summer birthdays, so they wouldn’t turn 7 during the school year.
anon says
This makes me feel like I’ve been judging my 7 yo too harshly. She’s struggled with behavior expectations all along in school. With virtual learning this year, there are lots of expectations for independent work. But if she was a new 7 yo and in kindergarten instead of 2nd grade, she would be so so so far ahead of the curve.
At the same time, though, I just can’t imagine her as a new 7 yo in kindergarten. That seems so juvenile for a 7 yo–completely developmentally inappropriate.
SC says
Redshirting is common in my area for spring birthdays. My son has an April birthday. He’s in kindergarten and just turned 6, so if we had red-shirted him, he would have turned 7 while in kindergarten.
We actually did redshirt him during preschool, so he did not enter pre-K 4 with his pre-K 3 class, who were all at least 4-14 months older than him. Then we switched schools. New school is for kids with exceptionalities, so they expect and know how to handle the social/emotional/behavioral issues. They didn’t have a pre-K 4, and Kiddo was academically ready for kindergarten, so he skipped pre-K 4 altogether and started in Kindergarten. They did not start day 1 with a composition, but the kids do write a book and share it with the class when they’re ready. I’ve been told he’s writing a book about the days of the week.
Anonymous says
My daughter also started third grade at age 7. Kindergarten is simply not a developmentally appropriate place for a 7-year-old, and it’s detrimental to the 5-year-olds to have 7-year-olds there. FWIW, the bullies and bossy kids in my kid’s class have always been the oldest ones, usually redshirted.
Anonymous says
nobody I know did it for academic reasons. Everyone here redshirts for social reasons.
Clementine says
I redshirted my kiddo (like I said, November birthday less than 2 weeks from the cutoff, missed half of Pre-K due to COVID) because last year he basically spent the entire year in trouble. Part of it (I now know) was his teacher and her classroom management style. He knew all the academic things he needed – letters/numbers/colors/etc., but he absolutely would have been labeled as a ‘problem’ kid and I do think it would have become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Last year was absolutely miserable. He spent time talking to the vice principal basically every day, I would regularly have to pick him up because of behavioral concerns… mostly because of things like impulse control, not sitting still during circle time, another kid would tell him ‘Hey, you should go do X’ and he would do it without questioning. This year? I am told what a helpful kid my child has. He’s able to sit still for long enough to do the activities. He is curious and excited.
As somebody who was 4 in kindergarten, it does seem weird to have 7 year olds in kindergarten… but for my particular situation, it was absolutely the right choice to have my kid wait until he was 5 to start K.
Anonymous says
People who feel that you and your spouse have a fairly equal split of household and child duties, can you give a rough idea of how you split up tasks?
People who have more than every other week housecleaning help, how do you feel about your children seeing someone else work in your home? We’re considering hiring some housekeeping help once or twice a week. Kiddo will be home with a sitter over the summer. I would try to coordinate it for times when she is likely out of the house. But I’m a little curious how other folks handle this.
Anon says
I think DH and I have a pretty equal split. He thinks he does more. I think it’s kind of inevitable that someone feels like it’s uneven. He definitely does more of the physical labor, but I do virtually all of the emotional labor.
He cooks dinner 4-5 nights/week (the rest is takeout/delivery), takes out the trash and does most of the dog walks. I do all the daycare dropoffs and pickups. We each do our own laundry and handle our own breakfasts and lunches. I’m generally the one that takes kiddo to doctor’s and dentist appointments. We do kid bed and bathtime together normally. We have a biweekly cleaning service so neither of us really does any cleaning, but I spend more time wiping up spills than him because they bother me more. A lot of the emotional labor I do is arguably optional (things like making Christmas cards, creating photo albums, planning vacations) but a lot of it is not optional (making doctor and dentist appointments, buying kid clothes, ordering delivery food on the nights he isn’t cooking). There’s also gray area stuff like reading parenting books, which isn’t “mandatory” but I do solely for our kid’s benefit (unlike vacation planning or photo albums, which are things I want).
Our cleaning service comes when my 3 year old is at school, but she knows we have one. I don’t think it would be possible to hide it from her long term. She comments on how much cleaner the house is after they come.
Anonymous says
If you have a sitter or nanny, your child already sees household help working in your home.
Anonymous says
OP here – you’re not wrong. I guess it just feels like a lot of privilege or something. But at this point we just can’t do it all. And I’d rather hire help than work less or spend even less quality time with kiddo.
Anon says
I think this is all in how you approach it. In some ways as noted by others below, I think hiring someone to help with household chores can actually help kids see that those are tasks that are jobs and not just unpaid labor that someone else does. I can’t remember the source but the quote resonated with me of unless your kids are cleaning the house and doing all the household chores, they already have a maid, it’s you. There isn’t anything inherently different about paying someone to clean your house than to babysit your kids, mow your lawn, do your taxes, fix your car, cook for you (takeout), deliver things, etc. you are paying someone (hopefully) fair wages to do work so you have more time to spend on other things. There is nothing bad or shameful about this arrangement. Of course it’s privileged but so is being able to put food on the table, take a vacation, own a car, etc. as long as you treat the person you hire with respect and require your kids to do the same I don’t see any issues.
Redux says
So you acknowledge your privilege but don’t want your child to know about it? I am confused by your question.
Anonymous says
I feel fine about my child seeing our housekeeper? Idk why I wouldn’t. I want him to learn that having a clean house takes work. He sees me doing housework, he sees my husband doing it, he knows he has chores, and he knows that we hire Nina to also do things.
anon says
I have a housekeeper 2 days/week, so my three kids see her a lot. In some ways I think it’s good because my kids def think of cleaning as a job rather than seeing it just as unpaid labor that mom and dad do. I think in some respects that builds respect for cleaners. At the same time, we have to be very firm about not leaving messes for the housekeeper – we say “her job is to clean the house, not to clean up after you.” I do worry about them becoming entitled, and I also want to make sure they actually learn how to do basic cleaning, laundry, etc.
Pogo says
Posted something similar below – kiddo definitely respects the cleaner, which I appreciate.
anon says
My high school boyfriend’s mom was a house cleaner and he was very ashamed. I never want my kids to view it as a “lesser” job.
Anonymous says
This is exactly our messaging, too. She cleans, she does not tidy, therefore the kids still need to put their toys away. My kids know that Ms. [firstname] comes every week because we hired her to help keep our house clean. Mom and Dad work hard at their jobs to earn money to pay for things we need and want. Cleaning is important and hard work too, so it’s worth it to us to use some of the money we earned to hire someone else to help us so we have more time to relax and spend as a family. Usually our housecleaner comes while the kids are away, but they do know to greet her respectfully and stay out of her way, just the same as they need to stay out of my office when I’m working. Also, there’s plenty of spot cleaning needed in between the housecleaner days that my kids still get a chance to practice their chore-skills and know that things don’t just magic themselves clean.
Anonymous says
Same.
Anon says
We have housekeepers that come weekly and do general housecleaning and fold laundry. I guess I’m not sure what question you’re asking? She thinks of them just like other workmen that come to the house to do HVAC, lawn work, electrical, plumbing (DH is NOT handy and I’m in BigLaw so while I am handy I don’t have the time). DD (3) interacts with them as we have mostly the same crew every week (she drew a picture for them this morning), and I make her pick up all of her toys before they come as well so they spend more time cleaning and less time picking up. I try to keep her on a different floor from them both for Covid reasons and also to keep her out of the way, but other than that nothing special.
Pogo says
Our split:
DH: all yard stuff except decorative flowers/plants (includ veg garden); most cooking and grocery shopping; garbage, car maintenance, most house maintenance, most bills (mortgage, utilities), financial stuff (investments, rebalancing, contributions to 529s), most cleaning/tidying, daycare dropoff.
Me: Amazon ordering, online grocery ordering, all laundry, kid clothes, scheduling and payment to cleaners, all the emotional labor kid stuff like planning for teacher appreciation week etc, remainder of cleaning & bills, daycare pickup.
Split 50/50: Day to day of dinner/bath/bed, getting the mail, gas for the cars, etc.
Kiddo knows the cleaners (we have two women who are sisters) and we just explain its her job, that we pay her. The only acceptable reason in his eyes to tidy up his toys is if [Cleaner] is coming – he knows it’s polite to tidy up for her, but if we ask him to tidy up just because we don’t want to trip on Legos, he throws a fit, ha.
Pogo says
and yes I realize it looks like DH does a lot more, but I think the fact I do so much emotional labor makes it equal.
Anonymous says
We have an equal split, although I think he does more visible work and I do more in terms of keeping clothes organized, ordered, with the right sizes, as well as thinking about classes, doctor appts, schools, daycare needs, etc (although I say that, he is in charge of booking soccer). We meal plan and make the grocery list together, I do the shopping because I enjoy it, we both cook. I clean up after dinner, load the dishwasher and clean counters, he does all dishes that don’t go in the dishwasher. I do all laundry, but he puts his own away. He gets up with the kids every morning and makes them breakfast (I have higher sleep needs), also makes them lunches and snacks on the weekends (I help and clean up, but he mostly does it). He does vet trips and pet care, including feeding, walking dog, and cleaning litter box, plus trash and car maintenance. We have a tiny yard and split yard work. We have monthly cleaners and just spot clean in between with regard to crumbs on the floor, spills, etc. Writing this out I feel pretty lazy but I swear it is mostly equal in practice!
Anonymous says
re: cleaning service, we have had the same service (it’s a husband/wife team and they have a couple of helpers that revolve) since my 8 year old was 2.5. Sometimes the kids are home, and sometimes they are not. We have drilled into them “everybody has a job to do” and that we have the cleaners come help us so we can do our work jobs. We are also really clear with the kids on what THEIR cleaning jobs are: picking up toys, clothes, etc.
Fallen says
It took us almost a decade of marriage to get here (with lots of resentment before of me doing more) but this feels super even to me
DH: dishes, trash, mail, bills/finances, all outside of repair work, keeping track of things for my daughter school, paying the cleaners, all AM with kids
Me: groceries, cooking, tidying the house throughout the day, evenings on 4/5 weekdays with kids
50-50 split: drop off/pick up when our nanny is not able to handle, doctors appointments for kids
Outsourced/other family: weekly cleaning, laundry, buying kids clothes, breakfast/lunches for kids
Boston Legal Eagle says
I feel that spouse and I split tasks pretty evenly among us, even though neither does all of what the other does.
Mostly individual tasks:
Me: All laundry except his, currently do both daycare drop off and pick up, schedule most of the kids’ doctors’ appts., buy most of their clothes, restock diapers and miscellaneous household items, entertaining the kids while he cooks, all financial planning (bills are on autopay), teacher cards and other “emotional labor” type things.
Him: Almost all of the cooking (I do some weekend lunches, and we also get some of our dinners delivered and takeout), more of the grocery shopping, all outdoor care, house maintenance calls, his laundry, taking care of the kids in the mornings before I get out of the shower. He’s usually the one to put our 5 year old back to bed when he gets up randomly in the middle of the night.
Each does about 50% of the time:
Kids’ bedtime routines (we each do a kid per night), cleanup and dishes, weekend childcare.
There’s probably more that I’m missing, but it feels equitable, with slightly more on husband’s plate actually (I am NOT a “mommy martyr”). We have biweekly housecleaners and our older kid is aware. It’s not a big deal. We try to treat everyone we hire to help out with respect.
Anonymous says
I have thought previous to Covid we had an equal split, but at this moment in time my husband probably does more. I have a very solid 7/8 to 5/6 work day; he has a lot more flexibility in WHEN his work gets done and often works nights/weekends to manage kids in the afternoons.
Me: wake kids up in the morning/get the dressed/breakfast, one kid’s daycare pick up and put down for nap, pack kid lunches, do dishes, pack bags, haircuts, clothes and shoe purchasing, day camp planning and daycare/school research, cooking most weekend and some weekday meals; usually manage kids most of Sunday; school supply provisioning etc
Husband: drop offs, older child pick up, kid supervision 3 pm to dinner, cook dinner, grocery pickup, banking and bill paying, garbage/recycling, major or very heavy yard work (don’t have a lawn but have a very involved yard), garden watering, car maintenance, childcare during school vacations
Shared equally – not divided: kids’ doctor appointments- attending and scheduling (he does more dentist that we can schedule when he’s not working and I’m more likely to be able to do urgent), general housecleaning on top of every-three-weeks cleaner, kids’ bedtimes
Anon says
piggybacking on the previous post, do you think it is your responsibility to teach your kids how to do everything around the house? growing up my family always had a cleaning person every other week. i still saw my parents doing laundry, taking out trash, washing dishes, cooking, etc. but I never saw anyone iron (they just sent things to dry cleaners), clean a shower or a toilet and rarely rarely take out a vacuum. i have sort of now figured these things out on my own, though to be honest, i am really bad at them, and we by no means have the cleanest shower or toilet. should i be teaching my kids these things or they can just google and figure it out if/when they need to?
Anonymous says
Yes I view it as a very important part of parenting that I want to teach my kids how to take care of themselves as adults, and that includes cooking and cleaning.
Anonymous says
Same. These are life skills, even if you eventually have a life where you can pay someone to do them for you.
Anon says
We have weekly housekeepers and I am still pulling out the vacuum or the mop at least once a week (and regularly wiping down counters) because of some disaster; I can’t wait to be out of the human tornado stage of childhood (TBD if that is at age 5 or 18). The iron we got as a wedding gift is still in its box 6 years later; I’m firmly pro steamer or a wrinkle release round in the dryer, so probably won’t be teaching kiddo how to iron. But as for the cleaning a shower, toilet, etc., even with a housekeeper growing up we still had to do that if she was on vacation or sick, or if we were at a vacation house, etc. I’ll probably package it in the late teen years with the rest of the growing up lessons about how to balance a checkbook, use a budget, do laundry, cook for yourself, etc., but I figured cleaning out just fine even with those limited experiences (and just like riding a bike all those old cleaning hacks came back during our year of COVID even though it had been close to a decade since I had last personally cleaned my house) so I imagine she will do just fine.
avocado says
Yes, I consider producing a competent self-sufficient adult to be one of my most important responsibilities as a parent. This means not just teaching my daughter to do basic household tasks such as cooking, cleaning, and laundry, but helping her to establish a regular habit of doing these things for herself before she leaves home. It also means teaching her to figure out how to do things on her own. I don’t think it’s necessary to teach her exactly how to replace a faucet cartridge, but I want her to be resourceful enough to troubleshoot a dripping faucet herself.
It’s not just about adulting, either. Cooking dinner for the family or planning and executing a project or being genuinely useful around the house is great for my daughter’s self-confidence and mood. It makes her feel like a grown-up, which is one of the things teenagers want most.
GCA says
(tl;dr — I think you can take steps to teach your kids the skills, but ultimately how they function as adults will depend on their personality and desire to practice these skills.)
Extreme perspective!: I grew up in a fairly affluent family, in a country/ culture where labor is cheaper and it is more common to have live-in help. So we nearly always had a live-in person who did a combination of household labor and childcare. (All of this by the way was startling to my mom, who grew up very poor and was the first person in her family to attend university.) My parents were pretty clear that my sister and I should focus on studying, so we were only ever asked to tidy our own rooms. I did quickly learn that if I wanted to be able to find things in my room and on my shelves, I had better put them away myself. And when I lived away from home during and after college, I also learned quite fast how to do my own laundry, clean a toilet, unclog a drain, and run a vacuum. To this day I wouldn’t call myself an incredibly neat or clean person, but we have no cleaning help and keep things vaguely tidy.
In contrast, DH grew up with five siblings and an extensive chore roster. He is a vastly neater person than I am, but…here’s the kicker – the tendency to neatness varies wildly among his siblings. So I suppose you can google it all (like me) or repeatedly practice it all growing up (like DH), it’s not rocket science, but the *desire* to do so depends on the kid. I guess our approach is to equip our kids with the skills to do things around the house – I see it as a basic life skill that serves you well in any context. So right now the 6yo sweeps up after dinner and the toddler ‘picks up’ the tornado that is their room before bedtime. I also want them to recognize that household labor is one way to contribute to a family because you care – kind of, learning to speak a love language.
Anonymous says
I think the parent’s job is to make sure the kid knows how to do various life skills like make a bed, clean a toilet, cook a few meals, operate a laundry machine etc. I grew up with biweekly cleaners but as a teenager I was expected to take care of my room and to help out a bit with vacuuming or wiping down. We have three kids and each is assigned to be the assistant cook to the parent two nights a week (7th night is take out). This helps them learn cooking skills without making them fully responsible for a meal. They love the one on one time.
Teaching them how to do stuff doesn’t necessarily mean they are assigned that chore on an ongoing basis. There’s a space between teach them nothing and making them do all the things.
Anon says
You should. I grew up in a poor and negligent household where no one really cleaned (yes, it was gross) and certainly no one taught me how to do it. I figured out how to clean a toilet, counters, floors fairly easily (and I’ve done my own laundry since age 9), but I’m still really iffy on the bathtub/shower cleaning situation. I’ve now had a house cleaner for years. I had her stay away at the beginning of covid and I made some attempts at my bathtub and shower but… they weren’t very good. I’m kind of embarrassed about this, TBH. My kid is too young to learn, and I’m not really sure how to teach her what I barely know myself.
anon says
Yeah, absolutely. We have a cleaning service come in every 2 weeks, but that’s for MY convenience and sanity, not my kids’. And really, the house does need to be cleaned more often than that. There are daily things that have to be done, and things that still add up over the course of a week. But more to the point, I don’t want my kids — especially my son, if I’m being really honest — to think this stuff just magically happens. I didn’t have cleaning help until I was 34 years old and working full-time outside the house with two kids. If my kids are going to be good roommates and partners someday (or heck, just not be slovenly themselves), they need to know how to do this stuff.
SC says
Honestly, I wasn’t expected or taught to do anything around the house when I was a kid, and I can’t point to any major detrimental effect. I’m definitely not the tidiest person, but I clean up before people come over, so only close family knows that. My parents outsourced everything, including most of the childcare, and my mom did any regular housework in the mornings before I woke up because she’s an insane morning person. Once I was an adult, I figured out how to cook and clean and shop and do laundry when I had to. I googled stuff, I asked the older ladies at work, I read cookbooks, etc. I also called my mom almost everyday for several years asking how to do basic sh*t, and that probably did more to repair the damage to our relationship caused by my high school years than anything else. DH and I still google/YouTube home repair stuff, and find new recipes, and read tips about how to organize, and learn from our parents when they visit. (My MIL’s latest tip–clean your ceiling fan blades with a pillow case to keep the dust from going all over the house.)
Oddly, though, I’m really into teaching my kid how to do stuff. DH and I don’t outsource anything, which makes sense for us because DH is a SAHD. I don’t have my 6-year-old scrubbing toilets, but I want him to pick up his toys, feed the cat, help pick produce at the grocery store, cook with his dad, pull weeds and pick up sticks and leaves in the yard, etc. Sometimes, he helps with the dishes or a bigger cleaning project. He “helps” DH with small repairs or other DIY jobs, though we don’t let him paint the walls yet. When he gets older, I’ll expect him to clean his own bathroom, and for it to be cleaner than ours. I’m not sure why it’s important to me, since I learned as an adult, and I don’t see knowing how to clean a shower before you’re 18 as all that important for its own sake. I think it’s just fostering a family culture of everyone working as a team and pitching in to help, which is pretty much the opposite of my family of origin.
Anonymous says
Probably too late in the day for this, but does anyone have leads on jeans or other non-legging pants for an extremely fit girl with soccer thighs? She’s 7.5 and too tall for 6x, too small for 8. Some 7/8 fit length wise but if they are roomy enough for her thighs, the waist is like 2-3 sizes too big.
We just got gap girlfriend jeans in a 7 and adjusted the waist all the way in (why don’t women’s jeans have this???) So her butt didn’t show when she bent over. The only pair they have is “deconstructed.” Any other similar pants or ideas?
She currently plays 3 sports and dances- she’s so strong and I want to make sure she’s happy and comfortable in her body. She got super frustrated when all the skinny jeans wouldn’t go over her legs or were too uncomfortable to crouch down in, and she wants more than just leggings.
Anon says
Try Zara. I also think that cheaper made stuff like Old Navy tends to stretch more. Also – idk where you live but presumably it’s almost summer- does she need more pants?
Anon says
I’m not sure about fit, but Primary denim has waist adjusters.
Anonymous says
What about some jogger style pants? They’re all the rage for women right now, are there some for girls that are acceptable for leaving the house?