This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
My husband is an active Amazon Prime-er, and random boxes are always showing up on our front steps. Upon opening one particular box, his eyes lit up and he exclaimed, “I bought a bubble machine!” That he did. We have one similar to this, and my son is at prime bubble-loving stage. If you’re hosting a gathering with any number of children, or even just want to get one child out of the house for some fresh air, a machine like this will make it a memorable experience. It’s likely cheaper to just buy a machine than to keep renting one, and when your child outgrows bubbles (sob), pass it along! This bubble machine is $46.99 at Amazon and is eligible for Prime. Automatic Bubble Machine This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
GCA says
Riddle me this: how is it that my 9mo’s sleep is getting worse and worse, not better? She used to be a once-a-night-wakeup girl, but lately she’s been up and down and up and down all night — last night I put her back to bed about five times. Longest stretch of sleep was 3.5 hours. We dosed her with ibuprofen so it’s probably not teeth, but she is learning a whole bunch of new skills (clapping, pointing, trying to stand on her own, walking with a push walker). I’m at breaking point & this plus a host of other things makes me feel like I need to go part time until husband is done with his PhD in ~7 months. But the sleep thing might be the last straw.
Annie says
To each their own, but time to Ferber?
Cb says
Yeah, I’d ferber. We waited way too long to do it and could have saved ourselves months of misery.
anne-on says
I’d Ferber. Bonus points if you do it before the weeklong (or so) misery of “I pulled myself up to stand! But oh no! I can’t sit down! Time to howl like a banshee for mom and dad to fix this problem I will create again in 5 minutes!’.
FWIW – Ferber worked best for us over the weekend when we could trade off adult daytime naps to try to recover from the sleep deprivation. My son was a horrendous sleeper and he was fully sleep trained after 3 nights with Ferber. Additional sleep training (after illnesses) only took a night or two.
Anonymous says
Yup we had a sweet stretch from 6-9 months and then teething or illness screwed things up. Should’ve ferbered then but waited until 18 months. It was much easier than I anticipated (in warm weather one of you can go outside so you don’t hear crying and alternate). Took 3 days and changed our lives. I will not make the same mistake with our second. I was an angry, resentful mommy running on no sleep which was bad for everyone in the family.
AwayEmily says
Ugh I’m so sorry, that sounds awful.
Have you sleep trained her yet? Would you consider doing it? We went through a similar stage of “wake up to practice all the cool new stuff I learned” at around this age. It was super annoying, but we almost never went in — because he had been sleep trained we knew he was capable of putting himself back to sleep, so I felt okay about letting him practice standing or yelping or whatever weird thing he wanted to do, knowing that eventually he would get himself back down. Sleep training didn’t magically cure the waking-up thing, but it did make sure he developed the ability to put himself to sleep when he was done with his nighttime BS.
But all the usual sleep caveats apply: every baby is different, maybe it’s not the best choice for your kid. Regardless of what you do, I bet that she will get over it soon and I’m sorry you are so tired.
Anonymous says
9 months was the absolute worst for us, so solidarity. We hadn’t done any formal sleep-training up to that point because we’d been lucky and gotten good sleepers, but after a couple weeks of getting up 5+ times a night we did cry-it-out. It was kind of miserable for a few days, but then got SO MUCH BETTER, so I strongly recommend sleep training of some sort.
Anonymous says
As you mentioned, teething is one culprit. But learning new skills is a problem too. I think it’s hard for them to shut their brains down where this so much new stuff going on. And they want to practice the new skills. If those are the problems, it should be a phase and get better. But I know when you’re going through it, it doesn’t really help to hear that. You want sleep now!
Anon says
Ugh I’m sorry. If you’re at a breaking point, can you take a few days off work in the next week or two? Keep the baby in daycare (or wherever she usually is during the day) and have a day to nap, relax, recharge. Then you can decide on next steps. One of the best pieces of advice I got was not to make a big decision during the first year of babyhood, but if you don’t think you can wait that long, at least try to get a little caught up on sleep so you have a clearer head.
My kids were some of the few who sleep training didn’t work for (they had to decide on their own), so I don’t have a lot of advice on that front. I will say that my kids are on the lower end of sleep needs and around 9 months their afternoon nap needed to be fairly short for them to sleep better at night. If they slept past about 3pm, I knew my evening was shot. The infant teachers at my daycare were amazing and they were the ones who figured out this sleep thing (when I was at my wits end and mentioned the worsening night sleep to them for my first). If your kid is with a seasoned teacher who sees all sorts of babies every year, maybe tell them what you’re seeing and ask them if they have any ideas for you to try.
Good luck, I know this is hard. I will say there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Around 14 months, both of my kids decided it was time to start sleeping through the night, and never looked back. They play quietly in their beds, sleep through the night, never come into our room, and wake up when their OK clock turns green. They’re 6 and 4 now and it’s magical, and almost hard to remember the misery of those first years.
GCA says
Oh, we did a little grumble-it-out for her to go to sleep on her own around 4-6 months, which worked great, but in retrospect maybe she was just a good sleeper then. The catch with all the wakeups is that we are in a tiny 1br apartment* and sleep training for those risks waking the big kid…
*we decided to stay put here till DH was done with grad school and did the financial planning accordingly
Annie says
Ugh, that’s tricky. Can you send the big kid to a relative for a couple of days to sleep train?
KW says
You might just try it and be surprised that your big kid doesn’t wake up. Our big kid sleeps right through (very loud) crying when we’ve had to let our 7 mo CIO on a couple different occasions.
Anonymous says
Try Tylenol instead of Advil for teething. I find ibuprofen perks my kids up so I avoid using it at night when every possible. You can also try keeping a food diary to see if it is digestion related. One of my twins used to have painful gas and constant waking because of green peas. He isn’t allergic, they just don’t agree with his digestion. My oldest kid had the same issue with quinoa and bloating/gas. She could eat it for lunch once she stopped napping in the afternoons at age 4 but if she had it at dinner, it would disrupt her sleep.
Anon says
No advice but solidarity. My LO is 8 months but we’ve been going through the same thing. He can put himself back to sleep so sleep training isn’t really helpful. It’s frustrating and exhausting – at least in the newborn phase everyone expects you to be tired and you don’t have to go to work, etc.
anon says
9 months was the height of sleep-deprived misery for us, with both kids. I would definitely go the sleep training route. It’s not always the fastest solution, but it becomes almost necessary at some point.
sleep good says
Another vote for sleep training. It worked for my baby (took a couple weeks to fully kick in though). Sounds like you really need a change. Sorry, sleep is a tough issue.
New mom says
What is your recommendation for the best shape wear for a postpartum belly? I’m a few weeks pp and will be in a wedding in one month. The bridesmaid dress is crepe and is flat against the tummy. I had a csection and have a wide Diastasis Recti that I’m not supposed to work on yet due to recovery period.
I need something to hold in my guts rather than to hide fat, if that makes sense. What am I looking for – corset, spanx, something else?
anon says
I have DR from my twins and during the first few months found that a true corset worked best. It felt supportive (like it was “holding everything in”) and looked good under clothes. I used the Squeem (no experience with other brands).
anne-on says
Has anyone read this yet? I found it SO interesting and true – my husband does have ‘dad friends’ but he definitely doesn’t have the same network of close relationships I and most women I know do. And yes, therapy for everyone!
https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a27259689/toxic-masculinity-male-friendships-emotional-labor-men-rely-on-women/?mc_cid=04ca40e67b&mc_eid=aa5a4fc9c6
Cb says
That rings true for me – I’m definitely the social planner in our relationship. I think he thinks of himself as a loner but when he left his last job, people cried when they found out he was leaving and came from miles around for his goodbye party. He has a big dysfunctional family but no real close friends. I think he’d really like some dad friends – he’s been chatting with a dad at tumbling but they are both being terribly British and won’t arrange a playdate so I might need to give them a nudge.
IHeartBacon says
I didn’t read this article yet, but I read the title and I’m sure it’s true for a lot of men. In fact, my husband mentioned to me not long ago that he didn’t have anyone except me to share his thoughts and feelings about being a dad. He’s been trying to make friends with a few dads we know, but I can tell he’s not making any progress.
anon says
Didn’t read the whole article, but the first couple of paragraphs describe my brother. I finally had to draw some hard boundaries and thankfully, he is in therapy now.
anon says
I haven’t noticed this phenomenon as much with my DH. He has close friendships and just isn’t a very emotional guy in general, though. When he does ask for emotional support from me, it doesn’t feel overwhelming because he … just doesn’t ask for it that much? What he describes as “needy,” I describe as “having actual human feelings now and then.” I don’t think this is typical, honestly.
Govtattymom says
I agree with your comment. I require more emotional support in the relationship. My husband has an incredibly positive attitude, and is generally content by nature. He also has a ton of local friends. While some of the guys keep the conversation trivial, he has a number of close guy friends who discuss tough stuff like parental illness, etc. I support him when he is going through a tough time, but it’s nice that he has other support systems as well.
Anonymous says
This is interesting, but doesn’t apply to my husband at all. He has a couple of close friends that he definitely can and does get significant emotional support from (one has seen therapists for a variety of reasons over the years, and is very comfortable with men having feelings and needing to talk about them. He’s a wonderful guy), and plays rec league sports at least once a week. The core group of 10ish guys on the team has been together for more than a decade, many of them growing from single 20-somethings to husbands and dads. If anything, I’m really jealous that my husband has such a strong friend group. Mine is a lot more fragmented.
SC says
I’m sure it’s true for many men. We are lucky that my husband has some great male friends who are truly good people. It’s true that he doesn’t put a lot of effort into maintaining some of the friendships (especially long-distance ones), but he can call them up or see them once a year or two and have deep, meaningful conversations when sh*t is going down.
I actually have a harder time maintaining friendships, at least at this stage in life. Most of my friends have kids too, and everyone is so busy, and our schedules never seem to line up. I’ve also had several local friends move away in the past few years, which is a bummer.
Cb says
How do you keep your kids happy during a public transport commute? We take the bus 3x a week and my 21 month old is increasingly frustrated with our 30 minute ride. Post-nursery fatigue, strapped into the stroller, hostile strangers – it’s definitely the most intensive parenting I do all day. I bring snacks that take a long time to eat but this only gets us partway home and I don’t want to keep shoving food at him because we eat dinner as soon as we arrive home. Toys tend to get tossed and I’m scrambling around the bus after them. Books buy us a few more minutes but he definitely kicks off a few stops from home.
Anonymous says
Does he like to look at pictures of himself? I get a lot of mileage out of pictures on my phone.
lawsuited says
Perhaps plan to feed kiddo dinner during the commute? Otherwise a sticker book might be more interactive and engaging than a regular book.
Anonymous says
babywearing and standing so he can look around at the people more or snuggle into your back if sleepy? Or sit by a window, hold him in your lap and let him look out the window (assuming bus not subway).
Anonymous says
What about getting off a stop or two early if you can walk the extra distance without adding too much time?
GCA says
Agree on having the commute food be dinner – it can be something simple like crackers, cheese, veggies and a hard boiled egg. What about having a selection of toys that only gets brought out during the bus ride?
Anon says
No hard boiled eggs in close quarter closed in public transport please!! (Maybe it’s just me but the smell of boiled eggs makes me want to barf.)
Anon says
We only had a short commute, but around that age my kids went through a phase of acting up as soon as I picked them up, and it continued for about 20-30 minutes.
For me, it helped to NOT put things away or unpack bags, instead just to sit near them and lightly interact while they played or colored or whatever they chose to do. Sometimes I played superhero and dashed around the yard, other times I sat nearby while they colored and ignored me. I never looked at my phone and never got up to do “just one thing”. After about 20-30 minutes, I could get up and get on with the evening. I think it was the combo of choice in activity plus having my undivided attention that worked.
Is there a park or play area near by where you could do something similar before getting on the bus? Could you position them so he’s sitting on the seat next to you, and bring two choices for him? Could you explain to him that from now on, the bus is special mommy/son time and ask him how he’d like to spend it? Can you take him to pick out a new toy (a hot wheel or a little people figurine or something) that he only gets to play with during bus rides?
Pogo says
omg, this is my kid right now. He always acts up when I pick him up! Though in his case I’m fairly certain it’s wanting to play outside now that it’s finally not frigid, and me telling him I have to go inside and make dinner.
I don’t think I can do a whole 20-30 min undivided attention (unless we want to eat at 8pm) but maybe setting a timer for 10min to remind myself to just chill with him solo will help.
Io says
In my subway bag I have art supplies. I’ve got a large flat pencil case with a pad of paper, a handful of crayons and a couple sticker sheets. It’s small and light weight.
I also will let my kid have my phone on the subway to keep her from falling asleep. She gets very little screen time, so at 20 months she was still playing the Friskies cat games, but now she has a simple matching game. We don’t have a tablet, but there are some educational toddler games that are much easier to view on a tablet (mine has loved the tablet finger painting that she’s done at her cousin’s).
Whomp whomp says
My husband looked shocked this morning when I said Mother’s Day was on Sunday, so I’m guessing I will not be going to the Mother’s Day brunch at the historic attraction I’ve been heavily hinting about for the past 6 weeks. My husband forgot last year as well and the day went by completely uncelebrated and I got a card the next day.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry. It sounds like he sucks at this. Hopefully he shows his love in other ways. Can you make reservations for the brunch? YMMV, but I’ve just accepted that if I want certain things on holidays, including mother’s day and my birthday, I need to be explicit about them. E.g., mother’s day is next weekend. I want to do x. Can you make reservations or should I?
Whomp whomp says
He is definitely loving and supporting in other ways and on other days. It’s too late to make reservations anywhere now, so it’ll have to wait until next year. I thought I was pretty explicit that I really wanted to go to that brunch and that he’d need to make the reservation soon before it sold out. I can’t quite bring myself to plan my own Mother’s Day treats although I do do my birthday and all other holidays.
Anonymous says
Maybe my expectations aren’t high enough but if I wanted to go to a specific place for brunch on mother’s day, I would definitely have to say to DH “Mother’s Day is May 11, please make a reservation for 11am at brunch location.” Like it would be great if remembered/planned on his own but he just doesn’t. He forgot his own mother’s birthday twice after I made him responsible for picking her gift, and he forgets his own birthday is coming up half the time. Holiday celebrations are not his thing. He’s a great partner who probably does more than 50% of the parenting and does other romantic things throughout the year but celebrations on set dates are not his forte.
Anonymous says
But why tho? Why set yourself up for sadness and him failure? Why play games instead of just saying I want to go to this please book it
Anonymous says
+100. My kids are finally old enough (oldest is 6) that they can remind/nag Dad too. But if I want something specific, I tell dad AND my 6 y/o, very clearly. Hints don’t work here.
Whomp whomp says
I said, more than once, “I’d really love to go to the Mother’s Day brunch at X. You’ll need to book it soon because they will probably book up quickly.” I guess what I’m hearing is that I should actually call myself and book it so my husband needn’t trouble himself with Mother’s Day.
Anon says
No, I think people are misunderstanding what happened – your original post said you hinted. But this is more than a hint, it sounds like you did tell him directly! So annoying.
Anonymous says
People were responding to the idea that you hinted. You didn’t hint but told him specifically what you wanted. Tell him specifically how you feel now as well. “I was really looking forward to brunch at location and I’m disappointed you haven’t planned anything for mother’s day”
Anonymous says
No. Your original post said you hinted. That’s why people are saying “ask directly.”
CPA Lady says
Yeah, I didn’t tell my husband specifically what I wanted for mother’s day last year and he did literally nothing. This is when he was traveling 75% of the time for work and I was solo-parenting that whole time. I was angrier than I’ve been in years. I was able to explain to him why I was so upset, and exactly what I wanted, and to his credit, he immediately made it right and was very apologetic and has been proactive about gift-situations since then.
But I agree with everyone else– hinting is a waste of time. Just say right out exactly what you want. It’s not romantic, but it’ll get the job done.
anne-on says
I am SO sorry you’re feeling hurt and not taken care of, but I also agree with telling him explicitly what you want. My husband thought that since I’m not normally a big ‘thing’ person Mother’s Day gifts didn’t matter. I got a card from my son’s daycare and that was it. I lost it, big time, especially since that year I also arranged for his mother to get flowers/cards/etc.
I clearly told him that from then on a card and nice plant and/or flowers are non-negotiable, as is the ability to sleep in as late as I want. This year I asked for a Friday night dinner (gave him two picks for the restaurant) and a movie, as well as not having to plan/make/clean up from dinner on Mother’s Day itself. Simple, straightforward, and he gets it. Is it as magical as those unicorn husbands who whisk their wives away to a spa? Nope, but hey, I still get what I want ;)
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 to this. It took me years, and I still grapple with this. DH is great at so many things. Planning for holidays and gifts, not his thing. For the holidays, I literally sent him multiple links of jewelry I wanted. Surprise, surprise – I got 2 of the things I sent him. Everyone wins!
Also, hearing less about those magical unicorn DHs as time goes on. Just sayin.
anon says
Stop hinting. Be direct. Men aren’t mind readers.
I finally conceded to the fact that if I want to do something for mother’s day and my birthday, I have to plan it myself, or at least pick everything out and send DH links so he can book everything.
anon says
Same. And honestly? It does suck to have to do the heavy lifting, but at least I get what I want. There are a million things DH does well, but gift-giving isn’t one of them unless I give him a LOT of direction.
Anonymous says
I sent my husband a list of gift ideas with links to the items. It is almost making me feel greedy now that so many others don’t do this. He and kiddo asked for ideas…
IHeartBacon says
I do this too. I’ll send my husband a few links of things I would like and let him pick one. It’s still a surprise when I open the gift because I don’t know which one he picked. If they’re smaller things sometimes he gets me all of them, which is also a nice surprise.
Lily says
By now I know my husband pretty well, and I am also at a stage where I don’t have expectations. If i want something, I buy it myself or arrange it myself. Last mother’s day, we didn’t plan anything and we just organized an impromptu nice brunch after being turned away from a local brunch spot. So this year, last week I made a reservation at the same place for a family brunch. I am thinking of buying myself an initial necklace or something :) so, tldr, thank yourself for being a fabulous mom!
Redux says
This is sort of a side point, but why do we celebrate this holiday as a *surprise*? I feel like part of the expectation is that DH will surprise me with plans on Mother’s Day and I’ve been burned more times than I’ve been right. Is there anything different about planning what to do together and then doing that thing? In the way that we plan birthday parties for one another? I rarely surprise DH with birthday plans; instead, we talk about what he wants to do and then we plan it. For example, this year for his birthday we had friends over for dinner and cake. The kids and I baked the cake, but DH cooked the dinner. Why do we set up this particular day as a surprise, only to be let down?
lawsuited says
I don’t think it has to be a “surprise”, but more a “you usually take care of so many thing so today we’ll take care of you” which includes moms not having to take on the emotional labour of planning their own Mother’s Day. So far, my Mother’s Days have been very surprising, in a “surprise, I forgot about Mother’s Day completely and this is now a regular Sunday where we go to the hardware store” kind of way.
Redux says
Yeah, I hear that! I guess my point is that I should still feel taken care of even if I have to say what I want and plan it together so long as DH/kids are the ones actually executing the plan. In years past I expected a true surprise and like you ended up with nothing. Made me wonder why I would expect a surprise at all when we don’t treat other special days that way.
anon says
Hugs, I’m so sorry. I’ve been there, and it is just. so. disappointing.
I’m the reader who posted earlier this week that I ordered my own gift (which others later convinced me I was wrong to do), so I get the challenge of walking the fine line between asking for what you want and doing it yourself. Can you say something like, “I was really hoping to go to brunch at [x place]. It is too late to get reservations now, but I would like it if you could make brunch reservations for a date in the future, and we will celebrate then. On Sunday, since we will not be going to [x place] for brunch, I would like to do [be very specific.]”
Pogo says
After a disappointing mother’s day last year, I planned everything for myself. I booked a spa day tomorrow, and signed up for brunch with my local mom’s group and told DH that’s what we were doing (plus dinner with my mom). If he gets me something extra, great, but I’m not setting myself up to be disappointed, because I picked exactly what I wanted! And I made my celebration separate from my mom’s. Last year we did a combined brunch and family drama was… ugh. Not what I needed.
Anonymous says
I told DH he’d be spending Sunday morning taking all 3 kids to Home Depot to get mulch and flowers, then spending the afternoon watching the kids while I garden. Then laying down mulch with the older kids afterward.
anne-on says
Ha, my husband volunteered to do the mulch/plant run today so I can just knock it out early AM tomorrow. He said the local garden center was INSANE at like 10am on a Friday. I guess everyone assumes all mom’s like to garden!
CHL says
Does anyone have any experience with Khan Academy for little kids (like K – 2?) A colleague said her daughter thought it was fun but she’s (by her own admission) kind of a Tiger Mom. My kid likes the educational iPad stuff they do at school but we currently don’t let him do that at home because it becomes a little obsessive. Thinking about trying some for the summer but was wondering if anyone had any advice.
AnotherAnon says
Confession: sometimes I watch Khan Academy videos for something I can’t remember or want to know about…like geometry. My kid is 2, so I do plan to introduce him at some point. My BIL discovered it years ago and highly recommended it – but his kids are 13 and 10.
Former math tutor says
I have not been at all impressed with Khan Academy. The lectures are very dry and focus on rote learning of algorithms instead of comprehension of the underlying concepts. The practice exercises are too simplistic to be useful.
In the early grades, manipulatives are really helpful. I recommend Base-10 Blocks, Fraction Towers, and play money. These do require active parental involvement, though.
Stacey says
I’ve used Khan Academy for both of my young kids. My 4 and 7 year old both like doing Khan Academy math, but I have to sit with my 4 year old while she does it because she can’t really read. There are both exercises and videos for math and it’s aligned to common core standards. My kids also really like the instruments of the orchestra videos. Most of the other content on Khan Academy, like the science curriculum, is for older kids, but they add new content all the time. I’m not really rigoruous about it and let them take the lead on when they want to “play.”
Khan Academy Kids is a separate preschool app and is amazing, but geared to preschool (so maybe for a 5 year old). Khan Academy also partners with Duck Duck Moose which makes some good free educational apps for this age range. I would say give it a try as long as it works with your families screen time boundaries. You could also ask the school district if there are any apps they use. My second grader has both a language arts app and a math facts app that they use at school, and the district provides passwords for home use.
Anonymous says
A $50 bubble machine is a lot. Unless you are a professional bubble entertainer. These things are like $10 at target
Anon. says
+1
HSAL says
I initially thought the same thing, but the $10 one I got at Target (or wherever, it was cheap) doesn’t work half the time, and I’m having to refill it every five minutes because it’s either leaking or it just goes through the bubbles that quick. And it has pretty great reviews. With three kids who would be using it this summer, I’m tempted.
Striped Shirt says
This morning, I put on a white shirt with narrow, widely spaced black horizontal stripes, and came downstairs. My 3-year-old said “Mom, you look nice today!”
I said “thank you,” and she added “I like your shirt! It looks like a worksheet!”
CHL says
That is adorable!
anon says
Love this! My 4 year old was super excited the other day because I was wearing a shirt with flowers on it.
Anonymous says
haha that is great
Baby food? says
Talk to me about baby food. Did you make it or buy it? Are there certain ingredients you try to avoid? Do you send it to daycare and, if so, how much do you send?
My son is 8 months and I’m feeling clueless about this issue for some reason! Life was so much easier when he only needed milk.
Anonymous says
At 8 months aren’t you almost past the baby food stage? My 3rd is 11 months and we use pre made pouches on the go, but when she’s eating she’s all solids.
Do we make specific to the baby food? Almost never. Sometimes I’ll steam carrots if the other kids are eating raw carrots, or give her applesauce instead of apples.
I have never DIY’d yogurt.
For a brief time, I made baby food (eg. Steamed veggies, puréed, etc). It was annoying and not worth the effort IMO. If your kid is still in the puréed food, perhaps you might find it more fulfilling than I did. But I hurried them onto bite sized food ASAP.
Baby food? says
Hmmm I don’t know. He eats some small bites of regular food at home but I still feel like for daycare he needs baby food – but maybe I’m totally off base.
HSAL says
I definitely think you have some time left with purees. Mine are almost done with them at 11 months, but they’re clearly DONE with them – they recently started spitting when the spoon comes near them because they just want finger foods.
Pogo says
+1 this was me. I think I made puree’s like, twice (froze in ice cube containers, and he got one “cube” per meal – so it lasted awhile). That was in the 5-6 month range. Then we transitioned to just giving him whatever food we were having, basically.
I only purchased baby food when travelling by air because I didn’t want the hassle of bringing it with us (even though you technically can, I wasn’t about to bother bringing all the food he’d need for the week, nor did I want to make additional baby food on my vacation/at a hotel/etc). It really is just pureed vegetables or fruit, you can absolutely make it yourself, though it’s not “better” or “healthier” to make it at home.
Minnie says
I was insanely overwhelmed by the transition to real food too, so I feel you. When my kid starting eating pureed food around 6 months, I did 100% store bought. I always bought name-brand (usually Gerber) because it just felt better to me. (They probably make the Meijer-brand babyfood in the same factory, but this is something that made me feel better so I did it.) I never made my own purees. It wasn’t something I wanted to waste bandwidth on.
Mostly my thought process was: What, nutritionally, is the most important to provide, and what foods can I give to get him that nutrition? I was mostly worried about iron (he was breastfed–if you’re using formula, I think this isn’t a concern) so the first food we did was baby oatmeal. I wanted to make sure he got Vitamin C, so we did a lot of fruit or spinach blends. Mostly I just aimed for a variety of fruit and veggie ingredients. We did a few pureed meat things but he wasn’t too excited about those. (Now, at 18 months, he LOVES meat, so obviously the lack of early introduction had no lasting impacts.)
The only ingredient I really avoided was rice. Supposedly it tends to be constipating and there is an arsenic issue.
I felt super clueless about this too. You can’t really go wrong. The name of the game at this point is variety and nutritional value, NOT quantity. Just offer a bit of whatever strikes your fancy and you’ll be fine!
KW says
This is exactly us with our almost 8 mo. We started with the single food purees (carrots, bananas, apples, etc) and added Gerber Organic Oatmeal cereal. Once he tried the foods alone to test for any allergies or adverse reactions, we started buy the pouches with combined foods – apple sweet potato, pear spinach, or whatever they are. I’ve never made any purees and have no interest. Now I just try to vary the foods he gets every day. I send cereal and a pouch to daycare which he eats in the morning and then give him a pouch at night too. I’ve also given him yogurt. I started out buying no-sugar-added flavored baby yogurt to see if he liked it, and once I determined that he did, I bought a big container of plain whole milk yogurt and mix in pureed fruit/veggies to it myself.
Knope says
We did a casual version of baby led weaning, in that we never bothered pureeing food. We mashed up soft foods like banana, avocado, sweet potato, and steamed vegetables, and just gave it to the kid. No issues.
rosie says
We did this, more or less. I tried making purees (someone bought us a fancy French baby food maker). But my kid was not super into the purees, so it felt like a lot of wasted effort, and to get variety I would make multiple kinds and freeze them in ice trays, but it just didn’t seem worth it. We switched to buying organic purees so it was easier to give variety and have smaller quantities. The Baby Led Weaning cookbook is useful to give you ideas of what to feed and did not have the “your kid will be ruined if they taste a puree” attitude that seems to be on some of the BLW internet groups.
Anon2 says
I made it because it’s so much cheaper and really not time consuming at all if you have some type of blender or food processor. Steam the fruit or vegetable, put it in the blender with a little water, and mix. I tended to stick to one-ingredient purées since the goal that early is to expose them to different tastes and practice eating, they don’t really need “nutrients” quite yet (aside from maybe iron). Sweet potatoes, butternut squash, peas, pears, all big hits. Just take whatever you have in the house and make it soft. One large sweet potato makes enough purée for a week! I also agree it’s probably about time to start introducing finger foods if your kid is interested – grated cheese is a great way to practice the pincer grasp.
Anonymous says
Hahaha my 8 month old will eat an entire sweet potato in one sitting!
HSAL says
We almost exclusively bought. My mom got me a Baby Bullet and it was actually pretty easy to use, and I could use up leftovers from our dinners that way, but yeah, premade baby food is still easier. I bought whatever Gerber had. I don’t worry about certain ingredients.
As far as daycare, when they were 6 1/2 months I started sending their oatmeal cereal to daycare, and at 9 months I started sending them a tub of puree for lunch. They share one of the 4oz tubs. At 10 months I started sending finger foods as well and at almost 11 months, we’re just using up the remaining purees and will only send finger food (except for the oatmeal). With my first, daycare really helped out and led the way on solids, so I’d ask them for their suggestions and then tweak if necessary.
Anonymous says
i made baby food – sometimes relying on pouches when we were out and about. However, my LO has a huge sweet tooth and I found that when i relied more on premade stuff (almost all has fruit in it), he would get super picky for a few days. He was a dream eater from 6 months to about 15 months. Now he is quite picky – but i hoping he will come back.
He had no teeth until post 11 months, even when he was feeding himself stuff still had to be soft.
Anyways…. i actually found it pretty easy to do baby food and definitely adopted the philosophy of “eat what we eat”. Whatever veggies we were having i would steam / roast some for the little one. sometimes i would boil in chicken broth. I used an immersion blender in a measuring cup or “smoothie” cup to “purée”. Once we was 8 months i left chunks in the food. with the immersion blender it was easy to see how pureed things were getting and cleaning up was faster than a full blender / food processor. I froze what i wasn’t going to use in the next couple of days in ice cube trays. DO NOT make a ton of food. they move out of this stage fast. Once i had say 1 meat and a few different veggies cooked i would mix and match for his “meals” for the rest of the week. (Plus rice / bread / finger food sized stuff of whatever we were eating, soft fruit like raspberries). I also used the oatmeal cereal as a delivery device for both sweet (fruit) and savory (veggies) when introducing them.
I do enjoy cooking and was in the kitchen anyways, so it was just a matter of having say 1 extra pot on the stove while making dinner.
I never had to send food to daycare. In fact it is strongly discouraged other than breastmilk / your choice of formula unless you have a real dietary restriction. He eats way better at daycare than at home.
Lily says
If your daycare provides food, go for it. I made the mistake of sending homemade food and I feel my kid is way behind on his ability to accept different types and textures of food. Plus, so much less work! Now we need to prepare for a small prebreakfast and dinner for weekdays.
Baby food? says
They don’t provide food in the infant room, unfortunately. That would be way easier.
Anon. says
I bought Gerber tubs when he was little. We used pouches when we were out at restaurants (less mess). We did a little bit of the baby oatmeal cereal, but he was not a fan. I just looked for a variety of flavors, usually in one ingredient settings. We have food allergies, so we always only introduce one new food at a time and then wait a few days. I own a blender, I like to cook; I have no interest in making baby purees. By all means do it if you want, but DO NOT feel guilty about buying.
My daycare was really good about helping me know when he needed more during the day.
Anonymous says
We make it but are also super laid back about it — like, most of the time dinner is a banana mashed with yogurt and two cubes of frozen veg mixed with oatmeal. I usually cook a few green veg at the same time in the instant pot using a steamer basket to separate, then purée and freeze in ice cube tray. One ice cube tray’s worth yields a million meals. If I’m making something for the family and there are leftovers, like lentil soup or something, I’ll just freeze those in the ice cube tray too. We also just give tiny bites of whatever we are eating that’s soft enough (almost 9 months but still needs to be pretty tiny and soft – halved black beans, tiny tiny bites of scrambled egg, ground beef etc ). We do commercial applesauce that we already buy for the big kid, and add peanut butter to smoothies for the family that baby gets too. Out daycare provides food but for our older kid I just sent a few frozen cubes and they would defrost by lunch.
Anonymous says
We did a mix of what was most convenient. We would mush bananas and other soft foods ourselves and puree some foods. For us, a batch of pureed food frozen in ice cube trays would last forever, so it really was much less of a time commitment than it seems. For foods that I am not good with (why can’t I get mangoes down?!) or that aren’t readily available in my neck of the woods, I’d use pouches. We moved when kiddo was around 10-11 months and switched to mostly non-homemade purees at that point. We’d do bite size pieces of our food plus pouches to supplement.
Kiddo went through a lot of phases in the first 18 months or so when she’d eat bite size vs. purees better. She really seemed to enjoy switching up the texture. So if she wasn’t eating regular solids well, we’d offer a pouch, and most often, she was thrilled with it.
Emily S. says
This saved my sanity with DD#2: https://amazingbabyfood.com/. I didn’t make all the food myself, but it’s worth it for the 3 months of menus — no more decision fatigue!!! If you can commit the time, the system works and it is fantastic to have ready made purees in the morning to pack for the day. FWIW, I made about 50% and bought 50%. Also, as DD got older (and her teeth came in fast and furious) I left chunkier bits in the purees or swapped a whole sweet potato for a puree, etc., and relied more on the recipies in the back. Your local library might have a copy you can check out and decide if it’s worth spending.
ElisaR says
Baby #1 I made all his food until he was 15 months old.
Baby #2 ate jarred food from the start.
I’ll let you know how it all turns out in 25 years or so!
Lily says
Hello moms. I posted on a neighborhood site for babysitters. I got a couple of responses. Any suggestions on how I should proceed with them? I was thinking I met with the teen and parent at a local Starbucks or have them come to the house for an informal in person interview. For a high school sophomore, I have no idea how much i should be offering as pay. Any advice? Suggestions?
Also is a 12-13 year old too young to babysit a 14 month old? Thanks in advance!
Anonymous says
Do you have neighborhood parks? I’d say, have the babysitter meet you at a park and offer to pay for his or her time. Chat for a bit, then read a book and/or go for a walk and let the babysitter play with the kid for an hour or so.
I don’t think 13 years old is too young to babysit one 14 month old, as long as the teen knows how to change diapers.
High school babysitters in my DC suburb ask for $10 an hour, and I round up.
Mom to teen says
I’m the mother of a 13 year old who has recently started babysitting quite a bit. In her case, she typically goes to the home of a potential new client for a meet and greet-type meeting with parent and kid for half an hour or so. She charges $8 per hour for 1 kid and $10 for two in MCOL city. She would be completely comfortable babysitting a 14-month-old. A high school sophomore is going to be 15 or 16 years old, so quite a bit older than 12 or 13 (and may charge more). Ask the sitter for her/his rates.
Lily says
Thank you! Just replied to the teen’s parent. Finally a date night in sight!!!
Pogo says
Aw, yay! I almost said this yesterday, but I watched a baby and a 3 year old when I was 16, which included driving the toddler occasionally. As an adult I definitely get that hesitation to leave kids with a teen or let them drive, but thinking back I felt totally comfortable, and never had any issues. FWIW in my case I began as a mother’s helper, and only after some time did the mom feel comfortable leaving me totally alone/letting me drive. They also initially did date nights where the 3yo went with them, so I only had the baby solo.
anon says
Can I be honest about the fact that I really don’t enjoy Mother’s Day? The hype ends up feeling like pressure and an expectation to be a certain way as a mom. Always sacrificing, always soft, always putting the children’s needs first. Which, I mostly do that, but I’m not always happy that it’s the expectation. I would like to be appreciated for more than one day a year, you know? If you’re struggling with parenting in general, it can feel so crappy to realize that your feelings about motherhood are complex and not always pretty, even though you love your child immensely. I don’t know; I feel like a mediocre mom on most days, and Mother’s Day is just a reminder of all my shortcomings and all the ways I fail every single day.
I’m barely making sense to myself, but I think my ultimate point is: No bouquet, gift or dinner makes up for the fact that motherhood is so, so hard. The holiday is sort of a cheap substitute for real, everyday appreciation. But I can’t actually admit that in person.
Also Anon says
Same. You articulated why I really just don’t care about the holiday.
Honestly, the best mother’s day acknowledgement I’ve gotten has been from my teen-aged stepdaughter. I’ve got a little kid who I love dearly, but also makes me feel like I’m just not a good enough mother because I hate having given up so much of myself. I’m also frustrated with my husband and the way our parenting roles have shook out. But that my stepdaughter acknowledges me as a parental figure, and is appreciative of what I do (and not just on mother’s day) is really the most meaningful thing for me now.
I am using it as an excuse to get a spa day with a friend — I suggested to my husband that he reach out to her husband and they plan something for the moms and the dads and kids can entertain themselves.
IHeartBacon says
I agree completely that my feelings about being a mom are complex and Mother’s Day just isn’t important to me at all. Just yesterday a co-worker was saying, “Gosh, isn’t it the most incredible thing in the world that you are a mother and Mother’s Day will be all about you and you never have to worry about not having it?” It was so strange to me because I don’t feel that way at all. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my LO and he brings so much joy to me and I love that I have him and that he is my son, but “being a mom” really isn’t part of my identity. Whenever someone starts saying things to me like, “Isn’t motherhood the best thing in the world,” “isn’t it the best thing that ever happened to you,” “hasn’t it changed your life” etc. I never know how to respond.
AwayEmily says
Has anyone’s kid gotten an amoxicillin rash? About a week after my 15mo got put on antibiotics for strep, he broke out in an intense rash all over his body and face. We took him to the doctor and they diagnosed him (by sight, not with any tests) with hand foot and mouth, but he never had a fever or any other HFM symptoms. And he doesn’t have sores on his mouth or hands. But he looks EXACTLY like the photos of kids online with amoxicillin rash (apparently it’s not an allergic reaction, just a rash that sometimes happens). Now I wonder if I should take him back to the doctor for a second opinion (the diagnosis matters because if he has HFM he should stay home from daycare longer, but if it’s amoxicillin rash he can go back).
Anonymous says
My daugter’s bFF got one. It looked so bad her mom kept her home from school despite not being contagious bc she was afraid people would think it was measles or something.
Anonymous says
Yes, my son did. 10 days after he started taking it. It wasn’t too dramatic.
Vanessa says
My youngest has had an amoxicillin rash about a week after he finished taking them. Yes, you should take him back to the doctor if that is what you think it is and get a note to present to the daycare. It’s a very common side effect.
Anonymous says
I just got one myself recently. Intense rash over entire body and face. They told me there is no way to tell whether it is from antibiotics or a virus, even if the take a sample to test — I had (separately) antibiotics and then a bad virus just before the rash .
Anonymous says
What happened to the week in the life posts? I wish they were posted every week!
AnotherAnon says
I miss them too! Also, I want to submit an update of mine – like “where are they now, two years later”…might that be posted?
IHeartBacon says
I would be VERY interested in getting updates on previous posts! I don’t always comment on the week in the life posts, but I really enjoy reading them.
LittleBigLaw says
Are any of you following the (insane IMO) discussions on the main s!te about parental hobbies? I have interests outside of work and family, too, but there seems to be a sincere misunderstanding of the demands of parenting that makes me both giggle and be a little sad all at the same time. It’s no wonder the realities of working motherhood knock so many women off their feet if they go into it thinking they can just take the baby along for a 6 hour round of golf or continue to prioritize whatever pre-kid hobby to the same degree with enough effort. Maybe so for some, but these unrealistic expectations would be a clear set up for disappointment and frustration for most.
Mrs. Jones says
Yes, and I replied there too. Having a baby changes your entire life including hobbies, IME.
anne-on says
It might be a side effect of ‘villages’ fragmenting as people don’t live in their hometowns at the same rate they used to. My parents didn’t have local family when I was growing up and I definitely feel like they had less time alone for their own things than my mom’s relatives who stayed in her close knit small town and could pass kids to a network of aunts/grandmas/cousins/neighbors. I also think people are having kids later and not necessarily being exposed to a lot of parents before they have their own kids. There just isn’t a lot of modeling of what being the parent of a small child really looks like before you do it I think.
Anon says
I think it’s just the OP who thinks that, and she’s replying to all of the responses telling her that’s crazy. So one clueless/naive person (what tbh sounds to me like she might just be trying to stir the pot).
Anonymous says
Agree. I wish we had a term for people without kids who are judgmental about how parents manage things and are so sure they could do it better. Like Smug Married but for childless people with strong judgmental parenting opinions.
IHeartBacon says
The term you are looking for is “IHeartBacon before she had a kid.” ;)
Boston Legal Eagle says
I read part of that discussion but had to stop because people started to get mean (which is why I tend to stay off the main site…) But it did make me grateful that neither husband nor I had intensive hobbies before having kids. I think that made the transition to parenthood a lot easier because it gives us something (time-consuming) to do and gives us some purpose! We did enjoy hiking, working out, going to dinner, reading, TV, etc. before kids but there’s really nothing that I miss so terribly now that I feel like I’ve sacrificed so much. We still do a lot of the above, just in smaller bits here and there (besides working out, at the moment).
Maybe we’re just boring people but we’ve both seemed to more or less accept that we’re now in a season of work, childcare, sleep, repeat, but do make an effort for date nights/yearly vacations away, which is enough for now.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1. I think my hobbies are just on the more boring side of the spectrum – cooking, reading, TV/movies, working out. All generally manageable with kid, and working out became manageable for me especially after nursing/pumping was done.
DH and I love to travel for leisure (who doesn’t?), and some of that took a dive during DS first year, but we squeezed in lots of trips to see family and friends (all together), a trip away (just me and DH), and DH and I had 1-2 weekends to travel and have a girls’ or boy’s weekends away from home. DH loves to golf, but he wasn’t going regularly pre-DS, and probably has gone the same amount after DS joined us.
anon says
I agree, and I’d like to know where these unrealistic expectations are coming from. Highlight reels on social media? It’s kind of astounding to me. I fully advocate for parents still getting time to themselves, but c’mon … something has to give.
Anon says
It sounds to me like the poster is getting her ideas from instagram photos, which show one perfect family moment and not the inevitable meltdown that followed. Sailing is also an outlier example of a hobby that might actually be reasonably family friendly (or not, I have no idea as I’ve never been) – but certainly not accessible for most people
CPA Lady says
Yes!
I can’t be too mad at her though, because I was TOTALLY that person who smugly assumed that my life was going to be 100% the same pre- and post-kid.
Bless my heart.
IHeartBacon says
Ditto.
Pogo says
Caveat that I didn’t read the post, but I don’t feel like my hobbies have changed too much? I only have one kid though, a short commute, and family nearby. The main “hobby” I lost was napping and bingeing Netflix.
For most hobbies, husband and I trade off who watches the kid while one of us does our thing, but we do take him hiking and biking with us. I do my yoga and running (my biggest hobbies pre- and post-kid) at lunch for the most part, or on the weekend.
Pogo says
ok, just read (some) of it – For golf and skiing specifically, we have to switch off. Although during golf I take kiddo in the stroller and walk while listening to podcasts or run with him in the jogger. Or take him to the pool. Because podcasts and sitting next to the pool > golf for hobbies imo.
I never skiied, so for that one I take kiddo sledding or do something indoors. Although we did take LO with us this year on a hike with DH on XC and I was on snowshoes.
Anonymous says
We sail and we ski. Our kids are 6/3/1. We took a 2-3 year break from both (I did not ski pregnant). We started bringing a grandparent up to the mountains with us to watch the younger kids while we ski and the older one did ski school.
My husband used to do regattas but instead we bought a daysailer. So we can take the kids out and enjoy the water. It’s not the same, but it’s a different way to scratch the itch. DH will sometimes skipper on another friend’s boat.
I have friends that are distance runners and continue to train with kids- the school age kids bike alongside mom who pushes the stroller OR mom goes out in the early AM. I sometimes knit and taught my 6 y/o. Neither of us are super into it but it’s a fun rainy day activity sometimes.
Family hikes/bike rides. Camping. Idk, having a family doesn’t mean you can’t have hobbies, it means that you have more people to include in your hobby. Or find new hobbies everyone enjoys.
CPA Lady says
Well, I think it’s possible to have both family hobbies and individual ones. The problem is when only one parent gets to indulge their individual hobby for hours every week while the other parent doesn’t get any time off.
My husband and I both have individual hobbies that we spend a fair amount of time doing. We just trade off doing solo-childcare during that time, and it’s fine. We haven’t really come up with a family hobby yet, as we’re not super athletic or outdoorsy people, and most family hobbies seem to skew that way. Plus kiddo isn’t really old enough to be able to DO stuff yet.
Anonymous says
You can have both family hobbies and individual hobbies. Sometimes there is cross over and sometimes there is not. Skiing can easily integrate young kids, ice climbing cannot. I hate the idea that moms have to give up their hobbies when they have kids. Part of being a good role model for my kid is maintaining my identity as an individual and that includes some participation in kid-free hobbies, even if it’s much less than pre-kid frequency.
GCA says
The last time we went on a family run with the double stroller and a good 70lbs worth of kid, my husband pushed it most of the way. I cracked a joke about being done with pushing, having already done all of the necessary pushing during labor. Agree with CPA Lady below on balance between each parent’s hobbies, plus there’s a difference between an hour a day at an unobtrusive time vs a giant chunk of daylight each weekend. I’m happy to run on my own or take one or both kids for a stroller run, with or without DH, but I don’t run a marathon every weekend.
Anonymous says
I think it’s just another way to put pressure on moms. Now we are expected to mind the kids on the golf course so our husbands can golf and have family time at the same time?
I had to give up all of my time-consuming, expensive hobbies when I got married, before I even had kids. That is just how it goes. When you are an adult with responsibilities, you don’t get to do (or spend) whatever you want whenever you want, unless you are super rich or retired.
ElisaR says
exactly!
AnotherAnon says
I’ve been following the…uh, discussion and I have several thoughts. My main hobby prior to kids was brewing/drinking beer so yeah there’s literally no way to include my 2 y/o in that hobby without getting CPS involved. That being said, I have different hobbies now but they are still not kid friendly: hot yoga, lifting weights. I agree with the responses that my hobby is *me* time, so the whole idea of conflating hobbies and family time defeats the whole purpose, at least for me. What was most difficult for me was not giving up my hobbies but my friends who also became parents never wanting to participate in any activities that aren’t kid-centric. Sometimes I just want to do hot yoga without talking about BLW or check out a new brewery without the assumption that we have to bring the kids. But that’s my new reality, and it’s kind of a silly thing to complain about now that I’ve typed it all out. I think at best OP on the main s!te doesn’t have kids. It sparked an interesting discussion though! I’m grateful that this board is much kinder than the main one.
Anon says
Maybe I’m just terrible at everything, but I need weekends to catch up and do all of the hundreds of things I can’t do during the week. I used to love to do all sorts of things, but now by the time Saturday rolls around, I just want a minute to do the laundry breathe. Why is this lady pressuring me to spend hours golfing with a baby strapped to my back? Ack!
ElisaR says
my friends (working moms with kids!) will say “so what are you doing this weekend?” all casually and i’m like “TRYING TO SURVIVE!? I don’t know laundryfoodshoppingcookingswimclassbirthdaypartystraighteningswappingoutseasonalclothes….”
I know I’m super fun to be friends with (sarcasm). Luckily they have known me for so long that they put up with my response but I don’t get how they have options of what to do on the weekend.
Mama Llama says
Saaaame! Maybe a trip to the playground or a yoga video if I’m feeling extremely on top of things?
Anonymous says
Does having one’s kids bust into one’s room while one is in their undies trying to steal half an hour for a barre video, then crawling all over one, playing catch with the barre ball and trying to follow the moves while blocking one’s view of the screen count as integrating them into one’s pre-kid hobbies? Asking for a friend.
Mama Llama says
See, it’s SO EASY if you just try.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I need at least one weekend day to focus on keeping us clothed and fed. And my husband and I don’t have super demanding jobs and we only have 1 easygoing kid.
Ducky36 says
Same here! Laundry, basic cleaning and meal planning/grocery shopping take up an entire day. And that’s if we’re really productive that day. If we take one weekend off from all the basic drudgery it takes us two weeks just to catch up. We are away from home from 7:00 am to 7:00 pm every week day, so there isn’t really any time for fun stuff.
Anonymous says
This is my response too. I have trouble wrapping my head around other approaches, at this point in my life. I just can’t envision it…
Anon says
SO MUCH THIS. I’m just trying to make it out alive. Just one more thing about parenting I’m failing at apparently
LittleBigLaw says
Yes!! I routinely work 60+ hrs/wk and my kids are in bed by 7:30(ish) most nights so our family time is already pretty limited. For us, prioritizing personal hobbies just isn’t where we are right now. The desire to have and maintain hobbies isn’t what is bugging me, though. It’s the naivety about how “easy” integrating kids into your existing lifestyle can be if only you care enough to do it. Oof. That’s just not how it works, even for those who successfully manage “it all” (which just seems to keep expanding in scope BTW)
Anonymous says
Maybe not 6 hours of golf, but as my kids get older I am getting more into my old hobbies and definitely involve them . My 4 year old loves to go birdwatching and is a great garden helper. We can go watch dad’s soccer game to make it into a family activity. We take different hikes as a family but still go hiking. Sure, neither of us participated in full day rec level sports tournaments more than 1-2x a year at this point, but it doesn’t mean drop soccer altogether.
Mama Llama says
That discussion was actually really upsetting to me. As if it’s not enough that we are supposed to have children, continue our demanding careers like we never had children, look like we never had children, travel like we never had children,feed said children healthy foods, take them to enriching activities, and make sure they are educated, but we are now also supposed to do time and money-intensive hobbies (or maybe just support our husbands in doing so?) like we never had children but with the children in tow so we don’t lose out on quality family time? And if we object we are martyrs? Man, eff that nonsense forever.
LittleBigLaw says
Exactly.
anon says
You said that so well. I also found myself feeling really upset by that whole conversation. I already feel like a failure at everything … just add one more thing to the list, I guess.
SC says
Don’t forget that we’re also supposed to support our children’s time and money demanding hobbies.
Anonymous says
Good God. I commented on the main s1te thread yesterday but I didn’t realize that it continued into today. (Until now, while I’m hanging out in my kids’ room because of course there’s a thunderstorm and they won’t sleep)
1. I hate social media for giving people the unrealistic expectation that all hobbies are compatible with kids, and that kids are just a series of cute insta photos waiting to happen.
2. I am so looking forward to the day when my kids can share my hobbies in a way that’s still enjoyable for me. It is really wonderful to see them love something I love. It’s rewarding to teach them, but it is not the same thing as relaxing and enjoying doing my hobby. Which leads me to…
3. Kids + full time job is exhausting. Hobbies need to match my energy level to be a fun release. Adding young kids to them turns them into work. Ffs.
4. It is truly impossible to understand what having kids is like until you’ve done it, and I wish the childless equivalent of poopcups would just stop with bright ideas and advice.
DH and I used to travel and ski and rock climb, and all of that scaled way back after kids. It’s fine. It’s temporary. We’ve found cheaper, logistically easier hobbies in the meantime. I really don’t have anything to prove that makes the hurculean effort (and cost, tbh) worth it to incorporate 3 kids under 6 into my old life. We’re both ok being homebodies for now.
HSAL says
I need meal prep/planning help for my twins who will turn one next month. Any ideas for stuff I can batch prep/cook/chop on the weekends that will get me through most of the week? We’ve been pretty prepared food-heavy recently, but I’m trying to avoid that with the babies for now (and hopefully that’ll carry over to the rest of us). I really like the Lean Green Bean’s toddler meals so I’m starting there, but I’m open to other suggestions as well. Every night is a rush of getting home from daycare, chopping the babies’ dinner, getting my 3 year old’s plate ready, so basically my husband and I are eating standing in the kitchen over what’s left.
rosie says
I posted above about the Baby Led Weaning cookbook — it could work for you to give you new ideas. I particularly like their lentil quiche and lentil/cheese wedges. It would be easy to make things like that in advance and just pull them out to reheat.
Do you have an Instant Pot? I am sure there are ways to do it without one, but some kind of rice/beans/veggies mixture (with tomatoes and Mexican spices or with curry like a rice biryani)? Lentil soup — can make it more like a stew so it’s easier for littles to eat.
anne-on says
My formula was basically protein + carb + veggies. I still rely A LOT on quick salads/bagged salads/crudite for the veggie portion (cut up peppers, grape tomatoes, snap peas, haricot verts). Most protein was prepped on Sundays. I did a lot of meatballs (bake them on a sheet pan, freeze in batches of 4-6 and defrost as needed), pork loin (roasted and wrapped up in the fridge easily stays for pork sandwiches for the week, or cooked in the slow cooker in brisket sauce for pulled pork), chicken breasts (roasted in the oven and used as toppings on sandwiches and salads during the week or cooked in the slow cooker and shredded for tacos/quesadillas). One night was always either pasta, bean and cheese tacos/quesdillas, or something egg based for ease (frittata, poached eggs, or breakfast for dinner). Friday is pizza or dinner out.
Carb = crackers or bread. We try not to eat a ton of potatoes or rice, though we don’t avoid it altogether (see, pasta night!).
Knope says
Here are a few recipes that are hearty, healthy, make enough to last 3-4 days, and that my toddler will eat. To make the pasta ones healthier, I use chickpea or lentil pasta (I like the Banza brand best):
https://www.halfbakedharvest.com/sun-dried-tomato-pasta-salad/
https://minimalistbaker.com/1-pot-vegan-barbacoa/
https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/panang-tofu-curry-351275
https://www.halfbakedharvest.com/harvest-tomato-and-butternut-squash-dal/
https://www.eatyourselfskinny.com/sweet-potato-black-bean-quinoa-bake/
anonanon says
The comments about asking husband to plan mothers day make me think … is anyone annoyed at how if we want anything to happen, it more often than not falls on the woman? So if we want good childcare / schools, we have to think about it. If we want to have a good relationship with our husbands, we have to think about it and put in the work. If we want to enjoy our weekend, we often have to think about what we want to do. I get the idea of “dropping the ball” but that seems like an awful solution too, which only means meh marriages and not so great things for our kids. I guess I am just frustrated with all the emotional labor today.
Anonymous says
I agree 100%. I am probably a sexist, but I really believe it falls to us because we care more and are smarter and more capable. Men are just not critical thinkers or planners. They prefer the path of least resistance. The same thing happens at work. The men are content with good enough, and the women are the ones really driving quality.
Anon says
Maybe dropping the ball isn’t terrible. I grew up with a single father, who made sure that we stayed in our excellent school district post-divorce (not easy financially). He was incredibly supportive of my interests, but it was typically up to me to identify what I wanted and find the opportunities. He’d drive me, tell me he was proud, write checks, help me with administrative details of applications, and was always available to talk.
I didn’t go to the dentist regularly and recently found out that I didn’t have full immunity for vaccine-preventable diseases where the vaccine came out when I was a kid because the ball was dropped. I wasted absurd amounts of time puttering around the house and watching too much television.
However, I always felt very loved and secure, and never like a burden. I found some amazing opportunities and my dad supported me in pursuing them. I had a ton of well-earned confidence (and some unearned confidence to boot). I got a great education, including going to a fancy college and law school.
My kids are really young, so I’m doing everything right now. However, I wonder how I can incorporate some of that dropping the ball and letting the kid take the lead, while not letting my kids watch a zillion hours of television a week or spend a bajillion weekends puttering around the house until they figure something out or missing out on preventive medical care.
anonanon says
“I always felt very loved and secure, and never like a burden.”
That’s how my parents made me feel too. A good reminder of what’s ultimately important.
Anonymous says
But Pinkberry is offering double points on Sunday – ISN’T THAT ENOUGH?!!
Mother’s Day is so much about marketing and selling stuff and i feel like it really sets us up for disappointment.
pregnant and interviewing, help! says
Sorry this is a late post! I need help – got a call completely out of the blue to interview for an interesting job on MONDAY. It is not exactly my industry but I know the organization and it’s intriguing. I am 12 weeks pregnant. I will tell them at some point in the process but I haven’t even told my own boss yet and do not intend to tell them. Because I’ve had other pregnancies, I’m LARGE and cannot fit into my suits, and a sheath dress is out of the question. The organization is 2 people, so I can’t imagine it is super formal. Are black pants, black flowy top, and a fancy gray wool blazer ok? Just meeting with one man, who hopefully won’t notice. Thanks!
Anonymous says
I think this is borderline acceptable — depends on the industry probably. Can you run out to Target over the weekend and buy a belly band in order to fit into suit pants, with an untucked, flowy shirt? This is what I did for an interview at maybe 15 weeks. (I ended up hating the belly band, but it was worth it for this one purpose!)
anon says
Industry is a very small non-profit.
Anonymous says
In that case, I expect it’s fine. I’m coming from a finance/biglaw point of view :)
HSAL says
I think that’s absolutely fine, regardless of industry. They called YOU with no notice, so as long as you’ve got a blazer, a man is either A: not going to notice what you’re wearing at all or B: think jacket=suit. You’re fine. Good luck!
OP says
Thanks to you both! This is helpful.
Lily says
Really late post, but I just remembered. Daycare sent something for mother’s day (husband showed the bag this morning as I was leaving). And then, at daycare I see a non with envelopes for the teachers. Is this a thing? I had not thought I needed to gift daycare teachers for mother’s day….
Anonymous says
I really hope this isn’t becoming a thing…
anon says
It’s teacher appreciation week, so we had something today, but it was not mothers day related.
Lily says
Yep, just heard about teachers appreciation week. May be the envelopes were for that. I would happily gift something for teachers appreciation week. Mother’s day gift for teachers is unnecessary in my opinion. Since I just found out, I guess I will stop by a starbucks and get a gift card that all teachers can use to get drinks. I don’t know all the teachers so I have no idea hype many individual cards I would need to get.
Anonymous says
WWYD. You pick your 2 kids up (~4,~7) up from gymnastics and are holding their hands walking out the front door. A person parked in the (handicapped) space directly across from the front door is backing out. Slowly, but right into you. You yell “hey! Watchout!” But she continues to slowly back out (presumably not hearing and continuing not to check behind her).
I watched the whole thing and instead of pulling the kids away from danger (already holding their hands), the guy kicked the bumper of her car. WTF?
FWIW it was a dad with the kids and a granny type in a beat up old car in the parking spot. Our town is full of such bros. Everything happened at <1MPH so they could have just walked out of the way, much less scampered. Obviously the driver is at fault but it seemed like such a bad way for Dad to handle it.
IHeartBacon says
Since you know he will eat small bites of regular food, just send the regular food to daycare with him, but chop it up into tiny (pea-sized) pieces.
We never did baby food. We went from milk straight to soft regular food (no salt).
At 6 months we started feeding him:
Vegetables: peas, soft cooked carrots, mashed potatoes, corn, soft cooked squashes (acorn, butternut, zucchini), sauteed spinach and kale (chopped finely before cooking so there were no long stringy pieces).
Proteins: tofu, ground meats (broken up into pea-sized pieces while cooking).
Fruits: avocados, bananas, mangoes, kiwi, blueberries (halved or quartered depending on size)
Grains: rice, steel-cut oatmeal (no sweetener)
At 8 months and 10 months, we introduced more things into each category. Here is the exact chart I used for when to introduce certain foods. https://wholesomebabyfood.momtastic.com/assets/uploads/2015/04/solids2chart.pdf I just picked it randomly off the internet and didn’t do any research about it. The only strict rule I kept was introducing one thing at a time and waiting 3 days for allergic reactions.