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I understand why Instagram is such a valuable app for marketing purposes. It is where I find most of the things I want to buy — like these earrings, which are always worn by Emily Schuman of Cupcakes and Cashmere. In her Instagram stories, she always highlights them and adds a variation of “These bestselling earrings are finally back in stock!” The number of times I’ve swiped up for the link is reaching infinity. They will be mine someday! I really love how they are tiny huggies, simple but still decorative. I’ve been considering getting my second earring holes redone, and these seem like they would look cute in the second hole with maybe a larger earring in the first (but definitely also fun on their own). They’re $60 at Shopbop. Ashley Huggie Earrings This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Car seat protectors says
We are getting a new car next week, and I would like to order some of those protective mat thingies to go in between the kids’ convertible carseats and the leather car seat (which is a second row bench). Are all of these protective mats basically the same? Any particular recommendations? Thanks!
AwayEmily says
You are smart. I wish I had done this a year ago, especially before the winter hit. Now the backseat (kids are rear-facing still) is permanently salt-stained. Oh well, I guess that’s why we bought a used car.
Anonymous says
No specific recommendations, but the thick ones are unsafe since they can mask a bad/loose installation of the carseat. Also, it depends on your carseat’s brand as to whether the manufacture allows even a thin mat. I believe Chicco doesn’t allow any and Britax and Diono only allows the one they make. If you have a Graco seat you have a lot more options.
Pigpen's Mama says
I just got the one that was sold by the manufacture of our car seat — Britax I think. The seem to help a bit, but I didn’t have one for the infant seat and there was already some damage.
I didn’t get one that covers the back of the seat, which I regret (also still rear-facing). The back of the seat is a mess. But — used car that we’ll probably retire around the time our LO is out of the car seat.
Anon says
We use the Summer Infant duomat with our Britax seats. Just make sure the one you choose covers the upright part of the seat (if rear facing) and covers the “front legs” portion (if forward facing).
I know there are various thoughts on these, but I think safety recommendations have to be weighed against practicality. I’m not ruining my back seats (with either salt or vomit – two certain events) for a 0.0000001%* improvement in safety in a very unlikely event. Several of the reviews online are written by people in Georgia or Texas who have no idea what winter in Chicago or Boston is like and don’t understand how road salt dripping from shoes can actually damage the upholstery, and the vinegar you need to use to clean it also damages the car seat. I have to imagine worn down upholstery or car seats wiped with vinegar affect safety as well, and they don’t usually take that into account.
*Not the actual safety increase, you get the point.
shortperson says
read your manuals. technically you are only supposed to use mats that are the same brand as your carseats for most seats. one brand (graco?) allows thin towels.
summa travel says
Can a Kia Soul fit two car seats in the back?
HSAL says
I used this website to figure out three across in my Honda Fit, and if they can do all these three across I’m sure you’re fine.
https://www.thecarcrashdetective.com/3-across-installations-soul/
Anonymous says
FWIW, CPST friends tell me that website is notoriously unreliable about what seats will safely fit in a car, since it just takes calculates the total width of the back seat and doesn’t account for weird seat geometry or overlapping seatbelts.
Anonymous says
We can get 2 carseats and an adult in the back of orrrr Honda Fit, which I think is a similar size.
Anonymous says
For you and HSAL, which car seats do you have? I love our Fit; second baby coming shortly and I’m struggling to see how we can move our forward facing toddler out of the middle since his feet are basically in our faces as is. Or maybe we leave him in the middle and put the baby on the side?
Anonymous says
Our kids are still rear-facing, so unfortunately I have no advice about what seats work well for older toddlers.
Mama Llama says
We have a Fit with a Chicco KeyFit and a forward-facing NextFit in the backseat. It’s very tight, but it can work. We have to push the front seats forward to get the kids in and out, and you have to have the passenger seat semi-uncomfortably far forward to accommodate the kiddo’s legs in the NextFit.
Anonymous says
This is helpful- we currently have a Nextfit. Would have loved something smaller but our kid is VERY tall and we wanted to rear face as long as possible.
HSAL says
Hopefully you still see this, but we have the toddler forward facing behind the passenger in her Cosco Scenera Next (the cheap one since she’s in my car so rarely) and the twins are in Cybex Aton infant seats. My husband is 6’8 and can’t drive the car with the infant seats in there, but is okay in the passenger seat.
rosie says
Maybe check car seat lady?
http://thecarseatlady.com/2017familyvehiclebuyingguide/
First OB Appointment says
My first appointment is tomorrow, when I will be exactly 8 weeks. I’ve been told to expect a lot of blood draws and I will have an ultrasound, but I don’t know much more than that. I am generally healthy with no preexisting conditions and I’ve been having lots of pregnancy symptoms. So aside from “when does the nausea stop,” I don’t have specific questions. Is there anything else you wish you had asked or things your doctor brought up that you found really helpful? Thanks!
Annie says
I’d try to gauge your doctor’s approach to things to make sure the practice is a good fit for you since if it isn’t it would be better to move practices now. Questions I’d want to know include: (1) do they induce automatically at 40 weeks (if you have an opinion about that); (2) do they support natural births (if that is what you want); (3) who will actually deliver your baby (your doctor, someone from the practice, the doctor on call at the hospital etc.; (4) how do they handle questions — can you message questions and get them answered by a doctor, can you call, or do you need to save all questions for an appointment. Good luck!
Lana Del Raygun says
They’ll probably also want a urine sample, so don’t be like me and go to the bathroom right before they call you up. :)
J says
But do ask to leave the sample before your ultrasound if reception doesn’t just give you a cup on check-in. If you have to go, the pressure from the ultrasound device is uncomfortable.
Anonymous says
You might want to ask about non invasive genetic testing (i.e. the blood test for chromosomal abnormalities, and as a bonus prize, gender if you want it!) They typically do that around 10-12 weeks; it can be expensive but in my view so worth it.
lsw says
If you’re AMA, your insurance might cover it! Was free for me, pregnant at 35 delivered at 36.
Anonymous says
My insurance covered it regardless of age. I was 31. Although I have a high deductible plan so I still had to pay $800 since I hadn’t yet met my deductible. But the company I did it with (Harmony) offers a $300 rate if you’re uninsured or if insurance doesn’t cover it.
AwayEmily says
They also sometimes cover it if you can make the case for any risk factors (I think your doctor just has to sign off).
Anonymous says
Yep, go with a full bladder since they’ll do a comprehensive urinalysis. I would ask about non-invasive prenatal testing if the doctor doesn’t bring it up. It’s an easy way to make sure the baby doesn’t have one of several chromosomal disorders (including Down’s) and a bonus is you get to find out the sex of the baby before the end of the first trimester. It’s usually covered by insurance, but if it’s not it’s only a few hundred dollars.
I personally think there’s not a whole lot of point discussing labor/delivery stuff at this point. You’ll have so many more appointments to talk about it, and a lot of things will happen beyond your control. I was very firm that I didn’t want an induction before 42 weeks and was upset that my doctor had a standard policy of inducing at 41 weeks. I spent a lot of time fretting about it, and even posted here I think. And then I was induced on my due date because baby was in distress. Pregnancy is really unpredictable and I tend to think you’re borrowing trouble by worrying about this stuff so far in advance (at least in a normal uncomplicated pregnancy).
anon says
There wasn’t really anything that was particularly surprising, except that the ultrasound was not the on-the-tummy kind. It was the trans-v kind. I was super confused with the ultrasound tech told me to take off my pants.
OP says
LOL! I’ve actually had these before so I will not be surprised but thank you for the heads up!
Anonymous says
It might be too short of notice but I’d actually encourage you to take your partner! My first pregnancy I was like whatever babe, save your sick leave, you can come to the later ultrasounds when it looks like a baby instead of a blobbo. But my 8 week ultrasound is when we figured out the baby wasn’t growing and I was going to miscarry, and I was there by myself, and I wish I hadn’t been. Next pregnancy, he was at every ultrasound, so at THAT 8 week ultrasound, he got to be there when we found out it was twins!
OP says
Thank you– yes, I am bringing him! Whether the news is good or bad I’d want him there. And so glad everything worked out for you.
Anonymous says
Make sure you’re really well-hydrated! Not just that you’re able to go, but that when you pee it’s pretty clear or light yellow. I was able to pee, but apparently my urine was pretty concentrated because I was fairly dehydrated and it messed up the test so I had to go in and do it again.
Autoimmune Disorder During Pregnancy says
Can anyone share experiences of pregnancy and auto immune disorders? Mine seems to have triggered a flare up and I can barely move. Seeing my doctor of course, but they don’t seem to have many solutions since I am pregnant.
EB0220 says
Interesting. I have Grave’s Disease, which is autoimmune, and it was very manageable during pregnancy and in remission for about 2 years after. Now I’m almost 4 years postpartum and back on my old dose of thyroid suppressant so I guess my immune system is back to “normal”. I don’t think autoimmune diseases are well understood, even by doctors! I did find that I had to do my own research on medicine during pregnancy. I had to have a certain protocol (1 medicine in the 1st tri and another in the 2nd-3rd). I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this. Feel free to email me if you’d like to talk about it more, although sounds like we have different conditions.
Cb says
I have lupus and luckily it was well managed during pregnancy (could stay on my meds, but no pain killers which was tough). I was however really exhausted, beyond normal pregnancy exhaustion. What helped me was swimming, outsourcing what I could to my partner, and just going to bed really really early.
Anonanonanon says
I have Ulcerative Colitis and it flared horribly during my last pregnancy. We did steroids to get me through the end of the pregnancy (my GI usually likes to avoid steroids for people because of the long-term side effects), I got iron infusions to compensate for all of the intestinal bleeding that was resulting in anemia, and when she was breech we opted to go straight for a C-Section rather than try ECV because of the bleeding risk. I started a biologic when she was about 8 weeks old and a few months later I’m starting to feel better. It meant I had to stop breastfeeding, but I didn’t want to risk her ingesting some and getting a bizarre cancer later in life or something.
I also have asthma, which did the opposite and greatly improved in both of my pregnancies. My GI said in terms of Ulcerative Colitis, pregnancies seem to be “make or break” (as in if it’s going to get worse, it seems to choose pregnancy as the time to do it).
Anon says
Posted late yesterday in response to your question about my experience with psoriatic arthritis. Moral of the story is that yes it flared, my treatment options were limited to super mild steroids unless I wanted to try a (supposedly) pregnancy and BFing safe biologic (I did not), and at 1 year PP, it’s still not back to normal yet (but has been getting better as my BFing has been tapering off as we try to wean).
Anonymous says
Wintertime baby question! I am having my second at the end of October, so she’ll be an immobile blob for many of the cold winter months. We have a stroller footmuff already, but thinking I should get some kind of “bunting” for her? My older was a summer baby so never had this issue. If anyone has suggestions for newborn appropriate cold weather gear, let me know! For what it’s worth I’m in NYC, so it’s not the frozen tundra, but we are outside a lot by necessity.
AwayEmily says
lol at “immobile blob.” I would poke around in some kids’ used clothing stores…bunting type things often only get used a few times so I bet you can score a really nice barely-used ones. That’s how we got ours…I think it was from Carters. We also had a NY winter baby and would do a fleece bunting + plenty of blankets.
Annie says
We got an adorable fleece bearsuit on amazon. With the stroller blanket thing, I think that’s all you need.
Anon in NYC says
Yes, a warm fuzzy full body suit (with hood), plus stroller bunting, is probably good enough for most day to day activities. If you want to do babywearing, consider your jacket / some sort of zip up arrangement so that you can cover her while outside.
Anonymous says
You can get a foot muff thingie for the Baby Bjorn – if you think you’ll babywear a lot and don’t have a coat that will fit, you might look into something like that. I think I successfully used a used Baby Bjorn one I got with my Becco carrier. But the bunting will probably be sufficient unless it is really cold.
Pogo says
When I babywore I put him in his snowsuit and then in the carrier. Snowsuit is also what I used for jogging stroller where I didn’t separately want to buy bunting.
For carseat, we used bunting and dressed him normally, maybe with a hat. I would also just put a muslin swaddle over the carseat as an umbrella when it was snowing. They sell actual weatherproof covers I’m sure but we weren’t trekking two miles through a blizzard usually so I didn’t bother. Same with my fancy jogging stroller, I COULD buy a special cover for it but chose not to. I’m still a bit undecided on that since it can make a big difference in the wind, but typically if it was THAT cold/windy out I didn’t want to be outside for long either!
anon says
I got the Jolly Jumper Arctic, which was like a shower cap that elastics over the baby car seat. It was great.
Anon says
+1 in our cold Chicago winters when we walked most places. Skip the bunting and just use the Jolly Jumper.
Cb says
Friends had these fleece starfish blankets that they used in the pram, I thought those looked much easier than blankets or the buntings – I had three buntings and used them when it snowed but not regularly. I had these cute little burts bees kimono style suits that I put over his normal clothes when it was really cold. I did babywear though and I think the shared bodily heat makes a diffference.
Anon says
We had (in the midAtlantic) a hand-me-down skiphop bunting blanket thing that went over the carseat (which we then snapped into the stroller frame) and that was perfect. I could dress her normally for when we were indoors and didn’t want her to overheat, and then the bunting was elasticked over the car seat to keep her warm when outdoors. When babywearing, I would put her in a light sleeper, because my bodyheat kept her super warm, and then I would tuck my coat around her as best I could.
AwayEmily says
Can I get a bit of poop help? My 2.5 year old has been withholding (~3 days at a time) since potty training a few months ago. We started her on Miralax last month (2 tsp a day) but it doesn’t seem to have made a big difference…she’s still not going daily, and complaining about tummy aches, etc. We finally gave her a suppository last night after she cried for almost an hour at bedtime.
She doesn’t seem outwardly afraid of the potty (she will go in it if she’s nearby and pantsless; otherwise she has an accident) but refuses to sit and wait on it. The hour or so before she finally poops is just a disaster — crying, frustration, etc. Then she poops and is proud and back to normal. She’s 100% trained for pee and has not expressed any interest in going back to diapers.
So…what’s the strategy here? Do I up the dose of Miralax? It’s not diet; it’s definitely in her head. She gets lots of fruit and vegetables, prunes, water, etc (pre potty training she was pooping twice a day and her diet hasn’t changed). Is there a specific script that has worked for anyone? It’s almost like she doesn’t know how to just sit on the potty and let it out.
Apologies for writing a novel here but I keep reading these horror stories of kids’ poop problems getting worse and worse because people are reluctant to intervene and I would rather fix it now while she still has a generally positive attitude. Our pediatrician has been really unhelpful (“oh, she probably just needs more fruit”) so I’m hoping some smart people here can share their experiences.
anon says
I seem to remember that this was a combination of getting our kid to sit still long enough/ relax and figuring out what is their natural schedule for pooping. What about letting her take a bath to relax and then letting her sit for a while with a book/screen time to keep her in place long enough to produce?
Anonymous says
No experience, but two things come to mind. First, can you let her watch you go? Would it help her to see someone else go on the potty? Second, if she uses either a child potty or a regular toilet with a child seat/stool, would it help her to try the other? Good luck!
CPA Lady says
We had a multi pronged approach. Basically, at first, you need the Miralax dose to be high enough that they basically can’t hold it. And you keep it there until they learn that pooping is not painful (I’m guessing that’s what her running around in a bad mood is, her being afraid of impending doom). Then you can dial it back. My pediatrician said you want the poop texture to be like “biscuit dough”.
We also got the books “Softy the Poop” and “Everybody Poops”. These were to broach the topic in a kind of funny way because by the time we got to this point, pooping had become An Issue with a lot of Feelings involved.
We also bribed with candy. She got a piece of candy every single time she pooped. Even if she pooped out half a poop and then later pooped out the rest of it. I didn’t care. Whatever bribery your kid responds to is good here.
Anonymous says
Could you park her on the toilet and have her watch a movie? Like just chill out there and let the poop happen. Might be a good way to let her have enough time there and also distract her so she doesn’t get in her head about it.
Anon in NYC says
The only challenge with that is if your kid is screen obsessed (mine is), she will just sit there and stare at the screen for 45 minutes and not poop.
Like CPALady said, I would up the dose. For a while my daughter was on a full dose of Miralax per day. We did half at lunch and half at dinner.
AwayEmily says
Thank you! This is all so helpful. CPA Lady, I think you got it exactly right that we need to treat this as a multi-step process — first, solve the withholding problem (probably by upping her dose) and then once she’s on a regular, non-painful schedule we can deal with the “sitting and waiting” problem. I have tried to bribe her with my phone/a show but right now even that isn’t enough to get her to sit when a poop is coming. But once we get the dosage right (and she’s less anxious) then I will give the phone bribe another chance.
AnonInBigLaw says
When my LO got to the point of tummy aches from being so backed up, dr suggested we do 1/2 CAP of Miralax 2x/day. She basically wanted us to induce diarrhea for a weekend (or more) so that we could clear her out. Clearing out takes longer than you think. Weaned her down to 1/2 cap 1x per day after she was regular for awhile. 2 teaspoons a day is helpful for a small toddler (like 15 mos) but if you have a 2 or 3 y.o., that’s not enough, even as a maintenance dose. Ask your doctor, but that’s the info I received after I had stubbornly kept her at 2 tsp a day not wanting to “over-medicate.”
Anonymous says
Oh yeah for sure. My kiddo was still pooping but getting stomach aches- an X-ray showed a backup. So like everything was moving, just not fast enough. She was 3.5 at the time and got half a cap a day.
Anon says
I would think back to what time of day she typically goes poop and then at that time of day everyday have her sit on a toilet for five minutes while watching her favorite tv show. She only gets that tv show while sitting on the toilet. Or pick her favorite toy. Now she only gets that on the toilet. Practice sitting there every day for five minutes. If she wants to go another time on her own encourage it and let her have the tv show/toy.
traveling anon says
I’m heading out on my first long-ish business trip since my 7-month old was born. I’ll be gone three full days and almost three full nights. I’m so sad to leave her – please just tell me that she won’t forget me! She wouldn’t forget that fast right? Planning to do video chatting but I’m not sure how much she gets out of that really…
Anonymous says
She will not notice. I started traveling when my first was 4.5 months and it was a great time for her to bond with her dad.
Traveling gets a LOT harder after age 1!!
Pigpen's Mama says
Also she won’t forget you either!
Pogo says
Aw, hugs! It is definitely harder for you than for them at that age. Even at 1 I don’t think mine really cares yet. I do love video chatting and photos. I think it’s funny to see what outfits for him my husband picks out without my input.
She will definitely not forget you! I remind myself that most of his day my baby is at daycare with his little buddies and his caregivers, so missing just mommy or daddy is a small part of his day and not a huge change to routine.
Anonymous says
I’ve started going through the milestone checklist in advance of baby’s 9 month ped visit next week and she is missing some of the “talk to your pediatrician if…” milestones including responding to her own name, playing back-and-forth games, and looking where I point. So now I have gone down the autism rabbit hole and am panicking. What I really want is reassurance that things are fine, but I think I probably also need some advice on getting early intervention. Anyone gone through this? It’s another screening post-pediatrician before getting a referral to services, right? What is the timeline like?
Anonymous says
My experience with my (admittedly overly chill) pediatrician and the therapies we’ve gotten for our twins is that they are not going to worry a lot before 18 months about delayed milestones unless you are seeing actual regression (loss of abilities they had before) or stasis (stop learning anything new at all). I’m going down the same autism rabbit hole now with my son, who is 27 months, who STILL usually doesn’t respond to his own name, and I’m still getting told it’s too early to worry too much! Ours have been VERY tested because they were preemies– we had a 6 month and 18 month battery of tests at the hospital where they were born with speech therapy/occupational therapy/physical therapy, and they’ll get another big test at 3– and in my experience there is just a huge window of normality into which most babies fit. Our son is in speech therapy now, but he still only got in based on “atypical development” (knowing just objects instead of names of people or verbs) and not the strict guidelines (a 25% delay). I totally get the panic– I’ve been doing it for at least a year– but most interventions won’t start until at least 18 months, usually age 2, unless they’re gross motor delays. It’s good to keep an eye on, but I would expect the pediatrician to take a wait-and-see attitude.
Knope says
9 months is reaaaallllyyyyyy early to be worrying. Definitely talk to the ped, but I doubt you will get early intervention at this point. I don’t have firsthand experience with this myself, but my understanding from friends that have been in similar situations is that the primary thing peds focus on for social/communication delays before 12 months is potential hearing problems.
lsw says
Our son had (and still has at age 2) some verbal delay. We got an early intervention screening (free in my state – Pennsylvania) and I’m really glad we did. It turned out he was hitting everything pretty on or close and didn’t qualify for EI services. I found this super reassuring and helped me relax a lot. They also helped by giving us some tips for verbal development and a few other things.
I echo others that the window is big here, but also there’s no harm in getting an EI screening to put your mind at ease!
Anonymous says
Yes, I am definitely hoping our ped is like “stop worrying you silly” because I want my kid to be typically developing, but I also want to do as much as we can to set her up for that. So much that I see is saying early intervention (if she qualifies) can make a big impact in later functioning so even though 9 months is young I don’t want to just wait it out for too long. Obviously, like most of us, I am a proactive do-er, to a flaw at times.
lsw says
I feel like you pretty much summed it up there! I was grateful to be able to just table my worries for a while by hearing the feedback from the EI people.
FVNC says
I agree with the others that it’s probably a little too early to expect EI, but I would also tell you to trust your gut and begin having serious discussions with your doctor (don’t let him/her brush you off). My older kid was always on the very low end of normal for the ages and stages questionnaires, until 18 months when she dropped off the normal end. Because we’d been having the conversation for many months with our pediatrician by then, we spent much of our 18 mo appt discussing EI, and were able to quickly get help (in our case, speech therapy and joint attention mediated learning exercises). I’ve been in your shoes, and it’s scary — but you’re doing everything right, and help will be there in case you need it down the road.
Anonymous says
I agree with the others to trust your gut and talk it over. That said, how many is kiddo missing? I could totally be wrong, but I always got the impression that those questionnaires are scored numerically…so like if you have 20 questions, you can miss a certain number and there is no cause for concern. If kiddo is only missing three out of a larger list, I wouldn’t get too concerned.
FWIW, I have been seriously shocked on some of those on how they fit my child to a tee at that exact age. So within a week or less of the 9 month appointment, she’ll start doing X, Y, or Z on the list.
Anonymous says
Fair point, I might be borrowing trouble if she figures all this stuff out in the next week. But these are on the “act now!” list not the “might be doing most of these” list which is what’s making me want to be more proactive. I guess I just figure if we can get extra services (and in our state, we would have to pay for them, so it isn’t like we’d be a drain on anyone) it can’t hurt things since there is some data out there that early action really does help – and can’t hurt other than being a time suck.
Anonymous says
Hi ladies, seeing recommendations for vacation destinations with young kids. Mine are currently almost-3 and almost-1, and I’m interested in long weekends from DC, and week-long trips for next summer. Husband and I really prefer destinations that have lots of options for entertaining young kids and are generally low-stress (so not a ton of planning to make it fun). We had a great time in Paris (lots of playgrounds, kid-friendly restaurants, walkable/public transportation-friendly city), and love being in DC (museums, metro). Beach vacations, per contrast, are not fun for us– too much work to get everything packed up and having to be “on” all the time watching the kids near the water.
What’s the best place you’ve been with toddlers/young preschoolers?
Anonymous says
I’ve been researching national parks lately, especially ones that are close to a fun city. Like maybe San Francisco + redwoods (don’t remember the official park name) or something like that.
Anonymous says
Redwoods isn’t really close to SF – it’s about a 6 hour drive w/o traffic. Yosemite is a little closer but not much, maybe 4-5 hours. SF is a great city and there’s a lot to do in the area but it isn’t really a great place to combine with a national park trip.
Anonymous says
Yikes. My bad. Muir Woods is close by and lovely, but only for a day trip.
FVNC says
For weekends, I’m all about driving destinations. Charlottesville is a family friendly town with tons of parks and open spaces (vineyards, university grounds, Monticello), little kid-friendly hiking trails, restaurants that welcome kids, tiny but fun kids museum, etc. Baltimore and/or Annapolis could also be fun, easy weekend getaways.
octagon says
Lancaster County PA – Dutch Wonderland, Turkey Hill ice cream factory, lots of playgrounds. They also have a good outlet center with a small playground outside some shops.
Luray Virginia – Caverns would be great at that age; car museum isn’t worth its own ticket but is fine after the caverns. Plus you are close to Shenandoah so you can do hiking, or look up some of the junior ranger programs.
Philadelphia – science center, zoo, lots of urban amenities (good outdoor dining, playgrounds etc)
Anonanonanon says
We did a weekend of camping (aka ONE NIGHT IN A SITE NEAR THE BATHROOMS) at prince william forest park in northern virginia and had a lot of fun. Felt like “camping” but like… only one night. Basically enough time to roast hot dogs and make a fire and do a small walk in the woods and check camping off the list. I’m not very outdoorsy, to the point that there’s an 8 person tent for us and we use air mattresses, and even I can enjoy this trip. There’s some other camp grounds in northern virginia regional parks, Pohick Bay specifically, where there’s also a water park! So you could combine camping/waterpark into one trip.
Great Wolf Lodge in Williamsburg is fun for the kids. It’s meh from the parent perspective of course, but I do like that everything is contained within the resort and there’s not a lot of driving around.
Alternatively we did the historic Williamsburg thing last year, and it was also fun. We actually were NOT fans of colonial Williamsburg, and I didn’t enjoy how scheduled everything was. (for example, you can’t just wander over to the blacksmithing hut and learn about it, you have to go when there’s a scheduled demonstration). However we loved loved LOVED Jamestown, which is free! They had actual ships you can go on, a lot of constant demonstrations, the kids can touch stuff and participate in activities, etc. It was much easier to go at the kiddo’s pace. I remember our hotel being pretty cheap as well.
I’ve heard great things about Dutch Wonderland on this board but haven’t been myself.
I agree with the Philly suggestion as something fun for both kiddos and grownups. If you leave at noon on a Friday it’s not a bad drive at all, in my experience.
In terms of larger-than-weekend trips, we’re beach people, so unfortunately I can’t help you there :(
Artemis says
I live near Philly, great city for kids.
Other places I’ve been with my kid/kids under the age of 6 and had a blast: Boston, Chicago, Nashville, Seattle, Outer Banks, London and the Cotswolds (combined trip).
Sarabeth says
There are quite a few state parks in MD that have cabins so you can “camp” without having to deal with actual camping. We do that regularly in the fall and spring.
I live in Baltimore, and it’s not great on public transit, but has a lot of fun stuff for kids. Would make a very easy weekend trip.
Anonymous says
Shaw’s Hotel in Prince Edward Island.
Cabin rentals in Cazadero near the Russian River
Carpinteria, California
Travaasa Hotel, Hana, Maui
Anonymous says
I have 3 kids. My second just turned two and has been giving us a run for our Mikey since the day she was born. Sleep issues, teething issues, and now, some behavior issues. My oldest never had “terrible twos” (sure she was more difficult than whaen she was one, but not like you read about. And she was a moody “threenager” but again, nothing super noteworthy). My two year old won’t listen to me, runs off and thinks it’s funny (obviously attention seeking, but also, hugely dangerous!), screams/cries over everything despite having a marvelous vocabulary, throws stuff, pinches, pokes, you name it. Main feature is truely defiant behavior-spitting out food, looking at us and doing the opposite of what we ask, etc. bedtime has become a 1+ hour escapade. And on by the way she’s decided she wants to potty train *even though* DH and I decided to punt on that because of the new baby. So her trump card is “I go potty?” And of course we take her (within reason, she has a 2 trip limit once she’s in bed- and she actually does go.)
This has been going on since was ~21 months but has really magnified when the baby was born at 23 months (she’s 25 months now).
We have the spirited child book. We carve out individual time and she gets more of it than either of the other two kids. She’s generally better behaved 1:1 but not always. We keep as much routine as we possibly can (see: have a 6 week old).
I’m looking for…consideration? Reassurance? Pro tips? This is just so much more intense than we ever had with my older kiddo—but #2 was born more intense and has never failed to deliver.
Anonymous says
Run for our money. Of course.
anon says
No tips really, but solidarity. We are just in a sucky phase right now. I have a spirited 6 year old and a spirited 3 year old. 6 y/o became a difficult child when the 3 year old was born. 3 y/o has been a free spirited, wild woman since about 6 months old. The things that help the most for us are in the way of self-preservation so we have the stamina to keep going! I try to go to bed as early as possible after the kids (which I realize may not be possible for you with a newborn), and husband and I have really leaned on family babysitters so we can get some alone time.
Anonymous says
Oh no, my newborn is marvelous. She does wake at night but she’s super low maintenance. I do go to bed early but thanks for the reminder. I can handle the 2 y/o best when I’m well slept and caffeinated. I’ve recently started thinking she’s hangry sometimes too, but she’s not a big eater so I have to corner her and stuff her full. She’s been acting like she’s teething for 6 weeks straight with no 2 year molars in sight.
Anon in NYC says
Oh dear lord my kid gets so freaking hangry. She’s 3, but she doesn’t say that she’s hungry, she’s just irrationally angry and cranky. I’ve realized that she has some obvious bad times – first thing in the morning and post-nap – she’s going to have low blood sugar and be in a bad mood. Honestly, that really helped mentally re-set me (and DH) from getting so irritated with her because I recognize her behavior for what it is. It really helps to get food in her.
Anonymous says
Our 3 year old also gets very angry/aggressive (kicking, hitting, scratching) when he needs to pee but doesn’t want to admit it. Once we figured that out we do a lot more mandatory bathroom trips, who-can-pee-first contests, “let’s see what color your pee is,” etc. We also talk about how wow, you were feeling so mad and don’t you feel MUCH better now that you peed?
anne-on says
+1 my kid is SO hangry (and honestly so am I) so I’ve told my husband and our au pair that if its around breakfast/lunch/dinner and kiddo is having some sort of nonsensical meltdown to just stop, table any time outs, and get food in him NOW. He is simply not rational when hungry.
I am also SO grateful now that he’s older that he can also admit/articulate ‘mommy I get really grumpy/don’t listen well/whine when I’m hungry’ or ‘you were right mommy, I was so sad/mad/angry because I was just hungry’.
NewMomAnon says
Hugs. I have a spirited kiddo, and I remember ages 2-2.5 being the worst of the worst with regard to boundary pushing and defiance. I have a bunch of suggestions if you want them, but probably more important – it evened out a lot once kiddo hit 3. A LOT. Hopefully you experience that too.
Now that she’s 4, she will sometimes still instigate battles but usually only if she is (1) tired, (2) hungry, or (3) feeling insecure and needing loving boundary reinforcement to feel grounded again. I find that its easiest if I opt out of the battles (walk away, change subject, make her giggle, etc), address the underlying issue (if she is tired or hungry), or firmly put her in time out or remove a privilege (usually TV, which she can earn back) if she needs the boundary reinforcement.
Anonymous says
The thing about “spirited” is she’s reallly just INTENSE. She doesn’t have issues with getting A instead of B, she transitions OK – though her separation anxiety was worse than my older one’s, and oh my god the button pushing. I do think being the second (now middle) exacerbated the issue.
And she’s a perfectly behaved angel at daycare- they laugh at me when I relay the stories about home since she’s an obedient little angel there. Part of that I suspect is she’s on the younger side for her class- most kids are 2.5. So she’s a little more timid when she’s with the older ones.
NewMomAnon says
That’s my kiddo – usually pretty go-with-the-flow, but the big feelings are BIG and the persistence she demonstrates when boundary testing is awe-inspiring. She’ll be a fierce adult if we can both survive her childhood.
Mrs. Jones says
Our kid was hard until age 4.5. NewMomAnon has good suggestions above.
AwayEmily says
My 2-yo is a bit like that as well. One thing that has helped us a little is to over, over, over-communicate about what is happening/about to happen. So, even though every morning is the same, we still tell her “ok, next Mama is going to take you downstairs and do your hair, and then we will put on your shoes, and then put your lunch in your bag…” etc etc. I think it helps her to feel more in control (and thus less likely to be defiant/angry/etc) when she has a lot of details about everything that is happening next and ideally also something to look forward to as part of that (ie, getting to shut the car door after her brother gets in, or getting to water the plants before we get in the car).
Excited to hear this all gets better down the road! Right now 2 is amazing but exhausting.
NewMomAnon says
Oh, it gets so much better. I did not love the baby years. The toddler years felt like a constant grind. Early preschool was still hard. But age 4 is….wonderful. I think ages 5-11 will be even better. I dunno yet about tween/teen years, so I’m just going to enjoy this.
She can dress and feed herself, she can voice her discomforts and even take steps to address them independently! And she has a sense of humor, and can do some independent play, and can help set the table/empty the dishwasher/do the laundry in a way that is actually helpful and not just a hindrance. She walks places without needing a stroller or sprinting off on suicidal tears, goes to the bathroom on her own, sleeps easily and regularly every night, and can be rationally persuaded or bribed to do things the easy way (often, not always). It’s really nice.
Anon says
Hi all, I am currently pregnant and will be resuming anti anxiety medication immediately following the delivery of bebe. Unfortunately, the SSRI I typically take is one of the medications that is transmitted most easily through breast milk so I am considering switching to a different medication. I am under the care of a psychiatrist and she has told me that she does not find the information regarding the amount of the medication transmitted in breast milk that concerning (as in, she doesn’t think it is enough to be harmful to the baby) and she thinks there is a lot of value in me going back on the medication that has historically worked for me. Even with her very supportive and helpful advice, I am finding the decision very difficult to make and I am wondering if anyone who has been in this situation would be willing to share how you decided what to do medication-wise. To be clear, I have already decided to go back on anti anxiety medication and this is purely a question regarding what specific medication to go onto. Thanks in advance to anyone who is willing to share her experience on what is a pretty personal topic.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I started taking Zoloft when b-feeding #1 (although was close to the end), and have remained on it throughout this second pregnancy. My doctors have said that this is one of the safer SSRIs to take while pregnant/b-feeding (at low doses anyway), so if that is an option for you, I would consider trying that. It’s not considered 100% safe or anything, but I evaluating the risks and benefits and decided that the benefits to me of not being anxious about every little thing in my pregnancy and raising a toddler on top of that were worth the risks. My doctors recommended to continue taking it while b-feeding #2, to prevent some of the withdrawal symptoms.
NewMomAnon says
I started Zoloft while pregnant and used it while nursing because my psych said it had one of the lowest transmission rates through b*milk. Having been pregnant and postpartum while horribly anxious, I can say that I would be willing to take on some risk of medication transmission to baby if it meant that I could be a present, stable mother. I would also skip b*feeding if that risk of transmission was too high for my comfort; formula is great stuff, and a kiddo needs a stable mom much more than b*milk.
Whatever decision you make, remember that taking care of yourself IS taking care of the baby. It’s not a trade off. Hugs.
Anonymous says
Have you chosen a pediatrician yet? When you do, I’d talk to the pediatrician in advance of birth about this issue. Most are supportive of breastfeeding and mom’s mental health and great with advice on how to balance the two. Actually, if the pediatrician isn’t good to work with on this, it’s a sign you need a different one. They run into this a lot, so they’ll have great insight.
Anonanonanon says
I decided with my first to stick with what I knew worked. I was not in a great place with Post-Partum Depression and it didn’t feel like the time to “play around” with new medications. It meant I couldn’t breastfeed, but being not-depressed helped me bond with my baby more than breastfeeding would have anyway.
As I shared above, I had to start a biologic for a chronic condition after my current baby was born. I was pretty upset because this time I was breastfeeding and it was going so well, but again, a healthy mommy is ultimately going to lead with a better relationship than a miserable/ill one who breastfeeds.
anon for this says
I deferred to my OB and ped. Both felt that the particular drug (Lexapro) and dosage (20mg) were fine based on the literature. I actually was only on 10mg through pregnancy as I didn’t have much anxiety/depression during. Post-partum, my OB upped to 20mg to help me cope with the crushing PPA (like, heart-racing not sleeping, lots of crying). I have maintained this dose under my PCP (stopped seeing OB after a couple months, I think).
I’m not sure how I would have handled if they were against my continuing the drug I knew worked for me. Probably stay with that drug and use formula, because PPD and anxiety can get real dark real fast.
anonymous says
I was on Zoloft through both of my pregnancies and breastfed my first until 9 months and my second is still nursing (at 10.5 months).
I had PPD/A with my first and really struggled from a medication perspective. The ped also wasn’t particularly helpful b/c they were looking at it primarily in terms of my child’s health and not as concerned with me.
I met with a Maternal Fetal Specialist early in my second pregnancy (i.e., the guy that looks at all the studies of medicines & exposures). His position was that it was more important to have me as a functioning, capable new mom than worrying too much about the medications I needed to take. He was totally fine with Zoloft & said others would have been ok as well. I also have a psychiatrist that works a lot with pregnant women & that’s been helpful as I navigated medications.
Please don’t be afraid to take anxiety meds because of worries about nursing/ breastfeeding. It’s awful being in that position and made my first post-partum experience much worse.
Anonymous says
So smart to be prepared to take care of your mental health!! Check out LactMed – it’s a free database from the NIH that summarizes all of the studies about medications and breastfeeding. It is the best resource out there and many more meds that you would assume are considered compatible with breastfeeding! You can also call the Infant Risk Center (find their info online) and speak with one-on-one (for free) with someone specially trained on medications and breastfeeding. I did this when I needed to take an antibiotic for pneumonia when I was breastfeeding – again super helpful and up to date. It is run by a pharmacist who literally wrote the book on medications and breastfeeding.
anon says
What do kids wear to a black-tie optional summer wedding? Ages 4 (girl) and 1 (boy).
Is this dress too casual (and does it matter?) ?
https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=1102591&pcid=47926&vid=1&pid=203814052
Anonymous says
That’s pretty casual yeah but also probs fine.
Anonymous says
The 4 y/o night really like something fancier. What you posted is fine. Mine loved dressing up “like a princess”and hamming it up all night including twirling on the dance floor. Nordstrom rack had some cute stuff!
Anonymous says
We just went to a black tie optional wedding and my 6 month old wore an almost identical dress! We got lots of compliments. I think it’s fine.
TK says
My 4-year old niece wore her Spiderman costume to my wedding and it was amazing.
But since it’s ‘black tie’ I might do something fancier (and, an actual dress) in this situation.
Anonymous says
Wise mamas, talk to me. What parenting books would you recommend for a first-time mom?
I was an only child who grew up in a completely sterile, adults-only environment – think Emily Gilmore’s home – with a benignly disengaged mother. My husband grew up with a million cousins in a really idyllic environment and is awesome with kids – thank goodness! We are so happy to start a family, but I realized this weekend when interacting with some toddlers and preschoolers that I have literally no frame of reference for HOW to parent. (This question brought to you by trying to referee who gets to play with the puzzle next.) The things you’d learn from watching your parent/aunt/uncle deal with another child or from, um, actually being parented as a child, I just don’t know.
So far from reading the comments here, I’ve read Bringing Up Bebe (loved) and How To Talk So Kids Will Listen (my library’s copy was a hilariously outdated original 1980s copy, but good material). What other books would you recommend to a blank slate mama-to-be?
Annie says
Happiest baby on the block was the only one we read the first year, and was great.
Mama Llama says
Baby Meets World: Suck, Smile, Touch Toddle
NurtureShock
any of the Gymboree “play” books for when you’re wondering what the heck you are supposed to “do” with this small human
Happiest Baby and Happiest Toddler on the Block
1-2-3 Magic
Mama Llama says
Also:
Baby 411
any basic baby/kid medical reference book
Anonymous says
Big thumbs up to Baby Meets World, I found that book the most calming thing to read as a new parent (moral of the story: people parent in hugely diverse ways, and it mostly turns out find, unless you’re using dirty water to make baby food).
Anonymous says
I was similar to you – I had no experience with babies or young children, had never changed a diaper or anything like that. I read Heading Home with Your Newborn to get the basics down, but really it’s so instinctual and it’s so, so different when it’s your own. You really don’t need to do a lot of reading, it will come very naturally once you’re actually a parent.
Someone gave us Happiest Baby on the Block book and DVD and my husband and I both though the doctor who wrote them sounded like kind of a quack. I’m not saying swaddling and rocking don’t help soothe crying babies, of course they do, but Harvey Karp makes mega bucks selling his baby-shushing products and it all seems very scam-y to me. You also don’t need to read the book, there are one page summaries online that tell you everything in the book.
MNF says
My girlfriend with a 4 month old literally told me this weekend that she got the shushing machine and it’s a life saver, lol. Guess it’s a KYB situation.
SC says
+1bto Heading Home With Your Newborn for the practical, day-to-day stuff (eating, sleeping, diapers). My pediatrician’s office gives it out to first-time parents.
Also, I highly recommend the public library for parenting books. Most of them, you get the gist after 50-75 pages. Not everything works for every family (obviously), and even great advice is short-lived because kids change SO fast.
anon says
How to Talk so LITTLE kids will listen
Superbaby
Anonymous says
Speaking of baby books, I was reading Baby 411 the other day for guidance on starting solid foods and although I think it’s generally a great reference, there’s a section on “the hidden costs of working outside the home” and why it might make financial sense to stay home if your take home paycheck is similar to the cost of daycare (which is nonsense – yes, gas costs money, but having to buy your own health insurance is a zillion times more expensive) and it mentions something about “paying someone else to raise your child.” I almost had a rage stroke. I can’t believe the working moms who wrote the book would include such drivel.
Mama Llama says
Ugh, gross. I remember one part of that book that suggested it might be hard to hear your child cry if you work outside the home because you feel guilty about it…which, no. But I don’t remember this one.
mascot says
Kids need to be loved, to be kept warm and dry, and to be fed. You will get lots of opportunities to practice those. There are a million parenting blogs and methods out there and frankly, you can drive yourself crazy trying to find the “best” method. It’s not really a test that you can study for- I assure you that your child has not read any of these books and it’s frustrating when they aren’t acting like the book says they should act. So read them because you want to or because you have a specific behavior that you are trying to troubleshoot, but don’t doubt yourself just because you didn’t grow up surrounded by kids.
Cb says
You’ve gotten some great book recs but also check out the pathways website – they send weekly emails about your baby’s development but also include recs on ways to play with your baby. Candokiddo also has got recommendations.
I took a baby talk class with baby when he was 5 months and it was really helpful for engaging with him at an appropriate level.
But also some reassurance – you are not your mom, you are conscious of how you are raising your kid, and as long as you express your love for them and talk to them, you’ll be just fine.
Anon says
My husband is an only child and as far as I can tell grew up with a fairly sterile childhood environment with no other kids around – SAHM mom, but also nanny and housekeeper (how, why, I have SO MANY questions), so not sure how much parenting there was and a former military pilot dad who was very strict when around (rarely) (vs. mine which was much more like your husband’s, except with a little more self-governance on the kids side and less parenting (my husband says my parents’ approach was that they threw us to the wolves, but I don’t recall it that way at all)). Anyhow, he hates to read and has read approximately 0 parenting books. And I will tell you he is doing a fabulous job with our daughter (with a little helpful guidance from me when he asks). So, FWIW, I think the instincts will come, you will do a fabulous job, and you can probably get a fair amount of advice from your husband. So read the books if it makes you feel more comfortable, but you will be able to handle this.
Anonymous says
+1. My DH also hates to read and didn’t read any parenting books. He has no baby-sitting experience or anything like that, but he’s a fabulous dad and is better at getting our 5 month old to smile and giggle than I am. He also had to do a lot of the hands-on care for the first week while I recovered (v delivery, but it was rough and it was a struggle for me to get out of bed for a few days). By the end of the first week of our daughter’s life he was way better at diapering, swaddling and burping than I was, even though I’d read tons of books.
anon says
1-2-3 Magic, Parenting with Love and Logic. Lots of daycares endorse these concepts, too.
Anonymous says
I’d just watch the complete Daniel Tiger series. It will prepare you amazingly to parent a child.
Kidding…not kidding…
Anonymous says
honestly +1
That show is really well done and you can tell it is made in consultation with child development experts. Daniel having an allergy to peaches was super helpful in explaining my son’s peanut allergy to him in terms a 2.5 year old could understand.
OP says
Haha, I was WFH on Friday and happened to see Daniel Tiger on the cable menu, so I tuned in for a couple minutes. You all have talked to so highly about it, I wanted to see what the show was like! I was pretty impressed – the episode was something about doing your best, not anyone else’s best. I’ll listen in the future for the parenting side, not just the kids’ ;)
12:13 Anon says
“Do your best, your best is the best for you…”
Frozen Peach says
Honestly, I still get a lot of emotional lessons out of Daniel Tiger.
RDC says
I’m late to the party but just to chime in – I was in a management / leadership training today and we had a whole session about being self-aware and managing emotional reactions. And I just kept laughing (inside) because we spend basically all day with our 3yo acknowledging emotions and working through them. There’s a lot of “You seem MAD. What does DT do when he feels mad?” (Take a deep breath and count to 4.) I have some colleagues who could benefit from more DT in their lives.
Anonymous says
Ahh, I don’t yet have a toddler and am not that familiar with Daniel Tiger, and I read DT as Donald Trump!
octagon says
I really liked the Fourth Trimester — I read it when I was maybe 37 weeks and it really helped prepare me for everything that was going on in those early months. Also the Wonder Weeks (app; there is a companion book but the app was enough for me). They are more about development than parenting.
Anonymous says
Yes to Daniel Tiger- I learn so much parenting from those Tigers! And Mr Rodgers – I love how he talks to kids with respect and patience. I try to channel the PBS-ers when Im frustrated with my toddlers.
If you plan to do daycare or preschool, the teachers are also a great resource. I like spending a couple extra minutes and drop off or pickup and observing how they deal with kids- particularly when there are conflicts or strong emotions. I find that just having some phrases that I learn from them really helps guide my parenting choices. One of my favorites that I learned at daycare is for when kids arent doing what I ask them to do- we say “I asked you to put on your shoes. Are you going to do it yourself, or do you need my help?” It really helps keep a situation calm but also allows me to get in there and get it done if they dont start doing it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I came from a similar background to you – only child, not a ton of experience with kids, either through being around younger kids or babysitting, etc., while my husband had siblings and did some babysitting when he was younger. I don’t think there’s anything that can really prepare you for parenting your own child and even once you get the hang of one stage, they grow up and present new challenges! Plus they have their own individual personalities, which no book can really prepare you for. This is meant to reassure you really, that no one really knows what they’re doing going in, but that you figure out the best you can through trial and error, and getting tips from those around you who are either in the same stage or who have been there (like posting here!).
With that said, I liked Heading Home with your Newborn, Baby 411 and Happiest Baby on the Block for tips for the first few months, Bringing up Bebe for a general parenting approach. I recently read Oh Crap, 1-2-3 Magic and Happiest Toddler on the Block for some toddler tips. I’ve also heard good things about How to Talk so (Little) Kids Will Listen and Siblings without Rivalry, so will give those a try at some point.
shortperson says
follow janet lansbury on facebook and read the articles she posts.
lala says
yes, was going to recommend this as well. She has some great books, but following her and listening to her podcast is also good.
She really took my parenting from insecure and rigid (not the parent I wanted to be) to confident and enjoyable. I can’t speak highly enough about her stuff. I have truly seen a difference in my second child’s “terrible twos” than my firsts’ (and my second is a much more difficult and defiant child) because we follow her methods.
NewMomAnon says
The nice thing about babies is that they start out with relatively few, but constant, needs (hunger, temperature, tired, lonely), and add a few more at a time in a relatively predictable order until it all explodes at around age 2. So you have some lead time.
I have found that relying on a combination of empathy and basic understanding of child developmental phases has taken me pretty far. Like, if you know that age 3 is about establishing boundaries and determining the extent of kiddo’s agency over their life, and you have a kid melting down because you said no to something, empathy tells you this is a very challenging event for them and also a moment in which they are going to learn important things about their ability to influence their environment. If you act with that basic understanding, whatever you do is probably OK.
Frozen Peach says
My list of books not yet mentioned:
– The Wonder Weeks
– Bad Mother
– The Importance of Being Little
– Hands Free Mama
– Operating Instructions
– Perfect Madness: Mothering in the Age of Anxiety
– online, Mutha magazine.
Anonymous says
I think the Wonder Weeks have been pretty thoroughly scientifically debunked. Also I tried to follow it because a close friend swore by it, but it seemed like my baby was doing the opposite of what it said she should be doing. When they said she was fussy, she was calm and when they said she should be calm and happy she seemed unusually fussy. And she was born the day after her due date, so not dramatically premature or overdue.
anon says
Brain Rules (recommended here!) was my absolute favorite. I also had no childcare experience and this book helped me not freak out.
Anon in NYC says
Help me figure out which activity might be better for my kid at this stage.
I want my daughter (age 3) to have a physical outlet in the fall/winter. For the past 12-18 months, we have enrolled her in group swim lessons. TBH, she’s not doing well. She clings to my husband, screams whenever her teacher comes near her, refuses to independently jump into the water, flails and shrieks when it’s time to do things like floating on her back and/or get water in her face. We had hoped that a solid week with a pool back in April might have changed things for the better, and it sort of did, but it was still tough. She’s going to have another solid 2 weeks at the end of August with a pool (although with grandparents, so probably not daily). She seems nowhere close to being able to swim, let alone independently.
I feel pretty strongly that she needs to learn how to swim for safety reasons, but it’s just a slog right now. I’m willing to keep up the good fight and enroll her again for the fall, but I’d also like to try something new that’s also potentially fun for her/me. Any suggestions? I was thinking gymnastics. My kid is generally physically cautious, but responds well to teachers, likes the trampoline, loved watching DH do a cartwheel, and might be willing to try basics like forward rolls.
NewMomAnon says
TBH, kiddo didn’t really “get” organized sporting activities until closer to 4. We tried an organized soccer activity with her at 3, and she spent most of the class running back to us to sit in our laps. And she is pretty outgoing, so I think it’s a developmental thing. We did a dance class with her around age 4, and it suddenly clicked. It is a very….athletic…dance class. Lots of running. Perfect for 4 year olds.
If you’re looking for a “physical outlet,” look for an indoor or outdoor playground and plan to visit regularly. Kids that age need unstructured time to move their little bodies and work their imaginations. If you’re looking for swimming safety, maybe take a session off and try again when she’s closer to 4. But I don’t think a swimming class is really a physical outlet at this age…
Anon says
Yes this. We did a few swim classes between 12 and 24 months just to get the kids used to water. Then we took a giant break (although visited pools and beaches on occasion during that time), and put them back in lessons around age 4.5 or 5. It seemed to click at that point. My SIL put her kids in constantly from ages 9 months, and her kids didn’t seem to really click on swimming independently until around 5.
IMHO, organized classes are good for only a few things below age 5 or so: 1) getting out of the house and doing something physical indoors 2) learning to listen to people-who-aren’t-parents-or-daycare 3) meeting new friends (both kids/adults) around the same age. It doesn’t seem like it really develops physical abilities unless the kid is unusually talented (and that’s usually because the parents are unusually talented as well, so it might not make a difference even in that case). If you have indoor playgrounds and friends with kids the same age, you’re probably getting the same benefits and don’t have to pay for a class.
Anon in NYC says
There is a “movement” class near me that combines dance + basically being a little kid. It seemed a little too athletic for my cautious kid, but maybe I’ll have to rethink it.
anne-on says
Is there a local kids gym? We’re pretty spoiled for choice and there is a “Kidville” and trampoline park type gym that both did a LOT of parent and child classes for that age group. It was a GODSEND for winters and all the classes were at like 8am? 9am? some ungodly hour that parents of small children adored because what the heck else are you going to do with them?
Our local indoor trampoline park also does ‘toddler time’ on Saturday and Sundays from like 9-11am and limits it to kids 6 and under so the little ones aren’t getting smashed around by bigger kids jumping. I also really like it for summer when I just cannot deal with fighting about sunblock and going to the pool any more.
Anon in NYC says
I’m going to do a trial class at a Kidville and see if it’s a good option. The gymnastics class is (imo) an ungodly sum of money for a fairly short period of time – over $600! – but the drop in pass packs, which are just for unstructured play, are more reasonably priced.
Anonymous says
I get wanting to get your child to learn to swim, but honestly, if she’s having that rough of a time at 3, I might take 6 months off. My oldest did several rounds of lessons to little-to-no avail starting around 2.5. Around 3.5/4, she actually regressed and completely stopped getting her face wet at all costs. We just re-started lessons now at 4.5/5 and it is so much better. Unless you have a pool in your backyard or something (which frankly, just makes things different for learning bc of the extra access) I would probably just backoff for a bit.
Spirograph says
Personally, I am anti-swim lessons until my kids are old enough to do the class that doesn’t involve me being in the pool with them. That’s 3 at the YMCA, so my youngest is still not in lessons. He’s been playing in the pool with us all summer, but no formal instruction. Like NewMomAnon, I think having the parents inaccessible is key for most preschoolers to really engage in a class, irrespective of personality.
Gymnastics have been a hit with all my kids beginning around age 2. The place we take them has parental supervision through 2.5-3ish (depending on kid’s capacity to follow directions without being physically herded), then small groups — max of 6 — rotating around various different themed obstacle courses: balance beams, trampoline, bars, rope swing, big foam wedges to roll on. The parents watch through windows from the waiting area, and the “coach” supervises what is basically guided playtime, not instruction. They just tell the kids how they “should” do the obstacle course and have them take turns trying it, with spotting or assistance as needed.
Anon in NYC says
Yes, I’ve been thinking that parent inaccessibility might be really important for my kid to succeed in a swim class. Good to know that gymnastics was a hit!
screen time says
I found a comment thread from 2015 but I thought I’d ask again – how much screen time do your kids get and how much do you worry about it? Our 20 month old previously was getting none (in daycare most of the day anyway) until a sick spell a month ago where we leaned on sesame street. Now she’s way more interested and we find that we resort to it when we’re exhausted or she’s exhausted and we just need something to entertain her. This is usually on tv and not on a tablet so she’ll focus for a bit and then play with it in the background and periodically check in on it. I feel like it isn’t a huge deal but there’s so much shame-inducing material out there about screen time so I end up feeling terrible when we do it.
Anon says
My 12 month old gets 1-2 episodes of sesame street usually 3-5 times a week (usually on the tv). Often times she gets it in the morning when she wakes up and I need to take a shower and despite Daddy wanting to snuggle with her, Daddy is most definitely NOT MOMMY, so my choices are let her scream bloody murder for 30 minutes while I shower and get ready and Daddy tries to calm and hold her, or have her watch some sesame street (with about a 75% success rate on it distracting her long enough to stop screaming). We also use it (rarely) if she is so, so tired but her FOMO won’t let her sleep – she sits still to watch it and that usually calms her down enough that she can drift off if the babywearing, stroller, rocking, etc. doesn’t work first. I figure I turned out pretty awesome and I got A LOT of screentime as a kid, and as long as it’s not causing behavior issues (temper tantrums about wanting or not getting to watch it, e.g.), I don’t worry much about it. Our ped said for her age, practically speaking, keeping it under an hour a day is fine.
avocado says
Zero screen time is just one of those badges of achievement among educated contemporary parents, like not letting your kid eat Goldfish or play with Barbies. I am still gloating about the fact that we managed to avoid Barbie, but we did let our kid watch maybe 1/2 hour a day of high-quality programming from age 1.5 to age 4.5 and she turned out just fine. In fact, she actually learned to recognize a bunch of sight words that way. I’d guess that sitting still and paying attention to something like Sesame Street is probably more useful than having it on in the background while doing something else. I’d also agree that if TV causes tantrums it probably needs to go away for a while.
Wow says
I think most of us allow some amount of screen time. My younger one has really taken to it and in retrospect I wish I had dialed it back or eliminated it completely. So yeah, I feel your guilt. We now limit it to weekends which mostly works. Clearly our kids will be fine and hindsight is 20 20.
CPA Lady says
Approx an hour and a half per day minimum. I’m a monster. Luckily I have enough money to pay for tutoring later if she turns out stupid because of my letting her do this. 30 minutes in the morning while I’m getting myself ready and probably 45 minutes to an hour the evening while I’m making dinner and chilling alone in the kitchen. I solo parent 75% of the time with zero support and screen time is what keeps me sane. I frequently let her eat dinner in front of the tv too even though I know that makes me basically the devil. I used formula, feed her many goldfish, and allow her Barbies, though so that was already pretty clear. ;)
This is the issue that I beat myself up over the absolute most and feel like a horrible failure. On the other hand, my husband had literally never heard that screen time is bad. He asked me a couple weeks ago why I’m always beating myself up over this and was completely shocked to hear that screen time is bad. He was like “my siblings and I watched a ton of tv and we turned out fine!” … which is true. In my next life I want to be a dad.
CPA Lady says
I should also say, there are some days where she has much less– if we do anything in the evening after school, she probably gets 10 minutes in the evening. If she sleeps past her okay to wake light sometimes she’ll get 5-10 minutes in the morning rather than half an hour.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I love this comment (I love all of your comments really, CPA Lady). We do probably an hour or so of screen time per day on the weekdays with our 2 year old – time in the morning once he’s done with breakfast and we’re trying to get ready and then same at night after dinner, before bath. Probably more on the weekends because he’s home with us more, haha! We’re both usually home too in the mornings and at night so no solo parenting reasons, but are either trying to get ready or are tired at night. I feel guilty, especially when he cries after having it turned off, but not guilty enough to stop.
I do think it’s funny that everyone says to limit screen time for kids while they’re growing up even though we’re basically preparing them to sit in front of a screen for 8+ hours a day if they do any sort of office jobs… That much screen time is probably bad for adults too but it’s my job?
Pogo says
omg, your last paragraph. So freaking true.
AwayEmily says
I can’t believe you get by on so LITTLE screen time when solo parenting. When I’m on my own it’s basically movie marathon time.
TK says
Oh my God, I am so stealing, “in my next life I want to be a dad.”
anne-on says
+1.
Also I find the amount of screen time we have varies wildly with times of the year. In the summer its a lot less because we’re outside more, in the winter it tends to be a little more. All in all I’d say we’re at maybe an hour a day max? I don’t feel awful about this considering its all highly monitored educational TV. Not to mention, school also uses shows like Magic School Bus clips/Word Friends/etc. in class so it can’t be all that bad!
avocado says
Re. screens in school, when our kid started sixth grade we apparently were the only holdouts who had not given our kid a phone. Two of the teachers actually required app usage during class.
Anon says
Also solo parent and also similar weekday screen time – one 20 min show in the morning and around 45-60 minutes of TV in the evening while I make dinner and generally decompress from my workday.
Fridays are movie night, where we have a popcorn dinner eaten in front of a movie.
Solo weekends involve much more screen time. Whatever forsaken hour they wake up until I’ve had enough coffee to function, so likely two hours in the morning. And another hour or two at nap time, especially on rainy or cold days (because both kids dropped their naps around 2.5 but I still need some down time that doesn’t involve destroying their bedrooms.)
God bless the SAHPs who can somehow engage their kids for 10+ hour days without screens. I can do all the playdough and puzzles and reading and playing and it still only be 2pm. Oh well. At least they have daycare/ school to help them be well-adjusted kids.
GGFM says
About the same when I am a solo parent, which is about 50% of weekdays. Usually a show in the morning while I get ready/brush kid’s hair (since she hates it otherwise) and then 30 min – 1 hour in the evening when I am making dinner or just need to wind down. Much less evening screen time in the summer since there are a lot of parks by us, but often much more during other times of the year. I’m a professor and often will put a movie on for the kiddo while I prepare a lecture for later that day, etc.
AwayEmily says
My 2.5 year old gets ~10 minutes of Sesame Street in the morning (on the TV) while we do her hair and put on her clothes/sunscreen. I suspect we might end up doing more once winter hits.
I would be fascinated to know if there’s research on the difference between how kids react to screen time on TVs versus on phones/tablets. From my own experience and talking to friends, it seems devices can turn them into little monsters in a way that watching TV cannot. Like, if I give her my phone for two minutes to watch Sesame Street she screams when I take it away but if I let her watch it on the TV then she doesn’t mind when I turn it off.
Anonymous says
No idea on research, but I commented below that with my 5 yo, there is a marked difference in how she watches a tablet/ipad versus an actual TV on the wall. So marked that we had to take away the tablet completely. She only gets access to it now when we fly.
Sarabeth says
We are on the very low-end of screen time (one hour/week for the five year-old, none for the two year-old)…and it is not because I think screen time is bad for kids. It’s just because I found out the hard way that for my specific child (the older one) any more screen time than that leads to constant tantrums demanding more, more, and more. So we have almost none, because for us that’s easier than doing more screen time and dealing with the meltdowns.
In other words, if screen time is a problem for your kid, I think you’ll know. If it doesn’t feel like a problem, it’s probably not a problem.
(FWIW, I strongly suspect that my older kid may have ADHD, which I also have, and I think that may be the reason that screen time is hard to incorporate into our schedule).
Anonymous says
Note that we have only one kid, so all of this will likely change with #2 in a few weeks. One kid is so easy. We did no screens till about 2. We just never had a need, you know? Kid was in full time daycare, with very little time at home on weekdays, and weekends were busy with long naps. By 3.5 we probably do a couple YouTube or Instagram videos/songs per day, often as a toileting bribe, plus a TV episode during haircuts, if sick at home and I need to make calls, etc. Occasionally an episode on a weekend just for fun, and we’ve done a couple movies – but usually I can’t see, even now, how we’d fit tv into a normal weekday given full time daycare and early bedtime. I anticipate more movies now that he doesn’t nap, but needs a rest, and we’ll have an infant/I’ll need to nap.
Anonymous says
My 5 year old probably gets between 30-60 minutes a day. Some of this is intense watching (spaced out, totally concentrated), some of this is it’s just on while she’s coloring, building a fort with couch cushions, etc. How she watches depends on the day and her level of exhaustion. My 18 month old gets… well… more than she should. She gets the same amount as her sister, because I have no legitimate way of separating the two of them. I would much, much rather my older child watch on the main TV on the wall than an iPad. The small screen encourages her to watch too closely and focus too intently. The wall TV means she may do other stuff at the same time. The younger one doesn’t generally just sit and watch though – it’s more on while she’s babying about.
We do TV time mainly in the morning while my DH and I get ready for work. Occasionally in the evenings after dinner for a bit, but that’s way less frequent.
Seafinch says
No screen time for my 2.5 year old. The five and eight year old might get an hour per weekend day while she is napping, primarily in winter. Otherwise, none during the week. Occasionally, we might do a movie on the weekend. They just don’t need it and it isn’t any good for them. I hate its impact, which is obvious to my husband and I, so we just don’t bother.
Anonymous says
My 25 month old basically gets no screen time. Just isn’t interested. In a pinch I have one drawing app on my phone that she will play.
My 4.5 year old gets no more than an hour a day but often none. I just had a baby and when she was home with me I just collapsed and let her watch as much TV as she wanted. Happy to report she got bored after 1.5-2 hours/day. She *will* spend an afternoon coloring pages on the NickJr website, but I don’t allow that usually. We have our own crayons so if she begs, I print out the pages and let her door them. I also am a softie for the dollar spot at target and am much more likely to kill an hour when I need a break by driving to target and letting the two kids blow $5 at the dollar spot. That’s not a great habit either. ;).
FWIW my older one watched TV more when she was 2.4-3 and I needs some time to get myself ready in the AM. She’d have breakfast and watch PBS for 45 min. Nowadays she sleeps late so I get ready before she’s up and she gets ready and we leave so we have no time for TV in the AM. My younger one gets up with the birds but isn’t interested in tv so DH and I trade off.
Spirograph says
I’m generally anti-screens both on principle and because they often induce tantrums, but I don’t really monitor it. If kid asks to watch a show or have the tablet, I usually say no, but if I just need some peace and quiet and it’s a choice between TV and mediating constant fighting, I offer to turn on Daniel Tiger. My kids usually watch an hour of TV on weekend mornings, and up to 20 minutes once or twice a week in the evening. Weeknight screen time is more likely watching my husband play a video game, but occasionally we use Daniel Tiger as a reward for being really good listeners. They watch movies a couple of times a month, esp if it’s a rainy weekend or we have friends over and want the kids to just leave us alone so we can enjoy dinner with adults.
We do not do TV as background, except to the extent the younger kids get bored before the oldest does and start playing with their toys in the TV room. If no one is focused on it, the TV goes off.
GCA says
Kid is 3 and change; he doesn’t get *regular* screen time as a reward for anything, but more in the winter and less when it’s nice out. Typically it’s 1-2 episodes of Daniel Tiger or similar, which I think isn’t the worst thing he could be doing; usually it’s supervised and we talk about it, but sometimes (hi first trimester exhaustion with kid #2!) I’ll nap while he watches. Sometimes if the weather is bad we’ll do a whole movie and popcorn (he still seems to enjoy the popcorn more than the movie). On long flights and car trips all screen time limits go out the window!
I agree with previous posters that it’s problematic only if it results in tantrums/ demanding more and more – which it occasionally does over here. On weekdays kiddo gets basically no screen time: there’s so much to do in the morning before work/ daycare and I don’t want to deal with the screeching that results from taking away the tablet, and at night I’m happier, less stressed and more ready to read him book after book after book before bed.
Cooking with kids? says
I’d like to incorporate my 5-year-old twins into the cooking process more. They stir things every now and again, but I’d like to try some recipes where they can be more involved. Any suggestions?
anon says
I’d start with something that will be fun and rewarding for them: brownies are super easy, cookies are always a hit, muffins, homemade granola bars. They can advance to actual cooking skills, but I’ve found baking to be an easier entry point because there is lots of scooping, measuring, pouring, and usually no knives.
avocado says
At that age we had the most success with boxed mixes and baking. We also made some dinners out of kids’ cookbooks that specified which were “kid” tasks and which were “adult” tasks. Stovetop dishes were much more difficult and dangerous than those that went in the oven.
I have always found cooking with my kid to be a big, time-consuming production. I like to have her read the recipe and take as much responsibility as possible, and it is just so slow. She is now 11 and can cook a lot of things by herself or with minimal assistance, and it’s still slow and messy. Last night she made pizza from refrigerated dough, which took her approximately four times as long as it would have taken me. I just do not have the patience to have her “help” with regular weeknight cooking.
Anonanonanon says
^this. God bless folks with the patience to include kids in the cooking. But after a long day at work I just.can.not.deal.
Have you tried browsing Weelicious?
rosie says
I mean, how do I skip to the Masterchef Jr-level preparation of meals for me every night? Because I would like to sign up for that.
Mrs. Jones says
Cookies. Tacos/burritos. Sandwiches. Scrambled eggs. Pancakes.
Anon says
Agreed with the baking rec above. Also my 3 and 5 year olds have helped make:
Ham and cheese muffins from Weelicious
Pizzas on bagels, mini doughs, or veggies (peppers, zucchini, apples, etc)
Kebabs
Coated chicken (they can do the egg coat and breadcrumb coat)
Shake n Bake pork chops
French toast (again they can do the egg dip, you do the flipping)
Mini crescent dogs (wrap crescent rolls around hot dogs, add some cheese)
Crock pot recipes – they can dump in the ingredients
Cutting utensils says
On this topic, are there knives or other cutting implements that are relatively safe for kids to use ? My oldest is 6 and really really wants to help me in the kitchen but I’m worried about him cutting himself.
Anon says
We just use regular dinner/ butter knives. My 3 year old uses those to cut bananas and strawberries and doughs. My 5 year old can now use steak knives to slice hot dogs and softer vegetables. I’m always hovering nearby and keeping a close eye on the use.
If it involves using a chef’s knife, it’s usually me. I’ve started letting my 5 year old use that for vegetables, but only on the weekend where I have all the time in the world to stand right there and actively supervise. (She’s also starting to stand on a chair at the stove and learn about boiling water so she can do pastas, but that’s a weekend project for now as well.)
If that feels too much of a jump, maybe try using kid-sized butter knives (Ikea has a set of plastic kids silverware) first, even with playdough, to explain the concept. But you should be able to graduate to adult dinner knives with bananas pretty quickly.
Mama Llama says
My daughter has been using a wavy chopper things (I’ll put a link in a reply) since was 2.5 or 3 with no issues. We started with soft things like bananas and avocados, but she can do carrots and cucumbers now at 4. It might be a good starter cutting device if you’re nervous.
Mama Llama says
This is similar to the one we have. https://www.forsmallhands.com/wavy-chopper
Lana Del Raygun says
My sister is a Montessori pre-K teacher and this is what the kids use in her classroom.
AnonInBigLaw says
Yes! Curious Chef nylon knives are amazing. We bought a set of 3 on Amazon for about $10. They really do cut amazingly well, but they aren’t so sharp that LO will cut her fingers. She has successfully chopped fruits and veggies and cut her toast with those knives. Highly recommend. They also make kid sized oven mitts from that brand for those of you that bake with your kids.
I find including my kid in cooking is not too much extra time when I can give her a sorting, pouring, measuring or cutting task. Have LO pull out all the ingredients and tools from the various locations in the kitchen. At 2.5 we had her practice spreading butter on her toast, sprinkling the cinnamon sugar, and then cutting it. For dinner prep, we’d chop the veggies and then let her scoop them from the cutting board into the bowl for stir fries. They really just like to be involved in any step. At 3 if we pre-measured the waffle mix ingredients, she could pour and mix the batter thoroughly. (Still haven’t taught her how to crack an egg though.) At 4, we’re now trying to teach her safe cutting with the fruits and veggies. (She practiced on a nectarine earlier this week.) If cooking is too much, you can always start with involving them in the dishes / clean up from your cooking. Loading the dishwasher ftw!
anon says
Pretend Soup and Salad People are both really fun kids cookbooks that they can read and follow themselves. I grew up on Pretend Soup and the recipes are healthy (enough) and very tasty.
SC says
We bought Pretend Soup for Kiddo’s birthday this spring, and it’s really fun. At 3, he’s a little young got most (but not all) of the recipes. We’re looking forward to making more of them with him as he grows. The book has tips on how to incorporate kids at different age levels, which is nice.
Spirograph says
Totally agree that including kids in cooking or baking is a time-consuming and often messy production, but I do it anyway when I’m not crunched for time. The kids really, really love it, it’s a great way to introduce math concepts, and they are much less picky about their food when they’ve helped prepare it.
I do all the dry measuring for baking (kids are 3 and 5), but let kids dump stuff into the bowl and help me count how many scoops we’ve put in. So I just hand them the measured/leveled cup of flour, and they tip it. Somehow this is still entertaining to them. They help with liquid measuring — I pour into the measuring cup, they tell me when it’s gotten to the right line.
Other kid “help”:
Crack eggs (into a separate bowl, not with the other ingredients, so I can fish the shells out more easily)
Stir
Pick herbs and separate leaves from stems
Grease baking pans
Mix hamburger/meatball (bonus, I don’t have to get my own hands dirty)
Toss salad, or vegetables prior to roasting (pro tip: use larger bowls or pans than strictly necessary!)
Push the buttons on the food processor, rice cooker, etc
Sprinkle cheese / other toppings
The kids know big knives are only for grownups, as are hand mixers, and anything stove-top without VERY close supervision.
In House Lobbyist says
My kids love to cook. Here are things they do easily – scrambled eggs, peanut butter sandwiches, any mixing, stirring, getting out ingredients, rolling out dough,and adding any kind of toppings. I didn’t learn to cook until I was an adult, so I am trying teach them early.
Annie says
My mom had me cook with her a lot and breading chicken strips was fun for me. She’d set up the bowls of egg, flour and breadcrumbs and I’d put the chicken in each bowl.
anon says
Best packing tips for a family roadtrip? No baby gear required anymore (thank goodness). Kiddos are preschool and elementary age, and this will be the longest trek we’ve made in the car. I’m thinking my rules on screen time and snacking will go out the window about 50 miles in.
We’re spending a day sightseeing in Chicago, and the rest of our time will be in Wisconsin lake country. I have a tendency to over-pack for every scenario, but I do like being prepared!
Anonanonanon says
I used to fairly routinely drive approximately 15 hours with my preschooler to see my parents, and here’s some of what helped me:
1. don’t force activities until they complain. I realized that he was actually fairly content to spend decent chunks of time looking out the window, and I was wasting all of my activities/ideas by suggesting them when they weren’t needed.
2. Leave early. I would leave around 3:30 or 4am, if he didn’t pass out I gave him a glow stick to play with in the back seat. We’d stop around 8am at a rest stop to sit at a picnic table so he could stretch his legs and eat breakfast (gogurt, fruit, juice box, etc.)
3. plan a pit stop if it’s a really long drive. This is hard for me, as I’m a “YOU HAVE TEN MINUTES TO PEE AND GET GAS AND GET A SNACK AND WE WILL NOT STOP AGAIN UNTIL THE TANK IS EMPTY” person by nature. We always did the reptile house at “south of the border” right when you enter south carolina. It helped break it into chunks if I could say “X hours until we stop and eat breakfast” then “X hours until the alligators” etc.
4. Save screen time until the end. I usually waited until the last 3 hours or so to introduce the tablet, and it worked so much better because he wasn’t bored of it by then. 3 hours=two Disney movies, so the time would fly by (luckily for both of us)
In terms of packing, I always packed a cooler bag with half of the juice boxes in it frozen (to keep everything cool as they thawed), fruit, gogurt, cheese sticks, etc. that can easily be eaten on the road. I kept a small bag with a change of clothes etc, for my son up front so that I didn’t have to dig around in the trunk if something happened. This also came in handy the few times I decided to call it partway through the drive and spend the night in a hotel room.
AwayEmily says
this is so useful, thanks for writing it all up!
Anon says
I feel like such a failure and someone my kids won’t be proud of. I’m a FTM to twins, getting ready to return to work in 3 weeks. My maternity leave will be 14 weeks total, partially unpaid which I realize I’m very privileged to be able to do, but I never could’ve gone back at 6 weeks or 8 weeks like some people do- at that point I was still crying multiple times a day (I’m getting help). I will be returning to work part time and with my paltry salary we will be paying for me to go to work. DH is the breadwinner and out earns me. Again, I feel very fortunate to be able to do this, but on some level feel very spoiled. I’m not a doctor, or a high powered exec or a big law attorney like many of the women on this site and sometimes feel like who do I think I am that I get to live the life that I live and feel like such a weak person in comparison to the ppl on this site bc I never could’ve gone back to work so quickly, cannot imagine returning to a 50+ hour a week job, I can barely keep it together as is. I feel like I’ll be setting such a bad example for my kids. All of you are such supermoms!
M says
You birthed two humans, at once. You are a super hero! Twin parenting, especially in the early days, is such a different ballgame. I’m back to my bigish career but newborn twins was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
This community is great, but also join a multiples-specific support group. Either local or online. It really helped me when I’d see other new parents having an easy time of it
Anonanonanon says
Twins?! YOU are a supermom.
I think working- at all- is great for your children. Not generalize (which is exactly what I’m doing I guess), but I think if you have daughters it’s great to model the importance of maintaining the ability to earn an income, having a life outside of the home, allowing yourself to need fulfillment outside of “mom” and “wife”, etc. If you have sons, I think it’s great to model the shared parenting that usually results with both parents work, and that it’s normal for a woman to work. Also, you just never know what lies ahead. In my last job, we broke even in Summer because of the increased childcare expenses. However, my husband and I both felt it was important that I maintained my ability to be valuable in the job market, got the sense of fulfillment working brings me, etc. What if he died in a motorcycle accident and I suddenly had two children to provide for?
I just had one baby (my second child) and took 4 months off (most of it unpaid), which I was very fortunate to be able to do. Also, I could not have imagined returning at 8 weeks (I don’t think I could even wear pants over my C-section incision at that point) and I in no way think that makes me weak.
Mrs. Jones says
Nothing in your post makes me think you’re failing. A good friend was basically AWOL the first year of her twins’ life. It will get better.
NewMomAnon says
Hugs. A lot of us do a lot of things to lighten our loads. Most of us took leaves longer than 6-8 weeks; many of us came back part-time; many of us came back with lots of help, including live-in help. I sometimes feel like I’m not “working hard enough” because I shifted to part-time, took a big salary cut, and rarely make it into the office until 10 am. But you know what? I really like my schedule, and I’m a lot happier because I don’t have to rush around in the morning. I’ll lean back in sometime, maybe, but for now – I choose happiness.
anon says
I am completely satisfied with my middle management, 40 hour/week job. Because it allows to me to be with my family and play.
For the record, your life just went through a huge upheaval and adjustment. It’ll take a few months to find your new normal. Hang in there!
Delta Dawn says
You have 11 week old twins. YOU ARE AMAZING! Some people go back to work at 6 or 8 weeks… but most of them don’t have TWO babies. You are not spoiled!! You recognize that you are fortunate, but that does not make you spoiled.
You don’t have to be a doctor or a lawyer to justify your career. Your career is important! You are not weak in comparison to anyone. And you don’t have to compare. It’s not a contest to see who can suffer the most. You are setting a great example for your kids just by being their mom!
I’ll also point out that with such young babies (and TWO of them!) you are still at a very early, can-be-precarious point. It will not be like this forever. Someday, the babies will sleep, and they won’t eat every three hours, and you will feel much more capable. Just remember that you are worth keeping your job, you are worth taking maternity leave, and you shouldn’t feel bad about either.
NJ says
I took my kid to baby yoga when she was an infant. One day, a woman came in with her infant twins. She had the biggest bags under her eyes that I have ever seen, and I know people who work 100+ hour weeks. I think every mom in the room was screaming and cheering inside and filled with admiration for this gladiator of a woman. I know I was.
I feel like a failure sometimes. It’s hard to stop thinking about what other people might think, but you have to do it in order to have clear perspective on the situation. I work, look after my kid, and do some housekeeping. I think I’m doing pretty well, but I still make my husband tell me things I’ve done well for reassurance, and it helps. Most of all, I aim for confidence in my own judgment. It’s not easy, but the truth is you’re carrying a couple of worlds on your shoulders and you are succeeding.
lsw says
You’re doing so great! You got this! I went back to work at 12 weeks (with only one baby!) and was a mess for the final two weeks of my mat leave….then for a few days when I was back….and then it was, you know, pretty okay! And now that my kid is two, I am SO grateful to have my job and to send him to daycare. He loves it, I’m not going crazy stuck at home, we’re still working on this whole “work/life balance” thing but it’s about a million times easier and better than that first year.
You got this!
Anonymous says
Are you getting help for your post partum depression yet?
Anonymous says
I had twins, a 0ne year mat leave and DH off for the second year when I went back and a 5 minute commute and I still felt like I was barely holding it together most days. Working was so good for me because it gave me a life beyond the twins. Twins can be all consuming.
You ARE a supermom. Everyone’s challenges are different.
Anonymous says
argh – for Anon at 12:52
Traveling for an interview says
Hi wise ladies – I’m flying out for an interview next week and going in and out the same day. Do you guys have any tips? Even on maybe what to pack and what kind of bag to take? I’d be nervous anyway, and this traveling element is really adding to it.
Thanks a lot in advance!
Pogo says
Nothing special, just your briefcase or nice laptop bag. I would wear comfortable wedges since airports can mean a lot of walking, assuming your suit is tailored to work with those shoes. If you have to/want to wear higher heels, maybe wear Sperry’s or something in the airport and change into your real shoes for the interview.
Stay hydrated – air travel and speaking for hours on end (like at interviews) can make me really hoarse.
Clarify beforehand if the company is giving you a per diem or reimbursing you for anything and how that should be handled, so you don’t forget a receipt the day of and then need to deal with it later.
OP says
Thank you! That’s really helpful!
Anonymous says
I’m a bit of a crazy over-preparer, but that helps me relax. So I would pack another top or look up if a Banana Republic or something is close to where you are, just in case something happens on the plane. I would definitely wear my “commuter shoes” in the airport too and change into your interview shoes later.
Good luck!
mascot says
A small pouch of toiletries (EOS deodorant wipes, those wisp toothbrush things, hairbrush, etc) because planes can sometimes leave you feeling grimey.
Anonymous says
+1. I also throw a clean pair of underwear, a contact case and spare glasses in that little pouch, on the off chance I get delayed or can’t get home. It’s never happened, but I (believer in karma/irony that I am) am sure it’s because I’ve actually been prepared for that eventuality.
Anonymous says
You guys are awesome! Thank you for these great tips!
Super Anon says
cross-posting from the main site: I am a mid-level associate and a client has asked me to dinner to celebrate the conclusion of a litigation I worked on. The dinner will include 3 people from the client and me. I accepted the invitation of course. Later the client let me know there will be an after-dinner event (think tour of a museum) that I am invited to as well. I am 5-months pregnant and the after-dinner event is scheduled to go past midnight on a weeknight. Do you think it would be bad if I only went to the dinner? During my pregnancy I tend to get really tired and start to feel sick if I stay up very late so I normally do not stay out this late. At the same time, I definitely don’t want to offend the client.
Anon says
Only because it is a client event and because you’re the only one from your firm there, I would say you need to go to both, but block off some afternoon time in your schedule to take a nap (in your car if you have to) so that you hopefully feel better. And if it were me I would probably arrange to go in late that morning (and sleep later) and also the next morning if at all possible with your schedule.
Any other type of event, totally OK to blow off the after-dinner event (and I did many a time while pregnant).
Anon says
This doesn’t answer your question, but when I was 8 3/4 months pregnant I was told to accompany a partner to a basketball game with a client. Partner hated the client – he brought be along so he’d have an excuse to leave early. It sucked – I hiked 5 blocks across town (and back) and up those tiny stadium seats. Barely fit into my row for the 45 minutes I was there.
Super Anon says
omg you are a trooper and that partner is shameless!