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These highly rated 2.25″ heels look great — the iFlex technology makes them very flexible, while the ankle strap keeps them in place. The price is good, too: they’re $79 at Zappos, available in three colors. Anne Klein Fabulist Pump (L-2)Sales of note for 4.14.24
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Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
CPA Lady says
I keep seeing ankle straps, but I cannot get behind them… I guess that’s what happened when you lived through the trend the first time? Also, target is filled with crop tops and acid washed overalls, and I just cannot!
Anyway, as tax season mercifully draws to a close (THANK GOD), I’m trying to think of a bunch of nice things I can do for my husband to thank him for all the extra stepping up to the plate he’s had to do with our daughter and around the house while I’ve been working insane hours.
So far the only things I’ve got are taking his car to get washed and vacuumed, making it a point to make sure he goes out and does fun stuff, and buying some of his favorite foods. Any other thoughts?
Meg Murry says
Take kids out early on Saturday and let him sleep in? Plan events for the 3 of you to do together (trip to the zoo, etc). Get a babysitter and go out just the two of you.
Just say thank you. I’m guessing by your name he knew he was (and is) going to have to step up every tax season, so if there is a similarly busy time at work or a time of year where he has an activity he likes to do, be similarly accommodating. And maybe consider getting a housekeeper or parent’s helper lined up for next year.
And I’m with you on the WTF acid washed overalls? Ugh, it makes me feel old.
FVNC says
+1 to “take the kids out”. When my husband watches baby on weekend mornings, I never wind up actually sleeping in because my mama-bat-ears hear any and all ruckus. Otherwise, I think all your suggestions sound really nice and will be appreciated. Congrats on making it through this time of year!
Gift to self says
Anyone here buy themselves a gift to commemorate the birth of their child? I want to buy a timeless peice to mark the birth of my son in May and am not sure what to get. Some ideas I have thought of are a chanel bag, rolex watch, etc. but nothing is jumping out at me. I feel I already have the jewelry staples – nice pearl set, stud earrings, etc. No partner, so it’s just me buying for myself- the birth also coincides with a big promotion I am getting next month so I’m happy to spend the $$ but can’t make up my mind! Any ideas?
CPA Lady says
I got a thin gold band with alternating diamonds and my daughter’s birthstone. I stack it with my wedding band and engagement ring, but you could do a right hand ring if you wanted.
anon says
I got an Omega constellation watch
Meg Murry says
Something that would be heirloom quality that you could pass down to your son or his family someday? It would be a cool story to be able to point to a thing and say “I got this when you were born and someday it will be yours”. Ideas:
-art
-high quality custom furniture – maybe something timeless in wood?
-something else functional but decorative like a grandfather or mantel clock?
Its not on par with diamonds or a Chanel bag, but we have the rocking chair that my husband’s grandmother got when his mother was born. It has been well cared for, and re-upholstered and refinished a few times, and it is one of the things my husband loves most in our house.
My husband also put away a bottle of whisky and a bottle of wine from the years my sons were born.
Anonyc says
How about a photo session? My parents gifted us a photo session a few years back and it was so nice–we have these great pictures of us and the kids that make my crappy phone pics look terrible. But it can get pricey very quickly (session, cost of the prints, cost of framing) so I consider it a splurge.
mascot says
I’m also fascinated by the completely different responses here from the main board. Yes, given the time value of money, investing in your kids future is wise. But, I’m guessing that you’ve got your financial ducks in a row and this is truly an item for yourself.
Meg Murry says
Yes – my first thought was “a 529 plan”. But I decided to answer in the spirit of the question asked, and assume the question asker already had those kind of things in place.
But if you can’t think of anything that makes you want to spend the money, there is no need to spend the money just to spend it. Maybe instead of a “thing” treat yourself to one last babymoon type of trip or spa day?
NewMomAnon says
I am getting myself a ring with my kiddo’s birthstone from Gemvara for mother’s day, but it sounds like you are looking in a higher price point. One thing that might be nice is buying a piece of jewelry with a nice diamond, and then gifting it to your son when he is ready to launch himself or propose to someone – he can either sell the piece and use the money for a down payment/tuition/wedding or he can put the diamond in a new setting and use it as an engagement ring.
Nonny says
I wanted to get myself something, but didn’t have a lot of money to spend, so I bought a sterling silver charm with my daughter’s initial for my (old-fashioned, not Pandora-style) charm bracelet (which I am trying to encourage myself to wear more often).
Middle names says
Anyone heard any cool and unique middle names for boys they like? We are looking for something that is masculine and strong but unique. So far debating between Wolf, Rock or Jax but none of these really suit us – any other ideas?
mascot says
Samson, Rex, Brock/Brack, Steel, Mason, Ford, Leo, Pierce, Brendan (Gaelic for brave), Atticus, Hunter
lucy stone says
Atticus is the best middle name for those lawyers who love it but don’t want their kid to get beat up on the daily.
Nonny says
Love this. I have a daughter but totally would have loved to use Atticus for a boy’s middle name.
Also, I like Gilbert. Unusual, strong, but also very old-fashioned.
Lorelai Gilmore says
Plus Gilbert Blythe is the romantic hero of my dreams.
CHJ says
This was my husband’s forte when we were trying to name our son! A few that he came up with: Augustus, Linus, Roderick, Marcus, Cyrus, Felix, Miles/Milo, Casper, Tristan, Constantine.
There’s a boy in DS’s class named Augustus and he goes by Auggie. Cute!
Anonyc says
Danger! A friend told me when a family member was having a son, mother picked first and husband picked middle (by agreement) and husband picked “Danger.” I know that this is hokey but man, it tickled my funny bone. I mean, he’s got a great opener for the rest of his life! My kids have my maiden name so we avoided having to pick out more than one name, but I think middle names are where you can have more fun with the name without much repercussion.
Anonymous says
Batman
ELL says
Magnus (Latin for great, but also used as a name)
Spirograph says
My husband campaigned hard for Magnus. Also Sterling, which I immediately associate with Archer, but apparently it is an upstanding traditional British name.
NewMomAnon says
Slightly off topic – when we were picking names, I read an article about a study that showed conservatives tended to like names with hard sounds and liberals liked names with soft sounds. This was absoutely true for my husband and I; he wanted names like “Lincoln” (say it out loud; there is a hard “k” sound in the middle) and I wanted names like “Oliver.” It was helpful to identify that the sound of the name was a problem.
Also, I worked with opposing counsel once whose name was “Thane.” Love it. Head of a Scottish clan/minor royalty, referenced in Shakespeare, so it’s nerdy and historical and powerful all at once.
Katala says
Oh, I really like Thane. We’re going to need to make this decision soon so thanks for the tip!
Katala says
Eta: we have family middle names (one from me, one from husband) so thane would be the first name which we’re having a super hard time with.
Meg Murry says
Get yourself a copy of “The Baby Name Wizard”and look at the lists there – I think there is a list called “Macho Somethingorother” that fits this style, or there may be another style that you like even better.
The author also made a webs!te called Nymbler where you put in names you like and it gives you similar suggestions that is fun to play with.
One suggestion in your vein of thinking – I know someone that used the name Steel (or Steele?) as a “tough” name.
Nursing Tanks says
Ladies, I need recs for nursing tanks! I am an apple shape and imagine will have a larger postpartum belly that I want to keep covered but all the nursing tanks look as if they are somewhat form fitting. Looking for something loose and comfortable for the summer. Also, what did all you other apple shape mamas wear during the postpartum period – I am already dreading dealing with additional belly fat though I am sure my lil munchkin will make it all worth it :) Expecting tons of visitors coming to see baby and I want to be comfortable but look somewhat decent but just don’t know what to wear :( Maxi dresses tend to highlight my belly. Yoga pants and T-shirts? Specific recs would be appreciated for this already apple-shaped lady – thanks!
Ps: I just ordered a nursing tank in 38F/G/H when my pre-pregnancy size is 34F and the nursing tank fits perfectly right now at 35 weeks. *sigh* looks like I have to find an even bigger size for while nursing – I know bravado has a lot of good reviews on here but they don’t seem tk go up that big!!
Merabella says
Feel you on the being chesty bit – Glamormom tanks go up to larger sizes. I would say nursing tanks with a shift/swing top over it would be a nice look for an apple shape.
POSITA says
I found the Target nursing tanks to be pretty loose in the torso compared to other brands. I know this may sound crazy, but I really liked nursing tanks with a bit of compression in the tummy area. It really helped contain the postpartum jiggle. I would just put a loose shirt over the top, like a boyfriend-sized button down or a flowy tank that could be pulled up to nurse. For me, a bit of compression was key to feeling comfy.
POSITA says
Oh, and hold onto that nursing tank. It may be a bit snug immediately postpartum, but it will probably fit great within a few weeks once engorgement settles down.
quailison says
I agree about liking a bit of compression from the nursing tank and then wearing something over it. I am 10 weeks postpartum now, so haven’t done warm weather with the extra belly/nursing access issue, but I don’t think I’ll be wearing just a nursing tank in public even though I don’t mind it being tight. Part of that is because I stained them all with lanolin right out of the gate so the non-black tanks have nice splotches over the boobs…and part is probably that I just normally don’t wear thin-strapped tank tops like that alone anyway.
Pigpen's Mama says
Not a nursing tank, but I loved the Land’s End Fit and Flare dress for warm-weather nursing/post-baby body issues. http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-fit-and-flare-dress—pattern/id_280130
I could nurse in the top, and the waist band was just high enough to accommodate the extra post-baby pudge. I carried my extra weight in my belly, even pre-baby, so I was particularly conscious of it.
sfg says
Thanks the rec, I am about to go order one!
LizzieB says
I actually really liked these nursing tanks from Wal-Mart (of all places) in the first few months – they skimmed over my stomach really nicely, and seemed to have a magical empire waist that made me look thinner rather than still pregnant!
http://www.walmart.com/ip/Loving-Moments-by-Leading-Lady-Materity-Babydoll-Nursing-Tank-With-Lace-Trim-and-Full-Sling/22367626
Anonymous says
Looking for thoughts on introducing religion to kids if you are non-religious.
DH and I are agnostic and atheist, respectively. DH’s parents are from Western Europe but he grew up in the US, and never attended religious services (except on trips to relatives in Europe, when they had a small local church for memorial services, weddings, christenings, funerals, etc.). My parents are divorced; my dad is an atheist (grew up Catholic) and my mom is protestant. I grew up attending church with my mom’s family every other weekend and on holidays, when visiting family (grandparents Congregational, my mom Lutheran and then Presbyterian). I stopped going as soon as my mom let me (around high school–I made money babysitting babies and toddlers during services instead).
Here’s the thing: I don’t intend to go to weekly church services. I am happy not being religious. But in retrospect, I am glad to have gone to church as a kid because it gave me exposure to traditions I still enjoy (choral music, etc.), it made me more comfortable attending services in other places of worship, and gave me training on how to behave, etc., and because I soaked in a lot of information about the bible that I find interesting and helpful. And also…I can recognize references in literature that I don’t know that I would be able to otherwise, it gives me a basis for understanding Western history that I might not otherwise have, and I think I can better understand public debates that involve religion-based arguments.
Ideally, I’d love to give my kids the same exposure to religion (I’m thinking in terms of Christianity because that’s my family and cultural background, but I’m open), but without pushing or even encouraging religious belief. Is this even possible? Has anyone else had the same thoughts?
CPA Lady says
So, cradle Episcopalian here, I think you may want to try the Episcopal church, if you’re looking for something approachable and less… dogmatic(?) than some other Christian denominations. We are generally very socially liberal (bless gay marriages, have female priests and bishops, and are not threatened by the idea of science). In addition, I think the services are really beautiful. We’re also not super pushy in terms of “you must believe xyz or you’re evil”, and tend to focus mostly on the concept of grace/a loving God who gives us more than we deserve rather than judgment/sin.
It was a very positive and supportive church environment to grow up in, in my experience.
Nonny says
Fellow Episcopalian/Anglican chiming in here, just to say I agree! We are pretty welcoming and open-minded, on the whole.
mascot says
I’ve always liked the formality of the Episcopal church. I was raised Presbyterian which also had a “it’s not our place to judge/ it’s good to question your faith” vibe and traditional worship style and music. That could have just been my church/minister though.
KJ says
There are a lot of people in the same boat as you and some of them have formed great non-dogmatic and even non-theistic communities. Check out your local Unitarian Universalist church. Or google to see if there are any interfaith or humanist groups/congregations in your area. If you happen to be in the DC area, I’d be happy to give some more specific recommendations.
RDC says
Simularly non-religious and we recently starting attending a Unitarian universalist church. So far, we really like it. Lots of focus on values and social justice rather than beliefs.
quailison says
Born and raised Unitarian Universalist (UU) here, married to a lapsed Lutheran, and planning to raise our kid UU. Depending on the congregation, you might hit all your bases – there is a lot of teaching from Judeo-Christian sources (as well as others) so you could get the background in Bible stories, etc. without the belief part. I grew up in an area of the country where everyone went to church and I was glad to also go to church, even though it wasn’t the same one as my friends.
PregAnon says
I’m in the same boat. We’re atheist / agnostic, but I am Jewish by birth / culture and husband was raised Catholic. I want my kid to learn all about everything, but I’m not about to start going to shul on Fridays and Mass on Sundays…
B says
This sounds like a job for vacation Bible school – tons of churches put them on during the summer and they are usually free (or low-cost). I grew up as a kid going to a Methodist church, but my Mom was all about free childcare during the summer, so we probably attended 4-5 Vacation Bible Schools per summer at churches our friends went to or the ones in the neighborhood. You sing, listen to some stories, eat a snack, and do a craft. They are usually a week-long for a few hours each evening, and are themed around a kid-accessible, non-controversial Bible verse or story. The curriculums are usually available on-line (the churches purchase them) so you can check to make sure the kids aren’t getting a piece of theology you really disagree with (i.e, my Mom was very anti-Baptist VBS because she didn’t want exposure to the concept of Satan)
ml says
This is all exactly why I like to take my kids to church. I grew up in the United Methodist Church and I’m not particularly religious, but I like the traditions, music, and “do unto others…” lessons, and I think getting dressed up and sitting quietly once a week is good for little kids. Not to mention that the history of Western civilization is pretty well tied up with Christianity, so it’s a useful thing to be familiar with.
I’ve moved around a lot and attended services for Lutheran, Presbyterian, Episcopal, and Baptist churches, and I only find minor differences. Basically, as long as there’s a traditional service, there are people who are there for the same reasons I am. I find that contemporary or non-denominational churches are a lot more into the dogma and “saving” people, and that makes me uncomfortable.
MNF says
Is it ok to buy a baptism gift off of the baby registry? The couple is not religious (baptism is for grandparents) so I don’t want to go the usual child bible route. If so, toys, clothing?
Pigpen's Mama says
Any experience in easing the transition out of the Merlin Sleepsuit?
My 7 month-old slept like a CHAMP in her Merlin. Zip up, and out she went until morning. Until she started moving around in it and almost starting rolling back to front it it. She’s been in a sleep sack for a week now, and while she falls asleep reasonably well, she moves around a lot in her sleep and then has a hard time falling back asleep when she wakes up in the middle of the night. We usually let her fuss for a bit, then go in and soothe her (pacifier, light touch, occasional nursing or bottle).
I’m debating putting her back in the Merlin in the middle of the night to ease the transition, because it’s been a rough few nights. We never formally sleep trained because we didn’t need to until now. I would consider it, but falling asleep initially isn’t the problem, it’s the middle of the night wake-ups, and I’m not sure if sleep training addresses that.
Also, if this is just normal (whatever that means) in a newly unswaddled baby, I’m fine with waiting it out for a bit longer.
Thanks!
Maddie Ross says
I went through a Merlin transition. Honestly, I think there were a few rough nights, but when we moved her out it was at the point where she was pretty much standing up in the Merlin in bed and we knew it was no longer safe. We just did the exact same nighttime routine with putting her down, but instead of putting her in a Merlin, we put her in a sleepsack. In hte middle of the night, for a few nights at least, we’d go in and shush her and pat her back to get her back down. She really did enjoy having the freedom to sleep on her belly though. We eventually did sleep train and it does work with the middle of hte night wakings, too. You just have to learn when the cry means there may be a problem (anticipated cold/fever) versus when they just want attnetion (99.9% of the time).
JEB says
I apologize for hijacking your thread, but I have another Merlin question. Did you guys immediately take your babies out of the Merlin when they could roll both directions? Mine just started rolling back to front (she’s been rolling front to back for a while), but it takes her a bit of effort. I’d be surprised if she could do it while wearing the suit, since it adds so much bulk. Should I just watch her in it to see if she even tries? I’d like to get at least a few more weeks/months out of the Merlin, since it’s working so well! But I obviously don’t want to compromise her safety.
Maddie Ross says
Nope. LO could roll at around 4 months and we used the Merlin at night until nearly 9 months. It was when she started wanted to stand up in her crib that we moved her out. Rolling in the Merlin takes real strength and determination – not just ability.
JEB says
So glad to hear this!
Magic? says
Can someone explain this Merlin suit? When did you switch to it and why? Is it really magic?
JEB says
We started using the Merlin suit when we transitioned the baby from a Rock n Play to the crib (around 3 months). In her Rock n Play, her arms were somewhat cradled by the high sides. When she laid flat in the crib, her arms would fall and hit the mattress, causing her to startle and wake up. The Merlin suit largely prevents this and helped tremendously. Thanks to the suit, our transition to the crib was seamless. Some people also use it to transition out of a swaddle.
Maddie Ross says
This. Used in transition from Rock & Play to crib between 3 and 4 months. It supresses the startle reflex.
eh230 says
Maybe just give her a couple of more days. My kids fussed a bit too once I took them out until they figured out their comfortable sleeping positions (which ended up being their stomachs). I would introduce a lovey if she doesn’t already have one. That sometimes helps too.
Other says
Genuinely curious (spurred by responses to the baby gift question on the main site) – how old are your kids, and how much do you put away in 529s on a monthly or annual basis?
We have a 10 mo., and a 2 yr., and we put $500 in each kid’s account per month (so $1k/month total). We have $6K and $4K per kid at this point. We hope to contribute more when we are out of the daycare years, but didn’t get started right away either. We bulked up a bit with tax refunds.
Madame Defarge says
My kids are 10, 7, and 3. I started putting money away in a 529 only last year and funded $10K in the 10-yr-old’s account and $5K each in the younger ones’ accounts. I put away only $400/month ($200 for the oldest, and $100 each for the younger ones). I might step this up because college is not that far off and my state allows you to deduct 100% of the contributions on your tax return.
I think you are doing a great job starting to save so early–we were focused on paying off our student loans and now that those are paid off, we are investing our monthly payment amounts into the 529s.
(former) preg 3L says
My kid is 14 months and I have $0 saved for her education. I don’t have a 529 for her.
ETA: I have $100k in student loans from undergrad and law school. …and I’m going to owe on my taxes this year.
anonymous says
What state allows you to deduct 100% of your contributions?
Madame Defarge says
This link below lists the states that allow you to deduct your contributions in part or in full. Some states allow a deduction for contributions to any state’s plan, while others only allow a deduction for contributions to that state’s plan. Still others offer a tax credit.
http://taxes.about.com/od/statetaxes/a/Best-College-Savings-Plans.htm
Meg Murry says
My kids are 8 and 3 and I haven’t started a 529 for them – although my parents have and contribute.
I’m also not in the typical demographic of most of the readers, and I acknowledge that my kids are going to have to struggle more/not start out life as well set up. I’m hoping to save enough for retirement for them not to have to financially support me in my old age, but that all depends on how much we wind up having to support my in-laws and extended family as they age.
FYI, not sure if you are over the income limit – but if not, you can contribute to a Roth IRA, and that could be used for your retirement OR qualified educational expenses for you or your dependents. That is our plan right now, as it gives us more flexibility than a 529 and we can’t afford to do both.
JJ says
If it makes you feel better, we have two kids (3 and 19 months) and have no 529 plans. We’ve prioritized paying off debt (debt-free except for our mortgage now), and will start figuring out saving for school soon.
Lorelai Gilmore says
In many states, a 529 can help you shield some money from state taxes. (Not all, alas!) I’ve found that maxing out the 401k and the 529 can be helpful in reducing the tax burden. But obviously, you’ve got other fish to fry – so no worries if you don’t have anything so far.
Other says
I should add – we have been able to start contributing largely due to an inheritance that enabled us to pay our student loans earlier than anticipated. It was a financial windfall, but unfortunately, was precipitated by the death of a parent.
For whatever it’s worth, everything I’ve read/heard is that there are millions of ways to pay for college, and to focus on other areas first. I didn’t mean to start this thread as a humblebrag, and 10 months ago, would have said that 529s were a distant thought in our financial future.
anne-on says
Our son is 3 and we contribute the maximum tax deductible amount every year, and then put some additional funds aside in a dedicated trust. I think he’s got about $50k set aside at this point? We’re not counting on any need based assistance so we’re trying to set aside full freight at a top level college for him, ideally, without him having to take out loans. I only had about $10k in loans when I graduated and was so, so grateful not to have to worry about paying student loans through my 20s.
Nonny says
My LO is 15 months. We have started an RESP (Canadian version of 529) for her and so far we’re contributing $2,500 per year, plus there is a government grant of $500 per year that is automatically added to it. We’re also accumulating our $100 per month government childcare grant in a tax-free savings account and will be either contributing that to the RESP or saving it for other large child-related expenses as they come up.
Chronic Overachiever says
Apologies for the thread-jack…
Does anyone plan to NOT fully fund their child’s education?
I received a full scholarship to college and so did my husband. Both of our parents contributed toward living expenses so we graduated without loans. Beginning in early high school, my parents made it clear that they would not pay for my entire college education (even though they were able) and that I needed to apply for scholarships, take out loans or work to pay for a portion of my education. To me, this was a valuable lesson.
(former) preg 3L says
This is my plan. Of course, I have no idea what my ex will do (if anything) regarding my daughter’s education expenses. I do not plan to fully fund my daughter’s post-high-school education.
Nonny says
I agree with you. I am doing the RESP but don’t expect my daughter’s education to be fully funded. What I do expect is for her to work hard, hopefully get good grades, and work towards scholarships. I will also expect her to have a part-time job in university. I see way too many kids going through school these days who expect everything to come from their parents and it shocks me. We offered the next door neighbours’ kids (teenaged boys) some money to help with our yard work last year and they turned up their noses at it. I don’t want my daughter to grow up with that mentality.
Lyssa says
This is so something that I’m struggling with. (My kids are 2 1/4 and negative-2 months, and we have not started saving, due to prioritizing law school loans.)
My family was generally struggling, and money for college was definitely not an option (they gave me $200 to buy groceries when I moved in, and that was the last I ever got, other than meals and laundry when I came home) – I earned a full scholarship and then some for (state) undergrad. I feel really good about having earned my way through, and I frequently noticed that classmates who were earning their way (either through scholarships or working) seemed to be more dedicated students than those whose parents were paying.
Add to that that my state has since introduced a number of benefits that cover full tuition to state schools for fairly average achievement levels (the sort of grades that I would be pretty ashamed if my kids didn’t get), and I think that state schools are perfectly fine options. (The university close to us is huge and quite good.) (Of course, I wouldn’t tell them that they had to go there, but my thinking is that that they should be responsible for making a more expensive alternative happen if that’s what they really want.)
I still feel like we should save something, but I’m struggling with how much, or even with whether I want to tell the kid that we have. I’m sort of tempted to save some, but keep it a secret and give it as a gift on graduation day, or something like that. I’m really not sure what to do.
Nonny says
I like your idea about keeping it a secret and I’d be tempted to do the same thing.
My parents didn’t have a special education fund for me, but my mom did put aside some money in bonds each year – not a lot, but it added up. She never told me until I graduated from high school, and then she was able to say, surprise, this will help you out.
I was really lucky not to have any student debt until I started law school. I did my undergrad in my home city, and was able to live with my parents until I got my degree. They let me do so rent-free on the basis that my full-time job was to go to school. Of course, if I wanted any pocket money, I needed part-time work (which I did), but not having to pay rent for 4 years was a very big help. I’d like to take the same approach with my daughter.
Meg Murry says
Unless we win the lottery (which would be pretty much impossible since we don’t buy tickets) or one of our family members has an insane life insurance policy we are beneficiaries for (also unlikely but slightly less impossible) there is no way my husband and I will be able to fully fund our kids’ educations. We are also solidly in the middle of the middle class in our low COL area, so we don’t have nearly the income of most people on this s!te.
My parents paid for the majority of my undergrad which I’ve always been grateful for, but that was mainly due to the fact that they sold my grandparents farmland at a very fortuitous time – a few years earlier or a few years later and it wouldn’t have happened. My husband paid for the majority of his college himself with work, a moderate amount of loans and scholarships, and he came out of the process a much more prepared adult than I did.
And honestly, this may be blasphemous – but if college costs keep increasing the way they currently are? We will encourage our kids to go to technical school instead. Because there are way too many unemployed people with bachelor’s degrees and $50-100k in debt in our area.
Meg Murry says
One other point – we do have an indirect savings/investment plan though – we own rental properties, and the mortgages are due to be paid off the year before my oldest goes to college, so in theory we’ll have a lot more money at that point with that payment gone and rental income still coming in.
PEN says
Our plan is to tell the kids they have to fund undergrad but anything we have saved for them they can use for graduate school. We have a friend whose family does this and we thought it was a good idea for us.
SFBayA says
DH and I are discussing this. I don’t think our DD (due in June) should expect a fully funded undergrad education. I would like to help, but fully funded to the school of her choice? At the way the prices are going? Insane and impossible. My barely middle class parents did pay the tuition my scholarship didn’t cover and rent to my state university 10+ years ago, but I was responsible for everything else (food, utilities, car, etc) and worked through undergrad, graduating debt free. I considered myself lucky to have received as much as I did.
Meanwhile DH got a sizeable scholarship to a private university and his parents paid for the rest. He did fun extracurriculars that didn’t pay, and had a lot more of a social life undergrad than I did. He strongly wants that fun, enriching experience for DD, which I understand. But to this day, I work harder and am more focused than he is, and I wonder if part of the reason why is because I worked lots of shit jobs when younger and I’m still grateful now to have an office and a chair.
And we are in a very high COLA and may need to send DD to private school to the tune of $25k/year, so I don’t know how we’d save enough for her college ($200k?!) anyway.
We may compromise by telling her there is some money, but she needs to get scholarships and weigh costs carefully before making a decision, and make funding, whatever we happen to have, contingent on grades, just like a scholarship is.
NewMomAnon says
I have a 15 month old, and her grandparents and extended family have been very generous but I have not yet saved a penny. I would like to be able to completely cover the expense of a moderately-priced college education (i.e., a good state school or a private college with a partial scholarship); my parents did that for me and it’s been such a huge gift to not have start my adult life with crushing student loans. I received scholarships to both college and law school and chose to go to schools that offered scholarships, and I also worked through high school, college and law school so I could cover some of my own living expenses. I would expect my kiddo to contribute similarly.
I think my kiddo has about $12K in a 529 contributed by family members. My husband and I had set a goal before she was born was to put away $13K a year, but the reality of daycare costs, moving costs, and then maintaining two households and mental health care didn’t leave anything extra to put away. I’m not sure the next year will be much better as I launch off on my own, but I’m hoping now that I don’t have to make joint financial decisions I can create some budget room for college savings.
PregAnon says
Due in September, and I have no plans on starting a college savings for him. I still have a pile of student loan debt, and we are saving for a downpayment on a new house at the same time…I’ve decided that by the time he is old enough to go to college, I want to have NO debt, or maybe just the mortgage, so I can help that way.
EB0220 says
We have 25k total between the 2 kids (3 and 8 mo). We put in $300/mo per child and a little extra at bonus time. my husband and I do not have student loan debt and have a daycare subsidy from my employer.
JJ says
Sigh. Just looked in the mirror in the bathroom and realized that my cobalt blue top (the Pleione mixed media one…LOVE) has a giant baby-snot smear on it, right under my chest. The glamorous life of the working mom.
NewMomAnon says
Boogie Wipes work well for getting snot off of clothes. I keep a pack in my office….they dissolve the proteins unlike regular water or baby wipes. Can you get to a Target or CVS to pick some up? I also keep an emergency scarf in my office for the spontaneous “booger on shirt” discoveries.
anne-on says
CVS also has house brand boogie wipes that work just as well, I swear I have a pack in my car, purse, and just about every room in my house.
JJ says
Aha! I actually keep a pack (or two) of boogie wipes in my car. I’ll clean it at lunch.
And yes – I pulled out my grey, matches everything, long infinity scarf that I keep in my office for this very reason.
Nonny says
Baby snot stains are the best. Or not. But they sneak up on you. I find snotty marks all over the place, even when I’ve left the house thinking I’m snot-free.
Now there’s a sentence I thought I’d never write.
NewMomAnon says
My colleagues with older friends say the snot stains don’t end after infancy – my experience is that they have moved from my shoulders with a baby to my shins/knees with a toddler and are gradually moving further up as my kiddo gets taller.
Nonny says
Hah! Why keep a growth chart?
Pregnancy pillows says
Thoughts on good pregnancy body pillows? I used a comfort u for no1 and it worked, but really took up a lot of space in our queen size bed. I don’t have it any more and need to buy a new one pretty soon. Anyone have thoughts on any being better than others?
Katala says
Mine is basically 2 memory foam pillows wrapped in a regular cotton-filled body pillow, so it’s long and comfortable to me (I’ve had memory foam mattresses since high school so I’m used to that feeling) but man is it huge and heavy. I have to lift it up like a gate to get out of bed. Now, reaching the end, I wish I had something a little lighter and also flatter. It’s hard to get mine under the belly which seems like it would be nice. I also like having another pillow against my back.
Next time I’d go for one of the more contoured ones, maybe with some back support. I think hoppy had one like that? I don’t think bigger is better in this case especially with a queen bed.
SFBayA says
Snoogle. See Amazon. It is the most precious thing I own right now.
PregAnon says
Just looked up the Snoogle. That looks like exactly what I need! So ordering this…
Katala says
I was in the hospital this week, diagnosed with (mild, as of now) preeclampsia. I’m 35 weeks and they’ll have me deliver at 37 or earlier depending on whether symptoms get worse. This is a total shock, my pregnancy has thankfully been easy and normal so far.
So in addition to baby arriving 3-4 weeks before we expected, we’re moving next week, and the person throwing my shower next Sunday just told us she’ll be out of town for a family emergency. Feeling overwhelmed, anxious but excited, and kind of shellshocked. Any advice/experiences to share? What should I do about the shower? It will be hard to move it to our place since it will likely not be unpacked…
HM says
1) Preeclampsia sucks. Try to focus on not stressing (ha!) and don’t do anything more than you need to.
2) Newborns are great in that they don’t need a lot, just a safe place to sleep (pack ‘n play and bouncer/swing?) and a place to be changed (can be the floor on a mat). You will also want a couple of comfy places to sit with baby (bed + a chair or couch). Don’t worry about the boxes. Make sure you have these places ready, and then you be done.
3) Relocate to a restaurant, ask another friend/mom/sister to take care of the details. No fuss no muss for anyone. You just sit back and enjoy the presents.
Seriously, as someone who had to deliver at 32 wks with PreE, don’t stress. Most important thing is to cook that baby, and the rest, honestly, will sort itself out.
CHJ says
My mom and my sister both had preeclampsia near the end of their pregnancies, and everything turned out just fine. So best wishes on the health front!
For the life logistics front, can you outsource everything about the move? Hire movers and pay them to pack and unpack for you? It’s more expensive, but you wouldn’t believe how quickly professional movers can pack and unpack your place. For the shower, do you have another friend who would host it? Or can you move it to a restaurant function room? If not, I’ve had friends postpone their showers due to bed rest, etc., and throw them 3-6 weeks after the baby is born. It’s unconventional, but it’s still really fun. Plus then the baby is there, so there’s even more to celebrate.
Nonny says
Fortunately, I’ve never had to deal with pre-eclampsia, but I think delaying the shower is a fabulous idea, especially if you are trying to reduce stress as much as possible. There are no shower police saying that you have to have it before the baby is born.
Katala says
Thanks for these responses, it’s great to hear that others made it through just fine. I just need to keep reminding myself that he’s made it this far and will be fine whatever happens now.
We have movers coming, they’re not packing or unpacking but we’ve been slowly packing so hubs will finish. And we’ll have the bed and couch so I guess the rest can wait :)
I kind of like the idea of postponing the shower. I don’t think I’m up for hosting – there is one friend I can ask but I feel pretty bad doing it on such late notice. Original host had a death in the family so will be away. It all feels like too much right now, I think I’ll wait a few days and decide then. It sounds fun to do it when the baby’s here!
PreE says
I was heading into pre-e territory at the end of my twin pregnancy so they delivered me just after 37 wks. Just make sure they monitor your post partum bleeding carefully. I had a bad hemorrhage after, which was more to do with multiples. But the preE puts you at a higher risk and the nurses let it get really bad before intervening. Odds are this will not happen to you but it’s something I wish I knew to look for before
TwinMOM says
I didn’t know I had PE until about 5 minutes before being sent to the hospital (thank you Quest Labs for “forgetting” to run the test on the gallon of pee I had to collect while 36 weeks pregnant…with TWINS!), so based on my experience:
1. Be prepared that your OB could send you to the hospital to deliver on a moment’s notice. We went straight from her office to L&D at the hospital and had to send someone to our house to get our “go” bag. It all depends on how your numbers look, and they can change very suddenly. Have everything packed and with you for your appointments.
2. You’ll be on an IV of Magnesium Sulfate through labor and delivery and for a period of about 24 hours after the baby arrives. I caution you NOT to Google, but you will anyway, so let me tell you that my experience with it wasn’t difficult. Mostly it caused me to be a little woozy and warm, probably about the same as if you took narcotics for pain. I found I couldn’t really concentrate on much for the hours while we waited/labored before getting into the OR for a c-section, but listening to music was nice so I recommend packing small speakers).
3. Because of the Mag, you’ll be more closely monitored than you might have been otherwise. Since we were having identical twins we went into it expecting a very “medicalized” birth experience, so this didn’t really change anything from the protocol we were expecting. If you were hoping to be able to up and walking around, talk to you OB about whether that would be a possibility with the Mag/IV.
4. They may put you on blood thinners after delivery to help get your blood pressure back down to normal before you are discharged. Just another bothersome injection every few hours when trying to get rest, and you may bruise more easily, but in the grand scheme of things not too bad.
Best wishes! At the end of day, here’s to a healthy mama and baby!