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How cute are these animal-shaped ottomans? Home Depot carries a lot of different animal options, and one would definitely fit into any kids’ room theme. My son would get a kick out of this Triceratops version, but I am also partial to the shark, pig, and even the plain round poof. Some animals also come in a storage version, because everyone can use more storage. I also love this as a fun gift option. They are between $59 and $89, depending on shape. Animal-Shaped Ottomans
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Cb says
Last day of nursery today – about to go and pick my son up after lunch. My mom has moved her flight to tomorrow due to level 4 travel advisory from the state department and we just got news that my husband’s government department is indeed classed as essential and his workplace won’t be closing. Had a counselling appointment and the counsellor said ‘I sense that you have a tense to spiral into what ifs’ in a quite critical manner and I thought, gosh if there was ever a time in which we could spiral for a few days, this must be it, right? I’ll dust myself off on Monday but feel like I’m allowed a few days of wallowing / mourning my hopes and ambitions, right?
Anonymous says
Oof, what is the point of going to counseling if you are going to be criticized? If the counselor thinks that “spiraling into what-ifs” is not a good thing for you, she should be giving you strategies to reframe your thinking, not scolding you.
Your mom is flying to the UK from the US? Is she prepared to stay indefinitely?
Anon says
I think she means flying home to the US.
KatieWolf says
IMO, Absolutely you are allowed a period of mourning. We just can’t stay there, and can’t let it overtake our life. I have been struggling too, mostly stemming from trying to predict and plan, and I know what I need to do is take one day at a time, let go, and pray. But it’s a daily struggle to reset myself. Just here to say its ok to mourn our lost plans and sense of security/stability.
Anonymous says
Of course you do. It is really hard to adjust to all the changes happening, but but for me at least, the shock of working from home and school being closed is wearing off after about a week. It’s still hard, but it is a bit less terrifying than it was at first – it’s more normal.
Anonymous says
why is your mom flying
Anonymous says
Not Cb, but I assume it’s because the only other way to get from Scotland to the US is by ship, and those are not sailing right now?
Cb says
Yep. Travel advisory is for US citizens to return immediately or risk being stuck indefinitely.
Daycare fees says
Are people paying full or partial fees while daycares are closed? I’m in Ontario, so all daycares have been closed due to the state of emergency. I expect many businesses are not properly insured for this kind of business interruption, but provincial and federal governments have announced aid for small business owners and workers due to Covid-19 precautions. My daycare centre has told me their workers will be paid partial wages for the first few days of closure if they opted to come into the centre to do cleaning/administrative tasks, and then collect government unemployment benefits. I’m being asked to pay full regular fees during the closure to “top up” unemployment for staff. It seems to me that if my regular fees are usually sufficient to fund the full wages of the staff and other operating costs of the centre, there will be a windfall while the centre is only topping up wages and incurring fewer operating costs (food/hydro) while the centre is closed. Or maybe I’m being stingy. I’m looking for anecdata – what’s your daycare situation and what are you paying during this time?
Anonymous says
That doesn’t seem right. If you’re being asked to pay full tuition while employees are collecting unemployment, the center is double-dipping.
Anon says
+1
IHeartBacon says
+1. If the staff is getting unemployment, the daycare center cannot be paying the staff; otherwise they wouldn’t be eligible or unemployment.
Anon says
OP is in Canada so rules might be different? It sounds like they are not claiming they’re giving staff full wages, just “topping off” unemployment benefits. But obviously they don’t need full tuition to do that.
Anon says
Full tuition, and I’m realllllly annoyed about it. I want the teachers to be paid, but I feel like 1) they owe us at least ~$50/week for the food, electricity, etc. that they’re not using, and 2) parents shouldn’t bear the full burden of paying teachers – maybe we should pay half tuition, but the business should also be absorbing some of the loss.
Non-profit, university-run daycare if it matters.
KatieWolf says
My daycare is suspending tuition while the center is closed. Teachers are getting 2 weeks paid and then told to file for unemployment.
Anonymous says
This is the same for my childcare center.
Elementary aftercare (shoutout to MoCo KAH again for being awesome),by popular demand from the parents, gave each family the option of stopping payments or continuing to pay with a pledge to do refunds/credits at a later date so that they can continue to make payroll. Enough people are continuing their tuition that they will be able to pay everyone. Granted that’s like $500/month vs $2k for daycare.
CPA Lady says
Our center is prorating it. I think we’re paying about 75%. The only expense they don’t have is food. They’re still paying the staff, still have to pay rent for the building, etc.
Anon says
Foe now, we are paying full tuition because we want to be sure the staff gets paid. And I used to be imagining that I wanted them to keep being able to pay the rent or mortgage on their building … but thinking about how long this will go on, I’m not sure that makes sense. Hard to imagine a time when daycares will be open. Maybe better for businesses to stop paying rent or mortgages now since it’s inevitable at some point in next few months so more of the money can go to the staff. I have no idea.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Ours is not charging tuition during the closure. I hope that the teachers still get paid but I don’t know what their protocol is. It might have to be unemployment claims, which I know are being filed by lots of people right now and there might not be enough money. I hope this ends soon.
anon. says
We are paying two full daycare tuitions right now. They’ve announced they will continue paying the teachers, so we said we will pay as long as our circumstances permit. But it’s definitely rough in the face of a potential job loss in our family. If this goes beyond two months, we’ll have to reassess.
ALC says
I was expecting to keep paying but pleasantly surprised that they are suspending payments and even giving us partial credit for March, while they say they are continuing to pay teachers. We’re at a Bright Horizons.
Anonymous says
Also at BH. Ours has transitioned to only being open for “critical” workers’ kids, and I think is absorbing those children from other local centers. So our tuition is suspended and teachers are still getting paid (although they do have to work, just with different kids). I was really happy with the setup, as we had already pulled our kids anyway.
Anon says
Just got a note that our preschool (not even the same, we’re talking $250 a month) is in discussions about pro-rating or doing credits or refunds of some kind, balancing that with still being able to pay teachers. It’s a church though, so I’m reasonably confident their decision will end up where it needs to.
Our gym decided to close all locations last week and (shockingly!) will be crediting back the closed days against our account.
FVNC says
Our daycare is still open but not charging for families who choose not to send their kids. We called the director who indicated teachers will continue to be paid for the foreseeable future, but may eventually have to file for unemployment. This is a small local chain that’s affiliated with a larger chain.
Crazy times says
Does anyone know whether Bright Horizons teachers are being paid? We aren’t being charged during the closure, but I would be happy to pay if the teachers would be paid. I understand they are getting some sort of benefits package but I don’t know what that means.
KatieWolf says
I was told the teachers have the option of taking 2 weeks of pay, or opting to be on call for the hub centers, with an increased hourly rate but no guarantees about shifts or age group that they would work with. Teachers I talked with were mixed bag about what option they would choose. I think a lot are reaching out to parents (and parents are reaching out to teachers) for alternative arrangements, nannying on the side type of thing.
Anon says
In Maryland. Daycare if currently closed for 2 weeks and we’re paying full tuition and it’s going towards teacher salaries. No news yet about what will happen once the closure is inevitably extended.
anon says
Just a note on the insurance issue. At least in the U.S., business interruption insurance is very unlikely to cover this situation. Every policy my firm has reviewed so far (a couple dozen) require there to be physical damage to the property for a period of 72 hours in order for the policy to kick in. There’s a suit for declaratory judgment in my state arguing that the presence of the virus is physical damage, but that’s not going to work because (a) most businesses can’t prove that the virus was in your building, (b) the physical damage can be remedied with Lysol, and (c) the reason these businesses are closing is a government order applicable to all businesses of that type, not the presence of the virus in any specific location.
We paid full tuition through May in January, and we’re not going to get a refund. I’m OK with it as long as they’re paying the teachers and other staff.
anon says
Yup, my kid’s daycare’s business interruption insurance has a virus exclusion. It wasn’t possible to buy a policy without such exclusion.
It’s a nonprofit and they’re offering a tuition credit for the time they’re closed, but also asking parents to make a voluntary, tax-deductible donation of as much of the credit as possible.
Teachers will get their full pay for the duration of the closure, assuming it doesn’t last longer than the reserves and new donations.
Anonymous says
We think ours will pay but the coverage is very low because it was designed for smaller scale interruptions that would shift to property coverage.
Katy says
Our daycare is waiving fees starting in April – which I assume means they are not paying teachers (eeek!). We are in Alberta but in a national chain of daycares with head office in Ontario for OP.
It definitely makes it easier to throw money at the childcare problem (cousin who is a teaching assistant and can drive to our house). Like Crazy times… I do want to know what is happening to the teachers. I think the ones who offered to work were all snapped up.
Anon says
Not a parent but I wanted some guidance. My husband and i are trying to conceive. I ovulated a couple weeks ago, when things were looking questionable but not as bad as they look today, so we had been having fairly regular sex in the days before then. I have a fairly long luteal period, so I won’t be testing for a few days. This is the first month that I’m ambivalent about getting pregnant. I desperately want a baby but i don’t know if i want one right now. Can anyone (especially someone in their early pregnancy) tell me what their experiences are like right now?
Lise says
I’m almost 7 weeks pregnant after IVF (so a very planned pregnancy, although we didn’t imagine this when we had our frozen embryo transfer on February 20). Honestly, it’s nervewracking. I’m working from home but my husband is in a job where exposure is very likely, so I’m just hoping/trying to stay healthy until a fever would be not quite as dangerous and the placenta is more developed and hopefully protective. So far we’re just taking a lot of precautions at home, but if things are still bad close to my due date in the fall and hospitals are isolating sick moms from newborns (I think the WHO and CDC currently have different guidance on that, and who knows what best practice could be by then with such a new virus), one of us will probably move out a few weeks before my due date to make sure I don’t get sick.
My other worry is how this is going to affect prenatal care. My RE is still taking seeing me but not for much longer, and I can’t seem to get anyone from my ob/gyn’s office to call me back to schedule a prenatal appointment, which was fine five days ago but is starting to alarm me a little. I’m hearing that the plan is to reduce visits throughout pregnancy, which I totally understand in terms of balancing risk, but I’m AMA and went through IVF – it is not easy to be chill here, and I am not generally an anxious person.
Silver lining: no one from the office is going to suspect I’m pregnant until I’m ready to tell them?
Knope says
I’m 12 weeks. I take comfort in seeing that pregnant women do not appear to be more susceptible to the virus or severe cases of the virus, and limited studies from China suggest that the mom doesn’t pass the virus to the fetus. But it has interfered with my prenatal care – my midwife visits have switched to videoconference only. And I had to take a risk to go to the perinatal center for my first trimester ultrasound (not technically medically necessary, but I really wanted the peace of mind to see that the baby was developing normally). I am due in the fall – I just think there are too many unknowns to be really worried abut delivery yet. We have no idea what the situation will be then.
AnonATL says
I’m about 21w, so I’m past most of the scary “normal” pregnancy worries at least. My practice has yet to institute strict rules regarding partners at appointments, and I still physically go to appointments. I won’t be having anymore ultrasounds until the baby arrives unless something is wrong, so it’s basic checkups from here out.
What I’m most worried about now, other than not contracting the virus, is what my delivery is going to look like. There have been rumblings about hospitals across the country not allowing partners in the delivery room, which would be absolutely devastating to me since this is our first. I’m also worried that all the L&D tours and classes have been cancelled indefinitely. I really wanted to attend a few classes and at least have an idea of where to go when I’m in labor. I’m trying to get comfortable with the idea that we are just going to have to wing it. Finally, I’m worried about separation from the kid post-delivery. Seems they are only doing that to mothers that have an active infection, but who knows what policy will be like in July/August.
Despite all this, as a pp said the current evidence is positive in suggesting it is not easily transmitted to the fetus, and the few babies exposed were likely during the delivery process (which is why they have moved to mandatory C sections for actively infected moms). Not sure if you are in the US, but the ACOG has a great site and algorithm for treating pregnant women that I found comforting. There’s still a lot of official “we don’t know yet” coming from the CDC and ACOG on the true risks to pregnant women. My goal is to avoid being one of those anonymous case numbers they reference in future reports…
I’m cherishing every kick and knowing that the kid will bring joy despite all the current stress. It is so hard though.
Good luck and good health!
Preggo says
I posted on the regular cite yesterday. I will be 16 weeks on Saturday, and my 16-week appointment was just canceled as nonessential. My 20-week Level II ultrasound (I am of “advanced maternal age”) and separate 20-week appointment are considered essential. My prenatal yoga studio moved online and I’m hopeful the childbirth classes can do that as well. I am worried about giving birth in late summer in hospital (hopefully?) with limited supplies and without my husband, who still has to go to work, although his building closed to the public.
I think there is going to be a baby boom in 9 months and for a few months after that, which is also during regular flu season.
Anon says
Can you call your OB and ask what they’re doing about prenatal appointments? I know a lot of people, including me, who have had medical appointments canceled for important but not life-threatening health issues, and personally I would be very nervous about being pregnant without regular prenatal care. I know telemedicine is a thing, but there are so many physical measurements (blood pressure, etc.) that are important to your health, as well as the baby’s health. If you do decide to skip a few months of trying, it’s probably easiest to use barrier methods so you don’t mess with your hormones.
OP says
I’m gonna hold off calling my OB until i get a positive result because I don’t want to stress myself out more than I need to if it’s negative (I can see the benefit of doing it earlier, I just know myself). And we’re definitely holding off on trying after this month – it’s just so weird to feel like I kind of hope the result is “no” after months of praying for a “yes.”
Anon says
I want a baby, too, and we are delaying. There is too much uncertainty out there for my comfort level; it is unknown how the virus may affect the baby in the first trimester (could be totally safe, but no one knows for sure and I am risk averse!) and I’m not convinced I’d be able to get adequate prenatal care at first. Plus I dont want to deal with morning sickness on top of all this stress. think things are getting worse before they’ll get better, but hopefully it won’t take too long. I’m targeting late spring/early summer. (Caveat that this would be my third baby…but I think i would proceed the same if it were my first.)
OP says
Yeah we’re definitely delaying for the next few months (or like, year, depending on things go), assuming i get a negative result. I wish we had delayed this month too but things didn’t feel as dire a few weeks ago (or I just had my head in the sand then). I guess if this is the month I get a positive test, all I can do is be as careful as a I possibly can while all this is going on, and pray for the best. Thanks all for your insight.
Anon says
So I’m due in less than four weeks, and here’s my perspective: 60% of the time I’m fine, thinking that women have given birth for centuries, that we’ve over medicalized birth in America and reducing prenatals/interventions/time spent in hospital is not the end of the world, that I am not a social animal by nature anyway and have NO problem telling everyone to stay away for 8 weeks, and now have an even better excuse to do so! 20% of the time I have a medium level of panic that I’ve forgotten something that I need to prep or pack or consider, like choosing a name. Which I have. 20% of the time I have a deep panic that the hospitals will be overrun in 2-3 weeks when I go to deliver, my husband will have to drop me off at the curb and I’ll be greeted by people in Hazmat suits, and I’ll barely see a nurse or doc except for when it comes time to push.
Here’s the thing. All of these scenarios are possible. But if this global pandemic wasn’t happening, I think my stress ratio would be the same. Because there is always something that my mind alights on and catastrophizes. In this case it it totally warranted? Yep! Totally totally warranted. This is a big, epic, totally crazy and horrific situation. But right now the amount of time I stay positive is more than the amount of time I spend panicking, and I’m going to hold on to that for now. My two cents from 36 weeks.
Telco Lady JD says
I’m 7 weeks +2 days. We had an IVF frozen embryo transfer on February 18. We’re thrilled to be pregnant, but as someone with pretty bad asthma – I’m very concerned. We’ve got two more appointments with our reproductive endocrinologist and an OB appointment scheduled for April 10. We’ll see if we actually have it.
My husband and I are working from home and leaving only to walk dogs and go to the grocery store very occasionally. We’re doing the best we can to reduce the possibility of exposure until after the first trimester when the risk of fever is less significant and I can take decongestants if necessary.
anon says
A comment someone made yesterday equating needing mental health treatment with being a bad mother really upset me, so just to put it out there: being mentally ill doesn’t make you a bad mother. But getting appropriate treatment sure makes it exponentially easier to be a good one. Askmehow. For anyone who needs it, here’s an incomplete list:
-If everyone around you seems irritating most of the time, you might benefit from professional help. Particularly if you can’t really come up with a reason why they’re irritating, or the reason sounds silly or petty when you say it out loud. Or there’s just a constant repeating rotation of reasons — oh it’s just PMS, I’m just particularly busy today, I have a headache, etc.
-If you find stray stressful thoughts popping up in your head out of context and you can’t easily set them aside, you may benefit from professional help. E.g. in the middle of family dinner you start wondering what the count of new infections is in your area, and you really want to go check right then and have to work very hard to stay in the moment.
-If you wake in the night and have trouble getting back to sleep several times a week, you may benefit from professional help. Particularly if it feels like your thoughts are moving faster than usual in these moments.
-If you find yourself repeatedly imagining scenarios of bad things happening to your loved ones — cancer, car crashes, SIDS, etc. you may benefit from professional help. Even if it feels “logical,” like if you’re imagining your spouse getting cancer just like their parent did.
-If you find the people around you are repeatedly trying to set boundaries with you, and you find this upsetting, you may benefit from professional help. E.g. your partner says things like “can we not talk about that right now? I’m trying to relax,” and this feels like a really terrible blow to your ability to cope or process.
-If you find yourself repeatedly thinking about what your children’s lives would be like without you, particularly if it is framed as “they would be better off without me,” you should seek help as soon as possible.
-If you find yourself imagining worst case scenarios, particularly your children left orphaned, and you think things like, “they would be better off dead than without me,” you should seek help as ssoon as possible.
Anonymous says
This is so well-stated. Thank you.
As an aside, having been on the other end of point #5, this makes me feel seen.
LEO wife says
+1 for the same point. I felt like I had to put up with it as a spouse of someone in law enforcement, but this helped me realize that it isn’t unsupportive to say “I can’t talk about this now.”
Anon says
I was the one who used the phrase “bad mother” and I’m sorry you interpreted it as me saying being mentally ill makes you a bad mother. That was not my intent at all. The poster I replied to told someone “my heart hurts for your children,” and I do think telling someone your heart hurts for their children is effectively calling someone a bad mother, at least in the moment. Of course, the comment I was replying to was ridiculous. My heart hurts for kids in Syria and kids from abusive home and kids who will miss meals because school is shutdown, not affluent kids from loving homes whose mothers have anxiety about this or anything else. I was not saying any form of mental illness = bad mothering.
Also, while your comment is constructive and empathetic, the comment I was replying to (“please please please get help. Professional help.”) was not. At all. Even if someone needed help, that comment did zero to help them get it and was not kind.
Anonymous says
Yes yes exactly. Your comment was fine. The one you replied to was atrocious.
Anonymous says
This post is very well stated. The one people objected to yesterday was not. It didn’t recommend mental health treatment, it told a worried and anxious poster she was a bad mother and harming her children and then said to get help.
Anonymous says
Thanks for this!! I agree that the comment really rubbed me the wrong way as well. Even if I did need professional help, it could be suggested in a kinder way without saying I was damaging my children. Sidebar – aren’t we all somehow screwing up our kids unknowingly? No, we’re not. They’re gonna be alright. I was the OP who started the thread saying I was anxious. And frankly, I think I have a normal level of worry/anxiety in this situation and just using this site to vent. I have 2 kids including a 7 month old so I’ve been keeping a keen eye on my mental health this year, and thankfully have an OB and pediatrician who also check in with me. I’m doing OK but I think this could be a really helpful list for many people.
I’d also like to highlight that many counties and offices are offering televisits/telemedicine at this time and States are changing legislation so insurance more easily covers these visits.
anon says
Yes, and there are increasing numbers of third-party services that do remote therapy. However, I would do some googling of any of those to check for privacy complaints first, personally.
anon says
Would love some guidance on this. I am a psychologist working in a hospital that is a suburb of one of the major cities with the corona outbreak (not a lot in my current city though, but who knows with testing). Currently seeing all my patients via phone/video. I finally got approval to work from home. However, we live in a two bedroom with my husband who is working from home and two small kids and our nanny is there. Any thoughts on how to work from home, from our bedroom with my husband in the same room, also working and on calls, not to mention only having one tiny desk. I have no idea how to see patients and have some privacy? I am also torn with the risk benefit of going to the office. My bldg. is separate from the rest of the hospital and doesn’t get a lot of traffic, and especially now that most people will be working from home. I would only be going outside my office to use the bathroom and potentially microwave, and entering and leaving. Otherwise have a huge office to myself. Would love any thoughts/advice. Leaning towards just buying another desk and seeing patients form my closet, but husband things that’s insane and I should just keep going since I won’t be seeing anyone in my office anyways.
Anonymous says
Here’s what I would do:
-You work from the master bedroom, with a headset.
-Husband works in the children’s bedroom.
-Nanny cares for children in the living room/kitchen.
-At nap time, kids go into their room and husband works in the living room or kitchen.
anon says
That’s a good idea. My only concern is that our nanny is miserable right now, she’s great but with the two kids at home and homeschooling my oldest and little space as is, she’s just so so so miserable and this would add to the misery even more. But will consider, might be the least worst of all bad scenarios now.
Anonymous says
I agree with this plan, and also just give up on homeschooling. Her job is getting them through the day happy and healthy. Throw on a nature documentary post lunch every day = quiet science. Crafts post breakfast = creativity and fine motor skills.
OP says
agree completely! my daughter’s school has some required activities, that’s all she’s doing, but that’s a huge challenge already (daughter is in first grade so all new to her). but maybe if I am working from home I can help if I have a break in my schedule.
avocado says
How required are the activities? My kid has a pile of busywork that is supposed to be turned in when school reopens (ha!), but it’s not graded. In first grade, all you really need to do is to keep her reading, writing, and thinking. The nanny can have her read books to her younger sibling, talk about stories that the nanny reads aloud, write letters or e-mails to grandparents, do puzzles, play games, etc. All of this is likely more educational than what she would ordinarily be doing in school.
Anonymous says
Can she get outside with the kids more?? Try to find nature parks that don’t have playgrounds. And I’ve looked into homeschooling prior to all of this and here’s the thing – you don’t need to homeschool for nearly as much time as kids are in school. Like younger elementary aged kids usually get AT MOST 2 hours of instructional time a day. The rest is reading, free play, crafts, outdoors. Dont stress about the schooling.
Anonymous says
You can’t see your patients from the same room your DH is in. Can you use the other bedroom to see patients? You could take a break during nap time and have lunch then. The nanny and kids can use the living room space.
OP says
Yup def out of the question to see patients from the same room, that’s not an option. i could work in the same room as husband for admin stuff that’s also part of my job, but not patient calls.
Anon says
Can you shift the days or hours of the week that everyone works so you aren’t as on top of each other?
OP says
Ugh unfortunately this is hard since my hospital is pretty strict about hours, and husband has work calls all day long.
Anon says
Can you consolidate your phone appointments and go sit in a park or somewhere in nature to do those for a few hours? If you plop in the middle of a field no one will come near you. There may be background noise but I’d be up front with patients about the situation and if they’re okay with it, seems reasonable under the circumstances.
OP says
I have to abide by hospital regulations so that’s a big no no (they may get more lax as this goes on, they are waving a lot of rules already) but I thought about consolidating calls and sending my husband to the kids bedroom at those times.
Anon says
I’d go to my office.
Anonymous says
If you have one, could one of you take calls from the car? When my kids are out of control and I have a conf call that’s where I go hide. It’s quiet and I can still connect to the house WiFi.
Withtatertot says
Wisdom needed for a non-covid problem, and one lots of you have probably dealt with – a baby that won’t sleep unless being held. With my first, we’d swaddle, nurse to sleep, put her down in the cosleeper bassinet, and she’d sleep for whatever stretch we’d get (usually around 2 hours, at first). My second was born on Monday, and so far the same routine is not working for us – she wakes up every time we lay her in the cosleeper, no matter how deeply asleep she was, and cries until she’s picked up.
How have others handled this, preferably without turning into a total zombie? I am not interested in bed sharing, and don’t think I could do so safely (laying next to me does not cut it for baby). The last two nights my mom, DH, and I have taken shifts holding her on the couch, which feels unsustainable, especially once my mom is not staying with us every night. Baby is brand new so I’m hoping this resolves on its own as she gets bigger – has anyone else found that to be true? Or is it worth adjusting our approach? Obviously not going to try real sleep training with a newborn, but I am willing to consider any options that might exist (not swaddling? a Snoo?). Or just get some commiseration. Thanks!
Anonymous says
Oh she’s less than a week old!! Don’t fret this seems normal to me. My first was like this for the first week. Our second screamed bloody murder all night on day 4, so much so I almost called the pediatrician. I saw them the next day (baby born on Monday, saw ped on Friday) and they confirmed everyone has a few really bad nights the first week. A lot has to do with their bellies transitioning from meconium to real poo. My only tip is to make sure her butt hits the bassinet before her head so she doesn’t feel like she’s falling. For naps could you try the boppy lounger? My babies were always cozy in them but of course don’t use them for overnight sleep. I would not continue holding her to sleep just because of the risk of one of you falling asleep while holding her on couch/glider, which is much more dangerous than bedsharing. I’d ask the pediatrician at the next visit. And if all else fails…rent a snoo
Anonymous says
Yes get a snoo if you can but she’s 4 days old this will get better
Spring Water says
It took my baby several weeks to be able to sleep not being held. I was not in favor of bedsharing, but it came down to survival. Husband moved to another room and I slept on a firm surface with no blankets. We just kept the room warm. When I hear judgy people talking about the dangers of bedsharing, they might as well be abstinence-only educators going on about how abstinence is the only way to be safe. Meanwhile, in reality….
Some babies just don’t sleep without being held. If you can’t bedshare, you may have to make it sustainable to sleep in shifts with your partner. You can’t change the baby and it could take a few weeks. I’m so sorry. I know this is hard. You aren’t doing anything wrong. Babies just gonna baby.
Another tip that seems really effective for babies like this is to have a yoga ball and bounce on it with baby.
octagon says
We put a bassinet next to the bed and I slept with an arm draped over baby so he felt like I was holding him. It took a few tries but eventually worked well, and then after a few weeks baby would sleep with no contact next to the bed.
Anonymous says
Oh lord, I remember this phase of my life so well.
Anonymous says
My second baby was like this and the Snuggle Me pillow is what saved me on the hardest nights. I guess it felt enough like being held that she settled and slept in it. We cleared our bed of bed linens except for one pillow for me and one for DH and then put the Snuggle Me in the middle of our King bed with us on either side, probably 10” or so away. For reference, I had no interest in co-sleeping either before my second was born.
AnotherAnon says
Welp. They closed the little park by our house yesterday. My 3 y/o was devastated (understandably). I know it’s for the best but we were getting a lot of mileage out of walking to the park and back 2x per day. And now it’s raining. DH said “this Friday’s starting to feel more like a Monday!” What’s something you’re thankful for? I’m thankful our jobs are being flexible and that I’m getting to watch DS progress in his language development and imagination.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We’ve had the kids home for a week and it already feels like a year but I’m grateful that our jobs can be done from home, my boss is aware and understanding of the kid situation, my husband was able to switch to part time hours, and most especially right now that we have a house and backyard for the kids to run around in!
anon says
I’m thankful that my job can be done from home and my employer is offering administrative leave to cover virus-related interruptions, including juggling childcare.
I’m thankful that we have a nice, big backyard for the kids to run around in. And spring is coming (although we got snow last night).
There is a lot of anxiety about the unknown, but I am grateful for having enough food, clothing, shelter, etc. to take care of my family.
Anonymous says
I’m thankful they closed the parks since people weren’t sensible enough to avoid them on their own.
AwayEmily says
To be fair, you have no idea what this park was like. We have a park a few blocks from us that is just a giant field, and a pond with a path around it. You would have to try REALLY hard to come into contact with another person there. This morning I saw someone jogging around the pond and it would be ridiculous to say she was “not being sensible” — I think she was being smart to get exercise and maintain her sanity.
Anon says
Park is not synonymous with playground. There’s no reason not to be on a walking trail in a park, as long as you keep a safe distance from people. Even in SF, people are allowed (and encouraged) to go to parks to hike, walk, bike, etc.
Anon says
Yeah, my city just closed playgrounds but is explicitly sanctioning using parks (including parks with playground equipment, they’re just fencing off the playground oortio).
Anon says
Thankful for my husband being a SAHD, our huge backyard, and for the swingset that came with the house.
Anonymous says
I am thankful for my au pair, who is absolutely killing it.
Anonymous says
I’m thankful that if this had to hit anytime that it happened in early spring. At least we can get outside! Also thankful we have stable incomes and haven’t lost our jobs like many people have. That we have ample savings if ever necessary. That none of us have underlying health issues.
Anonymous says
All of this. And that neither my job nor DH’s is in an industry that will be immediately impacted, and that my 2019 bonus was paid out at the beginning of this month so we even have an extra cushion right now if needed. And that we got the kids a climbing dome for Christmas this year, so we have our own personal jungle gym in the back yard.
WWYD? says
I’ve been on maternity leave for the past five months, going back to work on Monday (from home, fortunately). DD is pretty high needs (very short naps, needs lots of interaction, always wants to be held rather than sitting in a bouncer). DH is also home, but his job is very demanding and not totally set up for WFH yet. He wants to help, but my office is a lot more flexible in general. I’m starting to get anxious about caring for DD while working full time! Our state is on lockdown.
My mom has offered to come help with DD. She was planning to take care of her full time when I went back to work, but she’s currently sheltering in place about three hours from us. She’s in her 60s, in great shape, and maybe not taking social distancing too seriously. I think it’s very likely she’s been exposed at the gym or the grocery store in the last week or so, and I also wouldn’t want to be the reason she has to travel and expose herself to the virus even more.
Should I take her up on her offer? Try to power through for a couple weeks? Argh, I was so excited to get back out in the world!
Anon says
The grocery store is one thing (because everyone has to eat) but if your mom has been doing purely optional outings like the gym, I would not take her up on her offer to watch your child. There’s increasing evidence this can be serious in children, especially infants. I don’t think it’s something anyone needs to be panicking over, but personally I want to minimize my family’s contact with people who have been going anywhere except the outdoors and the grocery store.
Anonymous says
No do not. Grandmas stay home. If you can extend your leave.
Cate says
Yes, you didn’t mention trying to extend your leave! I don’t know what you do, but I’d highly recommend it. even without the childcare woes many of us are experiencing this is a tough time to be coming back. If I were on maternity leave I’d definitely try to extend it (and I’d be curious if my company would make an exception and allow it even if they didn’t normally!)
Anon says
I’m also returning to work Monday, remotely, from maternity leave!
I’d have your mom come. My mom and MIL are still coming to watch the kiddos. Does your mom live alone? It’d also probably be good for her to be with other people in the event of shelter-in-place. My mom lives alone, and that’s what my husband and I agreed on (she lives 15 minutes away, so she’s not moving in to our 1k square foot house until then).
Another idea to piggy back off of extending your leave -I’m going back 3 days/week. I‘m very glad, as it gives me some cushion if wfh isn’t as productive as normal, even with childcare. Working all weekend to make up for child interruptions sounds horrible.
anon says
I’m seeing all these lists of things to do with kids, and I love the idea, but who else feels too exhausted to embark on anything big or different right now? Are my kids the only ones who get a look of horror on their faces when you suggest some of these ideas? Or the activity takes much more effort than it’s worth? Like I really want to be that mom who enriches her kids all the time, but at least one of my kids is completely disinterested. There’s a big age gap and they have a hard time playing together even on a good day. OK, I’m really rambling here, but this shutdown is exacerbating some existing issues in my house … like the fact that my kids have a really hard time entertaining themselves, despite my best efforts over the years. I just feel like a giant failure.
Kate says
Oh, I feel like it’s a big FAIL over at our house in that department…
Anon says
Yeah, all the “big projects” involve waaaaaay more time and effort for the parent (mom, let’s be real) than I have time for. I have a 2 year old so we’ve been doing a lot of reading, a long walk every day, a lot of playing with toys, a fair amount of Skyping friends and family, and a healthy dose of videos/iPad games that are hopefully vaguely educational. I am officially 50% time at my job and DD takes a 1.5 hour nap every day and sleeps 12 hours at night, and I’m still exhausted. Anyone who is keeping kids even moderately happy and entertained during this time is a hero in my book.
Anon says
Yes, I feel like I’m already trying to balance working from home with homeschooling (and failing), I can’t add fun “enrichment” activities in there too.
I resent that we’re all being pushed to optimize this time at home. Even though I haven’t left my house in a week, I’m on the go for 16 hours a day trying to entertain my kids and keep them from going insane, trying to do scenario analysis for my job for increasingly panicking leadership, and also trying to get daily walks in with the dog since we’re not taking him to doggie daycare. I have zero down time. I feel like I’m seeing all this “return to the basics” that is immediately followed up with “learn to knit! exercise often! make a bucket list! watch hippos at the zoo! make a routine but keep it unstructured! teach them to do laundry and dust the floors and cook gnocchi! read this list of 500 children’s books, here we made it free, why aren’t you through 100 books already?!?! and don’t forget engaging stem/steam activities! and then take care of you too!”
Anonymous says
Society will find any possible excuse to put more pressure on mothers.
anon says
Boy isn’t this the sad, depressing truth.
Anonymous says
Yeh…no. My 3 year old goes to a play based preschool and is pretty good at independent play. Trying to get her to do one busytoddler activity this week resulted in her screaming. Sitting down with a craft produced tears because there was a gorilla and she’s scared of gorillas at the zoo. We’ve had better success with walks, playing in the backyard, and playing in the creek near our house.
Anon says
I totally hear you, but just to offer a perspective of where the lists are helpful: my husband has been looking for a job for some time. Unfortunately, I think his job search is temporarily at a screeching halt given all this, and will likely be all the harder when we are out of this. In a way it’s nice as he’s obviously been able to be our kids “teacher” full time while I work, so I am super lucky not to have to worry about crazy split schedules. I will say the list of kid activities, ideas and schedules have been helpful to him as neither one of us have ever been a stay at home parent with our kids full time before. He’s certainly not doing all the lists, but the thing about those is there are usually only a couple of things that resonate with any given household – but that will be unique to each household – so the longer the better…(and our kids definitely get their share of screen and TV time still).
This all being said, I would trade this all in in a heartbeat and plop our kids in front of a TV all day everyday for the duration of this if it meant each of us had a job right now (I’m not saying that’s what you’re doing (but no judgement if you are!), just trying to illustrate a point). Grass is always greener…I’m sure there are other workers that had a job and have been recently laid off/furloughed facing their kids in his same shoes.
SC says
DH is home with our kid, and he’s not doing anything crazy.
Kiddo’s daycare teachers are uploading videos of themselves reading books and recommending some activities that fit the theme of the book, 3 days per week. Wednesday it was a book about a frog, and the activities were counting the frogs in the book with the teacher, jumping around the house like a frog, and making a frog out of play doh. Today, the book is about a mud puddle, and the activities are making mud outside, a backyard scavenger hunt, and making “dirt” with instant pudding (which we don’t have). Obviously, these are optional, and I doubt they’ll take more than 45 minutes.
Other than that, DH is trying to keep a routine going because Kiddo needs it. (Poor guy threw up on Sunday night and broke into hives Monday, we think because of the stress of the disruption.) Kiddo has been playing, building, coloring. He “helps” DH do yard work or chores or cook. They’ve watched TV and played a video game that vaguely involves math together.
Anonymous says
I think it is helpful to have two or three projects going on for the day that kiddo can keep coming back to when they need some structure, but that are loose and unscheduled. My kiddo is currently working on copying a 4 sentence letter to a family member, building Lego towers with particular numbers of Legos, and coloring a big picture. She’ll work on it for a bit and then wander off to do her own thing. These things took all of 5 minutes to organize on my part but are offering a lot of sanity during the day.
Anonymous says
My kids (2/4/6 in Kindergarten) are into some things. I printed a ton of worksheets out for my K kiddo and she is teaching her younger sister how to do it. She’s also reading to her siblings.
We’ve done nature walks that started as a scavenger hunt but ended up just being an awesome walk.
The older two are LOVING ArtHub and my Kiddo loves Kahn Academy.
Our dance studio is doing online classes via zoom and the kids are loving those.
I feel like we cover the basics. I add in time for Mindless TV (hi, Ladybug Girl!) and i also find things for them to watch like the Mo Willems doodle time, the aquarium/zoo programming etc. I’d say when they are watching TV it’s 50/50 total trash vs mildly educational.
A lot of this takes….planning? But no active involvement from me. And now my kids can draw elephant and piggy!
Anonymous says
We’re treating these kind of like weekend days in that we have one Thing planned. One day it was prepping the garden and planting the early stuff. One day it was baking bread. Today it was going to a park. Tomorrow it is cleaning the house (kids are excited to use the big vacuum cleaner and scrubby brushes). This way they’ve got some focused family time, and that kind of tides them over for the time they need to be independent. They’re playing some ABC Mouse and doing Scholastic online stuff, but that’s the extent of enrichment. We ordered a couple 100-300 piece puzzles and a puzzle mat from Amazon, so looking forward to having those for family projects as well.
Otherwise, I’m sending them outside with a ball, sidewalk chalk, etc. and letting them entertain themselves and make a giant mess building forts in the family room. I’m thankful I have 3 kids (and have been telling my kids they should be thankful for that as well, right now) because they can play together and bother me slightly less during “work” hours.
Anon says
Agree 100%
Anonymous says
In the Midwest where the shutdown really began this week. DH and I have been home since Tuesday, and kiddo has been with us since Wednesday. After two days of winging it, I finally made a schedule for today and going forward. And it has been genius. But not for the reason you think. My kiddo, who doesn’t really excel at independent play (and that is very much our fault), will do the activity for ten minutes and declare that she’s ready to go play, get up, and leave to go play in her playroom. Repeat every 30 minutes, lol.
anon says
Those who have had clogged ducts — how did you know they had cleared? My swelling/pain is way down, and I feel much better in general, but I can still feel an area that is firmer than it should be. Maybe this is just leftover bruising? I think this all started with a bruise. Or am I fooling myself here?
Anon says
I definitely had lingering soreness for up to a week after, but it still feels firm it might still be partially clogged? If your swelling and pain is going down, I would probably just keep doing what you’re doing, though.
Anonymous says
+1
Anonymous says
if you haven’t clicked on the link in this post– they also have versions with cutouts for pets. I was looking at potentially getting one for our new playroom, and DD will absolutely LOVE if she and kitty can share a place to sit :)
Anonymous says
Ugh just a vent, why are diapers and baby wipes sold out everywhere????
Anon says
I heard they are back in stock on amazon today from my local moms group – huggies and pampers.
Anonymous says
I was able to get Amazon basics diapers. But come on, people.