Kids have a lot of stuff. Getting them to pick up all that stuff is another story. Our front hall doesn’t have a closet, so it’s overflowing with coats, shoes, sports equipment, bags … you get the messy picture.
Perhaps these fun animal hooks from West Elm would incentivize my kids to hang up their bags and coats. I actually like that these aren’t kids’ hooks per se — while playful, the antique brass finish and abstract (yet recognizable) animal shapes would make it clear that adults also live here.
I could also see using these in the bathroom to hang up towels, PJs, and bathrobes.
The hooks come in a set of three (elephant, ram, and bunny) for $35.
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
I’m looking for a book on how to raise body positive kids. I’m finding books that you can read to your kids, but looking for a nonfiction book for me and my husband on how to talk about our bodies that would promote body positivity. Any recs?
Not a book rec, but… THANK YOU. Recently, my father was visiting (first time since pre-Covid) and… I couldn’t BELIEVE how much of his talk was about weight and weight loss and his weight and his wife was complimenting my weight and… I had to stop them like 5 or 6 times. No. This is why both my sister and I have massive body image issues.
I had always blamed my mother (who I still need to stop talking about weight but now she talks about feeling good and healthy at least) but I realize that it was… everybody in my family. And they’re active and healthy!
Virginia Sole Smith has a great newsletter and a book in progress.
Thanks! Subscribed to her newsletter
Ugh I wish this would be required reading for grandparents. My son is just over 8 months and the comments have already started. My mom called him thunder thighs, then said he got that from me. When I told her I never liked when she called me that, she was like oh you are the one who started calling yourself that. Luckily my dad chimed in and said nope you started it.
His other grandma made a huge fuss about how chunky he is. And we should have the pediatrician check his legs and so on. We had just seen the pediatrician a month before and he’s doing great on growth.
I’m not looking forward to when he’s a little older and can actually understand they are talking about him. I’m going to have to cut people off a lot.
Wait now it’s not okay to call an 8 month old baby chunky? That’s prime baby chunk time! All fed up but not super mobile. Full of delicious rolls. 90% of my family’s Convos at that age were about my chunky chunky baby #theserollsarehomemade
I think there is a difference between delighting in baby rolls and using an adult insult (“thunder thighs”) on a baby. I wouldn’t like that either, but that term is VERY loaded for me due to my own childhood experiences.
+1 and especially saying the “thunder thighs” came from OP. That’s a criticism of her body not baby’s.
Ok yeah that makes sense!
agree, delighting in baby rolls is one thing. This doesn’t sound like that. Signed, mom of 100th percentile height and weight baby who everyone love to delight in his chunk.
If it’s said as a negative thing, no. I think an occasional “aw look at that chunk” is fine but that’s not what OP is describing at all.
I’m totally fine with people saying oh my gosh look at those cute legs or those squishy cheeks! I’m not ok with either grandma questioning his health because he has chunky thighs or using the term thunder thighs, which as another poster said is loaded for me based on my past.
The context in both situations was not positive and complimentary.
I don’t follow her that closely but feedinglittles seems to have a lot of good tips for talking to your kids about bodies and food.
Yes! Feeding Littles has been life changing for me in terms of how I approach food with my kids (and frankly myself)
Kids Eat in Color has some good stuff, too. Including how to deal w/ a pediatrician who discusses weight.
100%. My mom is always fad dieting and I work hard to counter all her language about being fat and eating bad things. She is kinda fat and she does eat bad things, but she either needs to be comfortable with it or STFU around my kids, who are healthy eaters in excellent shape and get very confused when Granny “can’t have” certain foods.
I have talked to her ad nauseum but it doesn’t help. I just explain that Granny is choosing not to eat certain foods. It is super confusing though because when she goes Keto, she doesn’t eat healthy foods like fruit, milk, and whole grains. In our house fruits and veg are always fair game because they are great for our bodies!
Ugh, the first thing my dad says to me after not seeing me for months is “You’re looking larger.” Then when my 6 year old wanted to style my hair, my dad kept teasing my “stringy hair, stringy hair.” Just…ugh.
My 6 year old is picking up body issues from a lot of other places than her grandfather though. She’s mentioned my overweight belly a few times, asking if I’m fat because I eat too many desserts. I tell her that everyone’s body is shaped differently, and that my belly had to carry her inside, and that yes, I do like desserts. When she asks me if I exercise to not be fat, and I tell her, “No, I exercise to be fit.”
It’s geared to pre-teens, but the books “Celebrate your Body” for girls and “Growing Up Great” for boys are pretty body-positive. I read them myself before giving to my daughter (I gave her both so she’d understand both male parts and female parts of puberty) and it helped reframe some things in my mind as well. I loved the part where she gave permission to just say “It’s rude to talk about people’s bodies.” It’s not rude to say that, it’s rude for the person to talk about it.
The girls book author has another book, Your Body is Not an Apology, that seems more geared to adults. I haven’t read it yet so can’t comment on whether it exactly addresses your issue, but if it’s similar to the Celebrate book, it might be a good fit.
It’s 100% rude to talk about people’s bodies and I’m shocked about some of the stuff moms here have had to put up with from grandparents.
We keep it simple. DH and I both exercise regularly and we talk about it as keeping our bodies healthy not thin. For food, they see us eat treats but they know healthy foods are what give our body energy to run and play. We talk about trying to eat at least 2-3 different veggies every day and we snack on veggies in front of them without offering which is guaranteed to make them ask for some. Not keep junk in the pantry is key to avoiding constant requests for it. I use the line ‘ if there is fussing and complaints about having xyz treat then we won’t be able to buy those anymore’. We talk about how sugary treats (donuts/cake) makes your energy jump up and then crash down so it’s a delicious treat but not a main food. We just say that bodies need fresh air, exercise and healthy foods to work properly.
When they are hungry, I’ll usually ask them to drink a glass of water first to make sure their body isn’t thirsty. Then they can snack on apples/bananas/carrots etc. We don’t allow grandparents to make comments on bodies (ours or theirs) that are not activity related (like you have really gotten to be a fast runner). I had to shut my mom down on saying she was being bad when eating cake. Cake isn’t bad – it’s a delicious treat but not an everyday food. We never talk about dieting or food restricting except in the context of that we can’t eat too many treats because it’s not healthy and won’t leave enough space for healthy foods that our body needs to grow, run and play.
I’m not being rude when I say this:
Step 1. Shut down ALL body talk. How your family members talk about each other’s bodies – not in front of the kids. Leave the room. Leave the party. How you talk about how “skinny” that girl in the store is or how “chunky” that girl in the cute skirt is – do not say anything about anyone else that you would not want one day being said about your kids.
I will suggest a script for dealing with body talk. Rehearse it when people are not around so that it is easy to say in the moment. “Do not comment on that person’s body. Her body is for her to live in, not for you to comment on.” DGAF it if makes it awkward.
Patty Mayonnaise says
Anyone have recs for an eczema-friendly mineral sunscreen? My 22 mo periodically has extremely irritated skin around her mouth so I’m looking for something gentle that I don’t have to rub in a ton. We’ve used Aveeno baby in the past, but it requires a lot of rubbing in…
Maybe try a stick in those areas? I won’t say they don’t require rubbing, but it goes on a lot thinner, which helps. We like the Thinkbaby/Thinksport brand, but the lotion definitely requires a lot of rubbing. We do love it though. I even use it on my sensitive face from time to time.
My now 3 y/o gets horrible eczema in the summer. She’s fine in the winter! So we have tried everything and what the ped recommended that works as well as anything is blue lizard. Still a lot of rubbing in though and I’m not sure it’s any better than regular sunscreen. What seems to work best is whatever sunscreen plus thick and regular coats of aveeno eczema therapy (or her Rx steroid) at night.
2 Cents says
+1 did this for my LO. Terrible eczema in the winter. Use Blue Lizard in the summer, plus the Aveeno at night after bath. (And he only gets a bath a few times a week during the winter bc of his skin.)
I found Blue Lizard easy to rub in. My son has some eczema but I couldn’t swear this is eczema friendly – definitely easier to rub in than a lot of mineral sunscreens though.
Have you tried ThinkBaby/ThinkSport? It’s easier to apply than other mineral ones we’ve used on our kids.
I like the Babo baby sunscreen that comes in stick form
Neutrogena baby or the neutrogena baby or cerave mineral sticks. The stick might be easier for gliding.
Graphic Tees? says
I could use a handful of new graphic tees for summer. Any recommendations? Thank you!
JCrew Factory and Old Navy are my sources.
The theater class we were supposed to start this weekend just emailed us “Masks are OPTIONAL now, hooray!!!” (Three exclamation points and all.) So I had to tell my kid we can’t do it. She cried. I cried. I’m just so f-ing sick of this. It feels like anytime I get my hopes up about anything, even something as tiny as this, I get metaphorically punched in the face.
I’m sorry. That’s frustrating. I would have the same reaction.
That super sucks. I would have the same reaction, TBH.
We’ve had to withdraw from 2 classes because they changed the mask policy right before the first day. With my withdrawal I made it very clear the reason. Like soccer, why do you require masks on the sidelines but let kids take them off on the field? Sigh.
Thanks for the ped recs yesterday! I just made an appointment at Park Pediatrics per one commenter’s recommendation.
And hi to my fellow Takoma mom! Love this neighborhood and excited to explore with a toddler once things are back up and running! Maybe we can have a Donut Run/Lost Sock meetup one of these days. :)
Oh yay! This is the poster from yesterday. I was so sad to leave that practice. Office isn’t fancy but the doctors were awesome!!
I saw someone write a bit ago that they had a baby with a cows milk protein allergy. I’m looking for anyone who can provide some reassurance on breastfeeding an allergy baby, or can just offer how your experience went. I’ve already been dairy free for a few months, cut a few other things too, and am feeling really defeated and frustrated that our bfing experience is still so difficult. Baby is more than capable of bfing, so it’s not a tongue tie or latch issue. It’s really important to me to keep going but I find it so hard at times.
What’s proving difficult about it?
Eliminating the foods just hasn’t been a cure, despite my only eating at home on a limited diet. I’m guessing it’s reflux but baby wants to eat every 2 or 2.5 hours during the day, but will pop on and off because something is bothering them. I don’t know why. Then at night eats 8-9oz of pumped milk from a bottle, but often will take a long break halfway through.
I’m sorry you are dealing with this! My second had a definite milk protein sensitivity (blood in stool, gassy) and I was dairy-free for a year. Around 6-7 months we introduced a hypoallergenic formula that she was fine with, and she eventually outgrew the sensitivity.
1. How old is baby? With younger infants, eating every 2-2.5 hours is normal as their stomach capacity is still pretty small. I had one grazer (every 2-2.5 hours for a long, long time – terrible sleeper, low weight for height, probably some comfort nursing in there too) and one sweet and placid chunk who was happy to drink her fill every 3-4 hours once we sorted out the milk protein issue. It sounds like yours is a bit older, but I think some kids really are grazers.
2. Has baby been diagnosed and treated for reflux?
3. What aspects of breastfeeding are most important to you? Is it the immune benefits of breastmilk? The ability to comfort baby? The snuggling and bonding? The first decreases a bit in importance as baby gets older, and there are are many ways to replicate the latter two – just ask any non-breastfeeding parent. It’s ok to stick to your goals if that’s important to you, and it’s also ok to reassess and readjust if it’s not working for your mental and emotional health.
I had a colicky baby, but we had to pop her off and burp her frequently (like every 2-3 minutes) and make sure her head was higher than her butt when feeding to help the air rise to the top (they way I instinctively held her was the opposite). If you think it’s reflux, ask the ped about trying reflux meds for a week or two and see if it helps. It didn’t help DD’s colic (only time did), but it was atleast helpful to confirm that wasn’t it.
Have you reached out to a lactation consultant?
My little one would pop off at the beginning because I had a seriously powerful letdown until my supply regulated.
+1 what helped was laying on my back and breastfeeding. Helped tons.
This sounds like strong letdown or a reflux issue to me more than allergy at all. Especially since baby is drinking well from a bottle. Do you do laid back nursing? An IBCLC can help with this. I have a strong letdown, and it was definitely more difficult for my second who had reflux. As he wasn’t unhappy but just a huge puker, we chose not to medicate for the reflux. The only thing that helped both was time.
Could you switch to exclusively pumping?
Or, could you take a look at why breastfeeding is so important to you? I personally tried to make it work for far too long, and it made me miserable. My baby didn’t care. It’s OK to stop, mourn the end of this phase of life, and move on.
Why did you cut dairy? Unless there is a true allergy, I would be very cautious about that approach as eliminating foods can actually trigger an allergy to them. That’s the reason for introducing a large variety of foods right away at 6 months vs the old approach of introducing nuts/peanut etc only later. FWIW my daughter has CMP allergy diagnosed at 9 months have she broke out in hives all over her body. Cutting dairy isn’t likely to help if you haven’t seen an improvement by now. Keep a food diary for a week or two and see if you can identify anything else that makes a difference. My oldest got super gassy whenever I ate quinoa. Youngest was fine with quinoa but got super gassy and fussy when I ate green peas.
My babies were super distractible when nursing. I could only nurse alone with them in their room after about 4-6 months of age. My lactation consultant also said that teething can start as early as 3 months. My oldest was much better at nursing after a dose of tylenol in the weeks when her teeth were bothering her. My youngest would often pop on and off when his nose was stuffed up so saline right before nursing helped.
How old is baby? I feel like that’s important here.
Second, did pediatrician confirmed it’s a true allergy? Is there blood in the diaper?
I ask because I had oversupply when my second was first born and his feeding behavior at the boob was what you describe in terms of fussy, popping off, but he liked a bottle fine. Green poops that made me worry it was an allergy. They used to call it foremilk-hindmilk imbalance, but it’s not really an imbalance it’s more like you produce so much milk that baby fills up on the sugary foremilk and doesn’t get to hindmilk. It took until about 5 months for this to get easier – I can share some tips if you think this could be the issue rather than a true allergy (and I did ask my ped, including having him look at the poop and he said he didn’t even think it warranted testing for blood). Now at 7mos LIFE IS GOOD! So I want to give you hope if this could be the problem.
Thanks all! Baby is 5 months and originally went dairy free because of green, foul smelling mucous poops. Now after a slip up baby will be lethargic, excessive spit up, reflux, diarrhea. Reflux seems to have persisted and some red blood has shown up, despite no exposure for quite some time, so I feel like it’s an allergy issue although I’ve gone down all the rabbit holes everyone’s mentioned above. I’m not sure why BF is so important to me, I enjoy it and baby does and it feels important to our relationship even though I know we would get over it eventually. And I keep thinking if we just try X or fix Y then it’ll get easier. Also perhaps baby is a grazer but doesn’t seem satisfied in the moment so I feel like he wants to have more than he is able to.
Ugh, I’m sorry. I hear you on “I don’t know why it’s so important to me” – I think people overlook the very real power of hormones here. We are wired to want to feed our babies and for me at least, b-feeding is very peaceful, relaxing and enjoyable. It truly makes me happy. I had a rough bout w/ mastitis recently and I considered stopping pumping, but I couldn’t put my finger on why I didn’t want to even though logically it would help a lot with my quality of life. So, I get it.
I would agree w/ working with an IBCLC and also calling in to a La Leche League meeting (all of virtual right now). I have known some moms who went on really restrictive elimination diets to find out what they could eat that wouldn’t aggravate things. My old boss would eat basically just plain salad with steak on it. I didn’t think I could do it (at the time I didn’t have kids) but now I get it. Once you figure out what baby doesn’t tolerate you can at least add some things in – another friend was able to have almondmilk, and eventually babe was able to as well (per ped was fine with her adding in almondmilk around 9 mos I believe, so she didn’t have to pump as much).
My oldest had MSPI. She was a great BFer but about 2 weeks after birth she had blood in her stool. No other symptoms. I cut out milk and soy and all their derivatives and it went away after a to week “detox” period.
While my body was “detoxing” from the milk and soy we switched her to nutramigen while I pumped and dumped (actually, pumped and froze). At age 4 months, I accidentally drank a protein shake which was…100% protein. She didn’t have a reaction! So I gently eased back into milk and soy and she was fine. So fine that I was able to feed that milk I froze during “detox.”
She is 8 and can eat milk just fine now.
This may be obvious, but just in case, make sure you are checking labels for whey and casein too. I can not have any dairy, including dairy proteins (personal allergy, not kid’s allergy) and there is whey and casein hidden in a lot of unexpected foods.
Have you also tried eliminating soy? Babies with cows milk protein allergy can also have or it mimics a soy allergy. We were not successful until I eliminated both from my diet. It takes about 3-5 weeks to see improvement because it needs to clear out of mom’s system (3 weeks) and then clear out of baby’s system as well. I would suggest that. I nursed for a year and it was tough at first, but after a while it really did get easier. There is also an excellent facebook support group for nursing babies with milk protein allergies. Most facebook groups are not great, but this was extremely helpful, practical and supportive. good luck
What do you say to comfort a kid who comes into your room at 3am due to a thunderstorm? So far, I’ve given a vague thing about how the plants and animals are happy and dancing around like it’s their bath time (she likes the bath), but I don’t think she’s convinced. She worries everything will blow away or drown. We aren’t religious so the whole God bowling thing doesn’t work, and I don’t think she knows what bowling is anyway.
We have the Berenstein Bears book “Count Your Blessings”. Since you’re not religious, you might be opposed to the “blessings” part. But the presmise of the book is that the kids are jealous of their friends and then the family must hunker down in a thunderstorm and they discuss that they have all that is really important – family, shelter, food, etc. But part of the story is that they learn what scientifically creates thunder and lightning and address it in a comforting, matter-of-fact way. It could be helpful. It isn’t overtly religious, and they don’t disucss God, but they do refer to their good fortune/happiness as blessings.
My mom told me thunder was the clouds bumping into each other and for some reason that wasn’t scary?
I just tell them it is thunder. It’s what happens when hot air and cold air collide. And it’s scary sounding but totally normal and we are safe in Our house and then I snuggle until she falls asleep because she is right it is scary.
Yep. I offer a song and re-tuck-in if needed.
Yeah, this. It’s very weird to me to explain a natural phenomenon as something supernatural/made up. Three year olds can understand what thunder is on a basic level.
i think there is a daniel tiger episode about this
Thank God for Daniel Tiger. I found my peanut-allergic daughter watching the episode when Daniel has a reaction to peaches and that taught her better than anything I have ever said to ask people what is in new foods! Not to mention the many other positive lessons from that show.
My daughter has no food allergies but now tells people she’s allergic to peaches because of that episode. Lol.
Good Night Little Blue Truck starts off with a thunderstorm. I think reading it has helped mine. The animals are initially afraid but all realize it’s not scary.
Can we talk about favorite summer sandals for preschoolers? I’m looking for close-toed and water friendly but also don’t really want to pay more than $40 per pair, so that rules out things like Keens.
Keens at Nordstrom Rack usually run $27-35. If you look up your kid’s exact size, you’d be surprised at the deals you can find if you’re not super picky on color. Same with Natives (which are also often suggested here).
Good point, thanks!
Natives are great and don’t get as smelly as Keens, IME.
sandals to run around with all day? or just to wear to play in water?
For daily wear in the summer, which is a mixture of needing to hold up to scootering but also getting soaked daily while playing with the mud kitchen, so I’m trying to avoid leather.
I used to buy these for my son every summer:
Find knockoff versions of Keens. Places like Target and Amazon have a ton of them, usually around $20-$30. They don’t last much more than one summer, but I’ve never liked handing down shoes (after the baby stage). Perfect for water days at daycare and pool days with us and even hikes around our neighborhood.
See Kai Run Basics at Target. Last year they had the “spencer” in both boys and girls, but this year it is only in boys. Closed toe and water friendly and they wear great. We went with open toe this year because DD wanted the pink sparkly ones (still water friendly), but we don’t have closed toe requirements for her church preschool.
+1, even the “real” See Kai Run can go on sale below $40. I also ask for grandparents for shoes for birthday and holidays, so I don’t feel bad about asking for the nice ones if they last the whole summer.
I got some cheap closed-toe ones from Carters/Oshkosh last summer but I think I may just give up on sandals this summer and have them wear sneakers or go barefoot because my kids CONSTANTLY complain about tiny pieces of gravel or sticks getting in their shoes whenever they wear sandals. Does anyone else have this problem?
yes we had the bump toe ones from Oshkosh (which i learned about from this site and stood up very well to scootering), but our nanny told me my kids often preferred their sneakers for that reason. i am too scared of splinters and other things from going barefoot
Yes, but only my youngest. He hates getting “rocks in my crocs”. Older brother doesn’t care, he’s not as fussy about clothes, tags, etc. I also have pretty sensitive feet so I get it. Like if a blister is starting I cannot go on and must address the shoe issue NOW. I cannot understand how DH can finish a run with a bleeding blister.
I swear by Keens and have almost never paid $40 for them. They are the only sandals that last the entire summer and I have been able to hand down. I usually get them on sale at REI.
Any tips on prepping for maternity leave at work? I’ve got a project plan in place but the issue I’m having is that there is no one available to carry on with the work. Both my director and direct reports are already very stretched. I have a scheduled c section in 3 weeks but keep getting new projects. I’m fine to work as hard as I’m able until my last day, but I feel like I’m letting my stakeholders down because there is no one to keep the work going while I’m out. And as a recovering people pleaser…I hate this feeling. I’ve had a conversation with my director but it felt like she was too busy and overwhelmed to really hear me.
They’ll figure it out
+1. They know roughly when you will be out and for how long. It’s not your problem you keep getting assigned projects.
For the last month of my pregnancy, I had an email typed up with the status, location, and hand off of every project. I would update it every couple of days. The morning I went into labor, I handed my husband my phone and he hit send and turned on my out of office. The place didn’t burn down while I was away for 12 weeks, and this was during a very short staffed time
+1 or they won’t, it won’t get done, and your boss will be SO happy when you are back (what happened with me on this recent leave).
On my first leave, my boss (diff guy) covered for me and made a quarter of a million dollar mistake that still gets brought up. That annoyed me to no end, because it gets associated with me but I wouldn’t have made that mistake for sure.
Mary Moo Cow says
I, too, had a scheduled c-section and planned to work until the day before but ended up delivering a week early. Just a cautionary tale that you might not have a choice to work as hard as you are able until the last day!
I created a master projects list that I updated every day, and made sure my support staff and my supervisor knew how to find it. I was lucky in that my supervisor stopped giving me new projects about 2 weeks before I was supposed to go out, or only gave me projects where it was advisory only/deadline to do something was one year out. I’m sorry this isn’t true for you, but I do think you need to stand up and say that you can’t take on any new projects because there is no one to keep the work going if you have to go out earlier. That’s not slacking off — that’s the truth! I would also schedule a few minutes with your director and direct reports to reiterate the project plan and that you’re really going to be out and you mean it so don’t send an email asking for the status update. (If necessary, take a cue from a former co-worker who printed signs with a stop sign and hung them on her chair, keyboard, monitor, physical inbox, and door handle while she was on maternity leave.)
+1 to the master projects list and also delivering a week early. I updated my spreadsheet every day at the end of the day once I was about 2-3 weeks out from my due date.
“I would also schedule a few minutes with your director and direct reports to reiterate the project plan and that you’re really going to be out and you mean it so don’t send an email asking for the status update. ”
You really aren’t allowed to do work during FMLA, and the company can be sued for asking you to: https://www.shrm.org/ResourcesAndTools/legal-and-compliance/employment-law/Pages/leave-employees-alone-FMLA-time-off.aspx
and if you work on STD, it’s insurance fraud.
You “can” work on unpaid/unprotected leave just like you can work on vacation. You shouldn’t, but that’s life sometimes.
“but I feel like I’m letting my stakeholders down because there is no one to keep the work going while I’m out.”
You know the big bucks that people above you are getting paid? All that money is there to manage the flow of work regardless of what happens. They are paid to handle staffing when someone drops dead of a heart attack, business dries up, business doubles, employees resign, a pandemic happens, or any of a thousand other issues that impact the team’s workload. A pre-planned maternity leave comes with a somewhat definitive start date, is known about months in advance, and has an end date. If they can’t handle that, they can’t do their jobs.
I’m gobsmacked that we’ve allowed high-level managers to pretend that covering a maternity leave is harder than sending a rocket to Mars. We’ve all watched companies roll with the punches during a global pandemic, when someone gives two weeks’ notice, and even when an employee gets cancer or dies unexpectedly, but somehow, 12 weeks of leave that you know about 5 months in advance is unmanageable??? Give me a forking break. Place the blame squarely where it belongs: with management that is allowing an already-overstretched team to be even more underwater when a team member goes out on leave.
The poster re: constant email ready to go is the best advice. That is all you can do. Include even the stuff you think will get done on before you go….
– signed the person whose water broke at work 3 weeks before expected…. It was also the day we moved to a new office building, so i literally walked out of the office with stacks of unfiled docs all over the floor of my new office.
ps. healthy 7.5 lbs… THANK GOD he wasn’t baking for another 3 weeks.
Do you have furniture that has survived the baby/toddler years? If yes, where is it from? Our furniture is getting destroyed, and I’d love to find something durable to replace what we have, particularly in the living room.
Maybe my kids are tamer than most, but we haven’t had any furniture destroyed by the baby years, unless you count the bit marks on the crib from when my oldest was teething. Most of our furniture is second hand (refinished or repainted wood pieces) or from local furniture stores that carry NC-made brands. Of course we have some cheaper stuff too (Pier 1, Ikea, Target) but that’s all survived too.
We haven’t either, and our kid is a wild-child who considers furniture a launchpad. But DH and I are both larger people so we tend to buy sturdier furniture with a preference for solid wood. Our couches are FlexSteel. The wood kitchen table is probably 20+ years old (family handmedown) and is definitely showing water marks, the occasional stray marker stain, etc., but I view those as marks of love (and I want to switch to a glass table anyways in a few years).
The things that are really starting to show their wear are the rugs, but they are pushing on 10 years old anyways and were mid-level quality to start, so we’ve decided that we’ll just replace them when our kids age out of dribbling crumbs and liquids everywhere (TBD whether that’s 3 years from now or 15 years from now).
Same. A few bite marks on the crib but that’s it. Our furniture is mostly Pottery Barn and a Babyletto glider.
Ours has survived too! I don’t have much that’s white? Is that the issue? We have a green sectional that’s held up shockingly well. There’s one spring that squeeks but we all know it’s there. We have an acrylic waterfall coffee table from CB2 that’s survived quite a lot too.
Major exception to this: our dining chairs. They’re upholstered leather and in theory leather can hold up, but not over six years. I think I may be the problem more than the kids. Threadjack – is there a good way to rehydrate it? Is this something i can outsource? It’s got cracks and that makes me sad. For the kids, we got them the ikea junior urban chairs to sit in at the dining table and i can’t recommend them highly enough.
Our kid bit a hole in a the upholstery of a chair, but that’s it. We buy from a local furniture store mostly.
I’m impressed (and maybe a wee bit horrified only because I could see my kid doing it too, but mostly impressed).
Ok, this made me laugh a little, but I’m also expecting karma to hit me shortly. My parents still have furniture with bite marks, almost 40 years later…
I have a pottery barn couch that came slip-covered with cushion covers that zip off etc. After having a couch I can actually wash, I don’t think I can go back. The idea of kids and a couch I can’t wash grosses me out a bit, now.
Ruggables. Even my decorator recommended ruggables for this stage.
What is getting destroyed/how? It would help to know more.
Hmm yes what’s the issue? Is it food/spills? We don’t allow eating outside of the kitchen table (sometimes dry snacks). Nothing other than water for walking around (we don’t ever give juice). Our rugs still take a hit but can be cleaned easily enough. We are very strict about never ever writing on walls/furniture. I find most people who have that issue have a lack of supervision issue. I do think you can wash most couch cushion covers and I have with no disasters so far. You could definitely go for an ikea or pottery barn couch that’s washable though. I loved being able to wash my IKEA couch cushion covers, it made everything so fresh. You can also get a steam cleaner in
What are your expectations for daycare teachers in terms of losing their patience with a toddler or preschooler on occasion? Obviously most of us have gotten frustrated and raised our voice with our kids, but my (unconscious until now) expectation is that teachers are held to a higher standard on this and should not be yelling or anything really very close to it. Is that fair? Unreasonable? How do you know when a line is being crossed on this?
Interesting question. I realize I hold daycare teachers to a different standard than, say, nannies because daycare teachers can tag someone else in when they are reaching their limit whereas nannies can’t. Kind of like how I am WAY more likely to raise my voice when I’m alone with my kids vs when my husband is there, because he can step in when I’m at the end of my rope. So I guess I’d say I think they should almost never do it.
This is a totally fair expectation. They should be patient with kids. The only appropriate time to raise their voice is if someone is in imminent danger. Look, it’s a tough job for sure, but I’m not allowed to yell at people at my job either. As an adult dealing with children, the expectations absolutely should be no yelling and intimidation.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I expect them to be much more patient with my kids than I am and never yell, expect maybe in an emergency. Their entire job is to take care of children, so I would think they have experience in how to handle everything that kids do.
Is there a specific incident that raised the question for you?
Yes, I happened to overhear a teacher talking to a crying child in what I would call a raised voice. (She didn’t know I was there and still does not know I overheard.) It was short of what I’d call full-blown yelling, but I was completely caught off guard by her volume, tone, and general lack of sympathy/kindness, particularly given the kid’s age and the fact that he was already upset , in meltdown mode ,and asking for his mom. I’m trying to remind myself that I don’t have any context for the situation, but — ugh.
I’m not describing it well. She wasn’t lost-all-control yelling, but it was the kind of thing that, if typed, would appropriately be put in all caps. If that makes any sense.
Yeh I don’t think that’s ok if it’s akin to an adult being like “STOP CRYING!”. I think stern teacher voice is totally fine, especially with the 3s who need a lot of boundaries.
Based on the classroom, he would have been at least 18 months but under 3. He looked about 2 to me.
Yeh that sounds scary. I literally do not raise my voice at my children under age 2.5, they’re still babies. Unless it’s like “STOP” (stop running towards a parking lot). That poor child was prob terrified. I’d definitely raise it with the director
Aw jeez, I can’t imagine any of our teachers doing that! I would say something. I hold them to a higher standard because at the very least, they get to go home at the end of the day and sleep through the night. And they do get breaks for lunch and bathroom. I know it’s harder now w/ COVID cohorts but they do still have legally required breaks, which the school should be providing. This makes me so sad!
That does not sound appropriate at all.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I would be upset by this too. If you’re comfortable, you can raise this with the director – I think they should be aware of this, especially as the small toddlers can’t discuss what’s going on. There may have been more to the story, but this is a valid concern and I’d want the director to be on the lookout.
Even if there is more to the story (which I can’t imagine making this OK) it may be a good moment for the director to remind staff that they should always treat children like a parent is listening, even if it’s just from a business perspective.
I expect qualified daycare teachers to be able to remain calm or tag someone else in if they need a breather.
I expect a daycare to treat it very seriously if a teacher looses their patience and is unkind to a child as a result.
I’m ok with a daycare teacher using “stern teacher voice” or calming expressing that they’re losing patience if needed/appropriate—the difference between that and truly losing patience is that the teacher is still composed/in control.
I expect a day care teacher to never ever yell at my child. Shouting to be heard outside sure but actually yelling at a child out of anger or frustration? I’d demand the teacher be fired or my child be moved no question.
I agree daycare teachers should not be yelling at kids. At all. I do wonder if the structures in place to support that (specifically tagging out for another teacher) are no longer in place or not working well because of Covid protocols. In my kid’s classroom it’s just the 2 teachers whereas there used to be floaters that would drop into various classes throughout the day for support and to cover breaks. They can’t do that anymore, although I do think there is a third person in the room sometimes but it’s not the same level of support.
Other than like a ‘stop’ or ‘no’ to prevent a dangerous Situation I am not okay with daycare teacher ‘yelling’
I think that’s a fair expectation. In addition to what others have said, I would expect daycare teachers of all people to be more trained and equipped with a range of strategies to calm kids – if not from formal training then at least from experience watching fellow teachers with kids all day. I’d also expect a daycare to have systems in place to tag out when a teacher is reaching their limit.
One of our classroom aides is frequently very short and snippy with the kids and it bothers me. I try to be sympathetic because I notice it mostly at pickup and I’m sure I would be exhausted and short-tempered after 8+ hours with a bunch of 2 and 3 year olds too. But also like others said it’s her job and she can tag in another teacher if she’s reached her limit. I would be horrified at actual yelling.
I can understand using a stern teacher voice in some situations (e.g., “Timmy, we do NOT hit our friends with blocks!” “Timmy, we do NOT bite our friends!” etc.) but yelling or speaking sternly to a kid that is crying? No. Absolutely not.
I almost NEVER go to a director, principal, etc. (My son is in 5th grade and I”ve talked to the school about a concern once) but I would over this. And I hope someone would if they heard this happening to my child!
Do the Rothy loafers fit true to size? Also, if anyone has a referral code, I would greatly appreciate it!
No advice on the sizing, but I can help you out with a referral link! Can you share your email address?
I bought 1 size up because I have a high instep. They are not too long. I found that they did not stretch as much as I expected, so sizing up was the right call.
Not sure you’ll see this, but Rothy’s don’t generally fit true to size. The sneakers do for some. I go up 1.5 sizes from my street size in loafers. I have a wide-ish toe box. Unfortunately, different colors also fit differently. Their sizing is crazy. My best advice is to join the Rothy’s Addicts FB group and post with you street size, whether your feet are narrow/wide/high instep/etc. and what style and color you’re looking to buy. They’ll help you out and you’ll end up buying 2-3 sizes and returning the ones that don’t work. You can grab a referral code there too. Welcome to the addiction.
Talk to me about laundry service. Is it worth it? Or would it be a better deal to try to fold it into some other kind of service (like a parent’s helper)?
I don’t mind doing the laundry (washing and drying, and I am picky about what gets dried and what goes in delicates bags) but the folding was my pain point. I hired new housekeepers and negotiated half an hour of folding laundry into my quoted weekly price and it has been worth every penny. No more laundry mountain! They also wash and dry the sheets that they pull off the beds (to the extent time permits, usually one set is completely done (including folded) and one is still drying when they leave) so I am folding maybe one load of towels (easy) and one set of sheets and that’s it.
That’s amazing! Thanks for the idea.
I posted last week about having an elevated bp at my 12 week appt. My midwife had me get a cuff to measure at home. My problem is my readings are ALL over the place and I feel like the more I worry about it, the higher they are. I can get a few normal readings if I’m very relaxed, but I also get some pretty high ones. As soon as I put the cuff on, I can feel my heart rate go up. Anyone experience this? Any tips? It’s really stressing me out.
Tal to your doctor but “white coat hypertension” (blood pressure going up when it’s being measured) is a real thing and I doubt it a huge concern unless you’re consistently getting high readings.
I have never experienced it but it sounds exactly like what would happen to me. If there is a way to destress some, I recommend it. But also if you keep getting higher readings, I would tell your midwife (even if some are normal).