Lately, the delicate skin under my eyes has been dry and irritated. Perhaps it’s time to return to an old favorite.
This classic eye cream/gel from Clinique holds makeup in place while reducing dark circles, puffiness, and fine lines. It’s also free from a range of questionable ingredients including fragrance, parabens, and phthalates.
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Half an ounce of Clinique’s All About Eyes Cream is $35 at Sephora and Macy’s.
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Postpartum skin says
Since having my baby a few weeks ago, my skin has been super dry. Any suggestions for a face moisturizer for dry skin? I’m also focusing on hydration generally but feel like I’m doing a pretty good job on that front.
Anonymous says
L’Oreal Collagen Filler Moisture Day/Night Cream.
Anonymous says
Adding that I recommend the fragrance free one. Both work well, but the fragrance in the regular one is kind of grandma-ish.
Anon says
Neutrogena HydroBoost gel-cream for extra dry. Amazing.
startup lawyer says
Skinceutical triple lipids
Biossance omega cream
strollerstrike says
Weleda Skin food. Light version should be enough for summer.
Anonymous says
Kiehl’s ultra facial moisturizer
anon says
Well, school gets out this week, and I still feel unprepared for summer break. Younger kiddo has a day camp that runs the entire summer. It’s easy, and thank goodness for that. Older kid (going into 7th grade) has some camps lined up, but there are several weeks where we have nothing lined up for him. He is old enough to stay home alone (and we’ll probably try to squeeze in some more WFH hours), but this is not a kid who is going to roam the neighborhood on his own accord unless forced to. He has really turned into an indoor cat, and it’s a total bummer. Please tell me this is going to be okay, and that a few weeks of excessive screen time isn’t the worst parenting move ever? He really does need the downtime. Last year, we had a different camp lined up every week and that just about killed all of us, so this is where we landed.
I feel so much self-imposed pressure to give my kids a great summer even though I work full-time. I rarely have working mom guilt anymore … except during the summer. My mom stayed at home until I was in junior high, and when she went back to work, she was on a school-year schedule so everything lined up without much effort. I feel equal parts guilty that my kids don’t have carefree, unscheduled summers. Except when they do, and then I feel like I’m abdicating my parental duties.
Anon says
It’ll be ok. A few weeks of too much screentime is definitely not the worst thing in the world. It’s much better for your kid to have the downtime he needs rather than being overscheduled in camps. I had a mom with summers off too, but at that age I spent the entire summer reading. And yeah, books are “better” than TV or video games but it’s not like I was being physically active or socializing with other kids. I think I turned out ok.
Anne-on says
This. I wasn’t allowed to get a job in high school even in the summers so from 13-15 I basically just hung out at home. I’m an elder millenial/gen-x cusp but raised by boomers and my mom sure as heck wasn’t curating my summer experience. If I complained I was bored she assigned me some sort of heavy duty cleaning project so..I stayed out of her way and read or went off to hang out with the friends who didn’t go to sleep away camp. It was fine and kind of a nice break, he’ll be ok. Frankly there aren’t a lot of good options for older tweens/young teens other than sleep away camp – too young to get jobs and kind of too old for regular camps.
Anon says
Oh yes, if I complained I was bored I got assigned some household chore too.
Anonymous says
+1. My parents let me pick a couple week- to month-long park district sports camps or non-academic summer school classes within biking distance from our house, and that was about it. I did do a fair amount of babysitting for families on my street. My parents also put together a list of optional chores I could do to supplement my allowance, so I spent a couple weeks playing soccer or volleyball in the mornings, babysat maybe 1-2 afternoons/week, and ironed all of my dad’s dress shirts. Mostly I went to the library and then sat on my front porch reading all day. If screens had been more of a thing then, I probably would’ve been on my front porch looking at a screen.
anon says
I’m Gen-X and this was what my summers were like. I spent most of the time reading or riding my bike to the local pool. I wish I could do that as an adult.
Cb says
I have a younger kid so not direct experience, but I think put it out there among your parent social circle that your kid will be at loose ends? We had a teacher training day today and took a friend’s kid with us to the zoo and his parents offered to do the same over the summer. I know your son is probably too old/cool for play dates, but even breaking up the week with a social event might help?
anon says
That’s a good idea. If he can tag along with another family to the pool or something, that would go a long way.
Anonymous says
My parents did some of this, and then let the parents of the other kid know when they were planning to take a day off so they could work out a trade.
AwayEmily says
My read is that you are a great parent for understanding that your kid needs that downtime. I think there’s a lot of pressure to make sure that every second our kid is awake is “productive” in some way (and honestly I feel that pressure for myself, too), but humans need to relax! Especially at his age…I’m sure the school year was intense (6th grade is when I remember things ramping up both academically and socially) and a few weeks of screen time sounds not just “okay” but probably just what he needs.
anon says
Thank you for saying this. Seriously. :) 6th grade has been intense, and this kiddo really does need some chill time.
Anon says
Agree strongly. We all need time to decompress, and some more than others.
And it probably will be a lot of screens, but there are other things to do indoors that you could suggest or bribe kid to do – try out new recipes for lunch or family dinner, food laundry, make art, research things to do on the weekends or next family vacation, put pictures in photo albums, do an oral history with elderly relatives, pick a new musician and listen to a whole album every week, read the news and tell family about it at dinner time, pick out presents for younger siblings or relatives for next bday or holiday, mow the lawn, put away groceries ..
Anonymous says
There is literally noting wrong with chilling indoors. Idk why we are so obsessed with kids spending the summer like fishing and hiking. Let it go he sounds great.
Boston Legal Eagle says
That is a tough age/stage. I’m not sure that roaming the neighborhood is done anymore, even if he were into it. It seems like most kids around here are supervised and scheduled for the most part. But you are doing nothing wrong! You don’t need to entertain him all summer, just make sure he’s cared for and fed at some point. Maybe you can set aside an hour or so during the week to just hang out with him, or even take a couple of Fridays off during the summer to spend some time together? And I agree that a different camp each week sounds stressful, downtime is so needed for these kids.
Anonanonanon says
It’ll be OK!
When my son around the same age was home alone a lot early 2020, we lightly structured his days like:
Breakfast
Read
Activity (Puzzle, legos, science kit, keep reading, listen to a podcast and clean your room anything that isn’t screens)
Lunch
Screen time
I bought him a bunch of books to make it easier. Worst case, your kid gets to decompress and have a lot of screentime, I truly think it will be fine!!
Anonanonanon says
Forgot to add- stay-at-home moms or moms off for the summer are usually willing to take a kid to the pool with theirs if you’re members of the same pool. At that age, it gives them a break because their kid probably doesn’t want to go to the pool alone!
Anon says
+1 I summer-sat a few middle schoolers during college, and their parents left a loose daily checklist that was like:
– Clean something
– Read something
– Do something (play outside, listen to music, go to the neighborhood pool, etc)
– Practice something (drills for sports, music instrument, etc)
– Make something (puzzle, lego, make lunch, etc)
And then once they checked that all off, they could have screen time the rest of the day. They usually could knock all of that out in the morning and then have the entire afternoon for screens.
anonM says
He’ll be ok. A few summers I spent a few weeks “watching” a middle schooler who was too old for a babysitter but too young to be home alone all summer. We had to finish his assigned chores, sometimes start dinner, etc. before he got screen time. In this situation, I’d try to pawn off some yard work on him, and have him start a crock pot meal or two, and call it a day. If you can do some WFH, have lunch with him. Even as an adult, switching camps/schedules weekly sounds exhausting and I wouldn’t want to either.
As far as guilt, I feel this so much! My mom also was home most summers with us, and we had it so good that I’m already worried about living up to those expectations. What helps is reminding myself that raising good humans doesn’t mean turning into event planners for kids. They can be bored sometimes.
anon says
“Raising good humans doesn’t mean turning into event planners for kids.” Let’s cross-stitch that somewhere, shall we? :)
anonM says
Ya’ll, Hunt Gather Parent has been reinforcing that for me. I’m only halfway through it, so haven’t posted about it yet, but when she says that her kid isn’t VIP and she’s not Event Planner, I had a real light bulb moment.
Anon says
Please post about Hunt Gather Parent when you finish it!! I just read it and really enjoyed it. I want to talk to someone about it!
Anonymous says
Different poster. I recently finished it and thought – meh. First, the audiobook grated on my nerves bc her voice is incredibly, incredibly annoying. Like, I was staggered to learn she works for NPR. And I hate to rag on women’s voices after all the grief we get for uptalk, etc., but just have to speak my truth on that.
Anyway, the content itself was also bizarre and inconsistent. You can read more on the Goodread and Amazon reviews. A more helpful and interesting book – surprisingly, given the title – was How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids. Good tips on everything from finances to fighting fair (some of which, to be fair, was also covered in HGP).
That’s my two cents. What did you think??
Anon says
I have HGP on hold at the library! Will share my thoughts soon.
NLD in NYC says
Amen to that!
Anon says
I loved staying home alone in the summer when I was a middle school kid. I taught myself to code by making silly websites and now have a lucrative career – screens aren’t always a bad thing.
Anonymous says
Can you allow your 7th grader to have a friend over while you aren’t home? Being an indoor cat is fine, being socially isolated is what would concern me.
Anonymous says
That is way riskier than leaving the kid home alone, and you are not likely to find any other parents willing to go along with it. Two unsupervised 12-year-olds = recipe for trouble.
Anon says
That seems a little silly, depending on the kid. A lot of us were babysitting at that age. I mean, I wouldn’t do that now but plenty of kids are responsible enough to chill at home with a friend.
Anonymous says
I would trust some 12-year-olds to babysit that I would never trust alone with another 12-year-old. When you put two kids that age together they are capable with carrying out some pretty elaborate plans without thinking through the safety aspects. They also egg each other on to take risks. When you put a 12-year-old in charge of younger kids they tend to act much more responsibly than they do with peers.
Anon says
+1 I’m not saying other parents wouldn’t balk at it, but I think this is a perfect example of how widespread helicopter parenting is now. When I was that age I hung out with friends unsupervised all the time. I was a responsible kid and so were my friends.
Anonymous says
I did zero camps and hung out with my grandparents all summer until I started working at 15. There was probably a lot of TV time but I read a lot and went to the pool with friends. In my opinion 12 is very much old enough to go to the pool without a parent. See if he has a friend who is available those weeks. I can’t imagine scheduling my entire middle schoolers summer?
GCA says
I also hung out with my grandparents all summer. City kid, so I had a student transit pass and could easily hop on a bus to visit friends or meet them at the library/ pool/ movies, which I did often. Had a few chores, nothing much, spent a lot of time reading. Would’ve very much resented being scheduled all summer!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
My nephew – a rising HS Freshman – had this as his summer when he was your kid’s age. It was a dream for him!
I spent most summers at that age spending a LOT of time at my parents business helping out where I could while also taking care of my brother. Lots of library books and fast food lunches. I look back on it fondly now, and I do think it’s why I’m so….comfortable with the idea of unstructured time (balanced with the fact that times are different…for better and worst).
Anon says
Am I a mean mom for refusing my 4 year old a backyard swingset/jungle gym? She really wants one and most people in our suburban neighborhood seem to have them, but there’s a park two blocks from our house that we go to basically whenever she wants to. DH and I both think going to the park regularly is better than playing in the yard. She’s a bit of a homebody (like me) and I kind of worry if we had a swing set she’d literally never leave our house/yard.
Cb says
I’m also a mean mom. We had a little swing but left it when we moved, I’d rather go to the park anyways. I think for people with 2+ kids it’s great, but for only children like ours, the park is a better bet?
Anon says
Yeah, the only child point is big I think. We find other kids at the park most of the time, and I think that social interaction is important for an only child.
Anne-on says
I’ll say that it’s really nice to have for play dates/family parties. I want to be able to throw the kids in the yard and let them play/entertain themselves, not break away from a BBQ to supervise a walk over to the park. Fwiw, we have a swing set with a slide/treehouse set up and at 10 it still gets heavy use as a fort/hideout/lunch spot. The ones that are just swings seem to get slightly less use as the kids get older.
anon says
Agree that having backyard stuff is nice, but I also don’t think the OP is “mean mom” for wanting to use the playground. Probably depends on how much you host other families! We have a pack of local cousins and enjoy hosting, so I don’t see us getting rid of the swingset for several more years, even though my youngest has allllmost aged out of it.
Anon says
I can see that. We don’t host a ton (no cousins, and playdates are normally one-on-one and indoors) so I don’t think we really need one for that reason. We also have a giant inflatable water slide that we bought during lockdown that we can use for backyard entertainment on hot days.
Anonymous says
No. That’s EXACTLY what my parents told me 30-some years ago, and I survived. And it’s the same thing I’ll tell my toddler, While she has a hand-me-down Little Tikes play structure in the backyard (neighbor’s kids outgrew it), if she wants to swing or do any more climbing, there are three playgrounds within about a half mile of our house.
Amy says
Definitely not a mean mom, we have the same attitude. If you do get one, definitely look online to see if you can get it used – cheaper and more environmentally friendly!
anonM says
Not mean. And not keeping up with the joneses is good practice for “different families different rules/toys/whatever”
Anon says
You’re not a mean mom but there’s also nothing wrong with not leaving the yard.Sometimes you just wanna swing in peace.
Anon says
Same here because I did not want to be a full-time swing pusher and we have two parks within a ten minute walk. We do have some simpler / cheaper backyard toys (mini trampoline, a climbing dome, kiddie pool, balls and toys) so my kid can have fun and for when her friends come over, but I wasn’t going to pay thousands of dollars and commit the space to a big semi-permanent structure.
DLC says
We don’t have one for the same reason- I didn’t want it to be an excuse not to go to the park down the street. We get plenty of mileage out of having a water table, bubble supplies, sprinklers, sports equipment, gardening tools, and a pile of logs for the kids in our backyard.
Anonymous says
If she wants one I would get one. She will get a lot more outdoor time if she can play in the backyard whenever she wants to. She’ll still enjoy going to the park because it’s different.
Anon says
Not a mean mom, but I am team backyard swings. DD is turning 5 in August; we have a neighborhood playground about a mile away. We replaced the set that came with our house (which was over 20 years old and rotting when we bought the house 7 years ago) last summer with a new, slightly larger set (bigger “playhouse”, taller slide and added monkey bars, rope ladder, rock wall and tire swing). About 2 months ago she figured out how to swing by herself. That was a game changer, because now she needs no parental involvement out there. It’s awesome to throw her outside in 10 minute chunks when she needs to burn off energy but we don’t have time for a full park trip where she will want to stay and play on everything or I just need 10 minutes of silence where she is not chattering incessantly (to think we once worried she would never talk). She knows to stay in the yard, so often either pre or post meal, multiple times per day, we let her out by herself and just keep an eye on her from the window while washing dishes, prepping for dinner, etc. She still loves going to the actual park because they have different things. But now that she can swing by herself, the backyard swingset is such an improvement in my life (and hers).
House Hunters says
It seems there are more than a few of us house hunting in this crazy market, and I wanted to start a thread for venting/encouraging/sharing observations etc. We saw a house on Friday and I’ve been stressing over what to do all weekend…it hit almost all the right notes and then some, but layout isn’t perfect and it’s missing one of my two non-negotiables. Priced decently, we would be able to go well above asking…but am I just getting caught up in FOMO for considering it even thought it’s missing something I *know* I want?
For reference, we are in the NYC metro area which has always been hot and expensive. I’m seeing more things come to market – for the past several months we’ve seen about 10 houses/week that meet our price parameters (and nearly none that appeal to us beyond that), but last week there were about 30 new options in the course of three days! So that’s giving me a bit of hope and I feel like taking my chances. It’s an amazing house but doesn’t quite seem right for us (family of 5, possibly more kid(s) down the line). Am I crazy?
Anonymous says
Honestly do you want to buy a house or not? Like. If you really need to move you obviously need to actually buy a house that exists on the market. If you’re cool to wait a year hold out for perfection.
Anon says
I probably need this type of blunt honesty, lol. We are closing on our current house next month but we have a place to stay while we look (for however long it takes…although ideally would want it to be sooner rather than later). No one has a crystal ball but if the market is starting to shift…
I know perfection doesn’t exist, but we compromised a lot on our current starter home (like, no main floor bathroom or garage) and I have just two things I REALLY want in the next house; I think long term I may regret compromising on those. I guess I’m mainly processing “out loud” here!
Anonymous says
We’re in a bit of a different spot than you re: the market shifting, because we decided we’ll stay put until we find something worth moving for. We can carry two mortgages for a few months, if needed, and unless the bottom falls out of the housing market, our current house should sell very quickly. What I’m worried about is interest rates going up to the point that it no longer makes sense for us to move. I’m not quite sure where my tipping point is that it becomes more appealing to put a couple hundred k into an addition/reno than to finance enough for a new house, but I’m thinking about it. At least in my area it seems like houses are still priced like money is cheap…and the difference in monthly payment on 700k at 6%+ vs 4% is significant.
Anonymous says
I mean you’re crazy for having three kids and contemplating going to 5, for sure!
NYCer says
We are not house hunting, but I will chime in anyways. :)
If you truly only have two non-negotiables, and this house is missing one of them, that seems like an easy pass to me. [If you had a list of 20 non-negotiables, and it was missing one, I would likely advise differently.]
anonamommy says
+1 Co-sign, unless it’s an easy enough thing to change (easy being relative, of course). Like one of our non-negotiables was a fireplace, but after we’d been in our house for a couple of years we had a gas one installed. But if your non-negotiable is something like a large primary suite and there’s no way to easily make that happen, then you should pass.
Anon says
It sounds like you already know the answer if you don’t feel it’s right! We are also looking right now and fighting FOMO is hard.
Amy says
What are the things you know you want that this house lacks? If it’s something you can add later, duh, go for it and worry about that stuff later or see if you can live without it. If it’s something like good school district, walking distance to a park, on a quiet street – keep looking.
HH OP says
A basement. Doesn’t even have to be finished, but I want the option to finish it later. Basements are pretty common in the Northeast, so it’s not like I’m looking for a unicorn. But my three kids are all boys and I want a place for them to be able to go nuts that’s on a different level (as well as to store all the toys and stuff with small pieces…the bedrooms are pretty small and the kids would have to double up to begin with, which is another slight con). There is a lot of living space on the main level so I’ve been mulling whether I can skip it…but the basement in our current house has been so clutch! Plus, looking to the future, I want a place where teen boys feel comfortable having friends over, hanging out away from parents, etc, and just having a flex space for guests or home offices or whatever. Clearly I love basements.
(My other non-negotiable is a primary bedroom en-suite bathroom, btw. Currently we all share one. And like I said, three boys…)
Anon says
I would skip this house, then. It doesn’t necessarily need to be a basement but I think with three kids having a separate space for them (like a screened in back porch would also meet this need) is really valuable.
Spirograph says
FWIW, I would also skip a house with no basement. If you are waffling on whether the house is worth it even though it doesn’t have one of your non-negotiables, it’s not really non-negotiable. :) I saw an almost-perfect house last week, too, but its a little too small / doesn’t have a good place for me to work from home, and that’s a deal-breaker. Even though I loved almost everything else about it and the location was ideal, I’m at peace with passing on it. We could make it work, but to me, it’s not worth moving for.
Anon says
I’m in tornado country but would never buy a house without a basement for safety reasons. This seems like a completely reasonable dealbreaker to me.
Anon says
I posted just now and it’s in mod, and I didn’t see this response until now. I’m in the NYC metro area and would never consider a house without a basement. Hard pass!! You will find that house with a basement that you love! I would say 95% of the houses we saw had basements.
Anon says
If you can add an ADU or put space somewhere else later (like over a garage or an addition) maybe consider that option instead of passing up a house without a basement. As the water table rises from climate change, a lot of those Northeast basements may be in for a bad time.
Pogo says
Don’t compromise on the basement – I agree that’s odd not to have in the Northeast.
We also do not have an ensuite and we are putting in an addition (tentatively) because the way our house is designed that would work. We also looked and realized with prices how they are, it would be more for us to buy a whole new place that checks all our boxes rather than build on, and with an addition I could get exactly what I want.
Anon says
Could you comment on how you’re financing your addition? We’re also considering and just wondering what options others are doing.
Anonymous says
I’m also curious. And for anyone who has done an addition or significant renovation, I’d love to hear any lessons learned about choosing an architect/contractor… or literally anything else related to living through a home reno.
In our case, we would dormer out the back of our second floor, frame up bedrooms and add a bathroom there, and replace the roof (it’s slate and 80 years old, it’s time anyway) at a minimum. That’s the “simple” route. The more complex possibilities also include a 2 story+basement addition, and/or reconfiguring the staircases to improve flow of the floorplan.
Anon says
We’re thinking of building essentially one more big room on each floor. A rec room in the basement, a mudroom and powder room at ground level/half up, a big living room/eating room and then a primary suite upstairs, converting an existing bedroom into an office nook and cannibalizing some of the space for the ensuite.
Anon says
With two non negotiables I’d say no. But what exactly are these non negotiables? I’d ask myself whether these new houses on the market even have these non negotiables, or how feasible it would be for a house to come on the market with those non negotiables.
FWIW we just went under contract in the NYC metro area in March. We thought a non negotiable was an en suite primary bath, but for us to be a competitive buyer (aka pay all cash), we had to lower our budget significantly in order to get a house. Sadly, we will not have that en suite bath haha. We were also in a time crunch and had to move by the end of summer, so I think things would be different if we had some time. If you can bid your time, I’d wait a bit longer.
Anon says
We are house hunting and it’s exhausting (first time buyers in a VHCOL area). My husband and I are debating hitting pause (we have our rental home long term, so we don’t technically need to move or buy right now). Rates have clearly moved but prices in our area haven’t, unfortunately. We can technically still afford most of what we want but we’re not seeing much that we like and it’s starting to become a stretch at 5%+. It feels like the market is at a bit of an inflection point and we’re waiting to see what happens, since we have the luxury of doing so.
But it’s stressful and exhausting and if I could get in a time machine to go back and buy last spring, I 100% would.
HH OP says
I know the feeling. We originally planned to buy last year, but I had a baby in April, didn’t want to undertake selling with a newborn, wanted to take advantage of our awesome preK program in current town for my middle son, blah blah. So here we are. I just have to trust it will work out somehow.
Allie says
Travel car seat help? We’re flying for the first time in a loooong time and will need car seats for the rental car for my small five year old and very large three year old. We are old and weak so as light and easy as possible is a priority — what should I get? I had hard cosco scenera next but it looks like my five year old is just at the height limit for that seat.
Allie says
*heard
Anon says
Cosco Finale is the next size up and only slightly heavier.
Cornellian says
Agreed on Cosco Finale. Maybe an unpopular opinion, but I think if I take a trip with my five year old from now out, I may just use a belt positioning booster. I wouldn’t use that as his main seat, but we don’t take car-centric trips and losing car seats in airports has its own costs.
I’d also look at the RideSafer vest, possibly for either kid.
Anon says
I don’t think that’s an unpopular opinion. We switched to a backless booster for trips as soon as my kid turned 4 (but she is big). Ped was completely fine with it. She’s still in a carseat at home, but on a trip we don’t normally spend very much time in the car and a booster seems totally fine for getting to/from airports.
Allie says
Five year old isn’t 40 pounds yet — but great to know about for the future. Thanks!
Cornellian says
I’m not sure which comment you’re responding to, but RideSafer’s XS is for ~22-40 lbs and S for ~30-60. They also have suggested torso and height sizes on their website if you’re interested.
Anon says
Look at the Ride Safer Travel Vest. We have used it for my 90th percentile kid since she was 3. It makes traveling so much easier, and the tether on the harness is good until I think 60 pounds. We recently disconnected the tether but still use the harness for travel or the third car (my kid is normally in a high back booster).
FP says
We recently purchased two mifold hifold carseats for our very large almost four year old and very small almost six year old. They are great. We bought carry bags via Amazon for both of them and I’m incredibly happy with the ease of setup and the headrest for sleepy kids. If your three year old is almost four… I’d look into those.
anon says
Despite the weight, I love traveling with our regular car seats (just put them in a car seat bag and check) because trying to figure out how to install and use an unfamiliar car seat in a rental car parking garage with everyone having just spent the day flying sounds terrible to me. It’s hard enough to install familiar car seats under such circumstances.
Anon says
Curious from a previous thread on daycare needs: how many hours do you and your partner (if applicable) work each week and how many/age kids do you have?
I’m now working 35-40 a week (down from 50-60), my partner works 50 hours a week and we have an almost 1 year old.
Anon says
Husband and i both work around 45 hours on average and little one is almost one.
Anon says
Officially I work 40 hours but I spend a lot less time than that actually being productive. DH doesn’t have set hours and it really varies for him. Some weeks 20 hours, some weeks 60. I’d guess he averages 40 hours. We have one preschool age child in daycare ~35 hours per week (daycare is open for 50 hours but we don’t use it all).
Cb says
My husband works 8-430 (government job, quite strict on hours) and I work 40-45 but I’m an academic, so quite a bit of flexibility although I’m away 3 days a week during term time. Historically, we had 4 days a week of care but went up to 5, and having slightly more childcare than we need has been super helpful and reduced our stress. We drop off at 8, pick up at 4:45-5:15 depending on who is home and where kiddo is (he’s currently split across 2).
School starts in august and we are hoping for full wraparound care Monday-Thursday, and then I’ll flex to cover the half day (every single stinking week….school is only 9-12 on Fridays!!!) on Fridays or he’ll go to a friends.
Anonymous says
One kid, just under 2. We both work ~50 hrs/week, DH sometimes does more than that during his busy season, but he often has slower summers so it all evens out. 45-50 hrs/week of daycare (max our center will provide is 10 hrs/day), but we both work from about 8-10 pm every night and during naps/as we can fit it in on weekends. This is not sustainable, but we also haven’t had time to look for other jobs.
Anonanonanon says
I work 40-50 (but those extra 10 are usually late-night/flexible) and then attend school in person 5 nights a week
My husband works 40-50 hours
child (now 4) is usually arrives at preschool between 7:45 and 8:20 and is picked up between 5:15 and 5:45. We shifted schedules and one parent does drop off and one does pickup.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We have two kids who have always been in daycare, and now K and aftercare. My work varies depending on the time of year and what projects are going on but I am generally available and online 8:30/9-4:30, and then again at night as needed (sometimes this is just checking emails, sometimes an hour or more of work). Generally don’t work weekends. Husband works pretty consistently 8/8:30-4:30, and very rarely at night or weekends. The key for making daycare work is to consistently have at least one of you available for the drop off time and the other for the pick-up time (ours still closes at 5, so that’s the trickier part). Even if you log in more hours, if you have flexibility there and not like a consistent 5:30pm meeting every day, that should work.
Anon says
We both work anywhere from 50-80 hours a week, one person in a long-hour corporate setting (more predictable, more flex to pause and WFH later) and the other person in academic medicine (has to be in person, formal work hours can be any time of day, any day of the week, cannot leave mid-procedure no matter what). Majority of weeks are ~55-60 hours for the doctor and ~65 hrs for the other. Baby under age 1. Curious to see how this answer changes over time…
Anon says
Oh man I’m tired just reading that. Kudos to you.
Anon says
I work anywhere from 50-80 hours a week (BigLaw) and DH is a SAHD. We have one kid who is 4 and are TTC a second but secondary infertility is the pits.
anon says
Very similar dynamic here. Dad isn’t a SAHD (we have a nanny) and works a very predictable 35 hrs/week with 2-3 days/week at home so he can do things like accept the Instacart grocery order, move laundry along, run dishwasher, etc. I’m anywhere from 40-80. Not big law, but Big Finance (?). We also have one 4- year old and have been in fertility treatments for #2 for 2.5 years and counting. Good luck to you!
Anon says
We both work 40, with a 3 year old and a 3 month old. I’m contemplating going on a reduced schedule this fall, we’ll see. I’ve lost all career motivation.
anon says
My schedule is 40 hours/week; I’m generally expected to be available well outside that window but it’s infrequent that I’m required to do something. I’m a divisional GC for a F100 company. My husband works…constantly (biglaw partner). 65 hours/week? More? It’s kind of a blur.
Our kids are 2, 9, and 11.
anon says
I work 35ish (very flexible in house) and DH works in that 50-80 range. Four kids under 8. Don’t recommend but it’s doable. We also have 50 hours of childcare.
So Anon says
I’m a single parent with primary physical custody of my kids, which translates to them being with me about 90% of the time. I work 40-50 hours per week, but it can go much higher before a deal closes. My kids are in 3rd and 5th grades. I work from home, which means that I can work 8:15-3:30 without them around. I tend to take a 30 minute break when they get home and then work until 5:30 or 6. I tend to work one or two nights per week after they go to bed and also on the weekends they are with their Dad. Other than school/activities, I don’t have any regular childcare. I used to have an afterschool sitter, but my kids are getting older and I can adjust my schedule to taking them to activities as needed.
Cornellian says
I have one pre-K and I’m pregnant. Currently I average probably 45 hours a week, 12 from the office, but more like 60 in half the year and 35 in half the year as a lawyer. During the school year I think I could leave him there 8-5:30, he’s mostly there 8:45-4 or so. During the summer it’s way less and patchy, as it was during COVID as well.
I recently remarried and he probably works 45 all at home, but it hasn’t changed our daycare yet. We’ll see what happens with the new baby, reading with interest
Spirograph says
I work probably 45-50 hours a week, but the extra hours are usually after the kids are in bed and I have decent flexibility when I need it. My husband works 35-40 hours/week. We have three kids ages 5,7, and 9.
GCA says
Yeah, I usually put in about an hour after kid bedtime most nights and a couple of hours on one weekend day.
Anon says
When the kids were young, DH was working 50-60 hours per week and I was working 40-45 (I “took a step back”) (from about 0 and 2 until 5, 7, 9). There was a brief period when I was working more like 55-60 and he was working 40 (from 5,7, 9 until 6, 8, 10). Now, we both work ~50-55 hours per week – I sometimes work more depending on workflow (9, 11, 13). Specifically re daycare, we flexed hours so he went to work early and picked up the kids, made dinner etc. and I dropped off and tried to make it home in time for dinner, which I was terrible at until we just moved dinner until 7pm.
Anonymous says
We have 3 kids. J work 15-29 hours/week. DH works 35-40 hours mostly from home.
When we were younger and crazier we each worked 40-60 hour weeks with travel and had a toddler. Then we reprioritized.
Anon says
I work roughly 32 hours a week. My husband works 50-60 hours a week. We have our nanny 36 hours a week. I have two kids, 4 and 2.
anonM says
This is so interesting, great question.
I work 35-40 on average and do most sick/field trips, etc., and WFH. DH does more like 45-50, but really depends on the week; travel 1 wk/month. I was more at 45 hours, which doesn’t sound like a huge difference, but putting in hours on the weekend/nights after bedtime was so hard for me, especially on travel weeks. It’s really given me some cushion where missing a sick day doesn’t leave me in a panic. Kids 2 and 4, so many sick days still. Daycare 4 days 9-5, one day with grandma at the house.
GCA says
We both work about 45 hours. Two kids, one elementary + afterschool and one in daycare. Enough flexibility between us to start early (me) / work late (DH) if no one is traveling. I know some people who spend the after-school hours shuttling kids to activities, but I would be sacrificing a couple hours’ work if I did that (lots of writing & editing work that needs sustained focus).
Pogo says
Thanks for asking this! I was surprised so many people told that OP her hours were crazy. We both work a solid 45-50 but can be many more depending on project deliverables. However, we are both fairly flexible – can take calls from the car, work from home as needed, senior enough that things can wait to be answered until after kid bedtime mostly.
Kids (almost 2 and almost 5) are in daycare 7:30-5ish, and we have a PT nanny do pickup so we can extend those evening hours occasionally as needed (though I try to be home by 5:45 no matter what so I can see them before their bedtime routine starts). I will say DH has gotten much better at coming home earlier as the kids have gotten older – he used to always miss bedtime when our first was younger, now it is only once every couple weeks.
Anonymous says
I work 40-50 hours, currently averaging 45-48, occasionally more and pre covid sometimes more like 35 (sigh). My husband is a teacher who is currently at a school that is relatively flexible on when he’s in the building- usually at school 8-3:45 and then 2-4 hours of work at night. One day a week his day is until 5 in the building. We have 45 hours of care for our 4 year old (8-5) and the 8 am start is impossible- we have to switch. He currently manages our elementary kid in the afternoons, which is sometimes doing stuff in his classroom, kid sports, or errands. One day a week we have family pick up the kid and keep himTill 5. We may do aftercare next year to help my husband have fewer late nights of work.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I work about 50-60 hours a week, roughly 8-5, and then log back in after kids are in bed. DH is biglaw and works 60+/week, usually more. My day is a lot of meetings and then often gets sucked up by things that “come up”, so the evening is when I have quiet work time.
Kids (17 months and 4.5) are in daycare/pre-school that goes from 7-6, ours are there roughly 8-5:30. DH does drop off unless he’s traveling for work. I handle pick-up, dinner/bath, and DH (or local family) is usually home to help with clean up/dog walk.
EDAnon says
This is really interesting. Thanks for asking.
I work 35-40 hours per week. Generally, I am available from 8:30/9-4:30. I have an evening commitment every few weeks – usually several hours. I sometimes work at night or on weekends to catch up or keep things on track, but it usually around an hour. I have a lot of flexibility (as in no one monitors how I use my time) and I rarely travel. My husband is an in-house attorney and he works 45 hours per week (sometimes more). He travels every other month for 1-2 nights.
We have 47.5 hours of care (we are maxed at 9.5 hours per day). We probably use 40-45 hours per week. We frequently drop off late. Things will change in the fall when our older goes to K.
Starting Daycare says
LO is starting Daycare next week, at almost exactly 12 weeks old. Could anyone explain to me in extra stupid detail how to pack milk and bottles for him? I’m EBF, I have a good freezer stash, and he takes bottles just fine. But I’m baffled and nervous about storage and volumes etc etc. I don’t want them to overfeed him for convenience, but I obviously want him to get as much as he needs. WWYD?
Anonymous says
I would start by asking daycare what’s easiest for them. Mine said they were fine if we brought filled bottles, or else they could defrost frozen milk if we wanted to bring in a portion of the freezer stash at a time (they have a commercial deep freezer with space for this). They had a bottle warmer in the room and a refrigerator. I also sent an extra empty/clean bottle they could keep in her cubby in case she had a growth spurt and got extra hungry – totally fine with me if she got an occasional bottle of formula (and they provided the formula). I had a small insulated cooler that fit 3-4 bottles, and I just pre-filled bottles the night before. Any extra went into my freezer stash. It was too much for me to keep track of if I had think about when to send in another portion of my freezer stash (this was during pre-vax covid, so we weren’t allowed in the center and had to rely on the teachers to let us know when to send in more), so this method was easier for me. Obviously ymmv.
Aside from those logistics, do you know how many bottles/day he’ll need and how many oz/bottle? If not, then that’s something to work on this week. Mine started daycare at 16 weeks, and we sent 3 bottles/day with 5 oz/bottle for mid-morning/noon/mid-afternoon (fed right before drop off and shortly after pickup).
Anon says
We send prepared bottles, usually one more than what he’d need just in case. We started tracking a week before we went to daycare to determine how many bottles he’d need for the hours he was there so I’d recommend that.
Also recommend finding reusable bottle labels to make labeling with name/date easy!
Anon says
Do you have a tour with daycare coming up? If not, you should call and ask if you can stop by and meet with the lead infant teacher. I went to re-visit the infant room about a week before our start date, which helped me understand their protocols.
I was also EBF. My daycare could only serve pre-portioned bottles. I found it better to send extra bottles in the beginning with just an ounce or two, in the off chance they felt like they needed to server more, versus have over-filled bottles. Also labeling the bottles #1, #2, #3, extra bottle, etc.. along with dates was useful, so that there was no question which order we wanted them to use. I think some people instead hope they will pick the oldest date on the bottle.
If you go in for a visit you could also ask if they know how to “pace-feed” BF babies. I wish I had asked early on, but it was too late once I learned about it. I regretted not asking when I was later expected to send 6 ounce bottles of breastmilk.
Cornellian says
Ask your school how they do it, but I’d start with four four oz bottles if you don’t know how much he’s going to take, and in non-crazy times I’d maybe send some formula to have on hand just in case. Make sure that they’ll keep or send back unused milk, I know some places won’t send back half-consumed bottles, which I sort of get, but which makes my heart hurt lol
I got a ice pack that fits around four bottles, and also bought rubber band labels so youc an write the name and date on his bottles. Daycare will probably require a label.
OP says
Okay, follow up question: how do I “track” how much he’ll need? I have no idea how many ounces he gets each time he nurses, it probably varies. He doesn’t have a schedule yet, other than getting hungrier as the day goes on. How do I figure this out???
Anon says
Have you ever fed him bottles? I’d try it a few times and see how much he drinks. Make sure to do it at different times of the day because they might drink a ton before bed but not much at 10AM or whatever.
Cornellian says
If you want to be very obsessive about it, you can weigh him before and after feedings; don’t change clothing or diaper.
I think around that age the average is 30 oz over 24 hours, but I’m not sure if he’s sleeping for long chunks or not. Honestly his schedule may shift as you return to work and maybe value sleep more anyway. I’d start with like 16 or 20 oz during the day and that’s probably more than enough.
Pogo says
+1 I’d heard 1oz/hr, but my second big eater needed more like 2oz/hr. My first was spot on 1oz/hr the entire time he bf’d.
My daycare was fine with me sending it all in one big bottle and then portioning it out as needed, which meant less to wash and sterilize, yay!
anonM says
Good luck! I can’t remember exact amounts anymore, but generally speaking I’d pack kiddo what I pumped the day before. I also signed the formula-if-needed form, and our center let us leave a few backup pump bags in their freezer (This made me feel way less anxious about how much I sent fresh a day). You’ll need to clearly label the bottles. (Usually it’s firstname lastname, date, and BM for breastmilk). Masking tape was worked best for us, after trying different bands, etc. (One center let us do the date bottle caps with days of the week, which was so handby, but then another center said that wasn’t a sufficient date. So, check before you buy cute things like that so you don’t waste your time/money). I used Medella, and would send however many bottles with closed lids, and then send nipples with the clear caps on separately (avoids spills in car, etc.) I erred on having smaller bottles filled to lower the amount of wasted oz. DS also wanted to nurse a long time when he got home, and drank less at school, so this is also very kid dependent. Another thing I wish someone told me – you can put your pump parts in the fridge instead of sterilizing between each use in a day. Then, just take home and put in the dishwasher at the end of the day. Another pumping tip – I would always pump into a hard bottle, and then pour into the storage bags. I know they say you CAN pump right into the bags but I spilled several that way and it’s the WORST.
AwayEmily says
My baby just started daycare last month at around the same age and I send a 4oz bottle for every 3 hours she’s there, but she usually doesn’t finish them. Plus I gave them a bunch of milk to keep in the freezer in case she’s super hungry one day. Maybe start with that, and if he ends up needing more or less you can adjust? And FWIW I’ve had babies at a bunch of daycares and have never had an issue with them overfeeding, so I wouldn’t be overly worried about that.
Cornellian says
FWIW as a data point, my son started at 18 weeks and took about 4 * 4.5 oz during ~8:30-5.
AwayEmily says
Agreed, my recollection is that my kids also started drinking more at the 4-5 month mark. Even though the internet tells me that milk intake stays consistent throughout babyhood, that has not been my experience.
Cornellian says
Yeah I think his peaked around 8 months and then food took over more.
Of course daycare just messaged me to say that my son had packed two entire lunches (with snacks) from the fridge and silently eaten them both before the noticed so YMMV.
An.On. says
We’d just bring in new bottles every day, and daycare sent them all back at the end of the day, either used or unused. We got a list of the bottle feeds during the day, so we knew, for example, baby drank 4 ounces out of 5 at 1 pm, 3 ounces at 3, etc. I always overpacked on purpose, I would rather it go to waste than think my kid was hungry and there wasn’t anything there for them to eat. I think they say you can’t spoil an infant, I wouldn’t about them overfeeding the kid for convenience.
An.On. says
And more detail: I packed four bottles plus an ice pack. The bottles would be thawed but cold (i.e., I would throw a couple of frozen packs in fridge to thaw, then would decant into bottles for daycare), between 4-6 ounces, depending on recent appetite of baby.
Anonymous says
It depends on your daycare. I could send 16oz of milk in 2 large storage bottles, which they would decant into little bottles for feeding. But some will want you to send premade bottles.
Daffodil says
I have two separate birthday parties for one-year olds coming up, for the daughters of two of my closest friends. Both parents have said no presents, they don’t need anything (although conceded that books would be ok if I really wanted to get something).
I’m single and childless, and have no idea what books to buy- I think they have the standard ones (good night moon, etc). Any recommendations, preferably on Amazon?
Is there anything else I could get that isn’t toys or clothes for the baby? Both families are very well off financially, so the savings bonds I used to get as a kid may not be as needed (if those are still a thing). Wine for the parents? I want to bring something celebratory, but not sure what.
Anonymous says
Here are some less common suggestions that are good – Pouch, Captain Small Pig, Sleep Like a Tiger. We also like Richard Scarry books.
Anonymous says
Wine or some other kind of consumable that’s more of a hostess gift than a baby gift seems appropriate. There was a good thread here the other day with a bunch of board book recommendations.
DLC says
One of my food friends gave us a “yay you made it one year!” gift when our oldest turned one. It was gift certificates to the movies. This was pre-COVID, so not sure how appropriate it would be now. I think a bottle if wine for the parents is a great idea.
Sandra Boynton books are great. There’s a Sandra Boynton bathtime book that can go into the bathtub that is really fun.
anonM says
So thoughtful of you! I greatly appreciate a single, thoughtful gift over lots of big plastic things. What about a nice beach towel with little one’s name on it? A bunch of Pottery Barn’s beach towels are on sale right now. (I’d get kid size so it lasts longer! The hooded ones are so cute.). Or art supplies – at 1 yo the parents might not have bought this stuff yet, especially for first kids. Ex – Melissa & Doug Spill-Proof Paint Cups – 4-Pack, Airtight Seal, Snap Lids, or Crayola Color Wonder Mess Free Coloring Kit. Or a Yeti kids water bottle — pretty splurgy, kiddo won’t use right away, but it’s super sturdy, dishwasher-safe, etc. If a friend brought me a bottle of wine, or one of those “fancy” versions of a Trulys, or even just a card, congratulating me for parenting for a whole year, I’d be really touched.
Anon says
Dot dot markers are really awesome for this age, especially washable ones. I would buy a pack of those and a huge roll of paper.
Anon says
+1 to art supplies. For my kiddo’s 1st birthday someone gave us some egg shaped crayons. Those were super useful.
AwayEmily says
Honestly books really ARE a great present; parents get so deeply sick of reading the same board books over and over and over again and it is wonderful to have an infusion of new ones. A few less common ones we have liked and that are actually enjoyable to read:
My Friends by Taro Gomi
Hello Baby by Mem Fox
Owl and the Pussycat, illustrated by Jan Brett
Baby Beluga (the board book version of the Raffi song)
Anonymous says
For a really close friend, is there a book with a tie-in to your relationship or related to something the parent likes? Something sentimental.
Anon says
The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein is a lovely book and not a super popular option so they are unlikely to have 3 copies already.
Anon says
I would go to a local bookstore and ask them for some recommendations for new releases (and get a gift receipt). We got many copies of classics like Sandra Boynton that I would stay away from those.
An.On. says
I got a personalized necklace for my kid’s first birthday and it was very sweet. We’re also big fans of the “Never Touch a…” series, as our kid likes the touch part of the books.
Strollerstrike says
How did your daycare support potty training your toddler?
Since this weekend Our 2 1/2-year-old is not wearing diapers at home anymore but we still put him in diapers for daycare Because he still has accidents from time to time.
This morning when I dropped him off I explain to him that he no longer wears diapers at home and they said that they would show him the kid toilets.
when I picked him up today they did show him the toilets but didn’t encourage using the potty in any other way. How does your daycare handle this?
Anon says
In the US, normally if your kid is potty trained at home (even with the occasional accident) you just send them to daycare without diapers and daycare deals with the accidents. If the accidents don’t resolve within a week or two then maybe your kid isn’t ready to be potty trained and you go back to diapers.
Anonymous says
First, our daycare is the one who told us that they thought our son was ready to be potty trained. They sent us their “potty training guide”, which is essentially starting on a weekend with just underwear and put them on the toilet every 30-45 minutes. Since the teachers have potty trained dozens of kids and we have five potty trained zero, we followed every instructing they gave us. Our school is not a fan of the oh crap book and I read it and found that method so stressful, so keep that in mind. They recommended that we start introducing the potty pre bath time and then, with the bath running and then sitting in a potty, they get used to the sensation and it’s meant to be a very relaxed a easy going process.
The daycare teachers asked us to let them know what weekend we were starting so they would be prepared on that following Monday to take him to the potty every 30-45 minutes. Also, if several people were potty training on a a particular weekend, they would bring in some addition help to bring kids to the potty. We were also asked to send in 6 additional sets of clothes for accidents. In our school, there is a potty room with the entrance in the classroom, so it’s extremely easy to get to. Then we got updated a lot that first week as to how it was going. The first month, we also got asked twice a week what we were seeing at home and what questions we had. I felt (and still feel) very supported by the process, and quite honestly, with the school’s support potty training has been the least stressful thing I have done as a parent. Granted, we are only daytime potty trained, but it’s been incredibly smooth sailing. We also waited until our son was 2 years and 9 months and was very adept at putting on his own clothes.
Spirograph says
This. The daycare my two older kids went to around this age took the lead on potty training. They did all the things mentioned above, and it went very smoothly. I honestly don’t remember how it worked for the youngest, although I have a vague sense that the daycare he went to around 2.5 wasn’t as great about it, but he competently uses the bathroom now, so all’s well that ends well.
Anonymous says
It really varies by day care. Our day care only supported potty training in one classroom where most kids were 2.5. They sat all the kids on the potty every 90 minutes or so, but you were still supposed to send them in pull-ups until they weren’t having accidents. In the next classroom, where kids were mostly 2.75 to 3.5, there was no support for potty training and you weren’t supposed to send your kid in underwear until they were able to ask the use the potty on their own and were having basically zero accidents.
Pogo says
I think it varies. My son started potty training at a home daycare that wanted pull-ups til zero accidents, which led to him holding it like crazy and then having an accident because he did not want to go back to the pull-up. He moved to a full-time, center based daycare where they were much more chill (I think because they had the staff to deal with it, plus it wasn’t their own personal carpet at stake lol). He had three accidents the first day and never again, never needed a pull-up.
anon says
My daycare did potty buddies where they’d pair up the kids–if one kid went to the potty, then both kids had to try to go. They also mandated potty breaks before the playground and after lunch and nap. This worked well for our newly trained 2 yo. Lots of reminders without be singled out 1:1.
Anonymous says
Has anyone tried the Big Little Feelings potty training guide? Any thoughts/feelings/results?
anonamama says
I just bought it and watched the first few videos. At first take, seems similar to Oh Crap! but more chilled out. Will report back once I’m done watching.
Tween Girls, OMG it's just the beginning... says
Wise hive, my oldest is getting beyond the age of “everybody is everybody’s friend” and I don’t know how to help her navigate. Please advise, here’s the situation, TL;DR – pls help parents with some social anxiety help tween DD navigate tween-hood drama without helicoptering.
There’s a group of girls in the neighborhood that are all about the same age and hang out organically, a lot (riding bikes, hanging out in backyards, eating all the snacks, all good clean fun). One of the older ones is a bit Queen Bee-ish, has a tendency to misbehave and feed drama… nothing extremely worrisome though. She started middle school this year, abruptly dropped the younger girls, and then tried to pick them back up when she had social problems at school (I am interpolating some of what’s going on, she hasn’t specifically told me this). My DD in particular was like, nope, you are not a great friend and I see that we have zero in common and so she’ll be polite but definitely does not seek out Friend A any more and tends to drift away from the group when A shows up. DH and I are not heartbroken about this – we’re glad DD has the backbone to break away from the group when she wants to. SO… the issue is that A continues to come around and the rest of the group is… easily co-opted. Case in point, DD specifically invited one girl to our house after an activity. Friend B came over… A came over… before we knew it A had gathered up all the girls including B and literally walked them out the door, leaving DD trying really, really hard not to cry in front of her parents :-( We are good friends with B’s parents… they told us that B was really upset when she heard DD’s side of it, definitely didn’t mean to be mean, etc.
DH and I aren’t going to intervene, but we know we need to support DD and give her some tools to navigate this. She definitely has a little bit of social anxiety, nothing crippling, nothing out of the ordinary for early-tween girls. I definitely have some childhood scars from my own personal Queen Bee demons, so I’m not sure I’m looking at this completely objectively. Do I ignore? Encourage DD to socialize with other non-neighborhood friends (see: other post asking about non-planned summers…)? Address it directly? Ack.
Anon says
Oh man, I’m dreading this part of parenting so much. My instinct would be to lean into socializing with non-neighbor friends or inviting Friend B to do things where A can’t easily drop in (e.g., outing to the pool, zoo, etc.) which shouldn’t be too hard if you know B’s parents well.
anon says
This is tough, and I’m just at the beginning of all this, so take my a$$vice for what it’s worth. Worry less about fixing the social situation for your daughter, and more about affirming her when her feelings are hurt. Definitely do what you can to encourage a wide range of friendships, but I wouldn’t necessarily DIScourage her from continuing to hang out with the neighborhood group if that makes sense. I wouldn’t bother talking to the parents; that can often create more drama, not less. Just keep reminding your daughter of her good qualities as a friend and affirm that she’s an awesome person even when her friends are being crappy.
So Anon says
I’m also at the beginning of this stage, and I agree with this. You can’t fix the social situation, but you can affirm her feelings and help her find other outlets. When the Queen B in my daughter’s class did this kind of thing earlier this year, I set up time for my daughter and the other friends to connect 1×1 and also encouraged my daughter to join lacrosse, do an art class, etc. My theory is that the more outlets and different friend groups she has, the better.
Anon says
I’d give her a lot of space to be sad, reassurance when bad things happen, and then ask her if she wants you to do anything to help the situation. She probably won’t – just may want more support/reassurance/other activity options when it goes badly. I would tend to stay out of trying to substantively fix anything or intervening, absent specific instructions from your daughter (including talking to the other kids’ parents about it, which ack! puts everyone in a bad spot. I have one friend who gets super involved in her kids’ fights – and I really, really don’t recommend it for anyone involved).
Anon says
Specifically adding that when an adult gets involved in kid fights substantively, it gives the fight more power than it may have otherwise had for the kids (this is not for bullying or other more complicated fights). I have older kids, and just being a safe space for them is crucial.
Anon says
jealous of those who Covid has been minor for. We’ve been on the cautious side and now have it and it’s brutal. I don’t regret our caution even though we did get it anyway as I’m glad we got a milder variant (i don’t even want to know what an original one felt like) and this is our last week of school and first time quarantining. But listening to my 4 year old daughter scream and cry that her head hurts, begging me to “make her better right now” while being unable to keep down any medicine is not fun
anonamama says
I’m so sorry. Major sympathy for you. We had a brutal experience back in December – and I would hate to see my toddler that sick again. Can you try a popsicle bath for her; and then ease some sips of medicine in, mid-pop? I hope it’s over soon!
Anonymous says
I’m so sorry. Have you asked the pediatrician about orally dissolving Zofran tablets? I know they give them to kids, not sure how young. The tablets don’t come back up because they are absorbed in the mouth, and then once you’ve treated the nausea she may be able to keep other meds down.
Anon says
They give Zofran to infants. We got it when we took our daughter to the ER with a routine stomach flu as a baby (#firsttimeparents).
Anon says
Zofran is definitely safe for a four year old. Call telehealth or your ped and see if you can get a script for your kid. It’s easy to give (we dissolve it in a small amount of water and have our kid drink it).
Source: my oldest has severe food allergies that cause vomiting and we’ve had a Zofran prescription since she was 9 months old
Anon says
Zofran for DD’s motion sickness here – she gets it in a liquid form because her dose is too small for full tablet for that purpose (but I think she has gained enough weight this year that we might graduate to the quick-dissolve tablets!).
Anon says
Oh man I’m so sorry for you and your poor kiddo. I hope you’re all on the mend soon. I feel like it won’t be minor for us either. I still remember having swine flu in 2009. I thought I was actually going to die. And even boring normal colds make me want to lie in bed doing nothing for three days straight. I’m so terrified of what Covid will do to me.
Anon says
I’m so so so sorry. I wish I could make it better for you. I wish also people would stop telling us that little kids don’t get it so bad, because some children like yours do have to suffer needlessly.
Pogo says
How many days in are you? With Omicron the first 12hrs were rough for my 4yo (bad fever, beyond lethargic – he curled up in a ball on the floor and fell asleep at 4pm) but he mended quickly. I agree, it is always so heartbreaking seeing them sick and there is something so primal you feel as a mother not being able to make it better.
Also agree I would not want to experience non-vaxxed, early variants – can’t imagine how bad those were.
Anon says
I saw my doctor today for something else and she said this round of Covid is hitting people a lot harder than the December/January Omicron. The friends I know who had it recently were absolutely flattened by it. Almost makes me wish we’d caught it a few months ago, but it’s so hard to predict when the best time is.
Anon says
The variants circulating right now are reinfecting many people in about a month, so it would not have helped to have had it a few months ago. You want to minimize the number of infections you get since each one does damage to the body. The only thing you can really time are your boosters.
Anonymous says
Have you taken her to the doctor? My 6 year old had Covid and a simultaneous ear infection. He kept complaining about head pain and it went away almost immediately after starting antibiotics.