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These flats from Anthropologie are fun but professional. I like a pointy-toed flat because it seems more professional, both with skirts and when sticking out from under pants. These are also a professional color in creme, and a have tailored look with the navy and burgundy striped bow. What makes them fun is that the bow is oversized but not sloppy looking. I love that the bow (really more like a knot) sticks out beyond the shoe in a playful way, and I can imagine these making a navy suit look a lot more interesting. They’re $118 and come in sizes 36–41. Alexandra Bow-Tied Flats This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Halloween help says
Now that it’s officially September I feel like I can ask this – my almost 2 YO doesn’t really like costumes so much, but I think he’ll be excited when they do dress up day at school so I don’t want to opt out entirely. Any ideas for a costume that pretty much seems like normal clothes, maybe with a hat? I’m thinking of just buying red Primary pajamas and buying him an Elmo knit hat from Etsy and calling it a day. I am NOT the DIY type and can’t sew, FWIW. Any other similarly simple ideas?
avocado says
How about a superhero with an existing set of long john PJs and a cape?
BC says
Overalls can be purposed into farmer, cowboy, or train conductor costumes depending on the shirt and hat combination.
Anonymous says
Also, minions. The minions seem less popular this year, but I know several kids who were minions last year–yellow shirt + overalls + store-bought hat.
AwayEmily says
Following! this is a great question. I was thinking of cat: a black top and pants, a tail (she will looooove that), and a headband with ears (which she will definitely not keep on but will enjoy playing with).
EB0220 says
The man with the yellow hat? Especially if you have a stuffed monkey.
Anonymous says
That’s what I did for my kid last year (he was 2)! It worked pretty well, except that without the hat, which he wouldn’t wear, or the stuffed monkey, you couldn’t actually tell what he was :)
EB0220 says
Haha, yep….I can see that being a challenge! :)
Anonymous says
I got one good picture, and he got candy. We were all happy :)
anne-on says
If it’s in your budget, Hanna Andersson has a whole bunch of ideas on how to turn their PJs into easy costumes.
At that age, I also just ran to Carter’s or Gap and grabbed them a skeleton/pumpkin/ghost set of PJs and called it a day.
We have a great video of my almost 2-yr old in his Max from the wild things costume – it was all good until he looked at himself in the mirror and dissolved in terrified tears. He wore it just fine at daycare though, peer pressure FTW!
anon. says
Hanna’s site is great!
Anon in NYC says
Last year we did a doctor’s costume for this reason – we got a white lab coat and a doctor’s kit off of Amazon. It did not go well and she refused to wear the coat or carry the kit, but she seems excited this year and wants to be a firefighter, so we’ll see!
anon says
If you have access to Costco, they have usually great firefighter costumes.
Anon in NYC says
Good to know! Thanks!
Annie says
baseball player? Just wear a baseball tee and grey pants?
KW says
When my daughter was 2, I wasn’t sure if she would wear a costume so I just bought a set that had cat ears, a bow tie, and a tail with an elastic band that goes around the waist. She wore a black long sleeved shirt and black leggings and was willing to wear the ears and tail.
lsw says
How about a crayon? You could do full pajamas in one color then maybe print/cut out of black construction paper the letters and stripes. I’ve also used black electrical tape to make details on costumes.
Anon says
For my 2 year old sized 1 year old, I have a red and white striped PJ top from Hanna and she has blue jeans, so I ordered a red and white knit hat for a where’s waldo. Not even trying the glasses – I’m hoping the hat will stay on!
JTX says
There are some kids’ pajamas that are already printed to look like a costume. Just off the top of my head, I have recently noticed pajama costumes at Target (Astronaut sleeper, raccoon sleeper, lizard sleeper, fox sleeper – all by Cat & Jack) and Old Navy (space pilot pajamas, firefighter pajamas).
Anonymous says
There are some pajama-costumes (old navy has a set of pjs that’s doctor scrubs, Target has a wondwrwiman Union suit, etc). Plus I’ve seen Robin somewhere- maybe Hanna?
Anon says
Black pants and a white collared shirt with a superman t-shirt underneath. Instant Clark Kent, just add glasses.
anon says
One year my MIL picked up a pair of white sweatpants and a white hoodie and sponge painted black spots on it for my son. (He was supposed to be a dalmatian to match his firefighter brother, but a lot of people thought he was a cow.) It was super easy.
On that note, this same son point blank refused to wear his costume to school on Halloween in kindergarten and grade 1 (they do a costume parade), but he has one of those costume hoodies from Target (a Minecraft creeper) and so he just wore that. He was the only kid out of 200 not to wear a costume, and he totally owned it.
Anonymous says
When my son was around that age, he was a weightlifter. (This amused us because it was a hobby of my husband’s). For outdoor use, he wore a track suit we got as a hand me down and his sneakers. We made him a giant barbell, but that was too unwieldy for daycare. We also had a little dumbbell rattle that I think we let him carry around. It required some explanation without the barbell but was very cute with it.
MDD says
Our super-duper low maintenance costumes for the last three years:
– 1 year old: we did a cat — black top, black pants, and draw whiskers on her face with eyeliner
– 2 years old: repeat cat
– 3 years old: she wanted to be a tree. We gathered up some leaves (bigger is better here, so you don’t need as many), either staple them to a brown paper grocery bag with holes cut out for head/arms OR tape them to an appropriately-colored top.
Now that she’s 4, not sure if we’ll get away with these low-maintenance ideas…
snow day help says
People who experience snow days, help. We’re having an “inclement weather”/ hurricane school closure day in the southeast today. Any new/fun ideas for doing something with a toddler who has very limited attention span and doesn’t watch movies? Thanks!
mascot says
Build a fort with pillows, bubble bath, make cookies. Hope for long naps. Stay safe!
SC says
Hey, it sounds like I’m in the same general region! DH is home with Kiddo, and I’m at work. Super fun for DH since we decided to potty train this weekend.
Are you trying to work while your toddler is home? Most of my suggestions are hands-on for parents.
Play-doh. You can make your own if you don’t have any on hand.
Mine loves “playing science,” which means mixing baking soda and vinegar together–it overflows, of course, but they’re both natural cleaning products, so I don’t mind catching any spills with a towel and throwing the towel in the wash. (I actually discovered this activity cleaning burnt sugar off my glass cooktop when Kiddo was 2 years old.) You can add washable food coloring if you want to, and add a lesson about color mixing, but it’s not necessary.
The storm isn’t going to make landfall until tonight, so there’s no harm in taking a walk around the neighborhood this morning. Bring a bag for your kid to collect stuff (leaves, rocks, whatever). Later you can have him or her make art with the stuff they collected (glue it on paper or a board).
Ditto on taking a bath–make it a really long one!
AwayEmily says
“Cleaning”! Get her a spray bottle filled with water and a rag and put her to work.
walnut says
Swiffer dusters are a huge hit with my toddler.
Moms Solo says
Second time mamas … Y’all drank coffee during the first trimester, right? I abstained with my first (even though I’ve read expecting better and agree with her interpretation of the data). But I am So Tired, and I can’t imagine doing this without a cup a day. Help assuage my guilt!
Anonymous says
I did a full cup in the morning and a couple cups of decaf later in the day. Starbucks decaf is the best one I’ve found and I’m picky about coffee.
Could also try a half and half cup in the morning and a half and half cup in the afternoon if you need a boost in the afternoon.
GCA says
Have away! Not that you need our permission :) Drink all the coffee you can (well, roughly 16oz of brewed coffee a day – you’ve read Expecting Better) before the nausea kicks in and you can’t stomach coffee any more, which is what happened to me. Between weeks 9 and 15 I couldn’t even look at a cup of coffee.
AwayEmily says
I drank a cup a day with my first and with my second. Agreed that you don’t need our permission but I definitely think it’s okay!
PS how excited are you all for Oster’s forthcoming parenting book??? I pre-ordered already.
lsw says
What!! Ordering now!
CCLA says
Ooo, thanks for the heads up, going to look up her new book now! And yes, other than when I couldn’t stomach it during first tri nausea, I’ve averaged 1-2 cups of full strength coffee a day this time around. Even (gasp) 3 a handful of times when I just could not function. I also did this with the first pregnancy and kiddo came out great. :) Like commenter above, suggest half decaf in the morning if you want to “save” some caffeine for the afternoon.
Mrs. Jones says
YES!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ve had 2 cups of tea per day almost every day with my second. Nausea kept me away from coffee in the first tri so I switched to tea, but if coffee works for you then go for it! My OB and midwife said that 1 cup of coffee is fine.
Anonymous says
I drank coffee the first time! Totally fine in moderation. Like others have said though, it seemed repulsive for a while with the nausea so your body may hold you back naturally.
KW says
Yep. I drank 1 cup every day and some days I had 2 cups. DD is now 7 and perfectly healthy and developmentally on track or ahead. Go for it.
KateMiddletown says
Yep and I still am late into 3rd. <200mg caffeine is safe according to most.
Anonymous says
I had two cups a day (regular brewed coffee) most days with both pregnancies. Both appear to be fine.
Spirograph says
I drink 1 cup every morning at work, and kept it up through each pregnancy.
Walnut says
Definitely! I skinnied back to a generous morning cup in the first trimester and increased back to my full caffeine consumption by the end of the third trimester. Full caffeine is probably morning coffee+afternoon iced coffee or large fountain soda. All sizing is generous.
NYCer says
I drink a cup of matcha tea every morning at home. Or will have an iced coffee instead if I am out at a meeting. My doctor said that amount of caffeine is totally fine.
BabyBoom says
One of our babysitters has asked for extra work. I would love for her do our grocery/Target/Costco shopping but I am not sure the best way to get her money for the shopping. It’s enough money that I don’t feel comfortable just giving her cash every week. I got a CostCo cash card for the first shop, but I would have to physically go to Costco to put more money on the card (which seems to defeat the purpose of paying someone else to shop!) Adding her to our credit cards seems to impact the credit of both parties. Prepaid credit cards seem a bit of a scam. Some banks (but unfortunately not mine) seem to have special “nanny” debit cards where you can allow them to spend up to a certain amount, but not have access to your entire account. What am I missing? Surely this is a problem that someone has solved!
mascot says
Does she have her own credit card? Could you reimburse her promptly after she makes the purchases using Venmo or PayPal?
Anonymous says
Don’t make your baby sitter do this!
Either prepaid debit cards or hand her cash.
Anonymous says
When I was a nanny I was added as an authorized user to my boss’ card. It worked perfectly. Prior to that I was having to pay out of pocket up front, and some days I literally couldn’t afford it. So don’t do that.
Anonymous says
What about setting up another checking account at your bank and keeping a fixed sum in it (say, $500/month or whatever)? You could then give her a debit card to that account. It’s pretty easy to open another checking account once you have one (we have 3 we use for various purposes).
anon says
I have a business credit card that has the option of adding employees as authorized users, which is what I do. I do track it pretty closely.
M says
Amex makes it really easy to get a card with a differentiated spending limit (as low as about $100) without any additional fees. And you can pay it on the same account/see all of the charges. The only issue is that it’s no longer accepted at Costco. You can call around to other banks, but when I looked into it, Chase didn’t offer it (nanny would have access to entire credit line of primary user)
SC says
I think a prepaid bank card is the way to go here–preferably one with no fees and that you can reload. Your bank may have one, but you can also find comparison lists online. Remember that you’ll need one in the Visa network if she wants to use it at Costco.
Anon says
Third week back at work post maternity leave, husband is out of town for work and nanny called in sick. This working parent thing is not stressful at all…ha
Anonymous says
Hugs! Being a working parent is so, so hard. Two years in and still amazed by this, constantly.
H13 says
I almost had a panic attack last night because of legos. They are just everywhere in my son’s room. I can’t deal with the total chaos and struggle before bed each night. I’ve done a pretty good job of just ignoring the mess but it is spreading further and further. We’ve kept them confined to his room to keep them out of our 1.5 year old’s hands.
I know storage options have been discussed here before but what actually works with how your kids play with legos? It just doesn’t make sense for us to sort/store by type or color. Right now we basically pick up every two weeks before the cleaners come.
What parameters do you use to keep them under control? Is there a storage or play table option that works for your kids?
They are his absolute passion and he plays so creatively with them. I just need them slightly more under control. Help.
EB0220 says
My MIL has a rolling cart (exactly like this but the drawers are a different color). She puts legos in a few of the bins and art supplies in the others. It works really well. You can remove the drawers when playing with the legos, and then everything goes back into the drawer when you’re done.
Anonymous says
A bucket, he needs to clean them up every night, if he doesn’t and you have to you keep the bucket for a day.
Anonymous says
This. Our life improved vastly when we started mandating all the kids toys stay in the playroom vs allowing play areas in the famil/tv room, living room and their rooms. Now playroom (which is attached to a bedroom) is cleaned up every night. Things like legos and in-progress puzzles are tidied up to a bucket + creation.
EP-er says
So many Lego in our house! We have the Lego in assorted IKEA Trofast buckets — not really sorted, but loosely grouped. (We have a wall of tall Trofast, so this isn’t just for Lego.) Then we have one of these play mats: https://www.amazon.com/Toy-Storage-Lego-Organizer-Play/dp/B07D7J8VZL (I had a cool denim one when I was growing up, which is still at my mom’s for Lego.)
When the kids want to play with Lego, the mat comes out, then the buckets get dumped on the mat for maximum sorting & finding & building. When we are done the mat gets poured back into the buckets — although you could just cinch the drawstring and store them here. Most of the Lego stays on the mat, but there is a little bit of additional picking up.
We would also so something similar with a large white table cloth when the kids were littler & really into the bean box or other things with lots of small bits. Really makes clean up easier!
Redux says
Mind blown. This is brilliant.
avocado says
Does he have kits to build specific things, or a big bucket for creative building? For kits, we’ve found it effective to store each kit in a labeled plastic bag. Only one kit is allowed to be in progress at once, and at the end of playtime all the unassembled pieces go back in the bag. For the big bucket, all pieces go back in the bucket at the end of playtime. Sorting pieces by color, shape, etc. for storage is just too much work.
H13 says
Thank you for all of the input. I have debated on the Trofast for the longest time. We don’t have an Ikea nearby but it is time to bite the bullet.
He has kits to build but he is more into creative, unstructured play with them for now. Very few kits are together at this point and it would take days to find the hundreds of pieces for one, although sometimes he tried. He is barely five so I want to get a handle on this ASAP because, despite protests, he is getting more and more.
I think as our second (and last) gets older, we are going to have to rethink play areas in the house.
Thanks, as always.
KateMiddletown says
We don’t have many specialized “sets” but for the ones we do, we keep the pieces in gallon bags, and the sets are contained in those big yellow Lego containers that we bought as starter kits. Now that she’s 8, my daughter doesn’t play with them nearly as much, but when she does they all just get scooped up together, for the most part.
SC says
We have the Sauder Pogo bookcase, available on Amazon. Legos go in one of the bins at the bottom. It’s open enough that Kiddo can dig around and find what he needs without dumping all the Legos on the ground.
For all toys–if Kiddo gets them out, he has to clean them up that night. If he refuses, the toys that are left out get taken away for a day. (I help clean for now. I also make exceptions for “projects,” as long as there aren’t too many, so a complicated track, or a Lego creation, or a big puzzle can stay out for a day or two.) I try to build clean-up time in right before dinner, before Kiddo is too tired to deal. Recently, we had major issues with Kiddo dumping out his toy cars, then being too overwhelmed by the mess to pick them up without a tantrum. I took that as a sign that we needed to cycle out some cars, and Kiddo didn’t even notice half of them were missing.
H13 says
This is a good reminder. Last night I had to leave his room because it was such a disaster and he wouldn’t help clean up. I told him when I came back that I expected him to have started tidying. When I got back he just looked at me and said, “It’s too much.”
SC says
Yeah, I almost put “cycle out” in quotes above, because we rarely rotate toys back in. Last month I cleaned his room and put toys into 2 boxes–one large box with things I’m pretty sure he’s outgrown or just isn’t into or has too many of (cars!), and a second small box with toys that I suspect he hasn’t grown into yet. The plan is to give away Box 1 unless Kiddo explicitly asks for something more than once. In a few months, I may go back to the second box and try some stuff out again. I also threw out anything broken, junky, or driving me crazy–that felt good!
Anon says
For projects, we got that Latt table at Ikea that is $30 for a table and two chairs. Any projects that are mid-play can be left on the table overnight. So if they’re building a giant Lego city, the buildings and cars can go on the table. Any non-used pieces still have to be put back in the bin. If they’re drawing a large picture, they can leave it out on the table, but all the markers and stickers have to go back in their bins.
Agreed on kids needing help to pick up when it’s overwhelming. Usually we help give them a specific item to do – DS find all the train tracks and put them in that bin, DD find all the people and put them in their bin, and parents will find all the dress up clothes and hang them up.
And yes, every item must be picked up before bed or else it gets taken away for a day. When they start to get too overwhelmed or don’t know where items go, then it’s a clue that they have too many toys out. We go through and donate. (We tried a rotation system but their bdays and holidays are spread out enough that a present-occasion pops up each quarter so there were always more toys coming in and no good time to rotate in the missing toys without adding to the chaos. So we just donate each quarter to make room for the new stuff.)
Snacks for kids says
Happy September!
We just moved and in our new house, there is a shelf in the pantry that is the perfect height and location to put snacks that the kids (6 and 2 yrs) can access themselves. Any suggestions for healthy snacks I can stock that they could probably open themselves? Or even better, that do ‘t come in a bunch of individual packaging? I wouldn’t mind decanting if folks have suggestions for a container that would be easy for small hands to open. They already have easy access to the fruit bowl.
Anonymous says
How old are your kids? Sort of depends on dexterity.
Anonymous says
We had this but ended up taking it away. It became a constant battle to get them not to fill up on snacks before meals and ruin their appetites. Kept a fruit and veggie bowl though as I don’t mind them filling up on veggies like cherry tomatoes and baby cut carrots.
Anon says
We had the same problem. We store school snacks in that location (raisins, applesauce pouches, fruit cups, stick pretzels, and goldfish) but don’t allow them to self-serve because they ruin their appetities. We keep fruits and veggies in the lowest drawer in the fridge, so they’re allowed to pick one item from there if they’re hungry. That is stuff like grapes, apples, peppers, mini cukes, and cherry tomatoes. Oftentimes they’re suddenly “not that hungry” when they realize the only thing left to snack on is a cucumber, and they decide to have some water instead.
Anon says
I just found out my son’s daycare hired a male teacher for his room. I’m struggling a bit with this news, because I know rationally there is nothing about that news that should be of concern or bother me in and of itself. In fact, I would likely have railed against anyone else who told me they were uncomfortable in a similar situation. And yet, I feel uncomfortable. Part of it is just the transition in general. First day in new room and just found out there’s one new teacher hired so I think they could have done a better job with advance communication, but I’m also strangely uncomfortable and simultaneously disappointed with myself for the thought.
Anonymous says
Huh? I think that’s fantastic news. Male role model! It’s hard to even find male staff for little kids. This is great.
Mrs. Jones says
+1. I’m so happy one of my son’s teachers is male this year. Finally.
goldie says
It’s ok to feel how you feel. As a counterpoint, I purposely sought out a high school boy (rather than a girl) as a parents’ helper to counteract the message that I feared my sons were getting that all caregivers other than family are female.
EB0220 says
I think it’s normal to be slightly surprised because it’s so rare to see men in early childcare. That being said, my daughter had a male teacher for a year from 3-4. He just left her school and everyone was heartbroken. I was pretty thrilled that she had an example of a male role model in childcare. I think it’s as important to encourage men in female-dominated fields as it is to support women in male-dominated fields.
Anonymous says
Our daycare now has two male teachers. And if I’m being 100% honest, I had some of the same uncomfortable feelings that you did and I hated that I felt that way. Both teachers have been great. They have the same calm, unflustered yet caring manner about them as the female teachers. Made me realize even more how much it’s a certain kind of person, not a certain kind of gender that’s suited for daycare teaching. I’d be a stressed out mess in a room with a bunch of small kids.
Anonymous says
It’s almost like men are also humans who can care for children.
Do you not believe your husband can parent?
Anonymous says
Wow. That’s unnecessary. Go troll on the main site.
FWIW DH actually does more parenting than I do because of my work travel and he has taken more time off for parental leave than I did.
Was glad to see daycare reinforcing the role of men as caregivers but I’m not going to lie and pretend I was 100% comfortable from the start.
ElisaR says
oh good nasty Anonymous is back today!
Anonymous at 11:36 I agree. We have 2 male teachers at my school and you can’t help but notice it because the school has been 100% female teachers until this year. Mr. Joe’s delivery of bottles has made me laugh a few times because he’s clearly new to this task but as I get to know him I see he’s patient, calm and caring and doing a great job– better than I could for sure.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I would love it if daycares had more male staff – the two we’ve been to have been exclusively female, which I attribute largely to the unfortunately low pay and the stereotypes against men as caregivers.
Anonymous says
I would spend some time trying to explore why you are uncomfortable – where is this coming from for you? Maybe if that is clearer you can combat it more effectively.
DLC says
It is definitely annoying when the school doesn’t keep parents in loop about staffing changes. I think you can for sure say something to the school about that. As for the male teacher, my daughter had two male teachers in preschool and we adored them both. They brought a different kind of energy and exuberance to the classroom and I agree with goldie that it is important that kids see a diverse range of caregivers in their lives. Also- I think it is cool and healthy for you to acknowledge having these feelings. Feelings are feelings. If something really sets off your parental spidey sense, by all means, talk to the school. but also, get to know the teacher too, and see what you son says about him.
FVNC says
You’re definitely not alone in feeling the way you do. My husband is a prosecutor and has seen things involving kids he won’t tell me about. Having women-only caregivers before grade school is non-negotiable to him. I personally think it’s an overreaction on his part (and has limited some of our daycare options), but he gets to have deal-breakers just like I do, and this is one for him.
Anon for this says
I am also a prosecutor and have seen things that I do not discuss at home, and because of those things I will never allow a male besides DH in a caregiving role– even though I know that is an overreaction. I just can’t overcome it. I hope I am able to get over it when my kids are older. But with what I see every day, I just can’t do it.
Anon says
I don’t get this. I’m not a prosecutor, and you’re allowed to feel how you feel. But it sounds like you’re focusing on “all the bad stuff that happens is done by men” and somehow think that nothing bad can happen if it’s a female teacher.
I worry about someone having unsupervised access to my kids regardless of gender. I asked a lot of questions about how my daycare actively guards against that, and double check every classroom or teacher change, but otherwise trust that the male teachers are subject to the same procedures as the female teachers. Is there something parents should be worrying about that happens even in a well-controlled environment? Is there something specific to men that parents should be asking?
Anonymous says
I’m curious about this too. Good people are good people, and women don’t have a monopoly on that, just like men don’t have a monopoly on being predators. One of the reasons I am more comfortable with my kids in a childcare center vs a nanny is that they are always supervised by more than one adult.
Anonymous says
Another prosecutor here. Some things you just can’t unsee and unhear – sadly. Comes with the job. Lots and lots of conversations about body parts and who is allowed to touch whom where.
To OP – would it help your discomfort to ask the school about the background and reference checks they do for all new hires?
Anonymous says
Interesting! My husband is a teacher, so I have a very different perspective.
FVNC says
Also, just wanted to clarify that I don’t think my husband’s concerns are irrational/unfounded — I think they’re an overreaction only because (good) daycare centers have quite a bit of oversight, compared to, say, a playdate at a friend’s house with a father/brother/male relative where there’s no oversight. I’d be okay with a male caregiver at daycare because of rules like “two teachers at all times” and half-walls that enable an open environment with very little or no privacy. So, to the OP, think about all the precautions your center takes against abuse in general — they might also address the concerns stemming from having a male caregiver.
Anonymous says
How does this work though ? A daycare might be all-female when you start, but what happens if they hire a male teacher? Do you move your kid every time a man starts? That seems exhausting and impractical.
AnonInBigLaw says
How old is your son? My daughter’s daycare had a male teacher in the preschool (3s) class and he was fantastic! It was great to have a male role model for the older kids. I agree that I’d feel a bit more uncomfortable with a male teacher in the babies or toddlers class, but by 3 the kids were using the bathroom by themselves and the teachers just loosely supervised to make sure that they wiped and washed their hands. Having a male teacher in the 3s and 4s brings a lot of energy and a different style to the class and I really appreciated that.
Anonymous says
You feel how you feel — and I felt much the same when a male teacher joined our daycare’s preschool staff — but I’m here to reassure you, male teacher is likely A Good Thing. Mr Teacher at our center definitely brings a different energy to the classroom than the women, and I see him playing field games with the kids when I pick them up, while the women watch from the picnic tables. My son absolutely loved having him in his class. My daughter gravitates to one of the women teachers, but she does like Mr. Teacher. Before Mr. Teacher started, son made a comment that “only girls can be teachers.” I love that he got a counterpoint.
DH and I have both chatted up Mr. Teacher about why he chose to go into early childhood education. He obviously has eyes wide open that he’ll probably be the only man working in any preschool, and that some parents will be uncomfortable, but he decided it was worth it because he just love working with kids, and he hopes that he can move the needle even a tiny bit to normalize that men can be good caregivers, too. I thought back to my years as a sleep-away camp counselor, and how great my male counterparts were, and how much we all loved playing with the kids, and felt so much responsibility to be a positive role model and so much personal satisfaction when the kids had a great week … of course people want to keep that fun and sense of purpose in their career. Kudos to him for not letting social norms get in his way!
CPA Lady says
When we started at kiddos’s daycare, there were two male teachers, one in a 2 yo room, and one in a 3 yo room. The one in the 2 yo room ended up getting engaged and left to take a better paying job. I specifically requested kiddo be in the remaining male teacher’s room when she turned 3. Yeah it weirded me out a tiny bit because it is unusual and I listen to a ton of crime podcasts, but I got over it because I didn’t want kiddo growing up thinking that taking care of kids is only a woman’s job. I think it’s especially important that boys see this too and I wish there were more male early education teachers.
Sarabeth says
Our daycare just hired its first male teacher, and he’s in my son’s room. I was thrilled – it’s important for all kids to have caring male role models, but particularly for little boys.
If your daycare is properly set up, there shouldn’t be the opportunity for malfeasance anyway. No adult is ever alone with a kid at ours, and all of the rooms have multiple windows to other common areas, clear lines of sight from toilet areas to the main room, etc.
Sarabeth says
Also, the male teacher at our daycare is a first-gen immigrant. I think that having men in this kind of caretaking role is more normalized in his culture of origin, which again, is a great example to set for the kids.
anon says
I thought everything was in place at our daycare too, but in the words of the police investigator, the male teacher “was very good at what he did.” Our daycare has cameras in every room and parents are watching always. And he did it at at least one other day care in town too. (he was a part-timer at both)
Going forward, I don’t think males should be alone in classrooms where children aren’t potty trained, and should not be diapering or assisting with potty-training at all. And, I would be very suspicious of any male who would want to be in those situations too. There are so many other jobs out there in early child care. Why do they want to care for the “tender years?”
It’s sad that this is the way it is, but a lot of daycare teachers/floaters are pretty young and no background check can prevent the first instance.
Anonymous says
First, I’m so sorry that this happened. That must be incredibly difficult to deal with as a parent, and I hope the children involved and the families are healing.
“Going forward, I don’t think males should be alone in classrooms where children aren’t potty trained, and should not be diapering or assisting with potty-training at all. And, I would be very suspicious of any male who would want to be in those situations too.”
I’m not the resident troll, but I want to ask her question here. How do you feel about dads assisting with diapering and potty training of their own children? Of other children (for example, in a volunteer setting like as a Sunday School teacher)? I totally understand why you would feel this way, from this personal experience, to the rarity of male daycare teachers to the disparity in reporting/prosecution of male vs female perpetrators. But I also think it’s pretty unfair to immediately assume a man with interest in caring for babies and toddlers is a predator. And I think the fact that so many people make that assumption keeps good men from ever pursuing these jobs, which I see as a negative since I believe that a more even gender balance in early childcare would be good for kids, and for both men and women in the profession. “Pink collar” jobs are typically paid less, and early childcare, and care jobs in general, are a huge case in point.
Anon at 4:09 says
Absolutely, dad’s or male relatives are fine. But since there is such a disparity, there’s always a female caregiver around to help with those things so why risk it?
I”m not assuming that a man with a passion for early childhood education is a perpetrator at all. We actually had other men working at the center at the time too that everyone loved and trusted. I’m saying that if I were a that man, I might ask those tasks to be excluded from my duties to prevent any suspicions, and ease the reasonable fears of parents. And if I ran a daycare, I would put that policy in place. Kind of like male OBs having another employee in the room at all times. If that was the policy at my daycare, that’s probably the only way this guy would have been prevented from doing what he did.
And because of what he did, the daycare lost half of its enrollment immediately, now has no male employees and I would be shocked if they hired any men in the next few years.
Anonymous says
“Going forward, I don’t think males should be alone in classrooms where children aren’t potty trained, and should not be diapering or assisting with potty-training at all. And, I would be very suspicious of any male who would want to be in those situations too.”
This is crazy. My husband is a SAHD and has voluntarily changed a LOT of diapers for our two kids. Obviously he doens’t love doing diaper changes in particular, but he loves being home with our kids and diapering them is a part of that. It doesn’t make him a molester. I can understand being wary of daycare teachers you don’t know well, because of the risk of abuse (though fwiw women can abuse too and sexual abuse isn’t the only kind of abuse) but it’s flat out wrong to think there’s something wrong with men that enjoy hands-on caregiving of young children.
Anonymous says
Because men are also people perfectly capable of charging for children just like women. And women can also be abusive.
Anon says
I am one year postpartum with my second and my hair is still falling out. I wonder if it is just starting to thin out permanently? My hair loss started at 4 months postpartum and I thought it would normalize after a couple of months, but it’s seems like a steady loss. I’m just…surprised…I’ve always had a ton of hair. I’m hoping this is due to hormonal changes, as I’m still nursing. In the meantime, what options do I have? Rogain? Better hair ties?
Anon in NYC says
Have you had your thyroid checked recently? My mom has thinning hair and her thyroid is the culprit.
EB0220 says
+1 to Thyroid check.
Anonymous says
Switch up your part, and try the Aveda invati line. Neither is a LT fix, but good luck!
LH says
Get your thyroid checked! I was just diagnosed with hyperthyroid and thin, brittle hair is a symptom. I’m 7 months pp and my hair is still falling out in clumps, which I believe is due to the thyroid issue.
Anonymous says
Can we talk about iron supplements for b-fed infants? My baby is 6.5 months and primarily but not exclusively b-fed (I can’t quite pump enough for her, so she gets 2-4 oz of formula on weekdays). We started solids at 5.5 months and she’s been a little slow to take them. Purees are going better than finger foods and she does fine with chunkier purees. Her favorites are yogurt, avocado and applesauce. She’s not eating anything with iron to speak of – we’ve tried fortified cereal but she doesn’t like it and it wreaks havoc on her bowels. We mix a hard-boiled egg yolk into avocado or yogurt, but it would take a lot of eggs to meet her daily iron needs. I think she needs an iron supplement and asked our doctor about it. Our doctor diagnosed her as a “bad eater” (which I think is kind of unfair – she hasn’t even been eating solids for a month, of course there’s a learning curve!) said she really needs a multivitamin as well as iron – she told us to do Enfamil Poly-Vi-Sol. I (probably stupidly) fell down a rabbit hole of online reviews and am a bit freaked out by the all the stories of kids vomiting or having terrible digestive issues from it, and how terrible it smells and tastes. Does anyone have personal experience with this supplement? Or other strategies for getting infants iron? Our doctor seems to think our kid should be having a giant slab of red meat every night, but 1) DH and I don’t really eat red meat ourselves – we’re mostly pescatarians who eat chicken maybe once a week, and 2) even with a high-iron food like steak, it takes an adult-sized portion to meet an infant’s (super high) daily iron needs. Every baby I know gets more food on the floor and in their hair than in the mouth, so I’m really skeptical that she could get enough iron even if we handed her a big piece of steak every day.
Anon in NYC says
I nursed my kid until she was 15 months and never needed formula. I also have never consistently given my kid a multi vitamin or an iron supplement. My kid didn’t really eat meat until she probably was well over a year – she never really liked it. We gave her a lot of beans (chickpeas and black beans were a hit), we tried to incorporate foods like spinach, scrambled eggs, etc. Maybe you can add lima beans, spinach, or edamame to her diet.
I personally wouldn’t worry too much about this yet – she’s only 6.5 months!
Anonymous says
As gently as I possibly can be, you’re freaking out over a multivitamin. Relax.
My almost three year old was on vitamin D until around 1 when they check for iron at our doctor’s office. She was low, so they had us switch to poly-vi-sol. We had no problems with it at all, and I had no clue that was a thing. At 2, her iron was high enough that we could switch to a regular multivitamin, and we decided to do a gummy. Kiddo was old enough at that point that she wanted to “help” give herself the poly-vi-sol, and that was kind of a mess.
Anonymous says
I’m not freaking out but I know iron supplementation of b-fed infants is fairly controversial and I wanted to hear what others have done.
anon says
maybe I’m horrible, but I don’t worry about it. Babe is 14 months, breast fed almost exclusively until around 9 months, and still isn’t a great eater. What I’ve read about iron supplements and fortified cereals is that babies can’t really absorb it anyway. We do blend spinach into yogurt with banana or other fruits a few times a week , and she loves that. My doctor is pretty hands-off if the baby is getting breast milk and is growing.
Anonymous says
It does smell terrible, but weirdly, my kids still point and ask for it! Just squeeze it directly in kiddo’s mouth and follow up with a piece of fruit or something.
rakma says
So Poly-Vi-Sol does smell strongly of vitamins and tastes like some kind of fake fruit, and neither of my kids liked it. They’d take it mixed with fruit and oatmeal though.
However, we don’t have fluoridated tap water, so my kids ended up taking a Rx multi with the iron and fluoride. It’s not flavored, but they both loved it. (the big one won’t even switch to the Rx chewables!) There can be some constipation issues with the iron supplements, so we just added some prunes at lunch time when we gave the vitamins, and that all worked out. Your doctor might be able to prescribe an iron supplement in a different formulation that would work better for you.
Other than these dietary suggestions, do you generally feel comfortable with this doctor? Calling a 6.5 month old a bad eater seems like a pretty drastic call (especially if she’s still BF and is gaining well, because that’s the bulk of their food at this point) If this is just a small difference of opinion, and you don’t feel like the doctor is pushing anything, than fine, but if this is pretty typical of your interactions with the doctor I’d consider switching.
Anonymous says
Yeah I’m starting to wonder if she’s the right doctor for us. I loved her in the beginning. She helped me a lot with breastfeeding and was very supportive of our decision to supplement with formula. But her approach to solids is drastic, to say the least. Baby nurses and takes bottles like a champ and has been gaining weight perfectly along the 50th percentile curve, but the doctor wants her having 4-5 solid meals a day, each the size of her first and to limit nursing to three bottles or nursing sessions per day. Everything I’ve read suggests that food before about 9-10 months is just to get baby used to different tastes and textures and nursing on demand is fine until that age, but our doctor doesn’t agree with that. She’s upset that LO is only eating a handful of different solid foods, but she told us to wait 3 day between new foods and the baby has been eating solids for less than a month, so of course she doesn’t have a repertoire of 25 different foods! We’ve only been able to introduce about 8 foods so far (following doctor’s rules about wait time between new foods), and a couple of them she (or her digestive system) didn’t seem to like. She accepts the vast majority of what we offer and I think is eating within the normal range for her age.
Anon says
For a different perspective, my (admittedly super laid back) pediatrician said he wanted my LO on 2x meals of solids a day by 9 months and 3x meals of solids a day by 1 year, and after 1 year keep it to less than 24 oz of cow’s milk a day.
Anonymous says
Thanks, that’s good to hear. My BFF’s pediatrician gave her similar advice (and has actually told her to cut back on solids for her 10 month old because he wasn’t drinking enough milk). So I’m sort of ignoring my pediatrician on this, but I feel a bit guilty for ignoring doctor’s advice. We’ve been doing 2 meals a day and offering a snack if she does well at her meals, but not forcing her to eat when she seems uninterested. More than anything, I don’t want to make mealtime something she dreads.
Anon in NYC says
It took us ages to work up to 3 meals a day. I think we did only 1 meal for about 3-4 weeks, and then 2 meals for a while. Really, your ped is putting too much pressure on you/her!
Knope says
4-5 solid meals at 6.5 months?! and limiting nursing?! That’s straight up bonkers and out of line with anything I’ve ever heard about infant nutrition. My 17 month old was only eating a few bites of solids once a day at that age. Took until 8 months for him to get more in his mouth than all over his face/hair/dog’s face and hair. He is now an amazing eater. I would absolutely ignore your ped’s advice on this one.
ElisaR says
I b-fed my first son and was prescribed an iron supplement that I gave him precisely….. twice. Mostly bc I’m an overwhelmed working mom and he didn’t take it easily and I forgot……My 2nd is combo fed so the doctor didn’t prescribe it.
Barring any concerning blood tests – I think skipping vitamins is fine. Did Albert Einstein’s mama giving him iron supplements? Probably not. I am kinda crunchy but I feel like our bodies take care of our babies. If your child has blood tests and the doctor is seriously concerned about iron levels then by all means – figure out a supplement.
Anonymous says
We used liquid vitamins with Iron, and switched to Flintstones with Iron as early as possible – I think around age 2? (We had to cut the pill in half). Our pediatrician was big on iron as she explained that having good blood iron levels helps kids process lead better. Given our aging apartment, urban environment and lack of faith in our landlord’s lead testing, I was happy to push the iron supplements for this reason. I can’t remember which liquid we used – I think we found one that my son liked a little better than PolyViSol? It may have been a generic. PolyViSol does smell terrible, and all of them stain fabric. My son has basically never been constipated – more the opposite – so that wasn’t an issue.
This reminds me I have totally fallen off the vitamin habit with the now 6 year old.
Baby gate for banister? says
Anyone have a good baby gate that works with a wall on one side and a banister on the other side? It’s for the bottom of the stairs, so we’ve been using a pressure-mounted one with a v-shaped banister attachment, but it’s not working very well so I’m looking for one we can screw into the wall side at least.
Anonymous says
We have a Summer Infant one at the top of our stairs for wall and banister. Have been very pleased.
https://www.summerinfant.com/gates/decorative-wood-metal-5-foot-pressure-mounted-ga
rosie says
A gentle PSA that I do not think pressure-mounted gates are considered safe for top of the stairs. (I realize you may mean to prevent access to the stairs, rather than literally right at the top, so maybe it’s not an issue for you, but my understanding is that they are not secure enough for anywhere there is a fall hazard.)
Anonymous says
I don’t have a link, but my parents have one that is screwed into the wall and is made of some kind of fabric that pulls across (rather than a door that swings open) and attaches to the banister with some sort of caribeener (sp?) or something. Sorry that this description is so vague, but just to let you know that these do exist.
Anon says
This sounds like Retract-A-Gate. We have one for our deck outside and my in-laws have two for the stairs in their house. It’s worked really well for all of the (rambunctious) kids and dogs involved.
Knope says
Yes! We have a Retract-a-Gate as well. Expensive, but works great.
Anonymous says
I live in a townhouse, so I have tried out several gate options. At the top of the stairs, I liked: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003VNKLI4/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1
We installed one side into the wall, the other side was installed into the banister.
We have also used retractable gates by Dreambaby and Lascal. Based upon your description, it seems that they would not fit your requirements.
IHeartBacon says
We used this at the top of our stairs: Evenflo Easy Walk Thru Top Of Stairs Gate https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004AUEJTE/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_gD0JBb5NRWCP4
We screwed one side directly into the wall and the other side was screwed directly into the newel post. Our newel posts are painted white so once it’s time to remove the gate, I’ll just fill the nail hole and repaint it.
JTM says
Kidco makes a baby gate with an additional banister kit – the kit has pieces that fit around your banister and you drill into that, not your actual banister wood. We’ve had it installed for 6mos or so and it’s worked great for us.
https://www.amazon.com/KidCo-Stairway-Gate-Installation-Kit/dp/B000P007FI/ref=sr_1_1_s_it?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1536165847&sr=1-1&keywords=kidco+stairway+gate+installation+kit
Potty Training says
So, my child is almost 3, and I really think she is ready for some serious potty training. In the past, we’ve just had her sit on the potty periodically, but she doesn’t go. We’ve definitely not been in the mood to push it, especially because we’ve had a lot of travel over the summer so were worried about how consistent we could be. At school, they take all the kids to the potty regularly. She sometimes goes there, but it’s not that common. Recently, she’s shown an interest in underwear and is having more obvious physical signals that she probably has to go. We take her to the potty at those times, but she doesn’t go. Potty training tips? I am definitely not desperate enough at this point to read an entire book devoted to it. Honestly, I’m pretty tempted to just put her in underwear for a weekend, be ready for accidents, and see how she responds.
AwayEmily says
Check out the Lucies List 2-day potty training summary. We did that basic approach (though hewed more religiously to the book it’s based on, Oh Crap). It worked.
ElisaR says
we trained my son this summer using the “Oh Crap” book (recommended by many readers here). I didn’t follow it to a T, but it was a very helpful guide. I will warn you – it took 5 days (!!) in our kitchen to get there. I had to take 2 days off of work (and it was around July 4th holiday) to do it. But he may have been a little young so that could be why it took so long (27 months).
Anonymous says
Can you outsource this to school more – ask them to be more proactive about it? That’s basically what we did.
OP says
Honestly, school does awesome. They visit the toilet regularly, many times per day and teach/encourage/etc. about it. I really feel like we’re lagging behind at home…for lots of reasons, the summer travel when I felt she was really ready, horror stories from lots of friends about potty training before kids are ready, and the secret hope that our daughter would be one of those kids who woke up one day and decided it was time to just use the potty.
I could swing a three day weekend towards the end of this month and might go that route. We have carpet now but are getting all new flooring this fall…so I’m sort of thinking of doing an “Oh Crap” style event before the new floors go in (although they’ll be hard surface, so it won’t be the end of the world if there are accidents after).
Anon says
We just trained our 2 yo. It really helps to let them spend a day or two bottomless until they figure out what if feels like to hold and release the pee. Then you can switch straight to panties.
Anonymous says
At that age (34 or 35 mo), our son had occasionally gone in the toilet for a few weeks if bribed with a craisin (this outs me I’m sure to any friends reading). Usually he wouldn’t, but sometimes could. Saturday afternoon of a long weekend, we just put him in undies and started pumping him full of liquids. Mostly stayed in the kitchen or outside that day and the next. Had quite a number of accidents that first day, two or three the next, none on Monday, and then maybe three over the next few weeks. That was it. I think it was fast because we waited soooo long.
Anonymous says
We just pulled the trigger on potty training our second this weekend. She turned 2 in July, and was probably ready then but I’d just had a baby and couldn’t deal.
We gave her a big glass of water/milk/juice when she woke up. Potty trip every 10 minutes and happy, excited praise when she owed. Also she got a smartie. Big sister talked up undies!! She got New Elmo undies!!! 6 accidents on day 1 (tbh, would have been 2 but DH and I got lazy). 4 on day 2. 3 on day 3. I stayed home today with her and she was dry all day with potty trips every 20-25 min. She even went to the playground in undies, took 2 trips to the bathroom and peed once. Came home dry.
We’re not there yet but a HUGE difference since Friday.
Anonymous says
My 2-year-old twins are starting preschool next month. We have a meeting with their head teacher today. What should we be looking for/asking? (We have a copy of the parent handbook, which addresses many of the logistical questions about food, naptime, gear, etc.)
EB0220 says
If they’re not yet potty-trained, ask how the school handles that. Ask how they approach discipline. I was surprised to hear about time-outs happening at my daughters’ schools since we don’t do them at home (for example). How does the teacher like to communicate with parents? Phone call, text, email, set up a conference? Classroom specific drop-off procedures?
Anonymous says
We just realized that my husband has a work trip the same week as our kid’s 3rd birthday that is very close to Disney. His work thing is like a Wednesday/Thursday/Friday thing…
Would it be totally insane for us to take the kiddo and do a day (or maybe two?) at Disney? Maybe having one of them be his birthday? Our only costs would be airfare for Me + Kid which won’t be too much… plus 2 nights of a hotel and Disney tickets.
Should we wait until he’s older and do like the big multi-day Disney vacation or is this a doable thing? Husband joked about it when he found out where the work thing was… Also relevant: husband has traveled a TON this year and it’s 98% to places we can’t feasibly visit or tag along to and it would be nice to see more of him.
Anonymous says
Kids are free until age 3 at Disney so the days right before the birthday are often touted as some of the best times to go to Disney. I vote do it!
Anonymous says
Also, Disney loves to celebrate basically anything so be sure to get him a birthday button from guest services. Cast members will notice and sometimes you may get some extra magic.
Anonymous says
Thank you!
So… question- if he’s free until 3 do I just suck it up and buy him a ticket for his actual birthday or just carry him in and not say anything? FWIW, he’s a tiny kiddo and unless somebody checks his actual birth certificate he def looks like 2 not 3.
Note: In general, I’m super ethical but with the Mouse, it’s fair game.
shortperson says
dont buy him a ticket. walk in with him in a stroller. they wont ask. the official age is 3 for a ticket but in practice it is closer to 4. check out disneyland daily for planning your days.
Anonymous says
No that’s stealing.
Anonymous says
Do some research, but I’ve seen some chatter online that Disney looks at the age as of the first day of the trip. So if you do Monday/Tuesday in the parks and kid turns 3 on Tuesday, they can still go for free.
Emily Hoops-Darling says
Um… you guys are AMAZING… I looked into it and it’s the age he is on his first day at the park/at the resort…
So in this case, if we go the day before his birthday and his actual birthday, it’s free. If we go just his birthday, we have to pay for that day.
Anonymous says
ADMIN. PLEASE delete the above post. Something autofilled in error. Please and thank you.
SoCal Anon says
This is a great age to do Disneyland! I would prefer two shorter/easier days rather than trying to pack everything into one monstrous day, because of naps. BTW, Kiddo should still be free to get into the park. Wednesday/Thursday the park should be fairly empty because most everyone is in school.
Anonymous says
+1
Anon says
World or Land? I think this is a great idea, but do some research ahead of time to make sure it’s fun for all of you. Disney is one of those places that you really need to research if you want to enjoy it with kids – it’s so popular that you could end up spending two hours in line for one ride and then spend the rest of the day dealing with over hungry/ over stimulated meltdowns, which isn’t fun for anyone.
Google “Disney with toddlers” to find a ton of blogs that will break down the best parks and times to go, and take height requirements into account so you don’t hype up a certain ride (or stand in line) only to find out he’s too short.
And you’ll want to research nuggets of useful info – like you can get into Magic Kingdom an hour ahead of opening, although you get stopped at the castle. But you can get all the excitement out of the way before the major crowds, and then go straight to your most desired ride.
ElisaR says
ooh I’m kind of jealous! I’d love an “excuse” to take my 2.5 year old to Disney but I feel like he’s too young to really plan a full trip (plus little brother is 9 months so def not yet). But I say go for it! I feel like he will love it.
SC says
I grew up in Florida, and my parents pay for us to take a week-long trip there every year. We took Kiddo this year right before he turned 3. I wouldn’t say it was too early to take him, but I think it’s important to pace yourself and keep your expectations low-ish.
Definitely do some research. Use the Fast Pass system–but check the map so you’re not crossing the park multiple times a day.
Keep your kid on schedule if you can–we tended to hit the parks early, ride 3-4 rides, stop for a snack mid-morning, ride 3-4 more rides, eat lunch, and return to our hotel for an afternoon nap. Then we had an early dinner, usually at or near our hotel. (Make reservations if you want sit-down meals. Also, if you mean Disney World, not Disney Land, the buffet at Boma is good and really kid friendly.)
Again, assuming Disney World, for 2 days with a toddler, I’d plan both of them at Magic Kingdom. Animal Kingdom is so large, and there’s so much walking to get anywhere. My kid couldn’t really sit for the shows, and he couldn’t quite seem to spot the animals on the safari before the truck moved on, and he was too short for even the “kid” rides. Hollywood Studios is half under construction for the new Star Wars land, and the new Toy Story land is ridiculously crowded–and there’s not much else there for kids (or anyone). Epcot has few good things for kids (Frozen, Turtle Talk, the aquarium), but it’s just not that exciting for kids compared to MK. Also, while I’m a huge fan of the Fast Passes, keep in mind that Magic Kingdom has lots of kid-friendly stuff that don’t take/need a Fast Pass–people mover, carousel, train around the park, Philharmagic, parade, and a splash pad at the back of Fantasy Land (weather permitting).
anon says
This is such a first-world problem that I’m somewhat embarrassed to ask, but DD’s 4th birthday is coming up next week and I haven’t bought her a “fun” gift yet. I’ve picked out a book and an outfit that I know she’ll love, but I still want to get a toy or something besides practical stuff. The thing is — in all honesty, we do not need a single new toy in our house. She loves babies and dress-up and has plenty of that stuff. She’s the youngest sibling, so all the classic kid toys (MagnaTiles, Legos, plasma car, balance bike) were taken care of a long time ago.
Any creative ideas for something that a princess-loving, active 4-year-old would love?
Spirograph says
Not creative, and I know you can buy all of these digitally, but it might be exciting to open an actual DVD/blu ray box of one of the classic Disney princess movies.
Or an experience gift.
shortperson says
for her 4th birthday fun toys, my daughter will be getting a small set of my little ponies and a couple disney animators collection mini doll playsets. what she really wants is to go to a grocery store with the toy vending machines and spend a few quarters, so we will do that too.
Anon says
Active Princesses are Elena and Nella. Maybe look for something along those lines – an Elena book or pirate ship, or a Nella bow and arrow or sword and shield?
Or clothes or bathing suits or pajamas or dress up clothes that have those characters on them?
DLC says
Maybe book a princess to pay her a visit? My cousin hired Cinderella to come to her daughter’s school at lunch and it was a huge hit.
Other than that, my daughter received a full set of Frozen Figurines for Christmas one year and that was a huge hit.
Anonymous says
Talk to me about au pairs! I think I need one, but I’m worried that I’m going to be outsourcing too much child care and too little housekeeping work. As I’m in biglaw with three little kids, I really would like the flexibility of having an au pair — leaving my husband home with three kids under six with little notice for long stretches of the weekend or several evenings in a row (which doesn’t happen frequently but is the nature of my job) is not good for anyone. I could hire extra weeknight or weekend babysitters, but the issue is that my work schedule is not always predictable. However, part of what we are overwhelmed with it housekeeping (the usual, laundry, dishwashing, etc), and I’d much rather be spending time with my kids than cleaning the dishes, obviously. So, any thoughts on this stream-of-consciousness description would be appreciated, but particularly — if you have an au pair, do they pitch in for housework as a member of the family would, or do they really stick with only cleaning up the kids’ stuff? E.g., if we’re finished with dinner and both parents are home, could my husband and I reasonably expect to go upstairs and get the kids ready for bed, etc. while the au pair does the whole family’s dishes and cleans up the kitchen? (We have a weekly house cleaner, the au pair wouldn’t be scrubbing the toilets or anything — I’m talking more about daily chores that we’d like to get off our hands to the extent possible.)
Also, we don’t have a separate suite for an au pair to live in. They would have their own bedroom, separate from ours, but it would be downstairs next to the living room, and would share the bathroom with the rest of the downstairs rooms. My husband and I are fairly introverted, so this is not ideal, but it’s not a deal breaker. Does anyone have wisdom to share from a similar experience?
Anonymous says
“E.g., if we’re finished with dinner and both parents are home, could my husband and I reasonably expect to go upstairs and get the kids ready for bed, etc. while the au pair does the whole family’s dishes and cleans up the kitchen? ”
I don’t think so. Au pairs are really meant to take care of children. Yes, you can expect them to do light housekeeping (especially anything related to the child – like picking up child’s LEGOs), but I don’t think what you’re describing is typical. You could probably find someone on TaskRabbit or care.com to help with housekeeping.
Anon says
+1. You need a maid, not an au pair.
shortperson says
sounds like you need a daily housekeeper. i’m in biglaw and it’s critical for us.
Anonymous says
Thank you. Do you have extra childcare help during weekends or evenings at all? My parents are in town and pitch in, but I don’t want to rely on them too much. We were okay between my husband and parents when we had two kids only, but I’ve recently returned to work after baby #3, and while my husband tells me he’s fine taking care of the three of them if I have to work on the weekend, it usually results in him needing me to intervene because he’s not a superhero. Which results in me working for 1-hour stretches here and there and not actually enjoying the weekend because I’m worried about when I’m going to find time to fit a few hours of work in. So far, I haven’t had any really tough patches at work since coming back, but the quality of my work is suffering (and, obviously, so are my hours), and I’m afraid that when the inevitable crazy week or two comes around, we won’t be able to handle it.
On the other hand, my weeks aren’t always crazy, and it seems strange and wasteful to hire help on a standing basis when I don’t know whether I will need it, but… maybe that’s the best option?
Anonymous says
If he says he’s fine, leave the house?
Anonymous says
I mean, I do, but the two times I have left for more than an a couple hours, I’ve had to come home because once, the older kids got into a bike accident (with each other!!) and he couldn’t help them get fixed up and calmed down with a baby who was upset with all the crying, and the other time, the older kids were making an unholy racket, so he couldn’t get the overtired baby to nap, and it was a mess. All of these he could handle if I were in the middle of a closing or something and really couldn’t be home, but it’s pretty draining for him.
shortperson says
since my second maternity leave ended, we have a standing appointment with a weekend babysitter for at least 4 hours, usually 6 hours. we also usually have a babysitter one night a week to pick up, dinner, get both ready for bed, put baby to bed
shortperson says
and yes we dont always need the weekend babysitter for work, but i consider it an investment so that i can always know help will be available. if she’s there and i dont need to work i do something fun, about half the time bringing my big one with me for some solo mom time.
Anonymous says
Thanks, this is really helpful!
Anonymous says
That’s not an au pair’s job and. It a fair expectation.
Anon in NYC says
Have you considered hiring a housekeeper? Not like a weekly cleaning service, but someone to come in on a daily basis and clean up? You could leave the dishes in the sink overnight or put them in the dishwasher and have them unload/put them away, wipe counters, vacuum, straighten up, do laundry, etc?
A friend has an au pair and the au pair is great and definitely tries to be part of their family and helps them clean up if she ate dinner with them, but it’s not in their job description to take care of those types of chores.
Anonymous says
You’d be very lucky to get an au pair who was willing to pitch in on household chores, and even then “pitch in” means take turns loading the dishwasher with you and your husband. Not serving as a maid who cleans up after the family every night.
Anonymous says
OP here. Thanks, all for the input. It sounds like I am not in the market for an au pair afterall. Maybe I need to hire a housekeeper + a weekend babysitter.
shortperson says
again, also biglaw, and we also have a weekend babysitter.
Anonymous says
What is your daytime care situation? We have a 40 hour/week nanny who is happy to load and unload the dishwasher and always leaves the kitchen cleaner than it was when she arrived. We cook simple dinners and it usually doesn’t take more than 5 minutes to load the dinner dishes and plates into the dishwasher and run it. Nanny unloads it in the morning. She also does the baby’s laundry.
Anonymous says
This is highly dependent on your nanny and how much she is paid. My sister was a nanny in her early 20s and was not compensated very well and was absolutely not up for doing extra house work like cleaning up after last night’s dinner. Had she been receiving more money I think she would have been a lot more willing to do light housework.
Anonymous says
Yup, this is definitely something you have to discuss up front. Our nanny indicated in interviews she was fine with light housework and we pay her several dollars more than the average hourly wage in our area. We also only have one child, who still takes a long nap every day. I don’t think she’d have much time for housework if she had a child who wasn’t napping or two kids who didn’t nap at the same time.
anne-on says
Yeah, no, this isn’t the job of an au pair. The stand out over the moon awesome au pairs will generally help clean up after a family dinner alongside the parents/kids/load and unload dishwashers/or move a few loads of laundry around for you/or run some random family errands on occasion. I’ve certainly heard of plenty of au pairs who balk at anything that does not SPECIFICALLY have to do with the kids, or themselves (their own laundry/cleaning their own rooms/up after their own meals). Sounds like you need more of a daily housekeeper for a few hours.
We love au pairs, but ours have primarily been to cover the hours between when school ends and our workdays ends/random school holiday coverage/school vacation coverage/and coverage for when 1 parent travels/plus allowing us date nights every now and again.
Seafinch says
In my experience, this is exactly the job of the Au Pair. We are on our 8th. Virtually every one we know has a similar situation. If I cook, they do the dishes. They rarely, to never, cook, but he did last night as a special treat for us, and we did the dishes. The essential concept is that they are like one of the family. If you cooked your teenagers supper, you would except them to do the dishes. Otherwise, they do mostly tasks associated with the kids. They do breakfast and lunch dishes, unload the dishwasher, and do a midweek laundry load of kids’ clothes, they clean the bathroom they share with the kids, once a week they wipe down the kitchen cupboards, and once a week they sweep and steam the floors of the main living areas that they use daily with the kids. Ours travel with us (for free) and don’t work while they holiday with us (at least 7 weeks a year). Our rule is if we are home, they aren’t child minding. They are invited for restaurant meals and family parties. We are Canadian and they make quite a bit more money than in the USA, but our model is similar to when we lived in Europe (where they also make very little money). We have early start times and potentially unpredictable work schedules. It is essential for us. We had a quasi basement suite once, our worst set-up is our current one where they have their own large room on the second floor with all the other bedrooms and share a bathroom with the kids.
Anon says
If possible in your market, it sounds like you need a housekeeper who also does childcare.
My family is from Latin America and they live in Miami. In Miami, at least through my family’s network, it’s possible to find someone who can both be a housekeeper and pitch in with the kids.
Where I live in the Bay Area, it’s really, really hard to find a qualified person willing to do this range of work. However, I’ve heard it’s possible in other markets.
Anonymous says
I assume you can’t negotiate ahead of time to find someone willing to do more housework than normal in exchange for a higher stipend than normal, right? The arrangement is already set by the agency (and based on laws/state dept policies)?
Adulting says
Now that DH and I have a child, we need to get serious about getting our house in order.
What are the documents we need to have an attorney prepare and what sort of cost should we expect to be quoted? Certainly we need wills that contemplate guardianship in the event we both die. Is a power of attorney necessary? Anything else?
Once we get this done, we’ll be exploring life insurance policies. Anything else we should be considering or planning for?
Anonymous says
You should find someone to do the whole suite for you. In Northern VA, we got this done for about $1500. We have a pretty uncomplicated situation. That said, the process might take a few months, and the time to get life insurance was yesterday (no shame — I waited longer than I should have), so I would prioritize that.
Anonymous says
We’re in a MCOL Midwestern city (not Chicago). It was about $1000 and the standard package included wills, power of attorney and living wills. The only thing that required any thought was choosing guardians, everything else was just boilerplate. Our financial situation is very simple – our only assets are our house, retirement accounts and a small emergency fund and we each get everything if the other dies and if we both die our kid gets everything (in trust if under 18).
We have $1M life insurance on DH – he’s the breadwinner and I’d probably want to quit my job if he died to be home with our kid, at least for a while. We don’t have much life insurance on me – maybe $150k. His job is lucrative but also flexible and he’s more sure than I am that he’d want to continue working as a widower. So life insurance for me is mainly to cover funeral expenses and more paid help for him as a single parent, not to put our kid through college.
Anonymous says
Is that enough? We have $2M in DH plus he has $800k through work. We have $1.2 on me.
Our thinking is whichever one of us is left would need full+ time help with hildcare ($50k/year for a live in nanny), we’d want the surviving parent to take time off AND be able to go back to work at a lower stress job. And pay for college for 3 kids.
If you don’t intend to fully pay for college (/if you don’t have a pile of kids!) the numbers may look quite different. We may have more than we need but I’m willing to pay an extra $20/mo for complete peace of mind.
Anonymous says
We feel it’s more than enough for us. We own our home outright (in a very low cost of living area where good daycare is under $1k/month), have local grandparents for additional help, and we have significant retirement and college savings. And only one kid.
Anonymous says
Makes perfect sense. We have $500k left on our mortgage, would need to spend $50k+/year for adequate kid coverage til they’re all well into grade school, aren’t assuming any grandparent help, and have 3! :-)