This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
I’m not a big Kohl’s shopper (although I’ve bought some cheap kids’ PJs and tees there), but about a year ago I got this textured/cable knit sweater (no longer available) from one of the house brands, Sonoma Goods for Life. In addition to its interesting design, it’s comfortable and has held up really well to many machine washings — and I recently bought a second sweater from the brand.
The pictured cardigan from Sonoma looks like a nice buy, too, and since it’s not as casual, it’s a bit more appropriate for the office. (Still, I’d say it’s best for a work-from-home day, a casual day, or a business casual office.) It’s gotten many positive reviews, it comes in 10 colors (including some colorblock options), it’s machine washable, and it has pockets.
The cardigan comes in sizes XS–XXL and 1X–4X and is on sale for $31.44 (supposedly marked down from $50, but this might be one of those things that’s always “on sale”). Airy Cardigan
Psst: here are some of our favorite comfortable cardigans for nursing or lounging as of 2022… we look for ones that are easy care, soft, and without zippers or other details that could poke baby…
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
Click here to see our top posts!
And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Holiday Daycare gifts says
Talk to me about holiday gifts for daycare/caretakers. We just started an in-home daycare this week with our 3 month old and I’m thinking ahead to the holidays. We really love his caretaker, and she has been great with our kid so far.
What is the “standard” gift? Target/coffee gift card? Cash tip? Or is this something to not even bother with?
Anonymous says
When I was at an in-home daycare, the standard gift was a bonus week’s pay. I usually wrote a cheque, put it in the card and added a small box of chocolate for kid to hand over but if you just have a baby, the card/cheque alone is probably fine.
Pogo says
+1 to a weeks pay.
Spirograph says
We have always done cash/check + handwritten card. Sometimes with a small token item like a framed picture or a mug. Amount varies, but we try to give generously, as these are some of the most important people in our kids’ lives, and providing an essential service to us.
Anon says
Not in-home, but at our center most people seem to do cards and gift card or cash. I do Target gift cards (so they can purchase essentials or something fun, depending on their preference). In the past I’ve done $50 per teacher. This year I will probably do more like $100-200 because we are so appreciative of them showing up in the middle of the pandemic to give us care. There is a separate cash collection for non-teacher staff (floaters, kitchen staff, etc.) and we usually give $100 to that.
Anon says
We were in a chain daycare, so did a $50 Target gc for the main teacher, $20 for the floaters, and bring in coffee/donuts for the entire staff. We didn’t do bonuses/gifts at any other time (like a Teacher Appreciation week – we’d just write/color cards for those). Most people did these and the teachers seemed to most appreciate the gift cards and kid-made or parent-written cards. The little cutesy gifts on Pinterest were flashy but I heard from some of the teachers who became our babysitters that after a year or two of teaching, that stuff is too much.
OP says
Thanks. I’m definitely leaning toward cash or gift card. Ain’t nobody got time for handmade “best teacher” gifts from Pinterest.
JTM says
We’ve always done a center, but we do Target gift cards in a card. Also a tip: Target does a 10% off Gift Cards promo the first weekend of December, so I wait until then to buy gift cards – for example, you can get $100 in gift cards for $90. I usually do $50 for head teachers and $25 for the assistants. I also make some type of knitted gift for our teachers (hats & cowls usually) in their requested color.
anon says
A parent at my kid’s small nonprofit center normally collects a holiday fund that’s evenly distributed to staff. I love that parent so much for that—makes everyone’s lives easier.
Anonymous says
Also at a center, I usually do a $50 gift card with a handwritten note and something small and consumable like candy. This year I bought a few “nicer” hand sanitizers during Sephora’s sale and am sending those with the gift cards
AwayEmily says
Cash, as much as we can afford (I usually budget around $200 per kid for teacher gifts and then divide up in various amounts between the main teachers, floaters, etc). And then a card: for each teacher I write a card that tells them exactly what I appreciate about them (if possible using specific examples) and relays some nice things my kid has said about them.
anon says
I know many of you follow Laura Vanderkam, the author, time management expert, and host of Best of Both Worlds, a podcast for working moms.
She just posted this on Twitter:
@lvanderkam
Deeply, deeply disappointed that Montgomery Co, LMSD, all considering going virtual again because the situation is allegedly “catastrophic.” You know what is catastrophic? Virtual school for young kids. Shame on all of you.
In the comments section of her tweet, she adds:
@lvanderkam
Schools don’t seem to be a major source of spread, nor do kids seem most at risk. Our kids are masked and socially distanced in our hybrid school. This is just adults wanting to look like they are doing something and not caring if kids bear the brunt of it.
@lvanderkam
Recommending all schools in the entire area go virtual is way too broad. Kids have already lost vast amounts of learning. That is part of health too.
Wondering if she sounds tone deaf to you, or if you agree with her. The “shame on all of you” and her phrase “allegedly catastrophic” stands out to me.
Anon says
Her tone is dramatic, but I completely agree with her point. There’s been little to no spread documented in the classroom (athletics and school social events are a different story) and the harm to children from not being in school is tremendous. Schools should be the last thing to close, not the first. I’m ok with returning to a complete lockdown if that’s necessary
(and it may now be necessary in some places like Wisconsin that are setting up field hospitals) but I’m not ok with closing schools and allowing any non-essential businesses to remain open.
This pandemic has been very enlightening about how little our society cares about kids (and working moms).
Pogo says
What’s scary now is everyone I know who’s gotten it recently doesn’t know how they got it, and they practice masking and social distancing. So it must be so prevalent you can pick it up while running errands? That freaks me out.
I think a tighter lockdown is coming and I agree we should shut down all nonessential businesses first before schools and daycare. And possibly step up enforcement of things like the new mask mandate in MA – I still haven’t seen compliance with the order the way it is worded (basically, if you’re not on your own private property, wear a mask).
Anon says
In our state, apparently most people are getting it at small social gatherings. A lot of people let their guard down and don’t wear masks among family/close friends. And there’s been more spread linked to bars, restaurants and gyms than hair salons, grocery stores and retail stores – I don’t think it’s a coincidence that people are supposed to remain fully masked in the latter and are allowed to remove their masks at the former.
And not to call your friends and family liars, but everyone I know claims to be practicing social distancing and many people are not. A facebook friend from high school has been complaining a lot about how hard the pandemic and the social distancing has been and was at a 200 person wedding last weekend. So yeah…I kind of take the “I have no idea how I could have possibly gotten it!” people with a grain of salt.
rosie says
Yeah, there was a McSweeney’s thing about your last point with how people are social distancing.
I think that the big problems are these relatively high-risk activities being allowed to remain open. I am not eating at restaurants, but I get it — they are allowed to be open and they are open, why are we as individuals tasked with enforcing stricter rules? And the restaurants are in a difficult spot financially with little to no assistance from the government.
And then I agree, people relaxing their social distancing and mask wearing for whatever reason. Maybe they think none of their friends/family would have it (sort of the STD mindset I guess?). Or fatigue with how long we’ve been at it. It sucks, but it sucks for everyone.
Anonymous says
The people who complain the loudest about the difficulties of social distancing are also the people who take the fewest precautions. Case in point, my dear family members who complain about being required to teach in person, then eat in restaurants, go to the gym, and fly across the country to have unmasked indoor family gatherings and wonder why we don’t join them.
Anon says
Ugh yes my teacher friend who was the most vocal about how returning to in-person school was synonymous with sending teachers to death row has been out and about having fun for the entire pandemic, including flying to Miami over the summer for a bachelor*tte party. Um….what!? How can you be upset that people want you to do your job when you’ve putting yourself in tons of risky situations just for fun?
Anonymous says
Totally agree.
When my mom says it, I believe her (she is my dad’s caregiver, he is had cancer recently enough to be quite vulnerable). Anyone else, I imagine an asterisk next to “we are being good.”
Anonymous says
People are super unreliable reporters. No one is going to admit they probs got covid because they’re back at social distancing, but we are! Humans are bad at this! Just because they don’t know how doesn’t mean we need to start a panic about going to the grocery store.
Pogo says
That’s fair, I just meant that the contact tracers couldn’t point to the person who gave it to them. In two cases, it was a school aged child who brought the virus home, but school wasn’t the smoking gun (in one case the only other positive was in a different cohort for example). In that case I’m pretty sure the kid got it from sports, which is supposed to be masked and distanced, but they’re kids.
Anon says
+1 I just had my annual exam and was chatting with my OB about it, and she said there’s basically zero chance of getting it at the grocery store and people who claim they caught COVID despite never leaving their house are just lying. She’s had 20+ exposures at work and has never gotten sick (and has tested negative for antibodies) so she’s a big believer in masks and said brief indoor interactions are very safe as long as everyone is masked.
Anonymous says
Playing sports is definitely not social distancing.
Pogo says
Thanks, that is helpful. I guess I just want to believe that people are doing what they say and being safe because if they’re not, we should pull our kid from daycare and that’s a hell I don’t want to experience again.
anne-on says
I am SO mad about youth sports still being active. In our town most of the spread among kids is directly traced back to sports. Youth sports are NOT MANDATORY PEOPLE. I can understand your kids wanting/needing exercise and social interaction but if the towns shut down soccer/basketball/etc. schools would have a MUCH better chance of staying open. Do not even get me started on WHY sports leagues are open and schools are not?!?!?
Spirograph says
Re: sports, I hear you, but I would submit that the reason most spread among kids is traced to sports is because sports are one of the few things that are happening, not because it’s inherently a risky activity. Most sports are either outside or in a space with a large volume of air like a gymnasium or ice rink, so if you limit spectators, wear masks and make a good faith effort at distancing, you’re in fairly low risk territory.
Since schools refuse to open, sports are filling an even more vital role in giving kids a social space, interaction with adults who are not their parents, and something to strive at. I don’t think anyone should view this as an either-or, *especially* while bars, salons, restaurants, and gyms remain open. Obviously school is more important than sports, but literally no one is saying we can’t open school because of the spread from sports. They’re saying they can’t open school because of busses and teachers unions.
gymnastics mom says
I pulled my kid from her gymnastics team and am absolutely furious that youth sports are still permitted. There is a discussion forum for gym parents where people are discussing how to get around quarantine requirements to go to out-of-state meets. It should all be shut down not just because it’s a public health nightmare, but also because it’s not fair to athletes whose states or parents are being more cautious. Kids aiming for college scholarships who live in states where they can’t train or attend meets, or whose parents have listened to reason and pulled them from the gym, are at a huge disadvantage in comparison with the kids from Texas, which is carrying on as if there were no pandemic. My daughter isn’t at that point, but if she returned to the gym today she’d already be at least a year behind her teammates in terms of progress. Her gym is training but not competing, so instead of spending months fine-tuning routines for competition they are spending this year uptraining skills for the next level and are already far ahead of where they’d normally be at this point in the season. Add to that the need to regain lost conditioning and to relearn all the timing to compensate for the massively accelerated growth spurts that tend to occur when these kids take time off, and it’s all incredibly discouraging.
Anonymous says
No one in authority is admitting that sports are a reason we can’t open schools, but it’s true. See https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/69/wr/mm6941a4.htm
If we prohibited youth sports and other high-risk activities, there would be less risk of kids’ and teachers’ bringing the virus into schools.
Anonymous says
If you can also youth sports aren’t kids still going to be out playing with each other? Like isn’t the soccer team largely kids in your risk circle already? And if not, won’t kids from down the street take their place? Parks are open and kids will go there and interact.
Anon says
@Spirograph, youth sports are open in my area with no requirements for masks or distancing, and mostly indoors now. It’s a major source of spread between kids and school classrooms have not been, which is pretty logical to me since classroom interactions are masked and distanced. Our schools are not shut by the government but are starting to shut now due to the number of classrooms under quarantine and the number of staff and student absences. I absolutely believe canceling all sports would help the schools stay open.
Anonymous says
No, if you shut down youth sports, you also tell parents to keep their kids distanced. You must be one of the people on my street who let their kids run wild in a pack, unmasked and undistanced. It’s only a matter of time before one of them catches the virus and infects the whole lot of them.
Spirograph says
Clearly this is pretty location-dependent. I live in DC suburbs where everything has a masking requirement, and schools have refused to open because of busses and unions, in spite of test positivity below 5% for the last several months.
My kids are participating in youth sport, and the orgs are taking masking and distancing very seriously. No locker rooms, only one parent allowed, cancelling practice if anyone has pending test results, etc. I feel pretty comfortable with it so far. If I lived somewhere that people are in denial about whether covid is real, I would probably feel differently.
Anonymous says
Honestly, I am with her. A government (federal, state, local, county, school boards — I am looking at ALL of you) that can’t figure out how to deliver an essential service should step aside and find someone (from the private / Catholic schools in my city and numerous summer camps) who can get it figured out. Remote = failure in my books. After 9 months, you should have had a better plan. And better metrics of when your plan isn’t working vs when you’re just having Feelings.
Anon says
100%
I am also annoyed at how many districts have no interest in treating younger grades differently than older grades. K-2 is different (in educational needs and expsore risk) than 9-12, and should be treated differently.
Cb says
Yes, I’m quite relieved here that they seem to be closing schools on an isolated basis or as a last resort here. It isn’t fair that people can sit in a pub or go to a soccer match, but children can’t be in a classroom.
anon says
In this context, “Shame on You” and “Allegedly Catastrophic” are a little too much. Sounds like a Karen.
Anon says
I don’t know much about her, but I definitely agree with her that people who are casting aside schools deserve to be shamed, loud and clear. I’ve said this several times – my kids are going to be fine. Most of the people here’s kids are going to be fine. But there are a lot of kids out there who don’t have our advantages, and a lot of people out there who like to act like they care about the less fortunate are perfectly willing to sweep those kids under the rug. It’s sickening.
Anon says
+1. They deserve to be shamed.
anon says
So I hear this sentiment a lot from middle/upper-middle class people. “Our kids will be fine but it’s the lower-income kids who are suffering and thus we need to get them back in school no matter what!”
I have a friend at a ward 7 school in DC that (back when they were planning to open this month) couldn’t get students to accept the spots they won during the lottery. Those parents don’t want to put their kids at risk either.
anon says
It’s not that they don’t want to put their kids at risk – its that a) covid has hit poorer communities harder (certainly more deaths too) so the risk is actually different but also b) more multigenerational families at home or people out of work.
Honestly we need to normalize kids back to school so everyone is back.
Anonymous says
Yep. If you look at the NYC data, which are broken out by race but not income, parents of white kids are more likely to want to send their kids back than parents of Black kids.
Anonymous says
“we need to normalize kids back at school so everyone is back”
Nope nope nope. The answer is not to “normalize” the idea of sending kids back into a dangerous situation so everyone feels obligated to go along. The answer is to “normalize” the precautions that would make it safe to open schools: universal masking, closing gyms and restaurants, shutting down youth sports, prohibiting nonessential gatherings of non-household members, etc. Even if schools aren’t the primary drivers of community spread, they are still risky as long as people are deliberately exposing their kids to COVID outside of school at weddings and soccer games and then sending them to school to share their germs with their classmates.
Anon says
On the normalize point, our district has been hugely successful in having no outbreaks and the black kids are still staying home. They need to be hearing that it’s safe and kids are back. The precautions are being taken. It’s the students who aren’t back. I’m looking at this professionally across the country. Especially teh young kids – they follow rules and wear masks.
Anonymous says
For context, her post is reacting to a policy statement that was put forth from the leading children’s hospital here that called the situation “catastrophic”. So she’s mirroring that language.
Anon says
100% agree.
Anonymous says
100% agree with her. In other countries when things have gotten US levels bad, the move has been to make high schools virtual and maintain in person teaching (even if masked and distanced as much as possible) for younger children. In person teaching for young children is only up for cancellation when it’s at like a ‘shelter in place’ type level of bad.
Anon says
I agree with what she’s saying but will also say that she sounds very overwhelmed with her 5 kids right now and can’t imagine virtual schooling works well with that many kids and just one nanny.
Anonymous says
Her royal smugness deserves to be overwhelmed.
Anon says
Lol!
Anonymous says
Yeah I agree with her here but generally can’t stand her
Anonymous says
So she’s finally found a challenge she can’t buy her way out of. So sad for her.
Anon says
My thoughts exactly.
Anonymous says
OTOH, if she can’t buy her way out of it, what chance in hell do I have?!?
[And the people OK with not sending their kids back are largely letting them just check out for the year, so their kids aren’t actually learning virtually b/c it is overwhelming to people and folks would rather be at home with happy kids vs cranky or miserable ones. I can’t say I blame them, but if the rich folks can’t make this work for them, it is unworkable and we as a people deserve governments that take the issues of moms and kids seriously. Do we matter? Apparently not.]
Anonymous says
I do not disagree with your analysis, but I am really enjoying seeing Vanderkam face just a little of the difficulty that normal people face on a daily basis.
Anonymous says
Vanderkam’s entire brand is telling people that if you can’t buy and negotiate your way out of it, you aren’t trying hard enough to make it work. So yeah, I am enjoying seeing her suffer.
Anon says
Another major Vanderkam theme: suck it up, you have no reason to complain, just adjust your expectations about what life should look like and earn enough income so you can buy your way out of any problem. That formula is heartless and it won’t work in COVID times.
anon says
I completely agree with her! The tone is a little histrionic but she’s not wrong, imo.
Anonymous says
I agree with her.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yep, I too agree with her overall message. School, particularly in person school, particularly for the lower grades, is essential and it’s such a shame that millions of kids are being harmed by these shutdowns. In Europe, they have shut downs again, but schools and daycares remain open, so I hope the same happens here. It’s also so short sighted to keep revenue generating businesses open now that are actually causing more spread, while not educating your future workforce.
I’m sure part of the problem here is that there is not enough federal funding going to schools to keep them safe, but again hopefully this changes soon. In essence, all of this ire and rage should be directed to those Republican senators who refuse to pass a comprehensive stimulus bill that gets money where it’s needed most, and not necessarily at school administrators.
Anon says
I find her kind of insufferable in general, but in this situation she is right on the money. Closing schools is more about the appearance of “doing something” and doesn’t actually slow the spread or protect the vulnerable, particularly when many of those kids will end up in large pods, daycare centers or YMCA day camps. In fact for many people I know who have virtual school, it’s like a pod on M-W, a theater camp on Tuesday, a dance camp on W-F followed by aftercare at the Y…not judging the parents who make these choices because they’re between a rock and a hard place, but this is objectively worse for public health than keeping kids in the same classroom cohort all week.
Cb says
It’s so true! Our nursery can’t open at full capacity because of the risk assessment (there isn’t a clear way to bubble kids) but most of us by necessity are using different sites, informal childcare, childminder, etc which surely increases the number of contacts and risks to everyone.
Pogo says
There are places here you can send your kid where they supervise distance learning. Which is…. the same as in person learning. (Tutoring places like Sylvan, and large indoor sports centers that aren’t allowed to be open for indoor sports). It’s so infuriating. Just open the schools and do it right instead of making every parent fend for themselves and end up doing less safe options just to survive.
Anon says
I think it really just comes down to the fact that public school teachers are unionized so they can refuse to work, but the staff at those “distance learning centers” don’t have that kind of bargaining power.
Anonymous says
Yup. We have a weak teachers’ union, so we are back in person with no distancing whatsoever and multiple cases per school reported every day.
Anon says
Or teachers are categorically older and more at risk (at least where I am) and the sports center staff are younger and less at risk.
Anonymous says
Or our elected leaders are just too chicken to tell private businesses to straighten up and do their part.
Anonymous says
Not the same. Those are small pods in big spaces at least in our area whereas school classes In elementary are around 30. Even if you break that into small groups people still have to care for kids the other days of the week.
Anon says
Yup. All closing schools does in terms of safety is shift responsibility elsewhere. Parents have to work. Many parents don’t have jobs that allow for monitoring distance learning at the same time. Those kids are all going somewhere – but rather than a single location they’re spread out all over the place. How does that help?
Those kids will be going to caregivers (daycare teachers, those at the YMCA) who are all paid far less than teachers and have far less access to paid sick leave / good health insurance so they’re a lot more likely to show up to work sick than traditional classroom teachers. Or, high risk grandparents are going to need to do child care when schools close.
Why we’re prioritizing keeping bars and spas open over keeping schools open is just beyond bonkers to me.
FVNC says
+1 million. We wound up putting our 2nd grader in private school where the elementary kids are meeting in person, but we also looked at learning pods, YMCA and similar programs, plus before and after care. We did not consider having her stay home for virtual learning because our jobs aren’t compatible with monitoring her during the day (and in reality it would have been all on me, since my husband is back in the office every day). I know this situation is not the fault of individual teachers who are doing their best in a completely crap situation, but it has completely shifted my view of their unions.
Anon says
I agree that how this was handled is horribly for students and for society. Rather than hiring more teachers and creating smaller, podded classes, everyone decided to shut down. It leaves poor families with only bad options which mostly result in perpetuating their poverty because they lose their jobs or their kids get a low quality education and fall behind. It further privileges the resourced. That is the opposite of the whole point of public schools and I am so angry about it.
If someone has some ideas what to do about it, I am all ears.
Anon says
I don’t like her way of saying it but I do think virtual kindergarten is an abomination.
anon says
I agree with her. I’m nearby and have been very frustrated with how our schools have handled things. I understand schools in other areas have been innovative and found ways to teach students, but that hasn’t been my experience at all.
There is local conversation about whether schools will even be open before fall 2022. Teachers are taking the position that there have to be zero COVID cases in the region before they will come back into the classroom. At that standard, even a vaccine won’t be enough to restart schools.
Anon says
Forget 2022…with that standard, you will literally never restart schools. This is going to become a seasonal virus like influenza. The big inflection point will be widespread distribution of the vaccine – that will hopefully happen in 2021 and cause hospitalizations and deaths to plummet, and after that there’s nothing to really wait for.
Anonymous says
I agree with her (also she’s a reader on the main site, though I’m not sure if she reads this one).
My kindergartener has been in private school in person, 5 days a week since the start of the year. There’s distancing, masks, plexiglass barriers on desks, ventilation and maximum outdoor time. Classrooms are isolated from each other. There have so far been 0 cases — the school is committed to reporting *any* cases in the school to all parents. I don’t think schools are a major source of spread as long as guidelines are followed — I’ve seen no evidence or anecdata to the contrary, and I have several friends with kids attending similar schools. My child’s mental health is enormously better than it was in the spring, when she was stuck at home with just me and some video lessons.
We’re in NYC and facing the prospect of all schools closing in the next few weeks (including private) and it would be absolutely devastating to my career as a single parent. I have a pod planned with another family if that happens, but that means I’m supervising remote schooling for 2 kids 50% of the time and can work the other 50% — not an ideal situation. I will probably have to take intermittent leave, at 70% salary, which won’t be great in a year when I’m already paying for private school I didn’t plan for.
I don’t love her tone but I find everyone’s tone on twitter to be not to my taste, which is why I’m not on twitter.
Anonymous says
I also agree with her but don’t love the tone, and same. We put our kids in private school before there was good data on cause and effect with community spread, and I am happy to see the data has borne out my gut feeling that small classes and sensible precautions could keep things under control. Our school has kept a couple classrooms home for a few days pending test results when a teacher or student started feeling ill, but there have been no actual covid cases. I was just telling my husband yesterday that I have zero regrets about paying for in-person private school – the difference in everyone’s mental health compared to last spring is night and day. I hate that most kids do not have the option to attend school in person right now, and I hate that there continues to be very little movement to get back there. People are paying lip service to the damage it’s doing to children’s mental health and academic progress, and to the damage it’s doing to (primarily) women’s careers, but talk is cheap and useless.
Cases are ticking up here and I am very scared that the county will try to close private schools again. I do not have a contingency plan for that, yet. Best case scenario, my husband’s office would also close again and he would pick up the school management, but that is still a bad situation for everyone.
Anonymous says
NYC residents, contact the mayor to push back! He is receptive to public pressure.
Anonymous says
I fully agree with her.
Anon says
I completely agree with her – don’t think she sounds tone deaf. Agree with tone and I don’t even like her! Can’t believe schools aren’t treating k-2 different too, as another poster said.
follow-up says
And I don’t have a problem with shaming people. It may not be coming from this place, but we all know it’s the poorer kids with less resources who are suffering because of this – shame on these schools for not figuring out solutions (or recognizing that schools aren’t spreaders and they’re just caving to pressure).
EB0220 says
I generally agree with her opinion. For my personal mental health I find it better to take the perspective that everyone is trying to do their best in a bad situation and trying to shame people never ever works. FWIW if you agree with the opinion but not the tone, Emily Oster has the same perspective (with data!) but is much more chill.
Anon says
I’m frequently critical of her on here but I understand where she’s coming from about this. She’s a bit dramatic it but if you follow her work, she can barely hide her disdain that someone would choose a different childcare situation or not outsource everything so I’m not surprised.
GCA says
I disagree with her on many things, but I am in agreement with her on this one. I am looking at the MA weekly reports on Covid clusters (it’s here if anyone wants it https://www.mass.gov/doc/weekly-covid-19-public-health-report-november-5-2020/download) and K-12 schools are not a significant driver of cases or clusters. It’s long-term care, social gatherings, and other congregate settings that are leading to case clusters.
I don’t care if she’s overwhelmed though. Can’t buy your way out of that in a pandemic.
Anon says
I actually live a town over from her and I think she is being dramatic. Cases are rapidly rising here and it’s only going to get worse. If the schools don’t go virtual now, they will within the next couple weeks so might as well get a routine back down before winter break.
Administrator says
This is all SO hard, and so much of the brunt of the pandemic is falling on working parents, moms in particular. I’m 100% sympathetic to that, and our country’s lack of appropriate response in other arenas (parties, bars, restaurants, lack of mask mandates in many areas) is the source of so many of our stressors and I’m just pissed.
As a school administrator, I’m going to share a few constraints my school district has contended with that I think often isn’t effectively communicated to parents, and I imagine many other districts are dealing with the same problems:
-Our substitute pool is comprised almost completely of retirees, and we can barely get enough subs under normal conditions. Many have declined to work this year, and we have a record number of absences due to staff sickness/quarantine/childcare issues (because they have kids in school, too). We obviously can’t leave students unsupervised. We are at the point that if we have just two more staff members out than we had this week, we literally don’t know how we can keep school open. We doubled our daily sub pay rate and only got a couple of extra candidates. We’ve put out calls to the local community, which has a number of stay at home moms (this is a high school, so their kids are likely to be older). Parents are very vocal about us needing to remain open and that school is safe, but only four parents in a town with a population of 20k actually stepped up to sub. We’ve advertised in every conceivable place. We beg at every board and community meeting. All nearby districts who are in person are facing the same issue, and most can’t throw money at the problem by doubling pay like we did.
-Our bus driver pool (which also skews older) is similarly stressed. Our bus company actually had to do two rounds of pickups/drop offs a couple of times in the last two weeks (so some students got to school over an hour late) because they couldn’t scare up enough drivers those mornings
-Our students are posting pictures online of all of their gatherings, and telling teachers on Mondays about all the activities they’re going to over the weekend. A large group of parents threw their own Homecoming dance because we obviously wouldn’t. Unmasked (and this is in a blue area). We have had multiple families refuse (not just not answer the phone, but actively refuse) to participate in contact tracing with our county health department, and many who have failed to tell the school their child was positive (but then it would be found out when students told their teachers and friends).
-Because some school sports have been delayed for later seasons, many parents have instead opted to sign them up for (traveling!) club sports instead. I totally agree that it’s ridiculous to continue sports right now.
-We actually have had spread within our school, despite strict enforcement of masking and social distancing.
I know this is awful and career-threatening for so many. I’m so, so sorry. There is no great solution here, but I promise that it’s not a conspiracy or laziness or lack of ability to magic up some great solution instead of going virtual again. I don’t think there’s a single district in the US where parents are truly happy with their school’s response.
Teaching virtually is SO MUCH HARDER (and suckier for everyone, and yes, lower quality). Some of our teachers are in the exact same situation all of you are, especially because many area schools have been remote while our district has been in person this entire year, so teachers’ own children are at home while they’re still expected to work in person and teachers don’t have the income to throw much money at the problem, nor do they have a real option to work remotely.
I’m exhausted, our teachers are exhausted, and we had four teachers prematurely decide to retire this year because they weren’t interested in finding out what this experiment would be like (and I don’t really blame them, especially because they’re older). This year sucks. I’m really, really sorry.
Anon says
Thanks for the insight. Private schools can ask parents and students to follow a code of conduct and discipline or even expel those who don’t comply. I know it’s not really possible but I wish there was a way public schools could condition in-person attendance on compliance with Covid guidelines. Nobody would be throwing DIY Homecoming dances if it meant their kids would be booted into virtual learning. I’m sorry you’re dealing with all that.
Anonymous says
We have the same issues with parents and students concealing infections, refusing to participate in contact tracing, and engaging in unsafe behavior outside of school, and with finding subs. Unfortunately, unlike you, our school administrators are complicit in the problem. They are only quarantining the kids who are listed next to the infected kids on the official seating charts, and are refusing to provide parents and the public with any information about infections in their children’s classes. (No, HIPAA and FERPA do not preclude exposure notifications. Come on, we get a letter every time a kid in the class comes down with strep or lice.) They are not distancing the kids at all. The official policy is “eh, we might pretend to try to keep them three feet apart, but even that really isn’t gonna happen.” There are now obvious outbreaks at several schools. They closed today because of “heavy rains and water in the roadways” and are likely to close again tomorrow for the same reason, even though the forecast is clear. How convenient.
Anon says
Yeah in a school district near me lawyers who work for the school district have to spend days as substitute teachers because there is no one else to help and so many teachers are out with COVID.
Spirograph says
Thank you for sharing this, I appreciate the insight!
AnotherAnon says
Can you help me think of Christmas gifts for my SILs? My brother’s wife is about ten years younger than me (so mid 20s), has two boys – 2 months and 4 years, works in accounting. Her style skews rustic. She always gets us personalized ornaments for Christmas, so she’s cute and creative. Any ideas? I was thinking maybe an ornament with a photo of her boys? DH’s sister is late 30s and a nomad – currently lives in an RV, works as an apartment locator, is a minimalist and a vegan, outdoorsy (but has every piece of outdoor gear known to man), loves her dogs, loves booze but I’d like to get her something more special. I should prob just ask her what she wants.
AnonATL says
For your husband’s sister feel like I’ve seen some really cute personalized camping flasks or wine bladders on REI or Etsy for more personalized options. There’s also the classic enamel mugs that are good for camping.
For people like brother’s wife, I tend to default to something a little self indulgent like a quality candle, bath salts, etc.
Anon says
I think it’s a little weird to get her an ornament if that’s “her thing” that she gifts other people. Are there any fancy foods you could mail order that she would like?
Anon says
+1 definitely don’t do an ornament (sorry!)
ElisaR says
this is random but my SIL just gifted me Tommy John lounge pants and WHOOEEE i didn’t know I needed them but i did!
They’re fun bc they are green which is not what i would normally buy and they’re super comfycozy.
DLC says
I just put a National Parks Pass and a State Park pass on my Christmas list – would that be something that your DH’s sister might like?
EB0220 says
+1 Especially if she is traveling she might want multiple park passes. I think I need three just for my own little corner of the woods (county, state and national).
anon says
What about a photo mug with pictures of her boys? My husband loves his Shutterfly photo mug. Could you get her husband to send you a few favorite photos? You could fill it with some fancy tea or coffee.
Anon says
For the second: consumables. Coffee club subscription, set of Penzey’s spices, etc. Or maybe Bombas socks because everyone could use great socks
AwayEmily says
Know your family (some people would be annoyed by this), but in years when I can’t think of a good gift I usually default to a donation in their name to a charity/political campaign/etc I know they like, plus a small something for them (eg fancy chocolate bar).
Toddler sleep says
My three year old will NOT stay in bed at night. She gets out of bed over and over and over. Dispassionately putting her back to bed doesn’t work. Taking away toys or other consequences the next day also doesn’t work. We have given her a lot of control over her bedtime routine and that doesn’t work. Please, any suggestions!
Anon says
Another daycare gift question – with the new drop-off procedures I have minimal contact with the teachers and don’t really have a way to hand envelopes to anyone except the head teacher who takes my kid at the classroom door. My kid is not really old enough to hand things over on her own (she’s 2). Is it ok to just email them e-gift cards? That eliminates the cute kid-drawn card, but I figure the cash is what they most want anyway.
I need to figure this out soon since our last day of the year is in less than two weeks….
AwayEmily says
Hand a big envelope containing the sealed cards with names written on the outside of each to the head teacher. She can drop them in the teachers’ mailboxes or give them to the office staff to do so.
Anonymous says
Just give them to the head teacher. She’s probs not stealing holiday cards with other staff member’s names on them right?
H13 says
Any tips on how to parent an extrovert when you are an introvert? As schools will likely shut down here again soon, I am thinking about how to make things better for everyone.
My 7yo needs to talk and move all. the. time. It just completely drains me. He seems to have become less able to play independently except when doing something like also listening to an audiobook. He also gets completely immersed in his imaginative worlds and it’s like he wants me to be in there with him, but I can’t. Short of defaulting to screen time, I’d like to strategize on how to talk to him about things to satisfy all our needs.
Does anyone have go-to phrasing on this? Like, what can I say to him to make the times we are playing better but also help him understand when I need him to just stop?
Anon says
Babysitter or pod. I don’t think it’s possibly to parent a super extroverted young child and work full time without help.
H13 says
Good point. This summer we had a HS student come 4 hours a day and we basically paid her to listen to him talk.
SC says
I am an extrovert and only child, and my parents definitely hired babysitters to listen to me talk.
Anonymous says
Dedicated periods of focused parental attention + screen time.
Anonymous says
I’m in the same boat with my 5 year old. She’s absolutely adorably and hysterical but it’s just too much sometimes. I sometimes tell her that mommy needs quiet time and go lie down with the door closed, but then usually come out to a horrible mess because she decides to make a snack or give her stuffed animals a bath or make fruit salad, so YMMV.
Anon says
my cousin had her MIL talk with their 7 year old for about an hour a day on zoom, so she could deal with their 4 year old and 1 year old and it seems to have helped a lot
Jeffiner says
No real advice, because I am in the exact same situation with my 5yo daughter. During lockdown this spring we tried taking turns working and spending time with her, but instead of learning to become more independent she got clingier as the separation from other kids wore on. She can only play by herself in two situations – if a screen in running in the background, or in the shower. My husband thinks its the white noise, so we may try just playing music all day. And honestly, I’m ok if there is a screen in the background while she does a new jigsaw puzzle and I get a few hours of work.
SC says
Let him listen to an audiobook while he plays. I am an extrovert, and I like to have something on in the background or be talking to someone. I listen to podcasts while I get ready in the morning, while I do dishes, while I do projects around the house, etc. If someone else is in the same room I’m in, I’m talking to them. The only exception is when I’m reading or watching TV.
I’d also establish a daily routine and try to follow it, more or less, so he knows when he’ll get focused attention.
Anon says
My extroverted 3 year old spends a good hour to two hours on video calls with family members most days (ideal for retired family members and single aunties who are social distancing and don’t have anywhere better to be!). She probably calls 3-5 people a day (some combination of her two grandmothers, two grandfathers, a great aunt, and two aunts) and will set them up in her phone holder and chat to them, show them things, play dolls with them, make them playdoh creations, cook for them in her play kitchen, etc. It’s helpful both from a “keep the kid occupied” perspective and also so it’s not me she is talking to all day.
Anon says
this sounds adorable
Anon says
+1 we did this with my kid during lockdown too.
girl mom says
Any specific recommendations for hair ties for a five year old with a lot of very fine, straight, slippery hair?
She likes to wear a ponytail every day so I want to avoid too much breakage but the hair tie always slips out by the end of the school day.
Anonymous says
Goody SlideProof hair ties, or two regular hair ties (one on top of the other).
Anonymous says
I have fine, straight, slippery hair (but not a lot of it) and I use the telephone cord style ones and they hold really well. I had only seen the “regular” sized ones that I thought were too much for my hair, but I found some smaller ones a few months ago and those are all I use now.
anon says
For us, we do better if we don’t just pull the hair back in a ponytail, as that always results in messy bits and breakage. like to braid or add tiny rubberbands to the front section and then put her hair up in the ponytail. It takes the pressure off of those really fine hairs.
GCA says
Try two regular hair ties together – it works for my fine straight hair!
Clementine says
Today, I was going to the bathroom and put my work phone on the charger. It rang while I was in the bathroom and… my pre-K aged kid answered it???
Soo… how’s that for the pinnacle of professionalism? Getting your phone call answered by a preschooler with Alexa blasting music in the background. Dad quickly wrangled it away from him and apologized to the caller, but just… How 2020.
FVNC says
This is adorable and I’m sure the caller got a chuckle out of it.
A few years ago, we had a landline in our home as my “work phone” (I’m a remote employee). I was away from the house for a bit, can’t remember why, and my mother who was visiting at the time answered the landline when it rang. I came home to an email from a colleague saying, “I had a lovely conversation with your mother.” And that, ladies, is another shining example of professionalism!
Anonymous says
It could be worse — they could have facetimed :0
Anon says
lol. actually a good teaching moment for the proper way to answer the phone. not in preschool, but definitely in mid/older elementary school i used to call friends’ homes and have to speak to adults to ask to talk to them, and i was allowed to answer the phone at home. so many people don’t have landlines these days that kids will never gain these skills
anne-on says
Yes, phone manners are important! My dad ran a business at home for part of our childhood and we were absolutely taught that if we picked up the phone before 5pm to answer it with ‘Hello, XYZ Business, so and so speaking, how can I help you?’ My dad’s clients were always charmed by polite pre-teens acting as his secretarial pool and we loved the chance to chat with some of his favorite clients who ‘knew’ us.
Anon says
But because they won’t need them. Women our age barely learned shorthand if at all, because we don’t need that skill anymore.
We don’t have a landline, my kids don’t answer my phone, and they’ll eventually have their own. There’s no reason to follow the old standard of “Hello X residence, this is Y speaking, how may I help you?” because individual cell phones mean you always know both parties on a call before you pick up.
Anonymous says
I have my own work line and cell phone, and still have to answer them professionally. You can’t just pick up your work phone and say “Hey!”
Clementine says
Agreed on this as I’ve taught college aged interns skills like how to leave a professional voicemail and answer the phone professionally.
I did plan on teaching him these skills, just figured he would learn to tie his shoes first.
Anonymous says
I am very impressed that he was brave enough to answer the phone!
Anon says
I am stunned at how talented my kids are with the phone.