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Whether it’s for ethical reasons or you’ve got a child with skin too sensitive for regular chemically-treated clothes, it’s always good to know that H&M has a Conscious & Sustainable section that includes kids’ clothes. I buy almost all of my sons’ underwear there (95% organic cotton), and was excited to see these lightweight jersey shorts that I hope my eldest can sleep in. I was browsing the section and saw this very cute tulle dress in the collection — it’s mostly made from recycled polyester, and I think it would be adorable if you’ve got a special occasion (flower girl situation?) coming up. The dress comes in pink and yellow, and is $99. Embroidered Tulle Dress
Psst: Check out The Corporette® Guide to Slow Fashion if you’re interested in learning about more sustainable options for work.
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Anonanonanon says
I buy almost all of my son’s clothes at H&M, they’re the best! They make it easy to avoid character clothes/branding, and the sizing is consistent.
NewMomAnon says
I have sung the praises of H&M as well – I found their clothes held up to repeated washing without fading or shrinking, and I like that they have some supply chain awareness and transparency. Now that kiddo doesn’t outgrow her clothes the minute they arrive in our mailbox, I’ve switched over to some cuter/more expensive/higher quality brands (Boden, Tea Collection), but H&M is still my go-to for basics like sweat pants and knit sun dresses.
octagon says
I’ve been happy with the basics at H&M, but $99 for a kids’ dress!?! Way too rich for my blood.
Marilla says
I bought a frilly dress for my daughter to wear as a flower girl at H&M – probably not the organic/sustainable line but full price $40, on sale $24. I agree that $100 is way over the top, although I do know people that will pay prices even higher for kids’ dressy clothes.
Anonymous says
My second cousin’s 5-year-old daughter didn’t pass the entrance exam for kindergarten, so she needs tutoring this summer. We see this family all the time (once/month) and this daughter’s birthday party is next weekend (one week from tomorrow). What should I give her? I feel irresponsible giving her regular toys, and it’s abundantly clear (to me) that the parents just don’t spend any time teaching this daughter the alphabet or counting (so an activity book only works if the daughter can do it on her own). For xmas, I gave her the Melissa & Dough Water Wow with letters and numbers. Any advice?
Anonanonanon says
Can you maybe do a regular toy AND an educational toy? Or gift the educational toy just because (not attached to her birthday)? I’m sure this kid’s already bummed she didn’t pass the kindergarten test, her birthday seems like the wrong time to make a point through gifting.
Anonymous says
Absolutely. I don’t want to make a point. Apparently she LOVED the water wow that I gave for xmas, so I was hoping to find something she’d enjoy that wouldn’t be regular plastic cr@p.
Marilla says
I didn’t realize entrance exams for kindergarten were a thing! If the Melissa and Doug toy was a hit, why not stick with that theme and give two small M+D gifts – one M+D educational toy (like a numbers or alphabet puzzle) plus another M+D less educational toy? Or a toy and a book?
I don’t think it’s irresponsible to give her regular toys – it’s not your job or role to set educational standards for their house. But as a mom I strongly prefer books as gifts for my daughter – we have plenty of toys and when you have too many, they just take up space and don’t get played with. I’d be happier with a few toys she loves and actually uses and tons of books.
Anon says
The idea of entrance exams for Kindergarten makes me sick to my stomach.
But +1 to the idea of lots of books. I also would rather have just a few well-loved toys and an entire room of books. Find some cute board books and those “Step 1” reader books and buy as many as your budget will allow. Definitely get the ABC book by Dr Seuss.
Also if the Water Wow books were a hit, they now have two sets of Water Wow flash cards – one with letters/ numbers and one with animals/ shapes. Those water pens get weird after a while anyway, she might be happy to get brand new ones with her new flash cards.
Anon says
Also if you see the family all the time, why don’t you start a “kids activity” when you get together? Do a family read-along where the adults all read a book to a kid that isn’t their own. Or pick up some fun kid games like Zingo or Old Maid or a Matching Game. Or organize an obstacle course where they jump from painters-tape-shape to shape as someone calls them out. Just find ways to demonstrate how you incorporate learning-through-play in your life, and also get to know all the kids better. You sound like a loving family member, every kid benefits from having more of those in their lives.
Katarina says
I am pretty sure I had an entrance exam for public kindergarten when I started in the 80s. I think it was mostly for informational purposes, though, not to actually delay kindergarten. I think it asked about colors and shapes, but not stuff like numbers and letters.
mascot says
IDK, I spent very little time working with my kid on letters and numbers because I figured that he was getting enough in school. At this age, so many developmental factors come into play for kindergarten readiness and those can’t always be overcome by mom and dad spending time on flash cards.
Kids learn by playing. How about fun dress up clothes to encourage pretend play? Something to encourage gross motor skills like a scooter or sport equipment. Marble runs and magna tiles may be too pricey for this gift, but they encourage STEM type skills. All of these things (not a scooter) were in my kid’s pre-k and kinder rooms and the teachers were always suggesting similar items as classroom gifts.
GCA says
Entrance exam for kindergarten? What do they do with the kids from less advantaged backgrounds – immigrants, for example – whose language skills haven’t caught up yet? How does keeping them home longer help? (uhh…sorry about the tangent.)
For gifts, what about the M+D alphabet/ number magnets and a Magna Doodle, and whenever you go over, make a little extra effort to read / play with her?
Anon in NYC says
I know, I’m horrified by the idea of entrance exams for kindergarten. In NYC they test 4 year olds for programs like gifted and talented, which is also just icky to me.
Blueberry says
I took a sample NYC G&T test online a few years ago out of curiosity and totally bombed. I’m an Ivy League-educated lawyer. The kiddy rat race is terrifying.
Anon in NYC says
Yes! My husband took it too and said that he struggled with it as well.
GCA says
So am I, and I was lucky enough to have had a lovely time in my school system’s gifted and talented program (which starts from fourth grade, not four, and families can opt out of testing). (Are you allowed to decline kindergarten entrance exams?)
Spirograph says
That’s how the program I was part of was timed, too, and it was definitely the highlight of elementary school for me. There are serious, serious problems with identifying G&T kids younger than about 3rd or 4th grade. Before that, the tests are a much better measure of involved/pushy parents, and are really unfair to kids with fewer resources or who don’t speak English at home. This is the primary reason (along with some cultural ones about the parents not pushing for testing) that a lot of low income and minority children are not identified as G&T. So, exactly the same problems you pointed out with the kindergarten admission test. Yuck.
In my school district, if you have a “cusp” birthday, they’ll do a kindergarten readiness test and allow kids in if they seem socially ready and know letters and numbers. Even that is silly, though, because it’s so personality-dependent. A friend’s kid did not get in and he’s really bright and lovely around people he knows, he’s just shy and clammed up at the testing session.
Anyway, count me among the horrified at a Kindergarten entrance exam. My kids learn letters and numbers in daycare, but other than counting things with them in the normal course of events and reading aloud, I don’t do “academics” with my kids. It’s more important to me that they play– they have the rest of their lives to be in school. Magnatiles are my go-to gift for kids.
anon says
The G&T exam in NYC is totally optional and parent initiated. I believe you can request testing any year, not just when entering Kindergarten. Many of us do it as if your child passes it gets you more options for school choices without having to move to a more expensive neighborhood. I agree that this is problematic for families with fewer resources and perpetuates inequalities that are rampant within the NYC public school system. I also think their accuracy is debatable, especially for younger kids (one of my son’s classmates taught himself to read by age 4 but did not pass). But we also have universal free prek and no one would ever be turned away from preK or kindergarten here that I am aware of.
anon says
I should add that the city does various screenings during preK and if a child “failed” that would trigger an IEP and additional services. Hopefully this child is getting some of that kind of support too.
And to be more helpful to the OP – books are genuinely loved by my 5 year old and are inherently educational. If you think she doesn’t know the alphabet try Chicka Chicka Boom Boom or an alphabet book. If you think her parents won’t read to her, maybe a PBS DVD – like for Sesame Street? The Melissa and Doug See and Spell looks fun too.
Anonymous says
I can’t get past the insanity of an entrance exam for kindergarten! What?
EB0220 says
I hate to pile on but I am also surprised by the entrance exam thing. Is this for private school? I actually didn’t even think that was legal. I have a rising kindergartner this year and at orientation they said that “It would be nice if they can write their first name and count to 10 but if not that’s OK.”
OP says
You all are totally right to be horrified about the “entrance exam” for K. I have no idea what it entailed, and I have no idea if it was mandatory or not. I just was pulled aside over our family get-together last weekend and told about it. I’d love to support the little girl and her family, by getting a useful gift, so thanks for the suggestions about a marble run or magna tiles.
Anon in NYC says
Some of the things that immediately spring to mind (like alphabet puzzles) are probably too young for a 5 year old. But maybe board games could be fun for her and also get her family engaged. What about something like Scrabble Junior? My friend’s 6 year old loves to read to herself and that could be a fun way to recognize letters. Or something like Connect 4 to encourage some counting.
avocado says
Is this private or public school? Private schools in our area require an IQ test, and private kindergarten programs at preschools require the Bracken assessment. I don’t think there is any admissions testing for public kindergarten, but they do assess reading skills at various points throughout the year to track progress.
Kindergarten readiness is really about the ability to sit still, follow directions, take turns, use the restroom independently, hold a pencil, and use scissors.
NewMomAnon says
When you say “entrance exam,” do you mean the kindergarten screening they do in a lot of states? Because “failing” the kindergarten screening can mean a number of things completely unrelated to knowledge of alphabet and numbers. They screen for emotional readiness, language development, fine motor skills, gross motor skills, etc. I really wouldn’t judge a parent if their kiddo was held back a year due to the kindergarten readiness tests…but the district would also probably recommend early intervention programs in that case, so I also wouldn’t feel it necessary to give anything “educational” as a birthday gift.
NewMomAnon says
For reference – in my state, kiddo was asked to stand on one foot, hop, skip, gallop, draw various shapes, identify colors, identify letters in her name, finish some sentences by filling in the right word, verbally explain some concepts to the reviewer (which allowed the reviewer to both test comprehension and whether her speech was intelligible), string beads on a string, work with a similar-aged buddy to do some tasks, a hearing test, vision test, and some other things I’m forgetting. She needed a certain score to “pass” at age 3, and that score kept getting higher as the kid’s age goes up. She had a couple friends who didn’t pass and got referred for early intervention.
Anonymous says
That is the most fun test ever.
Do you live in Maryland? My kids’ preschool uses these checkpoints, too, and I’m pretty sure it’s part of their accreditation with state education system. Their success at these tasks is what’s reported to us at parent-teacher conferences.
NewMomAnon says
Not Maryland – a midwestern state! It sounded like a fun test, and kiddo was really excited about it afterward. They kicked me out so I didn’t get to watch.
LaLa says
Yes, this was exactly what I thought the test was when I read the original OP. Our district does something similar and it is really to try and get children in early intervention as soon as possible if they need it.
NewMomAnon says
My brother failed the first time because he forgot his name, and then was too embarrassed to talk for the remainder of the screening time. He took it again a few months later and started kindergarten on time, and is now a successful adult who rarely forgets his name.
CPA Lady says
I just laughed loudly. Oh my goodness, what a funny story.
GCA says
Oh gosh. This made me snort my coffee, too. What a great story!
Spirograph says
lol, this is what happened to my friend’s kid too. He messed up his name because he was so nervous around the strange adults, and then just put his head down on the table and didn’t want to talk anymore. Good to know he still has a chance of being a successful adult! His parents were mostly annoyed because it meant another year of daycare fees vs just before/after care at public school (kindergarten exam is a high-stakes game in my hcola!).
H says
Wow, I’m also completely shocked at this concept, but I can see it being useful for identifying developmental delays (as long as it is framed as such).
Kids should be playing when they are 5, not reading. Get her a fun gift, like tickets to the zoo or something.
Eeep it's a boy! says
Just found out that we are having a boy (we have a girl already). I have to admit I’m a little sad — I loved the idea of two sisters, and the risk factors for all sorts of things seem so much higher for boys. Any words of reassurance/stories about how great your little boys are would be very welcome!
GCA says
It’s so dependent on personality! I have a delightful little boy (he’s 2) who can be very energetic and highly reckless about some things, such as jumping off everything, but also terribly cautious about other things, like splash pads and spray decks. And our neighbors’ son, who is a week younger than mine, is much more docile, to the point that we have to encourage him to chase my kid around. I also did my fair share of risky and rather daft things growing up, such as climbing out the bedroom window onto the roof. I’m not sure if this is reassuring or terrifying… but it will turn out all right.
Anonforthis says
I had the same reaction but now have an older girl and a one year old boy and he is a DELIGHT! Little boys are just the cutest.
And he and his sister are such good buds! I don’t think gender has to play into it. They are obsessed with each other. Her name was his first word!
FTMinFL says
Chiming in to say that I have a 20-month-old boy and am expecting a girl in just a few weeks. I had similar initial feelings when we found out that #2 was not a boy! I think those feelings ultimately came from a place of losing that feeling that this was my second time, I had it all figured out, then – whoops! curveball! Now that I’ve had months to get used to the idea of a girl, I am really excited.
On top of that, my little boy is the light of my life and he LOVES mama. It is the sweetest thing. Congrats!
Anonymous says
I have an older girl and then had twin boys. I was sad about the boys for a while – with two how could one not be a girl?
But then they arrived and they are so great! Having two boys at once made me realize how many of the differences we attribute to gender are just different personalities. One of the boys loves to bake with me and the another is super snuggly and loves books and playing dress up with their sister.
The older daughter + younger son combination also makes it super easy to integrate more gender neutral play because you get gifted a wider variety of toys. Dolls/cars/pink/blue are for everyone in our house. All three kids want matching clothes/hats sometimes.
anon says
I totally agree that personality matters a lot more than gender! My kids are so different, but I don’t attribute that to one being a boy, and the other being a girl. They’re different because they’re entirely different people!
Blueberry says
Yeah! My boys are both very much “boys” but one is super cautious and sensitive but also mischievous, while the other one is very cuddly but also a dare devil and climber (and probably more susceptible to the kinds of risks OP is worried about, but I love my little mountaineer!). I’m pregnant with my third boy and was a little disappointed because that means no girl babies for me ever, but my boys are an absolute joy.
anon says
I have a boy and a girl and I absolutely love the dynamic between my kiddos. They adore each other, despite being 5 years apart in age. FWIW, I think having different genders has actually reduced the potential for sibling rivalry because they’re not in the same activities, will have different friends growing up, etc.
Having a little boy is awesome, and I can’t imagine our family without my son. He’s always been a cuddle bug and lots of fun. So much is dependent on personality; little boys are not all the same. You will love the kid you have.
As far as the risk factors go — yes, keep them in mind, but don’t take them as absolutes. Having kids, period, is a risky endeavor!
Anonymous says
I have a boy and a girl and they are both great. My 4-year-old son is in a really delightful, cooperative phase right now (knock on wood). He just wants to be so helpful at everything and plays really nicely with his younger sister. He’s definitely high-energy, loves sports, loves bathroom humor and large vehicles, but he’s incredibly sensitive, too, and so cuddly. This morning while he was waiting for me to finish getting ready for work, he got out the crayons and paper to help keep his sister occupied, and he drew pictures for his favorite teachers and delivered them when we got to school. My daughter, on the other hand, is 2 but has always basically been the embodiment of a rhyme my grandpa used to say: “There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very very good, and when she was bad, she was horrid.”
Personality is so much more important than gender… it’s hard for me to tell what is a boy vs girl thing, and what is a [son] vs [daughter] thing. They are so different, but obviously I love them both to bits. I think it’s really normal to have a pang of disappointment when you find out a baby’s s3x. I know I did with each of my kids!
anon says
I only have a son, but he’s pretty great. I see so much of myself in him, it is hard to imagine a girl being more like me. The differences can also be fun – watching his obsession with his p**nis develop from infancy is fascinating. I mean, it boggles the mind.
Mrs. Jones says
My son is also obsessed with his p3n1s. It’s crazy.
In a perfect world, I’d have one boy and one girl, so I think you’re lucky.
AwayEmily says
Thanks all! These answers are so wonderful and I’m already getting much more excited for my little boy. And just to clarify, by “risk factors” I didn’t mean differences in behavior (I’m a firm believer that that’s driven by personality, not gender), but medical risk factors.
AwayEmily says
oops, and there goes my anonymity. oh well! Thanks again, I really love reading about your amazing boys.
Sarabeth says
We have a 4 year-old girl and a 1 year-old boy. Gender doesn’t mean much at 1, but it’s been amazing so far. I am looking forward to having balance in the kinds of media and influences that come into our home, and having a built-in play partner that encourages both kids to cross gender lines (in terms of toy marketing, etc). The only downside is that I can’t pass down as much clothing, but it does encourage me to buy gender-neutral stuff for my daughter when it’s appropriate! This is my preference anyway, but knowing that it can be handed down justifies paying a small premium for nice gender-neutral stuff over the cheaper, but super-frilly, stereotypical girl clothing.
Spirograph says
I’m totally guilty of sending my younger son, who is still <1, to school in his sister's hand-me-downs. Not the frilly ones, but definitely lots of pink and cute animals with hearts and rainbows or whatever. I feel ok about it, because my older son often compliments the outfits and lists pink and purple among his favorite colors. Along with blue, green, yellow, red, and orange. Basically all the colors he knows the names of.
My daughter also pairs her poufy skirts with airplane / monster truck / sports shirts that older brother has outgrown. Clothes are basically a free-for-all in my house. :)
PEN says
I will say both that I love my boys and they are tons of fun. But also—I have two little brothers who I love dearly. I also have a little sister, but I am incredibly close to my brothers and they are two of my favorite people in the whole world.
AwayEmily says
Thank you for this — it means a lot. I’m not close to my brother at all (possibly also because we are 7 years apart), and I’m irrationally worried that the same thing will happen with my kids.
Anon says
I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice or just commiseration, but did preparing for maternity leave make anyone else overwhelmed and/or can’t-take-it-anymore stressed? I’m 35 weeks pregnant with my first child and I’ve had a bunch of complications that make going full-term exceedingly unlikely at this point. I feel like everyone in my professional and personal lives are pulling out all the stops to be as difficult as possible (this could be sleep deprivation talking–painful contractions and nausea are keeping me up most of the night.) Honestly, I’m having trouble just dealing with all the appointments on top of trying to wrap everything up at work. I’m worried this means I’m going to be a terrible parent who can’t keep anything together.
Cate says
You are hormonal, in pain and sleep-deprived. Once the baby comes, adrenaline will kick in and you will be awesome.
NewMomAnon says
Well, I had antepartum depression and anxiety that turned into wicked postpartum depression, and yeah, the stress felt overwhelming and like the world had it in for me pretty much all the time. Please take this seriously.
I would bring it up with your OB at your next visit (and if that visit isn’t for another couple weeks, call and schedule a special appointment); he or she should start screening for mental health issues ASAP. Even if adding another level of treatment on top of what you’re already going through seems impossible, know that it’s much, much easier to get treatment started while pregnant than it is to try to build a safety net as a mom learning to care for a tiny baby.
lsw says
I was here. The best advice I got was to realize that work will go on without me, maybe not to my specifications or timeline or even quality level, but it will go on, and then I can come back. You’re doing your best, you’re prepping everyone as you can, and it will be fine.
For personal life, your husband needs to play defense. Is he aware of how stressed you are? People need to leave you alone. All of them. Except for those you want.
Anon for this says
Yes. I also had complications that made going to full term unlikely (ended up delivering at 37 weeks). And every day felt like a fire drill while preparing for mat leave. It’s totally normal. Just try to relax and trust your systems. Your work will survive without you and try to focus on how amazing you are!
octagon says
Yes. You will get through this. Is there any way you can dial back on your work obligations? Start handing off projects to other people, or cut back on your hours. Even a half-day here and there to rest will make a difference, though if you’re like me you are hoarding leave for after the baby comes. Can you telework at all?
It was about this point when I started spending 20 minutes at the end of each day updating my “if I don’t come back tomorrow” document to hand things off. Even if things were unfinished, I felt better knowing that I had clearly communicated what the next steps were for whoever was taking over.
Hang in there!
lsw says
Same. I had a spreadsheet with who was responsible for what, timelines, etc., then a word doc with more of a narrative feel. It helped me (and my colleagues) feel much more on top of things.
Anon says
Dumb question but do you provide dinner for your babysitters? It would be different if kiddo were older and we were leaving money for pizza for both but kiddo is only 6 months. I guess I just assumed that if the sitter isn’t coming until 7 or later, she will have eaten before but my mother was aghast that we didn’t leaving pizza money for our most recent sitter. Not trying to be cheap – just isn’t something we had thought of until it was pointed out!
NewMomAnon says
Nope, definitely would not leave pizza money in that case. I might leave some special ice cream treat or baked good for the sitter and make sure to point it out for them, or tell them they should feel free to help themselves to anything they find in the pantry or fridge (if that’s true). But that’s only if I remembered….
Anonymous says
I just mention it to the sitter at the time. “If you haven’t had dinner, please help yourself to the food in the fridge.” When I order food for delivery, I ask what she wants (she usually declines). With an infant, a sitter should know she won’t have time to eat and care for the baby.
EB0220 says
If the babysitter will be there over a meal, I’ll make sure that they know I’ll provide food and ask them for any requests/dietary restrictions/etc. My kids are older, though. When they come around 7 or at naptime, I don’t provide a meal. I do need to be better about telling them to help themselves to drinks/food/etc but I usually forget.
Tell me your secrets says
My baby #2 is two weeks old, and baby #1 is a little bit older than 2. So far #2 wants to nurse All The Time and #1 is….a two year old. I don’t think it’s possible for one adult to meet both of their needs at the same time. It’s been perfectly manageable so far with #1 at daycare during the day and DH home to play defense every morning and evening, but he’s going on a mercifully brief work trip next week and I don’t know how I’m going to manage! How do you ladies do it – does it just involve a lot of crying in the background? I am thinking about hiring some help, but I feel like it’s such an easy out — so many moms in the US and around the world make this work!
Blueberry says
At that age, yes, it involved crying in the background, but mostly lot of of TV for the 2-year-old while the infant was nursing or being put to bed. It’s temporary, and survival is the goal :)
anon says
I only have 1 but this is what I have heard from my friends.
Spirograph says
Yup. When one of us has to do bedtime alone, older kids watch Daniel Tiger while the baby is put to bed. In the morning, they can just play with something since I don’t care if they stay quiet or completely out of my way… but TV is the best solution for keeping a toddler from screeching just when the baby was about to sleep.
Easy dinners (like, a piece of bread, cheese and fruit on a plate), sitting on the floor near where the 2 year old is playing while nursing the baby, sitting at the table nursing the baby while 2 year old eats breakfast, letting the baby cry in his crib for a couple minutes while you get the 2 year old dressed, reading a book to 2 year old sitting next to you while nursing the baby, skipping baths… these are all tactics you should add to your arsenal. Definitely hire help if that would make you more comfortable, but if you don’t, you will be fine. Seriously. Good luck!
It’s hard because the baby is still so young — I’ve found that one of the best things about having multiple kids is that the older ones learn you can’t always be there for them *immediately* but you’ll always be there, and that sometimes they have to wait or play independently. But 2 weeks probably isn’t enough time for your 2 year old to have learned that, yet.
Sarabeth says
I mean, you can probably make this work if you need to. It’s true that people do it all the time. But, if you can afford the help, why not? You don’t get a medal for doing this the hard way! There’s no moral obligation here – it’s not better for your kids not to have the help. In fact, it’s best for them to do whatever will make you stress the least. What that means depends entirely on you – I definitely have friends who dislike having paid help in their homes enough that they would rather do things independently. But if help would be easier FOR YOU, then you should absolutely go for it.
And FWIW, I’ve taken my own advice. I was basically never alone with both kids until the younger one was 3.5 months old (we were lucky to have a lot of local family help when my husband needed to miss bedtime, etc). Even now, when I travel for work, my parents come stay in our house to help my husband with the morning/evening routine. He is an absolutely equal coparent and could do it by himself – but it would be stressful, and he doesn’t need to, so we gratefully accept the help.
Anonymous says
Hire help! Or get family to help if you can! My husband has to travel for work, and he pre-clears his travel schedule with my mom or his mom. (Seriously, we will fly in his mom to help.) It’s just now getting reasonably do-able to take care of both kids at once for me, now that younger has turned two. Baby and toddler have such different needs, and it’s so hard to give adequate attention to both.
NewMomAnon says
If you haven’t used a baby carrier, get one for the newborn and one for the toddler and get comfortable using them before husband goes away. Otherwise, bouncers, swings, and some tolerance for the newborn crying; screen time, snacks, family or hired help and dropping your housekeeping standards for the older one. I found that I could sometimes buy myself half an hour of productive time when my kiddo was about 2 if I strapped her into her high chair and put a bunch of messy stuff (paint, play dough, markers, glue, etc) in front of her.
Also, when it’s over, you’ll feel like a superhero. A tired superhero, but still.
Anon says
When my second was born I spent lots of time with both kids on my lap in my rocking chair. The baby would nurse and I would read to my 2 year old, play cars on the arm of the chair with him, play simon says, color with him in my lap. I would also put him in the bath and let him play while I sat on the floor with the baby. And sometimes he had to cry and the baby had to cry. I tried to keep that to a minimum (mostly because it upset me in my just-had-a-baby hormonal state). I also would put the baby in a wrap positioned where she could nurse and take my toddler out for a walk. It helped to get out of the house. I also would set up little activities he could mostly do on his own but with me in the room. One thing he really liked was “washing” all his little cars and action figures in a bowl of water. I gave him a washcloth and a slotted spoon and 2 bowls (placed on towels) and he would move them back and forth and dry them. It was surprisingly entertaining for him, haha.
rakma says
DH went on a week long trip when DD1 was 3 and DD2 was 2 months. Towards the end of the week, when I was at my wit’s end, I declared we were moving into mama’s bed. Picnic dinner, quiet toys and tv for the big one, and I could nurse the little one laying on my side, and scoot free once she was asleep. If you don’t want to introduce screens (no judgment there!) is there a special toy or activity that you can pull out that will keep the 2yo independently entertained for 20 min?
Having food ready made that you only have to heat up (or eat cold) before hand will be helpful. Putting 2yo in the high chair with a variety of finger foods as a meal can buy you a few minutes.
Tell me your secrets says
Thanks everyone! I think I will hire the help, at least for the evening routine. We don’t have local family, and (please don’t flame me….) we have never done screen time with #1 and I’m reluctant to start now. I feel a little better that there aren’t any secrets – I was starting to feel like a pansy.
Tired Mommy says
You triage. The baby won’t remember that he was crying an extra 5 minutes because you were helping the toddler, but the toddler will certainly remember if you help the baby first (at least mine does…he has an extraordinary memory, imho).
PEN says
Not flaming–we don’t do much screen time and did none before my oldest was 20 months. BUT, Daniel Tiger is so great. Short, sweet episodes that have been shown (through scientific, peer-reviewed study) to increase social and emotional intelligence in littles. We do on half episode a day, after breakfast now. But when I was home on maternity leave, it was a nice little 12 minutes when the oldest would sit with me while I nursed the baby.
Anonymous says
If you’re reluctant on screen time, try Mother Goose Club on YouTube. It’s basically short non flashy/jumpy videos of real kids singing songs like Wheels on the Bus or Old MacDonald. My kids love it. There are ones like 2-3 minutes long (when you just need to change a diaper) and others that are back to back songs for 20 mins plus.
Spirograph says
As I said above, we love Daniel Tiger. I try to minimize screens, but TV is definitely a tool I pull out when necessary (for my own sanity, mostly).
But, OP, I actually think introducing a screen for the first time when you’re by yourself might not be great. It keeps the kid quiet while it’s on, but sometimes the withdrawal symptoms are… extreme. And if you’re already stressed about being alone with a tiny infant and a 2 year old, that’s the last thing you need.
Katarina says
Putting on music helped my son while I nursed. What helped even more was “music on the tv,” which is Pandora on the Chromecast. While it is technically screen time, the screen is pretty much just the album cover, so it is not like watching a tv show. I did this a lot while nursing my second.
E says
I provide dinner, which sometimes means pizza money. I suspect that most parents don’t, but I want my sitters to love me the most.
Funny story: my daughter goes to daycare with the kids of one of the counsel at my law firm. Last summer he showed up at a firm summer event without his wife, explaining that their babysitter flaked on them. It was the same daycare teacher who was babysitting our daughter that evening! Thankfully he never found out. :)
Tell me your secrets says
None of my replies are showing up inline, but thanks for all of the specific examples from you folks!! I feel like I have some weapons now. And I will keep Daniel Tiger and Mother Goose Club in my back pocket. I haven’t seen any of the Daniel Tiger episodes but I love what I have heard about them on this forum.