The skort is perfect for active kids — you get the comfort of shorts with the style of a skirt.
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Hanna Andersson’s skort is on sale for $21.60 (marked down from $36). It comes in three fun patterns (some patterns lucky sizes only) and is available in sizes 3 (90cm) to 12 (150 cm).
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Sales of Note…
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Anonymous says
Question for parents of children with long curly hair: when did your kids start taking care of their hair themselves? Swimming and sweaty sports mean a lot of hair-washing for our curly 8 year old. Her hair is mid-back length and prone to tangles. After a lot of experimenting we have a washing and conditioning routine that works ok for her hair, but she can’t execute on that routine herself. Trust me on that, we try from time to time and she doesn’t have the patience to detangle. We’re not aiming for perfection, just to avoid a giant matted clump. She loves her curls. Cutting her hair short is not an option. Wondering when your curly kids might have started competently handling at least the in-shower portion of their routine.
Anonymous says
There’s a lot of room between mid back and short. I would tell her that hair should never come between her and doing what she wants, so for summer when there’s extra swim and sweat, you’ll do shoulder length, and she can grow it out again in the fall.
Anonymous says
8 is really young for that kind of routine to be done independently. I would think more like 11 based on when my straight haired kid was able to be fully independent. Progressed from her shampooing and me conditioning to her doing both and me rinsing to fully independent.
I have curly hair and sleep with a loose braid and silk pillowcase – makes a huge difference.
Anonymous says
My daughters were totally independent for their long, straight hair by age 7. I’d add a year or two for complexity but 11 seems pretty old.
Anonymous says
Wash her hair for her and then feta gel after conditioner has soaked for 5 mins but before you wash the conditioner out.
Mary Moo Cow says
My 8 and 6 year old want to keep their hair long and I’ve just accepted that I’m on hair duty for a few years. I expect around 11 they will want to take that on but for now, I’m trying to enjoy the time and physical proximity washing, brushing, and styling gives me with my girls.
For swimming, I encourage a braid, rinsing before getting in the pool, and rinsing when they get out of the pool, spraying with Honest Co. conditioning detangler and brushing with a Wet brush. It’s not fool proof and sometimes ends up with a matted clump. I remind them if they don’t let me take care of their hair a few days in a row, they’ll have to cut it, and that usually does the trick.
Anonymous says
Wow to some of these responses! I can’t imagine a 11-year-old allowing a parent to help wash her hair. My daughter has fine, wavy hair that is prone to tangles and has been washing and brushing it herself since kindergarten. I wouldn’t let her grow it out past shoulder length until she demonstrated that she could take care of it. She learned to do her own ponytail by age 8.
For curly hair, would a just-below-shoulder length and braids for sports/swimming/sleeping help prevent tangles?
Anon says
Congratulations, you’re the greatest mom to ever mom.
EP-er says
I will say that since maybe 9 or 10, my daughter is very modest and will not change in front of me. She would be mortified if I tried washing her hair anywhere besides the kitchen sink. Or she would want to wear a bathing suit in the shower if I had to help her wash her hair. I’m okay with that — privacy is important as kids get older. BUT – it means sometimes we have to review the hair routine or something. We went shorter for a while to get over the hump. Is the issue the detangling in the shower or after she gets out? I think that she will get the dexterity to do it herself soon. Can you try having her go first, and the you go over it more thoroughly? She will get the hang of it more if she does it herself.
anon says
I think this, like all gross/fine motor skills, is super kid-dependent and doesn’t actually reflect coddling by the parents. My 4yo niece can wash her own hair, but my 6yo kid cannot do her own chin-length hair. It’s nothing to do with how long it is, more that some kids take longer to to figure out the motions for scrubbing shampoo and brushing out tangles (my kid also majorly struggles with the motions for toothbrushing, even though we’ve been having her do it for 2 years).
Anonymous says
Not saying the parents are coddling–I simply cannot imagine an 11-year-old who would allow her parent in the bathroom while she was showering!
Anon says
+1. I would’ve been mortified at that age. It never, and I mean NEVER, happened in my house.
anon says
Seriously though. Like is OP in the shower with her helping her wash her hair? I would have been absolutely mortified at 11 years old.
Anon says
OP’s daughter is 8.
Anonymous says
Two others are saying 11 is the age when they can wash their own hair.
Anon says
I was responding to “Like is OP in the shower with her helping her wash her hair? I would have been absolutely mortified at 11 years old.”
OP’s daughter is 8, not 11.
anonM says
Anon at 11:02, please. My 3yo sometimes prefers to shower over bathe, and I don’t get in the shower with her, I just reach in and help her wash her hair.
Anonymous says
This. Also we don’t freak out about occasional nakedness around bathing in our house. I’ve seen the kids naked, they’ve seen me naked. Everyone has control over their own bodies. If a kid is naked around me it’s because they’ve called me into the bedroom or bathroom for help with something. Shrug.
Anon says
+1, my daughter was also handling the washing / conditioning / shampooing of her hair by kindergarten. I would brush / style it until about 2nd grade. By then she wanted to do it herself.
anonamommy says
My 7 yo can shower herself (we do a combined shampoo-conditioner so there’s only one step). But she needs help after to put in the curl creme. I do that and finger-comb her hair, then it air dries. It took A LOT of practice to get here – more than I expected TBH. She swims 3x a week and it probably took a couple of months where some days were great and others weren’t, but now I feel good about her skills. I also took heart from another mom who reminded me that even if it’s not perfect, she’ll shower again in 2 days or less. So practice and practice some more. My goal is to get her good at doing the whole routine including curl creme by the end of summer (or maybe mid-fall).
Also, I know you don’t want to cut her hair short, but is she due for a trim? If she has split ends or overgrowth it could be more prone to tangling. The first few weeks after a cut are always the easiest.
Anonymous says
I have extremely thick curly hair which I wore very long as a child. I was washing and conditioning independently by 9 or so, but my mom brushed and braided my hair for me until 9th grade. Now, you are probably not dry brushing her hair like we did then (ugh, that’s why I braided it every single day). She may well be able to comb it with conditioner in it by 8 or 9. You might still help with products or styling for a while though, also… even if your kid is washing on their own you might consider spot checking or reviewing theory periodically. Like, I didn’t understand you needed to scrub your scalp with your fingers until I was basically an adult. And I had scalp problems as a result.
Anon says
My 9.5 yo has super thick, straight, waist length hair and she still needs lots of help. She started being able to shampoo and conditioner herself between 8-9 yo, but I still have to bush it out and braid it for her. We do that out of the shower, so no modesty issues.
We have an agreement that her hair needs to be braided for all but the most special of occasions to prevent tangles and to keep it out of her way. That really helps keep it from being too much of a chore, as it rarely gets too crazy tangled. A loose braid only takes a moment.
My guess is that you can move towards her washing and conditioning now, but you’ll need to help with post-shower care for a while longer if she wants to keep her hair long, as others have suggested.
OOO says
Curly hair is so difficult and time-consuming to manage and style. I’m 38 and still haven’t mastered how to style my curly hair. It will take a little longer for your daughter to get the hang of it. My niece started managing her curly hair routine at age 12, she’s 14 now and gets compliments on her hair all the time
Anonie says
My long curly haired girls (one 3A, one 2b) handle their shampoo/conditioning in the shower 100% by themselves, ages 7 and 9. The older one brushes/detangles to about 75%, and I do the remaining 25%; the younger one I handle the brushing/detangling 100%. So I’d say your kid sounds about normal, but if I were you, I’d try to get away from helping with the in-shower routine (annoying! wet! humid!) and confine yourself to brushing out the tangles afterward. I’m sure you know this, but the method that works for us is: do it while the hair is still very wet (within 30 minutes of shower ending), spray on a ton of coconut oil based detangler, use a Wet brush, and take one small section at a time, brushing the ends first and working up.
Anon says
Why not cut her hair and make it easier on all of you?
Anonymous says
Just came to say that I really appreciate that this post refers to active “kids” and your “child” instead of just girls. My gender nonconforming child will probably love this skort :) Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Anon says
Agree!
Anon says
Girls (especially tomboys) have always been “gender non-conforming.” No girl ever grew up to be a brainless Barbie. That’s something that seems to be lost on many today. Accepting the reality of having a female body doesn’t mean I accept the impractical pink clothing, social restrictions on behavior, and overall denigration of my sex for me or my daughter. It’s a good thing for girls (and boys) to wear whatever they want and pursue whatever they want, as long as it doesn’t harm others. It’s normal, healthy, and shouldn’t be pathologized (not saying you are, but many in my circles do just that).
Anonymous says
Thank you for saying this.
Anon says
I think most people realize there’s a difference between tomboy and gender non-conforming. I’ve never heard a girl described as gender non-confirming because she doesn’t like pink.
Anonymous says
I’m the OP. My child is likely transgender but we don’t know yet. They are 7 and we are letting them figure it out. It is not pathologizing to refer to my own child as gender non-conforming when I am aware of what they have told me about how they feel inside. I just wanted to express appreciation for the inclusive language of this post. Of course children and adults should “wear whatever they want,” but that is not the issue I was addressing. This is a scary time in this country to be a parent of a child who is exploring non-conventional gender identifies and expression and it means a lot when inclusive language is used.
Anonymous says
I have older children and have noticed a lot of high school and college girls adopting “they” pronouns not because they apparently don’t perceive themselves as female but because they want to distinguish themselves from the stereotypical cheerleader type, because they have non-gender-related psychological or self-esteem issues, to attract attention, to appear edgy, or (primarily among college students) to signal that they are modern and enlightened. On visits to colleges where pronouns are demanded, about 90% of female-appearing tour guides introduce themselves as “she/they” or “they/them.” I don’t think this trend is doing anything good for societal acceptance of actual tr@ns people, and I’m frankly surprised that the tr@ns community doesn’t speak up against it as a form of appropriation.
Anonymous says
Adding–this is specifically girls. I do not observe this phenomenon among boys, at least not nearly to the same degree.
Anon says
IMO, it’s because no girl or young woman wants to “identify” as a girl when they see how girls are treated in p*rn and life. They want to scream from the rooftops “I don’t choose that, I choose to be treated like a person instead” – not realizing that their mothers and grandmothers and great-grandmothers all wanted to be treated like people too and had no choice about being born female.
anon says
It’s virtue signaling to try to appear edgy and woke. Same with companies that want employees to put pronouns in their email signatures
Anon says
I viscerally feel that I’m fine with either “she” or “they,” but I think this also reflects an internalized hierarchy where “he” is on a pedestal vs. “not he.” If it’s “he” vs. “whatever / anything goes,” I think that is not actually very progressive? (I’m not speaking for anyone but myself, but this is honestly how my own gender feels to me.)
Anon says
So very well said!!! And, to the post above me, I have a transgender child. My child is not transgender because of what she wants to wear, it’s how she feels inside. Just like my younger son didn’t become transgender just because he put on a dress during a dress up game, my daughter always would have been transgender even if she never wore a dress.
Anonymous says
+ 1,000,000
Anon says
I am sure you are a wonderful mom and that your child will grow up to be happy, healthy, and full of purpose. But I’ve never heard a definition of what it means to “feel like a girl inside” that didn’t rely on offensive stereotypes. Does feeling like a girl mean feeling weepy, giggly, afraid of sports?
OP says
I am cis-gender. I have never felt like anything other than a girl and then woman. All I can tell you is that my child has definitively expressed to us from a very young age that they also feel like a girl. They do not tie it into feeling “weepy, giggly and afraid of sports.” It is an innate feeling for them about who they are. You are asking for a definition that does not exist. My other child definitively expresses that he feels like a boy. It just is what it is. We are not doing or saying anything to guide these children one way or the other. And for what it’s worth, my gender non-confirming child believes girls are strong and smart, just like they are strong and smart.
Anonymous says
I just want to say I trust you and support you in doing what’s best for your child!
AwayEmily says
I vote we ignore this person who is clearly a troll.
Spirograph says
Seconded
Anonymous says
I’m cis-gender and I deeply feel like a woman and it has nothing to do with feeling weepy and afraid of sports. Can we just not today. It’s Friday. It’s a beautiful day. Real children are being harmed.
Anon says
I think this is a little reductive. My understanding is that it’s mostly about feeling like you’re in the wrong kind of body and have the wrong parts. Not about hobbies, clothing, personality.
I have a very tomboy-ish daughter who likes lots of stereotypically “boy” things but she clearly identifies as a girl and I have never questioned her gender and would never describe her as gender non-conforming.
anon says
As a non-trans person, the way I’ve heard it described that makes the most sense to me, is the feeling that you are right or left handed. How do you describe knowing you are right handed? And yet the knowledge and familiarity is there.
anonM says
Anon at 10:36, please stop and research trans issues on your own. This is so rude.
Anon says
I’ve researched these issues for 10 years now and still haven’t found a non-offensive definition of what it means to “feel like a girl” – a definition that can apply to a population. If you have one, please enlighten me. My definition of girl is juvenile female human.
Anonymous says
It’s not rude. The whole core of this issue is that no one is willing to question the logic of this movement. I just don’t understand how we’ve thrown out the window the idea that part of parenting is teaching your child to understand their body and feel comfortable in it.
Anon says
Some kids are very clear that they don’t. You can want that to be different just like you can want your child to be straight, but empirically it won’t work and you’re putting your kid at huge risk for suicide. Personally I’ll do anything to avoid that and using “they” pronouns doesn’t even register on a scale of inconvenience. If they’re not forever that’s fine too.
anonM says
Ok, so I’ve been thinking on this thread for a bit, and want to return in the spirit of dialogue.
What off put me about some comments, and why I call one of them rude, is the context here where at least two parents of gender non-conforming kiddos are on this thread. So, out of deference to them, I would hope everyone could use extra kind words and at least acknowledge that for parents there has to be a lot of challenges dealing with this. Instead, commenters are really just challenging the essence of being trans or non-conforming in some way – implying this is simply folks not understanding the “definition” of what it means to be female or that this is somehow the fault of parents not “teaching” their children to accept their bodies. Maybe you don’t believe in gender dysphoria, but you feeling the need to assert that on a thread that started out by simply appreciating inclusivity in language is…illuminating.
Anon says
Thanks anonM and to the rest who are treating the subject with kindness and respect. I am a parent of a trans child. I really don’t believe that the poster wants to listen to how we “knew” our child was trans based on how incredibly reductive their posts are. Researching and only finding definitions that are as reductive as you claim (“feeling weepy, giggly, afraid of sports?”) means you either aren’t very good at research or are intentionally looking for stories in the wrong places. For what it’s worth, my trans daughter is significantly less weepy than her younger brother, loves sports, and is giggly because she’s happy …. but none of those things made her trans. I don’t even understand how this is a thing? I also do have another cis-gender daughter meets the stereotypical definition of a tom boy, and we love that. But she’s also definitely not trans — nor do any of us think she is because she happens to hate dresses and is the fiercest baseball player I’ve ever seen.
Once again (and then I’m logging off), my child’s actual life depends on the people who are commenting here in support and – maybe they don’t fully understand – but aren’t being intentionally reductive about a child’s life. Who aren’t willfully or obstinately thinking that we had a son who liked pretty things or was weepy or who didn’t like sports, so we just decided he would be a girl. Those who are really willing to listen would understand that we have seen this coming since my child was about 3 years old. The analogy of being right or left handed is close. My child was trans for years before she even knew there was a word for it. And we live in the south, and both of our families are deeply conservative. My daughter was so resolute from such a young age that even my deeply conservative 95 year old grandmother absolutely accepts and loves her for who she is. It’s not easy – but we have a thriving, healthy, happy child, which was not always the case. And I guess the only other thing I can say to those who will not acknowledge what it’s really like (or that they don’t have all the information), I’m genuinely and truly thankful your children aren’t trans. It would be a death sentence for them. Logging off for the weekend – happy Pride, and all the love and thanks to those who are doing the hard work of loving children like mine, even if you don’t understand it.
Anon says
“I am sure you are a wonderful mom and that your child will grow up to be happy, healthy, and full of purpose.”
It’s extremely rude of you to respond to that with “I’m genuinely and truly thankful your children aren’t trans. It would be a death sentence for them.” You are the only one who has expressed hate.
Anon says
She’s not wrong though. You’re putting any potential trans kids you have at huge risk.
Anon says
No, I’m not at all worried that teaching my kids that sex is real and immutable will lead to any risk at all. You guys have got to tone down the hyperbole and the promotion of suicidality. That’s what’s harmful.
Anonymous says
I mean, sex is real and immutable. that’s why it’s called transgender and not trans-sex. because biological sex and gender are two different things.
Anonymous says
Sure, I’ll bite. I’m a scientist, trained in molecular biology. Biological sex actually isn’t immutable at all. Any variance in chromosomal sorting around the the sex chromosomes results in intersex phenotypes which results in a range of physical presentation. These happen in otherwise normal appearing humans for many of the conditions, and you won’t know from looking at them. Beyond actual chromosomal structure, there can be differences in expression of genes and later hormones. Different development environments in the uterus on, which can impact brain chemistry. Biology is messy. There’s no true black and white, and this is true for sex development across animals. There are typical presentations of sex, but most biological expression happens across ranges at all levels of biological systems. We all contain multitudes :)
Anonymous says
For parents of kids with autism, can you share any helpful annecdata you have learned about your kid and being a parent of a kid with autism (and how old your kid is and what you do for school, summers, etc.)?
My daughter went to regular daycare and has gone to regular school. She went to a Y nature camp in the summer that she aged out of and a city Y daycamp that she hated because it was so noisy. She had some trouble in K with sitting during circle time and got an ADHD diagnosis. After a few years, it seemed to us that it didn’t fully capture her struggles and it was hard for her to do things with other kids her age that she wanted to be friends with. The autism diagnosis didn’t come until COVID and we are just getting off of waitlists for any services (some are very hit or miss or the providers constantly change).
We waited for years to get into ABA therapy, but they wanted us to commit to 40 hours a week, and that seems crazy for a kid who until recently wasn’t even autistic (and I have a job that I’d like not to lose). So we finally passed on that, but I’m not sure what I should do. Puberty may or may not also be making things very rough right now — it hits very early for girls in our family. I am just not sure what to do and there is no roadmap. Autistic kids are also very unique — we don’t need to be in the “playgroups in locked play areas” FB group because that has never been an issue, but I feel bad that my daughter has trouble making friends as some of her social skills are not typical for teen girls (the pandemic may be partially at fault there as our schools were closed for a year and a half, but autism and having few oppotunities to interact are true challenges and will likely continue to be).
Anonymous says
If you are the same mom with an autistic child who has now posted three days in a row, it seems like you are really stuck. If your daughter has a therapist, can you have a few sessions with them to strategize? The 5-minute parent update at the beginning of her sessions is not going to be enough for a deep discussion and problem-solving.
Anon says
I think it’s also the same person who posted on the main page a while ago about her “Aspy” (her term) daughter. I think the mom needs therapy for herself.
Anon says
This kind of sleuthing is really creepy.
Anon says
How is it “sleuthing”? The poster has a fairly distinctive writing style and I remember reading her previous posts. I didn’t go and look anything up and am not “doxxing” her or sharing any info she hasn’t shared publicly.
Anonymous says
No it isn’t. It’s not sleuthing it’s just reading and having half a brain.
Anonymous says
It’s not sleuthing. One cannot help but notice the repetitive posts.
Anon says
No, I disagree. I find it both creepy and unkind to “call out” like that. What’s even your point? Just collapse the thread.
Anonymous says
+1 to anon 11:41. Y’all are spending way too much time on her if you notice similar anon posts. I can barely remember the details for named posters.
Anon says
This is just how my brain works. I have a great memory for unimportant details (and a bad memory for things that matter, sigh). I swear I’m not making any effort to remember things people post, but I do.
Anon says
Anon @ 12:27 you have the option of keeping it to yourself. I agree that people trying to play comment detective is creepy and weird.
So Anon says
I have two autistic children, and am likely autistic/adhd myself. My kiddos are 9 and 12. I would encourage you to seek out the voices of autistic adults because it seems like there is a lot that you could learn from those with lived experiences. ABA is generally frowned upon because it aims to suppress autistic traits. I know that there are those who will say that ABA has changed or not all ABA. However, there are other avenues to address if your child is struggling. I would suggest that you examine what is a genuine challenge for your daughter versus what you may be your expectations. If your daughter struggles in a noisy, generalist camp, then I would seek out camps where she is likely to find like-minded individuals who share her special interests. If she is interested in animals, then find camps dedicated to animals and she is likely to find peers. If you find peers that have a shared interest and are also neurodiverse, then she will use neurodivergent social skills, which look different than neurotypical social skills. Your daughter will likely never have “neurotypical” social skills unless she masks, which is detrimental to her in the short and long term. If she has specific challenges – handwriting or sensory needs, then seek out OT.
Anonymous says
I’m 10:51 Anon. You said what I tried to say better. Thank you.
Anonymous says
Your daughter will never have social skills that are “typical” for teen girls, because she is not the typical teenage girl and her brain works differently. She can maybe learn to fake them by masking. Thats ok, but she shouldn’t have to do it all the time and especially she needs a friend group that she doesn’t have to hide herself around. What she needs is social skills sufficient to do what she wants to do. Maybe see if there is a group for neurodivergent teens, either local or online.
Anon says
If you can’t find groups that are explicitly for neurodivergent teens, you could also look for activities where neurodivergent teens tend to congregate, like gaming clubs, coding clubs, arts and theatre, musical groups, animal rescues, reenactment groups, etc. She needs to find people she relates to and activities that she enjoys, whatever they are.
Anonymous says
Thats a great idea. Nerd-dom in general tends to welcome the quirky (outside the really gatekeepy and mean subgroups, but theyre usually easy to spot)
Anon says
The bonus is that these groups and interests transition into adulthood.
Anonymous says
Do you have any providers you are working with? Social skills groups exist for a reason, a therapist can work with her on social skills, OT might cover this. But if you don’t have anyone it will be hard. I’d prioritize finding one person and asking them. Even her pediatrician if that’s all you’ve got.
Anon says
Are you all doing anything differently with your kids after the information coming out from the surgeon general and other places about smartphone use and mental health impacts for young teens? I wish it would easier to start a mass movement against smartphones so no kids felt “left out” when their friends get them…
Mary Moo Cow says
I’m not there yet, as my kids are still elementary age, but I’m more staunchly committed to “wait until 8th” for a phone, especially a smart phone. Our school community is very strongly no-phone, and parents I’ve talked to seem to agree, even putting off phones until high school, so I hope we’ll have enough buy in that kids won’t feel left out. I also plan to give them the info and let them read it, so it isn’t just coming from Mom, sounding like Charlie Brown’s teacher.
Anonymous says
I wish our school were anti-phone. We ended up getting our daughter a phone in sixth grade, two years before we had planned to, because they were using apps in class for “instructional” purposes and the school expected kids to be able to text their parents for pickup from after-school activities at odd times. I cannot even imagine how that would have gone over in the Title 1 schools I attended as a kid.
Anon says
Texting can be done from a non-smartphone. Around here it seems pretty common to get kids a “dumb” phone in 4th grade or so for texting but hold off on a smart phone.
Needing one for school is unreasonable though.
EDAnon says
Same here as Mary Moo.
I feel grateful for the parents who came before and raised these issues. I feel it’s my obligation to learn from them.
Cb says
We aren’t at that age but I was volunteering at the school today and I was surprised how many 10-11 year olds had phones and were using them? You just got out of school, your friends are right there!
Anonymous says
No I was already really strict on this.
Anonymous says
+1
Anonymous says
There is no new information here. I don’t think the surgeon general’s warning is going to push anyone to handle their teen’s phone access differently. If you care you have already come up with a solution that works for your family. If you don’t care then you’re not changing your behavior just because Vivek Murthy says to.
Anon says
Related, did you see the news story about the 7th grader who stopped a bus when the driver became unconscious? The other kids didn’t even notice because they were all on phones! (This kid had the “mean” parents who didn’t let him have one yet.) I am horrified thinking of a bus full of 11-13yo zoned out on phones, and even if you don’t allow your kid one, they will probably see and hear it all on the bus. My kids are still in elementary school but it is making me seriously consider driving them to and from middle school! (I realize this is a privileged position.)
Broadly, we will definitely be waiting until 8th AT LEAST. We also do/will not allow devices or TVs in bedrooms. All devices will be used in common areas, and we’ll probably get a desktop for homework
Anon says
I would be so, so proud to be the parent of that kid.
Anonymous says
Ok let us know how that goes in 10 years
Anon says
Lol sure will. Comments like these indicate people are not secure in their own screen time decisions and need others to parent just the same way. I’m sure it will be difficult in some ways, but this is my hill to die on. We are already very low screen time compared to all my kids’ peers. The risks are just not worth it.
Anon says
+1. I think this hill is worth dying on too.
Anonymous says
You are taking another huge risk, though. By not teaching your kids internet safety through supervised usage of technology and the gradual granting of monitored privileges, you are leaving them vulnerable to all sorts of problems when they inevitably get onto the web using their school chromebooks or look over their friends’ shoulders at their phones or secretly create social media accounts.
Anonymous says
Good luck with the home-schooling.
Anon says
That’s a leap. Even if I don’t let my kids have a smartphone until 9th grade or have devices in their bedroom, they won’t be cut off. They aren’t cut off now! But what they watch/play is supervised and limited appropriate to their age. Kids and teens need a slow on ramp, with guidance and teaching, as you mention. That’s what I plan to do…
I don’t go in for the arguments that if I don’t let my kid do something now (use an iPad, get Instagram, watch YouTube all night and set their own “boundaries”) they are doomed for the future. As kids mature they can be granted more privileges, but it’s better to let the reins out slowly than follow the crowd.
Anon says
I’m also not a believer in the argument that kids need to be on the internet early to learn about the risks (or to learn how to use devices). If my 90-year-old grandma who grew up in bitter poverty could learn how to safely use an iPad in a day, I’m confident that a 13-year-old can learn it in an hour. Conversations about safety are a lifelong process and I think a 13+-year-old is far better equipped to listen and take things in anyway.
busybee says
I agree this is a hill to die on. I believe I’ve posted about this before but I spent nearly a decade as a prosecutor specializing in crimes against children. I had many, many cases of 9-12 year oldgirls connecting on social media with adult men, who would then have s€x with them. Not to mention the countless intimate photos, cyber bullying, and more. Most of those parents thought they were “carefully monitoring” and “gradually increasing privileges” too.
So Anon says
My 12 year old has a cell phone, and he is in 6th grade. I had no plans of getting him one at this age, and it wasn’t because he felt left out. I had many reasons, including that it gives him flexibility to attend after school events, walk to the library with friends, or come home after school. He also recently went on a week long school trip, and it was great to be able to stay in touch with him during that time. He routinely Facetimes his friends while playing video games, and, for an autistic child, that ability to chat with friends, not face-to-face, while playing a game has led to him forming lasting friendships. And he takes it with him when he is with his Dad, so that he can be in touch with me at any time. I have monitoring software on his device. So no, it doesn’t change my decision.
Anon says
We got our 4th grader a cell phone watch to communicate instead of a smart phone. It serves most of the same purposes, except without social media or screen addiction risks. She borrows my tablet to FaceTime with friends, so that’s always supervised.
Fallen says
I have a rising 5th grader and half of her friends are getting phones this summer. I gave her an apple watch and an iPad which connects to her phone number. It’s not ideal but it feels like a happy middle where she can communicate with her friends and not have social media. I do still wonder if the texting is too much. I have her iPad stored in our living room and it’s constant non-stop texting with her friends. Like notifications going all evening/night long, text after text.
Anonymous says
What are my options for dumb phones? I have a 10 year old and absolutely no interest in giving her a smart phone. But…she’s 10! She’s independent. I allow her to do things like ride her bike over to a friend’s house, to the local market for a snack, etc. When she takes her bike, right now I give her an old iphone that has wifi but no cell number, and she can connect to the guest network at a friend’s house or make an emergency call…and that’s it.
What I’d actually like is a phone she can call or text me from. I know there are watches, but that seems to be more tech than I need.
what I really want is a payphone at the corner market and her friends’ homes to have landlines. Which they do not.
Anon says
There’s a recent Wirecutter article reviewing cell phone watches. I’d start there.
Fallen says
The apple watch with cellular line but not cell phone. I have a 10 year old and we have been very happy with it. This is what most of my friends do with their kids.
Anon says
I just ordered my 9 YO a cosmo track 2 watch – he’ll be able to text his parents and cousins, call people from a list we approve … and that’s about it. No games, no social media. There’s a GPS thing on it that’ll let us know where he is. Seems like a good pre-phone device for a kid who wants more freedom to roam around in the neighborhood this summer.
I also hear good things about the Gizmo if you have verizon. we have tmobile and their kids smart watch seems to get terrible reviews. You have to buy a monthly data plan with the Cosmo.
Anonymous says
Apologies in advance for the novel. Tl;dr – would you move one (expensive) neighborhood over to send your kids to a “better” school much later? My kids are 6 and under. Our elementary school is great. Middle school is good. Our neighborhood feeds into a rough 7-8 grade campus. High school is good. My husband wants to move ASAP so we can be in a better feeder for 7-8 grade campus. On the one hand I get it because he moved around a ton for middle and high school and it was hard on him. On the other, I kind of think this is bananas because our oldest is starting first grade. We don’t even know if we will stay in this city long-term. I’m also biased against the idea of moving because the neighborhood he wants to move to is extremely wealthy and white. Our are of solidly average intelligence level. Don’t get me wrong: I love my kids and they can be astrophysicists if they want, but they don’t seem to be extremely inclined toward academics, which is fine! I guess I’m just hesitant to join that rat race. Am I just being selfish and myopic? I know my kids falling in with a bad crowd could have serious consequences: I just don’t think this is an urgent decision that needs to be made immediately. I also think my husband may be having a midlife crisis and thinks moving would be a “way forward” when he feels stuck. So maybe from that perspective I should be supportive? There’s a lot going on here. Thanks for reading.
Cb says
Moving seems bananas, tell your husband to slow his roll. I have a kid of a similar age, and our town primary school feeds into a middling/rough high school, and that’s just the way it is? We can’t afford a house in the fancy town with the very good high school (all schools get the same funding, it’s just a posher town) or private school, so I’m just figuring/hoping my seemingly bright, seemingly neurotypical, advantaged kid will be fine? He gets lots of books, experiences, attention, and we can pay for enrichment if necessary. And a lot can change schoolwise before we get to that point.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
This is where I’d land. There are people in my neighborhood who are obsessed with the having the perfect feeder system from elementary to middle to HS.
Apparently all middle schools in my city – even outside of my district – unless you go to the burbs are kind of a sh*tshow post-COVID – kids playing catch up/mental health impacts of technology, teachers struggling, plus it is a tough age generally. We also live 2 blocks away from a middle school and I’m also of the thought that barring safety/violence/gun issues, having limited and/or walkable/bikeable commutes add a lot more value than what’s considered traditionally “good” (e.g. less black and brown kids and high test scores – not saying OP is saying that is what is better, but this is a general trend in education).
A teacher friend of mine who has a kid and has taught at the most elite schools put it really well to me – education in the U.S. for your own kids is something you have to constantly re-evaluate and be able to pivot on as needed, while also accepting that a lot can change with zoning, magnet, etc. For those of us with privileges that Cb mentioned – the kids hopefully will be all right.
Anonymous says
Middle school in our suburban district was always a sh*tshow even pre-Covid. It is basically just a place to warehouse kids between elementary school and high school.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Maybe it’s just an age/season thing?
Anonymous says
How much would it cost if you wanted to send your kids to private middle school? More than moving?
Anon says
My husband and I struggle with this all the time. We are in a recently gentrified neighborhood where most people have sent their kids to a nearby Catholic school or lotteried into another neighborhood school. We are in agreement that we want to move but disagree on timing and whether to move to a city neighborhood with a good neighborhood elementary + private/magnet for high school or a more suburban area with good public schools all the way through. My husband has a hard time living in the present with these types of things, and while I would like to put off the move until my toddler is close to kindergarten, DH is having a hard time investing in living where we are since he knows we aren’t staying long-term. (Like making friends with neighbors, finishing housing projects, etc.)
Something we talk about a lot is making sure we are living somewhere with people that we actually want to be friends with. So, if we move to another city neighborhood, we would theoretically be around other dual working parent households and people of the religious minority we are, but our kid likely wouldn’t go to school with kids all the way through, and I’m not sure how friendships work with parents in that situation. The flipside of that is that our kid would be with the same kids all the way through in the suburban area… but that area also does not have a lot of dual working parent households (and is very white), so we’re not really sure how well we we fit in.
Mary Moo Cow says
I don’t think you are being selfish and myopic; I agree that this isn’t an urgent decision and is likely a symptom of how your husband is feeling right now.
I would consider private middle school before moving. Moving is such an upheaval for the whole family. Also, you may be redistricted in the next few years. A new middle school might be planned and built. Magnet or what are known as academic specialty schools in my area schools may be created. If your husband responds to logic and you really need to calm him down, and the data supports you, you could pull the redistricting and school planning data for your area from the past 10 years and show him how much has changed as a point that it’s not productive to plan 6 years out. (I’m thinking of my community, where redistricting happens every few years as we gain population, a redistricting plan was introduced and put on hold during COVID, and now, post-COVID, because of the influx of residents, we’re getting a brand new elementary school just down the street from the old elementary school so our zoned elementary school will change in 3 years.)
Liza says
A ton can change in 5 years. My family has lived in 3 different states in that period of time. Not that you necessarily will, but then again, you could. Also, schools change a lot in 5 years. Our local school has gone down two Greatschools points over the last few years – good thing we didn’t move here 3 years ago based on the higher rating! I think parents these days are too focused on optimizing the outcomes for their kids. Also, your kids are going to be way more impacted by their direct friend group and classes than the general “roughness” of the school in 7th grade – and a wealthy environment can be just as toxic in junior high as a “rough” one, particularly if “rough” is being defined as subpar performance on standardized tests.
Anonymous says
I think it’s important to find out what the definition of “rough” is. Physical violence and classroom disorder make for really miserable kids. I saw these in a large urban school district and was glad when we moved to a fancy suburban district. Now my kids attend allegedly fancy suburban schools where there are no gangs or trash can fires, but kids with behavior problems are allowed to yell and throw chairs in mainstream classrooms. I categorize that as “rough” too.
Anonymous says
Wealthy and white doesn’t automatically equate to academic rat race. We live in a relatively wealthy white suburb and our schools teach to the lowest common denominator. It’s a real struggle for kids who need academic advancement and I don’t think the low expectations serve the median child well either.
Spirograph says
I’m not sure what you mean by “rough” campus, but if you otherwise like your neighborhood, I wouldn’t consider moving unless you’re truly worried about safety at school. Even if you are worried about safety in middle school, I wouldn’t move now. I think you’re probably on to something with your husband feeling stuck – I’ve had similar conversations with my husband recently and we’re both feeling a little midlife crisis-y – but there are ways to be supportive that don’t involve moving! Hear him out, then rearrange the furniture, take a vacation, try a new hobby, or something less permanent. :)
Food for thought: what’s a “bad crowd”? I personally have friends who live in a very rich white area and who’ve older teens/young adults to fentanyl poisoning, and I’m much more worried about my kids falling in with a crowd of rich kids from “good families” that make bad choices because their privilege makes them feel invincible (I realize that’s a gross oversimplification). I see virtually no chance my kids would fall in with the “bad crowd” at the diverse middle school because they’ll probably be too wrapped up in their nerdy pursuits/music/sports/etc. I know I was when I was that age.
I love my neighborhood, which is majority upper middle class professionals (on a national scale, but not rich by MoCo standards) and is zoned for schools that are also fed by poorer neighborhoods with large immigrant populations. The schools aren’t the best, but they’re safe and welcoming and serve my kids well. I would not consider moving to a richer, whiter neighborhood for better academics. My kids are clever and curious and I trust that they’ll find/we can provide enrichment & challenge outside of school, if necessary. I grew up in a very un-diverse area and I’m glad my kids are having a different experience.
Anonymous says
The drug thing is one of the reasons we did not send our child to private school. I will push back a little on the academics, though. All kids, regardless of intelligence level and socioeconomic background, deserve an engaging curriculum that challenges them at their level. Unless a school tracks early and actually teaches kids in every track underlying concepts and critical thinking instead of teaching to standardized tests with rote memorization, bright kids are going to be bored to death for 7 hours a day in school. That causes all sorts of harm that can’t be undone by out-of-school enrichment.
Spirograph says
Oh, I totally agree on the tracking. Because our elementary school has such a large (~50%) immigrant population, it’s continually flirting with Title I status and there’s a lot of pull-out support for kids whose first language isn’t English. There’s also a pandemic hangover with huge educational achievement differences, so while the school would never call it tracking because that’s a dirty word around here, my kids tell me there are “different reading groups” and they get to do “extra math puzzles” when they finish the first worksheet. It seems to be working out OK so far, and I feel like we’ve lucked out with amazing teachers.
anon says
We’re in the same boat. She’s going to K in the fall. Excellent elementary school, medium grade middle, not good high school that was once good but so very many issues today (5 principals in 6 years, for one…). On the one hand, the issues could be sorted out by the time we get there – we have a decade basically, on the other hand, they may not!
I’m not obsessed with my house or neighborhood but we’re plenty happy with lovely neighbors. The sheer finances of it will keep me here for a good while – we got it for a steal and have a 2.8% mortgage. I can’t replicate this let alone upgrade in to a neighboring district with an excellent HS. So, I’m not going to move unless we REALLY have to. We’re going to keep a close eye on how the middle and high school environments evolve over the early elementary school years and by third/fourth we’ll either move or send her to private starting in middle school. We’re fortunate to have the resources that private would be within the realm of feasible. Don’t get me wrong – it would be a stretch – but I’m not going to tolerate the stuff I hear goes on at the MS and HS in town if we can provide something different and better for our kiddos.
So, I’d tell DH to cool it.
Anon says
Tell me this is a really dumb, bad idea – some friends are going to the beach next week (Destin, we’ve never been). We had talked about going, too, but didn’t really coordinate and, wow, suddenly it’s summer. I did really want to go to the beach this year (have a later, non-beach trip planned), and they are really fun to hang with, and our 8 year old daughters are BFFs. (This does sort of leave my 10 year old son out, but he’s always thrilled to spend time with his video games when we hang out.)
I have a in-person meeting on Wednesday that I really need to attend. The drive is 8 hours, kids are good travelers, so I figure we could get door-to-door in about 10 hours. Theoretically, we could leave at 11am (right after my meeting) on Wed, and probably be at the hotel about 9. Then we could enjoy Thursday, Friday, and Saturday on the beach, and drive back Sunday (or maybe Monday).
Isn’t that a lot of travel for a half-week? Is Destin really worth it? I was sort of hoping to do a Fl theme park trip in the fall, and this might mean we couldn’t afford it, though we’re really on the fence on that, anyway (and we’re landlocked, so beach trips are limited). It seems like more trouble then it’s worth in a lot of ways, but I’m really wishing we had gotten our act together and planned to go, and can’t get this out of my head.
Anon says
Destin is great and this sounds like it would be super fun for your kids. But that’s a lot of driving for a half week imo. Can you come back a bit later so you have 4 or 5 days at the beach? Is there any option to fly?
The Florida beaches are completely different than the Florida theme parks so I wouldn’t worry at all about overlap there.
NYCer says
I have never been to Destin, but personally I would not drive 10 hours one way to spend 3 days at the beach. YMMV.
Caveat… I may not be the best person to ask, as we are not big on driving. I would always pick a flight if the other option is a 10 hour drive.
Anonymous says
On the other hand, I will always choose a 10-hour drive over a connecting flight.
Anon says
Yeah I think it really depends on where you live. From NYC you have non stop flights pretty much anywhere so of course flying is easy. I live in a small Midwest city and getting to Destin would involve at least two flights and a layover. There’s no way it wouldn’t take at least 10 hours, especially when you factor in driving to the airport, waiting at the airport and picking up a rental car on the other end. Driving would be much faster. And it might not even take 10 hours – I’ve done what Google maps says is an 8 hour drive in just over 8.
Anonymous says
This is really just a question of whether you want to go or not. The beach at Destin is really beautiful, and if you want to take a beach trip this one is good! Do you have a good place to stay? That would be a big factor for me.
Anonymous says
If money weren’t a factor I’d say go for it. But I would not sacrifice another vacation for two days of driving and three days at the beach.
Anon says
+1
Anonymous says
Ya know I say go for it. Life is short! If it is too much you’ll know not to do it next time.
Anon says
+1. Don’t let the fear that it won’t be worth it let you stop you from doing things that will probably be worth it.
Anotheranon says
+1
Do it this time! If you don’t love it, you don’t have to do it again
Anonymous says
I did an 8 hour drive for thanksgiving (wed afternoon-Sunday) twice and it was not worth it. I couldn’t enjoy the break because I was tired, and then mentally gearing up for the drive back. And I usually really like our family thanksgiving. Its not a stressful event for us.
Anon says
Destin was our winter trip during the first two pandemic years when we didn’t feel comfortable leaving the country. It was a ton of fun. My husband and kid talk all the time about wanting to go back and if it were solely up to them I think we’d go there every year.
Anonymous says
I would probably do it but pre-kids we drove from Texas to Cali twice a year. We make the 5 hour drive to see grandma with all three kids at least once a quarter. Driving doesn’t really bother us. That being said, I’d plan to come back Monday if possible. I need a solid 3 days somewhere to feel like that long of a drive was worth it.
Anonymous says
What are your flight options like? Could your DH leave early with with kids and you fly and meeting them there?
Otherwise I think your plan is good as is. I’ve never regretted travelling to see friends
Anon says
If your kids are good in the car, this may be worth it to you. Destin isn’t like a bucket list item, but it’s a very fun family vacation. Traffic has gotten worse in recent years as people have discovered that area, so it may take longer to drive than you are anticipating, so I would factor that in. Like, if you are driving through Alabama, the traffic from Birmingham to Montgomery has gotten atrocious. After Montgomery, people start splitting off to go to various beaches, so it sometimes gets better. You will not hit the peak of traffic on the days you are traveling because most rentals run Saturday to Saturday, but I would still be aware that you may hit a lot of it.
Anonymous says
https://childmind.org/article/every-autistic-girl-wishes-parents-knew/
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Whoa baby the trolls seem to be out here in full force today. Other than that – happy Friday!
BTW – haven’t seen Pogo post in a bit, not sure if I missed anything from previous posts.
Pogo, been thinking of you if you’re reading and hope all is well.
AwayEmily says
Seriously! Here’s a nice thing to distract us from the trolls: the big kids taught the 15-month-old to fake burp on command. It’s hilarious.
GCA says
Ha! That reminds me of the time my friend got an Alexa and her 3yo immediately asked it to make fart noises.
Anonymous says
Get them to work on armpit farting, which I sadly never mastered.
EDAnon says
My son learned to burp on command from a friend. When I told her mom, she didn’t even know her daughter could do it. Luckily she thought it was funny!
GCA says
Trolls – notice they’re all anonymous!
Thinking of Pogo too, and Vicky Austin.
Any fun weekend plans? We’re supposed to go camping this weekend…but the forecast is high 40s and rain late tonight through Sunday. DH is an all-weather camper but I have no desire to field-test how waterproof our tent is, nor do I want to be entertaining kids in it all weekend. Campsite is nearby, so we might go and bail after s’mores.
Boston Legal Eagle says
90 yesterday and today so I will take this cold stretch! We’ve got our usual sports and swim tomorrow, and then Sunday we’re picking colors to paint the inside of our house. Debating between our current neutral beige and light gray.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Echoing both points! What’s up with the attitudes today and was also thinking of my MA friend Pogo recently. Hope all is ok.
Anon says
Ah yes, “girls can do and be anything,” that notorious call to arms for internet tr*lls everywhere.
AwayEmily says
Remember the person who said they would be worried about a parent who let their baby wear zip footed pajamas in public? I still think that’s my favorite troll-ish comment in the last year. I legit laugh every time I think about it.
Anyway, my weekend is going to be great because it is my BIRTHDAY! I’m taking the big kids to a play, we’re all going to swim in a lake, and then going out to dinner with my husband. I can’t wait.
Anon says
Hahaha yeah that was a good one. (And relatively harmless, unlike the tr0ll who thinks any kid who eats more than one piece of pizza is obese).
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I think of this post all of the time (and laugh) as my family houses multiple pieces of pizza and takes leftovers from birthday parties home. No one is obese, just hungry and we <3 pizza. :)
Anon says
Hard same! My healthy, active kid will put away 3 or 4 pieces in one sitting..but then not really eat for the rest of the day. She’s picky and pizza is one of her favorite foods.
Spirograph says
Happy Birthday!
(I also still chuckle at the idea that a baby with zip footie pjs in public is indicative of anything about the parents’ mental state or ability to cope.)
Anonymous says
It’s really sad that this place which used to be very welcoming is turning nasty. People whose opinions differ from yours (kids can wash their own hair, cell phones are not the devil, etc.) are not automatically trolls.
Anon says
+1.
Anon says
It’s the tone. Trolls are sarcastic, and yes you can usually tell even just in a written post. I feel like I disagree a lot with people here (I’m an odd duck, I guess!) but I try to keep it respectful.
Anonymous says
This. People seem like they take it personally if someone disagrees with them. Different strokes for different folks.
Anon says
Where is the sarcasm in today’s kerfuffle?
Anonymous says
That’s the point–many of the comments being called troll-y are just dissenting opinions. We seem to be losing the ability to have a real discussion because every opposing viewpoint gets shut down by accusations of trolling.
Spirograph says
Some are, but the one upthread today felt deliberately provocative (which is my bar for “troll”). No one says girl-ness equates to giggly, weepy, or afraid of sports and expects people to be like “hm, I’d never thought of it that way. Please tell me more about your well-reasoned & thoughtful opinion”
Anon says
I don’t agree, Spirograph. It was a question meant to point out that there is no way to “feel” like a girl that doesn’t rely on offensive stereotypes. No one offered a true rebuttal, just a name-calling session and an accusation of being a death sentence for her own kids, which is shocking and disgusting.
Spirograph says
They did offer a rebuttal, though. Someone mentioned that it’s like right- or left-handedness, which is how I understand it, too. I can’t define what it feels like to be right-handed, but I know it feels natural & effortless to use my right hand to write or throw, and unnatural & more difficult to use my left. My female body feels natural for me to me to live in. Even though there are some aspects of the social construct of femininity that I reject, I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong skin. If my mental essence were suddenly put in a male body, I can believe it would feel very unnatural to me, even if I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what was wrong.
Anon says
+1 to Spirograph. People have explained it well, and why it’s not about thinking women are weepy and bad at sports.
Anon says
I didn’t think the handedness situation was compelling, actually, but why bother engaging in conversation if it will just be shut down? That’s the goal, isn’t it – for people to self-censor. It’s a shame that kids are the ones who pay the price for adults failing to carefully consider the risks of any ideology or belief system.
Anonymous says
this is a very imperfect analogy, but I don’t feel the need to try to empirically explain how a transgender person knows they feel like they were assigned the wrong gender any more than I feel like people need to defend their religious beliefs. I just take it on faith (ha!) that they have reasons and not everything is explainable in words, or that I’m owed an explanation at all.
Anon says
That’s fine – it’s definitely akin to a religious belief that no one needs to defend empirically, but then you have to be prepared for people to a) not share your beliefs and b) push back if your beliefs begin to infringe on their right not to believe. Many of us have experienced the latter situation and not felt able to speak up to defend our rights to hold other beliefs – i.e., that we don’t all have “gendered souls” or “spirits.”
AwayEmily says
Really, you need it spelled out? Nobody is saying there can’t be disagreement. It’s comments like “Good luck with the homeschooling” and “Ok let us know how that goes in 10 years” and “Does feeling like a girl mean feeling weepy, giggly, afraid of sports?” that we are talking about. The vast, vast majority of comments on here are awesome and when they disagree they do so in a helpful, constructive way. The trolls we are talking about are not “people who disagree with us,” they are “people who are sarcastic and obnoxious rather than engaging in good-faith discussion.”
AwayEmily says
(and before someone else says it, yes I was not being very nice in saying “Really, you need it spelled out?” I should have used kinder language — apologies. I was frustrated but that’s not an excuse! I should hold myself to the same standards I hold others to. I love this place and want it to stay positive!)
Anonymous says
I would argue that specifically in discussions of gender there is an over-eagerness to accuse people of trolling. That particular poster was not kind but there is some nuance that is just not permitted in the discussions. Anyone who questions the orthodoxy or attempts to point out the impact on women and girls is immediately shut down with name-calling.
Anon says
Only the first two comments are rude. The third was fine and people are overreacting because they would hate to be accused of not being inclusive.
Anonymous says
Very low stakes question. My kid’s bday party is next week. We got reusable water balloons to put in the goody bags. How many should we put in? I have…a lot…but I also have another kiddo’s party coming up this summer that I could use them for, so I don’t need to use them all. Do I do:
A. One reusable water balloon, filled with candy, and call the whole thing the goody bag?
B. Two balloons packed flat, plus some candy, in a bag. (is two a weird number? Do I stuff one inside the other and skip the bag?)
C. Three balloons, two folded inside with a ring pop. They’re kinda expensive so 3 seems like a lot, but like I said, I have them so I can use them if you need a minimum of 3 for a good time :)
GCA says
I had to look up reusable water balloons – what a neat idea! – and realized that if I received one filled with candy I might not even recognize it as a water balloon. Also, it’s hard to have a water balloon fight with only one balloon. In light of this and due to my own obliviousness, I’d go with two + candy in a bag :)
Anonymous says
That’s kind of my thinking too. My kids use them to water plants in my yard :).
It’s a small enough party that I’m going to just tell the kids what it is so there’s no confusion.
Anonymous says
I’ve decided to fill them all with candy/stickers and let each kid take two. And let them know what they are, of course!
anonM says
You can’t go wrong, but I’d say at two or three. We just got some, and they’re SO fun!
Fallen says
What age is a good age to start piano lessons? My almost 5 year old is showing an interest (my oldest and husband play sometimes), but not sure if he would get much out of it and lessons are expensive/time-consuming.
Anonymous says
I think it really depends on your kid, as to (a) interest, (b) fine motor skills, (c) frustration tolerance, (d) your own ability to make them practice. My insanely musical older child was interested, so we started piano lessons during the summer when he was 5.5. He wasn’t ready on the fine motor skills, frustration tolerance or interest in practicing front. It was a constant fight with tons of meltdowns. We didn’t continue during the school year and for various reasons haven’t started up again yet, but at 8 without lessons he can just sit down and play the things he STRUGGLED with at 5… because his hands work so much better now and his executive functioning and frustration tolerance are so much better. So now it’s time for us to figure out formal music lessons again.
Anonymous says
My kid is almost 7. She wanted to do it the day we got a piano and I waited until she asked over and over, until I found a great match for a teacher, and I told her as soon as practicing becomes a fight then we are done.
She’s done it happily for 6 months, is obsessed with her teacher (who is also a pilot), and practices on her own.
I would hold off until they’ve had some practice sitting still and maybe also until they can read. You can certainly play before you can read but it’s nice to be able to read the words in the book, etc.
Anonymous says
I agree with waiting until they can read. It is best for them to learn to read music as they are learning to play, which seems a lot easier if they can already read words. Also, all of the primer books have text for the kids to read.
Anon says
I’d say mid-1st grade. My kindergartner was regularly too tired after school to practice nightly. My kid had developed the mental bandwidth to practice nightly after they had settled into 1st grade, so we started lessons in January to avoid starting during holiday craziness.
Anonymous says
I posted about my 1st grader above. She practices on her own but not daily. Her teacher asked for 2-3x/week and I’d say she’s close to that.
Anonymous says
Kid-dependent. I definitely wouldn’t force it on a 5-year-old who wasn’t interested. I was going to wait until 7, but my 5-year-old wrote me a sweet little letter about how piano lessons would make her soooo happy so we started at 5. She loved it until she actually started having to work at it and then quit. We found that the key to practice was to have her do it before school when she wasn’t tired. 15 minutes or even 5 minutes every day is better than fewer sessions with more time.
DLC says
Would you consider other music lessons? I started with Orff classes when I was younger, and it gave me a good basis for learning about rhythm and reading music before I started piano at age 7.
My middle child is six and we are about to start him this summer. Our teacher says she usually starts at age 7 but if a child really wants to learn she is willing to try. Usually it’s younger siblings that want to start before 7.
Anonymous says
+1 for Orff, Musikgarten, or similar. Look for a curriculum that emphasizes reading music and solfege.
Spirograph says
I always jump in on the piano threads. TL/DR: Give it a try now, and continually evaluate whether to keep going
The time to start is when your kid shows interest. Find a teacher who works with young beginners, and has a manner & curriculum appropriate to 5 year olds. “Fit” is the most important thing in finding a music teacher; don’t force your child to keep going if it seems like he’s not enjoying it anymore, but consider that the teacher may be the problem if so.
FWIW: I started piano at 5, quit a year or two later, came back to it after a year with a different teacher, then had four different teachers for various durations over the next 10 years until I got mad at the last one and quit in my junior year of high school. I started again (paying for lessons myself!) when I was 22 and have continued in phases with a few different teachers since then. My current teacher didn’t start piano until he was 11 but went on to get a PhD in performance. There’s no “right” time that will ensure a “good” outcome, so you can also just wait until it’s a good time for you to provide the logistical support & practice reminders
avocado says
Teacher fit is so important. And the “nice” smiley teacher may not be a good fit, or may cease to be a good fit as they get older and more advanced. One factor that drove my daughter to quit piano in middle school was that her teacher was a nice old lady who wasn’t serious enough for her. A few years later she started voice lessons with a kind but demanding college professor and is much happier.
Anonymous says
Agree, and for my kid that started at 6.5 who has trouble sitting still but begged for piano, we found a teacher that is young, does lessons in-home where she has a super cute cat, and she’s also a pilot and guitar performer. My child never complains about piano, though I sometimes question what % of her lesson is petting the cat and chatting vs actual piano, but she remains happy with the activity, is excited for the upcoming recital, and will practice on her own so I truly don’t care.