I never thought I could pull off Aritzia’s pieces at the office — but here’s a classic shirtdress with a twist that would work 9 to 5.
This A-line midi shirtdress is made from a sleek and smooth satin fabric. It features a unique tie-front, adjustable button cuffs, and a hidden button placket for a finished look.
This dress easily goes from desk to cocktails to dinner.
This dress from Aritzia is $178 and comes in “matte pearl,” black, and “dark night navy.” It’s available in sizes 2XS–XL.
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – 2,100+ new markdowns!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 30% off orders $100+
- Eloquii – $39 select styles; 50% off select styles
- J.Crew – 25-50% off wear-now styles; extra 50% off select sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 50% off women’s dresses; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 60% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – Up to 40% off your order
- Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale: Extra 50% off markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – 25-40% off kids’ styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – Up to 40% off your order
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all kids’ & baby clothing; PJs on sale from $25; up to 75% off clearance
- Carter’s – Rule the School Sale: Up to 50% off; up to 40% off baby essentials
- Old Navy – 50% off back-to-school styles; 30% off your order, even clearance
- Target – Backpacks from $7.99; toddler & kids’ uniforms on sale from $5
- Pottery Barn Baby – Summer sale: up to 50% off
- Nordstrom – Limited time sales on brands like Maxi-Cosi and Bugaboo.
- Strolleria – Free infant seat car adapter with any Thule stroller; 30% off all Peg-Perego gear in our exclusive Incanto Collection
Anonymous says
Long leggings post from yesterday-
Size up to a 7/8, but if they are too baggy, try H&M in a 7/8. Lands end clothes often come in a slim, not sure on leggings though, so try a 7 or 8 slim. Fwiw the leggings all have “iron knee” which has this patch under them. One of my kids won’t wear them because they are annoying.
Anon says
My kid is heading into 2nd grade and still flipping letters (e.g. b and d, number 3), if pointed out he can correct usually. He also seems slow to learn things, if that makes sense. Like concepts take a long time to sink in and require intense practice. Would you test for learning disability? If so, what would the point be? The latter is my husbands question. He does not want son to have a label for no reason. Son’s progress reports from school have him achieving at grade level. Obviously will be discussing with doctor as well, but I honestly feel so uninformed in this subject.
AwayEmily says
I also have a kid heading into 2nd grade who flips letters sometimes too. I honestly did not even think to be concerned about it. She is a solidly average kid academically, achieving at grade level but not excelling (well, in my mom opinion she excels at being a kind, funny, thoughtful kid but there is not a standardized test for that). Reading took awhile to click for her. But my take is that if teachers aren’t raising concerns, she’s enjoying school, and her progress keeps continuing, I’m just going to stay the course. That being said, trust your gut I suppose!
Cb says
Yep, my son is the same. I’m trying not to worry about slower than I expected progress on reading (I was in chapter books at his age but I was hothoused)
Anonymous says
He’s 6?!
Anonymous says
Eh, I’d expect a professor’s kid to be reading chapter books by age 6.
Anonymous says
They’re just normal
Kids.
Anon says
I would not “expect” a professor’s kid to be reading chapter books at 6! It may be more common among academics’ kids than among the general population, but it is still quite rare. My 5.5 year old is the daughter of a prof and granddaughter of three profs and doesn’t even know how to read. Which is fine, because she just finished preschool and reading is taught in first grade in our city.
Anon2ndGrade says
I also have a rising second grader. He is also flipping all sorts of letters and I am similarly not concerned. He can read and teachers have never raised a concern. At this age, it seems like something worth keeping an eye on but unless he’s struggling at school I can’t imagine an evaluation would be helpful.
anon says
My rising 2nd grader flips numbers and letters constantly. She’s flagged as gifted and I have zero concerns about a learning disability. I think the reversals will likely resolve in 2nd grade with more reading and math practice. It’s a developmental skill. I wouldn’t worry about the letter or number reversals.
How is his reading? Reading fluently starts to be more important in 2nd.
Anonymous says
Another vote for very normal, my rising second grader regularly flips letters (and numbers). My rising third grader got significantly better at this throughout last year.
My kids were in a Montessori elementary school for a couple years and one thing I found very interesting was their use of cursive to teach letters. Lowercase b, p, d, and q are all the same if you print, but they’re distinct with cursive, so (according to the Montessori philosophy) it’s easier for kids to learn them. It seemed to work! And my kids never flip letters the wrong way when they write in cursive. I’m a mean mom, so I’m forcing them to keep practicing even though our public schools don’t teach it anymore.
Anonymous says
Ok. I have 3 kids. If all of them, the one that was still flipping letters into 2nd grade was eventually diagnosed with adhd.
I had to push for it because she was hitting benchmarks no problems. She was just also doing it in her own way, not actually how she was being instructed.
If your gut says there’s an issue, push the school to test. Otherwise, as others have said, it’s also still within the realm of normal.
Anonymous says
I’m not sure I’d be concerned about flipping letters at that age, but to your husband’s question: The point of having a “label” is access to services. A kid with a learning disability or ADHD is going to struggle mightily and expend way more energy than your typical kid to learn the same things, or in some cases just to appear to learn them or to learn them only halfway. With the appropriate accommodations, services, and treatment, daily life becomes less of a struggle, the child learns more easily and at a higher level, and the child’s life and the family’s life are much calmer and more pleasant.
OP anon says
I think this where I struggled to
Answer. I am not aware of the services that a kid would get access to nor the accommodations that would be available.
Anonymous says
Even without official accommodations, it is valuable for your child to understand a little more about how their brain works. For example, there is no point in me expending a ton of energy to try to pay full attention and take detailed notes during a lecture. I just can’t learn that way. Stressing about that made some of my school years considerably harder. Now I focus on reviewing materials ahead of time, listening without taking notes, and scheduling time to go back over the materials later.
Anon says
You don’t need to know what accommodations are right at this moment. If appropriate, you get the testing. If you get a diagnosis, they will probably recommend some accommodations and you can also research what has been helpful for others with the same condition. But what those appropriate accommodations will be really depends on what the condition is and the individual
Anonymous says
In my limited experience–1 child in 1 public school–the school will focus on whether or not anything is impacting the child’s performance in school. If not, they are unlikely to get free services or accommodations at school. My son has trouble with writing, and he’s now getting occupational therapy at school. In terms of accommodations, he has mandated extra time on tests if he wants it, and the opportunity to type instead of handwrite on tests if he wants it. His evaluation uncovered an issue for which PT might be helpful, but it wasn’t impacting his ability to participate in school or learn, so they didn’t offer us PT.
In our school system you can request an evaluation, but it has to be in writing – it is known as a referral. The school then has to do it. You can also pay to have one done privately. In practice, the school took forever to do it. The reason we decided to get it done is because his 2nd grade teacher was pushing for it and said he was a year behind grade level in writing.
If I were you, I would discuss this with his teacher at the parent teacher conference. Teachers are good at evaluating what falls into the broad range of normal. I think the letter reversing definitely is normal, but it is harder to say if he is learning more slowly for some reason. The other thing I would focus on is whether this is impacting his self-concept or self-esteem in any way. If it is, then I would definitely explore intervention.
Anonymous says
It’s true that you will only get accommodations or services from the school if the issue affects learning, but it is possible to show that an issue is affecting learning even if the kid is on grade level or getting good grades. You can also get services privately.
Anon says
my fifth grader still flips letters when writing. I’ve talked to teachers about it and they say it’s very normal. My personal feeling is that lot of it is because my kids have had very little emphasis on hand writing in school. Everything is done on a Chromebook. I’ve looked at some of her few hand written assignments and no one is correcting these things.
Not to say your shouldn’t have your child assessed if it will give you peace of mind and options. You know your child the best and I’m not sure that flipping letters alone is a warning sign.
Anonymous says
No. My kid did this and my husband’s mom, who taught 1st and 3rd grade for years, said this is normal. My mom said I did this too at that age. About to start 3rd grade, she reads way above grade level but still flips letters sometimes (but rarely) when writing)
Anon says
I can’t speak to whether this is normal or not, because my kids are younger. But as someone who was diagnosed with dyslexia in college, I higher encourage you to get testing if it is being recommended. I always struggles with spelling, and it highly impacted my self esteem – I just figured I was stupid and always hated reading aloud. Once I was diagnosed, I was able to work on coping methods, like text to speech technology to help proofread. But honestly, the most helpful part was knowing that it had a reason
Anon says
And, as an fyi, it was never flagged by my schools because I still got good grades. But honestly, the signs were there
Cb says
Packing up from a beach holiday which was lovely – husband, son, husband’s cousin and parter, two tweens and two foster kids the same age as my son and it was absolutely delightful chaos. We went on a ferry, Roman fort, a city farm, spent all day at the beach (note – I need a wetsuit for 13c water temp).
What’s the sand solution? Mesh beach bags?
Mary Moo Cow says
Both my kids rolled in sand as babies, sit in sand as young kids…shudder. For me, a raised beach chair, mesh beach bags for toys that have been rinsed in the ocean, and washing legs off before going into the house. Baby powder also works well to get sand off dry skin, but we’re usually trooping up the beach after one last dip in the ocean, so we’re dripping wet.
Cb says
We definitely have half the beach in the bath and carpet of the holiday house :) it’s been raining all day so we put the sand toys on the patio to “rinse” but ugh.
Anonymous says
My rising first grader said he doesn’t want any new clothes for back to school. I know this is silly, but I guess I just want permission that it’s fine not to buy him a new wardrobe? Ill go through his closet with him and cull anything that’s worn out. He needs new pants, but that can wait until October when it cools off. He really doesn’t need much else.
Anon says
It’s fine to not buy him a new wardrobe. I’m not buying much for my kindergartner, since she currently has a lot of summer and winter clothes that fit and are not worn out. We’ll replace items as needed during the school year. I think “back to school shopping” is more for older kids who really care about what they wear.
Anonymous says
Of course it is okay! I never buy new clothes just because it is back to school; I do it when the season changes and last year’s fall/winter clothes don’t fit. When school starts we are usually still wearing summer clothes, e.g. they were new in the spring. FWIW my 11 year old still just wears whatever is on top of the pile in his dresser.
Spirograph says
+1 my kids (boys especially) want to keep wearing their shorts as long as possible.
Anon says
+1 we buy new clothes as needed, we don’t buy new clothes just because it’s back to school.
anon says
We usually just do a new first day of school outfit to start off the year fresh and then get fall clothes in the fall. It’s still hot here will into October.
Anonymous says
Buy new clothes when he needs them and when they are available. I used to have to buy fall clothes in July and August because they were all sold out by October when fall weather actually arrived, but over the past few years I’ve noticed that retailers seem to be releasing their seasonal collections closer to the actual season.
Eh says
We don’t do new clothes for school. Didn’t really think it was a thing besides marketing. We DO do new tennis shoes – it’s a good reminder for a refresh, and DD’s have a hole in them after summer!
Anonymous says
Anything worn to day camp gets totally trashed, so if we don’t make them wear different clothes over the summer camp (usually those free t-shirts that seem to accumulate plus cheapo athletic shorts), we have to buy new clothes for school.
anon says
It’s completely fine. And it’s so hot anyway, so no reason that your kid can’t keep wearing his summer clothes. Wait until fall when actual needs arise. I’ve come to believe that back to school shopping is more of a construct made by brands than something most families need to do. (Obviously, I’m not talking about literal notebooks and pencils, just clothes.)
Anonymous says
My son’s school just does a collection for school supplies and provides them to all students, so we’ve never even had to buy notebooks, etc.
Anonymous says
By collection i mean requests $$ from those who can afford it.
Anonymous says
Can you put words to what part of you is feeling like something is wrong if you’re not buying new clothes? Is it a sense of loss of missing out on an important milestone as a mom if you’re not shopping for new school clothes for your little one’s first day of school?
Is it the idea that a good parent makes sure the kids have new and fresh clothes to start school, and a not-so-good parent neglects that and sends their kids to school in old clothes?
A sense of peer pressure that has you imagining your kid won’t be as well-dressed or cute as the other kids?
Sometimes going beneath the surface and putting words to what’s driving us helps us understand our motives and frees us up to choose what we want to do.
Anonymous says
Why would you be buying a new wardrobe if things aren’t too small or worn out? Is this a thing people do? Like, I intend to buy my older son some new pants for the fall… because his old pants are too short.
Anon says
Back to school clothes shopping was a thing for me growing up, although I think probably it didn’t start until late elementary school or middle school, when many kids (especially girls) get more interested in clothes.
Anonymous says
Having attended a webinar on multigenerational teams in the workplace today… I wonder if the back-to-school clothes shopping thing is because (according to my webinar) Boomers like our parents were influenced by “Yuppie culture” and physical representations of affluence were important to them?
Anon says
Oof we just got our kindergarten teacher assignment and my daughter’s teacher will be on maternity leave until October, so they will have subs. It’s not clear to me if the sub will be one person or rotating subs (I hope the former). My daughter was already nervous about K and this is not helping. Anyone had a similar situation and can reassure me it’ll be ok?
Anonymous says
Help me come up with a solution? Some friends are flying to an adjacent city in our state to visit parents/in laws and asked us to come out for a few days. They happened to plan their visit for the week that school starts, which can’t be helped. I was still planning for us to go for a few days and just take my oldest out of school. Then three weeks ago the mom was hospitalized for something fairly serious and I assumed the trip was out. I checked in with her several days and she was non-committal but I didn’t want to be a jerk and press her on trip plans. Now it’s one week before school starts and this morning DH informed me their trip is still on. He still wants us to go. The only problem? Our twins have their 36 month check up Monday (I could reschedule), we meet the teacher Monday night (nbd but this is where you tell them how your kid will be picked up from school), then school starts Wednesday and I have jury duty Friday. I suggested that he just go for a few days and I’ll keep the home fires burning. That seems the least chaotic, but he’s annoyed that we “made these plans and are flaking.” I literally told work yesterday that I no longer need those days off. I guess it’s not a huge deal to reneg on my time off…it just feels like too much. I should just send him and plan a trip to visit them another time, right?
Anonymous says
Ugh threading fail. OP this isn’t the same but we had a weird kindergarten situation where I knew her personally and her life was a big mess, but she’s a perfectly wonderful teacher and my kid loves her and learned a lot. I would also bet the school will try hard to have the same sub each day. The transition to kindergarten can be hard no matter what. I think it will be ok.
Anonymous says
You and your husband should both stay home. It’s the first week of school.
Anonymous says
I mean I’m confused why you said yes to this and then didn’t make any plans to make it work? I think you’re being rude and conflict avoidant and should get over it. If you don’t want to go be a big girl and say “no that doesn’t work”. Also they are three it’s not real school?
FVNC says
We had sort of the reverse situation when our daughter was in K. The assigned teacher started the year, but was frequently missing days due to a family member’s health issue (so, constant rotating subs), and then finally went on extended leave (one sub for the two month period). Original teacher returned for the last few months of the school year.
It was not the best introduction to grade school, but i) my daughter had been in full time daycare since age 3 months so was used to a rotating cast of teachers and caregivers, and ii) was advanced academically because of her wonderful pre-K. So, although the class was a bit chaotic at times, she was okay. I felt much worse for the kids who didn’t yet know their letters, for example, and I think the school did a real disservice to those kids who I doubt were prepared for first grade by the end of the year.
Most likely, your daughter will be fine, particularly if there is one sub. There should also be an assistant, who should provide consistency. Keep a close eye on what type of learning is happening and if there are multiple subs, consider tutoring if you feel your daughter is missing key learning. We’d have probably needed to do that if my younger kid had been in my daughter’s kinder class; he really needed kinder to learn the basics, letters and numbers.
Spirograph says
TL/DR: It will be OK. It will also probably be a long-term sub. Maternity leaves are planned enough in advance that I would expect the school has taken care of that.
Not quite the same, but my 4th grader had one teacher until October last year, and then another one took over for the rest of the year after that. Frankly, the first teacher wasn’t great, and the permanent one was an absolute dream, so there were some bumps at the beginning of the year, but everything was ultimately fine. The permanent teacher was a pro, and I’m sure your daughter’s teacher is too. She will manage the transition for the kids, and by the end of the year your daughter will barely remember she had a different teacher at the beginning. Your K kid doesn’t really need to understand there’s a teacher change coming (2 months is so long to a 5 year old!), and I expect she doesn’t know the permanent teacher, so there’s no danger of disappointment about a bait-and-switch. Don’t let this change anything for you — it should not be any different than how you otherwise would have prepped your daughter and gotten her excited for K.
Anonymous says
It’s not ideal but it’s okay. Will the classroom have an aid? If so then be reassured that will be a constant.
There is a chance your kids teacher won’t return from leave, Or will return late.
It also happens all the time. Recently returned moms and moms with young (daycare) kids tend to be less impressive in terms of dedicatio BUT they are still awesome. Just like us, new moms are burning the candle at both ends. My daughter’s 3rd grade teacher this year had a newborn and a toddler and was out constantly. When people ask how she was I tell them it wasn’t a good year to gauge her but she was just fine. Like “met expectations” performance review level.
Anonymous says
The school will always try to use a long-term sub in a situation like this. The long-term subs tend to actually teach, unlike short-term subs who just babysit.
Anon says
Why wouldn’t it be ok? They don’t just hire whoever applied first. Long term subs are fully qualified, competent teachers.
Anon says
+1
Anon says
OP here and I wasn’t insinuating subs are bad teachers. I just think all the change might be hard for a kindergartener who is also dealing with a new school, new routine and a new group of kids. If this were first grade I wouldn’t think twice but K is already such a big change and hard for many kids to begin with.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t worry about a transition from a long-term sub to the regular teacher. The kids will easily take it in stride.
Anon says
It’s likely one long term sub. That’s the standard for maternity leave, at least in decent districts.
When you discuss it with your daughter, make sure you don’t pass the anxiety over the sub situation.
My youngest had a sub for the first half of the year in PreK and it was great
anon says
It will be okay. This happened to my daughter in kindergarten, which also was in 2020 during the pandemic and masking and all the things. The school will pick a long-term sub. Our teacher did a good job of occasionally emailing updates to the class that the sub shared so the kids weren’t completely unfamiliar with her (and they adored seeing the baby pics). Especially if your DD has been in any kind of daycare or preschool program, she will likely adjust just fine.
Anonymous says
My daughter had a long-term sub during her kindergarten teacher’s maternity leave. The sub was better than the actual teacher.
Anon says
I’d double check with the principal that there will be a long term sub. There was a big shortage last year and some classes were taught by an assortment of random floaters for months.
Anon says
Thanks all! These comments are super reassuring. And yes I’m being very careful not to pass on any of my own anxiety.
Anon says
Trigger warning: pregnancy loss
DD was in kindergarten in 2020 and the day before they were supposed to be in person for the first time, we got an email that her teacher (who’d been teaching them over zoom) had quit and would not actually be there the next day. Which was her choice, but the communications around it were terrible (like she’d told the kids on friday she’d get to meet them on Monday…) DD’s class didn’t have a teacher for the next month, then they had a long-term sub for the rest of the year. It was terrible, but she still had a great year.
DD’s second grade teacher had a stillbirth (after the kids all knew she was pregnant) and then just didn’t come back to school for the rest of the year. Cue long term sub again. And she still had a great year. Maternity leave is actually predictable and something the school has planned around, so I think you shouldn’t worry!
anon says
Another question about a rising 2nd grader / 7 yo.
My daughter has never said her r’s in English. She very much sounds like she’s from Boston (Paaaak the caaaaah) even though I’m not sure she’s ever met anyone with that accent. It doesn’t prevent her from being understood, but she does sound younger than her age. Her teacher brought it up at her spring conference as something that may cause social stigma. The teacher also remarked that she uses the r sound properly when speaking Spanish but not in English. (Her school is bilingual.)
Would you pay for private speech therapy at this point or just hope it resolves? According to Dr. Google and the speech sound charts online, some kids don’t master the r sound until around age 6-7, but it’s so strange she uses the sound in Spanish but not in English (her native language).
AwayEmily says
Apologies if this is a dumb question, but can she enroll in speech in school? I feel like a third of my daughter’s friends are in speech for one reason or another.
anon says
Because it doesn’t affect if she can be understood, she doesn’t qualify for speech in our district. It’s a pretty high standard.
AwayEmily says
Got it — that sucks; I’m sorry. I suspect our district has lower standards. FWIW my friend (who does not live near me) did private speech for her kid and said it was super effective. Maybe ask around to see if anyone has recommendations?
Anon says
I’d do speech. If it’s something like that and she’s capable of saying it, I suspect she’ll master it quickly, especially given her age, so it won’t be a huge commitment.
We did speech this spring for my 7 year old and he caught on to the concepts fast.
anon says
+1. I feel like this is really common, and I’d probably bite the bullet and just do it outside of school.
octagon says
I would do private. If she can make the sound in Spanish but isn’t in English, there may be some minor obstacle that a therapist can help her get over. R is an unusual letter in that the way you form it depends entirely on the letters around it. It’s different for architect and brain and rhino and power and royal. (Can you tell my kid did speech therapy for R?)
Anonymous says
It’s not odd, they are very very very different sounds in Spanish and English!!
llama paws says
I have this speech impediment, and have spent a lot of money as an adult trying to correct it. Google “rhotacism” and get your daughter a speech pathologist.
Fwiw, most people’s accents settle down between the ages off 8-12, so I would do this sooner rather than later.
Spanish r and rr are totally different sounds than English r, so ability to say one is not connected to ability to say the others.
Anon says
I’m on vacation with my husband, mom and kiddo. My mom has a fever, cough and fatigue and thinks she has Covid (although she tested negative on a home test) and is staying in bed. My husband was up all night with violent food poisoning or norovirus and seems much better now but needs to sleep. So I’m solo parenting at least for today and hoping kiddo and I don’t catch either or both of these things. This is the second trip in a row that’s been interrupted by multiple illnesses…I just want a healthy family!
govtattymom says
I am so sorry! That is just so rough. I’m sure you were looking forward to this vacation. Hope your mom and husband feel better soon!
Anon says
Are the expiration dates on ovulation sticks pretty conservative? Mine says to discard after 30 days, but with the timing of my cycle, I think I could get two cycles out of the container instead of just the one they market.
HSAL says
My guess is that it’s probably fine, but it’s also high-stakes enough that I’d follow the rules. I used the cheapies from Amazon and don’t recall them expiring.
Anon says
I get two cycles out of one container when I use them while TTC. I would not do that if I was using to try to prevent and that was my only BC.
Anon says
I didn’t realize that they expire. I used the same ones for multiple kids… I guess they still worked?
Anonymous says
I have used old ones from friends (like 2+ years old) as duplicates of fresh ovulation sticks and they always showed the same thing, so anecdotally I’d say they take a looong while to expire. Same for pregnancy tests, I’ve used ones friends gave me that were 2+ years old and definitely expired and they still worked (I got positives and was indeed pregnant)
Anonymous says
Question 1: how do you introduce chores? I need my 6 year old to start pulling some weight/learning how to fend for himself. Any tips? He’s pretty responsible, but I do find myself constantly reminding him to pick up his shoes. He also refuses to make his own snack. Question 2: It’s time for an allowance. I want to tie allowance to chores, but is that a terrible idea? He still needs to do chores even if he doesn’t get the money.
Spirograph says
1. We introduce chores by saying: “you’re responsible for X.” or “[pick-a-kid], please come set the table.” Kids will not remember on their own, and they will resist when you try to make them stop doing something fun to do something that’s less fun. Just like everything else, you keep reminding and keep repeating and have consequences if they refuse. For example, if my kid refused to make his snack, he wouldn’t get a snack. My kids are responsible for making their own lunch the night before. I remind them after dinner, slice vegetables if needed, and supervise to ensure their lunch has appropriate nutrition, but they have to make their sandwich/main course, pick out the fruit, vegetable, and snack, and put them in their lunchbox.
2. We don’t tie allowance to chores with one exception: we pay my son $10 to mow the lawn. This is still a discount compared to what we used to pay the yard maintenance crew. :) Nobody pays me to do chores, so why would I pay my kids? Plus then I can continually use the refrain, “because we all live in this house together and we all need to help to make sure it’s a nice place to live” when they whine and ask why they have to do things.
Anonymous says
This.
Re. the shoes, the easiest way is to enforce a routine. Everyone puts their shoes away as soon as they take them off. You cannot do anything else until your shoes are put away. After about 1,000 reminders it will become habit. And the shoes must be stored in a convenient location near the door–if you want them to take the shoes up to their bedrooms it won’t work.
AwayEmily says
Yup. Honestly we are not great at having our kids do chores but the one thing I’ve noticed is that the only ones that get done consistently are ones that are totally routinized. They ALWAYS take their plates out because they’ve done it since they were little. And they always put away their laundry because they do it at the same time every week (Sunday during quiet time). Both of those took lots of reminding before they stuck. But tidying the living room before bed is a lot tougher because we frequently skip if we’re out late for some reason, if someone is melting down, etc. Because it’s not routinized, it’s way more of a struggle when we do do it.
Anonymous says
Omg re:clearing plates, our kids have done it as soon as physically able, maybe around 24 months. One of mine needed no reminding almost immediately, definitely by 2.5. My other.., is turning 5 and still has to be reminded EVERY DAY. For this job that has been his responsibility for three years.
FP says
To your point of not paying for chores – I started calling them “family responsibilities.” My kids are 5 and 7 and right now their family responsibilities are: making the beds in the morning, putting their toys away in the evening, watering our front steps flowers, and emptying their lunchboxes when they get home (putting containers in the sink or dishwasher and throwing away any trash). I made a “Family Responsibilities” chart on Canva and had it printed into a notepad on VistaPrint, then stuck a magnet on the back and it lives on the fridge. The kids like to check off the boxes every day. If they fill up the chart with checkmarks during the week we usually find a treat for the weekend (like donuts or something that we probably would have done anyway… but still).
Anon says
personally i dont think allowance should be tied to chores. chores are things that should be done as a member of the household to keep the house running as a family. an allowance should be for him to start being responsible for paying for certain things
Anonymous says
+1. Chores are for learning to take care of your living space and belongings. An allowance is for learning to manage money.
anon says
Agree with this. I will pay for a chore that’s above and beyond in some way, but that’s a rare event. For the most part, we try to separate the two.
Anonymous says
+1 – if chores are tied to allowance, your child can opt out if they don’t need/want allowance that week. Don’t go there.
For chores, I think you just have to accept that your child will grumble and complain and be really consistent with your expectations. You can explain the why of chores – because I want you to learn to do things so you can be a successful adult – but do not expect them to do them happily. Obviously minor things like putting shoes away shouldn’t elicit dramatic groans on the regular, but every time we add a new chore to my son’s list (like once a year), he pouts like the most persecuted tween in the history of Earth for a while. He’s entitled to his feelings so I mostly ignore it. It does take a while for him to remember to do things without being told but it does happen eventually. Like after a year.
Anon says
Agree with not tying them together – my kid would absolutely forego allowance to avoid chores and then badger us to buy her stuff, so the worst of all worlds.
Anon says
We don’t tie chores to allowance. My 5.5 year old has had an allowance for almost a year now, and I think it’s been a good experience in terms of learning to manage money. We need to be better about making her do chores, but agree with most everyone else that it doesn’t feel right to tie it to the weekly allowance.
Anon says
sleep issues help please. my 5 year old will not sleep through the night. she wakes up, comes to our room, wants a hug from me and then wants me to walk her back and tuck her in. in the past month i think i slept though the night once maybe. i am a person who needs sleep to function. DH tries to help, but she just screams for me. help!
Anon says
I don’t know if this is the “right” strategy or not, but I’d set up a rewards system. A quarter in a jar for each night she stays in her room with a trip to the toy store when it’s full or something…
OP says
i’m not opposed to this, but she has a twin sister so it is very complex to do rewards charts in a way that isn’t with ‘regular’ siblings.
Anonymous says
Give each of them a quarter for staying in bed then. I would think that would be extra motivating to the non-sleeper!
Anonymous says
Give them both a reward chart for staying in bed? Then the non-sleeper will see her sister earning stickers and will be motivated to keep up.
Anonymous says
I would try the sleeping bag on the floor method. She is welcome to come into your bedroom and climb quietly into her sleeping bag without waking anyone up. She is not allowed to wake anyone up unless there is an emergency (e.g., she threw up).
Anonymous says
+1. My formerly perfect sleeper has come into our room probably 60 nights this year. He’s 6 1/2. He knows he’s allowed to pull the sleeping back from under our bed and sleep next to us. He still wakes me up most nights but this is the best compromise I’ve found. I also have twin two year olds, one of whom JUST started sleeping through the night, so I’ll basically do anything to maximize my sleep.
OP says
how do you enforce this? i’ve tried but maybe not hard enough, but she wakes me up anyway
GCA says
this. my 5yo is *not* extrinsically motivated by rewards, screen time minutes or any other incentive, full stop. so she gets into the sleeping bag every night and sleeps there from about 3-6am every night. we all get more sleep.
Anonymous says
Reward/sticker chart for nights that she doesn’t come in to get you.
Anon says
I’ve had similar issues with my 4.5 year old. I’d first suggest making sure that she isn’t hungry. We eat dinner early in the evening, and we have a bedtime snack. We do yogurt or a yogurt smoothie. Some people do a banana. It’s the same every night, no difference to the snack menu, and it is boring. For the actual wake ups, I just have to keep telling her that she is a big girl and shouldn’t be coming out of her room unless she needs to go to the toilet or she is sick. One hug/kiss is given, and I pull the covers up. No elaborate process. We had 3 or 4 nights where she protested that strongly, but I held my line on it, and I went back to bed. She eventually also went to sleep. I’d also make sure she isn’t waking up because she’s hot/cold. We had to switch my daughter to cotton sheets because the usual kid sheets are polyester, and she was waking up sweating.
Anonymous says
I just want to say that if you do nothing, she will grow out of this. Not saying you should do nothing, but it is an option if you want to.
Anonymous says
I think the OP is pretty clear that she wants to be able to sleep.
Anon says
What happens if you aren’t there (like out of town for work or something)? I might try taking yourself to a hotel for a two-night getaway to try and reset and then doing reward chart for both twins. May be hard on your husband but better for everyone in the long run.
Anonymous says
one of my kids does a variation of this, and the other one used to but has outgrown it. I will fall back to sleep immediately and not really remember in the morning as long as I don’t have to get out of bed. If that’s you, too, I’d try talking to your daughter during the day and say she’s welcome to come give you a hug if she needs to during the night, but you can’t get out of bed until morning. then just remind her she needs to go back and get in her own bed when she shows up wanting a hug. agreed she’ll grow out of it, but that might help a lot on your sleep front in the meantime.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
DS #2 is in Speech therapy via ECI. He’s 2.5 and he’s progressing well – he can put two words together, sometimes 3, asks for things, copies sounds and short sentences, etc. Unfortunately our current option with ECI is virtual only which is not ideal. I spoke to the ECI SLP about this, and she agreed that he’s been progressing well, and would probably be better served with 6-9 months of in-person therapy where then he’d “graduate” out; she’s said most of her kids in the similar age range that qualify for services need help making/repeating sounds, and other more basic functions.
I got him evaluated through our healthcare provider’s SLP. As I predicted, he was on the low end of normal for expressive speech, and she recommended in-person ST 1x/month that she’d provide. ECI let me know that once he gets anything private, he no longer gets ECI, and I should ask if our provider can do 2x/month in-person – which is also what I’d like.
For whatever reason – I think demand, coming back from PTO, etc. – our healthcare provider’s SLP is taking forever to get our session(s) calendared.
I appreciate ECI but this is the second time I feel like it is not a fit for my kid – and I don’t think he’ll qualify for the programs offered to kids 3+. Our ECI is so backed up they haven’t even scheduled his evaluation; which honestly is fine with me to skip completely, because the initial one was so unpleasant. I always defer to experts, but in this case, during the evaluation, I felt like they weren’t focusing where I thought help was needed, which was speech. They recommended some cognitive/play therapy, which we did for a few months but weren’t really seeing him getting anything there that he wasn’t getting in preschool, and also he kind of blew through the milestones he needed with more time. Finally, after pushing, we got ST and got to drop the cognitive/play stuff.
When do I just throw in the towel and find a private SLP, outside of ECI and even outside of my health provider? Does anyone have any good or bad stories/takeaways from their experience with pivoting from ECI to private ST?
Anon says
this is a knwo your state thing, but where i live, it is so hard to qualify, waitlists are a mile long, that we just went to private, which i realize is lucky that we can afford. almost none of the private take insurance, they are all out of network and we submit for reimbursement, which in our case is nothing since we have a high deductible. basically we spend an arm and a leg on OT and speech, and I recognize our privilege in being able to do so
OP says
Thank you for this….
We did PT for a bit with DS #2 – turns out, nothing was wrong – he was just a late walker. We also did this completely out-of-pocket and on our own, and yes, agreed, we are lucky to be able to do that when these things come up. The bonus I found with doing it privately is that scheduling is a lot better – they came to our house, and we weren’t always just stuck to a few slots the way ECI, or even our own health care provider, can be.
I suspect it’s the same with him for a lot of things – he will just be on the lower/slower end of “normal” in some places, but “ahead” in other areas, so we’re in that spot where he won’t qualify for state services, but can benefit from help/resources.
Anon says
Dang they come to your house?! We’ve never had that for any of the OT or speech therapy my kid has done.
OP says
Yes ma’am. I can’t confirm for OT, but I can for PT, and have seen the options for ST. It definitely was helpful for logistical reasons!
Anon says
I’m not sure what ECI is, but I’d probably try to find a private speech therapist now.
Anonymous says
Idk what all these abbreviations are but if you can’t schedule the free stuff he needs and you can afford to pay for it why wouldn’t you? Isn’t this what the jobs are for?
HSAL says
I mean this kindly, so I hope it’s taken that way, but the vibe I’ve gotten from your posts the last couple years is that maybe you jump to interventions on the early side and it’s probably unnecessary. Low end of normal is still normal, it just seems like you have very high expectations for your kids. It sounds like you’re unhappy with what you have currently, so yes, pay for a private provider if you can swing it.
Anon says
I agree, also meant kindly. Somebody has to be the lower end of the Bell curve; it’s ok for your kids to be below average in some things. Unless a ped or teacher is expressing concern, I would not be concerned. And fwiw I do have a kid in speech therapy for articulation errors after a pre-K teacher flagged it and an evaluation revealed she was well outside the normal range for her age. So it definitely has its place! But personally I would not be investing in therapies for a kid just because they’re at the low end of the normal range.
OP says
Hey – I’ve also been struggling with this, so no offense taken. I think I needed to hear that?
It’s been a bit of a ride with my youngest – he was low birth weight (no other complications, full term) and we had a terrible pediatrician that really made me feel like something was “wrong” – constant referrals out to specialists, constant obsession with the growth curve, giving what I found odd advice around feeding, etc. We switched docs, and when he wasn’t walking at 16 months, they also referred us out for neuro, private PT, early intervention, and if we wanted, a broader development eval at a super high-specialty place. It all just felt wrong and overkill, especially when the neuro expressed no concerns, the PT didn’t find any root-cause problem. Finally, last year we switched to a different health care provider and now have a pediatrician who is much, much more reasonable.
This was essentially the first 18-20 months of my kid’s life. He’s now 2.5 and doing all the goofy toddler things (tonight he was jumping on the sofa and hit the back of his head on the coffee table…), but I’m still coming down from the first 1.5 years. I don’t have high expectations (I could see how it looks like that), I’m just trying to figure out what normal is after going through a really tough initial time.