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My youngest loves his tool set. Here’s one that’s similar to his, but a bit more portable.
This 24-piece wooden tool set from one of my favorite toy companies, Melissa & Doug, includes child-sized tools and nails, screws, and boards with holes for hours of imaginative play. (My kid uses his tools to “cut” our hair.)
In addition to promoting hand-eye coordination, the bright colors and multiple pieces are great for color recognition and counting.
Cleanup is easy! Just put everything back into the toolbox for next time.
This Take-Along Tool Kit is $11.99 at Target.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
strollerstrike says
Feeling sad today because I learned yesterday that I need to have some dental work done that will delay TTC for baby no.2. We are already late trying amongst our friends with DS turning three this summer but I felt fine with it so far. But now the fact that we have to wait a lot longer than planned really bums me out.
Five years seems like a really big age gap.
HSAL says
I have a friend with a six year gap and she loves it. The older one adores helping with the baby and having one be (relatively) self-sufficient makes everything easier than having two who need your help for everything.
Anonymous says
We are one and done, but if we’d wanted another I would have waited until the first one was about 10.
EDAnon says
We have friends with a brand new baby and a 5.5 year old and they are SO HAPPY with it. The photos are all adorable, too.
Anon says
Hugs. Knowing you’re ready for a second and having to wait sounds frustrating. I have a 2.5 year old and honestly we’ll probably wait at least another year before trying for a second. I like to think that delaying a little bit lets me soak up the fun parts of this age and help extend the little kid years. For better or worse. :)
Realist says
If you search “Alpha Mom Age Gap,” she wrote a really good post that compiled a bunch of studies on age gaps. The 4+ year gap has a lot going for it for you and the kids!
Anon says
Secondary infertility here (which is terrible) but DD is 4.5 (which is awesome). DD is super intense, so part of me thinks that maybe there is a plan here and it would have been a disaster. She is starting to be really self-sufficient, in a way that makes me think that having a second (if and when that ever happens) will be more like having an only all over again. She is day and night potty trained and mostly wipes her own bum. She can get herself a drink and snack if needed. She is old enough to love babies and to be helpful when our friends with babies visit (she will fetch diapers, hold bottles, play, rock the cradle, etc.). I can leave her to her minimally supervised own devices for meaningful chunks of time without worrying about disaster (e.g., yesterday she spent over an hour building magnatiles with no parental involvement). When we go on vacation it will only be one set of baby gear. I have distance and healing from those super hard toddler years and have managed to “find myself” again (or rather what the new mom version of myself is) in the meantime in a way that feels settled, stable and stronger rather than just hanging on for dear life. It is hard coming to terms with the fact that the life you have is perhaps not the vision you played out in your head, but with each passing year, I am pretty sure that even two under 4 would have broken me in a way that one over 5 and a (potential) newborn will not.
anon says
Similar experience with secondary infertility (do not recommend) and a resulting 5-year age gap between kids. Not gonna lie, I obsessed about it and worried about it and the whole experience was heartbreaking. Now that it’s long past us, I can see that having a big age gap was probably a blessing in disguise. Our oldest is also super intense. I was able to enjoy our second kiddo’s babyhood in a way that I don’t think I would’ve, had the age gap been smaller. My kids can bicker with the best of them, but I can say with all sincerity that there isn’t much sibling rivalry because they just don’t have that much to compete for/against!
I am sorry, OP. This stuff is super hard, and you’re well within your rights to feel sad and disappointed! It took me a long time to accept that our family wasn’t going to look like what I envisioned. However, being on the other side feels pretty great.
anon says
Yep, agree with all of this. We’re looking at a 6-year age gap if this next round of IVF works and while I definitely have a lot of feelings about it when looking at the 2-3 year gaps most of our friends have, there is definitely something to be said for the older kid being more independent and if not less intense, us having learned how to deal with the intensity.
Anon says
Another secondary infertility person whose “ideal age gap” isn’t happening.
It’s a hard thing to accept.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Anecdata from someone in the hope it gives you some comfort. I’ve posted this before, but my brother and I are 6 years apart (I’m older). The rest of my cousins are 2-3 years apart with their other sibling (everyone in our family had 2 kids exactly, mostly 2 years apart). My Mom told me she did get a few questions from other family members, and “oh aren’t you afraid they won’t be close?”, “aren’t you worried you’ll not enjoy the baby years?”, etc. 32 years later, my “baby” brother and I are VERY close, always were, and hopefully always will be. In our lowest moments and times of celebration, I remind my brother that his birthday truly was one of the best days of my life. I was 6 years old, in 1st grade, bouncing with joy, and I distinctly remember running to my principal’s office (who was smoking! The late 80s early 90s were so…strange) to show her my newborn brother’s picture.
Anon says
How old was your child when they could sit nicely for dinner – at home? at a restaurant?
Extra credit for when you could get them to sit at a restaurant without electric babysitters.
I am doing some trip planning, and trying to be realistic about what I can expect from my 2.5 year old twins….
Anon says
We didn’t go to restaurants at age 2 because of the pandemic but my kid was generally fine for short meals in restaurants at age 3 and going to restaurants is actually one of her favorite things (everything is exciting to a pandemic kid I guess). We’ve never used screens in restaurants.
Meals at home are still pretty challenging at 4.
Cb says
Yeah, my son was always a good restaurant-goer, but I think it really is a personality thing, he’s a little professor to begin with. He likes to chat with people, and we pick restaurants that are casual enough that we wouldn’t feel embarassed if he sang a song. But even at 4.5, he normally ends up on my lap at some point, so the equation might be harder with twins.
We are no screens, I’d rather eat at home then let my kid sit with an ipad in a restaurant.
Anon says
My kid does not have a “little professor” personality but definitely likes taking to people and has always gotten a huge kick out of ordering and chatting with the waitress. Also we still do outdoor dining because of Covid so we don’t really notice noise, etc. as much.
Anonymous says
Hahahahaha omg you have 2.5 year old twins? I hope we are talking long range planning. For us, reliably, it was 7. Starting at 5 they were definitely capable of it but not consistently.
And from 7-10 they always got to bring a book to the table.
Anonymous says
On the other hand, our kid has loved restaurants ever since she was a baby sitting in the bucket seat watching the people go by. It’s worth a try; OP may be surprised. Although I would imagine it’s harder with twins because they can set each other off.
Anon says
Same. Although twins seems way harder to me.
NYCer says
+1. Both of my girls love restaurants, and we never use screens. I would say it gets a lot easier around 3, but it definitely is kid dependent. Agreed it is likely harder with twins though.
Anonymous says
Entirely kid-dependent, and how they behave now may not be the same as how they behave this summer. The only way to find out is to try it. Some kids do better in loud restaurants, not because the noise masks their own loudness but because it entertains them. Be extremely wary of setting precedents–if they get screen time once, they’ll protest if they don’t get it every time. Same for getting up to walk around the restaurant, coloring, etc.
anon says
We went to restaurants a fair amount until pandemic (23 months old) and skipped the whole second year, but had a few bad experiences around 3 years old, so we didn’t do much again until 3.5. It wasn’t even fun to go out to eat with her again until she was past the 3.5 year old mark. We will not give her a tablet at the table, which I know is not everyone’s stance. I imagine that would have happily occupied her during the really hard 2-3.5 year old window. But we bring lots of books, crayons from home, and other things to occupy her.
Nom Nom Nom says
Don’t wait until you’re on your trip! Eating at a restaurant is a skill that can take practice. Generally, restaurant meals always went better for us than at home, but we made it clear that we had higher expectations at restaurants. We never did electronic babysitters. We would let them take in a small, quiet toy or two. Now that they’re a little older (6 and 4) they each take notebooks and pens into restaurants and that’s what they have to entertain themselves. Sometimes we end up having to draw or engage them a little bit more. That being said, I remember taking them out to eat when they must’ve been just 4 and 2, because it was pre-pandemic, by myself, and they were fine. It’s all personality and practice dependent. :)
Anonymous says
The first half of two was very rough at restaurants, but the second half of two is going better, and as we approach three I have hopes of actually enjoying a restaurant meal together without one of us having to get up and walk the kid around. I think the keys are (1) go hungry, but bring a ton of snacks in case the food takes a while, and (2) bring a lot of different toys/activities for when the kid is done eating but the parents aren’t, or when the check is taking a long time to close out.
HSAL says
My experience is you can expect nothing from 2.5 year old twins. Mine are nearly 4 (plus a 6 year old) and I avoid going to out to eat with them whenever possible. The real issue seems to be having to wait for the food. I follow the point about it taking practice, but it’s just not something I want (or care enough about) to practice. On the rare occasion we go out, it’s normally outside and we’re just prepared if someone needs removed for awhile (oddly enough it was my oldest last time). I wouldn’t take them somewhere where a small fit would cause problems for other diners.
To avoid electronics, what about a drawing board, water wow, or pop-its?
Anonymous says
We ask for the kids’ meals to come out ASAP, before the adult food. For some reason restaurants are usually able to get the kids’ meals out much quicker.
Anon says
This made me laugh out loud because up until this trip, my primary goal has been to avoid any scenario where I don’t have a quick exit. I have not been sad that eating out has been largely impossible for the last two years, as I LOVE eating out, but not with twins!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
DS #1 – Currently 4.5 – has always been great, since he was a baby. For longer things, we’d use the screen liberally towards the end of the meal/when he was done eating, but otherwise would make sure there were age appropriate distractions (cheerios, toys, crayons, etc.) while we waited for food.
DS #2 – Currently 16 months – hasn’t had much exposure (thanks, pandemic), but when he have taken him he’s been fine; also my standards may be lower. He is a food flinger, so I try to clean what I can and tip extra (former restaurant worker and it’s the right thing to do).
We also use the sticky disposable placemats. Wasteful, but they work well for us until about 2.5 when DS #1 would just eat off the plates at a restaurant.
Anon says
OP – ha! Yes, keep the comments coming. Personality wise, these two are WILD, so I need to hear the realistic opinions on kids who are not natural sitters.
Anon says
Also – to give more context, the trip would occur when they are two weeks away from 3, which is approximately 5 months from now. The current plan would be for my husband to go inside, get their food, and I wouldn’t come in with the twins until the food was at their plates, and then leave as soon as they are done eating. No electronics because this is a (I know how absurd this sounds) glorified camping trip, where we are basically staying in little cabins with a primary cabin that serves food. Minimal electricity available. I have images of my twins running like maniacs while the rest of the crew is nicely eating their post-hike dinners. I have asked the restaurant if they would offer our family the option to eat on the porch (or take our plates outside) because I really want to be mindful of other guests.
Anonymous says
In this scenario I don’t think you need to worry nearly so much about disturbing the other diners. It’s basically a dining hall, right? Instead of trying to hide the kids from the other guests, I would take advantage of this low-stakes opportunity to have them practice sitting at the table and eating in a restaurant-like setting. Presumably there will be lots of other families there.
Anon says
+1
Spirograph says
+ a million
Unless this is billed as a couples retreat or something, I would expect there to be a lot of other families with young kids, and even the families without young kids did not go into it thinking they were getting a quiet, romantic, adults-only experience.
NYCer says
+2 million. OP- don’t worry about this at all. Take the kids in the entire time if you want. This isn’t a fancy restaurant, no one will care and there likely will be plenty of other families.
Anon says
Yes….but think fancy camping resort, so probably more of an LL Bean magazine cover than a fun family mess hall ….. ? Hopefully somewhere in the middle.
Anon says
Fancy camping is still camping. You’re way overthinking this.
Cb says
Oof, this is absolutely fine, I wouldn’t even do that unless you knew your kids were exceptionally ragged one day. Even if your kids were laughing/chattering, it’s not like you’re out at a 5* restaurant at 9pm on a Saturday night. I’d just bring some breadsticks to munch on while you wait.
Your kids have a right to exist in the world, and honestly, kids are less annoying than the drunk buffoon who keeps hitting on the waiter, or the hen do which keeps singing.
anonM says
Cb our comments are hilariously similar. I agree ;)
Anon says
Yeah I thought you were taking them to a fancy-ish restaurant. I would not even think about kid noise in this situation.
GCA says
Wait, like a rustic lodge with a communal dining hall? Agree that’s the perfect setting for little-kid dining. I wouldn’t worry too much about bothering other diners. After a long day hikers just want to hang out and eat good food, and if kids get *too* disruptive you can always take them outside to run around.
anonM says
Yeah, while I probably wouldn’t go to a five-star hip restaurant on a busy Saturday evening, going to a low-key restaurant before 7 pm is usually fine. They are small humans you have to feed and who have a right to exist in the world. Yes, they may make noises or make a mess. But, part of teaching children is socializing them to behave in public which does take practice. If your expectations are reasonable (i.e., have a plan for leaving with one parent when they’re done eating or whatever), you should be fine. I have ordered ahead when going out for pizza in a situation where I knew everyone was hungry/tired and needed to be fed asap to avoid meltdowns, so we were able to eat and leave QUICKLY. Everyone complemented them. (Side funny, because of avoiding restaurants during most of covid, the 4YO was very confused about why we didn’t clear our own plates at the restaurant.)
Anonymous says
Oh then you’re fine. It’s a cabin in the woods not fine dining. Chill.
Anon says
Thank you all for the comments!! Hearing that things settle down at 3 is helpful. The directive comments to “chill” aren’t super helpful. I do have anxiety around taking the twins out, and this is our biggest trip to date. Between the pandemic and bc twins, we haven’t done much in public with them. Also, I’ve had two 18 month olds having a dual melt-down in a public setting and/or running in opposite directions, and it is really, super hard. I also have an older child, and the twins are so. much. harder. than my only ever was (and he’s also a runner).
Also, broader question also stands (not just related to this one particular activity that I am particularly anxious about because there are no food alternatives to the tiny, tiny restaurant — it’s in a two week trip with lots of other restaurants — but easier to do take out, etc.) – how long until I don’t internally cringe when I know we are headed into a restaurant with them.
Anonymous says
You can stop internally cringing whenever you choose to chill.
Anon says
I think this is one of those things that gets easier the more you do it. Probably the only way to get over the internal cringing is just to go out and do it.
And +1 million to the people saying kids have a right to exist in public spaces. If you ever travel in Europe you’ll see that Americans have shockingly high expectations for kid behavior and people in many other countries are much more tolerant of normal kid noise and movement.
Anonymous says
So the unfortunate truth is that if you can figure out a way to chill, they will actually behave better. Kids this age can sense parental trepidation and take it as a signal that they should go wild. If you present a calm, confident front, they are less likely to misbehave. They can smell fear.
Anon says
Fwiw mine is NOT a natural sitter at home and we cannot get her to stay at the table for home dinner, but she’s always done well in restaurants. I think the more stimulating environment makes it easier. So you may be surprised.
GCA says
+1 this has been the case for my oldest since he was about 3 — he is the wriggliest most energetic little being at home, but once he could get engrossed in the meal he’s done well at restaurants. I distinctly remember taking him out for ramen – ramen, an atrociously messy meal if you’re 3!! – one weekend solo when I was very pregnant with kid 2, and he did great. (Before age 2.5 we still had to take him out of his seat and walk around the restaurant or parking lot with him.) Kid 2 is a more placid sitter.
EDAnon says
Mine are wild and mine was 5 when I took him to a (truly) fancy restaurant. He did amazing! He probably could have done it a bit sooner. Both (3.5 and 5.5) of them sat in a nice museum restaurant the other day and did great, but they were both hungry, which helps a lot.
Spirograph says
Ummmmm…. it depends on a lot of things. Do they like the food? Are there interesting things to look at? How quiet do they need to be? Is there something enticing over there they’d rather be doing?
Old enough to behave even if they’re hungry and tired? 7 Old enough that I didn’t brace myself whenever we were going to a restaurant? 4. That’s not to say we didn’t have some successful restaurant experiences when one or more kids were younger than that, it’s just hit-or-miss. We always go in with low expectations, to family-friendly places, at off-peak times if possible. One parent can get up from the table and walk outside with a kid (or two) if needed. We also always ask for the kids’ food to be brought out when it’s ready rather than waiting for the adults’ main dishes. Sometimes this means the kids are getting a little stir-crazy before grownups finish their meals, but I find that easier to deal with than distracting a hungry kid.
I haaaaate electronic babysitters at restaurants and that is a serious last resort for us. I keep crayons and paper in my purse just in case the restaurant doesn’t have a kids menu. When the kids were younger, I’d keep pacifiers and other small toys to keep swapping out as they got boring. Other distractions we exhaust first (all best for age 3.5 and up): tic tac toe and “stickman” (hangman), I spy, joint story telling (go around the table each adding a sentence or two to the story), 20 questions/I’m thinking of something.
Anon says
At home? Never. At a restaurant? Around 18 months. Without electronic babysitters? Work in progress at 4.5, but she usually lasts at least half to three quarters of the way before we have to pull it out, which I count as a win.
Caveat that we just did it, we are restaurant people, so it’s something she is used to. Would I take her to a 5 star white table cloth kind of place? Not during prime dinner hours, but either very early or very late has been fine. And anything less than that has also been fine.
anon says
My twins haven’t really been in restaurants much since they were almost 3 because of the pandemic, but they were pretty amazing at that age. We’d make sure they had coloring supplies or maybe a small animal figurine to play with and if it was the kind of restaurant where we had to wait ages for food an adult would take them out to walk around, but I have no regrets about trips at 34 months where we ate out daily.
Now, at 5 they’re complete maniacs at dinnertime at home and I wouldn’t trust them in a restaurant in the evening, but we’ve done a handful of lunch things since they’ve been vaccinated and they’re generally better behaved than at home.
Anonymous says
It doesn’t just depend on your kids, it depends on the restaurant. We recently took our 3.5yo and 1yo out for Korean bbq at a place that had a kids menu–only to discover that they had no high chairs! So we had to cook our food on a table-top grill while wrestling two very squirmy children. It was a complete nightmare.
Anonymous says
My kids are newly 4, newly 6 and 8.5 and it’s still sometimes a chore at restaurants if they are tired. We always bring crayons and stuff; they are fine with that. We don’t not allow and never have allowed screens at dinners out. We just didn’t go.
MNF says
Due to pandemic timing, we only started taking our daughter to “restaurants” around 2.5 (after she got covid, so we felt like we had an immunity window). It’s absolutely true that it’s a skill that can practiced. She still wants to stand up in the booth, play with the sugar packets, etc., but it’s getting better. I agree with the advice to starting taking them out immediately – diners are the best for this. We went to McDonalds for her first happy meal last night and she was delighted. We were the only people actually sitting inside. Also give the kids the seat at the table that lets them see other people – otherwise they’ll be standing up to look around.
Anon says
For those who’ve had a kid “graduate” from occupational therapy, how did you know it was time to stop going? We sought it out a few months ago and it seemed really helpful in the beginning, because we got a bunch of ideas for things to do at home. But I’ve never really felt like the weekly sessions themselves did a whole lot, so now that we have the info about what to do at home, it kind of feels like it’s not very worthwhile and it’s incredibly disruptive to our lives (we can only get appointments in the middle of the workday). Also this might be controversial, but I kind of feel like OTs over-diagnose? They identified my child as having all these muscle problems because she sometimes sits in the “W” position, but based on photos we get of her preschool class more than half the kids sit this way. So while I definitely don’t want to ignore something that’s a real issue, I’m not really convinced she’s way behind her peers.
Anonymous says
I think you should discuss this with your pediatrician.
Anonymous says
Maybe it’s time to back off from weekly sessions and move to monthly (or less often?). My LO went to several OT sessions for feeding issues at 3-4 mos, so it sounds like this is different, but we stopped going when it seemed like there was enough improvement. We did the home exercises for awhile after that and then gradually tapered those off. We left the door open with the OT that we’d come back if it seemed like the issues were coming back, but they didn’t.
anon says
When we stopped OT, we made sure we signed up for regular activities to continue to build core and limb strength, as well as balance and coordination, knowing those were areas that we needed to focus on for our kid. Lots of swimming, gymnastics, and dance. We had talked to the OT about a list of goals and made sure our child continued to progress towards those.
And, honestly, a summer of afternoons swimming at the pool with a nanny did more for her core strength than OT sessions had, though I do think the OT gave her a start at building strength so she was more willing to be active in the pool.
Anon says
Thanks, this is basically what we’re thinking.
Anonanonanon says
Getting botox for the first time today, very excited!
I scheduled it forgetting I’m presenting somewhere in person on Monday. Fingers crossed there are no issues…
Anonymous says
Yay! I think you’ll be thrilled! I get Dysp*rt (has put me in mod before) but on day 3 the wrinkles disappear! So I think you’ll be pleased with how you look Monday. Plus my minimal makeup covers any bruising, but that usually only lasts one day.
Anon says
I got Botox for the first time earlier this month, and I am so happy with the results! I am glad I did it. I didn’t have any bruising afterwards. The doctor suggested filler as an option for under my eyes too. Has anyone done that? I don’t know much about filler and it feels a little more invasive than Botox, so I am not quite ready to pull the trigger on that.
Anonanonanon says
I looked into undereye fillers as well but ultimately decided to hold off. It seems very new (I think it’s technically still off-label but don’t quote me on that) and definitely not without risks. A friend of mine looked into it recently and her doc actually advised against it. I definitely want it someday, though!
Anonymous says
Enjoy! I am envious. I would love to eliminate my forehead wrinkles but I am afraid to paralyze any facial muscles because I play a wind instrument.
Spirograph says
dude, after the thread about it here a few weeks ago, I have suddenly noticed (especially on zoom calls, where the sunlight apparently hits me juuuust wrong at my desk) how pronounced my “elevens” are. I have a derm appt coming up in a couple weeks anyway, and am definitely going to ask about it.
Anyway, I’m excited for you, I hope you love it!
Anonanonanon says
Oh, I missed the thread! I have a single line instead of two in between my eyebrows but it is SMACK in the middle. There is still a lot of mask-wearing in meetings where I live and I feel like that makes it waaaay more noticeable. I’m also horrible about remembering my glasses so I end up squinting a lot to see far away which doesn’t help the line. Hoping to address that line primarily and anywhere else near she needs to hit to prevent me from looking deranged.
One of my friends said that once you have it, you gain a superpower of noticing everyone else’s. Looking forward to realizing who around me has botox HAHA
Non says
I just started a new job afte mat leave and I am a few months in and I already am kind of bored. Mt last job was at a small company and incredibly intense, but I took this gig at a big company for the lower intensity and stress but now I cannot seem to adjust. I get home and spend time with my kiddo, which is what I wanted, but I miss the level of responsibility I used to have. Has anyone else gone through this type of adjustment period and how long did it take to adapt?
Anonymous says
I went from BigLaw to a very 9-5 legal job, and felt the same way the first few months. But I asked for more responsibility and got tasked with a couple of big projects, so I stopped being bored after that! This is highly dependent on how your organization works, but it may be that if you ask for more responsibility, people will be glad to give it to you.
anon says
I did this, try and enjoy the brain rest! My company was in a slow season and also I think they needed some time to feel out my talents too. It took about a year to 2 years, really hit my stride at year 3 I think.
NoPower says
I’m going to take 13 and 10 year old boys to NYC for a very quick weekend trip (mainly to see Hamilton after a devastating second cancelled show from tour). My mother may join us, she can’t walk a ton due to stamina. Where would you stay? Any great activities for boys that age I should consider for the bit of downtime around the show? I read the recent thread that focused more on young kids and am looking at the hotels rec’d so would love to know if the advice changes with older ones. Thanks!
Anon says
I was just in NYC for work and cannot walk far due to injury, and the most surprising nice thing for me was the curb app for taxis, which wasn’t a thing the last time I was in NYC. You can use it like uber to have a cab come to you (which I found inefficient for my locations because they would be 5+ minutes away but 10 cabs would pass by on the street in the meantime), or you can just flag a cab on the street the old-fashioned way, the cab has a ride-specific code number that is generated, and you “pair” that with your account by typing it in on your phone and it handles payment, tips, etc. I thought it was super convenient to not have to fumble around with cash or cards at the end of each ride (and, for my purposes, receipts for reimbursement).
anon says
We had a really good time when we visited the Museum of Mathematics in Manhattan. It’s not that big a museum, so your mother could easily rest on a bench while watching the boys explore.
NYCer says
Not sure if you saw the NYC with a preschool aged child last week, but I still think that the UWS is a good location for visit with kids of any age. It is an easy subway ride to Times Square/Midtown (or a straight shot in a cab), but is less hectic than actually staying near the theaters. You can also pop over to Central Park, which is a must visit IMO. If you want to stay super close to the theater, I would recommend at least trying to stay near Bryant Park vs. Times Square.
At 10 and 13, I would definitely visit one of the observation decks (there are a lot of options now… Freedom Tower, Top of the Rock, Empire State Building, the Edge, Summit One Vanderbilt). All of them other than the Freedom Tower are fairly close to the theater district. If you want to cab downtown, the Staten Island ferry is free and gives you pretty amazing views of the Statue of Liberty and the downtown skyline. The Intrepid is also pretty cool.
Cb says
Reporting back on yesterday’s onions request… kiddo did not eat cooked onions as they were different from what he had at nursery. Wonder if they had onion rings?
We were talking about school and he said ‘And then I’ll have my lunchbox….’. Going to wait til school starts to break it to him that I’ve not packed lunch for the past 5 years (there was a 3 month period where I filled up those stupid little bentos and it turned out he was just eating the school lunch) and have no intention of starting now. School lunch is FREE and made by someone who is not me.
Anon says
Haha same.
Cb says
Right? I can barely feed MYSELF lunch, now you want me to pack you lunch? At least I can have a PB and apple sandwich.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1. I’ve decided I’d pick a pre-school/daycare further away that provides food/snacks than having to pack it. Our school district also has free breakfast and lunch, so when he starts K (or Pre-K4 if he gets a spot), I look forward to leveraging that option until I absolutely have no other choice.
Anonymous says
This is exactly what we did. We started at this daycare because it was the only one nearby with a spot available, but we’ve stayed despite spots opening up at closer centers. It’s 10 min out of the way, but that’s 20 min we don’t have to spend making breakfast and lunch and then cleaning up after breakfast and washing lunch containers (which would take more than 20 min).
Cb says
Yeah, like I’d appreciate if they had more hot options and more veg, as in our socioeconomically diverse village, I suspect that’s the only hot meal some kids get all day, but it’s fine, he can have carrots and cucumbers for snack.
anon says
Haha, that’s hilarious. My onion-hating kids will devour a fried onion ring, so there you go.
And yes, I cannot with packing lunches. It might be one of the worst chores ever. My kids eat school lunch, and I have zero guilt about it. You want a lunch from home? Pack it yourself. (My kids are old enough that I can say that.)
EB0220 says
He could still bring a lunchbox. :) I also do not pack my kids’ lunch (free here now too). Breakfast is also free so unless they have a morning extracurricular they also eat breakfast at school. Heaven.
Anonymous says
My kid won’t eat the free lunch and the free breakfast isn’t served until the bell rings to go to class, so I am still fixing breakfast and lunch. Grrr.
Anne-on says
Every single year I bemoan the fact that our son’s favored camp only provides lunch on Fridays. Packing a lunch is my least favorite parent chore ever. We did it all through daycare due to intense allergies and I swear I will happily burn the stupid lunch box once he ages out of camp.
Friday Victories says
Happy Friday thread: celebrating the milestones that really matter. Last night four-year-old used the potty in the middle of the night by himself and didn’t scream for a parent to help (watch) him. This feels momentous.
I was awake because 2-yr-old was crying about something else of course.
Anon says
Wow that’s amazing! My 4 year old isn’t close to being able to use the potty independently in the night (she still screams for us if she drops her water cup at night) but fortunately she has a big bladder and never goes overnight.
anon says
Can we talk about bullying? My middle-schooler is going through it right now. The school is being cooperative and taking measures to prevent things and punish the kids who are responsible, but I’m not feeling overly optimistic and positive about how all this will shake out. Aren’t they just going to retaliate? My kid was very reluctant to even tell the principal/guidance counselor about who was involved, for this reason. To make matters more complicated, DS recently came out to DH and I. He is not out to anyone at school, but has still gotten loads of the stupid “are you gay” insults handed his way. Not surprisingly, he is currently being treated for an anxiety disorder (a combination of a comorbid condition and also the stuff he’s dealt with this year).
I’m really not okay. I’m stressed to the max. And I’m angry and emotional that my kid has been treated this way, off and on throughout the school year. I’ve spent a lot of time on the phone this week with the guidance counselor, and have taken time off work to just be at home when my kid comes home from school so he has a safe place to land. DH was very helpful in one of those conversations with the counselor because he was able to push and ask questions when I was shutting down and trying to process everything they were telling me. Wish they’d call him first, honestly. My concentration is absolutely shot, which is not good, and I’m falling behind at work. I haven’t confided in friends because I want to protect my kid’s privacy and because I’m sort of embarrassed about how bad things really are.
So, two questions:
1) How do I make sure our home and family life compensates for the total sh!tshow at school?
2) How do I get myself back on track? We have an extended family event this weekend and I’m honestly dreading it. I don’t feel like I have the energy to be positive and happy right now.
And to head off other questions: Would love to change schools, but don’t have many alternatives. Kid has a 504 plan so very reluctant to move to a private school. In our area, they do not have a great reputation for helping kids with learning differences.
Cb says
Oof, I’m so sorry that your kid is going through this. No advice as my son is younger but I just want to give you permission to go into survival mode. You can cancel the event this weekend, and just stay in your pyjamas all day and have breakfast for dinner and just hold your son and husband close.
Can the school call your husband first as a way of giving you a bit of space?
Anonymous says
What was best for me, as a kid who was bullied, was activities with kids who didn’t go to my school. Dance class was great, sleep away camp, community theatre, etc. Also my parents were really supportive of the friendships I did have. Like if it was a 1 friend year, me and that one friend did allllllll the fun things. I think you’re right, there’s no quick fix to bullying, but just knowing that your parents are trying helps.
anonM says
Just heard the same advice relayed by a middle school social worker. If kids aren’t finding a positive group of peers at school, having one anywhere outside, whether sports, cousins, church, whatever, can give them a lot of confidence AT school, and helps with bullying and peer pressure.
Anne-on says
This. Our kid is neurodivergent and getting him into a regular sports class with new kids where he is learning and mentored by the coaches has been huge for his confidence and self esteem. He actually asked to sign up for a sports camp this summer and is SO proud of how he’s doing. I’ve heard similar things for kids in his class who are thriving in music or theater groups where they can really shine and show off their skills.
anon says
I think you’re right. He is part of a church youth group, which is a mix of kids from several schools. He’s pretty involved with music at his school, but I will look into some other options outside of that. Thankfully, he will have plenty of summer camps to sample from and hopefully meet people.
Anon says
+1 from personal experience as well.
Anonanonanon says
100% this. I had alopecia in middle school and was lightly bullied (no eyebrows or eyelashes in middle school plus very delayed puberty is yikes) but I had an extra-curricular I excelled in and had bonded with friends there so it didn’t bother me as much as it would have otherwise.
Also seconding the point to encourage the friendships your son does have and give them opportunities to hang out outside of school. I really think the reason I don’t look back at middle school traumatized is because I was very aware that school was just one aspect of my life and one small slice of the world. (Remind me to thank my mom when I talk to her later today)
Anon says
1) It sounds like you are doing great? Taking time off work and thinking about your kids needs. I feel like maybe a circle that understands this could be great. Are there groups you could join in your region to build relationships with other parents going through something similar? PFLAG might be an option?
2) You don’t have to be 100% on track right now. Why not just skip the event or make a very brief appearance and then feign illness or whatever and go home.
anon says
It really helps for kids in this situation to find a healthy social outlet (or several) outside of school. Maybe a summer camp? A meet up group with kids who are also gay? Dance class? Music? Theatre? Coding club? It doesn’t really matter, but friends away from school.
If this year is going that poorly, I wouldn’t hesitate to pull him out and “homeschool” for the end of the year. You can buy a math curriculum online and pick some books to read out from the library. Maybe a grandparent or other caregiver could help babysit? It doesn’t have to be real homeschooling–the school year is almost over already and it’s unlikely that he’s really engaging in the material anyways if he’s that stressed at school. You are just giving him space and letting things cool down.
Anonymous says
Where I live there are two full months of school to go.
anon says
Those two months go quickly, as a lot of time is typically spent reviewing for and taking standardized tests. The teachers should be able to share the remaining topics to be covered and you can spread them over the two months plus the summer to catch up.
OP could also consider this option in a few weeks when there is even less time to go–just don’t be afraid to call it a wrap. At some point, if he’s stressed enough, he’s not learning anyways.
Anonymous says
Two months probably doesn’t go quickly for a bullied kid.
Anon says
Exactly. Not much curriculum for lots of potential grief.
anon says
On this same note, if he has even one friend / cousin / person outside of you and your husband who he can be himself with, I’d work on setting up time with that person. Find a safe space for him.
The same is true for you–find someone you can talk to. It doesn’t have to be someone local if you’re worried about it getting back to his social group. Even if an online stranger or PFLAG group. Just someone who you know will support you. Bottling all this up doesn’t help at all.
Anonymous says
Does you kid have good friends? Can you pull them in to the “safe” home? Or is this part of the problem? If so, does your kid do activities that allow him to make friends with kids outside school? Sports, theatre, music, art, volunteer work, etc?
Anonymous says
I am right there with you on the stress, exhaustion, and isolation of dealing with kid issues. My stress is spilling over into work. I feel like I’m failing on every front–as a mother, as a wife, at keeping the household running, as a manager, as an employee. I have cried in front of my boss on Zoom twice in the past two weeks, which is twice more than I have ever cried at work in the past decade. All of this goes to say, I know firsthand that you need a break, stat. Can your husband take kiddo to the family event and let you stay home and rest? Can you reduce stress by hiring a service to clean your house? I had a one-time clean and it helped some. Can you take a few days off of work with no one else in the house to read, relax, practice yoga, etc.?
Toddler Bed says
I need to transition my toddler out of the crib soon. Any advice for next steps (mattress on the floor, toddler bed, twin size bed)? Toddler will turn 2 this summer. This transition is happening sooner than I would like, but this is a 99% percentile kid who is already capable of climbing out of the crib and I don’t want to risk a concussion or other injuries from a fall.
Anon says
We went the lazy route of just taking one side off the crib and keeping the kids in there until they were tall enough they needed to move to a twin bed.
NYCer says
We went straight to a queen size bed with bumpers before our youngest daughter turned 2, and it was an absolutely seamless transition. Her crib didn’t convert to a toddler bed, and I had no interest in buying a new bed that would only be used temporarily. The queen bed was already in her room (former guest room), so we just went with it. I know that the switch isn’t easy for all kids, but just pointing out that it might be easier than you’re expecting!
Mary Moo Cow says
I did not want to think about another transition down the road (crib to toddler bed to real bed) so for both kids, we took the crib side off until they could not physically stretch out in the crib anymore, and then bought a twin bed. The first time we took a vacation where they were in a side-less crib at home but a twin bed on vacation, we rented a bed rail and it wasn’t necessary. A twin bed with slats and mattress really isn’t very high off the ground (we don’t have box springs because they aren’t really necessary with the slats and they added height to the bed.)
Anon says
No advice on the transitioning, as we haven’t done it yet, but our 18 month old is off the charts for height (100%, 36.5 inches) and she’s been in a sleepsack for every nap and overnight since she was born, and it’s prevented any climbing attempts. Would a sleepsack help buy you more time?
Toddler Bed says
Oh we do use, but our kid is trying to climb out even with it on (by basically trying to do a summersault over the railing)
Anon says
Mine was never a climber, but we converted the crib to a toddler bed the summer after she turned 2 and it was a non-event. My 99th percentile height kid slept in that until almost 4 when she started complaining about the mattress being too hard and then we got a twin bed. Which was also a non-event, except sometimes she falls out so we have to build a pillow barricade every night.
Anon says
Not exactly the input you asked for. But if you envision using a ok to wake light (ex. green light means it’s ok to wake up). I wish I had started using it before we made the crib switch. It was a double whammy to switch the crib to toddler bed and bring the light concept into the picture at once.
CCLA says
We did this two ways (both times they moved shortly before age 2). First kid went to an almost floor bed (a crate and barrel twin where the frame only added about 4 inches, so it was basically a floor bed). Kept her in that until we moved when she was 4 and then got her a regular height twin. Second kid we got a regular twin, and we added the hiccapop bumper. It was nice and low profile and firm enough to keep her in place without being a hindrance to her climbing in and out or to us climbing in to snuggle. She transitioned to not needing the bumper after a few months, definitely before age 3. Huge fan, very easy, would recommend.
Hosting a birthday party? says
I’m throwing a party for my soon-to-be one year old. This is a first kid, so we have tons of baby toys, but not much for older kids. If we assume children attending will be ages 2-6 for the most part, what do you do to keep the older kids occupied? We have a big outdoor space with trees and a pond, but no “kid area/activities”. I don’t have an objection to getting like, soccer goals and a ball, maybe a tree swing, some games or something, since we’ll use them when our kid gets bigger, but I also don’t want to spend hundreds of dollars on party games. We’ve never hosted more than one family’s kids at a time, so normally we just, you know, show the kids the shopvac and let the dog chase them around the house.
Anonymous says
Balloons bubbles and a ball. Done.
Spirograph says
Bubbles and a ball or two are all you need. cornhole if you want to go crazy
Anonymous says
We rented a bounce house for our oldest’s first birthday but those are very cheap and popular here (with adults too). You don’t have to spend a lot of money though: never underestimate the allure of other peoples’ toys.
anonM says
Maybe let the parents know the kids can play outside and that there is a pond, feel free to bring a soccer ball or other fav toy? I’d probably just put some stuff out that I already have or was going to buy anyway, like a few hand shovels and seeds and let them “plant” (know your friends here though, I wouldn’t do this if they’re coming in fancy outfits), chalk, bubbles, maybe some buckets/bowls/scoops with some sensory stuff like rice or beans (for outside!). If you really want to be a star, you could grab a kids fishing pole that comes with a “practice fish” (aka not hooks). A blanket so they can “picnic.”
anon says
For one toddler party we got several beach balls to scatter around the backyard, including a few giant ones, and that was enough to keep little kids busy. They looked festive too.
For another toddler party we got a blow up swimming pool and filled it with water beads. This was super popular for scooping and dumping. I might skip it for a 1 yo though, as you don’t want them eating the beads. Better for kids who aren’t putting stuff in their mouth any more.
Instead of renting a bounce house, you can also buy one for not that much more than a rental fee. We got one for my daughter’s second birthday and still pull it out regularly 8 years later. It’s a great way to alleviate boredom and burn off some energy. It makes any playdate feel like a party.
GCA says
Two things are very much worth buying: a bubble machine, and a large picnic blanket. Both will have a useful lifespan long beyond the first birthday party, for many, many summers to come. Kids of all ages loooove chasing bubbles. Then they can hang out on the picnic blanket and snack.
Hosting a Birthday Party? says
Thank you all for the suggestions! I’d somehow totally forgotten that a close family member bought a bounce house until you all mentioned it, so I might be able to borrow that, and a bubble machine and giant beach balls are in my cart!
Cruise Report says
Oooh, I said I would report back on the multi-generation spring break cruise, and the restaurant thread above reminded me. My kids are 5, 7 and 9, and we went on a Royal Caribbean cruise with one grandparent from each side of the family (the last time they’d seen each other was at our wedding a decade ago, but they got along great). Several sea days, 3 ports including one day at the Royal Caribbean private island.
TL/DR: It went really well! We’ll definitely do it again. It was a good mix of family, couple and alone time, and I got to relax while someone else did all the cooking and cleaning for a week. The kids loved exploring the ship, sampling the entertainment (bingo, silent disco, and a couple stage shows were favorites), and towel animals.
Kids club offered care 9-12, 2-5, and 7-10pm, with the option to pay a negligible cost per hour for late night care until 1am. My kids loved the kids club and usually went once per day, and made friends there whom they’d meet to play with in the pools or the Seaplex, too. Seaplex is a glorified sports deck with an arcade, video game room, ping pong, foosball, bumper cars, etc etc. After the first day or two, we were comfortable letting the kids head off to Seaplex together without a chaperone while we finished a leisurely meal. They loved having the independence, we loved having some quiet time. We also spent a lot of time at the pools, and with 4 adults available it was easy to leave one or two to keep an eye on the kids while the others did their own thing.
We did the early dinner seating and ate in the main dining room almost every night, although the kids also loved buffet at lunch. The kids got a huge kick out of dressing up, perusing the menu and giving their dinner orders to the server, and generally practicing being fancy. We do not usually eat multi-course meals with complicated place settings, etc so this was all very novel and exciting. They did very well sitting politely at dinner, except the youngest, who got overtired by the end of a busy week. We had our own table, but they would not have been disruptive to anyone else (most-nights) and we got compliments from some of the neighboring tables about how nice it was to see kids in that setting. yay!
Anon says
Thanks for the report and glad you had such a good time! We booked a cruise for summer 2023 with my parents and I can’t wait.
Anon says
My 4 year old (just turned 4 two months ago) is a handful. At a dr visit this morning she was just difficult – hiding under the exam table, refusing to open her mouth, etc. so my husband was like is this normal and the dr said we could try play therapy but in terms of adhd it would really depend on how she is elsewhere.
At school we get pics of her sitting at a table and eating (struggle at home with this), focusing on crafts etc, and the teacher says she is the “helper” who helps find things and puts away the drinking cups. So she is an angel at school.
At home she often doesn’t listen and has to be bribed to do basic things. Fights us on getting dressed etc. She wants things her way and interrupts a lot. When she wants to she does focus for age appropriate amounts of time playing a game or doing a puzzle or drawing or building. She is very high energy compared to other kids her age. My gut says this is personality, and I can’t compare to kids with a totally different temperament. Her spiritedness is just a lot sometimes.
What would play therapy do at this age? My husband seems more concerned than me on this but maybe I am making excuses for her.
Anonymous says
She sounds like a normal kid to me!
Spirograph says
me too. I’m shocked the doctor even mentioned play therapy unless you are leaving out some major behavior challenges from your description here.
Anon says
Yeah I did a double-take at this. Does this pediatrician seriously think it’s unusual for a 4 year old to not cooperate with something they don’t want to? Is it their first day on the job?
Anon says
I wonder if the ped meant “play therapy” as in role-playing what will happen at the doctor with your kid to prepare them for future visits? Pretend play at home is often suggested as a way to prepare an anxious kid for new situations. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with the kid. I agree this does not sound like something that requires actual therapy at all.
Anon says
I wouldn’t read too much into non-cooperation at the doctor. That’s probably fear, not a sign of ADHD or some kind of defiance disorder. Her behavior at home sounds pretty normal to me, but I have a sensitive, spirited kid.
anon says
Have you ever read the Doryfantasmagory books? There’s a great scene where the kid refuses to speak at her pediatrician check up and will only bark like a dog. It’s a kids book, but cracks me up every time.
I wouldn’t worry.
Anon says
I have a very spirited almost 5YO daughter, this sounds normal to me and I have no concerns about ADHD. She’s just high energy and low sleep needs and is wicked smart. No one has ever suggested play therapy to me, and she is in the therapy world for a speech delay, so I think it would have been suggested as part of her IEP or multiple evaluations by now if it were needed.
govtattymom says
Childcare question for everyone. My husband and I feel like we are drowning. We have two daughters- a one year old and a kindergartner. My little one is in daycare (a great center but they don’t offer food so lots of prep time packing lunches with bite size pieces). For complicated reasons that I won’t bore you with, my kindergartner is at school from 9:00 to 4:00 but is not in before and after care. We just don’t feel like we have enough childcare to keep up with everything (jobs, laundry, cooking, etc.) My question is- would getting a nanny be a total gamechanger? Is that the best option? Or do I stick with daycare and try to fix the issue with before and after care next year? Thanks so much for your insight!
Anonymous says
I mean the only answer here is before and after care. I don’t think you need a nanny. You need someone to do the pickups and watch kids in between then and when you’re done working.
Anon says
Hard disagree. A good nanny can help tremendously with stuff that keeps you from drowning – have her come before pick up and do laundry, prep dinner, do dishes, and tidy the house.
Finding a good one who will work limited hours is another story, but absolutely disagree that the “only answer” is before and after care.
Anne-on says
This. We had both au pairs and now a part time ‘sitter’ (nanny) and the nanny is AMAZING. Au pairs are limited in terms of what they can do for you/the house (they don’t want them being treated as housecleaners who do child care on the side). Being able to have my sitter put gas in our cars, run laundry, start dinner, walk the dog, let in our cleaners/service people, pick up dry cleaning, return packages, etc. takes SO much stress out of my life. Downside is that we pay twice as much as an au pair for fewer hours (though with the new rules about au pairs in MA I doubt we’d have continued with one anyway).
Anon says
This really depends on the person. We’ve had two nannies and three au pairs and I’d rank them in order of preference as:
1. Au pair #3 (the best ever)
2. Au pair #1 (really excellent)
3. Nanny #2 (couldn’t use a toaster without assistance, but a nice person)
4. Au pair #3 (always a grump, did the minimum, but reliable and the kids were always safe)
5. Nanny #1 (initially seemed good, but lied and left us in a lurch with no childcare)
Some were great with the kids and good about helping to pick up around the house (not deep cleaning, but kid rubble). Some were a PIA to manage and not great with the kids.
Anon says
If you can afford a nanny, I feel like that’s definitely the easiest option. But it comes at a huge financial cost.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, I think you have to consider whether the cost is worth it. For reference, around here, a nanny is probably $65-75K/year, with benefits, etc. Daycare for one kid + aftercare for our K-er + camps will be around $30-35K/year (I don’t have exact figures but taking a guess).
Anon says
Plus you’d probably want at least part time preschool for the younger kid within a year or two for socialization. That’s not a huge expense, but it’s not nothing.
Spirograph says
9-4 is tough, this was our childcare availability last year when there was no before/after care available for covid reasons, and it is just not enough for 2 full time jobs and home life, imho. A nanny probably would be a total game-changer, but before and after care will get you like 90% of the benefit you’d get from the nanny at a much lower price. With the option for childcare from 8-6 — we usually actually use about 8-9 hours of that — I don’t feel like we’re running ragged.
Packing lunches is a giant PITA time suck, though. I agree with the person in the thread farther up that I’m going to burn lunch boxes when I don’t have to pack them anymore.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, I agree. We are in a similar boat (a kid in full-time daycare from 8:30-5, and a kindergartener who’s in school from 9 – 3) and it is HARD not having those extra two hours in the afternoon. In the fall we hired a grad student to pick up the kindergartener from school 3 days a week and hang with her from 3-5 (usually they just went to the playground) and it was GREAT. We stopped because I’m on maternity leave but it helped a ton. We paid her a lot for our area ($25 an hour; we were desperate at the time) so it worked out to be $150 a week, which is much more expensive than aftercare but was worth it (and much cheaper than a nanny!).
anon says
You have to get the before/after care situation settled. Whether that’s a sitter, a nanny, or a formal program, that’s a game changer. When we didn’t have that (during the pandemic), we were drowning.
NYCer says
Not sure what the reasoning is for no before/after care, but you definitely need some care outside of 9-4 for your older daughter. We love having a nanny for kids with a similar age gap. It makes our lives 100% easier. In your case, adding before/after care for your older daughter would also be a huge help if you don’t want to go the nanny route.
anon says
With a similar age gap we put the little one in an inexpensive half day preschool and got an au pair to cover the remainder of our childcare. It worked out to be less expensive than daycare and both kids liked being home for quiet play more than being in a long day of daycare or before/after care.
Chl says
We had a part time nanny-housekeeper for after school and it was great. She would come early, do meal prep (kids food or sun basket), kids laundry and tidy up and then would pick boys up and feed them dinner. It was only a couple days a week but a game changer. We kept our youngest in daycare because we liked the structure and group aspect.
Mary Moo Cow says
I would also look into laundry service and weekly or biweekly cleaners. I know I save 3-4 hours a week by outsourcing cleaning; I can’t imagine what a laundry service would save me! You might also embrace that this is a season and start a meal delivery service for a few nights a week.
Anonymous says
This is highly dependent on what options are available in your area. But if you can afford it – get a nanny. If you find a good fit, and can afford her to pay a little more for household duties it is a gamechanger. (For non childcare duties like laundry and food prep you are expected to pay a higher hourly rate.) Even a nanny that works 9-5, and does the minimal kid related stuff sounds like a better option than your current situation.
Ideally I would put the 1 year old in morning care, and then find a nanny who can do afternoons until 6. You will have full care, plus some help around the house. Nanny would pick kid up from morning car, and pick up kindergartner. At a minimum, the making of lunches should be covered by the nanny – even if she doesn’t do other housework. If you can get it up to 30 hours a week that is close enough to full time that you should have options.
Another option is a college sitter, if they are available in your area. We currently have a college sitter come to our house twice week. She does the kids laundry and picks the kids from school. We have afterschool activities on the other days. I know some other families that have multiple college sitters throughout the week.
We are going back to having a part time nanny this summer through next school year. Even with some afterschool care, we have found that it is just too much! We have had nannies off and on since our kids were younger. It was definitely hard to recruit a nanny for the past two years (covid, etc). We tried at the beginning of this school year and gave up because there was so much competition. We are currently going through the process and find there are a lot more nannies available now. I’m sure there are several factors to this, but two of our current interviewees are long time nannies that paused being nannies during covid (remote schooling, concerns about covid).
It’s another added expense, but if possible I would use a nanny service. They can help you find someone, know what is expected, and some will even provide contracts. Our current nanny service provides back up care! Which we haven’t used yet, but if they can actually deliver on this it will be game changing.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Caveat – I’ve never had a nanny, and at this moment in life it sounds like another workstream I don’t want to onboard and manage unless absolutely needed. I’ve also heard the start up time is far outweighed by a good nanny who essentially becomes part of the family.
I think your instincts are correct that you don’t have enough care. Since we’ve had DS #1, we’ve always had care from at least 8-5:30 (and they had a strict 9-hour-day rule but fortunately never enforced), and our current daycare/preschool goes from 7 AM-6 PM, and our kids typically are there from 8-5:30 PM. With DS #2 this amount of care during M-F is critical, and then family help or a sitter on the weekends as needed, which honestly, is at least 2 weekends out of the month.
For you, I think that aftercare + a standing sitter (firmly scheduled/calendared) or grandparent/family member (can be a bit more fluid) on weekends would help you a ton.
Anon says
Agree you need more child care unless you guys can stagger so one starts work early and the other goes late. I have a different problem due to a SAHD with temporary-ish (about 6 months) but serious medical issues resulting in ability to supervise but not physically engage with kiddo and no ability to find a part-time temporary nanny to cover for him in non-preschool hours (literally agencies refused to take my money because they just don’t have the staffing) and no desire to go full-time nanny or change the school she is thriving at, but I solved the laundry issue by adding it to housekeeping and moving to weekly housekeeping and laundry from what was previously only housekeeping every two weeks. And then I outsource almost all adult cooking to restaurants or freezer food or if I think it will be a lighter week, hello fresh and focus on bare minimum for kid cooking. It seemed easier, more temporary and flexible and less expensive than extra childcare that I won’t be able to find unless and until (maybe) some high school kids choose babysitting over extra curriculars and summer jobs that look good on resumes resumes this summer.
Anonymous says
We are going to the Caribbean this summer with my just-turned 3 year old. He has swum in pools a few times before, always with one of us holding him (and he loved it!). Should we get him a life jacket for going in the ocean? We can’t get him into swim lessons before the trip, unfortunately (they booked up so fast!).
Anon says
Swim lessons probably wouldn’t do much good at this age anyway. At this age you will still need to be holding him at all times, especially in the ocean, so I don’t think a life jacket is essential (and the resort probably has some anyway). Also just FYI that many kids who love pool swimming are freaked out by the ocean, so be prepared to spend most of your time in the pool.
Anonymous says
It’s way easier to hold onto them while they are wearing a life jacket, though.
Spirograph says
It’s been a while since I’ve been to a Caribbean beach. We’ve mostly been to Delaware in the last several years, and the waves are no joke some days… So ymmv, but yes. Or floaties, or *something.* Obviously you’ll be in the water with him, but on account of waves I wanted my kids to also be wearing a floatation thing at that age, even if I was mostly holding them. Also, they really liked just floating next to me “out to sea!!!!” and bobbing on top of the waves, which would not have been possible otherwise.
I made my kids wear floaties even if they were only splashing in the surf at 3; you never know when a big wave might surprise you.
Anonymous says
Children can drown while wearing floaties. Floaties hold the body in exactly the “drowning position” (vertical body position, straight legs, arms in “T” shape or at the surface). Kids can look totally fine, inhale water and still be floating on the surface.
Floaties should be illegal. They are unsafe garbage.
Spirograph says
My kids call puddle jumpers “floaties” and I adopted that term. I should have been more specific. Puddle jumpers are coast guard approved. I think you might be talking about water wings, and yes, I wouldn’t trust those to keep anyone safe.
Anonymous says
I would get a life jacket or puddle jumper. We went on a Caribbean vacation with a group that included a 3-year-old, and it was much easier to wrangle her in the water while she was wearing a life jacket than when she wasn’t. It was also less nerve-wracking to watch her on the beach in a life jacket.
Anonymous says
Will the resort have toddler life jackets?
Anon says
My almost 5YO now wears a life vest if she is in the ocean past her midcalf. Even though it makes her totally uncool.
And none of the other kids have to wear it. Even if I am there with her. It has happened more than once that a rough wave will knock her into me and one or both of us will go down, and while she is a rudimentary swimmer now, the life vest is still helpful for righting her and easier to hold onto. When she was younger and more of a runner, it was a life vest any time she was within sprinting distance of the water. I’m serious about water safety in the way some people here feel about COVID though, so YMMV.
Anon says
Yes, yes, yes to a life jacket. Yes, you will be holding them in the water, but a 3 year old is independent and fast, and if they slip away, a life jacket makes it easier to grab them or spot them. I hate this story but will tell it again and again. I almost lost my oldest child in the ocean on a trip a few years ago when we both got hit with an unexpected wave standing in what was waist deep water for her. My child is a strong, strong swimmer, and I still almost lost her. If she couldn’t swim and we got hit with that wave, one or both of us wouldn’t have come back. A life jacket buys you time, helps you spot the child, and makes it less likely that something tragic happens if you turn your back for a second, or she takes one step too many into the water.
A life jacket or puddle jumper or anything in the ocean please :) Easier to enforce and normalize it if you tell your child before you go to the beach that it’s a rule that – if they are on the beach – they have to have the life jacket on at all times. That way, you avoid the fuss of taking off/putting back on every time you go in/out of water. Bonus that it’s extra sun protection.
Anonymous says
+ a million to this. I was an open water lifeguard in college and cannot turn that part of my brain off at a beach. Please, please make your kids wear a life jacket if they’re going near the ocean until they’re old enough to have a healthy respect for its power and are strong swimmers. Young kids do not understand how quickly it can get dangerous.
Anon says
Oy, this – my daughter was 7 at the time, and went from water that was at her knees, to water that was at her waist in one step, and in literally the next second, we both were knocked down by a wave. But the time I surfaced, she was more than a body’s length away from me in water over both of our heads, and she kept getting swept out. I worked harder than I’ve physically ever worked before to even be able to touch her in the water. By the true and actual grace of G-d, I was able to get her hand and drag her back to shore, but she was having a really hard time staying afloat at the point I reached her. If we had gotten much deeper or if I hadn’t gotten her hand when I did, I don’t know what would have happened.
this was in the OBX, btw, but not even on a red or yellow flag day, so it happens quickly in normal conditions.
Anonymous says
+1 we were in not so deep water last summer when I felt the pull of a rip tide while swimming with my 4yo. Thankfully I could loop my arm through her life jacket while we got out of the rip tide. They’re also neon yellow so easily visible.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Going to beach next week – so glad I read this. Purchased a vest I found on Amaz*on by a known swim/surf brand. I definitely was not wearing one on the beach as a child…and while I ended up okay, I’ve heard wayyy too many stories about close calls to be okay with that.
My Mom has a story from her own childhood of a close family friend who drowned in the ocean, and my Uncle was the one who found the body, and carried the family friend to shore. It gives me goosebumps just thinking of it.
Anonymous says
Yes. Get a Coast Guard certified life jacket that buckles between the legs. Children can slip out of other kinds. Children can drown wearing water wings/floaties.