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Wearing a suit jacket during the warmer months can feel like being trapped in a greenhouse. That’s why I’m looking to add some linen to my blazer collection.
I love Rag & Bone for their relaxed (but not sloppy) blazers. This one has all the traditional blazer features (notched lapels, single-button front, back vent, and pockets), but in a summer-friendly, lightweight linen blend fabric.
This jacket can take you straight from your desk to a summer evening out and about. You can even wear it on the weekend with jeans and your favorite sneakers.
The Margot Linen Blend Blazer is $550 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes 00–16.
Another option is this one from Banana Republic Factory, on sale for $83.99 (plus an extra 10% off with code BRREWARDS). It comes in four colors, and regular sizes 0–20 and petite sizes 00–18.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Hygiene help (hate that I even need to ask!). 9 months postpartum and still definitely feeling those hormone changes – primarily in odor and how easily I sweat. I shower daily, use deodorant/antiperspirant but if the stress sweats start at work get very self conscious. Trying to switch to more natural clothing materials to help but appreciate any tips on managing plus any foot/shoe recommendations.
Anonymous says
I sweat a ridiculous amount, even when I’m cold. You are on the right track with natural fabrics, especially for underwear. Dresses are better than pants. Loose linen pants are also great for summer if your office is casual enough. Always wear short sleeves, never sleeveless tops, under jackets. Wash pants and br@s after every wearing, even though this is supposed to be a big no-no. When you must wear synthetics, wash with a sports detergent such as Hex to remove odors.
For shoes, I wear sandals in the summer and booties with cotton socks in the winter. In spring and fall I wear Rothys and wash them frequently. You can buy extra Rothys insoles to swap out too.
Anonymous says
Oh, and I treat the underarms of light-colored tops with Puracy stain remover to get out the sweat stains.
Anon says
+1 to being able to wash Rothys if you have sweaty feet. The other is to make sure you rotate your shoes (even Rothys) so they have at least a full day to dry out between wears.
Anon says
This is so helpful.I also sweat a lot (and have learned to always wear sleeves!). I also switch out my blazers a lot and get them cleaned frequently. Other than my feet, I don’t smell too bad, but I stain a lot of stuff.
Anonymous says
Secret Clinical Strength Soft Solid Free & Sensitive deodorant is the absolute best. Scented deodorants magnify the odor. Apply every night.
AIMS says
1. I find this charcoal soap to be magical for washing pits and feet.
2. Yes to natural fabrics.
3. The only deodorant that works for me these days is Donna Karen Cashmere Mist. I don’t know why but I’ve given up trying anything else. You may end up trying a million things to find what works for you.
4. You can buy shoe inserts to un-stink your shoes.
https://www.birchbox.com/product/46553/megababe-charcoal-underarm-bar?utm_source=google&utm_medium=search-paid&utm_campaign_id=14676466033&utm_ad_group_id=130941264601&utm_ad_id=546596080457&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIs6qXwqil9wIV2sGGCh24UAu5EAQYASABEgKiPfD_BwE
ElisaR says
a friend of mine used prescription deoderant. not sure who that is specifically for but maybe as a doctor if the sweating seems excessive?
Anon says
CertainDri is the best for stress sweat. Buy the roll on. Put it on at night before bed. It will sting (don’t shave for a day or two beforehand and it will not sting as much). You may have to put it on for a few nights in a row at first. Then, only use when you start to notice the sweat coming back. I have to use it once every couple of weeks now. I still use regular deodorant/antiperspirant in the mornings.
anonymous says
Agree, CertainDri is the best was to stop the sweat aside from botox injections. I used to use it during test week in medical school or I would be a stress-sweat stinkbug for the whole week. It works like a miracle for underarm sweat and you could probably apply along groin creases (but NOT mucus membranes!) it does sting a little but it passes quickly.
Anonymous says
Certain Dri was great for stopping the sweat, but def led to irritation when combined with shaving. I would alternate the roll-on and the solid (which might just be a deodorant? Don’t remember) to keep the skin happy but not sweat excessively.
Mrs. Jones says
I have tried everything to stop sweating. I finally resorted to botox and it worked. It seems like nothing short of a miracle after years of trying different deodorants and clothes, showering, etc etc.
Anon says
Actual gardening question :)
Are there books or other resources you would recommend for a 4 year old and her mom who are very inexperienced gardeners but want to grow some fruits and flowers this summer? For context about where I’m starting from, I think the 4 year old has more knowledge about this subject than I do.
Cb says
Maybe one of those kits that are always advertised on parenting podcasts?
But honestly, I’d start quite small. Sunflowers, nasturtiums from seed. You can use toilet rolls to start them off. Buy some herb plugs from the garden centre.
Anonymous says
Sunflowers are a great starter plant. We just stuck seeds in the ground when it was warm enough outside and they grew to 8+ feet in a few months. Easy with fast reward! Kids loved watching them grow and the seeds on the flowers are great for birds.
Anon says
Squirrels (presumably, could have been other wildlife) dug up my sunflower seeds before they could even sprout. I find starting from seed challenging, but thankfully DD enjoys watching the plants grow and bloom even when we already pick out grown plants from the garden center. The benefit too of the local garden center is that they likely buy plants that will do well in your area. Some of the easiest plants I’ve done are gladiolas. For early spring, bleeding hearts work well in our area. Snapdragons are pretty easy and in my hot humid midatlantic summer, their cousin Angelonia thrives. We are trying cone flowers as a perennial. I have also found calla lillies to do well in my shady backyard.
The key things are to know the sun tolerance (I have almost no full sun), water tolerance, spacing (all of these should be listed on the seed package or pot insert) and natural predators (for example, I have aggressive squirrels (lord save the tomatoes) and deer (and even deer resistant plants are hit or miss).
No Face says
My garden book was written by a local person. It was great because the tips and advice were finely tuned to my specific area, rather than generic gardening advice. The garden book was very helpful to decide how to set everything up.
Otherwise, I just sort of went for it last year. I picked out seedlings at a local nursery and put them in the ground, then would google each specific plant every once in a while. I made some mistakes, but the kiddo and I had fun.
In prior years, I convinced myself that I needed to do lots of planning and research and talked myself out of gardening. But there’s no need for that! Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good enough.
Anonymous says
I get all of my gardening tips off of Youtube. I don’t have a specific recommendation for a series/content, but nothing has ever led me astray yet. It’ll be pretty clear if someone seems knowledgetable or not (and honestly I just don’t think people are motivated to make sketchy gardening tutorials). I’d search around on there.
anonM says
I’d look into native plants for flowers, as they are usually hardier because they’re used to the environment! Buying small veggie plants are easier than starting seeds if this is your first attempt. Depending on where you live (midwest here), we’ve always had fun with cherry tomatoes because they’re pretty easy and SO fun for kids to pick themselves (and eat right away). We’ve also had good luck with peas, but less luck with cucumbers and carrots. Also zone-dependent, but some of the easiest flowers that I started with were tall phlox, coneflowers, and iris. Plant near your hose/water source if possible to make watering easy for you and 4yo! I think less is more for year 1. Also, if you like asparagus and live in a good zone for it, plant that this year because it takes a few years to actually produce for eating! (And if you’ve not had fresh, local spring asparagus, I assure you it is so much better than what you get at the grocery store in winter!) Mint is another fun plant – very hard to kill, but put it in a pot or contained area because it can spread.
anonM says
Oh, and one of my all time favorite books is Mama, Is It Summer Yet? Hardcover – Nikki McClure. It’s this sweet celebration of Spring.
anon says
Everblooming strawberries are pretty easy. You can plant them in a window box planter and keep in full sun. Water when dry. Your 4 yo can watch the berries turn red and then eat them when ready. Very popular with our preschooler.
Anonymous says
Roots, Boots, Buckets & Shoots!
Anonymous says
Target sells little kits that can get you started if you’re interested from growing from seed (which is always miraculous to me, every year!). Second the suggestion for cherry tomatoes, but make sure you have a big pot and cage to help them grow. And really, just be ready to try, experiment, fail, etc. My tomato plants almost always succumb to a fungus but it’s still fun getting them started! I’m a second year of a strawberry plant and excited to see what happens with it.
Walnut says
Check your local botanical gardens or bigger nurseries for classes. If your kid likes tomatoes, I’m always a huge fan of buying a starter from a nursery to plant in a place that is convenient for snacking.
RDC says
Are you in the US? You may be able to find a local gardening club or master gardener who can give you some tips to get started. My mom is one and they live to answer garden questions. Google your area + master gardener. They’re often affiliated with local colleges, I think.
Anon says
I think the comments are disappearing again? It says 9 comments on the front page but when I click through there are only 7.
Anonymous says
I am seeing comments appear and then disappear.
Emma says
Please help me dress my bump! I’m 4 months pregnant and have been living in leggings and sweatshirts, but we are going back to the office 1/2 a week. I’m in-house (legal) in healthcare, so it’s business casual, but leggings and sweatshirts won’t cut it and I need a formal outfit for the occasional important meeting. My only maternity clothes so far are from Gap/Old Navy and too casual. Where do I get office friendly mat-wear that I can wear through the summer? My office knows I’m pregnant so no need to hide anything, I just want to look reasonably professional.
ElisaR says
i loved seraphine. also, i rented maternity clothes from le tote. also, i bought some used on threadup.
anon says
I’d find some good fitting maternity jeans and then get some flowy tops and wear a non-maternity blazer for structure. It’s been a while since I was pregnant, but I got my inexpensive tops from Loft.
For blazers, I ended up needing to size up by second tri, but was able to wear a non-maternity blazer (unbuttoned) all the way through. It takes jeans and a blouse up a notch, IMO. I also was able to continue to wear the larger blazers when I came back to the office after maternity leave with larger bf b00bs and some baby weight. They covered a lot of sins (including baby drool spots on my shoulder), while looking professional
No Face says
People are very forgiving of visibly pregnant women, so you don’t need to exactly match the formality of your non-maternity clothes. For formal, I wore a Black Seraphine knee length dress with my old blazers. Comfortable and easy. I also had Gap maternity clothes – just basic pants and tops that I would wear with my existing open cardigans and blazers.
If you know any friends who were pregnant in the last 4 years, ask if they have clothes you can borrow. I had garbage bags full of my friends’ maternity clothes!
AwayEmily says
+1 to blazers being key.
I did a lot of black ponte-type pants (I liked ones with a seam down the front because they were less likely to be mistaken for leggings), plus untucked blouse and blazer.
My other staple was a maternity or bump-friendly dress with a blazer. Boden has some faux-wrap dresses that are good for this. Or even a black jersey maternity dress from Target/ON looks pretty fancy with a blazer plus statement necklace.
Pogo says
This. I would also do maternity tanks + blazer + jeans or skinny ponte pants.
Without blazer, I did flowy tops + skinny ponte pants.
I always recommend PinkBlush – similar quality to ON/Gap, similar pricepoint, but seemingly millions of styles. I still have a super nice maternity dress that I bought for my second and never wore because… COVID.
Anon says
Look on Poshmark. I bought a lot of good quality maternity clothes for very, very little money. There were some duds, but it was so inexpensive that I didn’t care. I either resold or just donated after my pregnancy.
An.On. says
I had good luck getting a box of stuff from ebay – some were more casual than others, but it was very inexpensive per item – like $100 for 20-25 different pieces. You’ll have to look harder for “office” wear since most of the lots are heavily casual.
Anon says
Black skinny jeans can replace dress pants. Suggest an under the bump pair for earlier on (and early postpartum) and over bump kind for later on. Hatch has pricy but nice blouses and they usually have a plain white maternity button up which I’ve relied on as a staple during pregnancies. Dresses will be your best bet generally – Seraphine, Isabella Oliver, Frances Hart have good quality work dresses. Suggest getting some boy shorts to wear under dresses as your pregnancy progresses to prevent thigh chafe/sweating and support your bump.
Bathtime Drama says
Has anyone dealt with a toddler who suddenly hates bathtime? My 21-month old used to love splashing in the tub and now never wants to take a bath (or a shower with a parent). We’re talking major screaming, trying to climb out of the tub, running away etc. I’ve tried different types of bubbles (and letting toddler pour in the bubbles), getting creative with different toys in the tub (like balls, containers or plastic tools), and everything else I can think of. I’m sure the temperature of the water is fine. I thought about buying new bath toys to switch it up, but not sure buying new toys every time we have a problem is a good idea (or even will work). I hate trying to force bathtime and I know it’s not going to work long term because this kid is already huge and stronger than I’d expect from a toddler!
AwayEmily says
Both my kids suddenly started disliking the bath about a six months ago. They still don’t LOVE it but now tolerate it because we made it highly routinized and added a “carrot” at the end. Bath night is on Sunday, they each take a quick bath, and then they get to snuggle on the couch (or, in the winter, in front of the fire) and watch a show.
Of course, this was fine in the winter when they only needed one bath a week but we’re going to have to figure out something new now that spring/summer is approaching and they get dirtier. But in general having something “fun” that they get to do post-bath seems to work well.
Anon says
Yes, my daughter starting hating the bath around that age. The worst of it passed relatively quickly although she didn’t start actually enjoying bathtime (i.e., wanting to stay in the tub longer than necessary) until almost 4.
No Face says
This is like when kids suddenly hate their car seats. It is just a phase to push through. My kids are back to loving bathtime.
anon says
Yes. Started around the same age, actually, and still pops up now and then at 2.5. Putting a non-slip mat in the tub did help some, since it turned out he really wanted to be able to walk around in the water and he (correctly) thought he would fall. New toys also help in the short term, but we try not to rotate them out any more than we ordinarily would. Bath crayons are the biggest hit, and help most consistently. But there were definitely still nights where we just had to force it, and that’s how it was. At 2.5 kiddo is able to articulate that he knows he’ll have fun once he’s in the bath, but he doesn’t want to get in — I think he means that the transition (dressed to naked, air to water, temperature, open space to small tub) is really hard. He definitely knows that there are a minimum number of baths per week I will absolutely insist on, but he really didn’t grasp that concept until recently.
OP says
This makes me feel better, he does dislike getting dressed, which seemed odd to my because a lot of my friends’ kids are the opposite and I was worried something was wrong! Must just be a phase.
Anonymous says
Yep. Happened to us around 2.5 y/o. He never loved it before but started freaking out around this age. I still done fully understand why. Things that helped: switching to showers. Skipping hair washing every other bath. Telling him in detail the order of events “we will put the water in the tub, you undress, get in, get wet, I’ll wash your body with soap, you can play for 10 minutes then get out and read bedtime story.” Doing the absolute minimum number of baths per week needed to keep him clean.
Anon says
Turning on fun music can help. My kids like picking their bathtime soundtrack.
Pogo says
We got a cabbage patch bath doll and told him he needed to help give Baby a bath, he loved that. It also may just be a phase all 2 year olds go through where they are asserting independence and pass without you doing anything.
anonM says
Based on my experience and past posts on this, I think it’s fairly common. We did some fun bath times, and the phase seemed to end pretty quickly. We would do a quick scrub-down first, then they got to do the “fun” activity — popsicle in bath, glow-sticks bath, the color tabs, or the scented/colored foam soap (FYI if kiddo has sensitive skin, get them to rinse it off pretty quickly to avoid irritation). I like these more disposable ideas more than new toys all the time. I also like the giving a baby doll a bath, or a toy car “car wash” ideas.
Pogo says
We did shaving cream + food coloring for awhile for “bath paint”. Big hit. I almost had forgotten about that!
Anonymous says
I am lazy and just used shaving cream without food color. Still a hit!
Op says
Omg I tried shaving cream last night and it didn’t work. Maybe we need to give it another shot!
Cb says
Bath snacks. We do frozen berries or mango.
Anon says
I have to pretend I’m a crane or other truck lifting him into the tub. For some reason my kid eats it up.
Anonymous says
My toddler really hated baths for 2-3 months right around 2 years old. I thought it stemmed from one bath where the water was too hot, but maybe it’s just a phase they go through. During that time we just did baths once a week, and jumped on it whenever he seemed the slightest bit interested. Also buying Mo Willems’ The Pigeon Needs a Bath helped!
Anon says
Has anyone been to a Beaches resort? My parents are interested in going next winter, but the price is so staggering I’m having a hard time convincing myself it will be worth it.
Anonymous says
We went to Sandals, the adults-only affiliate. It was sort of nice but not really worth the money. The food was pretty good but not amazing. The included activities were very lame. It was mainly geared towards lounging on the beach and drinking without ever leaving the resort, which is really not our style. Also there were a lot of European guests who smoked, which was annoying.
OP says
So lounging at the beach/pool/waterpark without leaving the resort is exactly what we want for this trip. But I’m nervous about the food and my parents (who are big Sandals fans in general) have the same complaint about the smoking. Thanks for your thoughts.
Anon says
If you have at least elementary aged kids, I’d recommend Xcaret Hotel as a really nice all inclusive. It kept my kids super busy, the food was great and the resort was gorgeous.
(I wouldn’t go with kids younger than 5 yo, as you’ll miss out on most of the fun stuff.)
OP says
Thanks! Kiddo is only 4 and one of the things that’s appealing about Beaches is all the little kid stuff. But I will keep this in mind for the future.
Anonymous says
For that price and with a kid that age, I’d look into a Disney cruise.
OP says
Two of the three adults strongly prefer resorts to cruises even in normal times. We’re also all Covid cautious (still not doing indoor dining) and resorts are safer in that regard, since we would be able to eat our meals outdoors. Disney stuff is not a draw for any of us.
Anonymous says
I have not personally gone, but know someone who did with 5 kids, parents, and grandparents, who were all under 10 at the time. They had a really great time. We are definitely considering it for a future trip. We love Sandals, and the big draw for us is the included scuba diving (not sure if Beaches is the same) – and of course the drinks and the lounging.
OP says
Thanks! Beaches does include scuba, I’m pretty sure. We don’t dive but I know Beaches Turks and Caicos is right near an amazing snorkeling beach (we stayed at a nearby resort a few years ago) and that’s a big plus for us.
Anonymous says
We’ve been to Club Med Turks – it was a very good deal and it had snorkeling.
anon says
Guys, I’ve had it. After yet another holiday weekend when the extended family showers my kids with candy, gifts, and trinkets that they don’t need and we have to find room for, I have to set a boundary for birthdays and Christmas this year. Like, I’m glad that they have so many people who love them and want to give them things, but it’s too much. It’s been too much for a long time. They get SO MUCH STUFF from people other than us, and we’re starting to drown in it. I also am tired and weary of trying to provide birthday and Christmas ideas for every grandparent, aunt, uncle, and great-aunt and great-uncle who asks. My kids are 12 and 7, and I’m just DONE. How does this script look for the inevitable emails and texts that will come up throughout the year? Especially at Christmas?
—
Thanks for asking and thinking about Kiddo! As the kids get older, their interests and tastes are changing quickly, and it’s becoming harder to provide gift ideas for everyone. Our kids are lucky to have so many people who love them and want to give them something special! Would you consider an “experience” gift for their birthdays and Christmas this year? I know this is a change from how we’ve exchanged ideas in the past, but I know they would really appreciate the chance to do a fun activity outside our normal weekend routine, especially when the weather is bad.
Here’s a couple of ideas they both enjoy:
• Browsing Barnes and Noble for whatever catches their eye that day and buying treats at the café
• Going to the trampoline park
• Going out for ice cream
• Going to the pottery decorating place
• Movie theater tickets
I expect this will be fine with a few people and may not go over great with others (who are frankly obsessive shoppers), but so be it.
Anonymous says
We also have this issue and I really feel you on this. I think this is a good script. For those that push, can you suggest stuff like rain boots, umbrellas, swim suits, sports equipment, etc? Stuff they will need anyway? Or books? I like getting books because they’re easy to donate if we already have them.
Anon says
I think this script is fine if they’re asking for ideas. If they’re not asking, I don’t think it’s polite to tell people what to get. With respect to the trinkets you don’t have room for, I think you can make kids cull their toy collections periodically.
anon says
Right, this would be for the people who ask. And there are many. I know this sounds like a whiny problem to have, but it has seriously become a burden during a time of year when I don’t have much extra to give. DH’s family has a strong gift-giving culture and mine does not, so it’s tricky to find that balance.
Anon says
This seems off to me and really aggressive I’d keep it shorter.
Q: Any gift ideas doe Larla?
A: Maybe a trip to the trampoline park or pottery painting place? She’d love that.
Q: I was really hoping to get her a present. Any ideas?
A: She’s moving past toys and is more into doing things. If you want to get her something she can open maybe [disposable items: art supplies / bath stuff / hat and scarf].
Anon says
Yeah, we have lots of relatives and prefer experience gifts too, but this phrasing seems really aggressive. I think you just start by suggesting an experience the kid would like, and if they push back and say they want a gift that can be opened then you can try to steer them towards consumables, practical items or books.
Anona says
This – my mom is a gift giver, and so she really needs to be able to give my kids gifts.
The proposed script feels judgy (although I know you intend for it to be explanatory) and agressive. Plus, I don’t think it will work.
I’ve gotten around it by being super proactive – and try to be ready with things that they actually do need or that are ready for replacing – younger kids always need new shoes, or water shoes, a new towel, a new bathing suit or goggles, a new backpack – things that I wouldn’t necessarily be ready to replace, but are useful. I try to think of things that we’ll give them anyway to use as a gift. I never think we need anything, and then I think about what I would buy the next time I am at the store, and I usually think of like three things that they need that can double as gifts.
Also, my kids are really into sports, and so honestly having a gift giver is awesome — I just send on the links to the personalized gear that you can order for teams, and those make awesome gifts.
Anonymous says
I think that’s great, and I would add that books are always welcome and appreciated. It gives people a tangible option, they are not hard to store, and they’re easy to give away or donate.
Been there says
I think your script is great. We have this problem, too, and here’s how I’ve made peace with it. I express similar sentiments to them but if they don’t oblige, I understand. They get a lot of joy from their gift giving and I don’t want to take that joy away from them. Their joy doesn’t have to be my burden. We accept everything graciously and then deal with it ruthlessly. The kids purge regularly. If they receive something that no one wants or needs, I feel zero guilt about giving it away right away. We reinforce with the kids that our space is limited and we keep what’s important and get rid of the other things so we can enjoy what we have instead of being overwhelmed.
Anne-on says
This – ‘their joy doesn’t have to be my burden’. We graciously accept gifts but ruthlessly purge by giving to the local library, classroom library, goodwill, posting on our local buy nothing groups, etc. Our kiddo helps so I’m not giving away something he likes, but at younger ages I felt zero guilt about purging when he was in daycare otherwise we would have been drowning in goody bag junk.
Anon says
Agree with not taking away gift-giving joy from relatives. We also accept everything graciously and purge ruthlessly.
Pogo says
This. It is frustrating to be constantly getting rid of stuff, but I’ve accepted that my in-laws’ love language is gifts, gifts, and more gifts.
They do buy museum passes and things like that if I suggest. Books are also always a great option, especially for my younger son who has hand me downs of pretty much anything.
Anon says
I love the thought of their joy doesn’t have to be my burden and accepting gifts graciously. I’m going to try to go with this mantra. I guess my issue is also I hate all the waste and the environmental impact and I’m not sure donating really helps reduce that? But maybe it does. I guess maybe because we don’t want these things and I don’t think our kiddo cares for it, I can’t imagine anyone else wants them?
Anon says
The environmental waste of a few plastic trinkets is trivial compared to the environmental impact of having a child in the first place. I’m not criticizing – we all did it, obviously! – but to me worrying about the environmental impact of plastic kid junk is making a mountain out of a molehill. There are also lots of other things that most people do, like flying for vacations and eating meat, that are far worse for the planet than some plastic toys.
Anon says
Thanks for giving me perspective on that. You’re right, there are worse things that affect the environment (though we generally do try to be conscious of not flying for vacations and try not to eat meat most of the time) and a child is a huge environmental impact. We never switched to cloth diapers and I shudder thinking about how many disposable diapers we used.
Anne-on says
The local buy nothing groups are great for this – we have a lot of folks posting for kid stuff and people are genuinely thrilled to get character toys. Local day cares (obviously call and ask) are also usually thrilled to take extra toys/books.
Anon says
+1 our daycare has happily accepted lots of used books and toys.
Anonymous says
With local relatives, we have had a lot of luck telling them that what kiddo would like most is a special outing with the relatives.
Jolene says
For your kids’ ages, I’d take this off of your plate by handing them your phone with the Amazon app open and having them add things to a wish list for themselves for 20-30 minutes. Then for anyone who asks, just send them the wish list. Yes, it will result in “stuff,” but it will way cut down on your emotional labor here.
Anon says
This is know-your-relatives. Both my MIL and my aunt are offended by A-zon wish lists, but are fine with an email saying “Thanks for thinking of her! Kiddo would like X, Y or Z.” I guess the wish list feels less personal? I don’t know, but some of my friends have experienced the same thing.
anon says
You can still have your kids make the Amazon wish list and then just copy and paste from it when you get a request from relatives.
Spirograph says
I’m with you on this, but agree with some others that a more casual exchange might go over better.
BUT! If your kids are into video games — people can get them in-game currency. Fortnite v-bucks were #1 on my kids’ birthday lists this past year. As stupid as I think it is to spend real money on 1s and 0s to make your character wear a superman cape in a video game, it fits all the criteria:
1. Something tangible (even though it’s just a giftcard) — my kids literally all *stood and cheered* at breakfast when my son opened his birthday card from grandpa that had a 5k v-bucks card in it.
2. No stuff to clutter up my house
3. Kids like it
The Easter bunny put 1k vbucks cards in our baskets this year and it was way more exciting than the candy. ffs
GCA says
Argh! We currently have a rule (older kid is 6) that we don’t spend real money on digital stuff in games, if you want digital stuff or to level up you grind like mom and dad did when we were kids. (‘And in my day I had to walk three miles to school uphill both ways.’) Kid is fine with it for now, but I’m sure the requests for Robux are coming.
Anon says
The other way to do it is to lean into having relatives buy the kids useful stuff. I keep an Amazon list going for both kids year round where I add upgraded versions stuff they’re going to need in the future. Fancy water bottle, soccer socks, lunch bag, new sneakers, book series, book bag, spring jacket, sports gear, sunglasses, other clothing, etc. All the gift buying relatives have it bookmarked and look at it before buying something random for the kids. I usually pick things that I’d consider a small splurge but that fill a need so the items still feel like a nice gift.
Realist says
For gifts, I make a Pinterest board and forward the link to any relative that asks or send a mass email that says something like “get whatever you want, or nothing at all because kid doesn’t need more stuff, but here are some ideas if you want them”.
For all the trinkets, I used to save them (new condition only) and set a reminder on my phone to drop off at a local charity that focuses on refugee families a few weeks before the applicable holiday. They actually get used and enjoyed that way. As kid got older, it did get harder to have them separate with their stuff new so I haven’t done it as much in the last year.
EB0220 says
I like your list but I personally don’t explain. You could keep it to your list + a few tangible items they need anyway (swimsuits, goggles, sports stuff, new PJs, book series). I don’t explain because then there is something to argue with! Also if I am asked for ideas I include specific links to make it as easy as possible to use my ideas. Dear relative, no need to find the closest pottery place to our house, here it is!
anonM says
For Christmas/birthdays, maybe if they ask offer for them to go in on something with you/other relatives? “So thoughtful of you! Auntie so and so and I are going in on music lessons for Jane, would you like to chip in? I’m going to get a music book for her to open, and will put a picture of all of us on it so she knows who it is from!” I love the experiences idea, but often that is more money than someone would typically spend for a gift, so this can help. We’ve had multiple grandparents/aunts/uncles chip in for big gifts for combo both-kids-both-Christmas-both-birthdays because both kids have winter birthdays, and it allowed us to get something nicer than we would have otherwise (one year a playset, one year a playhouse). On the other hand, there are shoppers in our family too that I’ve given up trying to get them to stop and instead try to encourage things that are less wasteful than duplicate toys, like holiday outfits (which I don’t really buy, so it’s a nice treat when they get them for the kids).
Anonymous says
I am surprised that the 12-year-old likes and wants to keep any of the gifts. Usually any stuff adults pick out for a kid that age is immediately rejected and donated.
anon says
Most of the gifts are donated, hence part of the problem.
anon says
My kids have what they want/need and don’t have interest in creating wish lists and especially don’t want to write thank you notes. Therefore, with their blessing, I try to discourage gift giving from folks who don’t spend enough time (in person or FaceTime) with them to know what they would like.
I come from a family where gifts = love and people feel obligated to buy gifts for children. So, I get that it’s hard and possibly a little rude. But, I’d like to break the cycle of gifts = obligatory, and a sign of love (but no need to bond with or be kind to the child).
anon says
I think that’s part of what bugs me, honestly. They spend barely any time with my kids, thus they don’t know what they need, like, want, etc. Under that circumstance, gift giving feels obligatory and gross.
Anonymous says
I actually hate the pottery decorating place because it generates more knicknacks!
Jolene says
+1. And unlike toys which you can easily donate because they have little sentimental value, these are Handmade Art Pieces.
Anon says
Yeah those things are the hardest to get rid of in our house.
When to disclose pregnancy says
I’m 13 weeks pregnant with my third. Everything is looking low risk. When do I tell work? The twist is that our return to office has been delayed, but I may be called in for one off meetings. If we were returning to office for sure, I’d have to tell because I’m already very obviously pregnant. Like, it would be ridiculous to parade my bump around and expect no one to comment. When would you tell managers with only a slight chance of IRL?
Anon says
Whenever you want? I told work at 16 weeks (I didn’t have a doctor’s appointment between 12 weeks and 16 weeks, and felt like 12 weeks was just a tad too early for my comfort) and I had a pretty visible bump by then. My childless male boss said “I was wondering when you were going to tell me!” I don’t think you have to disclose just because you have a bump and the fact that you likely won’t be seeing anyone in person makes it even less of an issue.
Anonymous says
Not later than 20 weeks. If you wait much longer than you risk 1) having to disclose pregnancy + sudden bed rest order at the same time and 2) making people feel that they didn’t have enough lead time to plan for your maternity leave.
Anon says
Has anyone ever had a cystocele? Apparently I have one and I am not stoked about it. Wondering if anyone could share their experience with recovery.
Anonymous says
Help! I’m trying to make mom friends. I joined a few fb groups but they’re not really active. No luck with moms at older kids’ preschool. I also have twins. Twin mom group isn’t responding to my requests. I know Ive just got t keep trying but what do you do?
Anonymous says
MOPS seems to be the main source of mom friends around here. Or wait until they are in elementary school and you will make friends with their friends’ parents, other Girl Scout moms, the moms you sit on the sidelines of soccer games with, etc. FWIW I had no mom friends until elementary school.
Anon says
This makes me feel better because everyone told me I would make mom friends in daycare and it didn’t happen at all. I know the pandemic is likely a factor, but it feels like even in our cautious circles most people are back to normal-ish now but no one seems to have any interest in making new friends.
Anonymous says
I think the pandemic has just worn everyone out, even those who are not worried about getting sick. People who already have friends are too tired to bother making new ones. Conversely, some people do need friends now more than ever. The trick is finding these people; I don’t know where.
Anonanonanon says
I don’t understand how people make parent friends at daycare. Even in the before times, we were all on our way to work and thus in a hurry or picking our kids up after a day at work so tired and ready to get home and do the evening grind. There is nothing wrong with you for not meeting anyone at daycare
Anon says
Yeah, that’s the root of the problem I think. We would smile and say hi and in the before times we’d sometimes make pleasant chit-chat about our kids. But it never extended to exchanging phone numbers or setting up a meeting outside of school because everyone was so busy.
anon says
We met daycare folks when someone replied to the class email list saying that they were going to be at X playground on Saturday morning at X time if anyone else wanted to drink coffee while the kids run around. It became a fairly regular thing. People joined different weeks depending on availability and we slowly got to know each other.
We ended up doing the same thing with the kindergarten email list. Someone replies all with a playground and time. People show up if they’d like. Sometimes we get 20 kids, sometimes 2 kids.
Anon says
We don’t have a daycare class email list. I think that’s part of the problem. Hoping that changes in K. (But this sounds so awesome! My extroverted kid who demands playdates every weekend would love it.)
anon says
I don’t think we officially had a daycare email list. I think someone may have replied all to a class pink eye notification so it went to the folks on BCC. It was a bit cheeky.
Anon says
That’s hilarious!
Anon says
I did have some luck making a couple of mom friends at a local yoga studio. After a couple of classes of getting to know them before class a bit, I had to be super awkward and ask if they wanted to be my “mom friend”. After a good chuckle I got an “of course” and we exchanged info. It’s hard to carve out the time, but it could be a good option.
Anon says
what area of the country do you live in? i know a lot of people in certain areas especially with kids under 5 are still being somewhat cautious. how old is your preschooler and how old are your twins? i also have twins and i know that it is hard to get out when they are little
Anon says
This is going to sound obvious but I’ll mention just in case: are you outside in your neighborhood a lot? I met my best mom friend while on a walk on the other side of my neighborhood, and two other casual mom friends in my neighborhood, too. I do the awkward “oh how old is your kid?” little chat, and they’ve been just as desperate for friends, too. When my older ones were tiny we were outside/on walks every single day
Anon says
Do you have a local moms club or a hike it baby group?
Anon says
DH (a SAHD) is slowly making a dad friend with a guy whose daughter has swim class at the same time ours does (although different classes). They talk a little bit each week and eventually I expect they might exchange numbers (I often go with to swim class and it’s like watching a dating show between the two of them as they are slowly feeling each other out, but good, as he needs more friends (IMO)). My mom friends are mostly high school or law school friends who are local and now have kids close-ish in age to mine or wives of friends of DH who I’ve bonded with and we’re now better friends than DH and the husband are. DD’s bestie moved in across the street 2 years ago and I am slowly forging a friendship with his mom. I don’t have much in common with DD’s preschool friends’ moms (we just do not seem have a lot in common or a lot of free time at the same times, they are all SAHMs and into late morning coffee dates and their latest crafting project or other hobby); the couple of playdates we have had have just had no spark with me and the moms and very stilted conversations. One of my mom friends I met at the new mom’s group sponsored by the hospital.
Not sure if there are area playgrounds, but if you consistently show up at the neighborhood playground at the same time, could you strike up a conversation there? DD starts kindergarten this year and I am hoping to enroll her in Girl Scouts so might try making friends with other troop moms, plus the other parents at the bus stop (our neighborhood is quite large and the houses are very spread out, so I mostly only know the people on my street). Her soccer doesn’t have teams, but next year they will and I expect I will make some friends on the sidelines as well.
Cb says
Haha, my husband just called from the car with my son to let me know that kiddo wants onions for dinner… cooked onions, not raw onions. So random.
Anonymous says
Now I want some caramelized onions with dinner.
Anon says
Sounds like taco night (with sauteed peppers and onions) to me!
GCA says
Lol! Hmm (sorry if this makes you hungry):
Pizza with caramelised onions, mushrooms and goat cheese?
French onion soup and crusty bread, but make it vegetarian?
Miso butter onions as a side dish?
Now I’ve made myself hungry, but as luck would have it I am 100% out of onions today, whoops.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
The question about making Mom friends has me thinking – what is the difference, to you, if any, between a Mom Friend or a new friend who happens to be a Mom?
This is just my take, but I really don’t like the idea of just being friends with someone because our kids are friends. Of course, I get being friendly and warm in the situation where kids are buddies. I have recently made a new friend or two – one neighbor, one fellow mum at my kid’s school – who have kids of the same age…but when we’ve hung out we talk about…a myriad of things, it’s def not kid-focused.
EDAnon says
I like having friends who are moms for the ability to share in the same life circumstances (similar to friends in college). However, i have friends who are moms/parents (friends before we had kids), mom friends (friends post kids who I connected with because we have kids), and my kids’ friends’ moms (which are people I am not really friends with but talk to a lot due to shared activities/playdates). Sometimes people move the last group to the second to last, but not often. I try to make all new friends who are moms into mom friends, but you just don’t click with everyone.
OP says
Ah this is great and makes sense. Caveats for me are that my kids are still <5, so anything can change as they get older and into various activities beyond the weekend soccer, swim, etc. I also skip preschool birthday parties unless I a) Want to hang out with the parents (rare, has happened once) or b) I know that for a fact my kid plays a lot with the birthday kid (has happened 2-3x).
I have a good circle/network of friends from college that have stayed close over the years, and many (though not all) are Mums, and we do friend and kid stuff together when we want (but also do adults-only hangs). Several old friends live in my city so when social space needs to be filled, those folks and my own family (nuclear + extended) is where my energies go.
I guess this puts me in the "not actively looking for new friends" bucket, but I'm also not closed off either, especially if it's a natural fit.
Anon says
As an introvert, all of my mom friends are friends who happen to be moms and for the most part we were friends before we had kids. I have a few what I consider mom-acquaintances – we talk when our kids are involved or about our kids, but the conversation never gets deeper than that. We don’t plan activities without the kids together. At this age and stage though, I don’t remember the last time I met someone who would potentially be a new friend who didn’t already have kids, so all of my friends are mom-friends?
Anon says
I haven’t made new mom friends since having a kid. I haven’t really made any friends as an adult, truthfully. I’m not good at making friends and don’t know how people make friends outside of a school or camp setting where everyone is thrown together and looking for new friends. My two closest girlfriends from college had first babies within a couple months of me and they have been my life raft through parenthood. They are the ones I text at 3 am, vent to about hard kid stuff, share all the joy and funny moments with. They don’t live locally though, so our relationship is text- and email-based. I am friendly with some neighborhood moms and daycare moms, but don’t consider them friends because I don’t see them without our children present.
anon says
I have elementary aged kids and have mom friends at this point. My daughter has had the same group of girls in her classes, girl scout troop, soccer, dance, summer camps, etc, for years now. All of us moms know each other. We get together for moms nights and see each other several times a week at kid stuff. I’m not super close to any of the moms to the extent that I’d call them a personal friend, but they’re all more than acquaintances.
We’re not cliquey, just a group of friendly moms thrown together because we all have girls the same age. We talk about kids, husbands, travel, renovations, careers, childcare, etc. Who else would you hang with while chaperoning a Girl Scout camp out?
Anonymous says
I’m the OP above. I think this is actually one do the reasons I don’t have that many mom friends: I don’t want to talk about kids with my friends, at least not exclusively. I want to talk about our hobbies and fashion and movies and beer and hopes and dreams. I think it’s fine for a friendship to start as “hey our kids are in soccer together!” But IME if that’s all we have, it may not last.
GCA says
Um, can we be friends?! I mostly have friends whom I knew before we became moms, and friends who were brought together because of motherhood but those friendships have deepened. (I also have friends with no kids who are beloved aunties to my own, friends who are older and whose kids are in high school/ college, and…acquaintances whom I know because our kids are friends.)
I want to talk about running and beer and gender equality and food and fashion and tv and boardgames and politics and the economy, but it won’t hurt to have a common frame of reference around Wild Kratts and Zoey & Sassafras and the sheer exhaustion that comes from parenting a three-year-old, either.
YesthatAnonymous says
Same here! I love my friends with no kids (by choice or otherwise) and they love my kids so well. Let’s definitely be friends. I don’t think we live close though (we’re in Texas). Time for a c’moms zoom happy hour?
Anon says
For me, it’s been helpful to have a couple friends whose oldest kid is the same age as mine. We are at similar life stages. I had kids earlier than most of my college friends (at age 28 in NYC, lol) and it really is a different ballgame to have multiple kids ages 6 and under vs one baby. My “new friends” and I don’t always talk about kids – in fact, usually we don’t – but our stage of motherhood kind of influences our general interests, worldview, weekend activities, etc right now. And it’s less stressful to get together as a family when the older kids can occupy each other.