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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Happy New Year everyone. Checking in to see where we are during yet another surge. So far, my 3 year old is home due to a positive case in his class last week. We’re waiting for his PCR results to be able to send him back later this week (at home was negative). Kindergartener is back in school, but we’ll see how long that lasts. It almost feels like we are back in March 2020, except now we’re just anticipating more quarantines and dreading it.
On the bright side, my kids have been playing well together lately (still many many instances of screaming, but I’ve been able to leave them alone for 30 minutes at a time, which is an improvement). They’ve been loving the nugget they got for Christmas. I think it will get a lot of use over the next few months.
Anon says
I know someone whose kid was in daycare for two hours yesterday before the class was sent home over a odoruvr case. First day of school in a couple weeks and it lasted less than half a day. It’s madness. I’m fully expecting to get the quarantine email at some point this week.
Anon says
*positive case. Not sure what happened with autocorrect there.
GCA says
Hello from the other side of quarantine. We had two quarantines in a row last month. Preschooler was apparently exposed in class on the ONE DAY she had between quarantines, and just went back yesterday. In total, she was in daycare for six days throughout December. Because my parenting style is ‘process art’, we now have a sizable collection of painted rocks, an art exhibition comprising coloring sheets and potato printing, and every rag in the house is now multicolored.
The first-grader is vaxxed and so will be doing test-and-stay, but I anticipate a couple more waves of preschool quarantines before things get better. The dread is real. Sending strength. And you’re right, at least they have the novelty of Christmas gifts for entertainment…
Anon says
Yep, my kids were in school at the same time for a combined 45 min in December…between the two of them, they had five 10-day school quarantines in Nov and Dec. Oldest is fully vaccinated as of tomorrow, though! It’s madness.
Anonymous says
As long as you don’t teach your children to talk about their process – that’s a menace that is possibly a greater threat to society than COVID. And for God’s sake, discourage performance pieces.
(Joking! Art school grad here. Best of luck to you in surviving this – January is going to be bad, but I’m hoping we’ll be past the worst soon.)
GCA says
Hah! I needed that laugh today. Thank you.
anon says
We’re in the DMV and have been hunkering down between high covid rates and snow. Testing is really hard to come by, so I really suspect our sky high covid rates are under reported. My kids are in public school without pre-return testing, but the private school a block away just tested everyone. They came back with 100 people who didn’t test because they tested positive since schools closed on December 17 plus 135 new positive cases out of 1200 people. That’s literally about 20% of the school catching covid in two weeks. I have no reason to expect public schools will have any fewer cases. January is going to be a mess.
Anonymous says
On balance, our elem (~500 kids, 60 staff) had 21 cases (18 kids, 3 staff) over the break and did pool testing yesterday (100% participation- those that don’t poll test did a rapid) with only 5 cases that popped up.
Boston area.
anon says
What’s your published positivity rate? Per the NY Times we’re at about 250 cases / 100,000. I suspect it’s much higher and cases are being vastly under reported with home tests and a lack of PCR availability.
Anonymous says
About 5.5% but it’s lagging data.
Anonymous says
Sorry- 5.5% at the town level. Per The NY Times it’s 183 per 250k at the county level.
anon says
Also in the DMV, but my kids are in the district that decided to stay virtual until MLK day because of major staffing shortages. We’re on day 2 of snow days, but after that will have at least 2 weeks of virtual (I’m…not optimistic kids will go back in-person on the 18th. Case rates here are insane.)
Anon says
Husband tested positive on NYE so 6 month old is out of daycare for at least 2 weeks so somehow trying to work and keep him happy. So much sympathy for all parents dealing with this right now! It’s a doozy.
anon says
We’ve all been sick since the week before Christmas (mom, dad, 3.5 yo). No positive case among us – multiple home antigen tests and PCRs, but whatever this virus is we’re passing around, it is relentless. We were getting ready to ship DD off to preschool this AM and she just started wildly coughing so we had to keep her home. I’m on hold with my doc to try to get a sick appointment which is nearly impossible. I need someone to listen to my lungs desperately. And, my daughter is also being every bit of 3.5 you could dream of – defiant, refuses to go to bed, and on and on. I feel like this is all never going to end.
Anon says
we were also all sick the week before Christmas (mom, dad and 3.5 year old twins). no positive cases. Fortunately for us kids and DH are feeling better, but I’m not despite being on antibiotics.i’m so sick of being sick! And omg the 3.5 year old behavior is horrible. We had the most delightful winter break with our twins when they were 2.5 but this year was horrendous. hang in there! hope you all feel better soon!
Cb says
We are in quarantine at home post-holiday – we ended up staying with my parents in Portugal for a few extra days, and came back in the middle of the double bank holiday so we’ve put our PCR tests in the postbox but they haven’t been collected yet.
I tried to convince my husband to stay longer as I’m feeling similarly pessimistic about the prospect of nursery staying open, but no joy. Portugal felt much safer than the UK – 100% mask compliance and higher vaccine rates. University will be online through January, so at least I don’t have to get on another plane?
Anonymous says
14 members of my extended family currently have confirmed or suspected cases of COVID, including 10 vaxxed and boosted adults and 4 kids under 5. Our school district claims it will never close or go to remote learning for COVID, but it closes for weather at the drop of a hat “for the safety of students and teachers.” We are hoping to eke out snow days for most of this week, and then we’ll see what happens next week. The worst outcome I can envision is that the schools insist on opening for a couple of days and are then forced to shut down because of staffing shortages, basically giving all the kids and teachers COVID for zero educational benefit.
Anon says
My boss’s family and my husband’s entire extended family had Covid last week. All triple vaxxed and all quite symptomatic (fevers, terrible aches, extreme fatigue, etc), although no one had to be hospitalized. Until a couple weeks ago, we only knew one family who’d had it and the adults were vaccinated and had no symptoms beyond a stuffy nose.
Anokha says
The angst about whether I did the right thing sending my kid to school this morning (vaxxed, masked, tested), is very, very high. (NY metro area, where the numbers are insane)
Anonymous says
You did the right thing.
AIMS says
+1. I sent my kids to school this week too (in NYC) and they came back so much better yesterday than all of the last two weeks when I kept them home and they were going out of their minds.
Spirograph says
+2 You did the right thing. My kids have been out of school for almost 3 weeks due to winter break and snow days, and my daughter is at the end of her rope. Brothers aren’t cutting it, she needs her peer group back.
Anon says
Same location and same angst. I sent him (1 year old) to daycare and am really worried. I am almost about to ask for a leave of absence for the month so I can just keep him at home and preemptively avoid closures. DH is doctor and everyone at work getting it.
Anonymous says
I don’t know what the right thing is, but we just pulled our preschooler. Her school has historically had much lower rates than our community (we only had one exposure between August 2020 and January 2022), but three out of seven classrooms were closed today based on (separate) exposures yesterday. The odds we have reliable childcare for the next two weeks are low and she’s eligible for her second vaccine dose on 1/11 and so we decided we’d feel more comfortable keeping her home until she’s at least one week post-second dose. Our plan is to be at home for the rest of this week, do rapid tests on Sunday, and then drive to my parents and stay there next week through the holiday weekend, then back to school. If it’s open.
Now I just have to hope she wasn’t exposed today, which unfortunately is a real possibility.
Anonymous says
Adding that my kid prefers being home with her parents or grandparents to going to school, at least right now. If being home was negatively affecting her mental health or behavior we would definitely take that into consideration, because I do understand the risks to preschool age kids (even unvaccinated ones) are statistically low. But it’s the opposite, she’s calmer and better behaved when she’s staying home.
TheElms says
We’ve had no nanny and no preschool since mid-December because our nanny’s husband got Covid and preschool has a long winter break. Somehow our nanny did not catch Covid from her husband and neither did we (and with the timing we still got to do some Christmas stuff with family). So while I’m completely exhausted and so far behind on work that it doesn’t seem possible to dig out, I’m really thankful we got to have a some Christmas. And then of course it snowed in the DMV so our preschool has not yet reopened. Based on the numbers reported by preschool we have about a 20% positivity rate within the preschool community and they required pre-return testing and caught a few more folks who were positive and didn’t know through that testing. At 31 weeks pregnant I really don’t want anyone in our house catching Covid, but it seems inevitable unless I pull kid out of preschool which I really don’t want to do. Still considering whether to do it around 36/37 weeks, but maybe things will be better then?
AwayEmily says
Hi pregnancy partner…I’m 34 weeks and am having a lot of the same concerns. My biggest fear is that we all get it right around my due date, and then I’ll have to give birth alone because we won’t be able to have my mom watch our contagious kids. Part of me almost wishes we could get it now and get it over with. I’m trying to just accept that what happens will happen, and I can’t control everything.
TheElms says
So with you, also trying to just let go and accept its going to be what its going to be. But that is so hard (and I’m a planner by nature and this just isn’t something you can really plan for).
AwayEmily says
TOTALLY. I have done a few planning-related things that honestly are more symbolic than anything — e.g. had a friend compile a list of AirBnBs in my neighborhood in case baby and I have to isolate post-birth, recruited another friend who’s healthy, boosted, and a five-hour drive away who is willing to drop everything and come help if necessary, and put a few neighbors on notice to deliver things to the hospital if necessary. Knowing I have a few worst-case plans in place and a team on my side helps my mental state a bit.
Ashley says
Also 31 weeks pregnant and my 4 year old kiddo just tested positive yesterday. Ugh! Honestly hoping we all just get through it for now then *hopefully* avoid testing positive at hospital admission when baby comes.
TheElms says
Hoping your kiddo’s illness is mild and that if anyone else gets it they also get a mild case. I think you should get and keep PCR results if you or your partner get it, in case you are still testing positive when you go into labor. That way you can show that you had Covid recently and that is the reason for the positive test.
Anon says
Yes, +1 to this. I’m due mid-March (but my two kids both came a month early, so I’m planning on mid-February). I was diagnosed with covid in late November and my OB said to print out those test results and keep them in my hospital bag in case I have a positive test when I get to L&D – there are different protocols that I’d be subject to if I did test positive.
Ashley says
Great tip!! Definitely will do.
AwayEmily says
Good luck and keep us posted — hopefully everything will be mild, resolve quickly and you’ll pass some antibodies on to the baby.
Ashley says
Thanks all!!! So far 4yo is totally fine. He had 24 hours of low fever and seems normal now–he’s mostly upset he can’t go to preschool! No symptoms for the grown ups yet. We have a shortage of tests so could be asymptomatic carriers, but we’re saving our two remaining at-home tests in case we develop symptoms.
Anonymous says
FWIW, we have several extended family members who tested negative on the first day or two of symptoms and then tested positive later on. Which makes the limited supply of tests even more frustrating–how do you decide when to use them?
Anon says
been sick since December 19th. Kids are better as is DH. Fortunately not Covid, but 2+ weeks later and I still feel sick (and i’m on antibiotics). kids are back at school today, but nanny has covid (fortunately she is feeling better and we weren’t exposed to her), so we basically have coverage for their 3 hours of morning preschool a day. kids’ school implemented the new CDC quarantine guidelines which makes no sense to me (or our pediatrician) bc those guidelines imply strict mask usage….well 3 year olds aren’t exactly perfect mask wearers and they also have to take their masks off for lunch. winter break was most certainly not a break and i’m dreading my staff meeting this morning when everyone talks about how refreshed they are and i’m like, i need another break to recover from the one i just had. had lots of plans to organize our new house over break…ha. Grateful that i’m WFH. as is DH. honestly, i felt more refreshed going into 2021 bc last year our kids were at an easier age and we had the most delightful break with them and we were lucky to have no disruptions in childcare. i wish they would’ve required tests to go back to school
AwayEmily says
Daycare is still open. Kindergartener’s school went virtual for the week because too many staff have COVID. I really feel for the teachers — they suddenly had to pivot to virtual with about 12 hours’ notice. And of course this REALLY sucks for parents with less flexible jobs than ours. But the district claims they will be implementing a test-to-stay program so I’m cautiously optimistic (and they didn’t close all the schools in the district, just ours and a few others, so they seem to be serious about trying to stay open).
Anonymous says
Toddler is home from daycare all week after an exposure in his room last week. Kindergartner is home today and yesterday for snow. We kept our preschooler home from the same daycare yesterday and today because she plays well with our K-er most of the time, but not sure what we’ll do with her the rest of the week. I’m tempted to keep her home since toddler will be home anyway and while they don’t play together as much, one of us will be on parent duty anyway and we may avoid a covid exposure for her.
So Anon says
My kids’ school does pool testing on Mondays. Results come back today, and I am just waiting for the phone call/email that the school is closed or that they are a close contact.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Our little one got a negative PCR result (yay!) but I just saw that a neighboring elementary school is closed today because too many pools came back positive. Our older kid’s school does pooled testing today so awaiting that call tomorrow…
I feel like no one anywhere knows what the h*ll to do now and it sucks.
So Anon says
Agree. It feels like a horrible round of jack-in-the-box. When will it pop? Now? Tomorrow? Then what? And it is a balmy 19 degrees today, so I can’t even go outside to stare into the void.
Leatty says
Checking in from Florida where our ridiculous surgeon general thinks we pretty much need to stop testing and live life normally. My kids are too young to be vaccinated, and we haven’t received notice of any positive cases at daycare in a while (even though case counts are through the roof). I’m not naïve enough to believe that there aren’t any positive cases in the daycare, as I suspect a lot of parents have stopped taking their kids to be tested. My whole house had COVID during the Delta surge, and I’m bracing for it to happen again. I’m so tired of this all.
Anon says
I feel like Omicron is going to be the one that finally gets us.
My dad was in the hospital for 10 days over the break recovering from a surgery, in a private room but obviously can’t avoid nursing staff and doctors. I visited a couple times to give my mom a break and that hospital is having a huge outbreak now. He’s at home recovering now, and no sign of illness in mom or dad yet.
My husband has Reserve duty in person this weekend. They wear masks, and I believe are required to be vaccinated, but it feels unnecessarily risky. A lot of them are first responders for their civilian jobs.
Baby is in daycare with kids too young to mask up.
I know 3 people at my remote work who have gotten it or a household member get sick over break. All vaccinated and pretty cautious people. 1 is very pregnant and due any day now.
It’s looming
Anonymous says
I feel like Omicron is going to be the one that gets us too. We have been extremely cautious this whole time. I did not shop in person for an entire year between the beginning of the pandemic and when I became fully vaccinated last spring. Our kid suffered through on-line school for all of 2020-2021, at an enormous cost. I haven’t been on a plane or stayed in a hotel since February 2020 or been on vacation since summer of 2019. I spend 18+ hours a day in my bedroom because work has gone permanently remote and I don’t have a home office. My husband’s employer has also gone permanently remote, so I don’t even get the house to myself during the day. Last summer we had finally gotten to something of a “new normal” with some extracurriculars and church and haircuts and shopping in stores. Now we are staying home again 100% of the time except for school, and all of those sacrifices will be wasted because the school has zero COVID precautions and our kid is all but certain to pick up Omicron by the end of this week. If our experiences with other viruses like the flu is any guide, my husband will become seriously ill but recover within a couple of weeks, and I’ll get long COVID and be disabled for life. I think the entire school board should be recalled, but we can’t do that because they aren’t elected.
anonamama says
Happy the posts are back!!! It was a looonggg break. Everyone in my house caught it, 5 days apart. Felt like bad colds for the adults and the last one, of course, was our 2YO so juggling WFH and childcare for at least a week. He’s definitely not feeling himself but very grateful for the new toys on hand. I have no clue when he will test negative on a PCR to return to daycare — anyone have experience with how long this is lasting in littles? Sigh. F you Omicron.
AIMS says
Check with your daycare but none of the schools in NYC that I am aware of require a negative PCR test for kids to return because kids will often test positive for weeks or even months. It used to be 10/14 days from either symptom onset or test.
Anon says
Yes, our daycare policy is that you can come back 14 days from positive test or 48 hours after symptoms resolve, whichever is later. You can test positive on PCR for months after getting infected so requiring a negative PCR to return is crazy. Negative rapid antigen is much more reasonable.
Pogo says
We were sick for a couple weeks, RSV hit our area hard – both kids were RSV close contacts at separate daycares and did not get it!! We narrowly missed being a COVID close contact at the 4yo’s school and managed to be able to send him almost every day they were open (he missed 2 days on the very beginning of xmas for norovirus, which also hit our area). The baby had a run of the mill cold turned awful ear infection. So. much. screaming.
Like others, I feel omicron is somewhat inevitable. Many super cautious, science-believing, vaxxed people I know are getting breakthrough cases. We are no longer doing anything unmasked indoors (both DH and I had done work dinners or dinners with friends – all fully vaxxed, back when we thought that was enough…). I’m just tired of it all and have lost all sympathy for the unvaccinated.
Anon says
We just got the email from daycare. Closed for two weeks. We were back for one day. ONE DAY.
Cb says
Oh no! I’m dreading it.
Anonymous says
Our private elementary school is requiring negative PCR tests to return after winter break. 10% of staff and students who tested last Friday were positive, and the school has not adopted the new CDC guidance and is still 10 day isolation from date of symptom onset or positive test. My kids missed the school’s tests and we haven’t gotten our results back yet because of the massive backlog/holiday/snow (DC area). Snow days closed school for everyone yesterday and today, but I’m going to be annoyed if we still don’t have results when it presumably opens back up tomorrow. Of course, that’s assuming they’re negative… DH and I assume we both had covid over the break, although we weren’t able to confirm with a PCR. It was short-lived and mild and the kids never exhibited any symptoms, but I won’t be shocked if one of the kids pops positive. We’ll probably all be home for the rest of this week, and are just crossing our fingers that weekly testing results won’t prompt any full classroom/school closures.
We’re all fully vaccinated at this point, and I would be shocked if the elementary classes aren’t all fully vaccinated too (I know the teachers are), so I don’t have much patience for classroom closures. Sending good vibes for everyone with kids <5, it seems like a tough couple of months on the horizon.
DLC says
In the DMV with our second snow day in a row. Not that my middle child would be back at daycare anyway since he had a positive PCR test the day after Christmas. No symptoms at all. Baby also tested positive with a low grade fever. Husband, eldest, and I all tested negative. (My brother, SIL and her husband have also tested positive in the past week… it feels so inevitable at this point.)
I’m half relieved that I had one more day’s respite from sending my kid back to the potential COVID hot zone that is public school, and half really exhausted from isolating with with the kids for two weeks. Our peapod order was cancelled yesterday so we are eating down the fridge and rationing the milk.
But the snow is pretty and we have been taking full advantage.
Wishing everyone a 2022 that is exciting and boring in all the right ways!
anon says
Sleep hygiene and babies. Did anyone just kind of go with the flow and it all worked out? I’ve been focusing so much on wake windows and sleepy cues and white noise and all that for my 10 week old, and I’m starting to feel like it’s a bit much. Baby still fights naps and wakes up twice a night to eat. My mother has never heard of such things and was baffled that I don’t just put baby down when she seems tired and baby falls asleep. Has anyone just kind of ignored the TCB-style advice and ended up with older kids that still slept anyway? I’m tired of scheduling my life around wake windows, but I’m also worried I’ll be setting us up for years of sleepless nights if I don’t!
Cb says
Anecdata but my son had to be nursed or walked to sleep until he was 18 months… he didn’t sleep through the night consistently until 2. But now at 4.5, he sleeps 12 hours a night.
Anonymous says
I just let the baby dictate the schedule for the first several months. She never really napped and went to bed pretty late, but did sleep through the night early on. She is now school-aged and a good sleeper. I firmly believe that fighting an infant’s natural rhythms is a recipe for less sleep for the entire family and total burnout for the mom.
anon says
We followed the EASY method. You basically feed the baby every time they wake up, then play/do stuff until they’re tired. By 3 months it had settled into a pretty good three nap routine.
We were pretty flexible on the nap locations when she was really little. Sometimes I’d drop her into her carseat or a carrier for a snooze on the go. Sometimes I’d rock her and watch TV. Sometimes she went into her swing or crib so I could do chores. We did night time sleep in the crib.
Both my kids sleep just fine.
Anon says
Ditto all of this. Eat, sleep, play, repeat. Eat, sleep overnight until we were ready for cry it out sleep training.
Anon says
Caveat that I had a naturally good sleeper (she has many other challenges, but sleep has never been our issue) but I never followed any specific timing. Our ped told us to put her down “drowsy but awake” and that worked beautifully at night from the very beginning. She had a fairly unusual schedule for an infant (her big stretch of night sleep was ~10 pm to 6 am) but she could only go ~8 hours without a feed until she was quite a bit older, and we wanted it to overlap with a reasonable night for us, rather than putting her down at 7 pm and having to wake up at 3 am. Until about 3-4 months she was a pretty crap napper and would really only nap in someone’s arms or an infant carrier. My husband went out of town for a weekend around 4 months and I “nap trained” her (basically just putting her in her crib for naps and letting her cry a bit until she went to sleep). Around 6 or 7 months, she extended her night to 11-12 hours and got on a more traditional 7-6/7 schedule. She did drop naps at a pretty young age (right after turning 2) but still sleeps 12-13 hours per night at almost 4.
GCA says
Yes, I learned this the hard way with my first kid. I remember crying buckets of frustrated tears while wearing him and trying to get him to sleep (he was around 8-10 weeks). Please feel free to burn all the smug baby sleep books and really just pay attention to baby and their sleepy cues. 10 weeks is so little – they are biologically disposed to fall asleep on you (often, nursing) and their circadian rhythms are still developing. And I would do the thing that gets YOU the most rest.
So back to kid 1. As a baby and toddler, he never really slept the way American culture expects children to sleep (in their own bed, through the night, for the convenience of the adults) and he is a short sleeper AND morning lark, but you know what – he is a happy, energetic 6.5yo who sleeps in his own bed. All night. Has taken himself to the potty in the middle of the night since he was 4. And still likes to cuddle.
And to underscore that you get the kid you get and some babies just need less sleep — as a newborn, kid 2 would take great honking 3h naps in the middle of the day…
Anon says
I had a terrible sleeper until ten months. He slept in seven minute increments during the day for a few months. It drove me mad. We never had a nap longer than thirty minutes. Ten weeks is still really little. Just do the best you can. Nurse to sleep. Rock to sleep. Hold to sleep. By age 1, the power to nurse or hold to sleep may disappear like it did for me.
My son had two night wakings at minimum until ten months and then something clicked. He was bottle fed and formula fed for half of this time. Some kids just need to drink at night. It’s fine. Everything is fine! Ignore grandparents who have amnesia about their child rearing exp. (Home videos confirmed my suspicion that my husband was not the perfect child my MIL a claimed he was).
The focus on wake windows drove me mad. He has only started to really follow wake windows at 12 months. Before then everything was a crapshoot. One thing I was strict about was always sleeping in the crib. Good luck!
Anon says
From the opposite perspective, I’ve tried all the things short of CIO with my 8-month-old and he’s been a crap sleeper since birth. He’s actually a decent napper, but nothing seems to make a difference for his night sleep. I definitely think babies have an innate sleep temperament. Some can be “trained” differently, some you just have to go with the flow and trust you’ll eventually get through it. 10 weeks is still pretty young for a solid schedule, IMO
Anonymous says
If your 10 week old is only waking up 2x a night, you’re doing well. I was really obsessed with wake windows and putting my baby down at just the right moment so he would magically fall asleep fast and without help and in hindsight, he just wasn’t that tired a lot of the time. In general I don’t think anything you do at 10 weeks old is going to set you up for years of anything – your baby will change so much in the next few months. If this is causing stress, please do step back from focusing on it and see what happens. Or try longer wake windows and see if the naps go more easily. You can always change strategies in a week or two if it isn’t working. (And frankly, you will probably need to anyway because your baby is changing so fast).
Anon says
I liked wake windows simply because it was a way for me to structure my day. The length varied though – you don’t have to follow a set schedule. I never worried about all that stuff about putting them down sleepy but awake. If the baby doesn’t want to nap, keep them awake longer.
Anonymous says
Yep, I gave up on TCB-style advice pretty quickly. The length of wake window is going to depend on the quality/amount of sleep before it, so if your baby doesn’t nap well, you’ll just be tearing your hair out. Our ped kept telling us to do drowsy but awake, and I never thought it would work. I think my kid started doing a 7-ish hour stretch of sleep at night around 12 weeks, so we did a dream feed around 10 to get us a stretch of sleep from around 11 pm – 6 am. I did a lot of naps in the Ergo, because it was the only thing that got me a long enough chunk of time (draped a cloth napkin over the back of my kid’s head to avoid crumbs/sauce in her hair). Drowsy but awake finally clicked at around 4 months for nighttime sleep. Consistent naps were an issue until she dropped to one nap, but the daycare teachers/wizards helped a LOT in getting her to tolerate naptime.
Anon says
so i have twins, by 10 weeks, one kid was sleeping through the night with a dream feed. other kid still woke up once. during the day i was feeding every 3 hours. and would then follow their cues to put them to sleep. i did become more conscious of wake windows around 4 months when one of them started having trouble napping. i think there is somewhere between following nothing and watching the clock every second to make sure you get the windows right. my kids and me thrived on having a nap schedule and my life did revolve around their nap schedule for the first year of their life. it get’s much easier once they are down to two naps
AwayEmily says
I tried really hard to do that for my first kid and it stressed me out SO much. With my second, I just got them to sleep however worked for the first 10 weeks (lots of naps in the Ergo/stroller), and then did full CIO (with my pediatrician’s blessing).
Anon says
I agree with this. Do what gets you through until you can sleep train. With my first, I failed and coslept until I sleep-trained her at 13 months! With my second, I loosely followed a TCB method, coslept, and napped however, when it became too much but didn’t stress on it much and then fully sleep trained him at about 5 months. The second was definitely a lot less stressful than the first (and sleep training a 5-month-old is leaps and bounds easier than a 13-month-old.
jz says
I don’t think the scheduling really worked until he was 3 months old. Until then, it was just trying to get him to sleep every so often and not feeding to sleep and practicing drowsy but awake put downs.
For overnight sleep, he woke up 3x a night until he was 10 weeks old when we moved him out of our room and the first night he slept through for 8 hours straight and only woke once. Then, without much intervention, he was sleeping 12 hours.
Daytime sleep was a crap shoot until he dropped down to one nap. We kept him on schedule most of the time but he napped for 30 minutes at a time until 1+ no matter what I did – I tried the waking before the end of the sleep cycle, CIO, etc. Nothing worked.
GCA says
I typed out a nice long reply but the site ate it. In essence I said: I give you permission to burn all the smug baby sleep books, follow your baby’s cues, and do the thing that collectively gets you and your family the most rest! 10 weeks is so young and I promise anything you do now will not set them up for a lifetime of sleep patterns or habits.
Kid 1 was a terrible sleeper and a terrible napper (20-30min naps) from birth to 1. When he went down to one nap at 15mo, it became a solid 2h nap. But he was still waking multiple times at night and up very early, so we coslept to get more sleep. Now he is a happy, energetic 6.5yo who sleeps in his own bed all night, has taken himself to the potty in the middle of the night since age 4, and remains a short sleeper and morning lark but doesn’t bother us between 8.30pm and 6.30am. Some kids really do need less sleep – he is one.
AIMS says
I followed baby cues but my kids were naturally predisposed to schedules somehow and I am naturally predisposed to wanting them to sleep. I don’t think I did any of this before about 10 weeks though. Basically, at this age we had about 3 naps a day (around 9:30/10, around noon, and around 3/3:30 – give or take 30 min) and bedtime around 6:30/7. Bedtime moved up when naps turned to 2. My kids woke up to eat at night 1-2 times until they were about 9 months and really until 12 but just less regularly. I probably could have stopped that but I nursed, it was easy for me and they went back to sleep instantly so that the whole thing took 15 min. tops. Everyone sleeps well now at 3 and 6.
Don’t worry too much! Follow the baby’s rhythms and stick to a schedule (but more as baby gets older) and when in doubt more sleep is better.
Anonymous says
Don’t be like me and let sleep anxiety ruin your maternity leave. Why did I spend time having my baby scream when I thought it was nap time and he didn’t?? If it’s not benefiting you now, full permission to try the go with the flow approach. In my experience most sending or third children have more of that experience regardless of parental intent ?.
DLC says
I don’t know that you can set yourself up for long term sleep habits with an infant. I feel like when kids get older there are some innate sleep habits/sleep needs that will come to the light so all you can do is create a calm environment for sleep and teach them to prioritize sleep, and give them techniques for getting the sleep they need.
I’m not sure what the TCB method is, but I don’t think there is a one size fits all sleep schedule- it’s such a combination of parent and child.
I mostly followed my kids’ lead for daytime sleep when they were infants, and often this meant napping in the carrier or stroller because I was out and about. We were definitely not a “naps are sacred” kind of family. But luckily our kids were all pretty easy and aren’t the kind to meltdown if they don’t/didn’t nap.
anon says
OP here- Thank you to all! I have definitely been worried about struggling to get her to nap at the “right” time- the sleep experts say she should be tired by now but she’s not, OMG what do I do? Today my husband was off and she napped off and on while they were out and about, totally off her “schedule.” And…she’s fine. We’re all fine. It’s hard for my type-A self to accept that babies aren’t schedule-crazy robots like I am, but I’ll try to relax and go with the flow a bit more now.
An.On. says
My baby was definitely not on a regular nap schedule at 10 weeks (and only sort of started to achieve it at, say, six months or so) but 8-10 weeks is about when bedtime firmed up. Since my husband and I both have early mornings, we aimed for 7pm-6am overnight.
We still had overnight wakeups, but those got more and more regular, and disappeared without any sleep training at around 5 months, I think. I went back to work at 10 weeks, so I have no idea what happened to naps during the week, but on the weekend, it was basically contact naps every time, for several months. That’s also going away on its own (7 months).
Definitely we didn’t really “work” at it, the baby did it all. By the time my sleep training books on hold at the library showed up, I didn’t need them anymore.
Anonymous says
I do not believe a baby’s sleep will predict a child’s sleep. We sleep trained my baby. He was an amazing sleeper. I was the annoying smug parent. My kid at 4 would wake up in the middle of the night and need someone with him. At 6, he is scared of the dark and still needs us sometime. We have tried everything but we get worse sleep now than when he was a baby (esp. bc he sleeps much less). I chalk it up to karma and figure I can learn for the future.
Anon says
Someone please scare / motivate me into making the most of my last few weeks before maternity leave. I started a new role on a new internal team last fall, so a number of projects were on hold until 2022 started…and my projects are on hold until I get back from maternity leave. What I do is at the mercy of strategic planning sessions happening later this month, after I’m out. So there’s little to get ahead on. But I want to show I’m a rockstar employee and they shouldn’t regret hiring an expecting mom. But I’m so tired.
Anonymous says
What exactly can you do to show you’re a rockstar if your projects are on hold? I’d take advantage of the downtime to schedule informal chats to get to know your colleagues and their projects and get a better big-picture understanding of the department and the organization and their priorities.
Chances are, your colleagues are thinking long-term and looking forward to your return from maternity leave as the time when you’ll really get a chance to start digging in to project work. At least that’s how it was when we hired an expectant mom. We were understaffed and knew she had great skills, so we were very very excited to get her back from maternity leave.
Anonymous says
Ummm no I will not do this. You’ve just laid out that you can’t do this task. Don’t beat yourself up about it.
IHeartBacon says
“ You’ve just laid out that you can’t do this task.”
This. You can’t do what you can’t do.
If you REALLY want to do something, perhaps you can go to your supervisor and say what you wrote in your post. Maybe your supervisor has something for you to do. More likely though, your supervisor will say just plan to gear up when you get back from maternity leave, and your supervisor will think you’re a rockstar just for asking.
EDAnon says
I would do what you need to do to get by and not worry about it. If there is a lot of looking ahead, people likely aren’t concerned about your rockstar status now. Keep yourself rested and healthy and feeling good before the baby comes.
Anonymous says
Making the most of maternity leave = sleeping and resting. That is what it is for. You will not regret doing this when you are back to work and your baby enters the 4 month sleep regression. Seriously, rest now, work later.
Anonymous says
Sorry, ignore me – I misread and thought you were about to come back from leave.
Anon says
If you don’t have a lot to do, that’s a gift. It’s not helpful to you or anyone if you take on a bunch, go into labor early or have complications, and have to pass off important projects in disarray. No one will remember what happened in these few weeks unless it’s notably bad so lay low!
Anonymous says
Any tips for getting out the door in the morning with a 2.5 year old? We were doing well for a while, but now that we have to put his coat on him, it’s a huge fight. I also think he’d prefer to sleep in more in the morning, so he is grumpy from waking up too early (we put him down between 7:30-8 and wake him up at 8 am). My husband is especially stressed about the morning fights because he feels like that’s the only time he spends with our son during the week and it’s really negative.
anon says
Have you taught him the trick where he can flip the coat over his head to put in on himself? That was pretty popular in the preschool/toddler years.
AIMS says
I was about to suggest this!
Also – are you driving? I would skip the coat, put on a hat, and just throw it in the car. We walk but sometimes when my kids are unreasonable I just say fine, no jacket and I take it with me and they immediately get cold and ask for it.
Anonymous says
This. I just had a tote bag that I shoved all the cold weather gear in. I’d say, “ I’m going to wear my hat! Do you want your hat? No? We’ll take it!” for basically every piece of outerwear. And I tried to respect her natural temperature (little kids are rounder and better at retaining heat) so I’d bring her scarf but not expect her to wear it if it was above 35.
We got her a wooden weather tracker at age three and started tying wether to clothes. She’s pretty good at wearing long underwear, wool socks and gloves now at six!
Anon says
Can you move bedtime any earlier? It’s really not great to have to wake up a little kid, and mornings will definitely go more smoothly if he’s not overtired.
anon. says
I hate to say it but there are no tricks – you just have to make it FUN and it takes energy which we are all in short supply of right now, I realize. A few things I’ve tried – sleeping in clothes for the next day helps a lot for mine; a little rug by the door that’s the “magic carpet” and they have to go to the magic carpet before we leave with all their stuff for the day; packing a special toy/animal/book for the car ride; “flying” or “helicoptering” to the car (let them choose); “hop like a frog” or “slither like a snake” to the car; etc. None of these work regularly for my kids by the way – any given day it’ll fall apart, but these work sometimes!
Anonymous says
Earlier bedtime, sleep in clothes, screens or some kind of bribe as a reward, offer control where you can (e.g. do you want to put on your coat in the living room or in the hall, or before or after we put on your shoes, etc.)
Anon says
Is the only issue the coat? Can you not put it on? Most coats aren’t safe for car seats anyway; bring a blanket to the car instead. He will either learn through natural consequences or be cold until the car heats up. (if you are walking and not taking the car, you can still bring a blanket for the stroller. Or let him be cold and offer the coat again during your walk)
anon says
This. Can you skip it? We live in New England and the coat on/off in the car seat thing was a huge pain. We had a ‘car blanket’ (fuzzy velveteen blanket) and a muff for kiddo and I’d just wrap it around him like a cape for the 10 feet to the door. It wasn’t worth the fighting to get it on.
I also recommend turtlefur scarves/hats – they are SO soft and if their ears/necks are warm they should be fine for a quick run to/from the car.
Anon says
Honestly, I put on the tv because my kid will run around laughing hysterically until I catch him for every step of getting ready. It’s cute but I’m too pregnant for that. We do have a good chunk of play time before we get ready though – I’m impressed that your kid sleeps so late!
TheElms says
Sometimes it is just really hard. I’ve had to just accept that mornings aren’t great. My 2.5 year old has a similar schedule to yours and is just not a morning person. Going to bed earlier just results in her playing in her room. Cutting her nap time just makes her cranky in the afternoon (we tried each for 2 weeks and decided it was worse overall). Most mornings I physically have to hold her down to get through the morning routine and she screams for the better part of the whole 45 minutes its happening (brush teeth, brush hair, undies, clean clothes, milk, breakfast, coat, shoes). Do try the coat flip if you haven’t but be warned if your kid doesn’t like things around their head (like mine) its not likely to help. It is beyond exhausting, but its how she is wired (she is a fantastic sleeper and is generally easygoing – so this is just our issue). The only thing that helps at all is giving her milk in bed and letting her have 5-10 minutes to drink it in bed with the lights low before we try to start the other things. Or waking her up later (like 8:30 ish, but we can’t do that on preschool days). So hugs, sometimes its just hard.
AwayEmily says
We do 10 minutes of TV in the morning (basically, half a PBS kids show), during which time I get the kids dressed, hair brushed, shoes on, sometimes coat as well.
If they fuss about any of those steps, TV goes off immediately (and then there is a huge meltdown but it’s worth it because it doesn’t happen again for another six months). They also know that there is ONLY that one show — no negotiating, never anything additional. I think when we first started TV in the morning (more than two years ago) there was some kvetching about turning it off but once they realized it was totally non-negotiable that stopped.
Also, +1 to natural consequences of no coat. Our 3yo learned within about a week that yes, he actually DID want his coat. Now we have him do a “temperature check” (ie open the door and check how warm it is) and then he gets to make the call. He almost always makes the correct one now.
Pogo says
That age is really hard. As they get older, doing timers helps (“in 5 minutes, we need to get ready. I’m setting a timer, when it goes off, you need to stop playing and get dressed.”)
I offer choices: brush teeth or get dressed first? If he really doesn’t want to stop playing (“Mommy I have to finish constructing the garage, otherwise the trucks won’t have anywhere to park while I’m at school!”) I will brush or dress him around his play. I know, I’m not encouraging independence, but I also have to get to work.
We went through a rough patch around that time though where I used screen time because it was the only thing that worked. Solidarity.
I agree w/ moving bedtime earlier. It is TOUGH to squeeze everything into short evenings, I get it, but we need a solid 2 hours in the morning to get everyone out the door.
Anonymous says
2 hours to get the kids out the door in the morning would drive me absolutely bonkers. I am up for 2 hours before we leave, but the kids sleep for the first hour while I get myself ready and pack lunches. Then I get them up and focus on playing drill sergeant.
Anon says
2 hours seems really long to me too. At that age it took us less than half an hour from kid wakeup to departure. She watched TV and had her hair brushed and ate her breakfast all at the same time. Now that she’s potty trained it takes longer because her bladder can get shy and we really need a pee to come out before we leave for school. But still it’s usually less than an hour.
Anon says
At that age we didn’t try to let our twins do anything independently, because we didn’t want to devote more time to it in the morning. We woke them up at 6:45, got them dressed rather than letting them do it themselves, took them to pee, fed them an easy breakfast (toast, muffin, etc, nothing requiring a spoon) while brushing their hair, and then started getting everyone out the door at 7:15 to be at daycare when it opened at 7:30. Shoes were non-negotiable but if they didn’t want to wear a coat/hat/mittens we just threw it in the car to bring to daycare with us.
It’s also an age where quality weekday time isn’t possible for many kids. My kids would get home around 5 and be in bed by 6:30.
So Anon says
Any ideas for a road trip in April? I’d like to plan a trip for my kids’ April break where we fly somewhere warmer (live in New England, so not a high bar) and do a road trip to see and experience fun, outdoor stuff. We did Tucson to Sedona and Grand Canyon several years ago. I’m thinking of a similar road trip in New Mexico. Any ideas or suggestions? (My plan is to pay a bit more so that it is all refundable, in case we need to cancel for any reason, including covid.)
Anon says
If you want to stay closer, try Shenandoah National Park in VA or Great Smoky Mountains. I have been to Shenandoah and dying to go to Great Smoky Mountains.
Anonymous says
The Blue Ridge Parkway is a decent road trip from Shenandoah to Great Smoky Mountains.
That said, I wouldn’t waste a big vacation on it unless you want to avoid flying. The scenery out west is so much more spectacular than what passes for “mountains” on the east coast. Shenandoah in particular is really only worthy of a local weekend getaway.
anon says
April can be really wet, cold (40s), and muddy in the Shenandoahs. You have to go further south for consistently good weather.
Anonymous says
Shenandoah doesn’t really open up until May. Most of the dining options, etc. will be closed in April. It will be freezing. The trees will have no leaves.
anon says
It’s not a roadtrip, but we rented a house in Crystal River, Florida on the water for spring break. The house came with kayaks and we spent the week kayaking to deserted islands with crystal blue springs and swimming with the manatees who liked to hang out in front of our rental house. The kids had a great time exploring the bay. We also floated down the Rainbow River on tubes and went bike riding through a local nature preserve.
Google Crystal River, Blue Grotto and Rainbow River for pictures.
EDAnon says
Was that an Airbnb? My parents live near there and that sounds like an awesome place to stay.
anon says
Yes, it was an AirBnB (or VRBO, I can’t recall) on the water with kayaks.
Anon says
I swam with manatees in Crystal River. It was a lot of fun but I didn’t think there was much to do in the area besides the manatee thing. It might be better as a side trip from the Tampa/Clearwater area or even from Orlando. It’s only about 1.5 hours from those places, so day tripping distance or you can stay over one night if the tour leaves early (what I did).
anon says
The tours are fairly limited (and not super fun from what I could tell), but we found a ton to do on our own. There are maps of the springs online and we kayaked from spring to spring, which look like little magical grottos with crystal clear blue water. Our kids loved these and liked pretending to be adventurers. There was lots of wildlife to spot and the manatees would surface alongside our kayaks. When we got tired of paddling we’d pull up to a beach and play in the sand all by ourselves. It really felt like the opposite of a commercialized Tampa/Clearwater experience and was far superior to the tours.
We got our own wetsuits and full face snorkels for the trip so we’d be comfortable in the cold water from the springs.
Anon says
Ah I misread your post and didn’t see that you had a house right on the water where you could kayak and see manatees on your own. That’s super cool and sounds very relaxing. Do you have a link to where you stayed?
anon says
I’m not seeing the place we stayed right now, but there are several other options coming up. Look for something near the National Wildlife Refuge.
anon says
Apparently my post got eaten, but there’s a ton to see outside of the tours. You just have to get off the beaten path a bit.
Anonymous says
Texas
anon says
It’s a pretty time of year for San Diego, LA, Joshua Tree, and Death Valley. Or a drive up Rt 1 between SF and San Diego/LA.
New Mexico can still be really cold in April, depending on the altitude.
Anon says
A southern California road trip was my immediate thought – LA, San Diego, Palm Springs, Joshua Tree, Death Valley are all good stops. Could potentially add Phoenix or Vegas or the Grand Canyon too.
Anonymous says
I agree that NM could be cold at higher altitudes so check average temps. In my early 20s I did a brief road trip in southern New Mexico I called the Alien Assault tour that involved Roswell, the Very Large Array (radio telescope), Toilet Rock (City of Rocks state park) and Carlsbad caverns. It was a lot of driving; I would probably not do that much with kids.
What about something near Austin? I think that is blue bonnet season.
We did a nice April trip in the Seattle area a couple of years ago. It isn’t warm in April but coming from NYC, it felt fine. We stayed in Port Townsend for a couple of days (would stay in Port Angeles if I did it again), visited the Hoh Rainforest and Olympic NP, and then took the ferry to Victoria BC, then another ferry back to Washington. I probably wouldn’t try to cross the border for a short trip during COVID, but we liked Victoria an the Olympic peninsula is gorgeous.
So Anon says
Sounds like NM will be lots of driving and may still be chilly. Can anyone recommend a city or two in Texas? Thank you all for the input! I truly appreciate it!
anon in brooklyn says
In Texas, you want Austin or San Antonio, and some extra exploring in the hill country around there if you want more of a road trip.
Realist says
Maybe Utah? Bryce Canyon, Arches or Zion. The Flaming Gorge area has really neat geography. I think the weather might be OK in April but you should check on it, I’m sure parts could be chilly.
Anonny says
Winter vacation ideas needed!
Pandemic permitting, my family (me, DH, two kids <5) want to go somewhere with snow next month. We'd be flying from FL and are hoping for a place within an hour or two of a major airport. We don't ski, but want to take advantage of other wintery fun. Ideas?
Anon says
Probably not what you’d expect as a reply, but Traverse City in northern Michigan might fit the bill. There is an airport there that services major airlines with connections through Detroit and Chicago, and non-ski winter activities abound. Traverse City itself is very cute even in the winter, and Petoskey and Harbor Springs are not too far away from Traverse and might be good fits too. There are plenty of rental houses available if you’d prefer to stay away from resorts. I have a 7yo son who adores the snow tubing at Shanty Creek. Crystal Mountain in Frankfort might be another option with a good amount of non-ski activities and rental lodges on property.
Anonymous says
This is where I’d go for snow but not skiing.
Anon says
I live in the Midwest so we’ve been to northern Michigan a few times, albeit mostly in the summer. It’s fun for people who are local-ish but I would not fly there from across the country.
OP, I’d go to Montreal or QC if you’re ok with international.
anon says
QC is lovely, but will likely be really really really cold, especially for someone from Florida. Temps in the evening routinely drop well below 0 degrees Fahrenheit.
OP, what about flying into Burlington, VT?
Anonymous says
Traverse City is very MAGA-y too. We went there in summer 2020. At the time there was a statewide mask mandate in MI. Not only was no one masking up there, but we were actually harassed twice for wearing masks. One person yelled obscenities at us in front of our toddler. It’s the only place in the US that’s happened to us, and we live in a red state that voted for Trump twice and have traveled to several states (including Florida) that have notoriously anti-mask governors. No restaurants had curbside pickup, and very few had outdoor dining, despite very pleasant weather. This was not even four months into the pandemic, when curbside pickup and outdoor dining were still ubiquitous even in our red state. I assume OP isn’t super Covid cautious since she’s willing to fly, but it was pretty off-putting and kind of put a dark cloud over an otherwise nice trip. I’m really not in a hurry to return to that part of Michigan. I do love Mackinac Island though.
Anonymous says
Oh, yikes. I was thinking of sending my kid to summer camp near Traverse City. Maybe not.
Anon says
I wouldn’t worry about sending your kid to camp near there. I think any summer camp is basically a bubble of campers and counselors who are going to be respectful of each other and the camp’s Covid protocols, because if you’re not you can get kicked out. Going to camp near there is very different than just hanging out there as a tourist imo.
Is it Interlochen? I had friends who had a great experience there, although it was many years ago now of course.
Anon says
Oh, yikes, I mentioned TC as a possibility above. I was there this summer with my very COVID-practical, very non-MAGA family and didn’t witness any of this behavior. Incidentally, Grand Traverse and nearby Leelanau counties have great vaccination levels. I’m very sorry that was your experience.
NYCer says
I know Utah is mostly known for its skiing, but Park City is a very cute town. I think you would have fun hanging out there even without skiing. You could go ice skating and sledding/tubing, walk around etc. It is about 45 min from SLC airport.
I think you could similarly have fun in Aspen or Vail, but both of those have smaller airports that may require a stop depending on where you are coming from (or longer drive from DIA).
Anonymous says
Those places are sooo expensive, though. If you aren’t skiing, is it really worthwhile to go there as opposed to a place with snow but without skiing?
Anonymous says
Yes. The Rocky Mountains are stunning in the snow. The resorts are luxurious and have tons of activities like skating, tubing, snowshoeing, winter hiking, fire pits for s’mores, great spas, etc. I’ve been to Traverse City and Aspen and there is no comparison. I’m not a skier.
NYCer says
Exactly this. (Though I am a very casual, fair weather skier.)
I have no idea what OP’s finances are like, but it would be worth it to me to go to Utah or Colorado for a snow vacation.
Anonymous says
If they’re flying from Florida it’s going to be an expensive trip no matter what. Plane tickets for a family of four are probably at least $2k. For that kind of money, I’d rather just go to the place I most want to go, rather than trying to choose a “budget” destination. It’s not going to be a budget trip no matter what.
Anon says
Colorado and Utah have Comfort Inns and Holiday Inns too. Sure, if you stay at Deer Valley it’s going to cost a fortune, but it doesn’t have to be insanely expensive.
EDAnon says
Madison, WI will definitely have snow and there are tons of activities – ice skating, sledding hills, etc.
Anon says
I love Madison! Some really good food options too. Can fly into Milwaukee and fairly short drive if that’s more convenient.
If you’re into architecture, there are a number of Frank Lloyd Wright buildings not too far from the city that may be doing external tours and talks.
Realist says
A coastal Maine town might fit the bill if you can get an easy flight into Portland.
Anonymous says
Maine is my favorite place in the world, and I adore Portland in the summer and fall but it’s really not a winter destination. It’s slushy and gross, not magical. I’m not what activities you could do in the city in February. If you want the East Coast city winter experience I’d go to Boston, which has a much greater selection of activities, both outdoor and indoor.
anon says
You could fly into Manchester, NH and drive north to the White Mountains. Manchester tends to be an affordable airport with lots of flights.
Anonymous says
I live in DC. One of the places I want to visit is Nemacolin near Pittsburgh. It looks like a winter wonderland to me.
Anon says
I’m planning a fall trip to Vermont and was looking at the Woodstock Inn. It’s very pricey during peak foliage season but looks a lot more reasonable in winter. It’s about an hour from the Burlington airport and about two hours from the Boston airport.
anon says
Our son has lost his mittens, of course. Recommendations for a 5 YO for waterproof mittens to play in the snow?
Cb says
Then he shall have no pie….
I just buy whatever is cheap since losing them feels inevitable. I’m quite tempted to sew some ribbon on them and sling them through the sleeves of my son’s winter coat.
Spirograph says
Same. and I love your 3 little kittens reference. :)
We have some Head mittens and gloves that are OK for school, in addition to the not-waterproof cheapy ones that I buy in bulk. I reserve “good” northface etc ones for snowboarding and extended outdoor play at home, since I can easily track them down in the neighbors’ yards if needed.
AIMS says
No recommendations for mittens but recommendations for mitten string! My mom got me a bunch of elastic string a few years ago and now I just sew all their mittens on a string and we never lose them (and can transfer between jackets easily).
AwayEmily says
Snowstoppers forever. You can order them directly from the website with free shipping.
Anonanonanon says
I’m just so angry and defeated that, 2 years into this, I’m a finalist for a really cool job that would require me to be in-person 5 days a week and I’m not sure I can take it. In-person is the norm for my field, but fortunately, I’ve been in person about 50% a week the past 2 years but have had flexibility. My husband has been in person 5 days a week the entire time.
I hate that I’m worried I can’t take it because I have a preschooler and the childcare I pay $2K a month for is not reliable. It just shouldn’t be this way in 2022. I know I should stay in the job with flexibility but I’m so, so, so burned out (It’s heavily involved in the c0vid response) and I just can’t.
Employers don’t seem to understand that there are literally zero options if your kid is quarantined. You can’t get a sitter, that’s the whole point! Your kid can’t be around people!!
anon says
I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s infuriating that we’re still trudging through hell, and yeah, exactly zero grace is being given at this point.
Anonymous says
What are their current employees doing about child care closures? Surely you can’t be the only one with this issue.
TheElms says
Get the job first, then see if you can negotiate some remote work or at least remote work in the case of kid illnesses like Covid that prevent use of back up care options. It is not an unreasonable ask.
Anonymous says
+1. Also, can you frame it as a temporary issue? Granted, the pandemic has lasted almost 2 years so far, but theoretically we will get back to a more reliable daycare situation soon-ish, and they should be hiring you for your potential to contribute in the long-term. Maybe in that mindset, one more year of flexibility with remote work is worth it?
Anonymous says
When hiring during the Before Times, we sent our finalists out to lunch with employees who would be their peers and encouraged them to ask these types of questions. Will you have a similar opportunity during the interview process? If not, could you request an informal peer chat?
Anon says
By unreliable, do you mean that you’re worried daycare will close due to quarantine? You should be able to make that work with FMLA. I wouldn’t worry about that if it’s the only reason you’re hesitant to work in person. I say that as a parent with a child in day care myself.
Anonymous says
FMLA does not protect employees who have been in the company less than a year, iirc.
I agree with others that you should take the job first (if you are OK with 5 days a week in person, absent pandemic childcare unreliability) and cross the quarantine/isolation bridge when you come to it. Or, if you need some kind of more consistent flexibility, like if daycare hours don’t currently cover your full working day, frame that as a temporary issue and work out a solution with your manager *after* you have the job.
Party Animal says
FMLA doesn’t cover loss of or lapse in childcare. It’s for caring for your own or a qualifying family member’s medical conditions.
Anon says
This! You can’t use FMLA if daycare is closed. You can use it if you or your kid actually gets Covid and is sick.
Fallen says
What are some of your favorite NE winter clothes to keep kiddos warm outside in the winter? I am refusing to spend every weekend at home, but with more 30 degree days I want to buy some warmer clothes for them! We do UGGs and North Face Mossbud Jackets for my 9 year old, but I am wondering if there’s a better jacket and a bit lost in how to dress my 3.5 year old toddler more warmly
Anonymous says
We do pajamas under clothes (or two layers of clothes or you could do merino long underwear if it’s super cold) plus rain or snow pants (snow pants for warmth if it’s very cold even if not snowing), 1-2 fleeces and a winter coat on top plus mittens and hat.
So Anon says
Caveat that it was 7 degrees here this morning. I take two different approaches. One for short trips outside where they will/can come back in the house when they get cold. In that case, my kids throw on snow pants over whatever they are wearing, a warm jacket, hat and good gloves. If we are going to be outside for a longer period of time (like skiing or something), then the base layer is something not cotton (long underwear), a fleece, then jacket, snowpants, hat, etc. For a 3.5 year old in 30 degrees, I would add snowpants over whatever your kiddo is wearing, add a pair of boots, hat and call it good. For a jacket, we love the LLBean or Patagonia jackets made for cold weather.
Anonymous says
The Mossbud is not warm enough for extended time outdoors or for snow play. You need bib snow pants with elasticized cuffs and a waterproof parka. I like LL Bean for preschool and Roxy for school-aged girls. We do fleece leggings under the snow pants and a long-sleeve tech tee plus a thin quarter-zip fleece under the parka. Add a fleece neck gaiter, a hat, waterproof mittens, and snowboots. No cotton underlayers or socks–they get wet. Some people like wool, but we find it horribly itchy and stick with synthetics.
Anonymous says
Uggs are not snowboots! Even the cheap velcro ones from Target will perform better in the snow.
AwayEmily says
Fleece gaiters (we get ours from turtlefur) make a huge difference for my kids.
Anonymous says
For kids outdoor play I’d look at Columbia, Polarn o Pyret (Swedish brand) or Patagonia. We also do heat tech from Uniqlo for non-wool long underwear. Also Kamik boots.
Accessories: cotton knit gloves for playing in dirt, wool mittens for on top when hiking or biking, waterproof mittens for snow. Fleece lined hat with ear flaps, hat for under bike helmet. Balaclava for under 20 degrees/biking. Fleece gaiter instead of a scarf.
I bought most of this on eBay, because this stuff is durable!
Minimum three layers: Long underwater and wool socks, a fleece layer (sweat pants, sweat shirt or wool sweater) and an outer layer. If it’s really cold/snowy the outer layer needs to be waterproof. When my kid did forest school, she had a down layer between the fleece and waterproof lawyers.
I grew up where it’s warm and learning how to layer without gaps makes a big difference! (Long underwear shirt tucked into sweat pants, sweater over sweat pants, etc.)
Buy yourself an electric hand warmer too! Mine is an extra phone battery so I use it year round!
jz says
Layering is key. i recently discovered wool leggings and undershirts for toddlers. It’s pricey but I bought it in a bigger size so we can use it next year.
https://mamaowl.net/products/exclusive-organic-merino-wool-silk-leggings-cedarwood
Anon says
Polarn O Pyret is great if you want to spend the money. I’ve also bought toddler merino (Joha) on babyshop. A lot of Nordic brands have great winter gear.
Anonymous says
We just got back from ski vacation in the northeast where it was frostbite-warning-cold for a few days. Base layer was key, and then balaclava rather than (or in addition to) a hat. The full neck coverage and option to pull it up over their face was a difference-maker. My kids have Lands End Squall coats + bib snowpants, but I see that as wind and snow protection; the layers underneath are more important for warmth. They have duofold long underwear, which was fine with fleece and snowpants+coat on top. Definitely get some good waterproof snowboots. We have had various brands over the years (including the cheap ones from Target when the kids were little, which were fine with good socks) – Kamik, North Face and Tundra have all worked well for my kids.
PPD or Tired?? says
I am struggling to understand if I am experiencing PPD/PPA or if parenting is just hard! My son is 15 months old, and I know that I definitely had some PPD after he was born. It felt like it went away on its own around 3-4 months but sometimes I feel it may be cropping up, but also life is just hard and tiring.
My “trigger” has always been sleep and when my son isn’t sleeping well or his schedule is off it’s almost like I take it so personally and can hardly think of anything else. This is likely because I’m tired but is this normal?? I feel like the only times I am truly happy are when things are “working” the way I want them to. Like he is sleeping and eating well and we have fun together. I don’t think it’s fair to put this much pressure on myself or him. I know he is only human and won’t always have a good day. Is this normal? How do people cope with the bad days/nights?
Ashley says
Therapy and Zoloft for me. FWIW I think your response to no sleep is “normal” (at least it is for me), but that doesn’t mean you should just ignore it and power through. I think it’s worth exploring both meds and therapy to help you figure it out… things don’t have to be catastrophically bad for either/both of those things to help.
Anonymous says
Looking back, I now realize that I clearly had PPA/PPD but assumed it was normal. If you’re questioning, seek help.
Pogo says
I don’t know if it’s tied to PP or not, but this sounds like my anxiety talking. I agree with pursuing therapy and possibly medication (depending on how much it’s impacting you), but also talking to your partner and family. When I get really overwhelmed my mom always talks me down about some crazy ish we did as children. I also find coworkers really helpful for this as well – even those with grown children will immediately be like, “Oh, I remember when David didn’t sleep! It was terrible! I used to go into the back yard and just scream into the night!” and now David is a fully functioning member of society and that really helps me put it into perspective.
Or another coworker who can’t remember which one of her children was obsessed with pacis and she needed to put 7 pacis in his crib or he’d wake up screaming when he couldn’t find one – the fact she can’t remember in detail what sounds like a true nightmare makes me feel better that someday this will all be in the rearview. Hugs.
Anonanonanon says
I was soooo scared to talk to my doctor about PPD. I had been on wellbutrin in college and felt I probably needed it again. At an appointment with a brand new OBGYN, she asked how I was and I burst into tears. She wrote me a prescription for Wellbutrin on the spot. Most doctors will not judge you or doubt you when it comes to PPD, please talk to yours!
AnonATL says
Right there with you. I was on zoloft from around 3-9 months postpartum. It was fine, but then I started feeling better and stopped. In the past 3 months I have definitely had a resurgence of some sort of anxiety and depression. It’s related to work, a very headstrong 18mo, and secondary infertility issues.
I’ve been dodging medicine the past couple of months out of my own stupidity and stubbornness and am finally meeting with my doctor on Friday. Go talk to your doctor if you need it. Don’t be me :)
2 Under 2 says
What was the best wedding anniversary present you ever gave or received? We have our third anniversary coming up and I am at a total loss. We like good food and booze, but going out is just … not fun these days.
Anonymous says
We usually try to do an experience rather than physical gifts, but I hear you on that being difficult right now.
8th anniversary, pottery is one of the traditional gifts, and DH gave me a beautiful hardcover set of the Harry Potter novels. Gifts are not my love language at all, but that was a good one
My most successful gift was a watch case – my husband has a bunch of watches and now they have a pretty (and organized) place to live.
Not my idea, but one that I liked: my friend got her husband a beautiful framed photo of a landmark from her husband’s family’s country/city of origin.
Anon says
I’ve enjoyed ordering wine from a winery we visited in the before times and trying them out at home.
anonymous says
What about ordering carryout from your favorite restaurant? Or making cocktails at home?
Anonymous says
We try to buy art for our anniversary. We have a HUGE original oil painting we bought at a gallery in North Carolina that is my all time favorite anniversary gift. $$$ but worth it. (Not that big every year!!)
Anon says
A wine fridge?
Anonymous says
Art, if you want to spend some $$$. Otherwise I’d do something sentimental like a reminder of your honeymoon (for us, that would mean something from Provence).
strategy mom says
Suggestions for apps for a 4 year old that are educational? Especially for learning letters…we can’t seem to get her to figure out the difference between an E and an F or an I and a T :(
Anonymous says
An app is not it. A 4 year old should be learning letters through books and manipulative and crayons.
Anonymous says
Why? Is there any science behind this? We don’t use any apps (although I think they may use some in her pre-K class), but mainly because I don’t see any need to do any supplemental learning at home. If someone wants to teach it at home and an app is fun and engaging for their kid, why is that bad?
Anonymous says
There’s a lot out there on this…but the ONLY actual studies show that only benefit from apps/“educational FB” is increased pattern recognition. Otherwise, they are just video games that activate the reward center in the brain. And I say this as someone who lets their kids watch tv. But we don’t do apps/tablets. The “educational” claims are just all marketing.
anon says
+1
Pogo says
Khan Academy Kids worked well for my LO early in the pandemic when he wasn’t in school. But nothing really helped until “letter of the week” and early phonics which they started in preschool at 3.5.
Cb says
We like Khan Academy and the DuoLingo one, but I think at some point, it just clicks. I’d put some washi tape letters somewhere and let it sync in passively.
ifiknew says
Endless ALphabet is the best.
EDAnon says
Or Endless Reader. All of them are seriously the best. They even load them on iPads at our library.
Anonymous says
Hooked on Phonics videos
Anonymous says
Reading alphabet books aloud interactively. Sesame Street.
Anon says
I don’t have app recs but I wouldn’t stress too much. My 4 year old’s class learns one letter per week so many kids (mine included) only know half the alphabet. Mixing up lookalike letters like E and F is pretty common even into kindergarten.
SC says
ABC Mouse is great!
Not an app, but we used to play with the foam letters in the bath tub. We’d dump them all in and ask Kiddo to find the “E” and then find the “F.” It was like a little scavenger hunt. You can also reinforce letter sounds as they find letters and get them to put the letter they found on the side of the tub so it spells their name or a small word.
Anonymous says
ABC Mouse is the worst company though! They were sued over not canceling subscriptions and other consumer problems.
Anonymous says
ABC mouse
AwayEmily says
I increasingly think when it comes to letters/reading kids will get there when they’re ready and pushing earlier doesn’t do much good (and can make them annoyed/resentful). Lots of kids in my daughter’s class entered kindergarten without knowing all their letters, and she didn’t have them all down until she was 5, whereas my son is 100% at age 3. And kindergarten teachers are just SO great at getting everyone up to speed…definitely better than me, and probably better than apps, too.
Anonymous says
+1 you’re pushing way too early especially if they’re on the younger side of 4. Just keep playing with letter puzzles and reading books. People have been learning to read for hundreds of years without apps.
Anon says
Agreed. Ideally they would know letters before K but it’s really not a disaster if they don’t. If your kid is a young 4 and not going to K this fall I would not give it a second thought. Even if your kid is starting K in the fall, I would not worry. 8 months is light years for 4-5 year olds.
Anonymous says
This! My DD knew zero letters at her 4th birthday. She’s now 4 and 9 months and knows all letters and almost has her letter sounds mastered. They do low key a letter/week at morning preschool and we do a 15 min/day homeschool curriculum 2 times a week.
Anon says
+1. Either this is something that will sort itself out with time or it’s a symptom of something bigger that will need intervention beyond an app. Being able to identify letters at 4 is not a milestone you need to stress about – there’s no “need” (beyond bragging rights). It’s hard when you see other kids doing it, but earlier is not better, and can be much worse, when it comes to reading.
anon says
Yep. My young 5 didn’t know all her letter sounds going into K and within a couple months was reading CVC words.
Anonymous says
I’m way less stressed out than most of my mom friends, and I think it’s because I genuinely do not care when my kid learns to recognize letters or read, and I have no plans to do anything academic outside of school with her unless the school identifies her as needing extra support, in which case I will hire someone to help her. I learned to read in first grade, later than some of my classmates, and I turned out fine. I was identified as gifted, in fact. There is nothing that suggests reading early has a lifelong academic or career benefit.
Anonymous says
Thank you. I needed to read this today. Despite preschool and our help, he struggled to learn the alphabet. His kindergarten teacher was not too worried… plus pandemic. Now in first grade and he is in the midst of testing bc of his continued difficulties. It is frustrating to see people diminish what he can do bc of the focus on reading.
Anon says
Aw, hugs <3 I really believe that most kids who read "late" have completely normal reading ability and just need time for it to gel together in their brains. I suspect my kid will be a late reader, since she has hit pretty much every other milestone on the very late side of normal even though her teachers think her IQ is above average. But even if he does have some sort of disability, he will be ok. My husband has a severe reading disability and he got a PhD in STEM and now has a great job as a tenured professor at a top 20 university. And, most importantly, he is a kind person and a wonderful father. Reading isn't everything!
anon says
I completely agree with this, given my sample size of two kids, haha. DD refused to work on letters and reading at home. Just refused to even entertain the idea, no matter how “fun.” She did fine learning things at daycare and is now perfectly on track as a first grader. DS was slightly more willing to work on letters and reading at home, but he definitely didn’t start kindergarten knowing how to read. Yet he’s been in the accelerated reading group the whole time. I firmly believe that exposing kids to books and reading aloud to them at home does more, long-term, than specifically focusing on teaching those skills. My sister (who has taught both kindergarten and 1st grades) has said as much.
hm says
No one would ever describe me as laid back, but it honestly never would occur to me that I am supposed to be teaching my kids letters at home. We are very bookish family and read to the kids constantly, but don’t spend any time teaching them to recognize letters. I think that just comes naturally or else just learned in school from people who actually know the best way to teach kids to read (teachers!). Training them in letter recognition sounds like it would make them hate reading and not actually help them learn to read.
Anonymous says
“Teaching” letter recognition is about reading together and playing with letter puzzles, magnets, foam bath stickers, etc. We read alphabet books aloud, asked kiddo to point out the letters, and asked her what sounds they made. Dump the pieces out of a letter puzzle and ask her to find “E” and then put it in its place. Etc.
Anon says
Even that is completely unnecessary. Read to your kids. That’s it. That’s all you have to do.
Anon says
You’re not alone. I went to a PTO meeting at our university preschool and I heard all the parents talking about how over-prepared their older kids were for kindergarten coming out of our preschool. That convinced me that we don’t need to do anything remotely academic at home except read. Indeed, school has taught her so much. My daughter is 3.75 and seems fairly average in her class and she already meets kindergarten readiness standards for our school district. I’ve already informed my husband that we’re opting out of homework in K-3 if it turns into a big battle, which I think it’s likely to with our kid, who is extremely stubborn and not particularly interested in doing “academic” things. Fostering a love of books and learning and creativity/imagination is so much more important for young kids than drilling reading or arithmetic.
anon101 says
Any ideas for what to get as a show of remote support to a family whose child is undergoing life-saving surgery?
Anon says
I’d say that the usual support of sending a meal for the parents, and maybe a small toy/book for the children in the family including the patient is appropriate. I’ve heard great things about Spoonful of Comfort, and have received Zingerman’s gift baskets which were excellent. Send actual food instead of a door dash gift card to remove the mental burden of figuring out what to order and then ordering.
Anon says
Can I/should I put a baby gate in DD’s doorway so she stays in her room at bedtime? I’m thinking hardcore CIO for a 3.5 year old who “hates sleep” as she has declared as of late. Bedtime routine is down cold, and the second she lays down – nope. Turns the light back on and runs out of her room. Straight up refuses to stay in there. No amount of negotiating, loving on her, yelling, calm talking, ignoring, moving bedtimes, or tough love gets this girl to stay in her da m n bed. Maybe she does actually hate sleep… she’s so stubborn and I think taking a hardline may need to happen next. Pls send help and vodka.
Anonymous says
We used a knob cover instead of a gate. That way the door stays closed.
Anon says
Wouldn’t most 3.5 year olds be able to open or climb over a baby gate? Mine can, and is definitely not a gifted athlete. I don’t know if this is the right thing to do but sometimes when my kid does this we let her leave her room, but just ignore her. What she wants is to play with us, so if we ignore her it backfires on her pretty quickly. We also offer her “book time” when she says she’s not sleepy – we tell her she can read quietly in bed and turn out her light herself when she gets sleepy. She rarely reads for that long, but I think feeling like she’s in control of when her bedtime is helps avoid meltdowns.
Solidarity, 3.5 is HARD. And hard for sleep especially! I swear she slept better as a newborn.
OP says
I think DD would roam the house if we just left her to her own devices. Should we try that though? I’ve done the “I don’t care what you do but you can’t leave your room” shtick and she ended up rolling about in her room until 11:30pm until we intervened and basically held her down in her bed (not proud or productive, I know…). You’re right, though, she’d totally scale the gate and get out. It’s been a few weeks since we did that so maybe we try again. Last night was ugly.
Anon says
We generally let her roam our house unsupervised, yes. She’s a cautious kid and I trust she isn’t going to open the front door and go play outside, or turn on the oven and put her head inside. It’s probably know-your-kid though.
We’re also not above bringing her to our bed when things get really bad. Our issue lately is early mornings more than late nights, but letting her go back to sleep in our bed often buys several more hours of sleep and I kind of enjoy the snuggles tbh.
DLC says
We do this too with our 4 year old. Usually he passes out on the living room couch eventually.
agree, it’s definitely a “know your kid” situation, but for us it isn’t terrible, and much less stressful than forcing him to stay in bed.
We don’t let our nine year old do it because she is really untrustworthy and lacks self-awareness.
Anon says
I saw a TikTok in which a parent put a decoy Canadian goose right in front of the child’s door at bedtime. Kid opened the door to sneak out and freaked when he saw it, slammed the door shut and stayed in the rest of the night. Probably traumatic for the child but made for a couple of cheap laughs for this mom of a kid who never stayed in his room.
Spirograph says
lol, I wish I’d thought of this.
We literally held the door closed for a while during this phase (which is awful, all the sympathy to you, and I promise it ends!). I would stand there with my kindle in one hand, doorknob in the other hand, and just keep repeating “it’s bedtime, I’ll see you in the morning” ad nauseum while kiddo screamed and stuck his hands under the door trying to grab my feet.
A baby gate definitely could not contain any of my kids at 3.5, but it’s worth a try if you have one handy
OP says
omg I lived this last night, minus kindle, plus iphone scrolling.
Anon says
We’ve definitely done this as well. Not my finest parenting hour but it happens.
Anon says
My almost 4yo definitely can knock down the gate, but it does work for 2yo. When 4yo does this I keep physically putting him back in bed. Sometimes it takes me sitting in the chair in their room and doing this 10 times in a row. It usually only takes one night of going through this and it’s worth it to get back on routine. (He can sit up in bed, read in bed, whatever.) I also got him a little reading light for bed time – maybe that would give her some autonomy and make it a positive thing?
GCA says
What time is bedtime? Does she still nap? What are her natural circadian rhythms – is she a night owl? It sounds a little bit like she’s not tired enough at bedtime…
Anon says
Eh, perhaps, but my kid does this even – maybe especially – when she’s extremely tired. 3.5 is kind of peak power struggle age, and this is one way that strong-willed kids try to assert control. We had similar struggles around potty training so I know it wasn’t really an issue of tiredness or lack thereof.
anonn says
we resorted to melatonin gummies for this reason, at 2.5. She was clearly so tired, but wouldn’t lay still long enough to fall asleep. we used them for a few weeks to help get a routine of staying in her room, then stopped. We’ve gone back to them a few times during transitions that disrupted her routine somehow (after her brother was born) etc.