This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
When I need a solid basic, I turn to Uniqlo.
Their Double-Face Chester Long Coat looks a lot more expensive than its price tag. This long, wool-blend coat has a slightly relaxed cut for easy layering, lined sleeves (I can’t stand it when my sweater rides up my arms), traditional lapel collar, and single button closure. It also comes in three professional, go-with-anything colors.
And all this for less than $100.
This coat from Uniqlo is $99.90 and comes in black, natural, and khaki. It is available in sizes XXS–XXL.
P.S. Check out our roundup of coats for work at Corporette!
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
Click here to see our top posts!
And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
I have always thought the double-face wool coat trend was dreamed up as a way for clothing manufacturers to cut corners by skipping linings. I am not a fan because unlined coats are itchy, cling to clothing layers under the coat, and tend to look like bathrobes. It especially irks me on expensive coats from Mackage et al. The lined sleeves here would mitigate these issues to some degree, but I’d still rather have a real, fully lined coat.
Anon says
I agree, but I also hate really poor quality lining that doesn’t hold up in sync with the coat. Whether it tears the one time I fumble putting my coat on smoothly and pull on it a little too hard, or just sort of starts shredding, it’s up there with “purse straps that randomly start fraying” as a weak point in otherwise nice purchases.
Anon says
I am so burnt out. Please help me strategize ways to make things better. At this point I am all for throwing money at my problems, but need some ideas on what to throw money at.
I have a one year old who is in daycare. He is in EI and thankfully the therapists come to our home but it still requires me to be present and actively participating (so this is something I don’t think I can outsource). Because of EI and all his other medical appointments (and to be honest he’s not even medically complex, just has a lot of little problems that need to be addressed), I am 60% at work (lawyer, WFH). My husband is a doctor with a completely inflexible schedule and works every other Saturday. In laws are an hour away but currently have medical problems so they cannot help. I had PPD which I managed via therapy, but am wondering if it has reared its ugly head again and am exploring going back to therapy and maybe a psychiatrist as well.
I find myself exhausted and drowning but I cannot pinpoint the problem. I fight with my husband constantly over non-issues. I do not mind doing the laundry or the barebones cleaning that I do, but maybe in the aggregate it is becoming too much? Or is it managing my son’s therapy and medical appointments that have become a lot? I cannot really tell. I sometimes wonder if I need to quit my job so I have one less responsibility. Anyone else experience this and what have you done that has helped? Help!
Anon says
If you have the money, I would outsource laundry, cleaning, and some meal prep or meal delivery. I know you don’t mind doing these things, but it sounds like you need time to just sit down and breathe.
I don’t have personal experience with what you’re describing, but you’re doing a great job. Your son is lucky to have such an involved and caring mama.
anon says
This is a lot on your plate, and sounds like you’re largely managing it on your own. So, kudos to you. It sounds like you’re already doing the things I’d suggest- cutting down hours, going back to therapy, etc. The biggest bang for your buck on outsourcing might be a housecleaner. We do every other week and it is really great. The other thing I’d suggest is getting at least a day or night away from the house to clear your head before deciding if you should quit. It might be enough to give you a reset (or at least some good sleep to think clearly and brainstorm some solutions). I get that DH works every other Saturday, but maybe on one Saturday he doesn’t you can go to a nearby hotel or meet up with a friend?
anon says
You have a lot on your plate. And I’ve been there (am still there) with therapy appointments for kids. I think it’s more emotionally draining than we realize, not to mention the time required. I don’t know if cutting back on work will solve the problem or not, but I do think you need more off-duty time to yourself. Maybe that’s hiring a babysitter for a half-day while your husband is working so you can rest or do something just for yourself. No errands, no chores, just something that lets your body and brain disengage for awhile. It sounds like you’re largely doing this alone. I wouldn’t hesitate to engage a therapist again, just to have someone to talk to and to help relieve some of the pressure you’re feeling. Hugs — this is hard, and you’re doing a great job.
Allie says
You’re in a hard season of life. I’d definitely explore anti-depressants (either with your PCP or a psychiatrist) to give you a cushion during this season of life.
Anonymous says
I really dislike how the advice here for coping with difficult life situations is often just “take medication.” This shouldn’t be the automatic response or the only response to situational problems like the one OP faces, where she is clearly overloaded. If she feels that she is facing depression or anxiety she should certainly seek medical advice, but even if she does need medication the situation needs to change. Society’s expectations for mothers are crushing, and the answer can’t just be to medicate all the moms so we can take on even more.
OP, if I were you I’d be scheduling appointments with my doctor and therapist, AND exploring ways to reduce the enormous burdens you’re facing. Parenting a child with special needs is a full-time job unto itself, keeping house is a separate full-time job, and you’ve got a 60% law job that’s probably really more than 60%. So you are basically doing three jobs while your husband does one. I’d outsource every bit of cleaning and as much of the cooking and food prep as possible. I’d also hire a babysitter for at least half the day on the Saturdays your husband works, if not every Saturday, to get yourself some breathing room.
Boston Legal Eagle says
On the medication note, at least for me, it helps to regulate my brain in such a way that I don’t feel (as much) anxiety or guilt about not doing it all myself or trying to do everything perfectly. Otherwise my brain invades me with thoughts like “why can’t I do this” or “I need to just power through.” I don’t know if OP is feeling this, but that’s my take on the benefits of discussing medication with a therapist/psychiatrist.
Pogo says
I agree with your whole response, but I think people often suggest medication to make sure to erase the stigma and clarify that for some of us, it helps keep depression/anxiety at bay and makes us able to cope with difficult life circumstances.
I would contact your doctor and therapist, and they’ll assess you and help determine if medication would be helpful – it might not be in your situation, but you won’t know until you ask.
Clementine says
When do you rest? I don’t mean have a day off and catch up on housework and work. I don’t mean provide childcare. I mean rest. Not discounting that MH meds and therapy may be needed, but where did we all get this idea that we don’t need to rest.
You need a mental health day. The other stuff too – outsourcing cleaning and doing grocery delivery of prepped meals at a minimum – but I think a sitter to babysit for 4 hours one Saturday so you can go wander around HomeGoods and get a nice coffee and sneak into your room to watch crappy Netflix – will help in the immediate present.
Anonymous says
– sitter on the Saturday the husband works. He should be in charge of finding this. Vows include ‘in sickness and in health’. Mental health is real health just like physical health so he needs to lean into helping you just like if you were physically unwell.
– ask for help from friends. I have three kids and my life seems crazy all the time but my youngest is obsessed with little kids and constantly disappointed that we didn’t have another baby after him. It would make his day to have a toddler come over for a couple hours from time to time.
– outsource laundry When my twins were little, I had regular biweekly cleaners for the heavy duty stuff like scrubbing bathrooms, and weekly cleaners who changed and washed the sheets, folded the laundry and put it away. I reminded my husband that cleaners are a lot cheaper than marriage therapy which is where we were headed if I had to keep carrying everything.
– outsource meals – rotate between a couple basic breakfasts, meal delivery service for dinner most of the week (like premade meals, not where you have to cook).
– it doesn’t matter what you think you ‘should’ be able to handle in any season of life. It matters what makes you happy. If you need to throw a ton of money at cleaners or premade meals or sitters or therapy – that makes you a great mom who is taking care of herself which is the best role modeling you can give your kid. Your health matters.
Anonymous says
Adding that the sitter on the weekend that your DH works does not mean you have to go anywhere. Just another pair of hands in the house so you can shower in peace or get in a run or pop out to yoga or just lie in bed and read a book all day.
Boston Legal Eagle says
” it doesn’t matter what you think you ‘should’ be able to handle in any season of life. It matters what makes you happy. If you need to throw a ton of money at cleaners or premade meals or sitters or therapy – that makes you a great mom who is taking care of herself which is the best role modeling you can give your kid. Your health matters.” This x 1000. We were never meant to do this parenting thing alone. Not even with just two parents.
If your job gives you happiness or even just a break from the stress of parenting, I think it’s important to keep. I don’t know that going all in on parenting and house related stress and then really feeling like you have to do it all yourself is the best move. Not to mention the financial and relationship dynamics.
I second getting a sitter for Saturdays. Solo parenting a young toddler is a lot, especially when you’re already burnt out.
Pogo says
+1 to this. Yesterday after presenting to the c-suite, I booked it over to preschool to pickup the 4yo and get him tested (persistent cough but PCR negative, yay), then headed home to take the rest of my calls while he played with Legos. DH had VIPs he had to give a tour to in person and wasn’t going to be home til after bedtime. I *could* have white knuckled it and picked up the baby myself and done bedtime solo, but instead I asked the nanny to still do pickup and dinner prep for the kids, and ate my pre-made meal with the 4yo while she fed the baby and then did his bath.
It sounds like you have the means, and you both have intense jobs, so please do not feel guilty about outsourcing the f out of your life right now.
Anonanonanon says
100% was going to say start with a sitter/helper on the Saturdays your husband works. Make it clear the responsibilities will be a bit flexible, meaning if you feel like playing with the kid the helper might unload and reload the dishwasher, fix lunch for your son, throw some dinner in the crockpot, do a load of kid laundry, etc. Or, you may do all of that with your headphones on and a podcast and sitter plays with little one! Or better yet you might go to the gym, run errands, get a coffee, have lunch with a friend, take a nap, whatever!
We have a version of this because I’m in law school at night and I wanted some help for my husband. 3 nights a week a sitter picks my daughter up from daycare and may be responsible for keeping her entertained/fed or be responsible for small household tasks, depending on what the need is. In between semesters we keep her because she wants the money and we take the opportunity to grab a quick weeknight drink or bite, actually sit and talk about our day together, work on household projects, etc.
Anon says
I just want to give you permission to quit your job if that’s what you want. It doesn’t have to be forever, you can get back into work when your life is calmer. My 4 year old has some issues and we are finally getting her help and I realized the logistics of it will just take way too much time and I’m already stressed and burned out, so I plan to give notice in January. Caring for kids in the pandemic is super stressful and add on health issues and regular appointments to address those and it just became Tim much for me.
Anon says
I am very much in your shoes right now (DD has EI 2x a week, I have an autoimmune disease, DH and I are both having other medical issues that means one of us is at an appointment every single weekday and he is struggling to even walk around the house, and I am counsel in BigLaw). Things that have provided enough breathing room for me to keep my head above water.
– All the takeout. We tried meal delivery and I just didn’t like the food, but if you are less picky that is an option too, and by that I mean find a company that will send you things you only need to microwave (Freshly for example, but you may be able to find local versions). My 4YO gets mcdonald’s 3 times a week for lunch right now and that’s just where we are. I am just now starting to cook again after 18 months out of the kitchen, but for the last 18 months, my energy was needed elsewhere and that is OK.
– Weekly housekeepers who fold laundry and wash and change sheets. Just take cleaning out of the equation for you. If you’re not picky about the laundry, send it out and find someone who will both wash and fold for you. Your brain only has so much bandwidth, do not spend it on this.
– Find a sitter for half a day every Saturday. It buys you time to just “be” on weekends you are solo parenting and buys you time to reconnect with your husband (if you so choose, or just choose to be) on the weekends he isn’t working. I expect it will be easier to find someone to commit to every Saturday rather than every other, but take what you can get. We have not done this yet, but I am emailing potential sitters a few times a week now to try and find someone (high demand and low supply in our area).
anonamama says
Echoing these ideas below. Housecleaner + a few hours ‘off’ would be a big help to you. I would also give your husband something to ‘solve’ – like laundry; could he find a wash and fold place and handle that? Can you take a day off and keep LO in daycare? Hugs to you, you are doing such a great job and I see you!! making it happen for your son and family!!!
Anon says
Just wanted to say that I hear you. This stage seems exhausting. Add in the solo-parenting, demanding jobs, and medical needs, it’s no wonder you’re drowning! Here are a few things that helped me– DH and I are both lawyers, also have a one year old doing PT and, up until last month, specialist appointments every other week. Our LO also isn’t medically complex, just had a lot of little problems because he was born prematurely. We recently had a series of family medical crises and we were barely dragging rock bottom. So, we got a housecleaner to come every other week to change sheets, clean bathrooms and kitchen, and do basic vacuuming/dusting. We signed up to get a few meals a week from Territory. They’re no-prep, healthy, and a great option for last-minute dinners or lunches. When that wasn’t enough, we hired a babysitter to come every Sunday afternoon for 2-3 hours so we could do what we needed (catch up on work, christmas shop, etc). We also divided up the chores: for example, I do all laundry, finances, and baby procurement (clothes, shoes, coats, etc). DH does all trash, dishwasher, scheduling appointments, groceries, and managing the housecleaner and babysitter. The additional help is expensive–probably an extra $700 per month–but it buys us time and space for now to reflect on bigger changes. I want a less intense job, and I have enough wiggle room to think and act on that now.
Spirograph says
I do think you should check in with a therapist, but are you taking any time for yourself? I know that sounds really glib and when you’re struggling to find enough time for your responsibilities, adding another item to your to-do list seems counterintuitive. But I find that if I can squeeze in just a few minutes for myself (20 is my goal, but 5 is better than nothing!) in the morning and evening, I feel so. much. better.
A morning walk around the block takes <10 min and is non-negotiable for me. And in the evening, I spend at least 15 min playing the piano once the kids are in bed. These are things that just make me me, and prioritizing them makes me feel more in control of all the other stuff flying at me. What do you enjoy? It could be as simple as sitting down with tea and a book for a few minutes before you start on laundry. Or meditating, or lying down and listening to some music. You need something you can do every day that makes you feel recharged.
To echo everyone else though, this is a tough season. Outsource what you can, but put on your own oxygen mask, too.
Anonymous says
I think you need to never do laundry and get treatment for your depression and hire more child care.
OP says
OP here. Thank you everyone for your kind and thoughtful responses. I do think I need more regular “me” time to do nothing and for DH to find me a babysitter.
EDAnon says
I will add that I had a good routine that involves ordering “too much” takeout. I cut way back on ordering with this idea that it’d be way better (healthier, cheaper!). I have definitely felt the additional stress and not felt much of the financial benefits (or health benefits…).
I think time to yourself is critical. I have not had that in awhile and I feel awful. I am searching my calendar for some time off before the holidays because I am off for the holidays but so are the kids.
I wish you the best! You’re doing great, and if we are friends, I would be happy to schedule (and even reschedule 10 times) a walk of drink or something to give you an excuse to get out on your own.
Anonymous says
Couple questions:
60% at home, WFH. What does this mean, in practice? are you working a 5 hour day each day? So say, 9-2? Or is it 60% of a 100 hour week?
If the former, what happens before 9am and after 2pm (or whatever your start/end times are)? What ought to be happening?
Is it that work is sort of this ongoing thing that takes up 60% of your time but not in set time buckets? What do you do outside of work and managing your son’s therapy?
Anonymous says
The last sentence sounds awfully dismissive. Have you ever had to manage a child’s therapy and medical appointments? It is a LOT.
anon says
Right. And you don’t always have a ton of control over when those things are scheduled. Often, you have to take what you get, time-wise, which further complicates things.
Anon says
And you can’t always get services nearby. We’re not in a major city but my child’s play therapist is an hour away. We’re stating with weekly appointments, so I’m going to be taking a half day off work every week. Fortunately I have basically unlimited sick leave that’s separate from my vacation leave, but I don’t really know how this would work for someone with less generous PTO.
Anon says
I read it as trying to figure out/get a handle on all her responsibilities in addition to those two major items, not as “what do you even do all day”
Anonymous says
+1, I read it as trying to figure out where her time goes so that she can figure out how much time she can get back by outsourcing some of her responsibilities.
Anonymous says
Yes, sorry- I posted and I mean “let’s make a list of what all you are doing so we can figure out if there is any sort of efficiency to be had here” not “what on earth are you doing with all this free time”.
Sorry about that!
Anon says
60% for a lawyer is often >40 hours, often >>.
FVNC says
Others have offered wonderful suggestions above, so I won’t repeat them. I just want to say — kudos to you for recognizing you’re stretched too thin and that something needs to change.
Your post brought up all kinds of feelings for me, because I was in a very similar situation when my now 8-yr old was a baby/young toddler. Husband had very demanding, non-flexible job with 1 hr commute each way. I worked from home, so all household chores and kid duties fell to me by default, including attending/participating in EI sessions (and the “homework” from those sessions…and the guilt of not “doing enough”) then later, speech therapy. Combined with what I now recognize as undiagnosed PPD…it was too much. Other than hiring house cleaners I *didn’t* get the help I needed and it caused a LOT of resentment toward my husband and, sadly, affected my bond with my daughter. We’re in a much, much better place now, but it was HARD. What you’re doing is hard, and I just want to reiterate that you are doing the right thing by asking for help and that you should NOT have to do this all on your own. I’m rooting for you.
IHeartBacon says
I just discovered GrubHub’s feature where you can order your meals for the week. I set up dinners to be delivered 30 minutes after we get home, which has been AMAZING. I now have about 15 places (mostly healthy, and some indulgent) that I’ve ordered from and the site keeps track of my past orders so the “reorder your favorites” section makes it really easy to browse and make selections.
anonydc says
I echo what everyone else has said.
I offer one additional idea- go on short term disability or use FMLA for an unpaid leave. I worked myself sick this fall where I had unrelenting physical manifestations of stress. I had to go on Short term disability because I couldn’t work and provide my children the care that they needed. I’m on STD so I’m getting paid, but was going to go on unpaid FMLA if STD wasn’t approved.
Taking a few months off doesn’t mean that you never go back. I can’t express how important these last 6 weeks have been for me- working moms have not gotten a break since the pandemic started and it’s all built up.
Sending you good thoughts & commiseration.
A says
I will second that you’re doing a great job, and there is nothing wrong with you for finding this challenging. It IS challenging.
If you are thinking of seeing a therapist and/or psychiatrist, I would encourage you to do so. Those things have made an enormous difference in my life, and I find that if I am to the point where I’m asking myself if I need it, the answer is always yes. Are you able to get a sitter for the evenings or weekends? We’ve had somebody coming for a few hours on Sundays and it helps to know that time is available for a coffee date with my husband, running some errands, or just puttering around the house. Especially if your husband works every Saturday, that is a lot of time to solo parent when you’re already feeling stretched.
A says
Threading fail. Meant for Anon above.
Anonymous says
How do I go about finding a house cleaning service or cleaning person? We are moving to a bigger house in a suburb and I think we will want a house cleaner, but I don’t know anyone in the area to ask for recommendations.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Does your town have a fb page? I asked for recs there and got some names/numbers. Also nextdoor would have this too, although I haven’t used it.
Anonymous says
We live in the Houston suburbs so ymmv by region. My husband contacted a big company: imho they do just as good (or bad) job as an individual, and they’re priced the same. If you really want to use an individual, get on nextdoor or local neighborhood groups on Fb and ask for recs.
FVNC says
Your realtor might have a recommendation. Otherwise, two ways I’ve found cleaning services have been: 1) ask your new neighbors within a couple weeks of moving in (the best option, I think), or 2) find out if the sellers used a cleaning service for their house and re-hire that person/service.
Mary Moo Cow says
Ask your realtor! You may also get postcards or flyers in your mailbox which you can google and call for references.
Anon says
Join the local facebook group.
Anon says
We have a neighborhood FB group where people ask for recs like this all the time. But honestly I found my current house cleaners on Google and they’re better than any of the ones I got through personal recs.
Pre-K Mom says
Has anyone ever had their kid do kindergarten at a daycare (Primrose)? My 4 year old is in pre-K there (which we love) and we are considering keeping her at the daycare next year for kindergarten since our youngest will still be in daycare there. Then we would have one drop off/pick up and afterschool care would be covered.
anon says
My almost-4 is in preschool with at least one kindergarten student, and just talked to her mom about this. They love it. Little sister is there too. The teacher has the kindergarten student help the younger students some, and she doesn’t have to nap. I think that’s appropriate, but if you feel differently I’d ask the school how much “helping” there is. On my end, I think it is part of why my kiddo, who is one of the youngest, is struggling – his ability to focus is being compared to a 6yos. That’s a wide age range. BUT that said — my DS just adores the Kindergartener and she is very patient and seems to have a lot of fun with all the kids. If you have a good teacher that will give the K student more advanced work, I think it could be great. Just a few things to consider.
Anon says
Would this be just staying in the same class for another year or a separate, accredited, private K class run by the daycare?
OP says
It would be an accredited private K class run by the daycare.
Anonymous says
Our daughter attended kindergarten at Primrose because she missed the birthdate cutoff for public K but was more than prepared for K academically and socially and pre-K would have been inappropriate. I would not recommend it if your child is eligible for public K. It’s basically day care with a bunch of workbooks. The teachers were certified but inexperienced, and there was a lot of teacher turnover. I don’t think a single kid learned anything in that class. Three of them were reading at the end of the year. Two (my daughter and another kid) had already been reading when they started, and the mom of the third hired a tutor to teach her. There were a lot of discipline and bullying problems, perhaps in part because the kids were so bored being confined in a stuffy overheated day care room doing workbooks all day. The only thing my kid got out of it was her ticket punched for first grade. If you are actually expecting any academic or social preparation for first grade, you will be sorely disappointed. Our kid was fine in first grade because she’d been in a high-quality play-based preschool before K and had learned to read, write, and do arithmetic at home, but Primrose kindergarten was a miserable year for her. I wouldn’t count on the quality of the Pre-K program to tell you anything about the K program, either. Based on conversations with other parents it sounded as if Pre-K at our Primrose had been just fine.
Can you just do before-school and/or after-school care at Primrose? Our Primrose picked the kids up from public school on a little bus for after-school. It was still awful, but at least it was only for a couple of hours instead of the whole day.
Anonymous says
To be clear, this was a separate K class. And they still had a two-hour naptime every afternoon, another thing that didn’t work for my kid.
Anonymous says
And one more thing–when we signed up, the school claimed that their Pre-K and K classes were advanced a year academically so K would consist of first-grade work. That turned out not to be the case.
OP says
Thank you for such a lengthy and thoughtful response!
govtattymom says
My daughter is in kindergarten at Goddard (a separate and fully-licensed class). We chose Goddard based on covid concerns (the public school system is honest about the fact that they have virtually zero covid precautions outside of masking and keeping out the kids who test positive). We have been really happy with our decision. The teacher has been fantastic and has previous experience as a kindergarten teacher. My daughter is getting a ton of attention due to the smaller class size. They do lots of work and do not have naptime. Honestly, we have zero complaints.
Anonymous says
I hope this turns out to be great for you once your kiddo gets to 1st. Are you able to see how she is doing relative to kids in the public schools?
anon says
Out of curiosity, what level of covid precautions were you looking for besides masking and quarantines? This is what my school district is doing and we thought it was great and about all you could ask for in an in-person scenario for K.
govtattymom says
I’m immunocompromised so in a different situation from most people. I was uncomfortable with lunch at the cafeteria with no masks or distancing, no quarantines for contacts of positive exposures, no classroom closures for positive cases, etc. At Goddard, the kids eat lunch in the classroom and the whole classroom is closed if several kids test positive.
anon says
Oh yeah, that makes sense! My kids’ public school is doing all of those things (lunch used to be outside, but is now in the classroom, exposed kids have to quarantine, entire school shuts if there are more than 3 cases, etc) so I guess I’d lumped them in with “keeping kids out who test positive”.
Anonymous says
how common is this in the school district your kiddo will eventually go into? The adjustment from daycare to K (or traditional school schedule-whenever that happens) is rough, regardless of how much you’ve prepped for it.
Anonymous says
Not at Primrose but this is exactly what I’m planning to do with my 4.5 year old and my twins. We’re in Texas so kindergarten isn’t required. I have zero qualms about them getting him ready for first grade. To be clear I like the public school and he will start there in first grade; I just want one year of them all being together. FWIW lots of my colleagues send their kids to Primrose and are very pleased with it.
Anon says
Our wonderful university-run daycare used to have a K option, but it ended because there wasn’t enough demand. If they still had it, we would think seriously about it. The only thing that would give me pause would be that our daycare feeds into two school districts and the majority of kids are in the other district, so my kid likely would start 1st grade not really knowing anyone in her new school, with kids who were together in K. But I think 1st grade is young enough that new friendships form easily so probably it wouldn’t be a big deal.
Anonymous says
We did this but it was covid related – daycare offered K, and public schools were remote for most of the year, so kids stayed at daycare. It was very nice to have another year of 1 drop off and consistent schedules with both kids. Two concerns to note, first find out what your school district does to promote kids to 1st grade. Because of covid, our schools just promoted everyone to the next grade regardless of where they did school last year. Usually there is an assessment and it is not unheard of for kids to fail the assessment, even when their parents and daycare thought the kids were well prepared for 1st grade. Second, our kid had a few struggles the first few weeks where all of of the other 1st graders knew how school worked (cafeteria lines, recess policies, how to switch for specials) and he didn’t. It eventually evened out, but he found that frustrating.
It wouldn’t have occurred to us to do this absent covid, but it really worked out and I am glad we did it.
pleasedontrepeatthatkiddo says
Ok smart ladies, I need some help. Go to phrases for shutting down inappropriate things in front of the kids? Bonus points if humor can be used for quick diffusion!
I had two visits recently that included someone saying things that made me uncomfortable to hear in general, but especially around kids, and was so dumbfounded I struggled to shut it down politely and instead did quick conversation changes. (One was with my MIL, so I’m not looking for mean responses, just some clear decisive scripts. The other was with DH’s friends who I won’t likely be seeing again because they’re more distant/easier to just avoid, but I’d still like to handle better in the future. One example, mentioning their pole dancing exercise class — I don’t want to shame anyone for doing what they want in their spare time, but ugh please don’t make me have to deal with LO repeating that at school!). My go-to is usually a reminder that there are “little ears” around but what do you do when it’s not swearing, it’s more things I don’t want my almost 4-year old to hear. I also don’t want to over-emphasize it because said almost 4yo can sense that and I swear he listens in MORE then.
Anonanonanon says
I guess I’d need more specifics than the one you gave. Expecting adults to constantly speak as if they’re talking TO a 4-year-old because one is around is not 100% realistic in my opinion. I mean…cirque de soleil performers do tricks on poles. It doesn’t have to be an inappropriate thing. Even if your kid DID repeat “My mom’s friend goes to a class where she exercises on a pole” so what?
Now, if they used the word s3xy or something I could see being like “Oh! (Kid name) is in a repeating phase FYI so it would be a big help if we tried to avoid saying anything I’m going to have to uncomfortably explain to him later! I can only come up with so many creative definitions-I’ll have to tell you about some of the funnier ones next time it’s just us!”
Anonymous says
“Earmuffs!”
Spirograph says
I mean, I would just do it that way: “haha, oh no, when [LO] repeats that at school later, I’m going to have some explaining to do!” and then change the subject.
Real talk, though: pole dancing is a super fun exercise class and a great workout. Aside from needing some skin showing to grip the pole, doesn’t have a ton to do with adult entertainment. It’s gymnastics/acrobatics/dance, just with a different prop.
Anonymous says
I think you need to recognize that your preferences are just that- your preferences. If it made you uncomfortable to hear an adult mention they do pole fitness, that’s on you for being a weird prude.
I don’t think you should try to humorously scold people. Be an adult. “Would you mind changing the subject since my children are listening.”
Allie says
What? So you kid tells the teacher that your friend takes a pole dancing EXERCISE class. So what?
anon says
I would need to know more specifics. From the example you gave, it sounds more like you need to accept that our kids exist in the world and we can’t always adapt it. Sometimes we have to adapt. Even with swearing, my son is very used to hearing, “so and so uses words we don’t use.”
Anonymous says
This. The example you gave doesn’t warrant a reprimand of your friend; I really don’t think you should address it with her at all. (As an aside: If I said this and you yelled “earmuffs” I would assume you’re having a stroke). On the small chance your kid brings it up at school, I would literally treat it as if a kid didn’t know what yoga was. “Oh it’s something so and so’s mommy does for exercise.” The end. My kid has learned more weird and gross things from his 4 y/o peers in pre-k than from my rowdy friends.
Anonymous says
“Earmuffs” is from a movie.
pleasedontrepeatthatkiddo says
So….more details…like I said, that was just one example. Again, if you want to discuss your pole dancing or swinging with me without kids around, cool! But, this was two families hanging out. The couple has no filter and made repeated comments related to sex. Swinger comments, multiple vacation invites, a rape joke, etc. And, not in front of the kids, totally and shockingly victim-blamed a child sexual assault victim. All in all, this isn’t about me just being a prude about pole dancing or protecting my kids’ precious ears. But I’ll leave it at please trust me when I say it was the repeated inappropriate comments that left me very uncomfortable and I’m trusting my instinct on this. The other recent issue was with a family member telling me a story that had racist undertones — and I’m not repeating it here. Both of these made me realize I need to do better at shutting that stuff down asap — rather than giving any benefit of the doubt — especially if it’s in front of my very young kids. I swear too much — that’s not the issue. Again, the question wasn’t “is this inappropriate?” or “was it racist” but rather, what do you do when, in your judgment, it IS inappropriate to talk about in front of your kids?
Anonymous says
Why are you spending time with any of these people? They sound awful.
pleasedontrepeatthatkiddo says
Please see my original post above. I will NOT be spending time again with that couple again. BUT, I want to be quicker on my feet if I’m ever in a situation like that again. I doubt I can avoid all uncomfortable/inappropriate conversations for all of time with kids. As for my MIL, she is someone that one-on-one I can explain my point of view on how that was racist, and plan to do so. She has actually changed a lot over the years. But I’m asking for advice on how to handle it when it is in front of kids, where, to me, shutting it down and discussing later one-on-one is better than a screaming match in front of kids.
Spirograph says
OK, that is very different than a pole dancing class.
This is a separate issue from you not wanting your kids to hear something, this is conversation you, yourself, are uncomfortable with and doesn’t reflect your values (for good reason!). You don’t need to be humorous or light about shutting it down, you need to say very clearly that you don’t think rape jokes are funny, and victim-blaming and racism are not OK with you. Most people “know their audience” for things like that, and if you are on record as not being receptive to it, they will probably not do it in your presence.
Swinging is a lifestyle choice, and if you don’t want to hear about it, or don’t want them to talk about it in earshot of your child, that’s all you need to say. “Hey, I’m glad you’re happy, but can we please not talk about your s3x life” (while the kids are around, or full stop). If you want to soften it, “omg, we need to go out sometime so I can hear more about this, because I don’t want to talk about it when the kids aren’t around.”
Anonymous says
oops, when the kids *are* around, obviously.
Anonymous says
I limit my contact with those family members and I stop hanging out with those friends. I’m not being glib: there’s a lot of manipulation and abuse and other crap in my family that I am h3ll bent on protecting my children from. It all starts with racist jokes and slightly inappropriate undertones. If you’re not on board with giving my kids a decent, safe upbringing then get the eff out of my house. DH is with me (similar family dynamics) so that’s where you start if you’re serious about this.
Anonymous says
Why illustrate your question with nonsense then? Just stop spending time with these people.
anon says
OKKKK I’m not sure why the comments keep telling me not to spend time with these people, after earlier comments were largely that I was overreacting. As I’ve repeated, this is about me having better responses in the future, more broadly than the couple I’ve already said I’m not seeing again??? Your comment is super unhelpful and provides no advice I was actually seeking.
Anonymous says
I’m not going to defend the comment as 12:08 as helpful, but the reason the responses took such a turn is because your initial example was a lightly-racy-but-mainstream type of exercise class, and then you updated with rape jokes and racism. I hope you see the difference? To many people, those warrant nowhere near the same type of reaction. It’s like apples and hand grenades.
Anon says
Because initially you said they made a comment about a pole exercise class, which is really not that big a deal to talk about in front of kids, and then you said the comments involved rape jokes and racist comments. There is a huge difference between those things, and you can’t blame people for changing their responses when the facts you’re presenting changed so dramatically!
jz says
I would model my response based on how I would want my kid to respond in these situations. I don’t think it needs to be about what is or isn’t appropriate for kid ears. A lot of what you described sounds like value judgment that I wouldn’t want to proliferate generally, so I would just say, that’s not appropriate or straight up, that’s racist. If it’s about assault, like…children should never be blamed? How would you respond if it was just an adult conversation. That’s what I would say.
EDAnon says
My kids know what it is to be racist so I would say “please don’t tell racist stories in front of the kids or at all.” But I also don’t take racism lightly.
If that couple was as bad as you describe, I would take my kids and go play with the out of earshot.
op says
For goodness sake, when a person comes on here commenting with a question on how to handle things better in the future, please don’t imply they take racism lightly. I hate this site sometimes. Shaming is not really helpful.
Anon says
She isn’t shaming you. She’s telling you how she would handle the situation. You asked!
Pogo says
With my inlaws when it gets racist, I just say, “Please don’t talk about that right now.” Happened over Thanskgiving, and maybe they were annoyed with me, but they stopped talking.
anon says
Thanks, that’s one I will keep in mind.
DLC says
Wow. I’m sorry you’ve had to put up with such gross behavior. (i would use another word for gross, but don’t want this post stuck jn mod.)
I tend to feel if something feels inappropriate and awkward to me it is inappropriate full stop. Not just in front of the kids, but in front of me. Rape jokes and racist comments or any comment that is unkind or mysogynistic are not okay regardless of whether or not my kids are present. So I shut that down- usually with “Wow. That’s really not okay.” I don’t make it about the kids because that implies that I would be okay with it if kids weren’t present, and I really would not.
If it’s something that i just would feel uncomfortable with my child repeating, I usually let it go and deal with the situation with child if it ever came up. I don’t think you can parent another grown up, but you can parent your child. I’ve definitely had conversations with my kid about “What you heard was mean/meant for grown ups/ not a word we use.” And go from there. Kids are going to hear all kinds of dum/mean/cruel stuff and I’m more concerned about helping them process that than about them repeating it.
anon says
This very helpful, thanks. I think it’s useful to separate what is just no ok period, and what is not ok because kids are around.
Pogo says
Just to add, it’s often not as overt as I think people assume about the racism, with my inlaws they often talk about current events, such as police shootings and associated trials, and make racist comments in that context (“well I heard he actually had robbed the store, so, ya know, don’t do the crime!”). It’s not the N word but I still don’t want my children to hear discussions of police brutality without a full understanding of the context.
Anon says
My dad has a vulgar sense of humor and swears a fair amount and honestly we pretty much just ignore it. I think there are far worse things than saying the occasional bad word or comment with sexual innuendo in front of a kid. I mean, even Taylor Swift and the Hamilton soundtrack have songs with the “f” word in them. With my 4 year old we’ve been pleasantly surprised by how much she ignores the things she doesn’t understand, including bad words and innuendo. She’s way more into repeating a phrase from a song or conversation that actually makes sense to her, because she likes to feel like she’s part of the conversation.
Racism (and anti-semitism, homophobia, etc) is totally different in my opinion and I would have zero tolerance for that but thankfully our family members and close friends share our values, so it’s not something we really encounter.
Warm maternity leggings? says
I usually just wear the Lululemon align leggings in a size up when pregnant, but they are NOT warm. Any recs for thicker maternity leggings (or fleece lined)? Thanks in advance!
AwayEmily says
Yes! I love a warm legging. You want Old Navy Cozecore Rollover Waist Full-Panel leggings and Old Navy fleece-lined leggings. And here is a very specific tip: make sure to get ones called “rollover waist” cozecore, not the ones called “full panel” cozecore (note that they are both full panel in practice) because ones called “full panel” are made of a weirdly restrictive material; I had to return mine. Also the pockets on the “rollover waist” ones are better. But they look otherwise identical on the website, so select carefully.
Ramble says
Can anyone help me processes these feelings?
I have one daughter. Long fertility slog to get her, she’s now 4. I hated being pregnant. We want another kid and we’re already well in to this fertility battle. My doctor yesterday reaffirmed that my odds of getting pregnant are very, very high. I really and truly want another kid but the thought of more fertility stuff and then an unpleasant pregnancy is just… ugh.
The near term fertility stuff and pregnancy itself is an obvious means to an end. If we just stop at one, would I always regret it? I’ve NEVER thought of only having one kid until my therapist kind of got me there recently. But I’m talking like 38 years of dreaming of a “big” family (aka not a singleton) and a few weeks of considering a one-and-done life. Part of me feels like sticking at one kid is just a gut reaction to a non-permanent situation (fertility treatments, pregnancy itself.
I think I will just power through and keep repeating to myself this (fertility treatments, pregnancy) isn’t forever and a kid is, so fight through it. But yea. Weird times in my head, y’all. Will I regret not going for #2 in 5 years? 10? 30? There’s no way to answer that, clearly, but what I’d give to know…
Anonymous says
I hated all 3 of my pregnancies. I was a fat, grumpy, miserable person for 9-10 months.
When we talked about whether or not to go for a 3rd, I really had to steel myself up for the next 3 years (pregnancy, baby, toddler). My youngest is almost four and I am so glad we are on the other side…and it was worth it.
AwayEmily says
this is really nice to hear (currently seven months pregnant with my third and excited, but also straight-up dreading the first two years).
Spirograph says
Same. The first one was kinda novel and exciting, but after that it was just something to get through. Just like so many other things, sometimes you have to put up with some un-fun stuff to get to the reward.
Anon says
I think there could be regrets either way, truthfully. I may be biased (I am an only and have an only by choice) but I don’t believe those who say you can only regret not having another one and would never regret having another. I do know someone in a very similar situation to you who decided to stop at one. In her case it was less about wanting to avoid the unpleasant pregnancy herself and more about how much of her older child’s life she felt she’d basically miss by going through all the fertility stuff and the difficult pregnancy. I think she’s reasonably at peace with her decision now (kid is 9) but it’s definitely a hard path to walk.
Also perhaps colored by the fact that I live in the rural Midwest and know a lot of families with 4 or 5 kids, but two kids isn’t what I’d call a “big family” ;) I can understand the desire for your child to have a sibling and I do think the sibling vs. no sibling thing will be a big distinction as far as your child’s life goes, but I think as a parent the experience of having one vs. two adult children probably isn’t actually that different. What your future holidays look like depends on so many other variables besides whether you have one or two adult children. One child who has a partner and kid(s) of their own will result in more people at your Thanksgiving dinner than two adult children who are still single, for instance.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I don’t think you need to go forward with the path of 2 or more kids just because that’s what you’ve always envisioned. I think a lot of people have ideas of family life and kids before they actually have a kid, and then they reevaluate. Not wanting an unpleasant fertility and pregnancy experience is very valid. Your body and well being are important! It may be worth it you to have a second. But it’s ok if it’s not too.
Anonymous says
Hopefully it’s not too late for you to see this, Ramble, but I just wanted to say that fertility stuff can make this aspect of family planning a total mindf-k. Trying to separate out what you want from what you might be able to get and at what cost (financial, physical, emotional) is so hard.
I have 2 IVF kids and I had a lot of anxiety about something happening to me during the pregnancy & delivery with my second. I also had difficult pregnancies and couldn’t do everything I wanted with my older child when I was pregnant with my younger. That said, older still got plenty of quality time and mama love during the pregnancy. Looking back where I am now, I am so happy to have my younger child and see all the sibling interactions, etc. But I still feel anxious about how much I feel we tempted fate to get here.
Anonymous says
Can’t help with the decision question. But I want to make a recommendation about pregnancy mindset. I listened to daily pregnancy affirmations with my three kids. Some might find it a little woo-woo, but I found it helpful to have the dedicated time each day to focus on myself and my body. Helped reframe my mindset from discomfort to focus on pregnancy accomplishments (you’re growing a baby).
A friend shared mp3’s from her HypnoBabies course and I listened to the Daily Joyful Pregnancy Affirmation track. I did not do anything with the rest of the course but my friend said they’re guided meditations and helped her sleep.
Anonymous says
I’m going to be very, very honest here. I have an adopted 4.5 year old and we’re fostering (to adopt) 10 month old twins. I never thought of our family as a one kid family. DH also always wanted a big family. The twins are not difficult babies, but they are sickly and it’s a lot. There are nights when I think that I can’t do this, that I’ve made a mistake, that I want to go back to my easy, one kid life. Of course I will never give the twins up, but in my weakest moments when it’s 4AM and I haven’t slept a full night in six weeks and they’re both screaming, I ponder it. I guess I just wanted to offer some solidarity from the other side. I hope you are able to make a decision and even if you regret that decision in the future, it will still be the right one. Hugs to you.