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My daughter loves Magna Tiles and she loves Eric Carle’s books — now she can have both at once!
Magna Tiles’s Eric Carle Collection features three favorites: Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See?, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, and The Grouchy Ladybug. Kids will experience these familiar books in a new way. The tiles help kids with storytelling and sequencing, problem solving, feelings and emotions, and much more!
These will definitely make it into my holiday shopping cart.
This Magna Tile set is $89.99 at Target. You can also purchase each set separately for $34.99.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
anon says
These…don’t seem worth it to me? I’d rather have a plain set of magnatiles that will outlast my kid’s interest in Eric Carle and are easier to get add-on sets more.
Anonanonanon says
They’re not for me, but if my kid already had magnatiles and was Eric Carle obsessed I’d probably get them as eric carle toys (arrange the numbers, let’s put the book in order, etc.) that can just be dumped in a bin with the rest of the magnatiles when they’re over it. Seems like a niche target audience, though.
Pogo says
Yeah Eric Carle seems to be for the 18mo-3yo set, while magnatiles are more for 3+. Cute tho.
ElisaR says
agree.
also. how awesome are magna tiles?? we have had them for years but my 5.5 year old rediscovered them and has been playing with them after school for a week straight. they are seriously the best toy.
anon says
Even my 11-year-old will still mess around with them! One of the best toy investments we’ve made, that’s for sure.
Anonymous says
If they’re out, sometimes I play with them while my kiddo is gone, lol.
Anonanonanon says
I’ve sat down and organized them in rainbow order during a stressful conference call on more than one occasion.
Anonymous says
They should totally make them in subdued colors and market them to adults.
anon says
The snapping noise of the magnets coming together is weirdly satisfying.
Anon says
The last pre-Covid lab party we had, I brought magnatiles to amuse my 3yos while the grownups hung out. Many of the scientists spent a good portion of that party delightedly building structures out of magnatiles with my kids. I hadn’t realized what a good multi-generational toy they were!
Spirograph says
Same. They’re soothing. I play with them while I’m watching TV if I don’t have any laundry to fold. I am incapable of just watching TV and doing nothing with my hands.
Anon says
Agreed! To me, they’re what Legos used to be, before Lego was consumed by the make-it-once-and-leave-it sets with increasingly specific single-use pieces. Generic building pieces that fit together in any way your imagination takes you. And perfect for multi-generation play.
My grandparents had saved my parent’s Legos and going to their house was such a treat when we’d all sit around the table and build things after dinner. I think that toy will be MagnaTiles for me – I can imagine my grandkids sitting at my table as we all play MagnaTiles.
anne-on says
This – also they are VERY good for kids and adults with motility issues (arthritis runs in my family, my kid has had OT to work on grip strength). Legos were difficult for my kid but Magnatiles are much easier to use without feeling as baby-ish as Duplos.
DLC says
Good morning! I’ve been thinking a lot of the posts this week about slogs and older kids and younger kids and parenting and life in general and how i really value this commenting space as a place for both people’s inputs and outputs… and I was wondering if folks would be up for a round of Rose Thorn and Bud this Friday morning? (If you haven’t run into this before, it’s just a prompt where you reflect on your life and say something good, something hard, and something you’re looking forward to. I learned it from a friend who is an elementary school teacher….)
I would love to hear yours. Doesn’t have to be a parenting thing, of course! I’ll go first below.
DLC says
Rose: as much as my nine year old and I struggle, I love that she is really great with her younger siblings. One morning this week they all woke up early and she played with them and kept them entertained until I could wake up. Sometimes in my darker moments, I think, “well it’a okay if she hates me because she loves her siblings and they’re going to be around a lot longer.”
Thorn: My 2 year old is casually toilet training and spent much of Tuesday squatting on the bathroom floor, refusing to sit on the toilet because she had to poop not pee. And then she pooped twice on the floor, once on the bathmat. I really hate cleaning up poop.
Bud: My husband had the day off yesterday and as an early Christmas present he took me to the local music store and rented me a concertina! I’m looking forward to figuring out how to play it! Or just to make a lot of noise.
Anonymous says
I’ll play.
Rose: Victory at work yesterday that will not be appreciated by anyone and is likely to annoy management but might actually get important stuff done that makes the world just a tiny bit better.
Thorn: Upcoming 504 meeting for 2e kid.
Bud: Singing an amazing piece with a small ensemble on Christmas Eve. It is so much fun to rehearse with a group that comes prepared and knows how to listen.
anonamama says
Rose: Had an awesome day off with DH yesterday while LO was in daycare. Slept in, went shopping, took a drive to a park for the lake/leaf views and lunch at a brewery. So restorative after a really intense month of being back at work.
Thorn: DS is two and I am struggling so hard to keep up with him, navigate his feelings and also be amazed at this tiny little person.
Bud: Family, incl. two new babies, coming to visit this weekend!
Anonymous says
Rose: my sweet 2-yo is starting to really talk to us a lot, and it’s so fun when he gets IDEAS!
Thorn: my husband and I are exhausted from getting COVID boosters this week and having to work without childcare yesterday.
Bud: I’m really looking forward to seeing family at Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving 2018, I was newly pregnant and keeping it a secret; Thanksgiving 2019, we brought our 4-month old; and last year we all stayed home. I’m really excited for everyone to hang out with my little guy this year, and for him to meet his cousins.
Clementine says
Rose: Yesterday we took an awesome day trip to (cute little town) that we haven’t been to in years. It was so nice to just stroll around the town and think that Older Kid will have shot #1 in a couple days and we’re so close to travel again.
Thorn: After 3 years, a kid who was living with us was moved. We’re sad and my other kids are having a hard time with that. (Foster care is hard.)
Bud: I’m starting to feel like I’m coming through a fog that I’ve been stuck in for a while. Kid leaving really hit me hard and there was other stuff that made it just… really difficult. I feel like my brain is starting to clear, that now that the Awful Thing happened that I can start to heal from it, and that it’s no longer in limbo.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m sorry to hear this, Clementine. I remember your foster care post and think you’re doing such a great thing for these kids. I hope the situation was a positive move, although I know sometimes they’re not.
Anonymous says
+ a million to this.
Anonanonanon says
+1 million as well
Clementine says
Thanks guys. I’m also hopeful it’s going to be a positive overall… Foster care is REALLY messy.
anonamama says
Your foster posts have made such an impression on me. Thanks for sharing them and for the work your family does for other kids and their families. <3<3
AnonATL says
Rose: I’m starting to really enjoying running again and getting stronger and faster. This month has been the first stretch postpartum that I actually feel proud and happy after my runs instead of worn out and miserable.
Thorn: Kid has still not quite gotten the hang of the time change. We have had 5am wakeups all week, but he at least stays in his crib somewhat quietly until 6:30. Once I hear him wakeup, I’m awake for the day even if he stays in his crib.
Bud: We are very very likely hiring a new woman for our team that I’m super jazzed about. We’ve been short staffed all year, and I’m happy to not only have 1 more teammate but especially a woman in my more male-centric field. She has a really interesting background, and I think she’ll be a great addition.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Love this.
Rose: I did some high level work recently and I was praised by the higher ups. I tend to get into a vicious cycle where I get stressed from working too much and then being bored when there’s not enough going on. I think being busy does actually energize me and I do value the identity that work gives me (within reason!)
Thorn: My kindergartener is still having a hard time with the transition, particularly at night and when he’s really tired. He takes out all of his frustrations on us and we try so hard to be patient but it’s tough. And we know he needs more sleep but he wakes up in the middle of the night sometimes and then is up early, and it’s hard to get him to actually get more sleep.
Bud: On the Thanksgiving front, I’m excited to be able to see friends and have my parents over again this year.
Anonympus says
Ugh, yes, so hard to get my K more sleep so she can better deal with the long school day when she wakes up early!
Anonymous says
Totally feel you on the kindergarten front. I just read How to Talk When Kids Won’t Listen and one of their suggestions is to make a list of strategies with kids who are struggling at a particular task. Kiddo said that he was tired and that was why he had been a nightmare when he gets home from school. We wrote some strategies for how to get him more sleep, and after dinner last night reminded him. He went to bed at 7:15! A full 60-75 minutes earlier than usual. It really is an exhausting transition and it’s been a tough few months.
AwayEmily says
I hear you on the sleep thing. My kindergartener is SO TIRED but also understandably doesn’t want to go to bed before her (still-napping) brother. I don’t know if something like this would work at all for you, but once or twice a week we give her lots of advance notice that it will be an “early bedtime night,” and try to make it as special as possible so she sees it as a treat rather than a punishment. One of us take her upstairs immediately after dinner (the other one hangs with her little brother), she gets to pick out a chapter book to read, and then we just talk in her bed for awhile (she loves the one-on-one attention). Then I read my Kindle in her room until she falls asleep (also a treat because usually we don’t stay with them while they fall asleep). It’s not an *efficient* use of time, but it does get her an extra hour of sleep a couple times a week, and both kids enjoy the one-on-one time. And selfishly I like the half hour of reading in a dark quiet room.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Thanks all. My son is usually asleep by 7:30, often 7, it’s more the night wakeups and early wakeups that are cutting off his sleep. Which, I don’t know how to keep a 5 year old asleep! I think melatonin tablets help with the getting to sleep part but not so much the staying asleep? He does have nights like last night where he’s out 7-6, so it’s sporadic. I think you’re right that he might just need a night or two of going to sleep right after dinner at like 6:20pm, even though my husband thinks that will cause him to wake up earlier (I don’t know… sleep begets sleep and all that).
Anon says
Melatonin definitely helps with staying asleep too. It’s worth a shot at least.
anon says
Rose: I’m still riding high on a work-related thing that went better than I ever could’ve expected.
Thorn: The 1-year anniversary of my FIL’s death (covid) is coming up, and DH is understandably having a tough time. Thanksgiving plans with that side of the family are currently in flux because DH and MIL are not up for a big get-together and it’s causing some strife with the extended family (who could use some sensitivity training, but that’s a whole other story).
Bud: I’m taking some time off during the week of Thanksgiving and I’m pretty excited about it. DS also has a birthday coming up, and I just really enjoy celebrating my kids’ birthdays!
Anonanonanon says
Rose: We have a new house with much more room, checked everything off our bucket list, and some land to
give our kids room to play (our first time having a yard!) and meet some of our long-term goals of being more self-sufficient.
Thorn: We lived very far below our means before, so this financial adjustment has been tough. I miss the security of knowing one of us could lose our jobs and everything would still be fine.
Bud: My chickens will be lay-ready and ready for pickup from the farm I purchased from in a few months! The kids are so excited. And my oldest will get his second shot the weekend after Thanksgiving.
Anon says
Rose: 7 year old is *finally* starting to play, kind of, with the 16 month old baby. They played ‘chase’ last night and he read her a book. It was sweet.
Thorn: I really miss wearing my powerful boss lady work clothes, and going into an office. Most of my coworkers are electing to work from home full time now, and I’m mourning the work life I used to have.
Bud: I bit the bullet and paid for a gym membership – already feeling more energy throughout the day when I can get in a morning workout. Hopefully the motivation will stick during the long, cold winter ahead.
Anonanonanon says
I definitely feel you on the thorn. I miss standing up in a good corporate outfit in front of a large room of people. I just do.
So excited for your about your rose and bud!
So Anon says
Rose: My 10yo and 8yo have had absolutely delightful moments lately. I decided to read a book out loud to both of them at bedtime in my bed (generally each is in their own room and I bounce between the two), and we have just had the best snuggles and chats this week.
Thorn: Covid is raging in my area, and I am so close to getting my kids vaccinated (appts are on Monday). My 10yo was a close contact, and it brought back all of my fears about his underlying health concerns. Babysitter had to cancel yesterday because her entire store shut down due to Covid. And the ex asked whether he could still see the kids this weekend because my son is supposed to quarantine from “community based activities.”
Bud: I am taking the entire week of Thanksgiving off, and I am so excited for that week! I want time to plan and bake and rest so that I am not exhausted the days my kids are home.
anon says
So Anon, your ex seems like such a gem to deal with.
Anon says
Rose: It’s been a very rough couple weeks work-wise, parenting-wise and Covid-wise so I struggled to come up with something, but my kid has been delightful the last few days and we’ve actually had some enjoyable time together in the evenings (usually it’s meltdown city from the time she walks in the door until she goes to bed). Small victories?
Thorn: Cases are surging again in my area and I’m really worried about my 4 year old getting Covid before she can be vaccinated. The only thing we do is daycare where everyone wears masks, but I’m not convinced masks really work in the Delta era and it seems like there’s a pretty good chance she’ll get Covid at school before the vaccines are approved for her age group in the spring. And of course the idea of another extremely isolated winter is so hard, although at least this year we have grandparents in our bubble, which helps. I’m tempted to lie and get her vaccinated now (I know a couple people who did it successfully, and there are loads of 5-11 doses going to waste here, so wouldn’t be taking a dose away from anyone), but I’m scared of potential repercussions if I get caught.
Bud: We are celebrating Thanksgiving with family members after having it alone last year. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and last Thanksgiving was super rough, so I’m ecstatic about a more normal celebration this year. Other than my kid, it’s all adults who are vaccinated and boosted and we’re all going to test beforehand, so it feels pretty safe.
DLC says
Ouf. Definitely hold on to those small delightful moments. Sometimes I feel like my kids laughing is the one thing that helps keep my heart in the parenting game.
COVID is just hard layered on more hard.
Cb says
Rose: I had a chat with the nursery teachers and they said that my son has shown no I’ll effects of my travel and is very sweetly proud. They were reading books about the suffragettes and how someone couldn’t go to university “my mummy got a new job at university name!” He told his friends. I picked him up and he ran down the ramp and I called out “your rucksack!!” And he said “I’m in too big of a hurry to give you a cuddle!”
Thorn: husband and I are struggling slightly to reconnect on anything but kid and life admin stuff. He’s stressed about an incident at work and I’m impatient about constant conversations about it? Going to really focus this weekend on setting our life in order and making sure we’ve got fun time.
Bus: we are starting to plan travel for the end of this year and into next and I’m looking forward to being out in the world again. They are coming over to meet me at the end of this month, then Portugal, a tag along conference trip over Easter, and a few weeks in the sun over the summer. And maybe glamping again?
Pogo says
Aw glad to hear the travel is going well! I started travelling again and this week I totally forgot to even tell my son until I was in the other city. So my husband told him at bedtime and he was like, “OK. So it’s just us boys, daddy!”
Then this morning he gave me a huge hug and said, “I missed you mommy!” I guess that’s my rose :)
Thorn: exhausted from said travel, mostly due to late night roadwork on the way home from the airport which I always forget to check for before I leave and then kick myself.
Bud: Relatively warm, good weather weekend coming up – might even get the kid’s photo in their matching Christmas jammies for the holiday cards?
GCA says
Cb, your kiddo is delightful! Glad the travel is going well. Speaking of travel – last year I checked myself into a local Hampton Inn to run a virtual conference on Europe time. This year…I’m running the conference again, but this year it’s hybrid and I get to go to Paris! 3yo said ‘Are you going to Paris?’ and I explained that dad would put her to bed for a week and then it was ‘Are you coming back to tuck me into bed?’ (On that note, would anyone have good ideas for kid souvenirs from France that can be purchased while running through CDG to catch a flight?)
anon says
Last time I went to Paris what feels like a million years ago, I brought a Rubbermaid container and got some croissants to bring back in my carry-on for the next day’s breakfast. Still better than anything in the US even a day old. My kid would also love macarons.
Anon says
+1 for macarons. I love La Maison du Chocolat and they have a branch in CDG. (They also exist in NYC and possibly other US cities, so not *super* unique to Paris but your kid won’t know that. And they are definitely cheaper in Paris.)
We normally get our 4 year old a stuffed animal when we travel without her; those are readily available in airports too.
NLD in NYC says
Has anyone has success with one of those light alarm clocks for toddlers? My nearly 2 year old is still waking before 6am. Tried putting him to bed earlier, later, having him cry it out… still waking up between 5-5:30am. Sigh.
Anon says
So it doesn’t keep my kids from waking up early, but it keeps them from talking, getting out of their beds, and turning on the light to play. So at least then they’re lying quietly in the dark until the time we want them to get up, which maybe gets them a little more rest.
AwayEmily says
I think you’re going to get a lot of enthusiastic magic light supporters chiming in, including me. We started with an OK to Wake but now have a Hatch, which I vastly prefer. I love, love, love it. It definitely saved us from early wakings. We have three settings: yellow means “time to sleep.” If they wake up when it’s yellow, they need to be quiet and ideally go back to sleep. Purple means they can start chatting with each other and/or get out their lights to read (they have Munchkin owl lights). Green means it’s okay for them to leave the room.
I could go on forever about how we set it up and acclimated the kids, special situations, etc — happy to answer any questions!
NLD in NYC says
Thanks, AwayEmily! My subquestions are:
1) What age did you start with the lights? Mama is tired, but is 22 months too early to try?
2) How bright are the lights? I worry that the red and yellow lights might be too distracting.
anon says
Not AwayEmily, but we’ve had some success with ours.
1 – 22 months NOT too early! Our youngest is that age, and it’s helped a lot. You have to be consistent about it but it finally seems to be clicking (after a bad spell of sleep due to illness + time change)
2 – Hatch you can set the brightness to pretty low. Ours turns green at 6:30, but they don’t seem to wake up to it — more that if they’re up they check to see the color.
AwayEmily says
We started both kids when they were <1 with the VERY simplified version of "when light turns on/green, a parent comes into the room." So, it was totally off during the night and the SECOND it turned green we burst in with happy smiles and YAY MORNING! Kids learned after a month or so that if the light wasn't on/green, they may as well just be quiet (because crying didn't get anyone to come). We introduced the "stages" (yellow/green/purple) when they were 3 and 4 and started sharing a room. And yes, you can make Hatch get pretty dim.
Anon says
I know someone who swore their 15 month old understood the ok to wake clock. I’m a little skeptical personally and I know there’s no way my kid would have gotten it at that age, but there are definitely people out there who claim success with really little kids.
EDAnon says
My niece wants fleece lined tights for Christmas. She’s a teenager. Do I just buy the same ones I would get myself? We are about the same size. Is there something cooler than Millennial mom pants (there must be right??).
She’s in an anti-fancy stage so she does not want Lululemon or anything like that.
Anonymous says
You mean fleece lined running tights, or Fleece Tights like actual tights with feet? Either way, yes, get what you’d wear yourself. My teen likes the Altitude tights from Athleta, which are pricey but might not be unacceptably “fancy” like Lululemon.
S says
I could use all of your wise help weighing relative risk: fire v. falling. My kids share an attic bedroom and there is no bathroom up there. We sleep on the floor below. This sleeping arrangement is not flexible (small house). When our 5 year old needs to use the bathroom etc. she just comes downstairs and gets us. Now, we’re going to transition our 2.5 year old from a crib to a toddler bed. We were going to put a baby gate on the top of the attic stairs so the 2.5 year old won’t fall in the middle of the night (she’s very stair cautious by day) and teach the five year old to use it at night. But, I’ve gotten nervous that in the unlikely case of a fire the 5 year old would not be able to undo the baby gate, potentially trapping them both. WWYD? Thank you!
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t rely on a 5-year-old and a 2.5-year-old to get themselves out of their bedroom in a fire, gate or no gate.
S says
Well obviously. The first goal would be to get to them and save them of course.
Anonymous says
The point is that you are going to have to do that whether or not you have a gate. I don’t see how this is different from having a gate at the top of the stairs in the normal situation where all the bedrooms are on the same level. Either way, if you can’t get to the kids they are stuck behind a gate.
Anonymous says
But what is the fire safety plan now? Your 5-year old gets your 2.5-yo out of the crib and they get out on their own? It seems like their fire escape plan involves a grown up now and may continue to involve a grown up. I understand being anxious about this, but I think doing family fire drills and making sure your smoke detectors work and are frequent enough is the better way to handle the worry.
Realist says
Just work with the 5 year old to get them comfortable operating the gate. Even run a nighttime fire drill before you go to bed if you would feel better about it. Check the smoke alarm batteries upstairs and then don’t worry about it.
TheElms says
Does the attic bedroom have a door? If so, what about one of those door handle toddler locks instead of a gate? I’m assuming the 5 year old would be able to open it (but you’d need to check) but not the 2.5 year old. That way the 5 year old can get out to use the bathroom but there is no need for a gate on the stairs.
Also, I think the 5 year old could likely climb over the gate in the event of a fire if they couldn’t open it. My 2.5 year old is almost able to scale our stair gate.
Anonymous says
Or the five year old could knock it down. You just have to put all your force on one spot.
But what are the realistic expectations of a five year old in a fire? Basically none.
TheElms says
Does the attic bedroom have a door? If so, what about one of those door handle toddler locks instead of a gate? I’m assuming the 5 year old would be able to open it (but you’d need to check) but not the 2.5 year old. That way the 5 year old can get out to use the bathroom but there is no need for a gate on the stairs.
Also, I think the 5 year old could likely climb over the gate in the event of a fire if they couldn’t open it. My 2.5 year old is almost able to scale our stair gate.
anon says
I’m so discouraged by our parent-teacher conference for our almost 4yo today. The school is Montessori, and the teacher clearly is doing her calling — she makes clear she has taken many child ed. classes, takes this seriously, and loves the kids. So, that’s not my concern. My DS is apparently hitting and distracting others for attention, has a hard time sitting, etc. That was most of the conference. I want to cry because it tracks closely to DH, who I think has undiagnosed ADHD. When I was pregnant I had his family telling me how he was “the worst kid they’d ever met,” and that they wouldn’t watch him alone because he was such a handful. (Now, he’s very successful, good at his job, good dad, etc. so all those family members have shut up, but I didn’t forget the comments.) I guess I’m scared that this is the beginning of many school struggles over how long he’ll sit doing one task, and — if he does have ADHD, what to do/how to best handle, because DH is very opposed to medication for a kid (again, we are pretty sure he has it, so it’s not a lack of empathy on his part or something). DD is much more of a people-pleaser, outgoing and charming. I hope this isn’t the start of a childhood of people favoring her over him, and no one but us as parents seeing what a sweet, smart, and funny kid he is.
Anonymous says
Montessori may not be the best environment for a kid with ADHD. A more structured environment might work much better, even a public school with good 504 or IEP supports.
I don’t think they usually offer ADHD medication to 4-year-olds, and I believe that’s even pretty early for a formal diagnosis.
anon says
They’re super structured and have very clear daily routines — way more so than our previous daycares. And, I don’t mean I want meds yet or anything like that, but it’s just becoming clearer that this has been the issue for a while now, and likely won’t go away because it’s so similar to his dad. I’m just worrying preemptively about what I predict will be the issue in elementary school.
Anonymous says
My nephew with ADHD attended Montessori elementary and middle school and it was a disaster. The expectations for self-regulation were not realistic for him. He was also able to completely avoid subjects he found uninteresting.
anon says
I’m not considering it for elementary school (maybe their more relaxed “summer camp” during break). But, that makes sense to me. Kids, those smart little buggers, figuring out ways to avoid certain subjects. That would so be my LO. TY!
Anon says
The family across the street from us had 3 boys all at a Montessori school. It was great for two of the kids but a disaster for one of them. As soon as they switched him to a much more structured environment he went from being the kid always in the principals office to the perfect school. Perhaps your kid does have some challenges but perhaps this school is not right for him
Anonymous says
Talk to your pediatrician! There may be a lot of ways to help your son where a diagnosis would help, whether it be medication or other things.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry, that’s really tough. Not a solution really, but that sounds like a situation where you’ll want to invest in finding opportunities for DS to thrive outside of school. If it were me, I’d want him to have the experience of building good relationships with adults/ peers in contexts where his behavior is less of an issue. Maybe something like karate, where he could potentially be with an instructor for a longer period of time? (vs parent-coached soccer, where it changes every year)
anon says
Thank you, that’s a great idea!
Anonymous says
Karate would be very, very difficult for my ADHD kid. It requires too much discipline, waiting, multi-step directions, etc. Really active games like flag football and hockey that burn lots of energy, and provide constant stimulation & instant feedback are best for him. Plus he really loves the team atmosphere (esp because he’s a natural athlete, so he gets lots of positive reinforcement from coaches and teammates). I agree that finding someplace to thrive is key, though. Try out lots of things and see what sticks!
The thing is, behavior is always the issue with ADHD. Some environments bring it out more than others, but the self esteem impact of adults thinking you’re “difficult” and peers disliking you because of poor impulse control and the isolation that comes with that… that’s what we will use medication to avoid, if necessary.
Anonymous says
My nephew with ADHD also has a very difficult time with martial arts. Waiting, standing still, taking turns, following directions, it’s all too much for him.
CPA Lady says
1. That is quite the spiral of catastrophic thinking. He’s four. You have a lot of years ahead of you for him to grow, age, and mature. I promise you, the struggles you have with a four year old are not the struggles you have with an older kid. My kid had some worrying behaviors at age four that she has completely grown out of. Some of them she grew out of much more quickly than I expected.
2. Just because your child is not doing well in Montessori doesn’t mean he wouldn’t do well in another environment. If you don’t think he’s ready for traditional kindergarten you could always hold him back a year, or try a year of kindergarten and have him repeat the grade.
3. As far as medication goes, I was diagnosed with ADHD over the summer, and my daughter has similar (inattentive) symptoms, which is obviously different from what you are dealing with, but when I brought it up to her doctor at her annual checkup, she said that even at age 7, medication is a last resort. There are a series of interventions, and then medication is considered if those are unsuccessful. So you have a lot of coping strategies you will have to try that will be good for your son to know how to do anyway. I would suggest that IF it gets to that point where you have tried everything else, your husband should come with you to all pediatrician appointments so he can ask the doctor whatever questions he needs to ask to get comfortable with medication. I know what a massive difference it’s made to me, but I’m still pretty hesitant at the idea of medicating my daughter until she’s older (middle school age maybe?) unless it’s absolutely necessary from an academic or social standpoint. I had to learn my own coping mechanisms, and I think that those, paired with the medication, have allowed me to be a successful adult.
anon says
1. Yes, you’re right. Thank you!
2. I have heard great things about our local elementary school being really flexible and inclusive of all learners, so I’m optimistic actually about that. I just know my husband struggled as a kid with certain teachers who just flat out didn’t like him, so again, back to spiraling about every fear for the future.
3. So, my sister was just diagnosed as an adult too, and is so happy with the results! That said, I should have clarified I’m not considering medication or anything at all yet! I just foresee this being an issue down the road (see, supra, spiraling).
Thanks for the thoughtful response.
CPA Lady says
Also, I feel like medications were really demonized in the ’90s and chalked up to lazy parents who just wanted to “turn their kids into zombies” rather than deal with behavioral issues. So I didn’t actually know how stimu lant medications worked until I was researching them prior to getting diagnosed myself and had to replace all this misinformation.
Basically, if you have adhd, your brain doesn’t create/absorb an appropriate amount of dopamine, so you are constantly and desperately seeking outside stimulation so you can feel okay. When you take a stimulant medication, it finally gives your brain sufficient dopamine so you don’t feel the desperate need to search for it elsewhere. I found that once I was appropriately medicated, I was a bit more quiet and subdued, but it’s not because I was a zombie, it’s because I could finally focus on and do the things I wanted to do. My mind also got a lot more quiet, in a good way.
ElisaR says
thanks for sharing, i never understood how the medication aspect of things works before.
Anonymous says
Counterpoint to the comments above, my son has ADHD and is doing very well in a Montessori elementary school right now. His teachers are doing a great job meeting him where he is. But yes, every kid (and every teacher) is different.
My husband has ADHD and had a bad experience with medication as a kid. Medication has gotten a lot better in the last 30 years, and _if_ your child is eventually diagnosed with ADHD, I strongly recommend talking with a doctor or therapist who specializes in ADHD about the case for and your options for medication. My son is not currently on medication, but the teachers, DH and I have a mutual understanding of the triggers we want to know about in order to revisit that decision.
For now though, fist of all, a big hug to you. It sounds like you’re feeling a little overwhelmed and defeated by the conference feedback, and that is understandable. It is hard. Before you spiral, though, please take some time to read up on or listen to some experts (Dr Barkley is a good place to start) talk about ADHD. It is not a sentence for misery and struggles! It does mean that typical strategies might not work so well, and you and the other adults in your child’s life will need to understand what you’re working with and adapt accordingly. But don’t borrow trouble. Your husband’s childhood challenges are not your son’s destiny. ADHD is much, much better understood now than it was when we were kids, and if your son is eventually diagnosed as neurodivergent, you will have a lot more options and resources than your husband’s parents did.
Anon says
Maria Montessori actually developed her philosophy through working with neurodiverse/mentally handicapped children (shut up in an institution)…but the degree to which her actual philosophy is implemented in schools that call themselves Montessori varies. It’s becoming super “trendy” to use that label
Anonymous says
Yes. Several comments here are implying that Montessori is unstructured, which I find really confusing because that has not been my experience with it at all. It may get more self-directed for later grades, but at least in preK through elementary there is quite a bit of structure, just choice within that structure. Kids can choose the order they do their work in, but they still have to plan and follow their plan to hit every subject each week. They can choose whether to sit at a table or lie on the floor while working, but they don’t make their own schedule. It’s not perfect, and it’s not for everyone, but “unstructured” is not accurate. Just for context: we switched to a Montessori school because it was open last year, and previously had our kids in public elementary school and a generic daycare & preK, so I’ve seen both sides.
Anon says
For some kids all of that choice can be too unstructured. Doesn’t necessarily mean that there is no structure in place at all
anon says
Deep breaths. You could’ve been me about a decade ago. ADHD is challenging for sure, but if that’s what it is, you can do this. A few random thoughts:
1) What you’re describing is pretty typical of a kid who has a harder time regulating his emotions, which for sure comes with the ADHD territory. Remember if that’s what he has, he will always be lagging a few years behind his peers emotionally. You will need to remind teachers of this because he is simply not able to meet those expectations without a lot of support.
2) Four is on the young side for an official diagnosis, but I would at least start the conversation with your pediatrician. And ask for a referral to a behavioral therapist. This is as much about teaching you how to parent an ADHD kid as it is for him.
3) Medication is a godsend. Our lives changed for the better in so many ways when DS started on medication at age 8. If I remember right, most docs won’t prescribe until at least age 6. It is not a cure-all, but it is a very, very important tool in our toolbox. Do some research on the stats of how kids on medication fare vs. those who don’t. It’s staggering. Going without, IMO, is akin to not giving your near-sighted kid a pair of glasses. It puts your child in a better position to actually learn the executive functioning skills he’s going to need.
4) Your DH’s family sounds ill-informed and not very supportive. Calling him “the worst kid they’d ever met” is cruel. There is a much better understanding of ADHD than when your DH was growing up. For sure his experiences are useful, but I would push him to treat your kid differently than he was apparently treated. Punitive punishments are going to make things so much worse for your kid.
I have a lot of thoughts on advocating for your kid in the school environment. You will need to do more than the parent of a neurotypical kid, but it is not insurmountable.
Anonymous says
It’s only the start of doom and gloom if your husband selfishly refuses to give your child the tools they need to succeed. Start seeing a child psychologist.
anon says
OP here. This is totally unhelpful. My husband isn’t selfish and including digs like that aren’t constructive.
DLC says
My good friend’s son sounds similar and they have had some success sending him to an occupational therapist to help the child develop strategies for handling his energy. Might be worth asking you pediatrician?
I agree with above, Montessori can be a great environment for kids who can fall in with the expectations, but it’s not for every child.
EB0220 says
Montessori is very unique. I swear sometimes they think that the Montessori philosophy will cure less desirable childhood behavior but it just doesn’t. I would say try not to worry about it. Perhaps get your son evaluated if it would make you feel better. For my Montessori kid, the key was to have the teachers really push her on work. She was super bored with the lower level works and would act out. So they just cranked her through the first few levels to get to the advanced stuff and then she was a new kid. Maybe worth a try. (In case your school doesn’t do it this way, our Montessori had different levels of work in the same topic. Like first you would match the letter “D” to a figurine of a dog and then eventually you would be reading. But you had to start at the beginning and work your way up.)
anon says
Yeah, this is what we’re trying to push my 4yo’s Montessori teacher to do. Yes, when given a choice she will pick math over letters because she’s further on in math and gets more interesting things do do, but once she gets through the super boring letter levels of matching D to dog (which she’s been able to do for well over a year), she’ll be interested in letters again.
Anonymous says
This seems so rigid. Why would you force a kid who already knows her letters well to match D to dog?
anon says
In my kid’s class, at least, it’s because they want all the kids to start at the bottom and work their way up through the levels. If you can finish the easy level in 10 minutes it’s not a big deal (and it scaffolds more about how the Montessori tools will be used in harder lessons), but it’s problematic when you get a kid who just refuses to do easy things and then can’t progress.
Anonymous says
That would be my kid–I can read already, so I am definitely not going to waste my time with your boring letter matching activity. We have a version of this problem in public school.
Anonymous says
I advise you to move out of Montessori. My middle had such a tough time in PK. We dreaded K. She started this year and it is night and day. She absolutely thrives on the routine and structure. She is a model student. As it turns out, PK (not even montessori) was far too unstructured. She needs to be told what to do and how to do it, not a whole day of free choice/ free play.
EDAnon says
I will say that my family also routinely (still) describes me as such a difficult child. And I am a super successful adult and I resent those statements a lot. My husband ignores them (as far as I know!) and I appreciate that so much.
AwayEmily says
Did anyone have SPD during pregnancy and have tips for mitigating it? I had it a tiny bit with my first, not at all with my second, and all of a sudden it’s hit intensely with my third (I’m just starting the third trimester). So far I’ve noticed it’s worst after I sit for awhile and better if I walk a lot, but I’m wondering if there are exercises I should be doing or something.
Spirograph says
My OB was unconcerned, but I swear I did, and it got worse each pregnancy. It was exactly similar to what you described — worst when I first stood up after sitting for a long time, sometimes so intensely painful that I had to just stand for a minute before I could start walking.
Maternity support belt helped a little bit, and spending as much time in the pool as possible. If you google SPD exercises you will find some recommendations, but I didn’t notice any difference with those. Good luck!
Pogo says
I got the book “Relieving Pelvic Pain During And After Pregnancy: How Women Can Heal Chronic Pelvic Instability” recommended on here in fact, and found it helped.
You can also follow some accounts on insta to get free tips – Expecting and Empowered is one, and One Strong Mama is the other. I also ended up purchasing One Strong Mama and I do think it was worth the money if you follow the program.
I also saw a PT and I can confirm the exercises in the book and these two programs tracks with what the PT taught me – that’s why I say it’s worth the money if you can hold yourself accountable.
AwayEmily says
You are brilliant and I am an idiot; it turned out I actually bought this book on Kindle when I was pregnant six years ago (likely based on advice from here also!), used it, found it helpful, and then apparently completely forgot about its existence. Thanks!
Pogo says
my work here is done!
AwayEmily says
Also, why did I not not just google corporettemoms SPD? Sigh, thanks to everyone for giving me advice despite my inability to remember/search. In fact I started sitting in the way the book recommends (leaning back, legs wide apart) and it’s already making a difference.
Anonymous says
YES, me!!! Funny because my struggle with SPD during my first pregnancy was actually how I found C-moms, through this post:
https://corporettemoms.com/spd-pain-pregnancy/
anon says
YES, me!! Funny because SPD during my first pregnancy was actually how I found C-Moms (link in reply). Kat’s recommendations were very helpful but unfortunately nothing got rid of it completely. Good thing is that it wasn’t signifcantly worse during my second. Bad thing is that while it went away very quickly after my first was born, it took much longer to go away completely with the second–like +6 months. Keep your knees together, sleep with a pillow between, move slow, and just take it easy. Sorry you are experiencing it, it doesn’t seem super common so no one really knew what I was talking about or could empathize. :(
anon says
here’s the post: https://corporettemoms.com/spd-pain-pregnancy/
Anonymous says
Highly recommend pelvic floor PT. And that doesn’t mean someone who just tells you to do kegels (if you are in a session and that’s the approach, find someone new).
Anon says
Gift gut check – there’s a family that has helped organize a team for our kid all season. They send weekly reminders, reserved park space, coached the kids, and hosted parties in their yard. What kind of end of season gift would be appropriate?
Anon says
Op here- hit send too fast
I was thinking of giving a fun wine type gift to the parents (I know they drink alcohol). Husband says it should be something for the kids, like cupcakes.
Anonymous says
The gift should be for the parents, since they were the ones doing the work. IME usually one team parent will collect money from the other families to buy a gift card, and circulate a thank-you card for the kids to sign.
Anonymous says
P.S. for us it’s always been a restaurant gift card.
Anonymous says
+1, that’s what our experience has been. Usually it’s a gift card to a restaurant group that has a wide range of good restaurants, so the parents can go somewhere fancy for a night out or take the kids somewhere more casual.
Anon says
That is super thoughtful of you. As someone who is the self-appointed team mom, I do not expect any recognition but would appreciate the acknowledgement of my time and care. I would prefer the wine, but if you sent cupcakes for the kids I would gladly eat that too.
Anonymous says
Thanks, and a restaurant gift card or wine. We do a collection for parent coaches, which falls in the same level of effort type category to me, and each coach gets a $75-100 gift card ($15 per family) at the end of the season. Usually to a restaurant but with COVID we did a local beer store last year ;).
Aunt Kate says
Hi moms! I am a single childless poster and this page has helped me with questions about my nieces. This year my adopt a family has a teen daughter and 11 year old boy. My personal budget is $100/kid and each item is capped at $25 per the charity rules. I posted on the regular page but after reading discussion there wanted to ask more moms.
1. Teen’s top request is a bra, underwear or gift card from Victoria’s Secret. Again, capped at $25. The only size info I have is S/M adult. Should I give a PINK gift card or tangible things with a gift receipt?
2. Boy’s top request is “baseball Caps of different colors,” and his third request is an anime character’s hat. I am Uncool – my nieces are tiny – is it trendy to wear a cap with every outfit? I can’t get further info, am I better off getting hats from our local sports teams? My brothers are sporty and I think would be horrified if they got the wrong team, but mom just wrote down “different colors” so I’m wondering if it’s a trend.
Anonymous says
Re. #1, most charities prohibit gift cards on the assumption that the parents will appropriate them. I would also be concerned that the gift card would go unused if the parent couldn’t get her to a store, or that money would be wasted on shipping using the gift card on line. Sizing is going to be a problem with undergarments. If you really want to get her something from VS, get sports br@s or br@lettes from PINK, which is slightly less cringeworthy than the main VS line.
Pogo says
Counterpoint, almost all the charities I give to allow and even encourage gift cards.. interesting! I would definitely get the teen girl a gift card, unless as someone mentioned you get a br@lette that is sized “S/M”. As cringeworthy as we think VS, I still see tons of teen girls wearing the pants with PINK across the butt, so she may be into that.
I would also tend to go with sports teams on hats, but this is a know your city. In Boston it’s a pretty safe bet, but in New York you could really mess that one up lol.
Anon says
Definitely a tangible thing – gift card may be prohibited or hard for family to get to the store. With the size info you have I’d buy a matching bralette and underwear, and then some additional pairs of underwear. You can get fun prints that will feel teen-appropriate but not be too racy. If this is what the kid is asking for I assume they really need it or don’t feel confident about their current undergarments, so if necessaryI’d go over budget to get them some good stuff plus some other fun items.
So Anon says
Welp. My thorn above re: Covid was more accurate than I thought. Due to school-based transmission and the high number of cases, my kids’ elementary school is going remote all of next week. This stinks. I feel like I barely made it out alive when my kids were entirely remote in 2020. The school sent out a detailed schedule for synchronous learning, and I just won’t be able to make that happen for stretches next week. My son has been doing so great this year, and the change in the schedule and expectation of online learning is going to be so tough on him. Luckily my kids are with their dad saturday to sunday, so I have a bit of time to try and game plan.
Pogo says
ugh noooo, I’m so sorry.
Spirograph says
I’m so sorry. I hope it returns in person soon!
Anonymous says
I’m so sorry! When this happened to us in the second week of school I had a really hard time with it. I just have no resiliency left at this point and was enraged at having to go back to what I dealt with last year. I have no real advice but hopefully it will pass quickly. You won’t be the only one who can’t keep up with the schedule or whose kid will struggle, and the poor teacher will just have to compensate. (My husband is a teacher so getting the rage from both sides here!) It just sucks.
Anon says
Uch. I’m so so so sorry. I hope that this one week remote is enough to slow down the cases so you don’t end up with a longer quarantine. I’m also a bit jealous you live in a place that still takes this pandemic seriously though i know right now this makes your life much harder. Hang in there!
Anon says
Ughhhh we got a notice that our 4 yo was exposed to hand foot and mouth at daycare yesterday. She’s never had it. Parents who have been through this – how bad is it? Did you get sick too? I didn’t go to daycare, so I feel like I’m probably doomed to get it as well.
Anonymous says
It runs the gamut. My daughter had a fairly mild case, we gave her mylanta for the mouth sores and she ate smushy foods for a day or two, but mostly she was full bore energy, didn’t seem uncomfortable, and we were waiting out the hand and foot sores so she could go back to school. No one else in our household caught it.
I have friends who caught it from their kids and their kids had bad cases with sleepless nights and crying. Fingers crossed for you that your child either avoids entirely or has mild symptoms!
EDAnon says
Both my kids had it. They were sick for a few days (low fever and very uncomfortable). They healed up quick. I never got it with either of them. My husband got it with our first and not our second. For him, it wasn’t so bad except for the fever which was pretty high (for an adult) and he was worn out from it.