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Large watches have been trendy for a while, but I have a tiny wrist so I’m always on the hunt for smaller ones.
I love this pretty mother of pearl chip bracelet watch from Shinola. It has a petite 32 mm case, and a 14 mm adjustable, stainless steel bracelet band. I particularly like the date window since I’m always asking for the date. The numbers on the dial are easy to read and the classic look goes with any outfit.
Although a bit of a splurge, I wear a watch every day so I can see it as a save over time.
This watch from Shinola is $675 and available at Nordstrom.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Ifiknew says
I posted awhile ago about looking for places next summer with my 5 and 3 year old to do four weeks. They’d do half day camp while we work remotely (I work PT).
The Monterey CA looks beautiful but wanting to see if it’s kid Friendly. There seem to be many easy hikes, aquarium, playground, beaches. Weather is gorgeous in July.
Out other option is NYC. Trying to find a place on the UES, but we used to live there and love the idea of the city, but maybe it’s silly with a 5 and 3 year old. There are many many more kid attractions than I ever recognized when I started looking into it though and maybe 4 weeks isn’t too bad to do NYC?? My kids are suburban so I don’t know if they’d consider the city overwhelming or a blast.
anne-on says
Would you consider Westchester or Southern CT instead? Close enough to go into NYC on the weekends, but a bit of a quieter vibe on the day to day. A lot of the towns there have lovely downtowns, some are right on the water (more river for Westchester, LI Sound for CT) and there are definitely great aquariums/kids museums too. I’d also imagine it’d give you more bang for your buck (I’d imagine you’d get a house vs. apartment).
OP says
Very good point, I hadn’t considered that. I’ll look into it for sure.
anne-on says
We drive through southern CT/Westchester to get to family in NJ (Tappan Zee > GWB) and the kids museums in Norwalk CT are FABULOUS – I’d definitely try to hit those. There is also a newly expanded Lego world in Westchester that I’m sure would be a huge hit!
NYCer says
Without knowing where you are coming from or what you are looking for, my caution about Westchester and southern CT is that it will feel very similar to any other suburban town/city. (But maybe that is what you are looking for, so if so, go for it, it is a very nice area!) Also, if you really want to go into the city frequently, do not discount the hour train ride each way with small kids — it can make for a long day.
I guess my point is, if I had the whole country to choose from, I wouldn’t pick Rye or Westport or anywhere else in that area for a month long vacation. (And I like both Rye and Westport!)
Anon says
+1 yes I live in Westchester (and looking to move to southern CT). I love it but it’s crowded, trafficky, and not my idea of a vacation spot. The museums in Norwalk are nice for kids, but I can’t imagine the aquarium would hold a candle to those in CA. Personally, I’d pick somewhere with beautiful scenery and a nice yard for little kids
Anon says
Whoops fail, the +1 is in agreement with NYCer
AwayEmily says
What about the Adirondacks? Somewhere near Lake Placid, perhaps? Lots to do, lots of camps, etc, and not absurdly expensive.
Cb says
Monterey is super kid friendly! Do it! There is an amazing aquarium, Dennis the Menace park, otter and whale spotting, beautiful walks through the woods. I bet you could get a college student home for summer to give you some date nights.
Cb says
I literally met a woman from Carmel (in my tiny Scottish village, I grew up in the East Bay) an hour ago, and now have that beautiful coastline on the brain, clearly!
Op says
Thank you, so helpful!! How would I find said college sitter? On the C. A. R. E. Site or other ideas?? :)
Strategy Mom says
Nextdoor app is great for finding college sitters home for the summer. You can also find the babysitter facebook groups – (‘city name’ babysitters is what they are usually called). I have found summer sitters are so easy to find…school year not so much!
NYC could be a blast! I’d make sure you figure out the summer camps early – in our city, the good ones fill up the second they open for sign ups in January. I also would budget for them to be more expensive. One other idea – what about Hanover, NH or Woodstock, VT? Great summer places with camps, lots of day trips in the area, reasonable cost?
Boston Legal Eagle says
The Monterey Bay Aquarium is amazing and Carmel is such a cute town! It looks like there is a Cal State there, so you can see if those college kids are still there for the summer.
Anonymous says
I would do a beachy place, on the back. Off the top of my head, I’d pick Cape Cod because there are tons of daycamps there and renting a place on the beach won’t break the bank. You can work from the deck with an ocean in the background in the AM with the kids at camp and your kids can go play in the sand all afternoon. Lots of family friendly stuff to do all summer, including long bike rides. You could do day trips or weekend trips into Boston, RI, or up to Maine.
I live on the east coast, though, so perhaps there is a west coast version of this. Rent a house on the water somewhere in Southern CA and do the same.
Anonymous says
Caveat that I haven’t lived in Monterey for years and never with kids, but I would say it is kid friendly. There’s a nice flat bike trail that runs along the coast, the beaches are clean (the water is cold, of course, but the sand is nice), and lots of little parks. I used to ride my bike until I found some good rocks to sit on, then just hang out and watch the otters play. There are also ton of sea lions, which are smelly and loud, but the novelty is entertaining for at least a couple weeks. :) The aquarium is amazing. Not sure whether it’s still there or at all pandemic appropriate, but there was a small theater company on fisherman’s wharf that put on a lot of family-friendly shows. If you want to do some little weekend trips, Big Sur is gorgeous, has great camping, and hikes for all levels, and of course San Fran isn’t too far. There’s a procession to the water in Carmel every evening to watch the sunset, because it’s *that* beautiful.
Anon says
come to brooklyn! when my suburban friends’ kids visit they love it. brooklyn bridge park, the zoo, the natural history museum, but still not as loud or overwhelming as manhattan.
OP says
Do you know of half day camps for 3 and 5 year Olds in Brooklyn? Particularly for my 3 year old, it’s been a bit harder to find.
Anonymous says
3 year olds are typically in preschool or daycare, so you might have better luck looking for a summer spot at one of those if you want more than like an hour-long class.
I live in Brooklyn as well and think it would be fun, but swimming could be a challenge. If that is important to you be sure to pick a place right near (walking distance) a public pool. And be aware that NYC pools are lacking in amenities. You can bring almost nothing onto the pool deck but a towel, a book, a water bottle, and a plain white t shirt. There often are no chairs.
Anonymous says
PS – I just found this: https://mommypoppins.com/nyc-camps-preschoolers-starter-camps-first-time-campers
Note that entering preK in NYC means your child is turning 4 in that calendar year. So any kid turning four in 2021 is entering preK this year.
Anon says
where do you live now? that to me makes the biggest difference in terms of where you should go. Like do you want to be in a walkable city? Do you want to be in more of a driving place? The Berkshires could also be a good option. But I love NYC and would be happy to spend a summer there in a non covid world
OP says
Texas but we lived in NYC for a long time, hence the nostalgia for the city, but never with kids, so i’m not sure if the city would be just too much at 3 and 5. It’s only 4 weeks though, not like i’m raising them there, so the common concerns might not apply.
anon says
I would say no to NYC for a 3 and 5 year old who are from the suburbs and not used to walking to get to places or taking public transit (esp the subway). My concern would be 1) 3 year old would get tired of walking places, 2) 5 year old may be on their own scooter or something, but will need some coaching/extra oversight to stop at the corner/curb if you are in a suburb where kids play freely in a cul-de-sac, 3) if 3 year old is still in a stroller, subway stairs can be a slog.
If you are really set on Manhattan, UWS (specifically in the 80s) could be better than the UES because there is the children’s museum and natural history museum in the 80s, also a park with a playground on 79th, and generally lots of families with small kids so dining out with kids is not strange.
OP says
Thank you, so helpful!! The camps I’m looking at are on the UES hence why we wanted to be there but you make very good points. We might save this for when they’re a little older. Many other places in the country to do this type of trip.
Anon says
where in TX? i am also a former New Yorker living in TX . I lived in NYC both as an adult and as a kid, and my parents LOVEd raising little kids there. so much to do
exhausted says
After a difficult last year with almost no childcare for our 3-year-old and split shifts plus evening work seven days a week, I am just exhausted (as is my husband, we split our duties 50:50). Work never stops on tenure track, so I am already very anxious about what Delta will mean for this fall and winter until we have a vaccination for children, hopefully. I am looking for advice on how to restore energy levels so I can push through the next six months and keep up my productivity. What tricks do you have? I am thinking of little things, such as plenty of hydration, etc. because I have little control over my work load and the COVID circumstances. Grateful for any ideas.
Anonymous says
Unfortunately, I think the best answer here is to get childcare. I did this slog for about 6 months of the pandemic before we got childcare, and it was awful. If you’re not comfortable with a daycare setting, could you find a nanny agency or hire a (vaccinated) student for part-time care?
Boston Legal Eagle says
+1 You need childcare. Yes, you can technically work and watch your 3 year old all day every day, but it’s going to leave you exhausted. I don’t think there is a hack that will make this better because you are trying to do two full time jobs, sometimes at once.
Cb says
Yeah, we managed 9 months without but were wrecked at the end. I cried in relief the day nursery reopened.
Pogo says
This. Getting more childcare and household help is the only thing that helps me.
Waffles says
Haha, hi exhausted! It looks like we posted similar questions at almost the same time.
I think the thing that helps me most with my energy levels is owning that I have high sleep needs and carving out time to sleep. My partner does great on two fewer hours than I do. I think I read somewhere that women have higher sleep needs than men in general.
My partner and I go to sleep at the same time, but he wakes up two hours before I do. I wake up at the same time as my kid.
Yes, I know it’s not admirable to have high sleep needs, but I make big contributions to our family team that the others cannot, and this makes it possible for me to function well and solve problems efficiently.
Wishing you and all the moms on this board lots of strength for the months ahead.
GCA says
Tangential, but your sleep needs are your sleep needs! It’s crazy to me that we as a society idealize low sleep needs like they’re a thing you can work on or be proud of. It’s like saying people with 20/20 vision are better human beings than people who need glasses.
Aunt Jamesina says
100%! This drives me crazy, along with the idea that it’s “better” to be an early riser.
IHeartBacon says
This! It’s a sleep “need,” not a sleep “want.”
On the early riser issue mentioned by Aunt Jamesina, however, I do think becoming an early riser is something that people can work on (by shifting their bedtime earlier) and it’s true that people usually get more accomplished by being an early riser. I think it’s because once you get started by being really productive first thing in the morning, it’s easier to continue on that pace throughout the day. But if you work best in afternoons and into the evenings, then i don’t think being an early riser will help much.
Aunt Jamesina says
As a night owl in a job that requires me to be up early, I *can* shift it somewhat (I sleep from around 9:30-5:30), but my sleep is decidedly worse than if I’m able to get up later (ideally around 11-7). It’s pretty hardwired into people. I’m pretty religious about all of the sleep hygiene things you’re supposed to do and getting myself to actually fall asleep before 10:30 or so is still really hard.
Mary Moo Cow says
Ha to not admirable to have high sleep needs! Even my kids make fun of me for how much I sleep. I was a deep sleeper and fell asleep within minutes of lying down until I had kids. DH has always been a terrible sleeper – restless, wakes easily, takes forever to fall asleep — and since kids, I can’t fall asleep until DH falls asleep, and he often wakes me up with a bad dream. It’s miserable. I yearn for my 9 hours of quality sleep I used to enjoy.
Aunt Jamesina says
Separate beds or bedrooms are great for this! We sleep apart probably four or five nights per week since I wake up at every little noise. You need sleep :-)
Anonymous says
Sleeping apart is the best thing that ever happened for my sanity and my marriage.
Cb says
I will go to bed at like 8:30 if I’m feeling exhausted (life + lupus), try and drink lots of water, get as much daylight as possible and use a SAD lamp in the winter, and try to get outside for exercise (light, just a cycle ride or a walk everyday). I find if I get my sleep and exercise, I’m able to get more done in less time, so if I’m staring at the blank page or refreshing Twitter, I get outside.
Anonymous says
What’s your child care situation now? Drinking water won’t fix this.
Anonymous says
This. Society has convinced us moms that it’s our job to get tenure and publish a zillion articles and give our kids constant attention and make organic meals and … Drinking water and practicing yoga won’t make us any more superhuman than we already are. You can’t have a full-time job without child care.
OP says
We currently have full-time daycare, which is a big relief. But if cases spike again, we will keep our LO home (we did for ten months last year) and work 7am to 3 pm and 8–11 pm in the early, and 1–11 pm in the late “shift” to at least be able to put in a decent amount of hours. We parents are vaccinated, but cautious, in part because we take care of a high-risk family member with low vaccine effectiveness. I am trying to mentally prepare for yet another winter of decreased productivity (and feeling very stressed to have to balance health with my career and the social life of my child).
Boston Legal Eagle says
So you’ll be sleeping from, at best, 11:30pm-6:00am? While spending the whole day working and taking care of a toddler? I mean, again, yes you can technically do it, but you’re going to be exhausted. I’m sorry to be blunt, but you need to get some childcare. Yes, cases will spike and the health of your family member is important, but so is your health and well being.
Anonymous says
Right. This plan is bad. Wellness tweaks don’t cut it. You need full time child care.
Mary Moo Cow says
Gently, and not to disparage your risk tolerance, I think you need to consider back up care now. If you are going to pull your child from full time daycare, and you know this will cause you decreased productivity and stress, plan now for some respite care. (I know it’s no guarantee that it is safer: anecdotally, my kids in daycare and school were never exposed to COVID but my friend with 2 nannies had both nannies get COVID and then the whole family got it. So I get that it is not without risk.) But, you admitted you will be stressed and have decreased productivity — I did, too, when my kids were out for 3 months — and the only answer I have is to have childcare. It just stinks.
OP says
thank you, also for anecdotal insights. I mainly worry about our child getting sick (with unknown long-term effects) plus infecting our high-risk family member, who would likely not survive (as in, their immune system and lungs are seriously compromised already). this is why we had no contact to other people indoors and diligently wore masks when going grocery shopping etc. for many months… we managed somehow, but are feeling very worn out.
Anonymous says
Children are low risk. You can’t take care of yourself, your family, your job, and this family member. You need to figure out what you are doing for child care proactively.
Allie says
I think you need a vaccinated nanny in this situation. I’m very pro-daycare but I don’t think it’s going to carry you through the next eight months as needed. I think you should start hiring now and pull your kid from daycare when you find someone you feel great about.
Anonymous says
I don’t think a nanny solves her high risk problem. Vaccinated people can still transmit disease and she can’t control her nanny’s out of work behaviors.
Anonymous says
A vaccinated nanny is a whole lot safer than day care with a bunch of unvaccinated kids.
Alanna of Trebond says
Have a vaccinated nanny who lives in with you. That’s what we did during the pandemic (of course, she was not vaccinated until April 2021, so before it was an unvaccinated nanny!).
Anon says
Maybe you should look into a nanny if you are committed to keeping your kid out of daycare.
Anonymous says
You can’t do this. You’ll wind up breaking down or losing your job. You need to make a better plan now. Maybe that means hiring a full time nanny instead. Maybe it means looking into backup care for your high risk relative so if there is a day care outbreak you can call a home health aid for 10 days. But your plan cannot be to do this again it is not sustainable and is not working.
fallen says
I am on TT too and you absolutely need childcare, even if your schedule is flexible enough to accommodate for this split schedule. I agree with everyone that if your risk tolerance is low, it’s time to look into a nanny. We had one all of last year and it was super helpful given how bad COVID was. Or if that’s not an option, is there another one (e.g., if you are virtual, can you move in with grandparents who could help? an au pair if that’s even done now with COVID?).
My university is giving people an additional year for tenure, so hopefully you have that too and that takes some anxiety away about publishing. Could you also delegate work more/be more efficient, so that you can still publish while working less (e.g., find new collaborators, delegate more to grad students, find guest lecturers for your classes if they are on Zoom)?
OP says
this is very helpful! I will give a vaccinated nanny another thought, but I am reluctant to bring in someone from outside with ultimately unknown risk exposure.
thank you for the work-related suggestions. they are good and even though I have tried one or the other, I might think again about how to lighten my load. the main limitation I currently feel is physical/mental exhaustion though.
Anonymous says
Then take leave. It’s completely unsustainable to not have any care. You’re choosing to be excessively cautious at the cost of your career
Anonymous says
+1 to 11:13
I… sympathize with this, but you are bringing the exhaustion on yourself and refusing the most obvious way to fix it. You cannot do good work while simultaneously caring for a three year old, and honestly I would be really upset if one of my employees thought it was OK to have no childcare during the work day as a matter of course. Last year was extraordinary and there was a lot of leeway while people fumbled through, but imho, there’s no excuse for it this year, even if there’s a Delta surge in the fall and winter. You can see it coming, you have time to prepare. If daycare isn’t an option for you, you need to find a vaccinated nanny you trust, an au pair, a family member to help out, SOMEthing.
Allie says
Again, I’m super pro daycare but one vaccinated nanny is far less risk than 3 plus daycare teachers and a classroom full of unvaccinated kids, which is your current childcare.
Anonymous says
Just here to say that I support your choice to have your kid home with you right now, even if it’s not the choice I’m making. At some point, employers will obviously get pissed off about it, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t right to do it or that it’s just a symptom of capitalism going off the rails. There is literally a deadly virus that is hospitalizing and killing children. It is deadlier than most other viruses that our children are routinely exposed to, and the reason we’re still in this situation is because the adults in the room didn’t get their act together. The fact that some people value the health and well-being of their children over their career shouldn’t be seen as a bad thing and your precautions right now aren’t necessarily excessive in light of the Delta variant. These are extraordinary times, and I think we’ll look back in a few years and be disgusted by how many of us were expected to just get on with our lives as if nothing were happening. Whatever you choose, I wish you a lot of luck and hope you give yourself grace. Any childcare you can pull together will help enormously — more than you probably realize — but only you can make this call, and you’re not crazy to be weighing these options.
anon says
+1 to delegating. I’m realizing that there’s no way I can keep on top of publishing all my data myself, so passing some of it off to grad students/post docs is key for getting it actually out there.
Anonymous says
You need to figure out childcare. March 2020-Summer 2020 was insanity for everyone because we were basically all in unvaccinated lockdown. Delta is here, but so is the vaccine and rigorous testing.
In your situation, I would take a look at your childcare center’s COVID policies and figure out how often your kiddo might be out. If it’s too often, look into a nanny or a nanny share. I don’t know what the status is on programs like this right now, but an au pair or college student could also be a good solution.
My kids have been in childcare (one in daycare 8-3, one in PK 8-2, one in elem hybrid + pod program then FT elem school with aftercare) since September 2020. Toddler had to quarantine once (6 days of missed school); PK was closed one day due to potential exposure (turns out it was a scare), and my elem schooler missed five total days of school/pod program due to some combination of COVID exposure/waiting for test results/having symptoms that kept her out.
Anon says
the vaccine and testing definitely helps a lot! BUT – even with the vaccine, vaccinated people can still get covid (though less likely to get it and unlikely to get super sick), and spread it. I posted yesterday about a covid scare (fortunately kiddo is negative), but our pediatrician advised that our vaccinated nanny should still stay home while we were waiting for the results. unfortunately, the delta variant is much much more contagious. i am not saying this is right or wrong, but people are a lot more out and about than they were last school year, the virus is more contagious, so there will likely be more potential exposures
Anonymous says
You are correct. I’m just being pragmatic. If the OP is this risk averse, she or her husband need to take leave and probably shouldn’t be sending her kids to group care at all right now.
Anonymous says
If it is super important to you to have no outside childcare and to care for your vulnerable family member, could either you or your partner take a leave of absence if you have to return to no childcare? I suspect there would again be legislation protecting jobs for people that had to stay home for such situations.
That said, I’m an employment lawyer and already have several cases of people terminated after using their CARES Act leave. Yes, they may very well win a case against their employer but it’s not an ideal situation to be in.
Dear+Summer says
I know everyone suggests childcare but I’m with you on keeping my LO home.
1. Make sure you both get enough sleep everyday. Carve out naps if necessary. Being rested is the #1 priority for productivity and keeping your immune system in check.
3. If possible lean on vaccinated and trustworthy family members to help watch the LO or with tasks.
2. Outsource as many outside of the house tasks as possible. We have someone take care of our lawn needs and use a meal prep service. The meal prep is a splurge but save a TON of mental energy. We do curbside pickup for EVERYTHING: groceries, target, Nordstrom, Kohls etc. It shaves hours off of hour weekly shopping.
3. Lower your neatness standards. Keppel your kitchen and bathroom clean but relax on toys on the floor or socks in the wrong place
4. Do the BARE MINUMUM at work if you can.
5. Really think about your priorities. if your #1 priority is keeping your LO home what will you do if you burnout? Would either of you be willing to take a sabbatical?
OP says
Thank you! I will say that reading some of the comments is frustrating, in particular people pointing out they would not be happy as an employer. I do put in 10 hours of work seven days a week without a child present (thus the split shifts meaning my husband is the one caring for our child during this time or LO is sleeping), so this is much more than I would have to even if you deduct a decline in productivity. But of course, on TT it is not about hours anyway.
We haven’t used curbside pickup or deliveries or meal prep services yet and might try it. prioritizing sleep more might also help. But I agree, it ultimately is about priorities and willingness to take risk a over risk b.
Anonymous says
Maybe your husband should lean out at work until you get tenure? It is simply not possible to have two full-time jobs and small children with no child care without driving yourself over the edge. That’s not anti-feminist, it’s just the truth about human capacity. Something’s got to give.
Anonymous says
You’re living in a fantasy world where you think productivity hacks might fix this. They won’t. You need actual childcare.
Anonymous says
That was me, and I’m sorry it frustrated you. I’ll note that I’m not in academia, and you can disregard based on work cultural differences if you find it appropriate. IME, irrespective of the number of hours of work you’re putting in, if you choose not to have childcare, the perception will be that you are choosing to burn the candle at both ends with no end in sight, and to be less effective and less reliable at your work. You admit that you’re exhausted, so case in point. In contrast to last year, your risk tolerance is now well outside the mainstream, and there are many childcare options available, so colleagues may give you less grace. Again, I’m sorry this is upsetting, but real talk about how many people will view the choice you’re making. The fact that you disagree doesn’t make it untrue.
Anon says
what would you say to OP if she had a high risk child who was not yet old enough for the vaccine? or if OP was herself super high risk and a person for whom the vaccine does nothing?
Anonymous says
I would say she or her husband should take a leave of absence.
Anonymous says
And re leave of absence, I’m not saying that flippantly. My husband took a leave of absence from March-July last year, because there was no way we could both maintain work and childcare duties when school and daycare closed. You have to know when to fold ’em.
Pogo says
I have a colleague who reports into the C-suite who took a leave of absence because she and her children are high risk.
Anonymous says
Would it help if your husband took a week or two off to handle all childcare and household responsibilities so you could crank out an article in an intense burst of 12+ hour days, then you cut back on your work hours and only focused on teaching for the next few weeks so you could get more sleep? I can only really write articles in marathon sessions like that anyway.
Dear+Summer says
I agree that the comments are frustrating. Remember that you have to do what’s in the best interest of your family and doing so can be hard and can require sacrifice. It is, in my opinion, reasonable to seriously consider having your husband take a leave of absence from work if this gets to be too much. Everyone in this thread is correct in that you can’t do everything – I just disagree that daycare or a nanny or daycare is a necessary solution for you. It isn’t given your circumstances. If you do not feel comfortable with daycares or nanny’s because of health concerns, that is A-OK. Just be very honest with yourself about your childcare capacity as a unit and adjust that accordingly.
Anonymous says
Sorry for the typos…I’m on a cell.
Anon says
is your daycare masked? i have twin 3 year olds and their ability to wear a mask now is much much better than it was a year ago.
OP says
No. Unfortunately nobody is masked – daycare and other parents are against it. Also basically no testing and I frequently see kids with plenty of cold symptoms at pick up. But ultimately, my priority is not harming loved ones (which is why I didn’t ask for advice with regard to childcare in the first place), so I guess I will see how long I can manage to produce sufficient output and try the coping strategies mentioned above.
Anon says
i realize this is a regional thing (i’m in TX unfortunately), but is there any chance of finding a different daycare that uses masks? or given that you have an unmasked daycare, a vaccinated nanny is probably less risk
Boston Legal Eagle says
You didn’t ask for advice on childcare but the point that everyone is making is that there really aren’t any coping strategies that are going to help a near impossible situation. If you do this, you’re going to be exhausted, may even burn out and quit your job. If your priority is to keep your child and relative at home, with you as caretaker, then that’s just the reality you’ll have to accept.
OP says
I know. I was looking for advice on how to make this impossible situation that I am trying to navigate as best as I can (and have for the past year) a bit more bearable. Believe me, I wish I had better options, but any choice that is risking the life of my older child is not a choice I can make.
Anon says
OP – in your post below, you mention not harming your older child. I am confused – do you have 1 child or two children? If you are not comfortable with daycare, which i totally understand, i would try to outsource/simplify everything else (grocery pickup/delivery, meal planning, etc. rely a lot on frozen foods for meals, things that are super super super easy) that does not involve someone else coming into your home. would you consider a vaccinated nanny if the nanny and your child wore masks? or even if not a full nanny, a vaccinated person to come play with your kid outside for a few hours each day?
Anon Lawyer says
Yeah, I think some of the responses you’re getting are because it sounded like you were an occasional caretaker for a relative outside of your home. If it’s your older child in your home, that’s different. And it is impossible to work full time and care for kids at home without being exhausted – life hacks aren’t going to help and I think a lot of us have some pent-up frustration about being told they will. But if you have to do it, you have to do it – the possibilities generally are someone taking a leave of absence, exhausting your vacation/sick/FMLA/whatever time in shifts, and/or outsourcing everything you possibly can. FWIW, I don’t find meal prep kits to save much time – there’s still a lot of chopping and stirring and sauteeing. I’d probably look at fully prepared meals you can get delivered.
Anon says
Your best option is a vaccinated nanny. I am a severely immunocompromised adult with lung damage and non responsive to most vaccines. Covid will be brutal and likely mean a trip to the ICU for me when I get it…and I still have my preschooler in daycare because I have a job I want to keep and I cannot do good work by burning the candle at both ends. There is risk to everything. A cautious, vaccinated nanny will balance all your health/energy/career risks best.
Anonymous says
Get your high risk relative another source of care then. You seem to think we are all just meanies but you’re exhausted and at your breaking point. You need to make big changes.
Anonymous says
And if it’s a kid in your home, which is highly relevant info to only share 45+ posts in, then you’ll need to look for a vaccinated nanny who is willing to be very cautious or take leave.
Anon says
Anonymous at 1:30, while yes, i agree, that is relevant info, your tone is kind of obnoxious. my heart breaks for all of the parents of high risk kiddos and for high risk parents and i am so grateful not to be one. i like how everyone says to just take a leave of absence. not everyone can afford to do that. it makes me so angry that masks are not required universally for 2+ and that as a society we gave this virus a chance to mutate. yes, this is the reality we are now in and we have to figure out how to deal, but we should all show a bit more compassion towards one another.
OP says
It is – but much older. I didn’t want to go into the specifics of the situation, particularly because I only asked for strategies to take better care of myself to get back some energy and maybe even keep it up. I actually didn’t anticipate 40 comments questioning my choice against childcare in a pandemic to protect my loved high-risk family member (their age and exact relation should not matter). Some commenters did offer helpful ideas on my original question, thank you for that.
Anonymous says
Sorry. We just know that in reality you need to figure out a way to get childcare. Either by hiring it or you or your spouse taking leave. I won’t pretend that tweaks can fix this.
Anonymous says
Where the high-risk family member lives and the relationship do matter, though. If it’s visiting grandma in the nursing home, then maybe you do that via Facetime and send your child back to day care. If it’s an older child living at home, the cost-benefit calculus for child care is vastly different.
The longer this goes on, the less it seems like a legitimate request for advice and the more it seems like fishing for sympathy and kudos.
Anonymous says
Of course whether or not they live in your home and are your actual other child who only has you to care for them and not high risk grandma down the street you can hire an aide for matters.
So Anon says
First, all the hugs. It sounds like you are in a really hard spot with no easy answers. I know others have talked about childcare, so I will skip that. The first thing that I would recommend is taking care of yourself: sleep, eat and exercise. Get the sleep that is right for you. If you are a night owl, and can get work done late night, do that and sleep in if your partner can get up. Or flip it if you are a morning person. Eat foods that give you energy. Find a meal kit or delivery service that makes your life easier – I have smoothies delivered and meal kits. My oldest has Celiac’s so we are a gluten free house, and I am vegan, so not a ton of options. Nonetheless, I found one that works and it cuts down on the shopping and decision making. Move your body everyday in a way that feels good. If that is walks with the 3 year old in the stroller, great. If you can invest in a piece of exercise equipment, do that. I have a treadmill and a desk that I can put on top so that I can do light work and walk at the same time. If I am not taking care of myself, by sleeping, eating in a way that feels good, and exercising, then no amount of productivity hacks will help.
Then, cut down on the number of decisions you are making. Come up with a uniform for yourself and stick to it. If there are chores that you need to do, come up with a schedule and stick to it. Declutter your email so that you are seeing less to deal with on a daily basis. Come up with a meal schedule that is the same week to week: Meatless Monday, Taco Tuesday, leftover/order-out Wednesday, Choice Pasta Thursday, Pizza Friday. Save all of your brain power for work and being with your family.
OP says
Thank you, I appreciate it and hear you wrt decision-fatigue and all the cooking…
Anon says
yes, there should be no active cooking happening in your life right now. so many hugs.
Anonymous says
I am a little confused. You have a TT faculty position and have no control over your workload? Are you doing lab work in the hard sciences? In the social sciences and humanities you should have a lot of control over your workload, way more than a lawyer or most of the other professions represented here. Sure, you have to teach and publish and put in your committee time, but you can at least control the workflow better than you can in a regular job with clients and deadlines.
Anonymous says
Have you considered sending your 3yo to live with other family? This situation sounds incredibly unfair to them–lack of social interaction, chronically stressed and exhausted solo parents. It may sound like an extreme option, but I hope you can see from the comments here that your situation is quite concerning–not just for you, but for your toddler as well. The fact that you’re bringing up something like “hydration” suggests to me that you don’t really grasp that.
It’s also bizarre to me that you’re writing off the possibility of a vaxxed nanny. Sure, you can’t geo-track someone to monitor their behavior outside of work, but during the interview process you can get a pretty good sense of someone’s lifestyle and risk profile.
Anon says
would this be your suggestion if it was the 3 year old who was the immunocompromised one?
to the OP – we have a cautious vaccinated nanny. in fact, my nanny is probably more cautious about covid than we are (and we are pretty cautious). can you talk with the older relative’s doctor to see if they have any ideas on how to minimize risk? you asked at the beginning of your post, how to help with energy levels – if kiddo is currently in daycare (which sounds like is the case?), can you take a day off to have to yourself to relax? i liked So Anon’s suggestions about how cooking shouldn’t be a thing in your life right now – frozen foods exist for a reason. if you aren’t spending money on daycare, can you afford to send out laundry? if you are not comfortable with a full on nanny, would you consider someone very part-time, even for a few hours one weekend to come play with your kid masked outside so you and DH can get a bit of a break? I do not know the climate where you live, but even if you have someone come a few hours each day and just play with kiddo outside? when you see the immunocompromised relative do you wear a mask? can the relative wear a mask? can you get a n-95 mask to wear? it sounds like you are currently thinking ahead to what happens if you decide to pull kiddo from daycare, which is great to plan ahead – but do you think you are making yourself feel more stressed right now since right now you have childcare? are you feeling anxious right now bc you are currently sending your kid to daycare? have you and DH decided on a thresh hold that will make you decide to pull kiddo from daycare? no judgment at all, and i fully admit that my own risk tolerance is not at all logical, but i am a bit confused as to why you are currently comfortable with an unmasked daycare, but not comfortable with a vaccinated nanny. you could even ask the nanny to mask.
Anonymous says
I’m not sure what you’re implying here–that’s it’s heartless to send a toddler to stay with their loving grandparents for a month while cases are spiking, because it’s a matter of life or death for their sibling? My toddler would miss us a lot, but would also love the time with Grandma and Grandpa.
Anonymous says
OK so I will admit I know nothing about higher ed, but I assume there is some kind of HR department at your school. Does your husband work for a medium+ sized company? If I were in your situation, my first stop, and my husband’s, would be our respective HR departments to document a request for reasonable accommodation due to the older child’s health needs. Your plan sounds like a recipe for burnout. Unless you are both superhuman, your job performance will suffer, and I would want to be ahead of that.
Hugs, though. This sounds like a very tough situation, and I agree with others that wellness tweaks are not going to cut it. Outsource *everything*
Waffles says
Are there some easy things that you do for the health of you and your family that you feel make a difference? Looking for ideas.
A few things I do: keep an eye on my partner’s moles (he has a lot), try to get eight hours of sleep a night, and pack a vitamin gummy with omegas in my kid’s lunch.
Thanks!
AnonATL says
I take a multivitamin.
My husband and I both have 1L nalgenes. We try to drink 1 bottle before lunch and 1 bottle after lunch.
I typically get 8-9 hours of sleep a night.
We have a “of the earth” quota with every meal so we can eat cheese pizza but it has to be served with a good portion of fruit/veg
I get an annual physical, gyno visit, and derm visit because I’m moley.
I aim for 1 designated physically activity a day. It can be a 20 minute walk around the block, but I need to move.
Anonymous says
I insist on the whole family going for walks every night after dinner unless there is an actual blizzard.
Anonymous says
I love this! In the winter when it’s dark earlier, do you live somewhere well lit or do you go in the dark and just bring a flashlight?
Anonymous says
Flashlight! I figure people with dogs walk every day so can we. Our routine is dinner, dishes in dishwasher, walk, bath, books, bed, and whichever parent isn’t on bedtime duty finishes cleaning the kitchen. The kids moan sometimes and it’s not a long walk, but just getting the fresh air feels so good.
AwayEmily says
We are also after-dinner walkers. Flashlights in winter. We try to mix it up — sometimes they bring their scooters, sometimes we bring a bag and collect trash, sometimes I bring a couple of jelly beans and hide them somewhere along the way, sometimes we walk by a friend’s house and draw on their sidewalk, etc.
That being said if one kid really, really doesn’t want to go, we don’t force them — one of us takes one kid walking and the other one stays home with the other; I figure sometimes they just really need some one-on-one time with a parent and it’s a good opportunity. This only happens once every couple of weeks, though.
Spirograph says
Us too. We take flashlights, and also wear reflective belts. The kids each have one in their favorite color
Anon says
do vitamins do anything for kids? i have twins, they literally share popsicles. one seems to have a much worse immune system.
kjn says
In general, multivitamins don’t do much unless you have a deficiency in that particular vitamin. A lot of people do have iron/vitamin b/vitamin d deficiencies though
Anon says
I think this depends on diet and GI health. It’s pretty easy to diet track for a week or two on fitbit or cronometer to see if intake is adequate. Then it’s a question of how much of the nutrition in food is being successfully digested. I had a bad immune system as a kid… it was partly having low IgA immunoglobulins (a pretty common issue to have), and partly the GI complications of low immunoglobulins leading to deficiencies (my vitamin D was absolutely tanked the first time they checked it).
Anonymous says
We got a dog. She enforces a strict regimen of long daily walks. She also demands to be petted, which is good for mental health.
Mommasgottasleep says
Take fish oil daily, prioritize sleep, sub la Croix for beer, sauna.
Anonymous says
I coordinate nearly all of the food in our house. If I didn’t, DH and kiddo would probably live entirely on processed food with tons of sugar. I also make said food easy to consume – cut lettuce for salads, roast big batches of veggies, cook big batches of chicken, etc.
DH and I also make a point of exercising regularly and giving each other the opportunity to do so.
Anonymous says
Take my kids to the pediatrician, brush their teeth, plan/procure/prepare healthy food, encourage exercise, nag spouse to go to dentist/derm/etc., breastfeed baby.
Did you mean aside from that?
GCA says
Fun question: as your family’s circumstances have changed over the years, what kinds of lifestyle creep have you noticed, kid-related or otherwise? One of mine is that I’m now paying more money for news/ entertainment media subscriptions. (We pay for the NYT, the Boston Globe, and the Economist, as well as a couple of video streaming platforms, though I am still sharing a WSJ subscription with some colleagues!)
Mary Moo Cow says
Mine is buying tons more clothes and toys than they need and not caring about cost. They get something on two out of every 3 trips to Target and one kid has 28 dresses. Ridiculous. Also, we’ve only bought used cars, but our latest used car was top trim level and more than we paid for our first two cars combined. Now that I know heated and cooled seats, I don’t think I can go back.
Boston Legal Eagle says
It’s funny, I was just thinking about how we lived when I was in law school (in an apartment in Allston – you’ll be familiar with the area!) Clearly, we spend more money now. I would say we’ve dramatically increased our spending on food – groceries and now mostly takeout in the form of eating out. I don’t know if it’s all kid related, but they certainly contribute. We try to buy a lot of fresh produce and we don’t really buy meat in bulk so the one offs add up. We could be better, but I’d rather shop at my local grocery store than Costco right now. We also pay for cleaners and other household maintenance help.
Pogo says
Yep, we spend $200-300 at Whole Foods every week. I think we spent $300 a month when we were broke grad students in Somerville.
AwayEmily says
Yup, I think it’s on food. We get an expensive CSA during the summer, and more importantly just don’t really look at prices when grocery shopping. After seven years during grad school of comparing prices across cans of tomatoes, it’s an incredibly freeing feeling.
GCA says
Ha, the broke grad student (family) life is fresh in my mind! Gosh, my own broke grad student years were in East Cambridge before all the shiny new biotech went in. I agree about the food spending going up. Since DH started working in industry, we’ve gotten a lot more takeout – this is great both in terms of time spent cooking and to support local restaurants – and I no longer scrutinize the unit cost of groceries before I buy them.
Pogo says
re: Cambridge/Somerville – We were back in the area recently and DH and I felt like such crabby old people… “they put up luxury condos there!? that dive bar is gone now?!”
AwayEmily says
I still have the grad school mentality when it comes to free lunch. Yesterday I was at a conference and snuck some extra cookies and chips into my purse.
Anonymous says
Now that my children are old enough to behave at restaurants we eat out a lot. I like it- no cleaning, no distractions, enjoyable family time.
rakma says
We went from drive it into the ground car people to new cars/leased cars over the past couple years–the maintenance headache was too much and public transit is non-existent here so car reliability is a must. (DH and I are both in the office now, so no more WFH break from driving)
We also spend so much on groceries, plus take out, but feel I lucky that I can prioritize organics and fresh food, and 27 flavors of yogurt so everyone gets the brand and flavor they like.
There’s been some extra spending on hobbies this past year in particular, as well as kid activities (sure you can have a new cardboard coloring castle, please entertain yourselves for 20 minutes!)
Anonymous says
Agree so much with food. Toys are a bit much, too, but it’s hard to say how that has changed because we didn’t have kids when our income was much less. Right now we’re doing a ton of work on our house which feels really luxurious.
Anonymous says
Like others, I’d say lots more money on food. I also know I spend waaaay too much on my son’s clothes. I thought I’d by more consignment/used clothes. But things are either not than much cheaper than getting them new (maybe $1-$2 dollars) or it’s not anything that I want. I also feel like, with a boy, I have smaller window than girl moms of where my son gets to where more whimsical clothes (I.e. animal appliqués on clothes or an elephant hoodie)… soon enough, he’s most likely just going to be in khakis and a polo or jeans and a t shirt. And when I’ve tried to buy used/consignment, I struggle to get complete outfits together because the colors don’t match/coordinate – like the blues are different because even though they’re the same brand, they’re from different seasons. When I buy new or on sale, but direct from the store, I get to create a capsule wardrobe that even my father in law can create an outfit from without it looking haphazard.
Anon says
To the food comments above, yes some of it is lifestyle creep but how much is also just having less bargain-hunting time than you used to?
I spend more on convenience, but that’s because so much of what was free time is now taken up by kid items – whereas before I had a whole evening to hit three stores for the cheapest ingredients and then prepare a meal from scratch, now I have a clock running because I have to pick them up from school, get them fed by 6, so we can get one to soccer practice and the other home again to do homework, so then they have time to shower before bed.
That’s just the meal example but I feel like it’s true in the rest of my life too. I could have spent a leisurely Sat afternoon shopping for cheap but cute and well-fitting clothes for myself at our local consignment shops before, but now cleaning after a full household and a pet means I have less time for shopping, so I do a massive online order from Old Navy and Gap and call it good for the season. Etc.
strategy mom says
Dogs – I posted yesterday and got some great feedback and am back with a slightly different question. We want dogs – my son needs a dog and I believe a dog would bring a lot to our lives and we would be great dog owners. I am genuinely willing to do all of the hard work and training. And now seems like the right time – we will have a full-ish time nanny for the next 3-4 years (puppy/higher maintenance years of the dog’s life) which would help with daytime dog needs and with the pandemic, I’ll be working from home 3 days per week for the next 1-3 years. BUT, as a working mom, am I really committing to a dog walker from year 4 till year 16 of the dogs life? Is that what people do? Doggy daycare isn’t a legit option for us. We’ll have an afterschool nanny, but that still means there’s a 7 hour gap if I leave for work at 8:30 and middle school kids get home at 4:30? I’m guessing a dog walker costs $20ish a day? Thats roughly $5k a year plus the cost of the nice boarder when we go on vacation (and that doesn’t include the other costs because I’m already comfortable with them). We have a great yard and moderate weather where we live. My husband grew up with lots of dogs…but had a SAHM so this level of thinking hasn’t occurred to him yet. Someone said having two dogs (we wouldn’t get at the same time) might make this more feasible so the dog isn’t lonely, but the idea of going from 0 to 2 is daunting right now lol. I looked into older dogs yesterday after some suggestions, but I’ve had bad experiences with animal shelters (traumatized animals who need more specialized care than we are able to provide) and our local one is oddly empty. Someone mentioned trying to find an older dog, and I’m definitely looking into it, but for the purpose of yalls feedback, let’s assume that’s not an option. I wonder if I need to pay a dog trainer a consultation fee to help me think through this. We’ve got a great dog yard/house and good weather (with exception of 2-3 months) and I wonder if we could do some kind of doggy door setup that would make a dog happy while we are at work. Any wisdom would be appreciated! How do yall do this? Is everyone paying $5k a year for dog walkers?!
rakma says
Breed and temperment come into it, but my parents have had dogs alone in the house for a 7-9 hour span with no dog walker, and after the puppy stage, it’s just the routine. Dogs go out before the last person leaves for the day, first person home lets the dog out, and as long as the dogs energy needs are being met regularly, they sleep most of the day.
Anonymous says
This. My dogs can easily go a normal workday without a break. I know because if I come home early, they don’t even bother getting up sometimes. I can also check on them w/ our security cameras. If we both know we have a late night planned, we get someone to let them out around their normal let-out after work time. Usually it is just a neighbor kid. We have a fenced in yard so it is super easy for the kid to let them out and back in. But pre-COVID we probably needed to do this maybe 5 times per year. The rest of the time they chill at home. One day / week they got to daycare but that’s for socialization and exercise, not because they can’t sit home all day.
avocado says
I would never leave a dog unattended in the yard while I wasn’t at home, and most rescues won’t let you adopt if that’s what you plan to do. Too much can go wrong.
We leave our dog alone for 8 hours at a time and it is not a problem. She sleeps the entire time (I know because that’s what she’d do when I worked from home during the Before Times). Some dogs will need to be crated during that time, some can have the run of the house or a few rooms. I wouldn’t go beyond 8 hours. We did not want a dog walker, so we waited to get a dog until our daughter was old enough not to need after-school care and could come home on the bus and let the dog out in the afternoon. If you’ll have a nanny until your kids are old enough to do this, you shouldn’t need a dog walker.
Not all dogs need or want a second dog to keep them company. I wouldn’t assume you need two.
We had serious concerns about shelter dogs after having a very bad experience with one many years ago. This time we adopted from a breed rescue that keeps the dogs in foster homes, discloses all health and behavioral issues, and offers a trial period during which you could return the dog with no questions asked. We were able to screen out dogs with issues that were dealbreakers for us, like aggression and separation anxiety. It took us 9 months to be matched with our dog, but she is absolutely perfect for our family. Breed rescues tend to have the longest waiting lists and the most ridiculous application and approval processes, and can be very frustrating to deal with, but for us this seemed like the best path to finding a dog with the right temperament and energy level. One frustration we had was that the foster families end up keeping most of the dogs for themselves, so next time we plan to try the foster-to-adopt route.
Anonymous says
OP, where are you located? Our dog is totally fine alone in the house all day, although that was not necessarily true from ages puppy-3 or so. I think an older, chill dog would be perfect for you. If you are in the DC area there are approximately a zillion rescues, many of which only board dogs at fosters and therefore have very good information on their behavior. I agree the very intrusive over involved match process can be frustrating, but it’s really for your benefit because the rescues don’t want to keep taking back the dogs over and over again either.
Anon says
We have at least one parent home all the time now, but our 9yo dog goes pee at 8am and 6pm and is completely fine and healthy on this schedule. If we’re home with the kids and going for a walk/bike ride/scooter we’ll bring him with us and he’ll pee then, but if we’re not wandering around the neighborhood otherwise he just gets the two outdoor excursions. This wouldn’t work for a puppy and even as a young dog we gave him more trips outside, but for the past couple years this has worked for all of us.
Anon says
my family got a dog when i was 13 and my sister was 10. dog was generally alone from 7:30-4pm and then from 7:30-5:30, once trained. when we first got the dog, the nanny of a neighbor took him out when my mom was at work. we had a miniature poodle in an apricot color. he genuinely looked like a little teddy bear. we did not have a fenced in yard, so the dog had to actually be walked. i’m not an expert on this, but idk if smaller dogs could be a good option bc require less exercise?
Anon says
Just FYI size doesn’t correlate to exercise needs. Some big dogs (great danes, for example) are one of the lowest energy breeds dogs, while an australian shepherd on the smaller side is highest needs.
Anonymous says
Small breeds tend to be yappy and demanding. A medium-sized to large dog that is calm will be most laid-back and low-maintenance. Avoid hounds and labs.
Anonymous says
For a trained rescue, check out some of the Paws in Prison programs. I have two from the Arkansas program that were transported to the Northeast. Not all of the PIP dogs are eligible for out of state transport but a good number are.
Anonymous says
What are your plans for when your kids are in elementary school? If they will be home after school (alone or with a sitter), they can let out doggo.
FWIW my childhood dog could stay home for 10 hours at a time, no big deal.
dogs says
We have a doggy door and the dogs can come in and out as they please. We have a 15lbs dachshund and a 20lb mutt, this set up has worked for us for years. The doggy door goes to our kitchen and is behind a pet gate that keeps them in a smaller 10 sq ft area when we aren’t home. We don’t want the dachshund running up and down stairs all day, and the dog trainer also said the dachshund needing a separate space where he could be gated off from strangers (he has high anxiety, is aggressive toward them). Never had any problems with other animals coming in the door. We have cameras on the kitchen part and they only come inside when its super hot or super cold or its raining. The dogs get pretty dirty being outside so much though. The rescue we got them from had no issues with this either. They just care if you have a fenced in yard.
AwayEmily says
I know this has been asked before, but — kids’ leggings that don’t get holes in them? Looking for size 5/6 if it matters.
Anon says
We are team Hanna (on sale!). In the last 2 years (since, you know, DD started walking) I think we’ve had one pair with holes and that was when she caught some metal hardware on a headfirst floor dive after a sprint down the hallway next to a dresser at around 2.5 (thankfully her head missed the dresser). She is rough and tumble at its best and they have held up really well.
Mary Moo Cow says
Our Hanna Andersson and Primary leggings hold up for years (solids over rainbow stripe, though, for whatever reason); my sister loves Lands’ End and Hanna Andersson leggings. They are more expensive, but Primary offers a bundle discount and Lands End and Hanna frequently run sales. This is an area I probably wouldn’t buy second hand. I have no prob with second hand dresses (see above, that’s how one kid ended up with 28 dresses) but not leggings.
Anonymous says
Uniqlo!!! On kid#2 after the first kid rose them for two years.
Anonymous says
Editing: “wore” them for 2 years. Stupid auto correct.
Anon says
Polarn O Pyret
anonn says
I’m sure you’re aware, but Carters are the worst. do not buy for any kid that can walk. Cat and Jack and Old Navy fade pretty bad, but we aren’t having problems with holes.
AwayEmily says
Thanks all!
Dear+Summer says
I have and love this watch. It’s classic and polished(which I care about) and still gets points for being from a “cool” brand(which care less about).
Stacey says
I have a very similar watch that I love. Although it was even more of a splurge (a special milestone gift from my spouse). It’s the Tudor 1926 Opaline with dark purple accents. And it’s automatic, which I love.
Anonymous says
Does anyone have a Honda Pilot and love it? We are finding that the minivan is not camping friendly for the last few miles of many trips due to gravel roads and winter / mud. Minivan is 12, so we are looking for a big car with a giant second row, storage, and available third row. I don’t want a Tahoe / Suburban and I’ve heard that the Pilot is basically an Odyssey dressed up like a truck with a bit more clearance and AWD.
Anonymous says
Yes, OMG, yes. I recommend it so much.
AnonATL says
I have a 2019 and love it! It’s a bit big for daily use in our family currently (1 kid, 2 dogs), but we regularly take long car trips and it is wonderful. Good gas mileage given the size, super comfy to drive, and has some get up and go.
We are planning to try for a second kid shortly so we will grow into it more.
The only thing that makes me mad is Toyota makes a Hybrid Highlander but Honda hasn’t jumped on that yet
HP all day says
Yes we have a Honda Pilot Touring and really love it. We don’t even pop up the third row since we love all the trunk space. Back and front heated seats, DVD player, nav, etc. Really smooth ride and nice turning radius. Really great for a family with kids. I will say that if you’re used to a minivan with sliding rooms, it’ll be a bit of an adjustment. Not sure what inventory is like, but if available I’d request one w/ captains’ chairs. I don’t think that was an option for us when we bought.
Anon says
My 6 year old daughter is not super athletic and several times through the year came home and had me try to teach her a cartwheel or a headstand. Because the other girls at school were all into this I think. One of her best friends is doing a “tumbling and trampoline” class in the fall so I thought that would be perfect. She’s hesitant now.
So my question is, at what age do the kids stop showing off their cartwheels at school? Is gymnastics a useful thing to do for a short while? I think I want to avoid the class but I also want her to feel confident with her peers and I know the kids in her class are always showing off for one another! Is this something that has come up for anyone else? First world problems for sure, but she’s my anxious kid so I’m more sensitive to it.
Anonymous says
IME 6 is the peak age for playground gymnastics. By age 8 most kids will either drop rec gymnastics or be on the team track. You can teach her a cartwheel at home if you want, but I wouldn’t enroll her in gymnastics just because other girls are doing cartwheels on the playground.
There should be plenty of decent cartwheel tutorials on YouTube. Coach Meggin’s video skills tutorials tend to be pretty good, so I’d start with her. You are looking to start with a progression that involves the kid putting her hands on something like a folded panel mat or a firm couch cushion and then sort of hopping over.
Anon says
i would think this is something they would grow out of soon in terms of showing this off? do you want to avoid the class because of covid? or because you think the other kids in the class would be better than her at the tumbling and the class will make her feel worse?
Anon says
Well SHE was initially interested and then said she didn’t want to do it – I think because she’s worried she’ll be the worst!
There’s other sports she likes better so I think I’m going to try to gently steer her towards those. Thanks everyone for not making feel crazy!
BTW I have totally tried teaching via youtube – there’s been lots of laughs in the backyard as DH or my sister does headstands and whatnot but this definitely falls into the prefer-to-outsource category for me! For the more coordinated, I agree, there’s a great youtube world out there!
gym mom says
If it makes you feel any better, a good straight cartwheel is one of the more difficult beginner gymnastics skills for kids to learn, at least according to my daughter’s preteam coach.
I’d put her in a sport she’s actually interested in and let her show off with that.
Anonymous says
I still do cartwheels on the beach and in the grass and I am 44, so … never?
EDAnon says
+1 I only did a year of gymnastics as a kid (at maybe 6 or 7) but love doing cartwheels. And I took adult gymnastics for a bit which made them a lot better!
EP-er says
My daughter is 9.5 and cartwheels/walk overs constantly. I don’t know how much they do it on the playground and how much is just her personality, though. I will tell you, I was so relieved when she was in a beginner dance class and they taught her how to cartwheel — I like outsourcing these things to the professionals! :) (I tried to cartwheel at 40. It was neither pretty nor fun and I am just glad I didn’t hurt myself! But maybe I should have never stopped when I was younger….) We did gymnastics for a while, but had to stop due to COVID and haven’t start back up yet.
But, it is important to be herself. She might not be a cartwheeler on the playground, and that’s okay! Or trying a class with a friend might be the thing she needs be more confident. Can you try it for a month or two and see what she thinks?
Anonymous says
Ha, yes, my kid’s natural position is upside down.
Anonymous says
Sign her up for tumbling. She’s interested. You can’t just let an anxious 6 year old not do anything because she’s a little worried. It’s your job to work through the hesitancy with her. And tbh you sound super anxious too. If you aren’t treating that, you should.
Anonymous says
I agree that this whole issue seems fraught with anxiety, but I don’t think the answer is that the daughter has to learn a cartwheel unless she truly wants to get involved with gymnastics. It sounds like that isn’t the case, and she just wants to do cartwheels to fit in. The answer here is to help her learn that she doesn’t have to be the best at everything and follow along with what everyone else does.
OP says
I’m super not anxious IRL. Known for it! But that doesn’t mean I don’t try to be a good parent. That’s why I sometimes ask advice on parenting a more anxious kid, so thanks internet stranger.
She’s interested, but then asked not to do it and then asked to do tennis instead. They’re different days of the week so could theoretically do both, but don’t want to push something that’s just going to be no fun for her. In this covid world where we aren’t allowed on campus and there aren’t individual playdates it’s much harder to discern what types of skills/activities are peer pressure driven versus interest driven.
Anonymous says
Awesome! Obviously we are all just responding to a tiny snippet. Take what works for you and leave the rest
Anonymous says
Tennis is a really great choice. Unlike gymnastics, it is a sport that she can enjoy at any level from very casual to relatively serious for her entire life. Our middle school tennis team is enormous and takes almost anyone. Highly recommend if she is interested.
OP says
Yes sorry, I may sound defensive! I’m glad others are enthusiastic on tennis – I was into it too. But I also hate to have nervousness guide her or have her avoid learning something that was apparently a recent “need to know” among the six year old cohort… I hope they age out of this one fast as gymnastics is not easy!
Also this one is definitely not going to want to be a cheerleader, so that takes out another potential factor.
Anonymous says
As she gets older, there will be plenty of other extracurricular trends that she’ll be left out of just because there isn’t time to do everything. Theater is the worst offender here, ugh. They need to learn that they can’t have it all.
Anon says
Fwiw I was jealous of kids that could do cartwheels, declined gymnastics because I was anxious, and could not care less as an adult.
Anon says
My parents would have said I definitely wouldn’t cheer and I did for 10 years!
Anonymous says
I am so glad I learned basic tumbling as a kid and still at 39 enjoy being able to do cartwheels, handstands, etc. I consider it a fundamental skill and recently had a … conversation with my spouse about/ whether we could fit in gymnastics for our kids. Apparently not everyone (ie my spouse) feels this is such a crucial childhood skill!
Anon says
Everyone gets their own opinion on this and you can prioritize for your kids as you choose, but just want to note that I had a very happy childhood and now a fulfilling adult life. I have literally never ever done either a handstand or a cartwheel.
Anonymous says
Lol a cartwheel is not an essential skill
Anonymous says
I know, duh, for me it is important our kids learn and apparently for my spouse it isn’t!
Anon says
um, i could do a cartwheel as a kid/teen, but now at age 36 – forget it! to me a crucial childhood skill is swimming and bike riding. ice skating is nice to have
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, same. I didn’t do gymnastics as a kid but figured out how to do a cartwheel, probably in PE or something. I haven’t needed to do this in my life in the same way as swimming or bike riding – I don’t think of it as an essential skill at all.
AwayEmily says
I took gymnastics for a year-ish as a little kid and then quit when they started to teach cartwheels. I was like “you want me to do WHAT?? Absolutely not.” Honestly I think my instincts were good, I have the worst coordination of anyone I’ve ever met and would probably have broken my neck. Anyway, my lack of cartwheeling ability did not negatively impact my life in any way. Or I should say, it hasn’t yet! But who knows what the future holds…we have a new department chair and perhaps she’ll institute cartwheels as part of the tenure requirement…
Anonymous says
My 8 y/o is athletic and has a group of sporty friends that do a few different sports and at one point or another (or maybe still do) gymnastics. Most of them did gymnastics/tumbling until they were good at cartwheels, then quit. If there’s a fun rec gymnastics class, it might be good for her! I’m nearly 40 and have never been able to do a cartwheel and wish I’d learned :)
Anonymous says
If she really wants to be able to do a cartwheel but doesn’t want to take gymnastics classes, why isn’t she in the backyard trying 1,000 of them a day? That’s what I would have done at that age, anyway.
Atlien says
Gymnastics is a great exposure for general body awareness and learning how to fall!
Anonymous says
Quick gut check- I have a very responsible, rule-following 8 year old girl. Due to COVID, she’s gotten very comfortable fending for herself all day while mom and dad work. My office is in the attic, DH is in the basement. She literally has gone 4 hours without seeing either of us on some days. Right now, I haven’t seen her since 9am but I know she’s made herself breakfast, watched a show and is now doing a lego kit until her friend comes over later.
Recently, we’ve started leaving her home alone for short periods of time. Usually it’s 10-20 minutes at a time, longest ever would be 45 minutes (if I ran to the grocery down the street and there was a line). She is not allowed to cook and we don’t have her snack while we are gone yet, either because it’s so short. These are all local errands where we could be home in under 10 minutes (drop sibling at activity, pick toddler up at daycare, etc). We have a land line that office-phone style where she can push a single button and get 911, Mom, Dad, Grandma (who lives in town), or Grandpa on speed dial. She also has an iPad from which she can call us (and has practiced), and we have Alexa dots around the house that will dial my cell if she says “alexa, call mom!” (which she has practiced). We live in a very safe town on a large lot with security cameras. She can walk to our neighbors if she needs anything- one is a lovely 70 year old woman and the other is a couple that has grown children and both are semi-retired and WFH.
When I told my mom kiddo would be home by herself for 15 minutes today between when I had to leave for a hair appt and when DH got back from the dentist (both within a 5 min drive from our hosue), she looked at me like I was abusing my kid. I told her that back in the day, she left me home at a similar age (I may have been a grade older, but I was the same age- 9 at the absolute oldest), AND WITH MY SIBLINGS. I grew up in a much less safe area (think: we had a security system that was often tripped!), with no cell phones.
I thought I’d get a quick gut check here since while I know 8 is on the young end, and I would not leave her home for hours at a time or with siblings or let her cook, I thought it was within the range of, well, not child endangerment.
Thoughts?
I could totally pack up kiddo, drive her to my moms, then have DH pick her up on his way home but it’s an extra ton of driving when she’s perfectly capable of watching TV for 15 minutes. If this were my 5 year old, it would obviously be a non-starter (and frankly, my 5 year old probably won’t be able to stay home alone until she is 16!).
Anonymous says
I think what you are doing is perfectly safe and appropriate, and is a good and necessary step towards gradually building independence. We did the same thing around the same age, but we did not let anyone find out about it because the de facto rule in our state is that you will get referred to CPS if you leave a child unattended before age 12.
Anonymous says
I think this is fine. I stayed home alone for similarly short periods of time younger than 9.
Aunt Jamesina says
My parents definitely did this with me with rules similar to yours. I imagine a lot of people do this, but don’t tell others because of the judgement they’ll likely face from others. My mom definitely has a selective memory about pregnancy and child rearing, sounds like yours does, too!
Anon says
Here in MD, you can legally leave your child home alone when they are 8, so I waited until then to start leaving my kid by herself- so there is definitely that angle.
I think it is very dependent on the child and parent, and you seem to have been very thoughtful about it on both fronts.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Sounds fine and safe. This reminds me of that book “Small Animals: Parenting in the Age of Fear” which goes into some reasons about why it seems like kids are not left alone anymore (and it’s not due to actual safety risks). She sounds mature and probably loves the independence.
Aunt Jamesina says
That book was such an interesting read!
Cb says
Sounds totally fine? I don’t think I was quite as young, but definitely in that range. I hate our Alexa from a creepiness perspective, but being able to call with voice commands is super smart.
Spirograph says
I don’t think this is out of bounds. My youngest is almost 5 and oldest is 8.5, and I leave them alone, usually doing screens or playing outdoors, to go for consecutive walks around the block (~7 min loop) almost every day. I’ve left the older two home alone for 30+ min to walk over to pick up the youngest from daycare on multiple occasions, and would leave all of them home to run to the store if they were outside with neighbors. 45 minutes is outside of my comfort zone for the youngest, but if I had just the oldest (also a rule-follower), I’d probably be OK with it. We’re good friends with several neighbors with similar-age kids, yards are small in my neighborhood, and usually there are at least a couple adults milling around outdoors. I tell them we’re heading out and please keep half an eye & ear out for the kids, and tell the kids that we’re leaving and [friends]’ parents are home if they need a grown-up. Almost all the kids are home this month, and they’re basically roving among our yards and houses while parents wfh… we just have a group text to keep track of where they are.
anon says
Totally fine. At this age it’s more about the kid, and if you trust her it sounds fine. My parents are like this too, and I’m always like what are you talking about? I remember my mom leaving me alone when I was 3 to run to the store.
EP-er says
I support this! I had a similarly responsible kid and did this. The only thing I might suggest is that one day when you and your husband have 20 minutes of free time, actually set off the fire alarm & see what she does. We do this once a year with my kids and it is helpful to know what they do… Does she come look for you in the basement/attic or safely exit the house and wait for you at your meeting point? Are there neighbors she knows she can go to if there is a problem? Also, one time when you are coming back, ring the door bell and see if she answers. Actually doing the thing is so important instead of just talking about it.
Responsible kids can be great in the 99% of typical situations , but knowing what to do in the unusual situations is so important!
Anonymous says
OP here. She has actually asked the family to practice a full-on fire drill. They did a fire safety thing at school and we have a Family Fire Plan, but she asked that we set the alarm off in the middle of the night to practice.
and this is why i feel OK leaving her alone on occasion ;)
EP-er says
Love it – She sounds ready!
Anonymous says
In my state, a 12YO can be left in charge of a younger child (but alone solo before that), so I think you’re OK, especially since it’s not for long. Left alone for hours and they decide to cook lunch and burn the house down (or more likely, burn themselves) — different situation at that age.
Anonymous says
That sounds totally fine and is definitely something I was doing at age 8. But… check the law in your state as many have changed. In my current state illegal to leave the kid home alone until age 10.
Anonymous says
OP here. Our state has no law- I checked.
Io says
Ha! I started babysitting my siblings (4&3) when I was 8 so my parents could run to the store.
The biggest difference is we had a land line and I could use the phone to call for help. If you have a land line, congrats you have my permission! If not, consider a flip phone.
Anon says
For those of you that used a night nanny, what hours did they come and did you do several days in a row or spaced out? Any best practices? Oh and how many weeks did you do?
Planning to breastfeed. This is our third and we haven’t gone this route before but I want to have energy to parent the other kids this time around and I think it could help. TIA!
CCLA says
We did 3 days a week for 10 hours a night (I think it was 9-7, so baby was often asleep when nanny arrived and then in the morning when she left it was the natural time we were starting our day anyway). At about every other day, it meant that we had enough rest to feel less in a fog. We committed to having her stay through when baby was 12 weeks, which was plenty for us as baby was sleeping 10-12 hours a night by then. 3 days a week was fine but in retrospect I probably should have hired for 5-7 nights, it would have been worth it. We had a pack n play in the guest room and a chair for feeding (DD was on formula). Same best practices really as with other sitters and nannies – communication on expectations is key. For us that included making sure we were aligned on safe sleep practices.
Anon says
We had a night nanny with our second. She came on and off for the first 3.5 weeks (I think it was something like 12-14 total nights spread out over that time?). She typically arrived around 9 PM and would leave around 6 AM. I had her come basically back to the back for the first 4 nights we were home from the hospital so I could physically heal and rest after giving birth, which was amazing. We then spaced out our remaining nights over the next few weeks until we had used them all. I would typically “stack” two nights together and then do one or two nights off, which was bearable because I knew help was coming and I’d sleep again soon.
I BFed and she would bring baby to me to nurse and then come take him away and I would go back to sleep. I’d sometimes try to pump and leave milk for her so I could get a longer stretch but didn’t mind waking to find him, either (I despise pumping). I also kept some formula on hand in case he needed to be “topped off” in between nursing sessions, which she used a few times.
We also had a Snoo, which she didn’t use when she was here, but I do feel like it helped a lot on the nights I didn’t have help. It didn’t make my second into a magical baby who never needed to be sleeptrained, but I do feel like the motion and snug swaddle helped us avoid the worst parts of the newborn sleep struggle.
Anon says
our night nurse saved my life. i had twins, i was triple feeding (so breastfeeding + pumping + bottle feeding). our nurse would come wake me when it was time to feed, and then i would go back to sleep after (in my case it all took longer bc i had to separately feed two babies and pump). i’m almost embarrassed to admit how many weeks/days we had her. but DH got only one week off and started a new job two weeks after our kids were born, and we have no local family. we started actually with 24/7 for two weeks, then 7 nights a week, then 6 nights and then 5 nights, 4 nights. She was with us for 9 weeks total at which point, one twin was sleeping from 10pm-7am. do your older two go to school? i’d think about whether you want to be more well rested on the weekdays or the weekend. For me, being more tired on the weekend was ok bc DH was there to help me during the day, while during the weekdays I was alone during the day.
NYCer says
We had a night nanny for 3 months for both our kids. She came 7p-7a, six days a week (Saturday night off). She was AMAZING and worth every penny. If you want to do 10h per night, the norm around here is 9p-7a. I appreciated the bath time and bed time prep with her coming at 7p.
If you the goal is to have your child sleeping through the night by the time the night nanny leaves, I think you need her to stay about as long as we did. If you just want some help while you’re recovering from birth, then even a few weeks would be helpful.
anonn says
We bought 10 10-hour nights. She came 9pm to 7am. We did Monday and Wednesday nights since my husband works Mon-Friday. Our service didn’t let the same nanny work consecutive nights. For the first 6 weeks or so my husband was able to take off Monday and Friday Afternoons. So if Sunday or Thursday night were bad, I could get a nap the following afternoon. And then we knew we had double coverage Mon, Wed,Fri,Sat. Since he needs to be alert for work, and I breastfeed, he doesn’t wake up with the baby on work nights. So Tuesday was the only potential problem night, but hopefully I got a nap in Monday afternoon.
So I’d feed the baby before she got there at 9, and then hand him off. It was glorious! I got to help older kid with bedtime, take a shower, talk to my husband. We just moved the bassinet into the guest room and they stayed in there. She texted me when he woke to nurse, about every 3 hours, though we were fine with a 5-6 hour first stretch. She’d change his diaper and I’d come out and get him to nurse and then hand him back. I assigned her a separate ringer so I’d be sure to wake-up. We sleep with our dogs so we didn’t want her to walk in and wake me up.
We had her come night 2 after we got home from the hospital. Best idea ever.
Anonymous says
So, I’ve never had a night nanny, and this comment might be way off base. But I’d probably have her start around 3 weeks and then have her for two consecutive nights per week for many months rather than everyday at the beginning. I’d rather spread out the good sleep over time. And I night two nights in a row of good sleep to really feel back to normal.
Mommasgottasleep says
We used a night nanny with our twins (who are six months old today!): I cannot recommend it enough. She came 5 nights a week (Sunday-Thursday) from 10PM-6AM for 40 hours per week. We used a night nanny service, so they took care of the taxes (as in, billed us for it, instead of her being our employee). We kept their NICU schedule and I formula fed, so DH and I did 9PM bottles, DH went to bed, nanny arrived at 9:50 and we chatted for a few minutes then she sent me to bed. She did midnight and 3AM bottles, DH and I both woke for 6AM bottles and she left. She texted me every morning to tell me how much they ate, bathroom habits and their temperament through the night. She washed bottles. She offered to do laundry but I’m a SAHM so I had that covered (otherwise would totally have taken her up on it). Her contact was week to week (unusual but they’re fosters and we expected them to reunite with family: sadly they never did) so she ended up staying with us two weeks short of three months. By that time the twins were reliably sleeping through the night, which I 100% attribute to the night nanny’s training. It’s expensive but I’d absolutely do it again…but we’re done with babies I am pretty sure.
LittleBigLaw says
Random question: I really like Dove’s moisturizing hand sanitizer, but the smell is just awful. Are there any fragrance free alternatives with a similar consistency? I see that the baby version is fragrance free but can’t seem to find it for sale anywhere, even online.
Anon. says
Unexpected equal labor win of the day: my husband got today’s call from daycare about the toddler’s minor but reportable head injury. Not even a missed call on my phone. Hooray for daycare!