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It may be convenient to grab plastic bags at the store for your produce. However, all that plastic eventually ends up somewhere forever.
Purifyou’s Premium Reusable Produce Bags make it easy to do your part to reduce plastic waste. These bags come with tare weights so you can buy from the bulk section, hold up to 16 pounds (I promise those plastic produce bags can’t do that), and extend the life of fresh, non-leafy produce for less food waste. You can even use them to store non-food items. (I’m personally drowning in play food, puzzle pieces, and building blocks.)
The set of bags is $14.97 at Amazon. If you’re going the extra mile and want to avoid even more plastic (these bags are polyester), Purifyou also makes Premium Reusable Mesh Produce Bags from raw, organic, unbleached cotton for $29.97.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
I bought reusable produce bags in March of last year and have never gotten a chance to use them. The number of plastic bags we get from curbside pickup is truly horrifying.
Anonymous says
+1 That is one reason I am excited to going back to in-store grocery shopping — reusable bags! Not one giant plastic bag for each item I ordered!
Anonymous says
Our grocery store is not allowing reusable bags during the pandemic. Not sure when that will go back to normal.
Anon says
Same. The Trader Joe’s has a station outside where you can bring your cart with your purchased, unbagged groceries and put them in your reusable bags. And Target will let you use them, but you have to bag everything yourself there at the end of the check out. Several other grocery stores, you are out of luck.
(In Northern CA).
Anonanonanon says
Yea a lot of the ones here don’t allow reusable bags right now.
Clementine says
This is actually one of the reasons I dislike Instacart/curbside pickup.
(Although around here, it’s paper bags. FWIW – I keep a clean, empty laundry hamper in the trunk and for bigger items/a few items I ask the shopper to just ‘dump the bag and keep it’. This is really good for Target where they give you – and charge you for – reusable bags every time.)
AwayEmily says
At our grocery store (wegmans) we can sidestep ALL produce bags, which I love, because they have little scales in the produce section where you print stickers with the weight/cost. We designate one reusable grocery bag for all the produce, and put the stickers on the outside of it. Then the checkout person scans the stickers.
Anonymous says
Depending on where you are (I am in the DC area), your local grocery stores/Target might collect plastic bags and other plastic for recycling. I bring in a huge bag of plastic wrap, bags, etc every other week or so.
Anon says
I do this, but I always wonder what actually happens behind the scenes (i.e. does it actually get recycled?). Since China stopped taking our plastic, I’ve read it all just ends up in landfill anyway. Does anyone know?
It’s still better than nothing, but knowing it might not get recycled like we like to think helps motivate me to reduce plastic altogether to the extent I can.
Pogo says
So interesting how different parts of the country are – the municipalities here have all outlawed plastic bags, but we can’t use disposable because of the pandemic, so I get a million paper bags. We recycle them. I used to like getting the plastic ones every once and awhile to line my small trash cans, so now I have to buy separate bags for that.
My husband also doesn’t like it when I keep the produce in these mesh bags in the fridge, because the produce doesn’t stay crisp. So again, every once and awhile we would get plastic so that we’d have some plastic bags to use for actual fridge storage (though we jus re-used the same one for say, bell peppers).
Anonymous says
+1 – most of the grocery stores in my area are gradually doing away with plastic bags (except of course for curbside pick-up !) This means that i will have to buy single use garbage bags instead of reusing the small number of bags that i currently bring home (and pay for) to hold “leaky” groceries like meat etc. which i currently don’t combine with the other groceries in reusable bags.
I guess the solution is to purchase larger compostable bags to actually reduce your plastic consumption?
Pogo says
Right, I buy compostable for the small trash bags. But compostable bags are not always the most leak-proof, by definition!
Anon says
I use these mostly for giving away stuff on buy nothing, and have gotten bags of plastic bags from other people on buy nothing when I’ve run out
Anonymous says
To keep produce fresh, I highly recommend the Rubbermaid FreshWorks containers that were featured here about a year ago. They work much better than plastic bags. The downside is that they take up a lot of space.
Patty Mayonnaise says
ISO casual, long button down shirts that aren’t too baggy that look reasonably put together with leggings. I have a chambray one from J Crew that I bought in a “tall” size that fits this description, but having a really hard time finding others. Madewell is always short and really wide and I just tried Summersalt, which is a great length but sooo wide. Any suggestions?
Anonanonanon says
Not super helpful, but coming to say not Everlane. Aside from how they treated their workers when they tried to unionize, I have one from before that happened and it is SO BAGGY and incredibly see-through.
I have one from Banana Republic that may fit the bill, it’s their poplin tunic. I don’t see it in white on their website anymore, though.
Anonymous says
If you search for “tunic” you may have better luck. Old Navy has a button down popover tunic right now, LL Bean has one that is a linen blend…
Anonymous says
Actually it looks like Old Navy has a number of options
anonamama says
I’ve owned a few iterations of the button-down tunics from Old Navy and love them. They make them in tall and regular sizes. They do change a bit from year to year but are pretty good overall. Foxcroft has some dressier variations and I think Chico’s may too. (I”m always on this quest, have yet to achieve perfection!)
Anon says
I am currently wearing a lands end flannel one, and I imagine they make non-flannel ones.
Anon says
Try Banana Republic talls in one size down or Express.
Katala says
I have a Tencel fabric, chambray style button down tunic from either gap or old navy that’s a couple years old but fits that description. The fabric is nice because it wrinkles less than other chambray shirts. They tend to recycle styles so might be worth checking if they have something.
Anonanonanon says
Unsolicitated product rec: I got the Quince premium washable silk cami in ivory (not the stretch one) and I’m impressed! It’s lined really well so it’s not see-through, which I hoped for but did not expect. It says they’re in low stock now, but again, I find not-see-through white tops hard to come by so wanted to share.
Fwiw it’s definitely ivory, not white.
Anon says
Well, you convinced me. Just purchased one and it’s on sale ($40) – not sure if Quince normally runs sales or not, but it seemed like a reasonable price.
Anonymous says
Victory! My local, atrocious, school district hasn’t been open one day in person since last March. Even though every surrounding district is at least partially open. They announced reopening and then the night before, cancelled if. After massive outrage they are now at least getting K-3 back in the building part time next week. (Our last day of school is end of June so I think 8 weeks is better than nothing).
No Face says
Wow, I’m so sorry for you and the kiddos in your district! My kid has been back since October and she really flourished after returning. She struggled so much when schools were closed it broke my heart.
My district has already confirmed that school will be in-person, five days a week, for everyone. It is also hosting vaccination clinics for eligible teens and recent alums.
Anonymous says
Oh yeah and our teachers all had the opportunity to be fully vaccinated by the end of March. Special teachers only clinics and time off work. The Superintendent is terrible, the school board is a joke. I thought I could eke out one more year living her with public kindergarten but nope, went private in the fall and now moving.
No Face says
I would do the same thing in your shoes.
Anonymous says
Along these lines, recommendations for reusable bags to replace ziplocs? We have tried stasher but DH doesn’t think that they seal well enough and they are “hard” to close (eyeroll/this dude insists on glider bags).
ElisaR says
we use the wax paper sandwich bags and they have a sticker to seal it…. any chance that would work for you? i have bought them at target and whole foods. and they have cute sharks or apples printed on them.
Spirograph says
We have some from Simple Life that I got on amazon. They’ve been in near-daily use for school lunches this year and are still going strong. Washing is a bit of a pain because they’re handwash only, but I think that’s the item, not the brand — I’ve found I have to turn them inside out so they can hold a shape with enough airflow to dry.
They don’t have gliders, but I think the zippers are pretty smooth and easy to close!
Anonymous says
Agreed that Stasher can be somewhat annoying to open/ close, but they are definitely the sturdiest of the options that I’ve tried. The not-great solution I’ve landed on is avoiding ziplocs as much as possible and instead using (mostly glass) tupperware. I invested in new tupperware of all shapes/ sizes and it’s allowed us to cut back on ziploc usage quite a lot.
Anonymous says
We do this as much as we can but daycare has a no-glass policy.
Anon says
I actually agree they are hard to close, but I like the stasher ones otherwise. I still have to send kiddo with sandwich ziplocs for snack though because she isn’t able to open the stasher bags without assistance, but we are definitely using the stasher bags for storage at home a lot more.
Anonymous says
I recommend the Bumkins zipper bags for things that won’t leak. They have regular zippers.
Anonymous says
Have you tried just washing/reusing your ziplocs? The small ones do reasonably well in the dishwasher. For the big ones, I have to hand wash.
Pogo says
We handwash ours and let them dry inside out. The only time I actually throw one away is if it was like, pb&j or something really hard to get out. Using a Bentgo means we rarely use plastic bags anyway, though with COVID we’re not supposed to send in an actual lunch bag so I put the Bentgo inside the same paper bag until it rips, out of protest. For the baby I put his lunch (still on purees) in a small container and ziploc that w/ a spoon, and re-wash and re-use the same two ziplocs.
Anonymous says
We have washed our ziolocs for years and it has NEVER occurred to me to put them in the dishwasher – thank you!!
We have some planetwise Velcro snack bags (silicone inside, fabric outside) that I really like for school and bringing snacks on outings. Hand wash but it’s easy.
Redux says
+1 to reusing your ziplocs– they do not have to be single use plastics! We handwash our ziplocs, too, and dry them inside out in the drying rack. They last a long time.
Anon says
I just wanted to say that these threads are fascinating to me. My husband has OCI and his issue is germs, and he has come a LONG way with a lot of work, but washing/reusing ziplocs would just never fly in this house. I try and do my part as much as possible for Mother Earth, but we use so.many.ziplocs. I’m impressed by all of you!
Anon says
OCD, not OCI. Facepalm.
TheElms says
We use these. I don’t know if your husband would find these hard to close but my husband can manage it and he is very anti things that take extra time or are the least bit annoying. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07DK41XBT/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
We also use the bumkins zipper bags for dry snacks and cut up fruit. They go through the washing machine well. And I put a lot of things in small Tupperware that I used to put in plastic bags.
Anonymous says
I find that stuff dries out quickly in Stasher bags, no matter how well you think you’ve closed them. My husband also finds it difficult to get his hands inside the smaller ones. We just wash and reuse Ziplocs.
PetiteMom says
Where do I start with my research about saving for college? Our financial advisor suggested Bright Directions (We are in Illinois). I just want to make sure I make an informed decision. Our son is 4 (I know we are late!) Please let me know if you have any suggestions/tips besides Mr. Google. Also how much do you contribute?
Happy Thursday!
Momofthree says
Look into your states 529 plans and then see if there are other states that might give you a better deal.
In DC there’s a tax deduction for up to $8k per year so thats what we contribute. When you’re looking at your states plan be sure to look at the expense ratio (what % of assets they will charge to manage it) and what funds you can buy into.
DC used to have a much higher expense ratio so we were pleased when they changed servicers.
Pogo says
+1, we do our state plus Utah, I think, which was the best at the time when we opened. We have just one for both kids (you can change the beneficiary later), and like the poster below, we have quite a bit saved already and both kids are under school age, so we’re not rushing to open up another account or be more aggressive.
anonIllinois says
I think you mean Bright Start? (I’m also in Illinois.) Bright Start is the Illinois 529 plan, and it is very good. The biggest benefit is that growth is tax free. If I put in $10 in 2021 and it grows to $15 by 2031, when I withdraw it for educational expenses, I do not pay tax on the withdrawal. Normally, if you bought stock for $10 and sold it for $15 you would pay tax on the $5 increase. Also, in 2021 you will get a $10 deduction on your Illinois income tax. The caveat I would add is that you don’t want to over fund it, or put in money that you might need for other purposes. There is a substantial penalty for withdrawing money and using it for non-educational expenses. I have funded it to cover 80% of the projected college expenses of our LO, to make sure we don’t over fund. We’re in a very privileged financial position, however, and whatever you can do will help.
Anon says
+1. Also in Illinois and also in Bright Start. I socked away part of my bonus each year so they each had $10K by kindergarten, and now we do $100/kid/month. It’s not a lot, but it’s what we can afford and it avoids putting too much in. Honestly, I don’t know how to project college costs 10 years from now, but if it is truly going to be $250K per kid like the projections suggest, we’re going to lean hard on our local community college for two years. College is great, but very few careers are worth starting with a $200K loan just for your undergrad.
Anonymous says
We’re putting in just enough to maximize the state tax benefits. Both my husband and I are veterans and will encourage our kids to consider the military as an option for paying for education (and gaining valuable experience), as well as trades. I think college will look very different and have a very different value proposition in 15 years. So many technology jobs are really more akin to a skilled trade than something you need a traditional degree for.
Redux says
I think I agree with this comment, though I am of two minds about it since DH and I both went to costly elite schools for undergrad and grad and are very grateful for having done so. I agree that crushing debt is no gift, but if my kid gets into Stanford will I not send her?
Our main reason for mostly ignoring our kids’ 529s for now is that we are nowhere near our max contributions for retirement. As our advisor said, you can borrow for college but you can’t borrow for retirement. We are catching up after many years of being out of the workforce and thus not contributing to retirement (an ancillary cost of that elite grad school education!).
Anonymous says
I attended a large elite state school for undergrad and a middling state law school because it gave me a scholarship. Husband went to medoicre state U for undergrad. Knowing what I know now, I wish I’d gone to an elite law school or none at all. Based on our own experience, we are prepared to make huge sacrifices to pay for our daughter to attend private college if (and only if) she is admitted to one that is a good fit for her and has the connections and reputational advantages to give her a leg up in life. We are not paying $$$ for a second-tier private school, or for an elite private school that looks like it will destroy her. The fallback position in that case is for her to go to our state’s excellent small public university or for her to pick a less fancy private school that offers substantial merit aid. Under no circumstances do we want her to take on loans.
Anonymous says
Mediocre. Maybe a better school would have taught me to spell.
anon says
“If my kid gets into Stanford will I not send her?” If it’s not the right school or affordable for you, then no! I hear this all the time (not just here, also from parents at my kids’ private school and from colleagues at my law firm) and really want to push back against the idea that people “should” or “must” do the most prestigious option available.
I got into Yale and my parents didn’t send me – couldn’t/didn’t want to make the financial arrangements to make it work. Instead I went to a small religious school, did great research, was published as an undergrad, met my same-religion husband, and ended up going to a top-10 law school on scholarship and have a career I love. Maybe things would have ended up even better for me if I had gone to Yale, but how?
DH decided not to pursue a well-funded, highly-ranked PhD program after undergrad and instead got a second degree in his late 20s from a technical school that his work paid for, and now has a flexible, highly-compensated part-time gig and lots of time with our kiddos.
If your kid can get into Stanford she’ll be perfectly capable of crafting a life she loves without debt from an elite school. Certainly there are advantages from elite schools but yeah, it’s always an option to not go – no point in worrying about the $$.
Anonymous says
If your kids have already earned college credits while in high school, through AP or other means, community college with be pretty much useless to them. Community colleges are designed for students who were not well prepared for college in high school and focus on remedial and entry-level courses. Most kids who are prepared for four-year colleges in high school only need a few GE credits of the type that can be earned at a community college, and will already be taking prerequisites for their major during the first year of college. The people who transferred to my four-year school after two years of community college all ended up spending three more years to fulfill all their requirements. I don’t see how that really saves money.
Anonymous says
Yes, this! I am an academic advisor at a state school so I see this all the time. In reality, 2 + 2 (2 years community college, 2 years 4 year) does not work as well as people believe. Usually it ends up being at least 2 + 3 which probably doesn’t save much if any money. It also disadvantages students because they’re not always prepared for the rigor of their upper level major classes if they took the intros at community college. It can work at schools where there’s a really defined agreement/pathway for transferring, but it’s still tricky and students need really good advising at their community college. It also can depend on the major – a liberal arts major might work out ok, but a STEM major (what I have the most experience in) will be difficult.
EDAnon says
I work at a CC and disagree with your statements about who community colleges are for. We offer undergraduate research opportunity and have super successful students who transfer (one of my employees is a former CC student getting her MBA. She’s awesome!). We certainly do have great programs for students who were not well-served by their previous experiences, but it’s incorrect to say that is all we do (or even what we do best.). It’s sad to say but students who are well-prepared and well-resourced will do well wherever they go and community colleges offer a lot of opportunity to engage in high-quality academic experiences in smaller class sizes.
I agree that if you don’t do it right , transfer can be expensive/require repeating courses (though it’s also a cheaper way to explore a lot of different things if you’re more undecided). It’s also critical to know where you want to transfer and work with their advisors from the start. Or live in Florida where they have common course coding and transfer is much more straightforward.
Anonymous says
EDAnon, I’m the academic advisor poster above and I agree that the poster above me didn’t characterize community colleges correctly. But it sounds like we all agree that you have to be very careful and get good advising to make transferring work without a lot of extra classes.
Spirograph says
Not late, late is if your kid is already in high school! I found the website savingforcollege dot com helpful in comparing 529s. My state (Maryland) has a website that covers at a high level the tax-advantaged accounts for our state; Illinois probably has something similar. 529s seemed more versatile to me than the prepaid tuition or Coverdell savings accounts, so I just jumped in. But really, don’t let perfection be the enemy of the good. Putting some money away regularly anywhere, even if it’s not the best, is better than not.
Anonymous says
One more thing: I think (and I am not a financial planner or any sort of pro, so ask yours!) it is also possible to use Roth IRAs for education. Even if you exceed the income limit to contribute directly to a Roth, you can pay the taxes and do a conversion. Plus Roths are just good to have for retirement, so if you don’t spend all the money on education, there it is for later.
Anonymous says
Second your state’s 529. Right now we contribute $600/month. Our financial advisor has suggested that we consider splitting that amount between the 529 and a regular investment account. Our state’s tax deduction isn’t great and if our daughter attends an in-state public school we’re oversaving. He recommends saving the cost of in-state public school in the 529 (which smaller private schools often match) and the rest in the investment account, which would give us more flexibility with a possible excess. That way we have enough to cover an expensive private school, but statistically that cost isn’t as likely.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This sounds smart. Right now we’re saving in 529s for each kid (one our local state, one not), for roughly the amount it would be for them to go to state schools (which is still ~$30K+ a year). I can see the argument for saving the rest (i.e. the extra for private schools) in a separate investment account when we get to that.
10:35 Anon says
Thanks for this comment. I’ve had mixed feelings because the advisor would benefit from the investment account, and there are definitely options with an excess in a 529. So it feels a bit like conflicted advice. But also advisor was a good friend before we turned our business over to him. And he actually switched careers during the friendship, so we knew him well before he wanted our business, lol.
Spirograph says
I don’t know about the investment account advice. You could end up with a *huge* tax hit. Say you have 200k in the investment account, 150k of which is capital gains. There are literally headlines popping up in my news feed right now about Biden proposing doubling the capital gains tax, which would take a 50k+ chunk. Even if that doesn’t materialize, depending on your income, capital gains tax will significantly cut into your savings. That would all be protected in a 529, so unless you think you can make up for 15%+ taxes in gains with the better investment options outside of a 529 my gut feeling is that you’d be better off having too much in the 529 and paying taxes on the “leftovers” because you’re using it for something other than education.
Anonymous says
Or change the beneficiary on a 529
anon says
We were contributing $1000/month per child, this is steep probably for many. We stopped recently though, our kids are 4 and 2 and we have $60k and $80k in each of their accounts so were going to let it grow and reevaluate in a few years.
Anon says
This is similar to what we did – we put in $8,000/year (our state’s max for tax deductions) for the first 7 years, and then stopped, moving over to putting the money in an investment account. This way we can take advantage of as much tax free growth as possible, while trying to avoid over saving.
Anonymous says
Where are people getting this kind of money with young kids? All of our money was going towards child care and paying off law school at that point.
anon says
I’m the anon that had the $60k and $80k balances. We did some bulk contributions and our $1000/month as well. My husband works in biglaw but law school was paid for and I had a big finance job for a long time. We live in a LCOL area in Texas.
Spirograph says
We did not contribute to 529s until our oldest was in K, if it makes you feel any better. We prioritized keeping a healthy emergency fund and maxing our retirement accounts, and there just wasn’t that much left over with two or three in daycare and reduced income due to unpaid parental leave. Could we have found an extra $100 a month? probably, but oh well, ship has sailed.
Pogo says
We don’t have student debt and our house was only ~$500K; we also put any birthday/christening/etc gifts from friends and family into the 529. We also didn’t have car payments for the first ~10 years of our marriage, which is $500-1000/month right there.
Anonymous says
Your house “only” cost $500K? LOL.
Anonymous says
Jeez, I am on the wrong board. Our house cost $250K and we have never had a car payment because we buy cheap cars in cash and drive them into the ground, but we still don’t have a couple thousand extra per month to throw at college savings. Guess I should have gone into biglaw after all, or had rich parents. Sigh.
Anon says
We had kids in our late 30s and had no student loans left and high paying jobs.
Anon says
I mean, I’m not the poster with the $500k house, but this board heavily skews toward HCOL or VHCOL areas, where $500k might buy a small condo (see the convo re: DC condos on the main board), so I get the point they were making.
GCA says
Ah, 500K gets you two bedrooms and 1000 square feet in a HCOL metro area like greater Boston. If you’re lucky.
We still don’t have this kind of money and are just rebuilding savings now that DH is working full-time — childcare is our biggest expense. In fact we had a negative cashflow for a year when we had two kids in daycare and DH was finishing his PhD. We make very tiny but regular contributions to our IRAs and 529s because I have absolute faith in the power of compound interest :) the big one for us is that neither of us had any student debt due to a combination of scholarships and other things.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, to second Pogo, in greater Boston (at least within the 495), only $500K is relatively cheap. The cost of living is higher here.
Boston Legal Eagle says
^ GCA – that $500K house will still be haunted by the Loyalists :)
Anonymous says
@Boston Legal Eagle – ha!
Anon says
My house was $350k in a LCOL area and while it’s nice and very comfortable, it’s not especially fancy or huge. I could have definitely spent $500k+ on a house if I wanted a bigger, fancier one. $500k definitely strikes me as very cheap for Boston!
Anon says
I was lucky to have minimal law school debt and paid it off in Big Law in my 20s long before we had kids. We don’t put as much towards college as some here, but have been able to pay daycare, save $5k for college and still save well for retirement. Living in a LCOL area and only having one kid are definitely factors in this. It was very important to my husband that we pay for any college in full for every kid we had, and we couldn’t have done that for two kids without major lifestyle changes. I personally think it’s a silly requirement (lots of kids take out some loans or have to go to a school that’s not their dream school and turn out fine), but I was also leaning one and done more than him so it worked out ok.
Anon says
We do our state’s 529 plan because we get a tax credit. Currently we only contribute enough to get the max tax credit, which is $5k/year. We have one child and our savings are growing nicely (she’s 3). I doubt we’ll end up putting much beyond this in savings. My parents have told us they’ll help with college and we could easily pay a big chunk of it out of current income. Infant daycare was $20k/year and we were able to save for retirement and travel while paying that bill, so if we cut back on those things I don’t think it would be a hardship to pay $30-40k/year or more out of current income. We also would expect some financial aid if she got into one of the most elite private schools and neither DH nor I are interested in paying for a private school that has lower academic standards than our local public schools. So we’ll see what happens but I don’t expect to have much more than $90k + appreciation in our savings accounts when it’s time for college.
Anonymous says
So first, DH and I met at a snobby, expensive, top 50 but not too 20 private college (we were camels!). We then went to NYU for grad school (he got an MBA, I did public policy, not at the same time but we were both living in NYC and didn’t want to move).
Our 4 kids are now double legacies at both schools.
Our goal for each was to have at least $25k saved for them by the time they are in K, then do a monthly contribution of a few hundred dollars. We want to have 1/3 of the cost of private for four kids (we are thinking $250-300k but that’s low) college saved by the time the first one starts.
The market has been really good so we have $65k (2nd grade) $35k (will be going to PK), $8k (entering PK3) and $2k (infant).
We plan to pay for 1/3 college out of 529 savings, 1/3 bank roll, and the last bit will either be loans on their end, inheritance from grandparents,* or they can go to a not as expensive school/get merit scholarships. If anyone doesn’t go to college or if all 4 get full rides, or if they end up inheriting unexpected money, we will adjust- they will have more paid for or we will pay for part of grad school or maybe just take a big vacation.
*DH’s parents are very old- we are not planning on a dime, but there’s a non-zero chance they will end up inheriting enough to cover their portion of college, which is what my inlaws would love to see.
Nan says
I’ve been eyeing the Zip Top brand ones but they’re expensive. Has anyone tried those?
Nan says
Argh, meant for the discussion above about reusable plastic bags.
Physical says
I got my annual (errr, biannual) physical today and it went so much better than I was expecting. Listened to my concerns, acknowledged that it’s not surprising I am fatigued right now, and just very compassionate (got a doctor I haven’t seen in a few years, the prior NP I used to see has left the practice). I had been a little stressed about it because I am the heaviest I have ever been right now, but she didn’t harp on my weight at all and is running a bunch of bloodwork to see if my fatigue and stiffness is parenting a 50lb very physical preschooler while working a BigLaw job from home in a pandemic or something else more serious. After a year plus of taking care of everything else and holding on by a thread, it was just so nice to be listened to and have the focus be on me and how I am doing and focus on my actual health rather than just telling me I need to stress less, sleep more and lose weight (which, yes, I do, but it’s not the be all end all of my health!).
anonamommy says
That’s wonderful! My last 3 physicals, I’ve burst into tears because it’s the only time that someone is really asking how I am doing and putting me first.
Anonymous says
I need a like button for this! I just went in for an appointment about possible mild mastitis (that’s a yes), but spent more time talking about how hard it is to parent a baby when working a full-time-plus-more job. Love love love all the docs who listen.
Anon says
Job stress question…I am having trouble handling work stress lately but not in terms of my hours or workload more in terms of worrying about making a mistake/having to make decisions. I work in a “high stakes” litigation job (I’m a government attorney), and the level of confrontation/accusations of misconduct (false) also causes me stress. I am getting to be more senior and so now have a lot of decision making authority which is contributing to my anxiety. I have to respond to nasty letters from opposing counsel today and feel like I’m holding back tears even thinking about it.
I’ve seen a lot of great advice on here for managing stress related to hours/demands but curious if folks have dealt with this issue and any tips for overcoming it. I’m already seeing a therapist but she (obviously) doesn’t work in my field and I feel like it’s hard for me to explain the issue in a way she understands (she keeps suggesting I take time off but…that’s not really the issue).
i.e. do I just need a new job?
Anon says
I don’t know, but I have the same stress. Also in high stakes litigation. I had a negotiation last week where I had authority in the high hundreds of millions. It keeps me up at night and affects me physically (e.g., hair loss, nausea).
The best thing I’ve found is to find someone who I can talk to about the matter. It’s hard with privilege and confidentiality concerns, but I need a sounding board that I trust to stay sane.
Anonymous says
If your job worth your health?
Anon says
Is the management role new? I am a deal lawyer and was the actual lead for the first time on a deal this year, and the extra responsibility for being the ultimate decision-maker is gutchurning (for me at least). Even though I know it’s the right decision, I constantly find myself second-guessing them. Couple of things helped me. First, pushing off more of the work down to my team so that I had the mental bandwidth to feel like I was able to actually focus on and consider the decisions I need to make (e.g., had a senior associate do a full markup and then I reviewed it so that I could focus on the issues and less on the actual task of marking). Second, is having a mentor I could use to gut-check strategic decisions against. And third just acknowledging to myself that these are new skills and it will take time and practice for me to be comfortable with them.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This sounds a little like imposter syndrome. I like to remind myself that even if it feels like I don’t know what I’m doing half the time and can’t possibly have the right answers… I’m still usually the most qualified to answer the question based on my technical skills and experience. And if I get it “wrong” – well, that will just help with my learning and I’ll do something different next time. And the more I work, the more I see lots of people, even “higher ups” make mistakes or change their minds, so it’s not like there’s some guru out there.
Momofthree says
Another thought- maybe look around for a different therapist or tell your therapist that she’s not hitting the mark with telling you to take time off or maybe ask her why she thinks that time off will help solve the problem?
I think being able to talk to your therapist about learning some techniques to handle this new job stress would be a great first step (instead of immediately leaving your job). If you don’t think you can have that convo with your therapist or she just isn’t getting it, it seems like a less dramatic switch to try to find a different therapist than a different job.
Anonymous says
Yes, and honestly one thing I have learned is that level of high stakes authority is just not something that will lead to a healthy life for me.
On the other hand a lot of it gets easier with practice. I leaned out of a job like that, took a lower stress (because lower stakes) job, and when I grew bored got a promotion back into a higher stakes position (different than first role). The first year was nuts but you do acclimate to a lot of it, develop strategies to decide what’s really worth stressing about, etc.
One mental tactic that actually helps me a lot is to have determined an hourly alternate career I can tell myself I will fall back on in the event I totally screw up and am fired – it sounds weird but telling myself I won’t be on the street, I can always become a dental hygienist or ultrasound tech or similar and we could still pay the mortgage has been surprisingly life changing in reminding me I don’t have to care quite so much.
Anonymous says
I agree with a lot of what is said above, and I appreciate learning about these other coping strategies. I have worked in high profile government jobs, either directly political or politically adjacent, for almost 15 years now. For me, the main thing I remind myself is that a lot of this is imposter syndrome. Or more precisely, men are raised and encouraged to take on these types of rolls where women are conditioned to think they can’t handle them. Most men never question their ability to make a decision, or ask why they are placed in a position to make decisions. Where as women are conditioned to constantly question themselves and seek input from others. Where introspection and collaboration are some of the best skills for a good decision maker, they can also make you question yourself.
Nasty letters and over the top aggressive negotiations tactics are infuriating to me. Some litigators think being an a hole is the strongest position. Others do it because they think they can intimidate you. Personally, I think the overtly nasty behavior looks bad for the letter writer. Even if I am involved in a proceeding where the judge/senator/ whoever actually likes aggressive behavior, the rest of the audience doesn’t appreciate it. And remember, the opposing party is also posturing (I think poorly) for an audience.
The public accusations of misconduct/ mistakes is a big part of public life now. Everyone wants to be the one holding government accountable. Again you have to remember a lot of it is theatre. For the rest of it you have to stand by your work product and decisions and frame it in your mind as feedback. Often it is poorly delivered feedback, but it is feedback. When I have to deal directly with the public I always remind myself that 99% of the world is hurting or mad about something unrelated to me. I just happen to be the public face that they can access. Also, I find just being someone that actually listens calms even some of the most vitriolic public speakers.
Sometimes I think I should switch to something else, and possibly take less authority. However, I tried that once and I ended up getting promoted to leadership at my formerly behind the scenes agency now turned into a highly visible public advocate. I have spent some more time drawing boundaries and trying to realize that most of this vitriol is NOT personally aimed at me (but man does it feel like it is).
Your particular job may have aspects that just aren’t compatible for a healthy emotional life. But you were selected for this job and it sounds like you are doing it well. Try and figure out if it is the particular job or the leadership aspects that you don’t like. And it’s ok if you want to step back and not make decisions. But I would encourage you to do that if you want do, not because you are listening to others sow doubt. I do think many working in public service, even government attorneys, are subject to a lot more public hate and aggression these days. I think part of it is emanating from the divisive political climate. But we need good people in government, because it is actually important, and it does make our society run.
(And if it’s really bad my secret strategy is to look at haters gonna hate memes, preferably with cute baby animals)
Anonymous says
I realize you prob won’t see this but this is really helpful. Thanks for the encouragement.
Anonymous says
Thank you for asking the question! As you can tell it hit very close to home for me. I found it helpful for me to articulate these things.
Nita says
I loved this, thank you.
Pogo says
I’m interviewing for a couple of internal roles, and today I found out by talking to a colleague that we’re expected to contact all members of the interview panel BEFORE the interview to find out what they want to hear, and if you DON’T contact people, they get offended. Why would know one tell me this?! This feels like one of those old boys’ club rules that you only learn if you’re in the know.
anon says
What? That is insane.
Anonymous says
Not just insane–it seems inappropriate!
Pogo says
right?! also, what is the point of the interview if I talk to them all beforehand? I knew there was a higher bar for internal candidates but this seems crazy.
GCA says
Ugh, that’s nuts! Sorry.
Anon says
I…would look for a job elsewhere. That’s weird. And the higher you get, the more you’ll have to participate in the weird. Pass.
Katala says
Totally old boys’ club and yuck. Sadly the answer to why no one told you is probably because they don’t want people who aren’t like them (in that they are in the “club” for whatever reason) to succeed. Not necessarily consciously, but that’s the culture and the system is set up to support it.
312 says
Moms that have sent their kiddos back to daycare – how is it going? We’ve had our now 1.5 year old home since last March and dealing with a toddler is so much harder that we are considering sending her back to daycare. Would love to hear how it’s going if you sent yours already. She’ll be one in a room of 10 toddlers, no mask until age 2. TIA!
Daycare says
We’ve been back since August. It was going great until we switched to a new center – zero covid issues, only mild colds all winter. Now we’ve all been sick constantly for weeks with one thing after another. I can’t figure out why one center would be so different from another that way – but it has been
Anonymous says
Ventilation?
Anon says
I would guess cleaning more than ventilation. Covid apparently doesn’t spread very well via surface, but lots of other viruses do.
EDAnon says
Just switching is the issue. New kids, new germs. I get tons of colds when I switch jobs too.
Anonymous says
It’s fantastic I can’t believe you haven’t done it sooner. How do you both work? Do it today.
Anonymous says
+1.
Anon says
i can understand why someone hasn’t done it sooner. depending on the state where you live, people might not take covid seriously and it is harder to trust the center/other parents/community and you feel like you have to do more to keep you and your family safe. that being said, if you and DH are now vaccinated, i would talk with the center, find out about the protocols, the number of cases they’ve had over the past year, teacher vaccination rates, etc.
Anon says
It’s going great. We’ve also been back since August and have had no Covid cases in the class (a couple in the center, but they didn’t affect us) and only a couple of very mild colds all winter. My kid was really suffering in isolation and we saw an immediate positive change in her behavior when she went back to school Mine was 2.5 at the time and in a 2 year old room so all the kids wear masks. I’m not sure I’d be as comfortable with it without masks. I also think younger kids don’t need the socialization as much as older kids so I would consider keeping her home until 2+.
EDAnon says
We went back in June. 2 COVID cases – neither affected us. No kids have gotten COVID and teachers all fully vaxxed. We similarly saw a huge personality shift but that was in our older kid (went back at 3.75). Our little one went back at about 20 months and he was not struggling with isolation at all. He’s been thrilled be there though.
EDAnon says
Your kid will probably get a handful of colds right away and you might have to be out longer than usual. Our free COVID test site can test kids now and turns around results pretty quickly.
CPA Lady says
Been back since Jan. It’s great. Magical. So wonderful. Wish I would have done it sooner.
Kid did get sent home once when she barfed (it was a singular incident — I think her school lunch did not agree w her that day), and once w a fever, which ended up being strep (we had her tested for covid and strep). No covid or covid scares in the class, knock on wood. Kid is in a class of 10. They mask indoors and are mask free outside and when eating meals. All the teachers are vaxxed.
Anonymous says
Same as the earlier commenters — we went back in September and it’s been amazing. Our son has barely had any illnesses, so they must be doing a really thorough cleaning job.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My kids have been back in daycare since July (July 6 to be precise, but who’s counting) and it’s been great. The kids don’t even wear masks (teachers and staff all do, along with parents) and there have been 0 Covid transmission cases. I don’t even know of any kid testing positive for Covid, just a few teachers’ family members and the occasional teacher. Unfortunately, my little one (2.5) did get the usual colds and we had to keep them both home until symptom free for 72 hours, but he would have gotten that anyway and it was not Covid. This was mostly during the height of winter when they were inside all day.
Mary Moo Cow says
Also fantastic here! Our preschooler was out from March to June (the center only closed for one month but we kept her out beyond re-opening.) She’s in a class of 7, and classes didn’t mix until the past few weeks, and only really seem to mix on the playground. There have been three cases of teachers testing positive for COVID and one unplanned closure day to clean but that’s it. Communication from the school has been timely and clear. She’s happy; DH and I are happy because we couldn’t work and parent full time at home(now DH just needs me to go back to the office so he can have the house to himself like the before times.)
Katala says
Also great. Kid is 4 and only the teachers wear masks. I kinda wish they would have the kids wear them, but they don’t and that’s par for the course here. No cases in the room until recently when at least 2, and I believe all 3, teachers had Covid and the room was shut down for 14 days. It was hard to not have care that long, but from what I can tell none of the kids were infected. If the teachers were wearing masks and washing hands, I’m not sure how they all spread it, but I’ll never know. If none of the kids caught it, I feel pretty good that they are at least following protocol when the kids are present.
Anon says
They might be socializing outside of school, or they might remove their masks when kids aren’t around. Our teachers share offices and don’t seem to wear masks even when their officemate is present as long as there are no kids around. It would bother me if I had to work there, but doesn’t bother me as a parent since my kid isn’t present when they do this. We also had a small outbreak among teachers but no kids caught it.
Runner says
H and I just toured a cute little preschool for our twins. We have a nanny who works 40 hours per week and we think preschool will probably be a good supplement for hours when I go back to work at the office. We would probably extend her hours to cover our commutes. Preschool is just Tuesday/Thursday from 830-12:15, we could use those extra hours for more coverage on MWF. My question tho is around when they will (inevitably) get sick. Ideally it would be great to build in some contingency so our nanny can cover them for their preschool hours when they get sick. So perhaps have her on call for sick days (maybe just Tues or Thurs) and give her that time back if they aren’t. Does anyone do this? Trying to figure out a schedule that gives us lots of coverage but also gives her some predictability.
Anonymous says
Yeah no you can’t tie up her time having her officially on call without paying her. Sorry.
Runner says
So weirdly, my state’s laws are silent about on call time. I am wondering what is fair though or if anyone does do on call time for nannies. Would love to know what others pay or if some people have done this.
Anonymous says
I didn’t mean as a matter of state law I meant as a matter of basic decency
anon says
If you 100% need the coverage, then you should probably reserve the time formally. If you’re okay with the nanny taking on the hours when she’s available, then you can just talk about it without paying to reserve the time. In my experience, in practice, most nannies will agree to the extra hours if they don’t have a conflict.
Anonymous says
Especially in the age of COVID, is it normal to expect a nanny to take care of a sick child? My assumption was always that if the kid was too sick for school, he was also too sick to expose the nanny, and the parents would give the nanny a paid day off and stay home themselves.
anon says
If the nanny was with the child the prior day, they were likely already exposed to whatever germs are involved. (Mondays are trickier, but we’ll still have our nanny come in if it’s minor and clearly not COVID. We don’t have our nanny come for serious illness, but she will still provide coverage for minor illness or days when the child is recovering, but on the mend.
Anonymous says
Will you still pay her full time/40 hrs week. My friend and hr DH are both doctors and their nanny is basically on call for them. But they pay her a set amount whether she works for 40hrs or not. I think you need to be up front about needing the flexibility. Or you just plan to WFH/take time off for sick days. FWIW my 4yo rarely stays home sick from preschool. Maybe 3 times this past year. Since it’s not every day she’s usually just sick 1-2 days and by the third day, she’s ready to go back.
Anonymous says
I would ask the Nanny is she is comfortable doing extra hourly work for you when the kids are sick, and if she is, negotiate a rate for that separately in advance. You can’t expect her to be available during that time if you aren’t paying her for it; in my area she might line up another job during that window. Rather than changing her hours, you might instead pay her for that time but ask her to do housework or errands or cleaning or something (IF that is something she is willing to do). There will also likely be a lot of preschool holidays, summer schedules, etc. that you will have to cover.
anon says
We’ve never paid to “reserve” time, but our nannies have always been happy to take on extra hours because they are overtime that is paid at time and a half. I suppose a nanny could have other plans and sometimes be unavailable, but in practice our nannies have always prioritized getting this extra pay.
anonamommy says
Yeah I mean this is why people have au pairs, if you end up not needing the call time you turn it into a date night or something.
anne-on says
This. The bank of hours was the big selling point for au pairs for us.
We guarantee our current sitter a certain number of hours and lock her in for all school vacation days when we get the school calendar. If we need extra time she tries very hard to make them work but we’re not her only job and she has her own life too of course.
Baby fell off bed says
Our newly mobile 9 month old crawled right off our bed this morning when my husband turned his back for a second. Hit our hardwoods and has a bruise on his forehead. We called the pediatrician and they told us what to watch for. Kid only cried a couple minutes and has been totally fine since. Still I’m juggling feeling blame and sympathy for my husband (who is being so protective now!) and feeling bad for my baby and of course a good dose of mom-guilt for not somehow preventing it from across the house..
Anonymous says
This happened to us as well around the same age. Dr said as long as the height is less than their height and they cry then seem fine, it’s very uncommon for there to be an issue. I actually switched from a Queen bed with a boxspring as our bed to a low King bed with the frame and no box spring thereafter so I didn’t have to stress about how far they fell if they did happen to fall.
Anon Lawyer says
I feel like the worst mom ever sometimes, but my 17-month-old has been in a serious “trying to dive off the couch headfirst” phase and its been one bump after another. Last weekend she slipped off a playground bridge, fell under the railing, and fell flat on her back on the sawdust. Without fail she has bounced back very quickly every time – I think at the end of the day, we can take reasonable precautions but they’re just going to take falls and that is what it is. It’s part of learning what they can handle.
No Face says
Very normal. I can still remember my first kid falling off a bed and it was YEARS ago.
Anonymous says
My kiddo fell off my bed just before bedtime right around her first birthday– she had *just* started walking. She ended up with a minor fracture in her leg and in a cast from mid-foot to mid-thigh. It was NBD, she went back to crawling for a bit, and picked right back up with walking when it came off.
Right after it happened, she cried for a bit, then went to sleep for the night. We didn’t realize something was really wrong until halfway through the next day when our nanny told us our daughter wasn’t putting any weigh on that leg. So– do watch your kiddo carefully!
Anonymous says
I broke my leg when I was one (really my Dad did, by accident*), and apparently my unwillingness to put weight on the leg was the clue that it was fractured. The same is true of when I broke my other leg in 2nd grade skiing. Neither break was serious — hairline fractures, healed fast — but FYI to other parents.
*We were sledding. My dad put me in front of him in the sled and we went down the tiny hill in our front yard and ran into a tiny bush. My father slid forward into me. My legs were straight, and apparently the impact was enough to fracture a bone. He must have felt terrible!
I later broke my left arm twice too – my parents developed a real relationship with the orthopedist. My mom said our pediatrician stopped giving her the side eye at my brother’s and my many injuries after his own son jumped out a second story window pretending to be superman.
Anon says
When this happened to DH (at 6 months, a roll, onto carpet), I had him call my mother who reassured him that me and my sisters all rolled off of much higher things onto much harder floors and turned out just fine. An informal poll of my local parenting group when this happened to someone else a month or so ago confirmed just about everyone has had this happen. Kids are made of rubber. You could think of it as a rite of passage, or an introduction to the rude (at least to me) awakening that you can try your best as a parent, but your kids can’t be in a bubble and will get hurt. And then you might get a toddler who is part monkey and believes that the taller the furniture the more fun it is to climb and that if you jump off, it’s “like flying ma!” and you will triple the amount of grey hair you have. I’m still recovering from the face plants DD took after climbing up the island in the kitchen (twice!) at 2 (thank goodness for gel floor mats!).
DLC says
I have three kids and they have all fallen off the bed at some point in their first year (and in all the ensuing years). Some of them more than once.
I completely get the scared and guilty feeling.
But, on the other hand, whenever I hear of kids falling off beds (or sofas, or swings, or what not), I generally think “What an active, curious baby!” I definitely do not blame the parents.
Though maybe guilt is an evolutionary trait to encourage protectiveness.
Katala says
Our kiddo had to scoot/crawl off the bed twice for us to fully learn our lesson. The carpet burn on his face was the worst part as it kept reminding us. Then when he was not quite 2 he fell backwards off a bench onto a cement patio which was just awful to us but he was totally fine after some crying. It’s very scary but those kids have thick heads!
Anonymous says
My baby fell out of my bed around that age (maybe younger?) too. Onto the hardwood floor. I think I had dozed off–
I vividly remembering being startled awake by *THUNK* [beat] *WAIL.* It was so loud and upsetting! I might have cried as much as the baby. But he had no lasting damage. I’m pretty sure your baby accidentally falling off a bed is a mom rite of passage. Kind of like when my sister’s horseback riding instructor told her that you have to fall off at least 10 times before you can call yourself a real rider.
The mom guilt is real though, be kind to yourself.