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A post-holiday chill has settled over the mid-Atlantic region and I’m in full hygge mode. My feet are always icy during the winter so I spend most of it in snow boots (even if it’s mostly snowless), winter hikers, or shearling slippers. I used to own a pair of Ugg-like boots, and while they were warm and great for the weekends, they didn’t compliment my Monday through Friday professional wardrobe.
Finally, Uggs that work for work! The Ugg Quincy Boot is a short, lace-up boot lined with warm shearling and wool, and a one-inch heel. It would look great with both a pair of jeans on the weekends or a midi wool skirt for the office. I ordered a pair as a post-holiday gift to myself and cannot wait for them to arrive. Although most of my walking nowadays consists of going to and from the mailbox, I am looking forward to the After Times when I can sport these on my commute.
The boot is on sale for $109.98 (marked down from $169.95) and is available in black (sizes 5–11; note it runs small) and chestnut (limited sizes only). Quincy Boot
Sales of note for 5.5.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase (ends 5/12); $50 off your $200+ purchase (ends 5/5)
- Banana Republic Factory – Spend your StyleCash with 40-60% off everything, or take an extra 20% off purchase (ends 5/6)
- Eloquii – $19 & up 300+ styles and up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Shirts & tees starting at $24.50; extra 30% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – 40% off full-price styles & extra 15% off; extra 55% off sale styles
- Nordstrom: Nordy Club members earn 3X the points on beauty; 30% off selected shoes
- Talbots – 40% off one item & and 30% off everything else; $50 off $200 (all end 5/5)
- Zappos – 27,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 40% off everything & extra 20% off select styles with code
- Hanna Andersson – Friends & Family Sale: 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Crewcuts – tk; extra 30% off sale styles; kids’ styles starting at $14.50
- Old Navy – Up to 75% off clearance
- Target – 20% off women’s clothing & shoes; up to 50% off kitchen & dining; 20% off jewelry & hair accessories; up to $100 off select Apple products; up to 40% off home & patio; BOGO 50% off adult & YA books
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
AwayEmily says
Do any of you have a trick for searching the comments effectively? I know there have been a million discussions of kids’ tables but I can’t find them. Or, if anyone wants to offer advice on a good kids table, that would be great. We’ve had the cheap Ikea Latt set for the last three years and it’s been fine, but now that both the 3yo and 5yo want to do art at the same time it’s just not big enough for both of them.
anne-on says
If you manage to find one please share! We have the older version of the crate and barrel one below (which used to come with rolling bins, and now doesn’t seem to?) it worked well for a long time but we could use something larger and there just don’t seem to be many plain(ish) wood coffee tables that are on the taller side even 9yr olds still happily plunk down on the floor or a pillow to play, so we don’t need table height.
https://www.crateandbarrel.com/large-charcoal-adjustable-kids-table-w-15-legs/s553246
Anon says
G00gle “site:corporettemoms.com [search term]”
anon says
We find the the Flisat is big enough for my 2 4yos to do art projects at the same time. I think it’s at least half again as big as the Latt and I love the built in storage.
My searching trick is to use Google and site:corpore*temoms[dot]com, but you still have to come up with the right keywords.
Cb says
We have a mutable and it was stupidly expensive (bought it in the kickstarter) but is really cool. You can get bigger versions, we just have the small one. I might just get an IKEA dining table though and cut the legs to the right height? Or an IKEA tabletop with the extendable legs?
EP-er says
+1 on cutting down the legs on an inexpensive IKEA dining table! This is what we used and it was great for a long time. Plus, you can always get replacement legs if you want the table to be taller again.
Anon says
I have this one and we love it: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B071JF4H61 but I think a 5 year old might be getting a little big for it (I have an almost 3 year old). The Melissa and Doug 3 in 1 tabletop easel is also really great for art if you don’t have that already.
FP says
We have the Macey Table with four chairs available on Costco online. It’s definitely large enough for my two and four year old to color at the same time. I am not petite and can sit in the chairs with them.
Anon says
In terms of searching comments, I would google “corporettemoms.com kids table”. I don’t find the search feature on the site useful when looking for comment threads.
Anon says
I usually go to site:corporette moms . com (no spaces) in Goo gle and then type the terms I am looking for.
We have a kids table from IKEA that was cheap and the kids like it.
Anon says
We got a kids “activity table” on Wayfair. Ours is wood and we could pick from a variety of height and width options. It’s held up nicely to online schooling and crafts.
CPA Lady says
Have any of you been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult?
I’ve been experiencing symptoms since I was a child and have always been able to cope well enough, but 2020 has kind of pushed me over the edge and I need help.
I’m going to talk to my doctor about it at my annual physical next month, but I was wondering if any of you have experience being diagnosed as an adult and could tell me about your experience? I’ll post on the main s i te too but just thought I’d start here since people are normally kinder.
anon says
Not me, but my partner. It’s one of those things that neither of us thought of until her psych (that she was seeing for other reasons) brought it up. The testing was kind of a pain, IIRC, from an insurance perspective, but she got it done eventually and immediately went on a low-dose med. There has been a lot of med tinkering since then (the first one had an unusual side effect for her, and then the second one got discontinued, and I forget what happened with the third one) but the meds do make a huge and noticeable difference. There’s a lot more “butt-in-chair-productivity” in general. Not more organization, but just more . . . ability to initiate and follow through, if that makes sense. And she says her internal experience of life is more pleasant now and she feels less frantic all the time.
I will say the meds are expensive and a pain (many of the main options require filling with a written prescription only, or require filling every 30 days instead of 90) but that’s getting better slowly and it is 100% worth it. She also got various tips and materials for better managing her brain and her time, but she never followed through with anything significant AFAIK. I know there are classes and coaches and apps and all sorts of things.
Anonymous says
I was diagnosed after law school, and I resisted the diagnosis for a long time because I have always been high achieving and didn’t think it could be true. I was diagnosed by the mental health provider I was seeing for anxiety/ depression and they didn’t require any formal testing.
Medication has been great for me, and having the diagnosis has been helpful for me to see how things I once thought of as character flaws are actually related to ADHD. I didn’t find attention-training therapy helpful because it didn’t really simulate my work environment, but some might.
Anonymous says
My kids (2 and 4) have finally started playing together, which is awesome! But it leaves me with weird, unpredictable little pockets of time, and I would love to do something with that time other than doom scrolling on my phone. I don’t really like reading in such short bursts, and my pre-kid hobbies were all equipment heavy, all-day events. When your kids are playing together for anywhere between 10 minutes and 2 hours, what do you do other than chores? Do I need to pick up knitting or embroidery or some other 18th century lady of the manor hobby?
AwayEmily says
Read the newspaper! I subscribe to our local paper and sit in the chair and read the paper when my kids play. Now sometimes they even work it into their play (“we are little fish swimming, and you are the mama fish reading the paper”).
Anonymous says
Or magazines! I like the New Yorker because you can either flip through for the cartoons or read an article depending on how much the kids are trying to interact with you.
Cb says
Yep, I do a mix of the New Yorker, seed catalogues, and the magazines that come along with the paper.
Anon says
I read the New Yorker or work on my sashiko embroidery — it’s pre-printed, so there’s no pattern to futz with and there’s minimal time spent on remembering where I left off, and I can be interrupted at any time. I’m more of a cross-stitcher, but it’s harder to pick up and put down quickly. I also often use this time to leaf through my cookbooks for ideas.
avocado says
Where do you get your sashiko kits? I am interested in getting started with sashiko, but the kit I want is sold out.
TheElms says
Could you listen to a podcast? Its a bit better than doom scrolling but probably still doesn’t qualify as a hobby. I’m hoping I’m heading into the same boat. My 19 month old is starting to play alone for short periods (5 minutes, but every once in a while it will be 10 minutes). I still need to be nearby both for safety and because she is content to keep playing sometimes if she can see me. I’m still doom scrolling. I know you said reading didn’t appeal, but what about non-book reading? I’m thinking about getting a subscription to the Atlantic or reading other long form journalism because I might be able to finish an article in a day of short play sessions on the weekend.
Anon says
I read. Reading on an e-reader is more convenient, but I make it a point to get physical books out of the library so my kids know I’m reading and not doing TV/games.
Anon says
I subscribe to somewhat this mindset too. I do read on my ereader, but I explain to them periodically that that’s my version of books and I think they’ve seen the screen enough now to know there aren’t colors/pictures/flashing etc. Similar though, I try to do this vs just reading my book on my phone/iPad Kindle app, so it doesn’t look like I’m just on my phone a ton (I mean, I am also on my phone at times, but if I’m actually reading a book I want to at least try to model that adults read books too etc.).
Ifiknew says
Bless you for sharing this today. Giving me hope as I am six months behind you! My 18 month old just seems to hit and sit on her etc for attention lol.
fads says
My kid was about 20 months old when the pandemic began, which was super rough. Now, at 2.5, she is far more able to entertain her self and parenting is much, much less exhausting. Hang in there!
Anon says
Same, except just turned to 2 to almost 3. The difference is incredible!
Anonymous says
Yes I’m waiting for this too. I have an almost 4 yo and 17 month old. 17 month old still barely plays independently. Older daughter is becoming a lovely dream who just finds stuff to do or plays pretend.
Anonymous says
haha, lady of the manor hobby. I tend to do chores if I’m likely to be interrupted in 15-30 min – I think of it as an investment in being able to do whatever I want in the evening after they go to bed.
– walk around the block — or many walks around the block, poking my head in to check each time I pass my house
– quick workouts. I pick the 10/15 minute ones on my app and just string several together if the kids stay occupied
– read magazines or browse catalogs
Anonymous says
You’d leave a 2 and 4 year old playing and walk around the block?!?
Anonymous says
I mean, yes, why would I not, assuming my husband is home? My kids are 4, 6, and 8, and even if my husband isn’t home (which is almost never, these days) I’d go for a walk around the block without them. I tell them I’m going and that they can get [friend’s mom & dad] if they need a grown up right away. Our house is like 30 feet from the neighbors on either side and my kids know both of those families well. I’m talking a little neighborhood loop, not a city block. It takes 6 minutes. Husband spends longer than that locked in the bathroom.
Anonymous says
Oh I’m a single mom sometimes I forget about husbands. If I had one I’d go for a walk and not check back in! #dreambig
Anonymous says
LOL to the fact that you forgot husbands exist. TBH so many of them are useless enough that they might as well not exist.
No Face says
Podcasts, magazines, short story collections are perfect for this. For podcasts, I put an earbud in just one ear so I can hear the kids for safety purposes. My public library has e-subscriptions to magazines so I can read them on a laptop or ipad – something to look into.
anon says
My 2.5 yo has taken up “reading” books to her baby dolls every morning for like 30 minutes before the nanny arrives. I was in the same boat but now I read the WSJ on my ipad. Honestly, it’s equally refreshing and helpful! I’m wildly more informed for that small talk chatter that happens at the onset of basically every client zoom call (I’m in finance). I feel so much more confident now that I am using that 30 mins productively. Praying she keeps it up for a while – it’s also adorable to over hear her sort of kind if retell stories we read to her every night in half intelligible speech / half babble to her “audience”.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I totally hear you on the weird unpredictable pockets of time! It’s hard to get into anything because you can still be interrupted at any moment and I feel like I go go go so much that I can’t just sit and stare off into space (although some might recommend this?) I typically use the Kindle app on my phone and read something light, read NYTimes on my phone and lately I’ve tried coloring in my “adult” coloring book (this works ok, until the 2 year wants to color with me and takes the pencils…)
Anon says
Sometimes I stretch or do some impromptu pilates.
Anon says
I have a stack of crosswords saved from our Sunday paper for this exact purpose.
octagon says
+1 to crosswords, I print out the Sunday NYT one and keep it on a clipboard in the living room. It’s easy to dabble in and out of, and I like that kiddo sees me working on it. I also usually have a knitting project nearby.
If the mood strikes, I’ll also leaf through a cookbook and see if I can find some inspiration for an upcoming weekly meal plan. I have all these lovely cookbooks and yet I end up cooking the same few dinners over and over.
Anonanonanon says
I do happyscrolling when I have those unexpected pockets of time. Look through interior decorator accounts on IG, look at house listings for neighborhoods I’m interested in possibly someday moving to so I’m on top of the current costs there, etc. Like a few others said, my other option is to do chores during that time as an investment toward getting a longer chunk of time in the evening once they’re in bed.
avocado says
I love the term “happyscrolling.” I am going to use that instead of “wasting time” from now on.
Anonymous says
yes – I happy scroll new recipes and travel sites to dream about a life when I have more time to cook and we can travel again.
SC says
I tend to either do chores while listening to a podcast, read, or scroll through social media, which I’ve curated to be mostly positive. Chores are an investment in having longer periods of time and a more relaxing space later. I keep a pretty long to-do list on my phone, and I will randomly pick some quick tasks, or I’ll just walk around clearing surfaces and putting things away for a few minutes. I don’t love reading in quick bursts, but I will if I’m really into the book and it’s pretty easy reading. I also read the news, though that may be closer to doom scrolling these days. I belong to a couple of mostly positive FB groups, and have curated my Instagram feed to be mostly positive, so I’ll scroll through those too. Pre-Covid, I used to plan weekend activities and longer trips too, mostly because I followed social media accounts that announced family friendly activities in our area or that were related to upcoming trips.
Anne says
Duolingo plus.
anon says
I find puzzles to be good for filling those gaps, if you have somewhere you can leave it set out for days.
DLC says
If I don’t have chores or bills to pay or amazon orders to make, I often use thiskind of time to journal or make life lists or for sewing projects. Also text friends. If I know I will have a pocket of time later I will leave texts from friends and family unanswered and then answer them all at once, or even start a new chain. Sometimes I will even just call them if I will have 30 mins or more.
Anon says
My 17 month old is so difficult at this age with sleeping, eating, getting into everything etc. I have an almost 5 year old and it’s just so much more enjoyable to have an older child. I felt like I Enjoyed my daughter more at this age but now all I feel is just burnt out and wishing he’d grow up faster. I’m not sure how to enjoy this stage more. It doesn’t help that he’s not as sweet and cuddly like she was and just more independent and more of an explorer. I’m worried that he will always “pale in comparison” to my daughter.
Anon says
Not to make light of your concern, but when your daughter is a tween/teen, you might start feeling differently about her. Raising kids is a loooong haul, and while you’re doing the right thing by examining your feelings, you can’t predict that you will always feel this way while you’re in this particular moment.
Op says
Thank you! Exactly what I need to hear that it could change. I love both of them in a maternal, intrinsic way so much but I enjoy my daughter way more. I so want it to be his age rather than her having personality traits I enjoy and identify with. I was not the favorite growing up and always wanted my children to not feel it if they were not a favorite but I worry my son will pick up on it.
Realist says
You are allowed to enjoy spending time with one child more than the other one, whether for just this stage or all time. Some children, and some stages, are just harder than others. Your feelings, whatever they are, are perfectly valid. The fact that you are aware of your feelings matters a lot and that will allow you to not “play favorites” in an obviously biased way even if one child is more enjoyable than the other at certain times. Your feelings can be separated from your actions. You can be confident that you can be a good mom to both children even if it is easier for you with one child versus another.
Anon says
I only have one kid but I definitely wouldn’t worry you’ll always enjoy your daughter more. Right now your daughter is at an easier, more fun age but that won’t always be the case. He will still be a sweet little kid when she’s a difficult preteen and teen. Some stages are just hard. I really enjoyed 18 months (my DD was also very sweet and cuddly) but I found 2.75 to be incredibly hard with so many meltdowns and so much self-centered behavior. We’re one month away from 3 now and it feels like we’ve really rounded a corner and my sweet, cooperative kid is back, plus she’s a lot more independent and articulate than she was before. There’s nothing wrong with not enjoying a particular stage, I promise!
Io says
I have a not-cuddly daughter. 18 months is my favorite age! They can listen and follow directions but haven’t figured out that they don’t have to.
Look for big motion physical activities (climbing, balance bike, tumbling/jumping) and play with him. My daughter could do summersaults at two and was/is a very happy climber and she could have done a balance bike at 18 months. (If you’re not sure how to teach something — watch a YouTube video about it! I got great tips for tumbling and biking. Like remembering to teach your kid to get on.)
The other thing for me was coming up with some sort of compromise/letting go about my kid playing in mud. Figuring out a system to get her back home and not destroy the stroller/getting her through the apartment building/getting her into the bath was huge for me. (I used a muddy buddy and removed it outside/carried it home in a bag and then soaked it in the bath after her). Explore his interests with him — bugs and leaves and sticks and worms all have great books and tons of related art projects online.
Now that my daughter is five and in school she just wants to be a princess. Which is tidier! So now I’m trying to support that. But in a few years all your son will want to do is probably video games, so at least try to find something he loves now.
Anon says
Ha, I too have a not cuddly toddler girl (21 months)!
Older brother is a total love bug and older DD was definitely somewhere in the middle. This one won’t sit on our laps and will push your head away when you kiss her! She does love tickles and wrestling, but I find i actually CRAVE her physical touch.
I kind of wonder what she’ll be like as a spouse?
Anonymous says
She will have a very hard time with parenthood, that’s for sure. Signed, a not-cuddly person
Anonymous says
Maybe she will have non-cuddly kids! I don’t think of myself as touchy feely or into cuddling by any means (I gave off enough ‘don’t touch me’ vibes that not one person touched my belly in pregnancy, much to my relief) but my 3 year old is already less into physical touch than I am and has started asking for high fives instead of hugs at school drop-off and bedtime. I miss hugging her so much. We really haven’t had that much physical contact since she stopped nursing when was 17 months, and I really surprised myself by how much I enjoyed nursing.
Anonymous says
I found the loss of bodily integrity inherent in BFing to be torture, so much so that I am now even less cuddly than I was before I had a baby. Many times every day I want to scream “get off me!” at various members of my family. I will cuddle animals, but not people.
TheElms says
Let’s say your son’s personality doesn’t change. Being an independent / explorer at 17 months is really hard because danger is everywhere. Those personality traits at older ages could be so fun. Think about taking your independent explorer on a hike or to do a new activity together (ropes course!, ziplining!). Your son could grow up to be a fantastic leader and that could be amazing to be part of as a parent. Its hard now, but that doesn’t mean it will always be hard.
Anonymous says
This is really awesome. I love changing the narrative like this. So I also have a 17 month old son (and a 3yo DD). Son is a wild child who is always getting hurt (or we’re stopping him from getting hurt). He has always cried a heck of a lot more and louder. He’s more sensitive. Benefits is that he’s a huge cuddle bug. By all accounts, my DD was the sweetest easiest toddler. Like I could take her anywhere, out to eat, zero issues ever. But I love thinking about how my son will be able to hike and rock scramble and all that good stuff.
Anonanonanon says
I have two kids very far apart in age, and who I enjoy more definitely changes once in a while. Sometimes, I like my preschooler because she’s cute and sweet and says funny little kid things while my middle schooler is always making jokes that aren’t funny or talking about a video game I don’t care about and I feel like i have to fake it more. Other times, the younger one is throwing fits and being exasperating and I appreciate that my older one can just… go places with me and it’s not a huge deal. During those times, I find myself fantasizing about all the cool things I could be doing in a largely WFH world with just a middle schooler. It’ll change and then change back again, it is very normal and OK!
Anon says
so i have twins, so a bit different, but i recall posting here at one point when i felt more connected with one twin than the other. they are only 2.5, but i’ve come to realize that they each seem to go through phases of being easier/more difficult, which often translates into more fun. they are each fun in their own ways at different times. sometimes i can’t stand one, and other times i can’t stand the other.
Anon says
This. They’re the exact same age and have the exact same DNA, but their personalities mean that often one is more fun than the other (and then it flips two weeks later).
Anon says
I likewise have an energetic 17 mo son and a 4 yo daughter. My daughter is so enjoyable and was always more passive than my very physical son. I don’t have any helpful advice other than you aren’t alone. I find myself wishing for when he’s a bit bigger and then getting sad about wishing the time away.
Boston Legal Eagle says
What is everyone looking forward to this year? It’s a new year but with Covid and uncertainty about the vaccine and no travel plans in the foreseeable future, I’m feeling like I’m just passing the days with being busy at work, kids in daycare (and praying they don’t get sick and have to stay home) and then weekends trying to entertain them in the cold and inside our house. I know this is just a season and no one can predict the future, but I need something to get me through the winter months. My kids are 4.5 and 2 – the older one will start kindergarten in September so that’s something but even that, I don’t know what it will look like!
Anonymous says
What am I looking forward to? Nothing. I was so hopeful that 2021 would turn the corner. Then the vaccine rollout turned out to be a shambles, my kid still refuses to do anything but play video games and is screwing up on-line school and regressing developmentally, work is still meaningless, and now my husband’s company has announced that there will be another round of layoffs. I am about to become the sole breadwinner in addition to being the person responsible for keeping the wheels from falling off at home. We can get by on my salary if we make some cutbacks, but we will have to pause retirement and college savings. Our plans to start looking into a long-overdue move or renovation are dead in the water, which means that not only are we stuck in a falling-apart mess of a house that doesn’t have space for the entire family to WFH, but we are also stuck in a school district that has gone from one of the best in the state to one of the worst in the state thanks to its handling of the pandemic. I have no hope left. We were just starting to get ahead after paying off law school, and now it’s all swirling down the drain. My life will be a meaningless slog forever. I guess I don’t deserve any better.
Anonymous says
Please get treatment for your depression! Yes. Life is hard. Yours particularly. But there is hope and “I guess I don’t deserve any better” is a lie your depression is telling you.
Anon says
+1
Anonymous says
Ugh, I relate to a lot of this, particularly the worries about my video game-loving kid. But I also agree that you sound depressed – hopelessness is not normal and not something you need to live with, even when a lot of things are going wrong. I know it seems like that bleak outlook is the truth and believing otherwise is fooling yourself, but that is the HALLMARK of depression. I’ve been there, and it is a terrible place to be. Please talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. Sending big hugs!
anon says
Just here to tell you that you do deserve better. This is a slog. You will get through it. There will be better days ahead. It may take awhile, but we will get there. Tell someone IRL how you are feeling if you haven’t already. If getting professional help right now feels like something you could do, please please please do so. But if that’s too much right now, just know help is out there and will be there when you’re ready.
Anon says
Ditto to the above. I started using BetterHelp for virtual counseling for anxiety in August and it was a godsend. I meet weekly/biweekly with a counselor and can message her in between sessions. I sequester myself in a bedroom with a selfie stick to hold up my phone and it works wonders. You do deserve better and are the best mom/partner for your family. Hang in there.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I feel very much like it’s Groundhog Day. Like my life is fine, I have childcare and a decent job and a loving family, but there’s nothing to look forward to and every day is exactly the same and it’s just so weird and depressing.
I’m not counting on any major travel or excitement before 2022, but some small things I’m looking forward to:
-My parents are semi-retiring at the end of the school year and getting an apartment near us so they can visit more often and will be able to visit us outside with masks on even if things don’t improve with Covid. Honestly, at this point I’m even looking forward to the apartment hunting process because it will get me out of the house and seeing other humans.
-Outdoor soccer in spring and outdoor swimming pools/waterparks and hopefully swimming lessons in summer
-Trips to the lake beach a couple hours away – we discovered it last summer but will be more fun with an older kid, plus grandparent help
-Hopefully going to my family’s vacation home for a couple weeks in August – it involves a plane flight so we didn’t go in 2020 (the only year of my life that I missed visiting), but really hoping we can make it happen this year even if we don’t have the vaccine yet because once we’re there it’s completely safe (we would just spend time outside and get takeout food, like we do at home).
-Our local zoo is allegedly getting penguins this year, which will cause my 3 year old to flip out. I say allegedly because it was first announced in 2019 and still hasn’t happened but hopefully this year.
Anon says
Taking a week long beach vacation this summer, at some point. Our usual vacations are very covid friendly if we swap restaurants for take out (drive, rent a house, grocery delivery, not crowded beach, private pool). This past summer there was too much uncertainty with mandatory quarantines and stay at home rules and I was just too tired to plan anything before it all sold out and I really miss it.
Other things: trying (still) to get pregnant (maybe the next 12 months will go better than the last 12), maybe preschool reopening in March (doubtful) or September (more likely but not guaranteed) so that my kid can get some external stimulation, SAHD will be less grumpy (because I work 60 hours a week, without the 10-15 hours of preschool he’s doing a job and a half for childcare and that’s not good for anyone) and if I am still WFH at least she will be out of the house for part of the day (barnacle kid). Maybe doing some outdoor restaurant dining once numbers come down and the weather warms up. Once our very high risk parents get vaccinated (since they are in our bubble) or preschool reopens (which will kick our parents out of our bubble), hiring a new housekeeper so DH and I can stop fighting about the cleanliness of the house and add on a few extra pain points that were developing pre-covid and have only gotten worse (upping to weekly service, adding laundry and maybe some meal prep) and finding a regular sitter for date nights, of which we have had two in the past 18 months (local grandparents are not physically capable of providing child care at this age, maybe once she hits late elementary).
Anon says
my dad getting his second shot of the moderna vaccine. i have quite a few friends who are pregnant and so i am excited for all of them. DH and I hope to buy a house this year, which I am excited about, but also kind of scared/overwhelmed. we have 2.5 year old twins and now that they are a bit older, they can actually do some activities at home, like make pizza or paint, etc. having them start preschool in August, (but first i have to choose the school and i can’t make up my mind), which i am both happy and sad about bc we have a nanny who we love, who we will keep, but they wont be able to just go spend the day at the park feeding the ducks. watching them grown often feels very bittersweet
Anon says
Grandparents got vaccinated yesterday so looking forward to more time with them.
Honestly I’m the poster on the main page with the pregnant nanny. It’s a mess and I am not feeling great about the world right now. (Definitely should have posted the question here but since it’s kind of a tax and insurance thing was curious about broader experiences).
Clementine says
Yeah, living in Texas it’s really limited. In more liberal/ACA expansion states you would have a few more options – simply put, the income limit for Medicaid would be higher and thus, there would be an option for her to keep working.
…Private Insurance in the US is a hot mess. I’ve literally written a dissertation on this, so I’ll just leave it at that.
Redux says
Are your grandparents healthcare personnel? Or is your state already vaccinating people based on age? I am in NY which has gotten so much praise in this whole thing but we are woefully behind in vaccinations and not yet rolled out even to our first round healthcare workers. At this rate I will never get it.
anon says
Yeah, I have a 95yo grandparent in NY who isn’t eligible for a vaccine yet, so I’m also curious what state is this far into their roll-out program!
Anonymous says
Florida is vaccinating any old person (key voting demographic), but I keep hearing from friends that live there that it is a complete mess that strongly favors older people with tech savy kids to help them navigate getting a slot.
Anon says
My state (Tennessee) started vaccinating the elderly over the weekend, and several of our neighbor states are doing the same. From my general reading, this is a NY problem.
Earlier poster says
Texas is vaccinating people over 65. There’s clearly not enough, but a lot of grandparents getting vaccinated! Anecdotally (in big cities) almost all of my older relatives have gotten their first shots or been scheduled for them.
Anon says
I personally know two doctors in Texas who have not been able to get it yet (despite wanting it) so I wouldn’t be patting yourselves on the back about your rollout. It sounds random more than anything else. My state is still doing healthcare workers and nursing homes only, but I appreciate that they’re taking the time to do it right and not jumping around to different priority tiers.
Anonymous says
My dad is a doctor in TX, also over 65, and has not yet been offered the vaccine.
Pogo says
I’m in MA and don’t know anyone other than healthcare who has gotten it, even “elderly”.
Anonymous says
Texas, Florida and a few other states are doing elderly before anyone else (except healthcare). My parents live in a state that has a lot of categories of people that come before 65-74 year olds (75+, essential worker, younger people with health conditions including obesity…so it’s a lot of people). Their doctors told them not to expect shots before April. (And it is a pretty rural red state for those saying this is just an NYC problem). I’m sad and frustrated that so many older people are getting vaccinated and my family can’t. The state by state scheme seems really unfair.
Anonymous says
That is a terrible prioritization scheme. Aren’t old people at higher risk than obese younger people?
Anonymous says
Yes and yes. It’s a mess.
Anon4this says
Its definitely feeling hard to find things to look forward to, but here is my best shot:
– My dad and his partner getting the vaccine so I can stop worrying constantly about him (75+ with significant pre-existing health conditions that affect his lungs)
– Being able to see my dad after he gets the vaccine
– Hopefully conceiving baby number 2 (I’m 38)
– Toddler starting preschool in September (in person I hope!)
Anonymous says
I’m really disappointed that we can’t take our usual ski vacation this year; that’s usually something that keeps me going in the dreary, soggy DC winters. I’m already mentally on to Spring. As part of my long-range plan to build up to a big Ntl Park trip out west in a couple years, I’ve made a list of State Parks in the neighboring states where travel is currently allowed without quarantine requirements, and we’re going to explore. :) When I was a kid, my family drove everywhere and stayed in motels. My husband is snooty when it comes to lodging, so my kids have never done that! I’m looking forward to quick weekend trips with an overnight in a Super 8 or similar, because d@mnit my kids are not going to think that everyone gets an Airbnb every time they leave home.
Anonymous says
One big thing is that I’m coming out of our four year long cycle of pregnancy/postpartum/nursing/pregnancy/repeat. I’m working on weaning our toddler and I’ll have my body all to myself. I also feel like I’m starting to have more time for my own interests and getting back to myself.
– It’s far off…but we are going camping (in our state) in June.
– beach trip (driving). Already booked the house. We haven’t been to the ocean in 3 years because of pregnancy/newborn/Covid
– fingers crossed we can all celebrate my moms 70th this summer
– having my parents come back from their snowbird location and DH and I can go on a date!!
– warm up in spring and later sunsets so I can start doing my post kids in bed walks
– warmer spring/summer so I can invite friends over for outdoor/masked chats at night.
Pogo says
Just looking forward to seeing our new baby grow and watching him and his brother interact. Like the rest of you, it’s a slog of work and trying to entertain children indoors but it’s so fun to have a new person in our family. Our preschooler is peak threenager but so far the baby has been (relatively) easy and such an welcome source of joy. We imagine his inner monologue as he watches his brother or the cat and crack ourselves up. He’s super portable so we do a lot of hiking, even in the snow.
Otherwise, I am trying to look forward to stuff at work. I have some big projects to take on in the next 6 months, and then I need to work on my next career move. I am enjoying re-connecting with coworkers after maternity leave.
We are not planning any trips because I don’t want to get my hopes up.
Anon says
Posted this yesterday on the main site but didn’t get many responses, so reposting here:
I’m about a year out post-partum. I had diastasis recti and pelvic floor issues (mostly just leaking when running/jumping) and I’ve been going to a therapist that specializes in both since September. While I have seen very noticeable improvement in my core strength and have decreased my waist size by an inch, I still have the pooch and I still leak when I run/jump. I’m doing my core strengthening exercises daily, and do my kegels daily (though only once most days, I can’t seem to get in more than that). Do I need to just give it more time? Or accept that this is my body now? I’m 42 so I realize that things won’t go back to my before body, and that’s not what I’m aiming for. I just want to see more progress on the pooch decreasing and not leak when I run/jump! Thoughts or experiences to share? If you were able to correct DR and/or leaking issues, how long did it take you?
Anonymous says
For leaking, it took a couple solid years of regular yoga practice to regain that core strength. If I’d known about it at the time, I would have tried the Restore Your Core program.
Pogo says
+1 I thought this program really helped! There is even a free FB group where you can find lots of info on how long it took people to heal a DR or leaking issue.
I used it to correct pelvic instability and core weakness that led to a hip injury, so I can’t comment on how effective it is personally for those other issues. But for me I believe it took almost 6months along with in-person PT to be healed enough to run again without pain.
fwiw I also never had a DR but definitely had a pooch. Which has now grown after #2…
layered bob says
+1 I haven’t done RYC but I did One Strong Mama (the pregnancy-specific sister program) with my second and subsequent pregnancies and have never had any leaking, and my DR did not get worse with subsequent pregnancies. Partially luck, for sure, but I also think these programs are really helpful.
layered bob says
You may be doing too many kegels! A too-tight pelvic floor is a more common cause (according to my PT) of leaking than a too weak pelvic floor. PTs who are a little more old-school may still be recommending lots of kegels, and my understanding is that’s a bit outdated. Improving pelvic floor function may also just take more time.
As far as the pooch – do you know what is causing it? Is it that your diastasis is not fully closed or is it fat/skin over the muscle? If it’s the DR, then you may want to focus on abdominal function vs. just core strength to close the diastasis. If it’s loose skin, that may take more time – my skin/stretch marks etc. resolve noticeably between 18-24 months postpartum, and not before.
Anonymous says
This. My first PF PT did not do an internal exam and recommended exercises that over strengthen tight muscles. Second (more recently graduated) PT did an internal exam, some tension release pressure and prescribed variations on the first set of exercises. Still not a pre-baby situation but much better.
Anonymous says
Check out Mommastrong. They have courses focused on diastasis recti and leaking issues and it helped me a lot with leaking. Also have a long talk with your PT and maybe seek a second PT’s opinion.
RDC says
Yes – another vote for MommaStrong. Great program in general and has specific programs for these issues. I’ve stuck with it for 2+ years and have benefited greatly (improved DR and prolapse and resolved general aches and pains). Extremely manageable – videos are just 15 minutes/day.
Anon says
Do you do your kegels sitting down? I have to stand up to do them right. I don’t know why it matters but it makes a difference. It might be worth seeing a different pelvic floor therapist.
Anonymous says
Interesting! Not OP but my PT recommended doing them while lying down.
Betty says
What is the best way to label bottles for daycare? I need to include name and date and amount. I was going to just use a Sharpie but it rubs off more than I expected.
Anne says
Sharpie on masking tape
Anonymous says
+1. I still use Sharpie on masking tape to label things in the freezer, even though we are done with bottles.
Katala says
I’ve done both rewriting with a sharpie most days (we used silicon bottles so it came off really easily) and waterproof tape. The tape lasted longer but did start getting funky going through the dishwasher so often. I also tried the sharpie on the ring closure which was plastic but it didn’t work that much better since that’s the part that gets the most contact.
Anonymous says
We have a giant roll of painter tape for some reason, and I use that + sharpie
Anonymous says
We use this for all kitchen labeling needs. Same for bottles. It goes through the dishwasher just fine. Some cups we marked for daycare two years ago are still on their first painters tape label.
Anonymous says
Name Bubbles worked well for us. I’d recommend last name only if you may have a second and want to reuse things. They have ones that include a marker and a write in space so the name stays and the stickers wear like iron
Redux says
I am a years-long devotee of Name Bubbles. My eldest is 7 and things I labeled for her as a baby that are still in rotation (e.g., tupperware) still have the label unless we peel it off. I have no idea how they stick so well and are still easy to remove with no residue. Those things are magical.
AnonATL says
If you want to go slightly cuter than painters tape (no shame in tape though!) someone on here recommended Mabels Labels and maybe sticky monkey labels.
We don’t have a full label with date and amount because kid is the only infant, but I love these things on Amazon. Search inchbug orbit labels. They are silicone bands that go around the bottle.
Anon says
I use these on our food containers and they erase and go through the dishwasher very well: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00PGS9P7U/
Amama says
I like the ones from Sticky Monkey labels – my LO is 11 months and they’ve lasted well (this is the 2nd time we’ve used them). They come with a grease pencil that stays on through the bottle warmer process but is easy to wipe off.
Sigh says
I’ve been so frustrated with my almost 5 year old, and am trying the parenting techniques in “How to talk to little kids so they will listen”. But one thing I’ve been stuck on: what do you do when they hit you? There are chapters about kids hitting kids, but not kids hitting parents.
Anonymous says
Time-out, a long one in their room if necessary. No discussion or lecturing other than a firm “YOU MAY NOT HIT ME.” You have to deny them what they are seeking, which is attention.
Anon says
Check out “drbeckyathome” on Instagram. She has lots of great ideas about how to set boundaries and encourage feelings yet keep everyone safe, and includes lots of scripts to use. One of her mantras is “it’s not your job to calm down your kid, but it is your job to calm yourself down and keep your kid safe”.
So if a kid is hitting you, the first step is calm yourself down – there’s nothing wrong with you, and there’s nothing wrong with your kid. Then block the hit and tell the kid something like “I won’t let you hit me. I can tell you have mad feelings right now. If your hands are mad, you can hit this pillow or this stuffy. But I won’t let you hurt anyone.” And then say very little else, just sit with her while she works through her mad feelings. You can say things like “My job is to keep you safe so that means I will stay and watch you right now. I’m here and I love you.” so they realize you still love them and protect them, even if they have big feelings.
The key is set a boundary, keep everyone safe, and give them ways to work through their feelings. All while reminding them that you love them no matter what. It feels like a lot at first, and I still don’t always get it right with my very BIG feelings 5 year old, but I’m doing better than I was.
SC says
My 5 year old hits us. The only thing that works for us is to give him a safe place to calm down and remove ourselves from his presence. When we try to sit with him, he keeps hitting, and it becomes a whole thing because we keep having to block the hits, and it turns into more of a back and forth. Also, this has the opposite effect of keeping him safe because he eventually hurts himself, or we accidentally scratch him, as he tries harder and harder to hit us. He only wants to hit people when he’s mad–we’ve tried redirecting to throwing objects into a container, stomping, hitting pillows, etc., and nothing has worked. When we leave him alone, he doesn’t attempt to do anything unsafe, he just hugs his stuffed animals and cries until he feels better.
So, in an ideal world, we block the hits, tell him firmly, “You may not hit.” Then we take him to his room (kicking and screaming and punching the air). From there, our script is, “You need to calm down in your room. When you are ready, let us know, and we can talk.” We give consequences for hitting, but only discuss them once everyone has calmed down. So, when he hits us, we refrain from yelling, “That’s it! No iPad for a week!” or whatever.
Anonymous says
This is what we do for our 3yo. Thankfully the hitting is phasing out. But she does best in her room alone until she calms down
Anonymous says
This is the most effective way to handle it.
Sigh says
Thank you! I just started following her.
Anonymous says
You literally grab their hands/wrist (like stop them from hitting) and say “I won’t let you hit me. I know you’re angry but we don’t hit people when we are mad”. Then take them to their room to calm down and either stay there with them, or if it makes things worse (which it does for my 3yo), you say they can come out when they’re calm. I know some parents don’t automatically block the hit because it feels like you’re putting hands on your child, but you don’t need to let your child injure you haha.
Sigh says
Ugh yes. We are blocking the hits, but it inevitably ends with her screaming “You’re hurtinggggg meeee” because we are pinning her legs down to keep her from kicking. Unfortunately, we can’t just send her to her bedroom because she shares it with her little sister who is typically sleeping during this bedtime battle.
Anonymous says
Is there another room or spot where you can contain her? The solo calm-down time is key.
Anokha says
Would it be terrible to contain her in our bedroom while we sit in the living room?
Anonymous says
Not terrible at all if she’ll stay there without getting into trouble!
Pogo says
When ours says that, we say, can I let you go? can you sit calmly? Usually he says yes, and I let go of pinning him while remaining with him in time-out. Sometimes I’ll still kind hold him but with less force (he tries to run away from time out often). If I let go and he makes a beeline to go while cackling at me, I will go back to holding him forcefully. We’re dealing with this a bit as he knows that biting or hitting gets an immediate time-out and therefore immediate parental attention – which he craves given the new baby. I’m hoping it improves…
Anonymous says
Agree with the posters about how to react in the moment. But at age 5, reaction in the moment is not sufficient. You need to address it outside of the moment when it happens. Like family meeting after breakfast the next morning. ‘A big very important rule in our house is no hitting. Mommy does not hit Daddy. Daddy does not hit you. But yesterday you hit Mommy then you hit Daddy. That is not okay. It is not allowed in our family. Why did you hit Mommy? – she answers, Why did you hit Daddy? – she answers. It is okay to feel mad but it is not allowed to hit anyone. Hitting is not okay, hitting is not allowed in our family. If that ever ever happens again, CLEAR SERIOUS LOGICAL CONSEQUENCE.
Don’t say ‘the next time you do it, Consequence ABC will happen’ because that introduces the idea that you think it might happen again.
Then move the discussion to what you and DH do when you are mad in order to deal with your feelings. Get up and actually practice examples of ideas (like DT and ‘stomp three times’) or hugging a pillow or clapping hands. Something with a physical release often helps. All three of you should try out different ideas and talk about what works best for each person. It’s a lot of work and you will probably have to do that big meeting more than once. We had this issue with one of our twins but once we made it clear that hitting was a big f’ing deal that he would have to sit down and talk with us about it the next day, he stopped hitting. He’s still more likely to act out physically than the other two but he doesn’t hit DH or I.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I hear you on this but I’ve found with my 4.5 year old, who also still hits sometimes, is that when he’s calm (most of the time), he knows that hitting is wrong but when he gets really mad or sad about something, he loses control and his rational brain shuts down and instinct takes over. We do a lot of what’s suggested above – send him to his room to calm his body or physically restrain him while he takes deep breaths. It’s gotten better than when he was 2/3, so I think some part of this is still needing to get a little older. As far as I know, he doesn’t hit at school.
Pogo says
Interesting. As I mentioned above ours is all attention-seeking behavior so I’m wondering if that calls for different tactics that true anger/frustration? A lot of the ideas in “how to talk” (like, let’s draw a picture of why you’re mad/sad) aren’t relevant because he’s literally just p*ssed we aren’t playing with him. He 100% knows it’s way wrong, even at 3.
SC says
I agree with Anon@12:57 as they get older. My son used to hit because the rational part of his brain shut down and instinct takes over. Now, at 5, he’s improved a lot, but when he hits, it’s 100% behavioral. He’s in control. He’s able to calm down enough to stop hitting us for a few minutes. He’s able to form sentences like, “If you don’t let me do X, I’m going to hit you!” before he hits us. We’re having conversations like Anon@12:57 describes, and I wish we’d done it more when he was 4.5 – 5.5–maybe we wouldn’t have gotten to this point where he’s using hitting to try to get his way and justifying hitting when we don’t let him get away with that.
avocado says
WFH laugh of the day: My daughter’s history teacher has the exact same voice and inflection as the project monitor on one of my grants, whom one of my colleagues not-so-affectionately calls the Commissar. Today my daughter is blasting her history class Zoom on maximum volume, and even with my door shut I keep starting at what I think is the sound of the Commissar’s voice
Anon says
Seeking advice on grandparent relationships. I had a pretty rough holiday; after testing and quarantining we went to see my grand parents for christmas with my 4 YO and 2 YO and honestly they seemed more or less miserable the entire time. I think they just find small kids overwhelming. They also seemed to feel the need to be disciplinarians, I feel like they were chastising my 4 YO a lot for not cleaning up, being reckless/potentially breaking things, etc. They keep their home meticulously so I’m sure that’s part of it. I raised it with my mom who claimed to be enjoying herself, though she honestly never made any effort to really play with/do anything with either one of them at any point during my four day visit. Are my expectations too high? I guess I hear from my friends that their parents think their kids can do no wrong, that visiting makes them so happy and it doesn’t seem to be the same way with my family.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Well their expectation of keeping their home meticulous is certainly unreasonable with a 4 and 2 year old. Are they perhaps of the generation where kids were expected to be neither seen nor heard, and disciplined for “acting out” (aka, being kids)? I believe the authoritarian approach has shown to not be so great for kids, but I’m not sure if you can get them to change at this point beyond limiting contact.
We see my parents a lot both because they’re local and because they take care of the kids while giving us a break. Yes, they give the kids more treats and TV, but they’re aware that these are kids and they’re going to be loud and running around everywhere. We once visited one set of my in-laws, and they spent most of the time having a conversation among the adults (this was all pre-Covid of course) while I had to chase my then 2 year old. So, that just makes me not want to visit them until the kids are older. One good thing about Covid times is that you don’t have to go beyond your immediate family now!
Anonymous says
If life ever returns to normal, can you stay in a hotel and replace hanging out at the house with outings? It is very helpful when everyone can retreat to their own space at the end of each day, and being out and about is often easier than sitting around the house and chatting while trying to keep the kids from being loud and getting into things.
Anon says
Yup, this is a big part of why we always stay at hotels when we visit my in-laws. Some people are “play with the kids in 2 hour chunks” grandparents, not 24/7 grandparents and you have to work with what you have. We also don’t vacation with my parents, who are devoted and helpful at home but want to ignore the kids while they’re on vacation (despite regularly inviting us to take vacations with them).
Anonymous says
DH’s mom is like this. Her expectations for preschoolers are out of whack with reality. We address it by spending lots of time outside – visit the park to feed the ducks, go skating or sledding, walk around the neighborhood to look at the Christmas lights, take the kids swimming on our own so they are wiped and happy to read with grandma afterwards. Even meet up with cousins for a playground playdate vs. have them come to her house (pre-pandemic).
When she visited us and our kids were that age, we kept them in daycare half the day. She had them in the morning, DH or I made lunch and helped her feed them then dropped them to daycare in the afternoon and she took a nap. Sometimes what grandparents want to be able to do with grandkids is at odds with what they actually have the energy to do and it takes a few visits to accept that.
We also deal with it by meeting her in a third location for vacation time (I pick a kid friendly hotel and we get rooms near each other – this allows DH to go for a drink/chat with her while I put the kids to bed/have time to myself.
Redux says
I endorse strongly the half-day option! This is what we do when my mom visits. She is very hands on but is also in her 70s and even I am exhausted by my kids after a long weekend. She side-eyed it at first, but it forces her to rest and read a book and recharge, and also gives my kids a chance to re-set by going back to the daycare routine.
Anon says
so there is no one right answer to this question as every family is different. visiting grandparents in some ways is harder than having them come visit you, because in most cases their homes are not set up for small children and they might forget what it is like to have small children. i am lucky in that my parents and in-laws seem to understand that kids will be kids and are generally eager to play with my kids, but i have other friends where this is not the case. my parents’ home has one room with stuff that is fairly breakable and i generally try to keep my kids out of there, and same thing with my inlaws’ home. granted, we haven’t been to visit either set since last december, though they have each come to visit us once
anon says
My husband’s parents claim to be “devoted” to their grandkids and in reality they want one or two social-media-worthy photos to brag with to their friends, and they’re annoyed by the reality of children the rest of the time. The gifts they give are not appropriate and they don’t treat my kids respectfully. Nothing outrageous – just, like you describe, chastising, always cleaning up, overwhelmed – and really focused on having adult conversation (which just NEVER happens with three kids while traveling).
It took us a long time to square the things DH’s parents said with how they actually behaved, but we finally realized that, no, they don’t really like our kids and it’s not doing our kids any favors to see them very often. When we visit we don’t stay with them anymore. We call or FaceTime with them after the kids have gone to bed because they are kind of rude when our kids try to be part of the conversation – they complain that they want to see the kids more but their actions show they don’t.
I’m not willing to subject my kids to being ignored and criticized for long periods by people who claim to love them so we keep our visits short and highly structured, and encourage DH’s parents to come to us (where it doesn’t matter if my kids climb on things etc.) whenever possible, paying for an AirBnB for them nearby.
My parents are in fact devoted to their grandkids, and they behave that way in addition to just saying it. I also had one set of grandparents growing up who truly liked me and one that… didn’t. I think it’s pretty common. Makes me sad, but it’s their loss.
Redux says
Yes, I think your expectations are too high. You’ll note most of the comments on this thread are about the child’s grandparents. You are asking about the child’s great-grandparents, which– unless you have three very short generations– they are probably of the age to find two toddlers pretty exhausting, no matter how much they adore them.
Anonymous says
Oh whoa yeah I totally missed that. My family has kids on the later side admittedly, but my daughter had only one living great-grandparent when she was born and she was confined to a nursing home and died before my daughter was a year old. I can’t even imagine great-grandparents running around a house chasing after toddlers and preschoolers. My 70 year old parents who I think of as mostly healthy and active definitely find it exhausting and need breaks.
Anonymous says
My grandma was 80 and living with my parents when my daughter was born. She died when my daughter was 3 but she was old enough to remember her which is nice. Activities were definitely limited to snuggles, reading books, watching her play during 2 hour approx visits.
Anonymous says
It’s ambiguous–in one place it says it was the poster’s grandparents, but later on she says she confronted her mom about it. I assumed the reference to her grandparents was a typo and that it was actually a visit to the poster’s parents, the children’s grandparents.
Anonymous says
correct! my bad :)
Anonymous says
We have this with my parents vs my husbands parents. My parents love the kids, think they can do no wrong, and will do anything to spend time with them. My husband’s parents like them from a distance, are less enthusiastic in person. It did make my husband sad at first (particularly when the kids were small and neither of his parents would lift a finger to physically help us with them) but now he’s accepted it, and we plan visits accordingly. Longer stays with my parents with unstructured play times, short stays and designated activities with his parents, such as visiting a local train, eating at a restaurant, etc (pre-covid, anyway). Try to meet them where they are- it’s possible as the kids get bigger and calmer they can build better relationships.
Anonymous says
My parents and my inlaws are very different. My parents are active and engage fully with my kids. They are also almost 20 years younger than my inlaws. Plus, my inlaws live a flight away so we always see them in very high doses.
My inlaws do get seemingly overwhelmed and stressed when family visits – we roll 5 people deep and the kids are LOUD. We have offered to stay in a hotel but they will not have it (and they do have 3 BRs and an office/study, so there is room to stay without being on top of them). Whenever we leave we are ALL exhausted but it makes their year when we go.
Katala says
We see only one grandparent at a time (most everyone’s divorced) and it’s always pretty exhausting for everyone. I always want them to participate more, take more responsibility for the kids so we can get some rest, just generally be the awesome grandparents we hear about. But it doesn’t happen and I don’t think it’s something I can change. They’ll play with the kids for short periods and they’ll watch them while DH and I do one or two outings during a 2-week visit. I do think the kids exhaust and frustrate them (me too!). Their visits are helpful in that they can play second adult to DH while I go on work trips (in the before times) but if we want a real break we need to hire someone. The kids love to see them so I try to just let it be what it is and encourage the relationship the grandparents are able to offer.